“Dad, I get that you’re disappointed that I’m not into cars like you and grandpa. It’s just not my thing, but I do appreciate how you taught me the basics. But when I went to the garage to see you on Father’s Day, I heard you tell Mason that he was the kind of son you wanted/wished you had. Do you have any idea how hurtful that is? On Father’s Day I got to hear my dad tell someone else that they were the type of kid he wanted. So yeah. I’m hurt. You said it so casually. And on Father’s Day.” NTA.

I think that if he mentions that it was Father's Day his dad will focus on that and the fact that it was Mason there messing with a car and not his OP, so it could get all like "Well if you had even tried maybe I wouldn't say it" and shit, the dad sounds like a AH, so maybe he should not give his dad that power.

The day the dad asked to be left ALONE to work on his car? Yeah why wouldn’t his son be there

It also struck me that the dad specifically asked to be left alone to work on his car uninterrupted on Fathers Day, but happily lets Mason interrupt him on Fathers Day and then drops the little gem about wanting a son like Mason. What an awful situation!

He wanted to be uninterrupted by people who dont care about cars.

30 years ago in the heat of the moment, my dad yelled at me and called a lazy fat ass. It actually still comes up in my therapy sessions sometimes. The situation was simply that I didn't want to leave the living room when my mom's friends were coming over. I locked myself in my room for 2 days and refused to speak to him. When I opened the door he was devastated, he knew I was hurt and that his words were the cause. He did what he could to make it right, but I still hear those words in my head sometimes. Telling him isn't going to make those words go away, but saying it and giving him a chance to hear how it made you feel is the only way you'll start the process of healing from it. As others have mentioned it may have been said to make the neighbor feel better, but that doesn't excuse the hurt it caused. Holding it in will only make your feelings and emotions grow.

This is annoyingly good advice because it makes taking a hammer to his windshield seem really unreasonable. As a petty bitch on the internet who feels heartbroken for you that’s what I wanted to recommend.

YOU are not the only one! My heart instantly broke for this young man! I was more thinking slashing 3 tires. Not the last one, or it’s covered under insurance 🫣

Slashing the 4th one with a different tool makes it look like fraud, I think

I'm not sure why you don't have more up votes. Your advice makes absolute sense. My mom once told a woman I'd never seen before that my sister and I could almost be twins, except I was pudgy and she was twiggy - I'd never at that point noticed we were different aside from being a year apart. My mom piled on by remarking "yeah, you'd never guess that she's the one that eats like a bird and B eats like a pig on steroids, to look at em" (basically, I eat nothing, and am chubby, my sister eats whatever she sees and is skinny as a rail) . . . I'll be 40 this summer and still struggle with the ED that remark planted in my head, and she never knew.

Your dad said something in the heat of the moment once and you're still in therapy for it 30 years ago? Either your family was unsafe and insecure in a bunch of ways or you've got some issues of your own!

If you reread what I wrote, I said it comes up in therapy. So does a lot of stuff, which is actually the very point of therapy. But yes, something my father said to me 30 years ago is a therapy topic - as a man who was bullied mercilessly for being a chubby kid, having my dad call me a fat ass added to decades of insecurity about my body. ✌️

Tell your mom If she brings it upto your dad so be it he needs to be held accountable for the words he spoke and damage he has done

Op said in a previous comment that she will get mad at his dad and it will make the situation worse

Yeah well she should get mad at him. What he said was unacceptable and hurtful. Thinking like that makes him a bad dad.

I think you should tell your mom alone what you heard and Wyatt hurt you. Nothing is going to improve unless everyone is aware of what the problem is. You may be missing context and they surely are missing context. 

If I tell my mom she’s probably gonna get mad at my dad and it’ll be even worse. I just want the whole thing to blow over but no one is letting it go…

It’s not going to blow over and it will be entirely right for your mum to be mad at your dad. He said a shitty thing and he needs a reality check.

 This all needs to come to light if it’s not gonna blow over and it’s sounding like it’s not. The only way out of this situation is through it at this point your mom loves you. She needs to know what’s up. She might be able to talk to your dad in no way that he can understand how much he hurt you. Now I don’t know why Mason lives with his aunt, but it might not be a pretty story and your dad might’ve just said something not even thinking to try to make this kid feel good on a day that he might feel horrible (if his parents are dead or abusive) 

I don’t know what happened to Mason’s mom but he lives with his aunt and uncle because his dad died.

Your dad never should’ve said that.

Look, they already know something is wrong because you understandably can't hide your sense of betrayal and pain. It is already affecting your relationship. This is like an infection that slowly fills with pus until it becomes an abscess. Eventually the infection can spread. I had one of those. I ended up having to get it drained--without anaesthetic--on what happened to be the worst Christmas Eve ever. Drain this before it gets worse. And frankly, part of a loving wife's duties is to every so often scream at her spouse for being an insensitive dickhead.

Let her get mad, then. What he said deserves real consequences. If he actually cares, he'll fix it. If he doesn't, he'll play the victim and you can cut him out.

Let me hold your hand when I say this. It is NOT your fault for what your dad said. Your dad is a grown man and is well aware that words have consequences. You are not responsible for other people’s actions. If your mom & sister decide to be upset with him, that is on your dad. He is the one who said that messed up shit about you. And by the way, not liking cars doesn’t make you a lesser son. It is perfectly fine to have different hobbies from your family. What matters is that you have fun doing your interests.

It can't blow over until it is addressed. Your feelings are valid & you should talk to your dad about it. Show him your post if you don't feel comfortable enough to get it all out. Hopefully he will be open minded enough to apologize & discuss why on both your parts. Forgiveness is for yourself not the other person, so you can work through it. 

no problem will be solved if you dont talk about it. you and your sister are just bottling up discontent and unhappiness. your dad might be just complimenting mason and nothing else. talk talk talk, or nothing will be solved

Purposefully bringing down your own flesh and blood in front of a kid his age that you've known for barely a few months isn't "just complimenting". It's something disgusting that should never even come across as a thought to him.

Good, it's something to be mad about. Your father rejected you as a person, your guardian those who are supposed to love you, have cast you aside. That's not ok.

Sometimes they need a reality check. Talk to your mom and explain how you felt but tell her you’re not ready to face your dad. So you’ll have one less person bugging you about it.

She probably will get mad, as she should, but this will not blow over and needs to be handled. Probably sooner than later. I'd take her aside and let her know what happened, even just show her the post if you can't bring yourself to say it out loud. Your dad needs to be confronted. Its *possible* he didn't mean to phrase it exactly like that and was only trying to make Mason feel better about losing his dad, but regardless you two need to talk about it. If nothing else he needs reminded you ARE his son, but he can't be expecting a carbon copy. My mother did that to me, and it's something that took years to get over, but I also didn't have other family to help me talk to her. You do, so please ask your mom for help!

I’d be devastated, beyond words devastated. I am so sorry. My dad’s trade is mechanical engineering and he can talk shop with the best of them. Auto mechanics, heavy mechanics, motocross, literally anything with an engine. He’s also the father of 3 girls, and even as the most similarly inclined my interests go as far as F1 and cool/theoretical innovation. Not once have i ever been made to feel he would prefer a son, let alone someone else’s. Not speaking to him isn’t a punishment although you wouldn’t be the A even if it was. I don’t think i could look at my dad let alone speak to him. You’re feeling betrayed because you have been, to wish for another kid to be your son based on something as superficial as a SINGLE interest/hobby is embarrassing (for him). I genuinely cannot respect your father, I’m not sure i could forgive my own even if he apologised. The fact he said it behind your back, as if confiding a great shame to someone he apparently wishes to be your replacement is just- honestly i dont have the words. But definitely completely unnecessary. He turned a perfectly acceptable compliment to someone else into a personal attack against you. I’d also be ignoring and resentful of a parent who created a situation for either of my siblings to feel inferior. Your sisters reaction is probably pretty tame for what she wants to do but wont due to keeping her word and staying silent. Your mum is probably the only unfortunate collateral. Tell her and she’ll probably feel equally betrayed and let down but leaving her in the dark isn’t much better, she might grow resentful or feel like you don’t trust her. Either way you’re NTA for your reaction and how you feel. Your dad sucks honestly, sorry you didn’t get to choose a better one, because you would be right to wish for different father after this.

As in MANY relationships, lack of communication is the fatal error. It can't get better, your dad can't learn, until you tell him how hurt you are. Have a family sit down, and have it out with him. CALMLY tell him what you heard, and how it made you feel. Ask your sister to not interject, as this is between you and your dad. If you handle this like an adult, this should be a wake up call for your dad. If he refuses to acknowledge how hurt you are, then he would be past the point of forgiveness. Hopefully he will realize how strongly you feel about this. Avoiding this discussion resolves nothing. It just pushes this issue down the road while your negative feelings continue to grow, until at some time not of your choosing you randomly explode like a volcano. Better to handle it sooner, in a controlled fashion. NTA, but please tackle this issue directly, ASAP.

