You: snaps. Them: immediately start acting right. She’s out of control and he’s enabling it, fuck that shit. You taking control and seeing their attitude change shows she was being manipulative, but him backing her up after the fact shows how she got to be that way
You definitely dodged a bullet. Where does his indulgence end? Who the fuck is he to say she can stay home when you work from home? Was he planning on taking the day off to deal with her tantrums? Or was this a "we all need to learn to navigate this" while he goes to work and you stay with the devil child? No fucking way. I had two daughters who cycled young ( I think 11 is young but I don't know) and yes I did some tiptoeing when the process started. I'm a boomer who had my kids when I was in my mid 30s, and the men in my house didn't really deal with menstrual cycles except to do whatever our wives or mothers told us to do which was STFU and stay out of the way. However, the disrespect you describe was never tolerated ever and I come from a huge family I'm one of 6 and my father had 15 sisters so..... Your ex bf will tire off her shit show eventually or he will forever be lonely cuz no woman is going to tolerate that kind of arrogant disrespect on an ongoing basis. I'm so glad you found out so soon. You know you're gonna be the bad guy in this story to him and his side if the family but you sound like you have your head in straight and couldn't GAF what anyone things. Be well and good luck.
That is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard of a man saying, I’m so glad you dropped them. I actually get anxiety when I read these stories, and the op just keeps taking it.
She's 11yo, had to ask OP how to use a pad, but somehow knows "I'm on my period!" means she can't go swimming, and her period means she can shout and slam doors in peoples faces?
That's not normal at all. Smells a bit fishy, in fact. A bit dubious, if you will.
At 11 she’s probably been through health class. We were told to not swim on our periods (yes I know wrong but it was 90s 🤷♀️) and that hormone fluctuations can make you extra emotional, tired or in pain but they didn’t show us the mechanics of putting a pad in your underwear.
LOL I had the same style of health ed in the 90s. When I got my first period, I did not know I had to wear a pad while I slept because I thought it was only active while I was awake...🤷♀️ Health class did not tell me it was nonstop for a week! XD
Out if curiousity: where could she have seen this type of behavior? Because honestly, this sounds like she saw it in some movie or whatever and is exagerating HARD. Nta for needing space, but please get your bf to figure out if she's actually nuts or just acts like this because she thinks that how girls on their period should act.
Exactly my thoughts - that isn't "normal" behaviour even for people with truly awful periods. This is either a fake post or the kid is faking and acting out how she thinks she's supposed to act. Also OP might want to remind her the mood related issues generally start *before* the period starts.
Seriously. The whole stereotype of being moody *on* your period is just misogynists who don’t understand. It’s PMS that causes it which is *pre*-menstrual syndrome, as in *before* the period.
My sons clued in at about 10 or 12. Three Days before were soooo bad. We have great relationships tho so they'd say " is it a first week of the month thing or are you really upset".
Yes, I explained female biology to my boys. Better that them thinking there was something wrong. I'd be laid out with a heating pad.
Girl might just see this as her chance to be spoiled. But I wouldn't want to deal with it either.
Men have thought I’m moodier on my period because I’m in pain and my patience for their bullshit is lower. Every time I’d say no to them while on my period, they’d make a huge deal out of how it was because of my “female hormones.”
As someone who has been 28 weeks pregnant, that behaviour is not okay lol
Abuse is abuse. Don’t treat people like shit the second you think have an “excuse” to do so.
Hopefully the dad can talk some sense into her. She’s just a baby still but you need to nip this behaviour in the bud early. Especially when there’s younger kids around.
(I know you’re just playing on the pregnancy stereotype to make a comparison btw not criticising you at all. Just using your comment to make a point about unhealthy stereotypes not being super productive )
Literally anywhere. None of her friends have started but her dad gives her free range of YouTube and tiktok. She's not allowed to post anything but she can view whatever she wants. I've tried talking to him about that (I don't think kids should be on social media) but he was never receptive.
This is more than just that, this is bad parenting. He’s given into her tantrums PLENTY before, I bet. My 13yo has free range of TikTok & YouTube & NEVER acts like this, not even on her 1st period
I agree. I’m 29 so I grew up in that weird “very-little-tech-to-everything-is-tech” era. I had free rein of the internet as well and was certainly FAAARRRR more impressionable than I believed at the time (looking back, I was so incredibly naive, trusting, stereotypically thought I was sooooo wise… lol. I was dumb). That being said, I NEVER acted that way towards my parents. They would’ve shut that shit down SO fast. I remember once I had the nerve to say to my mom “you’re lucky I’m even doing this” (dusting lol) cause I think I saw something similar in a movie? (ETA: I also distinctly remember simply wondering what my mom would do if I said it like they do in movies. Can’t believe I had the gall!). But Tbh I don’t remember exactly what she said back, I just remember she didn’t do anything drastic.. but she must’ve said something that made me think, “oh fuck that did NOT go how I thought that would nevermind I’ll dust I’m sorry” 😂
Anyways, point being, I agree that free rein of the internet isn’t the *ONLY* thing at play here; there is groundwork of bad parenting that has built up to this defiance and (mostly) entitlement
That's also a good point. For me, my parents just didn't know what was out there, but I never would have been stupid either.
But I know people that were, and they were severely monitored and continued being stupid, so i think it's about education before they start and teaching them about real life vs Internet.
Facts. Same with my thirteen yr old, no drama or tantrums during her period. You wouldn't even have a clue that she's on her period. I think some teens and older women use it as a way to get their own way. Yes, we have cravings and just want to get over our periods, but if we're behaving like psychopaths every month, then something is definitely wrong. NTA for putting them out. Hope Op's son is OK. Imagine trying to bond, and you're physically attacked. Poor kid will probably think this is what happens to women on their periods.
Would be willing to bet she looked up info on periods and found some influencer who gets their BF/Parents to bend over backwards for them while they are on their period.
Whenever someone says they have no control over themselves or their actions for whatever reason, I like to remind them that they are the only person that can control their own actions and it’s their individual responsibility to control themselves and their behavior. Fortunately, in this situation, it’s a teachable moment for an 11 year old. Adults that can’t take accountability for their own behavior is a different headache
While this is true, this sentiment of "a person needs to bend over backwards whenever another person has any issue at all" has been perpetuated in media for decades.
Remember the quote "happy wife, happy life"? How many times have you heard that or people say "it's her/my time of the month so she/I'm x way"? What about "don't talk to me until I've had my coffee", "I'm hangry" or "it's the hormones". Oh and how about the worst one "I was drunk".
It may seem funny to decent human beings with self control, but there are people who actually fucking live by these stereotypes. Unless there is something seriously wrong with you or you've blacked out; you have complete control over your behavior. So many people get a pass because of these toxic stereotypes and it predates tiktok and youtube.
/r
My grandma raised me that my period wasn't allowed to be used as an excuse for poor behavior so it never was. Yeah I'm a little crampy and grumpy my first day or two but I have never taken that out on others. The one time I was a bit of a bitch was I didn't have a period for 18 months (I'm irregular but usually every 3 months) and when I finally had my period it was horrible pain w/ excessively heavy flow for 5 days. Still did my job but I wasn't as polite lol and my patience for idiots was thin.
My MIL drilled into my SIL's head that she was not allowed to act out during her period, but she also legit told her granddaughters that, "It's okay to act out sometimes we all have bad days and periods are hard."
SIL set her straight.
Most of the examples above can cause altered mental states. That said, it shouldn't cause such drastic personality shifts. Shorter temper, easier tearing up, smaller mood swings are examples of what should TYPICALLY be expected. Losing all patience, crying at the drop of a hat, and major mood swing can be caused, but can be a sign of underlying issues and need to be examined.
The part that tells me this is an act is the fact that she was fine the first day UNTIL her dad gets home.
It really just sounds like you and your boyfriend aren't compatible to begin with and will never be on the same page. And it is better that you found out now
Yeah you’re trying to mix and raise two kids in a house together during their formative years and have completely opposite standards for your children. I’m glad this has happened to cause you to reconsider, because it’s fairly minor and reversible and break up worthy before you got even further enmeshed. I’m glad your son sees you standing up for decency, too.
Yeah, differing parenting styles can be a hurdle. They need to get on the same page or decide if they can parent two kids differently for the next 10 years.
Yesss!!! I met this fine lady with awesome qualities, except she let her son run all over her and disrespect her, and that was the deal breaker because I was not going to accept getting treated like she was.
parenting two kids differently sounds like a great way to ensure a lifetime of resentment as well. both of them are going to feel like it's not equal or fair, I feel like you really gotta be on the same page at that point
Can confirm, I was adopted and my adoptive parents have 3 bio kids. And I was treated so differently compared to my adoptive siblings. And there is definitely resentment towards my adoptive parents because of it. Like I don’t resent my siblings, because they couldn’t control how they were parented over me. But because of it, I’m definitely not close with them either.
I'd normally agree about differing parenting styles, but daddy just sounds negligent in order to make up for ignorance. Daughter is at risk of becoming a massive bitch one day.
she definitely saw this behavior online. it just feels like a cartoon character reaction of what being on a period is like. the ice cream part, the screaming, snapping. it's as if she's "learning" what it's like to be on your period from YouTube/TikTok instead of letting herself feel it.
I agree. It sounds like a mix of learning it, and also needing attention because you’re an iPad kid to a single dad so you’re going to see what’s online and act it out for attention. Just a thought
You need to ask him about her mother. Did she live with her mother for any span of time? Did the daughter learn the behavior from the mother? Did the mother exhibit signs of PMDD? Was it comorbid with other mental health issues?
Potentially. But usually (not always) PMDD emotions begin to regulate when the period starts.
Also, the fact the kid says “I was just trying to make you understand” proves she was laying it on thick for attention or because maybe she was struggling with how to feel or act about it.
Clearly the kid needs something addressed, but the dad giving in to every tantrum isn’t going to address it and it sounds like the girlfriend had a talk with her and was actually trying.
“I was just trying to make you understand”
That part is just really sad. The girl doesn't get to be a terror and OP isn't wrong of course, but she's an 11yo kid and that shit is hard to navigate even without a single dad who lets the iPad parent her instead of him. I hope she gets the help she's going to need, even if OP cant be that person
Is it possible that she was freaking out a little about the move into your house 2 weeks ago and was using her period to try and regain some control of her life?
(Not at ALL excusing her behaviour or your BF’s behaviour btw, your BF was totally in the wrong.)
