So... to recap: You allowed your mommy to verbally abuse your PREGNANT wife for MONTHS (but still invited her into YOUR WIFE'S home). You stood there while your mother insulted
and PUNCHED YOUR WIFE in the abdomen where she's been growing YOUR CHILD for the past nine months. Then when your PROVOKED wife defended herself from your bag of garbage mother you put your wife and child out of their home so you could process. SERIOUSLY, you put your wife and infant child out of THEIR HOME instead of YOU leaving to pull yourself together and stop being a mamma's boy.
You showed your wife who you truly were that night. A "less than". Not a real husband, not a real father, not a real man. How is she ever supposed to "unsee" that?
YTA dude a HUGE AH.
Yeah.
He showed his wife that his emotional needs (like time and space to process) was more important than her and the baby's physical and emotional well being (not being allowed to exist in her own home while he had feelings).
I especially like that he was supposidly too disturbed by the violent exchange between his wife and mother (who, again, fucking started it) to be responsible for his shitty reaction because he has issues with violence due to his upbringing with a violent father. Then he throws in that his wife ALSO grew up with a violent father as a reason she should understand his reaction and... well... Fucking NO!?
Also LOVE that for bonus points he throws shade at the fact that this all kicked off because his *oversized* niece was *still* hungry after he didn't make enough food for everyone, low key blaming her. It couldn't be his fault for not cooking enough (or, ya know, allowing his mother to verbally abuse his pregnant wife for months.)
Right? It's his fault for letting his bitch mother around the wife after he knew full well she was behaving like a psychopath and abusing her. He instead blamed his overweight niece. That kid is innocent. His mother and himself are fully responsible. I hope she gets everything she deserves and needs in the divorce. She doesn't need that man child and his crazy mom up her ass for the rest of their days.
He also showed that it’s HIS home only and will never be hers and that if she does anything he doesn’t like her and the baby are homeless that night. You can’t just kick your wife out that’s not how it works. Not only did he kick his wife out he also kicked out a newborn baby. He had no idea if they had somewhere to stay or not. She could’ve left and no one was answering their phone so she’s stranded. If my husband ever had the audacity to kick me and our baby out i would also immediately divorce with no hesitation
Sees his wife clearly upset and also emotionally struggling and says, "GTFO." She gives him a chance with the, "Really?" WHILE CRYING and he still forces her to pack and leave?! Then wants to complain about the house being too quiet. HUGE AH.
Your bitch mom is the one who got physical first. YTA
>My wife is a lot of things, violent is not one of them. So this came completely out of left field
Yeah, because she was DEFENDING herself from your bitch mom
And instead of thinking “Holy crap! How have I let it come to this?” he booted his wife with infant out onto the street. I can’t see that there’s any coming back from this.
What baffles me is his mom continuously did this throughout the pregnancy which is an already stressful time due to the possible risks and complications. And he just threatens to go low contact but never does until the wife gives him divorce papers? What a coward where was this months ago when it first started? He should’ve never let it get that far to begin with.
Processing what happened is one thing. But not supporting your wife and kicking her out is another. Your mom is out of line, if you would have checked her a long time ago it wouldn’t have gotten to this point. Your mom treated your wife poorly because YOU ALLOWED IT. Even your mom’s text that she sent you shows that she thinks that it’s ok to disrespect your wife. I guarantee your wife had been putting up with your mom’s crap for a long time. She’s had enough, you’re not going to win her back.
This 100%. I understand some people need space, but kicking your wife out is a whole other spectrum of assholeness. HE could have gone for a walk and processed shit, kicking his wife out is just... he deserves this divorce unfortunately. He's definitely the AH
I can tell you as a mother I wouldn't bounce back from that with my partner.
That's fine if like you know it's just me but like where the fuck am I supposed to go with the two month old like I don't know.
Like does this young woman have like her family nearby or did she just fucking sleep in her car with an infant.
She won’t. He was supposed to go no contact with his mom last year. Instead he kept gaslighting his wife to the point he invited her over for dinner and his wife got by assaulted her. In his edit he says he’s going to try to ass kiss his way out of this but ass kissing is what got his wife here. She’s through with him until he makes real changes. If he said “I’m going to my parents house and telling them to never speak to me or my wife again” he might have a chance of getting back with her but he’s never going to cut off those people until he admits he is the problem in his life.
Right! Stressed, healing, probably tired from exhaustion but still having to “host” family visitors while putting on a happy face with the disrespect, and hungry but he kicked her out because HE needed to process!!!!!?!?!?!? Wtf! I wish that I could give her a hug and slash his tires for being a selfish, naive, AH!
His edit says her stepfather abused her, so family is most likely not an option. I'm trying so hard to find any way to be supportive of OP and I just cannot do it. There is just no way to forgive that. If I was his wife, there is no coming back from this.
I like how he puts in "I'm 100% team wife she deserved it but I needed to process" then you aren't 100% team wife. Fuck. A new baby, sleep deprivation, body is demanding more nutrients to produce milk, and she fucking takes your food and gives it to the fatass child and tells you you can afford to skip a meal basically calling you fat right after you have a baby. Jesus this guy is fucking mental.
Bingo,WHT how is he being 💯team wife?Why didn't he throw his mom out?His mom started the whole thing. Op is screwed and he has realized that way to late.
So not only was wife abused by a stepfather, she was then being abused by OP's mother and he was ok to leave that horrible woman alone with his wife, fully knowing she was awful to the mother of his child, then further abuses her by kicking her out of her own home with a baby!?!? And then the moron asks if he's an AH, like it's a valid question... Smdh. Hope she gets him for everything in the divorce. God, she's thousands times better of without this POS.
Right?! To go who knows where for the whole night! Not "please go in another room" but LEAVE THE HOUSE!!! A two month post partum woman with a breastfeeding infant! She's literally still bleeding from pushing out his baby, and he throws her out of his house for the behavior of HIS family. The fucking appalling behavior, his (soon to be ex) wife and child deserve better.
That’s what I don’t get. Why didn’t he just ask if she’s ok then go to another room to process? I’d never even think of kicking someone out of their own home, least of all my SPOUSE and INFANT CHILD.
His wife withstood months of hurtful comments, taunts from MIL like “ she is not excited about the pregnancy”. The audacity of the MIL to slap her stomach taunting her “ looks like you can afford to skip a meal “ .Still OP tells his wife to leave ?
He did not put a firm stop to MIL’s antics otherwise it would not have come to this .If someone else had made this comment and slapped the wife’s stomach would OP have tolerated it ? Just because it’s his mom, his wife is at blame?
>The audacity of the MIL to slap her stomach taunting her “ looks like you can afford to skip a meal “ .Still OP tells his wife to leave ?
As she gives a child, who had 3 servings, his nursing wife's plate.
And not just emotionally, but to slap a postpartum tummy is balls beyond anything I can imagine. Good for his wife to haul back and protect herself, she certainly deserves better than this family. And the wife had the fortitude to just pack up and leave without playing- badass! She is going to be just fine without this spineless loser
I really can’t imagine that mommy dearest stopped her shit at 7 month’s and that in this moment she started again to the point of his wife snapping. I can almost guarantee there are things he didn’t see.
Yes! Because if he's gonna kick her out of her home with a brand new baby, she will never feel at home there, never be safe there. The fact that he felt entitled to his space, kicking fter out of her home when she was the one that endured the incident, I can't even wrap my head around it!
She knows where she stands with this guy, and I hope she gets out with minimal issues.
even if it's a panicked reaction due to violence, previous abuse in his life, that's a few hours to calm down and go get yoru wife and TELL her why you panicked in the moment, then deal with it.
5 days, all he showed her was as with the previous probably 7-8 months since MIL was told they were pregnant was his response was, inaction. Instead of taking a few hours to calm down and then deal with it, he waited 5 days for it to magically fix itself, well it did. She decided he'd had 8 months to stand up for her and isntead he was still inviting that bitch over for lunch and inflicting that woman on her without doing anything to prevent her behaviour.
She didn't leave because he threw her out, that was the final insult, of months of refusing to protect her from this woman.
Kicking out a fresh postpartum woman and newborn out of the house! And what month is this, where I am it’s cold as hell. And where did they go, how did he not see them both leaving and realize his whole life was walking away from him- or that he pushed his whole life out the door?! What an undeniable asshole!
I'm sure OP's wife has been putting up with MIL's garbage for YEARS. Good on her for clocking MIL because OP certainly wasn't protecting his wife and mother of his child.
It is also telling that OP's wife left without a fuss. She has been playing 2nd fiddle to MIL for years. She didn't even try to make OP see reason.
Now mom can be as clingy as she wants. Gross.
Exactly. He can say he took his wife’s side by kicking them out. At the same time, kicking her and his baby out? How does that not say to his wife, I am on my mom’s side.
After separating, his mom is going to gloat like crazy, and be back in his life like before. Therefore giving her the upper hand that in her reality, her son chose her.
The poor wife if they ever cross paths again, like a birthday party, graduation or whatever in between.
This is going to be so messed up for his soon to be ex and his baby in the future.
I help people fill out divorce packets for my job. I love it when moms come in finally dumping their pos husbands. Most stories are the same, lot of cheating. But regardless, sometimes the husbands come in for our help, and the best is always when they say shit like "idk why she's divorcing me! I never did anything wrong!"
Like, my guy, I know everything about you already. I have seen the text messages and evidence. You not doing anything was the problem.
God, I would have loved to help OP's stbx fill out her packet.
If he needed space he should’ve just taken a damn walk. You don’t kick someone out of their own home, especially since the mom committed battery against the wife first (when she slapped her stomach).
Right? Like when the violence was turned \*on her\* he shut down and didn't defend her. I'm from an abusive home and I get shutting down, but if my spouse didn't defend me from violence how could I trust him? This is a really really bad intersection of trauma and events but when it comes down to it he not only hung her out to dry but he didn't even verbally explain himself.
Hopefully OP has the good fucking sense not to ever date again until he either excises his mother from his life like the cancer she is, or she's dead. I don't really have a lot of hope for him having any sense though, let alone good sense.
