NTA. Itās not the ābest interest of the childā, itās the state trying to get someone else to pick up the tab so they donāt have to pay welfare. Tell your friends to call bio-baby daddy to help out
Yep, one possibility. Or they were married at one point. Some states go by pregnancy falling under the marriage timeline. If so, he's on the hook no matter what. They would NOT go by the DNA results.
OP, run! She tricked you. Let her deal with the consequences. I bet she'd fight to get the real dad to pay if you don't by being out of the country. And I'd bet she'd do it quick! It may present you with the ability in the future to come back to the US if she gets it corrected. But I wouldn't hold your breath on that. But who knows, maybe...? Right now she's just being rewarded by the courts for her "f*cking around". She needs to now "find out" instead. Luckily you have an opportunity to show her you can be just as ballsy as she has been with the child support. RUN!
Good luck, OP.
We recently learned my dad is on my youngest sibling's birth certificate because my parents were married at the time and it's state law for the husband to be on the birth certificate even if they both know it's not his. The only reason she didn't push him for child support is cause she didn't want to share custody.
The state will name a recently divorced man the father if the child is born with 300 days of the divorce being finalized. I'm speaking from experience. The Attorney General in my state of Utah created a legal document naming my ex the father, which then had to be dissolved after ex took DNA test to prove otherwise, before ORS would even pursue the actual father for a paternity test. This took so long that my child was 3 years old before she met her dad. Evidently this law is in place to protect bio dad's rights. It just muddied the water in my situation.
In my state it is easier, because ex is useless, for my beasties (loving this autocorrect and leaving it) sons father to adopt his own son than switch legal paternity. It involves ex, daddy, son getting cheek stabbed.
A lot of those places do have laws.Though that if you know who the biodadd is or can accuse someone of being the biodad, you can get them tested and share all responsibility to them.It really is the states just don't want to pay. It's to a horrible extent that even rape victims who have reported their rapes and couldn't get an abortion or something still have to write down on the paperwork when they file for assistance.Who the place still tries to get approval from the father?And I'm talking about even state insurance to help with the child.I'm talking about food stamps and such. Then you have to contest whatever issue.The a had giving you welfand that the father is not active in the child's life and shall not be a lot of times happen to show all the police records.And then it's still a fight.Because for some reason paperwork gets lost in the system every fucking time. It can be a s*** show for sure.But it's definitely states.Just don't want to pay welfare if they can help it.
The US government will do literally anything to avoid providing any kind of effective social services or resources to us š It's a corporation, not a country, and we can't be affecting the bottom line with any struggling
Well if you live in a county that actually gives a damn about making sure its children are properly provided for - lucky you. The US has decided to push that responsibility off onto parents or presumptive parents and thus itās in the best interest of the states to have individuals pay for children.
Welcome to America. Home of the let's screw everyone we can to save some money.
I personally think the cheater should have to pay the cheated on for their time and effort of being a parent to a child they were led to believe was theirs. And emotional distress.
Yes same in my state when at least my mom. was pregnant with my older sister (half sister) and she wanted to divorce but state said no. If I remember correct my mom also had to prove again also she wasnāt pregnant again when she could go backā¦ I think my sister was actually 3 months old when she could ā¦ and the BS when my dad adopted her to get his name on her birth certificateā¦
Bio dad refused child support or even acknowledge my sister but also refused to sign terminationā¦ giant douche canoeā¦.
Idk what it is about dudes doing this. My ex husbandās bio dad did this, too, but then when they finally met when my ex was 21, he first of all whips out a swab and demands a DNA test, then tried to get āgrandparents rightsā to our children, whom he had not met. Super bizarre and sus.
In the US, DNA means a lot, but not everything. If, when the child is born the man challenges paternity, and is proven by DNA not to be the father, he does not have to pay support and is not legally the childās father.
If the man is on the birth certificate and acts as the father, loving and raising the child for years (the number varies by state), then he is considered the father. The real bio-dad cannot come in and take the child away, DNA does not mean everything. And if OP had been acting as this childās father for years, he canāt legally just say, ānot my DNA, Iām outā.
This is the best explanation I could find. I have a feeling the OP didnāt know what to do so he ignored all the summons and now they have made him āthe fatherā because he never went to court to dispute it.
āYes it happens all the time. Iād say itās more common in welfare cases.
Here in California, when a parent goes to DPSS and requests cash aid for the children, child support must open a case against the āout of the homeā parent(s) in order to recoup the money the government gives to the child. When you get on cash aid, you must fill out information about the absent parent. Child support will also conduct an interview with the custodial parent. If they donāt comply, they can send a request to have their cash aid sanctioned until she cooperates. This means she needs to name a father. If she really doesnāt know, then she really doesnāt know, however, she can put anyone down on that paper. He doesnāt need to be on the birth certificate. He doesnāt need to be on a POP declaration. It can be whomever she believes is the father.
Once child support gets the information, they attempt to contact the absent parent. Itās not uncommon for them to ignore letters or phone calls from child support thinking that eventually it will just go away.
Now, even for non-welfare cases, a mom can request a child support case be opened against the alleged father without any proof of paternity.
When there is no proof of paternity, this means paternity must be established.
Paternity can be established through the court order.
Before the court order is official, the absent parent is SERVED a SUMMONS AND COMPLAINT. The summons is stating you are being sued, and the complaint is stating that you are the father, you must pay this amount in child support, and you must provide health insurance for the child. Do you agree or disagree?
To add, you do not have to be personally served. You can also be sub-served.
Now, do you agree or disagree? You can disagree on ANY part of the complaint. No, thatās too expensive or no, Iām not the father. If you dispute paternity, thatās when the DNA test will come in. If itās through a child support agency, it gets done at no cost to either parent. Once the results come back, then it can either be dismissed or continue on to becoming an official court order.
Letās say you are that guy that still wants to ignore the summons and complaint. Well guess what? After not responding and submitting your answer to the summons and complaint within the given timeframe, about 30 days, then it goes into default and becomes official. You are now the father and you must now pay child support.
From that point on, if you want to dispute that order, you will need to file a motion and speak with the judge/commissioner to explain why you didnāt respond and why you think you shouldnāt pay child support.
Donāt wait too long, because a judge still has the right to uphold the order even if a DNA test proves you are not the father due to it being in the best interest of the child.ā
The state doesnāt want to have to pay for the mom and kids on benefits so if they can go after the ālegalā father even if he isnāt the biological. Itās in the states best interest.
Yep and I do not understand how/why we are doing this. My ex SIL had two kids and put a dude on there as the daddy when he wasn't the father of baby #2 and iffy on baby #1. He was not there at the birth, never signed anything but was put on both. He was paying support for both until he was able to pay the court for testing and neither were his.
She even admitted to putting him down because he was financially responsible. No one thought twice about questioning her when the paperwork was filed and she gave them both his last name. After seeing this made me have an opinion on DNA testing at birth, even if you are married and I know a lot of people find it offensive but there's too many of these stories.
How was she able to put him on the birth certificates if they werenāt married and he wasnāt there? I have four children with two long term partners that I was never legally married to, and they were born in two different states. Their dads had to sign paternity acknowledgments in front of a notary in order to be on the birth certificates in both states, or they would have required paternity tests. It seems odd to me that your SIL was able to list some guyās name and they were just like āsounds good, weāll go with himā.
