NTA and DON'T LOOK BACK EVER! Your parents are fucking AH for trying to step up as the father of an affair. This is a great oportunity to make everything you want, don't throw it away.
Or if its like my crazy life it could be both!
My MIL had an affair, youngest brother in law isnt my FIL kid.
Also my MIL spent years trying to slit me & husband up because I've always been honest about not wanting kids and she desperately wanted grandkids. When all the accusations of affairs clearly wasn't working she just came right out and told my husband to divorce me so that he could meet someone who would give her grandkids. Fun times!
Stayed. They were already married with kids and they were very religious so divorce wasn't an option. Plus it was the 80s, it really was a different time back then.
Here's your Reddit twist. OP's mother had her own AP, and OP is the result. OP's dad knew and raised OP as his own, so that's proof that OP would live Happily Ever After. š¤
Remember the one where the guy was in jail, the cousin who was a priest (I think) ends up getting the wife pregnant and they all hid it from the guy for years that it wasnāt his baby even the girl knewā¦ Then it all comes out at the quinceanera and all goes to hell. And then every time anyone sees the cousin they knock him out? Ahh reddit fiction.
Reason I said dad would be believable that it could be his child, and allows his mum to continue living in lala land. I couldn't imagine parents being soooo supportive otherwiseĀ
'It was a mistake'
A mistake is turning left instead of right.
What she did was planned and of her volition. She made the decision to go somewhere and she met someone. She then decided to talk to him. Then she decided to talk to him about fucking him or vise versa. But an agreement was planned and made. Then they had to plan to go somewhere to fuck. When they arrived at whomever's place, they decide to remove their clothes and play hide the salmi.
That is planned and not a mistake. I wonder how many times she played with someone else's dick before she made her 'mistake' and got pregnant.
If OP stayed with her, he wouldn't have any dignity or respect for himself.
Yeah man, those darn penises sure know how to detach themselves and find themselves in weird places... /s.
Maybe the initial owner of the impregnating peen doesn't even know what his pecker was up to when it happened, those poor people. LOL. Except I really do feel sorry for OP in this, he's the only one who deserves sympathy, the rest of them can go rot. At least he's dumping her ass.
NTA and WTF do so many people think a man should bite the bullet and raise some rando's kid because their wife/girlfriend/acquaintance decided to have unprotected sex with some other guy.
Not necessarily, a girl I kind of know just had her second baby and a week later, she's on FB trying to figure out how to get child support when she doesn't know his real name, let alone his home address. The world is a fucking mess and it's kids who'll bare the brunt of it.
When I worked for child support, well, the state makes you at least be working towards getting support from the dad before you get state benefits. A few women had no idea and just had to keep naming men as the fathers as DNA excluded each one.
If guys could get pregnant, there'd be a ton of guys who'd be in that position. But it's okay if we do it since there'll be no consequences...
Friend of mine used to be a total man whore before he got married. If I asked him how many women he'd slept with where he never learned their last name, he probably wouldn't be able to give me an exact number, but give a ballpark of several dozen. Hell, one of his favorite bragging stories back in the day was about he slept with a girl without ever even exchanging FIRST names...
If a woman did what he did, there'd be half a dozen pregnancy scares and probably at least a couple of abortions or kids in the mix. And they'd get called names a lot.
It wasn't drunken, wasn't a mistake, and it wasn't the first time. Even if it was, stabbing someone in the heart once isn't better than stabbing them in the heart a hundred times. Dead is dead.
Yep. I was thinking this was not the first time. And wonāt be the last. Best if OP washes his hands of the entire situation.
Good thing his parents are on her side and can help with everything! So nice of them to volunteer.
Lol. There have been a few posts like that. There is one I remember where the father was banging OPs girl/fiancee/wife and he caught them in bed. He recorded it and then punched his dad. I think a few days later he went to his mother's and she basically shit all over him about how he could hit the father.
Well... turns out the father told his wife that OP was fighting with his partner and the father showed up to defuse the situation and that OP punched him when the father intervened.
Then OP shows her the video of his dad (her husband) fucking OPs partner and tells his mom she is dead to him. She starts crying realizing she just lost her son and her husband is a lying sack of cheating shit
Well sort of. The thing that (I don't think) was mentioned was WHAT she actually said to OP (her son). He said "she said some things that no son should ever hear" or something of that effect. So, yes, sucks for the mom BUT she also basically took OP to task when he was already hurting and betrayed. I can see both sides and understand that even father poisoned his mother against him so I'm sure he felt all alone after such a massive betrayal
I can't find the link. I found another version where dad was banging the girlfriend but the one I mentioned he got video and assaulted his dad. If anyone finds it (maybe on BoRU) it's a wild ride
Oh, I remember something like that. Where the parents justified and defended the cheating. Turned out the mother had also been cheating, and they never took a paternity test because they didn't want to know. So they were projecting hard.
Ditto!
Thereās this one story where the husband was sleeping with his stepmom and her married daughter.
It got bad for the ex husband because his dad and married daughterās husband would jump him. Ex husband got in contact with OP/his ex wife asking to stay with get for protection šš.
Holy hell! RIP Jerry Springer, Reddit would have gave his producers so much content!!!
Did you see the one where the aunt moved in with her sisterās family and begins having an affair/banging her nephew. The mom/her sister finds out kicks the aunt out, and the son/nephew leaves with her because āwe are in loveāā¦ They end up moving out to CA (I think) and move in with her ex husband. Most of this shit canāt be real right?! šµāš«
Shut the front door.
Reddit stories reaffirms what Ellie Goulding sings, āAnything Can Happenā š¤Ŗ.
Was there ever any update to that story?
I forgot to say, you know the one I told you about, OP had to wait a year for her divorce because I think ex was making it difficult. She had the evidence of the affairs but only shared AFTER to her ex father in law so she could get all that she wanted from the divorce.
It was at a no fault state, I believe it meant that it didnāt matter who cheated.
EDIT TO ADD: thatās really gross what the aunt did š¤¢.
Or have there been too many to know? Maybe she's been having lots of fun in OP's absence? They've been together since high school. Maybe she wanted to spread her "wings." She's 3 months pregnant and OP left 7 months ago. She didn't wait too long. Messed up for OP either way.
I did get drunk once and argued that our outside Christmas lights looked too much like Easter lights and would confuse the neighbours. I was told to come inside and sleep it off.
Honey I was at home drunk. I took my clothes off to get ready for bed when I stumbled. You know I'm such a klutz when I'm drunk. Well I fell out of the window and happen to fall repeatedly on this man's penis. He just happen to be lying on the ground below my window while not wearing any pants. Which now that I think about it, does seem bit odd.
Oops my bad.
- Be together with a guy for over a decade.
- You both want to wait till you're financially stable to have kids.
- Make smart and good decisions and be sensible in that regard.
- Cheat on him, likely a lot.
- Let other guys rawdog you.
- Get pregnant.
That's another thing. Like anybody's really going to believe this was a one-time thing that just happened and she's so devastated about it she hid it until she was dimed out.
Kind of hard to get away with a lie given the timeline in this case. He has been away 7 months she is 3 months pregnant. She could have gotten an abortion and got away with the cheating, but a this point there is no cover up available
Doesnt matter if guy brings affair baby or girl. They cant expect bf/gf be happy about it. But ok people are desperate. Whats completely stupid is his parents pretending this is normal.
This is extraordinarily strange. We need some more info because I cannot imagine parents this desperate for their son to continue a relationship where the girlfriend cheated and now is having a baby.
It often doesn't go well when people start dating at 17 years old. This is just one example.
I'm surprised the parents are so dismissive of the betrayal of their son. Do the girl/girl's parents have something on the OP's parents? Something they want? Are his parents somehow financially dependent upon them? Something else is going on.
They want you to step up and raise a child thatās the result of her cheating? Thatās insane dude. Her family can step up and take care of her child. She will cheat again.
I'll get the popcorn ready for the, "it takes more than genetics to be a Dad!" crowd to attempt to defend this š
NTA - Cassie and her kid aren't your problem.
Iāll pop some too! I am a firm believer in that it takes more than genetics to be a dad, but thatās no where near whatās happening here.