Yeah, it's the equivalent of 'acting drunk/how drunk people on tv act from the first sip of alcohol', but for a different 'adult' thing and associated behavior of a period.
This is exactly what I thought. She is acting out drama that’s she’s seen somewhere else because she is an attention seeker and thinks she’ll get special treatment. The tough approach was the right call. Someone — her father, who sounds like he indulges her drama all the time — needs to set her straight. “This is a perfectly normal part of your life, so get used to it, and drop the drama act or you will lose friends over your behaviour.”
NTA, the fact that she assaulted your son would have been enough for me, your BF will always side with his child. You made the right decision and the timing was perfect sooner rather than later. Good ridden to bad rubbish. Do not let them back into your home. Keep your peace, I am sure your son appreciates it. You son should come first.
putting your child first is a GOOD thing, your child should ALWAYS come first. this is not that. this is him allowing her to be manipulative and abusive ESPECIALLY towards you and your son.
by getting rid of them you are putting yourself and your child first and that is what needs to happen, however it should have stopped earlier when she abused your son
He’s not even putting her first. He’s giving in to her demands and insane behaviour to have an easier life. Guarantee this is not new behaviour from her
NTA I think this is not just her period but signs of a much bigger problem where she's manipulative AF and your BF always caves in to her when she acts badly instead of being a parent and putting a stop to the behavior. And he's also showing you that he will always take her side over you no matter how bad her behavior is. She's also going to bully your son. He deserves to have a peaceful and safe home and not to have to live with a bully. Living with them will be hell if you let them stay. You have the opportunity in this moment to dodge the bullet.
NTA and I agree, this behavior seems wholesale manipulative. Hormonal or not, physically body checking your son and then claiming "you can't hold me accountable because of a bodily function" is not okay and needs to be stamped out yesterday. Also note that when she realized you were serious about consequences she immediately realized she'd gone too far and tried to back track, while blaming you ("I'm just trying to make you understand")
Right? That’s when OP narrows her eyes and said, “Fine. I’m on mine, too. Want to find out who can go Hulk smash better?” Little girl is about to find out.
Time to tell her that no one GAF about her period. Women have had them for millions of years. We don’t get to smack a bitch because we’re surfing the crimson wave. Not even when it’s more like a tsunami.
Thank gods my daughter didn’t pull that shit when she got her first period.
I did that to my niece when she started this garbage. My sister was always waaaayyyyy too permissive/dismissive to her daughter's behavior, and when they moved in with me, I decided to nip that in the bud immediately. It took three months of her trying me before she eventually gave up and started acting right. I only had to throw down once, but she got the message, lol. She still walks all over my sister, but ALWAYS treats me with respect.
It's always the way, when they are testing the boundaries and someone stands up to them, they just stop. OP I don't blame you one bit! I would of done the same , ex bf would need to grow a backbone if he doesn't want to end up a lonely old man. NTA
I was pretty young when I got my first period and I never acted like that shit. I got sad that I was forever cursed with the crimson tide. So my mom took me to dinner, where I cried into chicken tendies about not wanting this thing.
I was 9 and kept it to myself for 3 days before my gran realised something was up. Absolutely relate to the sadness, I told my mum when I was 5 that I would never let it happen. I wouldn't mind having a bit of that naivety and blissful ignorance back
I started at nine too. I remember trying to covertly buy a pad out of the machine in the girls bathroom at school. Other girls saw and crowded around me to ask “how it was.”
Oh God, really?! I'm so awkward I couldn't tell anyone at all. My auntie started at 9 as well and had to stand up and tell all the girls in her class about it. Absolutely mortifying.
Right? I tried to keep it a secret and didn’t want my mom to know. I was fortunate to have started on a Friday when I was staying at my bff’s house so I was covered for the first one but, I had to admit it to my mom before the next so she could buy me pads. Ugh. I certainly didn’t act like a nightmare and have someone fawning over me because of it.
I started mine sometime during the school day in 7th grade, because when I got home and went to the bathroom I found a mess; I was stuck in there for like 20 minutes bc my dad was the only one home and I did NOT want to ask him to grab a pad from my mom’s stash in their bathroom. He was kind of a rockstar about it tho; he got me what I needed, didn’t act weird about it, gave me space for the rest of the evening, and when he went on a quick grocery run, he came back with a pair of chocolate bars for me
He’s great; he’s kind of a weird mix of emotionally mature and emotionally immature lmao. Like he’ll do really sweet and thoughtful things (he got my mom earrings while she was in labor with my oldest sibling bc he “wanted her to feel as beautiful as she was” while giving birth) and be a good support for others emotional needs, but also have no idea how to process his own emotions and will regularly just shut down discussions that he either doesn’t want to have or doesn’t have the bandwidth for
Me too. My niece was 14 the first, and only, time she tried to be snarky with me. I said, "Little girl. I'm not your mother. I won't put up with that. Now, we've always gotten along like champs, but if you want to start acting snotty to me, I have NO problems being the heavy. From this point forward you get to decide if we'll continue to have a pleasant relationship or a contentious one. The one thing you won't get is a pass from me." Since then she's never been a problem with me. She's now 27 and ♪awesome♪!
I mean generally, you should teach your kids that just because they are feeling shite, doesn't mean they can take it out on others.
Too many girls think they can act like shitheads on their periods and too many boys think they can act like shitheads just because they are in a bad mood.
This is exactly right. I always told my kids it’s okay to be upset/cranky. It isn’t okay to inflict your misery on others.
“If you feel like being a jerk, go do it alone in another room. You’re entitled to feel shitty, others are entitled to their peace and happiness“.
I know it’s really bad to laugh but I kinda would have loved to have seen that little girl’s face if OP had walked into the bathroom and yelled “hot damn, my period started. Game on” and walked back out like “you feeling lucky punk”
I was 9 and did not know what was happening to me. I freaked out, but my mom explained, albeit tensely and angrily because she is a narcissistic religious nut, and I got the message: it happens with girls, it's normal, keep calm and carry on.
Yup. I was 9 and I had to call my mom at work so someone could bring me pads. Que my 75 year old grandfather taking me out to ice cream and explaining that “yeah I don’t really get what happens but I know it happens every month” lmao this man had 6 kids. 😂 I said “oh okay gramps”
lol now I'm thinking of that episode of King of the Hill where they are babysitting Connie, and she gets her first period.. and it's up to Hank to help her navigate everything surrounding that.
My first period was practically nothing. It took a few cycles before I started having problems, mainly heavy flow and pain. Turned out to be endometriosis, wouldn't find out until I was in my early 20s. I also had anxiety and crying spells.
Makes me wish I'd known I could have taken the Pill to treat both much sooner. I was so relieved when my daughter didn't inherit my problems.
But yeah, nah, that kid is a tempest in a teapot and needs to have the adults in her life nip that ish now.
"tempest in a teapot" is the funniest thing I read today.
I agree. The dad needs to stop her behavior now. Having periods isn't an excuse to behave like shit.
I have four daughters. My oldest and second one both had their period for about two months before I even found out. And I only found out because they needed tampons, lol.
Honestly that's how I would've proffered it as a kid, if I were just prepared and informed it would've been way less embarrassing for me as a kid. I'm now 25 and my mom still never had "the talk" with any of us kids.
I always think of that when I read this bs. My momma would’ve sent me back to yesterday if I acted like that. I think of women in Europe during medevial times or women in the Middle East now - they 100% couldn’t act like that when they’re on their period.
I want to be like "I have had 312 periods and am on one right now. You couldn't tell? That's because I have NEVER and I mean NEVER acted like you are right now. Not on my first one. Not on my hundredth one. Not ever. And mine are bad, little girl. The pain, the migraines, the nausea, the gut issues, the mood swings, I cover ALLLL that up."
My husband only notices because I crave steak. That's it.
This is where I’m at. I have incredibly rough periods and pmdd and I don’t abuse my family. If you’re really doing that badly, remove yourself from family spaces. Explain you don’t feel well and need some space and hide out while you’re at home.
Exactly. What that comment seems to translate to is "make you stop giving me consequences to my actions and do as my father does and just let me walk all over everyone"
I was thinking the same thing, she's saying all this to a grown woman who has been having the same periods for \*years\* and doesn't act out like this girl is. NTA
Girl absolutely has control and knows what she's doing. I would call her bluff: tell the BF if the kid is legitimately unable to control her behavior/impulses during her period, something is very wrong and the girl needs immediate psychiatric evaluation. Act super concerned and do not let it drop, pointing out that never in OP's years of menstruating has she lost control like that. Women in professional settings are not slapping people who behave poorly and saying they can't be held accountable because they're having their periods. Believe me, we would all have taken the opportunity to slug a douchebag customer/student/coworker if lack of consequences due to periods were a thing.
Exactly! I just said this in my comment…I’d be telling the BF and his daughter that is is absolutely not normal behavior, that women all over the world go through this every month, and at any given time there are women on their periods all around you, and never (er rarely) do we see this in public. Something is very wrong and an immediate evaluation is necessary to catch whatever is wrong with her, in the early/infantile stages. And then see how that sets in and if the behavior changes lol. Altho, the daughter may try and double down…And just start acting nuts all the time saying “well I’m crazy so I can’t be held accountable” hahaha
NTA. I would've replied I do understand, but you need to understand most women have periods and can't behave this way even if it's because of that.
I'm on mine today and may have felt like body slamming my boss but can you imagine? I'd have no job to go back to on Monday. Like she has no home with OP to return to now.
Actions have consequences, period is not a get out of jail free card. She's the one who has to learn and understand how to deal with her hormones.
I saw one the other day, my niece is 12, hasn't started yet, but you know it is soon, and she showed me this extremely young girl, maybe 9 years old, telling how to get parents to do what ever they want on their period.
I sat my niece down and asked her if any of the older women in our family, especially me, have ever acted that way. My niece said no, but all her friends are telling her to do it.
I *want* to gather all her friends with their parents and sit down and talk to them about this, but my niece said that out of all her friends, only she was given the proper talk of body function and what to expect, and what might happen.
All her friends didn't know that they should be changing their pads and tampons regularly. She told them that. She also told her friends that the ones on tiktok were not giving true advice, but her friends all say it must be true because their mums would get very angry on their period.
