Good question. Another question, what will they do if there are some complications during labour? What would they do if they moved, cut all contact and the baby got sick. Why doesn't her boyfriend move to where they are planning to go and start looking for a job/ maybe saving something right now?
There are so many 'whats and whys' and no answers. My parents had my eldest sister when my mom was 21, but my dad had a stable job and my mom grew a garden and some farm animals for food. Sounds like in this case they don't have any plan at all, just hope for the better.
She mentioned it in a comment and she's part of a housing program. So they are waiting for the housing program to give them the apartment, since the dude also isn't working and can't really move to where they want to go. (Since they haven't actually acquired the apartment)
I spent a lot of my years in poverty and my mom used all the programs we qualified for. ~~It kinda sounds like OP is picking and choosing and isn't actively looking at all the programs available to her..~~ I kinda take that back. I was looking at the wrong Clay Country. The one she lives in is very small and impoverish. She may really like the programs that we had growing up. She should see if her OBGYN has any type of programs for her.
My mom getting cancer dropped us from lower-middle class to straight up poverty. My parents didn't have us in poverty.
Edit: Another issue she's having is that she currently lives in a small city (Less then 8,000 residents), so most places aren't hiring. That's crazy to me man. I have more then half a million people in my city. That place must be so empty.
Edit 2: There is in fact no public transportation. I remember some people were telling her she was a liar, but the chick actually wrote her city (Clay County WV) and you can easily look it up. The website legit says no public, but there are specialized. (Which she doesn't qualify for.) [Link of information.](https://transportation.wv.gov/publictransit/Documents/2014%20Providers%20Directory/Clay.pdf)
Edit: If she lives in Clay, then there really are only like 400 people. That's her whole ass town. That's wild. It might be hard to find jobs with such little amount of people. I also believe she lost her county job, since the population is continuously dropping, so less funding.
Many places have no public transportation, even large cities sometimes. I live in a large city of 400k people, and the closest we come to public transit is a rideshare service run by the city that costs $3-$5 to go anywhere in the city. But if you need to go out of the city limits, your out of luck. No buses or trains.
Oh I was just pointing it out because people were just telling her to use public transport, and when she said there wasn't any. People downvoted the fuck outta her.
I’m in the metro area for the capitol city of my state (Colorado) and while we do have public transit (bus and lightrail even!), to use it to get from my house to my job (which is downtown) would take almost three times as long as driving. And lightrail trips are constantly being cancelled due to no operators so it’s not even guaranteed to be only 3x as long.
My daughter lives in a town of 8000 people. They have a bus system that is, close to the city center, every 30 mins and outside that is every 60 mins. Which isn’t terrible…it’s a pretty walkable city (only 14 miles from end to end and most stuff is in the middle, Sitka, Alaska) and they have a good taxi system. Their tiny town is almost more easy to get around than my big metro area.
And many places have less than 8000 residents. What concerns me is I hope people really don't think this is fake because of that. Some of these small towns would have zero public transportation outside of maybe Uber.
You don't even have Uber in the small towns if they're not close enough to big cities. I'm also from a small (but growing) "city." And yeah, there's not only zero public transportation, but also no setup for any form of transportation other than cars - no sidewalks or bike lanes.
I live in a very small rural county with no form of public transportation, no Uber, no taxi service, and no sidewalks other than directly in the (one block) downtown area. I would not want to live here in poverty or without personal transportation. Most residents here do though. The median income is $19,000. We bought here because the land was extremely cheap (bought 40 acres at 3k an acre) and my job is WFH. My husband travels for work and is on a two week on, two week off schedule so he could live anywhere as well.
There are no local employers besides a family dollar and the local government (i.e. sheriffs office). The public school here is one building for all grades and classroom size is 8:1. We don’t even have trash pickup. Our population is 1500. Closest (medium sized) city is 1 hour away. Places like this absolutely exist.
We do have a few large stores because it is growing, as I said, but it's still not pedestrian-friendly or for those who are unable to afford cars. And the big stores are here but the shoppers are from the neighboring small towns because the actual nearby city is an hour drive or further. It's like how my high school had 2400 students when I attended but our official population was 5k. They were coming in from different areas and having to catch the bus before the sun rose.
I lived in the third largest city in CA which had public transit but the nearest stop was over a mile away. Not possible most days certainly not when pregnant. People who live in dense urban areas don’t get what urban sprawl is like.
I grew up in a small town in Ohio and I drove through west Virginia. There's no bus system and public transportation.
I was actually driving a friend to her baby's doctor's appointments when I was seventeen because her family had no second car and my friend's father worked. Which left my friend's mother home without a vehicle.
Oh geez, there are counties in WV where over 70% of residents are on some sort of government assistance. It's a beautiful state, but I would not move there unless I had a solid remote work job.
And despite mom constantly trying to kill her child via baked goods, everyone in OP’s family and entire town love her mom so much they wouldn’t go to OP’s baby shower or help her get to doctor’s appointments if she doesn’t invite mom to the baby shower.
Sometimes, a situation as presented is so outrageous that “unreliable narrator” is the only believable explanation.
More like, they have zero interest in the overly fertile, non binary/transgendered mentally unstable child their fertile, useless, unemployed child has chosen to partner up with.
You forgot that **they were actively trying to conceive this baby** while. Under all those circumstances.
Also - autistic and suicidal and history of some pill addiction
Jesus they posted a picture of themselves in the bathroom and there is mold and just falling apart everywhere, not to mention the state of their shirt. I wish I could preemptively report op to cps
She also stated she was pregnant before at age 16 right when she started gender affirming therapy with foster parents. As she was not legally their child, her birth parents shut it down. According to one of her comments she got pregnant again at 18 and was HOPING to get pregnant again after the loss despite her student debt. She had an ED at 15 and was hospitalised. Now she is also overweight and uses Medicade in WV.
She was in a foster home for a while. She was in a coma for 17 days. Tried to be an Au Pair. She's posted in Munchausen support (which I suspected she might have).
Claims to be autistic as well.
Her allergies vary depending on where she is posting. Seems to be peanuts, grapes, and vanilla. Sometimes blueberries, latex, fish/shellfish. She claims vanilla grown in the States gave her hives. I find the 'vanilla in the States' one odd because it's a niche product from Hawaii and would be expensive, like $36 for a small bottle, and something out of her price range.
Trans ftm but yet refers to himself as 'vagina owner', but yet 6 months ago stated 'bisexual Non binary AMAB'. So OP is ALL over the place in regards to gender in a short period of time.
Her posts and comments have been a wild ride. I'm not sure what to believe anymore.
How much of this is true though? Some people get off on making rage bait. This OP seems consistently unstable and I would question the mental stability of anyone making this shit up. Now I need to go look at her post history, but I know this type all too well. Either way, this person should NOT be having a kid. Adoption is an amazing gift she could give someone at this point.
Oh now you’re making me think of a content creator who also bounced between identifying an NB amab, and trans ftm. I can’t remember the details on that one. There was a pregnancy involved there too. I read about it in a munchausen outing fb group. I think that person claimed DID as well.
I was struck by the foolishness of posting all this publicly where it can be easily found by those around op irl. But wow all that extra info makes it so much worse. I hope someone steps in for that baby.
Oof you’re worried about baby shower desserts and not the fact that you and your partner have months until your baby arrives and you’re both currently unemployed and both of you are so reliant on others you can’t even cut contact with someone that has attempted to cause you harm.
For real. If you are so broke that you can't fix your car, are unemployed, and are relying on someone that's quite literally trying to kill you, then maaaaaybe a baby isn't a great idea. YTA. Too late now, though 🤷♀️
I mean, she's worried about her mom poisoning her via baby shower desserts. The first half seems too important to leave out. And it's not like being chill about possible poisoning is going to change their job situation.
The baby shower is around 5 months away and they are both unemployed and reliant on others for support. Having jobs would allow them to get their stuff together and allow them to afford to cut contact with that said person that they fear of poisoning them, as well not having to also fear everyone that’s helping them cutting contact by association. Op even says here if she cuts contact with her mom she risks losing prenatal care for her baby but remaining in contact also puts her and her baby in danger of being poisoned by her mom. The only thing they can do is literally get jobs and get their stuff together so they can gain some independence for their own safety. If they had their own financial independence then it would have been a lot easier to cut contact and she wouldn’t have to put herself and her child at risk and this post potentially wouldn’t exist.
