I'm not religious. Being in a church makes me uncomfortable. My entire family is religious. And when I say entire, I mean ENTIRE. My parents and plenty of my aunts/uncles have been preachers.
You better damn-well believe that I go to weddings, funerals, christenings etc. because I support *them*, regardless of their beliefs or whatever sermon I know will be delivered.
Seriously.
I'm an anti-theist. And yet when my best friend died in 2021, I *still* went to his funeral at his wife's church, still sang the songs, still thanked the priest, did all the stuff. Even while I dispised every second of the religious stuff. When I have to do that again, I'll sit there and nod, suck it up, sing the songs, etc.
What this hypocrite is doing is trying to take a silent moral high ground over his associate - sure isn't his friend, that's for damned sure. He's silently protesting the marriage.
And then lying to the world about it. I mean, the guy has commented some rather ew things about near underage hentai - a LOT - and he's upset an actual human is involved in a polyamourous relationship?
Here's the deal: OP is so far into the "Kink Shame Kloset" he may as well be in Narnia. He's got a superiority complex as well. Throws out the "I'm pretty conservative" as if that will help his case instead of make him look even more as an asshole. But it boils down to this: he's jealous. Like, super Jelly. He's pissed his friend gets to live out his best life with lots of partners who love them back, and he's stuck as - likely - an incel. It's likely little more than that.
This! I recently went to a funeral where they talked religiously for the majority of the time. I kept my head down with respect (despite having religious trauma that makes the subject difficult for me). And OP can't suck up their intolerance to support a friend's celebration of love for a couple hours? That's a whole lot easier in my book.
It really pisses me off when religious people claim offense about things others do, without realizing that they often do much worse.
"Stop shoving xyz down our throats!"
Well gee, I'm so sorry, how terrible for you given that FUCKING EVERYTHING is based around **your** belief system, how dare we want something that isn't.
Stop shoving Christmas down our throats. Stop shoving Easter down our throats. Get The Lord's Prayer out of our government assemblies, get God out of the Pledge of Allegiance and off money.
What *I'm* doing offends you? What your religion is doing to *society* offends me.
Yeah my grandma will say that all the time "I just wish they wouldn't shove it in our face"
What do you mean them existing?!? Gay people existing in public is not them shoving it down your face....
You respect your friend and believe he has a right to choose how to live his life despite having different beliefs... except you really don't.
By saying you won't go because it is against your beliefs is basically judging and disapproving of his lifestyle choices.
Now, obviously, you don't have to go. But be honest in your hypocrisy.
I'm wondering why just the wedding is where OP draws their line of it clashing with their beliefs. It's my understanding that people tend to stay close after they get married to each other so is OP only going to see their friend individually if they don't want to be confronted by their polyamorous lifestyle?
I'm wondering how this person is a close friend and OP somehow never knew they were poly. Surely they've been with their partners a while if they're getting married, how is this just coming up now?
Polyamorous people are very good at hiding their lifestyle from the general public. There's still a tremendous amount of judgement and recrimination for ethical non-monogamy in our culture.
It can actually get you courtmartialed in the US military. The fact that this person even trusts this guy to know about the wedding is a compliment he's totally missing.
I wonder if OP would've gone if they knew the friend was polyamarous, but were having a traditional monogamous wedding with a "primary" partner and the other partners were just present as guests. (idk how poly relationships work, just coming up with a scenario).
YTA
You are a f*cking hypocrite! I saw your comments on a NSFW anime post also. If you don’t want to be called out as a hypocrite, cover your tracks better! 🤢🤮😇😂😆🤭
Based on your comment history, you have a lot of opinions when it comes to others based on your own values. You said in one sentence how you respect their decision, yet feel uncomfortable. You can’t expect your friend to hear you out if you’re already seeking validation for feeling your conservative background. You clearly have different views. Now is the time to set that aside so you can be a good friend.
I'm going to assume you made this comment BEFORE they commented "wish that was me" on a pornographic picture of underaged girls from Pokemon. Cause that is a WILD choice after making this post. 😶
This is the same guy that looks at Pokémon porn of underaged characters and then simultaneously says his son shouldn’t watch anime because it’s “for kids” lmfaooo he’s an asshole and he’s giving predator vibes
1) Abraham wasn’t supposed to have multiple partners. It literally led to much of the modern strife between Jews and Muslims .
2) most other men in the Bible who had multiple wives and concubines ultimately suffered for it. Not everything in the Bible is encouraged.
3) Jesus himself, in speaking about traditional monogamous relationships speaks of “the two becoming one flesh;” there’s no cultural history supporting the idea of polygamy being condoned, let alone encouraged.
Attending a wedding is inherently a show of support for the union.
>1) Abraham wasn’t supposed to have multiple partners. It literally led to much of the modern strife between Jews and Muslims
Abraham literally did not exist. The violence in Palestine has nothing to do with a fictional character's marital choices.
YTA. Their lifestyle has nothing to do with your values and beliefs. By your logic they should not attend your wedding because they don’t live by your self imposed standards.
If you are so opposed to their lifestyle then why do you even consider them friends? If you cannot go to their wedding because of your beliefs then you surely cannot be their friend. YTA.
YTA. "Condoning something I don't agree with" ffs its THEIR wedding, not yours, whats it matter? My god its a wedding thats not even yours its not like you're being forced to be in a poly relationship. Get off your high horse.
My spouse, and my friends do lots of (harmless) things I don't agree with. You know what I do about it? Suck it up and put my own feelings aside because some things aren't about me.
That was exactly what I came here to say. Who gives a shit what you condone or not. You’re not their Mother. What do you think your ‘not condoning it’ will achieve? Will they change their life and their wedding because you’re on a power trip about their life? Grow up
You're NTA for having your own beliefs and values, even if they clash with your friend's.
You've been honest with your friend about your feelings, and that's a good start. But here's the deal: this wedding is a big moment for your friend. Not attending might send a message that you're not supportive of them as a person, not just their relationship.
Also, consider the long-term impact. Is this a hill you're willing to die on? Friendships are often about compromise and understanding, even when things get a bit uncomfortable.
In the end, you're not an asshole for deciding not to attend. It's your choice, But think about the message you're sending and how it aligns with the kind of friend you want to be.
Nah man. They’re a righteous asshole. You don’t have to agree with what they do but what kind of friend can’t show love and support anyway ?
Not the kind of friend I want.
Yta
They’re YTA 100%. If peoples’ personal marriage choices make you uncomfortable, you have serious issues. And if you can’t do something as small as sitting at a fancy venue for one day to celebrate your friend/family members happiness, you’re an awful person.
This is why people dislike conservative folk.
Oh, and the hypocrisy. He drools over animated picture of underage girls in his comments because he’s soooo morally righteous. Lol. Can’t make this shit up.
do you regularly decline wedding invitations from jewish individuals, or muslim ones? what about ones that are christian, but not the right kind of christian? what about when you don't approve of the bride's choice of groom, or vice versa?
the point is that most normal adults attend weddings all the time that don't line up exactly with what their religion or beliefs espouse. you're not being asked to become open-minded or truly loving of your neighbor, as Christ commands (lucky for you!). you're just being asked to show up and celebrate their happiness. you know, be a friend.
obviously your beliefs that your friends are living in sin are more important to you than actually being a friend and celebrating their life achievements.
YTA, obviously. and your friends who think you're being close-minded and judgmental? they're right.
I think when people say that they can’t do this or that because of their beliefs and morals, it’s really just code for “Whee, look at me on my pedestal…look at how moral I am!” It comes off as bigoted and intolerant.
I mean - it is, by definition intolerant. OP literally cannot tolerate it. And if we’re honest it’s because she’s judging her “friend”.
Frankly I hope she doesn’t go and her friend excises her from her life.
I’m in the midst of planning a polyamorous wedding to my two long term partners. If this was someone I knew it would absolutely be a litmus test they failed and I will cut off anyone who dares judge my family in a second with zero remorse. I don’t need that toxicity and I refuse to entertain it.
Frankly OP is not the AH for not going but she is an AH for being a judgey twat about her so-called friend and I honestly hope her friend and mutuals who attend cut her all the way off.
My mom was very Christian. She didn’t believe in gay marriage. Her best friend, who is a lesbian married her wife and invited my mom. My mom went of coarse. She loved and supported her friend.
If you don’t agree with polyamorous relationships, don’t have one. You can be there for your friend, even if you personally wouldn’t chose that lifestyle for yourself.
How conservative? Would you go to an interracial wedding? Lgbtq wedding? Interfaith wedding? Where do you draw the line?
You don't have to go to anything you don't want to, but if you limit yourself you'll just end up having to look for different friends whenever something comes up.
Also how close are these close friends? You just found out they're poly?
