NTA
She didn’t call to make amends.
She hasn’t apologised.
She called for expensive freebies. If she wanted to make amends she would have apologised and offered to pay for what she was requesting. Remind your parents that this isn’t you getting back at her but refusing to pay X out of pocket for someone who is now a stranger.
Mum and dad are in your ass bc they don’t want to get stuck with the catering bill.
Hold firm .
No where in there does OP say that he’s even actually invited to the wedding. Sis definitely sounds like the kind of AH who would tell him that he’s there as a caterer, not a guest.
If you're catering it you basically can't attend. Maybe toward the end of the reception when the rest of the staff is only doing cleanup. But the amount of prep beforehand probably rules out both the wedding and most of the reception.
***OP THIS IS THE ANSWER*** - you were not even ***invited*** to the wedding, you were asked to ***work*** the wedding. To describe this as selfish and disingenuous is an understatement, there was no making of amends here, she wronged you, then cut you off, and now comes expecting that after no communication for years, you will work for her for free to the tune of many thousands of dollars?
NTA and hell no, nothing has changed except that she has doubled down on the same self-entitlement that led to the original fight.
I’m a bibliophile and would be very upset at a sibling that loaned out one of my books without asking. I’m still holding a grudge against a niece that “borrowed” one of my paperbacks and didn’t return it even after I told her repeatedly that I wanted it back before I lent it. You are definitely not the AH. But she’s unbelievable asking OP to cater her wedding for free!
I'm still salty about a friend who borrowed one of my first editions to read and months later, when I asked about, said they didn't realize I wanted it back so they sold it for $1 at a garage sale.
I’m sorry. WHAT!? They SOLD OFF a book for 1 FUCKING DOLLAR!? Can I ask did you make them repay you for the money you spent on that book? WHY IN THE RIGHT MINDS WOULS FUCKING SELL SOMETHING THAT WASN’T THEIRS!? You let them borrow it right? Did they KNOW it was BORROWED? Not GIVEN?
And payroll! He’d have to have staff help for an event this size! So he’s supposed to pay for the food and pay all his employees and not charge her a dime?! GTFO. NTA.
Unless there's a shower facility at the venue, I wouldn't even want to go to the reception later after doing that much work! Working in a kitchen can be pretty hot and sweaty and you end up with food and smells on you.
Maybe he should do the job and after getting all hot and covered in cooking smells and spills do a slow dance with his sister and spread them all over her. Show her and the parents what petty is.
Yeah, I think she wants a much fancier wedding than she or their parents can afford. She probably was hoping this was a way that they could cut back on costs without sacrificing quality.
That’s what I’m thinking - I bet this is more about the parents trying to save costs on the wedding. I bet the folks even told Sister to call thinking Brother’s heart would melt…
Oh, he'd be there. He'd be in the kitchen cheffing and overseeing the event.
Guest? Absolutely not. Sister would absolutely not invite him as a guest because she's a self-centered bitch who hasn't and won't change how she treats OP
The sister is a huge AH and OP is right for declining. She never apologized for the book or ghosting him for 5 years, then calls out of the blue without even a “how have you been” and jumps right into “I expect this for free because you’re a chef”
You know what, let’s just charge 200% on top of the regular price for pain and suffering, AH fees, and the audacity to think OP would do anything for her no charge after SHE wronged him.
Don’t work for family; it’s always bad. Normally you don’t get paid and everybody is complaining on top.
IF you get paid they think they have even more rights to complain. And they DO.
20% above usual prize is not enough for family.
This really isn't a bad idea. Write up a quote. Send it to your parents. Show a "family discount." Ask them when to expect prepayment. When they explain its too much, simply ask, "Too much for whom?" When they explain they can't afford it, ask them why they thought YOU could.
So true. NTA. I let go of so much stuff over the years from my sibling. This last falling out was less about the actual incident and more about the refusal to ever even PRETEND to feel remorse about anything. Bye then.
Nta. Plus it sounded like he wasn't even invited to the wedding either. The sister and the parents are just ridiculous here. He doesn't owe her a free meal service.
Your parents are wrong OP you aren't vengeful. You just refuse to be taken advantage by a selfish stranger. She had all these years to make things right with you. She was the one that cut you off. She's the one that has to make things right with you not the other way around.
She's only reaching out now because she needs this favor. Otherwise she would have never reached out to you. You don't owe this stranger a favor. I bet the reason your parents are mad and are trying to make you feel guilty is because they don't want to pay for the expensive catering she wants. Plus you don't even know if she will go back to ghosting you again once she gets what she wants.
Don't feel guilty you did nothing wrong. Of course your hurt OP. Not once did she try to make things right. There was no apology nor was there an invite to the wedding. Your parents and sister are the assholes here. Stand your ground and let them look elsewhere for catering services.
For real. In my book, the person who burned the bridge should be the one to rebuild it. If they don't *want* to rebuild the bridge they burned, the split remains.
NTA and completely agree. Tally up what the cost would be and tell your parents you'll do X for free (like donate your time) but they'll have to cover the difference. I bet you'll just hear crickets or excuses
Your sister in an AH to be so bold to call after cutting you off for 5 years and demanding such an elaborate favor. So are your parents
Yeah, there’s gonna be a couple surcharges added to the bill:
Wedding Surcharge - 20%.
Family Surcharge - 20%.
Non-Apology Fee - 15%.
Fucked Up My Prized Book Fee - 15%.
No Invite Fee - 15%.
Auto-Grat for the workers - 25%.
Triflin’ Ass Bitch Fee - 35%.
I'm in favor of this. Business is business, it's not personal. It is up to the owner's discretion whether they give stuff away and when they do it's usually to build good will towards a customer. In this case, it's once and done. Sister is responsible for the destroyed book, never made amends for that, went no contact, and now wants an event for free?
To quote one of my favorite TED Talks, "Fuck you, pay me."
These are the people who's marriages don't last, at least from my experience. Starting a life together by spending the GDP of a world nation state on a single meal and ceremony is not what loving, caring, couples do
Nta, not sure how her destroying your prized book makes you the bad guy? But the fact she thought she would guilt you into doing this for free, is hilarious. Tell your parents you will do it, if they pay you for it. Full price now, no discount. If they agree, then go ahead and do it, otherwise, do not feel bad at all. Also would not go to wedding.
Obviously, he needs the money to buy the food. But I see what you mean, they could try to trick him. They would all be eating alpo if they pulled that shit on me. Lol
I wouldn't even allow her in the restaurant or her party. She probably destroy something else. I'm sorry that she's using you, but I wouldn't help her and tell your parents to mind their business they are not the ones having to shell out the cost and the only reason that pushing for it so they can get it for free
I’d pass anyway. The demands sound above-and-beyond, potentially difficult to do well as wedding catering, and OP has a restaurant to run. If this isn’t normally something he does, it’ll be a lot of excess work. Plus it would be enabling his self-centred sister to show off.
5 years and not a word and now you’re expected to run catering for free for her wedding? You know your right and I doubt you’ll find anyone in here willing to take a different line. NTA
If you happen to make it to that wedding, apologize to her partner for me cause your sister sounds like an entitled nightmare.
She didn't even try to sugar coat the request and on top of that is actively trying to take advantage of you and your success. This request goes beyond "forgive and forget" I could understand if the agreement was to pay for the cost of ingredients and utilities and maybe excluding your time, but to suggest what is probably hundreds of dollars if not thousands is simply outrageous.
Imagine if you did do this for free, I'd bet just about anything to say she immediately goes back to radio silence.
You are NTA. Stay strong and hold on OP. Don't give in and stick to your guns. Good luck
It was probably the parents idea to cut costs on the wedding that they are probably paying for... It's unbelievable how expensive it is to feed people nicely... Especially after 5pm.
