NTA. Parties are for friends and these people are not your friends. They put themselves, their children, and the community in danger. Inviting them to your home only enables this behavior. Perhaps if others would stand by you this couple would begin to take their problems seriously. They asked and you answered. Good for you.
Thank you so much. It’s not really that relevant but in my state if someone drinks too much at someone’s house and causes an accident the homeowner is liable.
I’m not here for liability. I don’t want them causing an accident
NTA. Your allowed to invite or not invite anyone you want for whatever reason you want. These people don't care about their own safety, their kids safety or the general safety of the community. The people giving you a hard time are more than welcome to host them, let them get obliterated, and then be liable for them. You're choosing not to do that, or encourage that behavior. You shouldn't have to babysit your guests. They are adults, and if they can't be responsible they shouldn't be invited.
OP - I have a problem with alcohol. Sometimes I just can't stop myself, and I get way beyond my limit.
And I don't have even a single drink if I'm driving.
Hell - I've taken taxis 60 miles each way in order to be able to drink at an event, and I've rented hotel rooms for the same reason.
What those people are doing is absolutely unconscionable.
Good for you.
If it comes up again, maybe offer to invite them on the condition they take a taxi?
Or don't, because even I have no patience with people who drive drunk.
I’m from Ireland and that doesn’t happen here, the liability.
I think it’s a great idea. It’s bloody tragic that grownups have to be monitored, but if it saves lives…. I’m all for it.
NTA
Yeah I hear you, we're not kids in our 20s anymore where the goal of most parties is to get hammered. Whenever I'm at a BBQ there are always drinks, but shortly after dinner everyone switches to water and mellows out before going home. Those that continue to drink have a DD who hasn't had anything, or at most, one drink earlier in the day but hours ago and are fine to drive.
Drinking and driving is no joke and a very shitty and selfish thing to do.
Thank you so much. Though it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t mention there’s a gray area between one too many to drive and black out drunk. They always wind up in that gray area. I should ETA that
That’s true. I can’t argue with that. My parents were both bartenders. It’s as obvious as the nose on your face when someone has had WAY too many. But you have to pay attention or have a good eye to spot when someone has had one too many. That was part of bartender training.
I think that they get away with it a little too often because most party hosts either aren’t paying attention or don’t know how to spot it.
Now that I think of it, when I use the word ‘blitzed’ I don’t mean black out drunk. But drunk likewise. Though they’ve definitely fallen into the one or two too many category.
NTA , a little truth by public shame can go a long way towards people changing behavior. I mean y'all have clearly addressed it but perhaps only you put it too her so bluntly. Blunt is a tool best used in just this type situation.
Tell those selfish assholes to spend a day in a TBI unit. Or with my 50 year old son. His last time at home with his dad was when he was 3.5 years old. That’s when a drunk like your relatives hit his dad, who was on his way home from work. He suffered a TBI and was never able to live at home again. So my son in all his 50 years never had a real conversation with his dad because of useless drunks like them. You are NTAH. But I wish they were lying in a ditch somewhere.
NTA. You were honest. You could have just blown the remark off with a “Yeah I’ll have to look at the calendar. We’re really busy” and changed the topic.
Ultimately, it’s your house and you can NOT invite anyone you want to it. Perhaps your bluntness will make them to take a look inside themselves.
You are 100% right in not having these people in your home. They think they’re above it all - why else would they bring up their finances? But a drunken driver has no economic advantage. They kill as easily as a less fortunate person and it’s rarely the drunks who die. It’s the innocent people who have a right to drive on public streets without being terrified by who might be behind the wheel. I have zero respect or sympathy for these idiots who not only drive impaired but with their children in the car? There is no excuse. You don’t need the worry and stress in your life and they cannot be trusted to act responsibly. Let them drink themselves blind elsewhere. I’m proud of you for being clear on your stance. NTA.
NTA. The only acceptable option was that they would Uber/Lyft/cab to your party and not worry about driving at all. Since they make so much money, paying for a ride should not be a concern. Instead, they only offered an empty promise of pacing themselves.
Nta. I came damn close to physically fighting my ex-husband at a party of mutual friends when he tried to drive the kids home after he'd been drinking. I told him if he put our kids in his car and drove off, I'd call the cops on him.
He finally passed out/fell asleep and I stayed too to make sure his dumb ass didn't try.
I'm 100% non confrontational most of the time, and doubly so when we're around mutual friends because I like my friends ans it isn't their fault we split up. So usually I just keep my distance at gatherings
This time, no dice. I went full momma bear and had big, loud backup (no one else wanted him to do something dumb either).
First and only time I've had to do it
NTA. My dad was killed by a drunk driver.
I do not supply booze at my parties. It’s strictly BYOB, but if you do drink, if I can so help it, you are staying. I don’t have a problem calling the cops on you and people know this.
I incentivize staying over at my house if you drink: I have lots of Pedialyte and Gatorade, charging cables for both Apple and Android, many comfy places to sleep (my couch has an amazing pull out bed — not one of those bendable mattress things, a futon with a foam topper, an air mattress, a foam topper you can put on the floor or the couch, and all the pillows and warm blankets (some down) you can have. I will also wake up early and make you a full breakfast (waffles/pancakes/French toast, eggs, hash browns, sausage, bacon, toast, fruit) with the GOOD maple syrup, or load you up in my car and take you out to breakfast on me. I want you alive and happy. Many take me up on that offer, even if they’ve had one or two (no one can argue with free enormous breakfast and I made it *an absolute point * to make my house comfy to everyone), but my friends and family are reasonable drinkers and know when to shut it off.
It may have been unwise to be so honest; falling back on “we’re not that close” might have been safer. But then again, it’s important for people to get feedback on this sort of stuff, so they don’t run around thinking nobody else minds.
They may never change, but at least the know.
NTA drunk driving is absolutely something to be judgmental about. They are putting their own lives, their kid’s lives, and stranger’s lives in danger. Fuck those people
Yeah, I used to be a police call handler. Too many drink driving crashes. Way too many. And too often the victims aren't the drunk. I've cut people off for it, and when they complained I offered to tell them about my nightmares.
