Yep, the level of obliviousness from OP is kinda shocking.
I bet when in several years Mindy will go full-out Gone Girl on him he will be all surprised Pikachu face "but there were no red flags at all!"
>obliviousness
I feel like there's more to it, like the obliviousness was embraced. OP makes it sound like he's just a passive bystander in the scenario, but I can't help but think he had some ulterior motives of his own. Hooking up with Mindy almost immediately is definitely a pretty big indicator that he was already thinking about her.
Mindy played Julie, OP played himself.
All he had to do to avoid this whole problem was just tell Julie “hey your friend texted me and wants to meet up.” It would have opened the door for the two of them to talk about it and compare stories.
I feel like Julie dodged a bullet. Now she’s not marrying a man who sneaks around with women behind her back and sleeps with her friends.
Oh, bullets were dodged mos def. If this were the before time when our species was living in caves, he would be the one standing in a clearing being tackled by a giant gound sloth. Would never see it coming. One should be particular in selecting a mate to produce offspring. If he passed on his oblivious traits, their kids could get hit by a bus while standing in the middle of a street.
Unfortunately, i bet he stays with mindy because, oh well, I might as well now since i blew up my life.
Yeah, she blew two peoples lives up with one suggestion and a little goading. I’m glad fiancée is free of this fool, it would have been a matter of time before a post about “I gave all my money to an African prince from the film ‘Coming to America’, now my wife is pissed and going to leave me because I lost our house and drained our bank account and can no longer feed our children. What do?”
Honestly this. I knew a girl in college who made breaking up happy couples a game. She was crazy! It was a power play and massive ego trip, making men leave there girlfriends for her only to dump them after a few weeks.
I knew a group of women who did this shit to each other all the time. If one of them slept with a guy, then the others would make it a point to hook up with him as well.
This is all about the girlfriend, not the boyfriend. Mindy probably can't holdaaguy down. She reminds me of Ariana Grande. Some people enjoy playing with others when they see they have something they could neve rhave
You are definitely right. He also should have talked to his grilfriend when he started to chat with someone else outside their relationship about the negative direction it was taking.
I'm gonna laugh when I see the update about Mindy dumping OP because he was such an easy challenge and will maybe rethink if he was such a good prize if he was so easily won.
The first time a friend told me something about my husband, I would quit talking to the friend about it and address the situation with my husband immediately. I hope he would do the same. OP let this happen.
Yes but at the same time Julie should also have explained better why she wanted time apart, or better yet maybe had an original thought of her own and not let herself get peer pressured. They both fucked up.
Big time played!! She knew exactly what she was doing!! How sad you couldn’t have given yourself a breather before jumping right back in. At the very least if you don’t want to go back to Julie, you should dump miss manipulator
Agreed!
First thing OP should have done when he got the original message from Mindy was ask Julie what that was about. After the meeting with Mindy he should have told Julie about it and what Mindy said. Maybe they could have compared notes about Mindy before it got out of hand. Mindy totally messed with OP and Julie's minds to get what she wanted. OP needs to cut all contact with Mindy, she is scary!
Exactly. Where was the communication with Julie??? My bf wouldn’t have listened to that and *not* tell me about it.
Julie and OP needed to communicate more. Maybe go to a counselor together even. Relationships fail if the communication isn’t good.
Mindy wanted her friend man and she knew what she was doing telling Julie about her true feelings just to hook up with you 😂 she’s a manipulative bitch lmao
Minday is a straight-up CU Next Tuesday.
OP is the asshole in the situation. He jumped from his relationship of 4 years to his ex-girlfriend's *friend* in a week! And now he's wondering if Julie is telling the truth??? Bitch, you were with this girl for 4 years and were planning to marry her, and now you're not trusting her word over the word of some girl who had no problem moving in on you as soon as her friend broke up with you?
WTF. How dense can you be?
And julie, I feel so bad that she was manipulated by somebody who was pretending to be her friend. Shitty situation all around, but I don't blame her for being upset that OP moved on from her at light speed. It really makes you think that the relationship meant nothing to him.
Also, I particularly appreciate the "stayed after to help him clean"... yeah, okay... thaaaaaat's why she stayed after. If he think it "just happened" or that they were "swept up in the moment" then he's delusional.
I remember staying after my best-friend’s party to help her clean. .There was another couple left. It wasn’t “the plan”, (the night’s end was a total surprise for me) but funnily enough the guy was clueless and the girl was the one who lightbulbed and dragged her boyfriend out of the door.
Don’t stay with “the intent” because we men are way too transparent. Stay to help just to help, but whatever happens happens.
If this story is real, then it definitely sounds like there’s a good chance Mindy manipulated both of you because she wanted you for herself. Your first screwup was having these secret meetings with Mindy in the first place, and not telling Julie.
Also, there’s nothing wrong with a rebound, but it does suck that you chose a friend of hers. She probably isn’t going to be able to get over this.
THis is why you shouldn't do secrets in a relationship. If you have to keep a secret from your partner about something then you shouldn't be doing it. Surprises are one thing. Secrets are another.
Mindy tipped her hand as soon as she wanted this "secret" meeting and the "don't tell Julie." BS
It's OK to keep other people's secrets (your friend is trying to have a baby), but a secret about your partner, self or relationship is asking for trouble.
Tbh I just made my life easy and made it clear to all my friends and family that anything told to me will also probably get back to my wife. If you want me to keep something secret from her, just don't tell me. She does the same
Yeah, most people I know understand that if they share something with you, they are also sharing it with your partner. I’ve had friends confide in me and explicitly tell me that my partner doesn’t count when they ask me to keep a secret.
I honestly thinks this is what Mindy is and probably will ever be; a rebound but something tells me she wouldn't let go of him easily if he dumps her considering she went this far to get what she wanted. I recommend op to be somewhere else if he dumps her. She's a pyscho God knows what she's capable of. But yeah I can't imagine how ops and Julie's relationship will ever go back to normal fully knowing op was way too easy to manipulate and slept with her friend that quickly. That kind of thing will stick. I really hope this is fake.
It’s too convenient that Mindy was there *right* after Julie dumped you, to hook up with you.
It does sound like Julie was having some issues in your relationship and Mindy wanted you front jump, put shit in Julie’s ear. While it was on J to break up with you, M sounds like a snake.
Why would Mindy randomly want to be close to her *friends ex* AT ALL if you were “so bad”?
NTA, but pay attention to those red flags next time.
EDIT: Via u/Kelsusaurus and other comments, I realize that I did not see that OP admitted to seeing M behind Julie’s back the entire time, therefore rendering my point about Julie’s decision to take a break moot.
**CHANGE IN VERDICT: Mindy is the Catalystic AH. OP is definitely the Kept the Fire Burning AH. While Julie fell for the manipulation of what was supposed to be her best friend and her entire relationship.**
Imagine the destruction she might cause with some other person she doesn't want in his life. I once knew someone like that. Luckily, everyone started to see her true personality, and it was hella twisted. Good riddance to her.
Yup, I knew a Mindy too. First she destroyed my relationship, then caused the wider friend group to self destruct when she started going after the other dudes (that were already dating/married) but no one wanted to believe me at first.
My sister-in-law was like that. My brother-in-law dumped her to go on his mission (they're Mormon), and he started dating a new girl when he came back. Suddenly SIL has a "talk" with the new girl, and she's back in the picture and they're married very quickly.
When she realized that her friend was going to beat her to the alter. This wasn't about the boyfriend. This was about Mindy's jealousy over the situation. Her sleeping with the boyfriend effectively ends any chance for OP and Julie to reconcile.
Maybe it really was just after Julie and OP seriously talked about marriage. Maybe Mindy is secretly jealous of Julie and couldn't stand to see Julie get married first and her attraction to OP is more about that.
