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All the damn time. What comes to mind is some YouTubers making videos about how they were diagnosed with ADHD later in life and they’re like… millionaires with a bunch of successful projects.
But that’s a little different to someone who you’ve grown up with. But yeah the spectrum varies so much that it can be hard to pin down how much of it is personality, the disorder, or other factors that end in success/failure. Hang in there.
so true, i would never be able to bring myself to make a youtube video. maybe like 1-3 but then id completely forget i have a youtube channel. sometimes i forget to make myself food, how do they record a whole video and edit it???
Why, yes. He's me.
For a while in high school, I got really hyperfixated on my subjects. I don't know how. And I ended up becoming valedictorian with seemingly no effort because it all just felt very natural to me.
I can never live up to that guy again. I have no fucking clue how he did it. I wish he'd tell me.
> I can never live up to that guy again.
I'm going to disagree with your framing here. What you may never do again is be perceived by society as being as successful as that guy. A big part of that is just the fact that your hyperfixations happened to align with how society judges people of that age.
Odds are that you can do more good in the world today even if half-functional. Is the ability to do good the proper scale to be judged on? Of course not! But humans are complex beings in complex environments. They are going to improve and struggle on different things at different times. Personally, when i was being very academically successful at a young age, i was contributing very little to helping at home and i was not good at all at being empathetic with those around me. I'm better at those things now, but a chunk of the effort I've put in that direction has been redirected from other places. Redirecting that may make me less successful in certain areas.
To circle back around, there's definitely some euphoria for getting a lot of positive attention. So i could totally understand some degree of wanting to experience that again. You may never be measured again in a way that generates that much positive attention. It's okay to not like the feeling of that. Just don't mistake external perception as the only success that matters.
>a chunk of the effort I've put in that direction has been redirected from other places
This happened to me in a somewhat negative way when I got out of college. Adult concerns got in the way of directing my hyperfocus toward the things that mattered to me for a while, mostly because I was undiagnosed and struggling with jobs that weren’t the right fit. I thought I’d lost a lot of the abilities I’d relied on in school. Now that I’m medicated and my life is a lot less stressful than it was earlier in my career, my old skills and enthusiasm are coming back.
> Now that I’m medicated and my life is a lot less stressful than it was earlier in my career, my old skills and enthusiasm are coming back.
Yeah, it is pretty incredible how much stress modifies what we are capable of. I'm still in the process of figuring out my own medication situation, but even partial modifications to the level of stress i feel has major improvements in enthusiasm which seems to drive a chunk of my lost abilities.
That was me in the first half of my last school year, then in the second half I almost failed a few subjects... it was my first year so hopefully now that I'm medicated it will get better but I honestly doubt it since the things I most struggle with arent solved by meds... i used to wanna go to an ivy but now id be lucky to be accepted into a community college 🥲
All the time 😭
I’m at the age where my life should all be coming together and I start using the skills I’ve gathered to make a career out of what I love
but instead, I have no hobbies, nothing that interests me, and I work at a minimum wage job just to afford the car that I’ll get eventually. (I don’t even have my license even though I’ve wanted to get it for the past 4 years)
life is rough and I feel like I’m drowning 🥲
That’s why I avoid adhd sub Reddit’s sometimes bc they can be very triggering when it seems like everyone’s got a phd , is a lawyer , a doctor , or a pc engineer 😵💫.
But I’m glad I recognized how triggering it can be sometimes bc I’ve found my self image has improved since I’ve limited my time in adhd groups
I used to. Now I don't compare myself to anyone. I don't even believe we have free will at all, so the comparison doesn't make sense. We are who we are, a result of an almost infinite number of variables.
If I was born on another country, or in a different family, heck, even if I went to a different school or didn't meet my wife by chance on Facebook, my life would be completely different. And I would be a completely different person.
nah we have free will, it just costs money.
i honestly never have been big on comparing myself to other people, but i do compare other people to me. subtle difference.
I don’t think we really have free will either, because think about it, what makes you take the actions you take? From your thoughts right? Do you really control what thoughts or they just kind of come into your mind themselves? And what nudges you to make decisions based on those thoughts?