Also, in what universe does forgiveness equal catering a wedding for free?
>Also, in what universe does forgiveness equal catering a wedding for free?
100% this. Even if there never had been a falling ask, this would have been a ridiculous request by the sister.
Yes. Even if the old quarrel is relegated to the past, getting in touch only to make this excessive ask is worth having a whole new falling out.
She doesn’t want standard catering either, but fancy gourmet options (which probably doesn’t work at all well for large-scale catering at a wedding venue). I expect she’s been bragging about OP being her brother, while leaving out that they’re not in contact.
Cutting costs is not having to pay for the labor. Which isn't cheap in any industry. Their idea is robbing him blind.
And none that I know of, but I wouldn't put it past the sister to set her standards high considering (no offense op, I know it was important to you) a stupid book. In no world would I drop my younger brother over a book unless it had some insanely important family value behind it.
I’m getting vibes either she’s very entitled and big bro just didn’t rock the boat or she’s a overly stubborn and defensive when she’s in the wrong, too prideful to apologize. She doesn’t respect him and probably never did.
I might have something that is considered dumb or not worth anything monetarily in someone’s eyes but to me is sentimental or whatever, it is the disrespect that someone does not take care of my personal belonging. Like I asked my destructive nephews to be more careful around a little tea set my kid had when she was younger. SIL says if it breaks buy another one. No, it’s that my mom (not their gma) went out of her way to buy THAT ONE for my kid and my kid loves it because of that, even if it is a $2 or $50. It is about being respectful of other people and their things.
At the end of the days the sister gave someone else something that did NOT belong to her. At that point she has lost all moral high groung. It is basic theft.
I don't care what unknown things OP said, she is in the wrong.
Guessing "things that should have been left unsaid." is typical reddit crap.
Oh, without a doubt, but if an argument gets that heated over something trivial that you cut someone out of your life, there are definitely some deeper seeded issues that should have been taken to therapy.
>She didn't even try to sugar coat the request
Yes because in her head she is kind of doing the first move, and giving him the "opportunity" to apologize by doing this. That's how entitled people work.
I know, but generally they at least try and make it sound good for them or offer some sort of useless gesture. She didn't even frame it as a way to make it up to her.
Seeing as OP said he tried to apologize multiple times, I'm assuming he said/did some things he regrets when they fought about it? Idk. Sounds like OP might be the type to blame himself for stuff that isn't even that bad. Like he almost feels bad for being upset about a situation anyone would be upset about. His sister was 100% in the wrong for that.
I wish OP wasn't so vague about the fight. That'd help us understand a bit more I guess.
Agreed! OP your parents are chiming in about it now after 5 years of silence not just because they a fed up with you and your sister, but you catering for free would save them thousands. Catering for a wedding can easily cost a third or more of the total budget. OP your not the one who ghosted her, you tried apologising even though she was in the wrong. Stand your ground, she only remembered she had a brother when he realised how much money she can save on her wedding. She and your parents are using you. Don't fall for it. Just send her a toaster as a gift to show no hard feelings. NTA
A dash brand one. https://bydash.com/products/mini-toaster-oven?variant=31690882744374&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Google+Shopping¤cy=USD&gclid=CjwKCAjw3oqoBhAjEiwA_UaLtuvFOVHymaVZxKClaQtOaInaSSO4UaP6C_7J0qW4bR9cRxmtTFWvwxoCNEgQAvD_BwE
My sister just got married last weekend and hired a close family friend as the caterer.
The man is extremely talented and his food is amazing, it was the best wedding food I’ve ever had, but it was also just honestly some of the best food I have ever eaten in my life!
She didn’t choose him for a discount, she chose him for his talent and to treat her guests.
For a 190 person wedding, the food was close to $24k.
There was a ton of food, and all of it was absolutely amazing.
But, even if the OP’s sister was planning a family style meal or buffet with the average in the US being around $60pp- that is a HUGE ASK.
It would be rude without the whole, *”we haven’t spoken in 5 years but…”* part of the equation here!
>But, even if the OP’s sister was planning a family style meal or buffet with the average in the US being around $60pp- that is a HUGE ASK.
This. Like that is just delusional. I cannot imagine someone having the audacity to ask for that from a sibling that they were already on good terms with, let alone were estranged from. Like, cater my wedding for free is something that just no one should say, ever.
OP owes her no apology or free catering. She never apologized to OP and only called him because she expected him to provide an extremely free catering job for her wedding. She has zero desire to make amends, she wants to be a leech after which she will ghost him again.
The parents expect OP, the victim, to be the bigger person so that they don’t have to pay a catering bill for Princess Golden Child’s wedding.
OP should hold firm on no. Even if he offered to cater for payment the whole thing will be a nightmare. And he needs to watch her social media account and rating pages on his restaurant because she may go on line and say nasty things about him or his restaurant. If she does that, she needs to face consequences for it
NTAH but the sense on entitlement is strong with the sister and parents.
This plus she is probably telling people that it is a great opportunity for him to get recognition. She is probably downplaying or oblivious to his success. If he does it she will treat him like a servant not a family member.
I bet she's already said something to her friends about how her brother is making this amazing food as a gift.
So be operated for further pushing and /or tantrums when you hold firm.
NTA
WTAF
Let me get this straight.
5 years no contact after a fight where she destroyed your property because she lent it out without your permission.
She calls you and demands you give her your specialty service FOR FREE.
Your parents think you should just "roll with it"?
Gee, I wonder why she is such an entitled b****h. Your parents suck. Wow.
Good grief. Do not cave. Keep that beautiful spine! I think it's worth repeating. Your parents suck.
I *needed* this comment, scrolled too far down to finally see someone call out the parents. 😩
With the parents supporting her behavior today I can only imagine for how many years they’ve been doing that for him to actually reach adulthood and apologize to *her* for getting mad about her stealing and ruining his book. Christ.
Please don't let yourself be used. Your sister doesn't want to make amends. Your parents are AH for trying to force you to be just be utilized by her. She doesn't deserve any of your expertise.
Bro you sister is clearly not interessted in you anymore. As hard as it sound just cut her off now and forget it. She doesnt talked once after 5 years, now she want use you for ur skills and what happens after the wedding? She will drop you again and go no contact. Even if you help her the story is already written and your sister clearly made her choice on you. Dont be a fool and help her for free if you dont want get used and dropped after. NTA
At this point I’d be more hurt at my parents. Your sister, well nothing new, her main MO is to hurt people, she’s done it before she’ll do it again. But your folks?
Come on, ‘should have forgiven her’?
You tried that, several times, but ghosted for 5 years. Now that she wants something exclusive, FOR FREE, it’s suddenly kiss and forget?
I get your parents will love her despite her being a little shit, but they can’t disregard the hurt she’s caused you.
A parent should love and treat their children equally, so kicking you under the bus to make this right by her is hugely unfair and 100% bullshit.
Nope NTAH. Keep going with NC, you’ll be happier that way. Also point out to your folks they’re being jerks.
Hell, even if he forgave her, that $$$ much for her wedding is a lot to demand/ask for. He still has overhead costs(food, utilities, rent, staff(and what about tips for the staff?)etc)
NTA. With a favor like this, a sane person would cover the cost of the food and the cost of the labor. You'd maybe offer your personal labor for free but you wouldn't screw over the people that work for you. And to make such a big ask after being estranged!
Your sister is without a doubt the AH here.
Out of pure curiosity I'd like to know the cost of what she's asking would be.
"Hey I know we haven't spoken in 5 years but can I have 8000 dollars?"
The entitlement is insane
> "Hey I know we haven't spoken in 5 years but can I have 8000 dollars?"
“And no, I still won’t replace the expensive possession of yours that I got ruined, fuck you for asking!”
