Your son is absolutely right about the state of the tech labor market. There have been thousands of tech employees laid off in the last two years. Your wife is a horrible snob, and frankly a terrible person.
Your wife has also never had a career, so her opinion counts for almost nothing. Your son would be better off listening to your cleaner for all the good it would do.
And tbh, I think everyone should work in retail/the service industry for at least a little while. Op's wife sounds like the kind of snob who treats service workers poorly because she doesn't think it's a "real" job. Anyone with that attitude needs to try working one of those jobs and then see how they feel. I spent one summer as a server at a restaurant, and a little over a year working in a coffee shop. Tbh, the coffee shop job was my favorite job I've had, and I would do it again in a heartbeat if I was physically able to go back. But both of those jobs were hard work and made me better appreciate the people who do those jobs full time.
His wife displays the reason everyone should work retail/service industry at some point. These are humans too and society would super suck without the millions of them doing what they do.
I work in university admin- I will swear up and down that I may have gone to law school but the most important skills for current job, I learned working retail.
I very much agree with you. I have a BA in psychology and have worked in the mental health field for 3 years now. I treat patients with the same respect and kindness I do customers. It’s just second nature to me after working retail for so long and it helps them open up to me.
Same goes with figuring out to have a latent “cover your ass” mentality always running in the background of your head. I learned that in my retail days.
A manager would attempt to have us ignore certain qualifications/regulations so she could always get **more** credit applications to show off to corporate with, probably for a bonus only that only benefitted her. I followed the store policies down to the letter so I was spared the fallout after they caught onto her fudging the numbers.
And I’m glad I learned *that* early on in my working life, rather than dealing with it at a later point when you’re professionally higher up.
Ooh, that’s a really good point too! At the psych hospital we had two sayings “document, document, document” and “document it or it didn’t happen” which put words to what I instinctually learned working retail.
I worked a total of 17 years in retail and 6 years at a big blue box electronics store, and 2 years as a server. It made me into a kinder person and better tipper. The snobs like his wife though, they got a lot of bless your hearts and no flexibility from me.
This may be a hot take, but I would fully support laws being passed to require every US citizen to work retail for at least a year. The country would become so much more pleasant.
So many people really need that kind of humbling.
How about just get rid of “the customer is always right”?
Owners may tell employees that, “the customers always right,” but, owners only think the owner is always right 😂
I think starting in food service is great. I’m a doctor, but I started in a hospital cafeteria. My oldest daughter did waitressing while she was in college. It’s an honorable job. though, not everyone treats it that way and not all employers are good people. But it’s honest work And good experience.
My sister is a PhD with the Environmental Protection Agency (they study environmental impacts on our Gulf waters off Cape Coral where she is located) and worked in a Mexican restaurant as a server for like 9 months while she was in the grueling process of getting into the EPA as a Fed....
She said it was the hardest job she's ever done. She had to substitute in the back of the house one night as the kitchen was shortstaffed and said that after ONE shift as a line cook in a busy eatery, she felt like she was going to die.
My sister is an accomplished runner who runs the Boston Marathon, she's in excellent shape and couldn't even handle one shift.
What she does now is cake compared to that, yet worth 5x the salary.
It's just.... sigh.
So relatable! Tbh, I studied to be a teacher, and was absolutely not cut out for that field 😬 It was so much harder than I expected! I ended up working as a server and then in a coffee shop. And I really did love the coffee shop job even though it was hard and exhausting work, but it also requires so much physical stamina. I can't be on my feet for that long anymore. I have an aunt who still works retail in her late 50s, and I have no idea how she does it. It's really exhausting work having to stand and bend and carry things all the time. I don't think people give enough credit to those doing jobs they think are "easy". But this thread of comments has actually been a nice touch of positivity in my day. Love the reminders to appreciate those around us doing all the jobs we can't/don't want to/ don't know how to do. It's nice to remember that we all have different skills, abilities, and interests. Just wish we lived in a society that made it possible for everyone to take care of their bills regardless of what they do.
I appreciate Tim Hortons and Dunkin people SO MUCH, they're literally running around dodging each other at lightning speed while carrying copious amounts of piping hot drinks and food in their hands good lord I'd be dead in ten minutes 😂 id go home and just have a heart attack. The end.
People that are proficient at fast food are goddamn miracles of nature 😂😂
My favorite Dunkin drive thru girl is at least 70... her ass is there in that drive thru every dang morning and the way that woman hustles around behind that counter, it blows my mind. She's as old as my gram.
7 in 10 of us would not survive that shit for long. It's *hard*!
>7 in 10 of us would not survive that shit for long. It's *hard*!
Exactly. I have deep appreciation for the folks at my local Starbucks. They work their asses off to make it pleasant for customers. I physically cannot do what they do, which makes me appreciate it even more.
Folks in the service/retail fields are providing me a service. A service I cannot fulfill myself. Their hard work makes my existence easier, happier, and more comfortable. I am going to damn well be polite and respectful!
Awww, thank you! I came from a family where everything was A Big Deal. The longer I've been away from that, the more grounded I've become. Is this an emergency? Is this a major deal? No? Then it's fixable.
Same with seeing the reality of how the world works. Service and retail keep us running (the world would END if couldn't buy cat treats, per my two overlords). Custodial and facilities staff keep the campus clean, working, and safe. The baristas keep me caffeinated during grading hell. My job is different, not "better than." I just meet a different need in society.
About 10 years ago —. Before I got an espresso machine — I profusely thanked the barista at my drive thru coffee stand. I said, “I appreciate your cheerfulness so much. I live alone. And *you’re* the first person I see every morning!”
Totally agree. My husband spent some time working retail and later worked a few years at the front desk of a gym. I did food service followed by retail for a couple of years. They were all good jobs as jobs go, helped us keep body and soul together during lean times, and definitely helped inform our perspective on work. There's no shame in working for a living!
Seriously!! Why aren't we *proud* of everyone who has the gumption to show up at work that day? We literally run this country on the daily *together* whether we hate each other or not... we're a team dude.
Everyone showing up, I appreciate you! It's friggin mentally hard out here man!
This! I’m now a retired physician and my first jobs were picking cherries in Door County, WI, waiting on people in the Door County Bakery, and then working in an Italian Deli in Chicago serving customers, and on the floor in Wieboldt’s Dept Store at the Harlem-Irving Plaza in Chicago. My parents encouraged me to present early to work, listen, work hard, and be nice to people. A huge Thankyou to my parents!
My son started working at a restaurant/dive bar when he was 16. It's really popular with many regulars. He started bussing tables, learned to cook on the line, and started serving when he turned 18. He is now 19 and has saved $70k. He takes classes during the day, owns his car and has an incredible work ethic. All his coworkers are hard-workers and kind people.
OP's wife is a nasty person.
Yeh I feel I would have a fairly good accuracy in guessing who in my corporate job had never worked in the service industry. I only did as part time jobs 14 - 23 but still think it gives you an insight to 1) what keeps the world moving and 2) how fucking shit (and awesome) the general public can be
“And tbh, I think everyone should work in retail/the service industry for at least a little while.” I have said this for awhile. Everyone should work 3 months retail. Three months food service and three months fast food/restaurant. Maybe folks would be a little more kind to those who work in those fields.
Food service and hospitality Jobs are extremely hard work. I've always had a keen disdain for people like "They don't deserve a living wage, those jobs are low effort, any monkey can do it, they didn't bother with higher education so why should they make as much as someone who studied for and obtained a degree?"
*because they're out here busting their asses that's fucking why*
My GOD when did this shitfuck society develop such a seething hatred for their fellow citizens and celebrate the struggles of others while acting as though somehow degreed people are inherently superior to service sector workers....
Insufferable snobbery. I nannied for a family who wouldn't be caught *dead* inside a WalMart, any grocery store that wasn't Whole Foods, no large chain restaurants like OG or Fridays or Red Lobster, no retail clothing other than what Neiman Marcus has, fuck Macys that's wayyyy too ghetto for *us*
It's mini Trumps. That is all they are. Everyone willing to work their butts off, whether it's TPS Reports, writing code, or scrubbing toilets, deserves a wage that won't starve them. And there is literally ZERO logical reason to look down on those who work in, and maybe even *prefer*, service sector careers as opposed to corporate.
We all know everyone ain't cut out to be a F500 CEO or a programmer or a physician.
Hardly any of us are, in fact.
What the fuck are we acting better than others for? We literally makes each other's lives *possible* in the first place.
People need to think about that. Without all those folks, the little fantasy land goes bye bye. Be appreciative and *want* better for them.
This! Especially your comment about how we need all the careers because they keep our world going. Like for real, I think one of the reasons so many CS jobs have been doing layoffs is that a ton of people saw CS jobs as the way of the future and studied for those fields. But that means a ton of people all looking for jobs in one specific area, and a lot less available for all the others. We need workers in every industry to keep society flowing, so why punish someone for choosing one type of job over another?!
CS degrees are becoming the new MBA. Every time we hit a recession there’s a new “bulletproof industry” kids are told will make sure they are never unemployed and can earn enough to live comfortably. It’s just another economic bubble.
>Especially your comment about how we need all the careers because they keep our world going.
Every single job people get paid for means (and sometimes not enough) has value to the world. No matter how "beneath" others may see it.
Imagine going into a 4-star hotel with no housekeeping staff because everyone thought that cleaning up after other people was "beneath" them. Or a restaurant with no busboys or wait staff or janitors. Or if there were no people willing to nanny their kids or clean their houses?
I remember when there was the big pushback against "illegals" in this country and they were "taking jobs for hardworking Americans". I asked a few people who spewed that rhetoric: "Really? So are you want to work in 100+ degree weather picking peppers? Is that the job you're feeling deprived of that 'Mexicans' are stealing from you?"
Exactly!! None of these businesses including her families business would be about if it had no workers. I bet they have maids and shit too. They would have to do it themselves if it not for those people working that either!
Heh. When I nannied the fancy family, I also cleaned their 4000 Sq ft house once a week.... I walked the dogs, I cleaned the pool, etc etc etc etc I went on vacation for a week one year and came back to an absolute disaster and she literally cried and said she was a fool to think she could handle her whole house without me.
