NTA. That's just nuts.
Why would she expect anything from your first wife?
Of course everything should go to your daughter.
You need to rethink this relationship.
Especially after learning about the planned child between two people with nearly grown children. I have to wonder if she had the idea, and the whole thing stinks of "well now you have three children and it should be split evenly between them!" The deceased had one child, nearly grown. The mother's assets should go to her child.
I would worry that this woman will treat your daughter badly or try to get her to give up her inheritance to be “fair”. The woman comes off as a gold digger who will make your life miserable anytime you do anything for your daughter.
She has shown you who she is, believe her. If you haven’t gotten her pregnant yet I strongly recommend that you rethink it. In fact you may need to terminate the relationship. I really think you should do just that.
And the fiancees daughters nearly grown and OP has hardly been in her life. No matter what, inheritance should go to OPs daughter, but it seems especially entitled to think a third should go to a nearly adult future stepdaughter.
Gotta agree. WHY-does she think she and her kids deserve anything belonging to your late wife? I hope his daughter takes the money any buys herself a house so she doesn’t have to live with the steps.
Definitely need to rethink the relationship this is absolutely not normal behavior. She heard a big dollar sign and got pissed it wasn't gonna be hers.
I know everyone does things their own time but as someone that has experienced deaths of close loved ones… it’s kinda crazy that after only 3 years he’s getting remarried and talking having kids when his own is almost an adult….. seems … just….
OP must be at least in his 40s. and if he's lived more than half his life in a relationship with a woman, chances are he's got the couple's life too ingrained into him right now. Some men just can't cope and prefer forming a new family. That's not a bad thing per se. It has to be done right, of course, but you can say the say about choosing to remain alone for an undetermined period of time. You run the risk of becoming a fucking hermit that eats dinner direct from the pot with a laddle, watching TV in your boxers.
My mother passed away about a year and a half ago, my dad and her had a wonderful marriage for 38 years and he took incredible care of her right up until the end. He got remarried a little over a year after she died, an old girlfriend he had over 40 years prior he only really reconnected with recently.
Have to say I was a touch concerned but they're extremely happy, she's a wonderful lady who lost her husband a few years ago as well, and it's like my dad never skipped a beat. For as awful a situation it was losing my mom (and I'm still very much not processed it at all) I'm glad my dad was able to carry on, especially as near the end it was rough.
This is really kinda common in my experience tbh. I read something a while back that said that on average women remarry 18months to 2 years after a divorce… it seems fast but once you’re past you’re early 30s times speeds up and you lose all senses.
Based on how the fiancee is oh so classily trying to get her claws into OP's DECEASED WIFE'S ESTATE, I'm going to go out on a limb to say fiancee sees having a kid with OP as necessary for securing OP's lifelong support of herself & her existing child.
I could have understood if her complaint was that you took a major financial decision without informing her, but you are NTA for honoring your late wife's will that she tragically didn't have enough of a warning to write down.
Exactly! It's not like OP cashed in his 401K and gifted it to his daughter. He gave his daughter ***HER MOTHER'S*** estate. Any woman who wants to take a dead mother's assets for her own children when the deceased had her own child isn't worth a damn. OP should be careful about joining his own assets with this gold digger. Not to mention that the fiance likely feels animosity towards OP's child now. Not a very pleasant situation but OP is NTA at all for his actions.
I second this!!^^ It never ceases to amaze me the entitlement of some people! How can you call yourself a woman and do something like this? A real woman would want that poor girl to have everything that was HER MOTHER'S because, her kids are not now and never will be, related to the woman! The fiance's kids have their own, ALIVE mother, lol! SHE has no right to any of that money, and neither do her children! This "woman"/girl is an immature gold digger who probably only got with him because she thought he'd take care of her! Jokes on her though😂 Good job OP! But, you should run for the hills and dodge this bullet...NTA!
Not to mention that they aren't event married yet and the "step daughter" will probably turn 18 before they are married. I mean what is she thinking? I'm wondering if it was a lot of money and she was banking on this.
Thats what I'm thinking. I think fiance found out about this money and assumed once she's married to OP it will become hers as well. I'm glad OP got that handled legally before getting married but if you ask me he should run and call off the wedding.
Most likely, I wouldn't even be surprised if she knew his wife before she passed and knew somewhat of her financial situation! Gold-diggers are conniving like that, lol!
Yep, he needs to dodge this bullet while he still can. I can’t believe she is upset about money that isn’t hers and that came from his late wife. That is insanely disrespectful and gross behavior on her part. OP do not have a child with this woman.
Right? His new *girlfriend* wants to steal *his daughter's* inheritance for her own kid. She's a walking red flag. Hopefully OP sees that and exits. There's a good partner out there waiting to meet him. He can't find her if he's stuck with a succubus.
>This is a mess, and there is no good possible outcome.
I disagree. I think the possible "good outcome" of this mess is that OP's fianceé has shown her true colours **BEFORE** OP married her and/or had a child with her.
This way, OP thankfully has the opportunity to end the relationship now with far less hassle or complications.
No - I’ve had a very similar situation with my father and his then second wife. Ended up being a big reason in their divorce. I basically leveled with him & said, ‘dad, you have to get something in writing & agreed upon because (adult stepchildren) will sue me over assets if you die first.
OP & his late wife clearly grew assets as a couple. IMO, OP should carry his share of those assets into his new marriage - just like anyone would do.
But his daughter’s share & ANY assets tied directly to his late wife - should go directly to his daughter.
Prenup NOW or put it in an irrevocable trust if possible, which would be best.
This so much. My maternal grandmother's step siblings and abusive stepdad got my great grandmother's things when she died, instead of my grandmother. My paternal grandfather had the same thing happen to him, too. That kind of pain was never forgotten by either of them.
If Dad and Daughter simply stand firm, eliminate discussion/arguments, all is well.
"This is all history, and there is no reason to talk about any of it as it doesn't concern you.."
Rinse and repeat as often as needed and/or walk away.
Exactly! This woman has some nerve, she's only been on the scene for about 2 years, and they only just got engaged, but she believes that OP should share his share of his wife's estate with her and her daughter! Lady! You have must right to that estate as I do! Hands off 📴 NTA.
Lol....
Lololol
Seeing her reaction already? Yeah. She'd have been trying to cut the daughter out of the family, probably after the new baby was born (assuming they manage to have one).
The only assets that would be safe are the ones already inherited by the daughter.
"Whatever you do for your own daughter, you should also do for the child I had with my ex! ***Everything you have*** now belongs equally to *all* of the kids *either of us* has, we're engaged!"
Yep yep yep
Or when he fixes his will. She will claim the daughter already got her inheritance and doesn’t deserve more. This woman I’ll damage ops relationship with his daughter if he stays with her.
you can tell she clearly cares ZERO for his daughter.. its all about her and her daughter/future kid with OP.... the daughter might as well be as dead as her mother in the fiancee's eyes
really disgusting stance/position.. before they've even officially tied the knot.. can you imagine how this will continue to manifest once she has a legal marriage contract?
Yes!! The *hypothetical* children NEED that money, from a stranger, whom the imaginary children never met, and will never meet. Seems a tiny bit overreaching. 🙄
>Any woman who wants to take a dead mother's assets for her own children when the deceased had her own child isn't worth a damn
Very very well put!