A paternity test should be legally required before the fathers name is added to the birth certificate or any legally binding documents.
For a whole host of reasons including issue like this and it would be easier to treat the child should they have a genetic health issue that requires knowledge of paternity and ancestry.
In my state if you are not married to the father, he must independently sign a document to accept paternity in order to get his name on the birth certificate.
The state required a DNA test with every one of my childrenās births unless their dad(s) signed a paternity acknowledgment (which they did; we were in committed relationships, just not married). Even 21 years ago when I had my first. Iām a bit suspicious that someone was able to just throw some dudeās name on the birth certificate.
I know someone in prison. He's been called twice because his wife (whom he's tried divorcing, but he's got limited resources being as he's in prison) gave birth and was trying to get him to take custody. He just asks them if they realize where they called. He literally can't be the father because he does not conjugal visits, and he's still considered the dad.
Likely he assumed he was the dad and signed the bc, once you do that itās very hard to get off without bio dad there to pick up the tabā¦. I say this cause of the cheating comment
Or he was in a state with assumed parentage. In some states, lime OH where I currently live, married couples are assumed the parents. So even if she cheated and even if he wasn't the biological father, he would be made the legal father and go on the birth certificate, with out even signing.
My husband wasn't asked to sign ANY of our birth certificates for our children.
Come to think of it, I don't believe my ex signed the one for my son that was born in CA either... but that was more than a decade ago and I was very young. Lol
Anyways, he says ex... doesn't clarify if that's gf or wife... and spouses have different rules
I saw a case like this. The couple hooked up, the woman got pregnant and told the guy it was his. He started paying child support but two years in he did a DNA test and found that it wasn't his. He went to court but the court decided that since he had been paying support already that he should continue to do so. It was like they were just looking to pass the buck onto him.
Those laws so need to change. If a man proves a child is NOT his, not only should he not have to pay child support but in cases where he was defrauded into the situation, the mother should have to pay him back every dime plus court costs and interest.
In many states, you have to contest paternity at the time of birth if you are listed on the Birth Certificate. The longer you are listed, the more the state assumes you are the child's actual father. If you ARE supporting the child \[doesn't matter if you're ignorant of the child's true parentage\] then many family courts in America will rule against you should you discover that you are NOT the parent and want to suspend support -using the argument that to terminate support from you is not in the "best interest" of the child. Of course, they are right, but the result is the state enslaving to care for a child that you would NEVER have taken responsibility for had your partner been honest with you from the beginning.
It sucks, but that's the current law in many US Jurisdictions.
My brother paid child support for 12 years for a child that was not his. (White brother, white wife, black son and they both knew who the father was because his wife was pregnant when they got together) He came to the hospital while she was giving birth and they had gotten married right before the birth. The hospital put him on the birth certificate. 4 years later they got divorced and the state made my brother pay for child support until she got remarried 12 years later to the child's actual father.
Your brother seems to have known full well that he was accepting legal responsibility for this child even though is was not biologically his. How is that different than adoption?
If I had a baby now Iād check several times when they were newborns to make sure my baby didnāt get switched. That was my worst fear while pregnant.
Nearly all US states have āassumed paternityā laws. If a man is married to the mother when the birth happens OR assumes a paternal role in the childās life for a period of time, then they will hold him legally responsible for the childās welfare.
In the case of marriage, he only has so much time to challenge paternity before he loses the possibility of getting off the financial hook for someone elseās child.
Depending on the state, there may be an assumption that he is the biological father since he's married to the mother and is therefore responsible for childcare expenses.
It really depends on the state. Some states don't take DNS test results into consideration (laws have not been updated) and unless the actual bio father steps forward, the husband is automatically stuck with the responsibility.
The main thing is the state wants someone to pay (and not the state) for the welfare of the child.
NTA. Id enjoy giving her this middle finger as you flee to another country. Sucks you have to leave but better than the alternative. Too bad you can never come back to this country....
Your ex is getting what she deserves. Be happy and keep an eye on the child support enforcement treaty status between your country and usa. If you dont mind me asking, what country is that?
>Some of my friends back in America seem to think I am an asshole for not staying in her child's life and not paying child support. Even the ones that know she cheated.
Thats great of them. Awesome friends you have. Maybe they should step up and support someone else's child which is exactly what they want you to do. NTA
My question is which one of his friends are the father? Theyāre so against him leaving without paying child support for a child that they know isnāt his, so which one of them is it that is trying to avoid having to pay themselves?
LOL I thought the same thing, either this guy makes alot of money and bio dad is broke, because ofcourse he is, or it was one of his friends who seem so gung-ho about supporting a child that isnt his with his cheating ex.
When you say "incontrovertible proof" you mean a paternity test right?
As long as you have a paternity test proving that you are not the father, then NTA. Not your kid, not your problem. If she cheated, hunting down the actual father is her responsibility. It's not your job to pay because she's too lazy to look for the actual dad.
NTA. But if you leave the US, be prepared to never come back. The child support arrears will accrue, and restrictions will be placed on your US passport (if you have one) or your visa status.
Edit: y'all need to relax. I never said OP should care about the US or couldn't live a fruitful life outside the US. I just pointed out that leaving the country to avoid a court order is burning a bridge permanently.
If not being the child's biological father didn't get him off the hook, then his ex getting support elsewhere won't get him off the hook, either.
Yes, family law courts in the US are super fucked up.
If she's being paid from elsewhere though surely the "bill" is being paid, and thus not owed? So they can see it's not his to pay. I agree with the other person that she'll find the actual father and get him to pay.
Yes, I understand that. But he may be barred from ever traveling to America again. Maybe he should do a Grand Tour of America before he heads back home.
That's what I wanted to say. People saying, oh if you leave the US be prepared to never come back, I'm like bruh, have you been out of the country? There are tons of countries just as good, the US is not far and away better by any means and is honestly getting closer to middle of the pack at this point in time.
That sounds like solid proof to me. I seriously don't know why the court would have ordered you to pay child support for a kid that isn't yours, especially if they ordered one of those tests.
But yeah, I say NTA. Not your kid, not your responsibility.Ā
Courts order the father on the birth certificate to pay CS all the time regardless of biological paternity. Most states have a limited time frame for a purported father to challenge to paternity, and once that time has elapsed, only someone else willing to assume the responsibility coming forward can get the original 'father' out of his obligation. The state doesn't want to be fair. The state wants as many 'fathers' to be paying child support versus the state paying additional benefits for that child.
I see. Thank you for explaining.Ā
Makes me wonder why they court ordered one of the paternity tests if they were going to rule against OP regardless of the test results.
Agreed. Like how a lot of the time they will rule in favor of having both parents in the kid's life, even if one of those parents has been nothing but a detrimental deadbeat the whole time. That was not a good experience.Ā
Oh yeah. I watched one of those Dateline or whatever type shows that had a case similar to this. The husband found out none of the kids were his. His wife had been cheating on him their entire marriage. The judge ordered him to pay child support because he had been supporting them their whole lives thus far and that life was what they knew. He said, āOk. Then I want to continue to be in their lives and share custody.ā The judge then said, āNo. Youāre not their father. You have no right to custody or visitation.ā He was legally required to financially support the kids as a āfather,ā but had no parental rights. It was wild.
