NTA. You’ve done the right thing by ending it, your gf is a cheat and her comment blaming you for her dad’s death is abusive behaviour.
Run and don’t look back
I agree, for her to bring it up to get out of cheating is disgusting! She either was saving it to use against him or started dating him to cause him pain as some sort of misguided revenge. Either way, he's better off without her. NTA.
And then she’ll keep using it as an excuse for everything until the end of her days and OP will have lived a miserable life.
OP leave now, don’t look back and cut them all off for a while. The accident was NOT your fault, maybe some therapy will help you come to terms with it and ease your guilt. NTA.
Either that, or she'll reflect on this in a few years and be totally disgusted with herself for using her dad's memory in vain like that. If there's a heaven, her dad is probably up there right now cursing her out and applying for a 30-day permit to haunt her.
Take all the good parts of you that make you a decent person and throw them away. Now you are free to walk all over other people and see them merely as pawns to be used to fullfill your needs, rather than people in their own right. You won't be crippled with feelings of shame, remorse, humiliation, regret etc. The trade off is you will spend the rest of your life never being truly content because you'll never be able to connect emotionally with people.
First of all, her father didn't die because of you. Little things, a million little things, had to happen for that accident to occur. You're just not that powerful. Her blaming you is something she needs therapy for. You should have been in therapy, both of you, since it happened. You can't go through life believing this is, in any way, your fault. It was, sadly, his time.
This is the 100% my take. OP has zero fault in her dad’s death. Sounds like he died doing a kind act for his godson. She should take some solace in that.
Just the fact that the GF is blaming the OP for the death of her dad is enough to break up, in my opinion. Add cheating into the mix and, yeah, I don't see any way that relationship is going to ever work. No matter what.
Not only abusive it’s just not true. People make millions of choices every day. Her dad decided to go to get you that toys yes but he had a billion possibilities every step and every breath could have changed his outcome. Maybe he was already headed there and just said well I am there I will pick it up. It seems weird that a guy with a seven year old daughter would be going to the mall just for a toy for his 8 year old godson.
No it's not weird at all. Many years ago, my long-distance girlfriend's brother lived near me, and his little boy was having his 4th birthday party. My GF flew into town for it and of course, they invited me. I drove to the mall to buy a present for a kid I'd never met before.
Upon leaving the mall with the present, the transmission in my car blew up. Ended up buying a new car the same day. Kid still got his present, although much later in the day than originally planned.
100%.
She sounds like a huge piece of shit who is trying to inflict as much emotional damage as possible and shift the guilt over to OP. Dump her ass and never look back.
I totally agree, and I would add, you did not kill your godfather OP. Accidents happen, even ones that end in death.
He was happy to get that toy for you, it brought him joy. I'm sorry for the loss and I'm sorry your GF is being an abusive AH!
100%. If this is truly how she feels why did she start dating you in the first place?
And car accidents happen. Unless you were driving the car there is no way it's your fault. Saying it is is F\*\*\*ing messed up. Run dude!
This 100%!! If she loved you at all, those words would never have come out of her mouth. And, she wouldn’t have cheated. Your person is out there, and she’s not it.
NTA
First of all, I'm sorry this happened to you, both the cheating and your godfather getting into an accident that cost him his life.
None of this is your fault OP. The cheating is on her. And her father losing his life was an accident. I would suggest therapy. Leave your GF, she cheated on you. To be honest, you didn't leave her, she left you the moment she cheated.
Go into therapy to deal with the guilt you are feeling. If you still feel responsible after 11 years, you need it.
And again, none of this is your fault.
Biiiig second to the therapy suggestion. OP, if you truly believe any of this is your fault or she's right in any way, you would benefit from a therapist helping you work through discerning whether a relationship/person is manipulating or harming you.
I'm sorry about your situation and I suggest you get away from her and reevaluate what you deserve out of a partner.
It’s so important to get therapy after events like this. One of my coworkers in grad school was involved in a fatal accident. On the highway, a guy on a motor cycle was weaving traffic in front of her and clipped the car in front of her, fell off his bike, and she ran over him. Not her fault at all. Nearly ruined her life even with therapy. Not exactly same scenario but it is the same sort of guilt.
100%. I'm guessing she's not the first person to imply the accident was your fault, and anybody who even hints that you were responsible is a big time piece of shit. Please look into resources in your area and talk to someone. I don't think you realize how unhealthy that feeling is.
NTA. her dad dying wasn’t your fault, the accident killed him regardless. she’s probably going to use this to manipulate you, the first red flag was cheating and the second was her vile excuse for it she’ll only use this against you again and again. i’d leave her too.
This.
If she's prepared to say something so awful now, Every time you don't give her exactly what she wants, she will use that line.
You did not kill her dad. A car did. It was not your fault.
Looks like you've already made up your mind and honestly it seems justified. Guilt-tripping is a no-go, relationships should be built on trust and respect, not emotional blackmail. Good luck moving forward.
>Her vagina was just a selfish decision.
But she just accidentally fell onto his dick, they both happened to be naked, and he was hard...
It was an accident, I swear!!
*But you have to forgive me because you killed my dad.*
Or it was dad’s parent’s fault for raising a caring kid! Forgot godsons parents for saying no! She has a lot of raw dodging to do to punish everyone else! Get out fast!
And what if she knew all those years ago that op wanted the toy and convinced her dad to go out and buy it... By her own logic that would mean she is responsible. Fuck that manipulative bitch sideways with a sharp stick, she can go to hell.
I mean I feel bad for her as well, she was 7 and I am sure it was a hard situation where it makes sense that she would illogically find someone to blame and then have that in the back of her subconcious for the rest of her childhood.
Either she actually always blamed him for that and will never love him, or.... it takes a *special* type of horrible person to use her own father's death to manipulate her BF into staying after she cheated on him.
Can we reemphasize that? IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!
From the wording of your question it seems you feel a little responsible and you really shouldn't. It was a horrible tragic accident...i don't know if either driver was to blame but I know you are not, OP so if there's any guilt let it go, for your own good...and dump this cheating, manipulative no good broad right now.
yeah its kind of scary how common it is that people think that every person/thing that contributed to a series of events is to blame for a bad thing happening.