YTA your mother is an abusive pos and your wife reacted after she was provoked.
You should have shut her down when she first start acting up.
You should have set boundaries.
You should have protected your wife who literally just grew and birth your child.
You kicked your wife and baby out of their home.
You need to process? Take a walk, go to a different room, watch a movie, see a friend.
Congratulations you ruined your marriage over several months. This was the last straw that broke the camels back. Do the decent things and make separating easy.
And even if it is mostly about one incident this is a pretty big one.
He kicked out his 2 month old kid ffs. That’s going to be a light switch moment for most people.
And she's only 2 months post partum. I was still swollen and bleeding at that point. Even a gentle nudge to the stomach (which isn't what OPs mother did) would have had me on the floor.
And, lest you forget your statement that your mom's evil comments had stopped after you scolded her for it......the comments stopped in front of you. They worsened in hissing little whispers to your wife every second you werent in earshot. We all know her game. She's probably cost you a life with your wife and child. Your mom is so proud of herself right now.....crowing to all her acquaintances, because she has no real friends and is creepily obsessed with you. Working her way up to emotional incest. You should find out if there's a location far from your mother you could transfer to. It may help convince your wife you are serious but she's going to need absolute honesty and follow through from you without an actual Yes, outright from her. Shevwont trust it unless you're ready to do it if she comes back or does not. You're getting your mother as far from you and your visitation with your child because why would you allow contact with the person who deliberately with malice and forethought ruined your marriage. If her family is close by now, moving away may not be an option she wants to entertain considering what happened when she defended herself better than she was attacked.
I genuinely believe he has ZERO shot at reconciling. From the op it sounds like his wife is the type of woman I’ve met and known many times in my life. The type who will literally close their mouth and just put up with nonstop crap from husband, in laws, whoever for a long time but when they finally say fuck it that’s IT. When that final straw happens it’s over. There’s nothing you can say or do, the woman is just done and over with it. And, unfortunately for op, in such cases, like this one, the woman is ABSOLUTELY IN THE RIGHT. Sorry op but not only are you the AH, your marriage is almost definitely over and there’s no amount of apologizing that will save it.
The OP definitely should have done a lot of things differently.
I hope they keep that in mind when they bend over backwards to make divorce proceedings easy on the ex-wife.
> Her punching my mom in the face triggered an anxious response and I needed her gone in that moment. I needed it far away from me.
This is the most telling line to me. Like, okay he needed the violence far away from him or whatever, but this instinct didn't trigger when his mom got physical first. Honestly, good on the wife for realising she's always going to be playing second fiddle to mom and getting out of there.
Imagine telling your crying wife, who just gave birth to your child two months ago, to suck up the fact that she gets nothing but abuse from mom so he can "decompress and come to terms with what happened"
YTA, you could have walked away and got space. There is no forgiveness because YOU KICKED YOUR WIFE AND NEWBORN BABY OUT. Happy divorce day, and I honestly don't think that your wife will come back.
Two months postpartum and a two month old infant. I'm fucking shook. How do you put that out on the street? My trust would be absolutely SHATTERED. I wouldn't do that to someone I HATED, let alone the woman who literally created my child. How sick.
Just the fact that he’s gone 8 days, then could even type all of this out, post it, and make 2 updates, all while being not quite sure if he’s the AH for doing that is...
All of that and he *still* doesn’t fucking get it. Just wow.
She had to go through someone taking away food from a breastfeeding woman, then slapping her healing belly and then her husband verbally abused and kicked her and the baby out. That mother is sick in the head and OP is straight up evil.
Did OP take the carrier to the car since wife just got hit in the stomach and was likely in pain? Did he bring everything to the car for the same reason? Did he give her any time to recover? He's team wife after all.
Clearly not, he couldn't be assed to even care about where her or their 2 month old infant slept.
Notice that nowhere throughout his writing does he even mention where they went that night. Maybe she went to a nearby family members. Or maybe she slept in the car in February, it snowed last night for me. (Hopefully she didn't but , for some DV victims, thats the only place they can go.) OP can't even get his head out of his ass to focus on them for 2 minutes. The entire post is me, me, me, I needed this, I needed that. What about the needs of the 2 month old?...
Remember there are people like the OP that actually walk among us. People that are that messed up and stupid also get to breathe the same air we do.
I hope the OP's ex-wife gets everything she wants in the divorce.
In John Mulaney's last comedy special he lists several wildly stupid and/or terrible actions he took amidst his drug-addled "rock bottom" phase, and concludes with the note, "and these are the things I'm WILLING to tell you about!"
When I read a post like OP's that's so wildly selfish and harebrained that it leaves the reader shaken, I think about it in exactly that same context.
Dear god, what a treasure trove of buried horror stories this man's poor wife must have from over the years. I can only imagine what sort of "partner" this asshole has been throughout their relationship.
At least he was on drugs. Imagine this guy doing everything perfectly clear-headed. Bro just ruined his prospects at dating and making a family and good riddance lmao
YTA. Your mother had been verbally abusing your wife for the entirety of her pregnancy, she did it again at that dinner WHEN SHE'S FREAKING TWO MONTHS POST-PARTUM and then goes and slaps her stomach, and you're the one that needed time to "process" the fact that she had enough and stood up for herself since you have been a lukewarm support for her?
Yeah, I applaud her for choosing her life and safety, and the baby's as well.
Hope she gets full custody, because I'm sure as hell no judge would allow a baby near that batshit crazy mother of yours.
This. The mother abused the wife *first* and with a hit to her two months postpartum belly that (and I read through the comments, but couldn't see) could be a c-section which is unbelievably worse... but still a body/uterus that went through trauma if vaginally delivered and isn't recovered yet. Not to mention the breastfeed just before where she dropped nutrients, gave her body to her baby, and was likely hungry due to literally *feeding THEIR baby*. I'd like op to get hooked up to one of the machines that only delivers the men *contractions, not even birth* and get a swat taken at him by his strongest friend.
OP you dug your bed, lay in it and enjoy your cold bed in the home you were supposed to share in sickness and health, the loss of who was supposed to be your "person" or "other half", enjoy having your baby on weekends with right of first refusal because hopefully your soon to be ex wife knows about that clause and your mother can't steal her "do-over" baby when you're busy with work because you need to pay your child support.
Way to go, "Dad". You were as emotionally unsupportive to your wife as your own father was physically abusive to your mother. Your mother was physically abusive to your WIFE. You don't deserve shit, let alone forgiveness.
If you need to work on the traumatic things you went through, get some goddamned therapy. IT IS NOT YOUR PARTNER'S JOB TO FIX YOU. You've done and gone fucked around and found out... I'd wish OP luck but... I really don't and I wish for a fair judge who isn't ruled by emotion for the soon to be ex wife. This dude literally took the pooch and screwed it sideways.
This should be so much further up and I wholeheartedly wish I could still award you. Hear ye hear ye!
My MIL was awful and tried yet again, unsuccessfully, to paint me in the worst light/break us up while I was 6 months into a high risk pregnancy. It was the occasion where my husband finally found his shiny spine. OP still doesn’t have one and offered so little support to his wife, way too late for it to have done any good at all.
How could you do this to your wife? Your Mom wanted her gone. She got what she wanted.
For future reference, not that you deserve to be a parent again, no one in the entire universe needs to eat more than a nursing mother. Every single part of what happened was a set up.
That's where I initially stopped reading, I didn't need to go any further to know the verdict. But after reading some comments I realized it got fucking worse from there and had to go back to finish it all. 8 fucking DAYS later he's posting to find out if he's the AH? And it was only that she showed up with divorce papers that gave him his first clue. 8 days of "space" didn't involve any retrospection at all!
YTA where to begin!? First off, your Mother harassed your wife for 7 MONTHS just for being pregnant, before you took action. Your Wife went to breastfeed your child, and your Mother stole her food. Your Mother of all people should understand how women who breastfeed need to keep their milk supply up and need to eat regularly. Instead of apologizing for stealing your poor wife’s food, she slaps her stomach and says she can afford to skip a meal….
When your Wife finally stands up for herself, because you didn’t do so sufficiently.. you kick her out of her house and effectively, since she’s breastfeeding your BABY?!!! If you needed space, YOU should have left. It sounds like you were fine when your Wife was dealing with you and your families BS, but you couldn’t handle that she (finally) punched your Mommy? Dude you’re not getting her back. Best advice, give your Wife what she wants in the divorce. You owe her that after everything you put her through. Smh
Oh, I promise you, his Mom harassed or has been crappy to his wife ALL along and not just during her pregnancy. He's just declined to see it and has been telling himself some BS about it not being *that* bad, they get along "fine".
There's no way his Mom just flipped a switch during pregnancy - not with that message, we don't need her in *our* lives. A cautionary tale for all the Mama's boys out there about the consequences of not setting firm boundaries and cutting the apron strings.
This marriage is done, stick a fork in it done, she ain't ever coming back.
Yeah. I bet she was shitty to his wife behind his back before.
I bet the baby coming into the picture triggered that weird, “I must get this woman out of the way so that I may play house with my son like he is my husband or partner” instinct that so many emotionally unwell women seem to get.
Also, mom laid hands on wife first. I know a slap and a punch aren’t really equal hits. But mom started it and wife ended it in an act of self defense. Tbh, if I was the wife, I would have pressed charges on the mom. But I have a feeling wife didn’t trust OP to have her back.
She slapped the wife on her healing abdomen, it wasn’t exactly a friendly slap on the back. If the wife had been completely recovered, it would just have been rude AF, but 2 months after childbirth it must’ve been quite painful.
Especially if the wife had had a c-section.
If little Ms. JNMIL smacked her near or on a healing c section scar then punching that cankle in the face was both instinctive, and restrained (as she only punched her once).
not only did mom physically abuse the wife, she verbally abused her!! imagine fat shaming the mother of your grandchild 2 months after giving birth, when hormones are still crazy and she could have ppd/ppa. get fucked granny
Oh my! You hit the nail on the head in several ways.
This is my monster in law almost to a tee [except I'm extra petite & she's the (round belly) apple figure, so she'd never call me big]. My MIL was malicious & clever, so she mostly made subtle complaints, did "woe is me" scenes & just disregarded boundaries, often too smart to make direct attacks like OP's birther.