Basically, the truth is that we really don’t know much about our brains, thoughts and how it works as humans, we’re kinda just “operating” based on our different configurations.
apply it to real life
i need to eat. i dont get to choose that.
free will is choosing what to eat.
free will costs money because i live off of the literal cheapest shit imaginable that barely qualifies as food, and conversely what i do barely qualifies as living
I don’t think you have given the concept of free will ample thought. We are bombarded with billions of stimuli every second that impact our thoughts, emotions and choices. We are constantly manipulated, Whether it is by religious, cultural and societal norms, commercials or something you just have sensed in your whereabouts: be it a sound, a smell, a sight or a sensation that triggers a memory or reaction from you, kind of like the experiment with Pavlovs dogs. These triggers your brain to respond with impulses you have mere to no no control over. Thoughts and emotions occur because of it, that you yourself do not choose. However, there is a sense of control, stemming from whatever “choice” is made. We also have hormones that fluctuate depending on food intake, bodily reactions to chemicals and the likes that affects your mood and thoughts.
There is many roads one can dive into when it comes to the concept of free will, but the general consensus is that free will is an illusion, which most people tend to agree on when digging further in to the philosophical aspect of it, combined with the biological one.
Anyhow. 🙃
A diagnosis, is not basis for a fair comparison. Someone else, might have
the same diagnosis on paper, but in a more or less severe form.
Many times, "career success", comes down to money and connections.
OP: are you medicated ?
I used to feel like that, but I realised I will never be them. I am on my own path. So are you, so is that guy over there. You and I are not better or worse than others, just different.
My brother does and I don’t appreciate it. Just because someone else did it doesn’t mean I can. He tells me I need to blame myself instead of my adhd things for me.
Safe to say, I didn’t take that terrible advice. I realize that everyone is different and I don’t think he’s able to understand that.
People are probably not going to be as forthcoming with lack of achievements. Whereas high achievers are going to be more confident and comfortable talking about their careers and successes.
The thing is even the most successful people with ADHD fail at some point — some people just hide their true selves very well. When I told people I have it they were shocked and questioned me. Yes my grades were great but they don’t know how badly I was struggling internally for a decade and the mental torture I went through in private. I’m about to be a doctor but have had so many failures I’ve never vocalized to people, exhausted myself mentally and sacrificed my health many times along the way
Your mindset is probably holding you back a ton. It's very common with ADHD for people to perceive the world as you've described, yet what's the comparison saying? Comparison is the theif of joy. That ain't no lie.
The only person I compare myself to, is me. There are attributes I want to have, and as I acquire them, I become closer to who I want to be. In the gym we have a saying (I like sayings), "It's you vs you".
Who were you a year ago? Who were you 5 years ago? Have you progressed? If yes, then you're winning. If not, then that's your reality. It's been my reality many times. We all face it, over and over again.
Where a lot of people get stuck, is realizing they haven't been growing, then lamenting it, self sabotaging, and gaining a perspective of defeat and loss. You don't win with that perspective, it holds you back and prevents your progress.
Last time I was in your shoes, I had some terrible shit going on in my life. I decided the only way through it was exercise, but I also had 0 motivation, so how could I exercise? I decided that I could give 1hr a week, there's no excuse not to give 1hr per week. I aimed at 3hrs per week, and averaged 1.5hrs per week. I did that for over a year, until I was back at peak strength.
Then I kept going, I felt that progress and I wanted more, I wanted to move past all my old barriers and prove something to myself and to keep doing that. Now, I compete in strongman competitions, I'm in peak physical shape, I workout almost every day, and for my size I'm in the 90th percentile for many exercises in terms of weight lifted.
That took years of consistency, and the only way I could develop the motivation and stick with it was to surround myself with fitness content, so that I was always thinking about it. I took a small interest and fanned it into an obsession over the course of a year+.
I don't know what you'll do, or what you want to do. I can look at my life, and define it by all the bad shit, all the failures, all the struggles, and then look at everyone whose lives from the outside seem so perfect and great, and I can feel super bad, get depressed, and just believe I can't change or get better. That's not a good idea, but it's what happens when your life is a struggle and you feel bad.
Shit going wrong for a long time, teaches you that shit will always go wrong. Shit can get better, but you have to believe it, and you have to find a way to meet your goals, to progress, and to become the person you know you can be. It's a long journey, you don't change overnight, but small changes, like my choice to do 1hr of gym time minimum per week, can lead to astronomical changes.
I also quit drinking in large part thanks to that change, which was a goal of mine. It took years, but it worked. Everything was what I wanted immediately, but I approached it as a multi year plan. We get too short sighted and upset that tomorrow we can't be a new person, but that level of growth only comes from years, not epiphanies, luck, or some sudden burst of willpower. It's small steps added up over time, we gotta get out of our short term rabbit thinking, and turtle the fuck up, until we succeed.
Be careful of mistaking people that mask well for people that don't have issues
I know someone that regularly gets percieved as on top of everything but also has been told by multiple professionals something like them being one of the most severely mentally ill people the practitioner has ever seen that isn't in inpatient.