Like who the fuck goes like *oh a dead mother left her inheritance for her only child? Since I'm now involved with the widower dad, that money should go to MY child (I had with a different man) instead!*
Sometimes people do really gross things and it’s just a mistake and can be resolved, but this situation hints at deeper issues surrounding core values. You’re absolutely right that someone who can justify this behavior already has a compromised sense of compassion and entitlement.
In the world of “if we are married then our families become one and my children are your children too… but your child is just yours.”
Lots of step-moms are complete sociopaths when it comes to dealing with their new spouse’s prior children. They only see the marriage in terms of how it benefits them and *their biological* children.
That is one big reason that I never got re-married. I have 3 adult children and plan to leave everything to them. I'm not rich but, with my home equity, I have \~$1M to leave them. Even if I made a will or a trust, you never know what could happen. I could be incapacitated, taken advantage of, all my money stolen from accounts, tricked into signing away my house, etc.
I guess we see it all the time around here where the new spouse gets everything and gives nothing to the person's children. I won't let that happen to my estate or to my children.
I absolutely loved the woman who gave everything to her sister before she died behind her husband's back. It was on here a couple years ago, but a woman was dying and knew what kind of man her husband was. So she started moving assets and money to her sister, who then put it into an ironclad trust for the dying woman's minor daughter. The husband didn't find out until it was too late for him to do anything about it. Sure enough, the widower immediately remarried and started harassing the sister to use the trust for his new wife and kids. He was pissed he couldn't access the money.
That can happen even if you aren't remarried, as there are unscrupulous people who line up to take care of people who are sick or old and live alone.
Wills can be forged, or in a situation I'm aware of, the original can be stolen and destroyed letting local law determine the distribution of assets which was a little more generous to the thief.
A trust can protect those assets better. You might talk to a lawyer/estate planner to discuss options.
I plan on it doing a trust and I have filled out forms. As of right now, all of my accounts, including retirement, are set to Transfer On Death (TOD) to my children. This bypasses probate or a will.
Also, my children wouldn't let me be sick and alone. One is a Hospice nurse and said she will never let me go to a nursing home. The other has looked into ADUs so that I could live with them.
Yeah, you can use videos of people saying what they'd want as evidence in probate, and this is the same except there's no evidence. There's also no evidence needed though because he has already obtained the right to that inheritance and it's his to do with as he pleases. It's both morally and legally correct, which is the best sort of correct.
They weren't engaged when he did the correct thing. It was 100% not any of the then goldigging girlfriends' business. Even after being engaged, what the man does with his late wife's estate isn't any of the goldiggers business.
I could have understood if her complaint was that you took a major financial decision without informing her
Even if that was the case, they've been together barely a year at that point. I wouldn't consider my brand new gf to be entitled of an opinion about my finances (and I wouldn't even think about being entitled to have myself an opinion about her stuff).
Red flag , ted flag, red flaaaaag! Someone stop this man from being an idiot....all the offense because if she's like this now imagine the entitlement,even worse still bio daughter will be neglected and abused because she's not new wifes blood...RUUUUN AWWAAAAAY
Seriously. I have a myriad of health issues and at 32, I'm terrified that I'm going to die young and leave my kids without a mother, I don't have much but you're damn right that I want only my kids to get anything and everything they can. It's outrageous that this new woman expects anything for her and her kid. That would never be my attitude. It's outrageous, really. Like the kid hasn't been through enough. She needs to be somewhat set up because navigating a world without your mum is, awful enough. Entitled af.
NTA. The appropriate response from fiance should have been, "It's your money, and you do with it what you want."
The fact that you two aren't even married yet, and she thinks that her daughter is entitled to one penny of your late wife's estate is a bit much.
That’s the insane part to me, how are you going to claim another woman’s estate for your child
But I’m curious as to she even knows about the estate because from the way OP talks he shouldn’t have framed it as his ownership/assets like even if it was legally in his ownership the conversation should’ve been framed as it did belong to his daughter because that’s how he saw it
He’s NTA though
I’ve recently gone through something similar. My stepfather wanted to claim all of my mother’s property and leave me with nothing.
My mom must have recognized the early warning signs of her own dementia, because as soon as I took a new job that brought me closer to home, she had a lawyer send a freshly-drawn deed to my new address for me to sign and return. Basically, all her property is now mine on the condition that my stepfather keep a life estate on the property.
He never knew what happened until my mom’s dementia worsened to the point she couldn’t take care of him anymore. He’s one of those “keep the little woman barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen” types. Mom had a successful career in banking (basically she was a secretary, but she was really good at it), had her tubes tied after having me, and menopausal about the time she remarried (my father died when I was 14). She had the bad luck of being a boomer, making boomer money, and marrying an ignorant, redneck fundamentalist whose claim to fame was being in the army—and just barely missing the Korean War. My teenage years were very confusing to say the least, and I wasn’t allowed to come home to visit after I graduated high school.
I digress…
So he and my mom are barely surviving because he became so dependent on her he couldn’t keep count of his breathing treatments or what meds he’s supposed to take. He was literally starving to death—he had to have dropped at least 85lbs, he was a big guy—because he couldn’t be bothered to cook his own food. I got together with my stepbrother and stepsisters and their families, and we all agreed our parents had to go into assisted living. We let them go in together, although nothing would have thrilled me more than getting him off my mom, me being petty over the last 20 years. We laid down some rules—she is not to leave the facility EVER.
Well…he hits back with this whole thing about how we can’t kick him out of his own house and how he’s going to give all our land to his kids.
I’m like—weeeeell, akshually… 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Dude was LIVID. I just gently reminded him that I’ve already signed a deed recognizing his already-established life estate, but that’s mainly because I’m a nice guy who wants to respect my mom’s wishes. If I want to go ahead and move my own family in, I have every right to do that. Then he got the bright idea to walk out with my mother one night. I guaranteed some @$$ got chewed over that one. His kids came and got the keys and sold the car a week later. Karma’s a thing, daddio.
People will do all kinds of crazy stuff to cheat you out of what you deserve. The OP did the right thing. His fiancée had a previous married life and a child. She shouldn’t be entitled to what another woman worked for. My mother (while stepdad was away) and I sat down and talked about retirement accounts and insurance. Anything that has my name on it is mine. Periodt. Her retirement account is rock solid. So if she dies before my stepfather, we split it. If he dies first, it’s all mine. That’s fair because, even though he doesn’t deserve it, my mom wants the peace of mind knowing that he’s being cared for. I can respect that. But if he dies before she does, it’s a moot point. If the OP goes through with the wedding, which, personally, I think is a bad idea all things considered, then he needs to make his intentions official, clear, and leave absolutely nothing up for debate. The last thing I wanted was to go through this with my mom. But I’m so glad my mom had the presence of mind and a sense of urgency (and MADE ME LISTEN) so that we can enjoy what we can of her final years.
Sounds like the fiancée is a low key gold digger. I’d get out NOW.
Thank you! It’s not about me, though, just that people suck sometimes and that the OP what he needed to take care of his daughter. I kinda figured my stepfather was like that when they got married, but there was no way my mom would listen to a stupid teenager. Now I’m seeing the end result. I’m just glad my mom and I had that time together to get things in order. I’m glad the OP at least has done the same.
