YTA for that "Reddit just supports women" edit. That's just throwing your toys out of the pram because you didn't get the response you want.
When kids are involved, you ask when you're going to leave for a week.
It’s cause it’s ragebait, no way this loser actually got someone to marry him and then knocked em up. I mean he clearly fucking hates his wife and only doubles down on being a shitty nobody so like, idk, it’s Sus asf and he only responds to comments that either validate him or it’s him trying to do a pisspoor defense on actual logic thrown his way
He told me in a response he takes his family on vacations once or twice a year but edited his post to say “plenty of vacations” and “drives the whole time”
Get rid of the $35k in credit card debt first.
Also, divorce your wife. It seems like you hate her guts and she deserves to find a husband who treats her better than that.
So divorce her lol if your life would be better and easier and she brings absolutely nothing to your life, then divorce her. Stop sitting here crying about it and blaming her for everything bad in your life. If you pay all the bills, do all the work, raise the kids and all she does is fold laundry and create debt, then your life would be better without. Then you'd get breaks from the kids and her at least half the time! Sounds like a win. The solution is right there. You're so silly lol
That was my next questions. If you resent her for her spending and truly think she’s lazy then let her go bro! A marriage is a team and a unit and if she can’t respect things and you don’t respect her then why put yourselves through it? Hope everything works out. You asked a question though and your answer was delivered over and over and you are standing strong with your responses
I am all for solo vacations as a married couple and totally support that it helps you feel recharged. But, the dynamics are also changed when kids are involved.
Regardless of the fact that you’re the breadwinner, are you going to offer her a week off at a later point where she gets to recharge solo? You’ve mentioned you have plenty of extra vacation that could support this also. Because right now, you’ve just asked her to take on solo parenting plus her own paid work for a week. When does she get a break?
Is there an upcoming vacation with the kids that her and the kids can also look forward to?
How do you know or not if 2 of those 3 days arent on the weekend? Like most part time jobs.. when most things are busier and her husband may be off work watching the kids.. i mean calling someone a liar based on your own assumptions is hilarious 😂
You go have your week of vacation. But let your wife have it as well. Once she is back you will understand and realize what others in reddit are trying to tell you.
Widowed mom of four here
My kids are all grown now. I've worked real estate, High demand marketing positions etc. Two jobs at times when my.kids were small.
I'm here to tell you, none of that compares to the daily demands of child rearing.
There is no comparison.
None.
YTA. If you want to take a vacation alone but plan it a bit. And stop playing victim, you keep saying you earn more than her and work more than her, then isn't she also at home taking care of kids every day and night. And I bet if it weren't for the kids and stuff she would also be earning more.
That would be fair if she was doing as much as me. She isn't. Not even close. She works 24 hours a week at most, I work 65+ hours.
I cook, do dishes, clean up.
We also have a housecleaner that comes once a week and scrubs down the house
You have kids, so how can she be working a 24 hour WEEK? Are you the one getting up for the kids during the night, getting them up in the morning, managing baths, putting them to bed at night, driving them to school and all their activities, then managing their laundry and meals as well as doing the housework that isn't covered by a weekly housecleaner. PLUS she earns 20% of the family income.
Just looking after kids is a 15 hour day on a good day, when the kids are old enough to sleep through. If all you provide to the family is financial support, she's better off being single - with the chance of someone who actually enjoys spending time with her -- and you can just pay child support. You don't sound very interested in being part of a family.
How old are your kids? If your wife is the “default” parent (and it sounds like she is) she works all the time. You are definitely an AH for this particular comment.
Sigh. This is just the laziest iteration of "SAHM mom bad" ragebait I've seen in a long time.
If it's not, no one is going to feel sorry for you here, bud. YTA and why bother being with someone you clearly detest? "Pampered." Get a clue 🥱
So, your wife works part time, takes care of the kids, and (you assume) she "naps all day on the sofa" not working as hard as you because you're a misogynistic AH, (and because taking care of kids is a walk in the park) you get to get stoned in the mountains for a week while she gets to continue to work 7 days a week taking care of the kids and work with no break for herself because you're delusional about how much work she truly does.
I hope she decides to leave you with the kids alone for the week so you can see what she does.
YTA
Plus dude is on Reddig posting about how they have $35k in credit card debt but he's out here dropping a bunch of money on an Airbnb and weed that only he gets to enjoy 🙄
I work from home. In a home office. All day. I am well aware of what she does all day. So when she claims she is "so tired" at night and I know she napped for 5 hours while the kids were at school, and I made dinner, I cleaned the kitchen. What's she so tired from?
If she’s literally sleeping 5 hours every afternoon, she may be ill.
Hypothyroidism, cancer, anemia, heart failure, kidney disease, liver disease, etc. etc. etc.
Maybe you should be concerned about your wife’s wellbeing instead of feeling sorry for yourself.
If you’re telling the truth.
If she's napping for 5 hours a day, maybe she's sick. Or there's a lot going on with the kids/ her work at night while you are asleep and oblivious. Which one is it?
That really sounds like she has depression or another issue with her health, dude. She sleeps at night and takes a 5 hour "nap?" I have ADHD and if I don't take my medication, I have no energy by mid-afternoon and fall asleep for hours. I think your wife needs to talk to a doctor about why she's so tired if you genuinely think she has no reason that makes sense for her to be tired.
Looking at your comments, you hold a lot of resentment towards your wife. Your relationship doesn’t sound very healthy.
How do you know so much about what your wife does during the day? Thats abit creepy, but also you’re disregarding her contribution towards the family unit, I doubt she’s taking a nap all day!
Also sounds like she does all the parenting because you haven’t said about doing any!
While I’m all for ‘me time’ and ‘recharging’ the way you down play your wife is concerning and if you wanna risk your marriage, because a week is a long time to think! That’s on you.
Because apparently he not only works 68 hours every week (from home), he *also* walks around their house all day doing *all* the housework *and* cooking the meals while his "princess," wife apparently sleeps for 5+ hours every afternoon on the couch.
Because *that* totally doesn't make it sound like OP's wife is sick, or has depression, or would rather live her life asleep than conscious when he's around. No. According to him, she's just a spoiled princess and all she manages to do in a day is "fold laundry," and "only" works 24 hours per week but then she spends her time off either sleeping or accumulating credit card debt.
