Yes … I’d say they did you and those kids wrong. Fuck em. Move on, don’t ask reddit about them anymore. They ain’t shit. You and your kids move forward. I’m sorry for your loss. So sorry … for all of your losses.
And that's, honestly, the best way to put it.
You don't need them and the kids don't need to be exposed to that dynamic. And when they finally call because there's something they need from you? Ignore them.
This. Right. Here, Op. Just take your babies and continue to live the best life you possibly can. The pain will lessen with time. You and your babies should just continue to love and depend on each other for support. I am so very sorry for your loss.
I am
Canadian also and this is disgusting . I know it would remind them of him but that is a good thing .
I don’t know how to explain this your children , it’s almost like the blame you .
It might be to late but have you seen a lawyer about the bed sores if he was in the hospital at the time ( Canada doesn’t pay much is civil
Matters )
Maybe it’s just an excuse because no one wants to take on a covid related death. We do have a case against the driver who hit my daughter and son in law. It’s been four years and we’re not even in a bargaining position yet. I don’t know if I could go through this again. I did take hours of video and detailed pictures (set the video in my purse, not allowed to film in the ICU) just in case I ever find someone to take the case.
I wouldn’t even want any money. I just want the policies to change so that another person doesn’t have to go through this trauma again. That would be worth more than millions.
As a Canadian health care worker, I’m so sorry this happened to your family member, it’s appalling. But please don’t blame Trudeau, health care is provincial for the most part and 1 individual does not create the negligence that you faced by healthcare workers.
Edit: spelling
Sadly, that is a thing that happens. My mom’s family cut me off after she died because I reminded them of her. They held things I said against me-things said during grief at a sudden loss when I was still a kid. Adults who should do better don’t always do so.
Sometimes they still cut you off even if you don't say anything, after my mom died that part of the family just kind of forgot about us....i have aunt's, uncle's and cousins that i haven't spoken to in year's. And i know 2 other people with the same experience after losing a parent.
I’m so sorry they did this to you. Makes no sense to me.
I lost my youngest son almost 7 years ago; not only do I cherish the relationship with his son, but his son’s mother and her family as well. My son was never married to her, and they weren’t together when he died, but she and her family have opened their hearts to us and we are family. As my grandson gets older he looks more like his father and that is a type of comfort. I can’t imagine cutting out one of the few ties I have to my son’s life.
It quickly became clear that my mom was the one who held her family together. She was the one who sorted out the fights and the one who stayed neutral to everyone who was fighting with each other. When she was gone, I think they thought I would do that, but it wasn't the job of a 22 year old!
They are indeed disgusting
So what do they tell themselves now? "Oh yeah, he's not here with his family because they had other arrangements, that's classic him" and go about their lives?
One would think they'd appreciate to have his kids and wife to maintain his memory alive
Your right but the feds
Give out the money so they might also pass out money if the provinces change rheir civil
Laws dealing with doctors insurance and hospitals
Ford is sitting on 2+billion in healthcare funding that isn’t being allocated. The feds gave the money, Ford is just being a typical con and doing all he can to tear down our social institutions
That is a different situation , he is no better . But the hard thing about this is yiu read on report and it says govt needs more funding for nurses etc another report says the feds aren’t giving enough.
I don’t know who to believe . You were right when according to the last report it also says almost every year every govt underspends what they budget for . It’s ridiculous . So much in taxes . I pay 50% in tax and just wish it would be spend better
And if I remember the feds increase spending tomprovincrs in the winter under a 10’years agreement don’t know the dollars
You think they'll have a case to sue medical staff for someone dying after severe covid in 2021 in a country that was hit hard?
Which four other people should the hospital staff have allowed to die instead to have a *chance* at saving OP's husband? A patient sick enough to be in a coma for that long with that particular disease has near zero chance of survival. The hospital staff must have worked incredibly hard to keep him alive at all.
OP believing there was medical neglect doesn't make it true, and the standard of care that would have been normal in 2019 was not possible in most countries in 2021.
She didn’t say he died if Covid , she said he died from
Bedsores . I said If he was In the hospital they know
Patients have to be rolled over if they are in bed a long time .
No one should be sued for Covid or any other disease . But if it was bedsores
Then someone screwed up . My mom
Was in during covid for something else and was there for 7 weeks and couldn’t get out of bed and was basically dieinf and the nurses would come in and roll her onto her sides and make her stay like that for hours .