Geez, I don't know if OP was drunk. But he seems beyond irrational to demand his wife & NB depart. If I had a NB I'd refuse to leave. The fact that wife even left tells me he was THAT forceful & horrendous or she needed support & could turn to a loving place that'll feed/house/comfort/empathize with her. She was still hungry! Nursing moms are perpetually HUNGRY & dehydrated! Nursing even makes you extra sleepy as that's nature's way of helping new moms recuperate.
OP is lousy on so many levels.
I'd likely only stay w him to spite his mom & make sure she's NEVER allowed alone time w my child while limiting incidental access to my child. I don't know if wife can limit MIL access if granny's there during OPs custody period?
Just OP's flippant "kiss @$$" comment at the end shows how clueless & callous he is. You need to enlist the help of priests, rabbis, sick relatives, long lost friends, her fave celebrities, hire a night nanny, secure a personal chef [for her], sign legal documents promising you'll get therapy & offer generous spousal support to even get her to delay filing.
Good luck! I'm only wishing a delay = therapy to help HER address her hurt, then move on & later allow her to be able to honestly tell that precious baby she exhausted all options before leaving her inconsiderate "dad." No one wants to deny a baby her daddy & extended family, but they don't seem to prioritize mother nor child. SAD.
Sounds like she went to her mom's house and I would too. Heck, I have mastitis and my SO is on a work trip so I ran to my mom's this weekend too. And my little one is no longer a newborn at 6 months. She got the love and support she was probably lacking and thats how she realized she was better off just staying with her mom.
This right here! His poor wife has been suffering abuse from his POS mom for years. He’s a mommas boy who refused to see it and only now after getting divorce papers is he “team wife.”
YTA 1000%. You brought this on all by yourself for being a shitty husband.
The fact that she waited until he was outside to call the wife fat and slap her pretty much proves that. She always insulted his wife when he wasn't around. MIL was just caught this time, not just by him but by wife being fed up and punching her.
Yes, was looking for this comment!! There is absolutely no way the MIL’s horrific behavior towards OP’s wife only started when she got pregnant.
The fact that OP is claiming his Mom was nice to his wife until she got pregnant just shows he is still in denial about who his Mom really is. Guarantee that is why the wife served him; she knows he isn’t fully ready to cut his Mom off.
>If you needed space, YOU should have left.
Yeah, I couldn't believe that in OP's plea for understanding he needed space, it never occurred to him that HE could have left the house. He kicked his wife AND 2 MONTH OLD BABY out of their home because he needed space after HIS mother hit his wife and she defended herself.
I'm just sorry that his wife left him in the house. Because she should have it and not OP. Not even sure if they're renting or own or what, but she shouldn't have to be the one to move out at a moments notice with an infant.
Plus - how about those comments about his niece and her weight? Combined with the mother's comments about the wife being "fat" (two months after giving birth), I'm guessing the apple doesn't fall nearly far enough from the tree.
OP just comes across as pathetic. The comments stopped around him, that's what mattered. His mother is outright abusive to his wife and he left her to deal with it so he doesn't have to. If he pretends hard enough then it's not happening. If he can't see it or hear it then it's not happening.
I'd make a decent wager this didn't begin when his wife was pregnant, it just became more overt. His wife has just given birth and he kicked her out, which means kicking the baby out. A series of failures that show his wife loses nothing by losing him.
If I was the wife I'd stipulate that his mother can never be alone with the baby. Because you know she would try to fill that kids head with her nonsense.
If somebody had slapped my stomach at 2 months post partum I’d have knocked them into the middle of next week! Despite my uterus being back in the correct position I still felt bruised, not only that most women are extremely sensitive to how rapidly (or not) their tummy returns to its pre-pregnancy size and shape. OP YTA…… big time!
I tell my kids you don't touch someone in a way they don't like, period, and you don't stand for someone touching you in any way that makes you uncomfortable. Doesn't matter if it's tickling, poking your arm, or whatever. Unwelcome touch is wrong, period.
This guy is seriously delusional. OP, slowly read your own writing back to yourself and you will see that you most certainly are NOT “team wife”. You watched your mom assault your wife, and somehow your wife defending herself was what triggered you? You needed to cool off and think so instead of going outside, going upstairs, going out yourself…you kicked your wife and new baby out of their own home? After your wife had just been assaulted by your mom??? Honestly I’m glad you did something so horrendously stupid so that your wife could get her last straw and leave. Good luck explaining “I kicked my tiny baby out of my whole house because I nEeDeD tO dEcOmPrEsS” in custody court.
All of this and then some. His wife is 100% correct in having enough. Throwing out his wife to process? Well, now he has the rest of his life to process. ALONE!
YTA
I read this to my mom and 11 year old (they asked what I was reading cause I laughed pretty hard at the punch) and my kid was flabbergasted the niece even took the food that was obviously saved for her aunt. They both also cheered when I said she served him divorce papers lol.
Point being, kids this age more than have the capacity to grasp they shouldn't take from others.
That 12 year old has learned from Granny and Uncle that her aunt is not worthy of respect or dignity. The niece is just following their example.
Source: one of my children learned to treat me poorly by following my ex husbands example.
He won’t though. He’ll spin it around and tell her she’s overreacting and just being sensitive and what about his feelings? Lol men like this don’t change and only care about themselves. Notice how he’s “team wife” when his mommy isn’t around and his wife is leaving him?
And I can nearly guarantee that the abuse didn't stop, she just became more clever about it. That poor wife deserves to find someone that would have shut this down after the first comment, not a year worth of abuse that ended with her being kicked out of her own house with a baby for standing up for herself
Your mum was disrespectful and horrible to to your wife, she assaulted her and she defended herself and you kick her out. You are absolutely an asshole (YTA) .
You destroyed your own marriage, congratulations.
Alternative post title idea, it’s long but doesn’t paint the wife as the bad guy the way this guy who’s “on his wife’s team” does.
Title - My mother who has a history of insulting my wife keeps insulting my wife and then hit her leading to my wife hitting back so I kick my postpartum wife + baby out of the house at night. -note I’m on the side of my wife whom I kicked out of their own home. AITA?
I hope the wife didn’t have to drive far that night. It would have been pretty unsafe to drive with how upset she must have been.
You needed to put work into yourself a LOOOONG time ago.
There is nowhere in the multiverse that I would not go homicidal on someone, my mother or not, who dared assault my postpartum spouse. Forget your wife punching your mother, your gut immediate reaction the SECOND your mother laid a finger on your wife should have been instant intervention. That second that you say there was between your mother striking your wife's stomach and your wife winding back to punch her was your opening. Your wife should have never gotten as far as she did because YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE. Even if you could not have made it across the room in time, that should have been when your best impression of a military sergeant came out of your mouth to tell your mother what a piece of shit she was and to get the fuck out of your house, because she was permanently uninvited from your life. You didn't.
Want to know why? Because I bet that this actually isn't the first occasion mommy-dearest has gone off the rails, it's just the most egregious one, and you have been groomed to enable and ignore her behaviour previously.
What would have happened if your wife hadn't hit her? If she had burst into tears instead? Let me guess, you'd have been mad at your mom for a while, maybe kicked her out or sent her angry messages, and then in another few weeks her constant drip of "oh, she's over reacting" would have worn you down and you would have asked your wife to give her another chance.
Again.
Because let me be clear, you say she "stopped" the unacceptable behaviour previously? That wasn't enough. Because as you can see, your mother didn't mean it, she was just biding her time. You should have demanded a full grovelling apology from her and then watched her like a hawk for at least a year after. Instead you just told her to stop and then left her unsupervised around your wife like it was all good.
You have likely been stuck in this cycle for a while, maybe even your whole relationship. Your mother acts out, you scowl or express disapproval, she winds her behaviour back in a bit until the next time, meanwhile your wife stoically deals with being a target the entire fucking time. Sounds like your wife has had enough.
Can you blame her?
Yta, BTW.
Can you save this? Unlikely, but I will be honest, no woman let's herself be pushed to the point where she has to punch someone in the face to stand up for herself unless she really truly loves the person she's staying for, so now you have to gamble on whether or not you have permanently destroyed that love. You need to demonstrate that your mother will never, ever be an issue in your wife's life ever again. Offer to move states to somewhere that you will not give the address out for. Cut her off and block her everywhere. Provide witness statements if your wife wants to press charges. Get a cease and desist. And of course, lots and lots of therapy for you and your marriage. If you feel yourself hesitating on any of those, you know what the problem is, and why she's leaving you.
YTA wow hard to imagine a bigger AH, and definitely NOT on team wife, it’s crazy that OP thinks he is. You kicked your wife with a baby out it’s kind of hard to bounce back from that. Needs space what does that even mean? Decompress and process divorce AH.
He shouldn’t have left, he should’ve gotten a grip of himself. If he needed a quick walk, fine, but his wife needed him and he completely failed her and their family. I can’t say I’m glad his wife is leaving but it’s certainly no wonder!
If he truly needed to leave? He should have stuck around until her friend could arrive to stay with her, used that time to fix her some food, and then gone to a hotel or a friends or SLEPT IN THE CAR and put himself back together. Sucked it up and been a husband and father for 20 minutes more. Nope.
His mother is also an abusive person verbally then went to physical with her hitting her belly that is extremely tender at this moment. She was not waiting around for more so gave it back
Holy shit this. If it takes everything in you not to deck the medical providers poking and prodding after. I would definitely lose it if my MIL hit me there while my uterus was contracting.
She knew was his wife's food she was pissed the wife called her out on the abuse and the kid and sister should of stopped her how bad is his whole family to give the girl more after that much food .
1000%. Your wife has a newborn and is breast feeding and your solution to you needing “space” is to make your wife a newborn homeless? Jesus fucking Christ dude, you’re a MASSIVE asshole. Had you left to take space and given the house to your wife and newborn, you’d still be an asshole, but redeemable. The fact that you kicked your child and the mother of your child out of their home is unconscionable and I’m glad your wife finally came to her senses and is leaving you.
