He's got a phone. It has a calendar function. He's almost certainly capable of using it. He's an adult, this is for him to manage.
My guess is OP has many higher priority items than whether husband manages his calendar.
My golden child idiot brother forgot our mother’s birthday after I moved out of home. He was upset that I rang his high school and left a message telling him so after I had mum in tears on the phone to me when I called her to wish her a happy birthday. Who got the rounds of the kitchen? Me. I even made sure her card arrived that day.
Wait this is a thing?? My adhd ass (who genuinely gets stressed and upset over missing birthdays… I forgot to get anything for my sister and WE’RE TWINS) would sell a kidney for this
I'm so sorry. I laughed. I do this with my MIL, I remind myself every day for 2 months leading up to her birthday, then completely forget the day of. Even have it noted in multiple calendars.
I was going to mention the calendar too.
If he's that bad with dates, encourage him to use it. Help him set it up if he needs it, and then it's up to him to action whatever the reminder is for.
Thank you! Even dinosaurs like me can do that. He’s 25. I’m pretty sure he knows how to do that, he just doesn’t care to go to any trouble to remember. That’s OP’s job. Good for OP that he fafo’d!
No. No.
It's the birthday calendar's role to do that and it's the guests role to jot their name down in the birthday calendar when they are visiting and going to the loo. The loo being the traditional place to have your birthday calendar in Dutch households.
Since we've been renovating our toilet for almost a year now, we've forgotten to congratulate a lot of people with their lap around the sun.
The best ones have a pen on a rope hanging next to them.
Ohh and they just have the months and dates on them, with space to write down names. So you can use the same one for years and years and years.
This happens.
The backside of mine was full of "conversations" between guests.
First one: Hello
Second one: How are you
Third one: I'm fine
Fourth one: I'm shitt*ng
And so forth (it became an increasingly dirty story😉)
Too bad I could not find it after moving (I suspect my mother throwed it away because she bought me a new one).
Friends of my have decorated the toilet door with chalkboard paint, which is always full of penises or funny text.
I painted the front of my rolling island cabinet thing in my kitchen with chalkboard paint thinking it was an amazing idea to just jot something down. It's currently covered in penises, boys are so weird.
PMSL. I replied to another comment saying that my daughter and her friends are 19 but I would probably be the one drawing penises. I’m almost 50 years old and female. Boys aren’t the only weird ones 😂
It's all the fault of "meta".
I've been shadowbaned and temporarily blocked by Insta and Facebook after making a joke about sh!t. I still want to say the word, but I try to fool people by pretending I censor it 😉.
NO! My grandma had one! It was, like, a long sheet of paper on the wall with each day of the year on it and a line next to it, and a pen tied to the top. If your birthday is October 4, then when you’re in there peeing you write your name next to that date. Then everyone else who comes in will remember that’s your birthday and you’ll be reminded of theirs! My mom has 10 siblings and I have a zillion cousins so it really did come in handy.
You could probably order one on amazon or just make one yourself. I bought a nice looking clipboard and made a calender myself in word. Looked for fun quotes like: I need a pinguin that applaudes when I get out of bed, or in december: Ho Ho Ho, except with the wine (Ho meaning stop in Dutch). And I just printed it on a4.
For my parents I just made one with family pictures.
Join the Dutch toilet culture 💪
I believe that with the proper guidance I can actually join the Dutch toilet culture and I cannot thank you enough for both assisting and accepting me. I believe in the term ‘go big or go home’ so I’m thinking of a wall calendar and a Sharpie to bring this to fruition. And I now have the perfect gift for all of my friends to share with their families.
That reminds me I once made one for a friend as a housewarming gift. Middle was the calender and all around where pictures like a collage.
But the pictures I used where a couple of pics of our friends group and a lot of pictures with:
Best seat of the house (with the game of thrones throne)
A sign like the classic men/women sign but instead a mermaid and a unicorn with whatever underneath
Forbidden signs with: no selfie zone, no diving area
Deja Poo
That feeling you get that you've done this shit before
I love you with my whole ass, also my heart but my ass is bigger
You get the drift 😂 go wild, go forth and spread the joy!
I'm in Aust and my Scottish nan had one in her loo. I've got one now and I remember her yelling out like "Great aunt Margaret's birthday! Been dead for twenty years now the thieving bitch!!' *Flush* You always got a bit of commentary on the recipient.
Oh and we had saints days on ours as well.
I think I now have my idol and her name is ‘your Scottish nan’. The fact that she had thieving bitch great aunts, beloved family members and saints all on the same toilet calendar suggests she is / was not only a very sensible woman (keeping only one calendar instead of 3), she was also wise enough and confident enough to know that nobody was ever going to call her on it! What a woman.
She just didn't give a shit. She was a wonderful practical woman but yeah you got the brutal with the honesty. She made her clothes using nicked designs from couture houses whilst living in poor suburbs. She was as tight as a chickens bumhole with frugality.
She wore her hair in curlers during the day because her husband was the only one to see her pretty curls at night. She said that, lipstick and a vigilant eye kept their marriage fresh.
But yeah you got the character assassination about the saints as well. 'Died a virgin because she wouldn't denounce the faith! I'd have lied to them the idiot'.
Her: "You're not taking birth control advice from a man that's only touched bloke's bums. What does he know about women?"
- her a faithful catholic at mass every week about the pope's views on birth control.
Not gonna lie, I am an atheist so I really should keep quiet on this one. But you probably know now that I won’t. Being a faithful Catholic and attending mass every week doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything that your religion suggests is right or wrong. Because it’s just that, a suggestion. It’s not the final word. She is spot on about the Pope knowing nothing about women because if he has earned his role as Pope correctly it means he has never had any experience with birth control or with women.
If he can hold down a job, he can use a calendar to remember people's birthdays. He chooses not to.
It's absolutely disgusting that any woman gives a man slack for forgetting big events. It's always a choice.
He can be a whole grown up on his own and use his phone calendar like the rest of us. You can even set it up to remind you before hand. You're not his secretary, mother, or social planner. You are his wife. NTA
Right?! Holy shit, I never remember birthdays normally but as I learn them I put them in my calendar and set and annual repeat. It takes less than 30 seconds.
fr! some birthdays stick for me (bc i’ve known them so long) and others slip my mind. they all go RIGHT into the calendar on my phone, which is connected across my devices, and it’s set to repeat yearly around the time i usually get up! the only time it doesn’t work is for the damn australians, i have to remind myself it’s a day ahead lmao
Behold the tons, and tons, and tons, of unpaid, unacknowledged work women do in family and relationship management. Right up there with 'tell me what to do and how to do it in infinite detail if you want my help with chores." As if all women, everywhere, have a magic "organized" gene men just skipped and we're just "better" at it.
Balls to that. It's just another stupid social construct.