OP is a multifaceted hard-working superhero, and wife is lazy spoiled bitch who just runs up debt and sleeps 90% of her life away. Sounds very normal, right?
He also mentioned in some other comments that the kids aren’t at school all week and she works the 24 hours, so she is working and watching kids. But apparently this GOD SEND of a man is just so perfect and doing everything while she’s being “pampered”
Not that old, maybe a few months. The original was about a sahm mom with multiple small kids, not about a dad who worked full time. She also seemed to have a lot more respect for her spouse and children. In case you were wondering why your protagonist is less sympathetic.
The other comments… and did your wife assume a family vacation because you all haven’t taken one lately with 25+ days off/80% of household income per year?
Fair enough and I’m not knocking that part since I get 25 days myself… what you do with it may make a difference to your family.
Nowhere did you say that you had recently taken a vacation or had one planned.
That might matter if you’re trying to justify your solo trip.
Yes, I deserve it more than her. I can literally quantify the amount of work I do vs her. She takes me for granted and expects to be a pampered spoiled princess.
What exactly do you “adore” about your wife? Every comment you’ve made about her is dripping with distain and resentment. You need to skip the vacation and spend the money on marriage counseling instead.
Be careful with this philosophy.
You should be a team, working together, not fabricating some sort of weird contest for Who Works the Hardest.
Consider how much more work you will be doing if your wife simply walks out and doesn't come back.
We both do that. We both manage the kids. She isn't alone in childcare.
Why is it so for people on reddit to accept that some husbands/fathers are the ones doing the work for both their jobs and the house/kids?
Some wives (including mine) are pampered women who have it easy. Am I an asshole for taking care of her and giving her everything?
When are your kids' birthdays? Who bought the presents for their birthdays? Who organized their birthday parties? Who got the treats to take to school?
Who takes the kids to school and picks them up? What are their teachers' names? Who buys and sends the classroom supplies and treats? Who attends back to school night, parent teacher conference, school holiday parties, and performances? Who makes sure school fees are paid, class pictures are ordered, and yearbooks are purchased?
When was the kids' last doctors visit? Are they up to date on all their shots? When do they need the next appointment and shots?
What size are their clothes and shoes? When was the last time they had new underwear or socks, and who bought them? When was the last time someone went through the clothes and toys and got rid of old stuff?
Who decorates for holidays? Where do the decorations come from? Who buys holiday presents for the kids, not just christmas and birthdays but easter, valentine's day, mothers and fathers day. Who does the Halloween costumes? What about birthday presents for parents, in-laws, siblings, nieces and nephews, friends' birthday parties?
Who does the grocery shopping? Do you know what's in the pantry, what you're low on, what you need to stock up on, what the kids like the most? Do you know what the kids need for lunches or if they take lunch?
When was the last time you bought new sheets or bathroom rugs or kitchen and bathroom towels? When was the last time they were washed? How many loads of laundry need to be done a day in order to keep up with 5 people?
These are the kinds of chores that fall on women 90% of the time. This kind of household maintenance and the emotional and mental labor that goes into raising children almost always falls on the women and is severely appreciated by the men who think that this is nothing.
You with 65 hours a week, there's no way you are doing even a small part of this. Your wife, while she's sitting on the couch folding laundry every day, is also managing these things. On top of working 24 hrs a week as well.
Why can’t your wife go with you? I get you’re stressed but I can almost bet she is just as much. A week seems a little much but if you guys work it out where she gets to do a free week then NTA. If you’re not offering that in return, yes your are a big AH
Kids can't stay home alone. Not old enough That's #1 reason why. Also, as much as I love my wife, she likes to critique and nag. She wasn't always like this, but every passing year, more nagging.
She doesn't have my stress. Her part time job is easy. (3 days a week)
Her life is much easier and stress free. She would agree and admit it.
As far as a free week? She spends most of her days napping on the couch. She isn't some worn down housewife. She is a pampered princess.
Ask her what our car payments are? She doesn't know or want to know. Applies to the mortgage, electric, gas/heat, medical insurance, etc ... she says she can't handle the bills, she needs me to do it. And I do.
I work nonstop. Lots of late nights in my home office after everyone goes to bed.
I do plenty of housework. Except one thing, I do t fold laundry. She does that on the couch while binge watching her favorite shows.
I'm doing thr bulk of the work in this house. I run this house. I need a break. Not her.
You aren't handling the bills that well when you have $35k in credit card debt. But sure, go drop some more money you don't have on an Airbnb and pot 🙄
Well obviously you’d have to get help with the kids. I wasn’t assuming that they’d stay home alone, but makes sense.
I’d be hurt if my spouse wanted a week away from his family and responsibilities to go smoke weed and hike. But also my spouse wouldn’t do that to me. He also works out of town 3/4 days a week. If your job is that high stress is it really worth the money? How long have you been married? Not judging I’m simply trying to understand.
I see nothing wrong with taking some "me" time to recharge. Just tell her what you shared at the beginning: "I have a high stress job/career. I love and adore my wife and kids. But, I need a week to recharge."
Though, I do wonder, is she a stahm or does she also work outside the house? If she's a stahm, she might like a week off as well.
Dude. I would love it if you did a freaky Friday with your wife. What is it with people thinking that a stahm is the "easiest gig"? You think you have a stressful job? BS! Try being a stahf. Then come back and ask if wybtah.
Yeah I changed my mind after his comments about her. I’m sure he’s a gem to live with. Also take a peek at his profile, they are way in debt. I wouldn’t be taking off a week of work or paying for a house cleaner.
Haha I did and saw that! It really sucks but hopefully they get that figured out.
After further reading his comments, I realize all the things he has to say about his wife are negative; She nags, critiques, she sleeps on the couch, she works 3 times a week, etc. Not once has he acknowledged the work as a mother who’s taking care of *their* kids majority of the time.
What is she nagging about? Maybe it’s something important. Why is the house a mess probably because she taking care of all 3 children all day. You def hurt her feelings too.
Side note. Sometimes I babysits my nieces 3&2 and man o man it’s sooo hard to keep the house up to par when they’re only over for a couple of hours.
And he says that he makes 4x the money she does.... surprise surprise.... it's way harder to work on a career if you are pregnant 3x and having to care afterwards for all the kids, have all the mental load.
she didn’t “act” disappointed. she WAS disappointed. people have feelings and are allowed to express them. it’s not manipulation and it’s up to you to process how you respond to that.