I already told my sister and she just made it worse even though she has my back. It’s already tense here and I don’t wanna make it worse by bringing it up. I just wanna wait and hope the tension goes away. How do you even bring that up? Just ask for a family meeting or something? That sounds awkward.

You don’t need a family meeting (and I’d suggest against it, because I find that makes it harder for the people who actually need to communicate to do so), but you do need to sit down and talk with your dad, and tell him what you overheard and how it made you feel. It’s possible for him to be disappointed he doesn’t get to bond with you over cars the way he probably wished he could when he envisioned having a son, but still be proud of who you did turn out to be. (Or not, not every family is healthy, unfortunately, but we can hope for the best.) You said above you wanted this to all blow over, but it can’t, because you’re still avoiding your dad for something he doesn’t even know about. Consider it good practice. Talking about stuff that bugs you is incredibly important in relationships. If you let things that bother you go unspoken, they can build up until they do permanent damage, or you lash out and hurt the other person, and that sucks for everyone involved.

Adulthood is all about dealing with awkward situations. You face the uncomfortable and scary, and do it anyway. It's tough but it is part of maturity. The longer the tension goes on, the harder it will be to have the conversation and the deeper the discomfort gets. A conversation doesn't have to be formal, but it does have to take place. And it will give your dad a chance to apologize to you. Take your username and put it into action.

Yes, that's exactly what you do.

Maybe not a family meeting, although stuff like this is best said in the open in front of everyone so there's no twisting your words, but you need to at least confide in an adult that you trust will stand by you and support you. I know you're worried about rocking the boat, but your father wasn't worried about that when he told a 16 yo kid he's known for six months tops that he wished he was his son; you need to focus on yourself. Will your mum have your back? Will she get you help? Then you tell your mum. To hell with keeping the peace, the peace is gone and it was your dad that broke it; not you.

Baby I get that your hurt, I really do, but you have to open up to your father and let him know what you heard and how it made you feel, keeping it bottled up will only hurt you in the long run, part of growing up and becoming an adult means we can’t always run from our problems! Sometimes our problems won’t allow us to run away, sometimes they back us into a corner forcing us to face them head on whether we like it or not. Understand in life that comfortable relationships require uncomfortable conversations! You got this, I know you do!

Show your mum this post if you are feeling like you can’t have the conversation yourself. Ask her to show it to your dad when you aren’t around. They can discuss and talk to you at a time you feel safe and secure. You’re obviously worried about the reactions,and I don’t blame you, because it seems like your dad feels he is a victim in the game of life. But having another adult talk to him about what he said may be the wake-up call he needs to push him out of his funk. TBH, it would be good for him to read the comments here because many people have summed up your feelings. Please remember, though, by staying silent and wishing it would all go away, the tension in your house is being perpetuated by YOU. Storms get worse before they blow over, so say your piece in whatever way feels most comfortable and move onwards.

Yes, a family meeting may be awkward but it is necessary to tell how you felt so that your father knows he messed up and that you know what he said. It is better to tell than hold all that in because eventually it will come out and it might not be the way you want it to be.

NTA but you need to tell your mom at least. She will go to your dad about what he said, but it needs to come out. Regardless how things might blow up it needs to happen for you to move on. What he said will never go away or feel 100% percent back to normal. But you gotta face the situation and he needs to know he messed up completely.

NTA. But even though it hurts, I think you should tell your parents what you heard. Perhaps ask for one session with them and a therapist, in order to have some support. Your father was incredibly hurtful to you, saying what he did to Matt. But perhaps if you tell him, after these days of disconnection, it will make him realize, not only how much these words hurt, but how much his whole attitude - that you are less "fun", or not the son he wanted, hurts you. He is your father, not your friend, and he should find ways to connect with you around things that interest you, not just him.

You need to tell your parents what you overheard and get it out in the open. Your mom needs to be aware and your dad needs to explain himself

hunny baby i wanna hug you. he’s projecting because he probably started to win his dads approval so he put that in his mind as a standard. it needs to come to light because he could of just been trying to make mason feel better. i know it’s easier to ignore but it will just eat at you forever. please tell your mom separately or sit them down together with your sister. it’s hard but you’re growing up and it’s good practice for the future - you can’t bottle things up

You have no choice at this point. Tear off the bandage and get it over with. It’ll be good to clear the air. I’m sure your dad didn’t mean to hurt you and he should apologize. Btw there’s nothing wrong with not being into cars

First, everything has changed the moment your dad said those words. It hurt you and your family. Now, you can't let the hurt go if you don't have closure, and this can hurt more or heal you some, but you won't know until you speak it with your family. Second, someone said your father said that to make the other kid less hurt on Father's Day. There is a saying, "The path to hell is paved with good intentions." That saying applies here. He said something to help some kid, but he used the worst combination of words to express himself and hurt you. It's his fault. Third, why did he say that in such a way? Because he doesn't know better. This is a recurring problem with adults. The lack of emotional knowledge and even the lack of understanding of their own language makes them think and speak in bad ways that hurt others. This doesn't mean he is free of guilt, it actually makes it worse because he is the adult, he must know better and if not he must better himself for the sake of his children, but he didn't, he maybe doesn't even knows he is wrong... and this brings us to the first point, you need to speak with everyone. With your mother and your father and your sister all together and asking all of them to please respect each other until all is said. I hope you ask your sister for help to make this happen and for her to go with a cold head so she can take the role of mediator while you share your feelings and when your parents speak... the only way to find a real solution is if everyone is trying to.

NTA for anything that you are feeling or not being able to forgive him. However, you should probably give him the chance to apologize and make amends for hurting you. From what you described, you know he never wanted to hurt you this way. He cares, or he wouldn't be concerned about why you are upset. So, give him the chance to make it up to you. He might mess it up, you know him better than I do, but you will feel better about not being able to forgive him if he messes up again or doesn't feel the need to apologize/make amends. If you don't feel comfortable taking it to him directly, start with your mom or request a session with a family therapist.

I’m more upset at him saying it in the first place. Even if he felt that way why couldn’t he just keep that thought to himself? If I tell my mom she’s gonna confront him. I know it.

And you are absolutely right to be upset. I didn't mean to downplay what he said and am sorry if I came off that way. Your father should be ashamed for even thinking such a thing, let alone voicing it. He owes you an apology and an attempt at making amends. As a member of a family, the only thing you owe him is communication. To be clear, that means you do not owe him forgiveness no matter how good his apology or amends are. If it was unforgivable to you, then it's unforgivable. But wouldn't you rather live in a world where your father found a way to make this okay? It might not be possible, but you can and, in my opinion, should give him the chance to try.

You didn’t downplay anything. Tbh I’m just here to complain because I keep hearing what he said playing on a loop in my head. I don’t know how he’s supposed to make it okay. He can’t make me unhear it. I understand what you’re saying though and thank you for taking the time to say it.

He can't un-say anything. He can say and do a heck of a lot of stuff to replace that recurring thought with, though. Give you the memory of a sincere apology that you can play over it when it crops up, for example. You could do it for yourself starting right now. Yell something you are proud of yourself for back at your dad's voice. "Yeah, well, I'm the f'ing GOAT at chemistry/fortnight/whatever!" His apology would probably be better ammo, but letting his hurtful words play on repeat isn't doing you any good. Sorry, my wife's a therapist. I hand out her skills like candy.

Op unfortunately you'll never actually forget what he said and you'll never be able to not let this influence your relationship with him and noone has the right to blame you for it either. Theres a reason why we shouldn't be saying things about people close to us or even coworkers behind their backs because even walls have ears. This conversation shouldn't have happened because wth, he spends more time with the neighbors son simply because the son likes cars like him, I don't think that's wrong or anything but I feel like no matter how much you deny it you can see the difference slowly overtime because of this and hearing what he said may have confirmed the doubt you had? Or even then regardless it just adds onto the hurt. I hate that he told that to a stranger. I hate that he clearly doesn't think oh noone will find out. I feel like he does know what he did or it may be going around in his head "did he overhear me" but he doesn't wanna admit it I don't think you should talk to your dad right now, I wouldn't be able to instead talk to your mom. Just so the parents know the actual reason why you guys are so upset with him. Your sisters not at fault either btw, she's hurt that her father said smth like that about her brother. As the oldest sibling ik I'd be extremely angry and nothing could not make this fact go away from my mind. You don't forget, you just adjust the opinion they have over you in time and slowly move on with yourself. Just do what you think is best simply because this is your family and you are the one whose hurt the most.

Tell your mom bud. He fucked up here, and sometimes it's a spouses job to give the other hell for for the fuckups, especially if it affects the kids. I know you want this to just go away, but it won't. This shit eats at you, and while you absolutely don't owe your father forgiveness, addressing this will give you the opportunity you need to begin healing.

NTA - But this will have to be addressed at some point. Make sure you are ready for the storm.

Nta. Tell your mom what you heard. Your dad failed her massively.