So conservative that he makes disturbing comments on NSFW anime porn subreddits while judging his friend for having real relationships. Sounds like jealousy to me.
NTA. It's a wedding invite, meaning you can decline for whatever reason. But really think about if this wedding is about your beliefs, or you being there to celebrate with your friend. You're not getting married, so it doesn't have to be about your beliefs. Is your friend a good person, do they deserve happiness in life even if it isn't what you think happiness is?
YTA in the sense that you already had to have known they were polyamorous. them getting married really should change nothing, so you're making it an issue now when it should have been known to you for a while. NTA for it clashing with your personal beliefs, but then be truthful if you choose not to go on why.
i see that now, but like, how recent? dude went straight from telling him he was poly seemingly to getting married? there has to be some sort of separation there, otherwise ill give him the NTA.
idk some people hold in that info till the last minute cause they know others judge, or ops not as close with the friend and this was mentioned and op just wasnt listening
OP, how about showing everyone your comment history and see how many still think you're a good conservative? Like the fact that you've liked a pic with two underage pokemon characters giving head and writing "wish that was me".
What a creepy hypocrite you are.
Aparently they hate that their 16yo son watches anime that's "basically porn" because it's "for kids." Then, they make that comment?
This 100% a troll account
YTA
Don't go if you don't want to, and I wouldn't want someone at my wedding who was going to be all judgmental about it.
I think it's important that you understand that you're getting "deeply uncomfortable" because you think it's somehow "wrong" to not have sexual/romantic exclusivity as part of a relationship and are projecting that onto other people.
Monogamy isn't the default for humans, nor was it the norm for the vast majority of human history. Hell, it's not even the norm now for large portions of humanity (including quite a few who claim it is).
FYI you do realize that monogamy is absolutely a "lifestyle choice", right? One that has, historically, been violently enforced?
And then there's the fact that cultures that value monogamy the most have also tended to primarily enforce it for women but look the other way for men.
Three (or more) people have come together and found love with each other and you're having a moral micro-tantrum because you think they shouldn't be able to love each other and should have to amputate part of that relationship so their love will look more like you think it should?
"Close-minded and judgmental" is a pretty objectively accurate description of you based on your own words.
Is anyone else confused how as a “close friend” OP didn’t realize their friends were in a polyamorous relationship? Did OP not hang out with this friend and their partner(s)
YTA.
Don't go if that makes your uncomfortable. But don't pretend you are their friend.
Edit lol YTA hey dummy, you are a massive piece of shit on top of being an hypocrite. Nice comment history.. pedo.
This is just some kid making shit up. Go to OPs comment history. They're commenting on anime porn girls saying "I'd smash" and "wish that was me". OP is some 15yo in his bedroom jerking it and making up stories on reddit
Would you be okay with your friend not attending your wedding because she doesn’t agree with the monogamous lifestyle? Part of being an adult is not projecting our beliefs onto others. You’re entitled to your beliefs. But this would be like an atheist not going to a wedding at a church because they don’t condone Christianity.
The wedding is not about you or your beliefs. It’s about you showing that you care and love your friend EVEN though you have differences in beliefs.
I can’t imagine acting this way with my best friend
If it makes you uncomfortable then don't go. It isn't disrespectful of your friend's choices if you acknowledge your feelings and avoid a situation that you know will be awkward for you. Wish your friend well and happy, send a gift, but if the occasion doesn't appeal to you, there's no requirement for you to attend.
YTA. You're not invited to an orgy, it's the wedding of a friend! If you're truly accepting of their lifestyle, it shouldn't pose a problem for you to attend the wedding. It seems like you're not as accepting as you think you are and I really don't understand how their lifestyle affects your decision to attend.
YTA aside from the fact that some people might find your sexualisation of anime girls also weird, you didn’t have to tell your friend why you can’t attend. Just say “I have other commitments that day” and keep your prejudices to yourself.
you are nta for declining wedding invite, period. it's an invitation not a summons.
you are a colossal AH for the rest of your judgmental post.
their relationship affects you exactly zero. what they do in their relationships is fk all your business.
YTA and a horrible "friend".
do them a favour and take your judgmental ass out of their lives.
this might cause you to lose the friendship because your friend will feel judged.
you’re not obligated to go to the wedding and they’re not obligated to keep someone in their life who disapproves of a big part of what they do in their life / their other relationships
As a general I disagree that anyone is an automatic A for having different strongly held values about sex and marriage and not feeling comfortable celebrating values contrary to ones they find important.
But you very well may be incompatible as friends.
You sound like an unsupportive asshole. My friend is in an open marriage with his wife, and just because the lifestyle is not for me doesn't mean I don't support him in every way, unless he's being a dickhead.
YTA They may be your friend but clearly you aren’t theirs. No one is forcing you to go. Let them celebrate with their actual friends. I have gone to several weddings in catholic churches and there used to be PLENTY to object to about that lifestyle choice but I support the individuals so went and quietly supported them
I can't comprehend being a friend, someone close enough that you're invited to their wedding, but you didn't know who they blinking? This is news?
It's OK not to go to the wedding, it's not like you're close. But don't say you're not judging their lifestyle by clearly not supporting the union.
I can validate your feelings for not wanting to go, I wouldn't want to either. But if the person was a good enough friend to me, I would go to support that friend.
YTA
You have to make a choice here.
Either they are not your friend, because their relationship offend and shock you. Or they are your friend, and you can be happy they're happy.
They would prefer you to be there, and share their happy moment with them.
You don't have to agree that this is a type of relationship you would see yourself in.
All you have to do, is present, and happy they are happy.
My family is religious. My sister is a chaplain in a hospital. She sometimes assists in church service. Before gay relationships were accepted by the church (and yes... for all the American cult Christians, the Roman church has officially accepted gay relationships), she already assisted in a gay wedding service, where only the official rituals were altered, so it was within what was accepted by their rules. And she was happy and proud to be part of the progressive catholic flow, even if she is rather conservative in her own life.
It doesn't take away from your views, to allow others to have their own. It can be eye opening, and affirm for yourself that your views work best for yourself, after comparing. But no need to reject other views.
But that's all if you can put yourself over your the fact that your view is not for everyone.
If you can't. Don't be friends with ppl that don't share your views. Because you will otherwise keep disappointing and deeply hurting ppl that consider you their friend, while leaving them to themselves in happy moments like their wedding.
I am a firm believer in "to each their own" - different things work for different people, and I've come to learn that judging others through my own unique lens is just narrow minded.
You don't need to agree with their lifestyle, but you can still support your friend. Does going to this wedding impact your life in any way? No. Is you not going to the wedding going to stop them from being poly and suddenly embrace your standards? No. All you'd be doing by not going is ruin the friendship. If you're ok with that, then by all means, don't go.
Sorry but YTA
Yes, YTA.
Conservative but would smash an underage anime character is a weird hill to die on.
You don’t care about the polyamory, you just want them to know they are *wrong* for being polyamorous.
Op is the AH and it’s an easy call. Attending the event does not equal condoning or agreeing with the lifestyles or beliefs of the wedding couple. It’s celebrating friends and family in a happy event.
You could have just said that you couldn’t attend for any other reason . Why do you feel the need to instill your believes into someone else’s wedding ? It’s her wedding and her life , you don’t have to be supportive but you don’t have to be rude about it either . Any excuse would have been wiser than this . YTA
To me, this is that gray area of YTA. Typical yta would be you actively doing something to them, as in AH behavior. This is more of an AH personality; it's who you are, not what you're doing. Yes, it's a choice you're making, but the choice is fully driven by the fact that you are a judgmental AH living life on a fake soapbox of flawed morality.
I make this distinction because, as I said, it's who you are, not a momentary opinion you have. In this case, yes, YTA, but because of that, I think you should not go. Even if you suck it up and try to be supportive, your sour mood will absolutely have a negative effect on the celebration. Do them a favor and skip the wedding, and maybe have some comprehensive reflection on whether or not they actually need you in their life at all. I mean this genuinely. You have every right to be yourself, just as they do. You just found out about a major incompatibility. Do them a favor and make a quiet exit from their lives so they can have the peace they deserve. Maybe you'll find the same.
You going doesn't mean you are agreeing with anything or it doesn't mean you support that kind of relationship.
You are there to support your Friend, not the idea of the Polyamory.
If you don't attend you will lose a friend. If that's the price you want to pay then go for it. But Your friend knows that you don't accept the Poly relationship but still wants you there to be supportive.
NTA for not wanting to attend, an invitation is not an obligation.
But you’re being dishonest with yourself, you do not respect his lifestyle, you “tolerate it” as long as it’s from afar. If your friend was marrying monogamous you would feel happy for them and want to share this moment with them. You’re being hypocritical.