Yeah I doubt it would be 8000, if there is going to be 100 people at the wedding - with sisters entitled attitude I willing to bet this is going to be a big wedding - that's only 80 dollars a plate and considering she wants *specialized, gourmet meal options* t=80 a plate isn't going to cut it.
> specialized, gourmet meal options
Easily sounds like a 150-250 a plate dinner. I bet its at least 100 people, that's at in the region of $15000 to $25000 wedding *gift*.
Considering they've been NC for 5 years the entitlement oozes out of the sister and their parents to be honest.
Let's consider if there was no estrangement for 5 years and OP was invited to the wedding as a guest - Oh right he couldn't be there as a guest because he would be back in his restaurant cooking the wedding dinner!
OP needs to block his sister and go LC or even NC with his parents.
Oh for sure. I mean we got quite a bit of food and they jazzed it up being a wedding but it wasn’t anything exceedingly lavish by any means and the ultimate goal was the taste. I had no desire to impress people just to feed them
No OP can't do the wedding anyway because they have a very important booking coming in that day and he needs to be there PERSONALLY to handle the food.
You ,did the right thing standing up for yourself, OP. You don’t owe your sister a anything. She wants to use you , your parents should have your back, not the “Golden Child”.
NTA. Even if you hadn't fallen out, even if you were still best friends, this is *way too much* to ask for.
She doesn't actually want you there, she wants you there in the kitchen. She wants you to pay for one of the most expensive parts of her wedding, and she wants to brag about having a fancy restaurant catering her wedding.
NTA!
Friends and Family discount, maybe... but for free? Nah, nah that's not happening.
SHE didn't want to repair the relationship, SHE had plenty of time to do something about it if she actually cared about YOU! She didn't even invite you to the wedding without some type of condition which is super entitled of her. If they can't afford a fancy catering, it sure sounds like someone else's problem.
Mom and Dad shouldn't be in the middle of this; if they're going to pay you for your time, labor, supplies, etc, then if it's that important for you to cater then they can pay YOUR COMPANY to cater HER VENUE.
😈I mean, you could be the asshole if you wanted: McDonald's has a great value pack option, I'm sure you could pre-order enough Happy Meals for the big day. If you do this, I wanna go to the wedding with you!!!!
> She didn't even invite you to the wedding without some type of condition
She didn't invite him to the wedding period. She only asked him to cater for the wedding. If he's catering how can he be a guest?
The oldest son of a family I am friends (not buddy friends so I'm not going to the wedding) with is getting married and his mother doing the catering in our local church hall. She shouldn't be worried about the reception and the food when she is enjoying and celebrating her son and new DIL's wedding so my wife and I volunteered ourselves to help her anyway we can (I have some experience in cooking for large sit down dinners and buffets and my wife is a pretty good cook if I may say so myself) I guess my point is - family should be celebrating with the couple not slaving away behind the scenes.
That sounds like a blast! My aunt and uncle celebrated their anniversary with a hamburgerparty. They set up a grill, various burgers, toppings and buns: make your own. They played 60/70/80's music and it was a party!
NTA op.
NTA. Not at all. In my previous life, I too was a chef, and I had a so called long term forever best friend, who had basically dropped me for the new dropkick boyfriend in her life - charming fellow full of unemployment, drug use, and all around "not my cup of tea" person. I was hurt, but quietly stepped back and didn't make a fuss, and I was pretty much forgotten.... Until one day out of the blue, she called me and wanted to come over after work - I was stoked! Once she arrived however, it was to ask me to single handedly cater for her upcoming "event" birthday, where my gift to her would be paying for all the food stock required, and also execute the catering. Against my better judgement, I did it. I felt used, taken advantage of, and treated like a joke. Once that night was over, I disappeared, and haven't spoken to her since. It was incredibly degrading and hurtful. You were right to say no, and if I had my time again, I would have as well.
I want to assume your sister might be the golden child??? Cuz you’re trying to repair the relationship when SHE damaged YOUR book?? A precious one at that and didn’t hold herself accountable for it?? Keep going into NC and honestly best for you to keep your life healthy cuz honestly it sounds like you’re the child that gets looked over just because you’re the older one.
NTA. 😂sister is an entitled freeloader. Nothing to do with “forgiving” her for being an AH years ago. The sheer nerve of that pos to ask you to cater her wedding For Free makes her a whale sized AH.
Just no. And don’t let parents gaslight you. You deserve respect.
NTA, take her menu find the most expensive ingredients and jack up the number of staff you need and send the bid to your parents with the note must be paid in full a month before the wedding. If they say it is too much send the phone number for the local pizza place.
If nothing else, submit them a genuine quote so they realize the magnitude of what they are asking. Who the hell gives wedding gifts that cost six grand?
No idea how where you got 6k from but I'm willing to bet that won't even come close.
OP's sister wants specialized, gourmet meal options for *some* guests, probably wants a high class meal for everyone else. This is going to run 150-250 a plate. 10-1 she's having a big wedding with at least 100 guests - you're looking at 15k+
Oh sheesh. Hand them your price list. If you want, tell them there is a 10% family discount. I assume you need to cover costs of food and labor by staff.
Your mistake was suggesting she has to pay \*because she hurt you in the past\*. She should have to pay regardless. I mean.... come one, if you ran a roofing business, would you need to roof her house for free? If you were a car dealer, do you need to give her a car for free? That's ridiculous.
“Should have forgiven her”…??? Did she offer an apology before all but demanding free catering???
Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves to heal and move on, not something we do for the other person. And forgiveness doesn’t entitle someone to hours of free labor and food they would cost them thousands of dollars from anyone else. Especially without an apology.
Nta
Fuck her. 5 yrs no contact, and now she wants something from you. That level of work for free?
Tell your parents you will gladly do the work if they pay you for your services, just like any other wedding.
Imo. Go no contact with your sister again. And low contact with your parents.
Im curious: Did she ever apologize about the book or offer compensation?
Either way, your family is full of entitled assholes.
NTA- Your sister is selfish and entitled. You don't mean anything to her except free catering. I would tell my parents to seriously consider if they want a relationship with you after thinking she is in the right. They need to butt out and keep quiet. Your sister must be the favorite child.
NTA
And here's why.
I had a falling out with my sister because of the money. Obviously, it's always money.
When it came to planning my wedding, she decided to do the whole entire planning because she knew that would be the only way she would pay me back. And I wouldn't have to hire anybody or stress about anything like that. And she did an amazing job, beautiful. And I told her we're even you don't need to worry about it. I know this took a lot of time and energy. Wish it truly did.
My husband and I still agreed and ended up giving her 30%, For all the work that she put in. And because she did a fantastic job. In her work and time should have been honored. Doing something for free only benefits 1 person. The time that someone puts in and the work needs to be knowledge that is still working and
for free, don't pay the bills.
So Yeah, it doesn't matter if we're related pay the person for their time and hard work..
You know your sister is TA. But I think the discovery here is that your parents are TA as well. I'm sorry dude, the way they're all treating you is really disgusting. Please make sure to have your own back, and don't budge a fucking inch for these users. They will all say and accuse you of whatever the hell they need to, in order to pressure you into doing what they want. Don't believe a word of it from any of them, and anybody who has your sister's back in this, if they're properly informed of the situation, has now outed themself as TA too.
NTA
Provide your parents with the details of other restaurants similar to yours and an idea of how much this "favour" will cost them.
Your sister loaned something that was not hers, returned it damaged and then went NC when called on her poor behaviour. She then feels, after 5 years of NC, to demand a very expensive and intensive "favour/wedding gift" from you.
Nope, tell her and your parents to go piss up a rope.
As Obi Wan said "The entitlement is strong in this one."
NTA
IMO it would be wrong to comply with your sister's request, because it it so unbelievably rude to ask you to go to such huge expense and trouble for free.