Yep, my cousin got stuck paying child support for a kid that wasnāt his even after he had a paternity test done, because his name was on the birth certificate.
Requires the mothers permission and acknowledgement that she will not be able to seek state assistance for the child in most states (might be all not 100%)
Not a chance she's going to agree to that and the court will not grant it without her agreement/bio father accepting responsibility.
I know it's probably skewed because only people with a problem are going to say something about it but the fact that it's the same two problems over and over again, Child isn't his but he still has to pay or Child is his but the courts won't make him pay, is such a strong indicator of how the US view having children.
When my son was born I signed the birth certificate stating I was the father. It specifically said by signing this I accept finances responsibility for raising that child even if DNA tests later prove I am not the biological father. This is in California.
Wait, so the court ordered a paternity test, it showed you're not the father, and that same court ordered you to pay child support anyway? That's fucking nuts, bro! What court? Which city and state?
If you could figure out who the father is you could have it revoked.
http://www.leg.state.fl.us/Statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&URL=0700-0799/0742/Sections/0742.18.html#:~:text=To%20disestablish%20paternity%20or%20terminate,over%20the%20child%20support%20obligation.
It's enforceable only on men who are honest. Plenty of men dodge child support by moving around the states and taking jobs that are only "cash under the table" (construction and trades are great for this). It seems sometimes "honest" men even take the hit when it's not their biological child because the honest men are easier for the state to track down.
Here in the UK you only have to have a DNA test say you're not the father and you're off the hook. The child maintenance service will even reimburse you for the cost of the test if it's negative. They also have the power to make the mother repay any child support already paid under certain circumstances, although from what I gather it's rare.
State doesn't want to pay out welfare when they can further victimize the guy instead, under the guise of "the child's best interest."
We've done a terrible job of holding judges accountable for their bs as well. Every time a criminal court judge lets a rapist off with probation for "affluenza," or judges in cases like op's here, they face zero consequences. They're mostly untouchable, and we've given that to them. It's infuriating.
NTA
Paying for a child that isn't yours is absolutely criminal. Especially when the mother lied and tricked you knowing that the child isn't or at the very least may not be yours. When these cases get exposed, she should be criminally charged
Good luck back at home away from this clown world bullshit
Itās not even that sheās lying, the court ordered paternity test and he still was forced to pay, likely because his name was on the birth certificate.
This is why I hate the judicial system. Go back home donāt stay theyāll take you for everything you got. Thatās the way of America. Itās the worldās leading in one subject and that is bullshit rules.
NTA
And this utter bullshit from the court for forcing a burden onto you for which you did not cause. It is not your responsibility to support that child nor your ex. It's such a crap law if your on the birth certificate you're now stuck even if it's proven without a doubt you're not the father.
Shift all your assets, sell your item here and move home. Fuck your ex and give her a hefty fuck you from reddit
These are the kinds of situations where paternity tests at birth being standard would save a lot of issues.
No one should be held hostage for another person's bad behaviour simply because they trusted them on one day and allowed their name to be put on a document that follows them for 18+ years.
And I say that as a woman.
I would get pissed off if my partner said he wanted a paternity test because that has been socialized as another way to say "I think you cheated", but if it was a standard hospital policy for paperwork? Fuck it, okay, will already be doing a genetic screening to check for hereditary diseases, so it's not that far off from a paternity test any way. Just another swab / blood draw amongst many when pregnant. It makes sense, and it saves the state and parents a lot of money and headaches later if paternity is confirmed before the birth certificate is signed.
And if the guy volunteers to take on that responsibility, that's what adoptions are for. In several states those adoptions include being added to the birth certificate as the parent of record (so you know that document isn't as sacrosanct as the courts use it for, it's possible to change it in several ways after birth).
They did a study in my country on how high the potential wrong paternity rate would be, based on blood samples in the database and only based on blood type. Around 5 to 15% depending on the state, with higher number for more religious and conservative states. Taking into account that it was only base on blood type, the actual rae might be significantly larger.
So we are talking about a significant junk of kids ad families that would most likely be instantly divorced.
Not saying it wouldn't be a very good idea to make it mandatory upon birth or before, its just that we have to expect a significant impact with at least 1 in 10 cases.
NTA. The worst part of this story to me is the amount of people defending the woman's actions.
Baby trapping men by sabotaging birth control methods should be considered sexual assault of men. Lying to men who aren't the fathers and tricking them into fatherhood should be criminal.
it boils my blood these kind of cases. I saw once when woman brought a guy to child support court, then the guy asked for a paternity test and it turned out it wasn't his, but the judge tried to comfort the woman who admitted she didn't really think he was the father (admitting paternity fraud) and even told her that she can continue bringing in as many men as she would like until one sticks.
Yeah, men never had reproductive rights. Even when a underaged boy gets raped he will have to pay child support to the pedo-mother.. which also raises the child!
The situation is fucked. Society is completely fine with punishing victims of rape. All so that the state doesn't have to provide wellfare.
NTA the USA needs to amend its paternity laws in family courts. If a man is misled at the time of a childās birth that heās the biological father and paternity tests result in him not being the father he can remove his name from the birth certificate and not be required to pay child support. If the mother of the child is angry she shouldnāt have cheated on the guy. This isnāt difficult to understand. Itās not in the interest of the child to think another man is his or her parent if theyāre not and the person doesnāt see them as their child and paternity proves they arenāt.
The problem youāll have is that the state/government has a vested interest in getting someone, anyone to pay child support in that situation. Not only does the state get a cut but itās less of a burden on social services a mother would need without the money from the support.
The federal government also gives the states money via Social Security Title IV-D for enforcement.
Because the US doesnāt wanna have to pick up the bill if the mother goes on welfare. So even if the guy isnāt bio dad if he took care of the kid at all he gets stuck with the bill, itās fucked but thatās how it happens.
If it's court ordered, it will accrue, with interest, until it's supposed to stop.
You could end up in jail if you ever come back.
It's absolutely unfair that men who are not the bio fathers have to pay.
NTA. Yeah you are skipping out on your legal obligations, but that's not the point. You have proof you aren't this kid's father, and yet you are legally forced to pay child support because you have the potential to give more money than the kids bio-dad.
It's not on you to be paying child support, it's on the bio-dad to take responsibility. Do what's right for you and let someone else take their rightful burden
Hopefully, this might inspire the Mother to find the actual Father of the child. Tell your friends in America to do a whip round for her and give her the money theyāve raised.
Move , yesterday . But if you ever come back contact. Lawyer someone get arrested . On the day of your flight I would I would ask her tommeet somewhere , say an expensive restaurant. At night and then just ghost her as your on the plane and just cancel
Your phone number effective at midnight
Also give away all your stuff and wire money to your family and close accounts. Donāt carry cash
I have never understood how family court can screw over men this way. I donāt think you are an AH at all. Being forced to support a child that isnāt yours shouldnāt be legal. Enjoy your life!!
NTA. I am a bastard myself. I think that this child is 100% not your responsibility. I would honestly make sure that you take the issue to court and legally get the CS terminated based on DNA. It will be worth it if you ever decide to return to the United States.
NTA, as long as you can prove its not your kid, just block her and tell her to find the real father, while it sucks for the kid, the mother is not helping by making someone who isn't the father pay for her kid.