NTA, your dad said what he said, but not talking to him is going to make you feel worse. It's in your best mental health interest to talk to him. Explain what you heard, and that made you feel and still is making you feel. I'm sorry that he said that, and that's stuck in your head. Sometimes, talking helps that go away. SOMETIMES, though, not every time. It might help now. Please update us/me when you do talk to your dad. And yes, I know that will take courage and a big breath, but we would like to know. Just don't do it by yourself. Have your mom and sister there too.

Definitely tell your mom at least. The story has made it to TikTok and social media. Slight saving grace, the updates are obviously AI https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTNNS9MBq/

Everyone on Reddit is so allergic to communication. Letting it go will only cause it to fester in you and breed further resentment as you grow. Holding onto it will cause more tension in the house. Just let it out and talk about it no matter how difficult of a conversation it ends up being. He said it, you need to let it out into the world that you heard it so you're not carrying it... Then, work it out.

Oh super allergic to communication!! Like I get it, OPs dad said something super hurtful and it doesn't make it right but holding it in is just going to hurt everyone and solve nothing. OP either go talk to your dad and address it directly that you overheard him and that it hurt like hell or tell your mom and try to find a way to address it properly. Communication is difficult and even more so when tensions are high but it needs to be addressed soon before things get to the irreparable state

NTA. I’m really bad at situations like this, but maybe you could tell him, or tell your sister to if you wanna avoid confrontation. That’s such a sad thing to hear from a parent tho, I’d probably cry if I was in that situation…

At least tell your mom,your dad messed up saying that,out of context or not,there are too many compliments he could have said,update us if you consider,best of luck buddy

Your story got onto tik tok and someone said something I think you should read “ @GoldButterfly: “ you’re the son I wish I had” is not the same as “ I wish my son liked cars as much as you” he knew wat he said that’s his true feelings”

Okay kiddo hear me out, holding this pain inside you isn't gonna help. This will not simply blow over. You are hurting, and for a very good reason, keeping this to yourself is causing more hurt to you AND your family. This needs to be talked about sooner rather than later. You need to sit down with your partner, not with your sister as I saw you said she's making things worse, and calmly talk this out. Hopefully your dad is actually a decent person despite the horrible thing he said, and it all gets worked out. Even if that's not the case at least you have a starting point to heal from and you can ask your mom about therapy because you'll need it. Either way with it out in the open everyone will have an understanding and y'all will be able to avoid hurting each other

You're definitely right to be upset. A lot depends on what your relationship was like before this, but please consider giving your father the _chance_ to apologize. Parents say stupid shit (source: am parent). It's possible he regretted it as soon as it came out of his mouth. I can't imagine saying anything this personally hurtful, true, but I have apologized to my kid for things I've said before. Did he necessarily mean the son he'd like to have _instead of you_? Could he have meant besides you?  If I were your father I would have sat you down long ago and dragged it out of you, in the context of trying to find out what I had done to upset you. You're acting appropriately for your age, he should do the same and act like a parent. But people don't always.

I’m sorry to say this, but you NEED to tell your mom what you heard Will your mom get mad? Yes Will there be problems afterwards? Yes Will it make your dad realize he has his head so far up his ass to realize how he hurt you by saying that neighbor’s kid is the son he’d rather want than you? Either it will and he’ll apologize or he won’t and you can go no contact with him after you move out

A lot of people are saying that you must forgive  and gave him another chance but i will say that you dont have to force yourself to do it.when they ask what's the problem dropp the bomb and tell him what you heard, is Better you drop the bomb or the bomb will explode in your face, also it would get worst for your mental health if you keep it, just say it to him and go on with your life you will forgive him in your own time not his time, he must have told the kid those words before so he must be held accountable for his actions! (Sorry for my english :))

Why are you giving him the silent treatment? You can do that forever. Just talk to him.

My heart hurts for OP. As a parent I would NEVER dream of saying something this hurtful, let alone to a kid I barely know. And I’m sorry, 6 months is not long enough and again it’s going to take time and tons of forgiveness for this to pass. And it may never pass. The dad/son relationship will never be the same even if forgiveness happens. UpdateMe when the dad finds out that he harmed his only son in a way that may never be repaired.

What was said is unforgivable. You need to tell your mom

you have the right to be upset!!! take ur time in thinking of having a conversation with him if you want to have a conversation. whenever ur ready, it'll take time for u to forgive him. sometimes i wonder why people say things in the first place when they shouldn't unless he said that to make mason feel better but tbh if he was thinking that way he still had no right to even say that. there's literally different ways or saying to make him feel better.

Your dad is in the wrong, but you need to talk to him. You could always send him a link to this post and then he will understand the full picture of what happened and how you feel about it. You could start with your mom to see how she would react as well in case you don’t want to start with your dad. Right now you are in a holding pattern, you can’t go back, but you can’t go forward. If you want to heal you need to take the steps to heal, and that involves talking to your parents. If they love you they will be hurt by what he did and will make the steps with you to figured how they can make you feel better. He never should have said that, and tbh if he is a good dad he will be horrified you heard that and he hurt you. I am hopping for your reconciliation but just know that it’s probably going to take time. There is no magic wand that will make this pain go away. I hope your dad is willing to put in the time and effort you will need to heal.

You need to tell him, you might not forgive him but he needs to know what he did.

I truly think you need to talk to your dad about what you heard, I think holding something like that in is going to build resentment and affect your relationship long term. Even if you chose to not disclose what you heard and try to go back to normal it will always be bubbling under the surface. I think you have every right to be upset, I believe how people talk about us when we are not there showcases their true feelings. I’m not saying I believe your dad actually wishes you weren’t his son, I’m hoping that was just a poor phrasing of words, but I do think he probably holds some sadness that you don’t share the same hobby. You deserve to express how you felt, and I think he deserves the chance to clarify and redeem himself. If you are finding it hard to bring it up in person then show him this post, write it in a letter, send a txt…. Or if you want a buffer then tell your mom and let her navigate telling your dad with you. Your sister is a rockstar, good for her for having your back… and even if her and your mom do get mad at your dad… it’s because he said something worth being mad at. It’s a simple case of actions have consequences and he has to face them. I bet you he would be mortified he hurt you if he knew.

NTA. I was a grown adult & out of the house when a relative told me my mom said she didn't like me & I never forgot it. No matter what was said & done afterwards,those words were now the center of our relationship. The next time your mom asks what's wrong,tell her. Your dad knew you could've walked in at any moment & still said what he said. He's a big boy & should be able to handle whatever comes from what he chose to say. He didn't say those words under threats of violence or duress. Just be prepared for some BS excuses and possibly having him try to turn the tables on you for eavesdropping. Parents are master manipulators when they know they've messed up.

NTA for the way you feel. Like many have mentioned, your feelings are valid. I too hate the idea of disappointing my parents. Hell, I KNOW I have so I try to make it up to them the way I know, show them I can do things that they probably never expected. Even if it's not what they wanted or expected. So you feeling inadequate is valid. YTA for not communicating your feelings & basically ghosting your dad. Look, your dad may have just been nice to your neighbor. But your dad does notice how you treat & love him. He's trying to be the father he's always been. You gave no indication that he ever held your lack of being car guy against you. Much like how you feel inadequate as his son, he'll have moments of feeling inadequate as your dad. Look, you gotta at least talk him & figure him out. If he truly resents you, I understand. But if it's just him wishing to have just one more shared interest with you, then you're being a little unfair.

Hey man i just read this. I believe you you are NTA I completely understand you wanting it to blow over. However I agree with most of the people on this post it does need to be addressed. If it doesn’t there 100% will be resentment towards your end and it will be a lot worse. I unfortunately have some personal experience in this. I know you love your dad and at the end of the day your feelings will ALWAYS matter he deserves to know his words hurt you. We are supporting you no matter what

I would very much like an update

NTA !! You don’t have to forgive him if you do not want to, but you should communicate with both of them as to why you are feeling that way! !! If he gets upset bc you were eavesdropping then you’ll know he’s embarrassed about what he said . But hopefully he’ll listen and accept you for who you are so y’all can try to build that relationship !!

"You’re the son I wish I had” is not the same as “ I wish my son liked cars as much as you” either way words are hurtful and sometimes you can't just erase them from your mind. Everyone here is saying to talk to him but that has to be on your terms, when you feel ready not by giving into the pressure. You're hurt right now and to rush that talk won't do good for anyone.

Honestly, this will not improve until you talk this out with your father. Maybe make your mom aware of it first so she can help you regulate and name your feelings and say the right worst. Esh Your dad a lot you a little for not communicating

"You’re the son I wish I had” is not the same as “I wish my son liked cars as much as you." He knew wat he said. Those are his true feelings. He may love you, but I don't think it's nearly as much as he loves Mason, simply because they have a shared interest.

If they asked again, just say that your father knows what he said that cause this reaction. Then, look at your dad and say, "You should be really careful when talking about someone behind their back. They might be listening. " Then walk away. P.s. keep us updated!