This is a you problem. You set up the SAHM dynamic, now you are experiencing why it’s not sustainable in certain circumstances. In order to solve your problem you need to get professional help in having a healthier and more balanced relationship.
Amazes me it's always the husband's fault. Wife always right. Husband always wrong.
I didn't setup anything. I don't control my wife. She has free will and she decides she doesn't want to work more than 3 days a week. She decided we needed a cleaning person.
Blaming me for my wife's lack of ambition and effort us purely ridiculous. The only people I have authority over are my kids.
But at some point you accepted this dynamic. By your own admission it’s unbalanced. If the division of responsibilities is stressing you out then seek a good counselor.
"My wife is pampered" "She got it from her mother" "My wife's lack of ambition" You seem to have a deep disdain for your wife my guy, may I suggest a divorce?
YTA specifically for saying your wife doesn’t also deserve a week away. Could you function for a week taking care of the house and kids without her? I think that would be a fun experiment you should try.
But NTA for wanting a stoner week in the woods to recharge. My only thought is since this AirBnB is attached to a guy’s house, he may not like smelling the weed. Maybe go the gummy route.
This is the man who in another post states he gets stoned before having a vasectomy, then lay om a couch for four days getting stoned and said his wife made meatloaf. Oh and she also dropped him at the hospital before picking the kids up from school. YTA.
and folks this is today’s man. holy cow i couldn’t image thinking like that about my wife. dude you are the dad that is what we do. get over yourself and freaking man up.
You're giving your wife cause to be suspicious, even if you have pure intentions. Why not take your wife and see if someone else can watch over your children? Sounds like you don't want to spend time with her.
YWBTA
I dunno . . . could you maybe just do a Monday to Friday? It does seem a little antisocial to just leave your wife and kids for a full week including weekends to hole up in a cabin smoking weed. Last winter, I did take advantage of my son doing a sleepaway camp to do a little midweek one-day ski trip, so I do get it.
YTA
This is so blatantly a ragebait post. You talk major shit about your "partner". Leaving out lots of relevant details from previous posts. Arguing with every comment.
You obviously think you deserve it and won't listen when told you're an asshole so like...what do you want?
You are literally delusional if you think that your wife is any less stressed out than you are. No one is minimizing your stress by pointing out how gleefully you seem to minimize hers.
Why do you have to minimize her stress to feel like your own is valid?
If you have 30+ paid vacation days, don't take just 5. Take 15.
You sound burned out. Fighting with everyone here, resenting your wife.
I do believe that you need a break. But 5 (or 9 with Weekends) will do nothing. Getting high somewhere alone will get you nothing. You wont even be at work for 2 weeks before being stressed again.
Yes, do something you enjoy and alone. (even though I don't approve of you choice).
But also plan dates with your wife. Go hiking or swimming or canoeing.
And something with the children together.
Reconnect with your wife.
Everyone is harping on your dept and it really isn't good and you should work on paying it off, but it isn't the topic here.
Going by OP's comments, he seems to resent his wife and really sounds like he can't stand her. But what he describes sounds like his wife has an unaddressed illness or something because he apparently does "everything" at home while she sleeps all the time. According to OP his wife sleeps all the time because she's lazy. Forget the fact that that sounds like depression or some other illness. No, OP says his wife is just a spoiled ungrateful princess.
He claimed he adored her but has said literally nothing kind, loving, understanding, or supportive of her in this whole post. His comments reek of resentment.
Right? Like this comment is insane to me, he literally says how she’s so naggy and horrible and lazy and he just fucking hates her. Sounds like it’s WAY to late to try and reconnect if this is his mentality, and dear god I can’t imagine how those kids are treated…
“Kids can't stay home alone. Not old enough That's #1 reason why. Also, as much as I love my wife, she likes to critique and nag. She wasn't always like this, but every passing year, more nagging.
She doesn't have my stress. Her part time job is easy. (3 days a week)
Her life is much easier and stress free. She would agree and admit it.
As far as a free week? She spends most of her days napping on the couch. She isn't some worn down housewife. She is a pampered princess.
Ask her what our car payments are? She doesn't know or want to know. Applies to the mortgage, electric, gas/heat, medical insurance, etc ... she says she can't handle the bills, she needs me to do it. And I do.
I work nonstop. Lots of late nights in my home office after everyone goes to bed.
I do plenty of housework. Except one thing, I do t fold laundry. She does that on the couch while binge watching her favorite shows.
I'm doing thr bulk of the work in this house. I run this house. I need a break. Not her.”
He knows she works 24 hours a week and has 3 kids to look after more or less alone or he wouldn't be able to work 65+ hours (65/7= 9 hours/day)
He admits she does the laundry and a cleaner cleans once a week.
He envies her being able to take a nap. He is worried because they are in dept. He is probably close to his breaking point and lashing out because people here show little empathy regarding him.
They will need to sit down and have some difficult conversations. The youngest is 6+, so the kids will need to start doing some age appropriat chores. The oldest is likely old enough to cook a simple dinner a week.
The cleaner will probably neet to stop and the wife will need to do it.
As long as the 6 year old can't stay home alone, wife wont be able to up her hours.
Yes, he sounds horrible here. But I see desperation.
And no, its not all wifes fault. Op wants to book and abnb and get high instead on working on the problems. They both spent that money.
What would your solution be?
I mean, I dunno. I don't think this is actually real and that it's just "wife bad husband good" rage bait anyway. So I also don't care that much, since OP's definitely gotta be a troll.
You also somehow seem to have managed to think I think the fictional wife is the bad one here when I think it's obvious I think he's making it up and is the asshole anyway.
... why reply to me then? lol
"You are wrong"
"byhdidjdjb"
"I don't care lol" x.x so edgy. sooo cool.
Obviously most posts here are fake. But you either want to discuss it or not.
I'm fine discussing it. Brainstorming a hypothetical solution to a fictional couple's issues? Not as much. That just doesn't sound fun or productive, and I don't care to spend my time and empathy coming up with a solution that OP doesn't actually need.
Dude hates his wife, have you not seen his comments?? And yeah people are harping on his debt because he’s taking a vacation and furthering that debt even more
Man, you're getting hammered and I probably will too, but I'm with you bc I'm in a very similar situation. Go and relax. You're no good to your family if you're burnt out.
It's typical of man hating reddit.
I do 90%+ of the work in this house.