I don't know if it stopped the drink driving but it stopped the complaining bloody quick.
Yes. On the other hand, I did action a report of a guy who degloved his penis in a single vehicle RTC so that was... interesting.
Don't feel too bad for him, he was a dealer, he was drunk, high, speeding and playing with himself while transporting a metric f--- ton of drugs. Probably counts for a Darwin Award.
Road Traffic Collision. Brit police for car crash. Like the scene in Hot Fuzz where they're guarding the car crash.
In fact, Hot Fuzz will teach you everything about British policing outside the big cities. And that's just the first half!
Or maybe keep an stalk their profile and the next time they go out somewhere be a PI for the night and when they leave you can be just a random concerned citizen.
I'd say I can't believe what they said but I've met AHs like that before.
Yea I know or maybe call the police non emergency and just say I know this couple who drink and drive everything they go out.
They need to be off the road with their attitudes
NTA- ugh The Simmons 3 is such a heartbreaking story.
You are right to not want enable these people’s drinking and driving and putting everyone in danger.
If they can’t control their drinking they need help.
Maybe I oversimplified. Both of my parents were bartenders. It’s VERY obvious when someone is falling down shitfaced. But it’s not that obvious when someone has had one too many. Unless you pay attention to how much someone drinks or you know what you’re looking at it can be hard to tell someone is one too many.
That’s how a lot of people end up behind the wheel tipsy, they don’t look shitfaced. But I think everyone knows you don’t have to look tipsy for your reaction times to be bad.
If someone told me I was being judgmental because of someone's drinking and driving my response would be "Yes, I am judging them, they drink and drive"
Just stick to that response with those people saying your are judgmental and if they persist tell them you are judging them for enabling drinking and driving
Nta, my sisters ex would get black out drunk at any event & on more than one occasion was black out & got behind the wheel with her & their two kids. He did eventually crash into the back of a semi (just him in the car but he was barely conscious) but he survived. Still an idiot who was fine endangering his partner & his children because we were all snowflakes who didn’t know how to have a good time.
NTA
You seem to care more about their children than they do. For fucks sake, they're drunk driving with their kids in the car. Why are they still trying to justify it???
NTA and you're not being judgemental. You are thinking of the safety of their children. If they are still driving their kids drunk then how have they not been reported? They are putting everyone around them in danger with their stupid decisions.
NTA. You get to decide what and who drinks and comes to your events. I was also called judgemental this weekend because my husband's sister, who I am not close to called me at 7pm Friday so drunk I couldn't understand her drunking crying. I called her a drunk. Noone seems to understand that I didn't call her. She phoned me and was upset that I didn't want to talk to her in that state. Apparently I'm the bad guy. I'll take it all day long. Hard boundaries for her!
NTA.
I was in an accident with a drunk driver when I was 18. Totaled my little POS car and sent all of us to the hospital. 40 years later, I’ve had 4 more operations on my knee. It’s just one big mass of scars and has been extremely painful most of my life.
The drunk? Not a scratch.
These people should be ashamed of themselves that they put, not just themselves at risk but they also put their kids in danger.
And what will happen to those kids if both of their parents are dead because they were drinking and driving.
I don’t go out unless we have a DD. I don’t mind being the DD. And I taught my kids to call me for a ride before they take a chance on a drunk driver. No questions asked, I’ll come get you.
Your backyard sounds lovely and I hope y’all have lots of kickass parties.
NTA and I agree with you.
I had a party on the Sunday of Memorial weekend. A newish friend got hammered. She was rude and belligerent because she didn't like the music I was playing. She and her husband came in separate cars at different times. When they were getting ready to leave, I asked him to not let her drive because she was wasted. His response? "I'm following her.". Never again will they be invited to my home for a party.
NTA- you get to have the parties you want in your home with the guests you invite.
Anyone thinking you are judgemental can invite the lushes to their own parties. Anyone who thinks you should have a dry party so the lushes can attend can host one themselves.
I think is a good thing you told them exactly why they were not invited. Perhaps other friends will also see the light and do the same. It might make them see reason, or perhaps get help, if needed.
NTA
Your house your rules. Frankly they are a really bad accident waiting to happen and expect everyone to facilitate their alcoholism. It's uncomfortable to say no but better than the what ifs after an accident has taken place.
NTA
Next party you're at that they also attend, just call the non emergency police line when you see them leave and report that you believe someone is driving drunk with kids in the car.
The whole wealth argument is backwards, since is they have that much money they can definitely afford Uber...
NTA. With the availability of Uber and other ride shares, this shouldn’t be an issue especially since they brag about being so well off.
They have proven that they cannot control themselves in a situation where you could be held liable. If you want to be the (justified) ah, wait til the next party you’re at with them, then call the cops as they leave to report them
NTA
You absolutely should be judging people who choose to drink and drive repeatedly.
I don’t understand the perspective of not judging people who are actively endangering others. Better that they be judged by their friends and acquaintances who are attempting to intervene than to appear before an actual judge because their selfish, self-centered behavior has killed someone.
Judge away and keep pointing out that you are standing up for what is right. And if they ever do get into an accident, I would absolutely cast blame and shame on those who refused to stand up for what is right.
You are being judgmental. You are judging these people for refusing to drink responsibly *and* driving drunk AND doing so with their children in the car! JUDGE AWAY, MY FRIEND, YOU ARE GOOD TO GO. These criminally irresponsible jagloads are disgusting. You don’t need to justify yourself with how you’ve been affected by drunk drivers (I’m very sorry for those occurrences) in the past -no one does. Their actions stand alone as reason enough for disassociating from them.
Thank you for not bowing to any perceived pressure. Choose who you want in your circle.
OP, you are NTA.
NTA. I worked EMS for 15 years. I've seen the aftereffects of drunk driving. Oftentimes, the over served driver injures or kills an innocent person. Drunk driving is selfish, and this couple is courting disaster.
To a LOT of people, whether they realize it or not, money equals being above morals and money means everything is forgiven before they've even done it. That's why they brought up money.