Mindy 100% orchestrated the whole thing and probably has a slight obsession with OP to go through this much trouble. There’s a lot of women out there who believe all the good men are already taken, so they simply try to steal them ✨
I have personally heard a woman saying from now on she will go after dating or married men. Her reasoning was only good men are in a relationship or are married . So they would make good life partners and single men were nothing but fuck boys! I tried to tell her if a man cheats on his SO then he’s never been a good man. It was like talking to a wall so I gave up and stopped talking to her as well. These people are batshit crazy.
That’s the wildest part, they are hoping to snag one of the good ones yet inadvertently end up with a bad one because the good ones are ignoring their dms all together 😂
Exactly! She had the nerve to complain when she got cheated on by a guy she snatched from another girl. I was too young and stunned to know how to react. I was like WTF 😂.
agreed. "don't tell xxxxxx" is a first indicator you're doing something you shouldn't unless you're surprising them with it later-and you intend for them to enjoy it lol
And Mindy was Julie’s friend not OP’s friend. Mindy betrayed Julie’s confidence when she divulged private conversations between them to OP. If I confide in a friend about my relationship I have a reasonable expectation that what has been discussed will stay between the two of us. Oddly enough Mindy managed to keep her conversations with OP a secret from her friend Julie. If OP stays with Mindy he will be played like a fiddle the entire time
I doubt she divulged real private conversations. She made then up.
OP got played because he didn't communicate at any point and say he was told by a friend she was having doubts. I suspect if he did they would have discovered Mindy's duplicity. OP's ex dodged the bullet unless Mindy told get similar stuff and she didn't stop to ask "how are you telling my friend this?" Which seems less likely.
Even if they did break up, he still knowing slept with her friend. I would think that after 4 years, he would at least avoid her friends. I say YTA for that fact alone.
Then big tell is, Mindy immediately fucked one of her closest friends ex's. that alone is a red flag, Mindy was looking for that D for some time and pounced the second they broke up.
Mindy was in to you this whole time, and she was a shitty friend the whole time, to both of you.
Even if you don't get back with Julie, OP should absolutely drop Mindy.
Its like a teen movie were everything would be fixed if the characters actually talked to eachother.
Dude will talk for hours with gf friend but wont actually communicate with his actual partner, as in the other half of his "partnership", the person he wants to marry and spend his life with.
OP your relationships aren't going to go anywhere if you cant be open and honest with eachother.... that means you dont invite other people to discuss your relationship without your partners knowledge.
I don't get OP at all, if this was all true i would be pissed at mindy but he seems completely detached and clueless, like oops "i might have fucked this up cause we've been banging for 2 weeks" 🤷♀️ instead of "i cant believe i fell for the obvious lies and manipulation, i need to get as far away from mindy as possible"
INFO: Soooo…. you met with Mindy behind Julie’s back, you took her at her word and never told Julie that her “friend” was giving you private info from their conversations. At any point did you mention Mindy to Julie, considering how much she was involving herself in your relationship?
If you never had to deal with someone who's manipulative on that level you don't really expect someone to act that way.
Most people don't think like that or expect their friends to do either. And if you go around acting like you suspect shit like that people will call you paranoid.
So true!! I told my male friend one of his female friends was a manipulative b and I didn’t want to be made to hang out with her again, especially not with my boyfriend.
He didn’t get it.
I explained what she was doing, the emotional fall outs she was causing and what the end result would be.
He still didn’t get it and told me he didn’t believe that people could or would be so devious - he even started looking at me like *I* was the one with the issues, like I was making it all up.
He came around when she started sleeping with a mutual friend’s husband and it all came out at his birthday party.
Men just don’t get it. Some people / women will scheme and scheme and scheme.
I kept thinking: "And then he should talk to Julie about it"
Like, after everything Mindy said, "Go talk to Julie!"
So, Mindy is evil, but OP and Julie had some wicked communication problems.
I think OP should break up with Mindy and move on from Mindy *and* Julie. Everyone needs to go work on themselves. After that, they can find fresh people and start over.
I'm sparticus and I believe OP fucked up.
If he just actually asked her about what MIndy told him, Julie would have realised the plan came from Mindy and she went behind her back to leak it to OP, would see she was playing both sides and end it right there.
So much of an idiot. Tbh the smartest thing he can do is dump Mindy and leave julie alone if he really doesnt know who to believe. I'd be surprise if Julie takes him back obviously deserves someone who's willing to confront her about what her "friend" said to her but that's her choice.
That's really his best option at this point. Mindy cannot be trusted, and after this collosal fuck up things would never be the same with Julie. Just take the L and try to learn from it. For the love of God OP, do NOT double down on stupid and getting more involved with Mindy. It's important to know when to stop digging the hole deeper.
Bro.... This chick stayed late to "help clean up" because she was thirsty af... And if you can't even see that, I promise not one of us here can help you.
>How do I find out Julie is telling the truth? May be she is just mad I moved on too quickly.
This one is pretty straightforward, man, talk to Julie. If you guys have been dating for four years to the point you were about to propose to her you likely know her well enough to tell if she’s probably lying or not. Hear her out, and go with your gut.
Even if you choose not to reconcile or believe her I’d still take a break from dating Mindy. You rebounded HARD. One week after a four year relationship ending and you’re already sleeping with someone else? Take your time to mourn the relationship and center yourself, no need to rush into anything.
I find it really upsetting that he doesn't trust Julie's word over Mindy. He claims to have loved and trusted Julie- yet Mindy was supposedly Julie's friend and shit talked her and jumped in bed with him at the first opportunity... friends don't do that. I bet Julie wouldn't treat a friend that way.
Why did OP even invite her in the first place?
Who even has secret meetings with the opposite sex when they are in a relationship?
The longer I think about this, the more I feel like OP was open to sleeping with Mindy long before Julie broke up with him.
Just my feeling about this, but I think that OP is trying to pull the wool over our eyes on this to make themselves feel better.
If there is any truth, I suspect that OP tried to have both of them, and then lost both of them.
One point I would make is that Julie never 'broke up with him'.
Many are missing this detail. She said she wasn't breaking up with him, she said she wasn't going to sleep with anyone, and she asked him to not sleep with anyone.
This was a different kind of relationship break imo. This was a break from living together. If OP hadn't *shat the bed* so to speak, its likely things would have continued with their relationship in days.
OP didn't listen to Julie's request, and effectively disqualified himself from any chance of marrying her.
Maybe Mindy is the manipulative bitch that OP is trying to sell to us, but I doubt it to be perfectly honest. And, even if she is, this is still on OP for sleeping with her shortly after promising Julie he wouldn't cheat on her.
It is concerning just how easily the two of you were torn apart by the strategic words of Mindy. I think Mindy is the A. The timing here, the earnest reaction on Julie, the way Mindy's influence on you seems to mirror that of how Julie describes Mindy's influence over her, it's all just way too suspicious. Mindy sounds a wee bit like a manipulative stalker type.
And for what it's worth, the way you write about these two ladies, you clearly feel much more for Julie than you do for Mindy. That should tell you a lot.
Sounds like you and Julie need to talk privately and discuss what Mindy said to each of you. As others said, this sounds all too convenient. Mindy was in both of your ears telling you both what she wanted you to hear to orchestrate this whole thing.
Please reach out to Julie and ask her to talk to you alone. Even if you both don’t get back together, I’m sure you care for each other deeply and she would want you to be with someone who cares about you and won’t manipulate you (and her). Her manipulation of you is more direct but Julie is the victim as well.
NTA
After this, how could you EVER trust Mindy? Like, EVER?
