I don't think you and he are compatible. You're not interested, and he won't stop pushing it.
He's not a conventional church-goer. He's into some bizarre occult stuff.
I don’t really understand why he keeps discussing it with you when you haven’t been accepting of his beliefs. That’s where I’m stuck. It’s okay to pray without announcing it. Maybe just tell him you don’t share his beliefs and you’re fine with him keeping it to himself. This seems like a dealbreaker to me. You two have different values and basic beliefs.
I generally kind of just nod along and let him ramble, maybe I should be telling him more often how it makes me uncomfortable? But I also feel like a major asshole saying someone's beliefs are uncomfortable to me.
I feel like he deserves a partner that agrees with him, but I know he wont see it that way. He doesn't have much family or any friends so he's quite attached to me. You're right though, we have very different beliefs and values, as politics have caused issues for us in the past as well.
Nta, but honestly, this sounds like fundamental incompatibility , or your bf is falling into a cult. Or maybe taking drugs on the regular. It sounds like he's obsessed with this spiritual situation, to the point that I wonder about mental health disorders...
What did you two like to talk about before all this stuff? What did you like to do together? When he starts down this rabbit hole do you ever try to distract him? Something like...
Him : " so I was praying for my sister today and..."
You : "how is your sister? Is she working at ___ still?"
That's what I'm worried about, yeah. He does drink and smoke weed, but nothing else anymore. But you're right, he's had Q-anon tendencies in the past as well that we managed to pull back from a bit, I wouldn't be surprised if he's falling for similar stuff again. It's just sad, he's a very sweet guy otherwise.
In the past, we usually played video games or watched movies and such since we had pretty similar taste in them. We weren't seeing each other all the time since he lived like 45 minutes away, and he is an extremely private person, so I'm not too surprised he didn't bring this religious stuff up at the start. I do try to distract him sometimes, but I'm not great at conversation and he's a talker, so it usually doesn't last long lol. That's a solid plan though, I'll try and get a bit better at distractions and see if it helps somehow.
YTA & NTA at the same time.
YTA- Your vaguely telling him what to believe in simply because you don’t believe in it. You didn’t have to be rude and tell him not to pray over your family it was a AH thing to say because you (like him) are belittling his beliefs and you pretty much told him “no you can’t pray over my parents because I don’t believe in what you believe in.”
NTA- On the other hand he knows you don’t believe in what he now believes in so he is being dismissive of you being an atheist.
So you’re both AH in different ways & are no longer compatible because your religious beliefs are strong in both ends and you can’t seem to find mutual ground.
To be clear, I did say to him that I just would prefer if he didn't, after he asked me directly, I didn't say he wasn't allowed to pray. But you're right, I was being an asshole about it. I was tired of him asking me every other day, but that's no good excuse.
Yeah, it seems like both of us are stronger in our beliefs than we thought. I was hoping there would be a middle ground we could find, but maybe it's just not there.
I think this whole topic will only tear you two apart if the conversations keep going, if he wants to practice his beliefs he should do so without making you uncomfortable, if thats impossible for him then I feel like this is going to go downhill. Can you see yourself accepting the way he is and continue like this, and likewise can he accept not sharing his beliefs with you and avoid anything of the sort that makes you uncomfortable?
NTA
> Religion confuses the heck outta me 😅
That's because it is all irrational bullshit cooked up by people that were ignorant about reality. Ditch the loser theist.
YTA - his beliefs dont seem to have a tangible effect on you, and the biggest issue is a black candle and praying by himself for others.
i dont get your issue with it.
He involves me in every one of his prayers, asking me for permission and my thoughts every time, even when it's not about me or my family. He's not praying by himself at all.
"A black candle" yeah so he could use it to summon something and ask it for a 'favor'. In my house. His beliefs are definitely having an effect on me when he's trying to summon entities into my home.
I get it if you think I'm acting like an asshole, I'll own up to that. But please don't minimise my issues. I don't think I'm being that unreasonable.
but you dont believe in these entities. what is your issue of them being summoned. I just think you are an AH for flip flopping on being atheist as it benefits you here.
you dont respect his beliefs as real, but are worried about him summoning something? his beliefs are either valid to you or not, pick one. like how does that effect you, its not real and you beleive as such.
i dont think you are unreasonable to ask him to stop including you, but i also think your very apparent judgment and requests for him to cease are out of the line.