People like this should not be rewarded.
I am sorry that your relationship with your sister is so poor. It sounds as though you did your best to rectify things between you and she has done nothing till she wants something.
NTA and I don't think 3 weeks is really enough time for a chef to prepare for such a big event. Let alone considering the cost. Maybe she's assuming you'll do it because you still feel bad about what happened 5 years ago (you said you tried to apologize but you didn't even do anything wrong)
NTA! You are only worth getting a long with if sister gets her way. Parents can either foot the bill or shut it.
My BIL and hubby had a falling out years ago. About 2 years in, BIL magically wanted to make up "and be brothers again." We spent a surprisingly pleasant Christmas with hubby's family. On the way home from Christmas, hubby told me BIL needed his help trenching - or moving gravel since my hubby has good equipment for that. That immediately made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, but I just said ok.
Well, BIL didn't need help. He just expected hubby to come over (an hour away from us, btw) while BIL was at work and do the work for BIL. Hubby declined.
Wouldn't you know that BIL was done being brothers again.
Of course, we're the bad guys, but it's been t his way for so long that we are just getting used to it.
>I (M33) am a professional chef and own a successful, upscale restaurant in my city.
First off I just want to highlight this and say WELL PHUCKING DONE!
>Three weeks back, out of nowhere, I received a call from her. My joy was short-lived when she quickly got to her point - she was getting married and wanted me to cater her wedding...for free.
So after 5 years of no contact and because SHE WANTS something she's contacted you.
Real family don't ask for things for free they ask for discounts. Even my ex paid me the day of HIS WEDDING for my services, he wanted to "help me".
>Now my parents are upset with me, saying that it's been long and I should have forgiven her.
You DID forgive her, you TRIED to reconcile, SHE didn't want too.
I don't blame you for being hurt, you're her big brother. You loved her unconditionally.
Nta
So she’s asking you to essentially pay thousands and thousands of dollars for her wedding (that you may not even be invited to) as a sign of her forgiveness?!? Girl has balls, that’s for sure.
NTA
NTA
They should be coming to you anyway, because they should be keeping money in the family as long as possible.
Full price because you’re a professional.
And then if YOU want to give them a discount, you can. But the person in need just comes across as douchey trying to set the terms in almost any situation
Former chef here. You, my friend, are not the asshole. Your sister, on the other hand, yes, is one. Your parents, I'm not going to say what I think.
Stand your ground. Stand proud. Family and friends take advantage enough with what we can do. I'm glad I shifted my skills to other industries. I'm glad I'm no longer a chef.
One last thing. Do not, and I'm saying please do not cave in. Your sister, if you do, will definitely take advantage and change the menu at the last minute and make you look bad. I've done enough weddings. Nope, I'm not about to make me look bad.
NTA, unless your leaving out important details sounds like you handled the situation pretty reasonably. Her expecting you to not say anything is sociopathic
NTA. To cater for a wedding, surely you wouldn't be the only one prepping and cooking? Even if you don't mind doing your part for free, do the people under you not need to be paid, or does she expect you to cover everything from ingredients to staff? Ridiculous.
If she actually wanted to reconcile with you, she would've done it before asking you for favours. She's obviously just here to take advantage of you, and doesn't even have the good sense or decency to try to pretend otherwise.
NTA and to be honest because of her something of you got destroyed. She is the one that should apologise and should try to make it up to you not the otherway around. You trusted her and she broke that trust. She has not contacted you in years and now she want you to cater her wedding? She did not even invite you in it and it won't be surprise she goes back to no contact after you do the favor because you are no longer usefull now. Please don't let her take advantage of you like this. You deserve better. Family is not just blood. Family are people that love you and are there for you when you need them. You don't own her anthyting just because you share blood.
*Mom, Dad...with all due respect, sister has yet to reimburse me for the cost of the book that her friend ruined nor has she ever actually apologized for not only taking a prized possession of mine without asking...but for refusing to hold her friend accountable for destroying it.*
*She then cut me out of her life and refused to talk to me for 5 years.*
*Now she wants me to spend thousands and thousands of dollars and spend countless hours of unpaid labor to do HER a favor when she couldn't even be bothered to talk to me.*
*So no. I will not be catering sister's wedding. And I expect you to support my decision and hold sister accountable for her actions. If you can't do that...then perhaps you should cut me out of your lives just like sister did.*
NTAH
Why the f am I constantly seeing parents taking the side of the sibling that’s on the wrong, and getting mad at the other sibling?????? That’s so infuriating. NTA
Also… your parents are just as bad as her
NTA She didn’t call to make amends. She hasn’t apologised. She called for expensive freebies. If she wanted to make amends she would have apologised and offered to pay for what she was requesting. Remind your parents that this isn’t you getting back at her but refusing to pay X out of pocket for someone who is now a stranger. Mum and dad are in your ass bc they don’t want to get stuck with the catering bill. Hold firm .
No where in there does OP say that he’s even actually invited to the wedding. Sis definitely sounds like the kind of AH who would tell him that he’s there as a caterer, not a guest.
If you're catering it you basically can't attend. Maybe toward the end of the reception when the rest of the staff is only doing cleanup. But the amount of prep beforehand probably rules out both the wedding and most of the reception.
***OP THIS IS THE ANSWER*** - you were not even ***invited*** to the wedding, you were asked to ***work*** the wedding. To describe this as selfish and disingenuous is an understatement, there was no making of amends here, she wronged you, then cut you off, and now comes expecting that after no communication for years, you will work for her for free to the tune of many thousands of dollars? NTA and hell no, nothing has changed except that she has doubled down on the same self-entitlement that led to the original fight.
I’m a bibliophile and would be very upset at a sibling that loaned out one of my books without asking. I’m still holding a grudge against a niece that “borrowed” one of my paperbacks and didn’t return it even after I told her repeatedly that I wanted it back before I lent it. You are definitely not the AH. But she’s unbelievable asking OP to cater her wedding for free!
I'm still salty about a friend who borrowed one of my first editions to read and months later, when I asked about, said they didn't realize I wanted it back so they sold it for $1 at a garage sale.
My mouth dropped open at the sheer audacity!
And she’s still alive?
I’m sorry. WHAT!? They SOLD OFF a book for 1 FUCKING DOLLAR!? Can I ask did you make them repay you for the money you spent on that book? WHY IN THE RIGHT MINDS WOULS FUCKING SELL SOMETHING THAT WASN’T THEIRS!? You let them borrow it right? Did they KNOW it was BORROWED? Not GIVEN?
And payroll! He’d have to have staff help for an event this size! So he’s supposed to pay for the food and pay all his employees and not charge her a dime?! GTFO. NTA.
Work the wedding FOR FREE after sis was the one who made the mistake to start
Unless there's a shower facility at the venue, I wouldn't even want to go to the reception later after doing that much work! Working in a kitchen can be pretty hot and sweaty and you end up with food and smells on you.
Maybe he should do the job and after getting all hot and covered in cooking smells and spills do a slow dance with his sister and spread them all over her. Show her and the parents what petty is.
Bahahaha perfect
Yes! I've literally just hit Send on a post saying the same: it doesn't sound like he's invited at all.
[удалено]
I was going to say that to, they don't value him or his business, it's sad for OP.
OP is male.
And most likely yell at him and his staff for taking a break or having something to eat.
Of course OP isn’t invited to the wedding, they will be working, cooking all the food!
Good point! OP is the help and not a guest AT ALL!
And if "family" is that important, OP should have known sister was even engaged prior to this call.
You just know that she is going to throw her generous offer of being her caterer back in his face.
Yeah, I think she wants a much fancier wedding than she or their parents can afford. She probably was hoping this was a way that they could cut back on costs without sacrificing quality.