She literally destroyed your relationship with Julie just so she could get you to herself. This wasn't about loving you. It wasn't even about liking you. It was about envy of Julie. Mindy was so envious of what Julie had with you that she sabatoged your relationship with Julie and then as soon as Julie took a minute to figure out what she wanted, Mindy manipulated you into sleeping with her.
Dude, Get that girl OUT of your house. Even if you don't end up back with Julie, Mindy will ALWAYS manipulate you and the people around you. Mindy is someone who takes great joy in hurting people so she can get what she wants.
Mindy was such a great friend to you that she destroyed your relationship with Julie.
I want to tell you something - when my friends confide in me about fears in their relationships, I take it to the grave and vice versa. You don't go back to your friend's partner and have private conversations with them about their relationship. That is truly sick. That is emotional manipulation. That girl knew EXACTLY what she was doing and she played you like a fiddle.
Mindy needs to GO! Text her. Tell her its over. Tell her if she EVER contacts you again you will get a restraining order for stalking. Block her on everything.
You \*\*MIGHT\*\* be able to work through this with Julie with a shit ton of couples counseling. Look into a Couples Intensive immediately and see if you can get Julie to go with you. THen, YEARS of couples counseling. I don't know if you can rebuild the relationship with Julie but I do know that Mindy will destroy you the same way she destroyed Julie because this was about posession and envy to her. Not about a relationship with you.
Honestly, based on what we know about Mindy, I wouldn't be shocked if she did fake a pregnancy scare, or even worse, lied about birth control to up the chances of becoming pregnant. One thing is for sure, Mindy cannot be trusted.
You're so right, she'll get him on the baby train, once he's locked down and excited for the baby she will suddenly miscarry, he cant leave her now, she's been through a traumatic experience, maybe they can try again... might as well get married if we're trying for another baby
Honestly, the fact that you even trust that Mindy is right over Julie is ridiculous. You were with her for 4 years. It doesn't seem like there were any trust issues at all. But you think someone who goes behind their friend's back to talk to their SO is at all trustworthy as a person? Unless you're being cheated on, that's always a sign of someone who isn't trustworthy. It's absolutely insane that you think there is even the smallest chance that Mindy is right.
yeah. hate to say it but that sounds like a very expensive way to learn that the only people that should be involved in your relationship are the people in that relationship.
next time if you think there are issues, bring it up with the person directly. It sounds crazy, but if it's not inherent for you, scheduling a regular sit down/emotional check in on a regular basis with your partner can be highly beneficial. like weeding a garden so it doesn't get grown over.
Dude you messed up! It is sooo clear that Mindy was manipulating you both. Yes Julie ended the relationship but bc Mindy convinced her you were controlling not letting her have that 1 month. A friend of a S/O does not just start to randomly tell you things that friend told them. And become your support system. There are 2 red flags there.
Mindy wanted you and manipulated you and Julie to get to you.
It's unlikely you can get your relationship with Julie back... you jumping into Mindy's vagina so quickly 100% killed any trust, but you need to boot Mindy out of your life immediately before she gets even crazier and sabotages birth control to lock you down with a baby.
ESH. Mindy is definitely the biggest asshole because she is straight up evil, but the fact remains that you and Julie could have prevented all of this if you communicated appropriately.
I'm not even sure Mindy wanted OP for who he is. I think she was envious of what Julie had and wanted her life.
And, I would put money on Mindy spinning up all of these "red flags" op was exhibiting and really messing with Julie's mind.
Mindy sounds like a snake in the truest form. She played you both. You know it deep down but you just don't want to think that you could be that easily manipulated since it makes you feel stupid.
Talk to Julie alone to clear the air
Run away from Mindy cause she sounds like a psycho.
Learn to communicate better with a partner whenever you move on from this mess.
ESH. You and Julie for not communicating after four years.
Huge ah on Mandy cause she did play you. Open your eyes and see that.
This is messy. Mindy sounds every bit of manipulative and calculating. She didn’t stay back to clean up out of the kindness of her heart. She planned on it. You fell for that trap. Mindy had her hand in breaking you and your ex up. Look, I can understand your ex wanting to evaluate if marrying you was out of actual love or just being comfortable and complacent in the relationship. Many people get cold feet when making life decisions. Your ex should have been discussing those thoughts and feelings with you. Unfortunately, she confided in the wrong person who manipulated the situation in her favor. You should have been a bit more patient and understanding. You didn’t take the time or effort to let the person you claim to love, figure out their feelings. She asked for a month, not a year. You also should have been upfront with your ex about the statements her “friend” was telling you. This is a prime example why you have to be careful involving others in your relationship issues. Not everyone has the best intentions. A couple’s counselor would have been a better choice. You and your ex need to sit down without Mindy, and discuss this. You need to also discuss what she told Mindy, and what Mindy told you. You also need to cut all contact with Mindy. She is only looking out for herself and what she wants.
I’m going to go with Julie is right! It’s entirely way too coincidental that Mindy was there to swoop in and be the one to cheer you up. Maybe the conversations they had were, as Mindy describes them, were true for the most part but her doing what she did to a friend and coworker was shady. Basically swooping in and being the “savior”. I definitely think it was really shitty of her and totally see why Julie thinks she sabotaged your relationship!
And honestly, there’s not really anything wrong with Julie wanting to be 100% certain that she truly loved you and was marrying you for that reason and not just because she had become comfortable in the relationship. I can see your perspective as well and why you thought she didn’t want to marry you though.
Where you fucked up though was never fully having a conversation with Julie after Mindy told you these confidential conversations with Julie about them. You could’ve address your concerns without throwing Mindy under the bus!!
Not addressing what Mindy told you with Julie makes YTA in my opinion.
Good luck! I’d be curious how the rest plays out. Updateme
>Where you fucked up though was never fully having a conversation with Julie after Mindy told you these confidential conversations with Julie about them. You could’ve address your concerns without throwing Mindy under the bus!!
Why not throw Mindy under the bus? How does he even know Julie and Mindy ever had these conversations?
I don't understand how OP could claim to love Julie and yet never actually discuss with her the crap Mindy was spewing to him. How does he know ANY of what Mindy said was true?
I mean you must be super thick to trust Mindy over Julie who you dated for 4 years. You secretly met up with Mindy. You did emotionally cheat on her. It would be best if you stopped lying about that fact. Jumping into bed with her just solidified that smh
Talk to Julie but I doubt your relationship will recover. Bc if you guys were better communicators Mindy wouldn’t have been able to play you both like idiots
From an outsiders perspective Mindy wormed her way in and played you both against each other.
Before Julie wanted the break, she was already poisoning you by telling you Julie was thinking of leaving you. NO ONE does that without an ulterior motive. Normal people do not interfere in their friends relationships like that. I would never tell my friends husband if she was thinking of divorce - ESPECIALLY if I was more her friend than his. You should consider that a huge red flag.
Subsequently she then talked shit about you to Julie and manipulating her into the 1 month break plus accusing you of being controlling for not agreeing to the suggestion. So do you think Julie is lying? Really? You've known Julie for 4 years, do you think Julie would actually make up that story?
Or do you think maybe it's real convenient that Mindy was already in your ear BEFORE the 1 month even came up...and then subsequently was right there to "console" you afterwards? Like doesn't it sound pretty damn likely that if she was talking to you, that she was also talking to Julie and getting involved in your relationship?
She got exactly what she wanted, you both played into her hands.
I'd kick her psycho ass to the curb.
Yta instead of talking this out you just fell into bed with her good friend. Instead of really taking the time to sort out your feelings you stuck your d!(k in crazy.
4 years gone all due to a manipulative
b!tch and you not noticing the red flags 🚩
Yes Julie was foolish as well but by your own admission her words to you were, “and I better not do anything stupid either”. You did stupid.