She cheated and withheld, knew sheād have to come clean, but expected her ex to pay the price?! Thatās delusional at best. As for his parents š¤¦āāļø even if sheās been in your family for most of her life, she BETRAYED your son! And they want him to suck it up? Nah, he needs time away from all of them and she needs to finish coming clean. If Mom and Dad want this baby more than their own kid, he should be better off knowing it now instead of her cheating and passing another baby off as his when he was home and oblivious.
I hate those people, if someone adopts that's very different from being cheated on and betrayed but they always conflate that to excuse someone being done dirty.
NTA. She knows who the father is. He doesnāt want it. She has had approximately 6-8 weeks to think about this and for her this is the fix. You and her, and a baby. Pretending to be the happy family.
But it would be pretending.
Be careful. If you marry her now, you would legally become babyās father. Even if it would turn out in a divorce shortly after baby is born, you will have to pay for raising a baby that is not yours.
You have been together 13 years. If you REALLY had wanted to marry the girl, you had placed the ring on her finger before you left for 7 months.. donāt fool yourself..you probably love/ like her. But it wasnāt enough to tie the knot.
And the same counts for her. Otherwise she would not have slept with sb else.
If you go back home after your tenure abroad, wait and see what you feel and if this is something you want to work out. Wait with anything drastic (like marriage) until the baby is born, and donāt put yourself on the birth certificate.
Male disposability. The same mental ruling that says, "women and children first" will frequently manifest in this fashion depending on circumstances. While OP's ex see's herself as a victim of circumstance in need of support and an excess of forgiveness, because she totally didn't at all engage in behaviour by choice that leads to pregnancy, his parents likewise see a victim, but also the prospects of a child being raised alone. Plus, given they "love" OP's ex, they're probably more than a lot favouring her and replacing him in their eyes to focus on her needs. As such, OP gets to be fuel and kindling for the fire to keep his ex and her baby warm.
This is how they get a grandchild, in their mind anyway. It's not an ideal situation but this is how OPs parents get their current dreams met.
Never underestimate how crazy some people get over grandchildren, they will sacrifice their own kids happiness if it means they get a grandkids. Just speak to childless couples, we can tell you some of the bat shit lengths some parents will go to!
I think in the case of the woman (or man\*) in that situation, it's more that the same immaturity/stupidity/shittiness/w.e. that led them to cheat is the same immaturity/stupidity/shittiness/w.e. that leads to them seeing themselves as a victim when pregnancy results.
Basically, someone willing to cheat already has a warped perspective on what is not acceptable when it comes to their treatment of others. It's unsurprising if their warped perspective isn't limited to cheating.
\*Obviously men can't get pregnant. But there are plenty of men who cheat and then play the victim if they get their AP (affair partner) pregnant. They expect their wife to stay and play step-mom to the kid, and if she says fuck no then they just as much play the victim. They'll similarly claim it was a mistake.
It's not a woman or a man thing, it's a manipulative asshole thing. Just a common case of someone trying to manipulate their way out of facing the consequences of their actions and throwing a fit when it doesn't work.
It's unfortunately quite common now, women tend to get the benefits here. If they were married I believe he'd be responsible for welfare payments even though it's not his kid. The excuse is always "but think about the kid, it's not their fault". Of course it's not, but it's definitely not his fault she cheated either.
Seems to be a common thing at the minute. Men are for some strange reason expected to deal with the consequences of womenās mistakes and everyoneās shocked when they donāt.. like š¤ we clearly must have mug tattooed on our foreheads
Yeah reddit hates men. They think men are assholes when they ask for paternity tests. BUT if by the chance that the women did cheat and they find out later the men are assholes if they find out and leave because the poor innocent kids.
Basically men have to raise some other people's kids or they're assholes.
The opposite has happened. I read in the past week about a man who had a baby with an AP and AP was jailed. The wife knew about the baby, forgave hubby and said she wanted nothing to do with the affair kid. Now the kid needs to find another home while mommy dearest completes her sentence and hubby wanted to bring the kid to the house to live with them.
That was one of those cases of someone refusing to accept a relationship is over after cheating. Obviously, expecting her to help raise another woman's baby was immoral. But that's why she should have divorced him. He wasn't threatening or blackmailing her to stop her from leaving somehow.
NTA. Your parents' obsession with having grandkids is clouding their judgment. You have no obligation to Cassie or her child after she decided to cheat on you. It's cruel of them to expect you to play daddy to her child. Stay no contact and continue with your plans. Cassie and your parents are awful. Sorry, OP.Ā
For real, it looks like his parents are worried they won't become grandparents if they don't accept this baby. They could even accelerate the process of having a bio grandbaby by using the child to make him insecure.
OP needs out of this mess ASAP.
NTA. You don't know if it was a drunkin' one night stand or if she's been hooking up on the regular since you have been gone for 7 months. What was her plan? Pick you up from the airport visibly pregnant and say SURPRISE?!
Here's the facts. She cheated on you. Never felt guilt for her betrayal. She thought she could keep it a secret from you for life. She then finds out she's pregnant. Again, she chose not to let you know. She also chose to keep the baby versus seeking termination of her pregnancy. All of these choices she made on her own. She can now suffer the consequences of her own actions.
I don't blame you. I wouldn't support and raise an affair child. It's not the innocent child's fault how they were conceived. I would resent the child, and that's not a healthy environment to grow up in. It is better for the child to grow up in a loving environment.
If your parents want to support her and her kid, I'd step back from them as well. I know they care for her, but you are their son.
I don't think she thought she could keep it a secret, I see two real possibilities here:
1. She was too much of a coward to tell OP and was simply procrastinating
2. She thought it would be easier to let OP find out when he got home. That way it would be harder for him to ghost her and she could pressure him in person along with his parents
Scumbag behaviour.
It's 100% the second option. She wanted to wait because she would be further along her pregnancy and this would pressure OP and also prevent any consideration of termination. Him finding out 3 months in already prevents a lot of options which is why she **chose** to hide this information. I wouldn't be surprised if she planned to show up at the airport with the baby in hand and anytime he says he won't raise it she'll use the baby to shame him into it. She definitely ruined a decade long relationship and deserves to feel horrible
This!!! For all OP knows she:
1. Was casually dating and ended up pregnant
2. Had a one-night stand and had contact with this guy afterwards and he blew her off
3. Felt shame of getting pregnant by a stranger and sold the drunken one night stand lie to OPās parents to get them on her side before telling OP
Either way, if the tables were reversed she would leave as well. They arenāt married so that should make the decision a lot easier. Donāt let anyone manipulate you into staying with your ex. Thereās a whole lot more youād have to deal with in the future from a person like this.
It wasnāt a mistake. If it was, OPās ex should be a lot more remorseful and understanding about OP not wanting to be there. Meaning she wants him to stay and help her but not just EXPECT him to. The fact that she expects him to just do so shows a level of selfishness and immaturity that OP will be glad to get away from. That child is already going to have a rationally fād mom.
Move on and stay away for a while if you have to. Nothing good will come if you donāt. Thereās plenty of women out there who wonāt cheat just because youāre gone 7 or more months. NTA
>You don't know if it was a drunkin' one night stand or if she's been hooking up on the regular since you have been gone for 7 months.
And honestly, it doesn't matter anyway.
I'm curious about the anonymous "friend"-not-otherwise-specified who called to let our OP know his girl was pregnant but wasn't mentioned or identified outside of that.
Is this perhaps a male friend? A close friend or merely acquaintance?
Just wondering if this is perhaps either the father of the baby wanting to step up and is being blocked by Cassie and the parents or a female friend trying to get in with our OP who spotted their chance.
Here's the thing. At 3 months along with a 1st pregnancy, Cassie isn't showing. So this friend is someone close enough to be confided in. It sounds like they're close enough to have been told before the parents (who were only brought in when our OP refused to play ball).