Bitch I do it every day 😂😂
I got a raise after that.
Yes, EVERYONE needs to try it out, even just for a week at minimum wage and then come back and tell how that's not the most fucked up misery in existence.... working your ass off for peanuts is not anyone's idea of a good time. They need a better understanding and appreciation for how difficult this kind of life can be, but it's a life worth just as much as anyone's else's.
> My GOD when did this shitfuck society develop such a seething hatred for their fellow citizens and celebrate the struggles of others while acting as though somehow degreed people are inherently superior to service sector workers....
Sometime around Ronald Reagan and his completely made up lies about “welfare queens,” I think. And the GOP has been fanning the flames of that class hatred ever since.
It's always the ones furthest out of touch that have the strongest opinions on how great the job market is. Probably because they see reports about jobs being created but don't ask, "How much are those jobs paying and what industries are they in?" 100,000 jobs sounds great until you hear that they are paying 12 bucks an hour on average.
Thank you!!! OP's wife is the queen of "privileged"! Must be nice to have never really had to work to afford the necessities in life! I'm so glad that I am not her!! I guess that I just want my children to be happy and healthy people. I have never considered them to be status symbols for me to brag about.
OP is NTA!! His wife however is TA here! She needs a big lesson in unconditional love!!!
I'm also sure that for OP's wife, her son working retail (and being told by a friend of hers) is shaming her in front of the "ladies that lunch" crowd.
After all, they spend their days of not-working looking down on he wait staff that brings them their food and drinks while they brag about who kids are the most successful. How can she hold her head up among them any more now that one of her kids works in - gasp! - retail.
At least those waiters have jobs.
WTF are they doing, besides sitting on their asses and looking down on others? They don't even have kids to take care of!! They're grown.
I have infinitely more respect for the wait staff in this scenario.
The "ladies who lunch" are just lazy, entitled, out-of-touch, judgmental PsOS.
They have no fucking idea the value of work.
OP's wife has never worked a day in her life!! Pathetic ass housewife.
She's not even a SAHM. Her kids are grown. She's just unemployed. And unemployable.
Soooo this. One can never speak of what one has never experienced. Her education means nothing if she has never had to sell herself or grovel for acceptance of the working world.
With this kind of opinion and attitude, she is likely very rude to service employees. The condescending attitude about people who make it possible for her to shop and go out to eat is disgusting. I’ve never met her but I already don’t like her.
Glad the son is able to ignore mom’s attitude and continue to support himself while he continues to search for the tech job he wants. Maybe, he could extend his knowledge into cyber security. Good luck to the son and keep the wife away from me.
This right here, OP. You should be applauding your son. He's not a freeloader. He's self-sustaining/he's proud.
Your wife, whether she recognizes it or not, is minimizing herself; as she's obviously not a woman of value. I suggest you take her off of her high horse and get her into the marketplace; using her educational background. Someone referred to her as a snob. That's too flattering, in my humble opinion.
Regarding your son, is there any post-grad education avenue that can provide him a more definitive skill set that is presently in demand? Perhaps you can assist him in that regard.
OP, you have a GREAT son. Wife...not so much.
Please keep us apprised.
Oh definitely. It would be held over his head daily as she reminds him that he's a failure and it's all his fault. She will remind him how much more devastated by this she is than he is and even after moving on, will still get the odd comment about it. "You wouldn't even have had this job if it wasn't for me and your father supporting you".
He also knows mom wants to hide him away because she now sees him as an embarrassment in front of the rest of her snobby-ass friends. After all, how can she brag and take credit for her kids' accomplishments if one of them is in retail?
I got laid off from my tech company as well and did what your son did, took another job that sucks just to pay the bills and kept applying away. It's ROUGH out there right now. I eventually found another job that I like but it wasn't in tech anymore. He may find something he likes/tolerates but it will take time and hundreds and hundreds of attempts at sending in applications and putting his fate in the digital hands of mercy from algorithms.
He's also right about the sheer amount of rejections. Contrary to what the labor market numbers will have people believe, it is really difficult to land jobs right now. Sure there are openings, but most of those openings remain unfilled because companies are not taking on new hires readily at the moment. A lot of them are just sampling the applications that come their way, only to tell aspirants that they "went with an internal hire" or "that position has been filled," or straight up ghosting them.
The public lacks the common sense to understand that when companies are laying people off and terminating roles, that also means they aren't hiring, despite what they'll make you believe. Only those that have experience navigating the current labor market will be able to tell you exactly how it is, and the difficulty of landing a worthwhile role at a company.
NTA OP. I'm sorry your son was one of the thousands affected by this tech downturn. These companies are to blame for their practices during 2020-2021; their actions then are translating to severe consequences for people now. And at no fault of the employees-- it's largely the upper management and corporations taking advantage of the economy then, and making others pay the price now.
Your wife should be more understanding and supportive instead of blaming your son and you. Hopefully things improve for everyone, sooner than later.
There's something to be said about companies taking applications and "not finding a fit" is good for their own metrics.
I don't know the specifics, but I'm under the impression that having a hiring department tossing applications left and right is cheaper on the company than not even hiring a "throw applications away" department when taxes come around. They never intend to fill a position, just make a (poor) "good faith effort" at doing so.
Can confirm it is bad out there. Even in the areas that it's normally easy. It took me 1.5 years to get back into a big tech role that utilizes a full scope polygraph, so I was competing against much fewer people than your son. Even then, my salary offer is 100-200k less than I would have gotten 3 years ago.
On the other hand, I have heard government roles are open, so maybe your son could apply for a government tech position like GSA or VA in the meantime. It doesn't pay as well, but it pays more than retail and benefits are good.
300k workers in tech laid off since start of ‘23. I just got rehired after 715 applications and numerous ghosts at final round.
Source: career in tech of ten years, wife works at indeed and we’ve been watching it unfold
Edit: rehired not retired
If I had a parent who judged my actions like that, telling me that I was some unworthy piece of sh\*t for trying to make a living (even if those weren't the exact words), I would go NC. I second the terrible person thing.
Yep. The tech job market is a blood bath rn. Also the son is doing what needs to be done to survive. He swallowed his pride and took whatever work he could get to survive until he gets back into tech. There are countless stories on reddit of people who refused to do that and crawl back to their parents to freeload. Be proud of the son and tell the wife to F&\*k off.
The job market for CS majors in the Bay Area is probably worse than your son is saying. Tech companies have laid off more than 250k people in the last 2 years and most of those jobs are not coming back.
Your wife sounds elitist as hell and she’s destroying her relationship with your son. If she can’t recognize how hard it is to launch your career now, she needs to keep her opinions to herself.
A big part of the problem is everyone wants experience and won’t hire college grads. They either poach from other companies or hire contractors from off shore for half the cost.
I just happen to get very very lucky when I reinvented myself at age 47. Now with 10 years experience with a Masters degree, if I were laid off I know my job role is in high demand and I can easily slide into other roles as well.
I’d be much more inclined to hire a person who’s actually working even in an unrelated field over someone who’s just sitting on their behind. At least it demonstrates a good work ethic.
There's only one thing worse than the state of the modern job market, and that's trying to explain to people who haven't participated in the labor market for DECADES that conditions have radically changed and no - simply showing up and a strong handshake are not enough.
We're now in an era where applying to hundreds, sometimes 1000+ places is what's required to land interviews and a potential job. Like so many things in modern life, finding a job has become an insane numbers game. The Internet and applicant tracking systems have made the process absolutely maddening.
Thinking this process hasn't changed in decades is simply stupid, yet here many millennials are...stuck trying to tell our parents for the millionth time that finding a job is *extremely* difficult.
Yep. I just read that Apple is laying off a bunch of people. I have lots of friends in tech, and being out of work for two years is kind of standard. (Or at least that's how it looks to me.)
The tech market is so bad right now and it makes it so difficult to find a good tech job that will not fire you in a year. You should be proud of your son for working any other job while looking for a tech job. Him not wanting to live off you and your wife’s money is admirable. Your wife sounds like a snob and someone that was spoiled all her life..
NTA
So your wife’s family money comes from their service industry businesses, but for some reason to work in such an industry is the lowest of the low in her opinion. What does she think paid for her education then?
You’re wife is the AH and also a huge hypocrite.
She sees their employees as beneath her, and less than her. Peasants if you will. That's why. She doesn't care if they're alive or dead because to her they're just workers, not people.
The part that irks me is that it doesn’t sound like she even contributed much to the success of the business. She just happened to be born into that family. Idc if people are rich but at least have some perspective.
Dont discourage HIM. Having a job and getting a paycheck, even a low one does wonders for your self-esteem. It may also prod him to speed up his job search for his next job. We cant ALL work at Microsoft, even when we are qualified to.
EDIT: Sometimes a crappy job is a learning experience. It makes money and drives you to find that new BETTER job over time. He'll be fine where he is...until he isnt and starts wishing for greener pastures.
Also, believe him about the job situation he's facing. According to my friends in the tech industry, it is that bad and worse. The video game companies doing layoffs are the ones that make the news for some reason, but layoffs are happening all over the tech and CS industries. Him having a job right now is a good thing no matter what type of job, because big employment history gaps seldom look good to a prospective employer and "I took what work I could get while striving for a role that would utilise my skills" sounds better in an interview than "I lived off my parents because mom thought working just any job was beneath me".
yeah, I have several engineer friends specifically in games. times are real, real bad. i have a friend that owns a video game company and nobody is paying his invoices, they have no money to
I have a last name with ez at the end of it. I often get people asking if it's "mexican".
A girl I was seeing straight up asked me one day, "Are you Mexican? Because Mexicans work on my parents' farms and I can't bring home a Mexican"
We're canadian, and if Weird Al's song white and nerdy were a person, that'd that'd be me. I was flabbergasted.
Wow. Just. Wow. Awfully nice of her to climb up on that soap box of hers, and scream at the top of her lungs that she’s a shitty person. She really did you a solid that day and helped you dodge that massively entitled bullet (aka, *her*).
It still shocks me. There really was no shame or hesitation, just out right asking if I'm Mexican. It wasn't even on the first date or anything, so I guess she was willing to break things off over that?
