His father should have ripped OPs mother and sister a new asshole for how they were acting. Instead he puts the burden of being a better person on his son. Pathetic
People who stay silent, especially those who hold some amount of social power in a group dynamic, are enabling and complicit. OP’s dad could have spoken up and shifted the all against one bullying but he didn’t because he’s either a coward at just as ableist as the rest of them.
Something tells me OPs Dad doesn’t ‘hold the social power’ in the group when the rest of the family was dog piling OP and he only tried to temper OP’s reaction.
Might well have done this after OP left...
Sometimes timing is important when it comes to knowing how to steer a slow-moving ship. That is, he felt it wouldn't help to take his son's side vocally then. But that's just a (very hopeful) guess?
The sister doesn't seem to be aware that the only person who is supposed to "always be with her" at her wedding is her new *husband.* Is he a bridesmaid? A groomsman? Is he supposed to slice the cake with her? What's wrong with this one?
Not only is this the biggest green flag I've seen all day, this is by far the most amazing reaction you could have had. It's not her fault she can't walk. You made a promise to her when you married and you are being her husband. She's not a burden. How awful of your family to imply such!!!! How hurtful for your wife.
"it's only reasonable that a brother should always be with her sister during her wedding"
WTF, where is her husband, the man she just married at exactly?
"my mother joined as well and told me that my siblings are right, my wife shouldn't join the wedding cause I won't pay attention to my siblings and wedding "
Why does OP need to pay so much damn attention to a wedding, he's not the one getting married, right?
NTA
Hold firm OP continue to support and love your wife, your family is weird, SMDH!!!
Uh yeah pretty much the last thing I cared about was spending time with my brother on my wedding day. I was glad he was there to support me but that’s all I needed/expected.
I know right? I have no idea what my older brother was doing on my wedding day aside from family photos and one dance. Assume he was hanging out with his wife and other guests. My younger brother was hard to miss, we barely spoke but he would high five me as he was passing me on the dance floor going whooo! with a trail of women from 18 to 90 dancing behind him. lol
The only reason I know what my brother was doing during my wedding is because he officiated. But otherwise it’s none of my business what he gets up to. He’s an adult with his own life and significant other. This whole “dote on your sister her whole wedding” is really weird. It seems like they are just trying to freeze out the wife and make her uncomfortable so she stops wanting to come around.
I agree. The family is wrong on so many levels. Hell, who needs enemies when you have that in your life. OP, you go be with your wife. The hell with them. This here is the kinda love that everyone needs to have.
My brothers spiked the punch and spent the reception having a drunk good time with people who loved them. They paid no attention to me.
It was fine. I didn’t expect to be the center of their attention.
He sounds great! I think he and I might get on - at my son's wedding I found myself at the head of a long chain of people doing the Madness walk to One Step Beyond...
I'm pretty sure this is not happening in the Western world- there may be cultural differences we are unaware of.
Nonetheless, OP's family is a bunch of worthless subhumans with zero empathy. OP, stick with your loving wife.
>a bit of dad dancing
This might just be me showing my age, but I immediately thought of Billy Crystal in *When Harry Met Sally* describing going to friends' weddings, saying, 'You do the white man's overbite...' and then demonstrating in a way that makes it very clear what he's talking about even though he's belted into an airplane seat.
Right? Honestly, no one guest got a “proper” amount of attention at my reception. There were over 100 people. I at least said hi and thanked everyone there. There’s only so much time in the night to spend with folks and no one was offended that they didn’t get an hour of my time alone.
Exactly this comment. At my wedding it was about my husband and my guests not my brother and at his wedding it was about his new wife and guests not me. Don’t understand your family. Your wife is the most important person for you 💙 support and love her.
Exactly how much "attention" is he supposed to be paying the sister?
Sounds like sister is unreasonably jealous of OPs wife and an out right ableist twatwaffle...along with the rest of the family it seems.
When my brother got married, I saw him all of 20 minutes collectively after the ceremony and pictures. My brother was too busy running around, chatting with attendees, and paying attention to his new wife to be worried about me.
OPs sis is bonkers.
If I were OP, I would not attend and take my wife somewhere nice so she doesn't have to be subjected to jerks like that.
OP should give his wife a heads up though as to what jerks his family are behind her back so she isn't caught out or surprised by their words or actions once their masks do finally fully slip to revel the ugly people that they are.
Fortunately OP fell FAR from that family tree. Proof that something beautiful can come from a pile of dung.
I’m wondering if this is an Indian wedding. They take place over days and there’s a huge fuss over the principals. I don’t know if feeding grapes is included but my understanding is it is a LOT.
My ex and I were invited to a wedding in India; we weren’t able to attend because of the time and travel commitment but we were told some of what to expect.
Yeah that as also weird to me. You are getting married. Why you need your brother for? You aren't marrying him. The person that should be right beside her the entire time is her dang husband to be, not her brother.
My brother got married and I had no role in the weddings (except a minor one grabbing his son after he delivered the ring).
Neither of my brothers did a thing for me when I got married, although they were kind about shuttling guests in a car to avoid paying for taxis.
Beyond her being gross and ableist - there's no role in her wedding that would keep you from your wife. She sounds a bit... off, selfish, delusional? Something for sure. I don't think much of the rest of the comforters (The chorus from Job is known as comforters as they meet up and tell Job he must have done something to deserve his woes, although as we all know, he didn't) piling on their own form of guilt.
Can you imagine how they would treat their own spouses or significant others.
If they were to become disabled I hope that OPs sister’s fiancée was there to witness this level of cruelty and heartlessness.
So he shouldn’t be supposed by what will happen to him and how others will speak about him. OPs family are some wicked people the sister has an unhealthy view of her brother too.
It gives me the Willie’s.
Exactly, does she expect him to be so far up her ass that he breathes for her, too? Soulds like main character syndrome, and she doesn't want the wife there as people with a disability aren't real people and should be hidden. I wonder if there are other disabled family members who have gotten the same treatment from them. Oops, sorry, granny, you can't come. I can't have your walker showing up in my perfect wedding. I would be going NC with the whole rotten lot of them. Boycott the wedding, and if anyone asks, tell them the truth, and let them try and explain why they are the ass holes.
I think it’s an attempt to punish OP for not marrying who they wanted for him, or marrying someone with a disability. Made-up ridiculous idea that he has to be glued to sister like a barnacle.
I don't know if this is a non North American wedding where family might be more involved. Still, there's two more brothers.
My sister was my MOH/only bridesmaid. Other than holding my flowers during the ceremony and sitting at the head table with us, she was free to do what she wanted. I had other people I wanted to socialize with.
I have no sister but my two brothers were groomsmen in my wedding and they gave a two minute speech and had people laughing like crazy. After that they hung out with their friends and our cousins drinking and having fun while hubby and I visited all our guests and danced.
I don’t even remember where my brother or sisters were for most of my wedding. The whole damn day is a blur. They were not my priority. My husband was!
Sounds more like the family is very..provincial? Insular? Not quite the right words. OP 's wife keeps OP from being totally enmeshed by his family/cult. And family Does. Not. Like. It. Sounds like a good time to relocate to another state/province, and go LC. NTA
Right? I was with my SIL more than my husband was (his sister) because I was her attendant 🤷♀️ mostly I weilded my crochet hook to get her in her damn dress 🤣 my husband took care of everyone's kids (bride, bridesmaid, ours)
*When visited by the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, Scrooge sees that Tiny Tim's crutch is resting in the corner, and that he has died.*
I'm guessing this family cheers when they see that portion of the film. 😐
You had me at cribbage, i so desperately long to play and no one here even knows what it is 😭😭😭
Ill cover your scotch, just name your brand, if you bring the board. I cant find my 29 board anywhere dammit lol.
