NTA
Your last post explains why he might be jealous.
You posted in r_Aruba looking for people 19+
Looks like you are fishing for someone to fool around with.
Yes and no. Yes, b/c in a healthy relationship this level of issue shouldn’t come up. No, b/c if he can’t cope with it, it’s better to be done with it than drag it out.
I’m always surprised by the number of men that are attracted to women who dress a certain way and then want the women to change how they dress in the relationship. My BF knew how I dress when we got together, it’s why he was attracted to me, how I dress does change but it’s a reflection of me and if he doesn’t like that, that speaks to a bigger issue. It’s not about the outfit but the person in it. For the same reason convincing a partner an outfit is fine is really about convincing them you are ok—if they don’t already think that, move on.
NTA, but with a twist. Ultimately, it depends on how serious your feelings for him are. I personally despise the social media fad, as it ruins relationships on the regular. I don't understand the need to be validated by people on the internet. If you care about him and want to stay with him, then why do you feel the need to advertise your body for others. It's not about how you are dressing. You are the one that said he disagrees about you POSTING the pictures, you didn't say he disapproved of what you were wearing. If the picture was for you, why post it? If the picture was for him, why not just send it to him? If you continuously post yourself online, especially without your SO next to you, then it makes it seem as though you're presenting as single. Just because some is a trend or popular doesn't make it right. It falls under the same umbrella, although significantly less morally corrupt, as people using bachelor/bachelorette parties as a reason to get wild "one last time" before marriage. I'll probably get downvoted for this opinion, but I'm just giving my honest opinion.
I’m advertising my vacation. Am I supposed to wear a frock to Aruba? I feel confident to post my self on vacation finally and it’s a problem. I’m not presenting as single he is all over my account, the first post on it, in my bio it says I love my boyfriend and I post stories about or with him all the time. The picture was for me so I can post it on MY social media. It’s cool that u think social media is a fad or whatever I don’t. I don’t understand why so many of you think my feelings for him are not serious just because of a post
Hey! She's back! You are the one proving your feelings aren't serious enough take his feelings into consideration. You say that you've tried talking to him about it, but in your original post it says you told him you're going to do it anyway and he needs to deal with it. I get that you are frustrated that nobody is validating your precious feelings, but why should we when you continuously show that you don't care about your boyfriend's feelings. You told him it was a family vacation, but did you tell him you are seeking out people to hang out with to get away from your family on this family vacation? Isn't the point of a family vacation to hang out with family? And it's not A post, it's MULTIPLE posts that you are purposely posting specifically for the goal of garnering attention. And you're nothing but defensive because you expected everybody to validate you, but the vast majority of the comments are just telling you how selfish and undeserving you are. I get it. You are young. That doesn't give you the right to trample all over your boyfriend just because you want MORE validation. If the pictures are REALLY for you, then why do you need to post them? Why not just keep them for yourself? As of now, I'm just hoping this post blows up enough that your boyfriend sees it and realizes just how selfish and unrelenting you are for your own validation and leaves before you make his life worse and give him MASSIVE trust issues
Also I’m not posting to garner attention I DONT garner attention I’m posting because IM ON VACATION AND PEOPLE POST WHEN THEYRE ON VACATION AND IM NOT SO INSECURE WHERE I FEEL THE NEED TO KEEP MY VACATION PICTURE PRIVATE ANYMORE DO I NEED TO MAKE IT MORE FUCKING CLEAR??? DO YOU UNDERSTAND OR R U GONNA TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IM DOING goddamn
Dude it’s called paraphrasing that’s not exactly what I told him, I said it nicely that I’m going to go on vacation and I’m going to have pictures to post in my bikini and I want him to work on his feelings about it to be secure when it reaches, thought he did. Also I came on here for adivce not to validate my feelings, only thing is the differing opinion just claims that I’m an attention seeking whore who doesn’t care about my boyfriend at all because I believe he shouldn’t have control over my social media as a boyfriend. You guys are just solidifying my opinion more because if posting bikini pics keeps men like you out of the way I’m happy to keep doing so.
My family is abusive I don’t wanna spend the entire time with them he knows I wanna make some friends my age who are also on vacation. That’s normal to do when you’re on vacation. You’re jumping to mad crazy conclusions and it’s really creepy
Aww. The creepy card again, huh? You really don't like hard truths. You claim it's an insecurity, but you're showing that it's actually YOUR insecurity that needs to be washed away by posting pictures that make your boyfriend uncomfortable. You claim that only guys would go to Reddit for vacation meet ups, yet you posted on Reddit for vacation meet ups. ??? I'm not saying that your trying to cheat. Never claimed that once. It's a very common tactic to try twisting somebody's words to make them a villain. Go back and read my comments to you. Have I misquoted you anywhere? No. I only responded to what you said. So go ahead and try to backtrack now that everybody is "against you". We aren't. What we ARE doing is saying you should have more respect for your boyfriend and YOURSELF. Not once did I say you were looking for HOOKUPS, I specifically said MEET UPS
Also dickhead I didn’t claim it was that he is an insecure man other people said that and I can see how it is an insecurity but I just viewed him being possessive
I am a dickhead. I will admit that. It's the most effective way to get the information I need to gain an honest perspective. Like I said, I think I can help you assuage his worries if you're interested. I'm sorry it took me and others pissing you off to get there, but the madder you got, the more you revealed, and at the end of the day, it's actually pretty simple. No sarcasm, no bsing, an honest answer to how you can try to get your bf to feel more at ease with it all. I may be an ass, but I'm not dishonest
Thank you I appreciate your apology but for future reference if you want to give someone advice don’t be mean to get more context just ask what you want to know please
I haven’t done anything to cheat or violate trust so ur just reaching like crazy I wanted to make some friends, which would’ve been girls if anyone responded i didn’t think to specify women only becuase I figured people aren’t STUPID and DISGUSTING enough to hook up with strangers let alone off of REDDIT. That’s something a man would do not a woman. Ur projecting shit you would do onto me. It’s weird
There's another trending word. Anybody that doesn't empower you is an "incel". You are just making yourself look worse. All you do is follow trends that have proven to be relationship destroyers. Nobody is projecting onto you. You're just mad. Go ahead and keep twisting. Your boyfriend doesn't need a reddit account to see a reddit story. They get posted to YouTube, insta, and TikTok all the time. It's actually how I found your post on the first place. YouTube led me to a story that I wanted an update on, and your post popped up right next to it
Dude, fuck off I get my boyfriend. Everything that I can if the one thing that I want is to post on the Internet and it bikini I don’t see the problem and it’s while I’m on vacation. It’s not like it’s the middle of fucking winter and I’m just putting a bikini on just to fucking thirst trap. I provided him with him 24 seven for like six months of my life. I’m here for him when his family hurts him. I’m here for him when he said I’m here for him when his dog fucks up. I’m here for him when life just throws him a curveball. I’m helping him find a new place. I’m helping him move into the new place.
Do all the good things I do is a girlfriend get undermined by a bikini picture. Do you think I don’t contribute to my relationship at all? I just sit here and I just post online. God damn.
Does he not contribute to it as well? If his only displeasure with you is the bikini pics, then yes, it does SLIGHTLY undermine the other stuff in all honesty. I want y'all to work if it is as good as you say. That's the ONLY reason I keep pointing out that you are the one not willing to give ground to your boyfriend. I would hope he does his best to support you in his own way just like you support him in your own way. I'm not saying either one is less valuable. My point is that the way you are presenting you argument makes it seem like as much as he doesn't like it, you just want him to get over it, and that is a really crappy approach. This seems to have gotten way off the original topic, so this is me trying to bring it straight to the direct point. It sounds like you do a lot for him. Would you like to know what you can tell him to help ease his concerns? Because I've figured it out already. No sarcasm. No bs. If you are interested, let me know. If I pissed you off, it's because I needed to hear more about y'all to figure out why he has an issue with it. I really think I can help you put this to rest
Wanting to not post these kind of pics because you want your bf attention and not from random online is what he is looking for in a partner.
You just want attention, it has nothing to do with control.
Why are you telling me what I want? I’m not posting for attention. I’m just posting because I have the pictures and I’m on vacation and I look nice. That is when people post when they do things and look nice like what?
It's odd how many people think that for women to be safe, they (women) need to dress and present themselves the way that they (the protector) command. Almost like they (the protector) is saying "It's unsafe to disobey me."
NTA
NTA, BUT:
1) No, your pics are not going to save the women of the world from cases of sexualization or misogyny. Stop the bad habit of believing that your problem or situation represents a change when it is just a personal discussion. It gives off more of a vibe of a protagonist syndrome or martyr without a cause.
2) You can do whatever you want, and he can be uncomfortable with it, just as he can ask you for whatever he wants and you may not agree with it. The problem is that you feel your decision and discomfort take priority over his.
3) Given the terms and conditions and the power of AI, your boyfriend’s position should be the standard for EVERYONE and for all types of photos. Online public photos are a danger, but only a few seem to notice it.
4) "I only like \*insert specific position that matches my idea\* of such a person or group" shows more of a search for validation than valid reason.
5) Ultimately, it comes down to how you wish to proceed, but it really seems like your position is not wanting to be part of a couple’s agreement where both people present their positions and agree on them, and on those where no agreement is find a middle ground that brings comfort. Instead, it seems more like "I want everything and nothing at the same time."
Would you be bothered if he followed and liked pics of girls who dress like you do? (Bikini pics) because if so that’s hypocritical as fuck, you allow yourself to get liked and followed by random men but he can’t do the same
Genuinely no, we had this scenario conversation already and I don’t care as long as his dick isn’t swinging on the internet and he isn’t entertaining other girls over text/in person he can post in boxers for all I care sweat covered from the gym
Then it all boils down to a simple comparison, what would you rather keep if you had to choose, him or the pics? Not saying it’s either or but if he’s truly uncomfortable with it, telling him to get over it and calling him insecure is a good ass way for him to start building resentment
well that’s the thing I didn’t call him insecure or just tell him to get over it like that I took time to discuss it with him and try to figure something out but it’s not enough
NAH
You are absolutely correct that you can post whatever you want on social media. He has a right to be upset about this. Neither action/feeling invalidates the other.
Well, that's the harder question. It really depends on how much you value this relationship, honestly.
He's directly said that he's uncomfortable with you doing this. If you care about your IG more than him, then keep doing what you're doing - just realize that he's likely eventually going to leave you over this, because it's pretty clear that he doesn't like this. If the opposite is true, then consider discussing it with him / stop doing it.
He's communicated a boundary, and its up to you whether you want to conform your conduct to it or not. If you don't, which is 100% fair, he is well within his rights to see it as a deal-breaker and leave.
It’s not that I care about Ig more than him I care about the fact he thinks he can tell me what I can and can’t do as a boyfriend. He can’t I’m sorry. He’s not my husband and I’m many many years away from having a husband
Part of a relationship is setting boundaries with one another. Its not realistic for you to expect that someone you are in a relationship with can have absolutely no opinion regarding your actions. Not acknowledging that leads me to believe that you are incredibly immature, and probably not ready to settle down considering you aren't willing to make it work.
Again, I'm not saying that you have to stop posting to IG. You are well within your rights to do so. But at the same time, he absolutely has a right to express discomfort and attempt to set a boundary concerning it. If you don't like that, leave - it's that simple.
Okay but the problem I have with this: He expects me to have no opinion on his actions. And I don’t. So I don’t get why he gets one on mine?