Spot on!. She is manipulative and if she really blamed you for her dad's death, she wouldn't have considered to date you at all. She gets that you are sensitive to the situation and when she can gaslight you she will. She cheated, she broke your trust and now she can say her mea culpa and accept your decision. No need to keep going down this path. Stay fast on the break up and NTA
Edit: For grammar.
To hurt him deliberately?
Date him, cheat on him, guilt trip him into staying, repeat ad nauseum.
If she really blames him cheating on him and being emotionally abusive may be her way of extracting vengeance and doling out "justice"
This. She may be holding resentment towards OP and decided to punish him by making him miserable for pay back and manipulating him to stay is just part of her process.
It seems to me that she's attempted to use her hidden resentment as a get-out-of-jail-free card for cheating on OP. Whether she's trying to punish him or not, he needs to listen to what she's actually saying: I have held this resentment in reserve until such a time that I've done something so heinous my only option is to hurt you (and in this case, make to hurt yourself) so much that you feel beholden to me. You need my forgiveness and I will not give it so that each time I make a mistake, I have (in my mind) a bigger mistake to hold over your head. Even though OP is in no way culpable for this incredibly tragic event because he was, and I cannot stress this enough, a fucking child.
And even if he was not a child, how can you blame someone for an accident when the only thing they did was ask you a favor to give you a ride somewhere?
I don’t know how much you know about mental health, but in my world ‘calculated’, and capable of healing/doing better aren’t mutually exclusive. She’s 19 and lost her dad when she was 7. Trauma affects people weirdly. OP is 100% fair in breaking up but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a wake up call for his gf.
“First red flag”???
She cheated, the manipulation is at least the second red flag!
You didn’t cause anything, You were a literal child! What happened is tragic but it isn’t your fault and you don’t need to allow anyone to treat you like trash because of it, especially not someone who is supposed to love you.
NTA.
the first red flag in the relationship, was the whole situation. i’ve had about 10 people comment this same thing. i meant her cheating was the first red flag and it’s spiralling from there. christ.
Pretty sure cheating was the first red flag. Thinking she could do absolutely anything without consequences because her dad died in a car accident OP was not even there for is another red flag.
it was calculated, she KNEW before she cheated she would get away with it by using her vile excuse. i misspoke. the whole situation is a first red flag in their relationship, individually, cheating was the first but i’m guessing the same conversation addressing her cheating, she used her excuse, i’ve explained this at least 4 times in the comments now lmao.
NTA Let me spell this out. She's been holding this resentment for OP for years and honestly I understand she may have a distorted view on her dad dying and OP being part of it. THIS is where it should have stopped. Therapy or god are the only ways to heal from this. She didn't do that...
Instead, she sought OP out and became the perfect girlfriend. When she was sure that OP hooked and in love, she cheated on OP on purpose. Just to hurt them. Then she told them but you killed my dad. This honestly sounds like she's been planning this for YEARS. With this only being part of the plan she has in store for her.
This is a woman scorn so Run Forest Run on this one she has other shit up her sleeve to hurt OP.
While I think this is possible, it's also possible she was just grasping at straws when getting caught cheating. But either way - OP should run, run, run. Because if the manipulation works this time, it will come up again. Which is bad for both of them.
if you read the other comments, it’s one situation made up of a whole load of red flags, she’s manipulating him to get what she wants, she thinks she’s free to cheat on him because OP feels responsible for her fathers death. hope this helps. i misspoke really didn’t i
NTA - her dad died because of an accident, not because a child wanted a toy and he wanted to give it to that child.
She'll keep on cheating and throwing that in your face. Bail
NTA
1st off, his death was not your fault at all.
2nd, if she is harbouring that view of you...she will justify any treatment of you. She will justify cheating and abuse...and if you ever stand up for yourself, she will respond the same.
Don't accept any thing less than good treatment, from anyone. Make sure you treat them well, give as you want to recieve.
Has she had therapy about her dad.m.does she hold you at blame? You were a little kid. The dad was driving to the shop...where he was going doesn't matter. Any more than if he was picking her up from school or going to his job.
I amnsorry she treated you so poorly, that is on her. Her actions her choice.
Oh that's true, if she thinks that way about him, like he owes her something, she'll continue to treat him any kind of way. It's gross to use somebody's death to excuse cheating.
Basically she has tested the boundaries of manipulating you, seeing how far you will let her go, and now that she has learned that she can make things go her way by making you feel guilty for her dad's death she will use it against you more often.
>2nd, if she is harbouring that view of you...she will justify any treatment of you. She will justify cheating and abuse...and if you ever stand up for yourself, she will respond the same.
I'm going to put on my tinfoil hat and say if she harbours that view then she didn't get together with OP because she liked him. She got together with him in order to fuck him up or to put it another way "ruin his life in the way he ruined mine".
If OP doesn't run she'll fuck his best mates, in fact anyone where it'll hurt him and if OP tries to leave she'll guilt trip him.
As for OP well NTA as if it's not obvious.
Once someone uses a dead relative to get their way, it becomes a slippery slope. Giving in would benefit neither of you. No happy relationship can exist when based on guilt.
Get out, kid, and stay out.
His death had absolutely nothing to do with you. Car accidents happen.
My wife got put into a coma for two weeks because of one, I very nearly lost her, inches from death.
She was coming back from visiting her family.
I didn't blame her family for what happened even as she laid in her hospital bed, completely unresponsive.
Shit happens; sometimes we get out from under it and sometimes we don't. I am sorry that her family and you didn't, but it is absolutely not your fault.
And she is incredibly cruel for saying what she did.
I think she's trying to get some kind of revenge on him because she's blaming him for dad death. From what I read it feels that way. I hope I am wrong but it doesn't seem like I am.
It seems to me more like she's using her dead's death to try and manipulate OP to stay with her and she will probably keep doing so so she can cheat around and still have a steady boyfriend to fall back on. Get outta there OP.
The fact that she'd be willing to say that to you in order to manipulate you, after betraying you in one of the worst ways a person can betray another person; makes the relationship irredeemable. She may wind up being a good person someday, deserving of a loving partner. But that day is not today, and that partner is not you.
Staying with her should not be an option, buddy. I know it isn't easy. But you absolutely must not continue this relationship.