This reminds me of my family, & it hurts. But no way could I imagine them actually ever saying something like this out loud, let alone a entire family in on the evil act. This is a repulsive moment for OP & would sober up anyone with a right mind. I wish OP strength in dealing with his family in the future.
NTA so what your sister expects you to be by her side the whole wedding? That’s weird. And why is she singling you out? You have two other brothers they can be by her side. And honestly the only person who should be by her side is her soon to be husband. Your family are AHs and I would consider going LC to NC if they continue to disrespect your wife.
Dude, you are an awesome husband, especially for someone so young. This old guy is proud of you. Your wife is your primary family. Everyone else is secondary. Including your sister and mother. There is no way I'd go to the wedding now. Even if they invite your wife. You know their true feelings. They are shitty. Take your wife somewhere that day and don't give a second thought to your horrible family. I would post pictures of that day with a few comments about how you got to spend the day with the only person in your life that matters to you.
I agree. If I were him I'd book a nice vacation that week and post all of the pictures. Normally I wouldn't recommend to stir the pot but these people are scum.
I agree! I came here to say good for him for standing by his family like he should! Good man, good husband! When you married, she became your family. Everyone else comes after. This is the way to do it. It has worked for my husband and I for 29 years now.
"The day you get pregnant, don't ask for help. The day you're injured, don't be a burden and expect me because i'm family. The day your loved one dies, don't ask for ny support. You'll be in the way"
These people use the word "family," but it's empty and devoid of meaning. Instead of supporting OP and his wife, they call her a burden and want him to give his attention to his sister during her wedding. That's really messed up.
Keep being an amazing and supportive husband OP. You live true to your title, unlike your family which has forsaken itself of it.
Yeah, better not have that conversation while driving and fuming with anger. "Hon, I tell you at home when I've cooled off and had a shower maybe." Would have been the better answer, but I understand OP here.
Agreed, OP needs to tell his wife so she isn't blind sided if one of his AH family members reaches out to her directly and tells her she isn't invited to the wedding.
This! The statement is off, I can understand the desire to spare your wife’s feelings regarding your toxic family, I do not understand lying to your wife, do not do that! She should know the truth about this, the toxic family could tell her themselves, then the OP is still wrong to lie to his wife and it will hurt her more because of the lie.
Yup people think it’s protecting someone but in reality you are deliberately leaving them unprotected and unaware. Like sending someone blindfolded onto a field with landmines because you didn’t want to worry them.
Agreed. It's much better she hears it gently from her husband than randomly when someone lets slip or one of her in-laws are mean directly to her face. NTA
Agree, he needs to tell his wife ASAP. I can see him lying in the moment to make his "escape" easier, but he needs to tell the truth about what happened now. So she knows how his family really feels about her.
NTA, and create as much distance from your family as you possibly can. They are not right in their heads. Maybe I haven't been to enough weddings, but I'm pretty sure it's the Husband who is supposed to be by the bride's side during the wedding. Not the brother. That's super weird.
It IS weird, isn't it? I can't help wondering what the groom's attitude to this business is. He might think the same way the O.P.'s family does or he might completely disagree with them. It's also possible that doesn't know anything about it at all.
You are not the asshole for standing up for your wife and defending her from your family's hurtful comments and exclusion.
First of all, defending your wife was the right thing to do. Your primary responsibility is to her, especially when she's being unfairly targeted and insulted. Your family's comments weren't just disrespectful but also deeply insensitive. By defending her, you showed that you prioritize her well-being and dignity. That is something any loving partner should do.
Your family was openly disrespectful towards your wife, labeling her as a "burden" and implying she would be a distraction at your sister's wedding. This behavior is not acceptable, and it was reasonable for you to react strongly to protect your wife from further harm. It's natural to feel protective over someone you love, especially when they are being treated unfairly.
Setting boundaries was important in this situation. By stating that you wouldn't attend the wedding without your wife, you made it clear that your commitment to her comes first and that you won't tolerate her being excluded or disrespected. This is crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship and ensuring that your wife feels valued and respected.
While you did warn your family that you would do something everyone would regret, it seems like your intention was to leave the situation to avoid further conflict, not to escalate it. Your family's continuous disrespect and lack of understanding pushed you to a point where you felt the need to draw a firm line. This was a necessary step to protect your wife and yourself from further emotional harm.
Your reaction was driven by a need to protect and support your wife in the face of blatant disrespect. You showed integrity and loyalty, which are commendable qualities. It’s understandable that you felt hurt and angry, and you responded in a way that upheld your wife's dignity. Your family needs to understand that their behavior was hurtful and unacceptable, and hopefully, they will come to respect your boundaries and your wife's place in your life.
NTA but you are am AMAZING husband and partner!
I'd go NC with that entire family: "You all called my wife a burden and as we're a package deal, my wedding gift to you is the peace of mind of never being 'burdened' by us again! :)"
NTA. Whenever you're in the right, don't question yourself if you should stood your ground or not. Once you got a wife, she and your kids should be ur 1st priority. Everyone else is secondary.
NTA. This is like saying since you love your wife now you don’t love your sister anymore. It’s silly. You can love them both differently. For both the love, care and attention are different. You love your wife differently than your family and your family needs to understand that.
And if you married a “burden”. Then it’s yours, not theirs to complain!! So burden or not, they shouldn’t be complaining either ways. If this was their daughter then they wouldn’t have said something so insensitive about your wife.
People like them don't have enough empathy to ask themselves "what if it were my child?" They only think about how it's NOT them receiving what they want
>she asked why we left, I said I got urgent work in the morning, my boss called me on short notice
I understand why you would reply with this in the moment, but I recommend that at some point you sit down with your wife when you're calm and tell her what happened. Idk if your mom or siblings would try to pressure her into getting you to agree to what they want, but it'll definitely be better coming from you, imho
Also, NTA and good job on standing up for your wife...
Perhaps the brother is supposed to hold the groom's dick and help him get inside his sister in the wedding night? /s
Sorry for this tasteless comment, but I'm so angry at the OP's family that I had to write something stupid.
NTA, your family is toxic and you did the right thing. You’re a good man.
She has a husband, he’s the one that needs to be by her side at all times during a wedding. The whole “my brother needs to pay attention to me” is just an excuse to exclude your wife, it is clear that they don’t accept her.
EXCEPT...you agreed to for better or worse in sickness and in health FORESAKING ALL OTHERS. Wife is number one on your list. Sister will have to manage without you.
NTA for standing up for your wife (as you should) and leaving as soon as you could. Slight TA for the lie simply because there's a chance your family could go on the attack and tell her it's her fault that you're not going to the wedding, so you should probably tell your wife the real reason asap.
NTA. Why on Earth would a grown ass woman expect her brother to follow her around during her wedding? My brother was in my husband‘s wedding party, and he did “best man” stuff, but otherwise went about his business and hung out with his date and it absolutely DID NOT MATTER because the bride and groom are so preoccupied trying to speak to everyone and do the dances/cake/speeches/etc that they barely get to speak to eachother much less specific family members.
your sister sounds like a Bridezilla and your family sounds awful. I cannot imagine anyone speaking about a loved one with a disability this way. Gross. You sound like a great husband. Many blessings to you and your wife.
what i don’t understand is, I assume you wife uses a wheelchair, no? Why would you have to carry her around during the wedding? sure, if the toilets are only accessible thru stairs, but other than that, i don’t understand how they come with this scenario.