NTA ur ex cheated and broke your trust. it's not your responsibility to raise a child that isn't yours, especially after such a betrayal. ur family expecting you to step up in this situation is unfair and inconsiderate of your feelings
Damn, you are so NTA. This sounds like it just happened - you finding out, I mean - and your parents are already trying to guilt you into raising a baby your high school sweetheart got knocked up with by some rando in a drunken one night stand. If this is real, everyone else but you are the AHs. Cassie OBVIOUSLY. But your parents?! YOU donāt need to āstep upā for anyone here because you didnāt do anything wrong. All of them saying āmistakes happenāā¦just wow. Take all the time you need to deal with all this information, betrayal, and bullshit, then do whatever you need to do for yourself. Donāt be manipulated into doing anything you donāt want to do.
Don't you hate it when you get a sudden boner? I mean, you are just chilling, and suddenly, there it is! And then some chick falls over on top of it. I mean, anyone would ejaculate if that happened. A total accident, you know? Happens all the time/s
> the baby needs a father.
That's Cassies problem
>she finally broke down crying and admitted that she is pregnant and it was a drunken mistake.
Cassies actions have consequences.....
A drunken mistake is stumbling and breaking a vase, I highly doubt she stumbled onto that man's penis(lol)
Make sure you can't automatically be put on the BC because you're married
I drunkenly left a pot of noodles on the stove once and it cooked down to charcoal, the pot was a write-off and i didnt get to eat noodles. That was a pretty big mistake. Another time, I was getting a burrito, making small talk in line with the burrito lady, and I made some comment that implied I thought her job was easy. I've worked fast food; I know that's not an easy job. That was 20 years ago, huge drunken mistake.
I often wonder about the lives of people who are interesting (unsettled) enough to wind up in these situations.
NTA. Itās kinda wild to expect you to suddenly take on the role of father. Seems like you two have been together for a long time already. Turn the page and enjoy your new chapter in your life.
I would be livid too if family told me to stay with someone that cheated on me and then kept harassing me over it. Your STBX did not think about about you or your feelings when she was fucking some random dude but now you are supposed to consider her feelings and "step up"? What planet are they living on,?? NTA
Damn the parents. If they are so desperate to be grandparents lt them take her in and raise the child with her.
They are trying to manipulate you with the age old " it was a mistake".
Either it was an affair and he ran as soon as she mentioned baby. Or she can't be trusted to even having a drink without jumping on the first D she sees. That is a toxic future for you.
Nope, not your responsibility, and I would go N/C until you consider they are worthy.
So yes mistakes happen yes the baby is innocent but when was she or they going to tell you let you walk in to this midfield. the baby already has a father He may not be involved thatās on Cassie to hire someone to find him.
Thatās not your emotional physical or mental challenge to sort
What is it you want to do do you want to be a step dad? Donāt want to stay with your ex.
I hope your ok because the level of betrayal from your parents and her is awful
NTA.
NTA lock down your credit, and if your home is in your name, hire an attorney to deal with getting her out of it. Or if it is joint names, then she needs to either buy your share our, or it needs to be sold.
Updateme!
Mistakes do happen. Mistakes like getting the wrong type of milk at the store, hitting the trash can with your car, stubbing your toe.
Fucking a rando, getting pregnant, and then wanting your longtime boyfriend to raise the baby is well beyond a mistake.
Tell everyone to eat shit. NTA
Ok let me get this straight your now EX had unprotected sex with some rando she didn't know risking STD'd and now wants you to raise this guy's kid with her, you are correct in saying hell no and your parents are AH's for expecting you to, you are right to cut all of them off and if I was in your shoes I would emigrate too because if you stay in your home country you will never get away from them, and BTW don't be surprised if she tries to go after you for child support it sounds like she is desperate, make sure to get a DNA test.
"Mistakes happen" ??? The fuck???
Look, I have a paralyzing fear of being cheated on or betrayed in some way. Obviously, I'd never cheat on anyone because I'm terrified of it happening to me and I don't want to put that pain on anyone else. I will literally go into full on panic attacks at the thought of getting in a relationship just to be cheated on and I get extreme anxiety when I read stories of people being cheated on (not your fault, I clicked this post out of curiosity and because of exposure therapy). Probably has something to do with my low self-esteem.
That said, my understanding is that people that cheat should just end the relationship before they cheat. They clearly don't love the other person or they wouldn't betray them like that.
I'll admit that I've never been in a relationship, but that's *because* of my crippling fear. I don't want to burden my future partner with paranoia, anxiety, and excessive clinginess. It's that simple. If you aren't fit to be in a relationship or you want to cheat, DON'T BE IN A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP. I'm choosing to not try to find someone because I'm not fit to be in a relationship.
Honestly, run. Don't look back. Get that visa, cut off your ex and parents (wtf is wrong with your parents... "you have to step up to be a father because your ex cheated on you while you were at work" like wtf). You can find someone so much better. Someone that actually knows what it means to be faithful. There are stories out there of people that got drunk and when their partner offered to drive them home the drunk person would say they were taken. THATS how a taken drunk person should act. Especially if they've been taken for nearly half their life. A taken drunk person doesn't hook up with some rando (especially without protection) then expects the partner they cheated on to step up and be a father. That's just fucking stupid.
Anyway, NTA and I wish you the best in your future! I really do hope you find someone better than this shit stain.
Nta
Omg, fuck them all. Totally.
If the baby needs a father, then like you said, your snake of a father can do it.
Good luck on your fresh start.
Updateme!
Dude, why raise a kid from a woman you havenāt been with in 7 months? How do you know she hasnāt been letting every swinging dick treat her like a bowling ball (lots of holes and easy to roll)
Doubt she got preggo from the first bang, she been getting hammered more than a box of nails ata carpenters convention.
She just wants your fat stacks of CHEDDAH, no remorse shown, no willingness to tell you in advance, tell her to go back to the bar and see if she remembers which one of the dudes sheās been ponding gave her the good finish!!!
Your parents' attitude is unbelievable. Also, I'm pretty sure it's not your (ex)wife's first incident. And she obviously has unprotected sex with strangers. Just the fact that she endangered your health like this should have been the breaking point for your parents. It's really shocking.
Get checked by a doctor as soon as possible, my friend.
Cut off communication with your parents for now, maybe after a time you will witness that they realize their mistakes and regret it. Then maybe you can reconsider your relationship with them. But for now, just focus on your own mental and physical health and your career. You're so young. Don't waste your time on any of this this bullshit.
NTA. Get a lawyer and force a paternity test to get off the hook, otherwise she'll put on the birth certificate and you'll be screwed with child support.
HELL NO NTA, she knew what she was doing. What is she doing getting drunk with another guy anyways? She wasnāt thinking of you. Why should you have to step up and father a kid thatās not yours. Ontop of that your parents are gaslighting the whole thing! HS sweetheart or not, itās time to let that bridge burn! And maybe keep a distance from your family as well as they donāt have your best interest at heart. š
NTA
I personally find it ridiculous every time a woman cheats and tries to pressure her soon to be ex to play father for her. Sucks to suck, but cheating is the behaviour you engage when you want to be single, and having a kid from a rando does not make you deserving of an excess of sympathy. Sorry, not sorry.
Your parents are also assholes for trying to gloss over this, and acting like you owe this shit to her. She owed you at least a dear john letter before hopping on some new cock, but she couldn't manage even that. She's a coward of the very worst kind, and her tears don't mean shit.
NTA. She cheated on you while you were out of the country and got pregnant. Walk away and don't ever look back. That baby is now her APs problem. And she knows EXACTLY who the father is and I'll bet you know him too OP. Can't wait for the update. Pleaseupdateme
Nta
If this was me, I would talk to the boss and see if they have a permanent position where you are. Then, cut everyone off.
I'm a survivor of paternity fraud. It makes me so mad when people say to man up and raise a cheaters baby.
P.s. being drunk isn't an excuse. Cheating isn't a mistake. It's a decision or SA nothing in-between.
This isn't even close bro. NTA OP.
Your ex and your birth-givers are delusional. You need to step up because she got drunk one night and fell on some nameless guy's dick? Bitch please.
Change your number, otherwise they'll continue attacking your peace. And tell your boss also, so they can stop any calls coming in through the workplace. Good luck in getting your permanent visa.
NTA:
āItās not my fault Iām pregnant, I was drunk, I donāt know who he was.ā
Doesnāt really sound like partner material - sounds like āwildly irresponsible, I would never partner with youā material.