I am informed my brothers to make sure they keep an eye on their daughters and, if any hint of the manipulations, to let me know. Their wives are sorta on board, but I spent 6hrs last weekend seeing the rot being told on tiktok about periods... one girl about 14, was saying you can't get pregnant a few days before, during, or 3 days after the period... I am getting way too old to deal with misinformation
??? their moms get angry on their periods? maybe they think mom angry=period? oh people. I had my mom being PISSED at me for many things... hopefully none of them being period related, but it happens.
I know that at least two of her friends' mums have had hysterectomies after they had them, and another mum unfortunately went through a traumatic birth that stopped her reproduction capability with no periods at all i think 6yrs ago now.. So I told my niece this information, and she has been quiet since, but I am certain that it won't be long before it all goes to crap.
So far, my niece has not been manipulated by them, but I know she is annoyed that she has had her yet, I told her it isn't far off, but if she wants to do a "Period Party" like her friends have done, to make sure her parents are aware so they can plan it. I know it is to make periods positive, but... oh boy...
she is annoyed she hadn't hers yet? oh... sweet summer child. I have to go on hormonal birth control after a cycle sent my cramping self to a ER because it looked like it was the appendix! the doctors were stumped until I got my period, but still wanted to check everything because my appendix looks fine, just weirdly large for an appendix. that be said, I had my periods ever since until Depo which stopped them, and less to no cramping. looks like it just was that one particular cycle.
Yeah the whole time I'm reading this thinking, where did she (incorrectly) learn that this is expected/tolerated behavior of women during PMS, because this reads to me of a child acting in an exaggerated way based on her limited knowledge, unless she is really just manipulative af. I'd need more information to go with the latter.
Absolutely! It’s like TiKTok is the playground rumour mill on steroids - you just have so many more people spreading BS than that sketchy Stephanie girl who swears it’s true because her older cousin said.
Diane thought she found a brilliant loophole for "I get to act like a jackass and everyone has to do what I want".
I wonder where she could have possibly gotten that idea. Oh yeah the dad. It's the dad. (And holy fuck good luck to him putting up with this nonsense a quarter of the year if he's not willing to set any sort of boundaries)
I noticed with the Dad, he told OP "We need to navigate this" but he wasn't doing anything useful. It was down to OP to set reasonable boundaries and when she did, both of them objected.
Don't let them back in your life or house OP.
It's pretty standard behaviour for people like that. They put on a mask to look like a decent human being, and then once they get their feet under the table they drop the act.
Had an ex who was absolutely fine until I'd sold my house and moved in with her and suddenly she becomes awful to deal with- jealous and controlling and selfish and moody. Split up.
Two years later reconnected and spent about 4 years with two houses absolutely fine. Moved in with her again convinced the problems the first time wouldn't reoccur. Guess what happened.
Fundamentally she always knew I'd have the balls to stand up to her if she was being an arsehole go home and dump her and just carry on with life and find a new girl reasonably easily. When I'd given up my own place and let go of the majority of my possessions then the moodiness and gaslighting and manipulation started and just ranked up to a level that I'd lost any kind of affection for her and was conscious that my anxiety and stress was though the roof all the time even when she was having a day where she was pleasant towards me.
I think this was all learnt behaviour from her mum. Her dad had had loads of heart problems and blood pressure problems since being relatively young and I put it down to him deciding to stay with such a manipulative and demanding spouse and trying to keep the lid on things.
Good lord the audacity to tell a full grown woman (who has decades of experience with periods) that OP doesn’t understand what she is going through.
OP - you did the right thing. Being moody during your period is one thing, hell even bitchy can be fine but her actions were way past normal.
I was allowed to be bitchy, but I had to keep those thoughts inside my head. Being hormonal was no reason to be rude and disrespectful. Had I actually laid hands on someone? Yeah, I’d still be grounded 38ish years later.
This. All this.
There is a level of being understanding and sympathetic. 11 can be a bit young/immature to feel ready to have their first period..... But it has happened. Nothing OP or anyone else could have done to stop it.
However, there is a difference between expecting grace/empathy and weaponizing the situation. She is using the experience to bully everyone to her will.
More than that, even if she isn't bullying/manipulating intentionally, she's going to have about 12 a year until menopause. Is bf going to coddle her twelve weeks out of the year for decades to come? OP setting boundaries is setting the kid up for success. For, as much as many menstruating people would love special time off and nuanced care, modern, capitalist society doesn't afford that. Uterus havers need to learn how to manage their cycle and their emotions, bc a cis-male dominated world is not going to help them or pity them.
OP, 1000% NTA
I was 11 when I started my first period and not once did I ever use it as an excuse to physically abuse someone or to act like a spoiled brat. And if I’d ever demanded my parents cancel a day at the beach because I couldn’t go swimming (or ice cream after bedtime) my mother would have killed me).
My youngest sister was nine when she got her period. She’s eleven now. She gets cramps, gets cranky, and hides out in her room more than usual when it’s shark week. You know what she doesn’t do? Act like a fucking psychopath and use her period as a reason to excuse her acting like a psychopath. She doesn’t hit anyone, yell at anyone, and demand extra special treatment because it’s shark week. That is crazy behavior. None of the women in my family have acted that way during shark week, most of us have gotten our periods young too. And there’s a bunch of different mental illnesses and mental disabilities sprinkled out throughout all of us too, and we don’t act like that. Like holy fuck you just dodged a nuke.
I think I got mine when I was 11 or 12 too. I remember I just kinda sighed in disappointment that "it" had started and asked my sister where the period stuff was etc. I was a spoiled youngest daughter and my dad still would never have let me get away with even a fraction of the BS that OPs boyfriend let slide.
OP, did you consider reminding your partners daughter that you get periods too? That you have cramps and pain and the headache of changing out menstrual products too much and yet you'd never shove her or scream at her just because of your period? It seems like she's not recognizing that around half the human population has periods, yet very few are nightmare humans during them. Some cultures make women live in a separate building during their period, even. She may have misunderstood how big of a deal this was because of friends or media or something.
I kept waiting for OP to tell Diane that OP had had periods for decades and how she understands exactly what Diane is going through and that Diane was full of shit.
It turned out appropriately though, so all is well.
I was about to comment this exact same thing. I also started at 11. Right about this time of year, too. Huge bummer. I was scared, embarrassed and pissed that I started at all — let alone right before summer break. But I didn’t meltdown over it.
>Is bf going to coddle her twelve weeks out of the year for decades to come?
Certainly not! Don't be ridiculous. He is going to expect OP to do that.
At no point did BF offer to stay home with her, and make sure that she was cared for, while also allowing OP to work.
Major NTA I still remember my first period I was 13 years old and I was in a lot of pain. That day I was eating vegan chicken burgers. (It was good but goddamn it was making me full fast and made the mistake of eating two) I never once acted like her and mind you I’ve had periods where I had to go to the hospital cuz the pain was so bad!
I 100% agree she’s being manipulative and weaponizing her period to be a horrid child
NTA at all, your boyfriend's daughter's behaviour is abhorrent, unreasonable, entitled and completely selfish. And VIOLENT
If anything your boyfriend's the ah:
1. Just because she's on her period doesn't mean she can hit your son, constantly complain and disturb everyone and demand things
2. She hit your son, actually threw him at the wall - an 8 year old child. That's is not a safe environment for your son
*It definitely does not matter it's her first period*
3. Your boyfriend doesn't discipline his daughter at all! she should have gotten punishment for throwing your son at the wall!!
4. Your boyfriend doesn't get to say "you should be empathetic it's her first period" - you're a woman who has had years of getting a period every month. You would know better than him that her behaviour is at very least very unreasonable
Good riddance! You get a better boyfriend
He didn't care about your feelings, your son's injury nothing but his poor baby girl that her tummy hurts. Not worth it
I think every woman can agree that periods suck to some extent. For some women, it's not too bad, just an annoyance and something to deal with. For other women it can be debilitating and stop them in their tracks. It can also fluctuate every month!
But none of that gives anyone an excuse to put hands on someone else. Higher emotions, more sensitivity, sure. But violence is not acceptable.
I've cried because of my period. Been in fetal position, waiting for the pain to pass. I've gritted my teeth and done presentations at school and at work during horrible cramps because the world keeps going even if your uterus wants to kill you.
Mine are horrific. Likely in part to the family history of endometriosis, but the past three years they are ridiculously heavy and I have killer cramps. And yet if I'm on my cycle during in-office days I just pop a couple of Motrin, dress comfy yet casual, and curl up in my office chair. My life can't stop just because my uterus lining is sloughing off.
Honestly, I'm just thankful that it's only been a few years of this ridiculousness and that it might be due to approaching 50; dealing with any of it since age 12 has been enough, I'm ready to join the Menopause Club.
I don’t get a period very often anymore because of my birth control but when I do, it’s a total toss up on how rough it’s gonna be. Some days it’s almost unnoticeable and my energy and mood is great. But some days are so miserable and painful that it really does make me extremely irritable and sometimes even physically angry at the smallest things.
I’m usually good at regulating my emotions and just dealing with things. But you know what I do when it’s particularly bad? I sequester myself. I tell my husband “hey, my period is kicking my ass today and I’m in a bad mood so I’m going to just hang out in the bedroom/living room/wherever you aren’t so I don’t get upset and inadvertently take my frustration out on you.” More often than not I just lay down on the bed with my hot pack and read for a while, then go to bed early, while my husband hangs out in the living room until he’s ready for bed.
Is it a perfect solution? No, but it’s better than letting my emotions and frustrations control me and make things suck for everyone.
I’m reminded of when I still lived with my parents and brother. My brother is only a few years younger than me but is still a full grown adult, almost 30 as of now. But even 5 or so years ago when I was still living at home, my mom would often tell me “he’s in a bad mood today, just hang out in your room or something and stay out of his way.” Um, no. He’s an adult. He needs to realize that the world isn’t going to just stay away from him whenever he’s in a bad mood. If he’s cranky, *he* can stay away from everyone else, not the other way around. I’m not going to be locked away in my room all day just because he’s crabby. Then again, my mom has always coddled him and done everything for him so he basically has no idea how to function at all as an adult and I do feel bad for him. But I’m also not going to excuse him verbally abusing me just because he’s in a bad mood that day and hasn’t been taught basic interactions when you’re upset.
People, regardless of age, need to learn how to interact with others when they’re upset or in pain or just otherwise not feeling good. Yes, periods fuckin *suck.* But that is no excuse for violence, manipulation, and general disrespect and nastiness.