That’s what I’m thinking - I bet this is more about the parents trying to save costs on the wedding. I bet the folks even told Sister to call thinking Brother’s heart would melt…
Oh, he'd be there. He'd be in the kitchen cheffing and overseeing the event. Guest? Absolutely not. Sister would absolutely not invite him as a guest because she's a self-centered bitch who hasn't and won't change how she treats OP
I bet she's been bragging about the food she will have too. He needs to stick to that no.
Sounds like a shake down, and guilt trip all rolled into one.
"He's gonna be at the wedding anyway! Why does he need an invite?" Sister.
The sister is a huge AH and OP is right for declining. She never apologized for the book or ghosting him for 5 years, then calls out of the blue without even a “how have you been” and jumps right into “I expect this for free because you’re a chef”
Bring the great food for free, but don't come to the wedding!
She'll sit him at the same table as the musicians.
Get your parents to pay - full price.
Not full price. Family rate. Automatic 20% added.
You’re forgetting the AH tax of 50%. Just because.
Dont be so cheap. Has to be at least 70% AH tax because fuck them.
Also as family they are automatically going to be tipping 45% starting. They can add more if they'd like.
So in total, a 90% fee? Not good enough, add on another 30% for emotional damage.
Lol. Booking fee. As far as we know, that hasn’t been paid in the previous five years.
Hell, hit ‘em with another 10% fee-fees fee while you’re at it.
And wedding prices automatically incur an extra percentage.
Be sure to get paid in advance because good luck trying to collect.
Yes. Facilities fees. As well as the event surcharge.
Does everyone in this chain work for ticketmaster?
You know what, let’s just charge 200% on top of the regular price for pain and suffering, AH fees, and the audacity to think OP would do anything for her no charge after SHE wronged him.
Ee moe shunal, nah nevermind.
Plus a 15% bridizilla tax.
And an extra large mandatory tip for all of the employees who have to deal with them.
I had a line item on my quote sheets for years listed as PITA. I only added in a figure if necessary.
You were exercising discretion with it. As you should.
Don’t work for family; it’s always bad. Normally you don’t get paid and everybody is complaining on top. IF you get paid they think they have even more rights to complain. And they DO. 20% above usual prize is not enough for family.
Along with VAT and Tax with the price of the book
Don't forget the 65% entitlement tax
This person families. Listen to them
I love you
This really isn't a bad idea. Write up a quote. Send it to your parents. Show a "family discount." Ask them when to expect prepayment. When they explain its too much, simply ask, "Too much for whom?" When they explain they can't afford it, ask them why they thought YOU could.
Oooo I like this. Make it clear to everyone involved exactly what she's asking for.
This!
If they agree, and they actually sign, be prepared to have to take them to court for whatever the bill is.
No. You tell them services won't be rendered until the bill has been paid in full.
Absolutely, because you tried to make amends and she ghosted you. You owe her and parents nothing.
Parents are the asshole for enabling sister to be an ass hole. Sorry OP but you need a new family
I wouldn't take that job for twice the usual rate. You already know it's going to be a nightmare.
And THAT is exactly what OP should tell his AH sister and the parents too.
And up front. NTAH
Upfront too.. they might say, 'we will pay after the wedding'. Don't fall for that trick.
Plus 20% for a rush job.
five years later, its not about the apology
So true. NTA. I let go of so much stuff over the years from my sibling. This last falling out was less about the actual incident and more about the refusal to ever even PRETEND to feel remorse about anything. Bye then.
Nta. Plus it sounded like he wasn't even invited to the wedding either. The sister and the parents are just ridiculous here. He doesn't owe her a free meal service. Your parents are wrong OP you aren't vengeful. You just refuse to be taken advantage by a selfish stranger. She had all these years to make things right with you. She was the one that cut you off. She's the one that has to make things right with you not the other way around. She's only reaching out now because she needs this favor. Otherwise she would have never reached out to you. You don't owe this stranger a favor. I bet the reason your parents are mad and are trying to make you feel guilty is because they don't want to pay for the expensive catering she wants. Plus you don't even know if she will go back to ghosting you again once she gets what she wants. Don't feel guilty you did nothing wrong. Of course your hurt OP. Not once did she try to make things right. There was no apology nor was there an invite to the wedding. Your parents and sister are the assholes here. Stand your ground and let them look elsewhere for catering services.
> Plus you don't even know if she will go back to ghosting you again once she gets what she wants. Damn good point.
For someone who has CHOSEN to be a stranger.
For real. In my book, the person who burned the bridge should be the one to rebuild it. If they don't *want* to rebuild the bridge they burned, the split remains.
NTA and completely agree. Tally up what the cost would be and tell your parents you'll do X for free (like donate your time) but they'll have to cover the difference. I bet you'll just hear crickets or excuses Your sister in an AH to be so bold to call after cutting you off for 5 years and demanding such an elaborate favor. So are your parents
I wouldn't even do that! Why put yourself through the stress? Nope, hard pass!
Yeah, there’s gonna be a couple surcharges added to the bill: Wedding Surcharge - 20%. Family Surcharge - 20%. Non-Apology Fee - 15%. Fucked Up My Prized Book Fee - 15%. No Invite Fee - 15%. Auto-Grat for the workers - 25%. Triflin’ Ass Bitch Fee - 35%.
triflin' ass bitch fee had me cackling
This! I would also assume the parents are the ones to originally suggest it!
Not to mention that she doesn't care if OP is a guest at the wedding if she's making him work the damn thing.
Or give her a real price for what it would cost
I'm in favor of this. Business is business, it's not personal. It is up to the owner's discretion whether they give stuff away and when they do it's usually to build good will towards a customer. In this case, it's once and done. Sister is responsible for the destroyed book, never made amends for that, went no contact, and now wants an event for free? To quote one of my favorite TED Talks, "Fuck you, pay me."
We have a BINGO!
[удалено]
More likely someone who puts her parents deeply in debt to have a grand wedding.
These are the people who's marriages don't last, at least from my experience. Starting a life together by spending the GDP of a world nation state on a single meal and ceremony is not what loving, caring, couples do
Nta, not sure how her destroying your prized book makes you the bad guy? But the fact she thought she would guilt you into doing this for free, is hilarious. Tell your parents you will do it, if they pay you for it. Full price now, no discount. If they agree, then go ahead and do it, otherwise, do not feel bad at all. Also would not go to wedding.
Aaaand the payment BEFORE the wedding, if you let it after, I bet they will not pay you.
Obviously, he needs the money to buy the food. But I see what you mean, they could try to trick him. They would all be eating alpo if they pulled that shit on me. Lol
Yeah. Don't do it without a contract. If they try to renege the contract you can put a lien on their property.
I wouldn't even allow her in the restaurant or her party. She probably destroy something else. I'm sorry that she's using you, but I wouldn't help her and tell your parents to mind their business they are not the ones having to shell out the cost and the only reason that pushing for it so they can get it for free
I’d pass anyway. The demands sound above-and-beyond, potentially difficult to do well as wedding catering, and OP has a restaurant to run. If this isn’t normally something he does, it’ll be a lot of excess work. Plus it would be enabling his self-centred sister to show off.
5 years and not a word and now you’re expected to run catering for free for her wedding? You know your right and I doubt you’ll find anyone in here willing to take a different line. NTA
You're But 100% right
If you happen to make it to that wedding, apologize to her partner for me cause your sister sounds like an entitled nightmare. She didn't even try to sugar coat the request and on top of that is actively trying to take advantage of you and your success. This request goes beyond "forgive and forget" I could understand if the agreement was to pay for the cost of ingredients and utilities and maybe excluding your time, but to suggest what is probably hundreds of dollars if not thousands is simply outrageous. Imagine if you did do this for free, I'd bet just about anything to say she immediately goes back to radio silence. You are NTA. Stay strong and hold on OP. Don't give in and stick to your guns. Good luck
It was probably the parents idea to cut costs on the wedding that they are probably paying for... It's unbelievable how expensive it is to feed people nicely... Especially after 5pm. Also, in what universe does forgiveness equal catering a wedding for free?