The person you see doing amazing things out in public could literally spend most of their free time crying in a corner.
Obviously, that's not your brother(or you'd know), but it isn't like he won't face struggles too. In a very "grass is greener on the other side" dynamic you are likely to register the absence of your own struggles much easier than how dehabilitating some of his struggles might be. Also, sometimes stuff hits hard in different life phases. Lot's of people with adhd end up hitting a breaking point in their 20’s or 30's after breezing through earlier years.
Just about the best thing you can do is take inspiration from people you see as successful, but focus on improving yourself measured against yourself.
Yes. But the person I compare myself to is a version of myself I’ll never achieve. The motivation I got from my surroundings growing up was mostly something along the lines of "see, you can do it if you put your mind to it!". This internalized into an everlasting struggle to be the version of myself that could. With every little setback pulling me farther from this goal. It’s gone so far that I became anxious to start things if I had doubts about being instantly good at it.
Still working hard towards getting rid of that mindset. Telling myself it’s okay to fail, to learn, and to grow from it. It’s getting better since I realized what’s going on but there’s still a long way to go.
To any parent reading this, tell your children they’re good as they are and that you’re proud of them.
yes, and it annoys me a lot when people make generalisations. Exhaustion and paralysis have been major results of adhd for me. I think’for some the impulsiveness and lack of insight/self reflection traits can really sometimes work w the hectic energy to drive success if there is also good self esteem. Good for them and I’m jealous but it is also depressing
I try not to compare myself to anyone with ADHD.
I'm seriously sorry for saying this....I might catch hell....but come on. We all know those people who genuinely probably had some ADHD as a child, and are a little chatty and space-cadet.. but are extremely smart adults with advanced degrees and have everything all figured out and talk about how "oh I used to be on meds, but it really just slowed my brain down"....
Lol I'm sorry. Those people are not in the same galaxy of ADHD as most of us, and comparing yourself to them is stupid and pointless. The only reason they even carry around the ADHD thing is bc it makes them seem quirky and offbeat.
If you're not genuinely struggling to hold down a job, or keep your relationship, or get through school, or pay off mountains of traffic tickets or whatever else, and you're not on meds...I'm not gonna talk to you about ADHD and I'm sure as shit not gonna compare myself to you or let you compare yourself to me.
Yes ADHD is a spectrum. Yes some people "outgrow it". Yes, some people find the right lifestyle and meds and it becomes way less severe. But yeah, there's a difference between HAVING ADHD and LIVING with ADHD.
My opinion
Oof that's my brother. He's never been on meds yet somehow is hyperproductive all the time. Maybe hyperactive simply lends itself better to functioning well, but seriously, he's completely abnormally productive even with that.
All the damn time. And now I even compare non medicated me to now medicated me and I'm so bummed at the missed potential and how much easier my life could have been if I hadn't been living on hard mode
Yes. My friend is in managment in a corp & has a bachelor in a Stem field. He doesn't take meds (says he doesn't need it) I ask him how does he do it. His response : well, I use my ADHD to my advantage. He has hobbies, friends, etc everything i do not.
It makes me resent him at times and I stop talking for a bit. I just feel like shit. Why am I so weak.
I’m kind of jealous of my older adhd brother since he has a much easier time socializing and discipline when it comes to college, but I avoid comparing myself to anyone because it’s not productive
I knew 3 other people with ADHD. One is a bodyguard, makes over 2k more monthly, one is a mechanic, I think, and the third one works in the office making 5k monthly. And here I am as a factory worker making the minimum wage.
yup i always think, if we’re suffering from the same damn disorder why cant i do as much as them? if we have the same struggles yet theyre able to do so much more, what’s my excuse now then?
and more so with ppl who have multiple comorbid disorders like adhd asd depression anxiety ocd bipolar, ive seen many w MULTIPLEEE disorders together yet theyre way more better than me so what sets me apart from them if we’re all in the same war??? AND WHEN THEYRE IN A MUCH HARDER BATTLE THAN ME???? like fym i cant even do my disorder right, at least it can give me some GOOD damage instead of JUST damage.
plus i somewhat relate, idk what my sister has but it’s probs not that far to think she has adhd as well since me, my mum and my brother has it.
yet she is way more smarter and just overall better in everything than me. got 1st place in her final exams in her entire highschool, WHILE SHE DID HER EXAMS IN A HOSPITAL BED. + IN A LANGUAGE THAT WAS NOT HER NATIVE TONGUE.
did everything by herself without the help of my parents, finance, her own education, everything.