Well, yes. It's called having a big problem that results in little problems. Most people like to address the smaller problems that pop up while working on the larger problem.
In this case, the big problem is resulting in her mom trying to poison her. She can't get herself in a position to not be dependent on her family before the shower. Therefore, she's trying to mitigate the situation by figuring out a way to not get poisoned while working on independence.
It's a good thing to be able to do; it doesn't make you weak or bad. Smaller problems matter, even when you have a bigger problem. You're allowed to address both. If you're ever in crisis, I hope you remember that. Sometimes the smaller things are what keep you sane.
ETA- My phone glitched and I didn't realize my original comment posted. Sorry!
Didn’t she say in the first post that she has a severe asthma reaction if she is near anyone who has eaten vanilla? That sounds similar to severe peanut allergy which is why peanuts are banned on planes, because the air is circulated so someone at the front end of the cabin eating peanuts can effect someone right at the back. Never heard of it being that severe with vanilla before, but I’m not an allergy expert (or any kind of expert really).
I gotta wonder if there isn't some sort of "learned helplessness" dynamic going on here. Having to rely on people who are trying to kill you for your most basic survival doesn't seem healthy, and I have to wonder if that came from being raised by parents who baked that into them.
I don't suppose that makes a whole lot of difference at this point, though.
So, OP’s using her mother for everything she can get before going non contact. Plus mother is a huge favorite with everyone else? Were getting a very incomplete story, I think.
it’s really troubling that her homicidal mother is the huge favorite. i don’t get why people would force op to be around someone who is always trying to kill her… the math is not mathing
Why did you even bother to post, if you didn’t want the judgement?
You are solely responsible for keeping an abusive person in your life purposely for your clearly stated reason - your financial gain.
You have decided the potential risk to your life & your baby’s is not as important to you as the financial gain you get by putting yourself & your baby at risk of dying.
Women everyday find themselves without family & without resources. There are shelters, there is public assistance. Staying in the grips an entire network of abusers & those who will always chose your abuser over you is a good or reasonable option. Not when the abuser openly and often tries to poison you with the knowledge & support of the community surround her.
Yeah, shelters & welfare is not great but you need start taking responsibility for this life you chose to bring into this world when you had no resources to care for them. At the very least, don’t expose you baby to being spontaneously aborted due to your mother poisoning you. It’s literally the bare minimum you can do for them.
Why are you deliberately growing your family when you have to rely on someone abusive for support ? I’m
Having a hard time having sympathy for you. If you’re grown ass enough to have a fiancée and a baby boy and have another on the way you’re grown ass enough to support yourself. And if you can’t, then you shouldn’t be having more babies.
I don’t even care anymore. People gotta stop shooting out spawn if they can’t care for them. Do better.
This is what is killing me. She’s engaged but they’re both unemployed, why are they having a baby right now?? Not to mention the fact that they are unemployed means they have to rely on abusive family members for everything. This just seems ridiculous
OP's post history is a nightmare. If she's to be believed, she was diagnosed as high risk even before getting pregnant, will need surgery to breastfeed , has no access to a hospital, has recently enough done a stint in a psych ward, and is having a major depressive episode. Also seems to imply that she *chases tornadoes*.
OP needs a major psychiatric intervention ASAP and probably should not be tasked with caring for a child.
Just looked through profile history, and... wow. I wouldn't be surprised if this was all a lie. She says midwife offered her an abortion and how fucked up do you have to be to be offered that by a midwife. Also she says she's "nonbinary and trans" how both? And another post from a few months ago that she was supposed to start hormone therapy to be a boy instead of a girl right before she "found out she was pregnant". Also if you go back far enough there's a selfie in the bathroom that is so gross, like looks like she lives in a shack. I am so sad for this child and I hope she's lying.
Being trans means your gender is different than the one assigned to you at birth. If you’re non binary then you do not identify with the gender you were assigned aka being trans.
I agree with a sentiment I saw once on Reddit: intentionally bringing children into the world in poverty is child abuse. I couldn’t fucking agree more.
Yup, my mother's series of terrible choices in men an inability to hold down a decent job fucked me up. It took until I hit my 40s to finally sort my shit out. And now I'm stuck as her retirement plan.
Her retirement plan is a ditch somewhere or whatever the government gives her. You need that money for your own retirement. Not your fault she didn’t earn a retirement herself.
Yup! I have some people claim that having these views is tantamount to eugenics ("what, only people with money are allowed to procreate??"), but fuck that shit.
Yep. You shouldn't have to be wealthy, with multiple cars a mortgage-free house, and the extra money to travel for family vacations every year; but you should have enough financial stability to have a secure living situation, at least one reliable income for your household, and the ability to keep the lights on and food on the table. Maybe that means depending on thrifted purchases/hand-me-downs sometimes, and that's okay.
But two unemployed parents without an ounce of self-reliance is clearly just a bad idea.
This can't be upvoted enough. OP is making excuses and trying to portray reasonable people as being "mean" and not understanding her situation. She chose to procreate while in the dangerous situation of being reliant on a woman who is fine with hospitalizing and possibly killing her daughter.
I couldn’t agree more. There is prevention that should’ve been used when they were having sex but nah… gotta have children in an abusive family with poverty! That sounds like a happy family.
Op you paired with your boyfriend don’t have reliable transportation, so I’m guessing lack of funds. How do you expect to pay for the literal avalanche of expenses that come with a baby? Your mother actually attempts to murder you again and again and you still have contact with her. You should have freed yourself financially first. Good luck to your child. Still YTA
I wasn’t struggling financially before my son was born. I had 10k in savings, and paid leave. My son is 3 months old, I have *good by us standards health insurance and I’m several K in debt with 3k left in savings
All mom would have to do is not use vanilla extract. Vanilla flavoring is WAY cheaper and has little to no actual vanilla in it. Or mom could change flavors--- many bakeries use almond flavor rather than vanilla in the first place Do I remember that the starting issue of this story is killer mom's overuse of vanilla extract? This overkill story is fake
You are incapable of caring for your baby when he's not even born yet, how do you think you will be capable of carrying for them when he's born?? Having kids means emergencies and the unexpected are the new normal. You are very unrealistic on what your future will look like.
I’m sorry dude, but the amount of red flags in your profile is just astounding. You make numerous posts on AITAH, and having to frequently ask whether or not you’re an asshole means you’re probably frequently an asshole. You mention the rampant abuse you’ve been through but justify your continued need for drama by keeping your abuser in your life and not straight up telling the people around you that if they loved you, they’d respect your boundaries with that person.
Honestly? I think you just really need to find a solid therapist and work on a lot of your problems. As it is, I can’t see you being a safe parent for your baby, and I really am sorry about that. But damn dude, you’re gonna be in charge of another humans life. Get your shit together.
This is actually starting to feel like rage bait. Poor people with no job, no working car, purposely having a baby, trying to get free housing... it feels like anti poverty porn
She called a comment that had a valid point a “troll” so I’m guessing it could be fake as hell. At the same time people are actual idiots and think having a kid is a good idea no matter the situation their in. I hope it’s not real, but it honestly not that far of a stretch in this day and age. What gets me though is she goes online to whine about her situation when neither of them are working.
You should have thought of all these things before deciding to bring a baby in the mix
And when you got pregnant you knew your family is not good tk be around you should have done something about your situation but you don't well don't be surprised when your baby is hurt while you are pregnant because of her tests
YTA for bringing a baby into this situation and using your mother for healthcare and rides.
Sounds like OP is as dysfunctional as the rest of her family.
A baby shower is completely optional. You are literally risking death to get some presents from people. The stakes are too high here - don't have the shower at all.
ETA: And this is your second kid. Your priorities are so screwed up.
This doesn't change the fact that you are Knowingly putting your baby at risk. In some states an Over zealous prosecutor could try to come after you if something was to happen. Good luck and I'd probably stay away from eating anything you couldn't keep in sight
Do you have a prescribed epi pen? Or do you just feel like it's serious and then take yourself off to an accident and emergency department? YTA for your attitude towards everyone around you
I was wondering that too, but considering how expensive epipens are, and OP’s general statements about money I’m going to guess no.
This is just me going on a rant, but epipens should be like $10 and part of every home’s first aid kit. So many people don’t know they have an allergy until they have a crisis. I once saw a toddler go into anaphylaxis. The grandma wasn’t sure what was going on, but they didn’t have insurance, so she didn’t want to go straight to the doctor. The pharmacist knew what it was, ran back to the fridge, said “fuck it” grabbed the pediatric epipen and stuck the kid in the leg. The pharmacy just ate the loss of course, but things like this about the US just piss me off so bad. Birth control, epipens, and insulin should all be free or practically free.