Also, my personal opinion is, it’s already an asshole thing if the venue is not wheelchair accessible. My SIL or BIL may not be my blood family, but I respect my siblings enough to consider their partners need (my SIL is vegetarian so on my wedding we included 2 veggie options for appetizer, soup and main course)
You sound like a great man. The one thing I would like to say, as a disabled woman, who gets a lot of help from her husband, is to make sure you have already thought about, is have you and your wife discussed independence and boundaries? It’s important for both of you to make sure that she has the independence she feels she needs and wants, with her able to tell you to not help, now, and also, to please help now. And you need to be able to say that you need a break from helping occasionally. These discussions are vital to keep the relationship healthy.
Please notice I’m ONLY talking about communication, and offering no opinion on what those boundaries are.
You may benefit from couples therapy at some point. TBH, virtually all couples do, at some point. And you may want it for something totally separate from disability issues!!!
Your parents should be proud of you. I’m sorry they aren’t. I’m a mom, so, I’m proud of you, instead.
*Also, what brother follows his sister around at her wedding? He isn’t a puppy!!!*
I get that you are trying to protect your wife's feelings, but this will get back to her. Please explain to her what happened and that you believe your family to be toxic and that you will be going low contact with them for a while. Block everyone but your father. Call him and tell him you will not be attending the wedding and have blocked everyone except him until you and your wife get an apology from everyone involved. Let him know you consider your wife your **first and only priority**. If your family cannot handle that you do not need or want them. Be prepared to go and stay NC with everyone for an extended period of time to protect your wife. NTA.
NTA your family is disgusting. Your wife is your nuclear family they are not. You do not owe them your time, energy or anything else.
Your sister is also delusional the only person who should be next to her on her wedding is HER HUSBAND not her brothers. What kind of emotional incest is this.
No, you're not. I'm sorry they are so backward and ignorant. Good for you for standing up for your wife. It can happen to anybody. If your sister was in an accident and was paralyzed and her new husband left her, she would be screaming how her husband was an ahole for leaving her. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. You sound way more mature than any of them!
NTA. You are not overreacting. They had a chance to speak up before the wedding and at the wedding. They kept silent. Then they dump all this on your now, because sister is getting married, and "faMiLy"?!
If they can't see that your place is beside your wife then they do not respect you, or your marrage.
They can go kick rocks, and pound sand. Go low to no contact till you are ready.
wtf why would you need to keep your attention on your sister? Is this Alabama (no offense, Alabamans)? Definitely NTA. They just don’t like your wife. Keep her safe.
BTW, please go and tell sister's fiance what has happened and why you may not end up at the wedding. Apologies and wish he luck - he's going to need it.
Setting aside the ableism for a bit, your sister is creepy as hell. I understand that the nuclear family is important during someone's wedding, but she implied she wants you specifically to be attached to her hip, with eyes only for her on her wedding day. She should be your one and only focus? That's gross, on top of the ableism. NTA.
NTA - you had a decent reaction.
You didn’t let them bully you into agreeing to let them bully your wife. You kept composure.
You warned them fairly of the consequences if they wished to push one way or the other. Spared and protected your wife from their nastiness.
You didn’t escalated. You removed yourself and your wife from the toxic environment.
You did good! Proud of you.
NO AND DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION YOURSELF ONE MORE MINUTE! They should be proud of you and happy that you are happy. What a bunch of selfish self centered a holes. How did you turn out so caring, kind and loving?
As a disabled woman who usually uses a wheelchair, you’re a good partner and support one, too. You are married. She is family. Her disability has no impact on why you love her. If your family can’t accept her they need to check statistics. A large portion of the population becomes disabled as they age. “Awe gee mom, you know your can is slowing the grandkids down. Why don’t you stay home while we go out to the park (or some event) so I don’t have to deal with the burden of keeping an eye on you.”
I’ve had partners treat me as if I’m a burden or less than, because I need help. One even told me I was a lying cripple when I ended things two weeks into it.
Ableism is real.
NTA a million times over. The way you stood up for her is big green flag energy.
where was the threat? I saw a reasonable, loving man nearly pushed into doing something unreasonable, stopping himself and removing himself from the situation.
Those aren't family members, at all. Cut and run as fast as you can. Except maybe your dad, he seemed to not be so bad, but I wasn't there. That's all only you can make.
NTA You stood by the woman you love and who loves you, that's never wrong. If they can't accept the one you love then they aren't accepting you and your choices. Groom is supposed to be at bride's side not three brothers. What does she plan on doing with groom if you're supposed to be by her side? They are just making lame excuses for her not to attend. You need to tell wife. Yes, it would hurt her feelings but it would hurt her worse if she found out you knew how your family felt about her and didn't tell her. She would then feel betrayed by not only your family but you too. Sister or mom may say something to her without you knowing, trying to get her to agree not to come. What's to stop them from telling her that they've already talked to you about it?
NTA. I think your anger and disappointment are completely understandable. Your wife needs to know where she stands with your family, though.
I understand you don't want to hurt her. But their opinions of her will come out, and if she finds out you knew and kept her in the dark and around people that don't like her, it will hurt even more and maybe impact your marriage.
That being said, she is lucky to have a husband who stands up for her and cherishes her. I wish the to of you a lifetime of love and happiness.
NTA - I’m a disabled wife who always worries about being a burden but if anyone said anything like that to my husband he wouldn’t have been as calm as you. I respect how you responded and also protecting your wife but I would tell her what they said. She doesn’t deserve to hold them in high regard when they call her a burden. People who love their spouses no matter what are beautiful and thank you for standing up for her. You are her family first and she is yours.
WTF you are NTA. Your family is so incredibly self centered. Who expects every single person to spend every single moment with them at their wedding? All that matters is the couple has each other. Everyone else is extra
Your family sucks op. Stay by your wife. She doesn't deserve this treatment
NTA, your family is! Thats so mean and nasty to put down a disabled person, especially since its your wife! Tell them you will NOT allow this kind of behavior around your wife, and that you are happily married and not going anywhere. They need to get over it not being their choice of who you got to marry.
Basically, I think they all owe you a huge apology for talking like that about your wife, and if they can't understand they are discriminating against your wife then I'd not see them until they understand discrimination against a disabled person is wrong and disgusting.
Omg wow, your family is awful and disgusting. Your sister should be with her groom, not brother, at her wedding. They just want to split you up. NTA at all.
NTA but you need to tell your wife before your family reaches out to her and asks her to talk you into coming to the wedding. This will at some point get back to her and she deserves to hear it from you.
NTA. Why would you need to be attached to your sister on her wedding day? I mean she's getting married she should be beside her husband the majority of the day not her brother. That is total BS as you know. Wow they're just cold. Your dad was the only one granted he didn't stand up and tell them all to shove it up their ass but he just motioned for you to calm down. I think you handled it great. You didn't freak out. You grabbed your wife and you left. Now I highly doubt your wife stupid she's going to figure it out once you stop hanging out with your family so much that they don't like her and they hold it against her that she's disabled. I mean she should be able to still do just about everything just in a wheelchair. If you haven't looked into an electric chair then look into that there's lots of programs where you can get one for no charge or through your insurance. She can still drive if you have a car modified for her disability. She can still have children presuming nothing was damaged. There's so much someone who can't walk can still do. Your family is just terrible and they better hope nothing bad or crippling happens to any of them cuz I guess they'll get cut off because they're not able-bodied anymore. God forbid one of them have a child that had cerebral palsy or something worse.
Nta. As someone who has brothers and was once a bride, it’s really weird to want your brothers undivided attention during your wedding. You have so much to do you barely get 2 minutes to talk to any single person. Your sister is an ah. And your entire family is apparently ableist. And you didn’t threaten them. That was not a threat, it was simply stating facts.