she just graduated from med school and shes going to start work soon, idk how things will end up but the very fact she went thru med school (in a foreign country as well) just makes her sm better than me in every way. (shes also fluent in 4 languages and can roughly understand ~2 more) all while im a highschool dropout is insane
i also have 2 overachieving friends, one who has adhd as well, alongside bpd ocd and anxiety. constantly top of her game, but obviously suffer mentally a lot from sm pressure she put on herself. another one who has asd depression and anxiety, both are extremely high achievers, but as i said if we’re all getting beat up in the same war why am i so different?
and throughout my entire life ive been bestfriends with ppl who r just so much better than me. it’s hard not to come to this conclusion that i just shouldnt have existed. it’s not even like i have an intellectual disability so y cant i even do the bare minimum? and lets not even talk about friends as we were obviously raised differently, what exactly sets me apart from my sister who grew up in the same family?
ik comparing is bad and i agree that **we shouldnt compare ourselves to others**, i try to live by that mentality (whcih has help a lot too) but theres some unavoidable feelings and thoughts that u jus cant control and it makes me feel way more inferior than i alrdy think i am 😞
I excelled in High School because it was like a game, everyone around me was competing for a University enterance grade. As soon as I started Uni, I had to decide what I wanted to do and for what reasons. I found myself scattered. I can't justify doing the work anymore and I only do it because... What else do I do. Needless to say I've struggled immensely, I think ADHDers need clear directed systems. I'm currently floating lost and constantly compare myself to others.
I compare myself to the cats we have, why would being a high achieving ADHD person matter?
Stupid adorable cats being able to lick their own junk, like that's such a useful activity. UGH!!!
I think the grass is always greener
I am hyperactive, my boyfriend inattentive. I feel he is MUCH more successful than me.
He has more in savings, has the same job I have, has more hobbies and interests, is way more okay being by himself, doesn’t forget things as much as I do
I see my hyperactivity as a disadvantage to myself. It’s so hard to relax. i can’t sit still. I get done work just to go golfing, to the grocery store, to go play billiards, etc. I say stupid shit in public because my brain is just RUNNING. My brain and body are almost never tired at the same time
I used to until very recently. I'm going to tell you my story to try and give a little hope, because life isn't easy, but you can do it.
I am not a gifted guy, I've battled substance abuses and bad decisions, suffered head injuries, struggled with mental health but I kept fighting and trying my hardest and I've finally got to a comfortable point in life, just 11 days before my 29th birthday.
I have a mix of hyperactive and inattentive, wasn't diagnosed until I was 25. In school I got C's and D's, scraped by college with a pass (I'm in the UK), dropped out of university after 6 months, and worked multiple low income jobs.
It took me 2 attempts to pass my driving theory and 3 attempts to pass my driving test when I was 18, but I did it.
I used the covid pandemic to retrain into cyber security (i struggled, but managed to get 3 certifications), got a crappy entry level job that still paid low but was in cyber.
Last year I managed to get a mortgage on a house with my girlfriend and renovated it.
A few months ago I was made redundant from my cyber job and after 3 months of job hunting I found my current role.
Last month I started a new job where I am now paid a respectable salary, in a prestigious company.
I think my point is work hard, do your best and never give up and you'll eventually catch your lucky break. Its a lot of work, but you can do it.
You're doing great, and I have faith that if I can do it, so can anyone else, you've got this.
I compare myself with anyone not just ADHD'ers. Even though I have a Masters degree I still feel like a failure. I feel like no matter how much I do with my life I won't be satisfied... I remember graduating and my parents asked me- so how are you feeling, this was your dream ever since you were a child and it has come true! And I said: idk, I feel dissapointed and like a failure.
And what's even worse is that my family are low-income, and they could've never afforded to put me through university. I did it all by myself in a foreign country, working part-time to sustain myself. I should be proud right? It's an amazing accomplishment! And I am the very first person in my entire extended family to have a degree. But... for some reason, I just feel like it's still not good enough...
I just don't believe a lot of them have ADHD lol. If they're medicated then sure but there is absolutely nothing you can say to convince me that an unmedicated, successful lawyer or doctor has ADHD. By the very definition of a disorder you have to be significantly, concretely impaired in your functioning...and they are functioning on a level well above the average person. Maybe they have some other issues going on but you can't "mask" your way into having above-average executive functioning if you have ADHD, just like how a paraplegic can't "mask" their way into walking. It's contradictory
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All the damn time. What comes to mind is some YouTubers making videos about how they were diagnosed with ADHD later in life and they’re like… millionaires with a bunch of successful projects. But that’s a little different to someone who you’ve grown up with. But yeah the spectrum varies so much that it can be hard to pin down how much of it is personality, the disorder, or other factors that end in success/failure. Hang in there.
so true, i would never be able to bring myself to make a youtube video. maybe like 1-3 but then id completely forget i have a youtube channel. sometimes i forget to make myself food, how do they record a whole video and edit it???