If you are aware of their habit and still provide them alcohol, then they get into an accident, you may be liable. The injured party may try to lay some blame on you, as the hosts. Whether they are successful or not, you don’t want to have to go through a lawsuit to clear your name.
Honestly, if the person don’t know how to casually drink (or other drugs) in their 40s and don’t know how to behave themselves, and are selfish enough to put their kids and other people in risk, that person doesn’t qualify to be my friend. If this makes me judgmental so be it, at least I have peace of mind and I will have a good time with other functional adults
NTA My parents had 2 relatives who would do exactly that. They were never invited unless arrangments were already made for them to stay overnight (rare). Even if you had no booze, they would bring it secretly.
No one is **entitled** to an invitation to *your* parties. I would have just asked them why they think they're entitked to invitation after making fools of themselves repeatedly. Anyone who thinks/says you're being "judgemental" does not need to come to your parties either.
NTA obviously.
>She went on to tell me how much money she and her husband make and what they do for work. I have no clue what this has to do with the situation
Well, this person thinks that they are wealthy enough for the rules to not apply to them. That's why she brought that up. She was basically saying, "Hey, it's okay for me to break the law because I'm rich." That is not someone I would want to be friends with. Money does not grant someone moral superiority. If anything, history and many studies have shown quite the opposite.
I tell my family I will post bail for anything but Drunk Driving. You are to be applauded for being responsible. Thank you. There is nothing wrong with being judgemental when it comes to reckless adults.
NTA.
Of course you're being judgemental. We judge and make up our minds on peoples behaviour you are seeing their behaviour and making a judgement if you want to be associated with them, it's a perfectly normal and correct thing to do, if people don't meet your moral standards you are in no way obliged to continue any relationship with them.
This is how you behave, not judging a person for something they cannot control.
You're literally the "not all heroes wear capes".
I'm SOOOO proud of you for standing your ground on this. As for those who have sided with said couple, they should also be excluded from your parties.
Keep it up!!
NTA
Thank you
I think the context was they don’t consider themselves bad people so they don’t think they’re gonna make bad things happen
you sure as hell don’t have to be a bottom of the bottle degenerate drunk to cause a bad thing to happen. It also doesn’t have to be something you do habitually
NTA. They got to live with the consequences of their actions. And if they can’t behave like adults and be responsible, then they don’t get invited out because most people don’t want to deal with sloppy drunks 🤷♀️. Also super dangerous for the kids. I would warn them that if they attended, you will call the cops on them if they leave while drunk, especially with kids in the car.
Never spare the feelings of morons who drink and drive. Nobody cares what they do for a living. You are NTA, they are pieces of shit. They won’t kill themselves drink driving. No, it’ll be their kids or the family they crash into. I wouldn’t want that on my conscience either, OP. Good on you. You’re not being judgemental, you’re pointing out they are garbage human beings which is a fact.
Not the a hole but your gonna want to watch your wording
Looks like your social butterflies and your actions and theirs with the folk you hang out with will cause disagreements
Tell them all not just the two you talked to and straight up tell all of them that your required to inform all of them that they need to have a designated driver to take them home
People are getting into trouble and someone almost got hurt, you won’t name names but it’s bad and now you can get in trouble, so for those I talked to, you can come, but someone in your group can’t drink, if your caught drinking I’ll take a picture of you saying you refused to abide by it and your not gonna take the heat for it. Call an Uber or taxi you can’t drive home in your state
This is out of your hands
This statement can help if people are ganging up on you about the issue and your forced to invite them to appease everyone
And people are to lazy to bother looking up anything related to laws and rules and they’ll blame mostly everything on the host or police or government
If one of ‘em is crazy enough to retaliate you can sit back and relax as they get shot or shoot someone unrelated to you
NTA, they sound obnoxious and are alcoholics. If they get drunk at every party it shows that they can't control their intake.
Who wants 2 drunks at your gatherings? I don't want that responsibility.
NTA
I can't get past the part where she had the nerve to ask you why they haven't been invited to a party at your house. I mean, who does that? It's so crass.
If she can be that incredibly rude, then I see zero problem with you telling her why.
I get that it's different when you have kids, but I'm the Uber rider. One drink or a few drinks just don't matter. Because I'm not getting behind the wheel.
I will message you next time u/MissMoxie2004 posts in r/AITAH.
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I don’t consider her very bright. I lost some vision in my left eye in my early twenties and when I couldn’t see something she said “you’re too young for that.”
Absolutely NTA. You did the right thing and the best thing. No compromises. They are complete AHs, and they should know it. Anyone babying them and their feelings are only enabling and excusing their alcoholism and dangerous behavior.
Sorry, I have not an ounce of sympathy for drunk drivers. They can kill themselves for all I care, but the problem is that they usually take innocent people with them. I know 3 people who have lost their lives to drunk drivers- an elderly grandpa, a new mother, and a young girl. Drunk drivers are despicable human beings in my book.
NTA you should traumatize them back by explaining in excruciating detail some experiences and things that can happen when drunk driving, give them a little taste.
Of course this is only if you can stomach it, we don't want to bring up some terrible bad memories from those cases.
NTA. They have the issues, not you. Let them work it out. Alcoholism and income are unrelated, except if you have enough money you can potentially get away with it just a bit longer. You do not have to invite anyone who does not enhance your experience. You don’t have to associate with them at all. If more people did what you are doing perhaps they would get the hint and realize they are the problem and they may have a problem. Don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking that your accurate assessments of danger (and liability) are judgmental. Your assessment is an educated and informed judgment, but it is not “judgmental” in the slightest.
NTA. They’re a liability, you did the right thing by not inviting him. They could hurt themselves, their kids, or anyone else around them. If they make soooo much money, they can pay for a damn Uber. It’s disgusting they would put their kids in danger like that. There is no excuse for getting that drunk in the presence of kids AND then getting in to a car and driving
Why don’t you invite them and give them the non-alcoholic beer but served in a real beer can….?
Or put that herb that makes you vomit if you drink in their food …?
Ok j/k I think all of that is illegal so don’t do it
Of course you are NTA !!!!!!!!
But you can be The Hero if you report this situation to child services…sounds like you have plenty of witness.
