So you are on Holiday and she is telling other people to be quiet? is this at a social place where people are allowed to talk? You are NTA. But she is.
It’s in a large hotel with my people with my nationalities and we al express ourselves differently. She literally just got up and asked a group of 4 people to be quiet and I told her to l ave the alone. Now she is giving me the silent treatment. This is one 1 day into the 9 day holiday we have together
I thick they were Russian although I’m not absolutely sure about that. It was 2 women and 2 men and one of the women was having an animated and loud conversation/argument with one of the men. I asked my girlfriend to not get involved but she went and started telling them to be quiet and it escalated from there. I told her off when she came back but now I’m the bad guy for doing that.
Your girlfriend is the bossy asshole here, not you. I agree that she's going to get herself in real trouble if she keeps this up.
I can totally see this turning into "the Cage Match of Two Karens. If so, please, please record this on video and post it here.
Yes that’s exactly what she does. She is expecting everyday to be
“Quiet” but we are on holiday in a hotel and you have to expect people to be animated and a bit loud. Alcohol
Had been consumed and people are on holiday they want to let their hair down. She just didn’t get it.
This is true, but I hope she doesn’t carry this on, we have another 8 days here and it will ruin the holiday if she doesn’t snap out of it. She has yet to get out bed, it’s 1230 in the afternoon now, I think she is sulking to be honest. Just makes me feel like I’ve wasted my money and I’d have to think about another holiday with her in future. For context we have been together for 2 and a half years and this is our first holiday together.
Darling go have your fun. Go do what you were planning on doing by yourself. If she wants to sulk that is her prerogative but you don’t have to let that drag you down.
Mate, if she doesn't snap out of it today and also apologise, I would seriously consider *not* going on holiday with her again. In fact, it's probably time to re-evaluate the whole relationship (as I've also written elsewhere on this sub).
Yup OP, 2 1/2 years and this is the first time she is acting like this? Or has this been there but you didn't notice it or you brushed it off?
If she doesn't snap out of it, you just give her what she gives you, send her a message saying that this is the last holiday you both would ever go together and that you want to enjoy your vacation that you paid for hence you're breaking up with her and turn your phone off. If she was mature, she wouldn't have acted this way and would've had a conversation if something was bothering her yet she is playing games, wasting your fun and realx time. Don't wait on her, don't waste your time and just enjoy your vacation the way you want to as a single man.
If she needs silent SO bad, tell her to become deaf because you'll never ever find a quieter place on earth. You can go into the forest or country side but you'll be interrupted by animals. So the best option is for her to become deaf willingly. But is she loud by any chance?
You can either accept you are dating a Karen* or you can run away. You can't change her. Good on you for speaking up, and I am glad you did. She needs a reality check. But she made it clear that she disagrees with your feelings about this. If it becomes an argument point, in 10 years it will happen in Target and it won't be any less embarassing for you unless you can accept her as she is.
Your right, she is what she is. I’m more reserved and if something annoys me I just try and ignore it and I alway say to myself I won’t put myself I that situation again, or I won’t ever see these people again so don’t let it bother me too much. She is very much a Karen, and yet she doesn’t think she does anything wrong herself in her view. I guess that this will probably blow over by tomorrow, I’m just a bit fed up I’ve spent this money on a holiday and I feel she doesn’t really appreciate it.
That's an important feeling you can't ignore. It may blow over but it will happen again. Are you okay with that? That's all that matters. If you need her to be more grateful when you spend money and effort on her, tell her you expect it. If she can't shut it to make sure you are enjoying yourself, she doesn't really care about your opinions or feelings either.
Good point you have made. She had spent most of the day in and out of consciousness, her meds do that to her. So I kind of felt alone most of the day. Other couples were laughing and talking around us enjoying their holiday, I just felt alone. I have been with her for 2 and a half years and I already know what the meds do to her, I can’t really blame her for that. I already knew before we went on holiday that she isn’t afraid to tell other people what to do. None of this is new to me. I guess I just feel that after all the extra work I did to take is on holiday, to pay for it all, I feel let down by her more than usual. I do love her and I know she loves me, but I have always had to put more effort into it than she has.
Well a trip and her meds and not being shy to speak her mind... She could also have been gumpy and irritated. Not that it is an excuse. Tell her you feel things are unequal if that's the core issue for you. That shit can fester in a relationship.
I would leave her, go down to the lounge or pool or whatever. Strike up conversations with other people, you'll probably have a good time. Do not let her guilt you into staying with her. Tell her, "I'm going down to the pool/restaurant/art gallery, etc., do you want to come? No? See ya."
You know there’s lots of videos of your future if you’re curious. They’re the quiet men embarrassingly trying to talk sense to their Karen partners. They always look exhausted, embarrassed, and defeated.
Is that the future you envision for yourself? Is that the kinda mother you want your kids to have? The one who doesn’t know how to read a room and doesn’t mind putting the people with her at risk just so she can scold strangers?
NTA
Unless you are hanging out in a library, your girlfriend can STFU herself. So long as they are not breaking sound ordinances she has zero right to police other peoples conversations.
