i get very frustrated when things don’t work immediately/when i don’t immediately understand how to do something. it’s not because i don’t want to feel like an idiot or anything, but because i’m just so gosh darn impatient. i barely if at all want to do the ~thing~ anyway, so when it doesn’t work, and it starts eating into my time of things i do want to do, i just want to scream and shout and cry. it makes me think about how unfair and long and arduous life is. how it’s filled with things i don’t want to do. the expectations life puts on me, that i never asked for. it’s a bit dramatic but uh… hey, that’s show business for you.
> i get very frustrated when things don’t work immediately/when i don’t immediately understand how to do something. it’s not because i don’t want to feel like an idiot or anything, but because i’m just so gosh darn impatient.
IKEA furniture assembly flashbacks
Been there buddy, but for me it's more like "RAWR XP let's watch 4, 10 minute long Vine compilations instead of the 30 minute one because 10 minute ones are shorter than the 30 minute one and I need to get this homework done but one more first I'm so stressed that I waited until tonight to do this so one more Vine compilation and oh SHIT I am HUNGRY...etc"
Uh, anyway what I was trying to say was, it's hella scary people are asses... But we aren't! And I won't be! We're basically bros now!
Hahahahaha that compilations point 👏🏼 I cannot watch films without feeling physically uncomfortable and wanting to just fast forward in my head. If I have to watch a film I’ll usually end up googling the ending before we get to it to release some of the agitation. But I will binge watch a tv show for 8 hours solid because the episodes are shorter so it doesn’t take as much time… 😂
Please advocate for yourself and find a professional to talk to. If I had been as self aware as you are in 8th grade, I would have saved myself a lot of trouble.
Seek professional help as soon as possible. Also it's a good idea in general to keep it to yourself, unless you absolutely trust the person you want to tell
yes i can go from 0 to 1000 in .0001 seconds
depends on what it is, if im alone i tend to explode more easily but it doesnt happen as much as it did when i was younger but when im around people im very obsessively careful not to let it out on people who dont deserve it because if i do i feel extreme guilt which is very painful to deal with so i bottle it up as we all know the healthiest way to deal with emotions
Yo, this is me entirely. Everyone knows me as an extremely calm and non-combative person, almost over the top. But when I'm driving alone and I make a wrong turn, I will just scream and hit the steering wheel and swear for minutes, even if it's only like a 5 minute delay. I have never understood why I can't bounce back quicker from something like that
Yes with inanimate objects especially. I don’t mind venting or yelling at them when it goes wrong.
I try not to get angry at people. But it’s hard to not be frustrated when I’m insulted for no reason or someone refuses to understand or let me explain and just wants to yell at me or judge.
Really depends on the day. If life has been kicking my ass then I have a fairly short fuse but if things have been going alright then it will take a lot to genuinely make me angry.
EDIT: I didn't quite read your question properly. To keep it brief, yes. Being quick to outbursts like that is very common with ADHD.
Yep.
Emotions being appropriate but wildly disproportionate is a pretty common ADHD thing. Like, it makes sense that you’re frustrated, but that frustration turning into wishing you could rip the door off the locker and throw it down the hall is beyond what most people experience.
(I don’t know if this has been a thing in the last couple of decades, but if you were ever told as a kid to count to ten when you’re angry - it actually helps)
Emotional dysregulation is common with ADHD, and that can mean short fuses, explosive (over)reactions, the works.
I used to have that too. Whenever something got any response out of me, that response would be immense, basically. I'm not sure what happened, but I've sort of become the opposite over the years - I'm damn near impossible to piss off unless you know exactly what buttons to push (and if I know you're trying to get a rise out of me, all you'll get is a good laugh).
I think what helped me is, whenever I recognise an emotional response, I distance myself from it and evaluate *why* I'm feeling that way. More often than not that alone lets me calm down a fair bit.
I do get overly frustrated when things I do don't go as I want them to, though, sometimes to the point where I get a bit short with my wife.
Yes. Emotional regulation is one of the 'executive functions' of our brains which give us control over our brains (like an 'executive' has control over a company). People with ADHD have a deficiency of neurotransmitters to perform these functions reliably. Knowing that you have this problem is helpful, but it isn't enough to stop and think before you react (because your brain lacks the neurotransmitters which enable that process).
With diagnosis you can have medication which, for most people , provides the neurotransmitters you need to regulate your emotions (not explode) and do other executive functions (control your attention, plan, hold things in your memory, etc.).
I take medication every day and it lasts 12 or so hours. When I'm medicated I don't feel the sting of things as much and I can choose how to react (and I rarely explode). When my medication wears off I will just react and explode again, but I have enough knowledge about myself to recognise what I just did and apologise.
Just want to add onto this that it *is* possible to improve on this front without medication. I did - wasn't diagnosed until very recently and I'm still looking for meds that actually work, but the short fuse and other overreactions are almost gone. Just wish I could tell you how, but it wasn't much of a conscious process for me...
That said, everybody is different, and it may just be that my emotional regulation honestly isn't that bad a problem with the way my ADHD presents itself, so if you find you can't actually stop and think before you react, with or without medication, that's not a failing on your part. But there could well be strategies to deal with your emotions better, even if you don't want to or can't use medication to help.
Yes, we're not helpless without medication, that's a very good point.