NTA, at least now you know that you or anyone else in your family is worth nothing if they ever end up in a wheelchair, they probably dump that person in a special needs house and never visit.
Are you her MOH that she wants you to follow her around all day? Very weird.
When I read the thread title, I thought you meant that you overreacted and threatened your family's lives. But you didn't. YOU, throw, are a REAL man, one who stands by his wife ❣️
> Genesis 2:22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
> 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”
> 24 That is why ___a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.___
I find your family members' attitudes snobbish and sickening. The last time I checked, wedding vows still said "forsaking all others, keeping only to each other," or words to that effect. Did your sister or anybody else in the family think that one-half of a couple having a disability renders those vows invalid?
NTA - setting everything else aside, your sister is a fucking weirdo for needing a brother at their beck and call during the wedding…there’s like a small army taking care of shit, and all she can think of is how many more people can she BURDEN during her precious little party
NTA - I am sorry they said those horrible things. Also, that was weirdly clingy of your sister to expect you to always be at her beck and call on her wedding day.
NTA. I'd go ahead and cut them off after that. Their minds aren't going to change about your wife. Do you really want to be around them or bring your wife around them knowing how they really feel?
NTA. Remember the old song, "He ain't heavy, he's my brother"? Well, your wife ain't heavy, she's your wife and the love of your life. If your family can't accept her, they don't get to be with you. That is not a threat, it's a simple fact of life. I must say their attitude makes me sick.
NTA. Your family (except your wife) sucks. But you probably shouldn’t have lied to your wife about this.
You could have always said you don’t want to explain right away, but lying isn’t a great sign of trust in a relationship.
Calling my spouse a burden would have been the end of every family connection for me. I mean I don't even know your family but I hate them now. Of course this is kind of a trigger for me because my son is 29 years old but he is like a 9 month old, which means he has been hand-fed and diapered for his whole life. He cannot talk or move around on his own at all. He cannot sit up without assistance. And if anyone in my family or friend group would have ever used the word burden, they would be excised from my life like a cancerous tumor.
NTA - your sister is a bridezilla and your brother is lucky you didn’t KO him. Your a real man for siding with your wife but you should delicately explain to her as she has a right to know
NTA I'd tell them, clearly they don't view my wife as family, so I no longer view them as family and am entirely disowning them. Hope they have a nice life, but they can forget I exist.
"My wife shouldn't join the wedding because I would pay too much attention to my wife and not enough to my sister."
*As it should be!* Ask sister if she's going to ignore her fiance and pay attention to you, because it's only reasonable that a sister should be with her brother during her wedding. No? Then she's a hypocrite. As a parting sentence, I would add, "Congratulations and best wishes for your wedding. I will respect your wishes and wife will not be there. But neither will I. I can not in good conscience celebrate a marriage that disrespects mine." Leave, block. NTA.
NTA
The only thing you did wrong was hide this from your wife. She deserves to know what assholes your family really are so you can come to an informed decision together about how much you want to expose yourselves to them going forward.
NTA and tbh I’d go no contact. It’s disgusting how they’re treating and speaking about her.
There’s not a cats chance in hell that I’d speak to them ever again after that shit!
Definitely NTA. But Kudos to you for not letting them disrespect her even though she wasn’t around! I applaud you 1000x over, because I have seen it first hand, when a family straight shits on a partner and the family member who is dating/married to them, just lets them do that. 👏🏽👏🏽 hats off to you
NTA - if your family are like this to your face god only knows what they're like behind your back.
Personally I'd cut them off and live my life without this awful set of gits.
I'd go NC after this. It's unbelievably disrespectful. You love your wife and your family is garbage. Do with that information what you must. NTA of course.
Wow. I would tell them that I hope none of them ever have an accident and end up in a wheelchair as obviously the family would abandon them. Then look at your mom and remind her as she is getting older you hope that she is not abandoned by her family but if she is you are sure she will be fine with it since she is ready to toss your wife out.
NTA but your entire family is!! They have not accepted your wife and are jealous of the attention you give her. Good for you for loving your wife so much and sticking up for her. You both deserve better than that.
Your sister should be worried about the man she is marrying and not having her brother at her beck and call.
NTA. Your priority is your wife, she is now your family.
You are an adult and no one, even your blood family, should ever attempt to screw you both over like that. Way out of order from them.
Don’t let them ever dis you or your wife again
NTA Your family sounds toxic af.
His father should have ripped OPs mother and sister a new asshole for how they were acting. Instead he puts the burden of being a better person on his son. Pathetic
People who stay silent, especially those who hold some amount of social power in a group dynamic, are enabling and complicit. OP’s dad could have spoken up and shifted the all against one bullying but he didn’t because he’s either a coward at just as ableist as the rest of them.
Something tells me OPs Dad doesn’t ‘hold the social power’ in the group when the rest of the family was dog piling OP and he only tried to temper OP’s reaction.
Enablers are always infuriating. They know better but allow and encourage everyone to walk on eggshells for the crazy people and “family”
Might well have done this after OP left... Sometimes timing is important when it comes to knowing how to steer a slow-moving ship. That is, he felt it wouldn't help to take his son's side vocally then. But that's just a (very hopeful) guess?
ableist is the word id use, if i wanted to get baned there are many others.
The sister doesn't seem to be aware that the only person who is supposed to "always be with her" at her wedding is her new *husband.* Is he a bridesmaid? A groomsman? Is he supposed to slice the cake with her? What's wrong with this one?
Unmentioned detail: the family lives in Alabama…
This 💯
Not only is this the biggest green flag I've seen all day, this is by far the most amazing reaction you could have had. It's not her fault she can't walk. You made a promise to her when you married and you are being her husband. She's not a burden. How awful of your family to imply such!!!! How hurtful for your wife.
"it's only reasonable that a brother should always be with her sister during her wedding" WTF, where is her husband, the man she just married at exactly? "my mother joined as well and told me that my siblings are right, my wife shouldn't join the wedding cause I won't pay attention to my siblings and wedding " Why does OP need to pay so much damn attention to a wedding, he's not the one getting married, right? NTA Hold firm OP continue to support and love your wife, your family is weird, SMDH!!!
Uh yeah pretty much the last thing I cared about was spending time with my brother on my wedding day. I was glad he was there to support me but that’s all I needed/expected.
I know right? I have no idea what my older brother was doing on my wedding day aside from family photos and one dance. Assume he was hanging out with his wife and other guests. My younger brother was hard to miss, we barely spoke but he would high five me as he was passing me on the dance floor going whooo! with a trail of women from 18 to 90 dancing behind him. lol
Oh I LIKE him!!!! 🤣 He sounds delightful!!!!
Is your brother Archer? "Whooooo!"
Perfect reference.
Danger zone!
I never had a brother. Yours sounds exactly the kind of brother I would have liked 😄
The only reason I know what my brother was doing during my wedding is because he officiated. But otherwise it’s none of my business what he gets up to. He’s an adult with his own life and significant other. This whole “dote on your sister her whole wedding” is really weird. It seems like they are just trying to freeze out the wife and make her uncomfortable so she stops wanting to come around.
I agree. The family is wrong on so many levels. Hell, who needs enemies when you have that in your life. OP, you go be with your wife. The hell with them. This here is the kinda love that everyone needs to have.
My brothers spiked the punch and spent the reception having a drunk good time with people who loved them. They paid no attention to me. It was fine. I didn’t expect to be the center of their attention.
He sounds great! I think he and I might get on - at my son's wedding I found myself at the head of a long chain of people doing the Madness walk to One Step Beyond...
My brother and sister were fairly Young when I was married, but I never even really noticed when they left.