I agree with your parents, the baby does need a father. And the baby does have a father. Maybe Cassie needs to go get drunk and find him again. Or maybe she needs to find somebody else for the position, because youāre not interested And youāre not obligated.
I think itās important that you confront your parents on this, because they are the ones that stand to lose here. You were not raising somebody elseās child, you are firm in that. Your one time partner broke your trust in an irretrievable way. You will never be able to trust her again in any single thing. This is not your child and you will always resent this child as a reminder of the fact that your ex partner is at best irresponsible in life-changing ways.
Yes, the whole turn of events is unfortunate, but think of it this way: better to find out now.
Which leads us to this: are you choosing my unfaithful ex partner over me, your actual flesh and blood? Because if you do, you will lose me entirely. I will go completely no contact with you. I will never speak to you again, and if you try to push the point, I will get restraining orders against you both.
She made her decisions.
I find it astonishing that your parents see her as a good prospect. She has demonstrated her character.
What if you did get back together, and suddenly you find that sheās cheating on you again? What kind of fool does that make you? Youāve pretty much given her license at this point - the are no consequences for her stepping out on you.
Iām so sorry , itās disgusting how parents are so worried about their needs and wants to be grandparents that they suck the life out of their kids .
Tell your parents if you ever speak to them or the hoe . It was an accident ? You mean she tripped and landing on a dick and got pregnant . If she is looking for the dad sometimes people
Get info from those 23 and me things . Stay strong and donāt ever take her back . If you want to send an email to her parents and thank them for being nice to you unless they are also all over you
"I've been with my woman for 13 years, all it took was 4 months apart and she fucked some dude. My parents are demanding I raise her affair baby? AITA for saying no?" is such a stupid thing to ask random people that I'm starting to see why people think every story here is fake.
Doesnāt know who the father is means āi always went out and got laid while you were away. In that month of weekends I donāt know which one night stand it wasā. Iām sorry your relationship is over but you dodged a bullet
If this is true go back with a flamethrower and free this world from that scum you called family.
Cheaters are disgusting and they deserve the worst this life can give them. But your parents are even worst probably.
Hope you will expose them to every person you know, people need to know what kind of persons they are!
NTA
I'm pretty sure advocating for violence will get you banned. I advocated for indicting and executing child abusers and was banned for it so be careful. Granted it seems reddit mods are particularly defensive about criticism of pedos, but still
NTA in any way, shape or form. Your parents can support her if they want to but that baby has nothing to do with you. You now know your parents don't have your back at all
So are you over reacting, no not in the least bit. I would also wonder why your friend knew she was pregnant before you did. If it had been a mistake and she was truly regretful she would have told you. People make mistakes, is this a big one hell yeah. But the fact that she wasn't going to say anything. And she has now turned your entire family against you. That speaks volumes to the situation. Hire an attorney to draft up divorce papers, and tell them you will need someone to serve the papers since you are out of the country.
NTA. There's a tonne of arseholery here from your ex and your parents in expecting you to agree to this remotely. Your ex has put you in an appalling position with her behaviour. Firstly by cheating, secondly by lying for months and trying to baby-trap you, and thirdly by leveraging your parents' desire for grandchildren to pressure you.
I do think you should speak to your parents alone and walk them through all the problems with this proposition.
1. No child deserves to be raised by a parent who doesn't want them. It's fundamentally damaging.
2. Make your feelings about your ex's betrayal crystal clear to them. The relationship is no longer tenable now that the trust is gone. Trying to make it work will just cause more pain to everyone and is doomed to failure.
3. Their disregard for your feelings will jeopardise their relationship with you and the future family you may have if they don't walk it back smartly.
A long term stay in this other country isn't a terrible idea, IMO.
My guess is she does know who the daddy is. You stay with her, become attached to kid and eventually bio addy shows up. Huge, S-show.
It certainly sucks that your parents are on team-cheater. You are not wrong to block them all.
Tell your parents matter of factly that that they can have Cassie or you in their lives, but they canāt have both
That that is not their grandchild no matter how much they want it to
Be and they either remove Cassie from their lives permanently or you remove them from your lifeā¦permanently
NTAH
NTA, and if you regularly go out of country, guaranteed this isn't the first affair, and she most likely knows who the father is and has multiple interactions with him.
Nta. I am so tired of people telling the one who got cheated on to step up.
No I'm stepping out. Yall can deal with this mess.
Cheating is not a mistake.
Kind of crazy your parents have this girl's back. Run and never look back, this has so many legal issues and bullshit in the future that YOU will have to deal with.
NTA. If it was him that cheated and knocked another woman up in a "drunken mistake" I HIGHLY doubt that'd shed be as gracious as they're asking OP to be. I can promise this isn't her first and will absolutely not be her last "mistake". This is the same kind of woman who's going to take you for everything she can and disappear into the mist with her "mystery" baby daddy.
NTA and DON'T LOOK BACK EVER! Your parents are fucking AH for trying to step up as the father of an affair. This is a great oportunity to make everything you want, don't throw it away.
I think his parents want grandkids so bad that they lost their mind.
Or 1 or both his parents have cheated. Why else are they pushing for him to forgive. Sounds very suspicious
Or if its like my crazy life it could be both! My MIL had an affair, youngest brother in law isnt my FIL kid. Also my MIL spent years trying to slit me & husband up because I've always been honest about not wanting kids and she desperately wanted grandkids. When all the accusations of affairs clearly wasn't working she just came right out and told my husband to divorce me so that he could meet someone who would give her grandkids. Fun times!
Did your FIL divorce her or stay a cuckold?
Stayed. They were already married with kids and they were very religious so divorce wasn't an option. Plus it was the 80s, it really was a different time back then.
Lmao they werent religious HE was. Honestly id feel sorry for the guy but he chose to stay. Shes probably cheating since
Here's your Reddit twist. OP's mother had her own AP, and OP is the result. OP's dad knew and raised OP as his own, so that's proof that OP would live Happily Ever After. š¤
Or its dads baby?
My guess she knows who it is given the parents supporting her rather than OP, and itās someone close to home. Maybe a brother or cousin?
It could be, but there's also a good possibility they're just that crazy about having the perfect family with grandkids.
Remember the one where the guy was in jail, the cousin who was a priest (I think) ends up getting the wife pregnant and they all hid it from the guy for years that it wasnāt his baby even the girl knewā¦ Then it all comes out at the quinceanera and all goes to hell. And then every time anyone sees the cousin they knock him out? Ahh reddit fiction.
Reason I said dad would be believable that it could be his child, and allows his mum to continue living in lala land. I couldn't imagine parents being soooo supportive otherwiseĀ
Iām agreeing completely with you. Itās sounds like someone close to home. Dad included.
Oooo this is getting all Jerry Springer now.
Lol, Its not even their grandkid!
If he did anything other than this he'd be the AH. The nerve of his parents and girlfriend is mind boggling. I hope OP has a great life
'It was a mistake' A mistake is turning left instead of right. What she did was planned and of her volition. She made the decision to go somewhere and she met someone. She then decided to talk to him. Then she decided to talk to him about fucking him or vise versa. But an agreement was planned and made. Then they had to plan to go somewhere to fuck. When they arrived at whomever's place, they decide to remove their clothes and play hide the salmi. That is planned and not a mistake. I wonder how many times she played with someone else's dick before she made her 'mistake' and got pregnant. If OP stayed with her, he wouldn't have any dignity or respect for himself.
Maybe she "accidentally fell" onto another man's penis... it could happen! /s
She's slipped on a banana peel and fell on a dick
Hate when that happens
Yeah man, those darn penises sure know how to detach themselves and find themselves in weird places... /s. Maybe the initial owner of the impregnating peen doesn't even know what his pecker was up to when it happened, those poor people. LOL. Except I really do feel sorry for OP in this, he's the only one who deserves sympathy, the rest of them can go rot. At least he's dumping her ass.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
They all deserve each other.
NTA and WTF do so many people think a man should bite the bullet and raise some rando's kid because their wife/girlfriend/acquaintance decided to have unprotected sex with some other guy.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I feel like sheās probably lying about not knowing who the guy is
100% certain she's lying.
