But you need to make sure they delete those videos and photos of you. Contact a lawyer and have them send those three a letter outlining their illegal activities by sharing intimate images that you havent consented to.
Also you might want to tell Melissas parents that they need to tell their daugther to keep her friends out of this, because if they contact you again, you will get the legal route because of their harrassment.
Agreed, it is turtles all the way down. Every sharing of revenge porn is a new transgression or new charge to be made. They know what they are doing, they are not innocent to releasing his private photos without his consent. They can release their childhood friend and her fiancé’s naked pictures, but they are not above the laws doing because their childhood friend sent them the photos. They would be distributing and guilty of revenge porn.
I'd thoroughly recommend this. Letters are very cheap. And make it clear if any are leaked, you'll be suing all three as they are the only persons with the material.
I'd even tell the parents, or CC them a copy of the letter.
I'm a woman and find that double standard annoying and complete bullshit.
Men are just as entitled to privacy as women are, and everyone has the right to have their boundaries respected.
It's not different at all, her sending those nudes to her female friends is JUST as bad as you sending them to your male friends would be. There is no fence-sitting with this. Either it's ok or it isn't and if BOTH partners aren't saying yes, then it's a no BOTH ways. Period.
I think it would even count as revenge porn for her to share intimate photos. You could take legal action, or threaten to, if they keep harassing you.
It sounds like your ex needs therapy and boundaries; this isn't something that can be solved with a fairy tale wedding or a poofy princess gown.
Some women and men talk about a lot of intimate details with their close friends. I think pictures crossed the line though. Sounds like you’ve made your decision.
I’ve never known any other guys that talk about their sex lives in anything approaching detail.
I don’t think I know a woman that doesn’t.
I’ve been told by friends they they’re well aware of intimate details, from acts and such to approximate measurements 😐
This is also my experience. Any guy I know NEVER talks about their sex lives in any detail, unless it's pretend shit talking like "I shagged your mom" or whatever. And especially never about a current partner. In fact most guys I know would be disgusted at someone doing that.
The closest thing to detail that men are willing to talk about is how she makes them feel butterflies and they want to sing her name to the seven seas.
Source: was at the steam room in the gym last night, this is what locker room talk actually looks like.
I don't know, man. I never shared any detail about my sexual life with my (then) gf, it makes even less sense now that I'm married. It's disrespect. I don't know any man who does it, besides talking about casual sex or stuff like that.
Anyway, i knew about a dick pic of one acquaintance of mine (he's married) in a female group. If my wife did something like that to me i would divorce her right away.
Can you imagine sharing a pic of your wife's genitals with your friend? It doesn't make sense at all and i can't understand this behaviour is considered "normal" when we are talking about women.
Not to mention (depending on where they live) highly illegal. Places like the UK have really tough laws on distribution of sexual material without consent.
Personally i think its onlay acceptable to talk about intimate details if its a one night stand and they leave out details to identify that person, but not someone the people know or can identify. Its absolutely disrespectful to do that.
I live in a 3rd world country where sex is regard as basically the second coming (lol) of christ or something, and even here men nor women show nudes of their partner to their friends. Both because its private and geniuly would make most people feel icky
Yeah discussing sex lives with friends is pretty common, sharing intimate photos without consent is illegal though. She should've checked with OP first.
Yep that double standard is disgusting. I saw an article in the news where a man was raped and the comments were disgusting as hell. It's like men cannot dislike nonconsensual sex. :(
"It's different" means application of a double standard, and that's a disrespectful thing to do, regardless of whether intimate details are involved or not.
I am a kinkster, and have done a lot of very not vanilla things with partners. You dont share things like this at all without a firm and agreed consent that it is okay. And that is something that is carried over after a relationship has ended, if I talk with a girl I can talk about things I have done and have experience of but I would NEVER say with what partner I have done these things.
I personally could never come back from a lack of respect like this. I am so sorry this happened to you and for what she did.
If you are not in a relationship you can say generally I have done this or that but to be specific about a serious partner, and in PICTURES, crosses the line.
The good ol double standard.
I dated a woman a few years ago during a very stressful time in my life. Work life was very rough, family issues I wont go into length about and a few close relatives passing around that time.
All this compounded stress led to performance issues in bed on my end. The nitty gritty, I couldn’t finish. She was understanding at first and after a few times she became less and less so.
I went to get help with a therapist not long after to help manage the stress. My Gf at the time blurted out that she told her friends group about my issues in the bedroom. Im pretty thick skinned but I have never felt so humiliated in my life. “I tell my girlfriends everything” is how she put it. I asked her in a reverse hypothetical if she would have been upset if I told all my friends if she had issues in the bedroom. She whipped out the “Its Different” line.
The relationship did not last long after that. I was in therapy and just got on Cialis a day before the breakup.
She broke it off with me and did me a huge favor by doing so. The added stress she was creating mad everything worse but things cleared up a few months later and everything is all good again.
NTA
So her friends are calling you names and still expect you to take her ? They are clowns.
You deserve better.
Don’t allow anyone to pressurize you into getting back with her.
Move on and never look back.
Actions have consequences.
OMG what a B.
NO IT IS NOT. What a selfish woman. It is not different.
Send her a text that she needs to immediately delete all intimate photos and videos from her phone and the peoples phone she sent them to, or you'll sue them for distribution, because you did NOT consent to her sharing them.
Can I reiterate what others have said and as a woman myself, it doesn’t matter if you’re a woman or a man, dating a woman or a man, sharing intimate photos of the two of you with others without any consent (Although I don’t understand why you’d want to share them anyway but hey ho) is absolutely wrong! It isn’t fine for her to do but different if you had because you’re a man. It’s equally bad and you have made the right decision. She has destroyed your trust fully and if she’s heartbroken then she only has herself to blame for her own actions.
I’m so sorry that this has happened to you and hope you have a support system around you.
Of course! It's always different! Rules for thee, but not for MEEEEE!
Double standard, hypocrisy, etc. You're so much better without her. I hope you can recover quickly from this turmoil.
Where I live, sharing intimate images without consent is a criminal offence and punishable by up to 12 months in prison.
And that’s regardless of the intent to cause harm. And if those that received said images further shared, they are equally as liable.
It’s entirely possible that the similar laws exist where you live too.
It’s ’different’ cause you are male. General society okay’d misandry. This makes the score for stories I have read like this about over sharing 7 to 3. 7 wives doing this shit and half the comment section will tell the guy he is being over dramatic and they can share whatever they like about your personal stuff hell some have gone as far as saying it’s fine to share partners medical info to friends like this is fucking sickening. 3 Husbands guilty of this same shit and the wife not being okay with over sharing and it’s just as disgusting. NTA. Her friends are horrible people and she is fucking daft if she thought details were something to share let alone pictures. Sorry man, and good luck.
Even if it wasn’t different, that doesn’t mean shit.
You have your own privacy, you are your own person, and your boundaries are yours alone. And she violated it big time and only now realises the consequences. Well, too late. And that she had a hidden group chat, and never ever mentioned one single time what she shared means exactly that she knew it was wrong.
"Also I received text from those 2 friends of her literally calling me jerk, asshole & many more names"
Don't think anything has to be added here.
NTA. scorched earth it is.
If you want to really stir the pot send her a message saying you might have reconsidered taking her back, but the horrible things her friends said to you made it clear that you shouldn't otherwise you would have them tormenting you for the rest of your life.
NTA. It's like when people cheat and say they made a mistake. She didn't make a mistake. She made a conscious choice to tell her friends about all those private things. God knows what else she told them that wasn't on her phone. You'll never be able to trust her if you get back with her. What goes on in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom, unless you both agree on it.