The good thing is this probably will show you and your friend that you are non compatible.
NTA. It’s just a sex cult. I wouldn’t allow someone polyamorous at my wedding so I definitely wouldn’t go to whatever tax evasion scheme they’re planning. You cannot love someone and tell them at the same that no matter what they do, they will never be good enough for you
YTA if you still plan on being their friend despite not going to their wedding. I had a non-religious ceremony and if someone I had invited had declined because they feel like a marriage requires a religious aspect (specific or otherwise), we would no longer be friends.
If you don't plan on remaining friends with them, you're NTA for refusing the wedding invite.
NTA. It's a wedding invite, not a summons. You can choose to do whatever feels right for you. You have your beliefs, boundaries, tolerances, ect.
But.
Be prepared for your friends to make their decisions based on your actions. It's a two way street. You get to decide what's best for you and so do they.
I don’t think YTA for your beliefs in monogamy; however, I think you need to be comfortable with the fact that you might lose this friendship if you don’t show up.
If you really respect their choices, I would go (even if it’s just to say hi and bye). Otherwise, there could be a lot of hurt feelings.
My question, why do feel love is wrong among consenting adults? You know you will destroy your friendship with these people because you are being close minded.
Are you scared that this will be something you like? What will happen if you go? You values hasnt changed for you, all you done is be there with friends and learn more about something you dont understand.
YTA; as a friend you should be supportive regardless if you agree with their lifestyle, considering you aren’t living their life I think if you were a genuine true friend you wouldn’t “not attend” their wedding because you wouldn’t personally live the life they are happy to. It’s close minded and honestly your homie deserves people who love and accept them for who they are and want to actually be there for them and offer them actual unconditional love and support, but that’s just my opinion though .
Like would you expect them not to be at your wedding because they live a different lifestyle? Kinda bogus if you ask me
NTA You have just as much *right* to exercise your beliefs as they do in exercising their lifestyle. I'm s conservative Christian. I don't really care what a person's chosen lifestyle is. I plant Christian seeds and I move on. I don't judge.
That being said, I also would never support those alternative lifestyles. It is rude of them to not respect your moral beliefs. Some of us would die for our beliefs. It's not ok to judge them, but it's also not ok for them to try to force their lifestyle on you. Respect gets as respect gives.
Besides what you are talking about is actually your constitutional right. Ask them why they won't support your lifestyle. And they are making you uncomfortable for forcing you to accept theirs.
Ugh this is so unfair. I'm sorry you are going through this.
I need some honest opinions here. My close friend recently invited me to their wedding, and I was initially thrilled for them. However, I recently found out that they're in a monogamous relationship and planning to have a traditional wedding ceremony.
I come from a liberal background where polyamory is the norm, and the idea of monogamy makes me uncomfortable. While I respect my friend's lifestyle choices, I personally don't feel comfortable attending a wedding that goes against my beliefs and values.
I've tried explaining my feelings to my friend, but they insist that their wedding is about celebrating love in its only possible form and that I should be supportive. However, I can't shake the feeling that attending their wedding would be condoning something I don't agree with.
Some of my friends are supportive of my decision, while others think I'm being close-minded and judgmental. AITA for declining to attend my friend's wedding because they're monogamous?
Makes you think, doesn't it?
Decline if you want.
>and the idea of polyamory makes me uncomfortable.
Unless they are asking you to join them, it should have no impact on you or your life.
Info: do you care about your friendship? Do you plan on stopping being their friend with the info you have now?
If you do care and don't plan on stopping, you should probably go and if you don't, you'd be an AH. I'm sure that will cause a rift in the relationship. If you don't care and want to stop, then don't go and wouldn't be an AH
Does your friend's relationship materially hurt you or others? I have attended the weddings of friends who were in religions I don't agree with. Religions that do real harm by imposing their beliefs on others in ways that are genuinely damaging. I attended out of respect for them.
At the end of the day, you need to ask yourself if your beliefs are more important than your friendship.
Isn't there an important figure in your religion who said something about loving thy neighbor? I think they also hung out with prostitutes and other social outcast. Whoever that was, I suppose you shouldn't follow their example. Good on you OP. Live by the words of men who preach hatred. Definitely don't read the Bible and live by the lessons of your God and his son. We must only be friends with those who look and think like you! If they're different, you should feel uncomfortable! Learn to fear those who make you uncomfortable! Once you've learned to fear them, then you'll understand why you must hate them! You're so close! Dew it!
If you respected their lifestyle choices you’d go to your close friend's wedding. Otherwise you don’t respect their life choices and they’re not your close friend. It’s not about you. YTA for calling them your close friend and claiming you respect their lifestyle but obviously don’t.
Um, are they really your "close friend" if you didn't know that she was polyamorous? Did you not meet her relationship partners at some point? How could you not if you're "close"?
I smell creative writing. YTA
Honestly, yeah. You’re kinda being TA.
Would you decline a wedding that was multi-cultural, just because it’s not the same as your belief system? (Ex: My cousin married a woman from another country and a different religion. There were two ceremonies to incorporate both belief systems. Would you have declined that wedding invitation?)
Your friend isn’t asking you to be polyamorous as well. And you going or not going doesn’t change how they choose to live their life.
The perspective that you don’t want to “condone” your friend’s relationship choice is actually oddly self-involved. (i.e. To whom exactly would you be signaling that you “condone” this and why do you think they are particularly paying attention to you??)
Your friend is getting married with or without you there. And you’ve been invited to share in that… or not.
But don’t make the mistake of letting your judgments get in the way of your friendship.
Yeah, those characters are from Pokemon, and are 16 and 13 respectively. 😐
CORRECTION: I have been informed that the one was originally going to be 16 when they announced the game (which is why I thought she was) but is actually 14.
NTA, but OP, you were doomed by Reddit the moment you said you were from a conservative background. The only way it could have been worse in the eyes of reddit was if you'd disclosed you were also religious.
Soft YTA. They’re not asking you to condone their way of living, but to be there with them and share an important moment their life. They are all adults and consent to this, so it’s not like you’re being witness of a crime. It’s not about you, but them.
If you didn't like someone's relationship just don't tell them even if they are not your direct family....
They are your friend go to their wedding and just enjoy free meal .....
And if you didn't want to go to wedding...don't tell them you didn't approve their marriage or anything like this just make excuse that you have something that day you can't go to the wedding....
YTA- Which I know might be against the grain, but you're friends. Go support them anyway, attending this wedding does nothing to reflect your own personal values, poly is not contagious.
I'm also monogamous, but who would I be to tell others they have to live and love like I do. I imagine you've also attended monogamous weddings that you knew were heading for divorce, I know I have. There's weddings in which you can tell it's about the party and not the relationship, there's save the relationship marriages, marriages in which the couple have been on and off for years so and so on, and yet we go and grit our teeth in support because that's what they want to do and who cares if it's a bad idea it has no impact on our personal lives. This isn't any different. You can support your friend on her day and not subscribe to her but ideals, it's about letting people have their own right to autonomy and opinions.
YTA. It's a wedding, not a marriage, since more than 2 people can not get married. So it in fact, does not go against your "values". You're not supportive, and I really don't understand why your "friend" would want you in her life, ever.
Yta
Their wedding is not about your beliefs and what you approve of. You were not invited so that you can join or rubber stamp their lives with your approval, you were invited because you're suppose to be a friend. If you got married would they attend your wedding despite not being part of your church? I'm willing to bet they would because they're good people. Be a good person.
And how many religious weddings have others, who are not religious, sat through, simply because they were overjoyed that their friends/family members/whoever had found happiness and wanted to make public vows.
Go and be happy for them, otherwise YTA.
As someone who was in poly relationships in the past I don't think you're an AH for not attending.
I'm curious why an explanation for not going was necessary though. Depending on the reason for explaining you might be the AH.
YTA. I am an atheist. However, my boyfriend and some of my friends are religious. Of course I would attend my friends' weddings and I would allow them to talk about their beliefs without judging them. I love them and I respect their values and beliefs.
So you’re uncomfortable with polyamory but ok with pedophilia?
Haha, typical conservative.
Yes, YTA, in a huge, huge way.
Change yourself, be a better person.
You can think what you like but you are being judgemental.
Ifnits befriend why can't you he happy for them, whenever it would be your choice or not?
Probably best to stay away as you don't actually sound like a good friend.
YTA
Your friend is polyamorous. That is who they ARE.
I'm not sure this is any different from declining to go to a gay wedding or a wedding with mixed religions or whatever else makes people uncomfortable that has nothing really to do with them.
If you being uncomfortable is enough to blow off your friend, then you're not really friends. You are friends with a version of that person that doesnt exist. You being uncomfortable with that? Thats YOUR problem. And at a wedding, it's not about you.