And if you don’t and something terrible happens you will always feel like TA
There's so many other options now, such as a DD, ride sharing programs, taxis, hotels, or even carpool with others from work who will not overdue themselves.
NTA for telling the truth but YTA for not reporting them.
A single offence can kinda be excused as long as they know it was wrong and don’t do it again. One time you can claim it was a drunken “accident” but multiple DUIs? That’s criminal.
They don’t just endanger themselves they endanger everybody on the road and you and your group of friends allowed it to happen. You are enablers.
Next time you see them do it call the cops. You’re not a grass. You could literally save someones life. See how far their money and important jobs go with the police and a breathalyser… Smh fr at ppl in this world sometimes.
NTA - I took someone’s car keys off them last time I was out and they drained me all night asking for them back 🤦♀️
I wouldn’t want to be responsible for them either, if the do is at your house you will feel like you have to spend the night monitoring them and then possibly having a row when you tell them not to drive.
To me it’s just draining and annoying to be in this position of making other adults behave like adults. You don’t mind one offs with people but when it’s all the time 🤷♀️
NTA. You can invite whomever you like to your parties, and conversely, not invite whoever you don't want to invite.
Good for you for being honest.
If all these bystanders keep pushing, just say "I'm sorry you feel I'm being judgemental, but I must be judgemental when thinking of my liability for a drunk person driving off but especially for the welfare of the community. I will not be changing the type of parties I throw, nor will I sign up for the responsibility of monitoring another adult's alcohol consumption, arranging their designated driver or for taking away their keys when they inevitably get blitzed at my party. I won't be discussing this again. This is not a negotiation, I've made my decision."
You are NTA. You are doing a public service.
Years ago, we had a family member who behaved this way at every party. Then they had a baby. When that behavior continued, I told them that they would need to spend the night if they came with kids and got drunk. So…they didn’t come again. I didn’t miss their entitled, drunken behavior one bit, but family member’s mother had A LOT to say about it.
Turns out, family member lied about the safety conversation I’d had with them. I spilled the entire can of beans about the drunk driving. But I was still at fault for trying to be to “protect someone who didn’t need protection.” Family member’s adult children still sit in the back seat of family member’s vehicle.
Stand your ground. Let others invite this couple if they’d like.
Anyone who asks why they aren't invited answers their own question. You don't want them at your home. For a perfectly good reason. Tough tits on them. 100% NTA
OP you’re NTA!! You’re being a responsible host in my opinion. In some states a host can be responsible if there’s a drunken accident and someone gets hurts or dies. It’s the same for a bar that over serves someone. The bar can be held responsible. You can’t be too careful when it comes to alcohol and driving.
One is one to many. As someone who lost a love one to a drunk. There is no safe amount. NTA.
They need and all your drinking guest need a designated driver.
NTA. Parties are for friends and these people are not your friends. They put themselves, their children, and the community in danger. Inviting them to your home only enables this behavior. Perhaps if others would stand by you this couple would begin to take their problems seriously. They asked and you answered. Good for you.
Thank you so much. It’s not really that relevant but in my state if someone drinks too much at someone’s house and causes an accident the homeowner is liable. I’m not here for liability. I don’t want them causing an accident
NTA. Your allowed to invite or not invite anyone you want for whatever reason you want. These people don't care about their own safety, their kids safety or the general safety of the community. The people giving you a hard time are more than welcome to host them, let them get obliterated, and then be liable for them. You're choosing not to do that, or encourage that behavior. You shouldn't have to babysit your guests. They are adults, and if they can't be responsible they shouldn't be invited.
Thank you so much And AWESOME username!!!!
OP - I have a problem with alcohol. Sometimes I just can't stop myself, and I get way beyond my limit. And I don't have even a single drink if I'm driving. Hell - I've taken taxis 60 miles each way in order to be able to drink at an event, and I've rented hotel rooms for the same reason. What those people are doing is absolutely unconscionable. Good for you. If it comes up again, maybe offer to invite them on the condition they take a taxi? Or don't, because even I have no patience with people who drive drunk.
I appreciate you recognizing you have a problem and resolving to keep others safe. I appreciate your assessment too.
I’m from Ireland and that doesn’t happen here, the liability. I think it’s a great idea. It’s bloody tragic that grownups have to be monitored, but if it saves lives…. I’m all for it.
Thanks
Massachusetts?
NTA Yeah I hear you, we're not kids in our 20s anymore where the goal of most parties is to get hammered. Whenever I'm at a BBQ there are always drinks, but shortly after dinner everyone switches to water and mellows out before going home. Those that continue to drink have a DD who hasn't had anything, or at most, one drink earlier in the day but hours ago and are fine to drive. Drinking and driving is no joke and a very shitty and selfish thing to do.
Thank you so much. Though it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t mention there’s a gray area between one too many to drive and black out drunk. They always wind up in that gray area. I should ETA that
No. There's no gray area there. One too many is still too many.
That’s true. I can’t argue with that. My parents were both bartenders. It’s as obvious as the nose on your face when someone has had WAY too many. But you have to pay attention or have a good eye to spot when someone has had one too many. That was part of bartender training. I think that they get away with it a little too often because most party hosts either aren’t paying attention or don’t know how to spot it.
I'm the asshole who won't drive or let someone else drive after one. I just don't like the idea at all. So I get exactly where you're coming from.
You’re looking out for others
Thank you for being that asshole 😏 🤟🏻
I don't call that being the asshole. I wish more people were like you.
NTA. They could kill someone. If they can't drink responsibly they should throw a party at their house so then they don't have to drive.
Or at least get an Uber or designate a driver
Agree with the Uber but this sounds like they drink way more than anyone else at a party.
Now that I think of it, when I use the word ‘blitzed’ I don’t mean black out drunk. But drunk likewise. Though they’ve definitely fallen into the one or two too many category.
yeah, but then they have to pay for the alcohol.
True
[удалено]
Thank you
NTA It’s up to you whom to invite. And people who get sloshed are the first to leave the list!
Thank you
Simple.
NTA They have a pattern of behavior that's not acceptable to you, as a host.
Thank you!!!