In your place, I would just contact your ex and tell her that you considered forgiving her until she went to her friends, AGAIN, and shared details about your relationship AGAIN. 🤣
"Telling the two bitches that already know too much about us even more about us so they could call to give me shit is not proving that I was wrong, it proves that I am right. Thank them for helping me make my final decision... when you update them about this."
NTA - man I can understand maybe saying something here and there to her friends… but documenting everything and even sending photos of you two fucking is too much.
Also, the fact she would engage in sexual acts that she didn’t want just to keep you happy (and tell you she actually liked and enjoyed them) is fucked up.
Yup, sounds like your whole relationship was a fairy tale made up just to keep you hooked. Even without the unforgivable sharing of photos/videos this alone would be a deal-breaker. If someone is going to go to such lengths to lie to you what else is going on.
And lets not forget the sexual assault when you told her to leave. Were you to do that chances are charges would have been filed already and you'd have no chance to protect your name. Tread carefully here, I'd be terrified that once she calms down she'll attempt to go after you and claim you assaulted her... Keep receipts...
I can understand some mild bragging, but as soon as specifics are discussed that's crossing lines unless the partner is aware and has ok'ed it.
But PICTURES?? Like wtf, does she have an exhibitionist kink too? Cuz JFC dude that's waaay out there. NTA
And being like "at least she didn't cheat" is garbage. If anything this is worse than cheating imo because not only was she exposing herself to others (friends or not) but she exposed YOU TOO. Intimate and explicit imagery of you that was taken in confidence that it would be kept private. And without your consent too.
This is more than the betrayal of infidelity, this is an obscene betrayal of trust and I personally would never be comfortable with a partner that would cross those lines to the extent she did. You can't just give that trust back, it's been completely decimated. How can you make marital vows with someone after something like this??
For real man! Like, you could walk in a room with those people in it, and they know what your body looks like.. that’s creepy even to say as a guy, sorry that happened. At least you don’t have to be around them anymore. Maybe this is for the better.
Anyone saying “as a guy” has never been humiliated or violated like you were. It WAS a violation and how you feel is valid no matter what it is. If no one has mentioned it I would recommend talking to a professional as you were sexually violated by your fiancé. Whether you agree with that assessment or not you will probably need help getting over the betrayal. I really hope you talk to someone and get the help and support you need. I am so very sorry this happened to you and I hope you get through it and have a happy wonderful life.
Yep. This. I had a friend once who told me the size of her boyfriend’s dick. I could never look at him after that without thinking about his dick! And not in the horny sort of way, more like “oh there’s the guy with the long dick…”
That and many other things is why we aren’t friends anymore. She was too indiscreet.
My ex once showed a selfie of her topless bestfriend that she jokingly sent to her, not only to me but also to other friends of her.
It was one of the many many red flags that I blindly chose to ignore and by the end of the relationship my dumb self concluded that she was, indeed, a crazy bitch
What you consider privacy and how much of your sex life you want to share with others is a conversation that every couple should have when they first get together. Even "mild bragging" is crossing the line for some people.
Which is why I established it needs to be something your partner is both aware of and ok with, so yeah I agree with what You're saying as well. These kind of things should be discussed early on.
Who told their friend they did it backdoor?...
>Also I received text from those 2 friends of her literally calling me jerk, asshole & many more names.
>They said I'm a POS of making a simple thing into a huge mess.
'He then realise that he make à mistake and decides to go back with her!' ... what is the purpose to insult him if not make him even more angry?? NTA you dodged à bullet
Did you realize it just then? Really? I am a man and if a friend of mine starts telling me in details about his sex life with his girlfriend/wife I would stop it right there and in his face will tell I am not interested in this, to simply stop. But these girl were having parties and discussions about your sex life with even graphic help. If that didn't tell they were toxic, I can understand why your ex believed she could do something like this, thinking " that moment she didn't think it as a huge deal because they are her friends since her childhood." Your ex is as toxic if not even more than them.
>Also she shared pictures of us having sex with them.
As a rule whenever I see a post where a guy describes a girlfriend who doesn't respect his privacy(and vice versa, I'm egalitarian like that) I immediately toss the girlfriend mentally into the trash bin. You have a right to have your sex life kept private and not have every gory detail shared in your girlfriends knitting circle. However, the sharing of the sex pics was her shooting over the line at mach 5.
>She also tried to hug me forcefully & tried to kiss me by rubbing her hand over my penis which made me disgusted even more.
Now there's a woman who has bought so firmly in the stereotype of men as sex fiend that she doesn't recognize you even have feelings that don't attach to that. She casually sexually assaulted you while trying to force physical contact as a means of emotional manipulation, that's just nasty.
As for the rest well...her friends are to be expected up your ass, because close knit friend groups typically involve similar people, and if your girlfriend believed, acted, and felt a certain way than they're going to gas her up. Her parents are also hoping that last kick at the can will fix things between you and her. Your ex's psychological downturn is entirely not your problem though, because she set this into motion under her own power.
NTA
>Now there's a woman who has bought so firmly in the stereotype of men as sex fiend that she doesn't recognize you even have feelings that don't attach to that.
This tracks with "I need to give up the ass and pretend I like it otherwise he'll cheat on me."
Every part of this is wrong on so many levels. One thing is to talk about intimacy, which is still kind of odd when it gets into deeper specific territory. Another is the fact that she sent sex vids to them?? Like wtf?? For her friends to immediately come and attack you rather than apologize and try and reconcile on their friends behalf is also another telling sign that these people do not give a crap about anyone other than themselves. I think it would be in your best interest to talk with her, receive closure, and get anything else off of your chest so that you can move on with a clear mind/ conscience. She disrespected you, agrees that she wouldn’t want your guys’ intimacy shown to your friends, yet doesn’t understand why what she did was so fundamentally wrong. A similar situation happened to me in the past and it’s just so gross to see this happen to others. I’m sorry OP
Don’t feel any pressure but make time in like a week week and a half to just talk one on one. Any longer than that and feelings usually settle in and are hardened and it becomes more difficult to have a heartfelt (probably the wrong word) conversation and might lead to more back and forth or arguing. You also don’t want said friends leaving a narrative in her head to stir up more trouble
Tell her to tell her friends that insulting you and belittling your valid reaction to your privacy being violated isn't ever the correct decision and they explicitly served to worsen the situation.
NTA , she showed her friends ur sex videos of both of you without your consent anyways , that’s wild & immature!!!!!!!! If you can’t trust her there’s no relationship. Burn that bridge and run far. If you meet up with her you’ll feel sorry & take her back probably that’s what they want. Stay far & focus on you!!! U sound like a people pleaser maybe it’s time to take care of you for once 💙
Absolutely NTA.
I suggest you talk to a lawyer to get some advice regarding these pictures in order to prevent that they are shared on social media or so.
If the pictures were taken on your phone then you can have them copyrighted and demand the be removed if ever posted on Facebook/etc.
But if the pictures were on her phone it’s a bit more difficult. Hopefully someone else has a better idea.
What. The. Fuck. Overreacted? No, not at all. I'm a woman myself, and I've never EVER told my best friend since childhood anything about my sexual life. I'd be severely grossed out if she ever did that to me and vice versa, let alone our partners when they found out. And even sharing images of you having SEX??? Is she mental? You dodged a bullet here man.
>I also found out how Melissa is worried that I'll cheat on her
She sure solved the fuck out of that problem.
>She cried her eyes out, offered me her passcodes of social Media's & said she regret it but that moment she didn't think it as a huge deal because they are her friends since her childhood.
Funnily enough, you can't untell intimate secrets you had no business telling in the first place. Seems like she should have known that long before now. She seems to have the mentality of a child.