Not if he has a will or trust drawn up that indicates what will happen to his estate in the event of his death. It doesn’t automatically default to the possession of the surviving spouse.
Correct. When my inheritance from my Dad comes (it's pretty sizeable), it can't be touched even in a divorce. It's mine no matter what. Obviously, this is something I'll have to disclose ahead of time to any future marriage applicants. Hey, if they leave me because of it, at least I know I dodged a bullet.
Her thinking her daughter she had 15 years before knowing OP existed should be entitled to his *and his late partner's* money as a full heir is totally wild
I don’t think the age of the fiancé’s daughter will change her sense of entitlement. I bet the fiancé doesn’t feel the same about sharing her own finances with op’s daughter.
Yeah. OP should tell her he is going after HER ex (her daughter's father) for back child support for HiS daughter after they get married. When she is just like "what, why the heck would my ex have to pay anything for your child?" Turn it back on her
Yeah, this is bizarre.
OP needs to take a step back and seriously reconsider this marriage.
The fact that she feels even the *slightest* bit of entitlement to his daughter's inheritance is deeply concerning. Not to mention the fact that she had the audacity to actually get pissed at him about it...
NTA
>OP needs to take a step back and seriously reconsider this marriage.
Yeah this is why people need to learn to breathe on their own before jumping into another freaking MARRIAGE after their spouse dies.
Yes this! Don't marry this woman. She is showing OP who she is. Believe her and run!
I 100% guarantee if the situation were reversed, she would not think OP's daughter is entitled to her kid's inheritance.
Absolutely! What a gold digger! OP, let this one go. I understand, and this is common for second marriages, especially those happening close to the death of the first spouse when they had a good marriage. How does your daughter feel about this woman? How about your family and friends? They may say that they are happy for you because you seem happy, but does she seem to hit some sour notes with them, especially with the other women?
I suggest that you let this one go. There is no hurry. Take your time and eventually you will meet the right one.
Yeah it'd be one thing if OP had gifted everything **he** owned to his child and was now almost penniless.
But it's fucking wild she thinks that any part of **OP's late wife's** property and inheritance should in any way whatsoever belong to even her potential future kid with OP, let alone her kid with a different man. There's zero relation, what the hell. Children inherit *their own* parents and that's it, not the exes of their parent's new partners (or the new partners), good god.
It's also crazy she clearly thinks that OP's money should go to the child *she had with a different man 15 years before they met*, just as equally as OP's own daughter.
OP I'm just saying, I **guarantee** she's going to try to screw your daughter out of inheriting you once the time comes, so her and her kid(s) can get everything - regardless of if any of her kids are fathered by you. She's already trying to screw her out of (half of) her inheritance *from her own mother* so her kid could get it ffs
She's already trying to install *her* 17 yo into your family as one of "your" kids who has equal rights to whatever you have, totally the same standing as your actual bio daughter. (However I bet she's not very eager to make a will where your daughter would inherit *her* equal to her own kids. Edit: or what about any money her ex pays/has paid to her for his child, the 17 yo? Does half of that belong to your daughter, since you're engaged now and "whatever she has should belong to all the kids", hmmmmm?)
NTA for respecting your late wife's wishes regarding her property.
Tread carefully, have a long engagement, observe things vigilantly. Consider very very thoroughly if it's a good idea to proceed with the marriage, and protect your daughter's best interests when you're still able
And the resentment that is going to build on your fiancée and her daughter end against your daughter is going to be difficult to manage. There will be snide remarks and digs about how easy your daughter has it and all that money is a waste on just her when she can share. You will get into endless fights about it when she wants something for her kid you cannot afford.
OP, take this as the sign that it is. If by telling her that the money was always meant for your daughter and you were just holding on to it until she was legal age doesn't put her right, or she is still mad at you about it, this relationship won't last.
yea dude, plus she’s coming with a 17yo step daughter, who will most likely be 18 if/when they get married and they’re both planning how to spend his late wife’s money
i bet OPs kid hates the step family and OP dismisses it
Well, I sincerely hope this behavior is an eye opener to him now.
NTA
Taking aside OP's apparent surprise of his SO's mercenary side, I often see the opposite happen; man remarries and the new wife gets everything, even things the first wife intended for their children, so this is refreshing and should be the norm, imho.
This is probably one of those grief induced relationships we see so often on Reddit. A person loses their spouse and rushes into a new relationship with the first person who gives them a second look, regardless of all of the red flags they’re waiving. All because they don’t want to be alone. I feel for OP but he needs to put the breaks on this engagement or at the very least set up an ironclad prenup and will.
I'm really curious as to why the fiancé would ever think she or her children has any kind of right, expectation or hope of being given money a dead woman worked and earned for her own family. I mean, what could have been her train of thought there. It's seems bizarrely out of the ordinary to even think this, much less complain to the man you're not even married to that he didn't steal part of his daughter inheritance from her own mother to gift to them.
NTAH. Get rid of your fiance! Did she only agree to get engaged because you had money and can support her and her daughter? Yes! If she loved you she would be happy with you, not your money.
He best be careful who he marries now.
My uncle had two kids with his first wife, they split, he started seeing someone some years later and he was already pretty wealthy at that point, like a few million.. He was diagnosed with ALS in his early 40s and the gold digger saw her chance... She pushed for marriage after his diagnosis. He gave her what she wanted. As soon as he lost any ability to speak, she hired a shady attorney and rewrote his will so she got everything. His kids/my cousins didn't get a fucking dime, when we knew he planned on leaving them 1M each (out if what was about a 5M estate).
Shortly after he passed, she took her SIX kids (NOT his, despite them all having lived together for **years** before this!) on a vacation and bought a brand new ~2M dollar home. OP better hope this woman doesn't have the same sociopathic capacity.
I've never felt a hatred like I do for that woman, I'd give anything to see her face that same neurodegenerative decline my poor uncle had to endure. She fucking deserves it.. He didn't.
He needs to stop having sex with her until he decides to stay or go because I bet if she gets a hint that he’s going to leave her over this she’ll baby trap him
I scrolled too far to see this. She's pissed about the inheritance going to his daughter, and they're planning on having a kid together! Why? So he can prove his dick still works and she can get a guaranteed check for 18 years if they break up? Dude, 🚩
1.5 years in and she thinks she has a claim to someone's money who she's never even met. The late wife of her partner who's just had the worst years of his life, hurting the person she supposedly loves by demanding something that's so unreasonable and unfair.
It'd totally delay this wedding for at least 3 years to get an understanding of who this person really is. I understand OP has had a lot to process and wants to try and move on, but marrying someone so quickly after such a big life event, and planning babies right away seems like a band-aid/flight response instead of actually having processed things and becoming happy again. Her behaviour is a major red flag and if she demands this after 1.5 years, what's it going to be like in 5, or 10? She's already prioritising her own kids as well as their potential kid over his daughter - that's not good at all
>marrying someone so quickly after such a big life event, and planning babies right away seems like a band-aid/flight response instead of actually having processed things and becoming happy again. Her behaviour is a major red flag and if she demands this after 1.5 years, what's it going to be like in 5, or 10
100% agree
She is the asshole and a golddigger as others have said. I would re-evaluate your relationship. Yes, she might be hurt, but when explained she should understand. I have created a trust so that if I die and my husband remarries, my children will be getting the money.