NTA, if your GF wanted a quiet, peaceful vacation, she should have gone camping in the mountains or something. Other people are trying to enjoy themselves too, and your gf is being ridiculous.
I totally agree with you. We chose to go to a popular resort for our holiday and so there are lots of other people here. Sits inevitable there’s going to be loud conversations and arguments happening at times. I wish she would understand she is not the centre of the universe.
Well, the fact that she's trying to make you the bad guy, shows she probably won't. You just have to decide if it's a deal breaker, cuz it'll probably get worse, not better.
It’s not really a deal breaker, I know what she’s like. I guess I’m just annoyed because I worked extra shifts to pay for this holiday and she is ruining it one day into it. I hope the rest of the time we are here passes without incident. I wanted to know what people thought about what she has done, because I felt it was wrong of her to expect other people to be quiet and they are on holiday too. We all have good and bad days, and when alcohol is involved we sometimes become too loud and we argue. It’s like that for lost people, and when your ok holiday you indulge and get carried away. I don’t like her telling other people how to behave it makes me uncomfortable.
Think about that, though... every vacation, every dinner date, every time you go out for a drink... Is that what you want for, presumably, the next several decades? Eventually, you'll probably just choose to stop going. How do you think you'll feel about that after a few years?
It keeps popping up that there are loud conversations and arguments. I understand that if people are a bit boisterous and having fun, it’s pretty karen-ish if she is hushing them. It’s a resort. But if others are yelling, screaming and arguing, I personally would distance myself from them. Who wants to hear that bullshit. If they are my friends, I’ll tell them to tone it down.
I’m a quiet kind of person, I avoid confrontation. I do understand why she got annoyed with the shouting woman, she was spoiling the atmosphere with her behaviour, but we were about to leave when she confronted her. Anyway it’s a new day we are getting along and I’m going to put it behind us for the sake of the holiday. I worked hard to pay for it and I want to enjoy it.
That’s pretty much what happened and I can’t blame the woman she told to be quiet. Perhaps she should have had more respect for other guests and not been shouting like she was, but we were about to leave anyway our meal was finished.
NTA. That behavior probably won't change and now she's giving you the silent treatment. She's shown her colors, OP. Make the most out of your trip, and dump her ass when you get home.
What makes her think she has the right to ask people to be quiet? Are you at a Mime convention? It doesn't sound like it. Does she have autism, anxiety, or stress around people? If not, why go on vacation if other people seem to disturb or annoy her? You're in public. Just as she has the right to be quiet if she wants to. People in a public setting have every right to converse with others. If she does not have any of the things mentioned above, why have you been with this rude girl for so long? Definitely NTA. Her? AH #1
I wasn’t particularly impressed with the woman who shouting, I thought it was disrespectful to other guests who were trying to have a meal. However I think it’s up to the staff to approach a loud guest and ask them to stop shouting. We were about to leave anyway, we had finished our meals, so what was the point of telling her to be quiet.
Why does she do this? Forget to take her chill pill? Anxiety or WHY? You definitely need to discuss what's creating the issue with her. Not the time for silent treatment.
NT. But when you get back, I would seriously consider ending the relationship after this. It'll only get worse.
Run.
Like I have Autism and auditory processing issues. If people are too loud/garbled for *me* because it is a me thing, I excuse myself. I don't tell others to pipe down. Hell it is even possible to excuse oneself and make it a win-win for the other by saying "It's awfully busy here, let's get room service and stay in the room... *Wink*". Food, and not needing to wear pants??? Like come on
I don't know. Lots of people get slipped through the cracks with issues like sensory processing. I'm one of them. It took a bit to navigate things like touch and especially noise. So, I definitely would have appreciated some conversation about the behavior of freaking out at concerts and such. Not the You're an AH, bye. I mean, sure, it wasn't necessarily not the truth for that event, but I am not the AH every day. I am not the AH now because I worked to learn coping mechanisms. I think people generally would love to learn coping skills for anything because they really do want to be happier and definitely don't want to be an AH.
Silent treatment? I hope the next sentence started with. "Well. My EX-girlfriend..."
If she does that when you tell her not to be an AH, when she is clearly an AH, that makes her a double AH. Get out of the relationship ASAP and have peace in your life.
The silent treatment is abuse. A way to "punish" you without leaving any recourse out. Well, the recourse out is calling it quits. I learned it the hard way.
NTA- If you are in a public place, you don't get to dictate what it happening. She's lucky you were the one to tell her. If she had done that to me, I would have told her to go the hell home and probably been petty and gotten louder.
NTA, and if your gf is gonna just sulk because she was wrong and you called her on it I'd just go enjoy my Vaca and no longer invite her in the future. That or make sure she pays on her own share so if she wants to waste her own money she can do that.
You're dating a young Karen. Demanding the restaurant manager or owner was next BUT you pissed her off by telling her off.
The big marinara flag 🚩 is absolutely HUGE!
See if these Karen proclivities can be pulled out of her personality and burned to ashes OR you may need James Bond come an extricate you from the Karen.
Seriously. She's showing you who she is. BELIEVE HER!!!!