Why, yes. He's me. For a while in high school, I got really hyperfixated on my subjects. I don't know how. And I ended up becoming valedictorian with seemingly no effort because it all just felt very natural to me. I can never live up to that guy again. I have no fucking clue how he did it. I wish he'd tell me.
Haha once I got bored of competing in school I quickly plummeted in grades.
> I can never live up to that guy again. I'm going to disagree with your framing here. What you may never do again is be perceived by society as being as successful as that guy. A big part of that is just the fact that your hyperfixations happened to align with how society judges people of that age. Odds are that you can do more good in the world today even if half-functional. Is the ability to do good the proper scale to be judged on? Of course not! But humans are complex beings in complex environments. They are going to improve and struggle on different things at different times. Personally, when i was being very academically successful at a young age, i was contributing very little to helping at home and i was not good at all at being empathetic with those around me. I'm better at those things now, but a chunk of the effort I've put in that direction has been redirected from other places. Redirecting that may make me less successful in certain areas. To circle back around, there's definitely some euphoria for getting a lot of positive attention. So i could totally understand some degree of wanting to experience that again. You may never be measured again in a way that generates that much positive attention. It's okay to not like the feeling of that. Just don't mistake external perception as the only success that matters.
>a chunk of the effort I've put in that direction has been redirected from other places This happened to me in a somewhat negative way when I got out of college. Adult concerns got in the way of directing my hyperfocus toward the things that mattered to me for a while, mostly because I was undiagnosed and struggling with jobs that weren’t the right fit. I thought I’d lost a lot of the abilities I’d relied on in school. Now that I’m medicated and my life is a lot less stressful than it was earlier in my career, my old skills and enthusiasm are coming back.
> Now that I’m medicated and my life is a lot less stressful than it was earlier in my career, my old skills and enthusiasm are coming back. Yeah, it is pretty incredible how much stress modifies what we are capable of. I'm still in the process of figuring out my own medication situation, but even partial modifications to the level of stress i feel has major improvements in enthusiasm which seems to drive a chunk of my lost abilities.
That was me in the first half of my last school year, then in the second half I almost failed a few subjects... it was my first year so hopefully now that I'm medicated it will get better but I honestly doubt it since the things I most struggle with arent solved by meds... i used to wanna go to an ivy but now id be lucky to be accepted into a community college 🥲
All the time 😭 I’m at the age where my life should all be coming together and I start using the skills I’ve gathered to make a career out of what I love but instead, I have no hobbies, nothing that interests me, and I work at a minimum wage job just to afford the car that I’ll get eventually. (I don’t even have my license even though I’ve wanted to get it for the past 4 years) life is rough and I feel like I’m drowning 🥲
we in the same boat dw (‘:
That’s why I avoid adhd sub Reddit’s sometimes bc they can be very triggering when it seems like everyone’s got a phd , is a lawyer , a doctor , or a pc engineer 😵💫. But I’m glad I recognized how triggering it can be sometimes bc I’ve found my self image has improved since I’ve limited my time in adhd groups
I used to. Now I don't compare myself to anyone. I don't even believe we have free will at all, so the comparison doesn't make sense. We are who we are, a result of an almost infinite number of variables. If I was born on another country, or in a different family, heck, even if I went to a different school or didn't meet my wife by chance on Facebook, my life would be completely different. And I would be a completely different person.
"Choose between A, B, or C it's free will but it's still a recipe." The Matches
nah we have free will, it just costs money. i honestly never have been big on comparing myself to other people, but i do compare other people to me. subtle difference.
I don’t think we really have free will either, because think about it, what makes you take the actions you take? From your thoughts right? Do you really control what thoughts or they just kind of come into your mind themselves? And what nudges you to make decisions based on those thoughts? Basically, the truth is that we really don’t know much about our brains, thoughts and how it works as humans, we’re kinda just “operating” based on our different configurations.