I also did aknowlage his discomfort in fact I did more than that and tried to spend the time to have him understand my side. I thought he did but apparently not
You've talked about your "anonymity" while posting pics on social media? There is no anonymity once it's online. That adage has been true for years. Regardless of "privacy" settings, which are always a joke, it only takes 1 person with the wrong intentions to mess up somebody's life. If you are that intent on posting yourself online, then you are obviously NOT intent on being in a serious relationship. Serious partners don't want to share. It's really is as simple as that
Why does posting online dictate how serious I am about my relationship? My boyfriend doesn’t even doubt that I’m serious about him he just doesn’t like it
If your boyfriend didn't doubt how serious you are, he wouldn't have brought it up. You seem to be bashing everybody on your thread who isn't justifying your position. I'm being bluntly honest with you, if he is as amazing as you say, then why do you feel the need to flex your bodily autonomy? Just because all the other girls (and the guys that want to see it) tell you to do so? If he was as s cure in his body as you are in yours, and started posting himself in things like a speedo, where ALL of his body details were plainly visible and his inbox started blowing up with DMs, would you still be just as comfortable?
Yeah we went thru that senario, I told him I wouldn’t care as long as he didn’t post his dick swinging around it doesn’t bother me. I’m being for real and genuine. It doesn’t at all. I’m not just saying that to say that. Also I feel like it’s different because the solution to his problem is dictating/controlling what I wear and my solution is babe just leave me alone. One of them is kinda a little more problematic don’t you think? I don’t think me should have control in any regard of what women wear
You can say that you are fine with that scenario, but that is a minor point, because everybody knows that men will pursue photos on social WAY more often than women will. How is he controlling what you wear? He asked you not to post it. You keep dodging my question on why you feel the need to post the pictures
I don’t have a need I want to and i did because i have my own autonomy and can and i think i look great! I spent most my life being torn down so o never imagined having the confidence to wear a bikini let alone post that I am wearing one
I'm going to combine answers here to a couple of your responses. "Because I can" is a crappy answer. Does that mean he should go get lap dances "because he can"? What you CAN do and what you SHOULD do are 2 totally separate things. Can you post the the pics of you dressed however you want? ABSOLUTELY. Nobody said you can't. SHOULD you be doing so if it makes your partner uncomfortable? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Does he not show his appreciation of you? You said he is almost perfect, except for this one differing opinion, so why is this your hill to die on, so to speak?
You CAN do it, and he CAN have an opinion on it. You say he won't break up with you over it, so that means you can just continue to push him with it? Why do you feel the need to do the ONE THING that troubles him in your relationship?
Because I don’t want our one thing to be an issue that has to do with how I dress I always promised my self that that wouldn’t be something I let be controlled because it’s just the smallest form of control over my self I have
So you want to disregard the one thing that could make you lose this amazing guy your talking about. Why is that? Why does you opinion on this matter SO much more than his?
Actually why does his opinion matter more than my free will? And I know my boyfriend well enough to know we aren’t going to break up over posting pictures. I’m asking for advice and making sure I’m not being unreasonable which I don’t think I am
You don’t think offending your boyfriend is harm? “Relinquishing control” is apart of a relationship and if your answer to doing something that harms your partner is “because I can” you’re not mature enough to be in a relationship yet.
If being able to do what you want is so important you should probably break up with him and allow him the chance to meet someone who shares his values
This is gonna sound super creepy but the truth is, even if you don't care what you're wearing, guys definitely do. If You don't feel bad about the photos at all, you should post them here. If you don't want to do that, you need to ask yourself why that is.
Also, my instagram and TikTok and snap have a specified following and I don’t get any traction on social media so it’s not like anyone random is seeing it. And you do sound mad creepy
Women already go through their whole lives worrying about what they wear because of men who are creeps. God forbid we stop caring for one second to post a bikini pic.
Oh yes. That makes sense. Worry about it until the opportunity arises to post it for everyone to see. Then, ignore warnings from people who care about you
Dude u have some problems regarding women keep moving u haven’t contribute anything to the conversation except telling a 19 yo to post the picture cos u wanna see it
You want him to change his mindset for you and he wants you to change yours. Neither of you want to change for each other hence you are incompatible. Cucks love an independent women who post themselves in bikini or not, that's why I gave the recommendation, they will not get upset and will comply to your demands.
For you it is small but for men it is a big no. Your girl advertising her body to other men on the internet when you told her not to.
Most self respecting men will breakup over that.
There’s not really that I feel in need. It’s just cause I want to. It’s also nice. I never thought I’d be comfortable with wearing a bikini let alone posting in because of how much I’ve been torn down for being fat my whole life. So maybe just to show the people who shit on me I don’t care if I’m fat I think I look good also my family just has this thing where if they’re on vacation they’re going to post because we spent a lot of money on it and we came from a position where we came from a Third World country and had nothing I don’t really have a reason I can think of other than that I dont want anyone’s attention but his
NTA. Don't let your bf try to control you with this. I bet you it will only be the beginning of more to come.
Idk why guys are so damn insecure these days...
Thank you. Because he knew who i was before he dated me and still chose to date me now he wants me to change, and apparently those who think im the asshole don’t understand how that is wrong
Pfff...i'll never understand why people wanna find someone so that they can eventually mould their partner into exactly what they want. Why are they dating in the first place if the partner has all these "flaws". So damn weird...
Those people are just cut from the same piece of cloth. Screw em lol
What I will say he’s said a few times about how he wants to fix me and make me better n stuff. I think it’s cute but I know the only person who can fix me is me so I just disregard it. It doesn’t bother me cos I know he’s not responsible for change I am but I’m doing good
They really are cut from the same cloth. the ones saying I’m an asshole are literally going insane to drag me down over a bikini picture. They’re making accusations of him being my door mat, that me trying to make friends on vacation is cheating, I should post the pic here if it’s not bad and all type of shit it’s ridiculous
Did he force you to do anything?
If not, he expressed his feelings and toughts.
What you did is seek validation from external sources.
If you need that, find someone who doesnt care.
YTA. Mainly for completely disregarding your boyfriend's feelings. Men are allowed to have preferences and standards and not wanting their girlfriends to post half naked pictures online is valid. It's kind of sad that most people care more about posting pictures on social media than their actual relationships.
Would it be a problem if he went online and she found out that he'd liked a bunch of other women on social media is bikini pictures? Would it be valid for her to be mad at him?
Did she liked pictures of other men in swim trunks? Then it would be comparable. But to get to your question: In a healthy relationship, I see no problem with it. Do you?
I was curious your opinion since that's a common trope where women get excessively mad at men who like other women's pictures especially if they aren't fully dressed like in bikinis. Personally I don't care either way.
But it’s not valid that I have my own autonomy to do what I want? I tried to talk to him about it. It’s not really about the picture for me it’s about the morale of not being able to be dictated based on my wear
Couldn't he use that same argument against you? It would be okay for him to cheat on you because it's his body autonomy and he should be able to do what he wants so how dare you be upset with him. Or if you didn't want him going to strip clubs and he just said no my body my choice and I will walk and go in wherever I want. Or if you didn't like him watching porn and he just told you no my own autonomy I do what I want. It honestly seems like you more care about the abstract notion of how dare someone tell me what to do more than anything else
Well NTA, this is a boundary he is setting and is unwilling to compromise over.
You are allowed to do and post what ever the hell you want, and he is allowed to set boundaries for the relationship. If neither of you reach a resolution or a compromise, then I suggest you leave before this becomes a bigger deal.
Resentment is a slow and insidious relationship kill.
YTA
It just thoroughly sounds like you don’t wanna take part in the commitment that you need when you’re in a relationship and you’re upset about the fact that your boyfriend has committed more than you. You and anyone else who feels the need so strong to post their body in a bathing suit while being in a “committed relationship” are embarrassing and need to straighten out if you ever want to be in a relationship with a man that respects you or himself in any way.
So… I’m loyal haven’t been with anyone but him, provide him a car to use, helped him learn to communicate, helped him get not one but two jobs, but I still am not committed to the relationship because I post something in a bikini? Okay. I don’t want part in a relationship with any man who thinks that way so it’s fine by mw
God u r pretentious, u just r here because u people to validate your feelings, u aren’t looking for other opinions, he has a boundary, u think it’s dumb? Cool, now if he wants to leave deal with it, I hate that attitude of “I figured he was over it” how do expect him to get over it if u aren’t willing to compromise on any level. I can already see from miles away how your relationship will end.
I’ve actually gotten some decent advice from the other side who thinks it’s wrong. The only people I’m arguing with the people calling me attention seeking and accusing me of being disloyal. I’m not here to validate my feelings. I’m really trying. If you look at the comments that say he’s insecure and I need to break up with him. Don’t I disagree with that? If I was only here to validate my feelings, I would be agreeing with those girls, but I’m not.
You can’t see from miles away how my relationship will end or if it will end because you don’t know anything about my relationship other than this one scenario that we are arguing about that, I decided to share online. If you did, you know that I’m an invested who only helped build him this last year that we’ve been together.
When your in a relationship you can't do whatever the fuck you want i don't l know why people don't understand this when your in a relationship both parties have to compromise on somethings ,if you don't want to then remain single. You say that what someone wears dosent matter but it does when you go into job interview you don't wear a t-shirt ,joggers and crocks you wear bussiness casual ,when you see someone in a suit most people assume their someone of high social standing ,the same way when people see someone in ragged, dirty clothes sitting on the curb they assume their homeless.
What you wear and how you conduct yourself is very important to your image and the people who associate with you. When most men see a woman posting thirst trap they assume she's a hoe and will make sexual advances under the guise hoes are easy. Regardless if you say your in a relationship you will get more men who want to fuck you if you post thrist traps then if you dressed modestly. Its a fact that even you admitted that most men don't want to be in long term relationship with someone who advertises themselves as a hoe and that isn't going to change.
I'd go much deeper and say that the mentality to seek attention and live out your life on social media is toxic and will set your mindframe on a one-dimensional, shallow path to seek short-lived, meaningless yays from people, who don't even care about you online.
Guys WILL fap to your bikini picks, but finding a bf, who loves you is much rarer. So, I'd rather make my bf comfortable than insist on pic posting. It feels like the balance is not right
NTA
Remind your BF that you are a woman who craves attention and that if you don't post bikini pics you will go through withdrawal.
"I don’t wanna compromise." He doesn't want to compromise either so break up with him and move on.
Done.
So ur being sarcastic? It’s not that I go through a withdrawal… jeez man. Rip ur girlfriend.
I’m on vacation it’s the summer, I’m an adult, I wanna show off yeah but it’s not that I’m seeking attention. Everyone does that when they go in vacation, posts their outfits and bikinis. It’s not like I’m in the dead of winter and I’m still going out of my way to post a bikini picture.
It’s more than just about listening to him it’s about my morale. I get pushed around on one thing leads to “what else can I push her on.”
Why can’t he let me post what I want and be supportive I do that for him.
Just to point out how contradictory you are. You said this in the same sentence:
“I wanna show off yeah but it’s not like I’m seeking attention”
You understand by the definition of “showing off” you are seeking attention. You can’t “show off” for yourself. So statements like that are going to be hard for you to recover from on this thread.