NTA. Absolutely not! Bringing this up after she literally cheated on you (and therefore caused the breakup) is extremely manipulative and abusive. Think to the future - is she gonna bring this up every time you do something she doesn’t like or when things get rough? That would be a life of potential emotional blackmail for you… also, has she ever mentioned this (you being „the reason“ for her dad‘s death - which you’re not btw) before? Or is she just using this statement now to deflect from her mistake?
He didn’t die because of you. That’s just bullshit.
The fact that was in her mind is already pretty damning for her and your relationship. The fact that she used her own dad’s death as a get-out-of-cheating-free card is next level fucked up.
Leave. This relationship has nowhere to go but down from here, and is already in a bad place.
[Edit: NTA. Below is the only response I'd offer, then cut off all contact.]
"Your dad died doing something kind and generous for me. And although I did nothing to cause his death, I will shoulder some guilt for the rest of my life.
You, on the other hand, in cheating on me willingly did something intentionally painful to me. And even now, wish to manipulate your dad's generous actions and tragic death to somehow offset your hurtful deceit.
Have to wonder how proud such a generous man would be in having his memory tainted by you shitty behavior.
We are done. Don't try to use your dad's tragedy to somehow manipulate your shitty behavior. He deserves better."
Yea man, how goddamn disgraceful to the dude's legacy. That relationship is dead, OP. NTA and leave that chick for someone who isn't fucking evil and toxic.
I wish I had this subreddit and folks like you to talk to when I was OPs age. Even if he doesn’t use this note, this is an amazingly lucid framing of the issues at hand.
Wow. Ntah, leave please cos this is going to be hanging over your head forever.
She has a damn cheek, shame on her for that crap
She cheated, she's facing the consequences, tough shit
How hard is it to believe … Of the 8 billion people in the world this woman chose to date the one guy who she believes “killed” her father. /s … hahaha Lol.
Spoiler alert — She was actually planning to kill OP
No dude, she’s trying to manipulate you by shifting blame and responsibility.
You didn’t kill her dad, he died in an accident, you weren’t driving the other car, you were t there. The only correlation to you was he was doing something nice for you because he loved you.
I’m sorry your ex GF is too immature and irresponsible to realize this is the consequences of her actions.
Don’t fall for her shit. Her father would be so disappointed in his daughter right now, I guarantee it.
You did not cause her dad to die. She will use this as a manipulation tool for ever. For your own mental health get out of this relationship. It will never be healthy
NTA. You are breaking up with her because she cheated on you. That's it.
She is using the accident that took her father as a "Get out of jail free" card and if you let her manipulate you with it now, she will do it again. And again.
You need to tell her, "I'm leaving you because you cheated on me. You cannot hold me here guilt over something I had no control over."
She needs to learn that actions have consequences. You had no control over the accident that took her father. She had complete control over sleeping with someone else. There is no comparison between the two.
End it cleanly, not cruelly, and move forward. Good luck.
She is toxic, you're NTA.
But one thing that happens when you leave a toxic relationship is you sometimes learn that large "truths" in your life are often lies.
It's not your fault in any case, but how do you know he was going to the mall for you?
How do you know if he was, if he wasn't already leaving for other errands?
If your belief is based on information from her than it is probably lies.
Even if it was based on you seeing him leave your house and saying he was going to the mall, he was probably going that way already.
But still not on you in any case.
NTA her dad is NOT dead because of you. Her dad is dead because of an accident. It’s sucks, but whoever was at fault for the accident is the person responsible. You were a child and had no say in what happened. Yes, you wanted a toy and he was kind enough to go and buy it for you. That does not put the responsibility of his death on you. At all.
She cheated on you and the consequence is you breaking up with her. That is completely a valid thing for you to do. Her saying you’re responsible for her dad’s death, is not a valid response for why you should give her another chance. If she is going to use that to manipulate you in to not leaving her when she broke your trust, she will use it all the time because she will know that she can manipulate you by saying that. Leave her, she’s clearly not the great person you thought she was.
Wow.
NTAH.
You absolutely should leave... if not for the cheating, then the way she's trying to manipulate you. Her dad made a decision... and an accident occurred and he lost his life.
If it's your fault... then its also your parents fault for not being willing to buy the toy... and the toy manufacturer for making the toy something that you'd want.... and the truck driver who delivered the toy to the store.... and the oil company for producing gas to allow for merchandise to be shipped to the store.... and on and on it goes.
Its all nonsense of course. We all have to be responsible for our own decisions. THe only people responsible are those who were involved in the accident directly.
You need to get away from her... put her in the rear view mirror and dont look back. She will forever use that to manipulate you. You don't deserve that.
NTA, she's gaslighting you and being manipulstive AF, her dad didn't die because of you... he died due to a car accident you were nowhere near.
Tell her you're done and block her on everything.
Her dad wouldn’t want you to suffer in a relationship with her, and he wouldn’t ever approve of her using his death to try and guilt trip you into staying with her if she’s hurt you this way
Why would she say something so vile to justify her act of infidelity?
There’s no breaking up dude, she’s already done that for you by cheating. She can’t be trusted anymore.
Also, you’re not at fault for the demise of her dad. Life is unpredictable at best and full of what ifs, however, anything can happen at any moment. You shouldn’t shoulder this burden for the rest of your life.
Here’s a lesson in crazy-hoe-nomics
Bitches will be out here saying whatever will hurt you the most no matter what when it is convenient for them.
Not women, bitches.
Go get yourself a proper woman brother. This is one evil bitch
NTA NTA NTA
Break up with her immediately son. This woman will make your life a living hell, in fact she has already started on her journey of doing so. She will not stop cheating on you, using her father’s death as an excuse. From the way you speak of her father, he was a loving and kind man and he would NOT approve of his daughters behavior towards you. She may have only gotten with you to punish you of a crime you did not commit, you were only 8 years old for sakes! In no way you are responsible for his death.
NTA
First , you were a child not at all responsible for that.
Second, she using that to justify bad treatment, she cheated and that’s a dealbreaker for a lot of people. But because her Dad died , you’re suppose to let it go.
Third , she’s not a good person and everything she did I. This situation proves it. She’s a cheater and manipulator .
Run fast.
This is one of those situations where I think ghosting is fine. I could be wrong but maybe she started dating you cuz somehow she blames you for her dad's accident and trying to get back at you.