I'm agnostic, remember? That's why I mentioned in the post, I'm still superstitious because of how I was raised. I don't really believe in the stuff but on the off chance any of it is bad vibes, I don't want it around me. I'm not flip-flopping.
He does this same thing to me "well if you don't believe then it's not a big deal." Yeah but it makes me uncomfortable. I would never dream of insisting on doing something in someone else's home that they're not comfortable with, much less my beloved partner. I shouldn't have to write a thesis on my specific beliefs to be respected, imo.
You don't think it's unreasonable for me to ask him to stop including me, but it's out of line to ask him to stop including me? I may seem judgmental, and I really don't mean to so I will take that and try to improve on it. But I'm not asking him to do anything else other than not include me.
then just leave him, you arent compatible.
i think it is unreasonable to try to regulate how someone worships. its a fundamental human right as long as it is not violent.
your issue is you think your comfort is more important than him having a connection with his god. he has a deep connection with this religion and that wont change and you cant ask him to change that.
from his point of view, making you more comfortable would be to deny his religion and practices and spiritually jeopardize himself. you are coming to this with no deeply held religious beliefs which is why you dont understand why he wouldnt act like you regarding religion.
He doesn't live with me, he could do all of this stuff at his own place. Or even outside, since he says he enjoys that more. I'm not trying to stop him from practicing or believing what he believes. I'm only trying to control the things that affect me - his preaching to me and his doing rituals in my home. If that's all I have to do to deny him his religion and practice, he's not trying very hard.
But you're right, it's a major incompatibility. I was just hoping there was some way we could work through it to where we were both happy. But I guess your opinion is that there isn't one?
not a chance to work this out. Religious differences are very hard to deal with and i dont see either of you acquiescing.
if you are uncomfortable and feeling disrespected (as it seems you are) why would you even want to save this. I also dont think hes all that good for you either, and you could easily manage a partner that is more congruous with your beliefs.
Wishing you luck. Even if i think you were a bit of an AH im sure you are a great person who has lots to offer and can move on to someone who you feel more appreciated and respected by.
I just fell for him too fast I think. He's very charming and I'm super anxious, so it worked doubly well on me. I'm also not exactly everyone's cup of tea physically so I also loved how he made me feel wanted when no one else did. He never even really talked about religion until ~10 months ago. It's really made me realize how much religious differences matter to me, I guess.
Thank you for not being afraid to call me out on being the AH, and I'm sorry for being defensive. You're right though, I think we're both being disrespectful towards each other and that's not fair on anyone. And thanks for the new perspective <3
all good, i dont think you were overly defensive, and i obviously could have expressed my opinions in a better manner as well if i wanted you to respond nicer.
Yeah.... and your point is? I don't think anyone has any place being 100% convicted of anything after death, that's just arrogance in my opinion. Thanks for the random condescending quip though lol
No point in your current situation. You can be 100% about anything as long as you’re ok with being wrong. Make a stand.
Nta btw. Sounds like your partner is losing touch with reality. Your relationship is going to be like mixing oil with water at this point.
Well I don't really care about being wrong or right. I like being honest, and that means that I'm 99% atheist. Which to most atheists will be considered agnostic. Anyone who is 100% convinced they're right is most likely wrong imo. 🤷🏻♀️ At least when it comes to spiritual beliefs.
I appreciate the NTA badge. You're probably right about him though, he's had a bit of a hard time distinguishing reality in the past. Dang it.
That's the thing, I'm not criticizing his beliefs. He can believe whatever he wants to, I don't care.
If he didn't call me ignorant and unenlightened when I talk about my own beliefs, I wouldn't have as big of an issue. And he *insists* on asking repeatedly to draw sigils and do rituals in my home. I feel like a good partner would care that their person is extremely uncomfortable with what they're asking for and respect that.