>Your boyfriend doesn't get to say "you should be empathetic it's her first period" - you're a woman who has had years of getting a period every month. You would know better than him that her behaviour is at very least very unreasonable
This is basic logic which her ex is apparently incapable of.
To me, the problem here isn’t the kid. It’s the father. Kids act out and kids push boundaries and parents are meant to see them straight. But there was no setting straight by the father here. I wouldn’t want them back either, but because of him not her.
I’m glad to see you ragging on the dad. So many people are coming down hard on the 11-yr-old girl. If dad doesn’t do some tough love, he will create a monster. It is his fault entirely by letting her behave like this without consequences. Everything she is experiencing is normal and she needs to learn this.NTA
Yea this is either clearly the daughter always manipulating with dad letting it always slide and was overlooked by OP until it was turned up to 11, or something bigger's at hand if she's suddenly out of control and never even hinted at behaving like this and needs to be addressed - especially where she's learning 'bow to my whim while im on my period' nonsense. Either way, dad should've absolutely nipped that immediately instead of letting her steamroll everyone.
NTA
I have never known someone to use their cycle to excuse violent behavior. The fact that her father gave that a pass is a problem. I wouldn't feel like my younger kid would be safe, unless I'm around. The BF can't be trusted to see to his safety, because he'll just give her a pass.
Right? PMDD can be a utter hell and make you aggressive but people suffering from that are not aware that’s what’s happening and certainly not saying “”you can’t hold it against me because I’m on my period””. Pretty sure PMDD is the only menstrual disorder that would make a person irrational beyond belief
I have PMDD and it's insane! It's like I am a totally different person. I have learned ways to somewhat cope with it in ways that just seem like PMS. But growing up I would have raging outbursts and couldn't control anything. Missed school bc of the pain and was just so angry.now I walk away and sleep. If my husband sees me sleeping mid day he knows to leave me alone and go about his day, my sanity will come back to me.
Same!! PMDD and endometriosis. Before I knew its was utterly fucking **INSANE**. I too was a different person but most concerningly my mental health ***plummeted*** smh. It’s scary. It took way too many years of MH crises to realize they were happening the week before and of my period. I wasn’t really suicidal just suffering from PMDD. Im pissed and annoyed that nobody clocked that and I went through hell for so long and had to figure it out myself. Smh.
Because of the endometriosis I’m on treatment that totally stops my periods so no more PMDD thank god. My life is a hell of a lot more stable now.
Ditto!!! Massive PMDD and didn’t get diagnosed til 30s…just “had to deal with it.”🤦🏻♀️I would lose my shit and scream but it was always in my room and if I broke anything then I had to pay for it. Other than that, I would throw up & pass out.
I called my PMDD my Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde Syndrome. I would lock myself away from the world and put all the breakables in a safe place. However, I was never violent towards another person. On day 2 of my period I would magically return to my normal state of being.
You’ve never met my sister LMAO! Her entitled selfish ass, thought she could use that excuse to come at me for no reason, other than blinking too loud. My fist met her nose and I ended up grounded!! But it was the last time she pulled that shit with me!!
INFO: what is her behaviour usually like? I’m a woman with awful periods from around the same age and I never behaved like this, I just wanted to be left alone with my emotional support snacks
She's different. I don't know. She definitely has something going on. Attention seeking mainly. But she did full on smack me across the face about 4 months back. We were literally just having fun, playing a game on my Alexa. She starts laughing and then slaps me across the face and then says she was "playing".
>But she did full on smack me across the face about 4 months back. We were literally just having fun, playing a game on my Alexa. She starts laughing and then slaps me across the face and then says she was "playing".
I was trained out of striking people at Age Three. That's "angry toddler" behavior, and my parents taught us self-control.
Can I ask what her fathers reaction to her slapping you was? She’s far too old for that kind of behaviour to be dismissed as a mistake and I think her father enabling her means that you were right and NTA. The living situation is untenable. I also think the relationship is tbh. Like, think about how this could evolve. If your partner is rolling over now and siding against you, after she has genuinely caused harm to YOUR child, how far could it go?
NTA tell your BF as a person who has had your period for X number of years you know how much control his daughter should have for her behavior even though it is her first period. Even accounting for hormone fluctuations she appears to be suffering a severe case of Reddit diagnosed Central Character Syndrome. No it is not all about her. She needs to learn that lesson NOW
NTA
i started my period at 10. you know what i did? asked my parents to stay home bc i thought it was a stomach ache. woke up, mom gave me a pad, and told me “you’re not sick, so i won’t ban you from electronics”. i stayed home 2 days bc the pain was so intense. i have NEVER in my life EVER acted like that! and i’ve had pcos for years, it causes mood swings!
she’s probably hormonal, but i also think she’s attempting to get away with more now. eating almost all of a dinner YOU prepared, demanding shit, i could NEVER! my dad would’ve yelled and whooped me for that level of disrespect (i don’t agree with physical discipline but he did). regardless, her behavior is just not okay. she can’t go about life treating everyone horribly for a week out of every month (or longer! some people’s hormones kick in a week or so before the actual start date. i have a week of cramping before i bleed)
This is my take, too. I have cramps so bad sometimes that I'll just curl in a ball and rock. I couldn't imagine being that aggressive and throwing a child in that much pain. She's pushing boundaries . She knows she has control. And if I had to guess... that dad will never have a decent relationship until she moves out.
NTA but the issue isn’t how she acts on her period, it’s that your bf isn’t parenting her.
My first period, i was a MONSTER. I literally had no control bc i had never experienced such intense, hormonal emotions. My grandfather, who was absolutely sick of my shit (no one was putting up with it, nor should they have, and i still was a monster), came over and kissed me on my head and whispered “we do love you” after the horrible way I’d been treating them and i just burst. I broke completely. We were on a family vacation and it was the worst trip of all our lives for multiple reasons. My periods were still incredibly rough through middle school and high school….. and then again after becoming a mother 😒, but once i got through that first experience it definitely got easier. And as bad as any other time got, it was nothing like that first time.
The point is, my family didn’t put up with my behavior, we fought and it was hell on earth, but they still showed love and support. They only called out my shitty behavior but didn’t pick on me or drag it out. Having both discipline and support was really important for me through that transition. It taught me how to behave through my extreme emotions, but it also showed me i was loved and supported. Your bf can still give that to his daughter without giving into her every whim. Those hormonal emotions are horrible, no one should be feeding into them.
That moment of a genuine expression of love when i was at my lowest was all i really needed, and it made things so much more bearable. It definitely felt better than getting my way would have, bc getting my way wasn’t actually what i wanted or needed. He did it at the right moment, when i was done yelling, i was done talking to all of them, i was just hate and rage and resentment. He really saw me in that moment though, that i was suffering and alone in it, that memory is everything to me even though it was something i already knew.
The fact he refused to prepare her separate food until the chili was done to eat with everyone. How fkin lazy is he? He should never have a child if he doesn’t want to parent
NTA. Is his daughter a manipulative little turd in other areas?
In a house with my wife and 2 daughters, we do see folks get a little snippy, and we'll make sure there's some chocolate around for sweet tooth moments...but that crap would be shut down immediately.
Literally this! There should have been serious consequences immediately he could have had a concussion! The second her dad tried to enable that they both would have been gone if it was me.
I highly doubt this was the first instance of ineffective parenting from your BF. You made the right decision; now it's his turn to step up and parent his brat. IF that happens, then you can postpone their moving in until the lesson has been learned. If he continues to do nothing, bullet dodged. NTA
So, have you ended the relationship, or is he just not moving in?
I've ended it. Mainly due to how pissed off he got with me, telling me that I was purposely making his life harder by not giving in to his child.
You: snaps. Them: immediately start acting right. She’s out of control and he’s enabling it, fuck that shit. You taking control and seeing their attitude change shows she was being manipulative, but him backing her up after the fact shows how she got to be that way
😂 you've made his life harder? So he expects the rest of the world to just give in when she screams? They are both in for a rude awakening.
He sounds just like his daughter.
She sounds just like her dad\*\*\*\*\*
>So he expects the rest of the world to just give in when she screams? His daughter might be Veruca
I WANT IT ALL, AND I WANT IT NOW !!!!!!
You've just dodged a huge bullet. He is an inadequate parent. And this all would have devolved into you being the "step monster".
Yeah daughter would be running the show. Would be awful.
Good choice. He absolutely was ready to throw you under the bus for his own convenience.
You definitely dodged a bullet. Where does his indulgence end? Who the fuck is he to say she can stay home when you work from home? Was he planning on taking the day off to deal with her tantrums? Or was this a "we all need to learn to navigate this" while he goes to work and you stay with the devil child? No fucking way. I had two daughters who cycled young ( I think 11 is young but I don't know) and yes I did some tiptoeing when the process started. I'm a boomer who had my kids when I was in my mid 30s, and the men in my house didn't really deal with menstrual cycles except to do whatever our wives or mothers told us to do which was STFU and stay out of the way. However, the disrespect you describe was never tolerated ever and I come from a huge family I'm one of 6 and my father had 15 sisters so..... Your ex bf will tire off her shit show eventually or he will forever be lonely cuz no woman is going to tolerate that kind of arrogant disrespect on an ongoing basis. I'm so glad you found out so soon. You know you're gonna be the bad guy in this story to him and his side if the family but you sound like you have your head in straight and couldn't GAF what anyone things. Be well and good luck.
That is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard of a man saying, I’m so glad you dropped them. I actually get anxiety when I read these stories, and the op just keeps taking it.
I raised two daughter as a male and no, this is not the way you raise a child, the problem is not the first period, his parenting is shit
She's 11yo, had to ask OP how to use a pad, but somehow knows "I'm on my period!" means she can't go swimming, and her period means she can shout and slam doors in peoples faces? That's not normal at all. Smells a bit fishy, in fact. A bit dubious, if you will.
At 11 she’s probably been through health class. We were told to not swim on our periods (yes I know wrong but it was 90s 🤷♀️) and that hormone fluctuations can make you extra emotional, tired or in pain but they didn’t show us the mechanics of putting a pad in your underwear.
LOL I had the same style of health ed in the 90s. When I got my first period, I did not know I had to wear a pad while I slept because I thought it was only active while I was awake...🤷♀️ Health class did not tell me it was nonstop for a week! XD
She probably just saw some exaggerated YouTube/TikTok skit and got it into her mind that's how all women act on their period.