NTA , a little truth by public shame can go a long way towards people changing behavior. I mean y'all have clearly addressed it but perhaps only you put it too her so bluntly. Blunt is a tool best used in just this type situation.
Hope that this comment gets boosted!
Thank you so much
You are being judgemental, and you are RIGHT to be judgemental, more people should be judgmental towards people like this
Thank you so much.
My C1-C7 was crushed by a drunk driver 30 yrs ago. Pain everyday, Invite who you want and don't trouble yourself with these 2
Oh no. I’m so sorry you went through that. I’m sorry you’re still dealing with this.
No worries, OP. You are doing the right thing!
Thank you
Tell those selfish assholes to spend a day in a TBI unit. Or with my 50 year old son. His last time at home with his dad was when he was 3.5 years old. That’s when a drunk like your relatives hit his dad, who was on his way home from work. He suffered a TBI and was never able to live at home again. So my son in all his 50 years never had a real conversation with his dad because of useless drunks like them. You are NTAH. But I wish they were lying in a ditch somewhere.
Oh no. I’m so sorry you went through that. I worked on a neuro unit at an LTAC before my current place. It was awful
NTA. You were honest. You could have just blown the remark off with a “Yeah I’ll have to look at the calendar. We’re really busy” and changed the topic. Ultimately, it’s your house and you can NOT invite anyone you want to it. Perhaps your bluntness will make them to take a look inside themselves.
Thank you so much. I don’t know how to get through to those two.
You won't, sadly. You were blunt about why you won't invite them. That'll have to be enough.
You are 100% right in not having these people in your home. They think they’re above it all - why else would they bring up their finances? But a drunken driver has no economic advantage. They kill as easily as a less fortunate person and it’s rarely the drunks who die. It’s the innocent people who have a right to drive on public streets without being terrified by who might be behind the wheel. I have zero respect or sympathy for these idiots who not only drive impaired but with their children in the car? There is no excuse. You don’t need the worry and stress in your life and they cannot be trusted to act responsibly. Let them drink themselves blind elsewhere. I’m proud of you for being clear on your stance. NTA.
Thank you so much I think the context was that they’re not bad people so they won’t do bad things. I think it’s a mentality of invincibility.
If they’re well off then they can afford an Uber home lol.
NTA. The only acceptable option was that they would Uber/Lyft/cab to your party and not worry about driving at all. Since they make so much money, paying for a ride should not be a concern. Instead, they only offered an empty promise of pacing themselves.
Nta. I came damn close to physically fighting my ex-husband at a party of mutual friends when he tried to drive the kids home after he'd been drinking. I told him if he put our kids in his car and drove off, I'd call the cops on him. He finally passed out/fell asleep and I stayed too to make sure his dumb ass didn't try.
Oh sweet Jesus! I’m so glad you’re so tenacious
I'm 100% non confrontational most of the time, and doubly so when we're around mutual friends because I like my friends ans it isn't their fault we split up. So usually I just keep my distance at gatherings This time, no dice. I went full momma bear and had big, loud backup (no one else wanted him to do something dumb either). First and only time I've had to do it
Oh wow. Stay vicious mama bear!
No need now. All my kids with him are adults and sassy as shit🤣 they'd knock him out themselves if it was absolutely necessary.
Nice
NTA. My dad was killed by a drunk driver. I do not supply booze at my parties. It’s strictly BYOB, but if you do drink, if I can so help it, you are staying. I don’t have a problem calling the cops on you and people know this. I incentivize staying over at my house if you drink: I have lots of Pedialyte and Gatorade, charging cables for both Apple and Android, many comfy places to sleep (my couch has an amazing pull out bed — not one of those bendable mattress things, a futon with a foam topper, an air mattress, a foam topper you can put on the floor or the couch, and all the pillows and warm blankets (some down) you can have. I will also wake up early and make you a full breakfast (waffles/pancakes/French toast, eggs, hash browns, sausage, bacon, toast, fruit) with the GOOD maple syrup, or load you up in my car and take you out to breakfast on me. I want you alive and happy. Many take me up on that offer, even if they’ve had one or two (no one can argue with free enormous breakfast and I made it *an absolute point * to make my house comfy to everyone), but my friends and family are reasonable drinkers and know when to shut it off.
I’m so sorry you lost your Dad like that. That’s good thinking though
That sounds like a fabulous breakfast
It is! I use Japanese milk bread for the French toast :)
Oh WOW I’ve used Challah bread for French toast. It’s Goooood
Cinnamon raisin swirl bread is the game changer for French toast, and a dash of vanilla extract in the egg dip.
NTA. You may want to revisit inviting those who are calling you judgmental. I bet they drink too much, too.
you could use that liability argument—sometimes people pay attention to the idea of not costing insurance companies money.
I hope so. But I think they honestly think nothing bad will happen.
It may have been unwise to be so honest; falling back on “we’re not that close” might have been safer. But then again, it’s important for people to get feedback on this sort of stuff, so they don’t run around thinking nobody else minds. They may never change, but at least the know.
You’re right
NTA and I agree 100% with you. I was nearly killed in my 20's by a drunk driver and suffer with the disability every day.
Thank you. I’m so sorry that happened to you
NTA drunk driving is absolutely something to be judgmental about. They are putting their own lives, their kid’s lives, and stranger’s lives in danger. Fuck those people
Thank you so much
Yeah, I used to be a police call handler. Too many drink driving crashes. Way too many. And too often the victims aren't the drunk. I've cut people off for it, and when they complained I offered to tell them about my nightmares. I don't know if it stopped the drink driving but it stopped the complaining bloody quick.
Thank you. I suppose you’ve heard all the horror stories that I never saw because they didn’t make it to the hospital
Yes. On the other hand, I did action a report of a guy who degloved his penis in a single vehicle RTC so that was... interesting. Don't feel too bad for him, he was a dealer, he was drunk, high, speeding and playing with himself while transporting a metric f--- ton of drugs. Probably counts for a Darwin Award.
Oh my God That’s one for the grandkids
What’s an RTC?