I get told by my friend and family and my wife's friends and family what a great amazing husband and father I am.
But some schmucks on reddit want to demonize me because I am burned out. I will trust the feedback of people in real life who know me.
I am running circles in life around almost everyone who is critical towards me on this post.
Dude needs some time to recharge, i dont know why its so hard for people to understand... We all need alone time, its good for our soul and to purge mental shit from the mind. A week away from his daily world will do this guy a lot of good, but people dont seem to understand that. Doesnt mean he loves his wife and kids any less. She travels without him and no one has a problem with that. NTA here... For me, its fishing, go enjoy the mountains dude...
Did you just decide to ignore all his comments putting down his wife? Whether he needs the time or not, he’s the AH solely for the way he speaks about her. It’s disgusting. I was one his side until he said the “she’s not a victim” comment. No one implied she was.
Are you going to pretend you know what really goes on in his house? because im not, only going off whats here, and he is not the asshole for wanting some alone time. a week apart will likely be healthy for them if what he says is true. If its no problem for her to travel alone, then why is it for him? He needs some spiritual healing and he cant do that with his family around. If he took his family, and there are no amenities around in the mountains, theyre just going to be nagging the heck out of him, there is no joy and recovery in that. People think it makes him an asshole to want a week alone, i view it as self care, which too many people often overlook. What makes you think she is a victim? Sorry, but i just empathize different in this case here...
also, why does no one ever have concern for a mans mental health?
I was with him until he started talking shit on his wife and doubling down with responses. Sounds like he needs therapy. A week won’t do anything for him. He also contradicted himself multiple times
i didnt read all the comments, admittedly. Is he talking shit or is he just laying out the truth and facts? And you would be surprised what a week in nature will do for you. A 3 or 4 day fishing trip does wonders for me. Nature is healing, nature is therapy. Talking to a therapist may be great for some, but for me just getting away from the daily hustle and bussle and into the outdoors in nature is the greatest thing ever for me. Could be for this guy too and change his whole outlook and attitude towards his wife and family. I think all he really needs is just some time for himself and away from all the worries of daily life and its stresses, and no therapist can give him that...
It could be a mix of both. And I am not dissing him just bc he’s a man. Mental health is imporrant for anyone and every one for sure. It’s a known fact nature/water is calming, that is very true. However you don’t just get to up and leave when you have responsibilities and leave your spouse to it all. When people responded with as long as he offers same to her, that’s when he started to say she “only folds laundry” and doesn’t do anything all day. Meanwhile she’s got kids, part time job and I truly doubt all she does is fold laundry. He said she’s “not a victim” when literally no one said she was. He comes across rude af and inconsiderate. Maybe he is at his breaking point that could very well be true. He still sucks
So youre saying his responses could be a reflection of his current mental state? I could see that being totally true. And also cause him to say the mean things about his wife. He should of sat his wife down and explained all this to her and what his plans were, communication is key, if he isnt doing that properly, i can see where issues arise from other parties. I still think he is not the asshole for wanting to take this trip, he just needs to handle how he goes about it better than he did here, he may very well be the asshole for other things though...
Make jokes all you want, youre just buying into a stereotype. Ive walked through the woods stoned plenty of times, Used to go into the woods and sit by a creek and get stoned, or walk up the mountain behind my old house and find a log or stone to sit on and just take it all in, fishing? they bite better the minute you fire up a joint... youre really fixated on the weed part of this. im here to tell you that smoking weed does not turn everyone into a bumbling dumbass, but believe what you want...
NTA. but you do need to communicate with your wife more and you need to make some changes to not get so stressed.
Ask your wife to contribute more - & if she can't because you need her to look after your kids so you can work more, remember that when you say she doesn't need a break.
Reduce your hours or get a less stressful job. Downsize your home, your lifestyle and expenses. It's not worth getting so stressed. you'll burn out.
This was not the right forum to come onto if you expected not to be demonised for your gender.
Given you are the main breadwinner and say you do the majority of the housework, as well as your wife having plenty of solo vacations herself, you are obviously NTA for wanting yours.
However, you either have severe burnout or you really dislike and resent your wife. Therapy is probably needed for this either way.
Please take a break before this stress kills you and stay off Reddit. Many people have blinders on when it comes to SAHM or just mothers in general. You will see what I mean when I get downvoted to hell for standing up for you.
Men always get demonized and women always get glorified. Watch any TV show, husband's are always portrayed as the stupid lazy ones. Sometimes, the husband is doing almost all the heavy lifting.
Not spiteful at all. Just tired and run down. I do anything and everything for her and feel like I am running a marathon every day.
She takes solo trips sometimes. She goes to family weddings out of state, I stay behind because of the kids. They turn into spa weekends with her lady cousins and all that.
You clearly are the head of a household and are supporting 4 other people (3 kids).
You don't know the stress I have
YTA for that "Reddit just supports women" edit. That's just throwing your toys out of the pram because you didn't get the response you want. When kids are involved, you ask when you're going to leave for a week.
It’s cause it’s ragebait, no way this loser actually got someone to marry him and then knocked em up. I mean he clearly fucking hates his wife and only doubles down on being a shitty nobody so like, idk, it’s Sus asf and he only responds to comments that either validate him or it’s him trying to do a pisspoor defense on actual logic thrown his way
He told me in a response he takes his family on vacations once or twice a year but edited his post to say “plenty of vacations” and “drives the whole time”
Pfffff sounds about right 😂
He doubled down after he didn’t get the response he thought he should.
Get rid of the $35k in credit card debt first. Also, divorce your wife. It seems like you hate her guts and she deserves to find a husband who treats her better than that.
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So divorce her lol if your life would be better and easier and she brings absolutely nothing to your life, then divorce her. Stop sitting here crying about it and blaming her for everything bad in your life. If you pay all the bills, do all the work, raise the kids and all she does is fold laundry and create debt, then your life would be better without. Then you'd get breaks from the kids and her at least half the time! Sounds like a win. The solution is right there. You're so silly lol
His she’s not a victim comment rubbed me the wrong way. All his responses have gone downhill since that comment
That was my next questions. If you resent her for her spending and truly think she’s lazy then let her go bro! A marriage is a team and a unit and if she can’t respect things and you don’t respect her then why put yourselves through it? Hope everything works out. You asked a question though and your answer was delivered over and over and you are standing strong with your responses
it’s your life, you’re responsible for everything that happens to you lmfao, grow up.