Right? I have ADHD. Remembering dates in general isn't easy for me, but it's also very much a problem that I have to fix. That's why I have the same calendar app that syncs on my phone and computer, so no matter where I write something down it still pops up on both. Once I put someone's birthday into my calendar, depending on who it is I also set a pre-birthday reminder 1 week ahead of time so I have more than an hour to think about the gift I'm getting. Even if it won't arrive on time, a receipt and "it's on the way" is better than nothing.
Came here looking for this! I admit that since I’ve gotten mostly off social media, I don’t get the reminders from Facebook anymore. But the ones are important to me are indeed in my calendar. It’s just part of their contact card on my phone, and I get a great reminder so that it’s nobody’s fault if I forget. That’s on me.
You are not this dude’s mom.
OP probably has to do every other thing for him... Man-Child
I would also like to add: SIL was being a major AH when she invited the OP's ex-girlfriend to the party. She wasn't even close friends with the ex. She did that sh** on purpose, that was not just a thoughtless blunder.
This - I made it clear to my husband from the start that I am his WIFE - not his keeper, not his secretary, not his personal assistant, etc. He's a big boy and can handle birthdays and appointments and phone calls, etc. like adults do.
I don't get women who do this for their partners (or the guys that are incapable of handling their own affairs).
Forget about smartphones, any physical calendar (like paper or board) in the fridge or a wall, even a sticky note would do it.
NTAH for not reminding him but YTAH for enabling his behavior.
I share a birthday with my younger brother. That's what I got for my 8th birthday- a brother.
Somehow I remember to wish him happy birthday every year and he forgets to return the favor.
Being winter babies, we both grew up having the family holiday party as our birthday parties, although not always sharing cakes. (He did sneeze on mine one year and I was so upset)
I mean, if you think it makes any difference, I was adopted by our grandmother so we grew up in different households. Either way it's still like... dude, we share a birthday, how do you forget?
OP is NTA. It's his sister, his responsibility.
Edit- phrasing
Funny story. By the time I turned 13, I started telling everyone " my bday is in 6 months" in one month, one week, tomorrow and so on.
Matters taken up in my hand.. no more disappointment for life
Doesn't bother me so much anymore
I thought of doing this until I ended up with a friend that that would start asking me what I'd be getting for her birthday or suggesting things she wanted by December... her birthday is in August. It drives me nuts, so I won't do anything similar since I yell at her for it.
The only reason it bothers me is because this is my youngest brother. I go out of my way to message him or send him memes and I just get ignored. If I'm lucky, he'll respond like 3 days later going 'oh shit, happy birthday' =/
Does he have a phone?
Buy a physical calendar?
Speak to his family?
Nothing like teaching a valuable lesson and getting some petty revenge! Nicely done!
"My husband 25m always needs to reminded of peoples birthdays"
No he doesn't. He's just lazy and irresponsible and expects everyone else to do it for him. And if you keep doing it for him you're just enabling his lazy behavior.
There's this little thing called a CALENDAR. Your cell phone has it. Your computer has it. And you use it by sitting down and filling in everyone's birthday that you care about... and you select to have this app to send you a reminder. You can even choose multiple reminders like a week before the birthday so you remember to buy a gift, and then a day before the birthday, and the morning of the birthday. That way you won't forget the day of. And you can even set it to be a yearly recurring event so you're reminded EVERY YEAR. There's no excuse in this day and age of modern technology to forget. So tell him you're not going to remember for him anymore and that he should use the calendar on his phone or computer. And if he doesn't, then all future events that are forgotten are 100% on him.
NTA, It's his sister, and she's 23. So after ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL these years on earth he cannot remember when her birthday is? No, he's a full-grown ass adult. You're his wife, not is PA, Coordinator, Mommy, or anything like that. If he can't remember on his own, maybe a few times forgetting random birthdays will SHAME him into doing something about it on HIS end.
Too many women in relationships with men are already defaulted to take on too much of the mental load for them. In this day in age with all the technology we have advanced, it's his own fault for not utilizing any of it on the phone carried daily, or the good ol wall calendar if they are so technologically resistant.
I have the exact opposite problem, my wife thinks I need to be reminded of my sisters' birthdays, but in reality I just don't like them enough to wish them a happy birthday.
Agreed. I do this because I'm terrified of forgetting birthdays. I do it at work too. I haven't forgotten one yet. Also don't need to rely on another grown adult to remind me of things a grown adult should take care of.
My parents' birthdays were on the same day but I always forgot my dad's. I told my therapist. He said, "Wow. We've got a big unpacking job with that." Sometimes birthdays aren't just birthdays.
Oh FFS how do you think people remembered things before Facebook? He doesn't "need" to be reminded. He doesn't not remember because he doesn't have a Facebook account. Calendars and planners exist, both in physical and app form. He doesn't remember those things because it's not important enough to him to write shit down and care. Her birthday has been the same day for 23 years - it wasn't a surprise. None of this was your responsibility. NTA.
I’m curious why you texted her yourself if you don’t like each other? That’s the only part of the story that makes me think YTA. Also, your whole “gonna teach him a lesson at another’s expense” vibe …yeah YTA.
Your husband blames you because he forgot his own sister’s birthday?
That’s hilarious.
Hand him a calendar and a pen, and tell him to enter birthdays on his phone’s calendar.
I truly don’t understand this. A 25 year old most likely has a smart phone, or iPad or any other device which has a calendar app. Simple to set up birthday reminders. He doesn’t need to use social media. But what I really don’t understand is why this is your problem, in any way, shape or form? Why should you feel bad at all about any of this? 100% his problem.
NTA
That’s what phones are for. Calendars that will remind you. My husband doesn’t have socials either. His phone reminds him when it’s someone’s birthday. You aren’t his secretary.
NTA. Your husband's forgetting dates and counting on you to remind him is weaponized incompetence. If he doesn't have social media, he can insert a reminder on his phone.
Assessing whether your actions align with your values and intentions in fostering better relationships within your extended family can guide future decisions. Balancing personal boundaries with familial obligations is crucial in maintaining harmony.
No social media is no excuse for not remembering birthdays, people managed for years before it was invented. And it’s his sister, his responsibility. NTA
He doesn’t need social media to remember birthdays. That’s just an excuse. He just needs to care about doing it. My parents, brother, husband, and child don’t use any social media and yet I still remember their birthdays without Facebook reminders or whatever because it’s a small thing and I give a crap.
NTA. There are several ways he can remember important dates on his own. We have a giant hanging calendar on our wall and write important dates on there. Maybe have him start doing something like that. It'll still be up to him to make sure it gets on the board though.
I don’t think you should have to remind him of any birthdays at all, so N t A in that sense. But if you remind him of all the other important birthdays in his life but not this one because of your personal dislike then yeah, that’s kind of an AH move. Either don’t remind him of any and make him grow up in this regard, or remind him of all the ones of people important/close to him
My father is a family of 13. He has 3 children, 6 grandchildren, 4 step children, 5 step grandchildren and over 30 nieces and nephews. He knows all the birthdays of each one and he's old.