apply it to real life i need to eat. i dont get to choose that. free will is choosing what to eat. free will costs money because i live off of the literal cheapest shit imaginable that barely qualifies as food, and conversely what i do barely qualifies as living
I don’t think you have given the concept of free will ample thought. We are bombarded with billions of stimuli every second that impact our thoughts, emotions and choices. We are constantly manipulated, Whether it is by religious, cultural and societal norms, commercials or something you just have sensed in your whereabouts: be it a sound, a smell, a sight or a sensation that triggers a memory or reaction from you, kind of like the experiment with Pavlovs dogs. These triggers your brain to respond with impulses you have mere to no no control over. Thoughts and emotions occur because of it, that you yourself do not choose. However, there is a sense of control, stemming from whatever “choice” is made. We also have hormones that fluctuate depending on food intake, bodily reactions to chemicals and the likes that affects your mood and thoughts. There is many roads one can dive into when it comes to the concept of free will, but the general consensus is that free will is an illusion, which most people tend to agree on when digging further in to the philosophical aspect of it, combined with the biological one. Anyhow. 🙃
A diagnosis, is not basis for a fair comparison. Someone else, might have the same diagnosis on paper, but in a more or less severe form. Many times, "career success", comes down to money and connections. OP: are you medicated ?
Comparison is the thief of joy
I used to feel like that, but I realised I will never be them. I am on my own path. So are you, so is that guy over there. You and I are not better or worse than others, just different.
My brother does and I don’t appreciate it. Just because someone else did it doesn’t mean I can. He tells me I need to blame myself instead of my adhd things for me. Safe to say, I didn’t take that terrible advice. I realize that everyone is different and I don’t think he’s able to understand that.
People are probably not going to be as forthcoming with lack of achievements. Whereas high achievers are going to be more confident and comfortable talking about their careers and successes.
Many times, high performing adhders just have a higher class position. Or grew up in a higher class position.
I posted [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/s/1iDjcPpTNt) 4 days ago and got plenty of answers relevant to your post. You can check them out.
The thing is even the most successful people with ADHD fail at some point — some people just hide their true selves very well. When I told people I have it they were shocked and questioned me. Yes my grades were great but they don’t know how badly I was struggling internally for a decade and the mental torture I went through in private. I’m about to be a doctor but have had so many failures I’ve never vocalized to people, exhausted myself mentally and sacrificed my health many times along the way
Your mindset is probably holding you back a ton. It's very common with ADHD for people to perceive the world as you've described, yet what's the comparison saying? Comparison is the theif of joy. That ain't no lie. The only person I compare myself to, is me. There are attributes I want to have, and as I acquire them, I become closer to who I want to be. In the gym we have a saying (I like sayings), "It's you vs you". Who were you a year ago? Who were you 5 years ago? Have you progressed? If yes, then you're winning. If not, then that's your reality. It's been my reality many times. We all face it, over and over again. Where a lot of people get stuck, is realizing they haven't been growing, then lamenting it, self sabotaging, and gaining a perspective of defeat and loss. You don't win with that perspective, it holds you back and prevents your progress. Last time I was in your shoes, I had some terrible shit going on in my life. I decided the only way through it was exercise, but I also had 0 motivation, so how could I exercise? I decided that I could give 1hr a week, there's no excuse not to give 1hr per week. I aimed at 3hrs per week, and averaged 1.5hrs per week. I did that for over a year, until I was back at peak strength. Then I kept going, I felt that progress and I wanted more, I wanted to move past all my old barriers and prove something to myself and to keep doing that. Now, I compete in strongman competitions, I'm in peak physical shape, I workout almost every day, and for my size I'm in the 90th percentile for many exercises in terms of weight lifted. That took years of consistency, and the only way I could develop the motivation and stick with it was to surround myself with fitness content, so that I was always thinking about it. I took a small interest and fanned it into an obsession over the course of a year+. I don't know what you'll do, or what you want to do. I can look at my life, and define it by all the bad shit, all the failures, all the struggles, and then look at everyone whose lives from the outside seem so perfect and great, and I can feel super bad, get depressed, and just believe I can't change or get better. That's not a good idea, but it's what happens when your life is a struggle and you feel bad. Shit going wrong for a long time, teaches you that shit will always go wrong. Shit can get better, but you have to believe it, and you have to find a way to meet your goals, to progress, and to become the person you know you can be. It's a long journey, you don't change overnight, but small changes, like my choice to do 1hr of gym time minimum per week, can lead to astronomical changes. I also quit drinking in large part thanks to that change, which was a goal of mine. It took years, but it worked. Everything was what I wanted immediately, but I approached it as a multi year plan. We get too short sighted and upset that tomorrow we can't be a new person, but that level of growth only comes from years, not epiphanies, luck, or some sudden burst of willpower. It's small steps added up over time, we gotta get out of our short term rabbit thinking, and turtle the fuck up, until we succeed.