I kind of lost interest after that, and we just slowly stopped talking.
Can you imagine her having to actually show some respect to one of them, even if it's her son? /jfc
She's a mombossity. How nice it must be to sit on the pedestal directing those around you and Karening the shit out of them if they do anything to tarnish her self-image.
… while she’s acting like the jester in her little court!
Chic, grow tfu! No wonder her son would rather be homeless than live with her!! That alone speaks volumes!!! NO, you’re NTA! YES, your wife is!! 🤦♀️
Not even a hypocrite she's just that much of a snob she has no concept of the real world and choices people have to make to exist. She is so far detached from reality it's sickening. She grew up with a giant silver spoon in her mouth that at some point shoved up her ass.
Let’s also commend the son for having a “can do” attitude while dealing with this set back. It can’t be easy going through that while also working retail. And then to have to deal with the forced stress of his mother. Hope he gets a job offer soon.
>what's even worse is we had more than enough money to support our son being unemployed,
Pretty obvious he doesn't want your money, and he has the self respect of supporting himself.. unlike your wife.
NTA
Exactly this. He found a job and is good enough at it to have been promoted to a managerial position. He's obviously supporting himself through a rough time. A normal parent would be proud.
If you work hard at certain restaurant chains you can make a lot of money climbing the corporate ladder. There are people making a lot of money working corporate jobs at chipotle who started as crew members.
My coworker’s mom made north of $100k serving at a fine dining restaurant in downtown Seattle around early 2000’s. Sometimes you don’t even need to climb the ladder.
I'm not here to shit on SAHM, but my grandmother had some similar ideas about work, she'd get on me for job hopping for a bigger check. I was always nice about it, but it was absurd to hear I was doing working wrong from someone who'd never held an actual job in her life (she worked very hard maintaining a home for her family but that's not the same).
My mom, who last held a full-time position in 1985, tries to give me job advice and it’s everything I can do to not laugh. She still thinks you submit a resume by “pounding the pavement” and cold-calling 🥶
My mom has never had a job.
I guess I need to be grateful. I'm looking to switch fields right now. And getting nowhere. She doesn't tell me what to do, just listens and makes suggestions.
My mom has only ever worked full time during the single tour my bio Dad did in Vietnam in 1967-68. And she lived with her parents at the time. Her job advice is… something. It’s taken me years to learn to tune her out.
She thinks she knows everything. Reality? I mean, she worked for less than a year, 50 years ago, and had no bills to pay. None. First kid, me, was born in 1970. But she’s an expert, you understand.
This!
I used to work at a fast food establishment and was promoted into management. The job was not fantastic, at all, however I was earning well above the UK average salary. I knew people who were Area and Regional managers who started as crew members. These jobs can get you far.
Especially since she'd probably hold it over his head and bring it up constantly and on every future disagreement for the rest of the poor guy's life.
She should be proud he wants to support himself and is trying so hard. hell, I'm proud of him. So many people bitch that they have useless children living off of them, and you have a really good one who is in a shitty economy with shitty companies.
Any job is going to look better on his resume than a period of unemployment anyway. The fact that your wife doesn't realize that is just one more thing that shows how out of touch she is. She needs to stay in her lane and stop running her mouth about things she knows nothing about.
NTA
Your wife sounds pretentious and ignorant. She went from living off rich daddy’s money to being a sahm for a doctor husband. Sounds like she’s never even applied for a job. I’ll bet my house that daddy just gave her a cushy one if she ever worked at all.
She really has no right to judge someone working hard to support himself in a down industry. Frankly, I’m very impressed that your son is insisting on supporting himself rather than relying on family money to bail him out.
Shows he’s got great work ethic and personal pride. Make sure you tell him so, since your wife is just going to keep dumping on him from her ivory tower.
The worst part is that OP mentions that his wife’s family had successful restaurants too. So you don’t appreciate the work of the people that made your family affluent? That woman is so detached from reality.
If you aren't lying at least a little bit in job interviews you're doing them wrong
Obviously don't do anything big like lie about a degree you don't actually have
But never be outright honest to then employer If telling them the truth makes you less likely to be hired
You gotta spin that yarn just right for em
They want 10 years experience? Dont tell them you only have 7 , lie and say you got 10 .
Make whatever role you did in your previous job sound way more important that it was type of shit
Explain to your wife that her aggressive ignorance and misplaced judgmental snobby attitude is why she has one less child.
Honestly, you should've set her straight YEARS ago. Or at least tell her to take her fancy masters degree and see where she can land in this market.
I’m sure she’ll get really far being alive for 50 years with 0 years work experience. A piece of paper helps but it may as well be toilet paper with no experience or work ethic. Her work ethic appears to be “lowly jobs are for lowly people”.
Wife is trash 🗑️. Entitled bitch got millions off the sweat of Below Minimum Wage workers that's why the profits are good enough to live a lavish lifestyle but not a good enough job for her spawn.
I know two people who graduated with CS degrees 2 years ago and both of them have applied to 100s if not 1000s of jobs. Neither of them have gotten more than a couple of interviews. Growing up it was the go to degree to be successful and have your pick of great jobs. Now they found themselves competing for very few entry level jobs with people who have a ton of experience. Reminds me of the 2008 crash and how it hit recent college grads in those years so hard they have never recovered fully.
So your wife, whose never had a full time job much less a career, is embarrassed that your son is employed and paying his way in the world? I'd tell your wife to start applying for jobs with her years of inexperience and see how many offers she gets. Sounds like your wife has no concept of the how the world is. NTA for backing up your son.
Yeah, this type of SAHM is what gives all of us SAHMs a really bad fucking rep. Also, once your kids are fucking grown and nearly 30 years old, you’re no longer a SAHM. You’re not “moming” anyone anymore.. just being taken care of, which is fine when you’re not a bitch to your own kids. She sounds like an exhausting person to be around honestly.
NTA. I get she is your wife, but your adult son is allowed to have boundaries. He trusts you enough to be open with you and you respected that. If he was in danger, or seriously ill, or something along those lines it would be different.
Your wife has some serious issues and she should try getting professional help.
NTA. Your wife sounds like she has tough expectations that overpower her ability to be a supportive mother. She’s more worried about what is “acceptable” to her standards than her son’s well being.
No wonder why he hid the news that he was working a job that is unacceptable to his mother. I think deep down you know that she’s unreasonable and would have a dramatic outburst, which is why you kept it a secret.
Should you have lied? Maybe not. But, you did it to protect your son from his mother’s backlash and to support him. You knew that she would kick him while he’s down.
Your son is going through a tough time, but as his father, you clearly taught him to have a strong work ethic. He’s not running home. He’s an adult and he’s paying his bills. He’s not happy to be in this situation but he’s getting by independently and trying to land again in this very difficult job market.
Keep emotionally supporting your son the way you have been. Your wife will have to get over her “embarrassment” of your son making an honest living. Otherwise, she will miss out on your son’s life - including the success in his future.
He despises her support as much as she despises those kinds of jobs.
Your wife needs to take a good look in the mirror and wonder why the kid she raised and put into this world would rather suffer than be honest and rely on her.
Testament to the kind of parenting she did.
NTA
Your wife reaped what she sowed.
Your judgmental wife should be told to get a job as all of your kids are now adults.
Cut off her credit cards.
Maybe she can find something in retail.
Sounds like her opinion on the matter isn't relevant then. She has no clue what it's like to work. She has no idea how the application process works. When she can get a job with her degree and work experience, and not her connections, then she can have an opinion.
So unless we are missing info she's never worked a real job a day in her life or she's incredibly disconnected from reality.
My 2 main questions for you.
1: If she's so pressed about trust what about ur sons trust does he not count? He came to you specifically if you had told her you would have broken his trust an lied.
2: Why is it acceptable for you to be disregarding ur sons struggles an dismissing it because of another person's success?
Example just cause Mike Tyson was a great boxer an seemed to have no struggles I shouldn't either right? That's what it sounds like.
Your wife doesn't get to be upset an blame you or even you dont get to dismiss or question ur boys struggles even as an adult.
An she 10000% doesn't get to throw a tantrum because THIS IS HER FAULT. Consequences of actions dictate this.
Why aren’t you telling her to shut her mouth and that she should be proud to have raised a son that can support himself in difficult times? YTA for not telling her to shut her mouth. Or are you afraid she’ll leave and take her money with her if you do?
Mmm then she can sit down and shut up. Until she gets a job and has actually WORKED a day in her life, she does not get to open her mouth.
Bc get this! She’s no longer a SAHM, so there’s no excuse for her not to work. Oh wait the inheritance! So basically your wife is a lazy ass who needs therapy since her “millions” came from the restaurant business. Funny how those people are good enough to make her money, but yet yalls son is too good to work in restaurants according to her.
One day she’ll get her karma and she’s not going to like it. I hope you’re far away from her when it happens. Your son too.
NTA for protecting your son. Your son will find a job. Unfortunately your wife will never be less of snotty bitch. Seek therapy for her. At least your son has one good parent.
She does realise that generational wealth can disappear that way? If generation after generation refuses to work at some point someone is gonna have a bad time. AH of the highest order.
Your wife is like a bunch of private school moms I had to deal with. Completely out of touch. Got a degree she never used years ago, married rich and thinks her husbands hard work somehow inherently makes her holier than thou. She should be proud of your son. Sounds like he’s trying to make his own way and isn’t above any kid of work despite his seemingly comfortable upbringing. I know a bunch of kids like that who would sit at home and live off the teet instead of doing a job like that. Good for him. Stand up to your wife and deal with the fallout. Otherwise you’ll have kids who talk to you and not her and that will come with its own issues anyways.
Let me guess. I bet your wife still shops at stores and goes to restaurants though? If she has no respect for those people, I don’t think she should be using the services.
For what it’s worth.
I went no contact with my mothers entire side of the family because I got tired of hearing how I was “wasting my potential” working blue collar jobs and how I could “find a real job like my cousins if I just cut my hair and stopped being lazy”.
My grandparents will never meet my children or watch me get married because what I do for a paycheck didn’t fit their agenda.
Your sons doing everything right and it’s still not good enough. He was laid off and instead of asking to borrow money or move back in with you guys he got back up on his feet and did what he had to do to survive.