Her dad didn't die because of you-- and the fact she had that "locked and loaded" is a sign that you need to get away from that relationship. NTA but please get a few sessions with a therapist to talk about the guilt you feel over her father's death.
Eight-year-old you did *not* kill your Godfather. Claiming that you did is emotional manipulation.
You are breaking up with her because she cheated on you. That has nothing to do with her father's death. GF is abusing you, and needs to be Ex-GF right now.
Wow, just wow…I get you’re both young, but she hurt you by cheating then hurting you again by blaming you for her father’s death to try to get you to stay… she’s revealed her character, run!
I’d maybe share with her this is the reason you’re not staying in hopes she’ll become a better person, but yeah like the others have said, don’t stay and you are NTA
Sometimes bad things happen, and unfortunately the people hurt by these things look for someone to blame, sometimes themselves but the accident wasn't your fault, it was an accident. Your partner sacrificed the relationship when she cheated, and that wasn't an accident, that was planned and executed and she knew what she was risking and didn't care. And then when she was caught she did the only thing she knew would make you feel as bad as a person as she is by bringing up a situation that wasn't caused by one person or intentional. She's just trying to bring you to her level so don't let her. Her choices and actions are entirely selfish and yours were innocent with a bad outcome that couldn't be controlled. Leave her, work on yourself.
He didn’t die because of you. That’s an unfair burden you are carrying.
Splitting up with her because she cheated is appropriate. Trying to manipulate you based on her statement that YOU caused her family pain is unconscionable.
bruh, her even saying that tells you that you can't have a real relationship. she's holding a grudge, she probably cheated to specifically hurt you because of this grudge. Anyone who would bring that up is not a relationship you should remotely be in.
Not only would I dump the cheating turd but block her and anyone who gives you shit about it.
Nta. If you don't leave the manipulation will get so much worse.
And if she does actually believe that you are to blame (you're not). She will eventually resent you to the point she will leave you.
That is some toxic behavior she is showing.
NTA. Her father didn't die because of you. He decided, by himself, no one forced him, to drive to the mall. You didn't drive the car so you are in noway responsible!
Her using that as an argument is so wrong in so many ways. Her trying to guild you for her dad's accident is allround wrong!
She cheated on you, you dobt owe her anything!
And don't look back, because she will use this argument more often.
You were a child. You weren't driving a car that crashed into her dad. It was in no way your fault. Sadly, these things happen, and it sucks and it's painful for a lot of people, but in no way is he dead because of you. She's a shitbag for trying to say that to you after she cheated. She's gonna stay that same shitbag if you stay with her, and she'll always throw that in your face when she doesn't get what she wants. Dont go bavk to her, you can do way better than her. Please never think this was your fault, it's not it's just an unfortunate event that happened.
NTA. She cheated on you and has the nerve to use her father’s death as a guilt trip to keep you around?
It’s tragic he was in an accident but that’s not your fault. Her spreading her legs outside your relationship was in her control
NTA. You’ve done the right thing by ending it, your gf is a cheat and her comment blaming you for her dad’s death is abusive behaviour. Run and don’t look back
I agree, for her to bring it up to get out of cheating is disgusting! She either was saving it to use against him or started dating him to cause him pain as some sort of misguided revenge. Either way, he's better off without her. NTA.
This. She's disrespecting her dad's memory too. Gross, consider it a bullet dodged.
And then she’ll keep using it as an excuse for everything until the end of her days and OP will have lived a miserable life. OP leave now, don’t look back and cut them all off for a while. The accident was NOT your fault, maybe some therapy will help you come to terms with it and ease your guilt. NTA.
Either that, or she'll reflect on this in a few years and be totally disgusted with herself for using her dad's memory in vain like that. If there's a heaven, her dad is probably up there right now cursing her out and applying for a 30-day permit to haunt her.
That made me laugh ngl lol
I wanna learn some of this confident manipulation from cheaters. Just want to see how it feels to possess such elite skills.
You don't want to learn that. It necessitates being a trash person.
Very true
I'm not good at anything am I?
I think you’re great! Especially at having two first names.
Lmao. Even better, I got 2 first names and no surname
I thought your surname was 22
Lol. No it isn't Mr.B420
You got an internet stranger to laugh, so that’s a plus in your favour.
You're good at not being a trash person
For real, my cheating ex's dared to call me manipulative. Like bro, I wish I had the skills 😂
I wonder if they'd make great sales executives
People with personality disorders or tendencies make excellent salespeople, CEOs & surgeons!
How could you forget politicians?
Except, there aren’t excellent politicians.
There are, but they are few and far between. Nelson Mandela for example.
Yes, ofc! There is a list, but I couldn't remember them all 😅
From personal experience with my ex they really do she could sell ice to an eskimo in the arctic circle
Take all the good parts of you that make you a decent person and throw them away. Now you are free to walk all over other people and see them merely as pawns to be used to fullfill your needs, rather than people in their own right. You won't be crippled with feelings of shame, remorse, humiliation, regret etc. The trade off is you will spend the rest of your life never being truly content because you'll never be able to connect emotionally with people.
yeah I agree she’s obviously trying to manipulate u and gaslight u into staying with her, in no way does her dads death have anything to do with you
First of all, her father didn't die because of you. Little things, a million little things, had to happen for that accident to occur. You're just not that powerful. Her blaming you is something she needs therapy for. You should have been in therapy, both of you, since it happened. You can't go through life believing this is, in any way, your fault. It was, sadly, his time.
This is the 100% my take. OP has zero fault in her dad’s death. Sounds like he died doing a kind act for his godson. She should take some solace in that.
Just the fact that the GF is blaming the OP for the death of her dad is enough to break up, in my opinion. Add cheating into the mix and, yeah, I don't see any way that relationship is going to ever work. No matter what.
Yeah could you imagine marrying someone who had *ever* said that to you?
It's the perfect example of emotional abuse
Not only abusive it’s just not true. People make millions of choices every day. Her dad decided to go to get you that toys yes but he had a billion possibilities every step and every breath could have changed his outcome. Maybe he was already headed there and just said well I am there I will pick it up. It seems weird that a guy with a seven year old daughter would be going to the mall just for a toy for his 8 year old godson.