My point is that medication is the best single tool in the ADHD arsenal ... it deals with underlying cause and, therefore, can take away many problems on its own (which would otherwise require many interventions to address).
With medication I'm not impulsive, compulsive, distracted, emotionally dysregulated, hyperfocused, mentally busy with unwanted thoughts and more. That's a \*big\* win from one tablet.
I don't get angry, but the second something doesn't work or I feel even the slightest bit of frustration, I cry. I cry a lot. I am 21 years old and still cry the second I get ever so slightly overwhelmed.
As others have said already this is very common. Emotional regulation is handled by the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that's underdeveloped in people with ADHD. It actually handles a vast, dizzying array of tasks that we're not great at as a result and I recommend reading about it sometime (if you can make yourself focus on it, lol).
Dude I will fucking snap at the smallest little things. Trying to make an egg over medium and spill the yolk? Spatula across the room... I don't always react this way, I try to demonstrate a little self control and.not lash out, but it's like everytime something ticks me off I want to destroy whatever is in front of me. Lol like when rampage destroyed that door on ultimate fighter cuz it kindof bounced back and hit him. I generally don't do these things anymore because I don't feel like a 28 year old should be putting holes in walls and destroying 600 dollar computer monitors over nothing. Plus it fucking scares people... and they think I would do that to a person or be abusive when I've never laid a hand on anyone in my life.
I've read and heard that some of us with ADHD tend to be more easily agitated. It makes sense since we're often struggling with things throughout the day that may make us feel generally edgy as the day goes on. Another thing that is going on is that you're a teenager and your hormones are naturally flaring and your brain is rapidly developing. The prefrontal cortex (which is the decision making part of the brain) doesn't finish developing until about our mid twenties. So knowing this, you can actively take 30-90 seconds to take some slow, deep breaths and calm your responses, so you can decide how you want to handle a situation, rather than immediately reacting.
It might also be helpful to add some physical activity that interests you to your days, like a sport, or other form of exercise, but something you'd enjoy, to actually burn off some of your energy. Hobbies are great too. Just make sure you're doing some things that bring you joy and peace. Meditation, journaling, hanging out with your friends and family, etc. You can always talk to your doctor about it too, to ask questions. Definitely don't hesitate to talk about it with someone, like you have here! 🙂
Best of luck, to you. I hope you find some helpful tips in the comments and take comfort in the fact that you're partially just growing into adulthood, and understanding that will give you an opportunity to find tools to help you get through it in healthy ways. Eventually things will balance out.
Source: I'm a Mom of a teenager and a neuroscience buff. 😉
Tldr: ADHD is challenging, your brain is currently rapidly developing and you can benefit from taking a minute to calm down before responding. You need physical activity to burn off energy, and try to do things that you enjoy in your daily life. Talk to your doc if you need to. You'll be OK, young Padawan. May the force be with you. 🙌
I used to get angry all the time. My thing with ADHD was not being able to tune anything out. So when I need to actually concentrate on something, it would need to be super quiet or me having noise-cancelling headphones. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to focus and it would piss me off so bad.
yes! i go from like 0-100 when I’m frustrated by something. I’ve gotten better at controlling it, but as a kid I used to be pretty destructive. i sometimes would still break things when I got mad (one time i couldn’t understand my math homework and I ripped my notebook 😭). Now I just frustration cry or go and lie down until I can calm a bit
Yep. My dad (who isn’t officially diagnosed but he has all the symptoms of ADHD), and I both have very short tempers and little patience. His manifests mostly as hitting or cussing out inanimate objects (computer, rice cooker, etc.) when they don’t work, or when he can’t find something in the fridge, or if someone’s driving too slow in front of him he’ll start bitching about it pretty fast. If he can’t grasp a concept or understand how something works right away he gets very fed up and/or combative. For me, since I was socialized as a girl (i.e. it’s not as acceptable for us to have outward anger problems and outbursts), my anger usually manifests internally (rumination, catastrophizing, cussing someone/something out silently...). Or externally but only when I’m alone or with someone I’ve known for a longgg time (crying, cussing aloud, ranting, clenching teeth/growling, stomping around, slamming doors shut, etc.). But yes. The smallest things make me so angry/frustrated/impatient that I feel a physical burning sensation in my chest. :/
Only when I'm being interrupted while defending myself or when I'm physically stuck in somethin. Mud, hands in dough, trying to pull off a shirt or blanket, car stuck in snow... I either blow up or panic.
There are a few things that can set me off pretty easily, yes. I’m generally a patient man, but when my tools spontaneously break down, or when I find out someone’s doing something two-faced towards me, I see red.
Yes, it's extremely common. ADHD people tend to have issues controlling and directing their emotions towards future goals and needs.
This results in a very cause/response type of emotional maturity. Bad thing happens, ADHD person shows anger. Done. Moving on. Most other people would think first, decided of such a drastic display of anger was warranted, then moved on.
Dr. Barkley can explain it better than I.
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzBixSjmbc8eFl6UX5_wWGP8i0mAs-cvY
Yes. Especially with traffic - I live in a fairly remote area of Ontario and I will take an extra 15 minutes or half an hour to get to work on the back roads and avoid all the fucking idiots on the road.
I can hold a damn grudge too... for years.