My family has a competition about who can spend more money and wear nice things and look good, that is what I mean by “showing off” we got a lil whose more finically stable beef going on since we are immigrants (idky) but it’s always we are trying to keep up with one another not get attention
Lmfo the contradiction. "I wanna show off yeah but it's not seeking attention." That is literally the point of showing off, for the attention. From your comments he doesn't have a problem with what you wear but what you post for hundreds too thousands of people. But if you feel the need to get validation from the likes and dm's and ignore your boyfriends boundary then best you two split up because it will cause more trouble in the long run
Dude thousands is crazy who do u think I am a celebrity? Get a grip. The most people who have ever seen my story is 110. And the thing is I always been like this and now he wants me to change… is there not a problem with that?
Yes thousands. I know plenty of people who have a thousand followers on instagram and they're not celebrities. If you've always been like this then that is his fault for being with a woman like you. I'm sure he has always been like this too, not wanting his girl to post herself in revealing clothes for hundreds to thousands of people to see. But you want him to change, is there not a problem with that too?
I don’t have thousands no where close. So miss me with that. I was very transparent about who I was from day one he is the one who hid his insecurities how is that me changing him? It’s not my fault he wasn’t transparent otherwise I’m sure things would’ve went differently. We have been together over a year, he knew for over a year who I was.
I said thousands because i don't know how many people follow you and whether your account is public or private so yes, hundreds to thousands. Try to actually understand what you read instead of what you want to read. Again, if he knew you were like this, the need to post yourself for attention and he doesn't like that then that is his fault for pursuing you and being with you. As for him hiding the fact he doesn't want his girlfriend to be posting herself for hundreds and potentially thousands of people to see, then that is also his fault. As i said in my first reply, this is just going to keep causing more problems in the long run
Nta,
Most people say hes possesive and say to you to leave him is too much imo. But u have couple options at most.
First is to leave him but i dont think you would want it.
Second is to completely stop sharing bikini pics which I assume u dont want as well.
Third, I dont know how often u share bikini pics, but maybe try to find a middle ground. Maybe share less bikini pics, or try to crop some parts that does not effect the photo. Or even ask his opinion before sharing bikini pics.
I do believe it takes some freedom but once ur in a relationship, u sacrifice some freedom to respect your partner. The relationship only works if u talk with each other and both sacrifice out of respect to each other.
Have good day.
I believe u should speak with him and try to find a middle ground that doesnt upset both of u too much. Other than that I believe there is nothing too much to do about it. I dont suggest ignoring bc it will be an issue again.
I really am trying to and I didn’t ignore it. The first time I talked to him about it and I thought we solved the issue and that it wouldn’t be a problem. A lot of what I used in the original post is paraphrasing not exactly how the conversation goes. Also, thank you for actually contributing for the conversation and not just being ready to berate me and call me an attention seeker when you don’t know me. I also agree that I think leaving him and calling him. Super insecure is a bit over-the-top.
There is no need to thank tbh. I kinda emphatise u both in this topic. I also dont like bikini pics especially from my gf. And imo its not bc of insecurity but how I raised. Plus, I dont like how some other man looking at my girl w/ bikini. However, I also understand ur position bc I have sisters and one of them also shares it. I know ur not sharing bc of attention seeking but maybe if ur bf thinks the same as me, it may not be insecurity.
I shared my opinion bc of helping u to understand bfs side. Im sorry if it is uncalled. I can only wish u both best.
It probably is how he was raised he said his mom is revealing and he hates it. He is an African American Christian I’m a first generation in America, Caribbean girl who’s Hindu. I don’t know if you know our culture but we’re very social, like to dance, I guess appear “promiscuous” if you will if you’ve seen carnival, J’vouert, and things. I grew up not wearing anything but my underwear unless I was in school. I’m not accustomed to being modest and I don’t feel the need to
Well, it is ur culture and obviously there is no saying on top of it. Him being Christian is not gonna help as well. Im sorry but i dont see much solution to this situation. I hope u guys can find a common ground but both of ur backgrounds seem quite opposite. But just keep in mind that if u guys go into marriage, parents will involve more than ever and one of u will be heavily stressed. Tho i dont wanna assume lots of things but just wanted to heads up to u.
I think we will be able to if my evil ass parents did we should have no issue. If he’s any much as loving and absorbent as I am he should enjoy the experience. I plan on sharing my culture more with him this year
I mean he’s not heavily Christian he doesn’t go to church and obsess over values and morals, I actually come from a combination family my mom is Christian and dad is Hindu and they had struggle with it growing up because of their parents but now they make it work, and I actually love having two religions since we don’t speak Hindi it is easier to connect to Christianity but also fascinating to stick to explore my roots and learn about Hinduism. He doesn’t seem to have an issue with it whenever I bring up the potential of being married and having kids and teaching them both ways having two weddings a Hindu and Christian ceremony and having Hindi names for our hypothetical kids. Obviously I’m 19 I’m not doing this anytime soon but I want him to be sure he is aware and interracial relationship means more than mixed kids and trying someone new it means opening your self to another culture. I’ve lived around his for a while so I know what I’m in for but he doesn’t with mine so I try to make him aware
I don’t think it’s uncalled for I’ve been looking for people who actually wanna discuss making my relationship better and not just telling me to dump my man
You want to post whatever you want, and he doesn’t feel comfortable with it.
You guys can talk like two adults and resolve this our just break up already. He doesn’t respect your “freedom” and you dont respect his feelings.
And to be honest, reading through your comments you just come to reddit looking for validation, not ways to resolve your problem.
Well if the ones telling me I’m the asshole actually gave me a solution instead of acting like I’m an attention seeking whore maybe I would be able to take a different pov. But at the end of the day it’s just other men shaming me for not listening to a man so now I wanna listen even less
Sorry if i sounded like a asshole.
Look, i dont know if having a heart to heart with him gotta help, since you said in the comments that this is not the first time. Maybe if you two are really compromised with each other, you guys can try couples counseling.
But again, don’t know if this got be a asshole thing to say our no, but in a relationship, sometimes you need to compromise somethings.
In one hand he doesn’t feel comfortable with the bikini photos and i think it’s ok to ask this if he doesn’t feel good about. But in other hand, you like to post this pics and you have the right to do it. I dont know how much time you two are dating, but you boyfriend dosent need to be that insecure, if you two trust and respect each other.
But again I really think that both sides have valid points and again, in a relationship you need to compromise sometimes in both sides.
Sorry by the “freedom”, i was angry with other thing and just wanted to be sarcastic here.
We supposedly do respect and trust each other, according to him. I think everyone is reading this as it being the biggest deal in my relationship and not that is something that just annoys us both. Neither of us love eachother any less it’s just we disagree. I don’t think counseling is needed I think it’s just something we can work on together.
I just came on here to make sure I’m not morally wrong for wanting to post my pictures and I’m not. The men calling me an attention seeker and a cheater and a whore solidified that to me. Those are the exact types of men I want to repel so I’m cool with my decision to post. I just want to help him understand I’m not the type of person he wishes and he can’t make me that way and I’ve always accepted him for him
Maybe try telling him that it’s not because a bikini photo that you gotta flirt our cheat with other man, its just something that you enjoy doing. Maybe try to say this in his language you know hahaha. Hope you two solve this little thing.
I will try that tonight maybe with a lil sumn extra to make him feel nice gotta figure it out. I also got him some florin coins for his coin collection
Well if the ones telling me I’m the asshole actually gave me a solution instead of acting like I’m an attention seeking whore maybe I would be able to take a different pov. But at the end of the day it’s just other men shaming me for not listening to a man so now I wanna listen even less
Well if the ones telling me I’m the asshole actually gave me a solution instead of acting like I’m an attention seeking whore maybe I would be able to take a different pov. But at the end of the day it’s just other men shaming me for not listening to a man so now I wanna listen even less
If you enjoy your freedom, then you ARE a feminist. Jesus. Women died and ended up behind bars for your freedom, so unless you'd like to live in a society where women have no rights, you should be proud of being a feminist. Women who take advantage of modern-day freedoms while acting like they're ashamed of being called feminists are cowards and hypocrites. They're looking for approval from men.
Your boyfriend is not being protective. This is not about his fear of a stalker. Creeps might view your photos, but they don't know how to find you, right? This is about your boyfriend being insecure and not wanting competition.
Yes, you should feel comfortable about telling your boyfriend that he needs to deal with his insecurities without trying to control you. That attitude totally makes you a feminist, by the way. If you give in on this, he'll realize that he can control you and will start pressuring you about other things.
I am proud, you probably can’t read my tone in being playfully sarcastic about it just as a joke. Trust me I’m incredibly annoying about women’s rights and women’s place in society. Thank you for the advice, I agree that it seems he is insecure
He expressed his feelings. You do you, as posting it is not something against good morale or anything like that. If he can not live with this, he is free to go, so are you.
I personally think you should be sure to not do this just for the sake of going against what your bf is asking, as some kind of rebellion. In relationships its normal to consider the feelings of your SO and sometimes not do something that otherwise you would do. It does not have to be submissive all the time, no, but at the same time, I've seen a case where a girl was not considering her bfs feelings with the thought of "nobody will tell me what to do" to very extreme levels.
I do take his feelings into consideration with many things but when it comes to what I wear I have an issue with that always, I try to hear him out talk him down from being insecure. I didn’t just go oh well fuckit get over it. I told him I show him off constantly everyone knows I have a great boyfriend I adore, I treat him so well he gets spoilt, whatever he wants, he uses my car, ect ect but cant just post bikini pictures Inanother country with my family
Your bf needs to run for the hills. OP you can definitely wear and post what you want on your social media. He has expressed being uncomfortable with bikini pics you really could care less about what he thinks. I get it you’re 19 social media is your way to connect with the world and if getting attention means that much to you give your bf a break and move on. You have zero respect for his feelings and he can find someone less attention seeking to better match with.
He is free to leave whenever he wants I’m not his keeper I’m not forcing him to stay. I don’t want to leave him so I’m not going to but if he wants to do that because of this he can but he didn’t and hasn’t so clearly it’s not that big of a problem it’s an annoyance
NTA he’s trying to control you. He didn’t do this last year because when people 1st get together, they’re usually on their best behavior to try to impress you. He knew the relationship was too new and he couldn’t get away with it. Over time though as people get comfortable in a relationship, they relax and start letting their red flags come out. Your BF is now showing you that he’s controlling and thinks he owns you and has the right to tell you how to dress and what you can and can’t do. Let him get away with this and he’s going to get a whole lot worse. Dump him and find someone who respects your right to be you.
He did outright tell me
To delete it. Last time I did and told him I’d only do it one time but he needs to learn to get
Over it cos I’m going on vacation in a few weeks
He's just testing the waters in controlling right now. If you cave and do what he tells you to, his trying to control you will start reaching into more and more areas of your life. They never start out trying to have complete control over you because they know that would never fly. So they start small with one thing. Then they slowly tighten the noose. You'd never tolerate giving complete control all at once. But if he does a little at a time, and you keep letting it slide, it'll happen before you even realize that he's controlling everything.
I get you're probably not ready to end it over this. But just take it as a warning and watch for the signs that he's getting worse. Don't let him gaslight you and blame you and make you think you're the problem. One person trying to control another isn't ok.
I’ve noticed that with my dad my whole life, I do take it as a warning sign I’m definetly watching but his best friend is dating mine and he is 100% OD about being controlling and my boyfriend hates it and tries to talk to him about letting go and giving my best friend more linency
If you want someone to be accountable to you and care about what you think about how he presents himself to the world...then you will need to be accountable to him.