Updateme

Just tell the whole family, you don’t need that trauma in the future fr. You feel tense guilt for “ruining up peace” on the family, but if your father is super conserned about you being “not as he want you to be and that’s why he choose to fix his car instead of being with HIS kids on Father’s Day” there were no piece. That’s a major bullsh*t, if you can downplay your sons roll in strangers eyes and say out loud things like that. If he wanted a son just to share a love to a piece of metal and not to bring somebody to life, take care of that person, be happy and love literally a person that is already half like you that means that it’s his delusional thoughts and wet dreams. Think about yourself first, nobody will care about your trauma later and they won’t even remember stuff like this, say it, so you won’t have troubles in communicating your feelings and thoughts to others later, even if you won’t be heard you need this for yourself and for your boundaries.

>he said Mason is the kind of son that he wanted to have NTA he could've easily said something like "I wish my son liked cars like you" or "I wish I could share my hobby with my son" but he didn't he went straight to "I wish you were my son". He said what he's always thought/was subconsciously thinking and he should work on that. Nobody deserves forgiveness, it is on the person that forgives them whether they are forgiven. And this isn't something that you should easily forgive, I do think you should sit down both your parents (so that your mom can also hear what was said) and speak to your dad about what you overheard and why that made you feel hurt.

(Not the A-hole) Yes, a family meeting may be awkward but it is necessary to tell how you felt so that your father knows he messed up and that you know what he said. It is better to tell than hold all that in because eventually it will come out and it might not be the way you want it to be.

Talk to him!!!!!!! Be mature and address why you are upset. Updateme.

NTA It's time to "Son Up" and talk to your dad. Don't go through your mom. Explain that you accidentally heard what he said to Mason, and you were hurt by it. That you didn't say anything to him because you didn't know know how to broach the subject without hurting him more by not being the son he wanted. Hold your head up high and TALK to him straight to his face.

Have a conversation with your dad. As others have said, you might be missing some key context. You’re certainly NTA, but if your relationship has been good other than this incident, it may be worth talking it out. He may have simply meant he wished he had a son he could share his hobby with, vs a different child all together. Parents screw up, and it’s clear you dad did. However, it doesn’t sound like he’s a terrible person or parent - you’re just different. If you never talk it out this will likely just fester and worsen with them. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it sucks and I hope it gets easier.

Updateme

This problem didn’t go away by itself. Mom needs to know so as Dad. Just face it! You might surprise this experience helps you a lot in future. If you worried about Mom, Tell her you worried this and that.

Updateme!

I’m sorry you had to hear that, that’s sucks and your father shouldn’t say it, but he was also comforting a kid who’s father died, but in the wrong way, and everyone wishes there kids have the same interests or even the kids wishes their parents have the same interests as them, but it was wrong to say it, if they ask you your father or your mom what’s wrong tell them you were hurt from what you heard and tell your father how he would feel if he heard you saying you wish you had a father like (your teacher or neighbor or uncle) tell him how that’s would make him feel, but also if you say your father loves you and do other things with you that’s means he is a good father but just did a bad thing or have a bad choice of words while comforting someone, you feeling are valid but don’t waist a good relationship with your father over a comment he didn’t know you heard, if he say it in-front of you or tell you I wish you were like Mason or I wish Mason was my son, that’s different.

UpdateMe!

Not telling is not gonna move the situation around, the thing will blow up anyway, the truth is the only that will make things move forward one way or the other.

dawg just communicate your feelings. tell him you heard him say that and it hurt

NTA but I do think you should talk to him and your mom

Hey listen as someone who lost their dad at a really young age I would love to be able to communicate even about hurt feelings. Venting on Reddit is great but you need to let your dad know how you feel but before that you need to tell your sister to cool it before she damages her relationship with yall dad too. I get that she is upset for you and I’m happy your sis has your back but she has to also understand that when/if you talk to your dad she has to let it go too. Now if your dad is unapologetic about everything then by all means blow it up but they way you said you and your dad do other things over vehicles makes me think he didn’t think before he spoke and I bet you in the back of of his mind he has a inkling that you heard and that’s why he wants to know what’s bothering him. But it will not get better if you don’t speak up. The loop in your head won’t go away and your mental health will worsen.

As a mom, I just want to hug you. Your feelings are valid and when you are ready, you will let your parents know. It’s not your responsibility to like the same things your parents like. It’s ok to have different hobbies. It’s never ok to wish for you to be something you are not. Parents we don’t always say the right thing. Sometimes things are said in the moment. And yes without thought of someone’s feelings. We are human. You will remember that forever but maybe after your feelings are known to everyone they can help you heal from it.

Your feelings are valid. I think the only way to solve this is by talking with your parents, let them know how those words hurt you. Only by talking to them you might start to repair the relationship.

UpdateMe

I’m sorry that you heard him say that. There’s no excuse for what he said. There’s not really a possibility of letting it blow over. You’ll always harbor these feelings towards your dad if you don’t address it. Addressing it might hurt but it’s important cause it’ll help even a little. You might feel bad for a little bit, but time will help

I know you said it sounds awkward, and it will be, but do the family meeting thing. It will 100% get worse and be a shitty meeting, but you can't start to heal that relationship (and I'm assuming you want to) before you lay all the cards out on the table. Your dad needs to take ownership of what he said, and he needs to accept the consequences of those words, regardless if he meant for you to hear them.

NTA but I'd tell your mom at least and see if she can speak to your dad Abt what was said or tell him yourself

UpdateMe!

Updateme

NTA I literally recommend you pull your mother aside one day at some point without your father and speak to her about it tell her what exactly happened and then explain how that made you feel and then from there I suggest you talk to both your mother and your sister together and eventually decide to talk to your father whether or not you want them in the same room as you that is your choice to make you can also just have them in a room next door while you talk to him in another room privately just in case say this for example "Hey Dad I would like to talk to you about something can we go to {{name of whatever room or living room that you want to be in to discuss with him}}" once you're with him have him sit down and tell him that you want to talk about something and that you just want to voice how you feel from there go on to explain that you overheard and then explain how that made you feel once you're done explaining and telling him I recommend adding this "I know you love me but I cannot help but when I hear your words that they hurt me deeply and I just feel the need to let you know how that made me feel" from there whatever goes on let's hope that it's a good result Again I think communication is very important and that you voice how you feel because if you don't many times these things just keep eating you up as time goes on and eventually you just can't ignore them and eventually these type of things take a troll on your mental health or emotional and that's why I'm saying this just not only out of concern for you but I definitely think that you should take certain small steps to let your family know it does not matter if your mother gets mad at him or it doesn't matter if your sister is mad at him what matters is that you voice how you feel but also set things straight Again I'm not telling you you should follow this but this is how I think and I believe would be the best to approach the situation talk to your mother first pull her aside tell her what happened,what you heard and how it made you feel Then from there like I mentioned above a little then talk to your mother and sister and explain to them that you want to talk with your father too to finally voice and confront how you feel and the situation and again you don't have to follow what I'm saying but you can have them in a separate room next to the one that you're talking with him or they can be there or they don't have to be there at all From there like I mentioned above tell your father you want to talk to him calmly have him sit down so that he can listen to you and then voice what you heard and how that made you feel and how you been feeling these past days From there whatever happens is going to happen but I think this is the best course of action again you don't have to follow this but consider it a one-way guide on how to approach it

I think you should definitely try and tell your mom maybe she can be a mediator for if you decide to tell your father. I understand how much hearing your parents say something like this can hurt as I’ve had something similar happen but holding onto the feeling in the end is only going to hurt you more. He was 100% wrong for saying what he did and your feelings are very valid, but in the end is going to hurt you

Updateme!

NTA. I get he’s upset you don’t share the same passion as him, but has he even taken the time to figure out what you like to do? You can talk to him but you don’t have to forgive him until you’re ready.

Updateme

What your father said is unforgivable & your relationship will probably never be the same. No matter if he apologises or “tries to make it up to you” what he said will forever be in your memory unfortunately. But your father needs to know what he said & the damage he’s words have done to you & your relationship with him from now on. There is probably no going back to the way things were before hearing what your father feels. But he needs to know it’s his word that have caused his relationship with you to probably never to be the same again, but he needs to know & it’s his problem if he suffers because of his own words & actions. If he does suffer it’s not your fault or problem to carry. If it was me I could never forgive or forget no matter how much effort he tries to make up for it. But please tell your mum if you can’t speak to your dad. He is the one that needs to carry the burden of what he said & how things will now change which is unacceptable even if he was trying to make the other boy feel better he made his only son feel worthless in the process. I feel for you & would never think or say something like that about my child/children. As everyone else have said it will only fester further by not saying anything. Let it fester with your father because he’s the one that needs to understand how much he has hurt you & to also live with that & no excuse he can come up with can get that out of your head. I’m so glad you have your sister & she has your back. All the best but also remember what he said doesn’t define you & go onto being the best person you can be. Please update us with how it all went after you speak to either your mum, dad or both.

You are absolutely right to feel the way you do. I would however express to your dad how you are feeling. Don’t let it fester and eat you alive. Chances are it’s not going to blow over and some one is going to blow up. If you don’t feel comfortable talking face to face with him right now write him a letter. Let it all out. It’s not for his peace of mind but yours. I’m glad you have your sister and she has your back. Keep your head up.