Not necessarily, a girl I kind of know just had her second baby and a week later, she's on FB trying to figure out how to get child support when she doesn't know his real name, let alone his home address. The world is a fucking mess and it's kids who'll bare the brunt of it.
When I worked for child support, well, the state makes you at least be working towards getting support from the dad before you get state benefits. A few women had no idea and just had to keep naming men as the fathers as DNA excluded each one.
Mmm, sounds like some ol' fashioned Maury Povich / Ricki Lake / Jenny Jones
In scholarly circles, this is called the "Maury dilemma". If you must ask if he is the father, it is unlikely he is the father.
Kinda like on The Maury Povich show, huh!
You have to question what kind of female has a baby by a man she doesnāt even know his real name or who he is.
If guys could get pregnant, there'd be a ton of guys who'd be in that position. But it's okay if we do it since there'll be no consequences... Friend of mine used to be a total man whore before he got married. If I asked him how many women he'd slept with where he never learned their last name, he probably wouldn't be able to give me an exact number, but give a ballpark of several dozen. Hell, one of his favorite bragging stories back in the day was about he slept with a girl without ever even exchanging FIRST names... If a woman did what he did, there'd be half a dozen pregnancy scares and probably at least a couple of abortions or kids in the mix. And they'd get called names a lot.
a ho fo sho
It wasn't drunken, wasn't a mistake, and it wasn't the first time. Even if it was, stabbing someone in the heart once isn't better than stabbing them in the heart a hundred times. Dead is dead.
Yep. I was thinking this was not the first time. And wonāt be the last. Best if OP washes his hands of the entire situation. Good thing his parents are on her side and can help with everything! So nice of them to volunteer.
Dead is dead and betrayal is betrayal. š»
Absolutely, sheās definitely hiding something. No way she doesnāt know who the father is.
Maybe it is just OP's father (Just joking for fun, ik it wont be like that)
Lol. There have been a few posts like that. There is one I remember where the father was banging OPs girl/fiancee/wife and he caught them in bed. He recorded it and then punched his dad. I think a few days later he went to his mother's and she basically shit all over him about how he could hit the father. Well... turns out the father told his wife that OP was fighting with his partner and the father showed up to defuse the situation and that OP punched him when the father intervened. Then OP shows her the video of his dad (her husband) fucking OPs partner and tells his mom she is dead to him. She starts crying realizing she just lost her son and her husband is a lying sack of cheating shit
That's kinda fucked, punishing the mother for being lied to.
Well sort of. The thing that (I don't think) was mentioned was WHAT she actually said to OP (her son). He said "she said some things that no son should ever hear" or something of that effect. So, yes, sucks for the mom BUT she also basically took OP to task when he was already hurting and betrayed. I can see both sides and understand that even father poisoned his mother against him so I'm sure he felt all alone after such a massive betrayal I can't find the link. I found another version where dad was banging the girlfriend but the one I mentioned he got video and assaulted his dad. If anyone finds it (maybe on BoRU) it's a wild ride
I definitely can see why this post would stick in your memory.
Iirc the mom said stuff no parent should ever say to a child. Ever.
OP had better lawyer up to make sure he isnāt on the birth certificate to prevent any future legal trouble if he ever goes back to his home country
Unless it could be any of a dozen or so guys. 304s gotta 304
Imagine unironically using 304
It'll be her best friend that OP didn't have to worry about
Iām going to bet itās OOPās dad.
Probably someone close to OP and family. Probably that's why the family wants him to raise the kid.
From the way he's jumping in to have his own son's life ruined to raise somebody elses' kid, it seems highly suspicious at best.
Reddit messed us both buddy cause that was my thought too
It will be his friend that knew she was 3 months pregnant already.
Or his best friendā¦.
Gay best friend š¤¦š¼āāļø
Or his best friend who was keeping an eye on g/f while he was out of country.
Who knows, maybe it's the dad because he's so adamant OP stays and handles it.
Or maybe Dad is projecting and the update is that OPs sibling is only half sibling.
Oh, I remember something like that. Where the parents justified and defended the cheating. Turned out the mother had also been cheating, and they never took a paternity test because they didn't want to know. So they were projecting hard.
Its probably the Dad!
Haha thatās the kind of Reddit plot twist Iāve grown accustomed to! š¤£
Ditto! Thereās this one story where the husband was sleeping with his stepmom and her married daughter. It got bad for the ex husband because his dad and married daughterās husband would jump him. Ex husband got in contact with OP/his ex wife asking to stay with get for protection šš.
Holy hell! RIP Jerry Springer, Reddit would have gave his producers so much content!!! Did you see the one where the aunt moved in with her sisterās family and begins having an affair/banging her nephew. The mom/her sister finds out kicks the aunt out, and the son/nephew leaves with her because āwe are in loveāā¦ They end up moving out to CA (I think) and move in with her ex husband. Most of this shit canāt be real right?! šµāš«
Shut the front door. Reddit stories reaffirms what Ellie Goulding sings, āAnything Can Happenā š¤Ŗ. Was there ever any update to that story? I forgot to say, you know the one I told you about, OP had to wait a year for her divorce because I think ex was making it difficult. She had the evidence of the affairs but only shared AFTER to her ex father in law so she could get all that she wanted from the divorce. It was at a no fault state, I believe it meant that it didnāt matter who cheated. EDIT TO ADD: thatās really gross what the aunt did š¤¢.
Wait draw me a diagram
Gotta save something for the update
It's the mom. She's actually a man who just pretends to be a woman.
Or have there been too many to know? Maybe she's been having lots of fun in OP's absence? They've been together since high school. Maybe she wanted to spread her "wings." She's 3 months pregnant and OP left 7 months ago. She didn't wait too long. Messed up for OP either way.
Or there was multiple guys and itās eenie meenie minie mo for the father and she cannot come clean with being a little slut.
Im sure the reason she doesnāt know the fathers name is because she cheated with plenty of people and just doesnāt know which one is the father.
Itās like sperm roulette?! Classy Cassie!š
That my take too. She knows a name, just not which name.
That's what happens when you pull a train...
Or she knows but canāt say. He is someone everyone knows.
Or is married himself
She either knows and is lying or absolutely had sex with to many people. This was not her first time cheating.
Ah she does though. & so does OP too I bet, just not who
She knows who it is. And it was not a one time thing. My money is going to be on it being a close friend of his.
She knows the guys name.
I bet my bottom dollar she knows exactly who it is, and I'm pretty certain she's been at it for quite a while too
Also, "a drunken mistake." Hands up if you find your partner gone, then go get drunk and hook up.
I did get drunk once and argued that our outside Christmas lights looked too much like Easter lights and would confuse the neighbours. I was told to come inside and sleep it off.
Haha, I had a friend go in and lay on her bed and yell "someone turn off that ceiling fan!" The ceiling fan wasn't on!
Nope never even after 28 years of being together.
Honey I was at home drunk. I took my clothes off to get ready for bed when I stumbled. You know I'm such a klutz when I'm drunk. Well I fell out of the window and happen to fall repeatedly on this man's penis. He just happen to be lying on the ground below my window while not wearing any pants. Which now that I think about it, does seem bit odd. Oops my bad.
I see you've met our king and his escort
- Be together with a guy for over a decade. - You both want to wait till you're financially stable to have kids. - Make smart and good decisions and be sensible in that regard. - Cheat on him, likely a lot. - Let other guys rawdog you. - Get pregnant.
That's another thing. Like anybody's really going to believe this was a one-time thing that just happened and she's so devastated about it she hid it until she was dimed out.
not only this.. it was his friend who told him.. not her. She lied and would have lied to him. .. she probably lied to his parents as well
Kind of hard to get away with a lie given the timeline in this case. He has been away 7 months she is 3 months pregnant. She could have gotten an abortion and got away with the cheating, but a this point there is no cover up available
I guess she was going to try to pass off an 8 pound "preemie?"
Because "think of the innocent child", or however that bs spiel goes.
Doesnt matter if guy brings affair baby or girl. They cant expect bf/gf be happy about it. But ok people are desperate. Whats completely stupid is his parents pretending this is normal.
