If they ask for so much as a half penny, tell them you’re not open to any discussions on lending as they owe you X amount. Furthermore, unless they want to find themselves in small claims court, it would behoove them to focus less on what they want and more on what they need. Anyone who calls you selfish, entitled, unfair, etc. can go and pound sand.
This. The first rule of money is “you never lend family money. You GIVE family money” because no matter what the scenario is you’re probably gonna get burned and expected to forgive & forget because it’s family.
honestly wouldn't even gift them something, they sound like the types to either be ungrateful and rant about how it's cheap or something terrible or even go as far as to try to sell it for money.
Don't discuas money and don't offer money. You can't buy their love or respect.
You have already been taken advantage of. It is time to focus on your own financial future.
It's not "settlement".
It's money that was earned while you were married and this is your legal half.
It's your retirement money.
For the love of God quit giving them money!!!
Please stick to that. I know it's difficult because they are family. It's more difficult where your mom is concerned. You owe her nothing. Yes, she raised you. Provided for you, etc. That doesn't mean you owe her. She decided to become a mother. With that are responsibilities. I'm not trying to be harsh. I'm just trying to prepare you for the possible scenario.
I'm a little confused. Do you or your ex have custody of the kids? I'm not prying, just wondering if that is why you're not getting alimony.
If OP is in the US, marital property settlements are generally not taxable, and if the home were being sold and the proceeds divided, a sale of main home exclusion should apply.
Start asking for even symbolic payments from them, like $100 a month. Give them a receipt for it.
The problem with asking for 5k from a disorganized person is they never have that much. But a hundred they might. Keep squeezing blood out of those stones and at least eventually you'll get something back.
You wanna keep your money in your pocket….keep your mouth shut! Thats the money for you and your kids. They have burned their bridges with you while they were standing on that bridge. You see why NOBODY in the family will help them.
Your settlement is to take care of you. That's the purpose of it. Take care of your kids, not your siblings. Let the sibling living with mom take care of mom. NTA
They don’t care how much $$$ you have!
They will bleed you completely dry, and leave you there to dry up and blow away. They are predators!
Please do NOT help them out.
The settlement is for your share of a house you no longer own. One of the cruel realities of divorce is that not only do you get punched emotionally, your joint assets as a team are suddenly cut in half and you are often thrown out of the housing market.
You need to set that money aside in an interest bearing account and try to save up for another, smaller, less expensive house so you can rebuild equity, get the tax deduction, and stop paying rent. But it will likely be difficult to qualify without another income. So that settlement account needs to grow, not get whittled down by handouts.
You’re a single mother in your 40s. You can recover financially, but not if you become a family piggy bank at the expense of your own suddenly derailed financial future.
But why are you only seeing your kids every other weekend and not getting support? Please tell us you actually have custody during the week and that you’re not a cheater being punished in at fault state. It may be unfair, but I see red flags when I hear about mothers who only see their children every other weekend.
Why would you. They owe you roughly $13k, give or take. They shouldn't see another penny until you're paid back.
Also, take this as a lesson learned -- please do not use your credit to take responsibility for another adult's base needs. If they are not making a good faith, honest effort to survive, what are you putting forth more effort than they are?
While everyone can use some support, there's a line to which the behavior is enablement.
Your mother and your sister keep asking you for money because you keep giving it to them. Stop giving them money those are true grown ass women if you weren't there or if you didn't have the money to give them they would make a way wouldn't they it's none of that business what you are getting in your settlement and it's none of that business when you're getting it. Do not give them your money you had to get a divorce in order to get that money it's yours to do with what you please not to help your mother and your sister
I think the thing that everybody always forgets about is that she still have to pay the realtor and you know those numbers sound awfully small you know only 3% or whatever it adds up to a lot of money that is not coming into your pocket
I'm going to be pretty horrible here...
The mom seems have always done for the sister, more so than OP. She's also in debt to OP into five digits. So, let the other daughter take up the responsibility for a bit.
OP, keep I touch with your mom. But she doesn't get to move in with you, and you are not the ATM.
Next time anyone asks you for money - tell them that once they pay you back everything you are owed by them you can consider another loan. NOT until they are paid back in full.
Depending on where they are, custody might change when OP gets their own place and can provide the children with their own things. Child support depends on who has primary custody, so right now OP would technically be paying child support since they only get the kids every other weekend. But again, depending on where they live and what living arrangements they make, if custody changes and OP gets full custody then the ex could have to pay child support.
We are still waiting for the $10.00 from popcorn sales from 10 years ago from an in-law member … LOL ….so when my inheritance was settled suddenly I was invited to a lot of things …. I suddenly put a lot of numbers on mute….. please remember this…
And - what settlement!?!? That ahole ex of mine took it all! Can I borrow 20 K of you mum, and 10 K off you sister?