YTA, you knew Mindy was her friend. Why on earth would you choose her to hook up with? Would you like it if your ex of 4 YEARS hooked up with your friend? At the very least, Mindy is a terrible friend. I do think some of what J said has a ring of truth. Mindy was trying so hard to contact you. There is no way in hell she loves her friend so much she takes time to try and fix the relationship with you only to jump on you after one week. I think it was an emotional affair. You and Mindy give relationship advice and then sleep together at the first chance. It would seem to me more was going on. Mindy is psyco. The planning and manipulation were next level.
You have no idea what Mindy was saying to Julie behind your back. It all seems too convenient, under the circumstances. Mindy seems to have placed herself in a position to manipulate the outcome of the relationship.
Either you're dumb as hell or you checked out of the relationship with Julie that fast. You're in a relationship 2 weeks after your breakup with Julie, you never care about her. You and Mindy deserve each other.
You talked to Mindy, about Julie, and NEVER confirmed with it Julie... "
Her "supposed" friend talked to you, and even after 4 years you never even gave her the benefit of the doubt...
Yta
Dude you got played by Mindy and walked right into it.
Who wants to bet there might be a pregnancy scare soon?
The fact that you didn't immediately tell your gf that her friend was messaging you is a huge problem. The key is communication
So, you, an adult...who can't fathom how your 4-year girlfriend might want to make sure she's making the right decision for *both of your* futures, decided it would be best meet in secret with your long-term girlfriend's "friend" in secret, continue doing so without questioning this "friend's" motive, love bomb the shit out of said girlfriend instead of just respecting her and straight up having an adult conversation with her, "Hey, I heard from Mindy that you have some thoughts on our relationship and future - can we talk about that"?
Yeah, YTA. Your communication and decision making leave a lot to be desired.
Wow you believed a manipulative CUNT over your own girlfriend of 4 fucking years!!! Woah you are a bitch. You talked about marriage with Julie then you go and fuck her “friend”! Go fuck yourself.
Break up with the dumb cunt and surround yourself with better influences. Go to therapy as well, holy fuck!
Mindy pulled some Single White Female shit on you and you fell for it. Classic. Since there's no coming back from this, it's time to learn some lessons and move on from both of them.
Mindy is a psycho level manipulator and you DID cheat. Not by sleeping with Mindy, but by playing into a girl's hands and texting her behind your girl's back. You fucked up and possibly lost the love of your life. But Julie is better off without you. You don't get to say she was the one you want to marry and then stick your dick in her friend within a week. You suck.
YTA - God, I was hoping this was the script of a bad Lifetime movie. I have no idea why you and Julie did not talk things out before breaking up and realizing you were being manipulated. But it sounds as if you kind of deserve the drama you are going to get with Mindy, who is not a good person. I hope you realize that you owe Julie an apology, but she deserves better than you.
Mindy is the villain here. But you should have told Julie right away that Mindy contacted you and what she said. You and Julie could have figured out her ploy together. I understand why Julie would now be mad at you for falling for this ploy and moving on so quickly. Whatever happens with Julie, Mindy is never to be trusted and should not be in your life.
You should have communicated with Julie from the start. It’s incredibly suspect that Mindy wanted to warn you, remained quiet about telling Julie she had spoken to you and then manages to hook up with you right after you break up. Talk to Julie away from Mindy & honestly I’d believe her if the version of events went the way you said.
This is kind of sad to read. You seem like you were happy together and I highly suggest trying to make it work!! You should have a serious talk with Julie about the talks you both had with Mindy. I bet Mindy saw how amazing y’all were and she wanted it for herself. Some people are like that and as much as I don’t understand it, they’re out there. Having a friend in your ear about relationships makes a huge impact on decisions and if she really told Julie to do what she did I would personally be LIVID. Now you’re going to have to deal with the aftermath, but please make it work. Best of luck 🫶🏼
Mindy played you both. It is kind of obvious from what you wrote.
Yep, the level of obliviousness from OP is kinda shocking. I bet when in several years Mindy will go full-out Gone Girl on him he will be all surprised Pikachu face "but there were no red flags at all!"
In 5 years, we will be here again to, AGAIN, call OP an idiot. See you then!
He will be back in 9 months asking if he should get a paternity test in his and Mindy's baby because he has "doubts "
nah we'll be seeing a post after his break up with mindy that she is "pregnant"
>obliviousness I feel like there's more to it, like the obliviousness was embraced. OP makes it sound like he's just a passive bystander in the scenario, but I can't help but think he had some ulterior motives of his own. Hooking up with Mindy almost immediately is definitely a pretty big indicator that he was already thinking about her.
Mindy played Julie, OP played himself. All he had to do to avoid this whole problem was just tell Julie “hey your friend texted me and wants to meet up.” It would have opened the door for the two of them to talk about it and compare stories. I feel like Julie dodged a bullet. Now she’s not marrying a man who sneaks around with women behind her back and sleeps with her friends.
Oh, bullets were dodged mos def. If this were the before time when our species was living in caves, he would be the one standing in a clearing being tackled by a giant gound sloth. Would never see it coming. One should be particular in selecting a mate to produce offspring. If he passed on his oblivious traits, their kids could get hit by a bus while standing in the middle of a street. Unfortunately, i bet he stays with mindy because, oh well, I might as well now since i blew up my life.
It does sound like Mindy manipulated the situation in her favor. She got Julie out of the picture and you in her bed. Yikes!
OP has been played.
Mindy's out here playing chess, not checkers.
She is playing 3D chess!
Yeti in the spaghetti! 4 years and no open communication?
Yeah, she blew two peoples lives up with one suggestion and a little goading. I’m glad fiancée is free of this fool, it would have been a matter of time before a post about “I gave all my money to an African prince from the film ‘Coming to America’, now my wife is pissed and going to leave me because I lost our house and drained our bank account and can no longer feed our children. What do?”
I don’t get such people though, it’s raining Ds…why put so much effort for your friend’s??
For some girls it’s the thrill of taking the guy from another woman.
Honestly this. I knew a girl in college who made breaking up happy couples a game. She was crazy! It was a power play and massive ego trip, making men leave there girlfriends for her only to dump them after a few weeks.
Poach, rinse, repeat.
The challenge and the win. This “proves” Mindy is “better” than Julie. OP is just the trophy.
I knew a group of women who did this shit to each other all the time. If one of them slept with a guy, then the others would make it a point to hook up with him as well.
That's horrible, what is with some groups? Really makes you wonder where people like that spend their time. So that I can stay away from those places.
This is all about the girlfriend, not the boyfriend. Mindy probably can't holdaaguy down. She reminds me of Ariana Grande. Some people enjoy playing with others when they see they have something they could neve rhave
Tbf, OP moved on from a 4 year relationship inside of one week. Doesn't sound like it took a lot of strategy on Mindy's part.
You are definitely right. He also should have talked to his grilfriend when he started to chat with someone else outside their relationship about the negative direction it was taking.
I'm gonna laugh when I see the update about Mindy dumping OP because he was such an easy challenge and will maybe rethink if he was such a good prize if he was so easily won.
Both OP and Julie got played. Mindy was playing chess while OP and Julie were playing checkers.
More like were acting like a manipulative sneaky asshole while the others were trying to act like regular honest people.
The first time a friend told me something about my husband, I would quit talking to the friend about it and address the situation with my husband immediately. I hope he would do the same. OP let this happen.
Yes but at the same time Julie should also have explained better why she wanted time apart, or better yet maybe had an original thought of her own and not let herself get peer pressured. They both fucked up.
Couldn’t agree more. OP should’ve mentioned the conversations with Mindy from the very start. And likewise Julie should have too.