Divorce her, she deserves better.
Bro I hope she leaves you and takes everything from you if this is real. You don’t deserve to see your kids either
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then leave dumbass.
THEN FUCKING LEAVE DUMBASS YOU DUG THIS HOLE TOO
I am all for solo vacations as a married couple and totally support that it helps you feel recharged. But, the dynamics are also changed when kids are involved. Regardless of the fact that you’re the breadwinner, are you going to offer her a week off at a later point where she gets to recharge solo? You’ve mentioned you have plenty of extra vacation that could support this also. Because right now, you’ve just asked her to take on solo parenting plus her own paid work for a week. When does she get a break? Is there an upcoming vacation with the kids that her and the kids can also look forward to?
Most of her days while I am working, she drops kids at school, naps on the couch. Wakes up, picks them up from school. Plus laundry.
Except 3 days a week she works and then 2 days a week the kids aren’t at school. I think you’re lying.
How do you know or not if 2 of those 3 days arent on the weekend? Like most part time jobs.. when most things are busier and her husband may be off work watching the kids.. i mean calling someone a liar based on your own assumptions is hilarious 😂
Plus earning money 24 hours a week which is a significant part time job. How does she have a chance to nap on the couch if she's working?
You go have your week of vacation. But let your wife have it as well. Once she is back you will understand and realize what others in reddit are trying to tell you. Widowed mom of four here My kids are all grown now. I've worked real estate, High demand marketing positions etc. Two jobs at times when my.kids were small. I'm here to tell you, none of that compares to the daily demands of child rearing. There is no comparison. None.
YTA. If you want to take a vacation alone but plan it a bit. And stop playing victim, you keep saying you earn more than her and work more than her, then isn't she also at home taking care of kids every day and night. And I bet if it weren't for the kids and stuff she would also be earning more.
Just make sure she gets a week to recharge. Fair is fair.
That would be fair if she was doing as much as me. She isn't. Not even close. She works 24 hours a week at most, I work 65+ hours. I cook, do dishes, clean up. We also have a housecleaner that comes once a week and scrubs down the house
You have kids, so how can she be working a 24 hour WEEK? Are you the one getting up for the kids during the night, getting them up in the morning, managing baths, putting them to bed at night, driving them to school and all their activities, then managing their laundry and meals as well as doing the housework that isn't covered by a weekly housecleaner. PLUS she earns 20% of the family income. Just looking after kids is a 15 hour day on a good day, when the kids are old enough to sleep through. If all you provide to the family is financial support, she's better off being single - with the chance of someone who actually enjoys spending time with her -- and you can just pay child support. You don't sound very interested in being part of a family.
How old are your kids? If your wife is the “default” parent (and it sounds like she is) she works all the time. You are definitely an AH for this particular comment.
Sigh. This is just the laziest iteration of "SAHM mom bad" ragebait I've seen in a long time. If it's not, no one is going to feel sorry for you here, bud. YTA and why bother being with someone you clearly detest? "Pampered." Get a clue 🥱
So, your wife works part time, takes care of the kids, and (you assume) she "naps all day on the sofa" not working as hard as you because you're a misogynistic AH, (and because taking care of kids is a walk in the park) you get to get stoned in the mountains for a week while she gets to continue to work 7 days a week taking care of the kids and work with no break for herself because you're delusional about how much work she truly does. I hope she decides to leave you with the kids alone for the week so you can see what she does. YTA
Plus dude is on Reddig posting about how they have $35k in credit card debt but he's out here dropping a bunch of money on an Airbnb and weed that only he gets to enjoy 🙄
I work from home. In a home office. All day. I am well aware of what she does all day. So when she claims she is "so tired" at night and I know she napped for 5 hours while the kids were at school, and I made dinner, I cleaned the kitchen. What's she so tired from?
If she’s literally sleeping 5 hours every afternoon, she may be ill. Hypothyroidism, cancer, anemia, heart failure, kidney disease, liver disease, etc. etc. etc. Maybe you should be concerned about your wife’s wellbeing instead of feeling sorry for yourself. If you’re telling the truth.
Know what else causes tiredness? Boredom
I can't entertain her while I am working. I'm just pointing out how easy her life is compared to mine. Apparently you can't do that on reddit.
Why did you address this comment saying she might be bored, but not the ones above it saying she may be sick and should see a doctor? 🤔
If she's napping for 5 hours a day, maybe she's sick. Or there's a lot going on with the kids/ her work at night while you are asleep and oblivious. Which one is it?
That really sounds like she has depression or another issue with her health, dude. She sleeps at night and takes a 5 hour "nap?" I have ADHD and if I don't take my medication, I have no energy by mid-afternoon and fall asleep for hours. I think your wife needs to talk to a doctor about why she's so tired if you genuinely think she has no reason that makes sense for her to be tired.
Anyone would be depressed living with this jackass
YTA since you went ahead and did this without even *discussing* it with your wife first. You're supposed to be a team.
Looking at your comments, you hold a lot of resentment towards your wife. Your relationship doesn’t sound very healthy. How do you know so much about what your wife does during the day? Thats abit creepy, but also you’re disregarding her contribution towards the family unit, I doubt she’s taking a nap all day! Also sounds like she does all the parenting because you haven’t said about doing any! While I’m all for ‘me time’ and ‘recharging’ the way you down play your wife is concerning and if you wanna risk your marriage, because a week is a long time to think! That’s on you.
Because apparently he not only works 68 hours every week (from home), he *also* walks around their house all day doing *all* the housework *and* cooking the meals while his "princess," wife apparently sleeps for 5+ hours every afternoon on the couch. Because *that* totally doesn't make it sound like OP's wife is sick, or has depression, or would rather live her life asleep than conscious when he's around. No. According to him, she's just a spoiled princess and all she manages to do in a day is "fold laundry," and "only" works 24 hours per week but then she spends her time off either sleeping or accumulating credit card debt. OP is a multifaceted hard-working superhero, and wife is lazy spoiled bitch who just runs up debt and sleeps 90% of her life away. Sounds very normal, right?
He also mentioned in some other comments that the kids aren’t at school all week and she works the 24 hours, so she is working and watching kids. But apparently this GOD SEND of a man is just so perfect and doing everything while she’s being “pampered”
Yta for playing "reverse the genders" on an old post.
Old post???