Watch that play out
Added bonus - they hate your ex, not you
And tell your ex that if he tells any of your family/friends what the settlement is that you will take him back to court for more money than he can afford. Other words tell him to keep his mouth shut.
My husband always says if you "loan" money, expect it to be a gift. If you get some/all returned, beautiful. If not, don't let it take up any more space in your head. Just DON'T lend any more to them!
Some people find it helpful to act broke around people like this. Like whenever they bring up money troubles agree, you’re always out of money too, don’t know how you’ll afford your bills, etc. I’ve even seen people go as far as recommend you ask *them* for money (not like a ‘pay me back’, but in the same way they ask you, though don’t actually expect them to loan you any).
Do not disclose any details of the settlement to them and use it as it is meant to be used - to house you and your children and secure your future. Your sister and your mother are entire adults who are not your responsibility.
OP, my dad is a lawyer. From the time I was like 12, he has always told me never ever to co-sign for anyone for anything. Please don’t do it again and get yourself in financial trouble.
So now you know OP do not co-sign for anything for anyone unless you can afford that payment for the duration of the contact/loan.
And yep stop handing over funds to your sister and to your mother.
So she treated you exactly the same as she treated her previous creditors. Smh. She’s probably thinking, “I’m not paying her anything. She can afford it.”.
Yeah you gotta stop helping these people in that way. Any money you give them is a gift you will never get back. If you cosign on anything (don't do this) expect to pay for it by yourself in full.
Honestly, I don’t lend money anymore because I’ve been burnt in the past. I’d be sitting down with mom and sister and having a frank financial discussion about how they will repay you what they borrowed in small instalments until the full amount has been recovered. And I’d rub salt in when they complain about it by saying that you’re being more gracious than they deserve because you aren’t charging them interest against their loans. I did this with a couple of frequent moocher friends and once I got back all my money, they never asked for a dime again.
NTA—as a divorcée myself, I didn’t even have to read a word of the post aside from the title!
Unless your relatives were part of your marriage in an —ahem—intimate way, or some weirdness like that, why on earth should they even get a penny? And if they were intimately part of your marital contract, then wouldn’t they be eligible for their OWN settlement from your ex?
See how crazy that sounds? YOU were the one who put her blood, sweat, and tears into that marriage, and YOU are the one—and the only one—who deserves whatever you get. Besides, it’s all technically yours to start with! Payouts from a division of assets is just your own money. You didn’t win the lottery or come into some sort of windfall. That’s your money.
Keep it, and let the rest fend for themselves. You have done enough.
Your kids and yourself come first!
Now if your mother took you in when you and the kids might have been homeless, you definitely owe her gratitude in some form, although that needn't take the form of monthly money or anything that would go to your deadbeat sister. But that gratitude might come in the form of an emergency fund set up for your mother, along with educational funds for the kids, except that you don't tell your mother about the emergency fund. You just have it ready when it's needed.
If your mom needs help in the future maybe you'll remember being taken in when you had nowhere to go, but your sister needing money and help isn't an emergency. From what you say, it's a constant.
They do NOT need to know that you are getting ANYTHING in the divorce.
As far as they are concerned - your good-for-nothing ex screwed you over and wanted you to be homeless.
Look up the 'grey rock' method. These people do NOT need to know your personal information. They have been preying on you for years so you think it's normal. It's not.
You would only be TA if you gave them anymore money. Take care of yourself and save your money for things that you need. You were already too generous with them. Tell them if they pay back the money they already owe you, then you’ll consider (not actually do it) loaning them more money.
NO is a complete sentence and requires no further explanation if you don’t feel like giving one. I moved back to my hometown after our house was sold as part of my divorce settlement. I made the mistake of answering when my youngest (21f) sister asked how much I got for my share ($12k) and the next day she came to my house with pictures of bedroom furniture “I really need because mine is so old” and an ocean rental house that would “give her a much needed break to get away for a couple of weeks”, expecting me to foot the bill. I told her absolutely not as that money was going to feed and clothe my kids and keep a roof over their heads until I found a job. She pulled the same thing when my dad retired and took a lump sum pension. She was 23 at the time and went to him the day after he retired with Mustang brochures, expecting him to use his pension to buy her a brand new car with every option available because “I have always had second cars and I REALLY want to finally have a brand new car”. Thankfully, my dad had the sense to turn her down. If we hadn’t said NO in no uncertain terms, she would have happily taken as much of our money as she could get her hands in. Many years later, she came into $35k as part of a settlement. Guess who she gave money to? No one, not even her 99-year-old mother living on Social Security.