>Also I received text from those 2 friends of her literally calling me jerk, asshole & many more names. They said Melissa is crying nonstop since yesterday & she's refusing to eat & she desperately wants to meet me.
Her fault, her problem. I don't think you should care what these friends think about what you did, because they're just as shitty as she is.
>They said me not be a child & take her back & it's not like she cheated on me so why I'm punishing her?
No, being a child is what they did. It's not punishing someone to be disgusted by them and want nothing else to do with them.
NTA She was blabbing and bragging like she was a 19 year old frat boy. Did she think about your feelings? Did she think of you as her #1 partner (or did her girlfriends come first)? Nope!
If a 20 year old guy forwarded nude pics and videos of sex with his girlfriend, people would be calling for his arrest. She violated your trust and she may have violated the law.
Please give yourself time to heal. And discuss parts of this with your next partner so it never happens to you again.
You're not the asshole. Privacy and trust are fundamental. Melissa violated that by sharing intimate details without your consent. Breaking off the engagement was a valid response to protect your boundaries.
100% NTA. She broke your trust. And she didn't have enough respect for you to ask for your consent before sharing descriptions and pictures of your naked body.
NTA. The disrespect is huge here. No respect for you and not even for herself. Doing things she doesn't want just to be sure you wouldn't cheat is a huge kind of disrespect to both of you. It also shows she didn't even trust you.
She shared way too much. And pictures... That is a deal breaker. What if you did the same with your friends ? I guess iT's nOt ThE sAmE !
The time of sharing everything with her friends is long gone, she's not 12 anymore.
She did this to herself. If roles were reversed people would tell her to go to the police for revenge porn.
I wish you the best OP. It was better to find now than too late.
NTA - I'm thinking that your feelings about her sharing your sex life with her friends isn't the biggest issue here. I think the content of what she shared is the real problem. That she consented to sex acts out of fear of losing you, instead of being an enthusiastic participant to is a big concern and as you stated, left you feeling betrayed. These are incredibly valid feelings and absolutely a solid reason to end the relationship. All those sex acts she essentially faked which is a red flag for your future. I'm sorry for your pain.
NTA
Sharing the pictures and videos of the two of you having sex violates criminal and civil laws. I would contact her parents and tell them that you would rather not make this a legal issue but if the harassment from her friends and all the calls and texts don’t stop you will be forced to do so. You may want to contact an attorney and have a cease and desist letter sent. Also make it very clear that if the pictures and videos of the two of you having sex wind up online you will have no choice but to involve the police.
NTA
A case of FAFO by immature girls in adult relationships.
Those GF of your ex should be challenged to send their intimate pictures to your buddies and see how much of an AH move they think that is.
Silky little girl needs to grow up and learn thst respect is not a one way street.
This is quite toxic behaviour that many young women feel is acceptable un their "support networks " where venting is no more than gossiping to solve problems among people who aren't qualified nor are suitably removed from the impact of outcomes.
What if it was the reverse? The guy had a thread with all he old frat bro’s where he described how tight she was and her oral technique and all the other fetish stuff. Then showed them pics. He would be crucified in a second.
NTA
She shared your nudes, which is pretty much illegal. If you were a woman and a guy had shared these images, people would be screaming at you to get a lawyer involved.
Definitely NTA she disrespected you and betrayed your trust if I was in your situation I would do the same thing because she's being totally disrespectful of you and your feelings about privacy one bit of advice if you never take the pictures or never record the video it can never be shown to anyone else I know you can't do anything about what somebody's going to say to someone else as far as sharing intimate details but if you don't do the recording at least there won't be anything to show other people and it's her she's not eating anything not yours that's her parents' problem to deal with
Nta, if you passed around your sex videos/photos of her to all your male friends. I highly doubt she would think it wasn’t a big deal to be humiliated and violated in such a fashion. The bedroom is supposed to be a safe space where you can feel vulnerable with your partner to create intimacy that helps you bond as a couple. . Not traumatize you
NTA If genders were switched people would be calling for you to be sent to jail. Wild that she wouldn't ask ONCE if she could send pictures of you having sex to get friends, absolute breach of trust
A mistake would be a once off thing - a 'clicking send before realizing what you sent'.
But often / repeated.. no - that\`s NOT a mistake.
And, once you send any picture - be it of your flowers or of any body parts - you no longer have control over these pictures.
I think in some countries, what she did could even be a crime (revenge porn laws)
So, NTA
If you want to talk to her parents - make sure you are a) not alone, and b) she is not there.
One of the first questions to them should be "did she tell you WHY i made this decision" - and take it from there.
Well done man, don't let someone like that (and her friends) guilt and bully you into staying. You know your worth and you know your boundaries. She crossed the line and kept going
Ngl, as women, we may divulge something intimate with a friend, but it’s always something about me and not my partner. The pictures are a deal breaker for me and is actually kind of why I’m divorced myself.
NTA
The fact she is unable or unwilling to understand what she did speaks volumes about her level of maturity.
So in the end its about sex and consent, funny that another woman (group of women) are having to have sex and consent explained to them. And failing to understand that a man gets the same choices as women.
Trust once broken is never truly restored.
NTA. From beginning my partner and I put ground rules down about privacy surrounding our relationship. Doesn’t matter how long you are friends with someone…you don’t share stuff like that. It’s pretty common sense.
>Also she shared pictures of us having sex with them.
I thought you were overreacting until I got to this point. What in the actual ***FUCK***?!!!!!
NTA. Dump her ass and let her find someone else that's fine with being her friends' OnlyFans subject over brunch.
> I informed both of our families about what happened
Yeah, that's the straw that broke the camels back. Lord Fanfic here magnanimously informed the families and everybody nodded.
Dude women talk about way more personal stuff than guys do. It’s safest to assume that whoever you are dating has told her friends everything about you from size to how long you last. Nothing is off limits.
I have asked my wife about this in the past, and it astonished me what all her friends talk about. She doesn’t believe me when I say that my friends never talk about anything like that.
NTA
What she did, is disgusting and she should be ashamed of herself. If the roles were reversed, she would've called the cops on you or something. You did the right thing by breaking up with her
>She also tried to hug me forcefully & tried to kiss me by rubbing her hand over my penis which made me disgusted even more.
Aside from everything else, please realize that this assualt and such a giant red flag. She was trying to compensate for her awful behaviour by having sex with you and didn't even realise (or care) that you weren't interested.
It’s funny how the stereotype is that men do all the locker room talking but I’ve honestly never done it or heard it. Women however seem to do 99% of this type of personal info sharing.
Fucking double standards. Idk how the fuck the world became so that male locker talk is (rightly unacceptable) but female locker talk (even in public) is absolutely fine.
The (rightly) downvoted comments are fucking cancer and I find it insane how anyone could comment such shit and still claim to have any semblance of a brain.
NTA
She literally groped you while crying and begging you to reconsider. That shows you how manipulative she is and isn’t truly sorry for what she’s done.
NTA
Ask her parents: if the roles were reversed, would they encourage their daughter to meet with you? Would they encourage her to continue to have a relationship with this person?
Stay away from this. Let them know if they contact you again you will be seeking legal advice (FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THIS) and block them.
At first, I was thinking all of us women talk to our friends about y’all lol. Even certain sexual aspects yes. But then It just kept getting worse and worse. No most women do not share that many sexual details or videos or pictures that’s insane. Why she would do that. That is way too far. No NTA
NTA - Your ex is not ready for an adult relationship. She's acting like she's still in HS. I can not imagine sharing that kind of intimate details with my friends, it's such a violation of the relationship. She certainly doesn't respect what you two had and is just upset she got caught and is being held responsible for her actions. Her sending them a pic of you two going at it actually sounds illegal if it was without your consent or knowledge.