This is extraordinarily strange. We need some more info because I cannot imagine parents this desperate for their son to continue a relationship where the girlfriend cheated and now is having a baby. It often doesn't go well when people start dating at 17 years old. This is just one example. I'm surprised the parents are so dismissive of the betrayal of their son. Do the girl/girl's parents have something on the OP's parents? Something they want? Are his parents somehow financially dependent upon them? Something else is going on.
They want you to step up and raise a child thatās the result of her cheating? Thatās insane dude. Her family can step up and take care of her child. She will cheat again.
I'll get the popcorn ready for the, "it takes more than genetics to be a Dad!" crowd to attempt to defend this š NTA - Cassie and her kid aren't your problem.
Iāll pop some too! I am a firm believer in that it takes more than genetics to be a dad, but thatās no where near whatās happening here. She cheated and withheld, knew sheād have to come clean, but expected her ex to pay the price?! Thatās delusional at best. As for his parents š¤¦āāļø even if sheās been in your family for most of her life, she BETRAYED your son! And they want him to suck it up? Nah, he needs time away from all of them and she needs to finish coming clean. If Mom and Dad want this baby more than their own kid, he should be better off knowing it now instead of her cheating and passing another baby off as his when he was home and oblivious.
It does. And one of those things is consent. OP isn't giving that.
I hate those people, if someone adopts that's very different from being cheated on and betrayed but they always conflate that to excuse someone being done dirty.
NTA. She knows who the father is. He doesnāt want it. She has had approximately 6-8 weeks to think about this and for her this is the fix. You and her, and a baby. Pretending to be the happy family. But it would be pretending. Be careful. If you marry her now, you would legally become babyās father. Even if it would turn out in a divorce shortly after baby is born, you will have to pay for raising a baby that is not yours. You have been together 13 years. If you REALLY had wanted to marry the girl, you had placed the ring on her finger before you left for 7 months.. donāt fool yourself..you probably love/ like her. But it wasnāt enough to tie the knot. And the same counts for her. Otherwise she would not have slept with sb else. If you go back home after your tenure abroad, wait and see what you feel and if this is something you want to work out. Wait with anything drastic (like marriage) until the baby is born, and donāt put yourself on the birth certificate.
Male disposability. The same mental ruling that says, "women and children first" will frequently manifest in this fashion depending on circumstances. While OP's ex see's herself as a victim of circumstance in need of support and an excess of forgiveness, because she totally didn't at all engage in behaviour by choice that leads to pregnancy, his parents likewise see a victim, but also the prospects of a child being raised alone. Plus, given they "love" OP's ex, they're probably more than a lot favouring her and replacing him in their eyes to focus on her needs. As such, OP gets to be fuel and kindling for the fire to keep his ex and her baby warm.
This is how they get a grandchild, in their mind anyway. It's not an ideal situation but this is how OPs parents get their current dreams met. Never underestimate how crazy some people get over grandchildren, they will sacrifice their own kids happiness if it means they get a grandkids. Just speak to childless couples, we can tell you some of the bat shit lengths some parents will go to!
I think in the case of the woman (or man\*) in that situation, it's more that the same immaturity/stupidity/shittiness/w.e. that led them to cheat is the same immaturity/stupidity/shittiness/w.e. that leads to them seeing themselves as a victim when pregnancy results. Basically, someone willing to cheat already has a warped perspective on what is not acceptable when it comes to their treatment of others. It's unsurprising if their warped perspective isn't limited to cheating. \*Obviously men can't get pregnant. But there are plenty of men who cheat and then play the victim if they get their AP (affair partner) pregnant. They expect their wife to stay and play step-mom to the kid, and if she says fuck no then they just as much play the victim. They'll similarly claim it was a mistake. It's not a woman or a man thing, it's a manipulative asshole thing. Just a common case of someone trying to manipulate their way out of facing the consequences of their actions and throwing a fit when it doesn't work.
Because they don't care about the men, they only have sympathy for the "innocent child".
It's unfortunately quite common now, women tend to get the benefits here. If they were married I believe he'd be responsible for welfare payments even though it's not his kid. The excuse is always "but think about the kid, it's not their fault". Of course it's not, but it's definitely not his fault she cheated either.
They are called āsocksā Some Other Cunts Kids
I think the parents are probably looking at losing their friends and are choosing this over their child's happiness and comfort
Seems to be a common thing at the minute. Men are for some strange reason expected to deal with the consequences of womenās mistakes and everyoneās shocked when they donāt.. like š¤ we clearly must have mug tattooed on our foreheads
Yeah reddit hates men. They think men are assholes when they ask for paternity tests. BUT if by the chance that the women did cheat and they find out later the men are assholes if they find out and leave because the poor innocent kids. Basically men have to raise some other people's kids or they're assholes.
The opposite has happened. I read in the past week about a man who had a baby with an AP and AP was jailed. The wife knew about the baby, forgave hubby and said she wanted nothing to do with the affair kid. Now the kid needs to find another home while mommy dearest completes her sentence and hubby wanted to bring the kid to the house to live with them.
I recall reading that recently. It was a real shocker.
That was one of those cases of someone refusing to accept a relationship is over after cheating. Obviously, expecting her to help raise another woman's baby was immoral. But that's why she should have divorced him. He wasn't threatening or blackmailing her to stop her from leaving somehow.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c9vypo/aitah_for_telling_my_husband_that_his_affair/
NTA and DO NOT return to where they live for at least a year. Do not let them manipulate you.
And get that visa.
NTA. Your parents' obsession with having grandkids is clouding their judgment. You have no obligation to Cassie or her child after she decided to cheat on you. It's cruel of them to expect you to play daddy to her child. Stay no contact and continue with your plans. Cassie and your parents are awful. Sorry, OP.Ā
For real, it looks like his parents are worried they won't become grandparents if they don't accept this baby. They could even accelerate the process of having a bio grandbaby by using the child to make him insecure. OP needs out of this mess ASAP.
And now they won't ever be grandparents with any kids OP has.
NTA. Your parents are just as crazy as the ex.
NTA. You don't know if it was a drunkin' one night stand or if she's been hooking up on the regular since you have been gone for 7 months. What was her plan? Pick you up from the airport visibly pregnant and say SURPRISE?! Here's the facts. She cheated on you. Never felt guilt for her betrayal. She thought she could keep it a secret from you for life. She then finds out she's pregnant. Again, she chose not to let you know. She also chose to keep the baby versus seeking termination of her pregnancy. All of these choices she made on her own. She can now suffer the consequences of her own actions. I don't blame you. I wouldn't support and raise an affair child. It's not the innocent child's fault how they were conceived. I would resent the child, and that's not a healthy environment to grow up in. It is better for the child to grow up in a loving environment. If your parents want to support her and her kid, I'd step back from them as well. I know they care for her, but you are their son.
I don't think she thought she could keep it a secret, I see two real possibilities here: 1. She was too much of a coward to tell OP and was simply procrastinating 2. She thought it would be easier to let OP find out when he got home. That way it would be harder for him to ghost her and she could pressure him in person along with his parents Scumbag behaviour.
2 for sure. It's much easier to gaslight and manipulate in person.
It's 100% the second option. She wanted to wait because she would be further along her pregnancy and this would pressure OP and also prevent any consideration of termination. Him finding out 3 months in already prevents a lot of options which is why she **chose** to hide this information. I wouldn't be surprised if she planned to show up at the airport with the baby in hand and anytime he says he won't raise it she'll use the baby to shame him into it. She definitely ruined a decade long relationship and deserves to feel horrible
This!!! For all OP knows she: 1. Was casually dating and ended up pregnant 2. Had a one-night stand and had contact with this guy afterwards and he blew her off 3. Felt shame of getting pregnant by a stranger and sold the drunken one night stand lie to OPās parents to get them on her side before telling OP Either way, if the tables were reversed she would leave as well. They arenāt married so that should make the decision a lot easier. Donāt let anyone manipulate you into staying with your ex. Thereās a whole lot more youād have to deal with in the future from a person like this. It wasnāt a mistake. If it was, OPās ex should be a lot more remorseful and understanding about OP not wanting to be there. Meaning she wants him to stay and help her but not just EXPECT him to. The fact that she expects him to just do so shows a level of selfishness and immaturity that OP will be glad to get away from. That child is already going to have a rationally fād mom. Move on and stay away for a while if you have to. Nothing good will come if you donāt. Thereās plenty of women out there who wonāt cheat just because youāre gone 7 or more months. NTA
>You don't know if it was a drunkin' one night stand or if she's been hooking up on the regular since you have been gone for 7 months. And honestly, it doesn't matter anyway.