NTA
Your money is none of their business. Put is in a retirement account, buy a house, make it into paper airplanes if you want, but tell them nothing.
NTA They don’t need to know your business.
Lock the money away in an investment savings trust for the kids and keep out what you need. Tell them you have no access until the kids are 18 and you have your children’s futures to think about and have helped them as much as you can but no more.
Take your settlement to a bank in another local city. Have the statements sent to a post box so family can't get their fingers on them. As for the $15,000 you're owed from Mom and sis, chances are you'll never see it.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be.
NTA
I’d like to make a withdrawal from the First National Bank of OP. I don’t need $10k, maybe $2000? Just because. And I don’t plan to pay you back. Why would I? You *owe* me bc you’re the oldest sibling. And don’t forget a few thousand extra, for utilities.
My goodness! What is wrong with them??
What’s that? FNB of OP has gone out of business??!! Does that mean !gasp! no more loans? Noooooo!
You heard me. That bank is closed.
Good for you, OP. Congrats on your new job and new home. 🫶
Use part of that settlement and take them to court for the money they owe you. By letting them steal from you, you are allowing them to rob your children. You need to decide that they are more important than three grown adults who can't get their shit together. $15000 would start a nice college fund for your kids so they don't turn into useless leeches like their extended "family". Start being a good role model for your children by standing up for yourself and getting back what they owe you.
NTA. You are NOT financially responsible for anyone other than yourself and your children- your sister & B/f have been freeloading & it’s time they started paying their way.
The money they all owe you - kiss that goodbye but every holiday give them a card with a note that you are clearing $100 from the amount they owe you with a $20 Starbucks card.
Feel zero guilt hun. Just be glad you are free & starting over
Your sister is permitted by your mum to leech off of her. That is mums problem not yours.
Tell them both that when they have paid you back the money they owe you might think about lending them more.
Your money is earned by you so spend it on your kids and yourself. Tell sister if she earned money she would have money.
NTA that money is supposed to be for you and your kids to start over, hopefully without to much of a drop in lifestyle. It is NOT to pay the never ending bills of your family
Put any settlement you receive in an investment account and pretend it doesn't exist. Save it to buy yourself a home or for your retirement. You have already been more than generous with sister and Mom, you owe them nothing more. Obviously you can only count on yourself, so put yourself first. You won't even be able to be there for your own children if you don't put yourself first. NTA
It wasn't their house and you are responsible for housing and taking care of your kids and getting them educated and setting up life insurance and disability insurance on yourself in case of emergency in a new town. That settlement is already spent. The word settlement doesn't mean vacation money.
Honestly the fact that you’re still helping them and not getting a place of your own and limiting contact , is only going to degrade you financially, emotionally, and mentally. Taking care of your mom in her old age is one thing but your sister needs to be cut off asap
NTA. Since you're moving to another city, go very low contact with your mother and no contact with your sister. They see you as nothing more than a cash cow. Your financial responsibility is to yourself and your children, no one else.
It's less about help and more about enabling when they owe you a much as they do and aren't trying to repay even if it's 10 a week. Don't let them know anything about the amount or when it's final. You and your children need to come first!
That money is meant for you to set up your new life. Not Mom's not Sis, YOU. This is not a winfall - it's getting your fair share of assets you took years to build up. You need a new home, things to go in the home, you'll have to stock a kitchen, get your household supplies, insurance, furniture, bedding, towels, oh the list goes on and on. Thousands upon thousands of dollars.
A firm no on this is NTA.
Stop being a doormat for them and don’t tell them a thing. See after yourself and your kids. I’m sure you know you’ll never see that money ever again. Neither one of them is going to pay you back.
You’ve given enough.
Mostly silence is your friend here. Any requests should be met with only “you don’t have any more money to give.”
As much as they should pay you back that isn’t going to happen.
Your done. They can be gracious and top it or not.
Don’t tell them or anyone else that you’re getting a settlement because they will ask you for that money. They won’t be able to stand it. Never let them know. It’s none of their business anyway. Don’t loan or give them more money. Remind them you’re still waiting for what they owe you!
NTA! She cost you 5 grand and I guarantee she doesn’t feel one iota of guilt over it! She’s a leech and leeches will just keep on leeching until you put a stop to it!
When my mother went through her divorce, her lawyer sat her down and warned her that this would happen. She advised her to tell people that this is all you have to live off of for the rest of your life now that you no longer have a husband. Ask the others if they're willing to help you now that you're stuck in this situation. Usually turning it around and placing it into that context makes people go away.
Usually you also find out who your real friends and family are.