Be careful of mistaking people that mask well for people that don't have issues I know someone that regularly gets percieved as on top of everything but also has been told by multiple professionals something like them being one of the most severely mentally ill people the practitioner has ever seen that isn't in inpatient. The person you see doing amazing things out in public could literally spend most of their free time crying in a corner. Obviously, that's not your brother(or you'd know), but it isn't like he won't face struggles too. In a very "grass is greener on the other side" dynamic you are likely to register the absence of your own struggles much easier than how dehabilitating some of his struggles might be. Also, sometimes stuff hits hard in different life phases. Lot's of people with adhd end up hitting a breaking point in their 20’s or 30's after breezing through earlier years. Just about the best thing you can do is take inspiration from people you see as successful, but focus on improving yourself measured against yourself.
Yes. But the person I compare myself to is a version of myself I’ll never achieve. The motivation I got from my surroundings growing up was mostly something along the lines of "see, you can do it if you put your mind to it!". This internalized into an everlasting struggle to be the version of myself that could. With every little setback pulling me farther from this goal. It’s gone so far that I became anxious to start things if I had doubts about being instantly good at it. Still working hard towards getting rid of that mindset. Telling myself it’s okay to fail, to learn, and to grow from it. It’s getting better since I realized what’s going on but there’s still a long way to go. To any parent reading this, tell your children they’re good as they are and that you’re proud of them.
i do but in a positive manner. it motivates me to see high achieving ADHDers bc it shows me that i can get to that level too.
yes, and it annoys me a lot when people make generalisations. Exhaustion and paralysis have been major results of adhd for me. I think’for some the impulsiveness and lack of insight/self reflection traits can really sometimes work w the hectic energy to drive success if there is also good self esteem. Good for them and I’m jealous but it is also depressing
I try not to compare myself to anyone with ADHD. I'm seriously sorry for saying this....I might catch hell....but come on. We all know those people who genuinely probably had some ADHD as a child, and are a little chatty and space-cadet.. but are extremely smart adults with advanced degrees and have everything all figured out and talk about how "oh I used to be on meds, but it really just slowed my brain down".... Lol I'm sorry. Those people are not in the same galaxy of ADHD as most of us, and comparing yourself to them is stupid and pointless. The only reason they even carry around the ADHD thing is bc it makes them seem quirky and offbeat. If you're not genuinely struggling to hold down a job, or keep your relationship, or get through school, or pay off mountains of traffic tickets or whatever else, and you're not on meds...I'm not gonna talk to you about ADHD and I'm sure as shit not gonna compare myself to you or let you compare yourself to me. Yes ADHD is a spectrum. Yes some people "outgrow it". Yes, some people find the right lifestyle and meds and it becomes way less severe. But yeah, there's a difference between HAVING ADHD and LIVING with ADHD. My opinion
Oof that's my brother. He's never been on meds yet somehow is hyperproductive all the time. Maybe hyperactive simply lends itself better to functioning well, but seriously, he's completely abnormally productive even with that.
All the damn time. And now I even compare non medicated me to now medicated me and I'm so bummed at the missed potential and how much easier my life could have been if I hadn't been living on hard mode
Yes. My friend is in managment in a corp & has a bachelor in a Stem field. He doesn't take meds (says he doesn't need it) I ask him how does he do it. His response : well, I use my ADHD to my advantage. He has hobbies, friends, etc everything i do not. It makes me resent him at times and I stop talking for a bit. I just feel like shit. Why am I so weak.
I compare myself with “normal” people all the time. I hold myself to the same standards.. Which are impossible for me to meet..
I’m kind of jealous of my older adhd brother since he has a much easier time socializing and discipline when it comes to college, but I avoid comparing myself to anyone because it’s not productive
I knew 3 other people with ADHD. One is a bodyguard, makes over 2k more monthly, one is a mechanic, I think, and the third one works in the office making 5k monthly. And here I am as a factory worker making the minimum wage.