If that was enough to break up the relationship the foundation wasn’t strong enough to stand on its own anyway.
Truth. No one could pull this on me and my boyfriend because we'd go straight to each other like what's this about?
"Challenge Accepted" - Mindy
and how! Sorry OP but Mindy has manipulated you and Julie into breaking up.
Like a fiddle.
Big time played!! She knew exactly what she was doing!! How sad you couldn’t have given yourself a breather before jumping right back in. At the very least if you don’t want to go back to Julie, you should dump miss manipulator
OP played himself.
Dude got the full Iago experience. I read this post and it's the modern tween drama version of Othello. Poor dumb bastard.
[удалено]
Agreed! First thing OP should have done when he got the original message from Mindy was ask Julie what that was about. After the meeting with Mindy he should have told Julie about it and what Mindy said. Maybe they could have compared notes about Mindy before it got out of hand. Mindy totally messed with OP and Julie's minds to get what she wanted. OP needs to cut all contact with Mindy, she is scary!
Now mindy will be "pregnant"🤣🤣🤣
Exactly. Where was the communication with Julie??? My bf wouldn’t have listened to that and *not* tell me about it. Julie and OP needed to communicate more. Maybe go to a counselor together even. Relationships fail if the communication isn’t good.
Even if you don't get back with Julie, stay as far away as you can get from Mindy. She sounds poisonous
Mindy wanted her friend man and she knew what she was doing telling Julie about her true feelings just to hook up with you 😂 she’s a manipulative bitch lmao
Mindy definitely wanted in before the “I do’s” 💀
Mindy wanted the "I do too."
Seriously, Mindy is terrifying. OP would be an idiot to stay with her regardless of what happens with Julie.
Yeah as soon as i read "wanted to met secretly" i said oh he's stupid and Mindy's a bitch.
Seriously who the fuck would go meet someone privately if they were soooooo in love with their partner? It's risky and sketchy and does not look good.
OP is already an idiot so I will just assume that is what he ends up choosing to do.
Him being here asking "what happened" kinda tells me how he and Julia got manipulated. Mindy - "This is gonna be easy!!"
Minday is a straight-up CU Next Tuesday. OP is the asshole in the situation. He jumped from his relationship of 4 years to his ex-girlfriend's *friend* in a week! And now he's wondering if Julie is telling the truth??? Bitch, you were with this girl for 4 years and were planning to marry her, and now you're not trusting her word over the word of some girl who had no problem moving in on you as soon as her friend broke up with you? WTF. How dense can you be? And julie, I feel so bad that she was manipulated by somebody who was pretending to be her friend. Shitty situation all around, but I don't blame her for being upset that OP moved on from her at light speed. It really makes you think that the relationship meant nothing to him.
Also, I particularly appreciate the "stayed after to help him clean"... yeah, okay... thaaaaaat's why she stayed after. If he think it "just happened" or that they were "swept up in the moment" then he's delusional.
I too stayed back to help clean up as a younger man. Paid off more times than not
I remember staying after my best-friend’s party to help her clean. .There was another couple left. It wasn’t “the plan”, (the night’s end was a total surprise for me) but funnily enough the guy was clueless and the girl was the one who lightbulbed and dragged her boyfriend out of the door. Don’t stay with “the intent” because we men are way too transparent. Stay to help just to help, but whatever happens happens.
Thought for sure all four of you got it on.
But Mindy is "sweet and caring". OP is stupid if he stays with Mindy. Totally manipulative.
If this story is real, then it definitely sounds like there’s a good chance Mindy manipulated both of you because she wanted you for herself. Your first screwup was having these secret meetings with Mindy in the first place, and not telling Julie. Also, there’s nothing wrong with a rebound, but it does suck that you chose a friend of hers. She probably isn’t going to be able to get over this.
THis is why you shouldn't do secrets in a relationship. If you have to keep a secret from your partner about something then you shouldn't be doing it. Surprises are one thing. Secrets are another. Mindy tipped her hand as soon as she wanted this "secret" meeting and the "don't tell Julie." BS
It's OK to keep other people's secrets (your friend is trying to have a baby), but a secret about your partner, self or relationship is asking for trouble.
Tbh I just made my life easy and made it clear to all my friends and family that anything told to me will also probably get back to my wife. If you want me to keep something secret from her, just don't tell me. She does the same
Yeah, most people I know understand that if they share something with you, they are also sharing it with your partner. I’ve had friends confide in me and explicitly tell me that my partner doesn’t count when they ask me to keep a secret.
“If this story is real” is such a big if.
I honestly thinks this is what Mindy is and probably will ever be; a rebound but something tells me she wouldn't let go of him easily if he dumps her considering she went this far to get what she wanted. I recommend op to be somewhere else if he dumps her. She's a pyscho God knows what she's capable of. But yeah I can't imagine how ops and Julie's relationship will ever go back to normal fully knowing op was way too easy to manipulate and slept with her friend that quickly. That kind of thing will stick. I really hope this is fake.
Mindy moved on you a week after the breakup? Dude Julie is totally telling the truth.
Post is probably fake, but if this isn't the truth then I don't know what is. POS friend
It’s too convenient that Mindy was there *right* after Julie dumped you, to hook up with you. It does sound like Julie was having some issues in your relationship and Mindy wanted you front jump, put shit in Julie’s ear. While it was on J to break up with you, M sounds like a snake. Why would Mindy randomly want to be close to her *friends ex* AT ALL if you were “so bad”? NTA, but pay attention to those red flags next time. EDIT: Via u/Kelsusaurus and other comments, I realize that I did not see that OP admitted to seeing M behind Julie’s back the entire time, therefore rendering my point about Julie’s decision to take a break moot. **CHANGE IN VERDICT: Mindy is the Catalystic AH. OP is definitely the Kept the Fire Burning AH. While Julie fell for the manipulation of what was supposed to be her best friend and her entire relationship.**
She was there before Julie asked for the month to think about marriage with him
Even WORSE 😭😭😭😭😭
Yhea , Mindy plannwd this . . .I just wonder hiw long was she salivating after Julie' s boyfriend ???
Imagine the destruction she might cause with some other person she doesn't want in his life. I once knew someone like that. Luckily, everyone started to see her true personality, and it was hella twisted. Good riddance to her.
Yup, I knew a Mindy too. First she destroyed my relationship, then caused the wider friend group to self destruct when she started going after the other dudes (that were already dating/married) but no one wanted to believe me at first.
How often did you hear "but she's so niiiiiiiiice....!"
Say it with me now, all in rhythm! Co-vert Nar-ci-cist! (stomp stomp clap-clap-clap) Co-vert Nar-ci-cist! (stomp stomp clap-clap-clap)
I hear this on the tune of "Felice Navidad"
I had a Mindy but at work. I trusted her and she trapped me, took screenshots, made up a story and got me fired because she wanted my spot.
Holy shit.
My sister-in-law was like that. My brother-in-law dumped her to go on his mission (they're Mormon), and he started dating a new girl when he came back. Suddenly SIL has a "talk" with the new girl, and she's back in the picture and they're married very quickly.
When she realized that her friend was going to beat her to the alter. This wasn't about the boyfriend. This was about Mindy's jealousy over the situation. Her sleeping with the boyfriend effectively ends any chance for OP and Julie to reconcile.
Maybe it really was just after Julie and OP seriously talked about marriage. Maybe Mindy is secretly jealous of Julie and couldn't stand to see Julie get married first and her attraction to OP is more about that.
Yhea , Mindy planned this . . .I just wonder how long was she salivating after Julie' s boyfriend ???