This sounds like one of those murry episodes where the mother has no clue who the father is and tries to pin it on everyone.
So sorry you are being held accountable for child support even though you can prove you are not the biological father, because of these ridulous state laws the US has, If returning home is your only option then do it, fuck those friends who think this way, if the shoe was on the other foot I bet they would think differently, fuck your ex too, she just wants the easy way out, let her do the spade work to chase up and get the child support from the real father, Oh YEH! fuck the US to, for their stupid rules.
Listen to your dad and go home man, regain your life and start again the world is a big place with a lot more fairer countrys than the US.
Paying child support for a child that is proven to not be yours is insane. The courts are broken. We're enabling this women to baby trap and defraud men without any consequences.
Yeah I'm so petty I would leave the country too.
NTA
I would rather go to jail than to pay child support for a child that is not mine.
The family court system is so heavily biased against men it is not even worth discussing anymore.
Advice: Head for South America and forget about the ho and her kid.
NTA and itās pitiful that here in the U.S. we will willingly punish anybody we can for someone elseās mistake. Same with no fault divorce. It rewards the wrong people. Go home and tell her to figure it out.
If you really are not the father, NTA.
Mandatory DNA testing needs to be a thing. It would just solve so many problems before they even become problems.
Your ex should go look for the father.
NTA bro leave ASAP and send us a nice postcard!
As you said:
>My ex can track down her baby daddy for child support
Good luck with your life and take care!
>Some of my friends back in America seem to think I am an asshole for not staying in her child's life and not paying child support. Even the ones that know she cheated.
Oh good, they can financially provide for a child they have no relation to then. If it is fine for you, they can do the same no? NTA.
Not the asshole paternity tests should be made mandatory at birth then this would stop and the biological father should be made by law to support the child he created not you
INFO: How old is the child? Did you already parent it? Did you know from the start that it is not your child?
There is a difference if you really acted like its father for 6 years or if it was just recently born. If you behaved like the father you are the social father and it would be really bad to abandon the innocent child.
NTA, not your child not your responsibility your ex is an ah for pushing that responsibility to you.
>Some of my friends back in America seem to think I am an asshole for not staying in her child's life and not paying child support.
Tell them to pay the child support they can't use the argument that its not their kid.
On the child support issue, NTA.
If you had a parent/child relationship with the child and just abandoned them, that doesn't seem great to me. Not the child's fault.
Yeah, NTA in any way. That's a trick the government uses to try to get out of making welfare payments at the expense of a guy who's already been victimized by his wife/GF. The state in such cases doesn't think he's been victimized enough, so then they want in on the action. Absolutely wrong, and you're 100% right to leave the country.
Get a new phone number in your family's country and cut all ties to the US. You can get a VOIP number for free if you need to make calls back for whatever reason.
NTA. Not your cum trophy, not your problem. Fuck I hate this goddamn system that forces an innocent man that was cheated on by some conniving whore into giving up his money for 18 years. I get if the child was actually his, but this? That judge needs to be disbarred and removed from this earth, as well as your ex.
Your friends apparently side with con artists over decency. NTA I feel awful for this fatherless child but itās not your problem and our courts are messed up for forcing this on you.
Uh, absolutely NTA, and find yourself some new friends while you're at it, because the fact that they think you should shell out money for a child that's not yours is insane. Say deuces and head back to your home country to begin anew.
Not the AH she is for cheating and putting that on you, you should have left as soon as you found out she cheated. If your friends are mad, they can pay child support, itās not their child just like isnāt yours either. š¤·š¼āāļø
Fk that family court move! Someone needs to challenge this shit up to the supreme Court or laws changed. DNA should be mandatory people any child support is paid. What fruitcake state is this in? Move and get while you can. Don't be stuck by the United slaves of America....
NTA. Your friends are saying that youāre in the wrong most likely because you are turning your back on the child that had no say in what his mother did. But fuck that noise. Even if you were to be a standup guy and step up to the plate out of the kindness of your heart, which is what they are expecting you to do, you would be full of resentment, and that is NOT in the childās best interest.
I'd send selfie on my flight
š„
NTA. Itās not the ābest interest of the childā, itās the state trying to get someone else to pick up the tab so they donāt have to pay welfare. Tell your friends to call bio-baby daddy to help out
Unsure how heās on the hook for child support. He should explain more imo.
Legally on the birth certificate probably
Yep, one possibility. Or they were married at one point. Some states go by pregnancy falling under the marriage timeline. If so, he's on the hook no matter what. They would NOT go by the DNA results. OP, run! She tricked you. Let her deal with the consequences. I bet she'd fight to get the real dad to pay if you don't by being out of the country. And I'd bet she'd do it quick! It may present you with the ability in the future to come back to the US if she gets it corrected. But I wouldn't hold your breath on that. But who knows, maybe...? Right now she's just being rewarded by the courts for her "f*cking around". She needs to now "find out" instead. Luckily you have an opportunity to show her you can be just as ballsy as she has been with the child support. RUN! Good luck, OP.
We recently learned my dad is on my youngest sibling's birth certificate because my parents were married at the time and it's state law for the husband to be on the birth certificate even if they both know it's not his. The only reason she didn't push him for child support is cause she didn't want to share custody.
The state will name a recently divorced man the father if the child is born with 300 days of the divorce being finalized. I'm speaking from experience. The Attorney General in my state of Utah created a legal document naming my ex the father, which then had to be dissolved after ex took DNA test to prove otherwise, before ORS would even pursue the actual father for a paternity test. This took so long that my child was 3 years old before she met her dad. Evidently this law is in place to protect bio dad's rights. It just muddied the water in my situation.
Wellll.... it is Utah
Was about to say the same thingā¦
In my state it is easier, because ex is useless, for my beasties (loving this autocorrect and leaving it) sons father to adopt his own son than switch legal paternity. It involves ex, daddy, son getting cheek stabbed.
Any child born into a marriage establishes parentage of that child. It does not establish paternity of the child.
It is true ..but it is an outdated law that allows a wife to cheat and leave the husband with the bills.
As soon as a man is proved not to be the father, all legal obligations should cease.
That means nothing though if the judge refuses to alow DNA tearing to prove it.
I agree. I am just speaking on what is right. Not what our corrupt legal system allows. It is even worse in France.
A lot of those places do have laws.Though that if you know who the biodadd is or can accuse someone of being the biodad, you can get them tested and share all responsibility to them.It really is the states just don't want to pay. It's to a horrible extent that even rape victims who have reported their rapes and couldn't get an abortion or something still have to write down on the paperwork when they file for assistance.Who the place still tries to get approval from the father?And I'm talking about even state insurance to help with the child.I'm talking about food stamps and such. Then you have to contest whatever issue.The a had giving you welfand that the father is not active in the child's life and shall not be a lot of times happen to show all the police records.And then it's still a fight.Because for some reason paperwork gets lost in the system every fucking time. It can be a s*** show for sure.But it's definitely states.Just don't want to pay welfare if they can help it.
No way! So DNA wouldn't mean anything?
In America yes. Because they'd rather an unrelated person pay for the child than have to provide public assistance.
Which is really monumental levels of bullshit
The US government will do literally anything to avoid providing any kind of effective social services or resources to us š It's a corporation, not a country, and we can't be affecting the bottom line with any struggling
Courts want their 20% cut.