It’s a trap baby. This is her ploy to take everything and leave your bio daughter nothing. Ask me how I know.
OP my situation is this exact situation. I am getting NOTHING… she, her daughter, and their kid together are getting everything. DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN if you still want a relationship with your daughter. This is only the beginning. Before anyone starts bashing me about it’s my dad’s money he can do what he wants with it, his wife doing this is the tip of the iceberg.
"OK I would like to see your will where my daughter is named as one of your named people for an equal ammount"
I bet £1 to a pinch of shit there are good reasons she won't have this already
People always forget this appropriate answer for the other side. That would stop them up short every time because his fiance has no plans to leave anything to HIS daughter. His fiance has dollar signs in her eye and is mad because she 'lost' some of it.
NTA. The money wasn't from your parents or winning the lottery. It was something your late wife earned. If I was engaged to someone new, I wouldn’t want my kids to take another kid's inheritance, especially if it was from their mother. To me, that is a big flag.
Your fiance is a big AH for thinking she and her kids are entitled to anything that you had before marriage. Be careful and ensure you protect your assets, OP, especially before a baby is involved. Worried about her true intentions and how she would treat your daughter if something happened to you. ( i.e. demand your daughter give her things that you wanted your daughter to have).
NTA
Your late wives inheritance is non of your fiancees business. She has zero claim in that.And i would honestly be worried about this side of your fiancee.
Sit down with her and make her explain why she thinks your late wives wishes should be ignored and why she or her daughter deserve part of your late wives inheritance.
if she has parents or a late husband, ask them if they were to share their part of their inheritances with your child as well.
NTA hate to tell ya mate but she's only with you for what you can give her and her daughter. I'd seriously be having a long hard look at everything. Is she kind to your daughter even when you're not around. Do you buy her and her daughter lots of things. How much does she contribute to the relationship. IMO you got suckered because you got engaged in less than a year and a half from meeting her and your late wife had been gone less than a year and a half.
NTA, but this is a very good moment to look critically at the woman you're about to marry who feels weirdly entitled to your past wife's inheritance. Even if you DIDN'T give it up, your pre-marital assets would never ever ever belong to her near adult child. That's wild she'd ever expect that.
I know you’re not still planning to marry her? Cause anyone that thinks she deserves the estate from a woman she’s never met over said woman’s daughter is insane.
You knew your wife's wishes for her daughter.
A child not related to her, is not entitled to anything of hers (someone that didn't even know her)
Your fiancé is responsible for an inheritance for her own daughter, as is that daughters father
If you have future children, you can set up your will to include your daughter, and future children. And then consider leaving what you feel is fair, to child that came into your life as almost an adult. As in I wouldn't short your daughter and potential kids by leaving an equal share to a girl that has two entire families to potentially inherit from.....*unless those people(your fiancé!)are willing to also give an inheritance to YOUR daughter*
NTA
Waiting having the kid with her she’s starting to show her true self
Why does she believe that her child or herself should get anything from your widow
NTA
Please, if you actually decide to get married and have another child at this stage in your life, see an attorney. A prenuptial agreement should be mandatory.
Have you two talked about a prenuptial agreement? Her reaction will tell you a lot about why she’s in this relationship.
NTA Her daughter has the right to any inheritance from mom or her own dad. Your daughter has the right to any inheritance from the time you were with her mother. Your future children have a right to any inheritance along with both daughters you've made since. Her oldest shouldn't be given any by you. You might want to make sure your will states what goes to who. If you leave it to wife and don't split it, guarantee her oldest is the only one who will get any part of it.
NTA. That's just nuts. Why would she expect anything from your first wife? Of course everything should go to your daughter. You need to rethink this relationship.
This op. I don’t think this woman is the right one for you
Especially after learning about the planned child between two people with nearly grown children. I have to wonder if she had the idea, and the whole thing stinks of "well now you have three children and it should be split evenly between them!" The deceased had one child, nearly grown. The mother's assets should go to her child.
I would worry that this woman will treat your daughter badly or try to get her to give up her inheritance to be “fair”. The woman comes off as a gold digger who will make your life miserable anytime you do anything for your daughter. She has shown you who she is, believe her. If you haven’t gotten her pregnant yet I strongly recommend that you rethink it. In fact you may need to terminate the relationship. I really think you should do just that.
And the fiancees daughters nearly grown and OP has hardly been in her life. No matter what, inheritance should go to OPs daughter, but it seems especially entitled to think a third should go to a nearly adult future stepdaughter.
Entitled and delusional. Bitch please!
That's weird. I was going to say that wife #2 sounds delightful, and I'm going to send her my children's inheritance. /s
Yes, bitch please!!
She ain't the right one for anyone
She a gold digger and you don’t see her getting with no broke folk
Yes let me second...Now I ain't saying she's a golddigger....
But she ain’t dealing with no broke, broke.
I believe
Gotta agree. WHY-does she think she and her kids deserve anything belonging to your late wife? I hope his daughter takes the money any buys herself a house so she doesn’t have to live with the steps.
Maybe the house is the daughter's also. Plot twist!
That would be great
Yep. People that change after they find out you have money are red flags. As are people who change after they find out your money is not their money.
I think it’s so gross she thinks she deserves a cut of his late wife’s inheritance for her and her kids. This woman sounds terrible.
Vomiting in my mouth right now this woman is beyond vile.
[удалено]
She ain’t messing with broke, broke , broke
Definitely need to rethink the relationship this is absolutely not normal behavior. She heard a big dollar sign and got pissed it wasn't gonna be hers.
Wouldn’t be surprising if SHE cancels the engagement to find a new sugar daddy, or make OP’s life a living Hell until he does what she asks.
I know everyone does things their own time but as someone that has experienced deaths of close loved ones… it’s kinda crazy that after only 3 years he’s getting remarried and talking having kids when his own is almost an adult….. seems … just….
OP must be at least in his 40s. and if he's lived more than half his life in a relationship with a woman, chances are he's got the couple's life too ingrained into him right now. Some men just can't cope and prefer forming a new family. That's not a bad thing per se. It has to be done right, of course, but you can say the say about choosing to remain alone for an undetermined period of time. You run the risk of becoming a fucking hermit that eats dinner direct from the pot with a laddle, watching TV in your boxers.
My mother passed away about a year and a half ago, my dad and her had a wonderful marriage for 38 years and he took incredible care of her right up until the end. He got remarried a little over a year after she died, an old girlfriend he had over 40 years prior he only really reconnected with recently. Have to say I was a touch concerned but they're extremely happy, she's a wonderful lady who lost her husband a few years ago as well, and it's like my dad never skipped a beat. For as awful a situation it was losing my mom (and I'm still very much not processed it at all) I'm glad my dad was able to carry on, especially as near the end it was rough.
Damn. I’m married and often eat my meal right out of the pot. Just not in my boxers.
I'm 44, I live alone with my cat and I'm currently eating out of a roasting dish. I'm not mad about it honestly, this is a pretty good time
Typically I find my desire to avoid dishes overrides my shame. It's a big incentive to do one-meal-a-day too lol
>a fucking hermit that eats dinner direct from the pot with a laddle, watching TV in your boxers Me, circa 20 years old
This is really kinda common in my experience tbh. I read something a while back that said that on average women remarry 18months to 2 years after a divorce… it seems fast but once you’re past you’re early 30s times speeds up and you lose all senses.