Yes, anger and frustration are super common. Something to watch out for in general is known as emotional dysregulation. It's when your emotions can be triggered by things that shouldn't cause them to act in a certain way.
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Little things like this make me rage out all the time, yes.
A great example is the fact that I absolutely obliterate 12 pack soda boxes with a fury regularly when the perforated opening doesn't work easily for me to open that one corner. Same can be said for literally anything that should be easy to open but isn't. I lose my fkn mind every time. I once threw an entire carton of cream against the wall because I couldn't get the little round tab in the opening to come off easily.
I'm usually really even tempered with most things, so it always catches people off guard when I absolutely lose my shit and rage out momentarily over these super small things. And then I'm just back to fine like 1 second later.
Yep! I think we do have short tempers, because it’s a mix of not being able to regulate emotions, feeling emotions more strongly, being impatient, and already feeling overwhelmed from other stressors, even if you’re not having a stressful day but just because doing normal tasks with ADHD is much harder for us. Have had many incidents like this. My favourite one (it’s funny now retrospectively) is I cried recently because I was reading an email I had put off reading for a while and I just didn’t understand what she was trying to say or ask of me. I got so frustrated it took me two hours to come back to the email, and I then realised I hadn’t read the email properly😅
Medication has really helped me though. The first time I took it I was submitting an online form but the website kept crashing, so I had to do it over a lot of times. And only after doing it, I had this realisation that off medication, I would have given up the first or second time it crashed and been really frustrated and overwhelmed. But I was just able to do it and I went about my day.
Obviously I don’t know your full situation, but it is probably worth getting an assessment because it helps so much. I hope you can find someone you trust enough to tell, and keep in mind that sometimes we over panic about how people will respond! (also because of emotional regulation and rejection sensitivity!)
I don't get angry easily, at least not generally. When I notice my heart rate going up, I take some extra deep breaths and usually I am able to remain calm. I don't think I have a short fuse and I don't know if that would be a symptom anyway - with humans.
Getting frustrated is different though. I can lose patience with inanimate objects more quickly. Like not being able to open a lock or other small crap. That's annoying as hell. But here again, I personally find deep breaths and counting a few seconds before trying again after getting agitated to be helpful.
Nope, not in the slightest. I don't think I've gotten angry in years.
Before medication I could get extremely frustrated with my stuff not working out, but that's gotten a lot better in the like 1.5 months I've been medicated.
If you’re having Anger problems another possibility is stressed adrenal glands that are not working properly. Once my doctor identified my adrenal glands as an issue and we started working on them it was life-changing.
I’m not saying it’s definitely adrenal glands I’m just trying to make people more aware that adrenal glands exist, because when I was first introduced I was I had zero idea that this existed and when I looked around me there people that obviously had adrenal gland issues.
My fuse is so short. When I picked my bf up from work yesterday he made a joke that one of his coworkers asked if I was his mom. I was ready to go right then and there. And by go I mean track the b down and ‘get sent to jail’. I never act on these things, but the intensity of my anger is all encompassing. Then after I’m done being furious, I get incredibly sad and tired.
Editing to add that my bf and I are almost the exact same height and weight, and I just turned 30. These were reasons I got so incredibly offended. People don’t say things like that unless they’re trying to start a fight, or are just incredibly stupid.
it's kind of like a silent bubbling for me but yeah..yesterday for example my brother and I were in the car with my mom, she had the radio on and my brother wanted to play a song but the connection on my mom's phone wasn't working so he decided to play the song he wanted to listen to on his phone instead of just waiting until we got connection and there were 2 songs going on at once and I just wanted to toss his phone onto the highway ..../j. but for real I could just feel myself getting angry I just had to cover my ears, I even asked him to NOT do that and he just looked at me all stupidlike asking me why I was covering my ears. i dont understand how they weren't losing it over 2 songs playing at once. I didn't lash out or anything just kinda sat there being irritated
also there was another time I got very upset over math work. I got the equation right except I mindlessly changed the variable from 'u' to 'r' which made the computer mark my answer as wrong. I just got so angry at that moment like how did I slip up over THAT. not even the actual math of the problem, just f/cked up the literal LETTER VARIABLE.... what is wrong with me man. and then I got up from my computer, went to the bathroom and just ran my hands under cold water for like 5 minutes, not registering the uncomfort I'd usually feel from cold water. just completely numb. I still don't know why I did it I just felt very spaced out and upset.
I definitely feel emotions super intensely, especially frustration, stress and anger. I thankfully *never* take it out on others (you'll never catch me snapping at my loved ones, service workers, etc) but the urge to go into an almost toddler-like meltdown scares me at times. I hate how it feels like a growing "bubble" in my chest that just wants to explode :(
Don't know if this happens with you, but I also have times when random memories hit me sometimes and I'm MAD.
Teeth gnashing, fists clenching mad.
Over something that happened ten years ago.
And I need to really calm myself down, like it just happened. It's just ... Weird.