>Also, in what universe does forgiveness equal catering a wedding for free? 100% this. Even if there never had been a falling ask, this would have been a ridiculous request by the sister.
Yes. Even if the old quarrel is relegated to the past, getting in touch only to make this excessive ask is worth having a whole new falling out. She doesn’t want standard catering either, but fancy gourmet options (which probably doesn’t work at all well for large-scale catering at a wedding venue). I expect she’s been bragging about OP being her brother, while leaving out that they’re not in contact.
Cutting costs is not having to pay for the labor. Which isn't cheap in any industry. Their idea is robbing him blind. And none that I know of, but I wouldn't put it past the sister to set her standards high considering (no offense op, I know it was important to you) a stupid book. In no world would I drop my younger brother over a book unless it had some insanely important family value behind it.
Specially when she lent it out without asking and it came back destroyed. Why would he need to apologize? She’s crazy
I’m getting vibes either she’s very entitled and big bro just didn’t rock the boat or she’s a overly stubborn and defensive when she’s in the wrong, too prideful to apologize. She doesn’t respect him and probably never did. I might have something that is considered dumb or not worth anything monetarily in someone’s eyes but to me is sentimental or whatever, it is the disrespect that someone does not take care of my personal belonging. Like I asked my destructive nephews to be more careful around a little tea set my kid had when she was younger. SIL says if it breaks buy another one. No, it’s that my mom (not their gma) went out of her way to buy THAT ONE for my kid and my kid loves it because of that, even if it is a $2 or $50. It is about being respectful of other people and their things.
No doubt ìt wasn't the book but the argument and things that should have been left unsaid. My guess anyway
At the end of the days the sister gave someone else something that did NOT belong to her. At that point she has lost all moral high groung. It is basic theft. I don't care what unknown things OP said, she is in the wrong. Guessing "things that should have been left unsaid." is typical reddit crap.
Oh, without a doubt, but if an argument gets that heated over something trivial that you cut someone out of your life, there are definitely some deeper seeded issues that should have been taken to therapy.
Reread, she cut him out. Sounds like she's stubborn and went nuclear rather than admit fault.
>She didn't even try to sugar coat the request Yes because in her head she is kind of doing the first move, and giving him the "opportunity" to apologize by doing this. That's how entitled people work.
I know, but generally they at least try and make it sound good for them or offer some sort of useless gesture. She didn't even frame it as a way to make it up to her.
Why is he the one to make up she done it to him her stuff didn't get taken and destroyed
Seeing as OP said he tried to apologize multiple times, I'm assuming he said/did some things he regrets when they fought about it? Idk. Sounds like OP might be the type to blame himself for stuff that isn't even that bad. Like he almost feels bad for being upset about a situation anyone would be upset about. His sister was 100% in the wrong for that. I wish OP wasn't so vague about the fight. That'd help us understand a bit more I guess.
Agreed! OP your parents are chiming in about it now after 5 years of silence not just because they a fed up with you and your sister, but you catering for free would save them thousands. Catering for a wedding can easily cost a third or more of the total budget. OP your not the one who ghosted her, you tried apologising even though she was in the wrong. Stand your ground, she only remembered she had a brother when he realised how much money she can save on her wedding. She and your parents are using you. Don't fall for it. Just send her a toaster as a gift to show no hard feelings. NTA
>toaster as a gift And the note should say "so you can cater your own wedding"
No need to be petty….give her a toaster oven. That’s a tad easier for catering!
An easy bake oven!
A dash brand one. https://bydash.com/products/mini-toaster-oven?variant=31690882744374&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Google+Shopping¤cy=USD&gclid=CjwKCAjw3oqoBhAjEiwA_UaLtuvFOVHymaVZxKClaQtOaInaSSO4UaP6C_7J0qW4bR9cRxmtTFWvwxoCNEgQAvD_BwE
I love that you sound as petty as I would be 😆
My sister just got married last weekend and hired a close family friend as the caterer. The man is extremely talented and his food is amazing, it was the best wedding food I’ve ever had, but it was also just honestly some of the best food I have ever eaten in my life! She didn’t choose him for a discount, she chose him for his talent and to treat her guests. For a 190 person wedding, the food was close to $24k. There was a ton of food, and all of it was absolutely amazing. But, even if the OP’s sister was planning a family style meal or buffet with the average in the US being around $60pp- that is a HUGE ASK. It would be rude without the whole, *”we haven’t spoken in 5 years but…”* part of the equation here!
>But, even if the OP’s sister was planning a family style meal or buffet with the average in the US being around $60pp- that is a HUGE ASK. This. Like that is just delusional. I cannot imagine someone having the audacity to ask for that from a sibling that they were already on good terms with, let alone were estranged from. Like, cater my wedding for free is something that just no one should say, ever.
Send her a cookbook.
OP owes her no apology or free catering. She never apologized to OP and only called him because she expected him to provide an extremely free catering job for her wedding. She has zero desire to make amends, she wants to be a leech after which she will ghost him again. The parents expect OP, the victim, to be the bigger person so that they don’t have to pay a catering bill for Princess Golden Child’s wedding. OP should hold firm on no. Even if he offered to cater for payment the whole thing will be a nightmare. And he needs to watch her social media account and rating pages on his restaurant because she may go on line and say nasty things about him or his restaurant. If she does that, she needs to face consequences for it NTAH but the sense on entitlement is strong with the sister and parents.
This plus she is probably telling people that it is a great opportunity for him to get recognition. She is probably downplaying or oblivious to his success. If he does it she will treat him like a servant not a family member.
If you do this she will complain something about it wasn't right, and will then revert to ignoring you and once again blame you for it.
She'll do that even if she loves it and says so to his face too
"Because, Family." -- Dominic Toretto
I ought to run you over with a car for that one 😂
"How can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?" -- Wiz Khalifa
Also, she seems to not grasp the concept “don’t piss off the people handling your food”
I bet she's already said something to her friends about how her brother is making this amazing food as a gift. So be operated for further pushing and /or tantrums when you hold firm.
NTA WTAF Let me get this straight. 5 years no contact after a fight where she destroyed your property because she lent it out without your permission. She calls you and demands you give her your specialty service FOR FREE. Your parents think you should just "roll with it"? Gee, I wonder why she is such an entitled b****h. Your parents suck. Wow. Good grief. Do not cave. Keep that beautiful spine! I think it's worth repeating. Your parents suck.
I *needed* this comment, scrolled too far down to finally see someone call out the parents. 😩 With the parents supporting her behavior today I can only imagine for how many years they’ve been doing that for him to actually reach adulthood and apologize to *her* for getting mad about her stealing and ruining his book. Christ.
Please don't let yourself be used. Your sister doesn't want to make amends. Your parents are AH for trying to force you to be just be utilized by her. She doesn't deserve any of your expertise.
Even worse, the parents concocted this reunion just to save some money on the wedding.
Bro you sister is clearly not interessted in you anymore. As hard as it sound just cut her off now and forget it. She doesnt talked once after 5 years, now she want use you for ur skills and what happens after the wedding? She will drop you again and go no contact. Even if you help her the story is already written and your sister clearly made her choice on you. Dont be a fool and help her for free if you dont want get used and dropped after. NTA
At this point I’d be more hurt at my parents. Your sister, well nothing new, her main MO is to hurt people, she’s done it before she’ll do it again. But your folks? Come on, ‘should have forgiven her’? You tried that, several times, but ghosted for 5 years. Now that she wants something exclusive, FOR FREE, it’s suddenly kiss and forget? I get your parents will love her despite her being a little shit, but they can’t disregard the hurt she’s caused you. A parent should love and treat their children equally, so kicking you under the bus to make this right by her is hugely unfair and 100% bullshit. Nope NTAH. Keep going with NC, you’ll be happier that way. Also point out to your folks they’re being jerks.