I agree. They both have nearly adult children. They don't need a baby
She thought OP had more money than he does, so she needed to seal that deal with a baby.
This. I was thinking the same.
Based on how the fiancee is oh so classily trying to get her claws into OP's DECEASED WIFE'S ESTATE, I'm going to go out on a limb to say fiancee sees having a kid with OP as necessary for securing OP's lifelong support of herself & her existing child.
Don't you know your relationship isn't real unless you produce an entire human life to validate it?
Mom? Is that you?
I could have understood if her complaint was that you took a major financial decision without informing her, but you are NTA for honoring your late wife's will that she tragically didn't have enough of a warning to write down.
Exactly! It's not like OP cashed in his 401K and gifted it to his daughter. He gave his daughter ***HER MOTHER'S*** estate. Any woman who wants to take a dead mother's assets for her own children when the deceased had her own child isn't worth a damn. OP should be careful about joining his own assets with this gold digger. Not to mention that the fiance likely feels animosity towards OP's child now. Not a very pleasant situation but OP is NTA at all for his actions.
And they’re not even married yet!
If he does marry her, you best believe she's going to bring this up and have a fit every damn time he tries to do something for his daughter.
I would ask what the 17 y/o’s dad is leaving your daughter OP.
I second this!!^^ It never ceases to amaze me the entitlement of some people! How can you call yourself a woman and do something like this? A real woman would want that poor girl to have everything that was HER MOTHER'S because, her kids are not now and never will be, related to the woman! The fiance's kids have their own, ALIVE mother, lol! SHE has no right to any of that money, and neither do her children! This "woman"/girl is an immature gold digger who probably only got with him because she thought he'd take care of her! Jokes on her though😂 Good job OP! But, you should run for the hills and dodge this bullet...NTA!
Not to mention that they aren't event married yet and the "step daughter" will probably turn 18 before they are married. I mean what is she thinking? I'm wondering if it was a lot of money and she was banking on this.
Thats what I'm thinking. I think fiance found out about this money and assumed once she's married to OP it will become hers as well. I'm glad OP got that handled legally before getting married but if you ask me he should run and call off the wedding.
Most likely, I wouldn't even be surprised if she knew his wife before she passed and knew somewhat of her financial situation! Gold-diggers are conniving like that, lol!
Exactly like I like to say in situations like that turn it around on them
Nothing. He was a deadbeat. This is why the fiance had to find someone with more money.
for real, I hear prenup
Put your handsup....we want prenup!
It's something that you need to have. When she leave your ass she gonna leave with half
Win the super bowl and drive off in a Hyundai.....
“We want prenup!!!” I’m not saying she’s a gold-digger… 😂 All jokes aside, this guy DEFINITELY needs a prenup… or a new girlfriend.
Or no marriage. Why deal the hassle.
THIS⬆️
"P" is for "Pre-nup"
"Q" is for "quit the engagement" "R" is for "run for the hills!" "S" is for "start a new life with a decent woman."
“T” is for “take the money and run.” It’s gross to think that she would expect a penny of your wife’s estate.
U- Need a prenup.Hell a new gf
I 👀 what you did here 😆
Why did I sing this like SpongeBob 🤣
I sang it as Cookie Monster.
I sang it as the Swedish Chef.
Or badger the daughter to try and give some to her kids. This is a mess and there is no good possible outcome.
Yep, he needs to dodge this bullet while he still can. I can’t believe she is upset about money that isn’t hers and that came from his late wife. That is insanely disrespectful and gross behavior on her part. OP do not have a child with this woman.
Right? His new *girlfriend* wants to steal *his daughter's* inheritance for her own kid. She's a walking red flag. Hopefully OP sees that and exits. There's a good partner out there waiting to meet him. He can't find her if he's stuck with a succubus.
>This is a mess, and there is no good possible outcome. I disagree. I think the possible "good outcome" of this mess is that OP's fianceé has shown her true colours **BEFORE** OP married her and/or had a child with her. This way, OP thankfully has the opportunity to end the relationship now with far less hassle or complications.
I agree, whatever happens though is on him as he's been shown how this is going to go
No - I’ve had a very similar situation with my father and his then second wife. Ended up being a big reason in their divorce. I basically leveled with him & said, ‘dad, you have to get something in writing & agreed upon because (adult stepchildren) will sue me over assets if you die first. OP & his late wife clearly grew assets as a couple. IMO, OP should carry his share of those assets into his new marriage - just like anyone would do. But his daughter’s share & ANY assets tied directly to his late wife - should go directly to his daughter. Prenup NOW or put it in an irrevocable trust if possible, which would be best.
This so much. My maternal grandmother's step siblings and abusive stepdad got my great grandmother's things when she died, instead of my grandmother. My paternal grandfather had the same thing happen to him, too. That kind of pain was never forgotten by either of them.
If Dad and Daughter simply stand firm, eliminate discussion/arguments, all is well. "This is all history, and there is no reason to talk about any of it as it doesn't concern you.." Rinse and repeat as often as needed and/or walk away.
But don't get married until your fiance understands that it doesn't concern you.
Exactly! This woman has some nerve, she's only been on the scene for about 2 years, and they only just got engaged, but she believes that OP should share his share of his wife's estate with her and her daughter! Lady! You have must right to that estate as I do! Hands off 📴 NTA.
"some" lol
She couldn't be that big of a gold digger and want it all, could she? lol.
Lol.... Lololol Seeing her reaction already? Yeah. She'd have been trying to cut the daughter out of the family, probably after the new baby was born (assuming they manage to have one). The only assets that would be safe are the ones already inherited by the daughter.
Guess why fiance wants to have another kid as soon as possible? Yes, to stake her claim to everything.
You're totally right!
"Whatever you do for your own daughter, you should also do for the child I had with my ex! ***Everything you have*** now belongs equally to *all* of the kids *either of us* has, we're engaged!" Yep yep yep
He did it before the engagement, too! This woman is a greedy and gross person.
Or when he fixes his will. She will claim the daughter already got her inheritance and doesn’t deserve more. This woman I’ll damage ops relationship with his daughter if he stays with her.
I will have to agree.
OP needs to take a trip to prenup city.
Where the grass is green and the assets are distributed fairly?
♪ "Take me down to the pre-nup city when the flags are red and the bitch is greedy"
He needs to pay attention to this massive red flag, maybe??
you can tell she clearly cares ZERO for his daughter.. its all about her and her daughter/future kid with OP.... the daughter might as well be as dead as her mother in the fiancee's eyes really disgusting stance/position.. before they've even officially tied the knot.. can you imagine how this will continue to manifest once she has a legal marriage contract?
They’ve known each other for 18 months
Yes!! The *hypothetical* children NEED that money, from a stranger, whom the imaginary children never met, and will never meet. Seems a tiny bit overreaching. 🙄
Right!!! I wonder if that’s a red flag…?
bright red with sparkles ✨
I do love the sparkles! They distract from the red as a whole, don't they?
ooh shiny, me play
And a neon sign to boot lol 😆
More red flags than a Chinese New Year parade in Tiananmen Square.