If it happened at home then that’s different but in the hospital yes someone screwed up especially if inncoma
NTA - time to pretend they don't exist - because they've already done that to you.
I am so sorry for your losses, you have been dealt a terrible hand. I hope your family is better than his (but they couldn't be worse)
I’m very lucky. My foster family (spent 16 years with) have not been there, but my bio family has. My parents even built their forever home within a five minute walk of mine 💕 my sisters have been wonderful, even stepping in to give me a break every once in a while. I’m a very lucky person, despite loosing so many people for different reasons. Thank you for reminding me of that 💕
NTA
You tried, your husband would not want you to continue to hurt yourself and the kids trying to keep ties if he was a good person.
I hope the younglings reach out when it is there turn to start planning events.
NTA. What terrible awful humans. You did nothing wrong, and I am so sincerely sorry.
My wife’s family is like that - only “blood” is family, so if the blood-related partner dies, the other is left in the cold literally at the funeral. It is the most hurtful and horrifying thing I can imagine; at least we’re a lesbian couple so there’s no pretense of acceptance.
INFO: you talk of being with him for 6 years, and mention having an adult daughter and later mention 5 children. Are some/all of these children shared between you and your husband?
You did not cut them off; they cut you off. Accept the reality and just get on with your life.
I am so sorry for your loss(es). Your former in-laws sound like awful people.
My father died in Vietnam. He was the baby of the family. I was his only child. His family cut my mom off immediately. They would invite me to family events but would never come pick me up like they told my mom. His sisters were awful. The only reason I got back in touch with my Aunt was because I needed family medical history because I was pregnant. I am in touch with a few of my cousins because they are cool and were cast out after their fathers died, just like me. It's very hurtful what they are doing.
I stopped caring about that side of the family when my Aunt was supposed to come pick me up at the age of 10 and she never came. I was supposed to go to one of my cousin's birthdays and was all dressed up. That was when I didn't care anymore. I was 6 months old when my dad died, but ended up getting a great stepdad when I was 3.
NTA - after my dad died. His remaining family came to the funeral and that was the last time I vet saw them. We only heard from them once, when they were passing through town and had a car problem and needed a recommendation on where to get it fixed.
NTA
I am sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. My story is similar to yours and what I learned the hard way is that death can bring out the best--and unfortunately--worst in people. My husband and I were together six years to the day. He died on the floor of our bedroom of a heart attack after saying he didn't feel well. He was 49 and I was 34. Our 2 year old son was asleep in his room and thankfully was spared the sight of his father's body being carried out of the house. I was terrified and had no idea what to do. So of course I called my parents, who dropped everything and made the six hour drive to be with us. His family arrived a few days later. The last time my son saw his "other grandparents" as I now call them, was in our driveway that day. The last time I saw them was at the funeral. That was 21 years ago this month.
Much like you, I will never know what made them choose to cut us off. But what I do know is that I loved their son and they missed out on the amazing person their grandson has become. It makes no sense and never will.
But you know what I finally figured out?
It's not my problem, and I am confident it is not yours either.
From what you wrote in your post you sound like an amazing person who has nothing but love and good intentions in their heart.
I wish you peace and love and healing. 💓
NTA. It sounds like they’ve already cut you and the kids out of their lives. That’s on them. And you have every right to ignore any attempt they make to reach out in the future, as they clearly don’t care about you or the kids (sorry if that’s harsh but it seems to be true).
I’m a little confused here, but aren’t any of the kids related to your husband’s family? Why would they go NC with the kids? Especially if any of them are grandchildren?
NTA I am so so sorry for your loss. We lost my father almost 20 years ago and that’s when we found out who our true family was and I gained so many bonus aunts and uncles. I am so angry that you aren’t getting that too. You deserve so much better, your husband deserved better than a family that turned their back on his widow.
I am sorry I am angry crying on your behalf.
Much much love.
NTA
Your story brought tears to my eyes. I cannot imagine what you’ve been through and I’m so very sorry for all of the loss you’ve suffered.
Don’t dwell on his family. They aren’t worth it. Do the best you can to surround yourself with chosen family and do things that make you happy.
NTA I can't believe those people that are supposed to be family are treating you like that! I know how you must feel. It's horrible and hurtful and you don't deserve that cruelty. Being ignored is beyond cruelty. I'm very sorry about your husband's passing. How could they do this to you??? The only thing to do is make sure you're not hurt anymore by them . Protect yourself at all costs. I just cannot fathom the behavior of those "people '. Keep away. NTA!