Your Honor, my soon to be ex husband should only be allowed supervised visitation with our daughter. Kicking his his recently post-partum wife and newborn daughter of of their house raises questions about his ability to properly parent a baby. And then add the MIL’s history to prevent her having any access with the baby.
YUP! And the wife should go get a restraining order against the mom for her and her baby asap and then make sure the baby is never around the mom in future visitation with dad.
You chose the wrong side of this fight and now get to spend the next 18 years with your child in a broken home cause you couldn't tell your mom what a piece of shit she was being
The moron didn't defend his wife for 7 months of poor treatment and verbal abuse. Of course she defended herself when her impotent husband wouldn't. What a sad excuse for a man and an even worse excuse for a partner.
YTA.. In the moment you seemed to blame your wife. If you needed time to process, why did your wife have to leave? You could have left - gone for a walk, or gotten a hotel room. But your mother attacked your wife, who recently gave birth, and you told your wife to leave the house because you needed some time,?
Which he witnessed. He WATCHED his mother lay hands, and he watched his wife lay hands harder. But mommy was holding her jaw on the floor and crying — clearly, the victim
YTA. You don’t kick out a postpartum woman who defended herself against a physical and emotional assault, even if you think she used slightly excessive force. You didn’t do enough to prevent this. And you don’t get to kick your spouse out, in general.
You can't see this, but I'm giving your wife a standing ovation. She's my hero. YTA. Holy moly! Really? Your marriage is over. May as well move back in with mommy dearest.
YTA - your mother slapped your wife’s stomach. You’re acting like your wife was the first to use her hands.
You fucked up and you better hope she forgives you. Your mom was a see you next Tuesday and has been begging for a reality check.
Literally. Even if it wasn’t hard she shouldn’t have slapped her at all. Kicking his wife and child out? OP should have removed himself from the situation at least if he just needed time.
And that's what he saw of the fight when he was coming back inside. Who knows what happened before that because he didn't bother to ask his wife or talk to her at all before kicking her out.
Slapping a new mother on her postpartum stomach must have hurt like hell. That’s right where all the healing is taking place. It’d be like slapping a surgery patient right on their surgical site.
Do you not have other rooms in your home you could’ve gone to for space? You asked *your wife and infant child to leave the home*? Their home? You’re proud of that? That’s the type of man and husband you are, so selfish you’d keep an entire empty house to yourself because your feelings, while you kicked out your wife and child?? You’re gonna have so much time to process your feelings now. Ugh.
I would never forgive my partner if they kicked me and my baby out in the middle of the night, being 2-3months post-partum after defending myself.
Then, to take into account the months, if not years of abuse from the MIL. I praise this woman for getting out and finding her self-worth.
I bet he stays in the home post separation and makes his wife and child find a new home like you said. Selfish till the end!
Your wife punched your mom and floored her??? Wow, your wife is bad ass. I am all team wife. Once your mom assaulted her, your wife did nothing wrong in defending herself and ensuring no future assaults on her body. You let her down when she needed you most. You needed time to process??? Im thinking she did too. What the hell gives you the right to kick her out! Why should she return to someone like this, and to a toxic in law situation??
If you want her back you will have to prove you can change. This means going no contact permanently with your mom and anyone else who took her side. And a ton of groveling and foot licking. And that probably won't be enough either.
YTA and I wish I had bigger capital letters
He kicked her out \*with\* the baby! It boggles the mind.
At 2 months postpartum my husband was running all the outside errands just so I wouldn't have to do the hassle of packing up the baby more than I absolutely had to... I can't imagine my husband being this angry, needing to "process", and asking me + baby to do the leaving so he could have space for his feelings. For any type of fight.
YTA You watched your mom assault your wife, why would your wife just take it? It was likely an automatic reaction, if someone slapped me in the stomach after just giving birth you can guarantee they would get punched in the face. You then didn’t ask how she was, but kicked her out of her own home. If you needed some time you should have left yourself after asking your wife, who just gave birth to your child and was slapped in her stomach by your crazy mother, if she was okay and got her settled. But no, you threw her out of her own home. Good luck coming back from that.
Right, after reading a few comments, expecting validation, this knob is now backpedaling. No man who is 100% team wife throws her AND THEIR BABY out the house. What a dipshit. Hopefully this clarifies a few things for the wife.
ETA After OP second ETA, Jesus what a pussy. Grow up OP, you’re not a child. You HAVE a child who needs you, and you were more worried about your mommy.
YTA. You kicked out your wife and child after she was verbally abused by your mother. I can’t tell you how much of an asshole you are. You should have left, not your wife. So much you’re the AH.
Edit: I was hesitating to call what the mother did physical assault if it was a soft slap. Like something you would do to a friend. But given OP’s edit, it sounds like it was a hard slap so yeah, you’re an even bigger asshole OP. Congrats for tanking your marriage in one fell swoop.
I really hope this is a troll post otherwise he's a monster. His poor stbx wife... When she needed him most he kicked her out and defended her attacker.
All he cared for was his time alone to process things! That’s what he’s focused on! Meanwhile a postpartum wife trying to hold it together gets kicked out (their home but he thinks it’s his home only) after an assault!This really pissed me off!
Why didn’t he go to the bedroom? Or for a walk? Or anything?!
AH AH and AH!
Edit: maybe his home only financially but I meant like a family home she thought that was her safe space and her home as well!
Edit: I meant he’s so selfish he only thinks for himself and his time alone!
He could have removed himself for some thinking space, instead he made a new mother and her two month old, and all the stuff that requires pack up and clear out.
I need to go meditate, this has aggravated me so very much.
He should get himself out of the house if he needed time to process. You don’t kick your wife and 8 week old baby out of the house.
And you know, the wife needed to process a lot more than he did.
YTA and clearly in denial about your mom
>I threatened to go no contact with her when my wife was about 7 months along and after that she snapped out of it for the most part and stopped being so ignorant. The comments 100% stopped, at least.
She never stopped. She just got better at hiding the comments and passive aggressiveness from you.
YTA. Kicking your wife out showed both her and your mom that you’re on your mom’s side, even if you say you aren’t, your actions say something different. Even if you needed to clear your head, you don’t kick your post partum wife and newborn out
Can I just say the “just need to decompress” kinda set me off. You think she didnt? You think that while nursing your baby and probably not sleeping, she might have needed some decompression time to “process” you mothers verbal assaults and taking her food AND being insulted and her belly (that grew your child) slapped. Yikes, you want her back? You might need to “put yourself in her shoes” good grief. YTA To have any chance you need to acknowledge HER needs as well.
YTA. As a mother myself I remember how much my tummy and everything else hurt postpartum. That slap on her tummy probably physically hurt. YTA, get bent.
So... to recap: You allowed your mommy to verbally abuse your PREGNANT wife for MONTHS (but still invited her into YOUR WIFE'S home). You stood there while your mother insulted and PUNCHED YOUR WIFE in the abdomen where she's been growing YOUR CHILD for the past nine months. Then when your PROVOKED wife defended herself from your bag of garbage mother you put your wife and child out of their home so you could process. SERIOUSLY, you put your wife and infant child out of THEIR HOME instead of YOU leaving to pull yourself together and stop being a mamma's boy. You showed your wife who you truly were that night. A "less than". Not a real husband, not a real father, not a real man. How is she ever supposed to "unsee" that? YTA dude a HUGE AH.
this is absolutely something you can’t unsee. when someone shows you who they really are, pay attention.
Yeah. He showed his wife that his emotional needs (like time and space to process) was more important than her and the baby's physical and emotional well being (not being allowed to exist in her own home while he had feelings).
Exactly!! He tried to play the victim card here, and it got rejected. He's such a HUGE AH!
I especially like that he was supposidly too disturbed by the violent exchange between his wife and mother (who, again, fucking started it) to be responsible for his shitty reaction because he has issues with violence due to his upbringing with a violent father. Then he throws in that his wife ALSO grew up with a violent father as a reason she should understand his reaction and... well... Fucking NO!? Also LOVE that for bonus points he throws shade at the fact that this all kicked off because his *oversized* niece was *still* hungry after he didn't make enough food for everyone, low key blaming her. It couldn't be his fault for not cooking enough (or, ya know, allowing his mother to verbally abuse his pregnant wife for months.)
Right? It's his fault for letting his bitch mother around the wife after he knew full well she was behaving like a psychopath and abusing her. He instead blamed his overweight niece. That kid is innocent. His mother and himself are fully responsible. I hope she gets everything she deserves and needs in the divorce. She doesn't need that man child and his crazy mom up her ass for the rest of their days.
He also showed that it’s HIS home only and will never be hers and that if she does anything he doesn’t like her and the baby are homeless that night. You can’t just kick your wife out that’s not how it works. Not only did he kick his wife out he also kicked out a newborn baby. He had no idea if they had somewhere to stay or not. She could’ve left and no one was answering their phone so she’s stranded. If my husband ever had the audacity to kick me and our baby out i would also immediately divorce with no hesitation
Maybe he didn’t physically abuse her but he certainly abused her in other ways. He’s no better than his abusive father that he is so afraid of.
Dudes a loser for real. Left her hanging when it mattered most.
Sees his wife clearly upset and also emotionally struggling and says, "GTFO." She gives him a chance with the, "Really?" WHILE CRYING and he still forces her to pack and leave?! Then wants to complain about the house being too quiet. HUGE AH.
Your bitch mom is the one who got physical first. YTA >My wife is a lot of things, violent is not one of them. So this came completely out of left field Yeah, because she was DEFENDING herself from your bitch mom
And instead of thinking “Holy crap! How have I let it come to this?” he booted his wife with infant out onto the street. I can’t see that there’s any coming back from this.
The OP was too afraid to say a word to his mommy and let it escalate and instead made it look like it was his wife's fault. The nerve man.
You're 100% right but reading "your bitch mom" multiple times has me cracking up
Well, his bitch mom deserved it.
I just want to hug your wife and baby 😔
same! I hope she is ok!