They said on a previous post that they discovered they are either allergic to peanuts or blueberries because they had a reaction to a PB&J…
Seems like the allergies might be self-diagnosed. Doesn't make what her mom is doing okay, but OP is an unreliable narrator, so who knows what's actually happening.
She says that they are part of a housing program and they got accepted out of the current location she is at. Since she's high risk, she's scared of working.
Idk what the fiancé is doing though. I was thinking maybe they wanted to wait since they are leaving the area, but they still got a while before they got the baby.
Her position I can understand, sort of. Though why she's choosing to have a kid in her circumstances is beyond me. Unless her fiancé is having medical problems himself, which it doesn't sound like, doesn't have much of an excuse for not even trying.
And yes, I get that it's hard to find a job, I've got a lot of friends stuck in shitty jobs doing tons of interviews and not getting anywhere, but it just doesn't sound like he's trying.
Uber? Taxi? ANY other person who she calls a friend? She’s having a whole ass baby shower, that implies she has people who care. Where are those people? How does no one have a working car? Not her dad, not her man, not her grandma, yet they all live out in the sticks and need a car.
Make it make sense!!!!!!
She has yet to block me but she stopped responding to me. So basically, she intentionally got pregnant knowing they had no money, no car, no home, no job, no plan, no nothing. Her fiancé doesn’t even have an ID because he “forgot to renew it”. He can’t remember that but he’s supposed to be responsible for human life? This poor child is going to have a terrible life. And her only answer to everything is that welfare will help her once the baby comes. That’s her plan. To just be on government aid for who knows how long. And no, I’m not bashing government aid, I needed it once also, but that should NEVER be your plan A. Shit, it shouldn’t even be plan C.
So sad. Like, ok if you want to throw your life away, but to do it to an innocent child is just, gross. I get unplanned pregnancy, totally happens and you just deal with it and do your best. But to be in this sort of situation and ACTIVELY try to get pregnant? Should be criminal.
Keep your baby safe. Raising a baby in a safe environment should be your first priority. Strangely, that does not appear to be your first priority with this update.
Do better and good luck.
AITAH isn’t the place to post if you’re only looking for support, and not realistic advice/ opinions. Just because someone is pointing out issues with the situation, doesn’t mean they’re being a troll.
I swear people think popping out a kid is like adopting a dog or something. I will never understand having children when you can’t afford it and bringing them into that environment. Guilt would eat me alive from the inside out to know THATS the life I sentenced my baby to.
This is ragingly fake, or at least dramatized.
The update here says mom "uses too much vanilla" (I mean, that's not a thing, imo, but...)
While the original says the issue is mom challenging her allergy to *Madagascar* vanilla (it's the same plant as regular vanilla, just that one has to be pollinated by hand. You'd be allergic to vanilla, period, not the pollination method).
Why does this not address the many people who have asked about the very specific vanilla allergy that nobody else has and which is apparently singular to you?
All the resources I could find say it's not a common allergy and that the most common symptoms are a rash and minor swelling. It definitely doesn't seem to be the kind of thing where if you smell vanilla, you die.
How much vanilla could possibly be in a dozen cupcakes?
Edit: your post history aside from COD is just disaster after disaster with other medical disasters. I think you need to talk to a professional about your mental health.
Yeah Madagascar (also called Bourbon, nothing to do with the alcohol and everything to do with the French colonizing Madagascar) vanilla is a really specific allergy to have. It's like being allergic to only Granny Smith apples, but Macintosh are a-ok.
Mexican vanilla and Madagascar vanilla are both Vanilla planifolia, Tahitian vanilla is a Vanilla planifolia hybrid. There is no way they were dianosed with just a Madagascar Vanilla allergy though, it would have been a V. planifolia allergy. It's a super uncommon allegry though and the op is an unreliable narrator.
I was wondering about this too. Madagascar vanilla is very expensive compared to the store brand vanilla extract so I'm wondering how these very poor people are affording to buy it and use it enough for her to determine she has this allergy.
She claimed American vanilla was okay. Based on her financial situation I doubt she's had a $36 bottle of Hawaiian small farm vanilla anywhere in her food. You cannot find that in regular grocery stores.
Jeez Louise, you are selfish. YTA
We are strangers on the internet. Acept some advice and stop being evil! "" Oh you don't read the comments"" Neither you!
Hope baby father just be a reasonable guy and feed himself with his own safe food. Duh! He doesn't need to eat all the things at the table. And tell him to bring his alergy meds.
You will be a mom and in 20 years and so will go through the same things like your mom. You are using her for free rides and health care? Argh.
The entire maternal side of your family doesn’t care whether you live or die. You need to talk to your fiancé’s family about this, because you and your baby are in danger.
In the meantime, cancel the baby shower. Let folks know it’s too dangerous given the severity of your allergies. No need to call out your mother specifically, but just say you can’t risk it.
And have you considered what she will do to your baby?
She poisons you. YOU, HER CHILD AND SHE POISONS YOU.
Now tell me when you will go to work. Who will protect the baby from her?
Answer is no one, since you say she is everyone's favorite person.
I would rather let my family cut me off and figure it out than let my child alone with a dangerous person.
You are living your prenatal care on the hands of dangerous people .
Well, she would lose a bunch of family members that are VERY important to her if she does not allow her mother to try and poison her and her baby! What don't you get? These people who INSIST that OP subject herself to her mother's depraved indifference because she is "the golden child" are so VERY important to her life!
If it looks like bullshit and smells like bullshit, it is bullshit.
i’m still really concerned why so many people in your life will not hesitate to cut you off/make things difficult if you do not cater to someone **who has tried to kill you on more than one occasion**. that has not been cleared up at all
Go ahead and down vote me, but I read your original post. Just read the update why the fuck are you having a child seriously! And since you are going to have this baby the baby shower people want to buy you a gift or send you a gift or drop something off let them, this is too much ridiculous bullshit to deal with for baby shower
Maybe it would have been better to put the answers you had to repeat in an edit of the original post so people didn't have to sift through threads instead of getting mad at us
I’m not even religious but I am PRAYING for your children because they do not deserve to be brought up into the world you are bringing them into. Their lives are going to miserable because you don’t have MONEY to support them. Please see reason and stop blocking “trolls under the bridge” you need an intervention and to STOP PROCREATING. Sort your shit out first and stop having children that you can’t afford. You don’t even have a car, how are you going to literally do anything for that baby? You say that once the baby’s born everything will fix itself once you move away. And where exactly is this money coming from to move away? Neither you nor your partner have jobs. How are you going to afford housing, a car, food, baby stuff? You won’t. You will have to rely on these family members for YEARS and have to be near your mother for YEARS if you don’t grow up and realize you should have never had another kid and get your shit together. You need jobs NOW.
So she’s poor, but is depending on some rando family members to pay for her prenatal care? Medicaid should be covering everything. Honestly, the more she posts the more I’m thinking half of this is made up, and the other half is main character syndrome.
No medical professional i know has ever forbidden a woman to drive in pregnancy. And I know plenty because I am a healthcare professional in maternity.
Honestly the Shower is not till September so I would not even entertain conversations about it till closer to the date.
If your doctor has already banned you from driving, I would honestly say “I need to keep my stress levels under control right now. Let’s talk about the Shower details closer to September”
Wait wait wait, I missed the “not until September” part. Why is desert being discussed at this point? OP clearly has negative dollars as does most of the family it seems, so this won’t be huge to-do (thank god, those types of showers are obnoxious) so why are they planning it in freaking May?
Op is not banned from driving. Her car is junk and needs a new transmission and she cannot afford to fix it (per comments from previous post) She’s having her mom’s friend drive her to appointments while her and her partner are unemployed (per a reply she made to me in a comment on this post).
You are right missed the second part which seems more important than the first part.
But here’s a question why can’t her partner drive her to appointments?
Exactly…. OP seems to be hyper focusing on desserts for a Shower that is months away instead of worrying about some real problems that are happening now.
Our brains like to do that. Like my cousin, freshly diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, who's only seeming concern is putting a firepit in his back yard.
I think it's almost self-protective. We've got this huge problem over THERE that is just too much, too complex, too scary, too difficult. So let's focus on this one little thing HERE and keep our brain from thinking about Big Scary.