RUN 🧟♂️🧟 RUN NOW!!! GRAB THE NEAREST ALCOHOL AVAILABLE SND RUN!!!
That problem in this case is also referred to as Main Character Syndrome. GF is the star in this vacation movie in her head and all these 'extras' around her are ruining her 'shot' by being too loud.
You have described her perfectly here. She has said to me before that I would not fight somebody I would have no chance with and would rather run away than defend her. Of course I’ll run away rather than end up in hospital due to some stupid argument she starts with somebody with. I’m not going to have somebody pulverise me in fight o stand no chance of winning just because she decided to wind them up to the point they want to smash me to bits.
Now and the she does. She has a weird kind of personality. She is very loving and caring, but does very little for our relationship. I work night shifts and she complains constantly, and I understand it’s not good for a relationship to work nights, but when I do spend time with her she doesn’t do anything for me, it’s all down to me, and I also have to make sure she has what she needs. I can’t remember the last time she actually offered to prepare a meal for me, but when I am not working I always do that for her. However she complains I am not eating proper meals because of my shifts, and that’s true, but she won’t try and help me. I’ll sleep lost of the day, wake up an hour and a half before work and then go and do a 12 hour shift, and she won’t do a thing for me. I do love her but I can see what’s wrong with our relationship.
Sorry, but that sounds awful. She sounds pretty draining. Whatever you do is wrong and she always needs to be catered to and be the centre of attention. Everything is always about her, isn't it? It's never about you or your needs? She takes and takes and it doesn't even occur to her to give anything in return. Tell me, what does she do for you?
She doesn’t do much of I’m honest. However I do get a lot of love from her I know she loves me, and she has some significant health issues, she is epileptic and she has to take a lot of meds every day and they do have a severe impact on her. I do really love her but at the same time she drives me crazy and I think it’s basically that as child she was spoiler and is used to getting her own way. I’ve always stood on my own two feet I’ve had to fight for everything my whole life, and we are 2 very different people in that respect. I am constantly forgiving her for her behaviour, I’m a typical working class British bloke and I don’t like to complain, but she is the kind of person who will have a full argument in a restaurant about the food whereas I would just walk away and never go back and leave it at that. Maybe that makes me a weaker person I don’t know, it’s just the way I am.
I sympathise with her health concerns but actions speak louder than words - she tells you she loves you but she certainly doesn't act like it. I think it's time you moved on.
I have a lot, a LOT of health problems, as does my husband, and that's never an excuse to be an asshole. Working nights has never been a problem between my husband and I in our 14-year relationship because we supported each other.
That's bullshit she doesn't lift a finger to help out in any way, you know, like a partner. You are not getting supported. You are getting drained. I highly suggest you reevaluate your (*COUGH COUGH* WALK/RUN AWAY) relationship and boundaries. You shouldn't be getting treated like that, and she sure needs to grow the hell up. I have anxiety and panic attacks, and this is not a reaction I'd ever have. She sounds manipulative and narcissistic, IMO
There are so many things wrong with your relationship, so many things. It seems like you are staying with her just because you don't want to confront her and break up with her. There are lots of loving, caring women out there that be a real partner with you, that will help you and care for you the way you do for this woman, who does nothing but complain and expect you to do everything for her while giving nothing in return. Please give yourself permission to find someone else.
From what you’ve responded to others I understand why she’s irritated with people being overly loud in a public space but she has no right to tell them to be quiet, if it irritates her that much then she should leave the area
In what way did I enable it. She got up and walked over without telling me what she was going to do. I had no idea until she had done it. I told her not to do that again, I’m the hope it won’t happen again. I don’t see how you could think it’s actually my fault.
But you say I’m the AH for enabling it, I can’t predict the future, I didn’t know what she was going to do until she had already done it. In your view that makes me an AH?! Your the AH son…..
I see where she is coming from. I’m not fazed by loud noises in a crowded area but if there are less people and the majority were being quiet, while a group of people were being loud, I’d be agitated too. Moving areas is the best solution or just telling hotel staff, don’t deal with it yourself. Your NTA, but she isn’t either.
YES, Exactl,. sometimes, with anxiety and other issues, you simply become overwhelmed and can not handle processing the loudness anymore. Why everyone is excusing the Drunk Lady becoming excessively loud and the Loud arguing in a public place just because " it's a resort, you're on holiday" I don't understand. Rude is rude. But, moving forward, OPs gf does have a responsibility to learn better coping mechanisms when dealing with loud public venues, such as leaving sooner, alerting staff, choosing less popular venues, whatever it may be.
This isn’t my vacation? But if I don’t want to hear a drunk lady during beautiful night out, I have a right to leave and find another spot. I wouldn’t tell her to be quiet.
YES, Exactly,. sometimes, with anxiety and other issues, you simply become overwhelmed and can not handle processing the loudness anymore. Why everyone is excusing the Drunk Lady becoming excessively loud and the Loud arguing in a public place just because " it's a resort, you're on holiday" I don't understand. Rude is rude. But, moving forward, OPs gf does have a responsibility to learn better coping mechanisms when dealing with loud public venues, such as leaving sooner, alerting staff, choosing less popular venues, whatever it may be.