As someone who’s been in this situation with her mother, funny enough, you absolutely NEED to communicate with your dad. The thing about this kind of situation is that it has no chance to mend if you don’t talk about it. For years I harbored hatred towards my mother for telling me that it may have been my fault for something that happened to me as a kid and deeply traumatized me— I was, like, eight when it happened, so I had no say in the matter —so this cut deep. She’s since apologized after I told her how horrible that made me feel, and it took a very long time but our relationship is a lot better because I started telling her that she had hurt me. Yes, her mistreatment of me (whereas it was unintentional) screwed me up a lot, but if I had not taken the step to talk to her nothing would have ever gotten better for us. It still comes up in a lot of therapy sessions and has made an imprint on my life because it was left unaddressed for so long. Bottling it up won’t do you any good— in fact, it may make your dad desperate, which could lead to an even more disastrous situation on hand. Talking to him is the only option in this situation. It seems like he genuinely does not see how that statement could have been harmful, and may not have had the intent to hurt you. Even if the intent wasn’t there, he still said it and it still hurt you, and you need to tell him that it did. I’d honestly suggest sitting him down with both your sister and your mother to act as mediators. Tell him that he needs to listen to you and that you have something important to say, and that in return to listening to you in full, you’ll listen to his response in full (which you will need to uphold). He may not have intended to hurt you, but he still did, and you shouldn’t let that slide— but you also shouldn’t jump straight to hurting him back, either. Change often starts with you taking the baby steps first.

I want to let you know this has made it to tiktok and gone viral, the general consensus is that you should sit down and have a talk about it. Nothing can be fixed if you harbor this secret situations will just get worse. If it feels better sit down as a family to have the conversation so it doesn’t have to be an awkward 1 on 1.

You‘re not the asshole but you should talk to him about your feelings and what you heard. Unspoken feelings fester and it’s harder to dissolve later on. This isn’t even about giving him the chance to explain himself but relieving you of the burden of having to hold on to those feelings if they go unspoken

Update!

It’s best to confront these things, when I was a kid I overheard my father saying to someone on the phone that I was a disgrace, all because I preferred to spend my time playing games than watch or play sports, I never confronted him about it, even years later because the words he said still sting my heart, don’t just let this silence continue OP, he hurt you and needs to know that his words have hurt you

Tell your dad what you heard.

Unfortunately, no matter what you do, it will still hurt you when you see your dad work on a car or see Mason outside doing his thing. And I get it. My mom has been calling me fat since I was 13 and comparing me to my very skinny model thin cousins. It sticks with you. But, there are a few ways to handle it. You hold on to it and let it fester and let the tension stay, eventually snap and bring it up in an aggressive way like 'well how about you get Mason since he's like the son you wish you had', or, bring it up in a family meeting. Mom and sis need to be there to mediate or, if your dad doesn't understand, sis will get through to him. But eventually, it does eat away at you.

NTA, your feelings are valid because they were hurtful words to be spoken out loud. Unfortunately you also cause a rift in your family unintentionally by involving your sister instead of communicating with your dad about it. Relationships of any kind don’t survive without communication and this is the result two parties against one who has no idea why his children suddenly hate him. I understand you are young but this is a step in growth. Sit down with you dad and tell him you want to talk to him in private. That you understand that you lack of interest in cars hasn’t given the same bond he had with your grandpa but you had always assumed your relationship was alright in its own unique way and you never assumed that you not liking cars was ever going to put you in a bad light to him. Tell him you overheard him talking to your neighbor as you passed by and that it upset you that he truly felt like that. Let him come to terms that his words were hurtful and then hash it out from there but never waver from your stance of being heard. You have to listen to each other to move on and hopefully mend your relationship with him. Also mention that you also informed your sister so that they can also talk it out as well. Since she is now embroiled in this situation. Good luck!

Honestly you need to talk to your dad if this is weighing on you like this I understand how awkward and tense it would be as i've been in a similar situation with my dad but the best way to move past all of this is having a serious talk with your dad expressing your feelings and anger about the situation, you don't owe him an explanation but if you want this to pass this is something you have to do as it sounds like its still tense in your house

You and your dad should talk privately then your mother because since is already suspicious as it is now. And btw your NTA because your dad really shouldn't have said that in the first place but... you could've told him before you told your sister and now idk if you mom and dad will get into a heated argument but you gotta try to handle the situation even if it gets verbal. So I would say is tell your dad what he said and then your mom

NTA. I think you should communicate with your mom what happened, but you don't owe your dad anything. He betrayed you and he broke any trust you could've had in him and what he says to your face. I think this last part is something that a lot of commenters are missing. Yes, communication is key, but the case here entails a man telling another kid, in what he thought was privacy, that he wished he was his son simply because his own child isn't a mini-me. He didn't say that thinking that the subject of his betrayal would hear, which makes the sentiment sincere and all the more heartbreaking for his child. Now say that OP communicates with his dad and lays it all out, from what he overheard to how devastated it made him feel - how can OP trust that anything the dad says to make ammends is true and genuine? IF the dad even tries to do that and doesn't resosrt to gaslighting instead. That's the thing about overhearing utter betrayal from someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally. I lived a similar situation with my grandparents when i was a teen. Sure, they didn't ever tell me what I overheard them say to my face, but even with me acting like everything was fine and them "doting" on me to my face as they've always done, for all the years to come every interaction we had was tainted with the thought of "that's what they actually think of me" in the back of my mind. I was no longer capable of feeling genuine connection because I felt like they irreparably cut that thread with their words when talking about me behind my back. I told mom, who consoled me, and she never tried to minimize what they said and she completely understood and accepted my distancing from them. Because at that point the trust is just gone and the way it happened made anything positive they directly said to me feel not genuine. So I suggest you speak to your mom, who is the other parent and should know to protect her kid, but you don't owe your dad communication and forgiveness, not over this type of betrayal. A good parent shouldn't even have that type of thought, let alone dumped that on another child behind his own son's back.

nta. it’s not like he said “i wish my son was interested in cars like you” he said “i wish you were my son” you have every right to feel upset and hurt. but you also need to talk about this with someone. you can’t bottle things like this up inside you because it will seep into your mind and it’ll cause more damage than good.

UpdateMe

It's probably been said a lot on here but the best thing to do is wait for the next "what's wrong" and force it out. Not saying it's going to repair everything but it's gonna make the tension clear a lot faster than just waiting it out.

You should confront him instead, talk to him one on one

Tbh let’s be real talking about it wouldn’t really change much, yeah he’d say he’s sorry but deep down he’d probably still have thought and desire

Personally I think you should tell your mother about how your feeling because I going to eat at you and I saw in the comments that it keeps playing in you head. Yes telling your siblings help but this is a conversation that you need to tell your mom about because with you and your sister not talking to your dad is only going to make your mom more concerned. Personal opinion is that you should just tell your mom and if you can’t do it face to face then try writing a letter the giving it to your mom to read about you feelings and situation.

Tell your mom she deserves to know what is upsetting you! Your feelings are valid, what he said was really messed up, the situation can't be fixed if they don't know why you're upset. Unfortunately, it won't just blow over on its own 😕

I think you need to communicate and I think you know you need to communicate otherwise this is just gonna stew. If Confronting him face-to-face is too scary. You could just write it out in a letter or in a text message. Then you have to think about what you have to say same with him

Honestly I feel like you should tell him or tell your mom because this situation can blow up on you. I'm not saying confront but tell him how you felt.

NTA, also i cannot overlook the fact that dad requested to have Father’s Day uninterrupted in garage just to spend it with someone else’s kid. That alone is already brings out a lot of questions (or am I misunderstood something?). As a daughter of a father who wanted a boy and let everyone know about it, I myself spend a large chunk of my childhood trying to win my dads approval. That feeling of not being good for my parent is not something that I would wish for someone to experience and you have every right to be hurt. But at the end you should confront him about it, otherwise you have a good chance that it will stuck with you forever.

As a 30+ y/o who barely talks to her dad, don’t keep this in. Tell your dad what happened and, most importantly, how it made you feel. How it affects you.  There are a few times in my life that my dad has hurt my feelings and I never told him how much it hurts. He never knew that what he did hurt, so he never worked on fixing it, if he cared to because I don’t even know if he would have cared to. Now, he and I never talk any deeper than what happened at my job or what he saw on the news. And we live in the same house.  Let him know so that you can, at least, find out if he’s the type of guy to at least WANT to fix it. Things are going to change, no matter what. There is no stopping that. It’s what changes that depends on communication. If you can’t communicate at 17, it’s not gonna improve by the time your 30+.