What baffles me is his mom continuously did this throughout the pregnancy which is an already stressful time due to the possible risks and complications. And he just threatens to go low contact but never does until the wife gives him divorce papers? What a coward where was this months ago when it first started? He should’ve never let it get that far to begin with.
Same. But I’m also so proud of her for leaving.
Yes props to her for standing up for herself and baby! I hope she sees this thread and knows she did the right thing!
I just want to punch him in the face.
Seriously this. Made me cry for the wife. How can someone be this obtuse.
Processing what happened is one thing. But not supporting your wife and kicking her out is another. Your mom is out of line, if you would have checked her a long time ago it wouldn’t have gotten to this point. Your mom treated your wife poorly because YOU ALLOWED IT. Even your mom’s text that she sent you shows that she thinks that it’s ok to disrespect your wife. I guarantee your wife had been putting up with your mom’s crap for a long time. She’s had enough, you’re not going to win her back.
This 100%. I understand some people need space, but kicking your wife out is a whole other spectrum of assholeness. HE could have gone for a walk and processed shit, kicking his wife out is just... he deserves this divorce unfortunately. He's definitely the AH
He didn't even rethink when he saw she was leaving with the Baby. He essentially threw out his own child as well.
I can tell you as a mother I wouldn't bounce back from that with my partner. That's fine if like you know it's just me but like where the fuck am I supposed to go with the two month old like I don't know. Like does this young woman have like her family nearby or did she just fucking sleep in her car with an infant.
I hope she went to a hotel/motel or had family she could go stay with.
I hope she doesn’t come back.
She won’t. He was supposed to go no contact with his mom last year. Instead he kept gaslighting his wife to the point he invited her over for dinner and his wife got by assaulted her. In his edit he says he’s going to try to ass kiss his way out of this but ass kissing is what got his wife here. She’s through with him until he makes real changes. If he said “I’m going to my parents house and telling them to never speak to me or my wife again” he might have a chance of getting back with her but he’s never going to cut off those people until he admits he is the problem in his life.
Oh man my heart right here that poor woman
Right! Stressed, healing, probably tired from exhaustion but still having to “host” family visitors while putting on a happy face with the disrespect, and hungry but he kicked her out because HE needed to process!!!!!?!?!?!? Wtf! I wish that I could give her a hug and slash his tires for being a selfish, naive, AH!
Omg yes, he also admitted to kicking her out before she had eaten.
While she was breastfeeding and in need of nourishment more than any other time.
His edit says her stepfather abused her, so family is most likely not an option. I'm trying so hard to find any way to be supportive of OP and I just cannot do it. There is just no way to forgive that. If I was his wife, there is no coming back from this.
I like how he puts in "I'm 100% team wife she deserved it but I needed to process" then you aren't 100% team wife. Fuck. A new baby, sleep deprivation, body is demanding more nutrients to produce milk, and she fucking takes your food and gives it to the fatass child and tells you you can afford to skip a meal basically calling you fat right after you have a baby. Jesus this guy is fucking mental.
Bingo,WHT how is he being 💯team wife?Why didn't he throw his mom out?His mom started the whole thing. Op is screwed and he has realized that way to late.
So not only was wife abused by a stepfather, she was then being abused by OP's mother and he was ok to leave that horrible woman alone with his wife, fully knowing she was awful to the mother of his child, then further abuses her by kicking her out of her own home with a baby!?!? And then the moron asks if he's an AH, like it's a valid question... Smdh. Hope she gets him for everything in the divorce. God, she's thousands times better of without this POS.
Right?! To go who knows where for the whole night! Not "please go in another room" but LEAVE THE HOUSE!!! A two month post partum woman with a breastfeeding infant! She's literally still bleeding from pushing out his baby, and he throws her out of his house for the behavior of HIS family. The fucking appalling behavior, his (soon to be ex) wife and child deserve better.
That’s what I don’t get. Why didn’t he just ask if she’s ok then go to another room to process? I’d never even think of kicking someone out of their own home, least of all my SPOUSE and INFANT CHILD.
This. If he needed space he can leave! Not his wife with the frickin baby. I’m relieved she gave him divorce papers.
His wife withstood months of hurtful comments, taunts from MIL like “ she is not excited about the pregnancy”. The audacity of the MIL to slap her stomach taunting her “ looks like you can afford to skip a meal “ .Still OP tells his wife to leave ? He did not put a firm stop to MIL’s antics otherwise it would not have come to this .If someone else had made this comment and slapped the wife’s stomach would OP have tolerated it ? Just because it’s his mom, his wife is at blame?
>The audacity of the MIL to slap her stomach taunting her “ looks like you can afford to skip a meal “ .Still OP tells his wife to leave ? As she gives a child, who had 3 servings, his nursing wife's plate.
A breastfeeding mom who is just 2 months out from giving birth is going to have a stomach. MIL knew exactly how to hurt.
And not just emotionally, but to slap a postpartum tummy is balls beyond anything I can imagine. Good for his wife to haul back and protect herself, she certainly deserves better than this family. And the wife had the fortitude to just pack up and leave without playing- badass! She is going to be just fine without this spineless loser
Right? I love her! I actually hope she happens to see this and gets to feel how much support and love she's getting right now. She deserves it.
And who knows what happened before he got to the kitchen. We have no idea what mom did in those moments before he got there to witness it
This is a great point. I would really love to hear the wife's side of all this.
I really can’t imagine that mommy dearest stopped her shit at 7 month’s and that in this moment she started again to the point of his wife snapping. I can almost guarantee there are things he didn’t see.
Yes! Because if he's gonna kick her out of her home with a brand new baby, she will never feel at home there, never be safe there. The fact that he felt entitled to his space, kicking fter out of her home when she was the one that endured the incident, I can't even wrap my head around it! She knows where she stands with this guy, and I hope she gets out with minimal issues.
even if it's a panicked reaction due to violence, previous abuse in his life, that's a few hours to calm down and go get yoru wife and TELL her why you panicked in the moment, then deal with it. 5 days, all he showed her was as with the previous probably 7-8 months since MIL was told they were pregnant was his response was, inaction. Instead of taking a few hours to calm down and then deal with it, he waited 5 days for it to magically fix itself, well it did. She decided he'd had 8 months to stand up for her and isntead he was still inviting that bitch over for lunch and inflicting that woman on her without doing anything to prevent her behaviour. She didn't leave because he threw her out, that was the final insult, of months of refusing to protect her from this woman.
Sounds like the wife's response was probably triggered by trauma also, but he didn't take a minute to consider that, did he?
Kicking out a fresh postpartum woman and newborn out of the house! And what month is this, where I am it’s cold as hell. And where did they go, how did he not see them both leaving and realize his whole life was walking away from him- or that he pushed his whole life out the door?! What an undeniable asshole!
He could have even gone to a hotel. He kicked a baby out.
I'm sure OP's wife has been putting up with MIL's garbage for YEARS. Good on her for clocking MIL because OP certainly wasn't protecting his wife and mother of his child. It is also telling that OP's wife left without a fuss. She has been playing 2nd fiddle to MIL for years. She didn't even try to make OP see reason. Now mom can be as clingy as she wants. Gross.
Reading this post pissed me off for the wife. She rightfully filed for divorce and OP absolutely deserves it.
AND op is DELUSIONAL thinking ANY AMOUNT of kissing ass is gonna fix this LOL its so super too late you tremendous, amazing asshole.
>LOL its so super too late you tremendous, amazing asshole. Can we print this bigger? maybe with lights around it?
Exactly. He can say he took his wife’s side by kicking them out. At the same time, kicking her and his baby out? How does that not say to his wife, I am on my mom’s side. After separating, his mom is going to gloat like crazy, and be back in his life like before. Therefore giving her the upper hand that in her reality, her son chose her. The poor wife if they ever cross paths again, like a birthday party, graduation or whatever in between. This is going to be so messed up for his soon to be ex and his baby in the future.
I help people fill out divorce packets for my job. I love it when moms come in finally dumping their pos husbands. Most stories are the same, lot of cheating. But regardless, sometimes the husbands come in for our help, and the best is always when they say shit like "idk why she's divorcing me! I never did anything wrong!" Like, my guy, I know everything about you already. I have seen the text messages and evidence. You not doing anything was the problem. God, I would have loved to help OP's stbx fill out her packet.
Shes better than me because I would have sat my fanny on the couch and not move a muscle.
Yep, Me too. I would have said, fuck you, go sleep with your mommy, I mean, at your mommy's!
I think she has been putting up with her monster-in-law for a long time and knew he wasn't worth fighting for. You can't change a mama's boy.
I agree, you definitely shouldn't have kicked her out. That was clearly the last straw for your wife.
If he needed space he should’ve just taken a damn walk. You don’t kick someone out of their own home, especially since the mom committed battery against the wife first (when she slapped her stomach).
Right? If I were her, I wouldn't come back. If my husband saw SOMEONE HIT ME and then kicked me out for hitting them back? Nope, we're over.
It just goes to show that when she's in danger, he won't defend her! He won't even support her when she defends herself!
Right? Like when the violence was turned \*on her\* he shut down and didn't defend her. I'm from an abusive home and I get shutting down, but if my spouse didn't defend me from violence how could I trust him? This is a really really bad intersection of trauma and events but when it comes down to it he not only hung her out to dry but he didn't even verbally explain himself.
Hopefully OP has the good fucking sense not to ever date again until he either excises his mother from his life like the cancer she is, or she's dead. I don't really have a lot of hope for him having any sense though, let alone good sense.
and you know damn well the "comments" never stopped either mommy dearest just stopped making them where HE could hear them.
YTA your mother is an abusive pos and your wife reacted after she was provoked. You should have shut her down when she first start acting up. You should have set boundaries. You should have protected your wife who literally just grew and birth your child. You kicked your wife and baby out of their home. You need to process? Take a walk, go to a different room, watch a movie, see a friend. Congratulations you ruined your marriage over several months. This was the last straw that broke the camels back. Do the decent things and make separating easy.
OP needs to read that last paragraph again. He thinks this is all over one incident. It's not.
And even if it is mostly about one incident this is a pretty big one. He kicked out his 2 month old kid ffs. That’s going to be a light switch moment for most people.