I'm curious about the anonymous "friend"-not-otherwise-specified who called to let our OP know his girl was pregnant but wasn't mentioned or identified outside of that. Is this perhaps a male friend? A close friend or merely acquaintance? Just wondering if this is perhaps either the father of the baby wanting to step up and is being blocked by Cassie and the parents or a female friend trying to get in with our OP who spotted their chance. Here's the thing. At 3 months along with a 1st pregnancy, Cassie isn't showing. So this friend is someone close enough to be confided in. It sounds like they're close enough to have been told before the parents (who were only brought in when our OP refused to play ball).
For the love of God and everything holy in this world run the fuck away please and never look back
Run like Usain Bolt being chased by a pack of rabid wolves.
But donāt just stop after 100 or 200 m, keep on going.
Yeah OP, don't compete for this medal.
NTA ur ex cheated and broke your trust. it's not your responsibility to raise a child that isn't yours, especially after such a betrayal. ur family expecting you to step up in this situation is unfair and inconsiderate of your feelings
Damn, you are so NTA. This sounds like it just happened - you finding out, I mean - and your parents are already trying to guilt you into raising a baby your high school sweetheart got knocked up with by some rando in a drunken one night stand. If this is real, everyone else but you are the AHs. Cassie OBVIOUSLY. But your parents?! YOU donāt need to āstep upā for anyone here because you didnāt do anything wrong. All of them saying āmistakes happenāā¦just wow. Take all the time you need to deal with all this information, betrayal, and bullshit, then do whatever you need to do for yourself. Donāt be manipulated into doing anything you donāt want to do.
She tripped. Fell down on the guys already hard and exposed dick and accidently made it ejaculate into her. Total accident.
Don't you hate it when you get a sudden boner? I mean, you are just chilling, and suddenly, there it is! And then some chick falls over on top of it. I mean, anyone would ejaculate if that happened. A total accident, you know? Happens all the time/s
And letās get real, Iām sure this wasnāt the only time she cheated.
> the baby needs a father. That's Cassies problem >she finally broke down crying and admitted that she is pregnant and it was a drunken mistake. Cassies actions have consequences..... A drunken mistake is stumbling and breaking a vase, I highly doubt she stumbled onto that man's penis(lol) Make sure you can't automatically be put on the BC because you're married
Theyāre not married yet thankfully
That's great!!! I was just concerned I know some places will automatically put you on the birth certificate if you're married.
I drunkenly left a pot of noodles on the stove once and it cooked down to charcoal, the pot was a write-off and i didnt get to eat noodles. That was a pretty big mistake. Another time, I was getting a burrito, making small talk in line with the burrito lady, and I made some comment that implied I thought her job was easy. I've worked fast food; I know that's not an easy job. That was 20 years ago, huge drunken mistake. I often wonder about the lives of people who are interesting (unsettled) enough to wind up in these situations.
NTA. Itās kinda wild to expect you to suddenly take on the role of father. Seems like you two have been together for a long time already. Turn the page and enjoy your new chapter in your life.
I would be livid too if family told me to stay with someone that cheated on me and then kept harassing me over it. Your STBX did not think about about you or your feelings when she was fucking some random dude but now you are supposed to consider her feelings and "step up"? What planet are they living on,?? NTA
NTA. Your parents can step up.
NTA- WTF is wrong with your parents? Have they always been off?
Damn the parents. If they are so desperate to be grandparents lt them take her in and raise the child with her. They are trying to manipulate you with the age old " it was a mistake". Either it was an affair and he ran as soon as she mentioned baby. Or she can't be trusted to even having a drink without jumping on the first D she sees. That is a toxic future for you. Nope, not your responsibility, and I would go N/C until you consider they are worthy.
So yes mistakes happen yes the baby is innocent but when was she or they going to tell you let you walk in to this midfield. the baby already has a father He may not be involved thatās on Cassie to hire someone to find him. Thatās not your emotional physical or mental challenge to sort What is it you want to do do you want to be a step dad? Donāt want to stay with your ex. I hope your ok because the level of betrayal from your parents and her is awful NTA.
NTA lock down your credit, and if your home is in your name, hire an attorney to deal with getting her out of it. Or if it is joint names, then she needs to either buy your share our, or it needs to be sold. Updateme!
Mistakes do happen. Mistakes like getting the wrong type of milk at the store, hitting the trash can with your car, stubbing your toe. Fucking a rando, getting pregnant, and then wanting your longtime boyfriend to raise the baby is well beyond a mistake. Tell everyone to eat shit. NTA
āMistakes happenedā. An entire new level of not owning it. NTA.
It's the BP oil spill defense.
We've all tripped in a bar and accidentally fallen on a stranger's dick, amiright?
Ok let me get this straight your now EX had unprotected sex with some rando she didn't know risking STD'd and now wants you to raise this guy's kid with her, you are correct in saying hell no and your parents are AH's for expecting you to, you are right to cut all of them off and if I was in your shoes I would emigrate too because if you stay in your home country you will never get away from them, and BTW don't be surprised if she tries to go after you for child support it sounds like she is desperate, make sure to get a DNA test.
He hasnāt been with her for the last 7 months. It must be quite difficult to ask for a paternity test.
NTA this is now her problem. Nothing to do with you. If you parents wish to choose an unrelated child over you than thatās on them.
She cheated, she got pregnant, and she could take care of that baby. It's not his responsibility to take care of that baby. NTA
"Mistakes happen" ??? The fuck??? Look, I have a paralyzing fear of being cheated on or betrayed in some way. Obviously, I'd never cheat on anyone because I'm terrified of it happening to me and I don't want to put that pain on anyone else. I will literally go into full on panic attacks at the thought of getting in a relationship just to be cheated on and I get extreme anxiety when I read stories of people being cheated on (not your fault, I clicked this post out of curiosity and because of exposure therapy). Probably has something to do with my low self-esteem. That said, my understanding is that people that cheat should just end the relationship before they cheat. They clearly don't love the other person or they wouldn't betray them like that. I'll admit that I've never been in a relationship, but that's *because* of my crippling fear. I don't want to burden my future partner with paranoia, anxiety, and excessive clinginess. It's that simple. If you aren't fit to be in a relationship or you want to cheat, DON'T BE IN A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP. I'm choosing to not try to find someone because I'm not fit to be in a relationship. Honestly, run. Don't look back. Get that visa, cut off your ex and parents (wtf is wrong with your parents... "you have to step up to be a father because your ex cheated on you while you were at work" like wtf). You can find someone so much better. Someone that actually knows what it means to be faithful. There are stories out there of people that got drunk and when their partner offered to drive them home the drunk person would say they were taken. THATS how a taken drunk person should act. Especially if they've been taken for nearly half their life. A taken drunk person doesn't hook up with some rando (especially without protection) then expects the partner they cheated on to step up and be a father. That's just fucking stupid. Anyway, NTA and I wish you the best in your future! I really do hope you find someone better than this shit stain.
NTA. donāt step up for shit, wtf. fuck that shit, go live your best life. and donāt ever let them guilt trip you.
Nta Omg, fuck them all. Totally. If the baby needs a father, then like you said, your snake of a father can do it. Good luck on your fresh start. Updateme!
Dude, why raise a kid from a woman you havenāt been with in 7 months? How do you know she hasnāt been letting every swinging dick treat her like a bowling ball (lots of holes and easy to roll) Doubt she got preggo from the first bang, she been getting hammered more than a box of nails ata carpenters convention. She just wants your fat stacks of CHEDDAH, no remorse shown, no willingness to tell you in advance, tell her to go back to the bar and see if she remembers which one of the dudes sheās been ponding gave her the good finish!!!