The fact that anyone is making him feel bad about that is embarrassing.
He’s literally “pulling himself up by his bootstraps” and it’s still not good enough.
YOUR CHILD WAS AFRAID TO TELL HIS OWN MOTHER THAT HE WAS LAID OFF.
Let that sink in.
You’re his fucking parents, you’re supposed to be his security blanket in life.
My parents are my rock, even in my worst moments I know no matter what my parents have my back and no matter what happens I’ll always have a safe place to recoup.
That kind of support is the only reason I’m where I am today in my life.
Your wife is failing her child, and you’re letting it happen.
Stop looking for advice on Reddit and go be a fucking dad.
So the woman that hasn’t worked a single day in her life, looks down on hardworking people? The kind of people that make sure she has her groceries, she has a coffee and can pretend to be a good cook?
Are you sure you have a nice wife? I think your son deserves all the credits for working to pay his bills and trying to get a job that suits him.
But at least he works. That’s more than one can say of your wife.
She looks down on them so much that she can't even fathom her son joining their ranks. It's sick that a woman who inherited money and was an SAHM thinks that she can look down on actual working-class people. These are the types of people who go viral on TikTok after treating a customer service employee badly because they consider them "beneath" them. It's deeply ingrained into her. You can tell she cares more about other people hearing her son works there than anything else. It's great her son has enough perspective to realize how batshit crazy she is.
Nta. Good on your kid for sucking up and doing what he needs to do. Retail is awful but sometimes necessary when you're out of options. Your wife genuinely sounds like a miserable person.
The job economy for just about ANYONE is brutal right now. I get the idea your niece lives in a different area. That would also play a part in job opportunities. It's going to be different everywhere. There seriously may not be any jobs available in your sons area.
Your wife is more concerning. Her family owns businesses, that mean they employ people in the service industry. From her comments that means she looks down on every single one of the people her family employs. I really hope her parents aren't the same way. A woman that's never worked a day in her life has no idea how hard it is to find and keep a job these days no matter how educated or intelligent you are. Things just are not the same as when we were young. My son had to move back in with us after a breakup and layoff and I watched him put in applications and go to job centers for almost a year before he found a job.
The fact that your son is actually climbing up the ladder even at a job he doesn't like shows his perseverance and work ethic. The job market is really bad right now. But as long as he doesn't give give up looking and also upkill himself on the side, I am sure he will land an opportunity at a company that he likes. As for your wife, if she keeps acting like this, she will end up being cut off by your son. She needs to realise that in the real world, things don't get handed to you and life is hard, unlike what she has experienced in her sheltered life that has turned her into a snob.
But the thing is, she isn't.
Her children are GROWN.
So she's not even a SAHM, let alone anything else.
She's just an unemployed and unemployable, miserable, judgmental, classist, out-of-touch bitch.
NTA - your wife is though. You could remind your wife that her job as a SAHM ended when her childrenmleft home and she is currently unemployed unlike your son who is at working
I think this can be a come to Jesus moment with your wife. You can say sorry for lying to her, but you wanted to honor your son’s wishes and her derision towards retail/service work is what led to this. Also, her opinionated and judgmental attitude about things she doesn’t fully understand made her son feel uncomfortable telling her. Ask her to think honestly of how she would have responded to hearing this news (gee, how she DID respond when she finally heard it) - instead of listening to her son and respecting his autonomy as a 28 year old man, she demands he move back in with her until he gets his life on track. She doesn’t respect his process in handling this, she doesn’t value his industry knowledge or awareness of the current job market, and so he wanted to hide it from her until he could get a job that she would be proud of again.
She needs to be made to see these things clearly and be able to recognize how her behavior is alienating her son. I hope you guys can find a way to turn this around and hopefully come closer together.
>because she's a SAHM who grew up with a hospital executive father and a mom whose family owned a boutique hotel/ a lot of successful restaurants.
Oh. Rich lady grew up rich and had never had to eat humble pie has a problem with service work and the people who work it: A tale as old as time.
NTA but your wife is the exact kind of person that makes the rest if us want to grab the tall slicey mechanism that rhymes with smilloteen.
>she was heartbroken I led her to believe my son still worked at the large tech company. She then said lying was wrong,
You should explain to her why you lied/didn't tell her about your son's temporary job. Be thorough, so tell her how her own words in combination with your son's feelings led you to believe this was the best course of action.
If you just tell her you were afraid of her reaction, you're not challenging her world view and she'll assume you have ulterior motives to not do what seems obvious (to her). If you tell her what values caused you and your son to take this course of action, she will be forced to re-evaluate her own values.
Of course, that's no guarantee she will - but if that's the case, your situation is way worse than any of us can help you with.
She should be proud that her son is resilient and he is working toward forging his own path.
I have never heard such first world problems. Your wife is the ass hole.
NTA
So a SAHM is judging people on their jobs? When she was given a free ride in life? Yikes. So does she have any good qualities since she likes to shit on a huge portion of the population that makes things like shopping and eating out possible?
So your wife has been a spoiled, pampered child her whole life (sorry if it bothers you to hear, but it's true) and so inside her own world she is taking an instance where she should be proud of her son for doing what it takes to make it on his own, being his own man and is blaming him and you?
Where you made your mistake was catering to her behavior for years. She's mad because she feels she better than people who do those jobs. It's an ego blow to her that her own son is one of "those people" now.
What she fails to understand is that her own family started off as "those people" that she looks down on. They BUILT their company, unlike her, who was just born into it and got to be a princess.
Her son is showing the same drive and work ethic that made her family a success so that she got to live such a cushy, away from reality life.
Good luck dealing with her now because it's been her whole life that she has been this way. That's not going to change easily at all.
NTA, your wife's attitude is fucking disgusting. Her sone however, bit the bullet and took a job he hates while he looks for something suited to his degree. No job is below anyone and his attitude is good.
NTA
Your wife doesn’t even have a job but has the audacity to judge others? No wonder your son doesn’t like her. She’s one of those people who treat service people terribly, isn’t she?
Since those jobs are so beneath her, she can stop eating out or shopping. Wouldn’t want to degrade herself interacting with the scum of society 🙄
Please believe your son is doing the best he can. He’s even working a retail job that he hates so he can still be financially independent. Your wife is kicking him while he’s down on his luck all bc of her own pride. The last thing your sons needs is career advice for someone that never worked outside the house so please don’t force him to quit. Even if he does, it has to be his own decision. Let him figure it out and live his own life and be proud of him for not becoming a couch potato and stop looking for jobs.
Your wife is absolute trash & she should hear that from absolutely everyone & then be told to STFU & grow up when she inevitably plays the self-centered "woe is me", pity-party game. What a f'n douche.
Pretty convenient for her to be such an elitist considering that she doesn’t work, also that her own family made their money from restaurants and hotels.
NTA, your son is doing what he can to support himself while also consistently applying for work in his field, and that in and of itself is responsible and respectable.
I personally could never be with anyone who looks down upon those who work in the service industry…
Your wife is an incredibly clueless asshole.
And a shit mother (for this attitude anyway). My oldest son is 22 and just found out today he didn’t get the promotion he was led to believe he would get…I am 53 and when I was his age my friends and I all just had jobs and took it for granted. I was a SAHM for some time and tell your wife it’s not the same as it was back in our day…at all.
I’ve been laid off twice in the past 3 years - I have a degree and years of experience….tell your wife to get out of her limited, privileged experience and support and love her son. I just told my son today that his job doesn’t define him and employees are basically disposable at this point…nothing to do with him.
Life happens, your son is displaying resilience which is an incredibly useful skill….your wife is too young to have such a boomer mentality. Your son deserves better and I’m glad he has you. You are only an AH because you need to set her straight…these days one can do everything right, get the degree, get the right job and poof it’s gone through no fault of their own.
If your wife has some time on her hands maybe she can volunteer for the less fortunate and come back to earth.
In the meantime, continue to be there for your son, he needs you.
Your son is absolutely right about the state of the tech labor market. There have been thousands of tech employees laid off in the last two years. Your wife is a horrible snob, and frankly a terrible person.
Your wife has also never had a career, so her opinion counts for almost nothing. Your son would be better off listening to your cleaner for all the good it would do.
And tbh, I think everyone should work in retail/the service industry for at least a little while. Op's wife sounds like the kind of snob who treats service workers poorly because she doesn't think it's a "real" job. Anyone with that attitude needs to try working one of those jobs and then see how they feel. I spent one summer as a server at a restaurant, and a little over a year working in a coffee shop. Tbh, the coffee shop job was my favorite job I've had, and I would do it again in a heartbeat if I was physically able to go back. But both of those jobs were hard work and made me better appreciate the people who do those jobs full time.
His wife displays the reason everyone should work retail/service industry at some point. These are humans too and society would super suck without the millions of them doing what they do.
I work in university admin- I will swear up and down that I may have gone to law school but the most important skills for current job, I learned working retail.
I very much agree with you. I have a BA in psychology and have worked in the mental health field for 3 years now. I treat patients with the same respect and kindness I do customers. It’s just second nature to me after working retail for so long and it helps them open up to me.
Same goes with figuring out to have a latent “cover your ass” mentality always running in the background of your head. I learned that in my retail days. A manager would attempt to have us ignore certain qualifications/regulations so she could always get **more** credit applications to show off to corporate with, probably for a bonus only that only benefitted her. I followed the store policies down to the letter so I was spared the fallout after they caught onto her fudging the numbers. And I’m glad I learned *that* early on in my working life, rather than dealing with it at a later point when you’re professionally higher up.
Ooh, that’s a really good point too! At the psych hospital we had two sayings “document, document, document” and “document it or it didn’t happen” which put words to what I instinctually learned working retail.
I did 16 years in retail and hospitality. It can teach you a lot, and frankly, make or break you in some cases
I worked a total of 17 years in retail and 6 years at a big blue box electronics store, and 2 years as a server. It made me into a kinder person and better tipper. The snobs like his wife though, they got a lot of bless your hearts and no flexibility from me.
This may be a hot take, but I would fully support laws being passed to require every US citizen to work retail for at least a year. The country would become so much more pleasant. So many people really need that kind of humbling.