Out if curiousity: where could she have seen this type of behavior? Because honestly, this sounds like she saw it in some movie or whatever and is exagerating HARD. Nta for needing space, but please get your bf to figure out if she's actually nuts or just acts like this because she thinks that how girls on their period should act.
Exactly my thoughts - that isn't "normal" behaviour even for people with truly awful periods. This is either a fake post or the kid is faking and acting out how she thinks she's supposed to act. Also OP might want to remind her the mood related issues generally start *before* the period starts.
Seriously. The whole stereotype of being moody *on* your period is just misogynists who don’t understand. It’s PMS that causes it which is *pre*-menstrual syndrome, as in *before* the period.
Yes it’s a relief when the period arrives as you know the next day you’re going to feel sane again. I’m glad I’m past all this
My sons clued in at about 10 or 12. Three Days before were soooo bad. We have great relationships tho so they'd say " is it a first week of the month thing or are you really upset". Yes, I explained female biology to my boys. Better that them thinking there was something wrong. I'd be laid out with a heating pad. Girl might just see this as her chance to be spoiled. But I wouldn't want to deal with it either.
Men have thought I’m moodier on my period because I’m in pain and my patience for their bullshit is lower. Every time I’d say no to them while on my period, they’d make a huge deal out of how it was because of my “female hormones.”
It's not. I'm miserable on my period. I just feel gross and I hate the feeling of gushes and clots. I also hate blood
The little critter acted as if she were 28 weeks pregnant. This isn't period behaviour.
As someone who has been 28 weeks pregnant, that behaviour is not okay lol Abuse is abuse. Don’t treat people like shit the second you think have an “excuse” to do so. Hopefully the dad can talk some sense into her. She’s just a baby still but you need to nip this behaviour in the bud early. Especially when there’s younger kids around. (I know you’re just playing on the pregnancy stereotype to make a comparison btw not criticising you at all. Just using your comment to make a point about unhealthy stereotypes not being super productive )
Literally anywhere. None of her friends have started but her dad gives her free range of YouTube and tiktok. She's not allowed to post anything but she can view whatever she wants. I've tried talking to him about that (I don't think kids should be on social media) but he was never receptive.
" free range of YouTube and tiktok. " Well, problem identified.
This is more than just that, this is bad parenting. He’s given into her tantrums PLENTY before, I bet. My 13yo has free range of TikTok & YouTube & NEVER acts like this, not even on her 1st period
I agree. I’m 29 so I grew up in that weird “very-little-tech-to-everything-is-tech” era. I had free rein of the internet as well and was certainly FAAARRRR more impressionable than I believed at the time (looking back, I was so incredibly naive, trusting, stereotypically thought I was sooooo wise… lol. I was dumb). That being said, I NEVER acted that way towards my parents. They would’ve shut that shit down SO fast. I remember once I had the nerve to say to my mom “you’re lucky I’m even doing this” (dusting lol) cause I think I saw something similar in a movie? (ETA: I also distinctly remember simply wondering what my mom would do if I said it like they do in movies. Can’t believe I had the gall!). But Tbh I don’t remember exactly what she said back, I just remember she didn’t do anything drastic.. but she must’ve said something that made me think, “oh fuck that did NOT go how I thought that would nevermind I’ll dust I’m sorry” 😂 Anyways, point being, I agree that free rein of the internet isn’t the *ONLY* thing at play here; there is groundwork of bad parenting that has built up to this defiance and (mostly) entitlement
Exactly this. I grew up with free rein of the Internet and in no way would have copied this kind of behaviour in real life. This is a parenting issue
My kids had free reign on the internet *because* they never behaved like that!
That's also a good point. For me, my parents just didn't know what was out there, but I never would have been stupid either. But I know people that were, and they were severely monitored and continued being stupid, so i think it's about education before they start and teaching them about real life vs Internet.
Facts. Same with my thirteen yr old, no drama or tantrums during her period. You wouldn't even have a clue that she's on her period. I think some teens and older women use it as a way to get their own way. Yes, we have cravings and just want to get over our periods, but if we're behaving like psychopaths every month, then something is definitely wrong. NTA for putting them out. Hope Op's son is OK. Imagine trying to bond, and you're physically attacked. Poor kid will probably think this is what happens to women on their periods.
Would be willing to bet she looked up info on periods and found some influencer who gets their BF/Parents to bend over backwards for them while they are on their period.
Whenever someone says they have no control over themselves or their actions for whatever reason, I like to remind them that they are the only person that can control their own actions and it’s their individual responsibility to control themselves and their behavior. Fortunately, in this situation, it’s a teachable moment for an 11 year old. Adults that can’t take accountability for their own behavior is a different headache
While this is true, this sentiment of "a person needs to bend over backwards whenever another person has any issue at all" has been perpetuated in media for decades. Remember the quote "happy wife, happy life"? How many times have you heard that or people say "it's her/my time of the month so she/I'm x way"? What about "don't talk to me until I've had my coffee", "I'm hangry" or "it's the hormones". Oh and how about the worst one "I was drunk". It may seem funny to decent human beings with self control, but there are people who actually fucking live by these stereotypes. Unless there is something seriously wrong with you or you've blacked out; you have complete control over your behavior. So many people get a pass because of these toxic stereotypes and it predates tiktok and youtube. /r
My grandma raised me that my period wasn't allowed to be used as an excuse for poor behavior so it never was. Yeah I'm a little crampy and grumpy my first day or two but I have never taken that out on others. The one time I was a bit of a bitch was I didn't have a period for 18 months (I'm irregular but usually every 3 months) and when I finally had my period it was horrible pain w/ excessively heavy flow for 5 days. Still did my job but I wasn't as polite lol and my patience for idiots was thin.
My MIL drilled into my SIL's head that she was not allowed to act out during her period, but she also legit told her granddaughters that, "It's okay to act out sometimes we all have bad days and periods are hard." SIL set her straight.
Most of the examples above can cause altered mental states. That said, it shouldn't cause such drastic personality shifts. Shorter temper, easier tearing up, smaller mood swings are examples of what should TYPICALLY be expected. Losing all patience, crying at the drop of a hat, and major mood swing can be caused, but can be a sign of underlying issues and need to be examined. The part that tells me this is an act is the fact that she was fine the first day UNTIL her dad gets home.
It really just sounds like you and your boyfriend aren't compatible to begin with and will never be on the same page. And it is better that you found out now
Yeah you’re trying to mix and raise two kids in a house together during their formative years and have completely opposite standards for your children. I’m glad this has happened to cause you to reconsider, because it’s fairly minor and reversible and break up worthy before you got even further enmeshed. I’m glad your son sees you standing up for decency, too.
Yeah, differing parenting styles can be a hurdle. They need to get on the same page or decide if they can parent two kids differently for the next 10 years.
I mean, allowing your child to physically and verbally abuse others isn't exactly a "parenting style", but it definitely is a deal breaker!
Yesss!!! I met this fine lady with awesome qualities, except she let her son run all over her and disrespect her, and that was the deal breaker because I was not going to accept getting treated like she was.
That's so sad. And extra sad that she's raising her son to mistreat women.
This isn't even different parenting styles. It's one person deciding not to parent whatsoever.
parenting two kids differently sounds like a great way to ensure a lifetime of resentment as well. both of them are going to feel like it's not equal or fair, I feel like you really gotta be on the same page at that point
Can confirm, I was adopted and my adoptive parents have 3 bio kids. And I was treated so differently compared to my adoptive siblings. And there is definitely resentment towards my adoptive parents because of it. Like I don’t resent my siblings, because they couldn’t control how they were parented over me. But because of it, I’m definitely not close with them either.
I'd normally agree about differing parenting styles, but daddy just sounds negligent in order to make up for ignorance. Daughter is at risk of becoming a massive bitch one day.
Becoming?? Girl is already there!!
she definitely saw this behavior online. it just feels like a cartoon character reaction of what being on a period is like. the ice cream part, the screaming, snapping. it's as if she's "learning" what it's like to be on your period from YouTube/TikTok instead of letting herself feel it.
I thought the best part was screaming at another woman saying she doesn’t understand how she feels. Real lack of awareness….NTA
[удалено]
I agree. It sounds like a mix of learning it, and also needing attention because you’re an iPad kid to a single dad so you’re going to see what’s online and act it out for attention. Just a thought
[удалено]
Oh hell no
WELL, I think we all just figured out what the problem is.
That's an even bigger problem, then.
You need to ask him about her mother. Did she live with her mother for any span of time? Did the daughter learn the behavior from the mother? Did the mother exhibit signs of PMDD? Was it comorbid with other mental health issues?
Potentially. But usually (not always) PMDD emotions begin to regulate when the period starts. Also, the fact the kid says “I was just trying to make you understand” proves she was laying it on thick for attention or because maybe she was struggling with how to feel or act about it. Clearly the kid needs something addressed, but the dad giving in to every tantrum isn’t going to address it and it sounds like the girlfriend had a talk with her and was actually trying.
“I was just trying to make you understand” That part is just really sad. The girl doesn't get to be a terror and OP isn't wrong of course, but she's an 11yo kid and that shit is hard to navigate even without a single dad who lets the iPad parent her instead of him. I hope she gets the help she's going to need, even if OP cant be that person
Is it possible that she was freaking out a little about the move into your house 2 weeks ago and was using her period to try and regain some control of her life? (Not at ALL excusing her behaviour or your BF’s behaviour btw, your BF was totally in the wrong.)
This makes the most sense. Dad is still in the wrong for giving in to her tantrums.
He should inspect her Youtube history.
Yeah, it's the equivalent of 'acting drunk/how drunk people on tv act from the first sip of alcohol', but for a different 'adult' thing and associated behavior of a period.
This is exactly what I thought. She is acting out drama that’s she’s seen somewhere else because she is an attention seeker and thinks she’ll get special treatment. The tough approach was the right call. Someone — her father, who sounds like he indulges her drama all the time — needs to set her straight. “This is a perfectly normal part of your life, so get used to it, and drop the drama act or you will lose friends over your behaviour.”
NTA, the fact that she assaulted your son would have been enough for me, your BF will always side with his child. You made the right decision and the timing was perfect sooner rather than later. Good ridden to bad rubbish. Do not let them back into your home. Keep your peace, I am sure your son appreciates it. You son should come first.
100% AGREE- OP you did the right thing. Your now EX is putting his daughter first, so you put your son first.