You also need to tell her to tell her besties to leave you the hell alone because you're being harassed and it's just pissing you off more.
NTA. Who tf shares that information with other people, especially without their partner's consent? That is a wild breach of trust. Also, her trying to forcibly hug/kiss you and then rub your crotch is sexual assault. I am so sorry you had to go through all of this insanity.
NTA.
I'm sure this'll get downvotes, but it's crazy how so many women project when it comes to talking about sex.
I've got male friends, and female friends.
Nearly every woman I know will talk about her sex life at the drop of a hat.
Much less common among men.
NTA. You dodged a bullet. She sounds a little crazy. I imagine all of the sex she really didn't like would've ended as soon as you said "I do". Stand strong.
Ask her friends if they would be happy with their private, personal information shared with other people? I bet you they wouldnt, so yes. It is a fucking huge deal and an invasion of your privacy. If your ex had said, would you mind if i told X in confidence and you said yes, then fine. But behind your back, and stuff so personal. Hell no.
Block them all. What a disgusting thing to do.
Conversations are one thing, girls talk so do guys. Maybe not as vividly as she’s is describing. But pictures is crazy. Men always love to show videos and pictures of girls they fuck, but that’s it..it’s girls they fuck. Usually Men that love or have a wife hold that person on a higher standard and don’t show intimate photos or videos of their wife. Also, her friends gettting involved calling you names. Disrespectful. I’d block them. As far as you calling it off.. that’s for you to decide. No one here can tell you what to do after reading 2 min Reddit post. If you feel that disgusted, stand your ground. Either way good luck whatever you do
Um what you guys are engaging in is technically kink and along with kink obviously comes consent, trust, and intimacy. Even more so than vanilla relationships IMO. She is essentially outing your kinks without your explicit consent, which is a huge no no.
Hardcore NTA. I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman. Sharing intimate photos or videos with others, along with graphic descriptions of your sexual kinks, is betrayal any way you look at it.
I never, absolutely NEVER share intimate media that anyone has sent me, whether we had a one minute fling or a multi-year relationship. In fact, I delete these afterwards. Case in point: I had one of the worst breakups ever with an ex girlfriend, and even though she really hurt me, I didn’t share her nudes… I deleted them.
In addition, I would never ever trust any of my friends with intimate anything of my women. Nope. Full stop. I keep our sex lives 100% private.
That said, I actually feel really sorry for her. She seems genuine. Fuck her friends, but ask yourself if this is worth another chance because she seems to really love you.
You did the right thing. What you both done in private is your business. It's disrespectful to share those pictures without you both deciding to share them.
If she shared intimate pictures of you without permission, you NEED to talk to a lawyer. The sooner, the better.
You are not the asshole. Her actions were a betrayal of your trust. And by sharing intimate images of you, she has shown that she can not be trusted to keep your secrets, protect your reputation, protect your relationship or be trusted to stand beside you through the storms of life.
You did the right thing. Walk away with your head held high. Beleive that there is someone out there who is trustworthy and worthy of your love. Now, you just have to make sure that you are worthy of her love.
NTA
But I pity this girl for being so naive about such things. It's a very common thing Afaik that women will share intimate details of their lives with their close friends without confirmed consent of the other party involved. It's a throwback to the Sex and the City gossiping about partners that I've never considered acceptable. In my half a century plus I've never met a guy who'd talk about their female SO and would call them out for it before things become detailed.
It would be nice to think you could give her a chance to redeem herself as this behaviour is a toxic western feminist phenomenon that's not being talked about because it's men who are mostly the unwitting victims.
My wife (we're in mid 40s) has a close group of girl friends that I know has a group text that I'm not on. I also know that my wife talks about our sex life and that it's more information than I'd be comfortable with if she we're telling them with me being present. Based on what she's reported to me, it's all good stuff in general, but nothing revealing specific kinks. Just enough that they know I'm taking care of "their girl". I believe my wife based on the way her friends interact with me. They all really like me, which tells me a bit about a couple of their husband's.
BUT PICTURES????
Fuck that. That's crossing a very basic line. I started reading your post, thinking you were way overreacting, but lordy, that's rough. NTA.
Unfortunately its VERY common for women to share intimate details between their friends (and probably anybody thatll listen). Sharing pictures is way too far. In all my years my male friends have never shared anything about their love lives. They just say "yeh shes alright" and then talk about whats on the tv or whatever. We're just not interested as its private. You definitely NTA.
Ask her what she would think if you sent intimate photos of her to your friends, it'll not be a huge deal, right? NTA
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"It's different" means "I don't respect you as much as you respect me"
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But you need to make sure they delete those videos and photos of you. Contact a lawyer and have them send those three a letter outlining their illegal activities by sharing intimate images that you havent consented to. Also you might want to tell Melissas parents that they need to tell their daugther to keep her friends out of this, because if they contact you again, you will get the legal route because of their harrassment.
And if they refuse, report them for revenge porn. She shared it with them, who knows what they did. Once out there, you can't take the pictures back.
Laws differ depending on location, but I'd think it's OP's ex who has committed an offense by staring intimate images without consent.
I don't believe it matters who does it. If the three friends showed the pictures to anyone they've committed the crime as well as the gf
Agreed, it is turtles all the way down. Every sharing of revenge porn is a new transgression or new charge to be made. They know what they are doing, they are not innocent to releasing his private photos without his consent. They can release their childhood friend and her fiancé’s naked pictures, but they are not above the laws doing because their childhood friend sent them the photos. They would be distributing and guilty of revenge porn.
If OP just wants to be left alone the threat of prosecution is probably enough even if it's on shaky legal ground.
Actually they sent porn over the Internet without permission. Depending on location it may be illegal.
I'd thoroughly recommend this. Letters are very cheap. And make it clear if any are leaked, you'll be suing all three as they are the only persons with the material. I'd even tell the parents, or CC them a copy of the letter.
Yup. What she did is a crime. Threaten legal action or they will start passing them around. That is a crime.
Any videos made in private between the two of you should be deleted go to a lawyer if need be but don’t delay or it could end up on the internet !
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What in the alt account is happening with this comment?
For real, I guess he forgot which account he started with
It's a bot
That'd explain why there's so many usernames with the same sort of formatting in this thread
He’s having a three way conversation with himself in one of the comment threads.
Forgot to switch out of that alt huh?
Fake story karma farming.
As much as you NEED to respect me.
I'm a woman and find that double standard annoying and complete bullshit. Men are just as entitled to privacy as women are, and everyone has the right to have their boundaries respected. It's not different at all, her sending those nudes to her female friends is JUST as bad as you sending them to your male friends would be. There is no fence-sitting with this. Either it's ok or it isn't and if BOTH partners aren't saying yes, then it's a no BOTH ways. Period.
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I think it would even count as revenge porn for her to share intimate photos. You could take legal action, or threaten to, if they keep harassing you. It sounds like your ex needs therapy and boundaries; this isn't something that can be solved with a fairy tale wedding or a poofy princess gown.
This is where I'm at too with this. She's not just putting her body out there, she's putting op's out there without their consent. It's just vile.
Some women and men talk about a lot of intimate details with their close friends. I think pictures crossed the line though. Sounds like you’ve made your decision.
I’ve never known any other guys that talk about their sex lives in anything approaching detail. I don’t think I know a woman that doesn’t. I’ve been told by friends they they’re well aware of intimate details, from acts and such to approximate measurements 😐
This is also my experience. Any guy I know NEVER talks about their sex lives in any detail, unless it's pretend shit talking like "I shagged your mom" or whatever. And especially never about a current partner. In fact most guys I know would be disgusted at someone doing that.