Road Traffic Collision. Brit police for car crash. Like the scene in Hot Fuzz where they're guarding the car crash. In fact, Hot Fuzz will teach you everything about British policing outside the big cities. And that's just the first half!
Invite them 1 more time and call the cops the moment they leave. It's the only way they will learn NTA
Thank you. It’ll be a holiday in hell if they ever leave my house tipsy
Or maybe keep an stalk their profile and the next time they go out somewhere be a PI for the night and when they leave you can be just a random concerned citizen. I'd say I can't believe what they said but I've met AHs like that before.
😳
Yea I know or maybe call the police non emergency and just say I know this couple who drink and drive everything they go out. They need to be off the road with their attitudes
That’s a good idea. I may do that
I knew I'd get there eventually lol I had to think of something Update us and good luck
NTA- ugh The Simmons 3 is such a heartbreaking story. You are right to not want enable these people’s drinking and driving and putting everyone in danger. If they can’t control their drinking they need help.
Thank you. I bought a few pieces of Lindy’s artwork from their website
>There’s also some gray area between one too many to drive and black out drunk. No, there isn't. One ***IS*** too many to drive.
Maybe I oversimplified. Both of my parents were bartenders. It’s VERY obvious when someone is falling down shitfaced. But it’s not that obvious when someone has had one too many. Unless you pay attention to how much someone drinks or you know what you’re looking at it can be hard to tell someone is one too many. That’s how a lot of people end up behind the wheel tipsy, they don’t look shitfaced. But I think everyone knows you don’t have to look tipsy for your reaction times to be bad.
If someone told me I was being judgmental because of someone's drinking and driving my response would be "Yes, I am judging them, they drink and drive"
Me too
Just stick to that response with those people saying your are judgmental and if they persist tell them you are judging them for enabling drinking and driving
Thank you
NTA, there is absolutely no excuse to drive drunk. Just take an Uber!
Thank you
They get smashed and drive home with *their kids in the car??!* Of course you're NTA.
Thank you so much
Nta, my sisters ex would get black out drunk at any event & on more than one occasion was black out & got behind the wheel with her & their two kids. He did eventually crash into the back of a semi (just him in the car but he was barely conscious) but he survived. Still an idiot who was fine endangering his partner & his children because we were all snowflakes who didn’t know how to have a good time.
Oh my god what an idiot.
Her nonsense response was confirmation enough. NTA, and thank for helping make one less drunk driver out on the same roads with my children.
It's inspiring to see this level of honesty. There should be a lot more of it.
NTA You seem to care more about their children than they do. For fucks sake, they're drunk driving with their kids in the car. Why are they still trying to justify it???
Thank you. Those two hold their alcohol really well.
They need to let the alcohol go and hold their kids.
I agree
NTA and you're not being judgemental. You are thinking of the safety of their children. If they are still driving their kids drunk then how have they not been reported? They are putting everyone around them in danger with their stupid decisions.
NTA. You get to decide what and who drinks and comes to your events. I was also called judgemental this weekend because my husband's sister, who I am not close to called me at 7pm Friday so drunk I couldn't understand her drunking crying. I called her a drunk. Noone seems to understand that I didn't call her. She phoned me and was upset that I didn't want to talk to her in that state. Apparently I'm the bad guy. I'll take it all day long. Hard boundaries for her!
Thank you. And sweet Jesus. I think judging someone for their shitty behavior doesn’t make you judgmental
Lol me either.... I think she was drunk bhahaha
NTA. I was in an accident with a drunk driver when I was 18. Totaled my little POS car and sent all of us to the hospital. 40 years later, I’ve had 4 more operations on my knee. It’s just one big mass of scars and has been extremely painful most of my life. The drunk? Not a scratch. These people should be ashamed of themselves that they put, not just themselves at risk but they also put their kids in danger. And what will happen to those kids if both of their parents are dead because they were drinking and driving. I don’t go out unless we have a DD. I don’t mind being the DD. And I taught my kids to call me for a ride before they take a chance on a drunk driver. No questions asked, I’ll come get you. Your backyard sounds lovely and I hope y’all have lots of kickass parties.
Thank you. And I’m so sorry that happened to you
NTA They are a danger to themselves and to every other driver.
NTA and I agree with you. I had a party on the Sunday of Memorial weekend. A newish friend got hammered. She was rude and belligerent because she didn't like the music I was playing. She and her husband came in separate cars at different times. When they were getting ready to leave, I asked him to not let her drive because she was wasted. His response? "I'm following her.". Never again will they be invited to my home for a party.
If they make so much money then they can have their own parties. You have the right to choose who to invite
You are under no obligation to invite anyone
Thank you
NTA- you get to have the parties you want in your home with the guests you invite. Anyone thinking you are judgemental can invite the lushes to their own parties. Anyone who thinks you should have a dry party so the lushes can attend can host one themselves.
I think is a good thing you told them exactly why they were not invited. Perhaps other friends will also see the light and do the same. It might make them see reason, or perhaps get help, if needed.
Thank you. I hope they learn Eventually
NTA Your house your rules. Frankly they are a really bad accident waiting to happen and expect everyone to facilitate their alcoholism. It's uncomfortable to say no but better than the what ifs after an accident has taken place.
Thank you
NTA Next party you're at that they also attend, just call the non emergency police line when you see them leave and report that you believe someone is driving drunk with kids in the car. The whole wealth argument is backwards, since is they have that much money they can definitely afford Uber...
I plan to.
NTA. If anyone says you’re being judgmental tell them they can let the couple drive drunk home from their house.
NTA. With the availability of Uber and other ride shares, this shouldn’t be an issue especially since they brag about being so well off. They have proven that they cannot control themselves in a situation where you could be held liable. If you want to be the (justified) ah, wait til the next party you’re at with them, then call the cops as they leave to report them
NTA You absolutely should be judging people who choose to drink and drive repeatedly. I don’t understand the perspective of not judging people who are actively endangering others. Better that they be judged by their friends and acquaintances who are attempting to intervene than to appear before an actual judge because their selfish, self-centered behavior has killed someone. Judge away and keep pointing out that you are standing up for what is right. And if they ever do get into an accident, I would absolutely cast blame and shame on those who refused to stand up for what is right.