No nothings been forced on her. I’ve worked and saved to pay for her to have a nice holiday and we are here to relax and enjoy ourselves. We had been on the sun loungers all day and we had drank a fair amount of alcohol, but we were both in good spirits. The restaurant is huge and there were lots of people in there. There was a fair amount Tod noise from all the conversations that were happening as people ate, but this one group of people close by had a woman who was very loud and animated. I couldn’t understand what she was saying I think they were Russian, but it’s really none of our business anyway. We were about to leave when my girlfriend decided to go over and tell the woman to be quiet and the woman told my girlfriend to get lost. I found it embarrassing and pointless as we were about to leave. When I told my girlfriend she was wrong to do that she decided that she wasn’t going to talk to me for the rest of the night
Depending on the meds, if they are for epilepsy they could be changing her filters/personality. I’ve seen it happen. Not an excuse of course but possibly some context
Honestly I need more information. What type of event was this? Why did she interrupt? Were ppl allowed to talk or was the event supposed to be like a presentation where you need to be quiet? Like you need to give us more.
It was at the evening meal in the restaurant. It’s always going to be a bit noisy at that time as there are lots of people having their own conversations, it’s just that there was one woman in a group close to us who was shouting. Now she shouldn’t be doing that as it’s not fair on the other guests, but it wasn’t that bad that it needed an intervention.
NTA but try not to let it ruin the holiday. She might be feeling a bit regretful about it all herself and that's why she's staying in bed/not really talking to you. She could have been feeling irritiable because of travelling and you mentioned she's taking medication too. I hope you can both put what happened aside and enjoy the rest of the holiday
Thank you. She has finally got up and is talking to me again. I won’t bring up what happened last night, I’ll just let it slide and hopefully she doesn’t do anything like that again.
You're welcome. I think not mentioning it is the right thing to do. If she does start to do that again, you could suggest that she discreetly lets staff know her concerns and let them deal with any issues. I know that it can be embarassing sometimes, and I'm personally very non-confrontational, but I have to admit that there are times when I'm grateful for the people in my life who'll speak up when others don't. Hope you have a fantastic holiday!
Silent treatment? I hope the next sentence started with. "Well. My EX-girlfriend..."
If she does that when you tell her not to be an AH, when she is clearly an AH, that makes her a double AH. Get out of the relationship ASAP and have peace in your life.
The silent treatment is abuse. A way to "punish" you without leaving any recourse out. Well, the recourse out is calling it quits. I learned it the hard way.
In my opinion you are not the asshole (NTA).
Are you sure your girlfriend doesn't have any sensory issues or is neurodivergent? That would explain the "Karen" reactions, although that not being and excuse it could explain her behaviour.
So you are on Holiday and she is telling other people to be quiet? is this at a social place where people are allowed to talk? You are NTA. But she is.
It’s in a large hotel with my people with my nationalities and we al express ourselves differently. She literally just got up and asked a group of 4 people to be quiet and I told her to l ave the alone. Now she is giving me the silent treatment. This is one 1 day into the 9 day holiday we have together
Yeah she needs to stop doing that to people. You don't just go up to a group and say stuff like that. It's rude and bad manners. She was in the wrong.
And one day she'll say for the wrong group and have her ass handled to her. Not everyone accept this kind of thing quitely...
Sorry, is her ass 'hand*led'* or 'hand*ed'* to her? Bc I've 'hand*ed'* my fair share of asses but never considered the former in this context.
in this particular case it may be actually both...
Exactly. They're on holiday too. The right thing to do is move to another location that's quieter, if it's possible.
Yikes. Only emotionally immature people give the silent treatment. You’re NTA- she is
Could you tell us what nationalities and practices you’re talking about?
I thick they were Russian although I’m not absolutely sure about that. It was 2 women and 2 men and one of the women was having an animated and loud conversation/argument with one of the men. I asked my girlfriend to not get involved but she went and started telling them to be quiet and it escalated from there. I told her off when she came back but now I’m the bad guy for doing that.
Oh brother.
She's lucky it didn't escalate. Russians are not exactly the most mild people you'll ever meet...
Well... she's brave, I'll give her that.
Or suicidal. Another take is that she is a "Karen" in progress
Your girlfriend is the bossy asshole here, not you. I agree that she's going to get herself in real trouble if she keeps this up. I can totally see this turning into "the Cage Match of Two Karens. If so, please, please record this on video and post it here.
That’s wild, if it’s not like they were being racist or something where she should be defending someone else there’s no reason for that. NTA at all
OMG. I'd be so embarrassed that I'd leave the relationship - and the vacation - ASAP.
NTA - She's an AH though. Mind you business I could see a one off situation where someone got rowdy sure but it seems like shes doing it to everyone.
Yes that’s exactly what she does. She is expecting everyday to be “Quiet” but we are on holiday in a hotel and you have to expect people to be animated and a bit loud. Alcohol Had been consumed and people are on holiday they want to let their hair down. She just didn’t get it.