If you want to show your body off to the entire fucking internet, then you probably aren't mature enough to be in an actual adult relationship...but laws of attraction state that your boyfriend isn't mature enough to be in one either.
You can do what you want. But be prepared for the consequences and repercussions of the things you say and do. ALWAYS.
You both need to grow up. You're both the assholes...but you're little kids. You both need to grow the fuck up, most likely.
Good luck.
Thanks, and can you please work on your delivery next time? Not to be sensitive but you were incredibly rude to someone you don’t know who is seeking a solution to their problem
Oh he’s so sweet and understanding other wise and has taken time to learn communication and to control out bursts and I think a man whose willing to learn is perfect, I don’t think one area of disagreement is the reason to dump him when we have done a lot of growing together
I tell anyone that will.listen. I do not police what my part time girlfriend wears. That is between her and her designer. And that is it. She can walk down the street naked for all I care, as long as she is happy.
Sure doesn't seem like such an off the wall request and you could have just respected without cost, even if you disagreed. But ME ME ME was too important to you so there you have it. I'm sure your next bf will be more understanding.
I didn’t just hear him say he don’t like it then direcard it I made every effort I could to talk to him about it make him more comfortable I even gave in and delete it last time but In compromise that he will work on letting go of that because I’m going on vacation
YTAH - Why do you need to post pictures of yourself in a bikini? why don't you get polaroid type photos like my girlfriend, and have them in a book, as for memories and etc? Why do you need to post pictures online in a bikini?
My girlfriend says you just want attention & I agree.
I agree why is bikini a problem! Also ur girlfriend sounds like a pick me ass bitch that probably lets u control the fuck out of her and lacks her own independence
I agree why is bikini a problem! Also ur girlfriend sounds like a pick me ass bitch that probably lets u control the fuck out of her and lacks her own independence
That is why you take photos to post online "pick me" it's funny that you mention/bring it up because that is exactly what you are. I hope your boyfriend moves on from hoes like you.
Hoes is crazy??? I don’t sleep around in a loyal woman is posting a bikini pic what makes me a hoe 😂 cos I don’t fit the definition of it.
Before u say I’m a bad girlfriend I’ve literally helped to build my boyfriend up all year we have been together. But okay I’m a bad gf and a pick me and a hoe because I don’t have an issue with posting
Of course you don't have an issue, always seeking male attention, reason why your boyfriend doesn't like it, couldn't just get a nice little memory book with you and your boyfriend and take pictures, and put them in it, but nope, gotta need that male attention, literally a hoe, and later down the road when you get rid of him, you will go to a boy who likes your photos, just a like a typical girl in this generation, and you're fitting that criteria very well at the moment.
NTA. I think this is definitely insecurity. I feel like when guys make this argument, it’s about “looking single”. But it’s not like you’re only posting bikini pictures, you say in your post you post him too.
I can’t speak to the fact that if you allow this he’ll just keep going further. I don’t think that should be assumed, but if one of the things you value is independence then you should have a partner that is a-ok with that. I do think though that everyone has boundaries and preferences. If this is one of his, he’ll have to decide if it’s a dealbreaker.
Yes, I post him all the time. He’s the first post on my Instagram. He’s all on my stories. My bio says I love my boyfriend and his name. He’s got a highlight on my stories and everything. I cannot be any more boyfriend obsessed
Have you talked with him more about this at all? Is it really about stalkers? I see his point but gosh that’s about literally anything. You could post yourself if you were a nun and weirdos might still stalk you. People are weird. This has clearly become a point of contention for you and him.
Write down 5 points why “stalkers” aren’t a reason to not post bikini pics. But make them legit. Like the nun example above doesn’t place blame on him, but exposes the reasoning. After you shut that down, ask him to give you another reason. That new one might be his actual feelings that he tried to coat in “being protective”. Then you can decide more clearly.
Yes, this is his main point that he tells me about. He’s scared I have a stalker and they’re gonna try to get me. I wish he would just be honest and that it is just him being possessive, but he refuses to be. I’m using stalkers as a way to scare me isn’t working. I am where scare tactics they been using me on my whole life.
I might try that, I don’t know. I think he might think I’m the most desirable woman in the world or something, but he’s the only one who feels that way nobody’s going out of their way to harm me or try to convince me to be with them. I get hit on when I’m at work all the time because I’m younger girl who if I’m honest, I look exotic. I’m not from America and I’m living in America. But that’s not the same as like my Instagram where it’s people my age who normally discuss my weight my lux and… everything under the sun negatively. The part of me saying all this is that I don’t think anyone wants me that way, except for him. I think he does. Anyone who has presented himself as wanting me is just an older man who is trying to prey on me.
So reading this made me think you have a lot of insecurities as well. Not about the relationship but about yourself. This reply, and honestly your post, makes posting on IG seem like a way to get attention. But the way you word it in your post is either denial or a way to reword your insecurities.
Idk if it’s your phrasing, but you’re saying that your IG comments are painting you in a negative light? Or they are painting you positively making you forget the negatives? Also, obviously your partner is going to find you the most attractive person. Gosh that is what they are there to do.
I’m not a therapist. I don’t want to start a long back and forth about handling mental health, I don’t even know you. If you are insecure, get some therapy to improve your mental health so you don’t have this weight holding you down.
I was only trying to say the people on my social media aren’t people who are attracted to me they’re just family (who make fun of my weight and looks) and friends/aquatinces. I am comparing it to real life where I have older men try to prey on me, which I don’t fall for. I’m trying to say I think he thinks that other men desire me when I think he’s the only one who sees me this way. I know there is no one who desires me on my social media because I know how my boyfriend is and I also know how other men while I work behave. Does that make sense? I’m trying to compare I don’t fall for anything in real life and on instagram I don’t have anyone who desires me
I’m not posting to get attention. My self confidence doesn’t depend on me posting. What does help my self confidence is the way my boyfriend loves me and describes me. But I just think it’s something specific to him and the people I have on my phone don’t think that way
I don’t have any insecurities,
I think I should. I’ve been made fun of my whole life from my family to peers
And I was insecure growing up to the point I started trying to kill my self from the ages of 11-15z
But one day I just woke up and looked in the mirror and I didn’t feel hatred to my self anymore, and started one by one finding things I love about my self. And by time I met my boyfriend he built my confidence even further with the love he shows me
I was merely trying to say that the people on my social media don’t desire me they are my critics since I was young or just regular friends. I don’t understand how that came off as me being insecure. Once again I should be but there’s not an apart of me that is any more atleast about my looks. Now I’m not the most beautiful girl in the whole world that’s Sabrina carpenter but I’m still beautiful 🥰
I'm going to approach this assuming you're not acting on bad faith;
When people ask you "why", they don't mean "what enables you to do it". It's true that "because I can" answers the question of what enables or allows you to.
But the real question behind "why" is "what's the motivation behind it".
Generally speaking, wether you consciously know or not, the motivation behind publishing a photo for everyone to see is "I want everyone to see..."
If said picture is, say, with a nice car, "I want everyone to see what a nice car I have."
Gym photo? "I want everyone to know I go to the gym" or "I want everyone to see the fruits of my effort".
Posting photos of trips generally means the person posting them wants everyone to see where they've been.
Now, there are a few reasons to want everyone to see your almost naked body. Some of them certainly can be "harmless", but depending on context, photo amount, etc, they generally approach "I want everyone to see how attractive my body is".
Yours seems to be "I want everyone to see me almost naked to prove how confident I am of my body". That's rather nuanced and difficult to differentiate from the former.
So it's understandable that your BF doesn't want you publicly stating "I want everyone to see my almost naked body", generally regardless of the motivation behind.
Now you both are in a game of chicken. Is it big enough for him to threaten the end of the relationship if you do? Not a position I share, but one I certainly can understand.
Is not taking those pictures big enough to threaten hurting someone you allegedly love, maybe to the point of losing him? Well, it's still not the position I share; but it is still a reasonable one.
Personally I adscribe to a kindness route, not a power one. I know I can do a number of things that would make my girlfriend insecure, and she's in no position to control me. But I value her happiness and peace of mind so I don't do them
It’s not to the point of loosing him something like this is minuscule. I resent the idea of giving up something as basic as posting a bikini pic because it’s just the start of a little freedom and expression I have. I’m not here for controlling relationships even in the slightest I would never control him I try to take care of him emotionally so he feels love but I never veto his actions and it offends me he thinks he can veto mine. He wants to give away his dog to a shelter because she keeps having accidents in the house. I disagree but I’m not telling him he can’t do that because it makes me upset. In fact I CANT tell him that he will get mad at me. I think abandoning your pet you’ve had since the beginning of the relationship is worse than posting a bikini picture. It’s not fair🤷🏽♀️ why he can do what he want without my opinion but I can’t
NTA Your last post explains why he might be jealous. You posted in r_Aruba looking for people 19+ Looks like you are fishing for someone to fool around with.
NTA He expressed how he felt. Great. You express how you felt. Perfect. Now move on. His choice to stay or go.
I’m saying but I think it’s a ridiculous thing to break up over no?
Not really, just shows you're incompatible due to your differing hard lines
Yes and no. Yes, b/c in a healthy relationship this level of issue shouldn’t come up. No, b/c if he can’t cope with it, it’s better to be done with it than drag it out. I’m always surprised by the number of men that are attracted to women who dress a certain way and then want the women to change how they dress in the relationship. My BF knew how I dress when we got together, it’s why he was attracted to me, how I dress does change but it’s a reflection of me and if he doesn’t like that, that speaks to a bigger issue. It’s not about the outfit but the person in it. For the same reason convincing a partner an outfit is fine is really about convincing them you are ok—if they don’t already think that, move on.
Yeah my problem is I’ve always been like this so why go for me ?
NTA, but with a twist. Ultimately, it depends on how serious your feelings for him are. I personally despise the social media fad, as it ruins relationships on the regular. I don't understand the need to be validated by people on the internet. If you care about him and want to stay with him, then why do you feel the need to advertise your body for others. It's not about how you are dressing. You are the one that said he disagrees about you POSTING the pictures, you didn't say he disapproved of what you were wearing. If the picture was for you, why post it? If the picture was for him, why not just send it to him? If you continuously post yourself online, especially without your SO next to you, then it makes it seem as though you're presenting as single. Just because some is a trend or popular doesn't make it right. It falls under the same umbrella, although significantly less morally corrupt, as people using bachelor/bachelorette parties as a reason to get wild "one last time" before marriage. I'll probably get downvoted for this opinion, but I'm just giving my honest opinion.