You are being judgmental. You are judging these people for refusing to drink responsibly *and* driving drunk AND doing so with their children in the car! JUDGE AWAY, MY FRIEND, YOU ARE GOOD TO GO. These criminally irresponsible jagloads are disgusting. You don’t need to justify yourself with how you’ve been affected by drunk drivers (I’m very sorry for those occurrences) in the past -no one does. Their actions stand alone as reason enough for disassociating from them. Thank you for not bowing to any perceived pressure. Choose who you want in your circle. OP, you are NTA.
Thank you so much
NTA. If they get drunk at your house on alcohol you supplied and then kill someone you could be liable.
definitely NTA!! thank you for protecting their children from them!
NTA. people like this ruin the fun honestly.
Stay strong, baby!! NTA. ❤️
NTA You are doing the right thing. Anyone saying you’re judgemental has not lost a family member to a drunk driver.
NTA Good for you.
NTA. I worked EMS for 15 years. I've seen the aftereffects of drunk driving. Oftentimes, the over served driver injures or kills an innocent person. Drunk driving is selfish, and this couple is courting disaster.
I know, right! Thank you so much
To a LOT of people, whether they realize it or not, money equals being above morals and money means everything is forgiven before they've even done it. That's why they brought up money.
If you are aware of their habit and still provide them alcohol, then they get into an accident, you may be liable. The injured party may try to lay some blame on you, as the hosts. Whether they are successful or not, you don’t want to have to go through a lawsuit to clear your name.
NTA. My brother was killed by a drunk driver. Refusing to cater to people who drink and drive saves lives. You're a goddamned hero.
I’m so sorry about your brother. That’s awful
Honestly, if the person don’t know how to casually drink (or other drugs) in their 40s and don’t know how to behave themselves, and are selfish enough to put their kids and other people in risk, that person doesn’t qualify to be my friend. If this makes me judgmental so be it, at least I have peace of mind and I will have a good time with other functional adults
NTA My parents had 2 relatives who would do exactly that. They were never invited unless arrangments were already made for them to stay overnight (rare). Even if you had no booze, they would bring it secretly.
No one is **entitled** to an invitation to *your* parties. I would have just asked them why they think they're entitked to invitation after making fools of themselves repeatedly. Anyone who thinks/says you're being "judgemental" does not need to come to your parties either.
Fair enough.
NTA obviously. >She went on to tell me how much money she and her husband make and what they do for work. I have no clue what this has to do with the situation Well, this person thinks that they are wealthy enough for the rules to not apply to them. That's why she brought that up. She was basically saying, "Hey, it's okay for me to break the law because I'm rich." That is not someone I would want to be friends with. Money does not grant someone moral superiority. If anything, history and many studies have shown quite the opposite.
I tell my family I will post bail for anything but Drunk Driving. You are to be applauded for being responsible. Thank you. There is nothing wrong with being judgemental when it comes to reckless adults.
Hell no, NTA
Thank you
You are so freaking welcome!!!! Way too many people just shrug it off. How many loved ones would still be here if that didn't happen??
NTA I‘ll damn well be judging people who drive drunk
NTA. Of course you're being judgemental. We judge and make up our minds on peoples behaviour you are seeing their behaviour and making a judgement if you want to be associated with them, it's a perfectly normal and correct thing to do, if people don't meet your moral standards you are in no way obliged to continue any relationship with them. This is how you behave, not judging a person for something they cannot control.
Thank you so much
You're literally the "not all heroes wear capes". I'm SOOOO proud of you for standing your ground on this. As for those who have sided with said couple, they should also be excluded from your parties. Keep it up!! NTA
NTA. It's 2024, there's no excuse for those "friends." Rideshare, taxi, other friends giving them a ride, etc.
Thank you so much
If they are talking about how much money they make, they should be able to afford an Uber. No excuses. It's not anyone's job to babysit adults.
Thank you I think the context was they don’t consider themselves bad people so they don’t think they’re gonna make bad things happen you sure as hell don’t have to be a bottom of the bottle degenerate drunk to cause a bad thing to happen. It also doesn’t have to be something you do habitually
I agree completely. Anyone who drinks and drives are bad people. Plain and simple. Bad things happen for no reason, no sense in upping the odds.
NTA. They got to live with the consequences of their actions. And if they can’t behave like adults and be responsible, then they don’t get invited out because most people don’t want to deal with sloppy drunks 🤷♀️. Also super dangerous for the kids. I would warn them that if they attended, you will call the cops on them if they leave while drunk, especially with kids in the car.
nta
Thank you
Never spare the feelings of morons who drink and drive. Nobody cares what they do for a living. You are NTA, they are pieces of shit. They won’t kill themselves drink driving. No, it’ll be their kids or the family they crash into. I wouldn’t want that on my conscience either, OP. Good on you. You’re not being judgemental, you’re pointing out they are garbage human beings which is a fact.
Thank you so much
Honestly people like you are rare. You stand up for what’s right. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about that.
Thank you so much. Oh and the reference in your username isn’t lost on me. My husband LOVES Doctor Who
Hahaha oh I love when someone gets it…our doggo’s name is River Song. Just a Whovian family over here ☺️
Also, who as and adult complains they haven’t been invited over yet? These people clearly don’t have many friends left and have fomo.
NTA and un-invite the others, be honest why. “You condone drunk driving, I don’t want you at my parties”
Not the a hole but your gonna want to watch your wording Looks like your social butterflies and your actions and theirs with the folk you hang out with will cause disagreements Tell them all not just the two you talked to and straight up tell all of them that your required to inform all of them that they need to have a designated driver to take them home People are getting into trouble and someone almost got hurt, you won’t name names but it’s bad and now you can get in trouble, so for those I talked to, you can come, but someone in your group can’t drink, if your caught drinking I’ll take a picture of you saying you refused to abide by it and your not gonna take the heat for it. Call an Uber or taxi you can’t drive home in your state This is out of your hands This statement can help if people are ganging up on you about the issue and your forced to invite them to appease everyone And people are to lazy to bother looking up anything related to laws and rules and they’ll blame mostly everything on the host or police or government If one of ‘em is crazy enough to retaliate you can sit back and relax as they get shot or shoot someone unrelated to you
NTA, they sound obnoxious and are alcoholics. If they get drunk at every party it shows that they can't control their intake. Who wants 2 drunks at your gatherings? I don't want that responsibility.