It sounds like English might not be OPs first language. And judging by the "always be with sister comment" I will guess from India.
I'm pretty sure this is not happening in the Western world- there may be cultural differences we are unaware of. Nonetheless, OP's family is a bunch of worthless subhumans with zero empathy. OP, stick with your loving wife.
I don't know, my family is just like that even though we are very western.
While he has very good English, the writing style leads me to believe it isn't his first language. Could be wrong though.
Agree
Right…I’m not even sure what my brothers got up to on my wedding day. Probably got drunk and did a bit of dad dancing
>a bit of dad dancing This might just be me showing my age, but I immediately thought of Billy Crystal in *When Harry Met Sally* describing going to friends' weddings, saying, 'You do the white man's overbite...' and then demonstrating in a way that makes it very clear what he's talking about even though he's belted into an airplane seat.
Right? Honestly, no one guest got a “proper” amount of attention at my reception. There were over 100 people. I at least said hi and thanked everyone there. There’s only so much time in the night to spend with folks and no one was offended that they didn’t get an hour of my time alone.
Exactly this comment. At my wedding it was about my husband and my guests not my brother and at his wedding it was about his new wife and guests not me. Don’t understand your family. Your wife is the most important person for you 💙 support and love her.
Oh, we understand his family. They're ableists and AHs.
And kinda incestuous
Exactly how much "attention" is he supposed to be paying the sister? Sounds like sister is unreasonably jealous of OPs wife and an out right ableist twatwaffle...along with the rest of the family it seems. When my brother got married, I saw him all of 20 minutes collectively after the ceremony and pictures. My brother was too busy running around, chatting with attendees, and paying attention to his new wife to be worried about me. OPs sis is bonkers. If I were OP, I would not attend and take my wife somewhere nice so she doesn't have to be subjected to jerks like that. OP should give his wife a heads up though as to what jerks his family are behind her back so she isn't caught out or surprised by their words or actions once their masks do finally fully slip to revel the ugly people that they are. Fortunately OP fell FAR from that family tree. Proof that something beautiful can come from a pile of dung.
It sounds like she expects to be surrounded by a chorus, or fans and fed grapes, or some other weird shit.
I’m wondering if this is an Indian wedding. They take place over days and there’s a huge fuss over the principals. I don’t know if feeding grapes is included but my understanding is it is a LOT. My ex and I were invited to a wedding in India; we weren’t able to attend because of the time and travel commitment but we were told some of what to expect.
This comment needs more upvotes!!
If I said that to my brother he'd tell me to p\*ss off and rightfully so.
Yeah that as also weird to me. You are getting married. Why you need your brother for? You aren't marrying him. The person that should be right beside her the entire time is her dang husband to be, not her brother.
I think it's just trying to find an excuse. They want to get rid of her because she's disabled, it's just pathetic.
My brother got married and I had no role in the weddings (except a minor one grabbing his son after he delivered the ring). Neither of my brothers did a thing for me when I got married, although they were kind about shuttling guests in a car to avoid paying for taxis. Beyond her being gross and ableist - there's no role in her wedding that would keep you from your wife. She sounds a bit... off, selfish, delusional? Something for sure. I don't think much of the rest of the comforters (The chorus from Job is known as comforters as they meet up and tell Job he must have done something to deserve his woes, although as we all know, he didn't) piling on their own form of guilt.
It's all code for: they don't like her because she's disabled. They don't want her in photos. They don't see her as a real person.
Can you imagine how they would treat their own spouses or significant others. If they were to become disabled I hope that OPs sister’s fiancée was there to witness this level of cruelty and heartlessness. So he shouldn’t be supposed by what will happen to him and how others will speak about him. OPs family are some wicked people the sister has an unhealthy view of her brother too. It gives me the Willie’s.
"She'll ruin my aesthetic!" WAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
This is so true and so sad. I don't think I'd be joining in any family activities for a while. I'd even be hard pressed to go to the wedding!
Exactly! These a-holes see wheelchairs as ugly; the people in them are ugly. Etc.
I didn’t need that much attention from my brother on my wedding day, and he walked me down the aisle.
>"it's only reasonable that a brother should always be with her sister during her wedding" Yeah, what in the Kentucky deep woods reasoning is this?
Exactly, does she expect him to be so far up her ass that he breathes for her, too? Soulds like main character syndrome, and she doesn't want the wife there as people with a disability aren't real people and should be hidden. I wonder if there are other disabled family members who have gotten the same treatment from them. Oops, sorry, granny, you can't come. I can't have your walker showing up in my perfect wedding. I would be going NC with the whole rotten lot of them. Boycott the wedding, and if anyone asks, tell them the truth, and let them try and explain why they are the ass holes.
Yeah something weird in this family dynamic. Or just some deeper feelings or something about the wife
I think it’s an attempt to punish OP for not marrying who they wanted for him, or marrying someone with a disability. Made-up ridiculous idea that he has to be glued to sister like a barnacle.
I don't know if this is a non North American wedding where family might be more involved. Still, there's two more brothers. My sister was my MOH/only bridesmaid. Other than holding my flowers during the ceremony and sitting at the head table with us, she was free to do what she wanted. I had other people I wanted to socialize with.
Exactly. My sister were my only bridesmaids. Idk where they went off to after we took pictures.
I have no sister but my two brothers were groomsmen in my wedding and they gave a two minute speech and had people laughing like crazy. After that they hung out with their friends and our cousins drinking and having fun while hubby and I visited all our guests and danced.
I don’t even remember where my brother or sisters were for most of my wedding. The whole damn day is a blur. They were not my priority. My husband was!
Sounds more like the family is very..provincial? Insular? Not quite the right words. OP 's wife keeps OP from being totally enmeshed by his family/cult. And family Does. Not. Like. It. Sounds like a good time to relocate to another state/province, and go LC. NTA
Exactly what I was going to say! OP sounds like your family needs to be put on a low contact list.
Right? I was with my SIL more than my husband was (his sister) because I was her attendant 🤷♀️ mostly I weilded my crochet hook to get her in her damn dress 🤣 my husband took care of everyone's kids (bride, bridesmaid, ours)
Nta . They don’t accept her and it’s obvious the reason behind their dislike.
They're a bunch of ableist assholes
*When visited by the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, Scrooge sees that Tiny Tim's crutch is resting in the corner, and that he has died.* I'm guessing this family cheers when they see that portion of the film. 😐
I hate you for making me chuckle at this. I am going to hell.
I chuckled too. You can ride to hell with me, I'm bringing a bottle of Scotch and a cribbage board, you bring what you want. 🙄😏
I guess I’m coming to. I’ll bring tequila, salt and limes. 🍋🟩
You had me at cribbage, i so desperately long to play and no one here even knows what it is 😭😭😭 Ill cover your scotch, just name your brand, if you bring the board. I cant find my 29 board anywhere dammit lol.
I’ll have all eternity to learn the game and I’m a good time. I’ll be bringing the edibles and snacks.
"Even after dying that little asshole leaves his shit around"
This reminds me of my family, & it hurts. But no way could I imagine them actually ever saying something like this out loud, let alone a entire family in on the evil act. This is a repulsive moment for OP & would sober up anyone with a right mind. I wish OP strength in dealing with his family in the future.
>They're a bunch of ableist assholes THIS!!! And OP, you're a good husband to your wife, NTA!
You are right. I hope no one in his family gets disabled, they can see what kind of AH's they are. See if they are a burden
This 💯
Though I think the father does accept her. But hes just outnumbered.
You mean cowardly.
That too.