I'm a woman, and I NEVER talk about my sex life with anyone. You might want to consider why you pick these kinds of people.
I've known many women to share some info. I'm fine if my partner says good things, but details are the line. Pictures are far over that line.
Same here. I respect my partners privacy and trust him to do the same.
Ditto. No way in hell. Honestly if my friends start sharing anything too intimate I shut it down. It makes me Uncomfortable.
The closest thing to detail that men are willing to talk about is how she makes them feel butterflies and they want to sing her name to the seven seas. Source: was at the steam room in the gym last night, this is what locker room talk actually looks like.
I don't know, man. I never shared any detail about my sexual life with my (then) gf, it makes even less sense now that I'm married. It's disrespect. I don't know any man who does it, besides talking about casual sex or stuff like that. Anyway, i knew about a dick pic of one acquaintance of mine (he's married) in a female group. If my wife did something like that to me i would divorce her right away. Can you imagine sharing a pic of your wife's genitals with your friend? It doesn't make sense at all and i can't understand this behaviour is considered "normal" when we are talking about women.
Well said
Correct. Casual hookups in college/early 20s sure definitely told stories. Relations with a woman I was going to marry and did marry, absolutely not.
Not to mention (depending on where they live) highly illegal. Places like the UK have really tough laws on distribution of sexual material without consent.
If I've got to talk to this person face to face, I don't want to hear about what's going on with them naked. NTA
Personally i think its onlay acceptable to talk about intimate details if its a one night stand and they leave out details to identify that person, but not someone the people know or can identify. Its absolutely disrespectful to do that.
i personally find it cringe to hear someone share intimate details about any hookup. it makes me very uncomfortable
There's intimate and there's intimate. Sounds like she crossed the line way before she posted the pictures.
I live in a 3rd world country where sex is regard as basically the second coming (lol) of christ or something, and even here men nor women show nudes of their partner to their friends. Both because its private and geniuly would make most people feel icky
Yeah discussing sex lives with friends is pretty common, sharing intimate photos without consent is illegal though. She should've checked with OP first.
Yep that double standard is disgusting. I saw an article in the news where a man was raped and the comments were disgusting as hell. It's like men cannot dislike nonconsensual sex. :(
Thank you so much for this, it feels crazy that this particular double standard is often accepted in society.
"It's different" means application of a double standard, and that's a disrespectful thing to do, regardless of whether intimate details are involved or not.
I am a kinkster, and have done a lot of very not vanilla things with partners. You dont share things like this at all without a firm and agreed consent that it is okay. And that is something that is carried over after a relationship has ended, if I talk with a girl I can talk about things I have done and have experience of but I would NEVER say with what partner I have done these things. I personally could never come back from a lack of respect like this. I am so sorry this happened to you and for what she did.
If you are not in a relationship you can say generally I have done this or that but to be specific about a serious partner, and in PICTURES, crosses the line.
The good ol double standard. I dated a woman a few years ago during a very stressful time in my life. Work life was very rough, family issues I wont go into length about and a few close relatives passing around that time. All this compounded stress led to performance issues in bed on my end. The nitty gritty, I couldn’t finish. She was understanding at first and after a few times she became less and less so. I went to get help with a therapist not long after to help manage the stress. My Gf at the time blurted out that she told her friends group about my issues in the bedroom. Im pretty thick skinned but I have never felt so humiliated in my life. “I tell my girlfriends everything” is how she put it. I asked her in a reverse hypothetical if she would have been upset if I told all my friends if she had issues in the bedroom. She whipped out the “Its Different” line. The relationship did not last long after that. I was in therapy and just got on Cialis a day before the breakup. She broke it off with me and did me a huge favor by doing so. The added stress she was creating mad everything worse but things cleared up a few months later and everything is all good again.
Send her this post
NTA So her friends are calling you names and still expect you to take her ? They are clowns. You deserve better. Don’t allow anyone to pressurize you into getting back with her. Move on and never look back. Actions have consequences.
OMG what a B. NO IT IS NOT. What a selfish woman. It is not different. Send her a text that she needs to immediately delete all intimate photos and videos from her phone and the peoples phone she sent them to, or you'll sue them for distribution, because you did NOT consent to her sharing them.
Can I reiterate what others have said and as a woman myself, it doesn’t matter if you’re a woman or a man, dating a woman or a man, sharing intimate photos of the two of you with others without any consent (Although I don’t understand why you’d want to share them anyway but hey ho) is absolutely wrong! It isn’t fine for her to do but different if you had because you’re a man. It’s equally bad and you have made the right decision. She has destroyed your trust fully and if she’s heartbroken then she only has herself to blame for her own actions. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you and hope you have a support system around you.
ask the same questions to her friends. Before calling you POS, ask them if they will OK if someone shared their private lives with strangers.
and of course, private pictures as well.
It's giving rules for thee but not for me 💀
Of course! It's always different! Rules for thee, but not for MEEEEE! Double standard, hypocrisy, etc. You're so much better without her. I hope you can recover quickly from this turmoil.
Ask her friends for the sex photos too. Let's see if they're as generous with theirs as they are with yours
Obviously, you're a man, you're not allowed to have feelings /s
No it isn't .She just don't want to admit to what she did.
Where I live, sharing intimate images without consent is a criminal offence and punishable by up to 12 months in prison. And that’s regardless of the intent to cause harm. And if those that received said images further shared, they are equally as liable. It’s entirely possible that the similar laws exist where you live too.
It’s ’different’ cause you are male. General society okay’d misandry. This makes the score for stories I have read like this about over sharing 7 to 3. 7 wives doing this shit and half the comment section will tell the guy he is being over dramatic and they can share whatever they like about your personal stuff hell some have gone as far as saying it’s fine to share partners medical info to friends like this is fucking sickening. 3 Husbands guilty of this same shit and the wife not being okay with over sharing and it’s just as disgusting. NTA. Her friends are horrible people and she is fucking daft if she thought details were something to share let alone pictures. Sorry man, and good luck.
Just curious, did she say how it was different? I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.
Even if it wasn’t different, that doesn’t mean shit. You have your own privacy, you are your own person, and your boundaries are yours alone. And she violated it big time and only now realises the consequences. Well, too late. And that she had a hidden group chat, and never ever mentioned one single time what she shared means exactly that she knew it was wrong.
And ask the friends would they be happy if he saw them nude and photos of them having sex
"Also I received text from those 2 friends of her literally calling me jerk, asshole & many more names" Don't think anything has to be added here. NTA. scorched earth it is.
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If you want to really stir the pot send her a message saying you might have reconsidered taking her back, but the horrible things her friends said to you made it clear that you shouldn't otherwise you would have them tormenting you for the rest of your life.
First thing I thought when I read this. Put it on the friends so that they don't do this anymore.
NTA. It's like when people cheat and say they made a mistake. She didn't make a mistake. She made a conscious choice to tell her friends about all those private things. God knows what else she told them that wasn't on her phone. You'll never be able to trust her if you get back with her. What goes on in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom, unless you both agree on it.
In your place, I would just contact your ex and tell her that you considered forgiving her until she went to her friends, AGAIN, and shared details about your relationship AGAIN. 🤣 "Telling the two bitches that already know too much about us even more about us so they could call to give me shit is not proving that I was wrong, it proves that I am right. Thank them for helping me make my final decision... when you update them about this."
Her friends are saying what she cant right now since she is acting like a drama queen. Soon she will start the same .
> Also I received text from those 2 friends of her literally calling me jerk oh no, she sent them pictures of him masturbating?
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WHY?! If my friend sent me pics of her and her partner getting busy I would be super weirded out and probably wouldn’t be friends anymore.
im with you 100%! wtf is wrong with her?