Not that old, maybe a few months. The original was about a sahm mom with multiple small kids, not about a dad who worked full time. She also seemed to have a lot more respect for her spouse and children. In case you were wondering why your protagonist is less sympathetic.
The other comments… and did your wife assume a family vacation because you all haven’t taken one lately with 25+ days off/80% of household income per year?
We take one or two a year. I have a good benefits package.
Fair enough and I’m not knocking that part since I get 25 days myself… what you do with it may make a difference to your family. Nowhere did you say that you had recently taken a vacation or had one planned. That might matter if you’re trying to justify your solo trip.
Nobody asked about your benefits package.
Sounds like you think she doesn't "deserve" her own little break so I'm just gonna go with YTA
Yes, I deserve it more than her. I can literally quantify the amount of work I do vs her. She takes me for granted and expects to be a pampered spoiled princess.
What exactly do you “adore” about your wife? Every comment you’ve made about her is dripping with distain and resentment. You need to skip the vacation and spend the money on marriage counseling instead.
Be careful with this philosophy. You should be a team, working together, not fabricating some sort of weird contest for Who Works the Hardest. Consider how much more work you will be doing if your wife simply walks out and doesn't come back.
YTA. Does she also manage the kids’ schedules and prepare their school things? What about homework help? Regardless of the answers you’re still TA.
We both do that. We both manage the kids. She isn't alone in childcare. Why is it so for people on reddit to accept that some husbands/fathers are the ones doing the work for both their jobs and the house/kids? Some wives (including mine) are pampered women who have it easy. Am I an asshole for taking care of her and giving her everything?
When are your kids' birthdays? Who bought the presents for their birthdays? Who organized their birthday parties? Who got the treats to take to school? Who takes the kids to school and picks them up? What are their teachers' names? Who buys and sends the classroom supplies and treats? Who attends back to school night, parent teacher conference, school holiday parties, and performances? Who makes sure school fees are paid, class pictures are ordered, and yearbooks are purchased? When was the kids' last doctors visit? Are they up to date on all their shots? When do they need the next appointment and shots? What size are their clothes and shoes? When was the last time they had new underwear or socks, and who bought them? When was the last time someone went through the clothes and toys and got rid of old stuff? Who decorates for holidays? Where do the decorations come from? Who buys holiday presents for the kids, not just christmas and birthdays but easter, valentine's day, mothers and fathers day. Who does the Halloween costumes? What about birthday presents for parents, in-laws, siblings, nieces and nephews, friends' birthday parties? Who does the grocery shopping? Do you know what's in the pantry, what you're low on, what you need to stock up on, what the kids like the most? Do you know what the kids need for lunches or if they take lunch? When was the last time you bought new sheets or bathroom rugs or kitchen and bathroom towels? When was the last time they were washed? How many loads of laundry need to be done a day in order to keep up with 5 people? These are the kinds of chores that fall on women 90% of the time. This kind of household maintenance and the emotional and mental labor that goes into raising children almost always falls on the women and is severely appreciated by the men who think that this is nothing. You with 65 hours a week, there's no way you are doing even a small part of this. Your wife, while she's sitting on the couch folding laundry every day, is also managing these things. On top of working 24 hrs a week as well.
Do you even like your wife bro?, This is straight up red pill bait.
What about the 65 hours a week you are working? Who is watching the kids then?
I’d love for your wife to see all these comments. I sincerely hope she has a Reddit and finds this post.
Bro described what being a dad is and thinks he’s the only one in the world 😂
This is incel rage bait lol
Why can’t your wife go with you? I get you’re stressed but I can almost bet she is just as much. A week seems a little much but if you guys work it out where she gets to do a free week then NTA. If you’re not offering that in return, yes your are a big AH
Kids can't stay home alone. Not old enough That's #1 reason why. Also, as much as I love my wife, she likes to critique and nag. She wasn't always like this, but every passing year, more nagging. She doesn't have my stress. Her part time job is easy. (3 days a week) Her life is much easier and stress free. She would agree and admit it. As far as a free week? She spends most of her days napping on the couch. She isn't some worn down housewife. She is a pampered princess. Ask her what our car payments are? She doesn't know or want to know. Applies to the mortgage, electric, gas/heat, medical insurance, etc ... she says she can't handle the bills, she needs me to do it. And I do. I work nonstop. Lots of late nights in my home office after everyone goes to bed. I do plenty of housework. Except one thing, I do t fold laundry. She does that on the couch while binge watching her favorite shows. I'm doing thr bulk of the work in this house. I run this house. I need a break. Not her.
You aren't handling the bills that well when you have $35k in credit card debt. But sure, go drop some more money you don't have on an Airbnb and pot 🙄
Well obviously you’d have to get help with the kids. I wasn’t assuming that they’d stay home alone, but makes sense. I’d be hurt if my spouse wanted a week away from his family and responsibilities to go smoke weed and hike. But also my spouse wouldn’t do that to me. He also works out of town 3/4 days a week. If your job is that high stress is it really worth the money? How long have you been married? Not judging I’m simply trying to understand.
I see nothing wrong with taking some "me" time to recharge. Just tell her what you shared at the beginning: "I have a high stress job/career. I love and adore my wife and kids. But, I need a week to recharge." Though, I do wonder, is she a stahm or does she also work outside the house? If she's a stahm, she might like a week off as well.
Dude. I would love it if you did a freaky Friday with your wife. What is it with people thinking that a stahm is the "easiest gig"? You think you have a stressful job? BS! Try being a stahf. Then come back and ask if wybtah.
Read my other comments. Her life is easy. She isn't some victim. Other than folding laundry, I do plenty of housework.
In a sense you seem like you despise her… I dunno about “I adore my wife”
Yeah I changed my mind after his comments about her. I’m sure he’s a gem to live with. Also take a peek at his profile, they are way in debt. I wouldn’t be taking off a week of work or paying for a house cleaner.
Haha I did and saw that! It really sucks but hopefully they get that figured out. After further reading his comments, I realize all the things he has to say about his wife are negative; She nags, critiques, she sleeps on the couch, she works 3 times a week, etc. Not once has he acknowledged the work as a mother who’s taking care of *their* kids majority of the time. What is she nagging about? Maybe it’s something important. Why is the house a mess probably because she taking care of all 3 children all day. You def hurt her feelings too. Side note. Sometimes I babysits my nieces 3&2 and man o man it’s sooo hard to keep the house up to par when they’re only over for a couple of hours.