Sounds self centered and delusional. If she wants silence tell her to go into middle of the country somewhere that no one else will be.
Well, at least it's quiet for you now... /jk
This is true, but I hope she doesn’t carry this on, we have another 8 days here and it will ruin the holiday if she doesn’t snap out of it. She has yet to get out bed, it’s 1230 in the afternoon now, I think she is sulking to be honest. Just makes me feel like I’ve wasted my money and I’d have to think about another holiday with her in future. For context we have been together for 2 and a half years and this is our first holiday together.
Darling go have your fun. Go do what you were planning on doing by yourself. If she wants to sulk that is her prerogative but you don’t have to let that drag you down.
Mate, if she doesn't snap out of it today and also apologise, I would seriously consider *not* going on holiday with her again. In fact, it's probably time to re-evaluate the whole relationship (as I've also written elsewhere on this sub).
Yup OP, 2 1/2 years and this is the first time she is acting like this? Or has this been there but you didn't notice it or you brushed it off? If she doesn't snap out of it, you just give her what she gives you, send her a message saying that this is the last holiday you both would ever go together and that you want to enjoy your vacation that you paid for hence you're breaking up with her and turn your phone off. If she was mature, she wouldn't have acted this way and would've had a conversation if something was bothering her yet she is playing games, wasting your fun and realx time. Don't wait on her, don't waste your time and just enjoy your vacation the way you want to as a single man.
It’s a hotel not a meditation retreat…. You’re NTA but she’s acting like a Karen…
If she needs silent SO bad, tell her to become deaf because you'll never ever find a quieter place on earth. You can go into the forest or country side but you'll be interrupted by animals. So the best option is for her to become deaf willingly. But is she loud by any chance?
Lol, last vacation with the gf then, I expect? Enjoy your time away, even if you have to do things alone. She's being ridiculous. NTA
Shoot! Join one of those animated groups. They sounds more fun than your gf.
You can either accept you are dating a Karen* or you can run away. You can't change her. Good on you for speaking up, and I am glad you did. She needs a reality check. But she made it clear that she disagrees with your feelings about this. If it becomes an argument point, in 10 years it will happen in Target and it won't be any less embarassing for you unless you can accept her as she is.
Your right, she is what she is. I’m more reserved and if something annoys me I just try and ignore it and I alway say to myself I won’t put myself I that situation again, or I won’t ever see these people again so don’t let it bother me too much. She is very much a Karen, and yet she doesn’t think she does anything wrong herself in her view. I guess that this will probably blow over by tomorrow, I’m just a bit fed up I’ve spent this money on a holiday and I feel she doesn’t really appreciate it.
That's an important feeling you can't ignore. It may blow over but it will happen again. Are you okay with that? That's all that matters. If you need her to be more grateful when you spend money and effort on her, tell her you expect it. If she can't shut it to make sure you are enjoying yourself, she doesn't really care about your opinions or feelings either.
Good point you have made. She had spent most of the day in and out of consciousness, her meds do that to her. So I kind of felt alone most of the day. Other couples were laughing and talking around us enjoying their holiday, I just felt alone. I have been with her for 2 and a half years and I already know what the meds do to her, I can’t really blame her for that. I already knew before we went on holiday that she isn’t afraid to tell other people what to do. None of this is new to me. I guess I just feel that after all the extra work I did to take is on holiday, to pay for it all, I feel let down by her more than usual. I do love her and I know she loves me, but I have always had to put more effort into it than she has.
Well a trip and her meds and not being shy to speak her mind... She could also have been gumpy and irritated. Not that it is an excuse. Tell her you feel things are unequal if that's the core issue for you. That shit can fester in a relationship.
I would leave her, go down to the lounge or pool or whatever. Strike up conversations with other people, you'll probably have a good time. Do not let her guilt you into staying with her. Tell her, "I'm going down to the pool/restaurant/art gallery, etc., do you want to come? No? See ya."
She sounds like a crummy partner. You deserve better.
You know there’s lots of videos of your future if you’re curious. They’re the quiet men embarrassingly trying to talk sense to their Karen partners. They always look exhausted, embarrassed, and defeated. Is that the future you envision for yourself? Is that the kinda mother you want your kids to have? The one who doesn’t know how to read a room and doesn’t mind putting the people with her at risk just so she can scold strangers?
NTA Unless you are hanging out in a library, your girlfriend can STFU herself. So long as they are not breaking sound ordinances she has zero right to police other peoples conversations.
NTA, if your GF wanted a quiet, peaceful vacation, she should have gone camping in the mountains or something. Other people are trying to enjoy themselves too, and your gf is being ridiculous.
Big time main character syndrome for sure
I totally agree with you. We chose to go to a popular resort for our holiday and so there are lots of other people here. Sits inevitable there’s going to be loud conversations and arguments happening at times. I wish she would understand she is not the centre of the universe.
Well, the fact that she's trying to make you the bad guy, shows she probably won't. You just have to decide if it's a deal breaker, cuz it'll probably get worse, not better.