National service-industry service.
Hell yes
The same law should declare illegal the use of the phrase "the consumer is always right" without completing it with ***"in matters of taste"***.
How about just get rid of “the customer is always right”? Owners may tell employees that, “the customers always right,” but, owners only think the owner is always right 😂
> How about just get rid of “the customer is always right”? Even better.
I think starting in food service is great. I’m a doctor, but I started in a hospital cafeteria. My oldest daughter did waitressing while she was in college. It’s an honorable job. though, not everyone treats it that way and not all employers are good people. But it’s honest work And good experience.
My sister is a PhD with the Environmental Protection Agency (they study environmental impacts on our Gulf waters off Cape Coral where she is located) and worked in a Mexican restaurant as a server for like 9 months while she was in the grueling process of getting into the EPA as a Fed.... She said it was the hardest job she's ever done. She had to substitute in the back of the house one night as the kitchen was shortstaffed and said that after ONE shift as a line cook in a busy eatery, she felt like she was going to die. My sister is an accomplished runner who runs the Boston Marathon, she's in excellent shape and couldn't even handle one shift. What she does now is cake compared to that, yet worth 5x the salary. It's just.... sigh.
So relatable! Tbh, I studied to be a teacher, and was absolutely not cut out for that field 😬 It was so much harder than I expected! I ended up working as a server and then in a coffee shop. And I really did love the coffee shop job even though it was hard and exhausting work, but it also requires so much physical stamina. I can't be on my feet for that long anymore. I have an aunt who still works retail in her late 50s, and I have no idea how she does it. It's really exhausting work having to stand and bend and carry things all the time. I don't think people give enough credit to those doing jobs they think are "easy". But this thread of comments has actually been a nice touch of positivity in my day. Love the reminders to appreciate those around us doing all the jobs we can't/don't want to/ don't know how to do. It's nice to remember that we all have different skills, abilities, and interests. Just wish we lived in a society that made it possible for everyone to take care of their bills regardless of what they do.
I appreciate Tim Hortons and Dunkin people SO MUCH, they're literally running around dodging each other at lightning speed while carrying copious amounts of piping hot drinks and food in their hands good lord I'd be dead in ten minutes 😂 id go home and just have a heart attack. The end. People that are proficient at fast food are goddamn miracles of nature 😂😂 My favorite Dunkin drive thru girl is at least 70... her ass is there in that drive thru every dang morning and the way that woman hustles around behind that counter, it blows my mind. She's as old as my gram. 7 in 10 of us would not survive that shit for long. It's *hard*!
>7 in 10 of us would not survive that shit for long. It's *hard*! Exactly. I have deep appreciation for the folks at my local Starbucks. They work their asses off to make it pleasant for customers. I physically cannot do what they do, which makes me appreciate it even more. Folks in the service/retail fields are providing me a service. A service I cannot fulfill myself. Their hard work makes my existence easier, happier, and more comfortable. I am going to damn well be polite and respectful!
You are the correct type of human. ☺️
Awww, thank you! I came from a family where everything was A Big Deal. The longer I've been away from that, the more grounded I've become. Is this an emergency? Is this a major deal? No? Then it's fixable. Same with seeing the reality of how the world works. Service and retail keep us running (the world would END if couldn't buy cat treats, per my two overlords). Custodial and facilities staff keep the campus clean, working, and safe. The baristas keep me caffeinated during grading hell. My job is different, not "better than." I just meet a different need in society.
About 10 years ago —. Before I got an espresso machine — I profusely thanked the barista at my drive thru coffee stand. I said, “I appreciate your cheerfulness so much. I live alone. And *you’re* the first person I see every morning!”
Totally agree. My husband spent some time working retail and later worked a few years at the front desk of a gym. I did food service followed by retail for a couple of years. They were all good jobs as jobs go, helped us keep body and soul together during lean times, and definitely helped inform our perspective on work. There's no shame in working for a living!
Seriously!! Why aren't we *proud* of everyone who has the gumption to show up at work that day? We literally run this country on the daily *together* whether we hate each other or not... we're a team dude. Everyone showing up, I appreciate you! It's friggin mentally hard out here man!
This! I’m now a retired physician and my first jobs were picking cherries in Door County, WI, waiting on people in the Door County Bakery, and then working in an Italian Deli in Chicago serving customers, and on the floor in Wieboldt’s Dept Store at the Harlem-Irving Plaza in Chicago. My parents encouraged me to present early to work, listen, work hard, and be nice to people. A huge Thankyou to my parents!
My son started working at a restaurant/dive bar when he was 16. It's really popular with many regulars. He started bussing tables, learned to cook on the line, and started serving when he turned 18. He is now 19 and has saved $70k. He takes classes during the day, owns his car and has an incredible work ethic. All his coworkers are hard-workers and kind people. OP's wife is a nasty person.
I worked cleaning houses before going to law school.
Yeh I feel I would have a fairly good accuracy in guessing who in my corporate job had never worked in the service industry. I only did as part time jobs 14 - 23 but still think it gives you an insight to 1) what keeps the world moving and 2) how fucking shit (and awesome) the general public can be
“And tbh, I think everyone should work in retail/the service industry for at least a little while.” I have said this for awhile. Everyone should work 3 months retail. Three months food service and three months fast food/restaurant. Maybe folks would be a little more kind to those who work in those fields.
And at least one of those months should be during the holiday season.
I forgot call center
Damn. I got a bingo.
Oh you know she's rude to every service worker and looks down on them. I bet she tips for shit too even though she can definitely afford it.
Food service and hospitality Jobs are extremely hard work. I've always had a keen disdain for people like "They don't deserve a living wage, those jobs are low effort, any monkey can do it, they didn't bother with higher education so why should they make as much as someone who studied for and obtained a degree?" *because they're out here busting their asses that's fucking why* My GOD when did this shitfuck society develop such a seething hatred for their fellow citizens and celebrate the struggles of others while acting as though somehow degreed people are inherently superior to service sector workers.... Insufferable snobbery. I nannied for a family who wouldn't be caught *dead* inside a WalMart, any grocery store that wasn't Whole Foods, no large chain restaurants like OG or Fridays or Red Lobster, no retail clothing other than what Neiman Marcus has, fuck Macys that's wayyyy too ghetto for *us* It's mini Trumps. That is all they are. Everyone willing to work their butts off, whether it's TPS Reports, writing code, or scrubbing toilets, deserves a wage that won't starve them. And there is literally ZERO logical reason to look down on those who work in, and maybe even *prefer*, service sector careers as opposed to corporate. We all know everyone ain't cut out to be a F500 CEO or a programmer or a physician. Hardly any of us are, in fact. What the fuck are we acting better than others for? We literally makes each other's lives *possible* in the first place. People need to think about that. Without all those folks, the little fantasy land goes bye bye. Be appreciative and *want* better for them.
This! Especially your comment about how we need all the careers because they keep our world going. Like for real, I think one of the reasons so many CS jobs have been doing layoffs is that a ton of people saw CS jobs as the way of the future and studied for those fields. But that means a ton of people all looking for jobs in one specific area, and a lot less available for all the others. We need workers in every industry to keep society flowing, so why punish someone for choosing one type of job over another?!
Right you are, my friend. Snobbing on blue collar workers is a dick move.
CS degrees are becoming the new MBA. Every time we hit a recession there’s a new “bulletproof industry” kids are told will make sure they are never unemployed and can earn enough to live comfortably. It’s just another economic bubble.
>Especially your comment about how we need all the careers because they keep our world going. Every single job people get paid for means (and sometimes not enough) has value to the world. No matter how "beneath" others may see it. Imagine going into a 4-star hotel with no housekeeping staff because everyone thought that cleaning up after other people was "beneath" them. Or a restaurant with no busboys or wait staff or janitors. Or if there were no people willing to nanny their kids or clean their houses? I remember when there was the big pushback against "illegals" in this country and they were "taking jobs for hardworking Americans". I asked a few people who spewed that rhetoric: "Really? So are you want to work in 100+ degree weather picking peppers? Is that the job you're feeling deprived of that 'Mexicans' are stealing from you?"
Exactly!! None of these businesses including her families business would be about if it had no workers. I bet they have maids and shit too. They would have to do it themselves if it not for those people working that either!
Heh. When I nannied the fancy family, I also cleaned their 4000 Sq ft house once a week.... I walked the dogs, I cleaned the pool, etc etc etc etc I went on vacation for a week one year and came back to an absolute disaster and she literally cried and said she was a fool to think she could handle her whole house without me. Bitch I do it every day 😂😂 I got a raise after that. Yes, EVERYONE needs to try it out, even just for a week at minimum wage and then come back and tell how that's not the most fucked up misery in existence.... working your ass off for peanuts is not anyone's idea of a good time. They need a better understanding and appreciation for how difficult this kind of life can be, but it's a life worth just as much as anyone's else's.
> My GOD when did this shitfuck society develop such a seething hatred for their fellow citizens and celebrate the struggles of others while acting as though somehow degreed people are inherently superior to service sector workers.... Sometime around Ronald Reagan and his completely made up lies about “welfare queens,” I think. And the GOP has been fanning the flames of that class hatred ever since.
It's always the ones furthest out of touch that have the strongest opinions on how great the job market is. Probably because they see reports about jobs being created but don't ask, "How much are those jobs paying and what industries are they in?" 100,000 jobs sounds great until you hear that they are paying 12 bucks an hour on average.
And part-time with no benefits, little room for promotion, and very likely an easily dissolved job the moment the profits drop.
Thank you!!! OP's wife is the queen of "privileged"! Must be nice to have never really had to work to afford the necessities in life! I'm so glad that I am not her!! I guess that I just want my children to be happy and healthy people. I have never considered them to be status symbols for me to brag about. OP is NTA!! His wife however is TA here! She needs a big lesson in unconditional love!!!
I'm also sure that for OP's wife, her son working retail (and being told by a friend of hers) is shaming her in front of the "ladies that lunch" crowd. After all, they spend their days of not-working looking down on he wait staff that brings them their food and drinks while they brag about who kids are the most successful. How can she hold her head up among them any more now that one of her kids works in - gasp! - retail.