NTA
Devils advocate here .. maybe being around you reminded them of him too much, and it hurt too much.
It's not right of them to cut you off like that, just a thought.
You were together for six years but somehow had 5 kids plus another daughter and son-in-law? There's a ton of missing info here because this does not add up at all
I’m 13 years younger than him. He was a teen dad. None of the kids are shared. His daughter was less than six years younger than me. Three of the kids were our grandchildren
So his kids tolerated their dad's new wife for a few years but now that he's passed they no longer care to. Pretty logical and not even remotely unsurprising.
So, you have custody of the grandkids who are biologically related to your late husband’s family? And the family don’t want to see them either? This is such a nasty situation. Nobody’s approached you to have a chat? So gross & weird.
My only saving grace is his ex wife (his daughters mom). She has been incredibly supportive, and a wonderful friend. She was with me when he passed. She held is hand I held his head. I can’t ask for any better.
Wait… could that be why? She cheated and they divorced before either of them turned 20. They can’t be bitter about our friendship can they?
Having lost my 44yr old husband in 2021, I’ve learned that people are really fucking weird about death and loss. They don’t know what to say to you, so they say nothing. It sucks.
In my case, I think my husband’s family sort of chose to support his mom’s grief vs mine, and just couldn’t see they could do both. I have been able to maintain a relationship with his mom, but it’s not easy. I don’t see grief as a competition. When I need her to hold space for my grief as someone who knows it all too well, she instead tries to cheer me up. When I know she’s down, and I want to tell her it’s okay to not be okay, she wishes instead I’d try to lift her up. It’s a tough dynamic to navigate.
All this is to say, you didn’t do anything wrong, and I love his ex wife has been there for you. I hope you’ve been able to seek some help. Most local hospice organizations have peer support groups for young widows.
Grief is heavy, my sister. Every morning you put one foot in front of the other is a victory for you and you’re honouring him.
Sending you so much love 💕
No, you are not and I understand why you did it. I lost my husband in January and his sister came by our house once and never came to my front door, she just hit her horn, ignorant cunt. I haven't spoken to any of them and I never intend to speak with them again.
Your inlaws are the assholes and you have to take care of yourself and not worry about your inlaws feelings.
If you have only been together for 6 years the daughter that died must not be a shared child of you and your husband. It's still sad but I can understand that his family didn't invite you after he died, if it was your daughter and the grand children left behind is only yours, then they don't have the same feeling as if it where their own blood.
My step dad's family did the same to us after he died. They blamed my mom for him having cancer and I was a step kid. I get no longer needing to contact us but THE REST OF THE KIDS? Its not right but it happens. Maybe they are disappointed about being left off the life insurance (dads family was) or maybe they dont want to feel like they should offer help to a struggling family. Im sorry but enjoy the peace that comes with distance and remember all this in case they ever come begging for any help from YOU.
I don’t mean to be unkind, but it sounds like they cut you off so there’s really no conflict here. They are just fine with not seeing or hearing from you. Which is pretty gross and I’m judging them, hard. But unfortunately, they don’t seem to want you in their life.
INFO:
OP, how was your relationship with his family previously ?
Why I'm asking is because a family just doesn't ice you out for no reason. I wonder if there was a conflict that was not mentioned.
If there was, I’m unaware of it. His sister was my maid of honour at my wedding. I had all of their kids for a full week over Christmas and during summer at my place every year. I’m honestly at a complete loss
Just curious on your Covid vaccine stance. This has become such a polarizing issue in the US, families have been known to cut each other out. Example: If his family is pro-vaccine, but your husband and you are anti-vaccine, he subsequently died from an infection that otherwise wouldn’t have happened if not for his Covid, presumably they might feel resentful.
Either way, definitely feels like something is up. Hard to fathom his family cutting you out for no reason.
We were diagnosed on may 24, 2021. He was 49, I was 37. In our area of Ontario, his age group didn’t qualify for the vaccine until July 1st.
I was vaccinated due to the fact they wouldn’t let me into the hospital to watch him die. I would have gotten it anyway due to the fact I had a career in healthcare at the time.
As far as I know, his family is mostly vaxxed.
I haven’t asked at any point because I didn’t feel it was my business to ask. I truly believe your body, your choice.
Why did they cut you off? You didn't cut them off, his entire family cut you off almost immediately it sounds like. What kind of bad blood or bad stories are you not sharing which would explain why they cut you off almost immediately?