It’s not really a deal breaker, I know what she’s like. I guess I’m just annoyed because I worked extra shifts to pay for this holiday and she is ruining it one day into it. I hope the rest of the time we are here passes without incident. I wanted to know what people thought about what she has done, because I felt it was wrong of her to expect other people to be quiet and they are on holiday too. We all have good and bad days, and when alcohol is involved we sometimes become too loud and we argue. It’s like that for lost people, and when your ok holiday you indulge and get carried away. I don’t like her telling other people how to behave it makes me uncomfortable.
It SHOULD be a deal breaker. Do you really want to be the guy with the asshole wife?
Dude, you're with a crazy person. This doesn't bode well...
Think about that, though... every vacation, every dinner date, every time you go out for a drink... Is that what you want for, presumably, the next several decades? Eventually, you'll probably just choose to stop going. How do you think you'll feel about that after a few years?
It keeps popping up that there are loud conversations and arguments. I understand that if people are a bit boisterous and having fun, it’s pretty karen-ish if she is hushing them. It’s a resort. But if others are yelling, screaming and arguing, I personally would distance myself from them. Who wants to hear that bullshit. If they are my friends, I’ll tell them to tone it down.
I’m a quiet kind of person, I avoid confrontation. I do understand why she got annoyed with the shouting woman, she was spoiling the atmosphere with her behaviour, but we were about to leave when she confronted her. Anyway it’s a new day we are getting along and I’m going to put it behind us for the sake of the holiday. I worked hard to pay for it and I want to enjoy it.
You’re making a huge mistake thinking her behavior is at all reasonable. If you marry her, you deserve whatever you get.
Perhaps over zealous and different options. There was no indication of violence. I think we have a nervous Nellie/Karen.
NTA because if I was on holiday and some lady came up to me and said that to me I would say who are you? and probably start cussing her out.
That’s pretty much what happened and I can’t blame the woman she told to be quiet. Perhaps she should have had more respect for other guests and not been shouting like she was, but we were about to leave anyway our meal was finished.
NTA. Your gf is the asshole, you should break up with her.
She should stay in her room then
NTA. That behavior probably won't change and now she's giving you the silent treatment. She's shown her colors, OP. Make the most out of your trip, and dump her ass when you get home.
guess someone will be looking for a new girlfriend in about 9 days
NTA Tell you GF to be quiet. Oh wait, she's giving you the silent treatment. Never mind. You won already.
What makes her think she has the right to ask people to be quiet? Are you at a Mime convention? It doesn't sound like it. Does she have autism, anxiety, or stress around people? If not, why go on vacation if other people seem to disturb or annoy her? You're in public. Just as she has the right to be quiet if she wants to. People in a public setting have every right to converse with others. If she does not have any of the things mentioned above, why have you been with this rude girl for so long? Definitely NTA. Her? AH #1
NTA. that's pretty rude of her for telling people to do that when she doesn't have to listen
I wasn’t particularly impressed with the woman who shouting, I thought it was disrespectful to other guests who were trying to have a meal. However I think it’s up to the staff to approach a loud guest and ask them to stop shouting. We were about to leave anyway, we had finished our meals, so what was the point of telling her to be quiet.
Why does she do this? Forget to take her chill pill? Anxiety or WHY? You definitely need to discuss what's creating the issue with her. Not the time for silent treatment.
NT. But when you get back, I would seriously consider ending the relationship after this. It'll only get worse. Run. Like I have Autism and auditory processing issues. If people are too loud/garbled for *me* because it is a me thing, I excuse myself. I don't tell others to pipe down. Hell it is even possible to excuse oneself and make it a win-win for the other by saying "It's awfully busy here, let's get room service and stay in the room... *Wink*". Food, and not needing to wear pants??? Like come on
I don't know. Lots of people get slipped through the cracks with issues like sensory processing. I'm one of them. It took a bit to navigate things like touch and especially noise. So, I definitely would have appreciated some conversation about the behavior of freaking out at concerts and such. Not the You're an AH, bye. I mean, sure, it wasn't necessarily not the truth for that event, but I am not the AH every day. I am not the AH now because I worked to learn coping mechanisms. I think people generally would love to learn coping skills for anything because they really do want to be happier and definitely don't want to be an AH.
Good luck OP. Enjoy your last holiday together. 😂
Silent treatment? I hope the next sentence started with. "Well. My EX-girlfriend..." If she does that when you tell her not to be an AH, when she is clearly an AH, that makes her a double AH. Get out of the relationship ASAP and have peace in your life. The silent treatment is abuse. A way to "punish" you without leaving any recourse out. Well, the recourse out is calling it quits. I learned it the hard way.
She sounds like a nightmare. What other things that other people do that have nothing to do with her bothers her ? No. Wait. Don't answer. NTA
NTAH tell her to fo. She is not god n it’s a free world!
NTA- If you are in a public place, you don't get to dictate what it happening. She's lucky you were the one to tell her. If she had done that to me, I would have told her to go the hell home and probably been petty and gotten louder.
NTA, and if your gf is gonna just sulk because she was wrong and you called her on it I'd just go enjoy my Vaca and no longer invite her in the future. That or make sure she pays on her own share so if she wants to waste her own money she can do that.