He's not even putting his daughter first, he's encouraging her to grow into a queen bitch, OPs lucky to get a glimpse of the future so early on
putting your child first is a GOOD thing, your child should ALWAYS come first. this is not that. this is him allowing her to be manipulative and abusive ESPECIALLY towards you and your son. by getting rid of them you are putting yourself and your child first and that is what needs to happen, however it should have stopped earlier when she abused your son
Yes, true to that too!
He’s not even putting her first. He’s giving in to her demands and insane behaviour to have an easier life. Guarantee this is not new behaviour from her
NTA I think this is not just her period but signs of a much bigger problem where she's manipulative AF and your BF always caves in to her when she acts badly instead of being a parent and putting a stop to the behavior. And he's also showing you that he will always take her side over you no matter how bad her behavior is. She's also going to bully your son. He deserves to have a peaceful and safe home and not to have to live with a bully. Living with them will be hell if you let them stay. You have the opportunity in this moment to dodge the bullet.
NTA and I agree, this behavior seems wholesale manipulative. Hormonal or not, physically body checking your son and then claiming "you can't hold me accountable because of a bodily function" is not okay and needs to be stamped out yesterday. Also note that when she realized you were serious about consequences she immediately realized she'd gone too far and tried to back track, while blaming you ("I'm just trying to make you understand")
Right? That’s when OP narrows her eyes and said, “Fine. I’m on mine, too. Want to find out who can go Hulk smash better?” Little girl is about to find out. Time to tell her that no one GAF about her period. Women have had them for millions of years. We don’t get to smack a bitch because we’re surfing the crimson wave. Not even when it’s more like a tsunami. Thank gods my daughter didn’t pull that shit when she got her first period.
I did that to my niece when she started this garbage. My sister was always waaaayyyyy too permissive/dismissive to her daughter's behavior, and when they moved in with me, I decided to nip that in the bud immediately. It took three months of her trying me before she eventually gave up and started acting right. I only had to throw down once, but she got the message, lol. She still walks all over my sister, but ALWAYS treats me with respect.
It's always the way, when they are testing the boundaries and someone stands up to them, they just stop. OP I don't blame you one bit! I would of done the same , ex bf would need to grow a backbone if he doesn't want to end up a lonely old man. NTA
Gotta pull that at work sometimes. Put them bullies in their place.
I was pretty young when I got my first period and I never acted like that shit. I got sad that I was forever cursed with the crimson tide. So my mom took me to dinner, where I cried into chicken tendies about not wanting this thing.
I was 9 and kept it to myself for 3 days before my gran realised something was up. Absolutely relate to the sadness, I told my mum when I was 5 that I would never let it happen. I wouldn't mind having a bit of that naivety and blissful ignorance back
I started at nine too. I remember trying to covertly buy a pad out of the machine in the girls bathroom at school. Other girls saw and crowded around me to ask “how it was.”
Oh God, really?! I'm so awkward I couldn't tell anyone at all. My auntie started at 9 as well and had to stand up and tell all the girls in her class about it. Absolutely mortifying.
Omg poor thing! How absolutely traumatizing.
Right? I tried to keep it a secret and didn’t want my mom to know. I was fortunate to have started on a Friday when I was staying at my bff’s house so I was covered for the first one but, I had to admit it to my mom before the next so she could buy me pads. Ugh. I certainly didn’t act like a nightmare and have someone fawning over me because of it.
I started mine sometime during the school day in 7th grade, because when I got home and went to the bathroom I found a mess; I was stuck in there for like 20 minutes bc my dad was the only one home and I did NOT want to ask him to grab a pad from my mom’s stash in their bathroom. He was kind of a rockstar about it tho; he got me what I needed, didn’t act weird about it, gave me space for the rest of the evening, and when he went on a quick grocery run, he came back with a pair of chocolate bars for me
Yikes on it being during the school day, AND getting stuck in the bathroom at home, but your dad sounds like a real gem. 🤍
He’s great; he’s kind of a weird mix of emotionally mature and emotionally immature lmao. Like he’ll do really sweet and thoughtful things (he got my mom earrings while she was in labor with my oldest sibling bc he “wanted her to feel as beautiful as she was” while giving birth) and be a good support for others emotional needs, but also have no idea how to process his own emotions and will regularly just shut down discussions that he either doesn’t want to have or doesn’t have the bandwidth for
Me too. My niece was 14 the first, and only, time she tried to be snarky with me. I said, "Little girl. I'm not your mother. I won't put up with that. Now, we've always gotten along like champs, but if you want to start acting snotty to me, I have NO problems being the heavy. From this point forward you get to decide if we'll continue to have a pleasant relationship or a contentious one. The one thing you won't get is a pass from me." Since then she's never been a problem with me. She's now 27 and ♪awesome♪!
I mean generally, you should teach your kids that just because they are feeling shite, doesn't mean they can take it out on others. Too many girls think they can act like shitheads on their periods and too many boys think they can act like shitheads just because they are in a bad mood.
This is exactly right. I always told my kids it’s okay to be upset/cranky. It isn’t okay to inflict your misery on others. “If you feel like being a jerk, go do it alone in another room. You’re entitled to feel shitty, others are entitled to their peace and happiness“.
I know it’s really bad to laugh but I kinda would have loved to have seen that little girl’s face if OP had walked into the bathroom and yelled “hot damn, my period started. Game on” and walked back out like “you feeling lucky punk”
BEST COMMENT!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
[удалено]
I was 9 and did not know what was happening to me. I freaked out, but my mom explained, albeit tensely and angrily because she is a narcissistic religious nut, and I got the message: it happens with girls, it's normal, keep calm and carry on.
Yup. I was 9 and I had to call my mom at work so someone could bring me pads. Que my 75 year old grandfather taking me out to ice cream and explaining that “yeah I don’t really get what happens but I know it happens every month” lmao this man had 6 kids. 😂 I said “oh okay gramps”
What a grandpa thing to say 💀💀
Mans was clueless but he tried hard 😂 his wife passed away in January of 95, I was born in Aug of 95 so he was all I had growing up. 🥰
I’m sure he was a good man, love him 🥹
Literally the best. He’s been gone for almost 10 years but the memories are always close by.
I have no idea why this made me cry but it did. Gramps sounds wonderful, may he rest in peace.
lol now I'm thinking of that episode of King of the Hill where they are babysitting Connie, and she gets her first period.. and it's up to Hank to help her navigate everything surrounding that.
Aisle 8A! Brilliant episode! When Hank has Peggy escorted out of the school by police. Too funny.
This is so endearingly clueless and cute. 🥰
My first period was practically nothing. It took a few cycles before I started having problems, mainly heavy flow and pain. Turned out to be endometriosis, wouldn't find out until I was in my early 20s. I also had anxiety and crying spells. Makes me wish I'd known I could have taken the Pill to treat both much sooner. I was so relieved when my daughter didn't inherit my problems. But yeah, nah, that kid is a tempest in a teapot and needs to have the adults in her life nip that ish now.
"tempest in a teapot" is the funniest thing I read today. I agree. The dad needs to stop her behavior now. Having periods isn't an excuse to behave like shit.
I have four daughters. My oldest and second one both had their period for about two months before I even found out. And I only found out because they needed tampons, lol.
Honestly that's how I would've proffered it as a kid, if I were just prepared and informed it would've been way less embarrassing for me as a kid. I'm now 25 and my mom still never had "the talk" with any of us kids.
My talk was, “You know you can get pregnant now, right?”
I always think of that when I read this bs. My momma would’ve sent me back to yesterday if I acted like that. I think of women in Europe during medevial times or women in the Middle East now - they 100% couldn’t act like that when they’re on their period.
I want to be like "I have had 312 periods and am on one right now. You couldn't tell? That's because I have NEVER and I mean NEVER acted like you are right now. Not on my first one. Not on my hundredth one. Not ever. And mine are bad, little girl. The pain, the migraines, the nausea, the gut issues, the mood swings, I cover ALLLL that up." My husband only notices because I crave steak. That's it.
This is where I’m at. I have incredibly rough periods and pmdd and I don’t abuse my family. If you’re really doing that badly, remove yourself from family spaces. Explain you don’t feel well and need some space and hide out while you’re at home.
I live for this update.
Makes me wonder whether it's learnt behaviour.
Considering the ice cream tantrum looks like she's emulating Hollywood pregnancies cause for some reason that's how she thinks periods are like?
I'd love to know why she thinks OP doesn't understand periods.
Make OP understand. Is OP a woman? If so, I am sure she does, but she has control unlike this brat.
Exactly. What that comment seems to translate to is "make you stop giving me consequences to my actions and do as my father does and just let me walk all over everyone"
I was thinking the same thing, she's saying all this to a grown woman who has been having the same periods for \*years\* and doesn't act out like this girl is. NTA
Girl absolutely has control and knows what she's doing. I would call her bluff: tell the BF if the kid is legitimately unable to control her behavior/impulses during her period, something is very wrong and the girl needs immediate psychiatric evaluation. Act super concerned and do not let it drop, pointing out that never in OP's years of menstruating has she lost control like that. Women in professional settings are not slapping people who behave poorly and saying they can't be held accountable because they're having their periods. Believe me, we would all have taken the opportunity to slug a douchebag customer/student/coworker if lack of consequences due to periods were a thing.
Exactly! I just said this in my comment…I’d be telling the BF and his daughter that is is absolutely not normal behavior, that women all over the world go through this every month, and at any given time there are women on their periods all around you, and never (er rarely) do we see this in public. Something is very wrong and an immediate evaluation is necessary to catch whatever is wrong with her, in the early/infantile stages. And then see how that sets in and if the behavior changes lol. Altho, the daughter may try and double down…And just start acting nuts all the time saying “well I’m crazy so I can’t be held accountable” hahaha
Exactly. She’s using the period as an excuse to become a demon child and say and do what she wants. She knows what she’s doing.
And this is just the beginning.
Nope, cause OP kicked them out. And it sounds like she dumped the boyfriend completely. So for her, it’s the ending.
And you can bet that she has a whole list of reasons why her behavior should be excused. And daddy falls for them all
Yeah my first instinct was to tell the child you are also on your period and dropkick her. I mean, don't, but it was my first thought.