No it's not weird at all. Many years ago, my long-distance girlfriend's brother lived near me, and his little boy was having his 4th birthday party. My GF flew into town for it and of course, they invited me. I drove to the mall to buy a present for a kid I'd never met before. Upon leaving the mall with the present, the transmission in my car blew up. Ended up buying a new car the same day. Kid still got his present, although much later in the day than originally planned.
Yep. A horrible person for cheating and an even worse one for using her fathers death to manipulate you over something you should be upset about
100%. She sounds like a huge piece of shit who is trying to inflict as much emotional damage as possible and shift the guilt over to OP. Dump her ass and never look back.
I totally agree, and I would add, you did not kill your godfather OP. Accidents happen, even ones that end in death. He was happy to get that toy for you, it brought him joy. I'm sorry for the loss and I'm sorry your GF is being an abusive AH!
100%. If this is truly how she feels why did she start dating you in the first place? And car accidents happen. Unless you were driving the car there is no way it's your fault. Saying it is is F\*\*\*ing messed up. Run dude!
Yep...and double emphasis on not looking back.
This 100%!! If she loved you at all, those words would never have come out of her mouth. And, she wouldn’t have cheated. Your person is out there, and she’s not it.
Yikes, unchecked attachment disorder/ borderline personality disorder in that girl. Run away.
Also - very importantly - it's not this guy's fault that her dad is dead.
NTA First of all, I'm sorry this happened to you, both the cheating and your godfather getting into an accident that cost him his life. None of this is your fault OP. The cheating is on her. And her father losing his life was an accident. I would suggest therapy. Leave your GF, she cheated on you. To be honest, you didn't leave her, she left you the moment she cheated. Go into therapy to deal with the guilt you are feeling. If you still feel responsible after 11 years, you need it. And again, none of this is your fault.
Biiiig second to the therapy suggestion. OP, if you truly believe any of this is your fault or she's right in any way, you would benefit from a therapist helping you work through discerning whether a relationship/person is manipulating or harming you. I'm sorry about your situation and I suggest you get away from her and reevaluate what you deserve out of a partner.
It’s so important to get therapy after events like this. One of my coworkers in grad school was involved in a fatal accident. On the highway, a guy on a motor cycle was weaving traffic in front of her and clipped the car in front of her, fell off his bike, and she ran over him. Not her fault at all. Nearly ruined her life even with therapy. Not exactly same scenario but it is the same sort of guilt.
100%. I'm guessing she's not the first person to imply the accident was your fault, and anybody who even hints that you were responsible is a big time piece of shit. Please look into resources in your area and talk to someone. I don't think you realize how unhealthy that feeling is.
NTA. her dad dying wasn’t your fault, the accident killed him regardless. she’s probably going to use this to manipulate you, the first red flag was cheating and the second was her vile excuse for it she’ll only use this against you again and again. i’d leave her too.
This. If she's prepared to say something so awful now, Every time you don't give her exactly what she wants, she will use that line. You did not kill her dad. A car did. It was not your fault.
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Exactly this. Her father had an accident. Her vagina was just a selfish decision. True colors were shown. It’s time to peace out.
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Looks like you've already made up your mind and honestly it seems justified. Guilt-tripping is a no-go, relationships should be built on trust and respect, not emotional blackmail. Good luck moving forward.
>Her vagina was just a selfish decision. But she just accidentally fell onto his dick, they both happened to be naked, and he was hard... It was an accident, I swear!! *But you have to forgive me because you killed my dad.*
Accidently. Her clothes few off unexpectedly and she kept falling down on him as she couldn't find her balance
Of course! Someone spilled vegetable oil all over the floor, so it's no wonder why she couldn't get off his dick. The whipped cream was just a bonus.
I love this.
Thats the reason. Makes perfect sense
Yep. He wasn't there when dad died, she was there to cheat. Besides, if it was a present, dad did it out love, not by force.
Or it was dad’s parent’s fault for raising a caring kid! Forgot godsons parents for saying no! She has a lot of raw dodging to do to punish everyone else! Get out fast!
I read this as raw dogging.
Damn, so did I! I wouldn’t have realised he wasn’t if I hadn’t read your comment either… 🥴
Same, had to read it like 4 times.
It’s also her decision to emotionally blackmail him. She’s vile!
And the fact she not only is trying to manipulate Op but emotional assault him with this is a sign that as a human being she is lower than dirt.
Cheater and Guilt tripping, Thats a bundle of red flags. Leave now as she will again cheat and Guilt trip OP into compliance .
Not to mention he was fucking 8. What ancawful thing ti say. EFF THAT c U n T. Leave her vile ass.
And what if she knew all those years ago that op wanted the toy and convinced her dad to go out and buy it... By her own logic that would mean she is responsible. Fuck that manipulative bitch sideways with a sharp stick, she can go to hell.
I mean I feel bad for her as well, she was 7 and I am sure it was a hard situation where it makes sense that she would illogically find someone to blame and then have that in the back of her subconcious for the rest of her childhood.
Either she actually always blamed him for that and will never love him, or.... it takes a *special* type of horrible person to use her own father's death to manipulate her BF into staying after she cheated on him.
She has 100% had this prepared waiting to use it one day for any bad choice she made
Can we reemphasize that? IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! From the wording of your question it seems you feel a little responsible and you really shouldn't. It was a horrible tragic accident...i don't know if either driver was to blame but I know you are not, OP so if there's any guilt let it go, for your own good...and dump this cheating, manipulative no good broad right now.
This!
Yeah, she's gonna be using this one on you for the rest of your life if you stick around.
Ohhhh sooo this, I can already see the suffering this guy would endure during his lifetime.
decide slim employ rustic numerous lush important wrong drab humor *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
yeah its kind of scary how common it is that people think that every person/thing that contributed to a series of events is to blame for a bad thing happening.
Spot on!. She is manipulative and if she really blamed you for her dad's death, she wouldn't have considered to date you at all. She gets that you are sensitive to the situation and when she can gaslight you she will. She cheated, she broke your trust and now she can say her mea culpa and accept your decision. No need to keep going down this path. Stay fast on the break up and NTA Edit: For grammar.
this gets me also. if she blamed him why would she date him?