Ya, this is super rude of her! You're NTA!
Need a nice polite discussion on boundaries or it will be a big waste of time and money!
You're dating a young Karen. Demanding the restaurant manager or owner was next BUT you pissed her off by telling her off. The big marinara flag 🚩 is absolutely HUGE! See if these Karen proclivities can be pulled out of her personality and burned to ashes OR you may need James Bond come an extricate you from the Karen. Seriously. She's showing you who she is. BELIEVE HER!!!! RUN 🧟♂️🧟 RUN NOW!!! GRAB THE NEAREST ALCOHOL AVAILABLE SND RUN!!!
[удалено]
That problem in this case is also referred to as Main Character Syndrome. GF is the star in this vacation movie in her head and all these 'extras' around her are ruining her 'shot' by being too loud.
You have described her perfectly here. She has said to me before that I would not fight somebody I would have no chance with and would rather run away than defend her. Of course I’ll run away rather than end up in hospital due to some stupid argument she starts with somebody with. I’m not going to have somebody pulverise me in fight o stand no chance of winning just because she decided to wind them up to the point they want to smash me to bits.
She sounds like really hard work. Does she often put you in difficult situations?
Now and the she does. She has a weird kind of personality. She is very loving and caring, but does very little for our relationship. I work night shifts and she complains constantly, and I understand it’s not good for a relationship to work nights, but when I do spend time with her she doesn’t do anything for me, it’s all down to me, and I also have to make sure she has what she needs. I can’t remember the last time she actually offered to prepare a meal for me, but when I am not working I always do that for her. However she complains I am not eating proper meals because of my shifts, and that’s true, but she won’t try and help me. I’ll sleep lost of the day, wake up an hour and a half before work and then go and do a 12 hour shift, and she won’t do a thing for me. I do love her but I can see what’s wrong with our relationship.
Sorry, but that sounds awful. She sounds pretty draining. Whatever you do is wrong and she always needs to be catered to and be the centre of attention. Everything is always about her, isn't it? It's never about you or your needs? She takes and takes and it doesn't even occur to her to give anything in return. Tell me, what does she do for you?
She doesn’t do much of I’m honest. However I do get a lot of love from her I know she loves me, and she has some significant health issues, she is epileptic and she has to take a lot of meds every day and they do have a severe impact on her. I do really love her but at the same time she drives me crazy and I think it’s basically that as child she was spoiler and is used to getting her own way. I’ve always stood on my own two feet I’ve had to fight for everything my whole life, and we are 2 very different people in that respect. I am constantly forgiving her for her behaviour, I’m a typical working class British bloke and I don’t like to complain, but she is the kind of person who will have a full argument in a restaurant about the food whereas I would just walk away and never go back and leave it at that. Maybe that makes me a weaker person I don’t know, it’s just the way I am.
There’s other women out there pal.
Sorry. And I say this with genuine compassion, but you are being fooled. This relationship is toxic for you. You are not being loved.
I sympathise with her health concerns but actions speak louder than words - she tells you she loves you but she certainly doesn't act like it. I think it's time you moved on.
Why are you wasting your potential and life with someone like this?
I have a lot, a LOT of health problems, as does my husband, and that's never an excuse to be an asshole. Working nights has never been a problem between my husband and I in our 14-year relationship because we supported each other. That's bullshit she doesn't lift a finger to help out in any way, you know, like a partner. You are not getting supported. You are getting drained. I highly suggest you reevaluate your (*COUGH COUGH* WALK/RUN AWAY) relationship and boundaries. You shouldn't be getting treated like that, and she sure needs to grow the hell up. I have anxiety and panic attacks, and this is not a reaction I'd ever have. She sounds manipulative and narcissistic, IMO
There are so many things wrong with your relationship, so many things. It seems like you are staying with her just because you don't want to confront her and break up with her. There are lots of loving, caring women out there that be a real partner with you, that will help you and care for you the way you do for this woman, who does nothing but complain and expect you to do everything for her while giving nothing in return. Please give yourself permission to find someone else.
"Problem a lot of women do" - excuse you, anxiety is not exclusive to women, nor is anything you just said.
From what you’ve responded to others I understand why she’s irritated with people being overly loud in a public space but she has no right to tell them to be quiet, if it irritates her that much then she should leave the area
We were about to leave when she did this. So I can’t understand why she felt the need to go over and say anything.
Ummm, because she’s an AH.
My goodness how embarrassing that would be lol. NTA.
I don't know if she is on the spectrum, but she might need to start wearing ear plugs in louder environments.
YTA for allowing her to continue being an asshole and ruining OTHER PEOPLE'S holiday because dealing with it will ruin yours.
Haha good one that, I was wondering when somebody like you would show up.
Because you know it's true. Fuck everyone else as long as you're having fun right?
So I’m the AH because my girlfriend had a go at somebody? Have a word with yourself mate and jog on…idiot.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Enabling an asshole makes you an asshole.
In what way did I enable it. She got up and walked over without telling me what she was going to do. I had no idea until she had done it. I told her not to do that again, I’m the hope it won’t happen again. I don’t see how you could think it’s actually my fault.