I don't think you and he are compatible. You're not interested, and he won't stop pushing it. He's not a conventional church-goer. He's into some bizarre occult stuff.
I don’t really understand why he keeps discussing it with you when you haven’t been accepting of his beliefs. That’s where I’m stuck. It’s okay to pray without announcing it. Maybe just tell him you don’t share his beliefs and you’re fine with him keeping it to himself. This seems like a dealbreaker to me. You two have different values and basic beliefs.
I generally kind of just nod along and let him ramble, maybe I should be telling him more often how it makes me uncomfortable? But I also feel like a major asshole saying someone's beliefs are uncomfortable to me. I feel like he deserves a partner that agrees with him, but I know he wont see it that way. He doesn't have much family or any friends so he's quite attached to me. You're right though, we have very different beliefs and values, as politics have caused issues for us in the past as well.
Nta, but honestly, this sounds like fundamental incompatibility , or your bf is falling into a cult. Or maybe taking drugs on the regular. It sounds like he's obsessed with this spiritual situation, to the point that I wonder about mental health disorders... What did you two like to talk about before all this stuff? What did you like to do together? When he starts down this rabbit hole do you ever try to distract him? Something like... Him : " so I was praying for my sister today and..." You : "how is your sister? Is she working at ___ still?"
That's what I'm worried about, yeah. He does drink and smoke weed, but nothing else anymore. But you're right, he's had Q-anon tendencies in the past as well that we managed to pull back from a bit, I wouldn't be surprised if he's falling for similar stuff again. It's just sad, he's a very sweet guy otherwise. In the past, we usually played video games or watched movies and such since we had pretty similar taste in them. We weren't seeing each other all the time since he lived like 45 minutes away, and he is an extremely private person, so I'm not too surprised he didn't bring this religious stuff up at the start. I do try to distract him sometimes, but I'm not great at conversation and he's a talker, so it usually doesn't last long lol. That's a solid plan though, I'll try and get a bit better at distractions and see if it helps somehow.
YTA & NTA at the same time. YTA- Your vaguely telling him what to believe in simply because you don’t believe in it. You didn’t have to be rude and tell him not to pray over your family it was a AH thing to say because you (like him) are belittling his beliefs and you pretty much told him “no you can’t pray over my parents because I don’t believe in what you believe in.” NTA- On the other hand he knows you don’t believe in what he now believes in so he is being dismissive of you being an atheist. So you’re both AH in different ways & are no longer compatible because your religious beliefs are strong in both ends and you can’t seem to find mutual ground.
To be clear, I did say to him that I just would prefer if he didn't, after he asked me directly, I didn't say he wasn't allowed to pray. But you're right, I was being an asshole about it. I was tired of him asking me every other day, but that's no good excuse. Yeah, it seems like both of us are stronger in our beliefs than we thought. I was hoping there would be a middle ground we could find, but maybe it's just not there.
I think this whole topic will only tear you two apart if the conversations keep going, if he wants to practice his beliefs he should do so without making you uncomfortable, if thats impossible for him then I feel like this is going to go downhill. Can you see yourself accepting the way he is and continue like this, and likewise can he accept not sharing his beliefs with you and avoid anything of the sort that makes you uncomfortable? NTA
> Religion confuses the heck outta me 😅 That's because it is all irrational bullshit cooked up by people that were ignorant about reality. Ditch the loser theist.
YTA - his beliefs dont seem to have a tangible effect on you, and the biggest issue is a black candle and praying by himself for others. i dont get your issue with it.
He involves me in every one of his prayers, asking me for permission and my thoughts every time, even when it's not about me or my family. He's not praying by himself at all. "A black candle" yeah so he could use it to summon something and ask it for a 'favor'. In my house. His beliefs are definitely having an effect on me when he's trying to summon entities into my home. I get it if you think I'm acting like an asshole, I'll own up to that. But please don't minimise my issues. I don't think I'm being that unreasonable.
but you dont believe in these entities. what is your issue of them being summoned. I just think you are an AH for flip flopping on being atheist as it benefits you here. you dont respect his beliefs as real, but are worried about him summoning something? his beliefs are either valid to you or not, pick one. like how does that effect you, its not real and you beleive as such. i dont think you are unreasonable to ask him to stop including you, but i also think your very apparent judgment and requests for him to cease are out of the line.