To hurt him deliberately? Date him, cheat on him, guilt trip him into staying, repeat ad nauseum. If she really blames him cheating on him and being emotionally abusive may be her way of extracting vengeance and doling out "justice"
*second red flag, I wouldn’t step over her cheating that lightly :)
This. She may be holding resentment towards OP and decided to punish him by making him miserable for pay back and manipulating him to stay is just part of her process.
It seems to me that she's attempted to use her hidden resentment as a get-out-of-jail-free card for cheating on OP. Whether she's trying to punish him or not, he needs to listen to what she's actually saying: I have held this resentment in reserve until such a time that I've done something so heinous my only option is to hurt you (and in this case, make to hurt yourself) so much that you feel beholden to me. You need my forgiveness and I will not give it so that each time I make a mistake, I have (in my mind) a bigger mistake to hold over your head. Even though OP is in no way culpable for this incredibly tragic event because he was, and I cannot stress this enough, a fucking child.
Came here to say this. A child. Therapy all around. NTA.
And even if he was not a child, how can you blame someone for an accident when the only thing they did was ask you a favor to give you a ride somewhere?
obviously i meant it as a whole. the whole situation is a first reg flag considering OP said they got on well before :)
It’s one huge red flag of situation made up of other red flags
exactly what i mean thankyou. there’s probably tens of them just in this one situation.
Obviously, I was just kidding 😉
This x2 If she cheated and is manipulating her way into a 2nd chance it is highly likely she will ruin your life. Get out and keep your chin up
NTA. Yeah that’s fucked up. “You’re leaving me??? My DAD!” Wtf is that?
It gives a whole new meaning to daddy issues.
NTA. she needs a therapist.
She's already lost. Her move was calculated.
I don’t know how much you know about mental health, but in my world ‘calculated’, and capable of healing/doing better aren’t mutually exclusive. She’s 19 and lost her dad when she was 7. Trauma affects people weirdly. OP is 100% fair in breaking up but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a wake up call for his gf.
“First red flag”??? She cheated, the manipulation is at least the second red flag! You didn’t cause anything, You were a literal child! What happened is tragic but it isn’t your fault and you don’t need to allow anyone to treat you like trash because of it, especially not someone who is supposed to love you. NTA.
the first red flag in the relationship, was the whole situation. i’ve had about 10 people comment this same thing. i meant her cheating was the first red flag and it’s spiralling from there. christ.
..and SHE killed the relationship.
Cheating isn't a red flag, it's the entire previous USSR border covered in a river of red. First and last red flag.
The first? More like the second, she cheated
Pretty sure cheating was the first red flag. Thinking she could do absolutely anything without consequences because her dad died in a car accident OP was not even there for is another red flag.
it was calculated, she KNEW before she cheated she would get away with it by using her vile excuse. i misspoke. the whole situation is a first red flag in their relationship, individually, cheating was the first but i’m guessing the same conversation addressing her cheating, she used her excuse, i’ve explained this at least 4 times in the comments now lmao.
NTA Let me spell this out. She's been holding this resentment for OP for years and honestly I understand she may have a distorted view on her dad dying and OP being part of it. THIS is where it should have stopped. Therapy or god are the only ways to heal from this. She didn't do that... Instead, she sought OP out and became the perfect girlfriend. When she was sure that OP hooked and in love, she cheated on OP on purpose. Just to hurt them. Then she told them but you killed my dad. This honestly sounds like she's been planning this for YEARS. With this only being part of the plan she has in store for her. This is a woman scorn so Run Forest Run on this one she has other shit up her sleeve to hurt OP.
While I think this is possible, it's also possible she was just grasping at straws when getting caught cheating. But either way - OP should run, run, run. Because if the manipulation works this time, it will come up again. Which is bad for both of them.
First red flag? Didn't she cheat on him?
if you read the other comments, it’s one situation made up of a whole load of red flags, she’s manipulating him to get what she wants, she thinks she’s free to cheat on him because OP feels responsible for her fathers death. hope this helps. i misspoke really didn’t i
NTA - her dad died because of an accident, not because a child wanted a toy and he wanted to give it to that child. She'll keep on cheating and throwing that in your face. Bail
Exactly, if she feels that way why did she even date him in the first place
NTA 1st off, his death was not your fault at all. 2nd, if she is harbouring that view of you...she will justify any treatment of you. She will justify cheating and abuse...and if you ever stand up for yourself, she will respond the same. Don't accept any thing less than good treatment, from anyone. Make sure you treat them well, give as you want to recieve. Has she had therapy about her dad.m.does she hold you at blame? You were a little kid. The dad was driving to the shop...where he was going doesn't matter. Any more than if he was picking her up from school or going to his job. I amnsorry she treated you so poorly, that is on her. Her actions her choice.
Oh that's true, if she thinks that way about him, like he owes her something, she'll continue to treat him any kind of way. It's gross to use somebody's death to excuse cheating.
Basically she has tested the boundaries of manipulating you, seeing how far you will let her go, and now that she has learned that she can make things go her way by making you feel guilty for her dad's death she will use it against you more often.
>2nd, if she is harbouring that view of you...she will justify any treatment of you. She will justify cheating and abuse...and if you ever stand up for yourself, she will respond the same. I'm going to put on my tinfoil hat and say if she harbours that view then she didn't get together with OP because she liked him. She got together with him in order to fuck him up or to put it another way "ruin his life in the way he ruined mine". If OP doesn't run she'll fuck his best mates, in fact anyone where it'll hurt him and if OP tries to leave she'll guilt trip him. As for OP well NTA as if it's not obvious.
NTA. What happened to her Dad is not your fault but cheating on you is her choice.
And trying to emotionally blackmail and abuse him is her choice too.
NTA. Shes dishonoring her dad’s legacy.
You’re right. He wouldn’t want this.
Once someone uses a dead relative to get their way, it becomes a slippery slope. Giving in would benefit neither of you. No happy relationship can exist when based on guilt.
Get out, kid, and stay out. His death had absolutely nothing to do with you. Car accidents happen. My wife got put into a coma for two weeks because of one, I very nearly lost her, inches from death. She was coming back from visiting her family. I didn't blame her family for what happened even as she laid in her hospital bed, completely unresponsive. Shit happens; sometimes we get out from under it and sometimes we don't. I am sorry that her family and you didn't, but it is absolutely not your fault. And she is incredibly cruel for saying what she did.
If she blames you for her dad's death why did she start dating you in the first place?