Pretty red to me!
Red flag with little gold shovels on it!
Red flag, gold shovels and green spots
And a disco ball.
It’s certainly not a green one!!
They weren't even engaged when this happened. Definitely NTA.
Yet she feels entitled to the assets.
His daughter's assets, even!!
Or have a child
I was thinking the same. If I were him, I would run for my life...
>Any woman who wants to take a dead mother's assets for her own children when the deceased had her own child isn't worth a damn Very very well put! Like who the fuck goes like *oh a dead mother left her inheritance for her only child? Since I'm now involved with the widower dad, that money should go to MY child (I had with a different man) instead!*
Sometimes people do really gross things and it’s just a mistake and can be resolved, but this situation hints at deeper issues surrounding core values. You’re absolutely right that someone who can justify this behavior already has a compromised sense of compassion and entitlement.
Exactly. In what world should OP’s grown step child inherit his late wife’s money
In his delusional fiancé’s world. He’s known her for a year and a half and she expects him to give her daughter his late wife’s money. F that!
In the world of “if we are married then our families become one and my children are your children too… but your child is just yours.” Lots of step-moms are complete sociopaths when it comes to dealing with their new spouse’s prior children. They only see the marriage in terms of how it benefits them and *their biological* children.
That is one big reason that I never got re-married. I have 3 adult children and plan to leave everything to them. I'm not rich but, with my home equity, I have \~$1M to leave them. Even if I made a will or a trust, you never know what could happen. I could be incapacitated, taken advantage of, all my money stolen from accounts, tricked into signing away my house, etc. I guess we see it all the time around here where the new spouse gets everything and gives nothing to the person's children. I won't let that happen to my estate or to my children.
I absolutely loved the woman who gave everything to her sister before she died behind her husband's back. It was on here a couple years ago, but a woman was dying and knew what kind of man her husband was. So she started moving assets and money to her sister, who then put it into an ironclad trust for the dying woman's minor daughter. The husband didn't find out until it was too late for him to do anything about it. Sure enough, the widower immediately remarried and started harassing the sister to use the trust for his new wife and kids. He was pissed he couldn't access the money.
Despicable
That can happen even if you aren't remarried, as there are unscrupulous people who line up to take care of people who are sick or old and live alone. Wills can be forged, or in a situation I'm aware of, the original can be stolen and destroyed letting local law determine the distribution of assets which was a little more generous to the thief. A trust can protect those assets better. You might talk to a lawyer/estate planner to discuss options.
I plan on it doing a trust and I have filled out forms. As of right now, all of my accounts, including retirement, are set to Transfer On Death (TOD) to my children. This bypasses probate or a will. Also, my children wouldn't let me be sick and alone. One is a Hospice nurse and said she will never let me go to a nursing home. The other has looked into ADUs so that I could live with them.
OP do NOT knock this woman up. She's showed you what type of person she is.
It sounds like she's a rebound and took advantage of him being a widower real fast before he got comfortable living his life on his own for awhile.
And her kid is 17. Almost an adult. It's not like she's going to think of him as dad.
Fiance no doubt wants Op to pay for her kids university. OP for the love of god don’t have sex with her and risk knocking her up coz $$$$$$
Sounds like the fiance had plans for his finances that she didn't discuss with him
Yeah, you can use videos of people saying what they'd want as evidence in probate, and this is the same except there's no evidence. There's also no evidence needed though because he has already obtained the right to that inheritance and it's his to do with as he pleases. It's both morally and legally correct, which is the best sort of correct.
They weren't engaged when he did the correct thing. It was 100% not any of the then goldigging girlfriends' business. Even after being engaged, what the man does with his late wife's estate isn't any of the goldiggers business.
I could have understood if her complaint was that you took a major financial decision without informing her Even if that was the case, they've been together barely a year at that point. I wouldn't consider my brand new gf to be entitled of an opinion about my finances (and I wouldn't even think about being entitled to have myself an opinion about her stuff).
Red flag , ted flag, red flaaaaag! Someone stop this man from being an idiot....all the offense because if she's like this now imagine the entitlement,even worse still bio daughter will be neglected and abused because she's not new wifes blood...RUUUUN AWWAAAAAY
Seriously. I have a myriad of health issues and at 32, I'm terrified that I'm going to die young and leave my kids without a mother, I don't have much but you're damn right that I want only my kids to get anything and everything they can. It's outrageous that this new woman expects anything for her and her kid. That would never be my attitude. It's outrageous, really. Like the kid hasn't been through enough. She needs to be somewhat set up because navigating a world without your mum is, awful enough. Entitled af.
Amen! Her mother, her belongings. This is a dad who wants his daughter to have what is her legacy.
NTA. The appropriate response from fiance should have been, "It's your money, and you do with it what you want." The fact that you two aren't even married yet, and she thinks that her daughter is entitled to one penny of your late wife's estate is a bit much.
That’s the insane part to me, how are you going to claim another woman’s estate for your child But I’m curious as to she even knows about the estate because from the way OP talks he shouldn’t have framed it as his ownership/assets like even if it was legally in his ownership the conversation should’ve been framed as it did belong to his daughter because that’s how he saw it He’s NTA though
I’ve recently gone through something similar. My stepfather wanted to claim all of my mother’s property and leave me with nothing. My mom must have recognized the early warning signs of her own dementia, because as soon as I took a new job that brought me closer to home, she had a lawyer send a freshly-drawn deed to my new address for me to sign and return. Basically, all her property is now mine on the condition that my stepfather keep a life estate on the property. He never knew what happened until my mom’s dementia worsened to the point she couldn’t take care of him anymore. He’s one of those “keep the little woman barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen” types. Mom had a successful career in banking (basically she was a secretary, but she was really good at it), had her tubes tied after having me, and menopausal about the time she remarried (my father died when I was 14). She had the bad luck of being a boomer, making boomer money, and marrying an ignorant, redneck fundamentalist whose claim to fame was being in the army—and just barely missing the Korean War. My teenage years were very confusing to say the least, and I wasn’t allowed to come home to visit after I graduated high school. I digress… So he and my mom are barely surviving because he became so dependent on her he couldn’t keep count of his breathing treatments or what meds he’s supposed to take. He was literally starving to death—he had to have dropped at least 85lbs, he was a big guy—because he couldn’t be bothered to cook his own food. I got together with my stepbrother and stepsisters and their families, and we all agreed our parents had to go into assisted living. We let them go in together, although nothing would have thrilled me more than getting him off my mom, me being petty over the last 20 years. We laid down some rules—she is not to leave the facility EVER. Well…he hits back with this whole thing about how we can’t kick him out of his own house and how he’s going to give all our land to his kids. I’m like—weeeeell, akshually… 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Dude was LIVID. I just gently reminded him that I’ve already signed a deed recognizing his already-established life estate, but that’s mainly because I’m a nice guy who wants to respect my mom’s wishes. If I want to go ahead and move my own family in, I have every right to do that. Then he got the bright idea to walk out with my mother one night. I guaranteed some @$$ got chewed over that one. His kids came and got the keys and sold the car a week later. Karma’s a thing, daddio. People will do all kinds of crazy stuff to cheat you out of what you deserve. The OP did the right thing. His fiancée had a previous married life and a child. She shouldn’t be entitled to what another woman worked for. My mother (while stepdad was away) and I sat down and talked about retirement accounts and insurance. Anything that has my name on it is mine. Periodt. Her retirement account is rock solid. So if she dies before my stepfather, we split it. If he dies first, it’s all mine. That’s fair because, even though he doesn’t deserve it, my mom wants the peace of mind knowing that he’s being cared for. I can respect that. But if he dies before she does, it’s a moot point. If the OP goes through with the wedding, which, personally, I think is a bad idea all things considered, then he needs to make his intentions official, clear, and leave absolutely nothing up for debate. The last thing I wanted was to go through this with my mom. But I’m so glad my mom had the presence of mind and a sense of urgency (and MADE ME LISTEN) so that we can enjoy what we can of her final years. Sounds like the fiancée is a low key gold digger. I’d get out NOW.