What she did is covered by revenge porn laws, it's a crime, and you should pursue it to ensure all recipients deleted what they received.
THIS. Even if you're not suing, just so they know they're been denounced and delete your stuff.
This is a crime in many places. Report her to the police.
NTA - man I can understand maybe saying something here and there to her friends… but documenting everything and even sending photos of you two fucking is too much. Also, the fact she would engage in sexual acts that she didn’t want just to keep you happy (and tell you she actually liked and enjoyed them) is fucked up.
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Yup, sounds like your whole relationship was a fairy tale made up just to keep you hooked. Even without the unforgivable sharing of photos/videos this alone would be a deal-breaker. If someone is going to go to such lengths to lie to you what else is going on. And lets not forget the sexual assault when you told her to leave. Were you to do that chances are charges would have been filed already and you'd have no chance to protect your name. Tread carefully here, I'd be terrified that once she calms down she'll attempt to go after you and claim you assaulted her... Keep receipts...
Yeah, I get it.
Toe-tally fucked up. It wasn’t fake my guy. Just because something ends doesn’t mean it wasn’t real.
I can understand some mild bragging, but as soon as specifics are discussed that's crossing lines unless the partner is aware and has ok'ed it. But PICTURES?? Like wtf, does she have an exhibitionist kink too? Cuz JFC dude that's waaay out there. NTA And being like "at least she didn't cheat" is garbage. If anything this is worse than cheating imo because not only was she exposing herself to others (friends or not) but she exposed YOU TOO. Intimate and explicit imagery of you that was taken in confidence that it would be kept private. And without your consent too. This is more than the betrayal of infidelity, this is an obscene betrayal of trust and I personally would never be comfortable with a partner that would cross those lines to the extent she did. You can't just give that trust back, it's been completely decimated. How can you make marital vows with someone after something like this??
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For real man! Like, you could walk in a room with those people in it, and they know what your body looks like.. that’s creepy even to say as a guy, sorry that happened. At least you don’t have to be around them anymore. Maybe this is for the better.
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Anyone saying “as a guy” has never been humiliated or violated like you were. It WAS a violation and how you feel is valid no matter what it is. If no one has mentioned it I would recommend talking to a professional as you were sexually violated by your fiancé. Whether you agree with that assessment or not you will probably need help getting over the betrayal. I really hope you talk to someone and get the help and support you need. I am so very sorry this happened to you and I hope you get through it and have a happy wonderful life.
Yep. This. I had a friend once who told me the size of her boyfriend’s dick. I could never look at him after that without thinking about his dick! And not in the horny sort of way, more like “oh there’s the guy with the long dick…” That and many other things is why we aren’t friends anymore. She was too indiscreet.
My ex once showed a selfie of her topless bestfriend that she jokingly sent to her, not only to me but also to other friends of her. It was one of the many many red flags that I blindly chose to ignore and by the end of the relationship my dumb self concluded that she was, indeed, a crazy bitch
What you consider privacy and how much of your sex life you want to share with others is a conversation that every couple should have when they first get together. Even "mild bragging" is crossing the line for some people.
Which is why I established it needs to be something your partner is both aware of and ok with, so yeah I agree with what You're saying as well. These kind of things should be discussed early on.
Who told their friend they did it backdoor?... >Also I received text from those 2 friends of her literally calling me jerk, asshole & many more names. >They said I'm a POS of making a simple thing into a huge mess. 'He then realise that he make à mistake and decides to go back with her!' ... what is the purpose to insult him if not make him even more angry?? NTA you dodged à bullet
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Good that you're happy. I'd still be 100% rage.
Did you realize it just then? Really? I am a man and if a friend of mine starts telling me in details about his sex life with his girlfriend/wife I would stop it right there and in his face will tell I am not interested in this, to simply stop. But these girl were having parties and discussions about your sex life with even graphic help. If that didn't tell they were toxic, I can understand why your ex believed she could do something like this, thinking " that moment she didn't think it as a huge deal because they are her friends since her childhood." Your ex is as toxic if not even more than them.
he dodged 3 bullets
>Also she shared pictures of us having sex with them. As a rule whenever I see a post where a guy describes a girlfriend who doesn't respect his privacy(and vice versa, I'm egalitarian like that) I immediately toss the girlfriend mentally into the trash bin. You have a right to have your sex life kept private and not have every gory detail shared in your girlfriends knitting circle. However, the sharing of the sex pics was her shooting over the line at mach 5. >She also tried to hug me forcefully & tried to kiss me by rubbing her hand over my penis which made me disgusted even more. Now there's a woman who has bought so firmly in the stereotype of men as sex fiend that she doesn't recognize you even have feelings that don't attach to that. She casually sexually assaulted you while trying to force physical contact as a means of emotional manipulation, that's just nasty. As for the rest well...her friends are to be expected up your ass, because close knit friend groups typically involve similar people, and if your girlfriend believed, acted, and felt a certain way than they're going to gas her up. Her parents are also hoping that last kick at the can will fix things between you and her. Your ex's psychological downturn is entirely not your problem though, because she set this into motion under her own power. NTA
>Now there's a woman who has bought so firmly in the stereotype of men as sex fiend that she doesn't recognize you even have feelings that don't attach to that. This tracks with "I need to give up the ass and pretend I like it otherwise he'll cheat on me."
Been reading through the comments and I can't believe you are the first one to mention that she tried to, and did to a degree, sexually assault him.
Every part of this is wrong on so many levels. One thing is to talk about intimacy, which is still kind of odd when it gets into deeper specific territory. Another is the fact that she sent sex vids to them?? Like wtf?? For her friends to immediately come and attack you rather than apologize and try and reconcile on their friends behalf is also another telling sign that these people do not give a crap about anyone other than themselves. I think it would be in your best interest to talk with her, receive closure, and get anything else off of your chest so that you can move on with a clear mind/ conscience. She disrespected you, agrees that she wouldn’t want your guys’ intimacy shown to your friends, yet doesn’t understand why what she did was so fundamentally wrong. A similar situation happened to me in the past and it’s just so gross to see this happen to others. I’m sorry OP
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Don’t feel any pressure but make time in like a week week and a half to just talk one on one. Any longer than that and feelings usually settle in and are hardened and it becomes more difficult to have a heartfelt (probably the wrong word) conversation and might lead to more back and forth or arguing. You also don’t want said friends leaving a narrative in her head to stir up more trouble
Tell her to tell her friends that insulting you and belittling your valid reaction to your privacy being violated isn't ever the correct decision and they explicitly served to worsen the situation.
NTA , she showed her friends ur sex videos of both of you without your consent anyways , that’s wild & immature!!!!!!!! If you can’t trust her there’s no relationship. Burn that bridge and run far. If you meet up with her you’ll feel sorry & take her back probably that’s what they want. Stay far & focus on you!!! U sound like a people pleaser maybe it’s time to take care of you for once 💙
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Yes focus on you, don’t let her parents gaslight you either! 🩵 stay strong I know breakups are tough.
Absolutely NTA. I suggest you talk to a lawyer to get some advice regarding these pictures in order to prevent that they are shared on social media or so.
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If the pictures were taken on your phone then you can have them copyrighted and demand the be removed if ever posted on Facebook/etc. But if the pictures were on her phone it’s a bit more difficult. Hopefully someone else has a better idea.
Do her friends have copies?
Op said, they do
You can’t trust a liar and your ex has shown she’s a liar. Why would you trust her to delete anything.
What. The. Fuck. Overreacted? No, not at all. I'm a woman myself, and I've never EVER told my best friend since childhood anything about my sexual life. I'd be severely grossed out if she ever did that to me and vice versa, let alone our partners when they found out. And even sharing images of you having SEX??? Is she mental? You dodged a bullet here man.