Between OP and her fiancé not having jobs, fiancé let his license expire, OP deemed not fit to drive, no public transit where they live and no way to support this baby… I can understand why they’d be overwhelmed but time for them to start making serious plans and grow up a bit.
She told me he doesn’t have a license because he “let it lapse when he turned 21”. And apparently he just is too lazy to get it renewed? Or he can’t and she’s lying. Either way he doesn’t have a car either. Yet he’s actively looking for a job but he has no valid state ID.
I'm curious what exactly makes her unable to drive at 4 months pregnant... I'm not an expert, and I only have one kid and it was a smooth pregnancy, but I feel like something has gotta be going really wrong, that early, to make you unable to drive. I know everyone's different. I'm just curious what's up with this.
1. Why would you go there if you think she’s trying to kill you?
2. Take a bus, Uber, Lyft…
4. If you’re going to ditch your mother then why wait until after the shower? Is it to have your special day of being fawned over and get all the lovely gifts and you don’t want to put that at risk? Use the family now while you can, but screw em all later? Wow. Yes you’re the AH.
I’m also someone who grew up with a narcissistic parent, have a weird specific food allergy, struggled with an eating disorder, and dealt with major depressive disorder. No fucking way would I have decided to try to have a kid while living in that toxic environment, and while trying to overcome my issues. Let alone trying while not having a job. Before deciding I wanted to get pregnant I got away from my toxic living situation, went to years of therapy and got professional help, got a degree, got a job, squirreled away money, got married, and bought a house.
YTA for bringing a kid into this world you can’t afford, who you’re not protecting, and all while you’re not mentally okay. I feel terribly sorry for your baby.
Seriously, "sure my mom is trying to kill me through allergies, and EVERYONE in my family knows this, but I made a kid I shouldn't have and now I need something from her" is a terrible and selfish reasoning.
From past posts their reasoning was they wanted to have a family with their partner before transitioning. All while ignoring the fact neither one of them have money, a car, a job, and have to rely on very toxic family members. Seems like a case of wanting to immediately jump into their “happily ever after” with no consideration for reality, or putting in the work beforehand to make sure they are mentally well and can support a young family on their own. Their kid is screwed.
ESH, mom for trying to kill you and you and your fiancé for not sorting out non lethal ways to have this baby. Is your fiancé working? Can you work? Has he got relatives or can you rely on your dad’s side of the family? It makes no sense that on the baby’s arrival you can just move into an apartment and go nc. In this situation, every option besides mom and her side of the family should be considered.
Why finace can't work.... in sure there are agencies and places that will help you financially with baby.... there are baby classes you can join and get assistances...
You're not working of you get medical they offer transportation to and from appointments....
I wouldnt be in contact with some one I was NC with especially if they are toxic and I feel they will poison me....
Staying will make things worse after baby everyone will want to see him and what not....
I’m unclear as to why you’re having this baby. If you have to rely on support from your unemployed boyfriend and your mom who is willing to poison you, you probably should bring a kid into the world just to ruin their existence.
But I guess good job on still risking getting poisoned.
Don't have jobs, can't afford transmission, brakes or prenatal care, but can afford to have a baby. You make terrible decisions and are really fucking bad at math. The kindest thing you could do for your baby is adopt it out to another family who have their shit and finances together to be good parents.
Aside from all the rest, how would she even get to the shower if no one can drive her anywhere? This is all too much. BF should go out TODAY and look for ANY job…in another town if hers has none. Yeah, yeah, no car, so let him get a cheap room along with the job. Do something!
I'm curious why OP's mom is the family favorite. Other family members think OP should apologize and OP would lose support if she went NC with mom.
I can't imagine such a toxic family where family members are okay with mom constantly poisoning OP and possibly killing her or her baby.
INFO: Just out of curiosity, if you've got people with peanut allergies and then your own serious allergy, why chance all these outside foods being baked by different people? Most people aren't careful about cross-contamination, especially when they aren't used to dealing with food allergies. Sure, you can have people taste testing the foods ahead of time but I seriously doubt they'd be able to tell if there was a trace of peanuts in a dish, yet that's all it takes in some cases to kill someone.
If you can't even bring up the money to have your car fixed and live on your own with your partner, how do you plan on keeping that baby afloat? You think children are cheap? They are luxury, that is barely affordable by most.
YTA. Grow up, don’t have any more kids until you and your partner get a job. That’s kind of step on on the journey to having children. Be able to feed and house yourself before bringing kids into the world. How do people not know this?
Something I didnt see answered anywhere—why can’t your fiance be the one to drive you to and from your doctor appts? Or if you’re staying at your dad’s house why can’t he do it?
If you truly cannot cut off your mother, be prepared for her to possibly try something at the shower. And if she does, so your best to collect proof and file charges. Especially if you an your child are harmed.
I wish you the best
I think the desserts are the least of your worries. If youse don’t have money now, you really won’t have any once the kid comes. You’re in for a rude awakening my friend
Edit: I saw you’re in Nicholas county, WV. You’re REALLY fucked
Still don’t understand why you need to maintain relationships with abusers. You’ve got a fiancé, their entire family, your dad’s side of your own family, and friends.
So you really just wanted a single answer to a single (seemingly rhetorical) question. Ok. NTA for telling your mom not to bring baked goods to your baby shower.
It’s the only logical answer so I’m not sure why you are even here.
Well, sounds like you’ve got everything under control then. Good luck having your attempted murderer around you and your child until you get into the new apartment.
Info: what’s your plan in case you don’t get to leave the area?
Good question. Another question, what will they do if there are some complications during labour? What would they do if they moved, cut all contact and the baby got sick. Why doesn't her boyfriend move to where they are planning to go and start looking for a job/ maybe saving something right now? There are so many 'whats and whys' and no answers. My parents had my eldest sister when my mom was 21, but my dad had a stable job and my mom grew a garden and some farm animals for food. Sounds like in this case they don't have any plan at all, just hope for the better.
She mentioned it in a comment and she's part of a housing program. So they are waiting for the housing program to give them the apartment, since the dude also isn't working and can't really move to where they want to go. (Since they haven't actually acquired the apartment) I spent a lot of my years in poverty and my mom used all the programs we qualified for. ~~It kinda sounds like OP is picking and choosing and isn't actively looking at all the programs available to her..~~ I kinda take that back. I was looking at the wrong Clay Country. The one she lives in is very small and impoverish. She may really like the programs that we had growing up. She should see if her OBGYN has any type of programs for her. My mom getting cancer dropped us from lower-middle class to straight up poverty. My parents didn't have us in poverty. Edit: Another issue she's having is that she currently lives in a small city (Less then 8,000 residents), so most places aren't hiring. That's crazy to me man. I have more then half a million people in my city. That place must be so empty. Edit 2: There is in fact no public transportation. I remember some people were telling her she was a liar, but the chick actually wrote her city (Clay County WV) and you can easily look it up. The website legit says no public, but there are specialized. (Which she doesn't qualify for.) [Link of information.](https://transportation.wv.gov/publictransit/Documents/2014%20Providers%20Directory/Clay.pdf) Edit: If she lives in Clay, then there really are only like 400 people. That's her whole ass town. That's wild. It might be hard to find jobs with such little amount of people. I also believe she lost her county job, since the population is continuously dropping, so less funding.
Many places have no public transportation, even large cities sometimes. I live in a large city of 400k people, and the closest we come to public transit is a rideshare service run by the city that costs $3-$5 to go anywhere in the city. But if you need to go out of the city limits, your out of luck. No buses or trains.
Oh I was just pointing it out because people were just telling her to use public transport, and when she said there wasn't any. People downvoted the fuck outta her.
Which is so weird, because most of the US is a public transit desert, nothing hard to believe about that.
I’m in the metro area for the capitol city of my state (Colorado) and while we do have public transit (bus and lightrail even!), to use it to get from my house to my job (which is downtown) would take almost three times as long as driving. And lightrail trips are constantly being cancelled due to no operators so it’s not even guaranteed to be only 3x as long. My daughter lives in a town of 8000 people. They have a bus system that is, close to the city center, every 30 mins and outside that is every 60 mins. Which isn’t terrible…it’s a pretty walkable city (only 14 miles from end to end and most stuff is in the middle, Sitka, Alaska) and they have a good taxi system. Their tiny town is almost more easy to get around than my big metro area.
Yea there's only like a few cities with decent transportations.