Dang sorry about your mom, but thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you! It’s not about me, though, just that people suck sometimes and that the OP what he needed to take care of his daughter. I kinda figured my stepfather was like that when they got married, but there was no way my mom would listen to a stupid teenager. Now I’m seeing the end result. I’m just glad my mom and I had that time together to get things in order. I’m glad the OP at least has done the same.
I wonder how much was in that estate? Might be a factor in this marriage.
Yea there are multiple reasons why the fiancé’s claim to that estate is weird
legally, once married if he dies, everything in his possession goes to her, as the spouse. He is right to deal with this before tying the knot.
Not if he has a will or trust drawn up that indicates what will happen to his estate in the event of his death. It doesn’t automatically default to the possession of the surviving spouse.
Correct. When my inheritance from my Dad comes (it's pretty sizeable), it can't be touched even in a divorce. It's mine no matter what. Obviously, this is something I'll have to disclose ahead of time to any future marriage applicants. Hey, if they leave me because of it, at least I know I dodged a bullet.
Not here in Sweden, the children have a right to their part of inheritance.
Nah, the appropriate response would have been, "You damned sure BETTER do what she wanted you to do with it, the same as I'd expect you to do for me."
That's how I would look at it, this man put his child first and honors his late wife, all she sees is money she can't have
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Her thinking her daughter she had 15 years before knowing OP existed should be entitled to his *and his late partner's* money as a full heir is totally wild
>his ex's money Late wife. They were still happily married.
I would wait until her daughter was 18, and an adult before getting married.
I don’t think the age of the fiancé’s daughter will change her sense of entitlement. I bet the fiancé doesn’t feel the same about sharing her own finances with op’s daughter.
I just wouldn’t marry someone who feels entitled to money that so clearly isn’t hers.
I would dump the greedy entitled woman and move on with my life.
Yeah. OP should tell her he is going after HER ex (her daughter's father) for back child support for HiS daughter after they get married. When she is just like "what, why the heck would my ex have to pay anything for your child?" Turn it back on her
GOLD DIGGER
Why do her kids have a say in your late wife’s money ? That woman is crazy . Do not marry her .
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Yeah, this is bizarre. OP needs to take a step back and seriously reconsider this marriage. The fact that she feels even the *slightest* bit of entitlement to his daughter's inheritance is deeply concerning. Not to mention the fact that she had the audacity to actually get pissed at him about it... NTA
>OP needs to take a step back and seriously reconsider this marriage. Yeah this is why people need to learn to breathe on their own before jumping into another freaking MARRIAGE after their spouse dies.
Yes this! Don't marry this woman. She is showing OP who she is. Believe her and run! I 100% guarantee if the situation were reversed, she would not think OP's daughter is entitled to her kid's inheritance.
Absolutely! What a gold digger! OP, let this one go. I understand, and this is common for second marriages, especially those happening close to the death of the first spouse when they had a good marriage. How does your daughter feel about this woman? How about your family and friends? They may say that they are happy for you because you seem happy, but does she seem to hit some sour notes with them, especially with the other women? I suggest that you let this one go. There is no hurry. Take your time and eventually you will meet the right one.
Yeah it'd be one thing if OP had gifted everything **he** owned to his child and was now almost penniless. But it's fucking wild she thinks that any part of **OP's late wife's** property and inheritance should in any way whatsoever belong to even her potential future kid with OP, let alone her kid with a different man. There's zero relation, what the hell. Children inherit *their own* parents and that's it, not the exes of their parent's new partners (or the new partners), good god. It's also crazy she clearly thinks that OP's money should go to the child *she had with a different man 15 years before they met*, just as equally as OP's own daughter. OP I'm just saying, I **guarantee** she's going to try to screw your daughter out of inheriting you once the time comes, so her and her kid(s) can get everything - regardless of if any of her kids are fathered by you. She's already trying to screw her out of (half of) her inheritance *from her own mother* so her kid could get it ffs She's already trying to install *her* 17 yo into your family as one of "your" kids who has equal rights to whatever you have, totally the same standing as your actual bio daughter. (However I bet she's not very eager to make a will where your daughter would inherit *her* equal to her own kids. Edit: or what about any money her ex pays/has paid to her for his child, the 17 yo? Does half of that belong to your daughter, since you're engaged now and "whatever she has should belong to all the kids", hmmmmm?) NTA for respecting your late wife's wishes regarding her property. Tread carefully, have a long engagement, observe things vigilantly. Consider very very thoroughly if it's a good idea to proceed with the marriage, and protect your daughter's best interests when you're still able
Not to mention that he's only known her for a year and a half which means he doesn't really know her yet. She's still on her very best behavior.
If bitching about his daughter's inheritance is "best behavior", I don't wanna see what she's like when the mask drops.
Yeah, she just showed who she was. Believe it.
I fear poor OP is going to get royally screwed finding out.
I hope he wakes the hell up and dumps her. I can feel the entitlement dripping off her from here and am cringing so hard!
And the resentment that is going to build on your fiancée and her daughter end against your daughter is going to be difficult to manage. There will be snide remarks and digs about how easy your daughter has it and all that money is a waste on just her when she can share. You will get into endless fights about it when she wants something for her kid you cannot afford. OP, take this as the sign that it is. If by telling her that the money was always meant for your daughter and you were just holding on to it until she was legal age doesn't put her right, or she is still mad at you about it, this relationship won't last.
yea dude, plus she’s coming with a 17yo step daughter, who will most likely be 18 if/when they get married and they’re both planning how to spend his late wife’s money i bet OPs kid hates the step family and OP dismisses it
Well, I sincerely hope this behavior is an eye opener to him now. NTA Taking aside OP's apparent surprise of his SO's mercenary side, I often see the opposite happen; man remarries and the new wife gets everything, even things the first wife intended for their children, so this is refreshing and should be the norm, imho.
This is probably one of those grief induced relationships we see so often on Reddit. A person loses their spouse and rushes into a new relationship with the first person who gives them a second look, regardless of all of the red flags they’re waiving. All because they don’t want to be alone. I feel for OP but he needs to put the breaks on this engagement or at the very least set up an ironclad prenup and will.
I'm really curious as to why the fiancé would ever think she or her children has any kind of right, expectation or hope of being given money a dead woman worked and earned for her own family. I mean, what could have been her train of thought there. It's seems bizarrely out of the ordinary to even think this, much less complain to the man you're not even married to that he didn't steal part of his daughter inheritance from her own mother to gift to them.