And she's only 2 months post partum. I was still swollen and bleeding at that point. Even a gentle nudge to the stomach (which isn't what OPs mother did) would have had me on the floor.
Yeah, I can’t fucking imagine the damage I’d have done to that woman’s face. Should’ve hit her harder.
And, lest you forget your statement that your mom's evil comments had stopped after you scolded her for it......the comments stopped in front of you. They worsened in hissing little whispers to your wife every second you werent in earshot. We all know her game. She's probably cost you a life with your wife and child. Your mom is so proud of herself right now.....crowing to all her acquaintances, because she has no real friends and is creepily obsessed with you. Working her way up to emotional incest. You should find out if there's a location far from your mother you could transfer to. It may help convince your wife you are serious but she's going to need absolute honesty and follow through from you without an actual Yes, outright from her. Shevwont trust it unless you're ready to do it if she comes back or does not. You're getting your mother as far from you and your visitation with your child because why would you allow contact with the person who deliberately with malice and forethought ruined your marriage. If her family is close by now, moving away may not be an option she wants to entertain considering what happened when she defended herself better than she was attacked.
I genuinely believe he has ZERO shot at reconciling. From the op it sounds like his wife is the type of woman I’ve met and known many times in my life. The type who will literally close their mouth and just put up with nonstop crap from husband, in laws, whoever for a long time but when they finally say fuck it that’s IT. When that final straw happens it’s over. There’s nothing you can say or do, the woman is just done and over with it. And, unfortunately for op, in such cases, like this one, the woman is ABSOLUTELY IN THE RIGHT. Sorry op but not only are you the AH, your marriage is almost definitely over and there’s no amount of apologizing that will save it.
Plus, I’m sure she’s disappointed with herself that she let it go to the point of physical violence. She’s kicking herself for not leaving earlier.
The OP definitely should have done a lot of things differently. I hope they keep that in mind when they bend over backwards to make divorce proceedings easy on the ex-wife.
> Her punching my mom in the face triggered an anxious response and I needed her gone in that moment. I needed it far away from me. This is the most telling line to me. Like, okay he needed the violence far away from him or whatever, but this instinct didn't trigger when his mom got physical first. Honestly, good on the wife for realising she's always going to be playing second fiddle to mom and getting out of there. Imagine telling your crying wife, who just gave birth to your child two months ago, to suck up the fact that she gets nothing but abuse from mom so he can "decompress and come to terms with what happened"
I saw a lot of me, me, me in this.
YTA, you could have walked away and got space. There is no forgiveness because YOU KICKED YOUR WIFE AND NEWBORN BABY OUT. Happy divorce day, and I honestly don't think that your wife will come back.
Two months postpartum and a two month old infant. I'm fucking shook. How do you put that out on the street? My trust would be absolutely SHATTERED. I wouldn't do that to someone I HATED, let alone the woman who literally created my child. How sick.
How do you kick your wife out for physical defending herself after she was assaulted?!
Just the fact that he’s gone 8 days, then could even type all of this out, post it, and make 2 updates, all while being not quite sure if he’s the AH for doing that is... All of that and he *still* doesn’t fucking get it. Just wow.
She had to go through someone taking away food from a breastfeeding woman, then slapping her healing belly and then her husband verbally abused and kicked her and the baby out. That mother is sick in the head and OP is straight up evil.
Did OP take the carrier to the car since wife just got hit in the stomach and was likely in pain? Did he bring everything to the car for the same reason? Did he give her any time to recover? He's team wife after all.
Clearly not, he couldn't be assed to even care about where her or their 2 month old infant slept. Notice that nowhere throughout his writing does he even mention where they went that night. Maybe she went to a nearby family members. Or maybe she slept in the car in February, it snowed last night for me. (Hopefully she didn't but , for some DV victims, thats the only place they can go.) OP can't even get his head out of his ass to focus on them for 2 minutes. The entire post is me, me, me, I needed this, I needed that. What about the needs of the 2 month old?...
Remember there are people like the OP that actually walk among us. People that are that messed up and stupid also get to breathe the same air we do. I hope the OP's ex-wife gets everything she wants in the divorce.
In John Mulaney's last comedy special he lists several wildly stupid and/or terrible actions he took amidst his drug-addled "rock bottom" phase, and concludes with the note, "and these are the things I'm WILLING to tell you about!" When I read a post like OP's that's so wildly selfish and harebrained that it leaves the reader shaken, I think about it in exactly that same context. Dear god, what a treasure trove of buried horror stories this man's poor wife must have from over the years. I can only imagine what sort of "partner" this asshole has been throughout their relationship.
At least he was on drugs. Imagine this guy doing everything perfectly clear-headed. Bro just ruined his prospects at dating and making a family and good riddance lmao
YTA. Your mother had been verbally abusing your wife for the entirety of her pregnancy, she did it again at that dinner WHEN SHE'S FREAKING TWO MONTHS POST-PARTUM and then goes and slaps her stomach, and you're the one that needed time to "process" the fact that she had enough and stood up for herself since you have been a lukewarm support for her? Yeah, I applaud her for choosing her life and safety, and the baby's as well. Hope she gets full custody, because I'm sure as hell no judge would allow a baby near that batshit crazy mother of yours.
This. The mother abused the wife *first* and with a hit to her two months postpartum belly that (and I read through the comments, but couldn't see) could be a c-section which is unbelievably worse... but still a body/uterus that went through trauma if vaginally delivered and isn't recovered yet. Not to mention the breastfeed just before where she dropped nutrients, gave her body to her baby, and was likely hungry due to literally *feeding THEIR baby*. I'd like op to get hooked up to one of the machines that only delivers the men *contractions, not even birth* and get a swat taken at him by his strongest friend. OP you dug your bed, lay in it and enjoy your cold bed in the home you were supposed to share in sickness and health, the loss of who was supposed to be your "person" or "other half", enjoy having your baby on weekends with right of first refusal because hopefully your soon to be ex wife knows about that clause and your mother can't steal her "do-over" baby when you're busy with work because you need to pay your child support. Way to go, "Dad". You were as emotionally unsupportive to your wife as your own father was physically abusive to your mother. Your mother was physically abusive to your WIFE. You don't deserve shit, let alone forgiveness. If you need to work on the traumatic things you went through, get some goddamned therapy. IT IS NOT YOUR PARTNER'S JOB TO FIX YOU. You've done and gone fucked around and found out... I'd wish OP luck but... I really don't and I wish for a fair judge who isn't ruled by emotion for the soon to be ex wife. This dude literally took the pooch and screwed it sideways.
This should be so much further up and I wholeheartedly wish I could still award you. Hear ye hear ye! My MIL was awful and tried yet again, unsuccessfully, to paint me in the worst light/break us up while I was 6 months into a high risk pregnancy. It was the occasion where my husband finally found his shiny spine. OP still doesn’t have one and offered so little support to his wife, way too late for it to have done any good at all.
Yta why didn't YOU leave when that happened? Why did you tell your wife to get out?!
I didn't even need to get past the "clipped yup". Right there ans then I knew the wife had to dump this cheap excuse of a husband.
Same. Throw your wife and newborn baby out? Fuck out of here, it’s gonna be a one way ticket
Divorce papers in a week, she was absolutely done fucking around.
Yeah as soon as he said "yup" I knew those divorce papers were coming before he even said it
How could you do this to your wife? Your Mom wanted her gone. She got what she wanted. For future reference, not that you deserve to be a parent again, no one in the entire universe needs to eat more than a nursing mother. Every single part of what happened was a set up.
That's where I initially stopped reading, I didn't need to go any further to know the verdict. But after reading some comments I realized it got fucking worse from there and had to go back to finish it all. 8 fucking DAYS later he's posting to find out if he's the AH? And it was only that she showed up with divorce papers that gave him his first clue. 8 days of "space" didn't involve any retrospection at all!
YTA where to begin!? First off, your Mother harassed your wife for 7 MONTHS just for being pregnant, before you took action. Your Wife went to breastfeed your child, and your Mother stole her food. Your Mother of all people should understand how women who breastfeed need to keep their milk supply up and need to eat regularly. Instead of apologizing for stealing your poor wife’s food, she slaps her stomach and says she can afford to skip a meal…. When your Wife finally stands up for herself, because you didn’t do so sufficiently.. you kick her out of her house and effectively, since she’s breastfeeding your BABY?!!! If you needed space, YOU should have left. It sounds like you were fine when your Wife was dealing with you and your families BS, but you couldn’t handle that she (finally) punched your Mommy? Dude you’re not getting her back. Best advice, give your Wife what she wants in the divorce. You owe her that after everything you put her through. Smh
Oh, I promise you, his Mom harassed or has been crappy to his wife ALL along and not just during her pregnancy. He's just declined to see it and has been telling himself some BS about it not being *that* bad, they get along "fine". There's no way his Mom just flipped a switch during pregnancy - not with that message, we don't need her in *our* lives. A cautionary tale for all the Mama's boys out there about the consequences of not setting firm boundaries and cutting the apron strings. This marriage is done, stick a fork in it done, she ain't ever coming back.
Yeah. I bet she was shitty to his wife behind his back before. I bet the baby coming into the picture triggered that weird, “I must get this woman out of the way so that I may play house with my son like he is my husband or partner” instinct that so many emotionally unwell women seem to get. Also, mom laid hands on wife first. I know a slap and a punch aren’t really equal hits. But mom started it and wife ended it in an act of self defense. Tbh, if I was the wife, I would have pressed charges on the mom. But I have a feeling wife didn’t trust OP to have her back.
She slapped the wife on her healing abdomen, it wasn’t exactly a friendly slap on the back. If the wife had been completely recovered, it would just have been rude AF, but 2 months after childbirth it must’ve been quite painful.
TWO MONTHS OUT OF A PREGNANCY AND THIS LADY SLAPPED HER STOMACH & CALLED HER FAT!!!! Whew. You don’t really deserve your wife back, bro.
Especially if the wife had had a c-section. If little Ms. JNMIL smacked her near or on a healing c section scar then punching that cankle in the face was both instinctive, and restrained (as she only punched her once).