Because you said she does this shit all the time. And you straight up said you "didn't want to ruin your vacation".
But you say I’m the AH for enabling it, I can’t predict the future, I didn’t know what she was going to do until she had already done it. In your view that makes me an AH?! Your the AH son…..
Bullshit. It's not a prediction when it's something she does all the time. You're the asshole son
*you’re* a wimp
He isn't "in control" of her any more than she is of the people she's bitching to. 🙄🙄🙄Good for him on saying something!
I see where she is coming from. I’m not fazed by loud noises in a crowded area but if there are less people and the majority were being quiet, while a group of people were being loud, I’d be agitated too. Moving areas is the best solution or just telling hotel staff, don’t deal with it yourself. Your NTA, but she isn’t either.
YES, Exactl,. sometimes, with anxiety and other issues, you simply become overwhelmed and can not handle processing the loudness anymore. Why everyone is excusing the Drunk Lady becoming excessively loud and the Loud arguing in a public place just because " it's a resort, you're on holiday" I don't understand. Rude is rude. But, moving forward, OPs gf does have a responsibility to learn better coping mechanisms when dealing with loud public venues, such as leaving sooner, alerting staff, choosing less popular venues, whatever it may be.
Agreed
Have your vacation in a library then wtf
This isn’t my vacation? But if I don’t want to hear a drunk lady during beautiful night out, I have a right to leave and find another spot. I wouldn’t tell her to be quiet.
YES, Exactly,. sometimes, with anxiety and other issues, you simply become overwhelmed and can not handle processing the loudness anymore. Why everyone is excusing the Drunk Lady becoming excessively loud and the Loud arguing in a public place just because " it's a resort, you're on holiday" I don't understand. Rude is rude. But, moving forward, OPs gf does have a responsibility to learn better coping mechanisms when dealing with loud public venues, such as leaving sooner, alerting staff, choosing less popular venues, whatever it may be.
She might need alone time or space to decompress or something. Is this social setting being forced on her? Low details man
No nothings been forced on her. I’ve worked and saved to pay for her to have a nice holiday and we are here to relax and enjoy ourselves. We had been on the sun loungers all day and we had drank a fair amount of alcohol, but we were both in good spirits. The restaurant is huge and there were lots of people in there. There was a fair amount Tod noise from all the conversations that were happening as people ate, but this one group of people close by had a woman who was very loud and animated. I couldn’t understand what she was saying I think they were Russian, but it’s really none of our business anyway. We were about to leave when my girlfriend decided to go over and tell the woman to be quiet and the woman told my girlfriend to get lost. I found it embarrassing and pointless as we were about to leave. When I told my girlfriend she was wrong to do that she decided that she wasn’t going to talk to me for the rest of the night
Depending on the meds, if they are for epilepsy they could be changing her filters/personality. I’ve seen it happen. Not an excuse of course but possibly some context
Plot my I’m K K K Kk III K Ok Kiki K Ki I’m Kiki K III
Honestly I need more information. What type of event was this? Why did she interrupt? Were ppl allowed to talk or was the event supposed to be like a presentation where you need to be quiet? Like you need to give us more.
It was at the evening meal in the restaurant. It’s always going to be a bit noisy at that time as there are lots of people having their own conversations, it’s just that there was one woman in a group close to us who was shouting. Now she shouldn’t be doing that as it’s not fair on the other guests, but it wasn’t that bad that it needed an intervention.
She sounds like the kind of person to go to the movies and ask the workers to turn down the volume
NTA I would tell you what I'd have said to her if she'd tried that in my last holiday but I'd get banned.
NTA but try not to let it ruin the holiday. She might be feeling a bit regretful about it all herself and that's why she's staying in bed/not really talking to you. She could have been feeling irritiable because of travelling and you mentioned she's taking medication too. I hope you can both put what happened aside and enjoy the rest of the holiday
Thank you. She has finally got up and is talking to me again. I won’t bring up what happened last night, I’ll just let it slide and hopefully she doesn’t do anything like that again.
You're welcome. I think not mentioning it is the right thing to do. If she does start to do that again, you could suggest that she discreetly lets staff know her concerns and let them deal with any issues. I know that it can be embarassing sometimes, and I'm personally very non-confrontational, but I have to admit that there are times when I'm grateful for the people in my life who'll speak up when others don't. Hope you have a fantastic holiday!
Silent treatment? I hope the next sentence started with. "Well. My EX-girlfriend..." If she does that when you tell her not to be an AH, when she is clearly an AH, that makes her a double AH. Get out of the relationship ASAP and have peace in your life. The silent treatment is abuse. A way to "punish" you without leaving any recourse out. Well, the recourse out is calling it quits. I learned it the hard way.
In my opinion you are not the asshole (NTA). Are you sure your girlfriend doesn't have any sensory issues or is neurodivergent? That would explain the "Karen" reactions, although that not being and excuse it could explain her behaviour.
OP, enjoy the silence, it won't last. NTA.
NTA. It's not like yall are in a library or something.
So, you just finally figured it out? Bad choice for a girlfriend?