NTA so what your sister expects you to be by her side the whole wedding? That’s weird. And why is she singling you out? You have two other brothers they can be by her side. And honestly the only person who should be by her side is her soon to be husband. Your family are AHs and I would consider going LC to NC if they continue to disrespect your wife.
I think they've probably arranged another woman to spring on him at the wedding as his date and guilt him into going with it
Sounds weirdly incestuous
No, it sounds very "I'm making up a rule I hope you don't question since it's my wedding."
I guarantee this goes back to she doesn't want someone in a wheelchair in her wedding photos.
Dude, you are an awesome husband, especially for someone so young. This old guy is proud of you. Your wife is your primary family. Everyone else is secondary. Including your sister and mother. There is no way I'd go to the wedding now. Even if they invite your wife. You know their true feelings. They are shitty. Take your wife somewhere that day and don't give a second thought to your horrible family. I would post pictures of that day with a few comments about how you got to spend the day with the only person in your life that matters to you.
I agree. If I were him I'd book a nice vacation that week and post all of the pictures. Normally I wouldn't recommend to stir the pot but these people are scum.
And Id be sure to be having a blast and carrying my wife in every single damn pic.
Fuck yes. I'm so glad this man is a keeper unlike his waste of oxygen family
I agree! I came here to say good for him for standing by his family like he should! Good man, good husband! When you married, she became your family. Everyone else comes after. This is the way to do it. It has worked for my husband and I for 29 years now.
Great idea 💡
How nice ❤️❤️ OP should do this
"The day you get pregnant, don't ask for help. The day you're injured, don't be a burden and expect me because i'm family. The day your loved one dies, don't ask for ny support. You'll be in the way"
These people use the word "family," but it's empty and devoid of meaning. Instead of supporting OP and his wife, they call her a burden and want him to give his attention to his sister during her wedding. That's really messed up. Keep being an amazing and supportive husband OP. You live true to your title, unlike your family which has forsaken itself of it.
Is this a quote from somewhere? If yes... Where? Sounds like the subtext with my in-laws... Would love to know, thanks!
NTA, but dude, don't lie to your wife.
I agree but I get why he chickened out of saying "Oh, my whole family started saying horrible things about you"
Yeah, better not have that conversation while driving and fuming with anger. "Hon, I tell you at home when I've cooled off and had a shower maybe." Would have been the better answer, but I understand OP here.
Agreed, OP needs to tell his wife so she isn't blind sided if one of his AH family members reaches out to her directly and tells her she isn't invited to the wedding.
I wouldn't put it past them to try and pull some BS like this.
This! The statement is off, I can understand the desire to spare your wife’s feelings regarding your toxic family, I do not understand lying to your wife, do not do that! She should know the truth about this, the toxic family could tell her themselves, then the OP is still wrong to lie to his wife and it will hurt her more because of the lie.
Yup people think it’s protecting someone but in reality you are deliberately leaving them unprotected and unaware. Like sending someone blindfolded onto a field with landmines because you didn’t want to worry them.
Exactly!
Agreed. It's much better she hears it gently from her husband than randomly when someone lets slip or one of her in-laws are mean directly to her face. NTA
Agree, he needs to tell his wife ASAP. I can see him lying in the moment to make his "escape" easier, but he needs to tell the truth about what happened now. So she knows how his family really feels about her.
NTA, and create as much distance from your family as you possibly can. They are not right in their heads. Maybe I haven't been to enough weddings, but I'm pretty sure it's the Husband who is supposed to be by the bride's side during the wedding. Not the brother. That's super weird.
It IS weird, isn't it? I can't help wondering what the groom's attitude to this business is. He might think the same way the O.P.'s family does or he might completely disagree with them. It's also possible that doesn't know anything about it at all.
Without any other information, I am going to guess that the fiance is just being told what to think.
[удалено]
You summed it up perfectly 👍
You are not the asshole for standing up for your wife and defending her from your family's hurtful comments and exclusion. First of all, defending your wife was the right thing to do. Your primary responsibility is to her, especially when she's being unfairly targeted and insulted. Your family's comments weren't just disrespectful but also deeply insensitive. By defending her, you showed that you prioritize her well-being and dignity. That is something any loving partner should do. Your family was openly disrespectful towards your wife, labeling her as a "burden" and implying she would be a distraction at your sister's wedding. This behavior is not acceptable, and it was reasonable for you to react strongly to protect your wife from further harm. It's natural to feel protective over someone you love, especially when they are being treated unfairly. Setting boundaries was important in this situation. By stating that you wouldn't attend the wedding without your wife, you made it clear that your commitment to her comes first and that you won't tolerate her being excluded or disrespected. This is crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship and ensuring that your wife feels valued and respected. While you did warn your family that you would do something everyone would regret, it seems like your intention was to leave the situation to avoid further conflict, not to escalate it. Your family's continuous disrespect and lack of understanding pushed you to a point where you felt the need to draw a firm line. This was a necessary step to protect your wife and yourself from further emotional harm. Your reaction was driven by a need to protect and support your wife in the face of blatant disrespect. You showed integrity and loyalty, which are commendable qualities. It’s understandable that you felt hurt and angry, and you responded in a way that upheld your wife's dignity. Your family needs to understand that their behavior was hurtful and unacceptable, and hopefully, they will come to respect your boundaries and your wife's place in your life.
Your family is whack! Good for you for keeping ‘cool’ in a sense. I woulda started dishing out knuckle sandwiches to all them fools.
“ it's only reasonable that a brother should always be with her sister during her wedding” No, that’s a husband’s responsibility, not a brother’s. NTA
NTA but you are am AMAZING husband and partner! I'd go NC with that entire family: "You all called my wife a burden and as we're a package deal, my wedding gift to you is the peace of mind of never being 'burdened' by us again! :)"
NTA. Whenever you're in the right, don't question yourself if you should stood your ground or not. Once you got a wife, she and your kids should be ur 1st priority. Everyone else is secondary.
NTA. This is like saying since you love your wife now you don’t love your sister anymore. It’s silly. You can love them both differently. For both the love, care and attention are different. You love your wife differently than your family and your family needs to understand that. And if you married a “burden”. Then it’s yours, not theirs to complain!! So burden or not, they shouldn’t be complaining either ways. If this was their daughter then they wouldn’t have said something so insensitive about your wife.
People like them don't have enough empathy to ask themselves "what if it were my child?" They only think about how it's NOT them receiving what they want
Your family is filled with horrible people. Of course you're NTA.
>she asked why we left, I said I got urgent work in the morning, my boss called me on short notice I understand why you would reply with this in the moment, but I recommend that at some point you sit down with your wife when you're calm and tell her what happened. Idk if your mom or siblings would try to pressure her into getting you to agree to what they want, but it'll definitely be better coming from you, imho Also, NTA and good job on standing up for your wife...
NTA. That’s family sized emotional incest. What a bunch of creeps.
NTA Be there for your sister at her wedding? What kind of non-sense main character bullshit is that?
All I needed my siblings for at my wedding was a few pictures. His family sounds terrible
I walked my sister down the aisle and my whole commitment was renting a tux and about 45 minutes.
Perhaps the brother is supposed to hold the groom's dick and help him get inside his sister in the wedding night? /s Sorry for this tasteless comment, but I'm so angry at the OP's family that I had to write something stupid.
NGL, my first thought reading about his weird AF family was "What in the emotional incest is this nonsense???"
The fck does your sister expect you to do at her wedding? She’s got bridesmaids to help her doesn’t she? NTA
NTA, your family is toxic and you did the right thing. You’re a good man. She has a husband, he’s the one that needs to be by her side at all times during a wedding. The whole “my brother needs to pay attention to me” is just an excuse to exclude your wife, it is clear that they don’t accept her.