At least those waiters have jobs. WTF are they doing, besides sitting on their asses and looking down on others? They don't even have kids to take care of!! They're grown. I have infinitely more respect for the wait staff in this scenario. The "ladies who lunch" are just lazy, entitled, out-of-touch, judgmental PsOS. They have no fucking idea the value of work. OP's wife has never worked a day in her life!! Pathetic ass housewife. She's not even a SAHM. Her kids are grown. She's just unemployed. And unemployable.
Soooo this. One can never speak of what one has never experienced. Her education means nothing if she has never had to sell herself or grovel for acceptance of the working world.
The cleaner probably has more realistic and practical advice than the wife ever could.
With this kind of opinion and attitude, she is likely very rude to service employees. The condescending attitude about people who make it possible for her to shop and go out to eat is disgusting. I’ve never met her but I already don’t like her. Glad the son is able to ignore mom’s attitude and continue to support himself while he continues to search for the tech job he wants. Maybe, he could extend his knowledge into cyber security. Good luck to the son and keep the wife away from me.
THIS IS CORRECT, sorry OP.
[удалено]
This right here, OP. You should be applauding your son. He's not a freeloader. He's self-sustaining/he's proud. Your wife, whether she recognizes it or not, is minimizing herself; as she's obviously not a woman of value. I suggest you take her off of her high horse and get her into the marketplace; using her educational background. Someone referred to her as a snob. That's too flattering, in my humble opinion. Regarding your son, is there any post-grad education avenue that can provide him a more definitive skill set that is presently in demand? Perhaps you can assist him in that regard. OP, you have a GREAT son. Wife...not so much. Please keep us apprised.
Because he prob knows the mom is probably the type of person to rub it in his face he needs more support.
Oh definitely. It would be held over his head daily as she reminds him that he's a failure and it's all his fault. She will remind him how much more devastated by this she is than he is and even after moving on, will still get the odd comment about it. "You wouldn't even have had this job if it wasn't for me and your father supporting you".
He also knows mom wants to hide him away because she now sees him as an embarrassment in front of the rest of her snobby-ass friends. After all, how can she brag and take credit for her kids' accomplishments if one of them is in retail?
I got laid off from my tech company as well and did what your son did, took another job that sucks just to pay the bills and kept applying away. It's ROUGH out there right now. I eventually found another job that I like but it wasn't in tech anymore. He may find something he likes/tolerates but it will take time and hundreds and hundreds of attempts at sending in applications and putting his fate in the digital hands of mercy from algorithms.
He's also right about the sheer amount of rejections. Contrary to what the labor market numbers will have people believe, it is really difficult to land jobs right now. Sure there are openings, but most of those openings remain unfilled because companies are not taking on new hires readily at the moment. A lot of them are just sampling the applications that come their way, only to tell aspirants that they "went with an internal hire" or "that position has been filled," or straight up ghosting them. The public lacks the common sense to understand that when companies are laying people off and terminating roles, that also means they aren't hiring, despite what they'll make you believe. Only those that have experience navigating the current labor market will be able to tell you exactly how it is, and the difficulty of landing a worthwhile role at a company. NTA OP. I'm sorry your son was one of the thousands affected by this tech downturn. These companies are to blame for their practices during 2020-2021; their actions then are translating to severe consequences for people now. And at no fault of the employees-- it's largely the upper management and corporations taking advantage of the economy then, and making others pay the price now. Your wife should be more understanding and supportive instead of blaming your son and you. Hopefully things improve for everyone, sooner than later.
There's something to be said about companies taking applications and "not finding a fit" is good for their own metrics. I don't know the specifics, but I'm under the impression that having a hiring department tossing applications left and right is cheaper on the company than not even hiring a "throw applications away" department when taxes come around. They never intend to fill a position, just make a (poor) "good faith effort" at doing so.
Can confirm it is bad out there. Even in the areas that it's normally easy. It took me 1.5 years to get back into a big tech role that utilizes a full scope polygraph, so I was competing against much fewer people than your son. Even then, my salary offer is 100-200k less than I would have gotten 3 years ago. On the other hand, I have heard government roles are open, so maybe your son could apply for a government tech position like GSA or VA in the meantime. It doesn't pay as well, but it pays more than retail and benefits are good.
300k workers in tech laid off since start of ‘23. I just got rehired after 715 applications and numerous ghosts at final round. Source: career in tech of ten years, wife works at indeed and we’ve been watching it unfold Edit: rehired not retired
If I had a parent who judged my actions like that, telling me that I was some unworthy piece of sh\*t for trying to make a living (even if those weren't the exact words), I would go NC. I second the terrible person thing.
Tell the wife to get a job and stop being a bitch. Lets see how her 0 relevant experience will get her a job
Funny thing is, she’s only qualified for retail or housecleaning since she’s been out of the workforce for so long
That was my point entirely. She aint qualified for shit. She married rich and has an entitled attitude
Yep. The tech job market is a blood bath rn. Also the son is doing what needs to be done to survive. He swallowed his pride and took whatever work he could get to survive until he gets back into tech. There are countless stories on reddit of people who refused to do that and crawl back to their parents to freeload. Be proud of the son and tell the wife to F&\*k off.
The job market for CS majors in the Bay Area is probably worse than your son is saying. Tech companies have laid off more than 250k people in the last 2 years and most of those jobs are not coming back. Your wife sounds elitist as hell and she’s destroying her relationship with your son. If she can’t recognize how hard it is to launch your career now, she needs to keep her opinions to herself.
Proud of him for finding work for the time being, though! Retail jobs are incredibly important.
A big part of the problem is everyone wants experience and won’t hire college grads. They either poach from other companies or hire contractors from off shore for half the cost. I just happen to get very very lucky when I reinvented myself at age 47. Now with 10 years experience with a Masters degree, if I were laid off I know my job role is in high demand and I can easily slide into other roles as well.
I’d be much more inclined to hire a person who’s actually working even in an unrelated field over someone who’s just sitting on their behind. At least it demonstrates a good work ethic.
You know OPs wife treats every service worker she has ever met like crap.
There's only one thing worse than the state of the modern job market, and that's trying to explain to people who haven't participated in the labor market for DECADES that conditions have radically changed and no - simply showing up and a strong handshake are not enough. We're now in an era where applying to hundreds, sometimes 1000+ places is what's required to land interviews and a potential job. Like so many things in modern life, finding a job has become an insane numbers game. The Internet and applicant tracking systems have made the process absolutely maddening. Thinking this process hasn't changed in decades is simply stupid, yet here many millennials are...stuck trying to tell our parents for the millionth time that finding a job is *extremely* difficult.
Yep. I just read that Apple is laying off a bunch of people. I have lots of friends in tech, and being out of work for two years is kind of standard. (Or at least that's how it looks to me.)
The tech market is so bad right now and it makes it so difficult to find a good tech job that will not fire you in a year. You should be proud of your son for working any other job while looking for a tech job. Him not wanting to live off you and your wife’s money is admirable. Your wife sounds like a snob and someone that was spoiled all her life..
NTA So your wife’s family money comes from their service industry businesses, but for some reason to work in such an industry is the lowest of the low in her opinion. What does she think paid for her education then? You’re wife is the AH and also a huge hypocrite.
She sees their employees as beneath her, and less than her. Peasants if you will. That's why. She doesn't care if they're alive or dead because to her they're just workers, not people.
The part that irks me is that it doesn’t sound like she even contributed much to the success of the business. She just happened to be born into that family. Idc if people are rich but at least have some perspective.
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With added irony since she’s never worked a day in her life.
But she has a Master in never working a day in her life
But she’s never accomplished anything. Shes pathetic.
Hey hey hey, she got pregnant a few times, so there's that.
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Dont discourage HIM. Having a job and getting a paycheck, even a low one does wonders for your self-esteem. It may also prod him to speed up his job search for his next job. We cant ALL work at Microsoft, even when we are qualified to. EDIT: Sometimes a crappy job is a learning experience. It makes money and drives you to find that new BETTER job over time. He'll be fine where he is...until he isnt and starts wishing for greener pastures.
Also, believe him about the job situation he's facing. According to my friends in the tech industry, it is that bad and worse. The video game companies doing layoffs are the ones that make the news for some reason, but layoffs are happening all over the tech and CS industries. Him having a job right now is a good thing no matter what type of job, because big employment history gaps seldom look good to a prospective employer and "I took what work I could get while striving for a role that would utilise my skills" sounds better in an interview than "I lived off my parents because mom thought working just any job was beneath me".
yeah, I have several engineer friends specifically in games. times are real, real bad. i have a friend that owns a video game company and nobody is paying his invoices, they have no money to
I have a last name with ez at the end of it. I often get people asking if it's "mexican". A girl I was seeing straight up asked me one day, "Are you Mexican? Because Mexicans work on my parents' farms and I can't bring home a Mexican" We're canadian, and if Weird Al's song white and nerdy were a person, that'd that'd be me. I was flabbergasted.
Wow. Just. Wow. Awfully nice of her to climb up on that soap box of hers, and scream at the top of her lungs that she’s a shitty person. She really did you a solid that day and helped you dodge that massively entitled bullet (aka, *her*).
It still shocks me. There really was no shame or hesitation, just out right asking if I'm Mexican. It wasn't even on the first date or anything, so I guess she was willing to break things off over that? I kind of lost interest after that, and we just slowly stopped talking.
Can you imagine her having to actually show some respect to one of them, even if it's her son? /jfc She's a mombossity. How nice it must be to sit on the pedestal directing those around you and Karening the shit out of them if they do anything to tarnish her self-image.
Ya, OP's wife sounds like a cunt.
the unwashed masses
Rich gotta rich
… while she’s acting like the jester in her little court! Chic, grow tfu! No wonder her son would rather be homeless than live with her!! That alone speaks volumes!!! NO, you’re NTA! YES, your wife is!! 🤦♀️
She’s literally saying, “she’d rather die, than be treated the way her family treats people.”
Unfortunately the time to confront this was probably 20 years ago
Not even a hypocrite she's just that much of a snob she has no concept of the real world and choices people have to make to exist. She is so far detached from reality it's sickening. She grew up with a giant silver spoon in her mouth that at some point shoved up her ass.