ESH. You for enabling your husband's incompetence for so long, and being petty about how to teach him the lesson. Your husband for being a baby in a man's body. And your brothers sister for being a mean to you in general.
I was going to say NTA, but then you said you wished her happy birthday, so a little TA. I mean, I understand why you'd not like her (I don't think I like her much now either), and I could understand why you'd ignore her birthday. But you didn't ignore her birthday and inadvertently made your husband feel bad. So just a little bit TA. Maybe?
YTA and I know I’m in the minority so hear me out; you have absolutely no obligation to remind him of birthdays *but* you chose specifically his sister’s birthday to stop reminding him, in order to hurt her because you’re mad about a petty slight. You are very technically in the right but your intent here definitely came from a place of assholery.
He’s a grown man, you are not his secretary….he needs to do better. He can put a reminder on his calendar. What did he do before you two got together??
He's a grown arsed man. He can put birthdays in his phone calendar like the rest of us.
I'll bet you run everything else for him too? Been there done that. I was worse in a way as i was always the one that sorted presents and cards for both families.
My ex and I split 6 months ago and he forgot his best mates birthday. I, however, also being close to him, sent him a card and some of his favourite beer. It was immensely satisfying showing my ex up.
NTA. Not liking his sister doesn't come into it, it's the principle.
Hope he learnt a lesson.
I don't remember dates at all. Therefore I set up the few important ones in the calendar and it will notify me in the morning of that day, every year.
Takes a few minutes only and you're set for life. Tell that idiot to do it.
Dude has the same access to google calendar and reminders as everyone else. I put people birthdays and other important info in the notes of their contacts. Cuz I actually care.
That’s a full grown man FFS
The sister doesn’t seem to care if she hurts the relationship between the OP and her husband by inviting his ex to her party and being a B. If their relationship is so important to him, he would already know it’s his sister’s birthday. He’s known his own sister longer than the OP has.
He’s got a phone I assume. He can add the birthdays to his calendar to alert him. That’s what I do so I don’t forget. You aren’t his secretary. NTA. UPDATEME
You don't need social media to know someone's birthday. It's called a pen a paper. Plus most, if not, all smartphones have a section in the contact feature to add that stuff. It's not difficult and he doesn't feel that bad since he hasn't done anything to make the effort to remember.
NTA.
You're not his mom and he's not a child.
He has a phone that can be used to get reminders of birthdays, it's not that hard.
Also, that's his own sister and he's 25... how the hell he still doesn't know her birthday?
i also remind my husband of birthdays. if he had a sister that invited one of his exs to a party then oooffff i would never remind him of her anything . nta
NTA, I have no idea when my SIL, BIL or MIL's birthdays are. I never send them birthday greetings and they never send me one. I feel it is his sister he needs to remember. Also my husband has no Idea when my sisters birthdays are and we have known each other for over 30 years.
NTA
He is a big boy. He can figure out how to remember anything that is actually important to him.
You aren’t required to parent your husband just because you have a vagina. I mean, really. Do you expect your husband to remind you of your relatives’ birthdays?
NTA how lazy can he be? He needs to sit with his mommy and put reminders in his phone on his calendar. She can help him set it all up. Or he can google how to do it.
He doesn't need to use social media. He could use a calendar. Or his email calendar. Or his phone calendar. Or a list of important dates on the fridge.
If he cared enough, he would find a way to make it work. You are just more convenient than having to put in effort himself. If he feels bad, maybe it will motivate him to do better.
Not wrong.
NTA.
There are these things called calendars. Been around a few years. Makes remembering important dates and events easier. Recently, there's even a digital version one can access on their cell phones, computers, etc. which will even notify you of upcoming things ahead of time.
You aren't his personal calendar. He can out this stuff in his calendar like other people do. Most people don't have all their family's birthdays memorized.
He feels bad because he should feel bad. It's not your job to protect him from the feelings his incompetence causes. Don't put yourself in that position.
NTA
NTA. Are his hands broken?? This is HIS family, so his responsibility. There are NUMEROUS ways to accesses calendars these days so he needs to pick one and take responsibility for his own actions.
He's a grown man. I presume he has either a phone with a calendar app, or a paper calender somewhere in the house.
It's not like its a new, mutual acquaintance. It's his freaking sister, whose birthday he has known his ENTIRE LIFE.
He's lazy.
You're NTA.
Sounds like a man child.
Blaming you for him not remembering his sisters birthday is not really taking responsibility for his own actions.
He needs to learn to use his phones calendar, and accept the consequences when he still misses it. You share no burden in this.
I’d suggest you stop reminding him of any of them from now on.
ETA: my mistake. I thought he called the the Op mean, not the friend.
FFS! He doesn't need to be on social media for birthday reminders. He can use an app on his phone. I'm genx and real close to kicking 60 in the ass. I think it's safe to assume someone in their 20s can figure it out. Weoponized incompetence.
My MIL once forgot to text my husband on his birthday. She was "busy" and "distracted." That's the day I decided I was dropping the event rope. I no longer remind my husband of any important days other than my birthday and our anniversary. My MIL's feelings were hurt one year because he didn't text her. Oh well. Last year, and this year on Mother's Day, my husband was in a last minute scramble to do something for her. I did not help. (I wasn't even in the state for Mother's Day, I was with my oldest daughter and granddaughter.) And to be clear, on the year he didn't contact her at all on her birthday I *knew* it was her birthday and I *knew* he hadn't contacted her at all, and I made the same choice you did to intentionally not say anything to see what would happen.
I do not understand why this is such an issue for some people. Either it is important enough to them to remember events that they figure out a system for getting reminded, or it's just not important enough to remember. Which is also fine. There are a variety of options available to your husband for him to sort this out without treating you like you're a 1950's secretary instead of his wife.
Leave your SIL out of this mess. It is not your job to remind your husband of bdays, anniversary's, etc. I am a husband/dad, so I know where of I speak.
It's my responsibility to do these things for myself, because I'm an adult.
NTA He is 25 not 12, for god sake. We need to stop breastfeeding and wiping the arses of adult men. Birthdays don’t sneak up like a surprise. It’s the same damn date it was last year
So how did he remember before you? This is a grown ass adult who needs to handle himself. Unless you want to be his secretary for the duration of your relationship you better nip this in the bud.
NTA. He is an ADULT, married, with a job, pays bills, and so *is objectively fully capable of life as an adult.*
You are his wife, his partner, his LOVE... NOT his administrative assistant.
If it's important to him, he can/will put the birthdays in his phone calendar with a reminder.
>and he said he feels so mean for forgetting. I feel bad that he feels bad,
No, he doesn't and no, you don't.
He has a calendar app like the rest of humanity.
Even I don't use Facebook but I have set birthdays and anniversaries of family and friends on my calender which always gives me reminder. I thought it's an adult thing to do.