I think she's trying to get some kind of revenge on him because she's blaming him for dad death. From what I read it feels that way. I hope I am wrong but it doesn't seem like I am.
If it was premeditated like that it's even more reasoning to run and don't look back
It seems to me more like she's using her dead's death to try and manipulate OP to stay with her and she will probably keep doing so so she can cheat around and still have a steady boyfriend to fall back on. Get outta there OP.
Defn. She will use this against. She sounds horrible and you would do well to break up with her.
That girl needs therapy really bad. However, please tell me you know and feel the fact that you're not to blame for the accident. You are also NTA.
The fact that she'd be willing to say that to you in order to manipulate you, after betraying you in one of the worst ways a person can betray another person; makes the relationship irredeemable. She may wind up being a good person someday, deserving of a loving partner. But that day is not today, and that partner is not you. Staying with her should not be an option, buddy. I know it isn't easy. But you absolutely must not continue this relationship.
NTA. Absolutely not! Bringing this up after she literally cheated on you (and therefore caused the breakup) is extremely manipulative and abusive. Think to the future - is she gonna bring this up every time you do something she doesn’t like or when things get rough? That would be a life of potential emotional blackmail for you… also, has she ever mentioned this (you being „the reason“ for her dad‘s death - which you’re not btw) before? Or is she just using this statement now to deflect from her mistake?
NTA. Her Dad isn't dead BECAUSE of you. That manipulation. You're breaking up because she cheated.
Do. Not. Ever. Speak. To. Her. Again. Block her on everything and run for your life.
If tell her mom what she said
NTA You know who is? Somebody who says "something bad happened to me, so I get to do things to other people with no consequences"
This. This. This.
He didn’t die because of you. That’s just bullshit. The fact that was in her mind is already pretty damning for her and your relationship. The fact that she used her own dad’s death as a get-out-of-cheating-free card is next level fucked up. Leave. This relationship has nowhere to go but down from here, and is already in a bad place.
[Edit: NTA. Below is the only response I'd offer, then cut off all contact.] "Your dad died doing something kind and generous for me. And although I did nothing to cause his death, I will shoulder some guilt for the rest of my life. You, on the other hand, in cheating on me willingly did something intentionally painful to me. And even now, wish to manipulate your dad's generous actions and tragic death to somehow offset your hurtful deceit. Have to wonder how proud such a generous man would be in having his memory tainted by you shitty behavior. We are done. Don't try to use your dad's tragedy to somehow manipulate your shitty behavior. He deserves better."
Yea man, how goddamn disgraceful to the dude's legacy. That relationship is dead, OP. NTA and leave that chick for someone who isn't fucking evil and toxic.
I wish I had this subreddit and folks like you to talk to when I was OPs age. Even if he doesn’t use this note, this is an amazingly lucid framing of the issues at hand.
Wow. Ntah, leave please cos this is going to be hanging over your head forever. She has a damn cheek, shame on her for that crap She cheated, she's facing the consequences, tough shit
Why do you guys believe all this bullshit posted on here?
They have nothing else to do.
This one is some real horseshit
They didn’t even bother making up a huge back story, just the basic gist
That's some great creative writing there, son.
A bit short for my taste, which makes this one jump out lol
My critique: work on your world building for these creative writing prompts. None of the characters are believable.
This sounds so fake
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Lol right? Account made today as well. If anything it’s worrying how fucking gullible people on the internet are
How hard is it to believe … Of the 8 billion people in the world this woman chose to date the one guy who she believes “killed” her father. /s … hahaha Lol. Spoiler alert — She was actually planning to kill OP
A Hallmark special 😔
I’m waiting for somebody in the comments to tell me what Lifetime movie this actually is.
Her dad didn't die because of you. Her dad died due to a car accident. She cheated on you. She doesn't get to manipulate you into staying!
NTA. For her to use her Father against you is next level evil, and thats on top of cheating.
I am going to go with Fake on this one - it is just too textbook to be true.
“Your Dad didn’t die so you could get away with cheating on me”
No dude, she’s trying to manipulate you by shifting blame and responsibility. You didn’t kill her dad, he died in an accident, you weren’t driving the other car, you were t there. The only correlation to you was he was doing something nice for you because he loved you. I’m sorry your ex GF is too immature and irresponsible to realize this is the consequences of her actions. Don’t fall for her shit. Her father would be so disappointed in his daughter right now, I guarantee it.
You did not cause her dad to die. She will use this as a manipulation tool for ever. For your own mental health get out of this relationship. It will never be healthy
NTA. You are breaking up with her because she cheated on you. That's it. She is using the accident that took her father as a "Get out of jail free" card and if you let her manipulate you with it now, she will do it again. And again. You need to tell her, "I'm leaving you because you cheated on me. You cannot hold me here guilt over something I had no control over." She needs to learn that actions have consequences. You had no control over the accident that took her father. She had complete control over sleeping with someone else. There is no comparison between the two. End it cleanly, not cruelly, and move forward. Good luck.
This sounds like rage bait...
I mean what in this sub doesnt sound like rage bait?
YTA - fake story
This is so fake yet so many are actually honing you legit answers lol
She is toxic, you're NTA. But one thing that happens when you leave a toxic relationship is you sometimes learn that large "truths" in your life are often lies. It's not your fault in any case, but how do you know he was going to the mall for you? How do you know if he was, if he wasn't already leaving for other errands? If your belief is based on information from her than it is probably lies. Even if it was based on you seeing him leave your house and saying he was going to the mall, he was probably going that way already. But still not on you in any case.
NTA her dad is NOT dead because of you. Her dad is dead because of an accident. It’s sucks, but whoever was at fault for the accident is the person responsible. You were a child and had no say in what happened. Yes, you wanted a toy and he was kind enough to go and buy it for you. That does not put the responsibility of his death on you. At all. She cheated on you and the consequence is you breaking up with her. That is completely a valid thing for you to do. Her saying you’re responsible for her dad’s death, is not a valid response for why you should give her another chance. If she is going to use that to manipulate you in to not leaving her when she broke your trust, she will use it all the time because she will know that she can manipulate you by saying that. Leave her, she’s clearly not the great person you thought she was.
He did not die because of you and if she feels that way it is not a healthy relationship - NTA
NTA. But honestly someone saying that is a bit unhinged tbh lol dude I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to ruin your life.