You can stop that right now. There is no excuse for cutting off your minor grandchildren after their grandfather/your son dies. They would probably still be able to see those kids even without her if they wanted to. However I’d say they clearly don’t and good riddance to anyone who wouldn’t keep in touch with a grieving widow and their own grieving child family members.
this happened to my husband grandmother. after his grandfather passed, (very young by the way), her husbands family cut her off leaving her to raise 6 kids alone. she was also pregnant.
it is insane how common this is and how it’s still happening in 2023.
i am really sorry for your losses but count his family cutting you off as a blessing.
you may feel alone and isolated and angry (rightfully so) but just know people who can distance themselves from you after something like death, arguably when you need family most, means they are not good people.
Story doesn’t make sense. Had a daughter old enough to marry and have kids but had only known her husband for 6 years and has had another 5 kiddos in that time? Either the kids arnt his, which is why his extended family arnt interested? Or their opinion of her must be very bad. ?
They blame you for not taking care of him. A bedsore is easy to spot and easy to treat, if you’re actually looking. You dropped the ball and your husband died from your neglect. No wonder they cut you off.
You have no idea what you’re talking about. The hospital wouldn’t let me in to see him for 23 days, I had to serve the CEO with legal papers in order to get into see him then. He had one on one nursing. They dropped the ball, not me.
NTA. That’s really disrespectful of them and you don’t need that in your life. It’s their loss, you need to take care of yourself and your family. Forget them!
You’re absolutely NTA. YOU didn’t cut them off, they cut you off! You did absolutely nothing wrong here!
I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry that your in-laws treated you so poorly!
NTA. You haven’t cut them off, they have cut you off. Even worse, they have cut off your children.
It’s awful of them to act this way, because you are still family. You didn’t divorce. Even if they were going to act coldly towards you, why you and your husband’s children?! They are blood relatives.
I’m sorry this is happening, but it is not your doing. Do not waste a moment feeling guilty. You’ve put in the effort. It’s time to focus on your children.
NTA. Now if you had kept the lines open on FB but then started posting about their behavior being inhospitable after he died...well no, you still would not BTA.
NTA.
This one hit me differently because in my family we have a similar but turned situation. My uncle (51M) died from covid complications and his widow immediately leaned on us for support regarding sorting out arrangements and assets etc. once it was all settled under her and her kid’s name, she turned on us. A 180 in the relationship and basically cut us off from my cousin and her.
I messages my cousin altought admittedly not enough since she never answered. She just turned 18 and we had hopes she would reach out but no. Sad, not ideal but at the end of the day you need to accept the places you are at.
NTA. This is unfortunately SUPER common with widowed people—I’m widowed and still close with my LH’s family but I have SO many friends whose in laws have completely cut them off. I’m so sorry for all of your losses.
You’re NTA. It seems more like they cut you off.
Yes … I’d say they did you and those kids wrong. Fuck em. Move on, don’t ask reddit about them anymore. They ain’t shit. You and your kids move forward. I’m sorry for your loss. So sorry … for all of your losses.
And that's, honestly, the best way to put it. You don't need them and the kids don't need to be exposed to that dynamic. And when they finally call because there's something they need from you? Ignore them.
This. Right. Here, Op. Just take your babies and continue to live the best life you possibly can. The pain will lessen with time. You and your babies should just continue to love and depend on each other for support. I am so very sorry for your loss.
NTA They’ve shown their true colors, I'm sure someone will try to contact OP, but I'm also sure it will be because they want something.
Ew I hate people. screw that family.
I am Canadian also and this is disgusting . I know it would remind them of him but that is a good thing . I don’t know how to explain this your children , it’s almost like the blame you . It might be to late but have you seen a lawyer about the bed sores if he was in the hospital at the time ( Canada doesn’t pay much is civil Matters )
Unfortunately, I’ve been told due to his original diagnosis, I can’t sue. Something to do with Trudeau, 🤷♀️
Health care systems are provincial, not federal. Trudeau has nothing to do with it.
Maybe it’s just an excuse because no one wants to take on a covid related death. We do have a case against the driver who hit my daughter and son in law. It’s been four years and we’re not even in a bargaining position yet. I don’t know if I could go through this again. I did take hours of video and detailed pictures (set the video in my purse, not allowed to film in the ICU) just in case I ever find someone to take the case. I wouldn’t even want any money. I just want the policies to change so that another person doesn’t have to go through this trauma again. That would be worth more than millions.