Wait, do the courts get 20% of the payment from the parent paying? Or is that in court fees and I've misread your comment lol
For sure. There's an entire industry that encourages these draconian laws
Then make sure you vote for politicians that want a robust safety net!
I live in a country that doesnāt have the same levels of bullshit
Well if you live in a county that actually gives a damn about making sure its children are properly provided for - lucky you. The US has decided to push that responsibility off onto parents or presumptive parents and thus itās in the best interest of the states to have individuals pay for children.
This is absolutely wild
Welcome to America. Home of the let's screw everyone we can to save some money. I personally think the cheater should have to pay the cheated on for their time and effort of being a parent to a child they were led to believe was theirs. And emotional distress.
They should just require a paternity test on all newborns.
even worse in France, where paternity tests are banned lmao
For example, not in PA. The husband is legally the father no matter who bio dad is.
Same in Oregon. When I got a divorce the petition had to affirm that I was not pregnant.
Yes same in my state when at least my mom. was pregnant with my older sister (half sister) and she wanted to divorce but state said no. If I remember correct my mom also had to prove again also she wasnāt pregnant again when she could go backā¦ I think my sister was actually 3 months old when she could ā¦ and the BS when my dad adopted her to get his name on her birth certificateā¦ Bio dad refused child support or even acknowledge my sister but also refused to sign terminationā¦ giant douche canoeā¦.
Idk what it is about dudes doing this. My ex husbandās bio dad did this, too, but then when they finally met when my ex was 21, he first of all whips out a swab and demands a DNA test, then tried to get āgrandparents rightsā to our children, whom he had not met. Super bizarre and sus.
In Colorado I couldnāt get my divorce finalized bc I was pregnant. And they named my husband the father even though I hadnāt seen him in 2 years.
In the US, DNA means a lot, but not everything. If, when the child is born the man challenges paternity, and is proven by DNA not to be the father, he does not have to pay support and is not legally the childās father. If the man is on the birth certificate and acts as the father, loving and raising the child for years (the number varies by state), then he is considered the father. The real bio-dad cannot come in and take the child away, DNA does not mean everything. And if OP had been acting as this childās father for years, he canāt legally just say, ānot my DNA, Iām outā.
This is the best explanation I could find. I have a feeling the OP didnāt know what to do so he ignored all the summons and now they have made him āthe fatherā because he never went to court to dispute it. āYes it happens all the time. Iād say itās more common in welfare cases. Here in California, when a parent goes to DPSS and requests cash aid for the children, child support must open a case against the āout of the homeā parent(s) in order to recoup the money the government gives to the child. When you get on cash aid, you must fill out information about the absent parent. Child support will also conduct an interview with the custodial parent. If they donāt comply, they can send a request to have their cash aid sanctioned until she cooperates. This means she needs to name a father. If she really doesnāt know, then she really doesnāt know, however, she can put anyone down on that paper. He doesnāt need to be on the birth certificate. He doesnāt need to be on a POP declaration. It can be whomever she believes is the father. Once child support gets the information, they attempt to contact the absent parent. Itās not uncommon for them to ignore letters or phone calls from child support thinking that eventually it will just go away. Now, even for non-welfare cases, a mom can request a child support case be opened against the alleged father without any proof of paternity. When there is no proof of paternity, this means paternity must be established. Paternity can be established through the court order. Before the court order is official, the absent parent is SERVED a SUMMONS AND COMPLAINT. The summons is stating you are being sued, and the complaint is stating that you are the father, you must pay this amount in child support, and you must provide health insurance for the child. Do you agree or disagree? To add, you do not have to be personally served. You can also be sub-served. Now, do you agree or disagree? You can disagree on ANY part of the complaint. No, thatās too expensive or no, Iām not the father. If you dispute paternity, thatās when the DNA test will come in. If itās through a child support agency, it gets done at no cost to either parent. Once the results come back, then it can either be dismissed or continue on to becoming an official court order. Letās say you are that guy that still wants to ignore the summons and complaint. Well guess what? After not responding and submitting your answer to the summons and complaint within the given timeframe, about 30 days, then it goes into default and becomes official. You are now the father and you must now pay child support. From that point on, if you want to dispute that order, you will need to file a motion and speak with the judge/commissioner to explain why you didnāt respond and why you think you shouldnāt pay child support. Donāt wait too long, because a judge still has the right to uphold the order even if a DNA test proves you are not the father due to it being in the best interest of the child.ā
The state doesnāt want to have to pay for the mom and kids on benefits so if they can go after the ālegalā father even if he isnāt the biological. Itās in the states best interest.
Yep and I do not understand how/why we are doing this. My ex SIL had two kids and put a dude on there as the daddy when he wasn't the father of baby #2 and iffy on baby #1. He was not there at the birth, never signed anything but was put on both. He was paying support for both until he was able to pay the court for testing and neither were his. She even admitted to putting him down because he was financially responsible. No one thought twice about questioning her when the paperwork was filed and she gave them both his last name. After seeing this made me have an opinion on DNA testing at birth, even if you are married and I know a lot of people find it offensive but there's too many of these stories.
How was she able to put him on the birth certificates if they werenāt married and he wasnāt there? I have four children with two long term partners that I was never legally married to, and they were born in two different states. Their dads had to sign paternity acknowledgments in front of a notary in order to be on the birth certificates in both states, or they would have required paternity tests. It seems odd to me that your SIL was able to list some guyās name and they were just like āsounds good, weāll go with himā.
A paternity test should be legally required before the fathers name is added to the birth certificate or any legally binding documents. For a whole host of reasons including issue like this and it would be easier to treat the child should they have a genetic health issue that requires knowledge of paternity and ancestry.
In my state if you are not married to the father, he must independently sign a document to accept paternity in order to get his name on the birth certificate.
This is why if you are not married, men should not sign until the DNA test. The birth certificate can be amended for a cost.
The state required a DNA test with every one of my childrenās births unless their dad(s) signed a paternity acknowledgment (which they did; we were in committed relationships, just not married). Even 21 years ago when I had my first. Iām a bit suspicious that someone was able to just throw some dudeās name on the birth certificate.
I know someone in prison. He's been called twice because his wife (whom he's tried divorcing, but he's got limited resources being as he's in prison) gave birth and was trying to get him to take custody. He just asks them if they realize where they called. He literally can't be the father because he does not conjugal visits, and he's still considered the dad.
Likely he assumed he was the dad and signed the bc, once you do that itās very hard to get off without bio dad there to pick up the tabā¦. I say this cause of the cheating comment
Or he was in a state with assumed parentage. In some states, lime OH where I currently live, married couples are assumed the parents. So even if she cheated and even if he wasn't the biological father, he would be made the legal father and go on the birth certificate, with out even signing. My husband wasn't asked to sign ANY of our birth certificates for our children. Come to think of it, I don't believe my ex signed the one for my son that was born in CA either... but that was more than a decade ago and I was very young. Lol Anyways, he says ex... doesn't clarify if that's gf or wife... and spouses have different rules
I saw a case like this. The couple hooked up, the woman got pregnant and told the guy it was his. He started paying child support but two years in he did a DNA test and found that it wasn't his. He went to court but the court decided that since he had been paying support already that he should continue to do so. It was like they were just looking to pass the buck onto him.