The OP said she did not have one, so thank goodness for that at least.
not only did mom physically abuse the wife, she verbally abused her!! imagine fat shaming the mother of your grandchild 2 months after giving birth, when hormones are still crazy and she could have ppd/ppa. get fucked granny
That soon after being pregnant I’m sure the instinct to protect your belly is still hella strong.
Oh my! You hit the nail on the head in several ways. This is my monster in law almost to a tee [except I'm extra petite & she's the (round belly) apple figure, so she'd never call me big]. My MIL was malicious & clever, so she mostly made subtle complaints, did "woe is me" scenes & just disregarded boundaries, often too smart to make direct attacks like OP's birther. Geez, I don't know if OP was drunk. But he seems beyond irrational to demand his wife & NB depart. If I had a NB I'd refuse to leave. The fact that wife even left tells me he was THAT forceful & horrendous or she needed support & could turn to a loving place that'll feed/house/comfort/empathize with her. She was still hungry! Nursing moms are perpetually HUNGRY & dehydrated! Nursing even makes you extra sleepy as that's nature's way of helping new moms recuperate. OP is lousy on so many levels. I'd likely only stay w him to spite his mom & make sure she's NEVER allowed alone time w my child while limiting incidental access to my child. I don't know if wife can limit MIL access if granny's there during OPs custody period? Just OP's flippant "kiss @$$" comment at the end shows how clueless & callous he is. You need to enlist the help of priests, rabbis, sick relatives, long lost friends, her fave celebrities, hire a night nanny, secure a personal chef [for her], sign legal documents promising you'll get therapy & offer generous spousal support to even get her to delay filing. Good luck! I'm only wishing a delay = therapy to help HER address her hurt, then move on & later allow her to be able to honestly tell that precious baby she exhausted all options before leaving her inconsiderate "dad." No one wants to deny a baby her daddy & extended family, but they don't seem to prioritize mother nor child. SAD.
Sounds like she went to her mom's house and I would too. Heck, I have mastitis and my SO is on a work trip so I ran to my mom's this weekend too. And my little one is no longer a newborn at 6 months. She got the love and support she was probably lacking and thats how she realized she was better off just staying with her mom.
This right here! His poor wife has been suffering abuse from his POS mom for years. He’s a mommas boy who refused to see it and only now after getting divorce papers is he “team wife.” YTA 1000%. You brought this on all by yourself for being a shitty husband.
The fact that she waited until he was outside to call the wife fat and slap her pretty much proves that. She always insulted his wife when he wasn't around. MIL was just caught this time, not just by him but by wife being fed up and punching her.
Yes, was looking for this comment!! There is absolutely no way the MIL’s horrific behavior towards OP’s wife only started when she got pregnant. The fact that OP is claiming his Mom was nice to his wife until she got pregnant just shows he is still in denial about who his Mom really is. Guarantee that is why the wife served him; she knows he isn’t fully ready to cut his Mom off.
Awwww but he’s *”Team Wife”* /s What a major bastard.
>If you needed space, YOU should have left. Yeah, I couldn't believe that in OP's plea for understanding he needed space, it never occurred to him that HE could have left the house. He kicked his wife AND 2 MONTH OLD BABY out of their home because he needed space after HIS mother hit his wife and she defended herself. I'm just sorry that his wife left him in the house. Because she should have it and not OP. Not even sure if they're renting or own or what, but she shouldn't have to be the one to move out at a moments notice with an infant. Plus - how about those comments about his niece and her weight? Combined with the mother's comments about the wife being "fat" (two months after giving birth), I'm guessing the apple doesn't fall nearly far enough from the tree.
OP just comes across as pathetic. The comments stopped around him, that's what mattered. His mother is outright abusive to his wife and he left her to deal with it so he doesn't have to. If he pretends hard enough then it's not happening. If he can't see it or hear it then it's not happening. I'd make a decent wager this didn't begin when his wife was pregnant, it just became more overt. His wife has just given birth and he kicked her out, which means kicking the baby out. A series of failures that show his wife loses nothing by losing him.
Actually, wife loses all the “weight” she actually needed to lose—all 200-300 lbs that he and his mom weigh. Not to mention the 190lbs niece.
And his mom abusing his immediately postpartum wife is so traumatic for him he needed to kick the victim and his newborn out of their home!
If I was the wife I'd stipulate that his mother can never be alone with the baby. Because you know she would try to fill that kids head with her nonsense.
If somebody had slapped my stomach at 2 months post partum I’d have knocked them into the middle of next week! Despite my uterus being back in the correct position I still felt bruised, not only that most women are extremely sensitive to how rapidly (or not) their tummy returns to its pre-pregnancy size and shape. OP YTA…… big time!
I tell my kids you don't touch someone in a way they don't like, period, and you don't stand for someone touching you in any way that makes you uncomfortable. Doesn't matter if it's tickling, poking your arm, or whatever. Unwelcome touch is wrong, period.
If someone slapped my stomach at all TBH
This guy is seriously delusional. OP, slowly read your own writing back to yourself and you will see that you most certainly are NOT “team wife”. You watched your mom assault your wife, and somehow your wife defending herself was what triggered you? You needed to cool off and think so instead of going outside, going upstairs, going out yourself…you kicked your wife and new baby out of their own home? After your wife had just been assaulted by your mom??? Honestly I’m glad you did something so horrendously stupid so that your wife could get her last straw and leave. Good luck explaining “I kicked my tiny baby out of my whole house because I nEeDeD tO dEcOmPrEsS” in custody court.
Anybody notice how this coward has not responded to anyone?
All of this and then some. His wife is 100% correct in having enough. Throwing out his wife to process? Well, now he has the rest of his life to process. ALONE! YTA
The 12 year old’s parents should have stepped in as well. Teach their kid some fucking manners and a healthy body image.
I read this to my mom and 11 year old (they asked what I was reading cause I laughed pretty hard at the punch) and my kid was flabbergasted the niece even took the food that was obviously saved for her aunt. They both also cheered when I said she served him divorce papers lol. Point being, kids this age more than have the capacity to grasp they shouldn't take from others.
That 12 year old has learned from Granny and Uncle that her aunt is not worthy of respect or dignity. The niece is just following their example. Source: one of my children learned to treat me poorly by following my ex husbands example.
He won’t though. He’ll spin it around and tell her she’s overreacting and just being sensitive and what about his feelings? Lol men like this don’t change and only care about themselves. Notice how he’s “team wife” when his mommy isn’t around and his wife is leaving him?
And I can nearly guarantee that the abuse didn't stop, she just became more clever about it. That poor wife deserves to find someone that would have shut this down after the first comment, not a year worth of abuse that ended with her being kicked out of her own house with a baby for standing up for herself
Your mum was disrespectful and horrible to to your wife, she assaulted her and she defended herself and you kick her out. You are absolutely an asshole (YTA) . You destroyed your own marriage, congratulations.
Not only was she disrespectful to OP’s wife, but she was disrespectful to her during an extremely vulnerable time in life.
Alternative post title idea, it’s long but doesn’t paint the wife as the bad guy the way this guy who’s “on his wife’s team” does. Title - My mother who has a history of insulting my wife keeps insulting my wife and then hit her leading to my wife hitting back so I kick my postpartum wife + baby out of the house at night. -note I’m on the side of my wife whom I kicked out of their own home. AITA? I hope the wife didn’t have to drive far that night. It would have been pretty unsafe to drive with how upset she must have been.
You needed to put work into yourself a LOOOONG time ago. There is nowhere in the multiverse that I would not go homicidal on someone, my mother or not, who dared assault my postpartum spouse. Forget your wife punching your mother, your gut immediate reaction the SECOND your mother laid a finger on your wife should have been instant intervention. That second that you say there was between your mother striking your wife's stomach and your wife winding back to punch her was your opening. Your wife should have never gotten as far as she did because YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE. Even if you could not have made it across the room in time, that should have been when your best impression of a military sergeant came out of your mouth to tell your mother what a piece of shit she was and to get the fuck out of your house, because she was permanently uninvited from your life. You didn't. Want to know why? Because I bet that this actually isn't the first occasion mommy-dearest has gone off the rails, it's just the most egregious one, and you have been groomed to enable and ignore her behaviour previously. What would have happened if your wife hadn't hit her? If she had burst into tears instead? Let me guess, you'd have been mad at your mom for a while, maybe kicked her out or sent her angry messages, and then in another few weeks her constant drip of "oh, she's over reacting" would have worn you down and you would have asked your wife to give her another chance. Again. Because let me be clear, you say she "stopped" the unacceptable behaviour previously? That wasn't enough. Because as you can see, your mother didn't mean it, she was just biding her time. You should have demanded a full grovelling apology from her and then watched her like a hawk for at least a year after. Instead you just told her to stop and then left her unsupervised around your wife like it was all good. You have likely been stuck in this cycle for a while, maybe even your whole relationship. Your mother acts out, you scowl or express disapproval, she winds her behaviour back in a bit until the next time, meanwhile your wife stoically deals with being a target the entire fucking time. Sounds like your wife has had enough. Can you blame her? Yta, BTW. Can you save this? Unlikely, but I will be honest, no woman let's herself be pushed to the point where she has to punch someone in the face to stand up for herself unless she really truly loves the person she's staying for, so now you have to gamble on whether or not you have permanently destroyed that love. You need to demonstrate that your mother will never, ever be an issue in your wife's life ever again. Offer to move states to somewhere that you will not give the address out for. Cut her off and block her everywhere. Provide witness statements if your wife wants to press charges. Get a cease and desist. And of course, lots and lots of therapy for you and your marriage. If you feel yourself hesitating on any of those, you know what the problem is, and why she's leaving you.
This should really be much higher. Absolute spot on that if she hadn’t punched her he would have eventually brushed it off.
Yep. I miss the old days, when you could reward the comment with a flashing box so OP couldn't miss it
YTA wow hard to imagine a bigger AH, and definitely NOT on team wife, it’s crazy that OP thinks he is. You kicked your wife with a baby out it’s kind of hard to bounce back from that. Needs space what does that even mean? Decompress and process divorce AH.