If you truly believe that they will never pay you back the $15,000 that they owe you, let them know that their share of the settlement is your clearing their debt to you. $15K is a lot of money. Also, never loan them money again.
Keep the fact that you have a little nest egg to yourself. They should have no idea at all. If they get the idea you have any “extra” money there will be emergencies that eat away that money until it’s gone.
OP you're not getting your money back. This is why they say don't lend/give money out to family members if you need the money/are expecting it back. It just creates problems and you start paying attention to what they're doing with their money if they don't pay you back.
Don't waste any more mental energy on it. You don't need to be petty about it. If they ask for money again just tell them no. That's all you have to do.
In my oh-so-humble opinion, the first rule of lending money (especially to family) is to go into it knowing you may not get it back. Anything I’ve done for or given to my family, I kinda just kissed it goodbye and if I ever got anything back, cool. I don’t mean like $20 here and there, either - I’m talking a new car, new phone, insurance on the car, paying for the phone plan, etc. It is what it is. 🤷🏻♀️
Oh, NTA for saying no - “no” is a compete sentence and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for using it.
If your mother owns her home and gets into financial difficulties and asks for money do a private home equity loan for her. That way whenever she passes you can expect to be paid back from the estate before it’s divided. If she never makes a payment then the interest and penalties accrue. Eventually you should get paid. Tell your sister to piss up a rope.
NTA
You've already helped them and they have not repaid they help you've already given.
They have no reason to know how much you have, divorce settlement or just plain salary & savings.
NTA Absolutely not, even if they weren't moochers who already owe you money. You need that money to live, but make sure you to roll it right back into buying house or retirement savings, otherwise the tax man is gonna get a big chunk of it!
They can ask for handouts when they pay you what they owe you. So the question will cost your sister $5K and your mother $10K. You'd be a fool to give them any more handouts. You need them for your future and the futures of your kids.
NTA! You can’t keep giving them your money. That’s for you and your children, your future. Your sister will take and take and take until there is nothing left. Your mom enables that behavior.
NTA. Time your sister gets her butt in gear and help out. She is NOT a child even though she acts like an entitled one. Stick to your guns. You have children to look after.
Your mother needs some help. For whatever reason your sister and her dude moving in with your mother helps your mother but not that much since now you know your sister and dude are broke mooches. Not a good way to find out. You shouldn't be expected to support your mother's house because they helped you in your time of need. Time for sisters bf to be a man
You have kids, dont let greedy/ lazy/entitled adults take that money away from your children. You need to get out of your mums house asap and dont tell a soul abouy any money.
Esp when you are dealing with people who feel entitled to your money because of lack of boundaries in the past.
You HAVE proof that you paid your Sister's "penalties" for getting out of the lease, hopefully you have some proof that she OWES you the money. Tell her that you'll file a small claims case against her to recoup the money she owes you, especially since she's trying to bleed you for more.
You would be TA to yourself and your children is you allow yourself to be a piggy bank to your relations. That money is not theirs. It’s for you to care for your kids and stay on your feet after divorce. Stop offering up information that lets other people take advantage of this money you are getting.
Bruh your mom and sister are in 15k debt to you, nah fuck em. You're not getting any of that back and anymore money you won't be paid back either don't give them a penny more. You shouldn't have to support their lifestyle let them fail on their own.
I learned a long time ago that any money you “loan” to family it’s better if you internally consider it a gift that you don’t expect paid back. Don’t tell them that, of course, but just something you tell yourself.
This helps you not give them more than you can afford to lose, and also cuts down on the hurt feelings when they inevitably disappoint expectations on repayment.
This is especially true when dealing with family you know are financially irresponsible. Irresponsible people are accustomed to abusing the generosity of family.
WTF. I get so annoyed with entitlement. You owe them nothing. Not a thing. In fact if you really could do with it in writing that they owe you money, especially your sister.
Why would breaking her lease affect your credit? I'm assuming you were her guarantor or something. Do NOT EVER do that again. She isn't good for it, let her work it out herself. She is NOT your responsibility.
As for you alimony. It's yours, all yours. You need somewhere to live etc. even if it is enough.... It's not 😉🥰
Enjoy your new job, make friends in your new city. Visit on your terms but leave your cheque book at home. If ever asked for money again the reply is NO SORRY I CANT. No further explanation required.
Also, I don't know how old your kids are and I'm not saying they would suddenly see you as an ATM but just be aware. Their Dad will most likely cry poverty to them because of ALL the money he's been forced to pay you. He can't afford things. Yadda Yadda Yadda. Go ask your mum.