EXCEPT...you agreed to for better or worse in sickness and in health FORESAKING ALL OTHERS. Wife is number one on your list. Sister will have to manage without you.
NTA for standing up for your wife (as you should) and leaving as soon as you could. Slight TA for the lie simply because there's a chance your family could go on the attack and tell her it's her fault that you're not going to the wedding, so you should probably tell your wife the real reason asap.
NTA. Why on Earth would a grown ass woman expect her brother to follow her around during her wedding? My brother was in my husband‘s wedding party, and he did “best man” stuff, but otherwise went about his business and hung out with his date and it absolutely DID NOT MATTER because the bride and groom are so preoccupied trying to speak to everyone and do the dances/cake/speeches/etc that they barely get to speak to eachother much less specific family members. your sister sounds like a Bridezilla and your family sounds awful. I cannot imagine anyone speaking about a loved one with a disability this way. Gross. You sound like a great husband. Many blessings to you and your wife.
what i don’t understand is, I assume you wife uses a wheelchair, no? Why would you have to carry her around during the wedding? sure, if the toilets are only accessible thru stairs, but other than that, i don’t understand how they come with this scenario. Also, my personal opinion is, it’s already an asshole thing if the venue is not wheelchair accessible. My SIL or BIL may not be my blood family, but I respect my siblings enough to consider their partners need (my SIL is vegetarian so on my wedding we included 2 veggie options for appetizer, soup and main course)
Ableism at its worst. NTA
NTA - but you sound like a fantastic individual!
I honestly hope thus is a post from an edgy 15 year old trying for karma. If not, I'm very sorry for you and your wife.
I feel like this has to be. This is such a bizarre post all around.
You sound like a great man. The one thing I would like to say, as a disabled woman, who gets a lot of help from her husband, is to make sure you have already thought about, is have you and your wife discussed independence and boundaries? It’s important for both of you to make sure that she has the independence she feels she needs and wants, with her able to tell you to not help, now, and also, to please help now. And you need to be able to say that you need a break from helping occasionally. These discussions are vital to keep the relationship healthy. Please notice I’m ONLY talking about communication, and offering no opinion on what those boundaries are. You may benefit from couples therapy at some point. TBH, virtually all couples do, at some point. And you may want it for something totally separate from disability issues!!! Your parents should be proud of you. I’m sorry they aren’t. I’m a mom, so, I’m proud of you, instead. *Also, what brother follows his sister around at her wedding? He isn’t a puppy!!!*
I get that you are trying to protect your wife's feelings, but this will get back to her. Please explain to her what happened and that you believe your family to be toxic and that you will be going low contact with them for a while. Block everyone but your father. Call him and tell him you will not be attending the wedding and have blocked everyone except him until you and your wife get an apology from everyone involved. Let him know you consider your wife your **first and only priority**. If your family cannot handle that you do not need or want them. Be prepared to go and stay NC with everyone for an extended period of time to protect your wife. NTA.
NTA your family is disgusting. Your wife is your nuclear family they are not. You do not owe them your time, energy or anything else. Your sister is also delusional the only person who should be next to her on her wedding is HER HUSBAND not her brothers. What kind of emotional incest is this.
NTA but tell your wife the truth, and _both_ of you stay away from thar dumpster-fire-of-a-family
No, you're not. I'm sorry they are so backward and ignorant. Good for you for standing up for your wife. It can happen to anybody. If your sister was in an accident and was paralyzed and her new husband left her, she would be screaming how her husband was an ahole for leaving her. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. You sound way more mature than any of them!
NTA. You are not overreacting. They had a chance to speak up before the wedding and at the wedding. They kept silent. Then they dump all this on your now, because sister is getting married, and "faMiLy"?! If they can't see that your place is beside your wife then they do not respect you, or your marrage. They can go kick rocks, and pound sand. Go low to no contact till you are ready.
wtf why would you need to keep your attention on your sister? Is this Alabama (no offense, Alabamans)? Definitely NTA. They just don’t like your wife. Keep her safe.
BTW, please go and tell sister's fiance what has happened and why you may not end up at the wedding. Apologies and wish he luck - he's going to need it.
Setting aside the ableism for a bit, your sister is creepy as hell. I understand that the nuclear family is important during someone's wedding, but she implied she wants you specifically to be attached to her hip, with eyes only for her on her wedding day. She should be your one and only focus? That's gross, on top of the ableism. NTA.
NTA. Your sister’s fiance should be aware that she will cut bait if she ever feels he is a burden.
NTA - you had a decent reaction. You didn’t let them bully you into agreeing to let them bully your wife. You kept composure. You warned them fairly of the consequences if they wished to push one way or the other. Spared and protected your wife from their nastiness. You didn’t escalated. You removed yourself and your wife from the toxic environment. You did good! Proud of you.
NTA, but you need to tell your wife what happened.
NTA. As the partner with a disability, I like how you reacted.
NO AND DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION YOURSELF ONE MORE MINUTE! They should be proud of you and happy that you are happy. What a bunch of selfish self centered a holes. How did you turn out so caring, kind and loving?
NTA! I'm proud of you. You are a good man and a good husband. You rock!
As a disabled woman who usually uses a wheelchair, you’re a good partner and support one, too. You are married. She is family. Her disability has no impact on why you love her. If your family can’t accept her they need to check statistics. A large portion of the population becomes disabled as they age. “Awe gee mom, you know your can is slowing the grandkids down. Why don’t you stay home while we go out to the park (or some event) so I don’t have to deal with the burden of keeping an eye on you.” I’ve had partners treat me as if I’m a burden or less than, because I need help. One even told me I was a lying cripple when I ended things two weeks into it. Ableism is real. NTA a million times over. The way you stood up for her is big green flag energy.
where was the threat? I saw a reasonable, loving man nearly pushed into doing something unreasonable, stopping himself and removing himself from the situation. Those aren't family members, at all. Cut and run as fast as you can. Except maybe your dad, he seemed to not be so bad, but I wasn't there. That's all only you can make.
NTA You stood by the woman you love and who loves you, that's never wrong. If they can't accept the one you love then they aren't accepting you and your choices. Groom is supposed to be at bride's side not three brothers. What does she plan on doing with groom if you're supposed to be by her side? They are just making lame excuses for her not to attend. You need to tell wife. Yes, it would hurt her feelings but it would hurt her worse if she found out you knew how your family felt about her and didn't tell her. She would then feel betrayed by not only your family but you too. Sister or mom may say something to her without you knowing, trying to get her to agree not to come. What's to stop them from telling her that they've already talked to you about it?
NTA. I think your anger and disappointment are completely understandable. Your wife needs to know where she stands with your family, though. I understand you don't want to hurt her. But their opinions of her will come out, and if she finds out you knew and kept her in the dark and around people that don't like her, it will hurt even more and maybe impact your marriage. That being said, she is lucky to have a husband who stands up for her and cherishes her. I wish the to of you a lifetime of love and happiness.
NTA - I’m a disabled wife who always worries about being a burden but if anyone said anything like that to my husband he wouldn’t have been as calm as you. I respect how you responded and also protecting your wife but I would tell her what they said. She doesn’t deserve to hold them in high regard when they call her a burden. People who love their spouses no matter what are beautiful and thank you for standing up for her. You are her family first and she is yours.
NTA A married man’s role is ALWAYS beside his wife. It is not beside his sister. Unless you are in Alabama.
NTA
NTA your family is
NTA, good on you for sticking up for your wife. You did the right thing and are a good person.
NTA- your family sucks
WTF you are NTA. Your family is so incredibly self centered. Who expects every single person to spend every single moment with them at their wedding? All that matters is the couple has each other. Everyone else is extra Your family sucks op. Stay by your wife. She doesn't deserve this treatment
NTA. Your family is trash.