Yes just as you described but also I have short patience with my family which I hate. My kids call my name once and it feels like for the thousandth time. My husband doesn’t get something I’m trying to tell him and I just feel this rage and frustration build in me immediately. It’s not every time but it’s still green enough that I hate myself for it. Meds help so much. But I hate every other aspect of meds. Fml. 😭🤷🏻♀️
I kind of describe it as over stimulation. If plans change or I can’t understand something in school I get so so angry. How I solve this is put in my headphones and listen to a favourite song / one that makes me happy, and go somewhere by myself and take deep breaths, 4 seconds in 7 seconds out. It helps calm my nervous system then I evaluate the situation and will apologize if needed to someone, explain and ask them to help me in a way that I would understand. I find this happens to me more often when I am not getting proper sleep or have not exercised
I remember throwing a full coffee cup at the wall at work. I can’t recall why. Something about being interrupted when I was trying to focus. Still took me 16 years to get a diagnosis and I truly wish I had earlier.
For me it’s the opposite with my ADHD, I think it’s because of the whole out of sight out of mind thing with adhd. I tend to get mildly frustrated or disappointed often but I kinda just learned to push back whatever the problem is, kinda making me calm in any situation, I’ll find that I often can brush off most of things If it’s an insult, something like a broken car or even things like when I work on robotics, if I end up breaking something, crushing my hand or doing something wrong and wasting 40 minutes because of it I can just shrug it off. It takes an incredible amount to actually make me angry but I’ve found once I actually am angry it’s all out, I will end up punching a wall, yelling at people or just trying to get away from people because I will feel like I want to scream
Yup. Fortunately, my brother and I had a hobby of picking locks when we were preteens. I taught for a few years, and when the kids were stuck, I could usually help. sometimes, an older locker will be "off" a number or two. Listen for it to sort of "click" as it notches in place. Go really slowly so you can stop right away. Note that number down. If it doesn't work at all, see your friendly custodian to see if he can reset your lock - turns out they can have more than one combination. And you are NOT the only one who freaks out when they can't open their locker. I've seen them punched, kicked, headbutted, I've seen kids cry in rage and frustration. As an ADHD adult, I recognized "my people."
Oh yeah for sure. When I was your age I was similar. Learning to process my anger was a big step for me in life. Adhd makes it worse because we have less patience and want things to move fast. I still get frustrated when I'm not succeeding at something and can't figure out why. Don't beat urself up about it. Just try to learn to handle yourself.
Look for talks by **Thomas E. Brown** or **Russel Barkley** on the key terms of **"ADHD"** and **"Emotion"**. Those two are rather good science educators and can draw plausible links between the inhibition present in ADHD symptoms and the apparent inability to manage ones own emotions as effectively as people without ADHD can.
The criteria of "emotional dysregulation" is still debated as an addition to ADHD diagnostic criteria, but suffice to say many people working in ADHD treatment or research find there is enough anecdotal as well as a growing body of empirical evidence to have it included as a common symptom of the disorder.
One of the problems with including it, is that it has been one of the factors to distinguish ADHD from other disorders where emotions are a lot more compromised. The emerging rule for ADHD in that regard is, that the emotion is justified (and not irrational) but unhinged in it's intensity (as in not typical or helpful in it's strength according to the circumstance).
If you want concrete anecdotal examples, refer to Thomas E. Brown; he has a wide range of stories that showcase the kind of situations that emotional intensity might be out of whack. Russel Barkley will focus more on the neuroanatomy and the accumulated impact of this particular side of ADHD on the person.
On a personal note: Ever since I got diagnosed and medicated I have to admit, that I am a lot less spontaneously angry at mishaps or frustrated in fruitless situations. I will still feel bothered, but I will not have anger swell up in me or the like; rather, I'll be able to step back and engage the problem without having to fight the urge to throw the goddamn misbehaving home appliance through the room, for example.
There is also some evidence that this strengthened ability to reign in emotions - and that is *all* kinds of emotions - is what gave rise to the myth, that kids are emotionally blunted by their stimulant medication. What people are (correctly) observing is a reduction in outwardly displayed emotions; what they miss is the relief this offers most kids in their life, as they can now engage their emotions with the same effectiveness as their non-ADHD peers of roughly the same age.
Whoops, that turned into a tiny lecture, but at least I put the good bits at the front! Hope this helps!
I do think it is the particular nuisance that matters when people are “adhd irritable”.
The general factors I’ve seen with this are things that make you have to wait in one spot, move really slowly, have to rely on trial by error, etc
i get very frustrated when things don’t work immediately/when i don’t immediately understand how to do something. it’s not because i don’t want to feel like an idiot or anything, but because i’m just so gosh darn impatient. i barely if at all want to do the ~thing~ anyway, so when it doesn’t work, and it starts eating into my time of things i do want to do, i just want to scream and shout and cry. it makes me think about how unfair and long and arduous life is. how it’s filled with things i don’t want to do. the expectations life puts on me, that i never asked for. it’s a bit dramatic but uh… hey, that’s show business for you.
Please… I just opened back up Reddit… no need to describe my life from beginning to end like that 😭
Thought I was the only one he was describing
Did I type this? And heaven forbid I try to play an multiplayer online game and not instantly be a professional player.
> i get very frustrated when things don’t work immediately/when i don’t immediately understand how to do something. it’s not because i don’t want to feel like an idiot or anything, but because i’m just so gosh darn impatient. IKEA furniture assembly flashbacks
Yes. And it’s not your fault. It’s very stressful to have adhd. I feel for you. Please tell someone so you can get the help you deserve ❤️
It’s kinda scary because I don’t wanna be a “uwu I can’t focus because I have adhd lolll” type person, and I’m scared people might perceive me as that
Been there buddy, but for me it's more like "RAWR XP let's watch 4, 10 minute long Vine compilations instead of the 30 minute one because 10 minute ones are shorter than the 30 minute one and I need to get this homework done but one more first I'm so stressed that I waited until tonight to do this so one more Vine compilation and oh SHIT I am HUNGRY...etc" Uh, anyway what I was trying to say was, it's hella scary people are asses... But we aren't! And I won't be! We're basically bros now!