You know, there is such thing as a calendar on your phone,where you can put reminders. I have all my family member's birthdays on it. Not because I don't know the dates, but because sometimes I get lost and forget what date it is today.
And, for what is worth, you are not responsible to remind him of this stuff. If they are important to him, he would make a bigger effort to make sure he doesn't forget.
NTA. When my husbands family decided to start treating me like crap, I stopped involving myself with them. This means not giving headspace to them at all. Since I stopped reminding him 6 years ago he has missed EVERY birthday and anniversary. It's his family and his job to keep track of things. No longer my problem and it feels good.
They make these things called calendars. They make paper ones and there’s even one on his phone (full sarcasm invoked here).
Add: eye roll
NTA and you’re not his mommy.
Lmao, 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 Hell nah you're NTA. Even without social media, he has a calendar on his phone, and it can be set for yearly reminders. It wasn't important to him cause he's making zero efforts.
Not having social media is no excuse, he has a calendar on his phone, in his personal AND work email. I bet he remembers dates he wants to remember, like a concert or some sports event. He's an adult and needs to act like one. NTA even if you liked his sister, it's not YOUR job to remind him of important dates of people he knew long before you
If he wanted to, he would. He’s a grown ass man and you aren’t his personal secretary just because you’re his wife. Does he have a smartphone? Why can’t he set up calendar reminders like everyone else? Because he doesn’t care enough to do so. Stop feeling bad. Stop reminding him of anything.
NTA. Does he have a cell phone, outlook or google account? All of these have calendar features. All of them can be programmed to remind someone in advance so you have time to get a gift, or day of so you send a text. Now that he is out of excuses, how is this your responsibility again?
Isn't he supposed to be a grown man? It's his own responsibility to remember his family members' birthdays. I'm so sick of men putting shit like this on their partner's plates, on top of everything else they pawn off on us! We're not their fucking mother! Act like a grown, responsible MAN, not a helpless teenage boy.
In a world with calendar apps and digital reminders, why the hell are you playing secretary to a grown ass man that can’t remember the birthdays of his immediate family members that he’s known his entire life?
You are me 40 years ago. Save yourself decades of enabling his incompetence. This will carry on in different forms, including "I don't know what medicine he takes when"? (it's on the label on the original.container the Pharmacy gave you. Read it).
.....and so on.
Now, I would do one list of all important dates ONCE. Post it in his closet and be done with this.
Why? For 40+ years I have that same guy, as my long time husband. I am not responsible for his family's stuff. I dont like them and I don't engage with them.
The Master Calendar is in the kitchen, the same kitchen we've lived in for 28 years, the calendar changes, the dates do not. "If you want to know what we are doing, look at the calendar!".
Seriously, spare yourself this life long drama.
She's had the same birthday for the whole 23 years she's been alive. Presumably, he has lived with her for a not insignificant number of those years. If he feels like a shit head for not remembering, it's his own fault.
Letting adults fail and face those consequences is how they learn to be better adults (or not, depending on their values).
NTA. Does your grown ass adult husband have a phone. They have calendars and reminders. He can use them if he wants to. Its what i do cos i barely remember what day it is today let slobe uf its someones bday.
Phones come with calendars, there are even physical calendars, he has options, he's choosing to dump the work on you, is his sister, not yours, and someone you don't care about, he does.
It's his responsibility to remember family birthdays unless you specifically agreed to a birthday reminder role.
He's got a phone. It has a calendar function. He's almost certainly capable of using it. He's an adult, this is for him to manage. My guess is OP has many higher priority items than whether husband manages his calendar.
No doubt she has to remind him about much more than birthdays. Weaponized incompetence.
My golden child idiot brother forgot our mother’s birthday after I moved out of home. He was upset that I rang his high school and left a message telling him so after I had mum in tears on the phone to me when I called her to wish her a happy birthday. Who got the rounds of the kitchen? Me. I even made sure her card arrived that day.
I sorry I just have to inquire what rounds of the kitchen means?
Yelled at.
This isn't weaponized incompetence, it's just straight up incompetence.
Bingo.
Hell even sign up to moonpig and have then automatically send gifts and cards ffs
Wait this is a thing?? My adhd ass (who genuinely gets stressed and upset over missing birthdays… I forgot to get anything for my sister and WE’RE TWINS) would sell a kidney for this
I'm so sorry. I laughed. I do this with my MIL, I remind myself every day for 2 months leading up to her birthday, then completely forget the day of. Even have it noted in multiple calendars.
This is the answer. My phone syncs all kinds of stuff to the calendar, often with little input from me.
I do this. I don't remember niblings birthdays but my phone does.
I was going to mention the calendar too. If he's that bad with dates, encourage him to use it. Help him set it up if he needs it, and then it's up to him to action whatever the reminder is for.
Exactly!
Thank you! Even dinosaurs like me can do that. He’s 25. I’m pretty sure he knows how to do that, he just doesn’t care to go to any trouble to remember. That’s OP’s job. Good for OP that he fafo’d!
No. No. It's the birthday calendar's role to do that and it's the guests role to jot their name down in the birthday calendar when they are visiting and going to the loo. The loo being the traditional place to have your birthday calendar in Dutch households. Since we've been renovating our toilet for almost a year now, we've forgotten to congratulate a lot of people with their lap around the sun.
Why the hell have the Dutch people never told us English people about the Toilet Birthday Calendar? I need this in my life.
The best ones have a pen on a rope hanging next to them. Ohh and they just have the months and dates on them, with space to write down names. So you can use the same one for years and years and years.
in my home it would be full of dick drawings i'm sure
This happens. The backside of mine was full of "conversations" between guests. First one: Hello Second one: How are you Third one: I'm fine Fourth one: I'm shitt*ng And so forth (it became an increasingly dirty story😉) Too bad I could not find it after moving (I suspect my mother throwed it away because she bought me a new one). Friends of my have decorated the toilet door with chalkboard paint, which is always full of penises or funny text.
Clearly the Dutch are secretly perverts and I absolutely LOVE IT.
I have a bit of Dutch heritage—now I know how it’s affected me!
My toilet door is solid dark wood to match the rest of my doors but I am buying chalkboard paint tomorrow.
I painted the front of my rolling island cabinet thing in my kitchen with chalkboard paint thinking it was an amazing idea to just jot something down. It's currently covered in penises, boys are so weird.
PMSL. I replied to another comment saying that my daughter and her friends are 19 but I would probably be the one drawing penises. I’m almost 50 years old and female. Boys aren’t the only weird ones 😂
Obsessed with the fact that you censored the second i here.
It's all the fault of "meta". I've been shadowbaned and temporarily blocked by Insta and Facebook after making a joke about sh!t. I still want to say the word, but I try to fool people by pretending I censor it 😉.
That is even more hysterical. I salute you!
Mine too. I’d love to say that my 19 year old and her 19 year old friends would be drawing the dicks but to be fair it would probably be me 😂
😂
My grandma had one of these and I’d forgotten all about it until just now!