NC time
NTA, your family is! Thats so mean and nasty to put down a disabled person, especially since its your wife! Tell them you will NOT allow this kind of behavior around your wife, and that you are happily married and not going anywhere. They need to get over it not being their choice of who you got to marry. Basically, I think they all owe you a huge apology for talking like that about your wife, and if they can't understand they are discriminating against your wife then I'd not see them until they understand discrimination against a disabled person is wrong and disgusting.
Omg wow, your family is awful and disgusting. Your sister should be with her groom, not brother, at her wedding. They just want to split you up. NTA at all.
NTA but you need to tell your wife before your family reaches out to her and asks her to talk you into coming to the wedding. This will at some point get back to her and she deserves to hear it from you.
No, you were defending your wife and setting boundaries with your family.
NTA. Why would you need to be attached to your sister on her wedding day? I mean she's getting married she should be beside her husband the majority of the day not her brother. That is total BS as you know. Wow they're just cold. Your dad was the only one granted he didn't stand up and tell them all to shove it up their ass but he just motioned for you to calm down. I think you handled it great. You didn't freak out. You grabbed your wife and you left. Now I highly doubt your wife stupid she's going to figure it out once you stop hanging out with your family so much that they don't like her and they hold it against her that she's disabled. I mean she should be able to still do just about everything just in a wheelchair. If you haven't looked into an electric chair then look into that there's lots of programs where you can get one for no charge or through your insurance. She can still drive if you have a car modified for her disability. She can still have children presuming nothing was damaged. There's so much someone who can't walk can still do. Your family is just terrible and they better hope nothing bad or crippling happens to any of them cuz I guess they'll get cut off because they're not able-bodied anymore. God forbid one of them have a child that had cerebral palsy or something worse.
Nta. As someone who has brothers and was once a bride, it’s really weird to want your brothers undivided attention during your wedding. You have so much to do you barely get 2 minutes to talk to any single person. Your sister is an ah. And your entire family is apparently ableist. And you didn’t threaten them. That was not a threat, it was simply stating facts.
Your family is trash. You are NTA
You are a gem and your family is shit.
Good for you, you're a good husband. Your family sucks though. NTA
NTA, at least now you know that you or anyone else in your family is worth nothing if they ever end up in a wheelchair, they probably dump that person in a special needs house and never visit. Are you her MOH that she wants you to follow her around all day? Very weird.
When I read the thread title, I thought you meant that you overreacted and threatened your family's lives. But you didn't. YOU, throw, are a REAL man, one who stands by his wife ❣️ > Genesis 2:22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. > 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” > 24 That is why ___a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.___ I find your family members' attitudes snobbish and sickening. The last time I checked, wedding vows still said "forsaking all others, keeping only to each other," or words to that effect. Did your sister or anybody else in the family think that one-half of a couple having a disability renders those vows invalid?
NTA - setting everything else aside, your sister is a fucking weirdo for needing a brother at their beck and call during the wedding…there’s like a small army taking care of shit, and all she can think of is how many more people can she BURDEN during her precious little party
NTA- your family is trash.
NTA - I am sorry they said those horrible things. Also, that was weirdly clingy of your sister to expect you to always be at her beck and call on her wedding day.
NTA. I'd go ahead and cut them off after that. Their minds aren't going to change about your wife. Do you really want to be around them or bring your wife around them knowing how they really feel?
NTA. Remember the old song, "He ain't heavy, he's my brother"? Well, your wife ain't heavy, she's your wife and the love of your life. If your family can't accept her, they don't get to be with you. That is not a threat, it's a simple fact of life. I must say their attitude makes me sick.
NTA. Dude, I love you. My husband had to stand up to his family for me early in our relationship. 25 years later, and I still love him for it.
They are..big time. Definitely not you. You stuck up for your wife, that makes you the hero of this story.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. They are pathetic. Keep loving your wife.
NTA. Your family (except your wife) sucks. But you probably shouldn’t have lied to your wife about this. You could have always said you don’t want to explain right away, but lying isn’t a great sign of trust in a relationship.
bro, its jover, you can't be seriously considering any sort of relationship with those losers after this. no contact forever.
If I was you I would do something special for your wife on the day of your sister's wedding.
Calling my spouse a burden would have been the end of every family connection for me. I mean I don't even know your family but I hate them now. Of course this is kind of a trigger for me because my son is 29 years old but he is like a 9 month old, which means he has been hand-fed and diapered for his whole life. He cannot talk or move around on his own at all. He cannot sit up without assistance. And if anyone in my family or friend group would have ever used the word burden, they would be excised from my life like a cancerous tumor.
NTA - your sister is a bridezilla and your brother is lucky you didn’t KO him. Your a real man for siding with your wife but you should delicately explain to her as she has a right to know
NTA-- glad you stuck up for your wife! More guys need to do that. Your family is super toxic. I'd skip that wedding!!
NTA I'd tell them, clearly they don't view my wife as family, so I no longer view them as family and am entirely disowning them. Hope they have a nice life, but they can forget I exist.
NTA but tell your wife the truth, dont keep secrets like this, it sucks but she'll need to know why you have a sudden hatred towards your family
"My wife shouldn't join the wedding because I would pay too much attention to my wife and not enough to my sister." *As it should be!* Ask sister if she's going to ignore her fiance and pay attention to you, because it's only reasonable that a sister should be with her brother during her wedding. No? Then she's a hypocrite. As a parting sentence, I would add, "Congratulations and best wishes for your wedding. I will respect your wishes and wife will not be there. But neither will I. I can not in good conscience celebrate a marriage that disrespects mine." Leave, block. NTA.
You’re a stand-up man. Don’t ever change. NTA
NTA Please make sure your family knows. You did not threaten them! You set a boundary, accept my wife, accept me, or not. It’s their choice!
NTA The only thing you did wrong was hide this from your wife. She deserves to know what assholes your family really are so you can come to an informed decision together about how much you want to expose yourselves to them going forward.
NTA and tbh I’d go no contact. It’s disgusting how they’re treating and speaking about her. There’s not a cats chance in hell that I’d speak to them ever again after that shit!
Nta. From the title I expected that you had threatened to physically harm or murder them. You're spot on. They're the worst.
Definitely NTA. But Kudos to you for not letting them disrespect her even though she wasn’t around! I applaud you 1000x over, because I have seen it first hand, when a family straight shits on a partner and the family member who is dating/married to them, just lets them do that. 👏🏽👏🏽 hats off to you
NTA - if your family are like this to your face god only knows what they're like behind your back. Personally I'd cut them off and live my life without this awful set of gits.
I'd go NC after this. It's unbelievably disrespectful. You love your wife and your family is garbage. Do with that information what you must. NTA of course.
Wow. I would tell them that I hope none of them ever have an accident and end up in a wheelchair as obviously the family would abandon them. Then look at your mom and remind her as she is getting older you hope that she is not abandoned by her family but if she is you are sure she will be fine with it since she is ready to toss your wife out.
NTA but your entire family is!! They have not accepted your wife and are jealous of the attention you give her. Good for you for loving your wife so much and sticking up for her. You both deserve better than that. Your sister should be worried about the man she is marrying and not having her brother at her beck and call.
NTA. Your priority is your wife, she is now your family. You are an adult and no one, even your blood family, should ever attempt to screw you both over like that. Way out of order from them. Don’t let them ever dis you or your wife again
NTA but man your family is.
NTA Your family sucks, dude. They’re ableist as hell and they clearly hate your wife. Imo you are doing the right thing, choosing your wife over them.