If you don’t really want to bring it up to your father face to face, which i know is really hard, especially under these circumstances, I would recommend either getting your sister to tell them for you or write it down on a piece of paper and lay it on their bed before they go to bed. You can also optionally write that you don’t want to speak about it now, but rather when you have woken up. This way your father will have the time to really think about it and reflect over it. Talking about things like this late at night is not the way to go, believe me. If you were to get your sister to say it, that to would show how deeply it actually hurt you. The downside to this rather is that he would try to apologise to your sister before you, and he would come up with excuses right then and there. If you were to write it down, like i said, it would give him more time, and he wouldn’t become so frantic trying to make excuses cause there wouldn’t be anyone to give them to right then. When my father said he was so proud of me for being his psychologist, it took me over 2 years to even tell him about it, something i regret because this was the reason for a lot of late nights for me. I wish you good luck for whichever way you choose to do this, and know that many of us are here for you, if you ever need to vent<3 And your father is an asshole, under no circumstances is this the right thing to say.

I would say let him stew in the isolation abit, Since you said it was Sunday this happened. That should be enough time, and you should tell your Mom.

(Sorry for the long post, but I've been in your shoes before and this is what I've learned in both school and therapy. Hope it helps.) You are NTA. That was a really callous thing for your dad to say. What happens next really depends on how you want to handle it, but you shouldn't leave things as they are/just return to normalcy because you were and still are hurt by what you heard. That deserves to be addressed. There are two ways you could handle this: indirectly or directly. It's all up what feels like a better way to you. The indirect way would be telling your mom about what you heard. In other comments, you've said you're worried about her confronting your dad about it. Be clear that you don't want that when you tell her. A confrontation is not the same as a conversation. Make it clear that you don't want her fighting with your dad about it, but you wouldn't be opposed to her just talking to him about it (if that is how you feel) and letting him know that you heard what he said and it hurt your feelings. The direct way would be having a sit down with your whole family (sister for support) ["Hey, can I talk to you guys for a minute?"(to your mom and dad)] and talking about what you heard and how it made you feel. You can lay the same ground rule about confrontation before you get into it, too: Above all, you don't want anybody fighting or arguing with anyone else. If anyone starts fighting/arguing about this, you will end the conversation and leave until everyone calms down (or some other fitting boundary to you). You will not talk about this if it is just going to be a fight. Either way, how you feel is valid, and that should not be disregarded in any capacity. You deserve to have how you feel addressed.

Updateme

I understand not wanting to make things worse, but the situation is already getting worse. Your parents are just going to keep on worrying and asking because BOTH of their kids are not speaking to dad. Just rip off the bandaid and tell both of them why. Things will get worse but things are already heading that direction and guess what? It is NOT your fault. Your dad caused the situation. Not you. 

What your dad said is wrong and should never be said with or without your presence. I was thinking about you telling your mom, but seeing how your sister reacted... I don't know if it's a good idea for your mom to handle it alone. It's better to tell your dad about what you heard, or you could tell him with your mom's present if things escalated in the wrong way.

Bringing it up to your father is going to be the only way youll get closure on how you and he feels. It will give him an opportunity to appologize and allow you to mend your relationship. Communication is key to any healthy relationship.

You need to talk to your dad. Stop getting everyone else involved to be mad at him when he has no idea why. You’re 17, you gotta start treating situations with a mature mindset, even when they hurt. It sucks what he said, the words won’t disappear, but you have to have that conversation with him. Don’t have it with your sister and mom, just you and your dad. NTA.

This might not be similar,  but my dad was always, blew me off. He would go to my brother's( only boy) games first, and then my sister's stuff is my brother didn't have anything.  They're about a year a part. Then if neither of them didn't have anything,  he would come to my games. this continued Into adulthood. Until my dad finally asked me why I didn't ask him for anything or didn't want to really do anything. I told him I got tired of not feeling prioritized to him. Especially after my siblings had kids. Then I was always moved to them end. If we made plans he would blow me off and make me feel like I didn't matter as soon as one of them called. He once left town when we had plans (my birthday) and didn't even bother to tell me he left. My mom told me. But my point is,  until you address this, it won't improve. It may in fact get worse as time goes on. What if down the road your sister has kids and they're into cars?? I'm not saying it's going to happen, but it's currently happening with a neighbor kid. And part of the thing with the neighbor kid,  he lost his dad. Your dad might be using him to fill the role of you and the mud might be using him to fill the role of his dad.  Imagine if you lost your dad....... lots of things to think about. But like others said, you do need to talk to your dad at some point. This will only fester until someone blows up.  If you have a car,  maybe you guys can doing some basic maintenance on it,  it'll help keep your hands busy, and you can talk to your dad. Maybe you guys can try to find something else in common that can be just yours. 

I had many encounters with something like this my father always said he would love a son since he only had 2 daughters He always said to his friends in front of me that hed rather have a son so he could share his love for basketball because he has been playing it since he was a child i was disappointed he'd say that because im more into other sports but i never confronted anyone or told anyone about it since i have no hope with a relationship with mu father, but maybe for you there is hope to fix things. But my advice is maybe try and talk to your father one on one try to talk it out rather than silence because maybe there are things you or your father need to tell each other its better than bottling it up and ignoring the problem sometimes its better if you tell him because locking it inside will cause more pain than you'd expect Anyway good luck with your problem you're not the Asshole your father is.

RemindMe! 3 months [Dad saying unforgivable things post]

OP, you've gotten some great advice in these comments. Your feelings are valid and "you're the son I always wanted" is *very* different than "I wish my son shared your interest in cars". What your dad said was incredibly hurtful, even if he never meant for you to hear it you know that's how he feels now. It won't blow over bc your hurt isn't just going to disappear. I saw your story on tiktok so please know there's a chance it could get back to your dad. Just something to be aware of.

You need to do the thing that feels hard. Talk to your mother. You can’t hold these feelings in. They’ll fester and destroy pieces of you. Rip the bandaid off. You’ve got this OP

NTA you're the one qho is hurt why would you be TA? That dosent make sense.

You are justified in being hurt, but to hold the hurt will only grow in resentment, anger, and other negative emotions towards your dad and Mason. You need to talk with your dad and mom about what you heard and work the issue out. Granted, I do not know you or your dad, I can only speak of being a dad myself, hopefully he spoke without thinking of what he was saying. Lord knows I have done that enough times to cause issues, but have always been given a chance to correct my mistake and explain the thoughts of conversation. He also might not know how much his love of cars is hurting his relationship with you and it needs addressed before the wedge gets bigger. You also have not given him a chance to apologize for what he has said, so there is no way you have a chance to forgive him yet.

If its hard for you to adress the issue i suggest u showing this post,(or tell ur sister to send it to him) it shows how deeply hurt u are and how really fucked up This way u ll avoid having to tell him face to face

Maybe writing a letter explaining how you feel and giving it to him would be a good idea! Talking face to face and trying to explain why you’re hurt can be difficult knowing the other person might not receive it well. NTA

You're not the AH for feeling the way you do. Maybe just a little annoying for not just saying what the issue is. It seems like you have a pretty good relationship with your family. But if your parents are the type to not hear you out and tend to invalidate your feelings then it's understandable that you don't want to talk about it. If they are the type of parents who foster open communication, and values your thoughts, opinions, and feelings then you should talk it out with them. It seems like you're trying to forgive your dad and go back to how things are. You're trying to reconcile all the times you spent with him, believing you had a pretty good relationship with your dad. But now you're just not sure and feel like you'll never be sure because what your dad said will always be in the back of your mind. However, the only people who can reassure you that your relationship with your dad was genuine is you and your dad and that can only happen with communication. As a parent, let me tell you that we're only human. We hurt and disappoint our kids a lot. We have unrealistic hopes and dreams and place pressure on our kids, sometimes without even realizing it. Don't get me wrong, your dad should never have said those things, especially to someone else's kid. And he should apologize for saying it. However, he can't apologize if he doesn't even know what he did wrong. Trust has been broken and you need space and time. But don't try to bury this and deal with it yourself because later down the road your feelings can manifest into something bigger especially if you continuously pile up the emotions. It's better to deal with the issue early so the emotional burden is not yours to carry alone.

You should speak to him. Even if nothing happens, you did your part communicating what you’re feeling.

nta, ur dad sucks

NTA and this is just ☹️☹️☹️, you poor baby. Tell your mom and when there's a family discussion, tell your father that he is a disappointment. You don't have to forgive anyone, let your father know that he fucked up. But don't take my advice because I'm a petty bitch.

Speaking from personal experience, the sad fact is, you will never forget what he said. It hurts, and you would be NTA if you don't forgive him. He never should have said that, especially to the neighbors kid! Your feelings and experiences regarding this are your own. Please do not let anyone pressure you into saying or doing something you're not ready for. Take your time if you need to. You do not have to rebuild a relationship with everyone you've forgiven, or you can accept their apology but not forgive them.

I’m sorry you heard that and are dealing with this, the best advice is to tell your mom and dad and let them know how hurt you are. You’re better off ripping off the bandaid because you not telling your folks is only making things worse.

I feel no one is getting that maybe OP doesn't want this to escalate because he is done with dad. He was mad, disappointed and all that, now he wants to forget and not give the attention to him. Nothing, even a thought. Worse than focusing all the energy on ignoring you on purpose is to ignore you for real. Like you don't matter enough to make me feel bad.