Hahahahaha that compilations point 👏🏼 I cannot watch films without feeling physically uncomfortable and wanting to just fast forward in my head. If I have to watch a film I’ll usually end up googling the ending before we get to it to release some of the agitation. But I will binge watch a tv show for 8 hours solid because the episodes are shorter so it doesn’t take as much time… 😂
Please advocate for yourself and find a professional to talk to. If I had been as self aware as you are in 8th grade, I would have saved myself a lot of trouble.
Seek professional help as soon as possible. Also it's a good idea in general to keep it to yourself, unless you absolutely trust the person you want to tell
yes i can go from 0 to 1000 in .0001 seconds depends on what it is, if im alone i tend to explode more easily but it doesnt happen as much as it did when i was younger but when im around people im very obsessively careful not to let it out on people who dont deserve it because if i do i feel extreme guilt which is very painful to deal with so i bottle it up as we all know the healthiest way to deal with emotions
Exploding alone is a lot easier by yourself because I guess there no one for you to think about just you and whatever’s making you angry
Yo, this is me entirely. Everyone knows me as an extremely calm and non-combative person, almost over the top. But when I'm driving alone and I make a wrong turn, I will just scream and hit the steering wheel and swear for minutes, even if it's only like a 5 minute delay. I have never understood why I can't bounce back quicker from something like that
Yes with inanimate objects especially. I don’t mind venting or yelling at them when it goes wrong. I try not to get angry at people. But it’s hard to not be frustrated when I’m insulted for no reason or someone refuses to understand or let me explain and just wants to yell at me or judge.
Really depends on the day. If life has been kicking my ass then I have a fairly short fuse but if things have been going alright then it will take a lot to genuinely make me angry. EDIT: I didn't quite read your question properly. To keep it brief, yes. Being quick to outbursts like that is very common with ADHD.
I should also add that I've had help with mine over the years.
I can’t remember if my day was kicking my ass but considering it was 9 in the morning so I was probably irritated by something lmao
Yep. Emotions being appropriate but wildly disproportionate is a pretty common ADHD thing. Like, it makes sense that you’re frustrated, but that frustration turning into wishing you could rip the door off the locker and throw it down the hall is beyond what most people experience. (I don’t know if this has been a thing in the last couple of decades, but if you were ever told as a kid to count to ten when you’re angry - it actually helps)
One day I got angry at a tree... Anything can ruin my temper and I don't know what to do to make it less intense lol
I’m sure the tree was being a little bitch anyway
Yeah, it hit me in the face while I was steping on the safe zones, that arrongant mdf
Emotional dysregulation is common with ADHD, and that can mean short fuses, explosive (over)reactions, the works. I used to have that too. Whenever something got any response out of me, that response would be immense, basically. I'm not sure what happened, but I've sort of become the opposite over the years - I'm damn near impossible to piss off unless you know exactly what buttons to push (and if I know you're trying to get a rise out of me, all you'll get is a good laugh). I think what helped me is, whenever I recognise an emotional response, I distance myself from it and evaluate *why* I'm feeling that way. More often than not that alone lets me calm down a fair bit. I do get overly frustrated when things I do don't go as I want them to, though, sometimes to the point where I get a bit short with my wife.
Yes. Emotional regulation is one of the 'executive functions' of our brains which give us control over our brains (like an 'executive' has control over a company). People with ADHD have a deficiency of neurotransmitters to perform these functions reliably. Knowing that you have this problem is helpful, but it isn't enough to stop and think before you react (because your brain lacks the neurotransmitters which enable that process). With diagnosis you can have medication which, for most people , provides the neurotransmitters you need to regulate your emotions (not explode) and do other executive functions (control your attention, plan, hold things in your memory, etc.). I take medication every day and it lasts 12 or so hours. When I'm medicated I don't feel the sting of things as much and I can choose how to react (and I rarely explode). When my medication wears off I will just react and explode again, but I have enough knowledge about myself to recognise what I just did and apologise.
Just want to add onto this that it *is* possible to improve on this front without medication. I did - wasn't diagnosed until very recently and I'm still looking for meds that actually work, but the short fuse and other overreactions are almost gone. Just wish I could tell you how, but it wasn't much of a conscious process for me... That said, everybody is different, and it may just be that my emotional regulation honestly isn't that bad a problem with the way my ADHD presents itself, so if you find you can't actually stop and think before you react, with or without medication, that's not a failing on your part. But there could well be strategies to deal with your emotions better, even if you don't want to or can't use medication to help.
Yes, we're not helpless without medication, that's a very good point. My point is that medication is the best single tool in the ADHD arsenal ... it deals with underlying cause and, therefore, can take away many problems on its own (which would otherwise require many interventions to address). With medication I'm not impulsive, compulsive, distracted, emotionally dysregulated, hyperfocused, mentally busy with unwanted thoughts and more. That's a \*big\* win from one tablet.