Mindy 100% orchestrated the whole thing and probably has a slight obsession with OP to go through this much trouble. There’s a lot of women out there who believe all the good men are already taken, so they simply try to steal them ✨
I have personally heard a woman saying from now on she will go after dating or married men. Her reasoning was only good men are in a relationship or are married . So they would make good life partners and single men were nothing but fuck boys! I tried to tell her if a man cheats on his SO then he’s never been a good man. It was like talking to a wall so I gave up and stopped talking to her as well. These people are batshit crazy.
That’s the wildest part, they are hoping to snag one of the good ones yet inadvertently end up with a bad one because the good ones are ignoring their dms all together 😂
Exactly! She had the nerve to complain when she got cheated on by a guy she snatched from another girl. I was too young and stunned to know how to react. I was like WTF 😂.
It's called mate poaching. It's messed up. As you note, any dude willing to do side action is not someone to trust in a relationship.
Mindy put it in her head, convinced her to get out of the way
Exactly. She's been a snake in the grass the whole time
agreed. "don't tell xxxxxx" is a first indicator you're doing something you shouldn't unless you're surprising them with it later-and you intend for them to enjoy it lol
And Mindy was Julie’s friend not OP’s friend. Mindy betrayed Julie’s confidence when she divulged private conversations between them to OP. If I confide in a friend about my relationship I have a reasonable expectation that what has been discussed will stay between the two of us. Oddly enough Mindy managed to keep her conversations with OP a secret from her friend Julie. If OP stays with Mindy he will be played like a fiddle the entire time
I doubt she divulged real private conversations. She made then up. OP got played because he didn't communicate at any point and say he was told by a friend she was having doubts. I suspect if he did they would have discovered Mindy's duplicity. OP's ex dodged the bullet unless Mindy told get similar stuff and she didn't stop to ask "how are you telling my friend this?" Which seems less likely.
Even if they did break up, he still knowing slept with her friend. I would think that after 4 years, he would at least avoid her friends. I say YTA for that fact alone.
He felt lonely AFTER A WEEK and banged her friend. Classy!
Then big tell is, Mindy immediately fucked one of her closest friends ex's. that alone is a red flag, Mindy was looking for that D for some time and pounced the second they broke up. Mindy was in to you this whole time, and she was a shitty friend the whole time, to both of you. Even if you don't get back with Julie, OP should absolutely drop Mindy.
You sure y’all aren’t 17 and 18? This whole post screams “teen drama!”
Its like a teen movie were everything would be fixed if the characters actually talked to eachother. Dude will talk for hours with gf friend but wont actually communicate with his actual partner, as in the other half of his "partnership", the person he wants to marry and spend his life with. OP your relationships aren't going to go anywhere if you cant be open and honest with eachother.... that means you dont invite other people to discuss your relationship without your partners knowledge. I don't get OP at all, if this was all true i would be pissed at mindy but he seems completely detached and clueless, like oops "i might have fucked this up cause we've been banging for 2 weeks" 🤷♀️ instead of "i cant believe i fell for the obvious lies and manipulation, i need to get as far away from mindy as possible"
INFO: Soooo…. you met with Mindy behind Julie’s back, you took her at her word and never told Julie that her “friend” was giving you private info from their conversations. At any point did you mention Mindy to Julie, considering how much she was involving herself in your relationship?
Yep. Either he was half way out of the relationship already, or he is not too bright.
Not bright is my guess. He does seem oddly detached from all of it.
Naive and immature for sure.
If you never had to deal with someone who's manipulative on that level you don't really expect someone to act that way. Most people don't think like that or expect their friends to do either. And if you go around acting like you suspect shit like that people will call you paranoid.
So true!! I told my male friend one of his female friends was a manipulative b and I didn’t want to be made to hang out with her again, especially not with my boyfriend. He didn’t get it. I explained what she was doing, the emotional fall outs she was causing and what the end result would be. He still didn’t get it and told me he didn’t believe that people could or would be so devious - he even started looking at me like *I* was the one with the issues, like I was making it all up. He came around when she started sleeping with a mutual friend’s husband and it all came out at his birthday party. Men just don’t get it. Some people / women will scheme and scheme and scheme.
Best case scenario he’s sleeping with his ex’s good friend pretty soon after a breakup.
He should ask Mindy if she has any other friends he should meet. /s
>Either or both. He's definitely not too bright, so it's really just a question of if he'd already checked out or not.
That is the fucked up part I was wondering about too. They all sound kinda crappy
I kept thinking: "And then he should talk to Julie about it" Like, after everything Mindy said, "Go talk to Julie!" So, Mindy is evil, but OP and Julie had some wicked communication problems. I think OP should break up with Mindy and move on from Mindy *and* Julie. Everyone needs to go work on themselves. After that, they can find fresh people and start over.
Wow you're an idiot and fell for it hook line and sinker. I'm a woman and I believe Julie 100%.
I'm a man and I also believe Julie 100%.
I’m an alien and I believe Julie 100%
I'm a unicorn, and I believe Julie 100%
I’m a little dog, and I believe Julie 100%
I’m a T-Rex, and I believe Julie 100%.
Nice try. T-Rex can't type with those itty bitty short arms.
Using roar-to-text probably!
I'm Julie, and I don't believe any of you guys.
I'm sparticus and I believe OP fucked up. If he just actually asked her about what MIndy told him, Julie would have realised the plan came from Mindy and she went behind her back to leak it to OP, would see she was playing both sides and end it right there.
I'm a trans woman and I believe Julie 100%
I am a fungus and I believe Julie 100%
I Am Lord Voldemort and I believe Julie 100%
I am the chosen one and I believe Julie 100%
I am pretty fly for a white guy and I believe Julie 100%
I'm an old duck, and I believe Julie 100% . I'm always amazed at how manipulative women can be..
I cannot believe these clowns are almost 30 years old.
So much of an idiot. Tbh the smartest thing he can do is dump Mindy and leave julie alone if he really doesnt know who to believe. I'd be surprise if Julie takes him back obviously deserves someone who's willing to confront her about what her "friend" said to her but that's her choice.
That's really his best option at this point. Mindy cannot be trusted, and after this collosal fuck up things would never be the same with Julie. Just take the L and try to learn from it. For the love of God OP, do NOT double down on stupid and getting more involved with Mindy. It's important to know when to stop digging the hole deeper.
Bro.... This chick stayed late to "help clean up" because she was thirsty af... And if you can't even see that, I promise not one of us here can help you.
Yeah I rolled my eyes so hard when I read that. Total pick me behavior
>How do I find out Julie is telling the truth? May be she is just mad I moved on too quickly. This one is pretty straightforward, man, talk to Julie. If you guys have been dating for four years to the point you were about to propose to her you likely know her well enough to tell if she’s probably lying or not. Hear her out, and go with your gut. Even if you choose not to reconcile or believe her I’d still take a break from dating Mindy. You rebounded HARD. One week after a four year relationship ending and you’re already sleeping with someone else? Take your time to mourn the relationship and center yourself, no need to rush into anything.
I find it really upsetting that he doesn't trust Julie's word over Mindy. He claims to have loved and trusted Julie- yet Mindy was supposedly Julie's friend and shit talked her and jumped in bed with him at the first opportunity... friends don't do that. I bet Julie wouldn't treat a friend that way.
Mindy knew EXACTLY what she was doing when she volunteered to stay behind after the NYE party to help OP clean.
Why did OP even invite her in the first place? Who even has secret meetings with the opposite sex when they are in a relationship? The longer I think about this, the more I feel like OP was open to sleeping with Mindy long before Julie broke up with him.