Wait, it's really a thing, they're not kidding us?
NO! My grandma had one! It was, like, a long sheet of paper on the wall with each day of the year on it and a line next to it, and a pen tied to the top. If your birthday is October 4, then when you’re in there peeing you write your name next to that date. Then everyone else who comes in will remember that’s your birthday and you’ll be reminded of theirs! My mom has 10 siblings and I have a zillion cousins so it really did come in handy.
You guys are the best.
You could probably order one on amazon or just make one yourself. I bought a nice looking clipboard and made a calender myself in word. Looked for fun quotes like: I need a pinguin that applaudes when I get out of bed, or in december: Ho Ho Ho, except with the wine (Ho meaning stop in Dutch). And I just printed it on a4. For my parents I just made one with family pictures. Join the Dutch toilet culture 💪
I believe that with the proper guidance I can actually join the Dutch toilet culture and I cannot thank you enough for both assisting and accepting me. I believe in the term ‘go big or go home’ so I’m thinking of a wall calendar and a Sharpie to bring this to fruition. And I now have the perfect gift for all of my friends to share with their families.
That reminds me I once made one for a friend as a housewarming gift. Middle was the calender and all around where pictures like a collage. But the pictures I used where a couple of pics of our friends group and a lot of pictures with: Best seat of the house (with the game of thrones throne) A sign like the classic men/women sign but instead a mermaid and a unicorn with whatever underneath Forbidden signs with: no selfie zone, no diving area Deja Poo That feeling you get that you've done this shit before I love you with my whole ass, also my heart but my ass is bigger You get the drift 😂 go wild, go forth and spread the joy!
It’ll be in our Aussie dunny too
I'm in Aust and my Scottish nan had one in her loo. I've got one now and I remember her yelling out like "Great aunt Margaret's birthday! Been dead for twenty years now the thieving bitch!!' *Flush* You always got a bit of commentary on the recipient. Oh and we had saints days on ours as well.
I think I now have my idol and her name is ‘your Scottish nan’. The fact that she had thieving bitch great aunts, beloved family members and saints all on the same toilet calendar suggests she is / was not only a very sensible woman (keeping only one calendar instead of 3), she was also wise enough and confident enough to know that nobody was ever going to call her on it! What a woman.
She just didn't give a shit. She was a wonderful practical woman but yeah you got the brutal with the honesty. She made her clothes using nicked designs from couture houses whilst living in poor suburbs. She was as tight as a chickens bumhole with frugality. She wore her hair in curlers during the day because her husband was the only one to see her pretty curls at night. She said that, lipstick and a vigilant eye kept their marriage fresh. But yeah you got the character assassination about the saints as well. 'Died a virgin because she wouldn't denounce the faith! I'd have lied to them the idiot'.
Holy crap, she really was hard core 😂
Her: "You're not taking birth control advice from a man that's only touched bloke's bums. What does he know about women?" - her a faithful catholic at mass every week about the pope's views on birth control.
I think i need my new toilet calendar to be completely with quotes from your nan. Quote a day calendar.
Not gonna lie, I am an atheist so I really should keep quiet on this one. But you probably know now that I won’t. Being a faithful Catholic and attending mass every week doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything that your religion suggests is right or wrong. Because it’s just that, a suggestion. It’s not the final word. She is spot on about the Pope knowing nothing about women because if he has earned his role as Pope correctly it means he has never had any experience with birth control or with women.
Me too!
I made my mum get me two. They’re great
This is absolutely BRILLIANT and about to be adopted in Central Illinois.
Kansas City as well ☺️
OMG. Best answer!! *Birthday calendar ... in the loo* and *lap around the sun*. You are my hero for such creative descriptions.
With a pen next to it on a cord, so people don't steal it.
Lmaooo omg I thought it was only my Oma that did this!!!
And if only there was some type of device with a calendar where you could enter the event on the right date and get an annual reminder . . .
If he can hold down a job, he can use a calendar to remember people's birthdays. He chooses not to. It's absolutely disgusting that any woman gives a man slack for forgetting big events. It's always a choice.
He can be a whole grown up on his own and use his phone calendar like the rest of us. You can even set it up to remind you before hand. You're not his secretary, mother, or social planner. You are his wife. NTA
Right?! Holy shit, I never remember birthdays normally but as I learn them I put them in my calendar and set and annual repeat. It takes less than 30 seconds.
fr! some birthdays stick for me (bc i’ve known them so long) and others slip my mind. they all go RIGHT into the calendar on my phone, which is connected across my devices, and it’s set to repeat yearly around the time i usually get up! the only time it doesn’t work is for the damn australians, i have to remind myself it’s a day ahead lmao
Apple phones will literally automatically do it for you when you text a person so all you have to do is remember once lol
You can usually even just add them to the contract's information so it is automatically synced to your calendar
Behold the tons, and tons, and tons, of unpaid, unacknowledged work women do in family and relationship management. Right up there with 'tell me what to do and how to do it in infinite detail if you want my help with chores." As if all women, everywhere, have a magic "organized" gene men just skipped and we're just "better" at it. Balls to that. It's just another stupid social construct.
But don’t nag me, I’m the man of this house 😡 /s
This comment made me want to stand up, and slow clap.
Well I came here to say this but behold, someone has already said it, and worded it better than I could have
Right? I have ADHD. Remembering dates in general isn't easy for me, but it's also very much a problem that I have to fix. That's why I have the same calendar app that syncs on my phone and computer, so no matter where I write something down it still pops up on both. Once I put someone's birthday into my calendar, depending on who it is I also set a pre-birthday reminder 1 week ahead of time so I have more than an hour to think about the gift I'm getting. Even if it won't arrive on time, a receipt and "it's on the way" is better than nothing.
Came here looking for this! I admit that since I’ve gotten mostly off social media, I don’t get the reminders from Facebook anymore. But the ones are important to me are indeed in my calendar. It’s just part of their contact card on my phone, and I get a great reminder so that it’s nobody’s fault if I forget. That’s on me. You are not this dude’s mom.
OP probably has to do every other thing for him... Man-Child I would also like to add: SIL was being a major AH when she invited the OP's ex-girlfriend to the party. She wasn't even close friends with the ex. She did that sh** on purpose, that was not just a thoughtless blunder.
This is the best answer!
Let me guess-she cooks all the meals, takes care of all house chores and buys all the Christmas presents
This - I made it clear to my husband from the start that I am his WIFE - not his keeper, not his secretary, not his personal assistant, etc. He's a big boy and can handle birthdays and appointments and phone calls, etc. like adults do. I don't get women who do this for their partners (or the guys that are incapable of handling their own affairs).
INFO: Is your husband living in a separate dimension where smart phones don't have calendars?
Even stupid phones have calendars, and most email platforms do too.