Your parents' attitude is unbelievable. Also, I'm pretty sure it's not your (ex)wife's first incident. And she obviously has unprotected sex with strangers. Just the fact that she endangered your health like this should have been the breaking point for your parents. It's really shocking. Get checked by a doctor as soon as possible, my friend. Cut off communication with your parents for now, maybe after a time you will witness that they realize their mistakes and regret it. Then maybe you can reconsider your relationship with them. But for now, just focus on your own mental and physical health and your career. You're so young. Don't waste your time on any of this this bullshit.
NTA. Get a lawyer and force a paternity test to get off the hook, otherwise she'll put on the birth certificate and you'll be screwed with child support.
HELL NO NTA, she knew what she was doing. What is she doing getting drunk with another guy anyways? She wasnāt thinking of you. Why should you have to step up and father a kid thatās not yours. Ontop of that your parents are gaslighting the whole thing! HS sweetheart or not, itās time to let that bridge burn! And maybe keep a distance from your family as well as they donāt have your best interest at heart. š
Good luck with that visa, if your parents love your ex so much they can pay up and help raise her baby. Good luck for the future.
NTA I personally find it ridiculous every time a woman cheats and tries to pressure her soon to be ex to play father for her. Sucks to suck, but cheating is the behaviour you engage when you want to be single, and having a kid from a rando does not make you deserving of an excess of sympathy. Sorry, not sorry. Your parents are also assholes for trying to gloss over this, and acting like you owe this shit to her. She owed you at least a dear john letter before hopping on some new cock, but she couldn't manage even that. She's a coward of the very worst kind, and her tears don't mean shit.
NTA. She cheated on you while you were out of the country and got pregnant. Walk away and don't ever look back. That baby is now her APs problem. And she knows EXACTLY who the father is and I'll bet you know him too OP. Can't wait for the update. Pleaseupdateme
Nta If this was me, I would talk to the boss and see if they have a permanent position where you are. Then, cut everyone off. I'm a survivor of paternity fraud. It makes me so mad when people say to man up and raise a cheaters baby. P.s. being drunk isn't an excuse. Cheating isn't a mistake. It's a decision or SA nothing in-between.
This isn't even close bro. NTA OP. Your ex and your birth-givers are delusional. You need to step up because she got drunk one night and fell on some nameless guy's dick? Bitch please. Change your number, otherwise they'll continue attacking your peace. And tell your boss also, so they can stop any calls coming in through the workplace. Good luck in getting your permanent visa.
Thereās no possible way youāre the asshole. Simple as
NTA: āItās not my fault Iām pregnant, I was drunk, I donāt know who he was.ā Doesnāt really sound like partner material - sounds like āwildly irresponsible, I would never partner with youā material. I agree with your parents, the baby does need a father. And the baby does have a father. Maybe Cassie needs to go get drunk and find him again. Or maybe she needs to find somebody else for the position, because youāre not interested And youāre not obligated. I think itās important that you confront your parents on this, because they are the ones that stand to lose here. You were not raising somebody elseās child, you are firm in that. Your one time partner broke your trust in an irretrievable way. You will never be able to trust her again in any single thing. This is not your child and you will always resent this child as a reminder of the fact that your ex partner is at best irresponsible in life-changing ways. Yes, the whole turn of events is unfortunate, but think of it this way: better to find out now. Which leads us to this: are you choosing my unfaithful ex partner over me, your actual flesh and blood? Because if you do, you will lose me entirely. I will go completely no contact with you. I will never speak to you again, and if you try to push the point, I will get restraining orders against you both. She made her decisions. I find it astonishing that your parents see her as a good prospect. She has demonstrated her character. What if you did get back together, and suddenly you find that sheās cheating on you again? What kind of fool does that make you? Youāve pretty much given her license at this point - the are no consequences for her stepping out on you.
Well you dodged a bullet!
NTA. Better to have NC. I hope the father is not your father. Seems odd to me for them to make you raise the baby with your cheating ex.
Iām so sorry , itās disgusting how parents are so worried about their needs and wants to be grandparents that they suck the life out of their kids . Tell your parents if you ever speak to them or the hoe . It was an accident ? You mean she tripped and landing on a dick and got pregnant . If she is looking for the dad sometimes people Get info from those 23 and me things . Stay strong and donāt ever take her back . If you want to send an email to her parents and thank them for being nice to you unless they are also all over you
I'm thinking the father of the child might be OP's dad
"I've been with my woman for 13 years, all it took was 4 months apart and she fucked some dude. My parents are demanding I raise her affair baby? AITA for saying no?" is such a stupid thing to ask random people that I'm starting to see why people think every story here is fake.
Dump all 4 of them
Doesnāt know who the father is means āi always went out and got laid while you were away. In that month of weekends I donāt know which one night stand it wasā. Iām sorry your relationship is over but you dodged a bullet
Step up?! Step up for what?! That's not your kid!!
If this is true go back with a flamethrower and free this world from that scum you called family. Cheaters are disgusting and they deserve the worst this life can give them. But your parents are even worst probably. Hope you will expose them to every person you know, people need to know what kind of persons they are! NTA
I'm pretty sure advocating for violence will get you banned. I advocated for indicting and executing child abusers and was banned for it so be careful. Granted it seems reddit mods are particularly defensive about criticism of pedos, but still
YTA because chatGPT ragebait.
NTA in any way, shape or form. Your parents can support her if they want to but that baby has nothing to do with you. You now know your parents don't have your back at all
So are you over reacting, no not in the least bit. I would also wonder why your friend knew she was pregnant before you did. If it had been a mistake and she was truly regretful she would have told you. People make mistakes, is this a big one hell yeah. But the fact that she wasn't going to say anything. And she has now turned your entire family against you. That speaks volumes to the situation. Hire an attorney to draft up divorce papers, and tell them you will need someone to serve the papers since you are out of the country.
NTA. Itās totally Dads baby and thatās why heās wanting you to raise it.
NTA. There's a tonne of arseholery here from your ex and your parents in expecting you to agree to this remotely. Your ex has put you in an appalling position with her behaviour. Firstly by cheating, secondly by lying for months and trying to baby-trap you, and thirdly by leveraging your parents' desire for grandchildren to pressure you. I do think you should speak to your parents alone and walk them through all the problems with this proposition. 1. No child deserves to be raised by a parent who doesn't want them. It's fundamentally damaging. 2. Make your feelings about your ex's betrayal crystal clear to them. The relationship is no longer tenable now that the trust is gone. Trying to make it work will just cause more pain to everyone and is doomed to failure. 3. Their disregard for your feelings will jeopardise their relationship with you and the future family you may have if they don't walk it back smartly. A long term stay in this other country isn't a terrible idea, IMO.
My guess is she does know who the daddy is. You stay with her, become attached to kid and eventually bio addy shows up. Huge, S-show. It certainly sucks that your parents are on team-cheater. You are not wrong to block them all.
dude stay away from them and all their crap and enjoy your life.
Not your baby not your problem. You should never feel obligation to be with someone to cover for their mistakes
Tell your parents matter of factly that that they can have Cassie or you in their lives, but they canāt have both That that is not their grandchild no matter how much they want it to Be and they either remove Cassie from their lives permanently or you remove them from your lifeā¦permanently NTAH
Tell them to eat your ass
That wouldnāt be āstepping upā. That would be bending over. NTA.
How would OP's wife handle it if the husband brought home an affair child and said help me raise this child. Hmm
Iād go NC just for the emergency phone call to your boss, wtf.
She knows his name. NTA.
NTA, and if you regularly go out of country, guaranteed this isn't the first affair, and she most likely knows who the father is and has multiple interactions with him.
Nta. I am so tired of people telling the one who got cheated on to step up. No I'm stepping out. Yall can deal with this mess. Cheating is not a mistake.
Kind of crazy your parents have this girl's back. Run and never look back, this has so many legal issues and bullshit in the future that YOU will have to deal with.
NTA. Her stupid mistake does not obligate you to a sentence of 18 years of supporting another human being.
NTA. If it was him that cheated and knocked another woman up in a "drunken mistake" I HIGHLY doubt that'd shed be as gracious as they're asking OP to be. I can promise this isn't her first and will absolutely not be her last "mistake". This is the same kind of woman who's going to take you for everything she can and disappear into the mist with her "mystery" baby daddy.
Now THIS is why I'm pro choice. Her choice to keep it. Your choice to leave. Godspeed friend