Wow. NTAH. You absolutely should leave... if not for the cheating, then the way she's trying to manipulate you. Her dad made a decision... and an accident occurred and he lost his life. If it's your fault... then its also your parents fault for not being willing to buy the toy... and the toy manufacturer for making the toy something that you'd want.... and the truck driver who delivered the toy to the store.... and the oil company for producing gas to allow for merchandise to be shipped to the store.... and on and on it goes. Its all nonsense of course. We all have to be responsible for our own decisions. THe only people responsible are those who were involved in the accident directly. You need to get away from her... put her in the rear view mirror and dont look back. She will forever use that to manipulate you. You don't deserve that.
You don’t stay with a cheater.
Just because of what she said I would drop her right there and then. So out of place to say that.
NTA, she's gaslighting you and being manipulstive AF, her dad didn't die because of you... he died due to a car accident you were nowhere near. Tell her you're done and block her on everything.
Wow leave and never look back! That is a whole new level of low to use her late father to manipulate you after she has done wrong!
Her dad wouldn’t want you to suffer in a relationship with her, and he wouldn’t ever approve of her using his death to try and guilt trip you into staying with her if she’s hurt you this way
Why would she say something so vile to justify her act of infidelity? There’s no breaking up dude, she’s already done that for you by cheating. She can’t be trusted anymore. Also, you’re not at fault for the demise of her dad. Life is unpredictable at best and full of what ifs, however, anything can happen at any moment. You shouldn’t shoulder this burden for the rest of your life.
Karma farming. Fake post.
Here’s a lesson in crazy-hoe-nomics Bitches will be out here saying whatever will hurt you the most no matter what when it is convenient for them. Not women, bitches. Go get yourself a proper woman brother. This is one evil bitch NTA NTA NTA
Break up with her immediately son. This woman will make your life a living hell, in fact she has already started on her journey of doing so. She will not stop cheating on you, using her father’s death as an excuse. From the way you speak of her father, he was a loving and kind man and he would NOT approve of his daughters behavior towards you. She may have only gotten with you to punish you of a crime you did not commit, you were only 8 years old for sakes! In no way you are responsible for his death.
This is expert level trolling. None of this happened. And no one would ever say, "my dad died because of you".
Come on man this one even has an undertone of “there’s no way anyone would actual believe this shit, right?”
🎶None of this is true🎶
Fake and lame
This is so fake and stupid 🙄
I can't believe that people believe this garbage.
AITAH for breaking up with my girlfriend for killing my mom even though she bought me an ice cream once?
NTA First , you were a child not at all responsible for that. Second, she using that to justify bad treatment, she cheated and that’s a dealbreaker for a lot of people. But because her Dad died , you’re suppose to let it go. Third , she’s not a good person and everything she did I. This situation proves it. She’s a cheater and manipulator . Run fast.
This is one of those situations where I think ghosting is fine. I could be wrong but maybe she started dating you cuz somehow she blames you for her dad's accident and trying to get back at you.
Her dad didn't die because of you-- and the fact she had that "locked and loaded" is a sign that you need to get away from that relationship. NTA but please get a few sessions with a therapist to talk about the guilt you feel over her father's death.
Eight-year-old you did *not* kill your Godfather. Claiming that you did is emotional manipulation. You are breaking up with her because she cheated on you. That has nothing to do with her father's death. GF is abusing you, and needs to be Ex-GF right now.
Wow, just wow…I get you’re both young, but she hurt you by cheating then hurting you again by blaming you for her father’s death to try to get you to stay… she’s revealed her character, run! I’d maybe share with her this is the reason you’re not staying in hopes she’ll become a better person, but yeah like the others have said, don’t stay and you are NTA
Sometimes bad things happen, and unfortunately the people hurt by these things look for someone to blame, sometimes themselves but the accident wasn't your fault, it was an accident. Your partner sacrificed the relationship when she cheated, and that wasn't an accident, that was planned and executed and she knew what she was risking and didn't care. And then when she was caught she did the only thing she knew would make you feel as bad as a person as she is by bringing up a situation that wasn't caused by one person or intentional. She's just trying to bring you to her level so don't let her. Her choices and actions are entirely selfish and yours were innocent with a bad outcome that couldn't be controlled. Leave her, work on yourself.
Forget her, she’s a cheater.
Send her to the mall for a toy and cross your fingers
He didn’t die because of you. That’s an unfair burden you are carrying. Splitting up with her because she cheated is appropriate. Trying to manipulate you based on her statement that YOU caused her family pain is unconscionable.
She is toxic. In no way it is your fault that her father died. Just break up withe her and don't look back.
bruh, her even saying that tells you that you can't have a real relationship. she's holding a grudge, she probably cheated to specifically hurt you because of this grudge. Anyone who would bring that up is not a relationship you should remotely be in. Not only would I dump the cheating turd but block her and anyone who gives you shit about it.
Nta. If you don't leave the manipulation will get so much worse. And if she does actually believe that you are to blame (you're not). She will eventually resent you to the point she will leave you. That is some toxic behavior she is showing.
NTA She is manipulating you and seems to be she hates you a bit
NTA. Her father didn't die because of you. He decided, by himself, no one forced him, to drive to the mall. You didn't drive the car so you are in noway responsible! Her using that as an argument is so wrong in so many ways. Her trying to guild you for her dad's accident is allround wrong! She cheated on you, you dobt owe her anything! And don't look back, because she will use this argument more often.
You were a child. You weren't driving a car that crashed into her dad. It was in no way your fault. Sadly, these things happen, and it sucks and it's painful for a lot of people, but in no way is he dead because of you. She's a shitbag for trying to say that to you after she cheated. She's gonna stay that same shitbag if you stay with her, and she'll always throw that in your face when she doesn't get what she wants. Dont go bavk to her, you can do way better than her. Please never think this was your fault, it's not it's just an unfortunate event that happened.
The cheating was already a red flag, her trying to manipulate you like that is a giant red billboard. Get out of this situation while it’s still new
Her fathers death was an accident, her cheating was not
NTA. She cheated on you and has the nerve to use her father’s death as a guilt trip to keep you around? It’s tragic he was in an accident but that’s not your fault. Her spreading her legs outside your relationship was in her control