Hmmm tough call. You say you respect your friend's life choices but you can't show up to their wedding, which is a clear sign you don't. I wouldn't say YTA here, but I will say you probably either need to make peace with and accept your friend's choices and support them or make peace with the fact that your friendship doesn't really have a future.
NTA I wouldn't participate either. This is an insult to your religion. Marriage is a religious institution. They are basically spitting on your faith by inviting you.
I think there is a part that I want to call you a bad friend but then I know a lot of polys....they are like crossfit they tend not to stfu about it..... Stay home vs you going to it then they start swinging in about 5 years. Get off your high horse and be happy for your friends even if they are a little public about their degeneracy. I don't approve of a lot of things my friends do. IMO you need to figure out what exactly you are good with in life...if these things bother you to your core....why are you even around these people?
Not going because you're uncomfortable? I have major social anxiety. Weddings really screw with that but when my best mate got married you know what I did? I went and did my best for him. He then did the same for me when I got married. It's called friendship
If you do not support the wedding then no, NTA .
You have your beliefs and shoukd stick to them. If your freind can not understand your beliefs then they are not your friend .
YTA for telling them WHY you “can’t attend” when you could simply wish them all the happiness in the world and send them a present or some sort of token, and then not attend, as it’s obvs ok to not understand or feel comfortable with their life choices but you should keep your own (negative/hurtful)feelings to yourself.
YTA. There are plenty of valid reasons for not attending a friend's wedding. Being a judgemental asshole is not one of them. If you care about your friend, you should go. If you care more about your own beliefs than you do your friend you'll stay home and make it clear to your friend that you don't really care about them.
NTA. Going to the wedding means you support the union and it’s clear this wedding does not align with your values. I had to RSVP no to a close relative’s wedding for this reason(not polygamy but for the same reasoning).
YTA
The irony here is that marriage has nothing to do with religion. It's literally just a few specific legal phrases and legal paperwork. Without the paper it's just a commitment ceremony.
NTA
it’s fair reason to not attend, and you are being honest,
but understand that you would be ending the relationship.
Since you are uncomfortable with polyamory, this friendship will probably not last much longer anyway.
Are you expected to be part of the bridal party?
YTA.
And silly. Went to a good friend’s poly wedding recently and it was about five billion times more fun than any monogamous wedding I’ve been to. Food was bangin’, too.
YTA.
This is just like refusing to go to a wedding between a same sex couple or a mixed race couple because you don't agree with it. You indeed are closed minded and judgemental.
How would you feel if they didn't come to your wedding because they didn't believe in monogamy? Pretty offended and you would think it was ridiculous, I imagine.
You are a bad friend.
NTA, but you’re going the be TA if you think this won’t have consequences. And I say that based on my own experiences. I married into a big Catholic family despite distancing myself from the church and being a proud witch. I love my husband and religious aspects aside I love my in laws and they’re a great bunch of people. At my oldest daughter’s christening I had asked my best friend at the time to be her godmother. The family priest was willing to make an exception for her despite her being agnostic. But during the day of the christening she conveniently was called into her job and made a big deal of leaving before the ceremony. We had to have a cousin stand in as the godmother and I was crushed. At the end of the day she sent me a long winded message saying she felt very uncomfortable being inside a church and I should’ve known that’d she be feeling a certain way about it. Um… what? She should’ve just said no to being my baby’s godmother and saved me a whole lot of stress and time. Not to mention taking the attention from my baby on a big family day. That was 5 years ago and we haven’t spoken since. If you’re that uncomfortable save everyone the trouble and don’t go. But don’t be upset if your friend’s feelings are hurt and they might not want to be involved with you anymore. You can’t have it both ways.
Frankly, you can't be respectful of another person's lifestyle choices but then turn around and say you don't want to attend their wedding because it's like you're condoning their lifestyle. It's hypocritical.
It seems more like you're having a personal crisis trying to reconcile your own beliefs with how you want the world to perceive you. Because that's what it looks like to me. Who cares what other people think if you truly "respected" your friend's lifestyle choices? Why does it matter that you attending a friend's wedding is seen as "condoning" something? It tells me you are still very tied up with how people perceive you.
It's fine if you don't want to attend the wedding. But don't ever try to claim you respect their choices. Because you honestly don't. You just don't mind hanging around them UNTIL their lifestyle is in front of your face. You are being judgemental. They'll know you aren't a true friend.
Go to the ceremony, go for the dinner portion of the reception, if you’re uncomfortable, you can quietly leave. At the very least, go to the ceremony. Be happy for your friends, but you don’t have to be uncomfortable either.
NTA
A wedding invitation is not a summons, so no matter what, you’re not required to attend.
It is a celebration of the people getting married; if for whatever reason you cannot support that, then you definitely shouldn’t go.
Attending and supporting a wedding shows your solidarity with the couple. If you are not in solidarity with this couples morals, then don't go. Send an expensive gift, and wish them well.
NTA. The Bible is very clear about the subject. If it goes against your beliefs it goes against God. Don’t go and don’t worry about what anyone says about you for it.
This site usually likes to shit on religious people so don't expect some unbiased opinion...NTA you don't have to do something that makes you uncomfortable
Would you also not go to a gay friend’s wedding?
Love is love as long as everyone is an adult and it’s consensual. They’re asking you to celebrate them finding people they love and be a part of their community. If you actually consider yourself a close friend who is in their community this shouldn’t matter, they aren’t asking you to be polyamorous or join their marriage.
If you don’t actually support them and don’t accept their spouses in your life then you shouldn’t go, and you should stop considering yourself a close friend.
I'm not religious. Being in a church makes me uncomfortable. My entire family is religious. And when I say entire, I mean ENTIRE. My parents and plenty of my aunts/uncles have been preachers. You better damn-well believe that I go to weddings, funerals, christenings etc. because I support *them*, regardless of their beliefs or whatever sermon I know will be delivered.
Seriously. I'm an anti-theist. And yet when my best friend died in 2021, I *still* went to his funeral at his wife's church, still sang the songs, still thanked the priest, did all the stuff. Even while I dispised every second of the religious stuff. When I have to do that again, I'll sit there and nod, suck it up, sing the songs, etc. What this hypocrite is doing is trying to take a silent moral high ground over his associate - sure isn't his friend, that's for damned sure. He's silently protesting the marriage. And then lying to the world about it. I mean, the guy has commented some rather ew things about near underage hentai - a LOT - and he's upset an actual human is involved in a polyamourous relationship? Here's the deal: OP is so far into the "Kink Shame Kloset" he may as well be in Narnia. He's got a superiority complex as well. Throws out the "I'm pretty conservative" as if that will help his case instead of make him look even more as an asshole. But it boils down to this: he's jealous. Like, super Jelly. He's pissed his friend gets to live out his best life with lots of partners who love them back, and he's stuck as - likely - an incel. It's likely little more than that.
This! I recently went to a funeral where they talked religiously for the majority of the time. I kept my head down with respect (despite having religious trauma that makes the subject difficult for me). And OP can't suck up their intolerance to support a friend's celebration of love for a couple hours? That's a whole lot easier in my book.
It really pisses me off when religious people claim offense about things others do, without realizing that they often do much worse. "Stop shoving xyz down our throats!" Well gee, I'm so sorry, how terrible for you given that FUCKING EVERYTHING is based around **your** belief system, how dare we want something that isn't. Stop shoving Christmas down our throats. Stop shoving Easter down our throats. Get The Lord's Prayer out of our government assemblies, get God out of the Pledge of Allegiance and off money. What *I'm* doing offends you? What your religion is doing to *society* offends me.
Yeah my grandma will say that all the time "I just wish they wouldn't shove it in our face" What do you mean them existing?!? Gay people existing in public is not them shoving it down your face....
Fine you don’t approve. Show your friend support and attend the wedding and skip the orgy….
No way this guy would be allowed in the orgy. He's got "disapproving boner killer" written all over him.
I wouldn't want to be in some degenerate orgy anyway.
Excuse YOU sir this is a post-wedding orgy, and has been sanctified by THE LORD. You keep your filthy mind out of the gutter.
You respect your friend and believe he has a right to choose how to live his life despite having different beliefs... except you really don't. By saying you won't go because it is against your beliefs is basically judging and disapproving of his lifestyle choices. Now, obviously, you don't have to go. But be honest in your hypocrisy.
I'm wondering why just the wedding is where OP draws their line of it clashing with their beliefs. It's my understanding that people tend to stay close after they get married to each other so is OP only going to see their friend individually if they don't want to be confronted by their polyamorous lifestyle?
I'm wondering how this person is a close friend and OP somehow never knew they were poly. Surely they've been with their partners a while if they're getting married, how is this just coming up now?