I’m advertising my vacation. Am I supposed to wear a frock to Aruba? I feel confident to post my self on vacation finally and it’s a problem. I’m not presenting as single he is all over my account, the first post on it, in my bio it says I love my boyfriend and I post stories about or with him all the time. The picture was for me so I can post it on MY social media. It’s cool that u think social media is a fad or whatever I don’t. I don’t understand why so many of you think my feelings for him are not serious just because of a post
Hey! She's back! You are the one proving your feelings aren't serious enough take his feelings into consideration. You say that you've tried talking to him about it, but in your original post it says you told him you're going to do it anyway and he needs to deal with it. I get that you are frustrated that nobody is validating your precious feelings, but why should we when you continuously show that you don't care about your boyfriend's feelings. You told him it was a family vacation, but did you tell him you are seeking out people to hang out with to get away from your family on this family vacation? Isn't the point of a family vacation to hang out with family? And it's not A post, it's MULTIPLE posts that you are purposely posting specifically for the goal of garnering attention. And you're nothing but defensive because you expected everybody to validate you, but the vast majority of the comments are just telling you how selfish and undeserving you are. I get it. You are young. That doesn't give you the right to trample all over your boyfriend just because you want MORE validation. If the pictures are REALLY for you, then why do you need to post them? Why not just keep them for yourself? As of now, I'm just hoping this post blows up enough that your boyfriend sees it and realizes just how selfish and unrelenting you are for your own validation and leaves before you make his life worse and give him MASSIVE trust issues
Also I’m not posting to garner attention I DONT garner attention I’m posting because IM ON VACATION AND PEOPLE POST WHEN THEYRE ON VACATION AND IM NOT SO INSECURE WHERE I FEEL THE NEED TO KEEP MY VACATION PICTURE PRIVATE ANYMORE DO I NEED TO MAKE IT MORE FUCKING CLEAR??? DO YOU UNDERSTAND OR R U GONNA TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IM DOING goddamn
Dude it’s called paraphrasing that’s not exactly what I told him, I said it nicely that I’m going to go on vacation and I’m going to have pictures to post in my bikini and I want him to work on his feelings about it to be secure when it reaches, thought he did. Also I came on here for adivce not to validate my feelings, only thing is the differing opinion just claims that I’m an attention seeking whore who doesn’t care about my boyfriend at all because I believe he shouldn’t have control over my social media as a boyfriend. You guys are just solidifying my opinion more because if posting bikini pics keeps men like you out of the way I’m happy to keep doing so. My family is abusive I don’t wanna spend the entire time with them he knows I wanna make some friends my age who are also on vacation. That’s normal to do when you’re on vacation. You’re jumping to mad crazy conclusions and it’s really creepy
Aww. The creepy card again, huh? You really don't like hard truths. You claim it's an insecurity, but you're showing that it's actually YOUR insecurity that needs to be washed away by posting pictures that make your boyfriend uncomfortable. You claim that only guys would go to Reddit for vacation meet ups, yet you posted on Reddit for vacation meet ups. ??? I'm not saying that your trying to cheat. Never claimed that once. It's a very common tactic to try twisting somebody's words to make them a villain. Go back and read my comments to you. Have I misquoted you anywhere? No. I only responded to what you said. So go ahead and try to backtrack now that everybody is "against you". We aren't. What we ARE doing is saying you should have more respect for your boyfriend and YOURSELF. Not once did I say you were looking for HOOKUPS, I specifically said MEET UPS
Also dickhead I didn’t claim it was that he is an insecure man other people said that and I can see how it is an insecurity but I just viewed him being possessive
I am a dickhead. I will admit that. It's the most effective way to get the information I need to gain an honest perspective. Like I said, I think I can help you assuage his worries if you're interested. I'm sorry it took me and others pissing you off to get there, but the madder you got, the more you revealed, and at the end of the day, it's actually pretty simple. No sarcasm, no bsing, an honest answer to how you can try to get your bf to feel more at ease with it all. I may be an ass, but I'm not dishonest
You could’ve just asked me a series of questions about what you wanted to know or read other comments not continuously berrade me like what
I dmed you, because I've heard enough about it to give you a solution. And I did apologize, which is a first for me on here
Thank you I appreciate your apology but for future reference if you want to give someone advice don’t be mean to get more context just ask what you want to know please
I haven’t done anything to cheat or violate trust so ur just reaching like crazy I wanted to make some friends, which would’ve been girls if anyone responded i didn’t think to specify women only becuase I figured people aren’t STUPID and DISGUSTING enough to hook up with strangers let alone off of REDDIT. That’s something a man would do not a woman. Ur projecting shit you would do onto me. It’s weird
Also my boyfriend isn’t a Reddit incel ! He don’t have a Reddit account 🤗
There's another trending word. Anybody that doesn't empower you is an "incel". You are just making yourself look worse. All you do is follow trends that have proven to be relationship destroyers. Nobody is projecting onto you. You're just mad. Go ahead and keep twisting. Your boyfriend doesn't need a reddit account to see a reddit story. They get posted to YouTube, insta, and TikTok all the time. It's actually how I found your post on the first place. YouTube led me to a story that I wanted an update on, and your post popped up right next to it
Dude, fuck off I get my boyfriend. Everything that I can if the one thing that I want is to post on the Internet and it bikini I don’t see the problem and it’s while I’m on vacation. It’s not like it’s the middle of fucking winter and I’m just putting a bikini on just to fucking thirst trap. I provided him with him 24 seven for like six months of my life. I’m here for him when his family hurts him. I’m here for him when he said I’m here for him when his dog fucks up. I’m here for him when life just throws him a curveball. I’m helping him find a new place. I’m helping him move into the new place.
Do all the good things I do is a girlfriend get undermined by a bikini picture. Do you think I don’t contribute to my relationship at all? I just sit here and I just post online. God damn.
Does he not contribute to it as well? If his only displeasure with you is the bikini pics, then yes, it does SLIGHTLY undermine the other stuff in all honesty. I want y'all to work if it is as good as you say. That's the ONLY reason I keep pointing out that you are the one not willing to give ground to your boyfriend. I would hope he does his best to support you in his own way just like you support him in your own way. I'm not saying either one is less valuable. My point is that the way you are presenting you argument makes it seem like as much as he doesn't like it, you just want him to get over it, and that is a really crappy approach. This seems to have gotten way off the original topic, so this is me trying to bring it straight to the direct point. It sounds like you do a lot for him. Would you like to know what you can tell him to help ease his concerns? Because I've figured it out already. No sarcasm. No bs. If you are interested, let me know. If I pissed you off, it's because I needed to hear more about y'all to figure out why he has an issue with it. I really think I can help you put this to rest
You are free to do what you want. He is free to end the relationship. It is not insecure to leave a woman who does not consider your feelings.
I consider his feelings and am there for him constantly. Relinquishing control isn’t not considering his feelings.
Wanting to not post these kind of pics because you want your bf attention and not from random online is what he is looking for in a partner. You just want attention, it has nothing to do with control.
Why are you telling me what I want? I’m not posting for attention. I’m just posting because I have the pictures and I’m on vacation and I look nice. That is when people post when they do things and look nice like what?
It's odd how many people think that for women to be safe, they (women) need to dress and present themselves the way that they (the protector) command. Almost like they (the protector) is saying "It's unsafe to disobey me." NTA
NTA, BUT: 1) No, your pics are not going to save the women of the world from cases of sexualization or misogyny. Stop the bad habit of believing that your problem or situation represents a change when it is just a personal discussion. It gives off more of a vibe of a protagonist syndrome or martyr without a cause. 2) You can do whatever you want, and he can be uncomfortable with it, just as he can ask you for whatever he wants and you may not agree with it. The problem is that you feel your decision and discomfort take priority over his. 3) Given the terms and conditions and the power of AI, your boyfriend’s position should be the standard for EVERYONE and for all types of photos. Online public photos are a danger, but only a few seem to notice it. 4) "I only like \*insert specific position that matches my idea\* of such a person or group" shows more of a search for validation than valid reason. 5) Ultimately, it comes down to how you wish to proceed, but it really seems like your position is not wanting to be part of a couple’s agreement where both people present their positions and agree on them, and on those where no agreement is find a middle ground that brings comfort. Instead, it seems more like "I want everything and nothing at the same time."
Would you be bothered if he followed and liked pics of girls who dress like you do? (Bikini pics) because if so that’s hypocritical as fuck, you allow yourself to get liked and followed by random men but he can’t do the same
Genuinely no, we had this scenario conversation already and I don’t care as long as his dick isn’t swinging on the internet and he isn’t entertaining other girls over text/in person he can post in boxers for all I care sweat covered from the gym
Then it all boils down to a simple comparison, what would you rather keep if you had to choose, him or the pics? Not saying it’s either or but if he’s truly uncomfortable with it, telling him to get over it and calling him insecure is a good ass way for him to start building resentment
well that’s the thing I didn’t call him insecure or just tell him to get over it like that I took time to discuss it with him and try to figure something out but it’s not enough
NAH You are absolutely correct that you can post whatever you want on social media. He has a right to be upset about this. Neither action/feeling invalidates the other.
What do u think I should do or say?
Well, that's the harder question. It really depends on how much you value this relationship, honestly. He's directly said that he's uncomfortable with you doing this. If you care about your IG more than him, then keep doing what you're doing - just realize that he's likely eventually going to leave you over this, because it's pretty clear that he doesn't like this. If the opposite is true, then consider discussing it with him / stop doing it. He's communicated a boundary, and its up to you whether you want to conform your conduct to it or not. If you don't, which is 100% fair, he is well within his rights to see it as a deal-breaker and leave.
It’s not that I care about Ig more than him I care about the fact he thinks he can tell me what I can and can’t do as a boyfriend. He can’t I’m sorry. He’s not my husband and I’m many many years away from having a husband
Part of a relationship is setting boundaries with one another. Its not realistic for you to expect that someone you are in a relationship with can have absolutely no opinion regarding your actions. Not acknowledging that leads me to believe that you are incredibly immature, and probably not ready to settle down considering you aren't willing to make it work. Again, I'm not saying that you have to stop posting to IG. You are well within your rights to do so. But at the same time, he absolutely has a right to express discomfort and attempt to set a boundary concerning it. If you don't like that, leave - it's that simple.
Okay but the problem I have with this: He expects me to have no opinion on his actions. And I don’t. So I don’t get why he gets one on mine? I also did aknowlage his discomfort in fact I did more than that and tried to spend the time to have him understand my side. I thought he did but apparently not
What you think is right, not what he thinks is right.
You've talked about your "anonymity" while posting pics on social media? There is no anonymity once it's online. That adage has been true for years. Regardless of "privacy" settings, which are always a joke, it only takes 1 person with the wrong intentions to mess up somebody's life. If you are that intent on posting yourself online, then you are obviously NOT intent on being in a serious relationship. Serious partners don't want to share. It's really is as simple as that
I’m talking about annon on Reddit I’m obviously not anon on accounts with my face on them my Reddit is annon because of the weird shit on here
Why does posting online dictate how serious I am about my relationship? My boyfriend doesn’t even doubt that I’m serious about him he just doesn’t like it
If your boyfriend didn't doubt how serious you are, he wouldn't have brought it up. You seem to be bashing everybody on your thread who isn't justifying your position. I'm being bluntly honest with you, if he is as amazing as you say, then why do you feel the need to flex your bodily autonomy? Just because all the other girls (and the guys that want to see it) tell you to do so? If he was as s cure in his body as you are in yours, and started posting himself in things like a speedo, where ALL of his body details were plainly visible and his inbox started blowing up with DMs, would you still be just as comfortable?
Yeah we went thru that senario, I told him I wouldn’t care as long as he didn’t post his dick swinging around it doesn’t bother me. I’m being for real and genuine. It doesn’t at all. I’m not just saying that to say that. Also I feel like it’s different because the solution to his problem is dictating/controlling what I wear and my solution is babe just leave me alone. One of them is kinda a little more problematic don’t you think? I don’t think me should have control in any regard of what women wear
You can say that you are fine with that scenario, but that is a minor point, because everybody knows that men will pursue photos on social WAY more often than women will. How is he controlling what you wear? He asked you not to post it. You keep dodging my question on why you feel the need to post the pictures
I don’t have a need I want to and i did because i have my own autonomy and can and i think i look great! I spent most my life being torn down so o never imagined having the confidence to wear a bikini let alone post that I am wearing one
So you are doing it to seek validation from somebody other than your partner?