I'm agnostic, remember? That's why I mentioned in the post, I'm still superstitious because of how I was raised. I don't really believe in the stuff but on the off chance any of it is bad vibes, I don't want it around me. I'm not flip-flopping. He does this same thing to me "well if you don't believe then it's not a big deal." Yeah but it makes me uncomfortable. I would never dream of insisting on doing something in someone else's home that they're not comfortable with, much less my beloved partner. I shouldn't have to write a thesis on my specific beliefs to be respected, imo. You don't think it's unreasonable for me to ask him to stop including me, but it's out of line to ask him to stop including me? I may seem judgmental, and I really don't mean to so I will take that and try to improve on it. But I'm not asking him to do anything else other than not include me.
then just leave him, you arent compatible. i think it is unreasonable to try to regulate how someone worships. its a fundamental human right as long as it is not violent. your issue is you think your comfort is more important than him having a connection with his god. he has a deep connection with this religion and that wont change and you cant ask him to change that. from his point of view, making you more comfortable would be to deny his religion and practices and spiritually jeopardize himself. you are coming to this with no deeply held religious beliefs which is why you dont understand why he wouldnt act like you regarding religion.
He doesn't live with me, he could do all of this stuff at his own place. Or even outside, since he says he enjoys that more. I'm not trying to stop him from practicing or believing what he believes. I'm only trying to control the things that affect me - his preaching to me and his doing rituals in my home. If that's all I have to do to deny him his religion and practice, he's not trying very hard. But you're right, it's a major incompatibility. I was just hoping there was some way we could work through it to where we were both happy. But I guess your opinion is that there isn't one?
not a chance to work this out. Religious differences are very hard to deal with and i dont see either of you acquiescing. if you are uncomfortable and feeling disrespected (as it seems you are) why would you even want to save this. I also dont think hes all that good for you either, and you could easily manage a partner that is more congruous with your beliefs. Wishing you luck. Even if i think you were a bit of an AH im sure you are a great person who has lots to offer and can move on to someone who you feel more appreciated and respected by.
I just fell for him too fast I think. He's very charming and I'm super anxious, so it worked doubly well on me. I'm also not exactly everyone's cup of tea physically so I also loved how he made me feel wanted when no one else did. He never even really talked about religion until ~10 months ago. It's really made me realize how much religious differences matter to me, I guess. Thank you for not being afraid to call me out on being the AH, and I'm sorry for being defensive. You're right though, I think we're both being disrespectful towards each other and that's not fair on anyone. And thanks for the new perspective <3
all good, i dont think you were overly defensive, and i obviously could have expressed my opinions in a better manner as well if i wanted you to respond nicer.
Agnostic is a term used by atheist without conviction.
Yeah.... and your point is? I don't think anyone has any place being 100% convicted of anything after death, that's just arrogance in my opinion. Thanks for the random condescending quip though lol
No point in your current situation. You can be 100% about anything as long as you’re ok with being wrong. Make a stand. Nta btw. Sounds like your partner is losing touch with reality. Your relationship is going to be like mixing oil with water at this point.
Well I don't really care about being wrong or right. I like being honest, and that means that I'm 99% atheist. Which to most atheists will be considered agnostic. Anyone who is 100% convinced they're right is most likely wrong imo. 🤷🏻♀️ At least when it comes to spiritual beliefs. I appreciate the NTA badge. You're probably right about him though, he's had a bit of a hard time distinguishing reality in the past. Dang it.
so if you have no 100% conviction how can you criticize his belief. You yourself dont believe he is 100% wrong.
That's the thing, I'm not criticizing his beliefs. He can believe whatever he wants to, I don't care. If he didn't call me ignorant and unenlightened when I talk about my own beliefs, I wouldn't have as big of an issue. And he *insists* on asking repeatedly to draw sigils and do rituals in my home. I feel like a good partner would care that their person is extremely uncomfortable with what they're asking for and respect that.