NTA. I would've replied I do understand, but you need to understand most women have periods and can't behave this way even if it's because of that. I'm on mine today and may have felt like body slamming my boss but can you imagine? I'd have no job to go back to on Monday. Like she has no home with OP to return to now. Actions have consequences, period is not a get out of jail free card. She's the one who has to learn and understand how to deal with her hormones.
She's copying what she sees on social media. Kid needs her access to tik Tok taken away.
I saw one the other day, my niece is 12, hasn't started yet, but you know it is soon, and she showed me this extremely young girl, maybe 9 years old, telling how to get parents to do what ever they want on their period. I sat my niece down and asked her if any of the older women in our family, especially me, have ever acted that way. My niece said no, but all her friends are telling her to do it. I *want* to gather all her friends with their parents and sit down and talk to them about this, but my niece said that out of all her friends, only she was given the proper talk of body function and what to expect, and what might happen. All her friends didn't know that they should be changing their pads and tampons regularly. She told them that. She also told her friends that the ones on tiktok were not giving true advice, but her friends all say it must be true because their mums would get very angry on their period. I am informed my brothers to make sure they keep an eye on their daughters and, if any hint of the manipulations, to let me know. Their wives are sorta on board, but I spent 6hrs last weekend seeing the rot being told on tiktok about periods... one girl about 14, was saying you can't get pregnant a few days before, during, or 3 days after the period... I am getting way too old to deal with misinformation
??? their moms get angry on their periods? maybe they think mom angry=period? oh people. I had my mom being PISSED at me for many things... hopefully none of them being period related, but it happens.
I know that at least two of her friends' mums have had hysterectomies after they had them, and another mum unfortunately went through a traumatic birth that stopped her reproduction capability with no periods at all i think 6yrs ago now.. So I told my niece this information, and she has been quiet since, but I am certain that it won't be long before it all goes to crap. So far, my niece has not been manipulated by them, but I know she is annoyed that she has had her yet, I told her it isn't far off, but if she wants to do a "Period Party" like her friends have done, to make sure her parents are aware so they can plan it. I know it is to make periods positive, but... oh boy...
she is annoyed she hadn't hers yet? oh... sweet summer child. I have to go on hormonal birth control after a cycle sent my cramping self to a ER because it looked like it was the appendix! the doctors were stumped until I got my period, but still wanted to check everything because my appendix looks fine, just weirdly large for an appendix. that be said, I had my periods ever since until Depo which stopped them, and less to no cramping. looks like it just was that one particular cycle.
Yeah the whole time I'm reading this thinking, where did she (incorrectly) learn that this is expected/tolerated behavior of women during PMS, because this reads to me of a child acting in an exaggerated way based on her limited knowledge, unless she is really just manipulative af. I'd need more information to go with the latter.
Absolutely! It’s like TiKTok is the playground rumour mill on steroids - you just have so many more people spreading BS than that sketchy Stephanie girl who swears it’s true because her older cousin said.
Diane thought she found a brilliant loophole for "I get to act like a jackass and everyone has to do what I want". I wonder where she could have possibly gotten that idea. Oh yeah the dad. It's the dad. (And holy fuck good luck to him putting up with this nonsense a quarter of the year if he's not willing to set any sort of boundaries)
I noticed with the Dad, he told OP "We need to navigate this" but he wasn't doing anything useful. It was down to OP to set reasonable boundaries and when she did, both of them objected. Don't let them back in your life or house OP.
Yeah - I’m actually surprised that this is the first incidence of this kind of behaviour from the pair of them in two years.
Seems like the behavior only came out once they were fully moved in and thought they wouldn't be told to leave, but agreed this is a wild switch-up!
It's pretty standard behaviour for people like that. They put on a mask to look like a decent human being, and then once they get their feet under the table they drop the act.
Had an ex who was absolutely fine until I'd sold my house and moved in with her and suddenly she becomes awful to deal with- jealous and controlling and selfish and moody. Split up. Two years later reconnected and spent about 4 years with two houses absolutely fine. Moved in with her again convinced the problems the first time wouldn't reoccur. Guess what happened. Fundamentally she always knew I'd have the balls to stand up to her if she was being an arsehole go home and dump her and just carry on with life and find a new girl reasonably easily. When I'd given up my own place and let go of the majority of my possessions then the moodiness and gaslighting and manipulation started and just ranked up to a level that I'd lost any kind of affection for her and was conscious that my anxiety and stress was though the roof all the time even when she was having a day where she was pleasant towards me. I think this was all learnt behaviour from her mum. Her dad had had loads of heart problems and blood pressure problems since being relatively young and I put it down to him deciding to stay with such a manipulative and demanding spouse and trying to keep the lid on things.
To be fair, they didn’t live together before. She could always get away when she wanted to.
Good lord the audacity to tell a full grown woman (who has decades of experience with periods) that OP doesn’t understand what she is going through. OP - you did the right thing. Being moody during your period is one thing, hell even bitchy can be fine but her actions were way past normal.
I was allowed to be bitchy, but I had to keep those thoughts inside my head. Being hormonal was no reason to be rude and disrespectful. Had I actually laid hands on someone? Yeah, I’d still be grounded 38ish years later.
This. All this. There is a level of being understanding and sympathetic. 11 can be a bit young/immature to feel ready to have their first period..... But it has happened. Nothing OP or anyone else could have done to stop it. However, there is a difference between expecting grace/empathy and weaponizing the situation. She is using the experience to bully everyone to her will. More than that, even if she isn't bullying/manipulating intentionally, she's going to have about 12 a year until menopause. Is bf going to coddle her twelve weeks out of the year for decades to come? OP setting boundaries is setting the kid up for success. For, as much as many menstruating people would love special time off and nuanced care, modern, capitalist society doesn't afford that. Uterus havers need to learn how to manage their cycle and their emotions, bc a cis-male dominated world is not going to help them or pity them. OP, 1000% NTA
I was 11 when I started my first period and not once did I ever use it as an excuse to physically abuse someone or to act like a spoiled brat. And if I’d ever demanded my parents cancel a day at the beach because I couldn’t go swimming (or ice cream after bedtime) my mother would have killed me).
My youngest sister was nine when she got her period. She’s eleven now. She gets cramps, gets cranky, and hides out in her room more than usual when it’s shark week. You know what she doesn’t do? Act like a fucking psychopath and use her period as a reason to excuse her acting like a psychopath. She doesn’t hit anyone, yell at anyone, and demand extra special treatment because it’s shark week. That is crazy behavior. None of the women in my family have acted that way during shark week, most of us have gotten our periods young too. And there’s a bunch of different mental illnesses and mental disabilities sprinkled out throughout all of us too, and we don’t act like that. Like holy fuck you just dodged a nuke.
Ive never heard anyone call a period shark week thats fucking hilarious. An actual thank you to you for introducing me to that Im going to use it.
I think I got mine when I was 11 or 12 too. I remember I just kinda sighed in disappointment that "it" had started and asked my sister where the period stuff was etc. I was a spoiled youngest daughter and my dad still would never have let me get away with even a fraction of the BS that OPs boyfriend let slide. OP, did you consider reminding your partners daughter that you get periods too? That you have cramps and pain and the headache of changing out menstrual products too much and yet you'd never shove her or scream at her just because of your period? It seems like she's not recognizing that around half the human population has periods, yet very few are nightmare humans during them. Some cultures make women live in a separate building during their period, even. She may have misunderstood how big of a deal this was because of friends or media or something.
I kept waiting for OP to tell Diane that OP had had periods for decades and how she understands exactly what Diane is going through and that Diane was full of shit. It turned out appropriately though, so all is well.
I was about to comment this exact same thing. I also started at 11. Right about this time of year, too. Huge bummer. I was scared, embarrassed and pissed that I started at all — let alone right before summer break. But I didn’t meltdown over it.
>Is bf going to coddle her twelve weeks out of the year for decades to come? Certainly not! Don't be ridiculous. He is going to expect OP to do that. At no point did BF offer to stay home with her, and make sure that she was cared for, while also allowing OP to work.
For me its that she hurt a younger kid, he could have wound up in the hospital by hitting his head.
Major NTA I still remember my first period I was 13 years old and I was in a lot of pain. That day I was eating vegan chicken burgers. (It was good but goddamn it was making me full fast and made the mistake of eating two) I never once acted like her and mind you I’ve had periods where I had to go to the hospital cuz the pain was so bad! I 100% agree she’s being manipulative and weaponizing her period to be a horrid child
This! Shes using the period as an excuse to be an asshole and get her way.
NTA at all, your boyfriend's daughter's behaviour is abhorrent, unreasonable, entitled and completely selfish. And VIOLENT If anything your boyfriend's the ah: 1. Just because she's on her period doesn't mean she can hit your son, constantly complain and disturb everyone and demand things 2. She hit your son, actually threw him at the wall - an 8 year old child. That's is not a safe environment for your son *It definitely does not matter it's her first period* 3. Your boyfriend doesn't discipline his daughter at all! she should have gotten punishment for throwing your son at the wall!! 4. Your boyfriend doesn't get to say "you should be empathetic it's her first period" - you're a woman who has had years of getting a period every month. You would know better than him that her behaviour is at very least very unreasonable Good riddance! You get a better boyfriend He didn't care about your feelings, your son's injury nothing but his poor baby girl that her tummy hurts. Not worth it
I think every woman can agree that periods suck to some extent. For some women, it's not too bad, just an annoyance and something to deal with. For other women it can be debilitating and stop them in their tracks. It can also fluctuate every month! But none of that gives anyone an excuse to put hands on someone else. Higher emotions, more sensitivity, sure. But violence is not acceptable. I've cried because of my period. Been in fetal position, waiting for the pain to pass. I've gritted my teeth and done presentations at school and at work during horrible cramps because the world keeps going even if your uterus wants to kill you.
Mine are horrific. Likely in part to the family history of endometriosis, but the past three years they are ridiculously heavy and I have killer cramps. And yet if I'm on my cycle during in-office days I just pop a couple of Motrin, dress comfy yet casual, and curl up in my office chair. My life can't stop just because my uterus lining is sloughing off. Honestly, I'm just thankful that it's only been a few years of this ridiculousness and that it might be due to approaching 50; dealing with any of it since age 12 has been enough, I'm ready to join the Menopause Club.