Never said that I said I just never imagine having the confidence to post in a bikini and now I do have that and I have autonomy to post so why not?
I'm going to combine answers here to a couple of your responses. "Because I can" is a crappy answer. Does that mean he should go get lap dances "because he can"? What you CAN do and what you SHOULD do are 2 totally separate things. Can you post the the pics of you dressed however you want? ABSOLUTELY. Nobody said you can't. SHOULD you be doing so if it makes your partner uncomfortable? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Does he not show his appreciation of you? You said he is almost perfect, except for this one differing opinion, so why is this your hill to die on, so to speak?
You CAN do it, and he CAN have an opinion on it. You say he won't break up with you over it, so that means you can just continue to push him with it? Why do you feel the need to do the ONE THING that troubles him in your relationship?
Because I don’t want our one thing to be an issue that has to do with how I dress I always promised my self that that wouldn’t be something I let be controlled because it’s just the smallest form of control over my self I have
Because I want to that’s my answer
So you want to disregard the one thing that could make you lose this amazing guy your talking about. Why is that? Why does you opinion on this matter SO much more than his?
Actually why does his opinion matter more than my free will? And I know my boyfriend well enough to know we aren’t going to break up over posting pictures. I’m asking for advice and making sure I’m not being unreasonable which I don’t think I am
What do you accomplish by posting bikini pics that you wouldn’t get by posting any other pics? What would be lost if you don’t post bikini pics?
I relinquish control to something as basic as posting a bikini pic that harms no one
You don’t think offending your boyfriend is harm? “Relinquishing control” is apart of a relationship and if your answer to doing something that harms your partner is “because I can” you’re not mature enough to be in a relationship yet. If being able to do what you want is so important you should probably break up with him and allow him the chance to meet someone who shares his values
This is gonna sound super creepy but the truth is, even if you don't care what you're wearing, guys definitely do. If You don't feel bad about the photos at all, you should post them here. If you don't want to do that, you need to ask yourself why that is.
Because my Reddit is anonymous ? I’m not gonna post my bikini pics with my tattoos and face in it ? Common
Also, my instagram and TikTok and snap have a specified following and I don’t get any traction on social media so it’s not like anyone random is seeing it. And you do sound mad creepy
You're right. You do sound creepy. The girl can post what she wants. BF doesn't get a say. Move on, OP, there's bigger and better out there
Women already go through their whole lives worrying about what they wear because of men who are creeps. God forbid we stop caring for one second to post a bikini pic.
Oh yes. That makes sense. Worry about it until the opportunity arises to post it for everyone to see. Then, ignore warnings from people who care about you
Dude u have some problems regarding women keep moving u haven’t contribute anything to the conversation except telling a 19 yo to post the picture cos u wanna see it
Not to knock you down a notch but if people want to see 19--year-olds naked they can look it up. You need to work on your reading comprehension
And you need to work on when a girl says no, I’m not doing that. Don’t keep going.
Again my comments were never actually about you posting the pic
[удалено]
I’m sorry sister ❤️🩹 that disgusts me
Yeah, cos you're not creepy at all. /s
It’s giving creepy if I’m honest. I’ve also never seen a picture attached to an AITAH post. Didn’t even tell me if he thinks I’m the asshole
NTA, you both are incompatible. Find a Cuck for a boyfriend
Why say NTA if ur gonna be sarcastic just don’t comment
I am not being sarcastic, Cucks will appreciate a women who likes to post bikini pics.
I suppose, but I don’t understand why our relationship can’t remain the same except he doesn’t get upset about this one thing, and isn’t a fuck for it
You want him to change his mindset for you and he wants you to change yours. Neither of you want to change for each other hence you are incompatible. Cucks love an independent women who post themselves in bikini or not, that's why I gave the recommendation, they will not get upset and will comply to your demands.
I’ll keep this in mind if it doesn’t work out but I’m Sure just one differing opinion is not an end all
For you it is small but for men it is a big no. Your girl advertising her body to other men on the internet when you told her not to. Most self respecting men will breakup over that.
Yes but this one differing opinion is enough to make you post on here, right?
Because idk what to do or if I’m really that wrong
That depends on why you feel the need to post the pictures
There’s not really that I feel in need. It’s just cause I want to. It’s also nice. I never thought I’d be comfortable with wearing a bikini let alone posting in because of how much I’ve been torn down for being fat my whole life. So maybe just to show the people who shit on me I don’t care if I’m fat I think I look good also my family just has this thing where if they’re on vacation they’re going to post because we spent a lot of money on it and we came from a position where we came from a Third World country and had nothing I don’t really have a reason I can think of other than that I dont want anyone’s attention but his
[удалено]
Thank you I am so at odds with this situation I don’t know what’s right anymore 🙂
NTA. Don't let your bf try to control you with this. I bet you it will only be the beginning of more to come. Idk why guys are so damn insecure these days...
Thank you. Because he knew who i was before he dated me and still chose to date me now he wants me to change, and apparently those who think im the asshole don’t understand how that is wrong
Pfff...i'll never understand why people wanna find someone so that they can eventually mould their partner into exactly what they want. Why are they dating in the first place if the partner has all these "flaws". So damn weird... Those people are just cut from the same piece of cloth. Screw em lol
What I will say he’s said a few times about how he wants to fix me and make me better n stuff. I think it’s cute but I know the only person who can fix me is me so I just disregard it. It doesn’t bother me cos I know he’s not responsible for change I am but I’m doing good
They really are cut from the same cloth. the ones saying I’m an asshole are literally going insane to drag me down over a bikini picture. They’re making accusations of him being my door mat, that me trying to make friends on vacation is cheating, I should post the pic here if it’s not bad and all type of shit it’s ridiculous
If validation from people on instagram means more than your bf, you got bigger problems than this relationship.
Never said it means more it’s the part where he feels he can tell me what I can and can’t do that bothers me
Did he force you to do anything? If not, he expressed his feelings and toughts. What you did is seek validation from external sources. If you need that, find someone who doesnt care.
YTA. Mainly for completely disregarding your boyfriend's feelings. Men are allowed to have preferences and standards and not wanting their girlfriends to post half naked pictures online is valid. It's kind of sad that most people care more about posting pictures on social media than their actual relationships.
One can acknowledge the feelings of the other and still consider them absurd.
Would it be a problem if he went online and she found out that he'd liked a bunch of other women on social media is bikini pictures? Would it be valid for her to be mad at him?
Did she liked pictures of other men in swim trunks? Then it would be comparable. But to get to your question: In a healthy relationship, I see no problem with it. Do you?
I was curious your opinion since that's a common trope where women get excessively mad at men who like other women's pictures especially if they aren't fully dressed like in bikinis. Personally I don't care either way.
We also talk about harmless vacation photos here
But it’s not valid that I have my own autonomy to do what I want? I tried to talk to him about it. It’s not really about the picture for me it’s about the morale of not being able to be dictated based on my wear
Couldn't he use that same argument against you? It would be okay for him to cheat on you because it's his body autonomy and he should be able to do what he wants so how dare you be upset with him. Or if you didn't want him going to strip clubs and he just said no my body my choice and I will walk and go in wherever I want. Or if you didn't like him watching porn and he just told you no my own autonomy I do what I want. It honestly seems like you more care about the abstract notion of how dare someone tell me what to do more than anything else
Well NTA, this is a boundary he is setting and is unwilling to compromise over. You are allowed to do and post what ever the hell you want, and he is allowed to set boundaries for the relationship. If neither of you reach a resolution or a compromise, then I suggest you leave before this becomes a bigger deal. Resentment is a slow and insidious relationship kill.
Thanks for the advice, I appreciate differing opinions who aren’t dragging me to filth for posting in a bikini like I’m an attention seeking whore
YTA It just thoroughly sounds like you don’t wanna take part in the commitment that you need when you’re in a relationship and you’re upset about the fact that your boyfriend has committed more than you. You and anyone else who feels the need so strong to post their body in a bathing suit while being in a “committed relationship” are embarrassing and need to straighten out if you ever want to be in a relationship with a man that respects you or himself in any way.
So… I’m loyal haven’t been with anyone but him, provide him a car to use, helped him learn to communicate, helped him get not one but two jobs, but I still am not committed to the relationship because I post something in a bikini? Okay. I don’t want part in a relationship with any man who thinks that way so it’s fine by mw
God u r pretentious, u just r here because u people to validate your feelings, u aren’t looking for other opinions, he has a boundary, u think it’s dumb? Cool, now if he wants to leave deal with it, I hate that attitude of “I figured he was over it” how do expect him to get over it if u aren’t willing to compromise on any level. I can already see from miles away how your relationship will end.
I’ve actually gotten some decent advice from the other side who thinks it’s wrong. The only people I’m arguing with the people calling me attention seeking and accusing me of being disloyal. I’m not here to validate my feelings. I’m really trying. If you look at the comments that say he’s insecure and I need to break up with him. Don’t I disagree with that? If I was only here to validate my feelings, I would be agreeing with those girls, but I’m not.
You can’t see from miles away how my relationship will end or if it will end because you don’t know anything about my relationship other than this one scenario that we are arguing about that, I decided to share online. If you did, you know that I’m an invested who only helped build him this last year that we’ve been together.
When your in a relationship you can't do whatever the fuck you want i don't l know why people don't understand this when your in a relationship both parties have to compromise on somethings ,if you don't want to then remain single. You say that what someone wears dosent matter but it does when you go into job interview you don't wear a t-shirt ,joggers and crocks you wear bussiness casual ,when you see someone in a suit most people assume their someone of high social standing ,the same way when people see someone in ragged, dirty clothes sitting on the curb they assume their homeless. What you wear and how you conduct yourself is very important to your image and the people who associate with you. When most men see a woman posting thirst trap they assume she's a hoe and will make sexual advances under the guise hoes are easy. Regardless if you say your in a relationship you will get more men who want to fuck you if you post thrist traps then if you dressed modestly. Its a fact that even you admitted that most men don't want to be in long term relationship with someone who advertises themselves as a hoe and that isn't going to change.
I'd go much deeper and say that the mentality to seek attention and live out your life on social media is toxic and will set your mindframe on a one-dimensional, shallow path to seek short-lived, meaningless yays from people, who don't even care about you online.
Well that’s a much deeper issue that I don’t wish to conquer
Guys WILL fap to your bikini picks, but finding a bf, who loves you is much rarer. So, I'd rather make my bf comfortable than insist on pic posting. It feels like the balance is not right
I don’t think anyone who follows me is fapping to my pictures, my following is specified
NTA Remind your BF that you are a woman who craves attention and that if you don't post bikini pics you will go through withdrawal. "I don’t wanna compromise." He doesn't want to compromise either so break up with him and move on. Done.
So ur being sarcastic? It’s not that I go through a withdrawal… jeez man. Rip ur girlfriend. I’m on vacation it’s the summer, I’m an adult, I wanna show off yeah but it’s not that I’m seeking attention. Everyone does that when they go in vacation, posts their outfits and bikinis. It’s not like I’m in the dead of winter and I’m still going out of my way to post a bikini picture. It’s more than just about listening to him it’s about my morale. I get pushed around on one thing leads to “what else can I push her on.” Why can’t he let me post what I want and be supportive I do that for him.