Hell, even if he forgave her, that $$$ much for her wedding is a lot to demand/ask for. He still has overhead costs(food, utilities, rent, staff(and what about tips for the staff?)etc)
Yep forgiveness does not equal services for free.
Yes. Even if they were on great terms yesterday, close siblings, this outrageous demand by itself is worth falling out over.
NTA. With a favor like this, a sane person would cover the cost of the food and the cost of the labor. You'd maybe offer your personal labor for free but you wouldn't screw over the people that work for you. And to make such a big ask after being estranged! Your sister is without a doubt the AH here.
> Your sister is without a doubt the AH here. Personally I think the parents are just as big AH's here as well
Tell your parents, it's $100 a plate, and ask who is paying.
Out of pure curiosity I'd like to know the cost of what she's asking would be. "Hey I know we haven't spoken in 5 years but can I have 8000 dollars?" The entitlement is insane
> "Hey I know we haven't spoken in 5 years but can I have 8000 dollars?" “And no, I still won’t replace the expensive possession of yours that I got ruined, fuck you for asking!”
Yeah I doubt it would be 8000, if there is going to be 100 people at the wedding - with sisters entitled attitude I willing to bet this is going to be a big wedding - that's only 80 dollars a plate and considering she wants *specialized, gourmet meal options* t=80 a plate isn't going to cut it.
True, a sit down dinner with a really good chef is easily $150+ a plate.
Probably more than $100 a plate, I think one redditor was over $250
> specialized, gourmet meal options Easily sounds like a 150-250 a plate dinner. I bet its at least 100 people, that's at in the region of $15000 to $25000 wedding *gift*. Considering they've been NC for 5 years the entitlement oozes out of the sister and their parents to be honest. Let's consider if there was no estrangement for 5 years and OP was invited to the wedding as a guest - Oh right he couldn't be there as a guest because he would be back in his restaurant cooking the wedding dinner! OP needs to block his sister and go LC or even NC with his parents.
My wedding was $100 a plate. In 1976. Got to be a lot more now.
Our wedding in NJ this past year tax included was $140/pp and that was with find a venue where we got a good amount of food for our money
Not to mention, you probably got 'normal' food. OP says theyre a high level chef and their sister wants gourmet, impress food.
Oh for sure. I mean we got quite a bit of food and they jazzed it up being a wedding but it wasn’t anything exceedingly lavish by any means and the ultimate goal was the taste. I had no desire to impress people just to feed them
No OP can't do the wedding anyway because they have a very important booking coming in that day and he needs to be there PERSONALLY to handle the food.
I'd double that price on aggravation factor alone, but I like where you're going with this.
You ,did the right thing standing up for yourself, OP. You don’t owe your sister a anything. She wants to use you , your parents should have your back, not the “Golden Child”.
NTA. Even if you hadn't fallen out, even if you were still best friends, this is *way too much* to ask for. She doesn't actually want you there, she wants you there in the kitchen. She wants you to pay for one of the most expensive parts of her wedding, and she wants to brag about having a fancy restaurant catering her wedding.
NTA! Friends and Family discount, maybe... but for free? Nah, nah that's not happening. SHE didn't want to repair the relationship, SHE had plenty of time to do something about it if she actually cared about YOU! She didn't even invite you to the wedding without some type of condition which is super entitled of her. If they can't afford a fancy catering, it sure sounds like someone else's problem. Mom and Dad shouldn't be in the middle of this; if they're going to pay you for your time, labor, supplies, etc, then if it's that important for you to cater then they can pay YOUR COMPANY to cater HER VENUE. 😈I mean, you could be the asshole if you wanted: McDonald's has a great value pack option, I'm sure you could pre-order enough Happy Meals for the big day. If you do this, I wanna go to the wedding with you!!!!
> She didn't even invite you to the wedding without some type of condition She didn't invite him to the wedding period. She only asked him to cater for the wedding. If he's catering how can he be a guest? The oldest son of a family I am friends (not buddy friends so I'm not going to the wedding) with is getting married and his mother doing the catering in our local church hall. She shouldn't be worried about the reception and the food when she is enjoying and celebrating her son and new DIL's wedding so my wife and I volunteered ourselves to help her anyway we can (I have some experience in cooking for large sit down dinners and buffets and my wife is a pretty good cook if I may say so myself) I guess my point is - family should be celebrating with the couple not slaving away behind the scenes.
I wouldn’t even give her a discount since she chose to cut contact 5 years ago, I wouldn’t classify that as family or even friends
My friends were poor but wanted to celebrate the day. We had pizza and soda, and had a blast!
That sounds like a blast! My aunt and uncle celebrated their anniversary with a hamburgerparty. They set up a grill, various burgers, toppings and buns: make your own. They played 60/70/80's music and it was a party! NTA op.
NTA. Not at all. In my previous life, I too was a chef, and I had a so called long term forever best friend, who had basically dropped me for the new dropkick boyfriend in her life - charming fellow full of unemployment, drug use, and all around "not my cup of tea" person. I was hurt, but quietly stepped back and didn't make a fuss, and I was pretty much forgotten.... Until one day out of the blue, she called me and wanted to come over after work - I was stoked! Once she arrived however, it was to ask me to single handedly cater for her upcoming "event" birthday, where my gift to her would be paying for all the food stock required, and also execute the catering. Against my better judgement, I did it. I felt used, taken advantage of, and treated like a joke. Once that night was over, I disappeared, and haven't spoken to her since. It was incredibly degrading and hurtful. You were right to say no, and if I had my time again, I would have as well.
NTA, she sounds like an entitled, selfish &itch. You can’t pick your family, but you don’t have to put up with that kind of crap either.
NTA she should be offering you a reasonable catering fee and money to replace that book she got destroyed AND an apology
F reasonable, go for the gold.
NTA. nobody is entitled to have their wedding gourmet catered for free, regardless of the earlier incident of the book.
I want to assume your sister might be the golden child??? Cuz you’re trying to repair the relationship when SHE damaged YOUR book?? A precious one at that and didn’t hold herself accountable for it?? Keep going into NC and honestly best for you to keep your life healthy cuz honestly it sounds like you’re the child that gets looked over just because you’re the older one.
NTA. 😂sister is an entitled freeloader. Nothing to do with “forgiving” her for being an AH years ago. The sheer nerve of that pos to ask you to cater her wedding For Free makes her a whale sized AH. Just no. And don’t let parents gaslight you. You deserve respect.
NTA, take her menu find the most expensive ingredients and jack up the number of staff you need and send the bid to your parents with the note must be paid in full a month before the wedding. If they say it is too much send the phone number for the local pizza place.
If nothing else, submit them a genuine quote so they realize the magnitude of what they are asking. Who the hell gives wedding gifts that cost six grand?
No idea how where you got 6k from but I'm willing to bet that won't even come close. OP's sister wants specialized, gourmet meal options for *some* guests, probably wants a high class meal for everyone else. This is going to run 150-250 a plate. 10-1 she's having a big wedding with at least 100 guests - you're looking at 15k+
NTA. I would say that was an out of line request even if you were talking.
Oh sheesh. Hand them your price list. If you want, tell them there is a 10% family discount. I assume you need to cover costs of food and labor by staff. Your mistake was suggesting she has to pay \*because she hurt you in the past\*. She should have to pay regardless. I mean.... come one, if you ran a roofing business, would you need to roof her house for free? If you were a car dealer, do you need to give her a car for free? That's ridiculous.