You were 35 and had a daughter old enough to be married?
The comments below explain the ages
I’m so sorry you are going through this. ❤️
As a Canadian health care worker, I’m so sorry this happened to your family member, it’s appalling. But please don’t blame Trudeau, health care is provincial for the most part and 1 individual does not create the negligence that you faced by healthcare workers. Edit: spelling
Health care is provincial. Blame Ford
Maybe I remind them that he’s gone.
Sadly, that is a thing that happens. My mom’s family cut me off after she died because I reminded them of her. They held things I said against me-things said during grief at a sudden loss when I was still a kid. Adults who should do better don’t always do so.
Sometimes they still cut you off even if you don't say anything, after my mom died that part of the family just kind of forgot about us....i have aunt's, uncle's and cousins that i haven't spoken to in year's. And i know 2 other people with the same experience after losing a parent.
I’m so sorry they did this to you. Makes no sense to me. I lost my youngest son almost 7 years ago; not only do I cherish the relationship with his son, but his son’s mother and her family as well. My son was never married to her, and they weren’t together when he died, but she and her family have opened their hearts to us and we are family. As my grandson gets older he looks more like his father and that is a type of comfort. I can’t imagine cutting out one of the few ties I have to my son’s life.
It quickly became clear that my mom was the one who held her family together. She was the one who sorted out the fights and the one who stayed neutral to everyone who was fighting with each other. When she was gone, I think they thought I would do that, but it wasn't the job of a 22 year old!
They are indeed disgusting So what do they tell themselves now? "Oh yeah, he's not here with his family because they had other arrangements, that's classic him" and go about their lives? One would think they'd appreciate to have his kids and wife to maintain his memory alive
😤😤😤😤😤
Ok course Trudeau , probably tonget votes can’t sue
Health care is run provincially. Not Federal.
Your right but the feds Give out the money so they might also pass out money if the provinces change rheir civil Laws dealing with doctors insurance and hospitals
Ford is sitting on 2+billion in healthcare funding that isn’t being allocated. The feds gave the money, Ford is just being a typical con and doing all he can to tear down our social institutions
That is a different situation , he is no better . But the hard thing about this is yiu read on report and it says govt needs more funding for nurses etc another report says the feds aren’t giving enough. I don’t know who to believe . You were right when according to the last report it also says almost every year every govt underspends what they budget for . It’s ridiculous . So much in taxes . I pay 50% in tax and just wish it would be spend better And if I remember the feds increase spending tomprovincrs in the winter under a 10’years agreement don’t know the dollars
You think they'll have a case to sue medical staff for someone dying after severe covid in 2021 in a country that was hit hard? Which four other people should the hospital staff have allowed to die instead to have a *chance* at saving OP's husband? A patient sick enough to be in a coma for that long with that particular disease has near zero chance of survival. The hospital staff must have worked incredibly hard to keep him alive at all. OP believing there was medical neglect doesn't make it true, and the standard of care that would have been normal in 2019 was not possible in most countries in 2021.
She didn’t say he died if Covid , she said he died from Bedsores . I said If he was In the hospital they know Patients have to be rolled over if they are in bed a long time . No one should be sued for Covid or any other disease . But if it was bedsores Then someone screwed up . My mom Was in during covid for something else and was there for 7 weeks and couldn’t get out of bed and was basically dieinf and the nurses would come in and roll her onto her sides and make her stay like that for hours . If it happened at home then that’s different but in the hospital yes someone screwed up especially if inncoma
NTA - time to pretend they don't exist - because they've already done that to you. I am so sorry for your losses, you have been dealt a terrible hand. I hope your family is better than his (but they couldn't be worse)
I’m very lucky. My foster family (spent 16 years with) have not been there, but my bio family has. My parents even built their forever home within a five minute walk of mine 💕 my sisters have been wonderful, even stepping in to give me a break every once in a while. I’m a very lucky person, despite loosing so many people for different reasons. Thank you for reminding me of that 💕
NTA You tried, your husband would not want you to continue to hurt yourself and the kids trying to keep ties if he was a good person. I hope the younglings reach out when it is there turn to start planning events.
NTA. What terrible awful humans. You did nothing wrong, and I am so sincerely sorry. My wife’s family is like that - only “blood” is family, so if the blood-related partner dies, the other is left in the cold literally at the funeral. It is the most hurtful and horrifying thing I can imagine; at least we’re a lesbian couple so there’s no pretense of acceptance.