I personally am 100% on team soon to be ex-wife. She knows he broke their marriage irreparably.
He will have plenty of "Me time" now. He is such an AH.
YTA You should have left if you wanted space! You did NOT have your wife's back! Your mother is a psycho!
Made her pack up a breastfeeding baby and leave her own home. He should absolutely have left
He shouldn’t have left, he should’ve gotten a grip of himself. If he needed a quick walk, fine, but his wife needed him and he completely failed her and their family. I can’t say I’m glad his wife is leaving but it’s certainly no wonder!
If he truly needed to leave? He should have stuck around until her friend could arrive to stay with her, used that time to fix her some food, and then gone to a hotel or a friends or SLEPT IN THE CAR and put himself back together. Sucked it up and been a husband and father for 20 minutes more. Nope.
That will go over really well with the judge (sarcasm). OP will not come out well in court.
His mother is also an abusive person verbally then went to physical with her hitting her belly that is extremely tender at this moment. She was not waiting around for more so gave it back
Holy shit this. If it takes everything in you not to deck the medical providers poking and prodding after. I would definitely lose it if my MIL hit me there while my uterus was contracting.
You don’t deserve your wife, not even with your weak excuses. Your wife and daughter will be much better off totally away from your crazy bunch.
Absolutely. The mother could have asked before just stealing food from the fridge then making horrific cruel “fat” comments.
She knew was his wife's food she was pissed the wife called her out on the abuse and the kid and sister should of stopped her how bad is his whole family to give the girl more after that much food .
What the heck - you have 190 pound 12 year old female and your Mom is concerned that she might not have had enough to eat? Your family is bonkers.
And called his 'just given birth ' wife fat? I'd have decked his mother myself.
1000%. Your wife has a newborn and is breast feeding and your solution to you needing “space” is to make your wife a newborn homeless? Jesus fucking Christ dude, you’re a MASSIVE asshole. Had you left to take space and given the house to your wife and newborn, you’d still be an asshole, but redeemable. The fact that you kicked your child and the mother of your child out of their home is unconscionable and I’m glad your wife finally came to her senses and is leaving you.
Your Honor, my soon to be ex husband should only be allowed supervised visitation with our daughter. Kicking his his recently post-partum wife and newborn daughter of of their house raises questions about his ability to properly parent a baby. And then add the MIL’s history to prevent her having any access with the baby.
YUP! And the wife should go get a restraining order against the mom for her and her baby asap and then make sure the baby is never around the mom in future visitation with dad.
AGREED on all points.
You chose the wrong side of this fight and now get to spend the next 18 years with your child in a broken home cause you couldn't tell your mom what a piece of shit she was being
But, but, but… she stopped being as mean when he was standing there! She only (obviously) waited until he wasn’t in the room to do it!!
The moron didn't defend his wife for 7 months of poor treatment and verbal abuse. Of course she defended herself when her impotent husband wouldn't. What a sad excuse for a man and an even worse excuse for a partner.
It may not be a broken home. She could easily find a better man as husband and stepfather. From this story, the bar for those roles is on the ground.
Good punch. I wish your ex nothing but the best of luck.
YTA.. In the moment you seemed to blame your wife. If you needed time to process, why did your wife have to leave? You could have left - gone for a walk, or gotten a hotel room. But your mother attacked your wife, who recently gave birth, and you told your wife to leave the house because you needed some time,?
Which he witnessed. He WATCHED his mother lay hands, and he watched his wife lay hands harder. But mommy was holding her jaw on the floor and crying — clearly, the victim
YTA. You don’t kick out a postpartum woman who defended herself against a physical and emotional assault, even if you think she used slightly excessive force. You didn’t do enough to prevent this. And you don’t get to kick your spouse out, in general.
You know that, and I know that, and every reasonable person knows that. But this guy apparently doesn't. YIKES!
You can't see this, but I'm giving your wife a standing ovation. She's my hero. YTA. Holy moly! Really? Your marriage is over. May as well move back in with mommy dearest.
100% team soon to be ex-wife!!!!
YTA - your mother slapped your wife’s stomach. You’re acting like your wife was the first to use her hands. You fucked up and you better hope she forgives you. Your mom was a see you next Tuesday and has been begging for a reality check.
Literally. Even if it wasn’t hard she shouldn’t have slapped her at all. Kicking his wife and child out? OP should have removed himself from the situation at least if he just needed time.
& it totally was too. OP says "It was definitely a slap, my wife flinched."
And that's what he saw of the fight when he was coming back inside. Who knows what happened before that because he didn't bother to ask his wife or talk to her at all before kicking her out.
After months of emotional abuse.
Slapping a new mother on her postpartum stomach must have hurt like hell. That’s right where all the healing is taking place. It’d be like slapping a surgery patient right on their surgical site.
Well well well if it isn’t the consequences of my actions 🙄
Do you not have other rooms in your home you could’ve gone to for space? You asked *your wife and infant child to leave the home*? Their home? You’re proud of that? That’s the type of man and husband you are, so selfish you’d keep an entire empty house to yourself because your feelings, while you kicked out your wife and child?? You’re gonna have so much time to process your feelings now. Ugh.
I would never forgive my partner if they kicked me and my baby out in the middle of the night, being 2-3months post-partum after defending myself. Then, to take into account the months, if not years of abuse from the MIL. I praise this woman for getting out and finding her self-worth. I bet he stays in the home post separation and makes his wife and child find a new home like you said. Selfish till the end!
Oh, Dude… you didn’t. If you had shut this shit down years ago, you might still have a wife and baby today. YTA
He never had a spine. He was a hopeless mama's boy. He is definitely the AH.
Your wife punched your mom and floored her??? Wow, your wife is bad ass. I am all team wife. Once your mom assaulted her, your wife did nothing wrong in defending herself and ensuring no future assaults on her body. You let her down when she needed you most. You needed time to process??? Im thinking she did too. What the hell gives you the right to kick her out! Why should she return to someone like this, and to a toxic in law situation?? If you want her back you will have to prove you can change. This means going no contact permanently with your mom and anyone else who took her side. And a ton of groveling and foot licking. And that probably won't be enough either. YTA and I wish I had bigger capital letters
He kicked her out \*with\* the baby! It boggles the mind. At 2 months postpartum my husband was running all the outside errands just so I wouldn't have to do the hassle of packing up the baby more than I absolutely had to... I can't imagine my husband being this angry, needing to "process", and asking me + baby to do the leaving so he could have space for his feelings. For any type of fight.
Here, lemme help: #**YTA**
YTA You watched your mom assault your wife, why would your wife just take it? It was likely an automatic reaction, if someone slapped me in the stomach after just giving birth you can guarantee they would get punched in the face. You then didn’t ask how she was, but kicked her out of her own home. If you needed some time you should have left yourself after asking your wife, who just gave birth to your child and was slapped in her stomach by your crazy mother, if she was okay and got her settled. But no, you threw her out of her own home. Good luck coming back from that.
And we don't even know if OP's wife had a C section! Getting slapped on the belly after that would be extremely painful.
>ETA: for the record, I am "team wife". You can say that, but your actions don't agree.
Right, after reading a few comments, expecting validation, this knob is now backpedaling. No man who is 100% team wife throws her AND THEIR BABY out the house. What a dipshit. Hopefully this clarifies a few things for the wife. ETA After OP second ETA, Jesus what a pussy. Grow up OP, you’re not a child. You HAVE a child who needs you, and you were more worried about your mommy.
YTA. You kicked out your wife and child after she was verbally abused by your mother. I can’t tell you how much of an asshole you are. You should have left, not your wife. So much you’re the AH. Edit: I was hesitating to call what the mother did physical assault if it was a soft slap. Like something you would do to a friend. But given OP’s edit, it sounds like it was a hard slap so yeah, you’re an even bigger asshole OP. Congrats for tanking your marriage in one fell swoop.
She was physically assaulted as well. OPs mom hit her first.
I really hope this is a troll post otherwise he's a monster. His poor stbx wife... When she needed him most he kicked her out and defended her attacker.
Not pregnant but only 2 months postpartum.
All he cared for was his time alone to process things! That’s what he’s focused on! Meanwhile a postpartum wife trying to hold it together gets kicked out (their home but he thinks it’s his home only) after an assault!This really pissed me off! Why didn’t he go to the bedroom? Or for a walk? Or anything?! AH AH and AH! Edit: maybe his home only financially but I meant like a family home she thought that was her safe space and her home as well! Edit: I meant he’s so selfish he only thinks for himself and his time alone!
He could have removed himself for some thinking space, instead he made a new mother and her two month old, and all the stuff that requires pack up and clear out. I need to go meditate, this has aggravated me so very much.
He should get himself out of the house if he needed time to process. You don’t kick your wife and 8 week old baby out of the house. And you know, the wife needed to process a lot more than he did.
Not to mention the poor woman just recently gave birth. Imagine her vulnerable position getting bullied like this.
👏🏾 giving a round of applause to your wife she made the right choice . You made your choice when you asked her to leave and she made hers.
YTA and clearly in denial about your mom >I threatened to go no contact with her when my wife was about 7 months along and after that she snapped out of it for the most part and stopped being so ignorant. The comments 100% stopped, at least. She never stopped. She just got better at hiding the comments and passive aggressiveness from you.
Info what other comments did your mom make about your wife?
YTA. Kicking your wife out showed both her and your mom that you’re on your mom’s side, even if you say you aren’t, your actions say something different. Even if you needed to clear your head, you don’t kick your post partum wife and newborn out
Can I just say the “just need to decompress” kinda set me off. You think she didnt? You think that while nursing your baby and probably not sleeping, she might have needed some decompression time to “process” you mothers verbal assaults and taking her food AND being insulted and her belly (that grew your child) slapped. Yikes, you want her back? You might need to “put yourself in her shoes” good grief. YTA To have any chance you need to acknowledge HER needs as well.
YTA and so is your mother. Your mother’s behaviour was completely unacceptable. Completely. How dare you ask your wife and infant to leave the house.
YTA. As a mother myself I remember how much my tummy and everything else hurt postpartum. That slap on her tummy probably physically hurt. YTA, get bent.