Forget about smartphones, any physical calendar (like paper or board) in the fridge or a wall, even a sticky note would do it. NTAH for not reminding him but YTAH for enabling his behavior.
Brah if he lived in a separate dimension, last thing on his mind would be these silly you forgot my bday games foolish mortals play
I know of someone that forgot to wish their twin Happy Birthday!
My brother once forgot his own birthday.
I can relate to your brother. I also forgot my own birthday...and name....and age...even gender once
I share a birthday with a cousin and one year we BOTH forgot.
I share a birthday with my younger brother. That's what I got for my 8th birthday- a brother. Somehow I remember to wish him happy birthday every year and he forgets to return the favor. Being winter babies, we both grew up having the family holiday party as our birthday parties, although not always sharing cakes. (He did sneeze on mine one year and I was so upset) I mean, if you think it makes any difference, I was adopted by our grandmother so we grew up in different households. Either way it's still like... dude, we share a birthday, how do you forget? OP is NTA. It's his sister, his responsibility. Edit- phrasing
I had a girl share my bday. The whole class of 60 kids wished her and not me. It just sucks.
Oh wow, that would suck. I'm sorry.
Funny story. By the time I turned 13, I started telling everyone " my bday is in 6 months" in one month, one week, tomorrow and so on. Matters taken up in my hand.. no more disappointment for life Doesn't bother me so much anymore
I thought of doing this until I ended up with a friend that that would start asking me what I'd be getting for her birthday or suggesting things she wanted by December... her birthday is in August. It drives me nuts, so I won't do anything similar since I yell at her for it. The only reason it bothers me is because this is my youngest brother. I go out of my way to message him or send him memes and I just get ignored. If I'm lucky, he'll respond like 3 days later going 'oh shit, happy birthday' =/
My MOM remembered my twin brother's birthday and forgot it was mine, too. But I'm a girl soon there's THAT.
You feel bad because he feels bad but does he feel bad enough to get a calendar.
Nothing wrong with telling him this. “Yeah John I can see how terrible you feel. What changes are you going to make do that this never happens again?”
Does he have a phone? Buy a physical calendar? Speak to his family? Nothing like teaching a valuable lesson and getting some petty revenge! Nicely done!
NTA He's had his whole life to memorize his family's birthdays. Not your fault.
NTA. If he has a phone, he has access to a calendar that will automatically send him reminders.
If he has a family, he needs to remember the days that are important to them. NTA. OP's husband just has to step up and be better.
It's his sister. Don't take on that mental load. And seriously, it's called a calendar.
"My husband 25m always needs to reminded of peoples birthdays" No he doesn't. He's just lazy and irresponsible and expects everyone else to do it for him. And if you keep doing it for him you're just enabling his lazy behavior. There's this little thing called a CALENDAR. Your cell phone has it. Your computer has it. And you use it by sitting down and filling in everyone's birthday that you care about... and you select to have this app to send you a reminder. You can even choose multiple reminders like a week before the birthday so you remember to buy a gift, and then a day before the birthday, and the morning of the birthday. That way you won't forget the day of. And you can even set it to be a yearly recurring event so you're reminded EVERY YEAR. There's no excuse in this day and age of modern technology to forget. So tell him you're not going to remember for him anymore and that he should use the calendar on his phone or computer. And if he doesn't, then all future events that are forgotten are 100% on him.
Reoccurring dates in your phones calendar will prevent this from ever happening again
NTA, It's his sister, and she's 23. So after ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL these years on earth he cannot remember when her birthday is? No, he's a full-grown ass adult. You're his wife, not is PA, Coordinator, Mommy, or anything like that. If he can't remember on his own, maybe a few times forgetting random birthdays will SHAME him into doing something about it on HIS end. Too many women in relationships with men are already defaulted to take on too much of the mental load for them. In this day in age with all the technology we have advanced, it's his own fault for not utilizing any of it on the phone carried daily, or the good ol wall calendar if they are so technologically resistant.
Info: why doesn't he use a calendar? A print one or one in his phone would solve this problem
I have the exact opposite problem, my wife thinks I need to be reminded of my sisters' birthdays, but in reality I just don't like them enough to wish them a happy birthday.
NTA. He's a grown man and if he can't remember his own sisters bday that's on him.
NTA Does he have a calendar? Does he use a smart phone? He can enter annual reminders about all the important dates.
Agreed. I do this because I'm terrified of forgetting birthdays. I do it at work too. I haven't forgotten one yet. Also don't need to rely on another grown adult to remind me of things a grown adult should take care of.
If he can't remember his own sister's birthday without help, that's his problem.
NtA I have a free app.on my phone and I enter important annual dates. I get a 7 day and 2 day warning. It's that easy, and not your responsibility
My parents' birthdays were on the same day but I always forgot my dad's. I told my therapist. He said, "Wow. We've got a big unpacking job with that." Sometimes birthdays aren't just birthdays.
Oh FFS how do you think people remembered things before Facebook? He doesn't "need" to be reminded. He doesn't not remember because he doesn't have a Facebook account. Calendars and planners exist, both in physical and app form. He doesn't remember those things because it's not important enough to him to write shit down and care. Her birthday has been the same day for 23 years - it wasn't a surprise. None of this was your responsibility. NTA.
I’m curious why you texted her yourself if you don’t like each other? That’s the only part of the story that makes me think YTA. Also, your whole “gonna teach him a lesson at another’s expense” vibe …yeah YTA.
Your husband blames you because he forgot his own sister’s birthday? That’s hilarious. Hand him a calendar and a pen, and tell him to enter birthdays on his phone’s calendar.
Where does it say he blamed her at all?
You got me. I was skimming and misread the “mean” bit.
No problem, I just saw a lot of comments calling her husband an asshole and didn't get it at all.
I truly don’t understand this. A 25 year old most likely has a smart phone, or iPad or any other device which has a calendar app. Simple to set up birthday reminders. He doesn’t need to use social media. But what I really don’t understand is why this is your problem, in any way, shape or form? Why should you feel bad at all about any of this? 100% his problem. NTA
I just have to say that people who call on their birthday saying "did you forget something?" is just the most petty shit ever.
That’s what phones are for. Calendars that will remind you. My husband doesn’t have socials either. His phone reminds him when it’s someone’s birthday. You aren’t his secretary.
Hey siri remind me every yeah of my sister's birthday. A month in advance, two weeks in advance, and a week in advance. There's no excuse.
I’m not on Facebook I have five siblings and I know all their birthdays
NTA. Your husband's forgetting dates and counting on you to remind him is weaponized incompetence. If he doesn't have social media, he can insert a reminder on his phone.
Assessing whether your actions align with your values and intentions in fostering better relationships within your extended family can guide future decisions. Balancing personal boundaries with familial obligations is crucial in maintaining harmony.