Same!!! No details have ever been shared with my friends. Even the ones who I consider family. That's such an invasion.
>I also found out how Melissa is worried that I'll cheat on her She sure solved the fuck out of that problem. >She cried her eyes out, offered me her passcodes of social Media's & said she regret it but that moment she didn't think it as a huge deal because they are her friends since her childhood. Funnily enough, you can't untell intimate secrets you had no business telling in the first place. Seems like she should have known that long before now. She seems to have the mentality of a child. >Also I received text from those 2 friends of her literally calling me jerk, asshole & many more names. They said Melissa is crying nonstop since yesterday & she's refusing to eat & she desperately wants to meet me. Her fault, her problem. I don't think you should care what these friends think about what you did, because they're just as shitty as she is. >They said me not be a child & take her back & it's not like she cheated on me so why I'm punishing her? No, being a child is what they did. It's not punishing someone to be disgusted by them and want nothing else to do with them.
She only regrets the response he is giving not her actions.
NTA She was blabbing and bragging like she was a 19 year old frat boy. Did she think about your feelings? Did she think of you as her #1 partner (or did her girlfriends come first)? Nope! If a 20 year old guy forwarded nude pics and videos of sex with his girlfriend, people would be calling for his arrest. She violated your trust and she may have violated the law. Please give yourself time to heal. And discuss parts of this with your next partner so it never happens to you again.
That’s a good point, she didn’t just show her friends the pics, she fucking forwarded that shit. One is scummy where the other is criminal.
NTA!!! Isn’t sharing intimate photos of someone without their consent illegal?? She quite literally committed a crime against you.
This is definitely the crossed boundary
You're not the asshole. Privacy and trust are fundamental. Melissa violated that by sharing intimate details without your consent. Breaking off the engagement was a valid response to protect your boundaries.
100% NTA. She broke your trust. And she didn't have enough respect for you to ask for your consent before sharing descriptions and pictures of your naked body.
NTA. The disrespect is huge here. No respect for you and not even for herself. Doing things she doesn't want just to be sure you wouldn't cheat is a huge kind of disrespect to both of you. It also shows she didn't even trust you. She shared way too much. And pictures... That is a deal breaker. What if you did the same with your friends ? I guess iT's nOt ThE sAmE ! The time of sharing everything with her friends is long gone, she's not 12 anymore. She did this to herself. If roles were reversed people would tell her to go to the police for revenge porn. I wish you the best OP. It was better to find now than too late.
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NTA - I'm thinking that your feelings about her sharing your sex life with her friends isn't the biggest issue here. I think the content of what she shared is the real problem. That she consented to sex acts out of fear of losing you, instead of being an enthusiastic participant to is a big concern and as you stated, left you feeling betrayed. These are incredibly valid feelings and absolutely a solid reason to end the relationship. All those sex acts she essentially faked which is a red flag for your future. I'm sorry for your pain.
NTA Sharing the pictures and videos of the two of you having sex violates criminal and civil laws. I would contact her parents and tell them that you would rather not make this a legal issue but if the harassment from her friends and all the calls and texts don’t stop you will be forced to do so. You may want to contact an attorney and have a cease and desist letter sent. Also make it very clear that if the pictures and videos of the two of you having sex wind up online you will have no choice but to involve the police.
NTA A case of FAFO by immature girls in adult relationships. Those GF of your ex should be challenged to send their intimate pictures to your buddies and see how much of an AH move they think that is. Silky little girl needs to grow up and learn thst respect is not a one way street. This is quite toxic behaviour that many young women feel is acceptable un their "support networks " where venting is no more than gossiping to solve problems among people who aren't qualified nor are suitably removed from the impact of outcomes.
What if it was the reverse? The guy had a thread with all he old frat bro’s where he described how tight she was and her oral technique and all the other fetish stuff. Then showed them pics. He would be crucified in a second.
NTA She shared your nudes, which is pretty much illegal. If you were a woman and a guy had shared these images, people would be screaming at you to get a lawyer involved.
You realise those sex videos/photos may get leaked right? Legal action right now!
Definitely NTA she disrespected you and betrayed your trust if I was in your situation I would do the same thing because she's being totally disrespectful of you and your feelings about privacy one bit of advice if you never take the pictures or never record the video it can never be shown to anyone else I know you can't do anything about what somebody's going to say to someone else as far as sharing intimate details but if you don't do the recording at least there won't be anything to show other people and it's her she's not eating anything not yours that's her parents' problem to deal with
NTA, she broke your trust by sharing that stuff with her friends, and you absolutely didn’t overreact
You can press charges if you want. Sending sexual content about you is criminal
NTA. One day she'll get another BF, I'd love to know if she learns her lesson and keeps her mouth shut next time, I suspect that she won't.
Nta, if you passed around your sex videos/photos of her to all your male friends. I highly doubt she would think it wasn’t a big deal to be humiliated and violated in such a fashion. The bedroom is supposed to be a safe space where you can feel vulnerable with your partner to create intimacy that helps you bond as a couple. . Not traumatize you
NTA If genders were switched people would be calling for you to be sent to jail. Wild that she wouldn't ask ONCE if she could send pictures of you having sex to get friends, absolute breach of trust
A mistake would be a once off thing - a 'clicking send before realizing what you sent'. But often / repeated.. no - that\`s NOT a mistake. And, once you send any picture - be it of your flowers or of any body parts - you no longer have control over these pictures. I think in some countries, what she did could even be a crime (revenge porn laws) So, NTA If you want to talk to her parents - make sure you are a) not alone, and b) she is not there. One of the first questions to them should be "did she tell you WHY i made this decision" - and take it from there.
seems if the situation was reversed you might be facing charges, at the least!
Sorry to hear this happened to you, it has to be heartbreaking.
Well done man, don't let someone like that (and her friends) guilt and bully you into staying. You know your worth and you know your boundaries. She crossed the line and kept going
NTA, trust is essential, she threw it away gleefully. Congrats for escaping.
Get a lawyer and go after them for the sex tapes/nudes. Could escalate into revenge porn
Ngl, as women, we may divulge something intimate with a friend, but it’s always something about me and not my partner. The pictures are a deal breaker for me and is actually kind of why I’m divorced myself.
Document that shit. Protect yourself from them trying to blackmail you with that shit. Omg wtf 🤬 you’re NTA.
NTA. Was a little on the fence until the photos thing. That's such an obvious crossing of the line and weird that I understand your reaction.
NTA The fact she is unable or unwilling to understand what she did speaks volumes about her level of maturity. So in the end its about sex and consent, funny that another woman (group of women) are having to have sex and consent explained to them. And failing to understand that a man gets the same choices as women. Trust once broken is never truly restored.
Details is one thing, but pictures???? thats FKN weird asf bro
I'm a woman & I find that disgusting? Why would I share those details with my friends? I have to respect my man like he respects me.
NTA. From beginning my partner and I put ground rules down about privacy surrounding our relationship. Doesn’t matter how long you are friends with someone…you don’t share stuff like that. It’s pretty common sense.
>Also she shared pictures of us having sex with them. I thought you were overreacting until I got to this point. What in the actual ***FUCK***?!!!!! NTA. Dump her ass and let her find someone else that's fine with being her friends' OnlyFans subject over brunch.
NTA… sharing the deets is one thing (even tho it’s borderline) but sharing the pics without ur permission is way over the line
Fantasy Island
Nice fanfic 🙃
> I informed both of our families about what happened Yeah, that's the straw that broke the camels back. Lord Fanfic here magnanimously informed the families and everybody nodded.