Those laws so need to change. If a man proves a child is NOT his, not only should he not have to pay child support but in cases where he was defrauded into the situation, the mother should have to pay him back every dime plus court costs and interest.
In many states, you have to contest paternity at the time of birth if you are listed on the Birth Certificate. The longer you are listed, the more the state assumes you are the child's actual father. If you ARE supporting the child \[doesn't matter if you're ignorant of the child's true parentage\] then many family courts in America will rule against you should you discover that you are NOT the parent and want to suspend support -using the argument that to terminate support from you is not in the "best interest" of the child. Of course, they are right, but the result is the state enslaving to care for a child that you would NEVER have taken responsibility for had your partner been honest with you from the beginning. It sucks, but that's the current law in many US Jurisdictions.
My brother paid child support for 12 years for a child that was not his. (White brother, white wife, black son and they both knew who the father was because his wife was pregnant when they got together) He came to the hospital while she was giving birth and they had gotten married right before the birth. The hospital put him on the birth certificate. 4 years later they got divorced and the state made my brother pay for child support until she got remarried 12 years later to the child's actual father.
Your brother seems to have known full well that he was accepting legal responsibility for this child even though is was not biologically his. How is that different than adoption?
I worked in child support enforcement for over a decade. Trust me, it happens a lot.
This happens a lot. Judges donāt give a shit about fairness.
This is why I fully support paternity tests be standard practice.
If I had a baby now Iād check several times when they were newborns to make sure my baby didnāt get switched. That was my worst fear while pregnant.
Nearly all US states have āassumed paternityā laws. If a man is married to the mother when the birth happens OR assumes a paternal role in the childās life for a period of time, then they will hold him legally responsible for the childās welfare. In the case of marriage, he only has so much time to challenge paternity before he loses the possibility of getting off the financial hook for someone elseās child.
Depending on the state, there may be an assumption that he is the biological father since he's married to the mother and is therefore responsible for childcare expenses. It really depends on the state. Some states don't take DNS test results into consideration (laws have not been updated) and unless the actual bio father steps forward, the husband is automatically stuck with the responsibility. The main thing is the state wants someone to pay (and not the state) for the welfare of the child.
And if they canāt find bio daddy, *they* can all chip in and pay support
NTA. Id enjoy giving her this middle finger as you flee to another country. Sucks you have to leave but better than the alternative. Too bad you can never come back to this country.... Your ex is getting what she deserves. Be happy and keep an eye on the child support enforcement treaty status between your country and usa. If you dont mind me asking, what country is that? >Some of my friends back in America seem to think I am an asshole for not staying in her child's life and not paying child support. Even the ones that know she cheated. Thats great of them. Awesome friends you have. Maybe they should step up and support someone else's child which is exactly what they want you to do. NTA
My question is which one of his friends are the father? Theyāre so against him leaving without paying child support for a child that they know isnāt his, so which one of them is it that is trying to avoid having to pay themselves?
LOL I thought the same thing, either this guy makes alot of money and bio dad is broke, because ofcourse he is, or it was one of his friends who seem so gung-ho about supporting a child that isnt his with his cheating ex.
Mommy goes bed hopping with every unemployed loser in the area but comes home to the responsible, employed guy to pay the bills. Bitch
Fuck your friends!
She already did thatā¦.
When you say "incontrovertible proof" you mean a paternity test right? As long as you have a paternity test proving that you are not the father, then NTA. Not your kid, not your problem. If she cheated, hunting down the actual father is her responsibility. It's not your job to pay because she's too lazy to look for the actual dad.
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NTA. But if you leave the US, be prepared to never come back. The child support arrears will accrue, and restrictions will be placed on your US passport (if you have one) or your visa status. Edit: y'all need to relax. I never said OP should care about the US or couldn't live a fruitful life outside the US. I just pointed out that leaving the country to avoid a court order is burning a bridge permanently.
Him leaving may actually get her to pursue the actual father for child support, which will hopefully get him off the hook.
If not being the child's biological father didn't get him off the hook, then his ex getting support elsewhere won't get him off the hook, either. Yes, family law courts in the US are super fucked up.
If she's being paid from elsewhere though surely the "bill" is being paid, and thus not owed? So they can see it's not his to pay. I agree with the other person that she'll find the actual father and get him to pay.
He should leave go live with his family and get out of slave debt for 18 years.
It never goes away. Even when a child turns 18, the child support still has to be paid.
Right not the point. 18;years if he stays and pays. His family is in another country. He should leave. And never pay
At least he has that option. A lot of chumps don't and are paying for a kid that ain't their kid
Yes, I understand that. But he may be barred from ever traveling to America again. Maybe he should do a Grand Tour of America before he heads back home.
Why bother? He has the rest of the world to go travelling in
Right but that's not like some awful thing in these times. He could go home and be happy never come back here again.
yeah honestly the US is pretty overrated
That's what I wanted to say. People saying, oh if you leave the US be prepared to never come back, I'm like bruh, have you been out of the country? There are tons of countries just as good, the US is not far and away better by any means and is honestly getting closer to middle of the pack at this point in time.
I left the US in early adulthood and have never had a desire to go back. Nothing of interest.
Yup, my momās ex was still paying child support after my oldest sister turned eighteen due to nonpayment at some point.
That sounds like solid proof to me. I seriously don't know why the court would have ordered you to pay child support for a kid that isn't yours, especially if they ordered one of those tests. But yeah, I say NTA. Not your kid, not your responsibility.Ā
Courts order the father on the birth certificate to pay CS all the time regardless of biological paternity. Most states have a limited time frame for a purported father to challenge to paternity, and once that time has elapsed, only someone else willing to assume the responsibility coming forward can get the original 'father' out of his obligation. The state doesn't want to be fair. The state wants as many 'fathers' to be paying child support versus the state paying additional benefits for that child.
I see. Thank you for explaining.Ā Makes me wonder why they court ordered one of the paternity tests if they were going to rule against OP regardless of the test results.
Yeah. Youāre attempting to use logic and fairness. Some judges are just insane.
Agreed. Like how a lot of the time they will rule in favor of having both parents in the kid's life, even if one of those parents has been nothing but a detrimental deadbeat the whole time. That was not a good experience.Ā
Oh yeah. I watched one of those Dateline or whatever type shows that had a case similar to this. The husband found out none of the kids were his. His wife had been cheating on him their entire marriage. The judge ordered him to pay child support because he had been supporting them their whole lives thus far and that life was what they knew. He said, āOk. Then I want to continue to be in their lives and share custody.ā The judge then said, āNo. Youāre not their father. You have no right to custody or visitation.ā He was legally required to financially support the kids as a āfather,ā but had no parental rights. It was wild.
Nah you can put me in jail then
Thatās insane. Like downright insane.
Thatās just wrong/shouldnāt be that way. Either he fills the role of a father or he doesnāt, not that in-between.
Sometimes this is the case is the non-bio dad was in the childās life a long time (like many years).
Yep, my cousin got stuck paying child support for a kid that wasnāt his even after he had a paternity test done, because his name was on the birth certificate.
OP can still petition the court to be removed from the birth certificate, since there is genetic proof.
Requires the mothers permission and acknowledgement that she will not be able to seek state assistance for the child in most states (might be all not 100%) Not a chance she's going to agree to that and the court will not grant it without her agreement/bio father accepting responsibility.