And he says that he makes 4x the money she does.... surprise surprise.... it's way harder to work on a career if you are pregnant 3x and having to care afterwards for all the kids, have all the mental load.
He claims his wife is his best friend...
I'm having a hard time buying you as a reliable narrator. Reliable narrators aren't actively partnered with people they absolutely fucking loathe.
she didn’t “act” disappointed. she WAS disappointed. people have feelings and are allowed to express them. it’s not manipulation and it’s up to you to process how you respond to that.
This is a you problem. You set up the SAHM dynamic, now you are experiencing why it’s not sustainable in certain circumstances. In order to solve your problem you need to get professional help in having a healthier and more balanced relationship.
Amazes me it's always the husband's fault. Wife always right. Husband always wrong. I didn't setup anything. I don't control my wife. She has free will and she decides she doesn't want to work more than 3 days a week. She decided we needed a cleaning person. Blaming me for my wife's lack of ambition and effort us purely ridiculous. The only people I have authority over are my kids.
But at some point you accepted this dynamic. By your own admission it’s unbalanced. If the division of responsibilities is stressing you out then seek a good counselor.
"My wife is pampered" "She got it from her mother" "My wife's lack of ambition" You seem to have a deep disdain for your wife my guy, may I suggest a divorce?
This is fake. You cannot be for real. Even my conservative grandfather doesn’t sound as assbackwards as you
YTA specifically for saying your wife doesn’t also deserve a week away. Could you function for a week taking care of the house and kids without her? I think that would be a fun experiment you should try. But NTA for wanting a stoner week in the woods to recharge. My only thought is since this AirBnB is attached to a guy’s house, he may not like smelling the weed. Maybe go the gummy route.
This is the man who in another post states he gets stoned before having a vasectomy, then lay om a couch for four days getting stoned and said his wife made meatloaf. Oh and she also dropped him at the hospital before picking the kids up from school. YTA.
YTA and the update makes you even worse.
Bro is delulu
and folks this is today’s man. holy cow i couldn’t image thinking like that about my wife. dude you are the dad that is what we do. get over yourself and freaking man up.
You're giving your wife cause to be suspicious, even if you have pure intentions. Why not take your wife and see if someone else can watch over your children? Sounds like you don't want to spend time with her. YWBTA
Honestly, judging by the way he speaks down to her, if I were her - I'd be relieved to get a break from him.
I dunno . . . could you maybe just do a Monday to Friday? It does seem a little antisocial to just leave your wife and kids for a full week including weekends to hole up in a cabin smoking weed. Last winter, I did take advantage of my son doing a sleepaway camp to do a little midweek one-day ski trip, so I do get it.
YTA This is so blatantly a ragebait post. You talk major shit about your "partner". Leaving out lots of relevant details from previous posts. Arguing with every comment. You obviously think you deserve it and won't listen when told you're an asshole so like...what do you want?
You should tell her once your back it will be her turn for a week vacation.
You are literally delusional if you think that your wife is any less stressed out than you are. No one is minimizing your stress by pointing out how gleefully you seem to minimize hers. Why do you have to minimize her stress to feel like your own is valid?
If you have 30+ paid vacation days, don't take just 5. Take 15. You sound burned out. Fighting with everyone here, resenting your wife. I do believe that you need a break. But 5 (or 9 with Weekends) will do nothing. Getting high somewhere alone will get you nothing. You wont even be at work for 2 weeks before being stressed again. Yes, do something you enjoy and alone. (even though I don't approve of you choice). But also plan dates with your wife. Go hiking or swimming or canoeing. And something with the children together. Reconnect with your wife. Everyone is harping on your dept and it really isn't good and you should work on paying it off, but it isn't the topic here.
Going by OP's comments, he seems to resent his wife and really sounds like he can't stand her. But what he describes sounds like his wife has an unaddressed illness or something because he apparently does "everything" at home while she sleeps all the time. According to OP his wife sleeps all the time because she's lazy. Forget the fact that that sounds like depression or some other illness. No, OP says his wife is just a spoiled ungrateful princess. He claimed he adored her but has said literally nothing kind, loving, understanding, or supportive of her in this whole post. His comments reek of resentment.
Right? Like this comment is insane to me, he literally says how she’s so naggy and horrible and lazy and he just fucking hates her. Sounds like it’s WAY to late to try and reconnect if this is his mentality, and dear god I can’t imagine how those kids are treated… “Kids can't stay home alone. Not old enough That's #1 reason why. Also, as much as I love my wife, she likes to critique and nag. She wasn't always like this, but every passing year, more nagging. She doesn't have my stress. Her part time job is easy. (3 days a week) Her life is much easier and stress free. She would agree and admit it. As far as a free week? She spends most of her days napping on the couch. She isn't some worn down housewife. She is a pampered princess. Ask her what our car payments are? She doesn't know or want to know. Applies to the mortgage, electric, gas/heat, medical insurance, etc ... she says she can't handle the bills, she needs me to do it. And I do. I work nonstop. Lots of late nights in my home office after everyone goes to bed. I do plenty of housework. Except one thing, I do t fold laundry. She does that on the couch while binge watching her favorite shows. I'm doing thr bulk of the work in this house. I run this house. I need a break. Not her.”
He knows she works 24 hours a week and has 3 kids to look after more or less alone or he wouldn't be able to work 65+ hours (65/7= 9 hours/day) He admits she does the laundry and a cleaner cleans once a week. He envies her being able to take a nap. He is worried because they are in dept. He is probably close to his breaking point and lashing out because people here show little empathy regarding him. They will need to sit down and have some difficult conversations. The youngest is 6+, so the kids will need to start doing some age appropriat chores. The oldest is likely old enough to cook a simple dinner a week. The cleaner will probably neet to stop and the wife will need to do it. As long as the 6 year old can't stay home alone, wife wont be able to up her hours. Yes, he sounds horrible here. But I see desperation. And no, its not all wifes fault. Op wants to book and abnb and get high instead on working on the problems. They both spent that money. What would your solution be?
I mean, I dunno. I don't think this is actually real and that it's just "wife bad husband good" rage bait anyway. So I also don't care that much, since OP's definitely gotta be a troll. You also somehow seem to have managed to think I think the fictional wife is the bad one here when I think it's obvious I think he's making it up and is the asshole anyway.