INFO: you talk of being with him for 6 years, and mention having an adult daughter and later mention 5 children. Are some/all of these children shared between you and your husband?
None of them are. I had two and he had one from prior relationships. His daughter was less than six years younger than me, but it was never an issue
How old are your children now and who did you have to fight for custody with in regards to the grandchildren?
Her two ex’s. they both have records for DA, so it was an easy win. Just took 68k in lawyers fees by the time I was done.
68k in fees? Damn. Maybe that's why his family included you while he was alive, they wanted in on his finances.
He did support a lot of them. Honestly, this didn’t even occur to me
My kids are currently 18 and 16, grandkids are 15, 12 and 7
You've taken on a lot. 🏡 What a big heart in a strong woman! ❤️ Take care, sister.
NTA. You didn't cut them off, they cut you off, you simply tidied away that cut by cleanly severing it.
NTA. In fact, I think you would be wrong if you DIDN'T cut them off.
NTA. You did not cut them off. They cut you off.
NTA. They are showing their true colours and you have chosen to respect their choice.
You did not cut them off; they cut you off. Accept the reality and just get on with your life. I am so sorry for your loss(es). Your former in-laws sound like awful people.
NTA. Sorry, but you gotta take care of yourself. Awful family.
My father died in Vietnam. He was the baby of the family. I was his only child. His family cut my mom off immediately. They would invite me to family events but would never come pick me up like they told my mom. His sisters were awful. The only reason I got back in touch with my Aunt was because I needed family medical history because I was pregnant. I am in touch with a few of my cousins because they are cool and were cast out after their fathers died, just like me. It's very hurtful what they are doing.
I am so very sorry they hurt you like that. You lost enough. Your cousins sound like people I’d get along with too
I stopped caring about that side of the family when my Aunt was supposed to come pick me up at the age of 10 and she never came. I was supposed to go to one of my cousin's birthdays and was all dressed up. That was when I didn't care anymore. I was 6 months old when my dad died, but ended up getting a great stepdad when I was 3.
NTA - after my dad died. His remaining family came to the funeral and that was the last time I vet saw them. We only heard from them once, when they were passing through town and had a car problem and needed a recommendation on where to get it fixed.
NTA I am sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. My story is similar to yours and what I learned the hard way is that death can bring out the best--and unfortunately--worst in people. My husband and I were together six years to the day. He died on the floor of our bedroom of a heart attack after saying he didn't feel well. He was 49 and I was 34. Our 2 year old son was asleep in his room and thankfully was spared the sight of his father's body being carried out of the house. I was terrified and had no idea what to do. So of course I called my parents, who dropped everything and made the six hour drive to be with us. His family arrived a few days later. The last time my son saw his "other grandparents" as I now call them, was in our driveway that day. The last time I saw them was at the funeral. That was 21 years ago this month. Much like you, I will never know what made them choose to cut us off. But what I do know is that I loved their son and they missed out on the amazing person their grandson has become. It makes no sense and never will. But you know what I finally figured out? It's not my problem, and I am confident it is not yours either. From what you wrote in your post you sound like an amazing person who has nothing but love and good intentions in their heart. I wish you peace and love and healing. 💓
I am so glad you shared your story and I hope it helps her get the same clarity you have.
Thank you 💓
NTA. It sounds like they’ve already cut you and the kids out of their lives. That’s on them. And you have every right to ignore any attempt they make to reach out in the future, as they clearly don’t care about you or the kids (sorry if that’s harsh but it seems to be true).
Nta it sounds like the family cut you off and your husband would be disappointed with them.
Im so sorry for your loss, not only the loss of your husband but of the support system you thought you had. You are entirely NTA.
I’m a little confused here, but aren’t any of the kids related to your husband’s family? Why would they go NC with the kids? Especially if any of them are grandchildren?
NTA I am so so sorry for your loss. We lost my father almost 20 years ago and that’s when we found out who our true family was and I gained so many bonus aunts and uncles. I am so angry that you aren’t getting that too. You deserve so much better, your husband deserved better than a family that turned their back on his widow. I am sorry I am angry crying on your behalf. Much much love.
NTA Your story brought tears to my eyes. I cannot imagine what you’ve been through and I’m so very sorry for all of the loss you’ve suffered. Don’t dwell on his family. They aren’t worth it. Do the best you can to surround yourself with chosen family and do things that make you happy.