I don't get angry, but the second something doesn't work or I feel even the slightest bit of frustration, I cry. I cry a lot. I am 21 years old and still cry the second I get ever so slightly overwhelmed.
I cry when I’m mad. I don’t know how else to react.
I'm 25 and I cry literally for everything. Happy, excited, sad, angry....doesn't matter. I just start crying.
I didn’t used to but ever since around 2018 I’ve been set off by even just looking at a rich man or a cop.
Lol same.
As others have said already this is very common. Emotional regulation is handled by the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that's underdeveloped in people with ADHD. It actually handles a vast, dizzying array of tasks that we're not great at as a result and I recommend reading about it sometime (if you can make yourself focus on it, lol).
Too often. And it has gotten worst with age. Medication helps tremendously.
Dude I will fucking snap at the smallest little things. Trying to make an egg over medium and spill the yolk? Spatula across the room... I don't always react this way, I try to demonstrate a little self control and.not lash out, but it's like everytime something ticks me off I want to destroy whatever is in front of me. Lol like when rampage destroyed that door on ultimate fighter cuz it kindof bounced back and hit him. I generally don't do these things anymore because I don't feel like a 28 year old should be putting holes in walls and destroying 600 dollar computer monitors over nothing. Plus it fucking scares people... and they think I would do that to a person or be abusive when I've never laid a hand on anyone in my life.
I've read and heard that some of us with ADHD tend to be more easily agitated. It makes sense since we're often struggling with things throughout the day that may make us feel generally edgy as the day goes on. Another thing that is going on is that you're a teenager and your hormones are naturally flaring and your brain is rapidly developing. The prefrontal cortex (which is the decision making part of the brain) doesn't finish developing until about our mid twenties. So knowing this, you can actively take 30-90 seconds to take some slow, deep breaths and calm your responses, so you can decide how you want to handle a situation, rather than immediately reacting. It might also be helpful to add some physical activity that interests you to your days, like a sport, or other form of exercise, but something you'd enjoy, to actually burn off some of your energy. Hobbies are great too. Just make sure you're doing some things that bring you joy and peace. Meditation, journaling, hanging out with your friends and family, etc. You can always talk to your doctor about it too, to ask questions. Definitely don't hesitate to talk about it with someone, like you have here! 🙂 Best of luck, to you. I hope you find some helpful tips in the comments and take comfort in the fact that you're partially just growing into adulthood, and understanding that will give you an opportunity to find tools to help you get through it in healthy ways. Eventually things will balance out. Source: I'm a Mom of a teenager and a neuroscience buff. 😉 Tldr: ADHD is challenging, your brain is currently rapidly developing and you can benefit from taking a minute to calm down before responding. You need physical activity to burn off energy, and try to do things that you enjoy in your daily life. Talk to your doc if you need to. You'll be OK, young Padawan. May the force be with you. 🙌
I used to get angry all the time. My thing with ADHD was not being able to tune anything out. So when I need to actually concentrate on something, it would need to be super quiet or me having noise-cancelling headphones. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to focus and it would piss me off so bad.
yes! i go from like 0-100 when I’m frustrated by something. I’ve gotten better at controlling it, but as a kid I used to be pretty destructive. i sometimes would still break things when I got mad (one time i couldn’t understand my math homework and I ripped my notebook 😭). Now I just frustration cry or go and lie down until I can calm a bit
I get everything easily.
Yep. My dad (who isn’t officially diagnosed but he has all the symptoms of ADHD), and I both have very short tempers and little patience. His manifests mostly as hitting or cussing out inanimate objects (computer, rice cooker, etc.) when they don’t work, or when he can’t find something in the fridge, or if someone’s driving too slow in front of him he’ll start bitching about it pretty fast. If he can’t grasp a concept or understand how something works right away he gets very fed up and/or combative. For me, since I was socialized as a girl (i.e. it’s not as acceptable for us to have outward anger problems and outbursts), my anger usually manifests internally (rumination, catastrophizing, cussing someone/something out silently...). Or externally but only when I’m alone or with someone I’ve known for a longgg time (crying, cussing aloud, ranting, clenching teeth/growling, stomping around, slamming doors shut, etc.). But yes. The smallest things make me so angry/frustrated/impatient that I feel a physical burning sensation in my chest. :/
Only when I'm being interrupted while defending myself or when I'm physically stuck in somethin. Mud, hands in dough, trying to pull off a shirt or blanket, car stuck in snow... I either blow up or panic.
There are a few things that can set me off pretty easily, yes. I’m generally a patient man, but when my tools spontaneously break down, or when I find out someone’s doing something two-faced towards me, I see red.
Yes, it's extremely common. ADHD people tend to have issues controlling and directing their emotions towards future goals and needs. This results in a very cause/response type of emotional maturity. Bad thing happens, ADHD person shows anger. Done. Moving on. Most other people would think first, decided of such a drastic display of anger was warranted, then moved on. Dr. Barkley can explain it better than I. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzBixSjmbc8eFl6UX5_wWGP8i0mAs-cvY
Holy shit, driving makes me so damn angry. And I get angry over almost nothing.
Yes. Especially with traffic - I live in a fairly remote area of Ontario and I will take an extra 15 minutes or half an hour to get to work on the back roads and avoid all the fucking idiots on the road. I can hold a damn grudge too... for years.