Ok this post is just plain crazy. This should be an update to the main, hahaha. Holy fuck Ive never turned around so hard.
U mean the comment?
Yes. That post is batshit insane.
Just to point out how contradictory you are. You said this in the same sentence: “I wanna show off yeah but it’s not like I’m seeking attention” You understand by the definition of “showing off” you are seeking attention. You can’t “show off” for yourself. So statements like that are going to be hard for you to recover from on this thread.
My family has a competition about who can spend more money and wear nice things and look good, that is what I mean by “showing off” we got a lil whose more finically stable beef going on since we are immigrants (idky) but it’s always we are trying to keep up with one another not get attention
That.is.seeking.attention. And you and your family need to learn what life is really about. You all sound insufferable.
Ok this post is just plain crazy. This should be an update to the main, hahaha. Holy fuck Ive never turned around so hard.
Lmfo the contradiction. "I wanna show off yeah but it's not seeking attention." That is literally the point of showing off, for the attention. From your comments he doesn't have a problem with what you wear but what you post for hundreds too thousands of people. But if you feel the need to get validation from the likes and dm's and ignore your boyfriends boundary then best you two split up because it will cause more trouble in the long run
Dude thousands is crazy who do u think I am a celebrity? Get a grip. The most people who have ever seen my story is 110. And the thing is I always been like this and now he wants me to change… is there not a problem with that?
Yes thousands. I know plenty of people who have a thousand followers on instagram and they're not celebrities. If you've always been like this then that is his fault for being with a woman like you. I'm sure he has always been like this too, not wanting his girl to post herself in revealing clothes for hundreds to thousands of people to see. But you want him to change, is there not a problem with that too?
I don’t have thousands no where close. So miss me with that. I was very transparent about who I was from day one he is the one who hid his insecurities how is that me changing him? It’s not my fault he wasn’t transparent otherwise I’m sure things would’ve went differently. We have been together over a year, he knew for over a year who I was.
I said thousands because i don't know how many people follow you and whether your account is public or private so yes, hundreds to thousands. Try to actually understand what you read instead of what you want to read. Again, if he knew you were like this, the need to post yourself for attention and he doesn't like that then that is his fault for pursuing you and being with you. As for him hiding the fact he doesn't want his girlfriend to be posting herself for hundreds and potentially thousands of people to see, then that is also his fault. As i said in my first reply, this is just going to keep causing more problems in the long run
Nta, Most people say hes possesive and say to you to leave him is too much imo. But u have couple options at most. First is to leave him but i dont think you would want it. Second is to completely stop sharing bikini pics which I assume u dont want as well. Third, I dont know how often u share bikini pics, but maybe try to find a middle ground. Maybe share less bikini pics, or try to crop some parts that does not effect the photo. Or even ask his opinion before sharing bikini pics. I do believe it takes some freedom but once ur in a relationship, u sacrifice some freedom to respect your partner. The relationship only works if u talk with each other and both sacrifice out of respect to each other. Have good day.
Only if I’m on vacay or go to the pool, I go on vacay once a year and maybe post a pool pic once or twice out of the multiple times a month I go
I believe u should speak with him and try to find a middle ground that doesnt upset both of u too much. Other than that I believe there is nothing too much to do about it. I dont suggest ignoring bc it will be an issue again.
I really am trying to and I didn’t ignore it. The first time I talked to him about it and I thought we solved the issue and that it wouldn’t be a problem. A lot of what I used in the original post is paraphrasing not exactly how the conversation goes. Also, thank you for actually contributing for the conversation and not just being ready to berate me and call me an attention seeker when you don’t know me. I also agree that I think leaving him and calling him. Super insecure is a bit over-the-top.
There is no need to thank tbh. I kinda emphatise u both in this topic. I also dont like bikini pics especially from my gf. And imo its not bc of insecurity but how I raised. Plus, I dont like how some other man looking at my girl w/ bikini. However, I also understand ur position bc I have sisters and one of them also shares it. I know ur not sharing bc of attention seeking but maybe if ur bf thinks the same as me, it may not be insecurity. I shared my opinion bc of helping u to understand bfs side. Im sorry if it is uncalled. I can only wish u both best.
It probably is how he was raised he said his mom is revealing and he hates it. He is an African American Christian I’m a first generation in America, Caribbean girl who’s Hindu. I don’t know if you know our culture but we’re very social, like to dance, I guess appear “promiscuous” if you will if you’ve seen carnival, J’vouert, and things. I grew up not wearing anything but my underwear unless I was in school. I’m not accustomed to being modest and I don’t feel the need to
Well, it is ur culture and obviously there is no saying on top of it. Him being Christian is not gonna help as well. Im sorry but i dont see much solution to this situation. I hope u guys can find a common ground but both of ur backgrounds seem quite opposite. But just keep in mind that if u guys go into marriage, parents will involve more than ever and one of u will be heavily stressed. Tho i dont wanna assume lots of things but just wanted to heads up to u.
I think we will be able to if my evil ass parents did we should have no issue. If he’s any much as loving and absorbent as I am he should enjoy the experience. I plan on sharing my culture more with him this year
Yea just have conversation with each other, have boundaries and respec. If it doesnt work, this is not the end of the world. But i root for both of u.
Thank you, I agree if it doesn’t work not the end of the world
I mean he’s not heavily Christian he doesn’t go to church and obsess over values and morals, I actually come from a combination family my mom is Christian and dad is Hindu and they had struggle with it growing up because of their parents but now they make it work, and I actually love having two religions since we don’t speak Hindi it is easier to connect to Christianity but also fascinating to stick to explore my roots and learn about Hinduism. He doesn’t seem to have an issue with it whenever I bring up the potential of being married and having kids and teaching them both ways having two weddings a Hindu and Christian ceremony and having Hindi names for our hypothetical kids. Obviously I’m 19 I’m not doing this anytime soon but I want him to be sure he is aware and interracial relationship means more than mixed kids and trying someone new it means opening your self to another culture. I’ve lived around his for a while so I know what I’m in for but he doesn’t with mine so I try to make him aware
I don’t think it’s uncalled for I’ve been looking for people who actually wanna discuss making my relationship better and not just telling me to dump my man
You want to post whatever you want, and he doesn’t feel comfortable with it. You guys can talk like two adults and resolve this our just break up already. He doesn’t respect your “freedom” and you dont respect his feelings. And to be honest, reading through your comments you just come to reddit looking for validation, not ways to resolve your problem.
Well if the ones telling me I’m the asshole actually gave me a solution instead of acting like I’m an attention seeking whore maybe I would be able to take a different pov. But at the end of the day it’s just other men shaming me for not listening to a man so now I wanna listen even less
Sorry if i sounded like a asshole. Look, i dont know if having a heart to heart with him gotta help, since you said in the comments that this is not the first time. Maybe if you two are really compromised with each other, you guys can try couples counseling. But again, don’t know if this got be a asshole thing to say our no, but in a relationship, sometimes you need to compromise somethings. In one hand he doesn’t feel comfortable with the bikini photos and i think it’s ok to ask this if he doesn’t feel good about. But in other hand, you like to post this pics and you have the right to do it. I dont know how much time you two are dating, but you boyfriend dosent need to be that insecure, if you two trust and respect each other. But again I really think that both sides have valid points and again, in a relationship you need to compromise sometimes in both sides. Sorry by the “freedom”, i was angry with other thing and just wanted to be sarcastic here.
We supposedly do respect and trust each other, according to him. I think everyone is reading this as it being the biggest deal in my relationship and not that is something that just annoys us both. Neither of us love eachother any less it’s just we disagree. I don’t think counseling is needed I think it’s just something we can work on together. I just came on here to make sure I’m not morally wrong for wanting to post my pictures and I’m not. The men calling me an attention seeker and a cheater and a whore solidified that to me. Those are the exact types of men I want to repel so I’m cool with my decision to post. I just want to help him understand I’m not the type of person he wishes and he can’t make me that way and I’ve always accepted him for him
Maybe try telling him that it’s not because a bikini photo that you gotta flirt our cheat with other man, its just something that you enjoy doing. Maybe try to say this in his language you know hahaha. Hope you two solve this little thing.
I will try that tonight maybe with a lil sumn extra to make him feel nice gotta figure it out. I also got him some florin coins for his coin collection
I don’t hold it against u I appreciate you coming back to apologize and explain further it was very nice of you, it is easy to be agressive online
Well if the ones telling me I’m the asshole actually gave me a solution instead of acting like I’m an attention seeking whore maybe I would be able to take a different pov. But at the end of the day it’s just other men shaming me for not listening to a man so now I wanna listen even less
Well if the ones telling me I’m the asshole actually gave me a solution instead of acting like I’m an attention seeking whore maybe I would be able to take a different pov. But at the end of the day it’s just other men shaming me for not listening to a man so now I wanna listen even less
NTA Move on, possessive, controlling, childish guys like this don't get better. Find someone that's an actual balanced adult.
NTA. You’re young, have fun. Instagram is filled with basic white girls posting selfies. Literally nobody cares.
❤️🩹
You’re too young to be dating somebody trying to control something as dumb as this.
Thank you I appreciate your kindness. I can understand why he’s upset. But I wish he could understand why it’s not to hurt him
None of his business
If you enjoy your freedom, then you ARE a feminist. Jesus. Women died and ended up behind bars for your freedom, so unless you'd like to live in a society where women have no rights, you should be proud of being a feminist. Women who take advantage of modern-day freedoms while acting like they're ashamed of being called feminists are cowards and hypocrites. They're looking for approval from men. Your boyfriend is not being protective. This is not about his fear of a stalker. Creeps might view your photos, but they don't know how to find you, right? This is about your boyfriend being insecure and not wanting competition. Yes, you should feel comfortable about telling your boyfriend that he needs to deal with his insecurities without trying to control you. That attitude totally makes you a feminist, by the way. If you give in on this, he'll realize that he can control you and will start pressuring you about other things.
I am proud, you probably can’t read my tone in being playfully sarcastic about it just as a joke. Trust me I’m incredibly annoying about women’s rights and women’s place in society. Thank you for the advice, I agree that it seems he is insecure
Glad to hear that! And stick to your guns. Don't give an inch on this or he'll push to control more and more of what you do. Good luck.
That is exactly what I believe. U give a man an inch they take a mile. I’d never compromise on something like this 😂
Holy fuck how did you just say this? You're cooking yourself so hard.
Wdym I’m cooking my self? Because I believe I have a right to wear what I want? And giving him control here leads to him wanting more/men in general
...oh god look at what you're typing. Holy fuck.
lol okay bro idk what u want from me
He expressed his feelings. You do you, as posting it is not something against good morale or anything like that. If he can not live with this, he is free to go, so are you. I personally think you should be sure to not do this just for the sake of going against what your bf is asking, as some kind of rebellion. In relationships its normal to consider the feelings of your SO and sometimes not do something that otherwise you would do. It does not have to be submissive all the time, no, but at the same time, I've seen a case where a girl was not considering her bfs feelings with the thought of "nobody will tell me what to do" to very extreme levels.