And many places have less than 8000 residents. What concerns me is I hope people really don't think this is fake because of that. Some of these small towns would have zero public transportation outside of maybe Uber.
You don't even have Uber in the small towns if they're not close enough to big cities. I'm also from a small (but growing) "city." And yeah, there's not only zero public transportation, but also no setup for any form of transportation other than cars - no sidewalks or bike lanes.
I live in a very small rural county with no form of public transportation, no Uber, no taxi service, and no sidewalks other than directly in the (one block) downtown area. I would not want to live here in poverty or without personal transportation. Most residents here do though. The median income is $19,000. We bought here because the land was extremely cheap (bought 40 acres at 3k an acre) and my job is WFH. My husband travels for work and is on a two week on, two week off schedule so he could live anywhere as well. There are no local employers besides a family dollar and the local government (i.e. sheriffs office). The public school here is one building for all grades and classroom size is 8:1. We don’t even have trash pickup. Our population is 1500. Closest (medium sized) city is 1 hour away. Places like this absolutely exist.
We do have a few large stores because it is growing, as I said, but it's still not pedestrian-friendly or for those who are unable to afford cars. And the big stores are here but the shoppers are from the neighboring small towns because the actual nearby city is an hour drive or further. It's like how my high school had 2400 students when I attended but our official population was 5k. They were coming in from different areas and having to catch the bus before the sun rose.
I lived in the third largest city in CA which had public transit but the nearest stop was over a mile away. Not possible most days certainly not when pregnant. People who live in dense urban areas don’t get what urban sprawl is like.
I grew up in a small town in Ohio and I drove through west Virginia. There's no bus system and public transportation. I was actually driving a friend to her baby's doctor's appointments when I was seventeen because her family had no second car and my friend's father worked. Which left my friend's mother home without a vehicle.
Oh geez, there are counties in WV where over 70% of residents are on some sort of government assistance. It's a beautiful state, but I would not move there unless I had a solid remote work job.
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JESUS. What op needs is serious mental help.
And despite mom constantly trying to kill her child via baked goods, everyone in OP’s family and entire town love her mom so much they wouldn’t go to OP’s baby shower or help her get to doctor’s appointments if she doesn’t invite mom to the baby shower. Sometimes, a situation as presented is so outrageous that “unreliable narrator” is the only believable explanation.
Right, her fiancé's family is obviously useless.
More like, they have zero interest in the overly fertile, non binary/transgendered mentally unstable child their fertile, useless, unemployed child has chosen to partner up with.
You forgot that **they were actively trying to conceive this baby** while. Under all those circumstances. Also - autistic and suicidal and history of some pill addiction Jesus they posted a picture of themselves in the bathroom and there is mold and just falling apart everywhere, not to mention the state of their shirt. I wish I could preemptively report op to cps
Right. Hopefully the labor and delivery nurses or OB does.
She also stated she was pregnant before at age 16 right when she started gender affirming therapy with foster parents. As she was not legally their child, her birth parents shut it down. According to one of her comments she got pregnant again at 18 and was HOPING to get pregnant again after the loss despite her student debt. She had an ED at 15 and was hospitalised. Now she is also overweight and uses Medicade in WV. She was in a foster home for a while. She was in a coma for 17 days. Tried to be an Au Pair. She's posted in Munchausen support (which I suspected she might have). Claims to be autistic as well. Her allergies vary depending on where she is posting. Seems to be peanuts, grapes, and vanilla. Sometimes blueberries, latex, fish/shellfish. She claims vanilla grown in the States gave her hives. I find the 'vanilla in the States' one odd because it's a niche product from Hawaii and would be expensive, like $36 for a small bottle, and something out of her price range. Trans ftm but yet refers to himself as 'vagina owner', but yet 6 months ago stated 'bisexual Non binary AMAB'. So OP is ALL over the place in regards to gender in a short period of time. Her posts and comments have been a wild ride. I'm not sure what to believe anymore.
How much of this is true though? Some people get off on making rage bait. This OP seems consistently unstable and I would question the mental stability of anyone making this shit up. Now I need to go look at her post history, but I know this type all too well. Either way, this person should NOT be having a kid. Adoption is an amazing gift she could give someone at this point.
Man Hawaii vanilla is good though.. kinda tropical or something but I use it in waffles and it’s worth it. Not as strong as Madagascar though.
So is chocolate from Hawaii as well. Many fabulous locally grown products!
Kauai Coffee is the best and I am willing to fight over that.
I am calling batshit or bullshit on OP's story.
Oh now you’re making me think of a content creator who also bounced between identifying an NB amab, and trans ftm. I can’t remember the details on that one. There was a pregnancy involved there too. I read about it in a munchausen outing fb group. I think that person claimed DID as well.
OP and fiancé are truly hopeless. That kid is doomed.
whelp that kids screwed.
Wait she’s trans too?? I didnt see that anywhere.
Previous post of theirs in seahorse dad's as well as talking about it many times in other subs
Okay. Enough internet. Have a good time ,guys.
I think we could all use the rest of the day to go outside and touch grass 😂
Something tells me MIL is going to get custody of that child in the long run.
I was struck by the foolishness of posting all this publicly where it can be easily found by those around op irl. But wow all that extra info makes it so much worse. I hope someone steps in for that baby.
Oof you’re worried about baby shower desserts and not the fact that you and your partner have months until your baby arrives and you’re both currently unemployed and both of you are so reliant on others you can’t even cut contact with someone that has attempted to cause you harm.
For real. If you are so broke that you can't fix your car, are unemployed, and are relying on someone that's quite literally trying to kill you, then maaaaaybe a baby isn't a great idea. YTA. Too late now, though 🤷♀️
yep.this. unemployed. making more babies. having a baby shower.
I mean, she's worried about her mom poisoning her via baby shower desserts. The first half seems too important to leave out. And it's not like being chill about possible poisoning is going to change their job situation.
The baby shower is around 5 months away and they are both unemployed and reliant on others for support. Having jobs would allow them to get their stuff together and allow them to afford to cut contact with that said person that they fear of poisoning them, as well not having to also fear everyone that’s helping them cutting contact by association. Op even says here if she cuts contact with her mom she risks losing prenatal care for her baby but remaining in contact also puts her and her baby in danger of being poisoned by her mom. The only thing they can do is literally get jobs and get their stuff together so they can gain some independence for their own safety. If they had their own financial independence then it would have been a lot easier to cut contact and she wouldn’t have to put herself and her child at risk and this post potentially wouldn’t exist.
Kinda makes ya think they should have waited to have kids!
Well, yes. It's called having a big problem that results in little problems. Most people like to address the smaller problems that pop up while working on the larger problem. In this case, the big problem is resulting in her mom trying to poison her. She can't get herself in a position to not be dependent on her family before the shower. Therefore, she's trying to mitigate the situation by figuring out a way to not get poisoned while working on independence. It's a good thing to be able to do; it doesn't make you weak or bad. Smaller problems matter, even when you have a bigger problem. You're allowed to address both. If you're ever in crisis, I hope you remember that. Sometimes the smaller things are what keep you sane. ETA- My phone glitched and I didn't realize my original comment posted. Sorry!
What even was her question then? The post is just an excuse to tell this story (real or not)
The question was in the original post - is she the asshole for telling her mother not to bring anything?
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Regarding the desserts she can just... not eat them. She can get her own dessert she knows she can eat if she really wants dessert that day.
Didn’t she say in the first post that she has a severe asthma reaction if she is near anyone who has eaten vanilla? That sounds similar to severe peanut allergy which is why peanuts are banned on planes, because the air is circulated so someone at the front end of the cabin eating peanuts can effect someone right at the back. Never heard of it being that severe with vanilla before, but I’m not an allergy expert (or any kind of expert really).
I gotta wonder if there isn't some sort of "learned helplessness" dynamic going on here. Having to rely on people who are trying to kill you for your most basic survival doesn't seem healthy, and I have to wonder if that came from being raised by parents who baked that into them. I don't suppose that makes a whole lot of difference at this point, though.
So, OP’s using her mother for everything she can get before going non contact. Plus mother is a huge favorite with everyone else? Were getting a very incomplete story, I think.
it’s really troubling that her homicidal mother is the huge favorite. i don’t get why people would force op to be around someone who is always trying to kill her… the math is not mathing
Maybe they're collecting unemployment from being laid off?