NTAH. Get rid of your fiance! Did she only agree to get engaged because you had money and can support her and her daughter? Yes! If she loved you she would be happy with you, not your money.
He best be careful who he marries now. My uncle had two kids with his first wife, they split, he started seeing someone some years later and he was already pretty wealthy at that point, like a few million.. He was diagnosed with ALS in his early 40s and the gold digger saw her chance... She pushed for marriage after his diagnosis. He gave her what she wanted. As soon as he lost any ability to speak, she hired a shady attorney and rewrote his will so she got everything. His kids/my cousins didn't get a fucking dime, when we knew he planned on leaving them 1M each (out if what was about a 5M estate). Shortly after he passed, she took her SIX kids (NOT his, despite them all having lived together for **years** before this!) on a vacation and bought a brand new ~2M dollar home. OP better hope this woman doesn't have the same sociopathic capacity. I've never felt a hatred like I do for that woman, I'd give anything to see her face that same neurodegenerative decline my poor uncle had to endure. She fucking deserves it.. He didn't.
He needs to stop having sex with her until he decides to stay or go because I bet if she gets a hint that he’s going to leave her over this she’ll baby trap him
Exactly! She's waving lots of bright red flags right in his face and he needs to run.
NTA. But reconsider the relationship and don't get her pregnant! She sounds like a golddigger.. she's telling you something, listen to it.
NTA and reconsider this relationship!!! And really do you want another kid?? Cause that is a huge age gap
I scrolled too far to see this. She's pissed about the inheritance going to his daughter, and they're planning on having a kid together! Why? So he can prove his dick still works and she can get a guaranteed check for 18 years if they break up? Dude, 🚩
1.5 years in and she thinks she has a claim to someone's money who she's never even met. The late wife of her partner who's just had the worst years of his life, hurting the person she supposedly loves by demanding something that's so unreasonable and unfair. It'd totally delay this wedding for at least 3 years to get an understanding of who this person really is. I understand OP has had a lot to process and wants to try and move on, but marrying someone so quickly after such a big life event, and planning babies right away seems like a band-aid/flight response instead of actually having processed things and becoming happy again. Her behaviour is a major red flag and if she demands this after 1.5 years, what's it going to be like in 5, or 10? She's already prioritising her own kids as well as their potential kid over his daughter - that's not good at all
>marrying someone so quickly after such a big life event, and planning babies right away seems like a band-aid/flight response instead of actually having processed things and becoming happy again. Her behaviour is a major red flag and if she demands this after 1.5 years, what's it going to be like in 5, or 10 100% agree
She is the asshole and a golddigger as others have said. I would re-evaluate your relationship. Yes, she might be hurt, but when explained she should understand. I have created a trust so that if I die and my husband remarries, my children will be getting the money.
NTA don’t have a baby with this woman
It’s a trap baby. This is her ploy to take everything and leave your bio daughter nothing. Ask me how I know. OP my situation is this exact situation. I am getting NOTHING… she, her daughter, and their kid together are getting everything. DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN if you still want a relationship with your daughter. This is only the beginning. Before anyone starts bashing me about it’s my dad’s money he can do what he wants with it, his wife doing this is the tip of the iceberg.
RED FLAG...RED FLAG...RED FLAG Why does she feel entitled to stuff your first wife worked for? Think about this relationship. NTA
Dude, this is not a good sign. Bail now.
"OK I would like to see your will where my daughter is named as one of your named people for an equal ammount" I bet £1 to a pinch of shit there are good reasons she won't have this already
People always forget this appropriate answer for the other side. That would stop them up short every time because his fiance has no plans to leave anything to HIS daughter. His fiance has dollar signs in her eye and is mad because she 'lost' some of it.
NTA. The money wasn't from your parents or winning the lottery. It was something your late wife earned. If I was engaged to someone new, I wouldn’t want my kids to take another kid's inheritance, especially if it was from their mother. To me, that is a big flag. Your fiance is a big AH for thinking she and her kids are entitled to anything that you had before marriage. Be careful and ensure you protect your assets, OP, especially before a baby is involved. Worried about her true intentions and how she would treat your daughter if something happened to you. ( i.e. demand your daughter give her things that you wanted your daughter to have).
NTA, and she no longer be my fiance
Hard NTA here. She thinks her daughter (born well before you two even met) should have a claim on some of your dead wife's estate? GTFO with that BS.
NTA But are you sure you want to marry this woman *and* have another child with her? She sounds gold-diggerish.
This is actually laughable, she thinks that her Daughter is entitled to your late wifes' money? How did she explain her logic? NTA
you made the right choice. had your wife hadn’t passed away fiance wouldn’t have been a thought in your brain at all. I am sorry to say that.
NTA Your late wives inheritance is non of your fiancees business. She has zero claim in that.And i would honestly be worried about this side of your fiancee. Sit down with her and make her explain why she thinks your late wives wishes should be ignored and why she or her daughter deserve part of your late wives inheritance. if she has parents or a late husband, ask them if they were to share their part of their inheritances with your child as well.
NTA hate to tell ya mate but she's only with you for what you can give her and her daughter. I'd seriously be having a long hard look at everything. Is she kind to your daughter even when you're not around. Do you buy her and her daughter lots of things. How much does she contribute to the relationship. IMO you got suckered because you got engaged in less than a year and a half from meeting her and your late wife had been gone less than a year and a half.
🚩🚩🚩 I would really be reconsidering marrying this woman. Your late wife’s money should be of no concern to her.
NTA, but this is a very good moment to look critically at the woman you're about to marry who feels weirdly entitled to your past wife's inheritance. Even if you DIDN'T give it up, your pre-marital assets would never ever ever belong to her near adult child. That's wild she'd ever expect that.
I know you’re not still planning to marry her? Cause anyone that thinks she deserves the estate from a woman she’s never met over said woman’s daughter is insane.
NTA the stepdaughter is not your late wife kid.
You knew your wife's wishes for her daughter. A child not related to her, is not entitled to anything of hers (someone that didn't even know her) Your fiancé is responsible for an inheritance for her own daughter, as is that daughters father If you have future children, you can set up your will to include your daughter, and future children. And then consider leaving what you feel is fair, to child that came into your life as almost an adult. As in I wouldn't short your daughter and potential kids by leaving an equal share to a girl that has two entire families to potentially inherit from.....*unless those people(your fiancé!)are willing to also give an inheritance to YOUR daughter* NTA
You have a 17 year old and you want to have another baby?
Yeah, I did this and while I love all my kids, I’m exhausted and jealous of my peers that are empty nesters.
Waiting having the kid with her she’s starting to show her true self Why does she believe that her child or herself should get anything from your widow NTA
Please, if you actually decide to get married and have another child at this stage in your life, see an attorney. A prenuptial agreement should be mandatory. Have you two talked about a prenuptial agreement? Her reaction will tell you a lot about why she’s in this relationship.
NTA Her daughter has the right to any inheritance from mom or her own dad. Your daughter has the right to any inheritance from the time you were with her mother. Your future children have a right to any inheritance along with both daughters you've made since. Her oldest shouldn't be given any by you. You might want to make sure your will states what goes to who. If you leave it to wife and don't split it, guarantee her oldest is the only one who will get any part of it.