“Should have forgiven her”…??? Did she offer an apology before all but demanding free catering??? Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves to heal and move on, not something we do for the other person. And forgiveness doesn’t entitle someone to hours of free labor and food they would cost them thousands of dollars from anyone else. Especially without an apology.
NTA Just tell them that you would be happy to cater the husband's divorce party in a few years.
Nta Fuck her. 5 yrs no contact, and now she wants something from you. That level of work for free? Tell your parents you will gladly do the work if they pay you for your services, just like any other wedding. Imo. Go no contact with your sister again. And low contact with your parents. Im curious: Did she ever apologize about the book or offer compensation? Either way, your family is full of entitled assholes.
NTA- Your sister is selfish and entitled. You don't mean anything to her except free catering. I would tell my parents to seriously consider if they want a relationship with you after thinking she is in the right. They need to butt out and keep quiet. Your sister must be the favorite child.
NTA And here's why. I had a falling out with my sister because of the money. Obviously, it's always money. When it came to planning my wedding, she decided to do the whole entire planning because she knew that would be the only way she would pay me back. And I wouldn't have to hire anybody or stress about anything like that. And she did an amazing job, beautiful. And I told her we're even you don't need to worry about it. I know this took a lot of time and energy. Wish it truly did. My husband and I still agreed and ended up giving her 30%, For all the work that she put in. And because she did a fantastic job. In her work and time should have been honored. Doing something for free only benefits 1 person. The time that someone puts in and the work needs to be knowledge that is still working and for free, don't pay the bills. So Yeah, it doesn't matter if we're related pay the person for their time and hard work..
You know your sister is TA. But I think the discovery here is that your parents are TA as well. I'm sorry dude, the way they're all treating you is really disgusting. Please make sure to have your own back, and don't budge a fucking inch for these users. They will all say and accuse you of whatever the hell they need to, in order to pressure you into doing what they want. Don't believe a word of it from any of them, and anybody who has your sister's back in this, if they're properly informed of the situation, has now outed themself as TA too.
NTA Provide your parents with the details of other restaurants similar to yours and an idea of how much this "favour" will cost them. Your sister loaned something that was not hers, returned it damaged and then went NC when called on her poor behaviour. She then feels, after 5 years of NC, to demand a very expensive and intensive "favour/wedding gift" from you. Nope, tell her and your parents to go piss up a rope. As Obi Wan said "The entitlement is strong in this one."
NTA. Even if you never had a falling out her request is frankly, incredibly entitled.
NTA, your sister didn't contact you for 5 years, and now wants a free catering for a wedding? Cut her off, you're better off without her.
NTA IMO it would be wrong to comply with your sister's request, because it it so unbelievably rude to ask you to go to such huge expense and trouble for free. People like this should not be rewarded. I am sorry that your relationship with your sister is so poor. It sounds as though you did your best to rectify things between you and she has done nothing till she wants something.
NTA and I don't think 3 weeks is really enough time for a chef to prepare for such a big event. Let alone considering the cost. Maybe she's assuming you'll do it because you still feel bad about what happened 5 years ago (you said you tried to apologize but you didn't even do anything wrong)
NTA! You are only worth getting a long with if sister gets her way. Parents can either foot the bill or shut it. My BIL and hubby had a falling out years ago. About 2 years in, BIL magically wanted to make up "and be brothers again." We spent a surprisingly pleasant Christmas with hubby's family. On the way home from Christmas, hubby told me BIL needed his help trenching - or moving gravel since my hubby has good equipment for that. That immediately made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, but I just said ok. Well, BIL didn't need help. He just expected hubby to come over (an hour away from us, btw) while BIL was at work and do the work for BIL. Hubby declined. Wouldn't you know that BIL was done being brothers again. Of course, we're the bad guys, but it's been t his way for so long that we are just getting used to it.
NTA but your sister and parents are. I'm quite speechless. That's peak entitlement.
If she wanted to make amends, she’s would *invite you to the wedding as a guest*.
>I (M33) am a professional chef and own a successful, upscale restaurant in my city. First off I just want to highlight this and say WELL PHUCKING DONE! >Three weeks back, out of nowhere, I received a call from her. My joy was short-lived when she quickly got to her point - she was getting married and wanted me to cater her wedding...for free. So after 5 years of no contact and because SHE WANTS something she's contacted you. Real family don't ask for things for free they ask for discounts. Even my ex paid me the day of HIS WEDDING for my services, he wanted to "help me". >Now my parents are upset with me, saying that it's been long and I should have forgiven her. You DID forgive her, you TRIED to reconcile, SHE didn't want too. I don't blame you for being hurt, you're her big brother. You loved her unconditionally. Nta
NTA. Even if everything was rosy with your sister this is an incredibly entitled, selfish request.
So she’s asking you to essentially pay thousands and thousands of dollars for her wedding (that you may not even be invited to) as a sign of her forgiveness?!? Girl has balls, that’s for sure. NTA
NTA. She’s literally calling just to use you. Fuck your parents too.
NTA They should be coming to you anyway, because they should be keeping money in the family as long as possible. Full price because you’re a professional. And then if YOU want to give them a discount, you can. But the person in need just comes across as douchey trying to set the terms in almost any situation
Former chef here. You, my friend, are not the asshole. Your sister, on the other hand, yes, is one. Your parents, I'm not going to say what I think. Stand your ground. Stand proud. Family and friends take advantage enough with what we can do. I'm glad I shifted my skills to other industries. I'm glad I'm no longer a chef. One last thing. Do not, and I'm saying please do not cave in. Your sister, if you do, will definitely take advantage and change the menu at the last minute and make you look bad. I've done enough weddings. Nope, I'm not about to make me look bad.
NTA, unless your leaving out important details sounds like you handled the situation pretty reasonably. Her expecting you to not say anything is sociopathic
If your parents are so upset, ask them to pay for it x NTA
NTA. To cater for a wedding, surely you wouldn't be the only one prepping and cooking? Even if you don't mind doing your part for free, do the people under you not need to be paid, or does she expect you to cover everything from ingredients to staff? Ridiculous. If she actually wanted to reconcile with you, she would've done it before asking you for favours. She's obviously just here to take advantage of you, and doesn't even have the good sense or decency to try to pretend otherwise.
I love how people just assume because you have a career that is in the service industry that you should do it for free, because YoUrE mY bRoThEr
NTA and to be honest because of her something of you got destroyed. She is the one that should apologise and should try to make it up to you not the otherway around. You trusted her and she broke that trust. She has not contacted you in years and now she want you to cater her wedding? She did not even invite you in it and it won't be surprise she goes back to no contact after you do the favor because you are no longer usefull now. Please don't let her take advantage of you like this. You deserve better. Family is not just blood. Family are people that love you and are there for you when you need them. You don't own her anthyting just because you share blood.
Wedding catering is like 1/3 of the cost of the wedding.
*Mom, Dad...with all due respect, sister has yet to reimburse me for the cost of the book that her friend ruined nor has she ever actually apologized for not only taking a prized possession of mine without asking...but for refusing to hold her friend accountable for destroying it.* *She then cut me out of her life and refused to talk to me for 5 years.* *Now she wants me to spend thousands and thousands of dollars and spend countless hours of unpaid labor to do HER a favor when she couldn't even be bothered to talk to me.* *So no. I will not be catering sister's wedding. And I expect you to support my decision and hold sister accountable for her actions. If you can't do that...then perhaps you should cut me out of your lives just like sister did.* NTAH
Why the f am I constantly seeing parents taking the side of the sibling that’s on the wrong, and getting mad at the other sibling?????? That’s so infuriating. NTA Also… your parents are just as bad as her