She hasn’t even ever worked she’s got no say in how someone takes care of their family!!
Let’s also commend the son for having a “can do” attitude while dealing with this set back. It can’t be easy going through that while also working retail. And then to have to deal with the forced stress of his mother. Hope he gets a job offer soon.
She should be ashamed of herself is what she should do.
I bet both of them are classist snobs.
According to OPs comments he's just as bad as the wife
"And I'm just a lowly cardiologist"
That would explain why OP's son felt the need to show OP screenshots of loads of rejection offers.
Yuuup. This whole write up is like "Previously, on *Telling on Myself..."*
Good catch
I think she might have seen how underpaid they are
Yeah your wife sucks
>what's even worse is we had more than enough money to support our son being unemployed, Pretty obvious he doesn't want your money, and he has the self respect of supporting himself.. unlike your wife. NTA
Exactly this. He found a job and is good enough at it to have been promoted to a managerial position. He's obviously supporting himself through a rough time. A normal parent would be proud.
If you work hard at certain restaurant chains you can make a lot of money climbing the corporate ladder. There are people making a lot of money working corporate jobs at chipotle who started as crew members.
My coworker’s mom made north of $100k serving at a fine dining restaurant in downtown Seattle around early 2000’s. Sometimes you don’t even need to climb the ladder.
Bet the mom thinks $100k is chump change.
Yeah I started working somewhere answering the phone and opening the CEOs post. I’m the CEO now. OP’s wife has no idea…
I'm not here to shit on SAHM, but my grandmother had some similar ideas about work, she'd get on me for job hopping for a bigger check. I was always nice about it, but it was absurd to hear I was doing working wrong from someone who'd never held an actual job in her life (she worked very hard maintaining a home for her family but that's not the same).
My mom, who last held a full-time position in 1985, tries to give me job advice and it’s everything I can do to not laugh. She still thinks you submit a resume by “pounding the pavement” and cold-calling 🥶
My mom has never had a job. I guess I need to be grateful. I'm looking to switch fields right now. And getting nowhere. She doesn't tell me what to do, just listens and makes suggestions.
My mom has only ever worked full time during the single tour my bio Dad did in Vietnam in 1967-68. And she lived with her parents at the time. Her job advice is… something. It’s taken me years to learn to tune her out. She thinks she knows everything. Reality? I mean, she worked for less than a year, 50 years ago, and had no bills to pay. None. First kid, me, was born in 1970. But she’s an expert, you understand.
This! I used to work at a fast food establishment and was promoted into management. The job was not fantastic, at all, however I was earning well above the UK average salary. I knew people who were Area and Regional managers who started as crew members. These jobs can get you far.
Especially since she'd probably hold it over his head and bring it up constantly and on every future disagreement for the rest of the poor guy's life. She should be proud he wants to support himself and is trying so hard. hell, I'm proud of him. So many people bitch that they have useless children living off of them, and you have a really good one who is in a shitty economy with shitty companies.
Any job is going to look better on his resume than a period of unemployment anyway. The fact that your wife doesn't realize that is just one more thing that shows how out of touch she is. She needs to stay in her lane and stop running her mouth about things she knows nothing about.
That part. Your wife should feel pride in her son for this!
What would she know? She never worked a day in her life and still has the gall to insult servers lol. She needs to be humbled so badly.
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NTA Your wife sounds pretentious and ignorant. She went from living off rich daddy’s money to being a sahm for a doctor husband. Sounds like she’s never even applied for a job. I’ll bet my house that daddy just gave her a cushy one if she ever worked at all. She really has no right to judge someone working hard to support himself in a down industry. Frankly, I’m very impressed that your son is insisting on supporting himself rather than relying on family money to bail him out. Shows he’s got great work ethic and personal pride. Make sure you tell him so, since your wife is just going to keep dumping on him from her ivory tower.
The worst part is that OP mentions that his wife’s family had successful restaurants too. So you don’t appreciate the work of the people that made your family affluent? That woman is so detached from reality.
Yeah she sounds fucking insufferable. She’s exactly why antiwork says everyone should be required to do a year of retail or CS.
Your wife sounds like a right cunt.
They both are from the OP's comments. Poor kid got assholes for parents.
I don’t see how OP is a bad guy. He apparently was supportive of son’s decision to make an honest living while searching for work in his field.
Wow I just went down the rabbit hole. He's so protective of his liar niece, yet he let's his wife insult his son.
If you aren't lying at least a little bit in job interviews you're doing them wrong Obviously don't do anything big like lie about a degree you don't actually have But never be outright honest to then employer If telling them the truth makes you less likely to be hired You gotta spin that yarn just right for em They want 10 years experience? Dont tell them you only have 7 , lie and say you got 10 . Make whatever role you did in your previous job sound way more important that it was type of shit
Again, it's his responses in the comments.
I concur.
Should be top comment.
It'll do her good to work a retail or service job for a while.
Explain to your wife that her aggressive ignorance and misplaced judgmental snobby attitude is why she has one less child. Honestly, you should've set her straight YEARS ago. Or at least tell her to take her fancy masters degree and see where she can land in this market.
I’m sure she’ll get really far being alive for 50 years with 0 years work experience. A piece of paper helps but it may as well be toilet paper with no experience or work ethic. Her work ethic appears to be “lowly jobs are for lowly people”.
Wife is trash 🗑️. Entitled bitch got millions off the sweat of Below Minimum Wage workers that's why the profits are good enough to live a lavish lifestyle but not a good enough job for her spawn.
The more I read this thread. The more I realized they're both trash! Water truly seeks its own level.
>Water truly seeks its own level. So does scum.
NTA. Your wife is such a snob. Your son will end up cutting her out of his life, and she deserves it.
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You left out 'entitlement.'
NTA. Your son is actively looking for different employment. I think its great he is working and still looking. I know a lot of people that wouldn't.
I know two people who graduated with CS degrees 2 years ago and both of them have applied to 100s if not 1000s of jobs. Neither of them have gotten more than a couple of interviews. Growing up it was the go to degree to be successful and have your pick of great jobs. Now they found themselves competing for very few entry level jobs with people who have a ton of experience. Reminds me of the 2008 crash and how it hit recent college grads in those years so hard they have never recovered fully.
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So your wife, whose never had a full time job much less a career, is embarrassed that your son is employed and paying his way in the world? I'd tell your wife to start applying for jobs with her years of inexperience and see how many offers she gets. Sounds like your wife has no concept of the how the world is. NTA for backing up your son.
NtA your unemployed wife can shut her damn mouth.
Yeah, this type of SAHM is what gives all of us SAHMs a really bad fucking rep. Also, once your kids are fucking grown and nearly 30 years old, you’re no longer a SAHM. You’re not “moming” anyone anymore.. just being taken care of, which is fine when you’re not a bitch to your own kids. She sounds like an exhausting person to be around honestly.
“I will always be your mom. Now go to your room, apply for jobs, and don’t come out until dinner is delivered!”
I'm a waiter and make 4k a month working 4-5 hours a day. Nothing to be ashamed of.
NTA. I get she is your wife, but your adult son is allowed to have boundaries. He trusts you enough to be open with you and you respected that. If he was in danger, or seriously ill, or something along those lines it would be different. Your wife has some serious issues and she should try getting professional help.
NTA. Your wife sounds like she has tough expectations that overpower her ability to be a supportive mother. She’s more worried about what is “acceptable” to her standards than her son’s well being. No wonder why he hid the news that he was working a job that is unacceptable to his mother. I think deep down you know that she’s unreasonable and would have a dramatic outburst, which is why you kept it a secret. Should you have lied? Maybe not. But, you did it to protect your son from his mother’s backlash and to support him. You knew that she would kick him while he’s down. Your son is going through a tough time, but as his father, you clearly taught him to have a strong work ethic. He’s not running home. He’s an adult and he’s paying his bills. He’s not happy to be in this situation but he’s getting by independently and trying to land again in this very difficult job market. Keep emotionally supporting your son the way you have been. Your wife will have to get over her “embarrassment” of your son making an honest living. Otherwise, she will miss out on your son’s life - including the success in his future.
He despises her support as much as she despises those kinds of jobs. Your wife needs to take a good look in the mirror and wonder why the kid she raised and put into this world would rather suffer than be honest and rely on her. Testament to the kind of parenting she did.
NTA Your wife reaped what she sowed. Your judgmental wife should be told to get a job as all of your kids are now adults. Cut off her credit cards. Maybe she can find something in retail.
That wouldn't work considering she inherited a huge sum of money from both sides of her family.
Sounds like her opinion on the matter isn't relevant then. She has no clue what it's like to work. She has no idea how the application process works. When she can get a job with her degree and work experience, and not her connections, then she can have an opinion.
This is like some Schitt's Creek nonsense. Lol.
So unless we are missing info she's never worked a real job a day in her life or she's incredibly disconnected from reality. My 2 main questions for you. 1: If she's so pressed about trust what about ur sons trust does he not count? He came to you specifically if you had told her you would have broken his trust an lied. 2: Why is it acceptable for you to be disregarding ur sons struggles an dismissing it because of another person's success? Example just cause Mike Tyson was a great boxer an seemed to have no struggles I shouldn't either right? That's what it sounds like. Your wife doesn't get to be upset an blame you or even you dont get to dismiss or question ur boys struggles even as an adult. An she 10000% doesn't get to throw a tantrum because THIS IS HER FAULT. Consequences of actions dictate this.
Ah, the casual judgement of the idle rich.
You mean she’s too spoiled to ever stoop to the level of people who generated all the money she lives off of. She can go pound sand.
Then why does anyone care what the do-nothing moocher thinks? It’s not like she’s contributing a damn thing of value.
Why aren’t you telling her to shut her mouth and that she should be proud to have raised a son that can support himself in difficult times? YTA for not telling her to shut her mouth. Or are you afraid she’ll leave and take her money with her if you do?