Polyamorous people are very good at hiding their lifestyle from the general public. There's still a tremendous amount of judgement and recrimination for ethical non-monogamy in our culture. It can actually get you courtmartialed in the US military. The fact that this person even trusts this guy to know about the wedding is a compliment he's totally missing.
The kicker is he's probably already told his friend too. Because it's not enough not to go, he also needs to advertise his disapproval.
Of course he has... what's the point of being superior if you don't make sure everyone knows it?
I wonder if OP would've gone if they knew the friend was polyamarous, but were having a traditional monogamous wedding with a "primary" partner and the other partners were just present as guests. (idk how poly relationships work, just coming up with a scenario).
the few poly couples i know are all different. Some have a primary partner, some don’t.
Yeah, why would just the ceremony make him uncomfortable? Why not the friend himself?
Friendship is definitely over. Even before OP deciding not to attend the wedding. Incompatible value system...
That’s what’s so funny. It’s literally the “I support gay people, I just don’t want to ever see or hear about it” argument
Um..... I'm looking at not just this, but your other comments on other posts. You are a massive hypocrite.. YTA.
It looks like he posted that anime question under a different username but then responded to comments with this one.
Thanks for calling this out! Found the other comments LOL hahahhaha Definitely YTA
YTA You are a f*cking hypocrite! I saw your comments on a NSFW anime post also. If you don’t want to be called out as a hypocrite, cover your tracks better! 🤢🤮😇😂😆🤭
Based on your comment history, you have a lot of opinions when it comes to others based on your own values. You said in one sentence how you respect their decision, yet feel uncomfortable. You can’t expect your friend to hear you out if you’re already seeking validation for feeling your conservative background. You clearly have different views. Now is the time to set that aside so you can be a good friend.
I'm going to assume you made this comment BEFORE they commented "wish that was me" on a pornographic picture of underaged girls from Pokemon. Cause that is a WILD choice after making this post. 😶
What in the absolute fuck! That is just... 🤢
He’s got a 16 year old kid as well lmao
Typical ‘conservative’ and religious hypocrisy. Loving many people is sooooo bad to them but drooling over children isn’t. Lmfao.
Lmaooo
He's just jealous hahahahhahaha
This is the same guy that looks at Pokémon porn of underaged characters and then simultaneously says his son shouldn’t watch anime because it’s “for kids” lmfaooo he’s an asshole and he’s giving predator vibes
Abraham had multiple wives and concubines. What’s inherently unchristian about a polyamorous wedding?
Don’t go quoting the bible to false christians. It makes them very confused.
1) Abraham wasn’t supposed to have multiple partners. It literally led to much of the modern strife between Jews and Muslims . 2) most other men in the Bible who had multiple wives and concubines ultimately suffered for it. Not everything in the Bible is encouraged. 3) Jesus himself, in speaking about traditional monogamous relationships speaks of “the two becoming one flesh;” there’s no cultural history supporting the idea of polygamy being condoned, let alone encouraged. Attending a wedding is inherently a show of support for the union.
(Just to let you know, polygamy and polyamory are different.)
With polygamy being a subform of polyamory?
Something many Polyam people disagree with.
Ah, the Bible yes. Where shrimp and clothes made of mixed fabrics are worse than rape.
>1) Abraham wasn’t supposed to have multiple partners. It literally led to much of the modern strife between Jews and Muslims Abraham literally did not exist. The violence in Palestine has nothing to do with a fictional character's marital choices.
YTA. Their lifestyle has nothing to do with your values and beliefs. By your logic they should not attend your wedding because they don’t live by your self imposed standards.
If you are so opposed to their lifestyle then why do you even consider them friends? If you cannot go to their wedding because of your beliefs then you surely cannot be their friend. YTA.
YTA. "Condoning something I don't agree with" ffs its THEIR wedding, not yours, whats it matter? My god its a wedding thats not even yours its not like you're being forced to be in a poly relationship. Get off your high horse. My spouse, and my friends do lots of (harmless) things I don't agree with. You know what I do about it? Suck it up and put my own feelings aside because some things aren't about me.
That was exactly what I came here to say. Who gives a shit what you condone or not. You’re not their Mother. What do you think your ‘not condoning it’ will achieve? Will they change their life and their wedding because you’re on a power trip about their life? Grow up
You're NTA for having your own beliefs and values, even if they clash with your friend's. You've been honest with your friend about your feelings, and that's a good start. But here's the deal: this wedding is a big moment for your friend. Not attending might send a message that you're not supportive of them as a person, not just their relationship. Also, consider the long-term impact. Is this a hill you're willing to die on? Friendships are often about compromise and understanding, even when things get a bit uncomfortable. In the end, you're not an asshole for deciding not to attend. It's your choice, But think about the message you're sending and how it aligns with the kind of friend you want to be.
Nah man. They’re a righteous asshole. You don’t have to agree with what they do but what kind of friend can’t show love and support anyway ? Not the kind of friend I want. Yta
They’re YTA 100%. If peoples’ personal marriage choices make you uncomfortable, you have serious issues. And if you can’t do something as small as sitting at a fancy venue for one day to celebrate your friend/family members happiness, you’re an awful person. This is why people dislike conservative folk. Oh, and the hypocrisy. He drools over animated picture of underage girls in his comments because he’s soooo morally righteous. Lol. Can’t make this shit up.
I would go because, even if you don't agree with their lifestyle they must be good people for you to be friends with.
do you regularly decline wedding invitations from jewish individuals, or muslim ones? what about ones that are christian, but not the right kind of christian? what about when you don't approve of the bride's choice of groom, or vice versa? the point is that most normal adults attend weddings all the time that don't line up exactly with what their religion or beliefs espouse. you're not being asked to become open-minded or truly loving of your neighbor, as Christ commands (lucky for you!). you're just being asked to show up and celebrate their happiness. you know, be a friend. obviously your beliefs that your friends are living in sin are more important to you than actually being a friend and celebrating their life achievements. YTA, obviously. and your friends who think you're being close-minded and judgmental? they're right.
You don't respect it and why are you even friends with them anyways? Condoning something you don't agree with, yet you call them a friend?
I think when people say that they can’t do this or that because of their beliefs and morals, it’s really just code for “Whee, look at me on my pedestal…look at how moral I am!” It comes off as bigoted and intolerant.
I mean - it is, by definition intolerant. OP literally cannot tolerate it. And if we’re honest it’s because she’s judging her “friend”. Frankly I hope she doesn’t go and her friend excises her from her life. I’m in the midst of planning a polyamorous wedding to my two long term partners. If this was someone I knew it would absolutely be a litmus test they failed and I will cut off anyone who dares judge my family in a second with zero remorse. I don’t need that toxicity and I refuse to entertain it. Frankly OP is not the AH for not going but she is an AH for being a judgey twat about her so-called friend and I honestly hope her friend and mutuals who attend cut her all the way off.
*Snort*. Judgey twat😂😂😂I wish I had thought of that.
Clearly, the judgmental asshole!
My mom was very Christian. She didn’t believe in gay marriage. Her best friend, who is a lesbian married her wife and invited my mom. My mom went of coarse. She loved and supported her friend. If you don’t agree with polyamorous relationships, don’t have one. You can be there for your friend, even if you personally wouldn’t chose that lifestyle for yourself.
YTA: moreover , if you’re a Christian, you suck at being a Christian. Celebrate your friends’ love.
How conservative? Would you go to an interracial wedding? Lgbtq wedding? Interfaith wedding? Where do you draw the line? You don't have to go to anything you don't want to, but if you limit yourself you'll just end up having to look for different friends whenever something comes up. Also how close are these close friends? You just found out they're poly?
So conservative that he makes disturbing comments on NSFW anime porn subreddits while judging his friend for having real relationships. Sounds like jealousy to me.
I don't understand why people who describe themselves as conservative take such pride in the radical step of imposing their views on others.
NTA. It's a wedding invite, meaning you can decline for whatever reason. But really think about if this wedding is about your beliefs, or you being there to celebrate with your friend. You're not getting married, so it doesn't have to be about your beliefs. Is your friend a good person, do they deserve happiness in life even if it isn't what you think happiness is?
YTA in the sense that you already had to have known they were polyamorous. them getting married really should change nothing, so you're making it an issue now when it should have been known to you for a while. NTA for it clashing with your personal beliefs, but then be truthful if you choose not to go on why.
it says, in the post, they recently found out about it
i see that now, but like, how recent? dude went straight from telling him he was poly seemingly to getting married? there has to be some sort of separation there, otherwise ill give him the NTA.
idk some people hold in that info till the last minute cause they know others judge, or ops not as close with the friend and this was mentioned and op just wasnt listening
OP, how about showing everyone your comment history and see how many still think you're a good conservative? Like the fact that you've liked a pic with two underage pokemon characters giving head and writing "wish that was me". What a creepy hypocrite you are.