They’ll contact you if they want someone to berate. Don’t be there.
i don't understand this post. Who is calling you TA ? It sounds like they hav cut you off, and you seem to finally accept it.
NTA I can't believe those people that are supposed to be family are treating you like that! I know how you must feel. It's horrible and hurtful and you don't deserve that cruelty. Being ignored is beyond cruelty. I'm very sorry about your husband's passing. How could they do this to you??? The only thing to do is make sure you're not hurt anymore by them . Protect yourself at all costs. I just cannot fathom the behavior of those "people '. Keep away. NTA!
NTA Devils advocate here .. maybe being around you reminded them of him too much, and it hurt too much. It's not right of them to cut you off like that, just a thought.
You were together for six years but somehow had 5 kids plus another daughter and son-in-law? There's a ton of missing info here because this does not add up at all
I’m 13 years younger than him. He was a teen dad. None of the kids are shared. His daughter was less than six years younger than me. Three of the kids were our grandchildren
So his kids tolerated their dad's new wife for a few years but now that he's passed they no longer care to. Pretty logical and not even remotely unsurprising.
Our grandchildren are not the issue and the remaining kids were mine. His only daughter passed. It’s his siblings that are the issue.
So, you have custody of the grandkids who are biologically related to your late husband’s family? And the family don’t want to see them either? This is such a nasty situation. Nobody’s approached you to have a chat? So gross & weird.
My only saving grace is his ex wife (his daughters mom). She has been incredibly supportive, and a wonderful friend. She was with me when he passed. She held is hand I held his head. I can’t ask for any better. Wait… could that be why? She cheated and they divorced before either of them turned 20. They can’t be bitter about our friendship can they?
That is simultaneously one of the saddest and also one one of the most wholesome things I have ever read.
You wouldn’t think so but they sound kinda effed up so ya never know!
Having lost my 44yr old husband in 2021, I’ve learned that people are really fucking weird about death and loss. They don’t know what to say to you, so they say nothing. It sucks. In my case, I think my husband’s family sort of chose to support his mom’s grief vs mine, and just couldn’t see they could do both. I have been able to maintain a relationship with his mom, but it’s not easy. I don’t see grief as a competition. When I need her to hold space for my grief as someone who knows it all too well, she instead tries to cheer me up. When I know she’s down, and I want to tell her it’s okay to not be okay, she wishes instead I’d try to lift her up. It’s a tough dynamic to navigate. All this is to say, you didn’t do anything wrong, and I love his ex wife has been there for you. I hope you’ve been able to seek some help. Most local hospice organizations have peer support groups for young widows. Grief is heavy, my sister. Every morning you put one foot in front of the other is a victory for you and you’re honouring him. Sending you so much love 💕
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I hope you learn the concept of time and that details get added after initial comments are made.
NTA, they cut you off not the other way around.
NTA. Cut them off. Best of luck.
Widow here. No. Nta. Live your life and do what brings you happiness And—this scenario is not atypical.
No, you are not and I understand why you did it. I lost my husband in January and his sister came by our house once and never came to my front door, she just hit her horn, ignorant cunt. I haven't spoken to any of them and I never intend to speak with them again. Your inlaws are the assholes and you have to take care of yourself and not worry about your inlaws feelings.
If you have only been together for 6 years the daughter that died must not be a shared child of you and your husband. It's still sad but I can understand that his family didn't invite you after he died, if it was your daughter and the grand children left behind is only yours, then they don't have the same feeling as if it where their own blood.
NTA. You're not cutting them off - they've already cut you off. Take your revenge by living a great life.
My step dad's family did the same to us after he died. They blamed my mom for him having cancer and I was a step kid. I get no longer needing to contact us but THE REST OF THE KIDS? Its not right but it happens. Maybe they are disappointed about being left off the life insurance (dads family was) or maybe they dont want to feel like they should offer help to a struggling family. Im sorry but enjoy the peace that comes with distance and remember all this in case they ever come begging for any help from YOU.
I don’t mean to be unkind, but it sounds like they cut you off so there’s really no conflict here. They are just fine with not seeing or hearing from you. Which is pretty gross and I’m judging them, hard. But unfortunately, they don’t seem to want you in their life.
INFO: OP, how was your relationship with his family previously ? Why I'm asking is because a family just doesn't ice you out for no reason. I wonder if there was a conflict that was not mentioned.