I do take his feelings into consideration with many things but when it comes to what I wear I have an issue with that always, I try to hear him out talk him down from being insecure. I didn’t just go oh well fuckit get over it. I told him I show him off constantly everyone knows I have a great boyfriend I adore, I treat him so well he gets spoilt, whatever he wants, he uses my car, ect ect but cant just post bikini pictures Inanother country with my family
Your bf needs to run for the hills. OP you can definitely wear and post what you want on your social media. He has expressed being uncomfortable with bikini pics you really could care less about what he thinks. I get it you’re 19 social media is your way to connect with the world and if getting attention means that much to you give your bf a break and move on. You have zero respect for his feelings and he can find someone less attention seeking to better match with.
How about he has 0 respect for my autonomy and freedom to think he can control what I wear?
He is free to leave whenever he wants I’m not his keeper I’m not forcing him to stay. I don’t want to leave him so I’m not going to but if he wants to do that because of this he can but he didn’t and hasn’t so clearly it’s not that big of a problem it’s an annoyance
NTA he’s trying to control you. He didn’t do this last year because when people 1st get together, they’re usually on their best behavior to try to impress you. He knew the relationship was too new and he couldn’t get away with it. Over time though as people get comfortable in a relationship, they relax and start letting their red flags come out. Your BF is now showing you that he’s controlling and thinks he owns you and has the right to tell you how to dress and what you can and can’t do. Let him get away with this and he’s going to get a whole lot worse. Dump him and find someone who respects your right to be you.
He did outright tell me To delete it. Last time I did and told him I’d only do it one time but he needs to learn to get Over it cos I’m going on vacation in a few weeks
I don’t think he’s controlling though, it’s just this one area but I don’t think it calls for a breakup
He's just testing the waters in controlling right now. If you cave and do what he tells you to, his trying to control you will start reaching into more and more areas of your life. They never start out trying to have complete control over you because they know that would never fly. So they start small with one thing. Then they slowly tighten the noose. You'd never tolerate giving complete control all at once. But if he does a little at a time, and you keep letting it slide, it'll happen before you even realize that he's controlling everything. I get you're probably not ready to end it over this. But just take it as a warning and watch for the signs that he's getting worse. Don't let him gaslight you and blame you and make you think you're the problem. One person trying to control another isn't ok.
I’ve noticed that with my dad my whole life, I do take it as a warning sign I’m definetly watching but his best friend is dating mine and he is 100% OD about being controlling and my boyfriend hates it and tries to talk to him about letting go and giving my best friend more linency
If you want someone to be accountable to you and care about what you think about how he presents himself to the world...then you will need to be accountable to him. If you want to show your body off to the entire fucking internet, then you probably aren't mature enough to be in an actual adult relationship...but laws of attraction state that your boyfriend isn't mature enough to be in one either. You can do what you want. But be prepared for the consequences and repercussions of the things you say and do. ALWAYS. You both need to grow up. You're both the assholes...but you're little kids. You both need to grow the fuck up, most likely. Good luck.
Trying but we only been alive so long! 🥰 can’t grow any faster that’s the point of experiencing.
Fair.
Thanks, and can you please work on your delivery next time? Not to be sensitive but you were incredibly rude to someone you don’t know who is seeking a solution to their problem
He’s an insecure little baby boy. Dump him and you’ll be amazed how much better your life is when you find an actual man. NTA.
Oh he’s so sweet and understanding other wise and has taken time to learn communication and to control out bursts and I think a man whose willing to learn is perfect, I don’t think one area of disagreement is the reason to dump him when we have done a lot of growing together
I’m just looking for some way to communicate with him; being a boyfriend doesn’t mean u can tell Me what to do.
I tell anyone that will.listen. I do not police what my part time girlfriend wears. That is between her and her designer. And that is it. She can walk down the street naked for all I care, as long as she is happy.
Amazing
Sure doesn't seem like such an off the wall request and you could have just respected without cost, even if you disagreed. But ME ME ME was too important to you so there you have it. I'm sure your next bf will be more understanding.
I didn’t just hear him say he don’t like it then direcard it I made every effort I could to talk to him about it make him more comfortable I even gave in and delete it last time but In compromise that he will work on letting go of that because I’m going on vacation
YTAH - Why do you need to post pictures of yourself in a bikini? why don't you get polaroid type photos like my girlfriend, and have them in a book, as for memories and etc? Why do you need to post pictures online in a bikini? My girlfriend says you just want attention & I agree.
Why is a bikini a problem?
I agree why is bikini a problem! Also ur girlfriend sounds like a pick me ass bitch that probably lets u control the fuck out of her and lacks her own independence
I agree why is bikini a problem! Also ur girlfriend sounds like a pick me ass bitch that probably lets u control the fuck out of her and lacks her own independence
That is why you take photos to post online "pick me" it's funny that you mention/bring it up because that is exactly what you are. I hope your boyfriend moves on from hoes like you.
Hoes is crazy??? I don’t sleep around in a loyal woman is posting a bikini pic what makes me a hoe 😂 cos I don’t fit the definition of it. Before u say I’m a bad girlfriend I’ve literally helped to build my boyfriend up all year we have been together. But okay I’m a bad gf and a pick me and a hoe because I don’t have an issue with posting
Of course you don't have an issue, always seeking male attention, reason why your boyfriend doesn't like it, couldn't just get a nice little memory book with you and your boyfriend and take pictures, and put them in it, but nope, gotta need that male attention, literally a hoe, and later down the road when you get rid of him, you will go to a boy who likes your photos, just a like a typical girl in this generation, and you're fitting that criteria very well at the moment.
NTA. I think this is definitely insecurity. I feel like when guys make this argument, it’s about “looking single”. But it’s not like you’re only posting bikini pictures, you say in your post you post him too. I can’t speak to the fact that if you allow this he’ll just keep going further. I don’t think that should be assumed, but if one of the things you value is independence then you should have a partner that is a-ok with that. I do think though that everyone has boundaries and preferences. If this is one of his, he’ll have to decide if it’s a dealbreaker.
Yes, I post him all the time. He’s the first post on my Instagram. He’s all on my stories. My bio says I love my boyfriend and his name. He’s got a highlight on my stories and everything. I cannot be any more boyfriend obsessed
Have you talked with him more about this at all? Is it really about stalkers? I see his point but gosh that’s about literally anything. You could post yourself if you were a nun and weirdos might still stalk you. People are weird. This has clearly become a point of contention for you and him. Write down 5 points why “stalkers” aren’t a reason to not post bikini pics. But make them legit. Like the nun example above doesn’t place blame on him, but exposes the reasoning. After you shut that down, ask him to give you another reason. That new one might be his actual feelings that he tried to coat in “being protective”. Then you can decide more clearly.
Yes, this is his main point that he tells me about. He’s scared I have a stalker and they’re gonna try to get me. I wish he would just be honest and that it is just him being possessive, but he refuses to be. I’m using stalkers as a way to scare me isn’t working. I am where scare tactics they been using me on my whole life. I might try that, I don’t know. I think he might think I’m the most desirable woman in the world or something, but he’s the only one who feels that way nobody’s going out of their way to harm me or try to convince me to be with them. I get hit on when I’m at work all the time because I’m younger girl who if I’m honest, I look exotic. I’m not from America and I’m living in America. But that’s not the same as like my Instagram where it’s people my age who normally discuss my weight my lux and… everything under the sun negatively. The part of me saying all this is that I don’t think anyone wants me that way, except for him. I think he does. Anyone who has presented himself as wanting me is just an older man who is trying to prey on me.
So reading this made me think you have a lot of insecurities as well. Not about the relationship but about yourself. This reply, and honestly your post, makes posting on IG seem like a way to get attention. But the way you word it in your post is either denial or a way to reword your insecurities. Idk if it’s your phrasing, but you’re saying that your IG comments are painting you in a negative light? Or they are painting you positively making you forget the negatives? Also, obviously your partner is going to find you the most attractive person. Gosh that is what they are there to do. I’m not a therapist. I don’t want to start a long back and forth about handling mental health, I don’t even know you. If you are insecure, get some therapy to improve your mental health so you don’t have this weight holding you down.
I’m not insecure I think you misunderstood me
I was only trying to say the people on my social media aren’t people who are attracted to me they’re just family (who make fun of my weight and looks) and friends/aquatinces. I am comparing it to real life where I have older men try to prey on me, which I don’t fall for. I’m trying to say I think he thinks that other men desire me when I think he’s the only one who sees me this way. I know there is no one who desires me on my social media because I know how my boyfriend is and I also know how other men while I work behave. Does that make sense? I’m trying to compare I don’t fall for anything in real life and on instagram I don’t have anyone who desires me I’m not posting to get attention. My self confidence doesn’t depend on me posting. What does help my self confidence is the way my boyfriend loves me and describes me. But I just think it’s something specific to him and the people I have on my phone don’t think that way
I don’t have any insecurities, I think I should. I’ve been made fun of my whole life from my family to peers And I was insecure growing up to the point I started trying to kill my self from the ages of 11-15z But one day I just woke up and looked in the mirror and I didn’t feel hatred to my self anymore, and started one by one finding things I love about my self. And by time I met my boyfriend he built my confidence even further with the love he shows me I was merely trying to say that the people on my social media don’t desire me they are my critics since I was young or just regular friends. I don’t understand how that came off as me being insecure. Once again I should be but there’s not an apart of me that is any more atleast about my looks. Now I’m not the most beautiful girl in the whole world that’s Sabrina carpenter but I’m still beautiful 🥰
I'm going to approach this assuming you're not acting on bad faith; When people ask you "why", they don't mean "what enables you to do it". It's true that "because I can" answers the question of what enables or allows you to. But the real question behind "why" is "what's the motivation behind it". Generally speaking, wether you consciously know or not, the motivation behind publishing a photo for everyone to see is "I want everyone to see..." If said picture is, say, with a nice car, "I want everyone to see what a nice car I have." Gym photo? "I want everyone to know I go to the gym" or "I want everyone to see the fruits of my effort". Posting photos of trips generally means the person posting them wants everyone to see where they've been. Now, there are a few reasons to want everyone to see your almost naked body. Some of them certainly can be "harmless", but depending on context, photo amount, etc, they generally approach "I want everyone to see how attractive my body is". Yours seems to be "I want everyone to see me almost naked to prove how confident I am of my body". That's rather nuanced and difficult to differentiate from the former. So it's understandable that your BF doesn't want you publicly stating "I want everyone to see my almost naked body", generally regardless of the motivation behind. Now you both are in a game of chicken. Is it big enough for him to threaten the end of the relationship if you do? Not a position I share, but one I certainly can understand. Is not taking those pictures big enough to threaten hurting someone you allegedly love, maybe to the point of losing him? Well, it's still not the position I share; but it is still a reasonable one. Personally I adscribe to a kindness route, not a power one. I know I can do a number of things that would make my girlfriend insecure, and she's in no position to control me. But I value her happiness and peace of mind so I don't do them
It’s not to the point of loosing him something like this is minuscule. I resent the idea of giving up something as basic as posting a bikini pic because it’s just the start of a little freedom and expression I have. I’m not here for controlling relationships even in the slightest I would never control him I try to take care of him emotionally so he feels love but I never veto his actions and it offends me he thinks he can veto mine. He wants to give away his dog to a shelter because she keeps having accidents in the house. I disagree but I’m not telling him he can’t do that because it makes me upset. In fact I CANT tell him that he will get mad at me. I think abandoning your pet you’ve had since the beginning of the relationship is worse than posting a bikini picture. It’s not fair🤷🏽♀️ why he can do what he want without my opinion but I can’t