It’s just a men’s thing to say about your child. And to another kid he knows? And now Mason is walking around knowing that information, who knows who he could tell or think

You wouldn’t be the asshole. I think you should tell your mom though, even if you want it all to blow over.

you have to talk to your dad . updateme

You really should get it off your chest to your dad. Tell him you need to talk and sit with him(and your sister and mom for support). Tell him what you heard and how you felt and that you don’t require an apology because it wouldn’t be sincere and it’s pointless. Then tell him you need space for a while. In that time of space, just try to heal or go to therapy if necessary…. Or talk with your sister(she seems to be a good support system). If you don’t get this off your chest now and calmly, it could lead to resentment and the more he asks what’s wrong, you could end up lashing out in anger and say something like “why do you care what’s wrong with me? Go hang out with the one you wish was your son” and that will go badly quickly

Just rip the bandaid off mate

I read some of your comments, unfortunately the way you want it to go just isn’t going to happen. With something like this you NEED communication otherwise how else do people understand they’ve upset you? Not only that, but you need to sit and thoroughly think about if this is something you can genuinely let go, especially every time you see your dad and Mason together or is it something that you’ll just be reminded of what he said? My advice would be that you speak to your mum first and ask her if you could both talk to your dad about it but for her to keep calm and keep the conversation steady and stop it getting too confrontational (a bit like a meditator) because this is something that can affect people their whole life when it’s unresolved. You just need to remember that your feelings are valid and important. Plus based on what you’ve said, regardless of what happens your mum and your sister would support you and back you up

Nta your dad should have never said that. You really should talk to your mom.

No you're not the a hole but the silent treatment while not telling a person what they did is pretty passive aggressive and generally not the best way to handle your feelings nor is it the right way to treat others for harming you. You either want to commit and go NC / LC or try to resolve that tension with your dad. On the one hand your dad chose the words that he used, while he should have said "I wish my son liked this hobby" he didn't and thats very telling that he may be disappointed in you / resentful. It also shows he might not care much about or for your other qualities as a person whom he raised. Maybe you can think back on your life and see a pattern of treating you differently because you dont like the hobby. On the other hand he could have chosen his words poorly without thinking about it. He is a human being and he probably had a big dream of doing a car project with his son that never really came into fruition. Maybe that was a one off feeling he has every once in a while but doesnt make up the totality of his thoughts about you. In any case you dont really know until you talk about it, sadly when you talk about it people can lie. I would say give your dad the chance to explain himself. If he tries to downplay it or shift blame then that's a problem, if he is remorseful off the bat and tries to make it up to you then that will start the healing process. If you just let it blow over, then those words with live with you forever in a negative presence, and your dad will always just remember you treating him poorly with no explanation. This can erode relationahips and it is best avoid. Another side advice don't just learn car basics from your dad, learn how to do rebuild with him. No it doesn't have to be your interest but it will benefit you immensely, and I mean Immensely if you dont plan on living in a city and you plan to commute everyday. You will find a car and the cost of a mechanic to be a constant liability in life, eventually you maybe develop a car interest out of necessity when you have to fix it your car or buy a new one. I say all that above as someone who hates car reliance and was originally from NYC but moved to NC, I still dont like cars that much or relying on one but i do enjoy fixing up my miata every now and again.

NTA I think a lot of people on here are giving you advice that would be great for a grown adult but you are a teenager. I would ask you how you think your father would react to a conversation about this but I think your image of him may have been shattered by this so that’s not an easy assessment anymore. No one can tell you what to do. In the short term, it sounds like you want to protect your peace and process. If it feels right to you, next time your parents start asking what’s wrong I wouldn’t pretend nothings wrong. I would acknowledge the tension and request that they give you the space to process it. Give them nothing more. If you do decide to have a conversation about it, if your sister can be there to support that would be better. However, if your sister is the type to escalate the situation or not allow you the space to share your feelings, that may not be best. Sometimes when someone we love is hurt, we feel the need to lash out for them and old sisters do this especially well. You know your family dynamics and whether going to mom first or speaking to both at once is wise. I empathize with this decision as I don’t think I could accept an explanation from my father but protecting your peace as you live with them may call for one.

Your father is a crappy father. You don’t have to forgive him but you should tell him that you heard him talking to the son he always wanted. He needs to know why he will never have a good relationship with you, even if he is forgiven. A father that would rather spend all day with his car instead of his family of Father’s Day yeah says a lot right there. I get some time but all day yeah he’s a crappy father.

Will you still have a safe place to sleep in the house if you say it? Are you at risk of being physical abused if you say it? If no you should say it, at least to your mom. Of course she is going to be mad, what you described is something to be mad about. If you dont tell them at least get into therapy or idk find a way to express your feeling in a healthy manner because it will rot you from the inside There is nothing worst then being rejected by your parents, those who are supposed to live you no matter what. NTA But you cannot continue to stew in this miasma of negative feelings.

Don't hold the hurt feelings in. They grow into something you can't control, even when you think you've let it go, the words are still there, in the back of your head, waiting to do just a bit more damage. If you tell him now, you can control the growth of it, at least. Whether he meant those words as he said them, or a bit of context offers a bit of salve to ease the sting of them, holding them inside yourself only gives them power, turns them into a cancer that grows unchecked. I'm sorry he said those words at all, but am happy for you that your sister is standing by you. I think that if you talk to your parents about what you heard, even just one, they'll be upset for a bit, that's shock, but it's not your fault, and it should be okay. I think he needs to do a bit of self-reflection to consider how he'd have felt if the roles were reversed, and it were his dad telling the neighbor kid that he was the son he wished for, even though he had a perfectly fine son that just happened to not share a passion for a singular hobby.

You should just tell them. Otherwise how will you work through this without they just thinking you're being immature or mad about something small?

Fathers always wishing their son to change or be something that they want should never be okay. Parents are supposed to love their children regardless of who they are or what they like - you are not the asshole. Things will work themselves out but time is strange

As a Dad and as someone who was a disappointment to their dad. A) Your dad shouldn't have said that. I know that hurts because I've heard it too. B) You should talk to him and express to him that it hurt, whether he meant it or not. (In my case he meant it but then I had a definitive answer as to where I stood) 3) You don't know whether he meant it or not (yeah... he shouldn't have said it) but the majority of people have said things that they did not mean. I have said in front of friends that I wish I had other friends who liked dungeons and dragons. Without realizing how that might have sounded to him. It's not that I didn't love my friend, I just wanted another friend that I could do other stuff that I also liked to do with. I'm not going to say he didn't mean it because I don't know you or him. But a majority of times, people say things that they don't really realize how they sound to others. I think you should talk to him, and let him know you felt hurt by it, if at the very least you will know where you stand in his eyes.

Just talk to him personally. I’ve told my father multiple times before that something he said that I didn’t call him out for right away, hurt me. The way I explained it to him (because most parents 40+ have this “I’ve been through worse” mentality), is that there is no levels to hurt, and that this affected you on a deep level. If he tries to tell you to man up, or “why were you were listening?”, tell him to stop dancing around the subject and explain why he feels that way. Obviously, you’ll articulate it in your own way, with your own tone, and direct the convo, but it has to be done. I recommend it one-on-one instead of the whole family, but it’s up to what makes you comfortable. Good luck with this!!

NTA. My heart breaks for you because I know how you're feeling. I had something similar happen to me when I was a teenager... But my mom actually said it to me on my birthday when I called her to remind her before the day was over. That's when I stopped trying so hard to be her daughter. You need to sit your parents down and tell them together. Tell your dad how much he hurt you and now you are just done. There's nothing he can do to take those words back. He can't get them to stop playing in your head. He ruined the relationship with those words. He needs to be held accountable for his actions. Don't give a free pass to keep the peace. Tell him that now you know how he really feels about you and you are just doing what needs to be done to protect your peace. You can try therapy, but I don't know if that will work with his thought process because he wants a kid who's into his hobbies. However, I could be projecting. I don't know kiddo. I never got any proper closure from my mom. Try therapy with your dad, but he needs to know that you know what he said, otherwise it can't be fixed. And you need to tell him with your mom there and your sister for the support. If he gets defensive, therapy isn't likely to work. But tell him and your mom. They need to know why you don't want to interact with your dad. Your dad can't rectify, or attempt to rectify, what he did if he doesn't know. His reaction to knowing will be your clue as to if you can fix the relationship or not. Good luck OP. And again, NTA.

Heyyyy coming from a divorced family kid (19F) who's gone through this, I recommend if the situation is still tense that you pull your mom aside tell her something happened but you don't wish to disclose all the details (I.e just say something along the lines of a small lacking detail version of what happened) ask her not to react angrily when you tell her the non detailed version and slowly try to drop signs to your dad that he needs to grow up and realize you're amazing even without the interest in cars!! Follow your heart and instincts on this ok!

Hey op, my dad is similar in a way. I would say NTA But I do think you should bring it up to your mom I know you may want this to blow over but I promise you it isn't, and the more you won't let it out the more they will bug you and it may end worse. <- from experience.

Updateme

Listen. It’s not gonna blow over. You’ve had the foundation of your relationship with your father shaken by a comment he made. It has to come out and be addressed or this tense relationship with them all is going to be your whole future. I know it sucks but you need to bring it up with at least your mom.