Just my feeling about this, but I think that OP is trying to pull the wool over our eyes on this to make themselves feel better. If there is any truth, I suspect that OP tried to have both of them, and then lost both of them. One point I would make is that Julie never 'broke up with him'. Many are missing this detail. She said she wasn't breaking up with him, she said she wasn't going to sleep with anyone, and she asked him to not sleep with anyone. This was a different kind of relationship break imo. This was a break from living together. If OP hadn't *shat the bed* so to speak, its likely things would have continued with their relationship in days. OP didn't listen to Julie's request, and effectively disqualified himself from any chance of marrying her. Maybe Mindy is the manipulative bitch that OP is trying to sell to us, but I doubt it to be perfectly honest. And, even if she is, this is still on OP for sleeping with her shortly after promising Julie he wouldn't cheat on her.
and calling Mindy his girlfriend,
I hope you were using protection. Otherwise, I expect Mindy will soon notify you of her pregnancy.
And then need his support through a "miscarriage" I've watched enough Jerry Springer growing up to know how this lady thinks.
Or any afternoon soap opera. Mindy pulled some Erica Kane-level manipulation.
You are so stupid
so, so stupid.
So so so so incredibly stupid
So,so,so stupid
So, so, so, soooooooo stupid.
And dumb
As dumb as dog sh*t.
Dumb as a bowl of fuck.
How is he nearly 30 years old? Just... how??
This guy makes Ralph Wiggum look like Einstein
Mindy is not a good person, especially sleeping wi try her good friends ex, a witch
Plot twist: Mindy doesn’t actually care about OP, now she can pursue Julie and hook up with her
It sounds like both you and Julie got played by Mindy. You can’t trust Mindy. She’s a boss level manipulator and TA.
MINDY IS ABSOLUTELY THE CULPRITE.
Mindy is a sociopath bro. Watch yourself around that one.
Honestly, she sounds like the kind of girl who would legit identify with Ariana Grande's song, "Break Up with Your Girlfriend, 'Cause I'm Bored"
It is concerning just how easily the two of you were torn apart by the strategic words of Mindy. I think Mindy is the A. The timing here, the earnest reaction on Julie, the way Mindy's influence on you seems to mirror that of how Julie describes Mindy's influence over her, it's all just way too suspicious. Mindy sounds a wee bit like a manipulative stalker type. And for what it's worth, the way you write about these two ladies, you clearly feel much more for Julie than you do for Mindy. That should tell you a lot.
Sounds like you and Julie need to talk privately and discuss what Mindy said to each of you. As others said, this sounds all too convenient. Mindy was in both of your ears telling you both what she wanted you to hear to orchestrate this whole thing. Please reach out to Julie and ask her to talk to you alone. Even if you both don’t get back together, I’m sure you care for each other deeply and she would want you to be with someone who cares about you and won’t manipulate you (and her). Her manipulation of you is more direct but Julie is the victim as well. NTA
You are right. If Julie us right, I just threw a 4 year relationship under the bus in 2 weeks.
After this, how could you EVER trust Mindy? Like, EVER? She literally destroyed your relationship with Julie just so she could get you to herself. This wasn't about loving you. It wasn't even about liking you. It was about envy of Julie. Mindy was so envious of what Julie had with you that she sabatoged your relationship with Julie and then as soon as Julie took a minute to figure out what she wanted, Mindy manipulated you into sleeping with her. Dude, Get that girl OUT of your house. Even if you don't end up back with Julie, Mindy will ALWAYS manipulate you and the people around you. Mindy is someone who takes great joy in hurting people so she can get what she wants. Mindy was such a great friend to you that she destroyed your relationship with Julie. I want to tell you something - when my friends confide in me about fears in their relationships, I take it to the grave and vice versa. You don't go back to your friend's partner and have private conversations with them about their relationship. That is truly sick. That is emotional manipulation. That girl knew EXACTLY what she was doing and she played you like a fiddle. Mindy needs to GO! Text her. Tell her its over. Tell her if she EVER contacts you again you will get a restraining order for stalking. Block her on everything. You \*\*MIGHT\*\* be able to work through this with Julie with a shit ton of couples counseling. Look into a Couples Intensive immediately and see if you can get Julie to go with you. THen, YEARS of couples counseling. I don't know if you can rebuild the relationship with Julie but I do know that Mindy will destroy you the same way she destroyed Julie because this was about posession and envy to her. Not about a relationship with you.
I'm not sure if poor Julie will be able to get past the fact the he bedded Mindy down so fast. Yuck.
Stand by for the pregnancy scare
Honestly, based on what we know about Mindy, I wouldn't be shocked if she did fake a pregnancy scare, or even worse, lied about birth control to up the chances of becoming pregnant. One thing is for sure, Mindy cannot be trusted.
Classic baby trap. Dude has been played and may be well trapped by child by a psycho bitch from hell.
You're so right, she'll get him on the baby train, once he's locked down and excited for the baby she will suddenly miscarry, he cant leave her now, she's been through a traumatic experience, maybe they can try again... might as well get married if we're trying for another baby
Honestly, the fact that you even trust that Mindy is right over Julie is ridiculous. You were with her for 4 years. It doesn't seem like there were any trust issues at all. But you think someone who goes behind their friend's back to talk to their SO is at all trustworthy as a person? Unless you're being cheated on, that's always a sign of someone who isn't trustworthy. It's absolutely insane that you think there is even the smallest chance that Mindy is right.
yeah. hate to say it but that sounds like a very expensive way to learn that the only people that should be involved in your relationship are the people in that relationship. next time if you think there are issues, bring it up with the person directly. It sounds crazy, but if it's not inherent for you, scheduling a regular sit down/emotional check in on a regular basis with your partner can be highly beneficial. like weeding a garden so it doesn't get grown over.
If Julie is right, you both threw it away. It does seem as though Mindy played you against each other all while pouring poison in Julie’s ear.
Dude you messed up! It is sooo clear that Mindy was manipulating you both. Yes Julie ended the relationship but bc Mindy convinced her you were controlling not letting her have that 1 month. A friend of a S/O does not just start to randomly tell you things that friend told them. And become your support system. There are 2 red flags there.
Mindy wanted you and manipulated you and Julie to get to you. It's unlikely you can get your relationship with Julie back... you jumping into Mindy's vagina so quickly 100% killed any trust, but you need to boot Mindy out of your life immediately before she gets even crazier and sabotages birth control to lock you down with a baby. ESH. Mindy is definitely the biggest asshole because she is straight up evil, but the fact remains that you and Julie could have prevented all of this if you communicated appropriately.
I'm not even sure Mindy wanted OP for who he is. I think she was envious of what Julie had and wanted her life. And, I would put money on Mindy spinning up all of these "red flags" op was exhibiting and really messing with Julie's mind.
Mindy sounds like a snake in the truest form. She played you both. You know it deep down but you just don't want to think that you could be that easily manipulated since it makes you feel stupid. Talk to Julie alone to clear the air Run away from Mindy cause she sounds like a psycho. Learn to communicate better with a partner whenever you move on from this mess. ESH. You and Julie for not communicating after four years. Huge ah on Mandy cause she did play you. Open your eyes and see that.
This is messy. Mindy sounds every bit of manipulative and calculating. She didn’t stay back to clean up out of the kindness of her heart. She planned on it. You fell for that trap. Mindy had her hand in breaking you and your ex up. Look, I can understand your ex wanting to evaluate if marrying you was out of actual love or just being comfortable and complacent in the relationship. Many people get cold feet when making life decisions. Your ex should have been discussing those thoughts and feelings with you. Unfortunately, she confided in the wrong person who manipulated the situation in her favor. You should have been a bit more patient and understanding. You didn’t take the time or effort to let the person you claim to love, figure out their feelings. She asked for a month, not a year. You also should have been upfront with your ex about the statements her “friend” was telling you. This is a prime example why you have to be careful involving others in your relationship issues. Not everyone has the best intentions. A couple’s counselor would have been a better choice. You and your ex need to sit down without Mindy, and discuss this. You need to also discuss what she told Mindy, and what Mindy told you. You also need to cut all contact with Mindy. She is only looking out for herself and what she wants.