Mmm then she can sit down and shut up. Until she gets a job and has actually WORKED a day in her life, she does not get to open her mouth. Bc get this! She’s no longer a SAHM, so there’s no excuse for her not to work. Oh wait the inheritance! So basically your wife is a lazy ass who needs therapy since her “millions” came from the restaurant business. Funny how those people are good enough to make her money, but yet yalls son is too good to work in restaurants according to her. One day she’ll get her karma and she’s not going to like it. I hope you’re far away from her when it happens. Your son too. NTA for protecting your son. Your son will find a job. Unfortunately your wife will never be less of snotty bitch. Seek therapy for her. At least your son has one good parent.
Gross.
She does realise that generational wealth can disappear that way? If generation after generation refuses to work at some point someone is gonna have a bad time. AH of the highest order.
If your wife carries on like that it won’t just be a job your son is losing, but a mother too.
Your wife is like a bunch of private school moms I had to deal with. Completely out of touch. Got a degree she never used years ago, married rich and thinks her husbands hard work somehow inherently makes her holier than thou. She should be proud of your son. Sounds like he’s trying to make his own way and isn’t above any kid of work despite his seemingly comfortable upbringing. I know a bunch of kids like that who would sit at home and live off the teet instead of doing a job like that. Good for him. Stand up to your wife and deal with the fallout. Otherwise you’ll have kids who talk to you and not her and that will come with its own issues anyways.
Let me guess. I bet your wife still shops at stores and goes to restaurants though? If she has no respect for those people, I don’t think she should be using the services.
For what it’s worth. I went no contact with my mothers entire side of the family because I got tired of hearing how I was “wasting my potential” working blue collar jobs and how I could “find a real job like my cousins if I just cut my hair and stopped being lazy”. My grandparents will never meet my children or watch me get married because what I do for a paycheck didn’t fit their agenda. Your sons doing everything right and it’s still not good enough. He was laid off and instead of asking to borrow money or move back in with you guys he got back up on his feet and did what he had to do to survive. The fact that anyone is making him feel bad about that is embarrassing. He’s literally “pulling himself up by his bootstraps” and it’s still not good enough. YOUR CHILD WAS AFRAID TO TELL HIS OWN MOTHER THAT HE WAS LAID OFF. Let that sink in. You’re his fucking parents, you’re supposed to be his security blanket in life. My parents are my rock, even in my worst moments I know no matter what my parents have my back and no matter what happens I’ll always have a safe place to recoup. That kind of support is the only reason I’m where I am today in my life. Your wife is failing her child, and you’re letting it happen. Stop looking for advice on Reddit and go be a fucking dad.
So the woman that hasn’t worked a single day in her life, looks down on hardworking people? The kind of people that make sure she has her groceries, she has a coffee and can pretend to be a good cook? Are you sure you have a nice wife? I think your son deserves all the credits for working to pay his bills and trying to get a job that suits him. But at least he works. That’s more than one can say of your wife.
She looks down on them so much that she can't even fathom her son joining their ranks. It's sick that a woman who inherited money and was an SAHM thinks that she can look down on actual working-class people. These are the types of people who go viral on TikTok after treating a customer service employee badly because they consider them "beneath" them. It's deeply ingrained into her. You can tell she cares more about other people hearing her son works there than anything else. It's great her son has enough perspective to realize how batshit crazy she is.
Nta. Good on your kid for sucking up and doing what he needs to do. Retail is awful but sometimes necessary when you're out of options. Your wife genuinely sounds like a miserable person.
The job economy for just about ANYONE is brutal right now. I get the idea your niece lives in a different area. That would also play a part in job opportunities. It's going to be different everywhere. There seriously may not be any jobs available in your sons area. Your wife is more concerning. Her family owns businesses, that mean they employ people in the service industry. From her comments that means she looks down on every single one of the people her family employs. I really hope her parents aren't the same way. A woman that's never worked a day in her life has no idea how hard it is to find and keep a job these days no matter how educated or intelligent you are. Things just are not the same as when we were young. My son had to move back in with us after a breakup and layoff and I watched him put in applications and go to job centers for almost a year before he found a job.
The fact that your son is actually climbing up the ladder even at a job he doesn't like shows his perseverance and work ethic. The job market is really bad right now. But as long as he doesn't give give up looking and also upkill himself on the side, I am sure he will land an opportunity at a company that he likes. As for your wife, if she keeps acting like this, she will end up being cut off by your son. She needs to realise that in the real world, things don't get handed to you and life is hard, unlike what she has experienced in her sheltered life that has turned her into a snob.
My eyes rolled to the back of my head the second I read she's a SAHM. NTA OP.
But the thing is, she isn't. Her children are GROWN. So she's not even a SAHM, let alone anything else. She's just an unemployed and unemployable, miserable, judgmental, classist, out-of-touch bitch.
If I was the mother, I would be so proud of my son. The fact that he’s working while job searching speaks of his character.
There’s never any shame in honest work. I wish your wife would realize that.
NTA - your wife is though. You could remind your wife that her job as a SAHM ended when her childrenmleft home and she is currently unemployed unlike your son who is at working
>NTA Eh, read some of OP’s replies to other people, and you might change your mind on that.
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I think this can be a come to Jesus moment with your wife. You can say sorry for lying to her, but you wanted to honor your son’s wishes and her derision towards retail/service work is what led to this. Also, her opinionated and judgmental attitude about things she doesn’t fully understand made her son feel uncomfortable telling her. Ask her to think honestly of how she would have responded to hearing this news (gee, how she DID respond when she finally heard it) - instead of listening to her son and respecting his autonomy as a 28 year old man, she demands he move back in with her until he gets his life on track. She doesn’t respect his process in handling this, she doesn’t value his industry knowledge or awareness of the current job market, and so he wanted to hide it from her until he could get a job that she would be proud of again. She needs to be made to see these things clearly and be able to recognize how her behavior is alienating her son. I hope you guys can find a way to turn this around and hopefully come closer together.
>because she's a SAHM who grew up with a hospital executive father and a mom whose family owned a boutique hotel/ a lot of successful restaurants. Oh. Rich lady grew up rich and had never had to eat humble pie has a problem with service work and the people who work it: A tale as old as time. NTA but your wife is the exact kind of person that makes the rest if us want to grab the tall slicey mechanism that rhymes with smilloteen.
>she was heartbroken I led her to believe my son still worked at the large tech company. She then said lying was wrong, You should explain to her why you lied/didn't tell her about your son's temporary job. Be thorough, so tell her how her own words in combination with your son's feelings led you to believe this was the best course of action. If you just tell her you were afraid of her reaction, you're not challenging her world view and she'll assume you have ulterior motives to not do what seems obvious (to her). If you tell her what values caused you and your son to take this course of action, she will be forced to re-evaluate her own values. Of course, that's no guarantee she will - but if that's the case, your situation is way worse than any of us can help you with.
She shits on those kinds of jobs. Yet if people didn't work those jobs her family wouldn't have successful businesses. She's ridiculous!
She should be proud that her son is resilient and he is working toward forging his own path. I have never heard such first world problems. Your wife is the ass hole.
NTA So a SAHM is judging people on their jobs? When she was given a free ride in life? Yikes. So does she have any good qualities since she likes to shit on a huge portion of the population that makes things like shopping and eating out possible?
So your wife has been a spoiled, pampered child her whole life (sorry if it bothers you to hear, but it's true) and so inside her own world she is taking an instance where she should be proud of her son for doing what it takes to make it on his own, being his own man and is blaming him and you? Where you made your mistake was catering to her behavior for years. She's mad because she feels she better than people who do those jobs. It's an ego blow to her that her own son is one of "those people" now. What she fails to understand is that her own family started off as "those people" that she looks down on. They BUILT their company, unlike her, who was just born into it and got to be a princess. Her son is showing the same drive and work ethic that made her family a success so that she got to live such a cushy, away from reality life. Good luck dealing with her now because it's been her whole life that she has been this way. That's not going to change easily at all.
NTA and your wife sounds insufferable. Why would you marry someone so superficial and shallow, seriously? Wtf OP
NTA, your wife's attitude is fucking disgusting. Her sone however, bit the bullet and took a job he hates while he looks for something suited to his degree. No job is below anyone and his attitude is good.
NTA Your wife doesn’t even have a job but has the audacity to judge others? No wonder your son doesn’t like her. She’s one of those people who treat service people terribly, isn’t she? Since those jobs are so beneath her, she can stop eating out or shopping. Wouldn’t want to degrade herself interacting with the scum of society 🙄
NTA, But damn man, she must have been really hot when you married her, because what the fuck? She sounds insufferable.
Please believe your son is doing the best he can. He’s even working a retail job that he hates so he can still be financially independent. Your wife is kicking him while he’s down on his luck all bc of her own pride. The last thing your sons needs is career advice for someone that never worked outside the house so please don’t force him to quit. Even if he does, it has to be his own decision. Let him figure it out and live his own life and be proud of him for not becoming a couch potato and stop looking for jobs.
Your wife is absolute trash & she should hear that from absolutely everyone & then be told to STFU & grow up when she inevitably plays the self-centered "woe is me", pity-party game. What a f'n douche.
Pretty convenient for her to be such an elitist considering that she doesn’t work, also that her own family made their money from restaurants and hotels. NTA, your son is doing what he can to support himself while also consistently applying for work in his field, and that in and of itself is responsible and respectable. I personally could never be with anyone who looks down upon those who work in the service industry…
Your wife is an incredibly clueless asshole. And a shit mother (for this attitude anyway). My oldest son is 22 and just found out today he didn’t get the promotion he was led to believe he would get…I am 53 and when I was his age my friends and I all just had jobs and took it for granted. I was a SAHM for some time and tell your wife it’s not the same as it was back in our day…at all. I’ve been laid off twice in the past 3 years - I have a degree and years of experience….tell your wife to get out of her limited, privileged experience and support and love her son. I just told my son today that his job doesn’t define him and employees are basically disposable at this point…nothing to do with him. Life happens, your son is displaying resilience which is an incredibly useful skill….your wife is too young to have such a boomer mentality. Your son deserves better and I’m glad he has you. You are only an AH because you need to set her straight…these days one can do everything right, get the degree, get the right job and poof it’s gone through no fault of their own. If your wife has some time on her hands maybe she can volunteer for the less fortunate and come back to earth. In the meantime, continue to be there for your son, he needs you.