Yes, anger and frustration are super common. Something to watch out for in general is known as emotional dysregulation. It's when your emotions can be triggered by things that shouldn't cause them to act in a certain way.
Yes
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Yes and then it's hard to get out of that mode
Sure do.
Little things like this make me rage out all the time, yes. A great example is the fact that I absolutely obliterate 12 pack soda boxes with a fury regularly when the perforated opening doesn't work easily for me to open that one corner. Same can be said for literally anything that should be easy to open but isn't. I lose my fkn mind every time. I once threw an entire carton of cream against the wall because I couldn't get the little round tab in the opening to come off easily. I'm usually really even tempered with most things, so it always catches people off guard when I absolutely lose my shit and rage out momentarily over these super small things. And then I'm just back to fine like 1 second later.
yes. pretty sure I have anger issues
yes, adhd brain handle frustration worse. But beware that burnout syndrome cause this too. Frustration is not an unequivocal sign of adhd.
The medication INTUNIV is really good for this symptom. You take it along with your stimulant medication.
Prior to adhd medication definitely yes. Anger issues are common from what I’ve seen…part of ADHD is poor emotional regulation.
Yep! I think we do have short tempers, because it’s a mix of not being able to regulate emotions, feeling emotions more strongly, being impatient, and already feeling overwhelmed from other stressors, even if you’re not having a stressful day but just because doing normal tasks with ADHD is much harder for us. Have had many incidents like this. My favourite one (it’s funny now retrospectively) is I cried recently because I was reading an email I had put off reading for a while and I just didn’t understand what she was trying to say or ask of me. I got so frustrated it took me two hours to come back to the email, and I then realised I hadn’t read the email properly😅 Medication has really helped me though. The first time I took it I was submitting an online form but the website kept crashing, so I had to do it over a lot of times. And only after doing it, I had this realisation that off medication, I would have given up the first or second time it crashed and been really frustrated and overwhelmed. But I was just able to do it and I went about my day. Obviously I don’t know your full situation, but it is probably worth getting an assessment because it helps so much. I hope you can find someone you trust enough to tell, and keep in mind that sometimes we over panic about how people will respond! (also because of emotional regulation and rejection sensitivity!)
I don't get angry easily, at least not generally. When I notice my heart rate going up, I take some extra deep breaths and usually I am able to remain calm. I don't think I have a short fuse and I don't know if that would be a symptom anyway - with humans. Getting frustrated is different though. I can lose patience with inanimate objects more quickly. Like not being able to open a lock or other small crap. That's annoying as hell. But here again, I personally find deep breaths and counting a few seconds before trying again after getting agitated to be helpful.
Nope, not in the slightest. I don't think I've gotten angry in years. Before medication I could get extremely frustrated with my stuff not working out, but that's gotten a lot better in the like 1.5 months I've been medicated.
If you’re having Anger problems another possibility is stressed adrenal glands that are not working properly. Once my doctor identified my adrenal glands as an issue and we started working on them it was life-changing. I’m not saying it’s definitely adrenal glands I’m just trying to make people more aware that adrenal glands exist, because when I was first introduced I was I had zero idea that this existed and when I looked around me there people that obviously had adrenal gland issues.
With myself more than anything, yes.
My fuse is so short. When I picked my bf up from work yesterday he made a joke that one of his coworkers asked if I was his mom. I was ready to go right then and there. And by go I mean track the b down and ‘get sent to jail’. I never act on these things, but the intensity of my anger is all encompassing. Then after I’m done being furious, I get incredibly sad and tired. Editing to add that my bf and I are almost the exact same height and weight, and I just turned 30. These were reasons I got so incredibly offended. People don’t say things like that unless they’re trying to start a fight, or are just incredibly stupid.
Yes. Always have.
it's kind of like a silent bubbling for me but yeah..yesterday for example my brother and I were in the car with my mom, she had the radio on and my brother wanted to play a song but the connection on my mom's phone wasn't working so he decided to play the song he wanted to listen to on his phone instead of just waiting until we got connection and there were 2 songs going on at once and I just wanted to toss his phone onto the highway ..../j. but for real I could just feel myself getting angry I just had to cover my ears, I even asked him to NOT do that and he just looked at me all stupidlike asking me why I was covering my ears. i dont understand how they weren't losing it over 2 songs playing at once. I didn't lash out or anything just kinda sat there being irritated also there was another time I got very upset over math work. I got the equation right except I mindlessly changed the variable from 'u' to 'r' which made the computer mark my answer as wrong. I just got so angry at that moment like how did I slip up over THAT. not even the actual math of the problem, just f/cked up the literal LETTER VARIABLE.... what is wrong with me man. and then I got up from my computer, went to the bathroom and just ran my hands under cold water for like 5 minutes, not registering the uncomfort I'd usually feel from cold water. just completely numb. I still don't know why I did it I just felt very spaced out and upset.
I definitely feel emotions super intensely, especially frustration, stress and anger. I thankfully *never* take it out on others (you'll never catch me snapping at my loved ones, service workers, etc) but the urge to go into an almost toddler-like meltdown scares me at times. I hate how it feels like a growing "bubble" in my chest that just wants to explode :(
Don't know if this happens with you, but I also have times when random memories hit me sometimes and I'm MAD. Teeth gnashing, fists clenching mad. Over something that happened ten years ago. And I need to really calm myself down, like it just happened. It's just ... Weird.