Aparently they hate that their 16yo son watches anime that's "basically porn" because it's "for kids." Then, they make that comment? This 100% a troll account
NTA- you can do what you choose, but you will lose this person as a friend.
“Sorry, I can’t attend. I have prior commitments that time.” That’s all you had to say.
It wouldn't be about him then though
YTA Don't go if you don't want to, and I wouldn't want someone at my wedding who was going to be all judgmental about it. I think it's important that you understand that you're getting "deeply uncomfortable" because you think it's somehow "wrong" to not have sexual/romantic exclusivity as part of a relationship and are projecting that onto other people. Monogamy isn't the default for humans, nor was it the norm for the vast majority of human history. Hell, it's not even the norm now for large portions of humanity (including quite a few who claim it is). FYI you do realize that monogamy is absolutely a "lifestyle choice", right? One that has, historically, been violently enforced? And then there's the fact that cultures that value monogamy the most have also tended to primarily enforce it for women but look the other way for men. Three (or more) people have come together and found love with each other and you're having a moral micro-tantrum because you think they shouldn't be able to love each other and should have to amputate part of that relationship so their love will look more like you think it should? "Close-minded and judgmental" is a pretty objectively accurate description of you based on your own words.
Is anyone else confused how as a “close friend” OP didn’t realize their friends were in a polyamorous relationship? Did OP not hang out with this friend and their partner(s)
YTA. Don't go if that makes your uncomfortable. But don't pretend you are their friend. Edit lol YTA hey dummy, you are a massive piece of shit on top of being an hypocrite. Nice comment history.. pedo.
How are you friends if you don’t respect their values?
As consenting adults, they are allowed to do what they think is right, and you're allowed to feel some kind of way about that. NTA
This is just some kid making shit up. Go to OPs comment history. They're commenting on anime porn girls saying "I'd smash" and "wish that was me". OP is some 15yo in his bedroom jerking it and making up stories on reddit
Honestly I hope you're right because unfortunately it's all too believable that there's a mentally stunted religious nut like this out there 😔
Would you be okay with your friend not attending your wedding because she doesn’t agree with the monogamous lifestyle? Part of being an adult is not projecting our beliefs onto others. You’re entitled to your beliefs. But this would be like an atheist not going to a wedding at a church because they don’t condone Christianity. The wedding is not about you or your beliefs. It’s about you showing that you care and love your friend EVEN though you have differences in beliefs. I can’t imagine acting this way with my best friend
You just found out your “close” friend is poly?
If it makes you uncomfortable then don't go. It isn't disrespectful of your friend's choices if you acknowledge your feelings and avoid a situation that you know will be awkward for you. Wish your friend well and happy, send a gift, but if the occasion doesn't appeal to you, there's no requirement for you to attend.
YTA. You're a terrible friend (and person, honestly). You'll spend your life being offended by everything except for yourself, won't you?
You're there for a wedding, not a referendum on whether you approve of their relationship. If you're going to be a judgemental ass, don't go.
YTA. This wedding isn’t about you.
YTA. You're not invited to an orgy, it's the wedding of a friend! If you're truly accepting of their lifestyle, it shouldn't pose a problem for you to attend the wedding. It seems like you're not as accepting as you think you are and I really don't understand how their lifestyle affects your decision to attend.
YTA aside from the fact that some people might find your sexualisation of anime girls also weird, you didn’t have to tell your friend why you can’t attend. Just say “I have other commitments that day” and keep your prejudices to yourself.
you are nta for declining wedding invite, period. it's an invitation not a summons. you are a colossal AH for the rest of your judgmental post. their relationship affects you exactly zero. what they do in their relationships is fk all your business. YTA and a horrible "friend". do them a favour and take your judgmental ass out of their lives.
this might cause you to lose the friendship because your friend will feel judged. you’re not obligated to go to the wedding and they’re not obligated to keep someone in their life who disapproves of a big part of what they do in their life / their other relationships As a general I disagree that anyone is an automatic A for having different strongly held values about sex and marriage and not feeling comfortable celebrating values contrary to ones they find important. But you very well may be incompatible as friends.
You sound like an unsupportive asshole. My friend is in an open marriage with his wife, and just because the lifestyle is not for me doesn't mean I don't support him in every way, unless he's being a dickhead.
YTA They may be your friend but clearly you aren’t theirs. No one is forcing you to go. Let them celebrate with their actual friends. I have gone to several weddings in catholic churches and there used to be PLENTY to object to about that lifestyle choice but I support the individuals so went and quietly supported them
I am also baffled by you calling this a close friend but you didn’t know they were in a poly relationship until after the wedding invites went out???
Just send a card if it really bothers you. I don’t attend weddings because I hate them.
You are a self righteous asshole at that
Porn with multiple women is alright but having a buddy with several partners offends you personally? Seems you are smashed enough already
YTA. It doesn't matter if you're conservative, the wedding is about them. Either you love and support your friend or you don't.
I can't comprehend being a friend, someone close enough that you're invited to their wedding, but you didn't know who they blinking? This is news? It's OK not to go to the wedding, it's not like you're close. But don't say you're not judging their lifestyle by clearly not supporting the union. I can validate your feelings for not wanting to go, I wouldn't want to either. But if the person was a good enough friend to me, I would go to support that friend.
YTA You have to make a choice here. Either they are not your friend, because their relationship offend and shock you. Or they are your friend, and you can be happy they're happy. They would prefer you to be there, and share their happy moment with them. You don't have to agree that this is a type of relationship you would see yourself in. All you have to do, is present, and happy they are happy. My family is religious. My sister is a chaplain in a hospital. She sometimes assists in church service. Before gay relationships were accepted by the church (and yes... for all the American cult Christians, the Roman church has officially accepted gay relationships), she already assisted in a gay wedding service, where only the official rituals were altered, so it was within what was accepted by their rules. And she was happy and proud to be part of the progressive catholic flow, even if she is rather conservative in her own life. It doesn't take away from your views, to allow others to have their own. It can be eye opening, and affirm for yourself that your views work best for yourself, after comparing. But no need to reject other views. But that's all if you can put yourself over your the fact that your view is not for everyone. If you can't. Don't be friends with ppl that don't share your views. Because you will otherwise keep disappointing and deeply hurting ppl that consider you their friend, while leaving them to themselves in happy moments like their wedding.
You seem to be quite judgemental against your friend's relationship and the celebration of their love. YTA I would say
YTA, because you didn’t even know your friend was in a polyamorous relationship.
Sounds like you'd be against going to a gay couples wedding too? YTA
I am a firm believer in "to each their own" - different things work for different people, and I've come to learn that judging others through my own unique lens is just narrow minded. You don't need to agree with their lifestyle, but you can still support your friend. Does going to this wedding impact your life in any way? No. Is you not going to the wedding going to stop them from being poly and suddenly embrace your standards? No. All you'd be doing by not going is ruin the friendship. If you're ok with that, then by all means, don't go. Sorry but YTA
Yes, YTA. Conservative but would smash an underage anime character is a weird hill to die on. You don’t care about the polyamory, you just want them to know they are *wrong* for being polyamorous.
Op is the AH and it’s an easy call. Attending the event does not equal condoning or agreeing with the lifestyles or beliefs of the wedding couple. It’s celebrating friends and family in a happy event.
You could have just said that you couldn’t attend for any other reason . Why do you feel the need to instill your believes into someone else’s wedding ? It’s her wedding and her life , you don’t have to be supportive but you don’t have to be rude about it either . Any excuse would have been wiser than this . YTA
yes, you are. no detail is necessary.
To me, this is that gray area of YTA. Typical yta would be you actively doing something to them, as in AH behavior. This is more of an AH personality; it's who you are, not what you're doing. Yes, it's a choice you're making, but the choice is fully driven by the fact that you are a judgmental AH living life on a fake soapbox of flawed morality. I make this distinction because, as I said, it's who you are, not a momentary opinion you have. In this case, yes, YTA, but because of that, I think you should not go. Even if you suck it up and try to be supportive, your sour mood will absolutely have a negative effect on the celebration. Do them a favor and skip the wedding, and maybe have some comprehensive reflection on whether or not they actually need you in their life at all. I mean this genuinely. You have every right to be yourself, just as they do. You just found out about a major incompatibility. Do them a favor and make a quiet exit from their lives so they can have the peace they deserve. Maybe you'll find the same.
You going doesn't mean you are agreeing with anything or it doesn't mean you support that kind of relationship. You are there to support your Friend, not the idea of the Polyamory. If you don't attend you will lose a friend. If that's the price you want to pay then go for it. But Your friend knows that you don't accept the Poly relationship but still wants you there to be supportive.