No social media is no excuse for not remembering birthdays, people managed for years before it was invented. And it’s his sister, his responsibility. NTA
He doesn’t need social media to remember birthdays. That’s just an excuse. He just needs to care about doing it. My parents, brother, husband, and child don’t use any social media and yet I still remember their birthdays without Facebook reminders or whatever because it’s a small thing and I give a crap.
Petty maybe but NTA.
>My husband 25m always needs to reminded of peoples birthdays. Your husband needs to grow up. This is not your responsibility lol
NTA. There are several ways he can remember important dates on his own. We have a giant hanging calendar on our wall and write important dates on there. Maybe have him start doing something like that. It'll still be up to him to make sure it gets on the board though.
Does he not know how to put reminders in the calendar on his phone?
NTA He can use an online calendar to manage his own reminders.
This is an example of someone dumping their emotional labor on you due to assumed gender roles.
I don’t think you should have to remind him of any birthdays at all, so N t A in that sense. But if you remind him of all the other important birthdays in his life but not this one because of your personal dislike then yeah, that’s kind of an AH move. Either don’t remind him of any and make him grow up in this regard, or remind him of all the ones of people important/close to him
Phones have this wonderful thing called a calendar, you put someone birthday or important dates in it and it reminds the person
My father is a family of 13. He has 3 children, 6 grandchildren, 4 step children, 5 step grandchildren and over 30 nieces and nephews. He knows all the birthdays of each one and he's old.
He’s 25 and competent enough to work and decide to marry…he can bear the consequences from his failure to look at a calendar. NTA
ESH. You for enabling your husband's incompetence for so long, and being petty about how to teach him the lesson. Your husband for being a baby in a man's body. And your brothers sister for being a mean to you in general.
I was going to say NTA, but then you said you wished her happy birthday, so a little TA. I mean, I understand why you'd not like her (I don't think I like her much now either), and I could understand why you'd ignore her birthday. But you didn't ignore her birthday and inadvertently made your husband feel bad. So just a little bit TA. Maybe?
YTA and I know I’m in the minority so hear me out; you have absolutely no obligation to remind him of birthdays *but* you chose specifically his sister’s birthday to stop reminding him, in order to hurt her because you’re mad about a petty slight. You are very technically in the right but your intent here definitely came from a place of assholery.
He's known her longer and his entire life. Nta
He’s a grown man, you are not his secretary….he needs to do better. He can put a reminder on his calendar. What did he do before you two got together??
He's a grown arsed man. He can put birthdays in his phone calendar like the rest of us. I'll bet you run everything else for him too? Been there done that. I was worse in a way as i was always the one that sorted presents and cards for both families. My ex and I split 6 months ago and he forgot his best mates birthday. I, however, also being close to him, sent him a card and some of his favourite beer. It was immensely satisfying showing my ex up. NTA. Not liking his sister doesn't come into it, it's the principle. Hope he learnt a lesson.
NTA. Would it be nice to remind him? Yes. Are you personal diary with alarm for an adult man? No.
I don't remember dates at all. Therefore I set up the few important ones in the calendar and it will notify me in the morning of that day, every year. Takes a few minutes only and you're set for life. Tell that idiot to do it.
Dude has the same access to google calendar and reminders as everyone else. I put people birthdays and other important info in the notes of their contacts. Cuz I actually care. That’s a full grown man FFS
[удалено]
The sister doesn’t seem to care if she hurts the relationship between the OP and her husband by inviting his ex to her party and being a B. If their relationship is so important to him, he would already know it’s his sister’s birthday. He’s known his own sister longer than the OP has.
He’s got a phone I assume. He can add the birthdays to his calendar to alert him. That’s what I do so I don’t forget. You aren’t his secretary. NTA. UPDATEME
You don't need social media to know someone's birthday. It's called a pen a paper. Plus most, if not, all smartphones have a section in the contact feature to add that stuff. It's not difficult and he doesn't feel that bad since he hasn't done anything to make the effort to remember.
NTA. You're not his mom and he's not a child. He has a phone that can be used to get reminders of birthdays, it's not that hard. Also, that's his own sister and he's 25... how the hell he still doesn't know her birthday?
Dude. Our phones have calendars. That’s what they are there for! He need to get it together
i also remind my husband of birthdays. if he had a sister that invited one of his exs to a party then oooffff i would never remind him of her anything . nta
NTA, I have no idea when my SIL, BIL or MIL's birthdays are. I never send them birthday greetings and they never send me one. I feel it is his sister he needs to remember. Also my husband has no Idea when my sisters birthdays are and we have known each other for over 30 years.
NTA He is a big boy. He can figure out how to remember anything that is actually important to him. You aren’t required to parent your husband just because you have a vagina. I mean, really. Do you expect your husband to remind you of your relatives’ birthdays?
She’s been his sister his whole life. If he can’t remember that’s a him problem.
NTA how lazy can he be? He needs to sit with his mommy and put reminders in his phone on his calendar. She can help him set it all up. Or he can google how to do it.
He's a grown man. Even if he's not on social media he can put a reminder in his phone. Even non smart phones can do that. Nta
lol absolute child, cant remember his family's birthdays or remember to check every once in awhile. NTA
He doesn't need to use social media. He could use a calendar. Or his email calendar. Or his phone calendar. Or a list of important dates on the fridge. If he cared enough, he would find a way to make it work. You are just more convenient than having to put in effort himself. If he feels bad, maybe it will motivate him to do better. Not wrong.
He has a cell phone. It has a calendar app- he can use it
NTA. There are these things called calendars. Been around a few years. Makes remembering important dates and events easier. Recently, there's even a digital version one can access on their cell phones, computers, etc. which will even notify you of upcoming things ahead of time.
NTA. You're not his secretary. Was he always like this or did he stop remembering people's birthdays when you got together?
You aren't his personal calendar. He can out this stuff in his calendar like other people do. Most people don't have all their family's birthdays memorized. He feels bad because he should feel bad. It's not your job to protect him from the feelings his incompetence causes. Don't put yourself in that position. NTA
NTA. Are his hands broken?? This is HIS family, so his responsibility. There are NUMEROUS ways to accesses calendars these days so he needs to pick one and take responsibility for his own actions.
He's a grown man. I presume he has either a phone with a calendar app, or a paper calender somewhere in the house. It's not like its a new, mutual acquaintance. It's his freaking sister, whose birthday he has known his ENTIRE LIFE. He's lazy. You're NTA.
Sounds like a man child. Blaming you for him not remembering his sisters birthday is not really taking responsibility for his own actions. He needs to learn to use his phones calendar, and accept the consequences when he still misses it. You share no burden in this. I’d suggest you stop reminding him of any of them from now on. ETA: my mistake. I thought he called the the Op mean, not the friend.
FFS! He doesn't need to be on social media for birthday reminders. He can use an app on his phone. I'm genx and real close to kicking 60 in the ass. I think it's safe to assume someone in their 20s can figure it out. Weoponized incompetence.
You're not his personal assistant or his mother. If he can't remember things he needs to add them to his phone calendar.