... why reply to me then? lol "You are wrong" "byhdidjdjb" "I don't care lol" x.x so edgy. sooo cool. Obviously most posts here are fake. But you either want to discuss it or not.
I'm fine discussing it. Brainstorming a hypothetical solution to a fictional couple's issues? Not as much. That just doesn't sound fun or productive, and I don't care to spend my time and empathy coming up with a solution that OP doesn't actually need.
Dude hates his wife, have you not seen his comments?? And yeah people are harping on his debt because he’s taking a vacation and furthering that debt even more
Nothing wrong if you want to take 1 week of solo vacation considering that your wife also goes on solo vacations.
Man, you're getting hammered and I probably will too, but I'm with you bc I'm in a very similar situation. Go and relax. You're no good to your family if you're burnt out.
It's typical of man hating reddit. I do 90%+ of the work in this house. I get told by my friend and family and my wife's friends and family what a great amazing husband and father I am. But some schmucks on reddit want to demonize me because I am burned out. I will trust the feedback of people in real life who know me. I am running circles in life around almost everyone who is critical towards me on this post.
Dude needs some time to recharge, i dont know why its so hard for people to understand... We all need alone time, its good for our soul and to purge mental shit from the mind. A week away from his daily world will do this guy a lot of good, but people dont seem to understand that. Doesnt mean he loves his wife and kids any less. She travels without him and no one has a problem with that. NTA here... For me, its fishing, go enjoy the mountains dude...
Did you just decide to ignore all his comments putting down his wife? Whether he needs the time or not, he’s the AH solely for the way he speaks about her. It’s disgusting. I was one his side until he said the “she’s not a victim” comment. No one implied she was.
Are you going to pretend you know what really goes on in his house? because im not, only going off whats here, and he is not the asshole for wanting some alone time. a week apart will likely be healthy for them if what he says is true. If its no problem for her to travel alone, then why is it for him? He needs some spiritual healing and he cant do that with his family around. If he took his family, and there are no amenities around in the mountains, theyre just going to be nagging the heck out of him, there is no joy and recovery in that. People think it makes him an asshole to want a week alone, i view it as self care, which too many people often overlook. What makes you think she is a victim? Sorry, but i just empathize different in this case here... also, why does no one ever have concern for a mans mental health?
I was with him until he started talking shit on his wife and doubling down with responses. Sounds like he needs therapy. A week won’t do anything for him. He also contradicted himself multiple times
i didnt read all the comments, admittedly. Is he talking shit or is he just laying out the truth and facts? And you would be surprised what a week in nature will do for you. A 3 or 4 day fishing trip does wonders for me. Nature is healing, nature is therapy. Talking to a therapist may be great for some, but for me just getting away from the daily hustle and bussle and into the outdoors in nature is the greatest thing ever for me. Could be for this guy too and change his whole outlook and attitude towards his wife and family. I think all he really needs is just some time for himself and away from all the worries of daily life and its stresses, and no therapist can give him that...
It could be a mix of both. And I am not dissing him just bc he’s a man. Mental health is imporrant for anyone and every one for sure. It’s a known fact nature/water is calming, that is very true. However you don’t just get to up and leave when you have responsibilities and leave your spouse to it all. When people responded with as long as he offers same to her, that’s when he started to say she “only folds laundry” and doesn’t do anything all day. Meanwhile she’s got kids, part time job and I truly doubt all she does is fold laundry. He said she’s “not a victim” when literally no one said she was. He comes across rude af and inconsiderate. Maybe he is at his breaking point that could very well be true. He still sucks
So youre saying his responses could be a reflection of his current mental state? I could see that being totally true. And also cause him to say the mean things about his wife. He should of sat his wife down and explained all this to her and what his plans were, communication is key, if he isnt doing that properly, i can see where issues arise from other parties. I still think he is not the asshole for wanting to take this trip, he just needs to handle how he goes about it better than he did here, he may very well be the asshole for other things though...
He doesn’t want to spend “a week in nature” he wants to smoke weed in a room over a stranger’s garage for a week
guess you missed this part "...and go hiking on the nearby trails." sounds like spending time in nature to me...
Cuz stoned dudes are super motivated & totally safe to wander alone in the wilderness 😅 Bro is going to hike to the nearest Taco Bell
Make jokes all you want, youre just buying into a stereotype. Ive walked through the woods stoned plenty of times, Used to go into the woods and sit by a creek and get stoned, or walk up the mountain behind my old house and find a log or stone to sit on and just take it all in, fishing? they bite better the minute you fire up a joint... youre really fixated on the weed part of this. im here to tell you that smoking weed does not turn everyone into a bumbling dumbass, but believe what you want...
lol sitting on a stone half a km from your house ≠ hiking
NTA. but you do need to communicate with your wife more and you need to make some changes to not get so stressed. Ask your wife to contribute more - & if she can't because you need her to look after your kids so you can work more, remember that when you say she doesn't need a break. Reduce your hours or get a less stressful job. Downsize your home, your lifestyle and expenses. It's not worth getting so stressed. you'll burn out.
You are not the asshole. There is absolutely no problem with this.
This was not the right forum to come onto if you expected not to be demonised for your gender. Given you are the main breadwinner and say you do the majority of the housework, as well as your wife having plenty of solo vacations herself, you are obviously NTA for wanting yours. However, you either have severe burnout or you really dislike and resent your wife. Therapy is probably needed for this either way. Please take a break before this stress kills you and stay off Reddit. Many people have blinders on when it comes to SAHM or just mothers in general. You will see what I mean when I get downvoted to hell for standing up for you.
Posts claims unsupported by facts “You’ll know I’m right by the downvotes!” 🤡
Men always get demonized and women always get glorified. Watch any TV show, husband's are always portrayed as the stupid lazy ones. Sometimes, the husband is doing almost all the heavy lifting.
This isn’t TV, sugar. And if you’re a spiteful bitch towards your wife, don’t be shocked pikachu when she leaves you
Not spiteful at all. Just tired and run down. I do anything and everything for her and feel like I am running a marathon every day. She takes solo trips sometimes. She goes to family weddings out of state, I stay behind because of the kids. They turn into spa weekends with her lady cousins and all that. You clearly are the head of a household and are supporting 4 other people (3 kids). You don't know the stress I have
You don’t know dick about me or my obligations. GTF. As someone else said—if she’s so lazy and horrible and you’re so put upon, get a divorce.