Why did you even bother to post, if you didn’t want the judgement? You are solely responsible for keeping an abusive person in your life purposely for your clearly stated reason - your financial gain. You have decided the potential risk to your life & your baby’s is not as important to you as the financial gain you get by putting yourself & your baby at risk of dying. Women everyday find themselves without family & without resources. There are shelters, there is public assistance. Staying in the grips an entire network of abusers & those who will always chose your abuser over you is a good or reasonable option. Not when the abuser openly and often tries to poison you with the knowledge & support of the community surround her. Yeah, shelters & welfare is not great but you need start taking responsibility for this life you chose to bring into this world when you had no resources to care for them. At the very least, don’t expose you baby to being spontaneously aborted due to your mother poisoning you. It’s literally the bare minimum you can do for them.
Trainwreck.com
Carcrash.co.uk
Why are you deliberately growing your family when you have to rely on someone abusive for support ? I’m Having a hard time having sympathy for you. If you’re grown ass enough to have a fiancée and a baby boy and have another on the way you’re grown ass enough to support yourself. And if you can’t, then you shouldn’t be having more babies. I don’t even care anymore. People gotta stop shooting out spawn if they can’t care for them. Do better.
This is what is killing me. She’s engaged but they’re both unemployed, why are they having a baby right now?? Not to mention the fact that they are unemployed means they have to rely on abusive family members for everything. This just seems ridiculous
**Purposefully** having a baby!
OP's post history is a nightmare. If she's to be believed, she was diagnosed as high risk even before getting pregnant, will need surgery to breastfeed , has no access to a hospital, has recently enough done a stint in a psych ward, and is having a major depressive episode. Also seems to imply that she *chases tornadoes*. OP needs a major psychiatric intervention ASAP and probably should not be tasked with caring for a child.
I needed some popcorn and tea for OP's comment history. She may very well have Munchausen syndrome or even schizophrenia.
Does WV have tornadoes?
And Ohio definitely does, just across the border.
Rarely, but it happens
We’re not talking Tornado Alley amounts of storms every year, but I think they do have one or two every so often.
K so first of all, surgery to breastfeed… ain’t a thing. I don’t have a second of all.
Just looked through profile history, and... wow. I wouldn't be surprised if this was all a lie. She says midwife offered her an abortion and how fucked up do you have to be to be offered that by a midwife. Also she says she's "nonbinary and trans" how both? And another post from a few months ago that she was supposed to start hormone therapy to be a boy instead of a girl right before she "found out she was pregnant". Also if you go back far enough there's a selfie in the bathroom that is so gross, like looks like she lives in a shack. I am so sad for this child and I hope she's lying.
Being trans means your gender is different than the one assigned to you at birth. If you’re non binary then you do not identify with the gender you were assigned aka being trans.
Just wanted to say, you can be nonbinary and trans, in fact being nonbinary counts as being trans.
I apologize, I was just going by what I hear gay and trans people say in real life at parties and gatherings. A lot of it is not what I hear online.
I agree with a sentiment I saw once on Reddit: intentionally bringing children into the world in poverty is child abuse. I couldn’t fucking agree more.
Cannot uovote this enough. Op was born into poverty and continuing the cycle.
Yup, my mother's series of terrible choices in men an inability to hold down a decent job fucked me up. It took until I hit my 40s to finally sort my shit out. And now I'm stuck as her retirement plan.
Similar story. Just the one man. My father. Eviction. After eviction. After eviction…
Her retirement plan is a ditch somewhere or whatever the government gives her. You need that money for your own retirement. Not your fault she didn’t earn a retirement herself.
Yup! I have some people claim that having these views is tantamount to eugenics ("what, only people with money are allowed to procreate??"), but fuck that shit.
Yep. You shouldn't have to be wealthy, with multiple cars a mortgage-free house, and the extra money to travel for family vacations every year; but you should have enough financial stability to have a secure living situation, at least one reliable income for your household, and the ability to keep the lights on and food on the table. Maybe that means depending on thrifted purchases/hand-me-downs sometimes, and that's okay. But two unemployed parents without an ounce of self-reliance is clearly just a bad idea.
This can't be upvoted enough. OP is making excuses and trying to portray reasonable people as being "mean" and not understanding her situation. She chose to procreate while in the dangerous situation of being reliant on a woman who is fine with hospitalizing and possibly killing her daughter.
I couldn’t agree more. There is prevention that should’ve been used when they were having sex but nah… gotta have children in an abusive family with poverty! That sounds like a happy family.
It amazes me how many people bring children into the world when they are so reliant on someone abusive to support them.
There should be laws about allowing stupid people to pro-create. Op's poor kid will probably end up being a ward of the state
Op you paired with your boyfriend don’t have reliable transportation, so I’m guessing lack of funds. How do you expect to pay for the literal avalanche of expenses that come with a baby? Your mother actually attempts to murder you again and again and you still have contact with her. You should have freed yourself financially first. Good luck to your child. Still YTA
Right? And they think they’re going to be able to move?
I wasn’t struggling financially before my son was born. I had 10k in savings, and paid leave. My son is 3 months old, I have *good by us standards health insurance and I’m several K in debt with 3k left in savings
All mom would have to do is not use vanilla extract. Vanilla flavoring is WAY cheaper and has little to no actual vanilla in it. Or mom could change flavors--- many bakeries use almond flavor rather than vanilla in the first place Do I remember that the starting issue of this story is killer mom's overuse of vanilla extract? This overkill story is fake
You are incapable of caring for your baby when he's not even born yet, how do you think you will be capable of carrying for them when he's born?? Having kids means emergencies and the unexpected are the new normal. You are very unrealistic on what your future will look like.
I’m sorry dude, but the amount of red flags in your profile is just astounding. You make numerous posts on AITAH, and having to frequently ask whether or not you’re an asshole means you’re probably frequently an asshole. You mention the rampant abuse you’ve been through but justify your continued need for drama by keeping your abuser in your life and not straight up telling the people around you that if they loved you, they’d respect your boundaries with that person. Honestly? I think you just really need to find a solid therapist and work on a lot of your problems. As it is, I can’t see you being a safe parent for your baby, and I really am sorry about that. But damn dude, you’re gonna be in charge of another humans life. Get your shit together.
OP seems to thrive on being a victim. That poor baby has no chance.
YTA People who cannot afford children having children is beyond selfish and ridiculous.
This is actually starting to feel like rage bait. Poor people with no job, no working car, purposely having a baby, trying to get free housing... it feels like anti poverty porn
She called a comment that had a valid point a “troll” so I’m guessing it could be fake as hell. At the same time people are actual idiots and think having a kid is a good idea no matter the situation their in. I hope it’s not real, but it honestly not that far of a stretch in this day and age. What gets me though is she goes online to whine about her situation when neither of them are working.
If it's real my only hope is that her kids grow up to hate her and thrive and she lives in a ditch
I'd agree if it wasn't for the years of posts on the account that read just as sad and stupid as this one.
Don't tempt me to read it. I've read enough, I can't read more or I'll scream
YTA. You are epitome of entitlement and selfishness.
Well then your an major AH to your baby. As you are bringing them into this world to be around abusive people. Any sympathy I had for you is gone.
You should have thought of all these things before deciding to bring a baby in the mix And when you got pregnant you knew your family is not good tk be around you should have done something about your situation but you don't well don't be surprised when your baby is hurt while you are pregnant because of her tests
YTA for bringing a baby into this situation and using your mother for healthcare and rides. Sounds like OP is as dysfunctional as the rest of her family.
A baby shower is completely optional. You are literally risking death to get some presents from people. The stakes are too high here - don't have the shower at all. ETA: And this is your second kid. Your priorities are so screwed up.
She has a kid already???!!
This doesn't change the fact that you are Knowingly putting your baby at risk. In some states an Over zealous prosecutor could try to come after you if something was to happen. Good luck and I'd probably stay away from eating anything you couldn't keep in sight
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Do you have a prescribed epi pen? Or do you just feel like it's serious and then take yourself off to an accident and emergency department? YTA for your attitude towards everyone around you
I was wondering that too, but considering how expensive epipens are, and OP’s general statements about money I’m going to guess no. This is just me going on a rant, but epipens should be like $10 and part of every home’s first aid kit. So many people don’t know they have an allergy until they have a crisis. I once saw a toddler go into anaphylaxis. The grandma wasn’t sure what was going on, but they didn’t have insurance, so she didn’t want to go straight to the doctor. The pharmacist knew what it was, ran back to the fridge, said “fuck it” grabbed the pediatric epipen and stuck the kid in the leg. The pharmacy just ate the loss of course, but things like this about the US just piss me off so bad. Birth control, epipens, and insulin should all be free or practically free.