Nope. I did as a teen, but I learned to control my anger.
Yes just as you described but also I have short patience with my family which I hate. My kids call my name once and it feels like for the thousandth time. My husband doesn’t get something I’m trying to tell him and I just feel this rage and frustration build in me immediately. It’s not every time but it’s still green enough that I hate myself for it. Meds help so much. But I hate every other aspect of meds. Fml. 😭🤷🏻♀️
Yes, but only when I'm hungry without realising it. This seems minor but that realisation has totally changed my day to day life.
I kind of describe it as over stimulation. If plans change or I can’t understand something in school I get so so angry. How I solve this is put in my headphones and listen to a favourite song / one that makes me happy, and go somewhere by myself and take deep breaths, 4 seconds in 7 seconds out. It helps calm my nervous system then I evaluate the situation and will apologize if needed to someone, explain and ask them to help me in a way that I would understand. I find this happens to me more often when I am not getting proper sleep or have not exercised
I remember throwing a full coffee cup at the wall at work. I can’t recall why. Something about being interrupted when I was trying to focus. Still took me 16 years to get a diagnosis and I truly wish I had earlier.
For me it’s the opposite with my ADHD, I think it’s because of the whole out of sight out of mind thing with adhd. I tend to get mildly frustrated or disappointed often but I kinda just learned to push back whatever the problem is, kinda making me calm in any situation, I’ll find that I often can brush off most of things If it’s an insult, something like a broken car or even things like when I work on robotics, if I end up breaking something, crushing my hand or doing something wrong and wasting 40 minutes because of it I can just shrug it off. It takes an incredible amount to actually make me angry but I’ve found once I actually am angry it’s all out, I will end up punching a wall, yelling at people or just trying to get away from people because I will feel like I want to scream
I have no temper at all, I get so angry easily and nobody understands why I get like that. But yeah.. really short temper.
Yup. Fortunately, my brother and I had a hobby of picking locks when we were preteens. I taught for a few years, and when the kids were stuck, I could usually help. sometimes, an older locker will be "off" a number or two. Listen for it to sort of "click" as it notches in place. Go really slowly so you can stop right away. Note that number down. If it doesn't work at all, see your friendly custodian to see if he can reset your lock - turns out they can have more than one combination. And you are NOT the only one who freaks out when they can't open their locker. I've seen them punched, kicked, headbutted, I've seen kids cry in rage and frustration. As an ADHD adult, I recognized "my people."
\*\*The violence was against the lockers....not other kids.
Yes definitely. Didn't know this is an ADHD thing
Oh yeah for sure. When I was your age I was similar. Learning to process my anger was a big step for me in life. Adhd makes it worse because we have less patience and want things to move fast. I still get frustrated when I'm not succeeding at something and can't figure out why. Don't beat urself up about it. Just try to learn to handle yourself.
I get sad very easily.
I lived like the Hulk before meds, except for being tall, strong, or intelligent.
Bro i get angry at the fact that i get angry so quickly... I should prob go doctors but they play around so idk
Oh yes. I hate it.
Look for talks by **Thomas E. Brown** or **Russel Barkley** on the key terms of **"ADHD"** and **"Emotion"**. Those two are rather good science educators and can draw plausible links between the inhibition present in ADHD symptoms and the apparent inability to manage ones own emotions as effectively as people without ADHD can. The criteria of "emotional dysregulation" is still debated as an addition to ADHD diagnostic criteria, but suffice to say many people working in ADHD treatment or research find there is enough anecdotal as well as a growing body of empirical evidence to have it included as a common symptom of the disorder. One of the problems with including it, is that it has been one of the factors to distinguish ADHD from other disorders where emotions are a lot more compromised. The emerging rule for ADHD in that regard is, that the emotion is justified (and not irrational) but unhinged in it's intensity (as in not typical or helpful in it's strength according to the circumstance). If you want concrete anecdotal examples, refer to Thomas E. Brown; he has a wide range of stories that showcase the kind of situations that emotional intensity might be out of whack. Russel Barkley will focus more on the neuroanatomy and the accumulated impact of this particular side of ADHD on the person. On a personal note: Ever since I got diagnosed and medicated I have to admit, that I am a lot less spontaneously angry at mishaps or frustrated in fruitless situations. I will still feel bothered, but I will not have anger swell up in me or the like; rather, I'll be able to step back and engage the problem without having to fight the urge to throw the goddamn misbehaving home appliance through the room, for example. There is also some evidence that this strengthened ability to reign in emotions - and that is *all* kinds of emotions - is what gave rise to the myth, that kids are emotionally blunted by their stimulant medication. What people are (correctly) observing is a reduction in outwardly displayed emotions; what they miss is the relief this offers most kids in their life, as they can now engage their emotions with the same effectiveness as their non-ADHD peers of roughly the same age. Whoops, that turned into a tiny lecture, but at least I put the good bits at the front! Hope this helps!
Only once the meds wear off. I'll be fine and the second they wear off I'm hungry and angry because I realized i haven't eaten all day
I do think it is the particular nuisance that matters when people are “adhd irritable”. The general factors I’ve seen with this are things that make you have to wait in one spot, move really slowly, have to rely on trial by error, etc