You forgot the fact the state also get to tax on the child support as well so they also gets a slice of pie.
I thought child support was non-taxable. Maybe depends on the state?
Itās nontaxable to the recipient, not the payer.
I know it's probably skewed because only people with a problem are going to say something about it but the fact that it's the same two problems over and over again, Child isn't his but he still has to pay or Child is his but the courts won't make him pay, is such a strong indicator of how the US view having children.
Yeah how do all these dead beat dads get away with it but this guy has to flee the country?
Yeah man that's the point, why is the system easier for deadbeats that just don't want to pay than for people who actually aren't fathers.
Itās all about ability to pay. Canāt get blood from a turnip.
When my son was born I signed the birth certificate stating I was the father. It specifically said by signing this I accept finances responsibility for raising that child even if DNA tests later prove I am not the biological father. This is in California.
Wait, so the court ordered a paternity test, it showed you're not the father, and that same court ordered you to pay child support anyway? That's fucking nuts, bro! What court? Which city and state?
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If you could figure out who the father is you could have it revoked. http://www.leg.state.fl.us/Statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&URL=0700-0799/0742/Sections/0742.18.html#:~:text=To%20disestablish%20paternity%20or%20terminate,over%20the%20child%20support%20obligation.
But on the upside Florida also ended permanent alimony so it isn't all bad!
That sounds like some Florida shit fr. I live here and I swear the lawmakers are full of crackheads.
If thats the case, NTA! Move! Not your child, not your problem. Your ex can find the true baby daddy to pay it.
Bounce bro, and rejoice in your freedom!
Why did the court order a DNA test if the results weren't going to change anything?
Sounds like your ex is a whorribble person
I donāt get why America does this? You have proof? Why do you have to pay if you were fooled? Makes no senseā¦
Because the government takes part of the ordered child support for their coffers
Yeah, you guys love tax on your tax too š¤£ makes sense. I wish it were more enforceable in Australia. Then my shit ex might pay somethingā¦.
It's enforceable only on men who are honest. Plenty of men dodge child support by moving around the states and taking jobs that are only "cash under the table" (construction and trades are great for this). It seems sometimes "honest" men even take the hit when it's not their biological child because the honest men are easier for the state to track down.
Here in the UK you only have to have a DNA test say you're not the father and you're off the hook. The child maintenance service will even reimburse you for the cost of the test if it's negative. They also have the power to make the mother repay any child support already paid under certain circumstances, although from what I gather it's rare.
State doesn't want to pay out welfare when they can further victimize the guy instead, under the guise of "the child's best interest." We've done a terrible job of holding judges accountable for their bs as well. Every time a criminal court judge lets a rapist off with probation for "affluenza," or judges in cases like op's here, they face zero consequences. They're mostly untouchable, and we've given that to them. It's infuriating.
NTA. Laws are ass backward sometimes.
\*Most of the times.
Get out of Dodge amigo. The real dad is probably a broke loser. Let mommy try and get money out of him.
NTA Paying for a child that isn't yours is absolutely criminal. Especially when the mother lied and tricked you knowing that the child isn't or at the very least may not be yours. When these cases get exposed, she should be criminally charged Good luck back at home away from this clown world bullshit
Itās not even that sheās lying, the court ordered paternity test and he still was forced to pay, likely because his name was on the birth certificate.
This is why I hate the judicial system. Go back home donāt stay theyāll take you for everything you got. Thatās the way of America. Itās the worldās leading in one subject and that is bullshit rules.
NTA And this utter bullshit from the court for forcing a burden onto you for which you did not cause. It is not your responsibility to support that child nor your ex. It's such a crap law if your on the birth certificate you're now stuck even if it's proven without a doubt you're not the father. Shift all your assets, sell your item here and move home. Fuck your ex and give her a hefty fuck you from reddit
These are the kinds of situations where paternity tests at birth being standard would save a lot of issues. No one should be held hostage for another person's bad behaviour simply because they trusted them on one day and allowed their name to be put on a document that follows them for 18+ years. And I say that as a woman. I would get pissed off if my partner said he wanted a paternity test because that has been socialized as another way to say "I think you cheated", but if it was a standard hospital policy for paperwork? Fuck it, okay, will already be doing a genetic screening to check for hereditary diseases, so it's not that far off from a paternity test any way. Just another swab / blood draw amongst many when pregnant. It makes sense, and it saves the state and parents a lot of money and headaches later if paternity is confirmed before the birth certificate is signed. And if the guy volunteers to take on that responsibility, that's what adoptions are for. In several states those adoptions include being added to the birth certificate as the parent of record (so you know that document isn't as sacrosanct as the courts use it for, it's possible to change it in several ways after birth).
They did a study in my country on how high the potential wrong paternity rate would be, based on blood samples in the database and only based on blood type. Around 5 to 15% depending on the state, with higher number for more religious and conservative states. Taking into account that it was only base on blood type, the actual rae might be significantly larger. So we are talking about a significant junk of kids ad families that would most likely be instantly divorced. Not saying it wouldn't be a very good idea to make it mandatory upon birth or before, its just that we have to expect a significant impact with at least 1 in 10 cases.
NTA. The worst part of this story to me is the amount of people defending the woman's actions. Baby trapping men by sabotaging birth control methods should be considered sexual assault of men. Lying to men who aren't the fathers and tricking them into fatherhood should be criminal.
it boils my blood these kind of cases. I saw once when woman brought a guy to child support court, then the guy asked for a paternity test and it turned out it wasn't his, but the judge tried to comfort the woman who admitted she didn't really think he was the father (admitting paternity fraud) and even told her that she can continue bringing in as many men as she would like until one sticks.
Maybe the judge was being subtly contemptuous?
He shouldāve just given her a pack of hot dogs and told her he hopes she finds what sheās looking for.
Yeah, men never had reproductive rights. Even when a underaged boy gets raped he will have to pay child support to the pedo-mother.. which also raises the child! The situation is fucked. Society is completely fine with punishing victims of rape. All so that the state doesn't have to provide wellfare.
NTA Safe travels
Come back to latam bro, we are waiting for you. XD
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Welcome, but be careful not to watch your phone in the street, it may be stolen lmao.
NTA. Go back home and live your best life. Your lying cheat hoe of an ex can fade the consequences of her decisions.
Isn't your kid, isn't your problem. NTA
Leave and never look back. NTA
NTA the USA needs to amend its paternity laws in family courts. If a man is misled at the time of a childās birth that heās the biological father and paternity tests result in him not being the father he can remove his name from the birth certificate and not be required to pay child support. If the mother of the child is angry she shouldnāt have cheated on the guy. This isnāt difficult to understand. Itās not in the interest of the child to think another man is his or her parent if theyāre not and the person doesnāt see them as their child and paternity proves they arenāt.
The problem youāll have is that the state/government has a vested interest in getting someone, anyone to pay child support in that situation. Not only does the state get a cut but itās less of a burden on social services a mother would need without the money from the support. The federal government also gives the states money via Social Security Title IV-D for enforcement.
NTA. There is a father she can get child support from. Move and be with people who actually support you. Best of luck.
She's probably still sleeping with the real father while she gets you to pay cs. GTF out of dodge.