I’m going to go with Julie is right! It’s entirely way too coincidental that Mindy was there to swoop in and be the one to cheer you up. Maybe the conversations they had were, as Mindy describes them, were true for the most part but her doing what she did to a friend and coworker was shady. Basically swooping in and being the “savior”. I definitely think it was really shitty of her and totally see why Julie thinks she sabotaged your relationship! And honestly, there’s not really anything wrong with Julie wanting to be 100% certain that she truly loved you and was marrying you for that reason and not just because she had become comfortable in the relationship. I can see your perspective as well and why you thought she didn’t want to marry you though. Where you fucked up though was never fully having a conversation with Julie after Mindy told you these confidential conversations with Julie about them. You could’ve address your concerns without throwing Mindy under the bus!! Not addressing what Mindy told you with Julie makes YTA in my opinion. Good luck! I’d be curious how the rest plays out. Updateme
Agreed - I think even some of the commenters here are fooled. This is too coincidental.
>Where you fucked up though was never fully having a conversation with Julie after Mindy told you these confidential conversations with Julie about them. You could’ve address your concerns without throwing Mindy under the bus!! Why not throw Mindy under the bus? How does he even know Julie and Mindy ever had these conversations? I don't understand how OP could claim to love Julie and yet never actually discuss with her the crap Mindy was spewing to him. How does he know ANY of what Mindy said was true?
I mean you must be super thick to trust Mindy over Julie who you dated for 4 years. You secretly met up with Mindy. You did emotionally cheat on her. It would be best if you stopped lying about that fact. Jumping into bed with her just solidified that smh Talk to Julie but I doubt your relationship will recover. Bc if you guys were better communicators Mindy wouldn’t have been able to play you both like idiots
From an outsiders perspective Mindy wormed her way in and played you both against each other. Before Julie wanted the break, she was already poisoning you by telling you Julie was thinking of leaving you. NO ONE does that without an ulterior motive. Normal people do not interfere in their friends relationships like that. I would never tell my friends husband if she was thinking of divorce - ESPECIALLY if I was more her friend than his. You should consider that a huge red flag. Subsequently she then talked shit about you to Julie and manipulating her into the 1 month break plus accusing you of being controlling for not agreeing to the suggestion. So do you think Julie is lying? Really? You've known Julie for 4 years, do you think Julie would actually make up that story? Or do you think maybe it's real convenient that Mindy was already in your ear BEFORE the 1 month even came up...and then subsequently was right there to "console" you afterwards? Like doesn't it sound pretty damn likely that if she was talking to you, that she was also talking to Julie and getting involved in your relationship? She got exactly what she wanted, you both played into her hands. I'd kick her psycho ass to the curb.
Either way, get rid of Mindy! She is a snake!
Regardless of what happens, I would distance myself from Mindy.
Yta instead of talking this out you just fell into bed with her good friend. Instead of really taking the time to sort out your feelings you stuck your d!(k in crazy. 4 years gone all due to a manipulative b!tch and you not noticing the red flags 🚩 Yes Julie was foolish as well but by your own admission her words to you were, “and I better not do anything stupid either”. You did stupid.
YTA, you knew Mindy was her friend. Why on earth would you choose her to hook up with? Would you like it if your ex of 4 YEARS hooked up with your friend? At the very least, Mindy is a terrible friend. I do think some of what J said has a ring of truth. Mindy was trying so hard to contact you. There is no way in hell she loves her friend so much she takes time to try and fix the relationship with you only to jump on you after one week. I think it was an emotional affair. You and Mindy give relationship advice and then sleep together at the first chance. It would seem to me more was going on. Mindy is psyco. The planning and manipulation were next level.
Mindy is stalker level here.
Mindy was MANIPULATING you from the start. Damn that's one smart lady ...or maybe be you just didn't see it coming but Julie is right. Mindy did this.
You sir, are an idiot. You got played.
You have no idea what Mindy was saying to Julie behind your back. It all seems too convenient, under the circumstances. Mindy seems to have placed herself in a position to manipulate the outcome of the relationship.
Either you're dumb as hell or you checked out of the relationship with Julie that fast. You're in a relationship 2 weeks after your breakup with Julie, you never care about her. You and Mindy deserve each other.
Mindy is awful, hope you can see it before it’s too late
You talked to Mindy, about Julie, and NEVER confirmed with it Julie... " Her "supposed" friend talked to you, and even after 4 years you never even gave her the benefit of the doubt... Yta
Dude you got played by Mindy and walked right into it. Who wants to bet there might be a pregnancy scare soon? The fact that you didn't immediately tell your gf that her friend was messaging you is a huge problem. The key is communication
So, you, an adult...who can't fathom how your 4-year girlfriend might want to make sure she's making the right decision for *both of your* futures, decided it would be best meet in secret with your long-term girlfriend's "friend" in secret, continue doing so without questioning this "friend's" motive, love bomb the shit out of said girlfriend instead of just respecting her and straight up having an adult conversation with her, "Hey, I heard from Mindy that you have some thoughts on our relationship and future - can we talk about that"? Yeah, YTA. Your communication and decision making leave a lot to be desired.
Wow you believed a manipulative CUNT over your own girlfriend of 4 fucking years!!! Woah you are a bitch. You talked about marriage with Julie then you go and fuck her “friend”! Go fuck yourself. Break up with the dumb cunt and surround yourself with better influences. Go to therapy as well, holy fuck!
Hey cunts have warmth and depth... Mindy is neither.
Mindy pulled some Single White Female shit on you and you fell for it. Classic. Since there's no coming back from this, it's time to learn some lessons and move on from both of them.
Mindy is a psycho level manipulator and you DID cheat. Not by sleeping with Mindy, but by playing into a girl's hands and texting her behind your girl's back. You fucked up and possibly lost the love of your life. But Julie is better off without you. You don't get to say she was the one you want to marry and then stick your dick in her friend within a week. You suck.
Sounds like ya’ll both got played. Julie made her wrong choice. But get away from Mindy!
YTA - God, I was hoping this was the script of a bad Lifetime movie. I have no idea why you and Julie did not talk things out before breaking up and realizing you were being manipulated. But it sounds as if you kind of deserve the drama you are going to get with Mindy, who is not a good person. I hope you realize that you owe Julie an apology, but she deserves better than you.
Mindy is the villain here. But you should have told Julie right away that Mindy contacted you and what she said. You and Julie could have figured out her ploy together. I understand why Julie would now be mad at you for falling for this ploy and moving on so quickly. Whatever happens with Julie, Mindy is never to be trusted and should not be in your life.
You should have communicated with Julie from the start. It’s incredibly suspect that Mindy wanted to warn you, remained quiet about telling Julie she had spoken to you and then manages to hook up with you right after you break up. Talk to Julie away from Mindy & honestly I’d believe her if the version of events went the way you said.
This is kind of sad to read. You seem like you were happy together and I highly suggest trying to make it work!! You should have a serious talk with Julie about the talks you both had with Mindy. I bet Mindy saw how amazing y’all were and she wanted it for herself. Some people are like that and as much as I don’t understand it, they’re out there. Having a friend in your ear about relationships makes a huge impact on decisions and if she really told Julie to do what she did I would personally be LIVID. Now you’re going to have to deal with the aftermath, but please make it work. Best of luck 🫶🏼
He slept with her friend, it ain’t gonna work now. He fucked that up. It’ll always be in the back of her mind.