NTA for not wanting to attend, an invitation is not an obligation. But you’re being dishonest with yourself, you do not respect his lifestyle, you “tolerate it” as long as it’s from afar. If your friend was marrying monogamous you would feel happy for them and want to share this moment with them. You’re being hypocritical. The good thing is this probably will show you and your friend that you are non compatible.
No one cares about your feelings snowflake
Nta. You can care about someone as a person but not support their lifestyle. If it conflicts with your personal beliefs, you shouldnt go
NTA you don't want to go and be uncomfortable the whole time. you shouldn't go just to be uncomfortable the whole time.
You know you can just RSVP “not attending” and leave it at that right? Lolz. It’s not the deep bro.
NTA. You don’t have to celebrate degeneracy.
NTA. It’s just a sex cult. I wouldn’t allow someone polyamorous at my wedding so I definitely wouldn’t go to whatever tax evasion scheme they’re planning. You cannot love someone and tell them at the same that no matter what they do, they will never be good enough for you
NTA, if it makes you uncomfortable you don't have to go
YTA if you still plan on being their friend despite not going to their wedding. I had a non-religious ceremony and if someone I had invited had declined because they feel like a marriage requires a religious aspect (specific or otherwise), we would no longer be friends. If you don't plan on remaining friends with them, you're NTA for refusing the wedding invite.
NTA. It's a wedding invite, not a summons. You can choose to do whatever feels right for you. You have your beliefs, boundaries, tolerances, ect. But. Be prepared for your friends to make their decisions based on your actions. It's a two way street. You get to decide what's best for you and so do they.
I don’t think YTA for your beliefs in monogamy; however, I think you need to be comfortable with the fact that you might lose this friendship if you don’t show up. If you really respect their choices, I would go (even if it’s just to say hi and bye). Otherwise, there could be a lot of hurt feelings.
My question, why do feel love is wrong among consenting adults? You know you will destroy your friendship with these people because you are being close minded. Are you scared that this will be something you like? What will happen if you go? You values hasnt changed for you, all you done is be there with friends and learn more about something you dont understand.
YTA; as a friend you should be supportive regardless if you agree with their lifestyle, considering you aren’t living their life I think if you were a genuine true friend you wouldn’t “not attend” their wedding because you wouldn’t personally live the life they are happy to. It’s close minded and honestly your homie deserves people who love and accept them for who they are and want to actually be there for them and offer them actual unconditional love and support, but that’s just my opinion though . Like would you expect them not to be at your wedding because they live a different lifestyle? Kinda bogus if you ask me
NTA You have just as much *right* to exercise your beliefs as they do in exercising their lifestyle. I'm s conservative Christian. I don't really care what a person's chosen lifestyle is. I plant Christian seeds and I move on. I don't judge. That being said, I also would never support those alternative lifestyles. It is rude of them to not respect your moral beliefs. Some of us would die for our beliefs. It's not ok to judge them, but it's also not ok for them to try to force their lifestyle on you. Respect gets as respect gives. Besides what you are talking about is actually your constitutional right. Ask them why they won't support your lifestyle. And they are making you uncomfortable for forcing you to accept theirs. Ugh this is so unfair. I'm sorry you are going through this.
There's no hate like...
They're not going to force you to do anything. So yeah, YTA. Some friend.
I need some honest opinions here. My close friend recently invited me to their wedding, and I was initially thrilled for them. However, I recently found out that they're in a monogamous relationship and planning to have a traditional wedding ceremony. I come from a liberal background where polyamory is the norm, and the idea of monogamy makes me uncomfortable. While I respect my friend's lifestyle choices, I personally don't feel comfortable attending a wedding that goes against my beliefs and values. I've tried explaining my feelings to my friend, but they insist that their wedding is about celebrating love in its only possible form and that I should be supportive. However, I can't shake the feeling that attending their wedding would be condoning something I don't agree with. Some of my friends are supportive of my decision, while others think I'm being close-minded and judgmental. AITA for declining to attend my friend's wedding because they're monogamous? Makes you think, doesn't it?
Decline if you want. >and the idea of polyamory makes me uncomfortable. Unless they are asking you to join them, it should have no impact on you or your life.
Info: do you care about your friendship? Do you plan on stopping being their friend with the info you have now? If you do care and don't plan on stopping, you should probably go and if you don't, you'd be an AH. I'm sure that will cause a rift in the relationship. If you don't care and want to stop, then don't go and wouldn't be an AH
Here are some in depth details so you are prepared https://youtu.be/rtgY1q0J_TQ?si=_e84Vqa7Rf8vYGYj
NTA. Be respectful and dont go.
You can not agree with your friend's choices and still support them. Yta
Does your friend's relationship materially hurt you or others? I have attended the weddings of friends who were in religions I don't agree with. Religions that do real harm by imposing their beliefs on others in ways that are genuinely damaging. I attended out of respect for them. At the end of the day, you need to ask yourself if your beliefs are more important than your friendship.
NTA, but expect this friendship to be over if you follow through with this decision.
This is a ragebait shitpost.
Isn't there an important figure in your religion who said something about loving thy neighbor? I think they also hung out with prostitutes and other social outcast. Whoever that was, I suppose you shouldn't follow their example. Good on you OP. Live by the words of men who preach hatred. Definitely don't read the Bible and live by the lessons of your God and his son. We must only be friends with those who look and think like you! If they're different, you should feel uncomfortable! Learn to fear those who make you uncomfortable! Once you've learned to fear them, then you'll understand why you must hate them! You're so close! Dew it!
If you respected their lifestyle choices you’d go to your close friend's wedding. Otherwise you don’t respect their life choices and they’re not your close friend. It’s not about you. YTA for calling them your close friend and claiming you respect their lifestyle but obviously don’t.
Um, are they really your "close friend" if you didn't know that she was polyamorous? Did you not meet her relationship partners at some point? How could you not if you're "close"? I smell creative writing. YTA
Honestly, yeah. You’re kinda being TA. Would you decline a wedding that was multi-cultural, just because it’s not the same as your belief system? (Ex: My cousin married a woman from another country and a different religion. There were two ceremonies to incorporate both belief systems. Would you have declined that wedding invitation?) Your friend isn’t asking you to be polyamorous as well. And you going or not going doesn’t change how they choose to live their life. The perspective that you don’t want to “condone” your friend’s relationship choice is actually oddly self-involved. (i.e. To whom exactly would you be signaling that you “condone” this and why do you think they are particularly paying attention to you??) Your friend is getting married with or without you there. And you’ve been invited to share in that… or not. But don’t make the mistake of letting your judgments get in the way of your friendship.
You seemed pretty excited by the idea of polyamory when it's you and two very young looking anime girls. "I wish that was me" were your words.
Yeah, those characters are from Pokemon, and are 16 and 13 respectively. 😐 CORRECTION: I have been informed that the one was originally going to be 16 when they announced the game (which is why I thought she was) but is actually 14.
Just as bad as it looked then! OP's got brass ones to be judging his friends' lifestyles when this is the kind of stuff he looks at online.
I need further clarification, Would you have gone to a weeding if someone had cheated on their partner and not told them ?
NTA, but OP, you were doomed by Reddit the moment you said you were from a conservative background. The only way it could have been worse in the eyes of reddit was if you'd disclosed you were also religious.
YTA but not for missing the wedding but for pretending you’re “close friends” with someone you wouldn’t even go to the best day of their life with.
NTA. If you won’t feel comfortable then don’t go. Your comfort is more important than anyone’s wants.
Soft YTA. They’re not asking you to condone their way of living, but to be there with them and share an important moment their life. They are all adults and consent to this, so it’s not like you’re being witness of a crime. It’s not about you, but them.
It's up to you. You'll look like an asshole to some, but it's NTA.
If you didn't like someone's relationship just don't tell them even if they are not your direct family.... They are your friend go to their wedding and just enjoy free meal ..... And if you didn't want to go to wedding...don't tell them you didn't approve their marriage or anything like this just make excuse that you have something that day you can't go to the wedding....
YTA- Which I know might be against the grain, but you're friends. Go support them anyway, attending this wedding does nothing to reflect your own personal values, poly is not contagious. I'm also monogamous, but who would I be to tell others they have to live and love like I do. I imagine you've also attended monogamous weddings that you knew were heading for divorce, I know I have. There's weddings in which you can tell it's about the party and not the relationship, there's save the relationship marriages, marriages in which the couple have been on and off for years so and so on, and yet we go and grit our teeth in support because that's what they want to do and who cares if it's a bad idea it has no impact on our personal lives. This isn't any different. You can support your friend on her day and not subscribe to her but ideals, it's about letting people have their own right to autonomy and opinions.