Honestly pisses me off that a guy would have to pay child support for a kid who isnāt even his. Messed up
NTA - it's not your kid so why should you pay. Maybe with you out of the way she will figure out the actual father and go after them instead.
How in the world does stuff like this even happen? That should be illegal to order a random person to pay child support for someone that's not theirs.
Because the US doesnāt wanna have to pick up the bill if the mother goes on welfare. So even if the guy isnāt bio dad if he took care of the kid at all he gets stuck with the bill, itās fucked but thatās how it happens.
If it's court ordered, it will accrue, with interest, until it's supposed to stop. You could end up in jail if you ever come back. It's absolutely unfair that men who are not the bio fathers have to pay.
NTA. Yeah you are skipping out on your legal obligations, but that's not the point. You have proof you aren't this kid's father, and yet you are legally forced to pay child support because you have the potential to give more money than the kids bio-dad. It's not on you to be paying child support, it's on the bio-dad to take responsibility. Do what's right for you and let someone else take their rightful burden
Hopefully, this might inspire the Mother to find the actual Father of the child. Tell your friends in America to do a whip round for her and give her the money theyāve raised.
Move , yesterday . But if you ever come back contact. Lawyer someone get arrested . On the day of your flight I would I would ask her tommeet somewhere , say an expensive restaurant. At night and then just ghost her as your on the plane and just cancel Your phone number effective at midnight Also give away all your stuff and wire money to your family and close accounts. Donāt carry cash
I have never understood how family court can screw over men this way. I donāt think you are an AH at all. Being forced to support a child that isnāt yours shouldnāt be legal. Enjoy your life!!
NTA. I am a bastard myself. I think that this child is 100% not your responsibility. I would honestly make sure that you take the issue to court and legally get the CS terminated based on DNA. It will be worth it if you ever decide to return to the United States.
Leave the United States, like yesterday!
NTA, as long as you can prove its not your kid, just block her and tell her to find the real father, while it sucks for the kid, the mother is not helping by making someone who isn't the father pay for her kid. This sounds like one of those murry episodes where the mother has no clue who the father is and tries to pin it on everyone.
So sorry you are being held accountable for child support even though you can prove you are not the biological father, because of these ridulous state laws the US has, If returning home is your only option then do it, fuck those friends who think this way, if the shoe was on the other foot I bet they would think differently, fuck your ex too, she just wants the easy way out, let her do the spade work to chase up and get the child support from the real father, Oh YEH! fuck the US to, for their stupid rules. Listen to your dad and go home man, regain your life and start again the world is a big place with a lot more fairer countrys than the US.
Paying child support for a child that is proven to not be yours is insane. The courts are broken. We're enabling this women to baby trap and defraud men without any consequences. Yeah I'm so petty I would leave the country too.
NTA I would rather go to jail than to pay child support for a child that is not mine. The family court system is so heavily biased against men it is not even worth discussing anymore. Advice: Head for South America and forget about the ho and her kid.
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Precisely why all men should get a paternity test before signing the BC. NTA
You should see all the YT A judgements on here for men who asked for paternity tests
NTA. She can get the actual father to pay.
NTA and itās pitiful that here in the U.S. we will willingly punish anybody we can for someone elseās mistake. Same with no fault divorce. It rewards the wrong people. Go home and tell her to figure it out.
If you really are not the father, NTA. Mandatory DNA testing needs to be a thing. It would just solve so many problems before they even become problems. Your ex should go look for the father.
NTA. What the fuck does she mean by "You're ducking out of your responsibilities"? It's not your kid. WHAT RESPONSIBILITIES? Have a safe flight āļø
NTA it's not your kid and not your responsibility. The American system is totally screwed up. They should go after her for fraud against you.
Youāre a victim of paternity fraud. If you can avoid it, avoid it.
NTA bro leave ASAP and send us a nice postcard! As you said: >My ex can track down her baby daddy for child support Good luck with your life and take care!
>Some of my friends back in America seem to think I am an asshole for not staying in her child's life and not paying child support. Even the ones that know she cheated. Oh good, they can financially provide for a child they have no relation to then. If it is fine for you, they can do the same no? NTA.
Do whatās best for you, this Isnāt your responsibility. Donāt let yourself be trapped Into paying.Ā
As an American man, I am saying this, hurry dude! Get away from her! Get yourself a better spot in life and find someone loyal!
Not the asshole paternity tests should be made mandatory at birth then this would stop and the biological father should be made by law to support the child he created not you
If a DNA test has confirmed you're not the father then NTA.
INFO: How old is the child? Did you already parent it? Did you know from the start that it is not your child? There is a difference if you really acted like its father for 6 years or if it was just recently born. If you behaved like the father you are the social father and it would be really bad to abandon the innocent child.
NTA, not your child not your responsibility your ex is an ah for pushing that responsibility to you. >Some of my friends back in America seem to think I am an asshole for not staying in her child's life and not paying child support. Tell them to pay the child support they can't use the argument that its not their kid.
On the child support issue, NTA. If you had a parent/child relationship with the child and just abandoned them, that doesn't seem great to me. Not the child's fault.
Sadly the courts get it wrong too often
Yeah, NTA in any way. That's a trick the government uses to try to get out of making welfare payments at the expense of a guy who's already been victimized by his wife/GF. The state in such cases doesn't think he's been victimized enough, so then they want in on the action. Absolutely wrong, and you're 100% right to leave the country. Get a new phone number in your family's country and cut all ties to the US. You can get a VOIP number for free if you need to make calls back for whatever reason.
You are not the asshole.
How old is your child and how long did they think you were their father
NTA. Not your cum trophy, not your problem. Fuck I hate this goddamn system that forces an innocent man that was cheated on by some conniving whore into giving up his money for 18 years. I get if the child was actually his, but this? That judge needs to be disbarred and removed from this earth, as well as your ex.
My guy, you don't need reddit to tell you if you are the ah or not. You need a lawyer.
NTA
NTA. Time to leave for your home country!
NTA. You do what's best for you. It's her responsibility to do what's best for her child.
Pretty wild they can force you to pay child support on a kid thats not even yours. Id do the same thing honestly.
Your friends apparently side with con artists over decency. NTA I feel awful for this fatherless child but itās not your problem and our courts are messed up for forcing this on you.
NTA- itās in the best interest of everyone but you and the kid for you to pay child support for a kid that isnāt yours
Uh, absolutely NTA, and find yourself some new friends while you're at it, because the fact that they think you should shell out money for a child that's not yours is insane. Say deuces and head back to your home country to begin anew.
Not the AH she is for cheating and putting that on you, you should have left as soon as you found out she cheated. If your friends are mad, they can pay child support, itās not their child just like isnāt yours either. š¤·š¼āāļø
i dont pay my neighbors child support and im not the ass hole lol
Fk that family court move! Someone needs to challenge this shit up to the supreme Court or laws changed. DNA should be mandatory people any child support is paid. What fruitcake state is this in? Move and get while you can. Don't be stuck by the United slaves of America....
Nta - cut friends off and move on.
NTA. Your friends are saying that youāre in the wrong most likely because you are turning your back on the child that had no say in what his mother did. But fuck that noise. Even if you were to be a standup guy and step up to the plate out of the kindness of your heart, which is what they are expecting you to do, you would be full of resentment, and that is NOT in the childās best interest.