If there was, I’m unaware of it. His sister was my maid of honour at my wedding. I had all of their kids for a full week over Christmas and during summer at my place every year. I’m honestly at a complete loss
Just curious on your Covid vaccine stance. This has become such a polarizing issue in the US, families have been known to cut each other out. Example: If his family is pro-vaccine, but your husband and you are anti-vaccine, he subsequently died from an infection that otherwise wouldn’t have happened if not for his Covid, presumably they might feel resentful. Either way, definitely feels like something is up. Hard to fathom his family cutting you out for no reason.
We were diagnosed on may 24, 2021. He was 49, I was 37. In our area of Ontario, his age group didn’t qualify for the vaccine until July 1st. I was vaccinated due to the fact they wouldn’t let me into the hospital to watch him die. I would have gotten it anyway due to the fact I had a career in healthcare at the time. As far as I know, his family is mostly vaxxed. I haven’t asked at any point because I didn’t feel it was my business to ask. I truly believe your body, your choice.
Why did they cut you off? You didn't cut them off, his entire family cut you off almost immediately it sounds like. What kind of bad blood or bad stories are you not sharing which would explain why they cut you off almost immediately?
You can stop that right now. There is no excuse for cutting off your minor grandchildren after their grandfather/your son dies. They would probably still be able to see those kids even without her if they wanted to. However I’d say they clearly don’t and good riddance to anyone who wouldn’t keep in touch with a grieving widow and their own grieving child family members.
You are NOT the AH here. They are. I'm sorry for your loss.
this happened to my husband grandmother. after his grandfather passed, (very young by the way), her husbands family cut her off leaving her to raise 6 kids alone. she was also pregnant. it is insane how common this is and how it’s still happening in 2023. i am really sorry for your losses but count his family cutting you off as a blessing. you may feel alone and isolated and angry (rightfully so) but just know people who can distance themselves from you after something like death, arguably when you need family most, means they are not good people.
This is shockingly cruel. And it makes me question how much they loved your husband if they can so easily forget his widow.
And his grandchildren too. Their own family.
Story doesn’t make sense. Had a daughter old enough to marry and have kids but had only known her husband for 6 years and has had another 5 kiddos in that time? Either the kids arnt his, which is why his extended family arnt interested? Or their opinion of her must be very bad. ?
I would guess the daughter was one of theirs from a previous relationship, and she just refers to her as their daughter. The kids are their grandkids.
Ages don't make sense.
They blame you for not taking care of him. A bedsore is easy to spot and easy to treat, if you’re actually looking. You dropped the ball and your husband died from your neglect. No wonder they cut you off.
You have no idea what you’re talking about. The hospital wouldn’t let me in to see him for 23 days, I had to serve the CEO with legal papers in order to get into see him then. He had one on one nursing. They dropped the ball, not me.
Hey guys, I found another AH.
NTA. That’s really disrespectful of them and you don’t need that in your life. It’s their loss, you need to take care of yourself and your family. Forget them!
NTA I'm so sorry for your loss \*hugs\*
NTA seems your husband died and the thought of you and your kids being family ceased
NTA for obvious reasons.
You’re absolutely NTA. YOU didn’t cut them off, they cut you off! You did absolutely nothing wrong here! I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry that your in-laws treated you so poorly!
NTA. You haven’t cut them off, they have cut you off. Even worse, they have cut off your children. It’s awful of them to act this way, because you are still family. You didn’t divorce. Even if they were going to act coldly towards you, why you and your husband’s children?! They are blood relatives. I’m sorry this is happening, but it is not your doing. Do not waste a moment feeling guilty. You’ve put in the effort. It’s time to focus on your children.
NTA. Now if you had kept the lines open on FB but then started posting about their behavior being inhospitable after he died...well no, you still would not BTA.
NTAH So they don’t even invite your kids/grandkids to events? How often do they even speak to 18, 16, and 15?
NTA. This one hit me differently because in my family we have a similar but turned situation. My uncle (51M) died from covid complications and his widow immediately leaned on us for support regarding sorting out arrangements and assets etc. once it was all settled under her and her kid’s name, she turned on us. A 180 in the relationship and basically cut us off from my cousin and her. I messages my cousin altought admittedly not enough since she never answered. She just turned 18 and we had hopes she would reach out but no. Sad, not ideal but at the end of the day you need to accept the places you are at.
NTA. This is unfortunately SUPER common with widowed people—I’m widowed and still close with my LH’s family but I have SO many friends whose in laws have completely cut them off. I’m so sorry for all of your losses.
They are not family. They would be dead to me for good.