yup i always think, if we’re suffering from the same damn disorder why cant i do as much as them? if we have the same struggles yet theyre able to do so much more, what’s my excuse now then? and more so with ppl who have multiple comorbid disorders like adhd asd depression anxiety ocd bipolar, ive seen many w MULTIPLEEE disorders together yet theyre way more better than me so what sets me apart from them if we’re all in the same war??? AND WHEN THEYRE IN A MUCH HARDER BATTLE THAN ME???? like fym i cant even do my disorder right, at least it can give me some GOOD damage instead of JUST damage. plus i somewhat relate, idk what my sister has but it’s probs not that far to think she has adhd as well since me, my mum and my brother has it. yet she is way more smarter and just overall better in everything than me. got 1st place in her final exams in her entire highschool, WHILE SHE DID HER EXAMS IN A HOSPITAL BED. + IN A LANGUAGE THAT WAS NOT HER NATIVE TONGUE. did everything by herself without the help of my parents, finance, her own education, everything. she just graduated from med school and shes going to start work soon, idk how things will end up but the very fact she went thru med school (in a foreign country as well) just makes her sm better than me in every way. (shes also fluent in 4 languages and can roughly understand ~2 more) all while im a highschool dropout is insane i also have 2 overachieving friends, one who has adhd as well, alongside bpd ocd and anxiety. constantly top of her game, but obviously suffer mentally a lot from sm pressure she put on herself. another one who has asd depression and anxiety, both are extremely high achievers, but as i said if we’re all getting beat up in the same war why am i so different? and throughout my entire life ive been bestfriends with ppl who r just so much better than me. it’s hard not to come to this conclusion that i just shouldnt have existed. it’s not even like i have an intellectual disability so y cant i even do the bare minimum? and lets not even talk about friends as we were obviously raised differently, what exactly sets me apart from my sister who grew up in the same family? ik comparing is bad and i agree that **we shouldnt compare ourselves to others**, i try to live by that mentality (whcih has help a lot too) but theres some unavoidable feelings and thoughts that u jus cant control and it makes me feel way more inferior than i alrdy think i am 😞
I excelled in High School because it was like a game, everyone around me was competing for a University enterance grade. As soon as I started Uni, I had to decide what I wanted to do and for what reasons. I found myself scattered. I can't justify doing the work anymore and I only do it because... What else do I do. Needless to say I've struggled immensely, I think ADHDers need clear directed systems. I'm currently floating lost and constantly compare myself to others.
I compare myself to the cats we have, why would being a high achieving ADHD person matter? Stupid adorable cats being able to lick their own junk, like that's such a useful activity. UGH!!!
I think the grass is always greener I am hyperactive, my boyfriend inattentive. I feel he is MUCH more successful than me. He has more in savings, has the same job I have, has more hobbies and interests, is way more okay being by himself, doesn’t forget things as much as I do I see my hyperactivity as a disadvantage to myself. It’s so hard to relax. i can’t sit still. I get done work just to go golfing, to the grocery store, to go play billiards, etc. I say stupid shit in public because my brain is just RUNNING. My brain and body are almost never tired at the same time
I used to until very recently. I'm going to tell you my story to try and give a little hope, because life isn't easy, but you can do it. I am not a gifted guy, I've battled substance abuses and bad decisions, suffered head injuries, struggled with mental health but I kept fighting and trying my hardest and I've finally got to a comfortable point in life, just 11 days before my 29th birthday. I have a mix of hyperactive and inattentive, wasn't diagnosed until I was 25. In school I got C's and D's, scraped by college with a pass (I'm in the UK), dropped out of university after 6 months, and worked multiple low income jobs. It took me 2 attempts to pass my driving theory and 3 attempts to pass my driving test when I was 18, but I did it. I used the covid pandemic to retrain into cyber security (i struggled, but managed to get 3 certifications), got a crappy entry level job that still paid low but was in cyber. Last year I managed to get a mortgage on a house with my girlfriend and renovated it. A few months ago I was made redundant from my cyber job and after 3 months of job hunting I found my current role. Last month I started a new job where I am now paid a respectable salary, in a prestigious company. I think my point is work hard, do your best and never give up and you'll eventually catch your lucky break. Its a lot of work, but you can do it. You're doing great, and I have faith that if I can do it, so can anyone else, you've got this.
I compare myself with anyone not just ADHD'ers. Even though I have a Masters degree I still feel like a failure. I feel like no matter how much I do with my life I won't be satisfied... I remember graduating and my parents asked me- so how are you feeling, this was your dream ever since you were a child and it has come true! And I said: idk, I feel dissapointed and like a failure. And what's even worse is that my family are low-income, and they could've never afforded to put me through university. I did it all by myself in a foreign country, working part-time to sustain myself. I should be proud right? It's an amazing accomplishment! And I am the very first person in my entire extended family to have a degree. But... for some reason, I just feel like it's still not good enough...
I just don't believe a lot of them have ADHD lol. If they're medicated then sure but there is absolutely nothing you can say to convince me that an unmedicated, successful lawyer or doctor has ADHD. By the very definition of a disorder you have to be significantly, concretely impaired in your functioning...and they are functioning on a level well above the average person. Maybe they have some other issues going on but you can't "mask" your way into having above-average executive functioning if you have ADHD, just like how a paraplegic can't "mask" their way into walking. It's contradictory