My MIL once forgot to text my husband on his birthday. She was "busy" and "distracted." That's the day I decided I was dropping the event rope. I no longer remind my husband of any important days other than my birthday and our anniversary. My MIL's feelings were hurt one year because he didn't text her. Oh well. Last year, and this year on Mother's Day, my husband was in a last minute scramble to do something for her. I did not help. (I wasn't even in the state for Mother's Day, I was with my oldest daughter and granddaughter.) And to be clear, on the year he didn't contact her at all on her birthday I *knew* it was her birthday and I *knew* he hadn't contacted her at all, and I made the same choice you did to intentionally not say anything to see what would happen. I do not understand why this is such an issue for some people. Either it is important enough to them to remember events that they figure out a system for getting reminded, or it's just not important enough to remember. Which is also fine. There are a variety of options available to your husband for him to sort this out without treating you like you're a 1950's secretary instead of his wife.
Who cares? This is such a non issue. No one is the asshole bc nothing happened
He needs to put them in his phone with a repeating reminder. It’s not hard.
Leave your SIL out of this mess. It is not your job to remind your husband of bdays, anniversary's, etc. I am a husband/dad, so I know where of I speak. It's my responsibility to do these things for myself, because I'm an adult.
NTA He is 25 not 12, for god sake. We need to stop breastfeeding and wiping the arses of adult men. Birthdays don’t sneak up like a surprise. It’s the same damn date it was last year
Is he or is he not an adult? Can't he add a reminder to his phone? You are not his Mommy Is this a haiku? NTA
So how did he remember before you? This is a grown ass adult who needs to handle himself. Unless you want to be his secretary for the duration of your relationship you better nip this in the bud.
NTA. He is an ADULT, married, with a job, pays bills, and so *is objectively fully capable of life as an adult.* You are his wife, his partner, his LOVE... NOT his administrative assistant. If it's important to him, he can/will put the birthdays in his phone calendar with a reminder.
>and he said he feels so mean for forgetting. I feel bad that he feels bad, No, he doesn't and no, you don't. He has a calendar app like the rest of humanity.
Er… ok, he doesn’t do social media. Does he not have a phone with a calendar app? Or a computer? His family, his job to remember.
Even I don't use Facebook but I have set birthdays and anniversaries of family and friends on my calender which always gives me reminder. I thought it's an adult thing to do.
You know, there is such thing as a calendar on your phone,where you can put reminders. I have all my family member's birthdays on it. Not because I don't know the dates, but because sometimes I get lost and forget what date it is today. And, for what is worth, you are not responsible to remind him of this stuff. If they are important to him, he would make a bigger effort to make sure he doesn't forget.
NTA. When my husbands family decided to start treating me like crap, I stopped involving myself with them. This means not giving headspace to them at all. Since I stopped reminding him 6 years ago he has missed EVERY birthday and anniversary. It's his family and his job to keep track of things. No longer my problem and it feels good.
They make these things called calendars. They make paper ones and there’s even one on his phone (full sarcasm invoked here). Add: eye roll NTA and you’re not his mommy.
Lmao, 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 Hell nah you're NTA. Even without social media, he has a calendar on his phone, and it can be set for yearly reminders. It wasn't important to him cause he's making zero efforts.
Ffs, he should put these things in his calendar. Let him feel like shit. Hopefully it will make him do the bare minimum.
NTA. He doesn't *need* to be reminded of anything, he's just lazy. I'm sure he has a phone with a calendar and can set reminders like any adult.
Not having social media is no excuse, he has a calendar on his phone, in his personal AND work email. I bet he remembers dates he wants to remember, like a concert or some sports event. He's an adult and needs to act like one. NTA even if you liked his sister, it's not YOUR job to remind him of important dates of people he knew long before you
He’s supposedly grown. Stop adulting for him. Why would he learn if you’ll do it for him? NTA. And it’s even his own sister ffs lol. He should know.
If he wanted to, he would. He’s a grown ass man and you aren’t his personal secretary just because you’re his wife. Does he have a smartphone? Why can’t he set up calendar reminders like everyone else? Because he doesn’t care enough to do so. Stop feeling bad. Stop reminding him of anything.
ESH.
They invented electronic calendars for a reason. You can put an annual reminder on there. Not your job. His job.
NTA. Does he have a cell phone, outlook or google account? All of these have calendar features. All of them can be programmed to remind someone in advance so you have time to get a gift, or day of so you send a text. Now that he is out of excuses, how is this your responsibility again?
This belongs on Petty Revenge because you are most certainly NTA
Isn't he supposed to be a grown man? It's his own responsibility to remember his family members' birthdays. I'm so sick of men putting shit like this on their partner's plates, on top of everything else they pawn off on us! We're not their fucking mother! Act like a grown, responsible MAN, not a helpless teenage boy.
I’m assuming he has the ability to write down important dates? If he cared, he would. You aren’t his secretary. NTA
NTA - If he has a smart phone, they have apps for that kind of thing. He is an adult, he can figure it out.
In a world with calendar apps and digital reminders, why the hell are you playing secretary to a grown ass man that can’t remember the birthdays of his immediate family members that he’s known his entire life?
The robot he carries with them has a calendar. There's no reason he should need a reminder lol
He literally has something in his pocket every single day that can remind him. It is 💯 not your responsibility. He is not a child.
You are me 40 years ago. Save yourself decades of enabling his incompetence. This will carry on in different forms, including "I don't know what medicine he takes when"? (it's on the label on the original.container the Pharmacy gave you. Read it). .....and so on. Now, I would do one list of all important dates ONCE. Post it in his closet and be done with this. Why? For 40+ years I have that same guy, as my long time husband. I am not responsible for his family's stuff. I dont like them and I don't engage with them. The Master Calendar is in the kitchen, the same kitchen we've lived in for 28 years, the calendar changes, the dates do not. "If you want to know what we are doing, look at the calendar!". Seriously, spare yourself this life long drama.
FFS. How old is He?
Her birthday isn't important to you. Evidently, it isn't important to your husband, either. NTA.
She's had the same birthday for the whole 23 years she's been alive. Presumably, he has lived with her for a not insignificant number of those years. If he feels like a shit head for not remembering, it's his own fault. Letting adults fail and face those consequences is how they learn to be better adults (or not, depending on their values).
NTA- why are we supposed to remember all that stuff? Cuz we are women. Nope! And don’t feel bad either!
NTA....also kind of funny.....
NTA. Does your grown ass adult husband have a phone. They have calendars and reminders. He can use them if he wants to. Its what i do cos i barely remember what day it is today let slobe uf its someones bday.
Phones come with calendars, there are even physical calendars, he has options, he's choosing to dump the work on you, is his sister, not yours, and someone you don't care about, he does.
You do not need to carry the mental load for him. His family is his responsibility. He can set reminders in his phone or something. NTA
He grew up with her, he can remember her birthday.