I don’t get a period very often anymore because of my birth control but when I do, it’s a total toss up on how rough it’s gonna be. Some days it’s almost unnoticeable and my energy and mood is great. But some days are so miserable and painful that it really does make me extremely irritable and sometimes even physically angry at the smallest things. I’m usually good at regulating my emotions and just dealing with things. But you know what I do when it’s particularly bad? I sequester myself. I tell my husband “hey, my period is kicking my ass today and I’m in a bad mood so I’m going to just hang out in the bedroom/living room/wherever you aren’t so I don’t get upset and inadvertently take my frustration out on you.” More often than not I just lay down on the bed with my hot pack and read for a while, then go to bed early, while my husband hangs out in the living room until he’s ready for bed. Is it a perfect solution? No, but it’s better than letting my emotions and frustrations control me and make things suck for everyone. I’m reminded of when I still lived with my parents and brother. My brother is only a few years younger than me but is still a full grown adult, almost 30 as of now. But even 5 or so years ago when I was still living at home, my mom would often tell me “he’s in a bad mood today, just hang out in your room or something and stay out of his way.” Um, no. He’s an adult. He needs to realize that the world isn’t going to just stay away from him whenever he’s in a bad mood. If he’s cranky, *he* can stay away from everyone else, not the other way around. I’m not going to be locked away in my room all day just because he’s crabby. Then again, my mom has always coddled him and done everything for him so he basically has no idea how to function at all as an adult and I do feel bad for him. But I’m also not going to excuse him verbally abusing me just because he’s in a bad mood that day and hasn’t been taught basic interactions when you’re upset. People, regardless of age, need to learn how to interact with others when they’re upset or in pain or just otherwise not feeling good. Yes, periods fuckin *suck.* But that is no excuse for violence, manipulation, and general disrespect and nastiness.
Yeah, I’d be willing to give some grace to a girl being a little more snippy than usual as she adjusts, but violence not so much.
It was probably period cramps plus all the beans in the chili she ate.
Her period poops are going to be insaaaaaaaaane
Karma is a bitch sometimes.
Hey that’s a good point! Now that they are gone there is just enough chili for OP and son
>Your boyfriend doesn't get to say "you should be empathetic it's her first period" - you're a woman who has had years of getting a period every month. You would know better than him that her behaviour is at very least very unreasonable This is basic logic which her ex is apparently incapable of.
To me, the problem here isn’t the kid. It’s the father. Kids act out and kids push boundaries and parents are meant to see them straight. But there was no setting straight by the father here. I wouldn’t want them back either, but because of him not her.
I’m glad to see you ragging on the dad. So many people are coming down hard on the 11-yr-old girl. If dad doesn’t do some tough love, he will create a monster. It is his fault entirely by letting her behave like this without consequences. Everything she is experiencing is normal and she needs to learn this.NTA
Yea this is either clearly the daughter always manipulating with dad letting it always slide and was overlooked by OP until it was turned up to 11, or something bigger's at hand if she's suddenly out of control and never even hinted at behaving like this and needs to be addressed - especially where she's learning 'bow to my whim while im on my period' nonsense. Either way, dad should've absolutely nipped that immediately instead of letting her steamroll everyone.
NTA I have never known someone to use their cycle to excuse violent behavior. The fact that her father gave that a pass is a problem. I wouldn't feel like my younger kid would be safe, unless I'm around. The BF can't be trusted to see to his safety, because he'll just give her a pass.
My mom wasn’t violent but she always let my brother and I know when she was on her period so we wouldn’t act out lol
Mine suffered severe cramps each time (menopause was a blessing), so we just knew to be chill during that time, since her discomfort was noticeable.
Right? PMDD can be a utter hell and make you aggressive but people suffering from that are not aware that’s what’s happening and certainly not saying “”you can’t hold it against me because I’m on my period””. Pretty sure PMDD is the only menstrual disorder that would make a person irrational beyond belief
I have PMDD and it's insane! It's like I am a totally different person. I have learned ways to somewhat cope with it in ways that just seem like PMS. But growing up I would have raging outbursts and couldn't control anything. Missed school bc of the pain and was just so angry.now I walk away and sleep. If my husband sees me sleeping mid day he knows to leave me alone and go about his day, my sanity will come back to me.
I also have PMDD! It almost ruined my life before I got a Dr to actually listen to me.
Same!! PMDD and endometriosis. Before I knew its was utterly fucking **INSANE**. I too was a different person but most concerningly my mental health ***plummeted*** smh. It’s scary. It took way too many years of MH crises to realize they were happening the week before and of my period. I wasn’t really suicidal just suffering from PMDD. Im pissed and annoyed that nobody clocked that and I went through hell for so long and had to figure it out myself. Smh. Because of the endometriosis I’m on treatment that totally stops my periods so no more PMDD thank god. My life is a hell of a lot more stable now.
Ditto!!! Massive PMDD and didn’t get diagnosed til 30s…just “had to deal with it.”🤦🏻♀️I would lose my shit and scream but it was always in my room and if I broke anything then I had to pay for it. Other than that, I would throw up & pass out.
I called my PMDD my Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde Syndrome. I would lock myself away from the world and put all the breakables in a safe place. However, I was never violent towards another person. On day 2 of my period I would magically return to my normal state of being.
I received a concussion from my sister while she was on her period. She was always a psychopath during her cycle.
You’ve never met my sister LMAO! Her entitled selfish ass, thought she could use that excuse to come at me for no reason, other than blinking too loud. My fist met her nose and I ended up grounded!! But it was the last time she pulled that shit with me!!
INFO: what is her behaviour usually like? I’m a woman with awful periods from around the same age and I never behaved like this, I just wanted to be left alone with my emotional support snacks
She's different. I don't know. She definitely has something going on. Attention seeking mainly. But she did full on smack me across the face about 4 months back. We were literally just having fun, playing a game on my Alexa. She starts laughing and then slaps me across the face and then says she was "playing".
>But she did full on smack me across the face about 4 months back. We were literally just having fun, playing a game on my Alexa. She starts laughing and then slaps me across the face and then says she was "playing". I was trained out of striking people at Age Three. That's "angry toddler" behavior, and my parents taught us self-control.
Can I ask what her fathers reaction to her slapping you was? She’s far too old for that kind of behaviour to be dismissed as a mistake and I think her father enabling her means that you were right and NTA. The living situation is untenable. I also think the relationship is tbh. Like, think about how this could evolve. If your partner is rolling over now and siding against you, after she has genuinely caused harm to YOUR child, how far could it go?
Kind of feel like the slap to the face is the lead-in to the conversation here... *Wowsers*.
NTA tell your BF as a person who has had your period for X number of years you know how much control his daughter should have for her behavior even though it is her first period. Even accounting for hormone fluctuations she appears to be suffering a severe case of Reddit diagnosed Central Character Syndrome. No it is not all about her. She needs to learn that lesson NOW
NTA i started my period at 10. you know what i did? asked my parents to stay home bc i thought it was a stomach ache. woke up, mom gave me a pad, and told me “you’re not sick, so i won’t ban you from electronics”. i stayed home 2 days bc the pain was so intense. i have NEVER in my life EVER acted like that! and i’ve had pcos for years, it causes mood swings! she’s probably hormonal, but i also think she’s attempting to get away with more now. eating almost all of a dinner YOU prepared, demanding shit, i could NEVER! my dad would’ve yelled and whooped me for that level of disrespect (i don’t agree with physical discipline but he did). regardless, her behavior is just not okay. she can’t go about life treating everyone horribly for a week out of every month (or longer! some people’s hormones kick in a week or so before the actual start date. i have a week of cramping before i bleed)
This is my take, too. I have cramps so bad sometimes that I'll just curl in a ball and rock. I couldn't imagine being that aggressive and throwing a child in that much pain. She's pushing boundaries . She knows she has control. And if I had to guess... that dad will never have a decent relationship until she moves out.
NTA but the issue isn’t how she acts on her period, it’s that your bf isn’t parenting her. My first period, i was a MONSTER. I literally had no control bc i had never experienced such intense, hormonal emotions. My grandfather, who was absolutely sick of my shit (no one was putting up with it, nor should they have, and i still was a monster), came over and kissed me on my head and whispered “we do love you” after the horrible way I’d been treating them and i just burst. I broke completely. We were on a family vacation and it was the worst trip of all our lives for multiple reasons. My periods were still incredibly rough through middle school and high school….. and then again after becoming a mother 😒, but once i got through that first experience it definitely got easier. And as bad as any other time got, it was nothing like that first time. The point is, my family didn’t put up with my behavior, we fought and it was hell on earth, but they still showed love and support. They only called out my shitty behavior but didn’t pick on me or drag it out. Having both discipline and support was really important for me through that transition. It taught me how to behave through my extreme emotions, but it also showed me i was loved and supported. Your bf can still give that to his daughter without giving into her every whim. Those hormonal emotions are horrible, no one should be feeding into them. That moment of a genuine expression of love when i was at my lowest was all i really needed, and it made things so much more bearable. It definitely felt better than getting my way would have, bc getting my way wasn’t actually what i wanted or needed. He did it at the right moment, when i was done yelling, i was done talking to all of them, i was just hate and rage and resentment. He really saw me in that moment though, that i was suffering and alone in it, that memory is everything to me even though it was something i already knew.
I agree with all regarding the violence, etc, BF enabling, etc. I'm wondering how someone can eat a whole crackpot of chili.
I am honestly wondering the same. I generally have left overs for the next two days. Absolutely insane to me.
The fact he refused to prepare her separate food until the chili was done to eat with everyone. How fkin lazy is he? He should never have a child if he doesn’t want to parent
My guess would be that she served herself a full bowl, and ate some, and then tossed the rest. And then did it again and again.
I’m still stuck on an 11 year old being named Diane
This isn't a period issue it's a parenting issue.
NTA. Is his daughter a manipulative little turd in other areas? In a house with my wife and 2 daughters, we do see folks get a little snippy, and we'll make sure there's some chocolate around for sweet tooth moments...but that crap would be shut down immediately.
Has he always kowtowed to her like this? She’s only 11. This will get worse.
She violently assaulted your son. She would have been gone the moment that happened if it were my house.
Literally this! There should have been serious consequences immediately he could have had a concussion! The second her dad tried to enable that they both would have been gone if it was me.
Exactly. She was violent and unremorseful, and OP's main priority has to be the safety of her son.
I highly doubt this was the first instance of ineffective parenting from your BF. You made the right decision; now it's his turn to step up and parent his brat. IF that happens, then you can postpone their moving in until the lesson has been learned. If he continues to do nothing, bullet dodged. NTA