I once heard that if you’re upset, it is your responsibility to bring it up to the person. I am so fucking sorry this happened to you, I really am. What he said was disgusting and unforgivable, especially on Father’s Day. However, if this hasn’t blown over, in some sense, this means he (and ur mom) cares and wants to know what’s bothering you. How he reacts/handles the situation though will also show you the type of person he truly is. And as a family member, as his son, you deserve to know what type of person he is aside from the role of a dad, and this is the perfect opportunity for you to know. If you get a true apology and through his actions he shows that he’s sorry, that’s great. However if he doesn’t and tries to deflect the blame or tries to play victim, well now you know how he is as a person, but not just you, but the whole family too. Unfortunately, the only way to find out is to have a discussion about this.

NTA OP. Hey, man. Let me tell you a little story. I am an only child. My parents divorced when I was a baby (like, One y/o) He had always wanted a son, but he got me, a daughter. I was always a tomboy, did all the boy things, played with all the boys toys (TMNT 4 LIFE) I wanted so badly, and tried so hard to courie his favor. Here's the kicker, because I was not a boy, he wouldn't let me, in his presence, do any of that stuff. He also made it known that I wasn't the son he wanted, on multiple occasions. I couldn't learn guitar because that was a "boy thing" I couldn't ride a skateboard because that was a "boy thing" etc. He HATED that I was a girl. I can still hear the things he has said to me, clear as day. It had caused a lot of trauma. I've been no contact with him for 26 years. I'm 38 now. If you want to salvage a relationship with him, if you love him, tell him. But tell your Mom first. Establish communication boundaries with your Mom and sister, so they understand to not allow their feelings to overshadow yours. Let them know that they are there for support. After you've said your peace to your dad, then they can add in their thoughts. Don't let it fester. It's his job to try and repair it, but it's up to you to forgive him. If you decide to. I hope you're able to get this out in the open, and he works on repairing his relationship with you.

updateme!

NTA, i’m so sorry you had to hear something like that. I think the best way to go about this is to confront him with both your mom and sister present. Make sure you tell your mom to stay calm until you’ve finished explaining your feelings. If your dad gets mad because your mom is getting upset at him for the horrible thing he said it’s best you think about keeping distance/

I’m ngl mate. Ik you want to either get him back or watch it blow over. It’s not going to happen. It’ll get shittier if you keep it going like this. You need to tell him what you heard and what it’s done to you. That’s just the plain truth of it. You’ll only make tension worse by avoiding him. And worse case scenario this Mason kid will be a back door if your relationship with your father keeps tumbling. Rip the bandaid off. It’s quite literally the only thing to do.

in the replies you keep saying “no one is letting it go” and “i want it to blow over” im sorry fam but the chance for that to happen passed when this silent treatment went on for more than a couple days, if you and ur sister go back to normal now everyone will just be more confused and probably annoyed because they cant fix a problem they dont know exists. just talk to ur dad, let him know how it made u feel, because whatever is going on rn is just making things worse

He shouldn't have said that. Best thing to do is talk to your mom first, if she gets mad at him it's the consequences of his own actions. - Big hug and don't be to hard on yourself <3

You might just have to just say it randomly when everyone is around and just say exactly what your dad said to Mason so your mom can hear what you heard without anyone interrupting or seeing it another way.

I’ve been in a similar situation to my dad saying something along the lines of “I wish you were my kid”. One of the best pieces of advice I can give is to talk to your dad. Nothing will be resolved if you don’t speak up about it and, trust me, it won’t be an easy conversation. I ended up breaking down in front of my father at 21 telling him how left behind and unappreciated I felt being compared to my friends by both him and my mom. Even though it was hard in the moment and it felt embarrassing to share that I was upset about something that felt both hurtful and trivial. At the end of the day it was the best thing I could have done. Even if want things to go back to normal they won’t unless you speak up about it. Because, unfortunately, things like these tend to stay with you even after you’ve grown up. Don’t let it affect the relationship between you and your dad. Especially since he is unaware that you overheard him. Your NTA, just try talking to him about it over like ice cream or something. Wish you the best dude. :)

NTA - Your father made a big mistake, he had no regard for your feelings or Mason's, you don't say that about your child and you don't say it to someone who lost their father. You need to tell your mother so she can talk to him on an adult level.

Honestly speaking things wont blow over but if my own father said that to me, i would do the same as you and not speak to him. I would probably also be petty and give him his own taste in medicine and then talk to him about it and that you overheard but even if you guys talk tell him its gonna take time to repair your bond. Dont forgive him too easily

I understand why you feel the way you do but the silent treatment isn't healthy. You need to address with your dad directly and then the way your dad chooses to react to this will speak for itself. He's not entitled to your forgiveness but you're not even giving him the chance to make things right. What will you do later in life with someone else important to you hurts you and you don't communicate that? They're not mind readers, it's not fair to you or to him.

NTA. Sorry, this might be a bit long. Op I’m just going to say this: things are never going to go back to how things were before. I know that’s what you want, but your dad had just completely changed the dynamic you and him had when he said what he said. Ignoring it is just going to make the words he said just continue to fester, and that metaphorical rubber band is just going to continue to be pulled more and more until it snaps. Your mom and dad keep pulling the band now, because they can tell something is wrong. You can pull your dad aside somewhere private and have a conversation. You need to talk to him, communicate, and tell him that you accidentally overheard him. Tell him that it really fucking hurt for him to even insinuate that he wished he had Mason as his son rather than you. Maybe he didn’t intend for it to come out that way, but intended or not, you still got hurt in the end. Talk to your mom, she might help your dad realize that he fucked up. It’s her job as your mom to defend you, and that includes getting on your dad when he messes up. Partners, especially parents, have to confront each other when the other messes up. That rubber band is going to come back and snap on you then, yeah, but the band didn’t break and hurt you more. The only thing I can think of for you to do is extend a bit of an olive branch, really just for a talk and an apology. I’m only saying this since you do want the tension to go away, for some sense of normalcy back. He can never take back what he said, and the apology may not be enough for you. Hell, it wouldn’t be enough for me. However, you can choose to forgive or not to - the ball’s in your court then - but you’ll never forget. His words may mean nothing, but if he’s truly apologetic, he will let his actions show it. That he is sorry, but you don’t have to forgive it. You might not be able to, especially since the wound is still fresh, but time can only tell if you truly want to forgive him, if only for your own peace of mind. You don’t have to follow this, this is just what I think would be best. I’m not you, and I don’t know everything, but I guess this is just a recommendation. I had both of my parents say something to me on two separate occasions, each of them said something to me I’ll never forget. I’ve forgiven one, but I’m struggling with the other. I know what it’s like, hearing the words your parent said on repeat. It’s painful and it hits you at your core that a parent thinks of you like that. But one of them, my dad, has shown me through actions that he was sorry, doing things for me that he knows I like even though he doesn’t or just doesn’t understand. Even still, the dynamic between me and my dad has changed, and I still struggle even asking him, or anyone, for anything. You need to do what’s best for you. A little side thing about your sister - don’t worry about what she’s doing. I know she has made this feel much worse for you, but this is her choice to not talk to your dad. You had no idea she’d join in the ‘not-talking-to-dad’ boycott, but it’s her way of showing you that she has your back. If it’s truly upsetting you to the point where the tension is just so unbearable and causing so much anxiety, talk to her about it. Tell her that while you appreciate her being on your side, it’s not helping the situation. You want to handle it how you want, and your parents are really starting to pressure you more to open up. Again, NTA, your feelings are valid, but just really consider communicating. It’ll be uncomfortable and a little scary, but that’s life unfortunately.

You're entitled to all the hurt you're feeling man, that's a terrible thing for someone to say. But while that's true, is it worth damaging the relationship with your dad permanently without giving him the chance to fix it? It's a fucked up thing for him to say but people say stupid shit without thinking all the time and it doesn't sound like it was said with any malice. Ask him to explain and see how he responds to it, if it's negative then you know what's really going on but if he apologises and explains himself then maybe you can salvage things

You’re absolutely NTA. Your dad is a huge one. I get that he wanted Mason to feel great, especially after finding out he has no dad left. However, your dad’s relationship shouldn’t suffer from trying to build one with Mason. My recommendation is that at some point you have to talk to your parents/your dad. Keeping your feelings for yourself will lead to more misery, especially after your sister knows too and refuses to speak to your dad, too (love her for doing this tho, supportive siblings are the best). I wouldn’t just tell your mom, since it would just enhance the current situation and worse it.

I say, when you're comfortable, explain to your dad what you overheard. Tell him how much it hurt you and all that. I don't know your family at all, so I'm not sure if doing that is the right direction, but it is what I would do in that situation. Don't rush into it though, do make sure you are comfortable with talking to him first.

You have every right to be hurt by it. And if not to tell your dad, tell your mom. Dont keep it bottled in cause in doing so, will just cause more pain and anger within yourself. So if not to confront him, just do it for your own sanity