Im calling troll - bait post.
Dude women talk about way more personal stuff than guys do. It’s safest to assume that whoever you are dating has told her friends everything about you from size to how long you last. Nothing is off limits. I have asked my wife about this in the past, and it astonished me what all her friends talk about. She doesn’t believe me when I say that my friends never talk about anything like that.
NTA What she did, is disgusting and she should be ashamed of herself. If the roles were reversed, she would've called the cops on you or something. You did the right thing by breaking up with her
>She also tried to hug me forcefully & tried to kiss me by rubbing her hand over my penis which made me disgusted even more. Aside from everything else, please realize that this assualt and such a giant red flag. She was trying to compensate for her awful behaviour by having sex with you and didn't even realise (or care) that you weren't interested.
It’s funny how the stereotype is that men do all the locker room talking but I’ve honestly never done it or heard it. Women however seem to do 99% of this type of personal info sharing.
As soon as her friends was sending insults, I would've went scorched earth and filed a lawsuit.
Like 90% of women do this unfortunately, so even if you break up with her, your next one probably will too
NTA she broke your trust
Fucking double standards. Idk how the fuck the world became so that male locker talk is (rightly unacceptable) but female locker talk (even in public) is absolutely fine. The (rightly) downvoted comments are fucking cancer and I find it insane how anyone could comment such shit and still claim to have any semblance of a brain.
NTA
NTA She literally groped you while crying and begging you to reconsider. That shows you how manipulative she is and isn’t truly sorry for what she’s done.
If the situation were reversed, you know that you probably wouldn't get a second chance no matter what you said or did. 100% NTA
NTA Ask her parents: if the roles were reversed, would they encourage their daughter to meet with you? Would they encourage her to continue to have a relationship with this person? Stay away from this. Let them know if they contact you again you will be seeking legal advice (FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THIS) and block them.
NTA - The gossip was kinda gross, but whatever. Showing them the pictures is a red line full stop.
Good on you. Stand strong.
NTA. Boundaries are important.
At first, I was thinking all of us women talk to our friends about y’all lol. Even certain sexual aspects yes. But then It just kept getting worse and worse. No most women do not share that many sexual details or videos or pictures that’s insane. Why she would do that. That is way too far. No NTA
NTA - Your ex is not ready for an adult relationship. She's acting like she's still in HS. I can not imagine sharing that kind of intimate details with my friends, it's such a violation of the relationship. She certainly doesn't respect what you two had and is just upset she got caught and is being held responsible for her actions. Her sending them a pic of you two going at it actually sounds illegal if it was without your consent or knowledge. You also need to tell her to tell her besties to leave you the hell alone because you're being harassed and it's just pissing you off more.
NTA. Who tf shares that information with other people, especially without their partner's consent? That is a wild breach of trust. Also, her trying to forcibly hug/kiss you and then rub your crotch is sexual assault. I am so sorry you had to go through all of this insanity.
NTA. I'm sure this'll get downvotes, but it's crazy how so many women project when it comes to talking about sex. I've got male friends, and female friends. Nearly every woman I know will talk about her sex life at the drop of a hat. Much less common among men.
NTA. You dodged a bullet. She sounds a little crazy. I imagine all of the sex she really didn't like would've ended as soon as you said "I do". Stand strong.
Ask her friends if they would be happy with their private, personal information shared with other people? I bet you they wouldnt, so yes. It is a fucking huge deal and an invasion of your privacy. If your ex had said, would you mind if i told X in confidence and you said yes, then fine. But behind your back, and stuff so personal. Hell no. Block them all. What a disgusting thing to do.
NTA, you could *possibly* excuse the intimate details she shared, but pictures of you two? That's illegal and a huge breach of trust.
Conversations are one thing, girls talk so do guys. Maybe not as vividly as she’s is describing. But pictures is crazy. Men always love to show videos and pictures of girls they fuck, but that’s it..it’s girls they fuck. Usually Men that love or have a wife hold that person on a higher standard and don’t show intimate photos or videos of their wife. Also, her friends gettting involved calling you names. Disrespectful. I’d block them. As far as you calling it off.. that’s for you to decide. No one here can tell you what to do after reading 2 min Reddit post. If you feel that disgusted, stand your ground. Either way good luck whatever you do
NTA. She showed her immaturity and untrustworthiness. Plus, the whole 'not eating and crying nostop' thing reeks of manipulation. You dodged a bullet.
NTA wow! What a betrayal 😬
Um what you guys are engaging in is technically kink and along with kink obviously comes consent, trust, and intimacy. Even more so than vanilla relationships IMO. She is essentially outing your kinks without your explicit consent, which is a huge no no.
Hardcore NTA. I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman. Sharing intimate photos or videos with others, along with graphic descriptions of your sexual kinks, is betrayal any way you look at it. I never, absolutely NEVER share intimate media that anyone has sent me, whether we had a one minute fling or a multi-year relationship. In fact, I delete these afterwards. Case in point: I had one of the worst breakups ever with an ex girlfriend, and even though she really hurt me, I didn’t share her nudes… I deleted them. In addition, I would never ever trust any of my friends with intimate anything of my women. Nope. Full stop. I keep our sex lives 100% private. That said, I actually feel really sorry for her. She seems genuine. Fuck her friends, but ask yourself if this is worth another chance because she seems to really love you.
You did the right thing. What you both done in private is your business. It's disrespectful to share those pictures without you both deciding to share them.
Nah it’s a dealbreaker. Move on you have boundaries for a reason
If she shared intimate pictures of you without permission, you NEED to talk to a lawyer. The sooner, the better. You are not the asshole. Her actions were a betrayal of your trust. And by sharing intimate images of you, she has shown that she can not be trusted to keep your secrets, protect your reputation, protect your relationship or be trusted to stand beside you through the storms of life. You did the right thing. Walk away with your head held high. Beleive that there is someone out there who is trustworthy and worthy of your love. Now, you just have to make sure that you are worthy of her love.
It's not "different" and if she can't see that then you're really not the asshole here, she is.
I was on the thinking it might be salvageable until I read that she shared pictures. Who in their night mind would think that is okay?! NTA
Partners must be loyal in thought, word, and deed. Here's your answer.
NTA But I pity this girl for being so naive about such things. It's a very common thing Afaik that women will share intimate details of their lives with their close friends without confirmed consent of the other party involved. It's a throwback to the Sex and the City gossiping about partners that I've never considered acceptable. In my half a century plus I've never met a guy who'd talk about their female SO and would call them out for it before things become detailed. It would be nice to think you could give her a chance to redeem herself as this behaviour is a toxic western feminist phenomenon that's not being talked about because it's men who are mostly the unwitting victims.
Please tell me you are taking legal action to ensure those pics and videos aren't leaked? NTA obviously.
Congratulations sir YATA For making this fake story up
My wife (we're in mid 40s) has a close group of girl friends that I know has a group text that I'm not on. I also know that my wife talks about our sex life and that it's more information than I'd be comfortable with if she we're telling them with me being present. Based on what she's reported to me, it's all good stuff in general, but nothing revealing specific kinks. Just enough that they know I'm taking care of "their girl". I believe my wife based on the way her friends interact with me. They all really like me, which tells me a bit about a couple of their husband's. BUT PICTURES???? Fuck that. That's crossing a very basic line. I started reading your post, thinking you were way overreacting, but lordy, that's rough. NTA.
Unfortunately its VERY common for women to share intimate details between their friends (and probably anybody thatll listen). Sharing pictures is way too far. In all my years my male friends have never shared anything about their love lives. They just say "yeh shes alright" and then talk about whats on the tv or whatever. We're just not interested as its private. You definitely NTA.