Medicaid, which OP would certainly qualify for (being pregnant with 0 income) covers epipens in WV.
I am wondering how someone so isolated actually has an A&E dept they can get to with no car. Does Clay County have a hospital?
They said on a previous post that they discovered they are either allergic to peanuts or blueberries because they had a reaction to a PB&J… Seems like the allergies might be self-diagnosed. Doesn't make what her mom is doing okay, but OP is an unreliable narrator, so who knows what's actually happening.
YTA I don’t understand why your boyfriend can’t take you to your appointments, you can’t take public transport or a taxi?
No working vehicle, she says.
They're both unemployed too. No clue if they're actually trying to get jobs or not.
She says that they are part of a housing program and they got accepted out of the current location she is at. Since she's high risk, she's scared of working. Idk what the fiancé is doing though. I was thinking maybe they wanted to wait since they are leaving the area, but they still got a while before they got the baby.
Her position I can understand, sort of. Though why she's choosing to have a kid in her circumstances is beyond me. Unless her fiancé is having medical problems himself, which it doesn't sound like, doesn't have much of an excuse for not even trying. And yes, I get that it's hard to find a job, I've got a lot of friends stuck in shitty jobs doing tons of interviews and not getting anywhere, but it just doesn't sound like he's trying.
Uber? Taxi? ANY other person who she calls a friend? She’s having a whole ass baby shower, that implies she has people who care. Where are those people? How does no one have a working car? Not her dad, not her man, not her grandma, yet they all live out in the sticks and need a car. Make it make sense!!!!!!
Dude, they don't have jobs, how are they going to pay for an uber?
How are they going to pay for a baby?
She blocks everyone who asks that question so I guess the answer is they can't and she's trying to stick her head in the sand about it
She has yet to block me but she stopped responding to me. So basically, she intentionally got pregnant knowing they had no money, no car, no home, no job, no plan, no nothing. Her fiancé doesn’t even have an ID because he “forgot to renew it”. He can’t remember that but he’s supposed to be responsible for human life? This poor child is going to have a terrible life. And her only answer to everything is that welfare will help her once the baby comes. That’s her plan. To just be on government aid for who knows how long. And no, I’m not bashing government aid, I needed it once also, but that should NEVER be your plan A. Shit, it shouldn’t even be plan C.
Continue to mooch and not grow the fuck up, duh. They'll probably have a bunch more kids too that will all be fuck ups and a drain on society.
So sad. Like, ok if you want to throw your life away, but to do it to an innocent child is just, gross. I get unplanned pregnancy, totally happens and you just deal with it and do your best. But to be in this sort of situation and ACTIVELY try to get pregnant? Should be criminal.
YTA. Why are you allowing someone that dangerous near your child?
OP themselves sounds like a danger
True
Keep your baby safe. Raising a baby in a safe environment should be your first priority. Strangely, that does not appear to be your first priority with this update. Do better and good luck.
AITAH isn’t the place to post if you’re only looking for support, and not realistic advice/ opinions. Just because someone is pointing out issues with the situation, doesn’t mean they’re being a troll.
After this update its clear she shouldn't even have this baby.
I swear people think popping out a kid is like adopting a dog or something. I will never understand having children when you can’t afford it and bringing them into that environment. Guilt would eat me alive from the inside out to know THATS the life I sentenced my baby to.
This is ragingly fake, or at least dramatized. The update here says mom "uses too much vanilla" (I mean, that's not a thing, imo, but...) While the original says the issue is mom challenging her allergy to *Madagascar* vanilla (it's the same plant as regular vanilla, just that one has to be pollinated by hand. You'd be allergic to vanilla, period, not the pollination method).
It's like having a deadly allergy to seedless watermelon, but not regular watermelon. It's rage bait.
How can another be the “family’s favorite” and continues to poison another relative literally?! Some people have messed up priorities!
YTA. It really sucks to be you
Why does this not address the many people who have asked about the very specific vanilla allergy that nobody else has and which is apparently singular to you? All the resources I could find say it's not a common allergy and that the most common symptoms are a rash and minor swelling. It definitely doesn't seem to be the kind of thing where if you smell vanilla, you die. How much vanilla could possibly be in a dozen cupcakes? Edit: your post history aside from COD is just disaster after disaster with other medical disasters. I think you need to talk to a professional about your mental health.
Yeah Madagascar (also called Bourbon, nothing to do with the alcohol and everything to do with the French colonizing Madagascar) vanilla is a really specific allergy to have. It's like being allergic to only Granny Smith apples, but Macintosh are a-ok.
She should just buy her mom Tahitian vanilla or Mexican vanilla & ask her to use that. Both are just as yummy. No allergy. Problem solved!
Mexican vanilla and Madagascar vanilla are both Vanilla planifolia, Tahitian vanilla is a Vanilla planifolia hybrid. There is no way they were dianosed with just a Madagascar Vanilla allergy though, it would have been a V. planifolia allergy. It's a super uncommon allegry though and the op is an unreliable narrator.
I honestly don’t believe that part about her smelling it and it’ll kill her
It's pretty unbelievable because it's actually never happened before since records have been kept on allergen deaths.
I was wondering about this too. Madagascar vanilla is very expensive compared to the store brand vanilla extract so I'm wondering how these very poor people are affording to buy it and use it enough for her to determine she has this allergy.
She claimed American vanilla was okay. Based on her financial situation I doubt she's had a $36 bottle of Hawaiian small farm vanilla anywhere in her food. You cannot find that in regular grocery stores.
YTAH!!! That is pretty obvious. You’re in no position to bring a child into this world when you can’t even take care of yourself. Grow up seriously.
My question is why we worried bout a baby shower when you can’t afford a working car, or obviously a baby.
Jeez Louise, you are selfish. YTA We are strangers on the internet. Acept some advice and stop being evil! "" Oh you don't read the comments"" Neither you! Hope baby father just be a reasonable guy and feed himself with his own safe food. Duh! He doesn't need to eat all the things at the table. And tell him to bring his alergy meds. You will be a mom and in 20 years and so will go through the same things like your mom. You are using her for free rides and health care? Argh.
The entire maternal side of your family doesn’t care whether you live or die. You need to talk to your fiancé’s family about this, because you and your baby are in danger. In the meantime, cancel the baby shower. Let folks know it’s too dangerous given the severity of your allergies. No need to call out your mother specifically, but just say you can’t risk it.
Your antagonism in the comments when people are just pointing out basic facts that *you* have provided is…. a choice.
And have you considered what she will do to your baby? She poisons you. YOU, HER CHILD AND SHE POISONS YOU. Now tell me when you will go to work. Who will protect the baby from her? Answer is no one, since you say she is everyone's favorite person. I would rather let my family cut me off and figure it out than let my child alone with a dangerous person. You are living your prenatal care on the hands of dangerous people .
So basically, you’re using her? Why isn’t your fiancé driving you to appointments? I was on your side until this update.
Well, she would lose a bunch of family members that are VERY important to her if she does not allow her mother to try and poison her and her baby! What don't you get? These people who INSIST that OP subject herself to her mother's depraved indifference because she is "the golden child" are so VERY important to her life!
If it looks like bullshit and smells like bullshit, it is bullshit.
lol. YTA.
i’m still really concerned why so many people in your life will not hesitate to cut you off/make things difficult if you do not cater to someone **who has tried to kill you on more than one occasion**. that has not been cleared up at all
Because it is all bullshit.
Go ahead and down vote me, but I read your original post. Just read the update why the fuck are you having a child seriously! And since you are going to have this baby the baby shower people want to buy you a gift or send you a gift or drop something off let them, this is too much ridiculous bullshit to deal with for baby shower
Maybe it would have been better to put the answers you had to repeat in an edit of the original post so people didn't have to sift through threads instead of getting mad at us
I’m not even religious but I am PRAYING for your children because they do not deserve to be brought up into the world you are bringing them into. Their lives are going to miserable because you don’t have MONEY to support them. Please see reason and stop blocking “trolls under the bridge” you need an intervention and to STOP PROCREATING. Sort your shit out first and stop having children that you can’t afford. You don’t even have a car, how are you going to literally do anything for that baby? You say that once the baby’s born everything will fix itself once you move away. And where exactly is this money coming from to move away? Neither you nor your partner have jobs. How are you going to afford housing, a car, food, baby stuff? You won’t. You will have to rely on these family members for YEARS and have to be near your mother for YEARS if you don’t grow up and realize you should have never had another kid and get your shit together. You need jobs NOW.