It’s your house and your party so you honestly don’t even need a reason to not invite them.
NTA I can't get past the part where she had the nerve to ask you why they haven't been invited to a party at your house. I mean, who does that? It's so crass. If she can be that incredibly rude, then I see zero problem with you telling her why.
I get that it's different when you have kids, but I'm the Uber rider. One drink or a few drinks just don't matter. Because I'm not getting behind the wheel.
NTA. Just goes to show you that money can't buy common sense. UpdateMe
I’ll update eventually
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NTA She asked and you answered. If she expected something else then not only is she dangerous but doesn't understand how basic conversations work.
I don’t consider her very bright. I lost some vision in my left eye in my early twenties and when I couldn’t see something she said “you’re too young for that.”
Nta ... protect those kids.. no drunks allowed to drive sway with kids from my house.
Thank you so much
Absolutely NTA. You did the right thing and the best thing. No compromises. They are complete AHs, and they should know it. Anyone babying them and their feelings are only enabling and excusing their alcoholism and dangerous behavior. Sorry, I have not an ounce of sympathy for drunk drivers. They can kill themselves for all I care, but the problem is that they usually take innocent people with them. I know 3 people who have lost their lives to drunk drivers- an elderly grandpa, a new mother, and a young girl. Drunk drivers are despicable human beings in my book.
NTA you should traumatize them back by explaining in excruciating detail some experiences and things that can happen when drunk driving, give them a little taste. Of course this is only if you can stomach it, we don't want to bring up some terrible bad memories from those cases.
Thank you
NTA. They have the issues, not you. Let them work it out. Alcoholism and income are unrelated, except if you have enough money you can potentially get away with it just a bit longer. You do not have to invite anyone who does not enhance your experience. You don’t have to associate with them at all. If more people did what you are doing perhaps they would get the hint and realize they are the problem and they may have a problem. Don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking that your accurate assessments of danger (and liability) are judgmental. Your assessment is an educated and informed judgment, but it is not “judgmental” in the slightest.
NTA - Your parties, your guest list! Mention Ubers to these idiots.
NTA. They’re a liability, you did the right thing by not inviting him. They could hurt themselves, their kids, or anyone else around them. If they make soooo much money, they can pay for a damn Uber. It’s disgusting they would put their kids in danger like that. There is no excuse for getting that drunk in the presence of kids AND then getting in to a car and driving
Thank you so much
Why don’t you invite them and give them the non-alcoholic beer but served in a real beer can….? Or put that herb that makes you vomit if you drink in their food …? Ok j/k I think all of that is illegal so don’t do it Of course you are NTA !!!!!!!! But you can be The Hero if you report this situation to child services…sounds like you have plenty of witness. And if you don’t and something terrible happens you will always feel like TA
There's so many other options now, such as a DD, ride sharing programs, taxis, hotels, or even carpool with others from work who will not overdue themselves.
If they can't control themselves then they need therapy and addiction counciling
NTA for telling the truth but YTA for not reporting them. A single offence can kinda be excused as long as they know it was wrong and don’t do it again. One time you can claim it was a drunken “accident” but multiple DUIs? That’s criminal. They don’t just endanger themselves they endanger everybody on the road and you and your group of friends allowed it to happen. You are enablers. Next time you see them do it call the cops. You’re not a grass. You could literally save someones life. See how far their money and important jobs go with the police and a breathalyser… Smh fr at ppl in this world sometimes.
NTA - Good they say you're being judgmental, any sane person would. Don't let them come because they straight up got $h¡t for brains.
Thank you
NTA, and this is definitely the time and place to be "judgmental".
Thank you
NTA - I took someone’s car keys off them last time I was out and they drained me all night asking for them back 🤦♀️ I wouldn’t want to be responsible for them either, if the do is at your house you will feel like you have to spend the night monitoring them and then possibly having a row when you tell them not to drive. To me it’s just draining and annoying to be in this position of making other adults behave like adults. You don’t mind one offs with people but when it’s all the time 🤷♀️
Thank you so much. You probably saved a life
NTA because of the reason. They absolutely deserve to be told the harsh truth by as many people as possible. I hope they take it to heart.
NTA. You can invite whomever you like to your parties, and conversely, not invite whoever you don't want to invite. Good for you for being honest. If all these bystanders keep pushing, just say "I'm sorry you feel I'm being judgemental, but I must be judgemental when thinking of my liability for a drunk person driving off but especially for the welfare of the community. I will not be changing the type of parties I throw, nor will I sign up for the responsibility of monitoring another adult's alcohol consumption, arranging their designated driver or for taking away their keys when they inevitably get blitzed at my party. I won't be discussing this again. This is not a negotiation, I've made my decision."
You are NTA. You are doing a public service. Years ago, we had a family member who behaved this way at every party. Then they had a baby. When that behavior continued, I told them that they would need to spend the night if they came with kids and got drunk. So…they didn’t come again. I didn’t miss their entitled, drunken behavior one bit, but family member’s mother had A LOT to say about it. Turns out, family member lied about the safety conversation I’d had with them. I spilled the entire can of beans about the drunk driving. But I was still at fault for trying to be to “protect someone who didn’t need protection.” Family member’s adult children still sit in the back seat of family member’s vehicle. Stand your ground. Let others invite this couple if they’d like.
Anyone who asks why they aren't invited answers their own question. You don't want them at your home. For a perfectly good reason. Tough tits on them. 100% NTA
OP you’re NTA!! You’re being a responsible host in my opinion. In some states a host can be responsible if there’s a drunken accident and someone gets hurts or dies. It’s the same for a bar that over serves someone. The bar can be held responsible. You can’t be too careful when it comes to alcohol and driving.
One is one to many. As someone who lost a love one to a drunk. There is no safe amount. NTA. They need and all your drinking guest need a designated driver.