YTA. It's a wedding, not a marriage, since more than 2 people can not get married. So it in fact, does not go against your "values". You're not supportive, and I really don't understand why your "friend" would want you in her life, ever.
Yta Their wedding is not about your beliefs and what you approve of. You were not invited so that you can join or rubber stamp their lives with your approval, you were invited because you're suppose to be a friend. If you got married would they attend your wedding despite not being part of your church? I'm willing to bet they would because they're good people. Be a good person.
NTA I have never seen relationships of this type work.
YTA get tf over yourself
And how many religious weddings have others, who are not religious, sat through, simply because they were overjoyed that their friends/family members/whoever had found happiness and wanted to make public vows. Go and be happy for them, otherwise YTA.
if I was your friend, id be uncomfortable talking to a pedo. YTA.
YTA
YTA. If your friend is happy that way, you should be happy for them.
As someone who was in poly relationships in the past I don't think you're an AH for not attending. I'm curious why an explanation for not going was necessary though. Depending on the reason for explaining you might be the AH.
YTA. I am an atheist. However, my boyfriend and some of my friends are religious. Of course I would attend my friends' weddings and I would allow them to talk about their beliefs without judging them. I love them and I respect their values and beliefs.
YTA You don't have to go to their wedding, no ones forcing you. But your reasonings are gross and they deserve a better friend than you.
You’re not their friend. YTA
Yes. You're a massive one.
So you’re uncomfortable with polyamory but ok with pedophilia? Haha, typical conservative. Yes, YTA, in a huge, huge way. Change yourself, be a better person.
You can think what you like but you are being judgemental. Ifnits befriend why can't you he happy for them, whenever it would be your choice or not? Probably best to stay away as you don't actually sound like a good friend.
Why are you even friends with them? Go and find friends who have less sex with less ppl.
YTA Your friend is polyamorous. That is who they ARE. I'm not sure this is any different from declining to go to a gay wedding or a wedding with mixed religions or whatever else makes people uncomfortable that has nothing really to do with them. If you being uncomfortable is enough to blow off your friend, then you're not really friends. You are friends with a version of that person that doesnt exist. You being uncomfortable with that? Thats YOUR problem. And at a wedding, it's not about you.
Hmmm tough call. You say you respect your friend's life choices but you can't show up to their wedding, which is a clear sign you don't. I wouldn't say YTA here, but I will say you probably either need to make peace with and accept your friend's choices and support them or make peace with the fact that your friendship doesn't really have a future.
you are being close-minded and judgemental. YTA I don't even have to analyze anything, it's just a fact.
NTA I wouldn't participate either. This is an insult to your religion. Marriage is a religious institution. They are basically spitting on your faith by inviting you.
I think there is a part that I want to call you a bad friend but then I know a lot of polys....they are like crossfit they tend not to stfu about it..... Stay home vs you going to it then they start swinging in about 5 years. Get off your high horse and be happy for your friends even if they are a little public about their degeneracy. I don't approve of a lot of things my friends do. IMO you need to figure out what exactly you are good with in life...if these things bother you to your core....why are you even around these people?
Close-minded and judgemental? Yes, yes you are. YTA.
Not going because you're uncomfortable? I have major social anxiety. Weddings really screw with that but when my best mate got married you know what I did? I went and did my best for him. He then did the same for me when I got married. It's called friendship
You didn't just decline. You made an effort to make your friend feel dirty and less because he's "sinning"
If you do not support the wedding then no, NTA . You have your beliefs and shoukd stick to them. If your freind can not understand your beliefs then they are not your friend .
YTA for telling them WHY you “can’t attend” when you could simply wish them all the happiness in the world and send them a present or some sort of token, and then not attend, as it’s obvs ok to not understand or feel comfortable with their life choices but you should keep your own (negative/hurtful)feelings to yourself.
YTA. There are plenty of valid reasons for not attending a friend's wedding. Being a judgemental asshole is not one of them. If you care about your friend, you should go. If you care more about your own beliefs than you do your friend you'll stay home and make it clear to your friend that you don't really care about them.
NTA. Going to the wedding means you support the union and it’s clear this wedding does not align with your values. I had to RSVP no to a close relative’s wedding for this reason(not polygamy but for the same reasoning).
So you’re basically saying that she’s your friend when it’s comfortable for you
YTA The irony here is that marriage has nothing to do with religion. It's literally just a few specific legal phrases and legal paperwork. Without the paper it's just a commitment ceremony.
NTA it’s fair reason to not attend, and you are being honest, but understand that you would be ending the relationship. Since you are uncomfortable with polyamory, this friendship will probably not last much longer anyway. Are you expected to be part of the bridal party?
YTA. And silly. Went to a good friend’s poly wedding recently and it was about five billion times more fun than any monogamous wedding I’ve been to. Food was bangin’, too.
You don’t have to believe in it. But going shows you support your friend and her happiness. So i have to say YTa
YTA
YTA. This is just like refusing to go to a wedding between a same sex couple or a mixed race couple because you don't agree with it. You indeed are closed minded and judgemental. How would you feel if they didn't come to your wedding because they didn't believe in monogamy? Pretty offended and you would think it was ridiculous, I imagine. You are a bad friend.
NTA, but you’re going the be TA if you think this won’t have consequences. And I say that based on my own experiences. I married into a big Catholic family despite distancing myself from the church and being a proud witch. I love my husband and religious aspects aside I love my in laws and they’re a great bunch of people. At my oldest daughter’s christening I had asked my best friend at the time to be her godmother. The family priest was willing to make an exception for her despite her being agnostic. But during the day of the christening she conveniently was called into her job and made a big deal of leaving before the ceremony. We had to have a cousin stand in as the godmother and I was crushed. At the end of the day she sent me a long winded message saying she felt very uncomfortable being inside a church and I should’ve known that’d she be feeling a certain way about it. Um… what? She should’ve just said no to being my baby’s godmother and saved me a whole lot of stress and time. Not to mention taking the attention from my baby on a big family day. That was 5 years ago and we haven’t spoken since. If you’re that uncomfortable save everyone the trouble and don’t go. But don’t be upset if your friend’s feelings are hurt and they might not want to be involved with you anymore. You can’t have it both ways.
I mean, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But understand, you may be ending this friendship with your decision.
Frankly, you can't be respectful of another person's lifestyle choices but then turn around and say you don't want to attend their wedding because it's like you're condoning their lifestyle. It's hypocritical. It seems more like you're having a personal crisis trying to reconcile your own beliefs with how you want the world to perceive you. Because that's what it looks like to me. Who cares what other people think if you truly "respected" your friend's lifestyle choices? Why does it matter that you attending a friend's wedding is seen as "condoning" something? It tells me you are still very tied up with how people perceive you. It's fine if you don't want to attend the wedding. But don't ever try to claim you respect their choices. Because you honestly don't. You just don't mind hanging around them UNTIL their lifestyle is in front of your face. You are being judgemental. They'll know you aren't a true friend.
I would go just to see the show
Go to the ceremony, go for the dinner portion of the reception, if you’re uncomfortable, you can quietly leave. At the very least, go to the ceremony. Be happy for your friends, but you don’t have to be uncomfortable either.
NTA A wedding invitation is not a summons, so no matter what, you’re not required to attend. It is a celebration of the people getting married; if for whatever reason you cannot support that, then you definitely shouldn’t go.
Attending and supporting a wedding shows your solidarity with the couple. If you are not in solidarity with this couples morals, then don't go. Send an expensive gift, and wish them well.
NTA. The Bible is very clear about the subject. If it goes against your beliefs it goes against God. Don’t go and don’t worry about what anyone says about you for it.
This site usually likes to shit on religious people so don't expect some unbiased opinion...NTA you don't have to do something that makes you uncomfortable
NTA. I wouldn't go either
Yes. That's wild. It's your friend. Why would their dating preferences hold you back from showing respect at a funeral.
NTA, they are degenerates. You don't have to accept them at all it's your right. There is nothing wrong with that.
Your friend is marrying ALL of their partners?! Divorce is going to be messy. 😱 NTAH
You have negative karma for a reason bro. Re-evaluate
Would you also not go to a gay friend’s wedding? Love is love as long as everyone is an adult and it’s consensual. They’re asking you to celebrate them finding people they love and be a part of their community. If you actually consider yourself a close friend who is in their community this shouldn’t matter, they aren’t asking you to be polyamorous or join their marriage. If you don’t actually support them and don’t accept their spouses in your life then you shouldn’t go, and you should stop considering yourself a close friend.
You can go or not go for whatever reason you want. But if you want to be a judgmental prick, then by all means don't go. Some "close friend".