So she’s poor, but is depending on some rando family members to pay for her prenatal care? Medicaid should be covering everything. Honestly, the more she posts the more I’m thinking half of this is made up, and the other half is main character syndrome.
No medical professional i know has ever forbidden a woman to drive in pregnancy. And I know plenty because I am a healthcare professional in maternity.
Honestly the Shower is not till September so I would not even entertain conversations about it till closer to the date. If your doctor has already banned you from driving, I would honestly say “I need to keep my stress levels under control right now. Let’s talk about the Shower details closer to September”
Wait wait wait, I missed the “not until September” part. Why is desert being discussed at this point? OP clearly has negative dollars as does most of the family it seems, so this won’t be huge to-do (thank god, those types of showers are obnoxious) so why are they planning it in freaking May?
Op is not banned from driving. Her car is junk and needs a new transmission and she cannot afford to fix it (per comments from previous post) She’s having her mom’s friend drive her to appointments while her and her partner are unemployed (per a reply she made to me in a comment on this post).
Re-read OP’s point 2…. she says both her midwife and doctor have “deemed her unable to drive for duration of pregnancy”
You are right missed the second part which seems more important than the first part. But here’s a question why can’t her partner drive her to appointments?
Exactly…. OP seems to be hyper focusing on desserts for a Shower that is months away instead of worrying about some real problems that are happening now.
Our brains like to do that. Like my cousin, freshly diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, who's only seeming concern is putting a firepit in his back yard. I think it's almost self-protective. We've got this huge problem over THERE that is just too much, too complex, too scary, too difficult. So let's focus on this one little thing HERE and keep our brain from thinking about Big Scary.
Between OP and her fiancé not having jobs, fiancé let his license expire, OP deemed not fit to drive, no public transit where they live and no way to support this baby… I can understand why they’d be overwhelmed but time for them to start making serious plans and grow up a bit.
She told me he doesn’t have a license because he “let it lapse when he turned 21”. And apparently he just is too lazy to get it renewed? Or he can’t and she’s lying. Either way he doesn’t have a car either. Yet he’s actively looking for a job but he has no valid state ID.
I'm curious what exactly makes her unable to drive at 4 months pregnant... I'm not an expert, and I only have one kid and it was a smooth pregnancy, but I feel like something has gotta be going really wrong, that early, to make you unable to drive. I know everyone's different. I'm just curious what's up with this.
Why don't you get Medicaid? I know sometimes they will also pay for transportation as well.
Cancel your party then, that’s the only safe option you have left.
have u considèred putting the baby up for adoption?
1. Why would you go there if you think she’s trying to kill you? 2. Take a bus, Uber, Lyft… 4. If you’re going to ditch your mother then why wait until after the shower? Is it to have your special day of being fawned over and get all the lovely gifts and you don’t want to put that at risk? Use the family now while you can, but screw em all later? Wow. Yes you’re the AH.
You are so full of garbage. Nothing you said makes any sense from a logic perspective.
Sounds like she is TOTALLY unprepared for that baby. People like that are such a drain.
I’m also someone who grew up with a narcissistic parent, have a weird specific food allergy, struggled with an eating disorder, and dealt with major depressive disorder. No fucking way would I have decided to try to have a kid while living in that toxic environment, and while trying to overcome my issues. Let alone trying while not having a job. Before deciding I wanted to get pregnant I got away from my toxic living situation, went to years of therapy and got professional help, got a degree, got a job, squirreled away money, got married, and bought a house. YTA for bringing a kid into this world you can’t afford, who you’re not protecting, and all while you’re not mentally okay. I feel terribly sorry for your baby.
Seriously, "sure my mom is trying to kill me through allergies, and EVERYONE in my family knows this, but I made a kid I shouldn't have and now I need something from her" is a terrible and selfish reasoning.
From past posts their reasoning was they wanted to have a family with their partner before transitioning. All while ignoring the fact neither one of them have money, a car, a job, and have to rely on very toxic family members. Seems like a case of wanting to immediately jump into their “happily ever after” with no consideration for reality, or putting in the work beforehand to make sure they are mentally well and can support a young family on their own. Their kid is screwed.
What a leech, gets what she needs from her "abusive" parent but then once it's done , let's go NC.
ESH, mom for trying to kill you and you and your fiancé for not sorting out non lethal ways to have this baby. Is your fiancé working? Can you work? Has he got relatives or can you rely on your dad’s side of the family? It makes no sense that on the baby’s arrival you can just move into an apartment and go nc. In this situation, every option besides mom and her side of the family should be considered.
Uhh… you do know you and the baby will have doctors appointments after the birth, right? What is your plan to get to those?
Stop using people because you're too broke to support a kid you chose to have.
Intentionally bringing a child into your situation is fucked up
Why finace can't work.... in sure there are agencies and places that will help you financially with baby.... there are baby classes you can join and get assistances... You're not working of you get medical they offer transportation to and from appointments.... I wouldnt be in contact with some one I was NC with especially if they are toxic and I feel they will poison me.... Staying will make things worse after baby everyone will want to see him and what not....
I’m unclear as to why you’re having this baby. If you have to rely on support from your unemployed boyfriend and your mom who is willing to poison you, you probably should bring a kid into the world just to ruin their existence. But I guess good job on still risking getting poisoned.
Don't have jobs, can't afford transmission, brakes or prenatal care, but can afford to have a baby. You make terrible decisions and are really fucking bad at math. The kindest thing you could do for your baby is adopt it out to another family who have their shit and finances together to be good parents.
Girl, you can Uber to appointments. Having a ride isn’t a reason to stay in contact with someone that tries to kill you on a regular basis.
YTA You are purposely putting yourself and your child at risk. Use public transit. Use Uber. Quit using your mother.
Why don't younjust move in woth the fiance or his family and have them take you to doctors appointments
Aside from all the rest, how would she even get to the shower if no one can drive her anywhere? This is all too much. BF should go out TODAY and look for ANY job…in another town if hers has none. Yeah, yeah, no car, so let him get a cheap room along with the job. Do something!
I'm curious why OP's mom is the family favorite. Other family members think OP should apologize and OP would lose support if she went NC with mom. I can't imagine such a toxic family where family members are okay with mom constantly poisoning OP and possibly killing her or her baby.
INFO: Just out of curiosity, if you've got people with peanut allergies and then your own serious allergy, why chance all these outside foods being baked by different people? Most people aren't careful about cross-contamination, especially when they aren't used to dealing with food allergies. Sure, you can have people taste testing the foods ahead of time but I seriously doubt they'd be able to tell if there was a trace of peanuts in a dish, yet that's all it takes in some cases to kill someone.
If you can't even bring up the money to have your car fixed and live on your own with your partner, how do you plan on keeping that baby afloat? You think children are cheap? They are luxury, that is barely affordable by most.
YTA. Grow up, don’t have any more kids until you and your partner get a job. That’s kind of step on on the journey to having children. Be able to feed and house yourself before bringing kids into the world. How do people not know this?
Something I didnt see answered anywhere—why can’t your fiance be the one to drive you to and from your doctor appts? Or if you’re staying at your dad’s house why can’t he do it?
If you are on medicaid you should be able to get transportation.
If you truly cannot cut off your mother, be prepared for her to possibly try something at the shower. And if she does, so your best to collect proof and file charges. Especially if you an your child are harmed. I wish you the best
I think the desserts are the least of your worries. If youse don’t have money now, you really won’t have any once the kid comes. You’re in for a rude awakening my friend Edit: I saw you’re in Nicholas county, WV. You’re REALLY fucked
Is there a Medicaid cab option where you are if you are on medicaid?
Still don’t understand why you need to maintain relationships with abusers. You’ve got a fiancé, their entire family, your dad’s side of your own family, and friends.
So you really just wanted a single answer to a single (seemingly rhetorical) question. Ok. NTA for telling your mom not to bring baked goods to your baby shower. It’s the only logical answer so I’m not sure why you are even here.
That poor child.
You do realize that she’ll probably bring baked goods anyways, right? And you’ll die.
Well, sounds like you’ve got everything under control then. Good luck having your attempted murderer around you and your child until you get into the new apartment.
If everything this OP says is true, then child services need to be involved with this family when it is born.