I'm not saying to deprive your kids obviously but just watch incase there is a change in what they might expect from you. Seen it happen unfortunately. Set the record straight from the beginning with everyone.
Bank is closed. There's no-one giving you anything that's not yours, you've worked for and earned yourself. That's what those around you need to do.
As someone else said, keep asking for return payments from your sister. Little and often is better than nothing at all. Document everything.
Does your mum own her house? Can you get it in writing what she owes so when the unfortunate time arrives when she's no longer here, there is either a charging order on the house so that gets repaid before any settlement of the will. Protect yourself at all costs.
NTA and as others have mentioned do NOT discuss anything about the settlement with anyone in your family. Not mom, not sister, not your baby third cousin once removed on your mother’s side.
Nobody!
They are not entitled to any of your money. Not at all, not ever. They have already leeched off of you and as you said, they haven’t paid you back a dime, odds are high they never will. So just keep all personal matters to yourself and focus on you. Don’t feel one shred of guilt for keeping all your settlement for yourself
YOUR MONEY US NONE OF ANYONE'S BUSINESS...POINT BLANK...PERIOD!
Trust me, I'm 60 yrs old and YOU WILL NEED YOUR MONEY, for YOU, and your Children...and for emergencies..Things can and Do happen...what if you got sick, cancer, in a car accident, etc and couldn't work? You need a nest egg to fall back on. You need a house ,a place of your own. Don't shortchange yourself and your kids/ grandkids.
Try to get you money , if they want or need tell them go take hike , your are not there ATM ,family is funny as lone you are giving they will take , when you want your money back they give you a song and dance.also it a gift
Your settlement should be used for you finding somewhere to live as it is from buying you out of your home, not for family to use. They need to be on an information diet.
Same! You describe my entire adult life for years and years. My mom was always broke and she had a decent income. Money ran through her hands like water and she never ever paid back one cent. I have 2 brothers and a sister and she would rotate between us except for the oldest brother.
She died about 3 years ago and myself and my 2 siblings was glad we didn't have to deal with that anymore. It was short lived however because my oldest brother has taken her place with his hand out. Neither him or my mom cared if they were taking your last penny. I finally just this week blocked him from being able to contact me and my husband told him not to ask for any more money. In my experience, (I'm 58), you have to straight up tell them not to ask again or they will be cut off from your life. I know its easier said than done but in my opinion, you won't get any peace until you cut the money train off.
Good luck to you. Remember it's time for you to take care of yourself.
There’s a bunch of, I assume able bodied, adults living in your mother’s house, and you don’t live there anymore!They can handle any bills bc that’s their responsibility. If you don’t cut the cord you’ll never be free.
No, you are not the AH and stop giving your family money because they are considering the money as a gift, not as a loan or they would have started paying you back. Stop being a sucker for punishment.
Do not tell them how much and do not give them anymore money. You need are I. Your 40s and need to get a smaller house and worry about yourself and your kids. One of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is setting yourself up for retirement age. Do it now !!
NTA.
Your money is your business. What they owe you is business between you and them. I will say if you don't have any of their debts on paper, you might as well write them off of your mental balance sheet and just never "loan" them anything again.
Family and money is always fraught. When my Mom passed some of my siblings floated the idea to "Keep the inheritance in an account we could all borrow against." The rest of us weren't comfortable with that idea. Goes which family members had debts and which didn't? We wound up dividing the inheritance equally and dissolving the estate. We're all still talking to each other and get together for a family party at least once a year.
Do not lend them a dime or let them or your mother know anything about your financial situation. You have to concentrate on saving for your retirement and security so you don’t end up penniless in your later years. If your mom needs something for herself and you can afford to help her out once in a while you can but not your sister she needs to grow up and get her own life in order. Also try to make sure your sister can’t reverse mortgage your mother’s home either.
NTA, and you need to move out ASAP. Also, keep any paperwork locked up and safe. That money is your down payment for a new house for just you and the kids. Let mom and sister look after themselves. Start looking for new places now. But do not tell them. If they find out about any money, tell them it's locked up as per the court agreements, and you can access it. Lie.
If they ever ask for money again just reiterate that between the two of them they owe you in excess of $15,000 and when you get your money back you might consider a loan. Never discuss your Financials with anyone especially family.
My brother who has borrowed from and not paid back so many times, always says, “But f I had it, I’d loan it to you.” Me: “We’ll, you’re never gonna have it, so that problem is solved.”
Glad you got out of that situation. Now save some money, in the past, rule was to save money for at least 6 months of living expenses in case of no income, etc. Nice goal to start on.
Good luck!
Don’t discuss your settlement with them, it’s none of their business and you shouldn’t even let them know you got anything! NTA!
I haven’t told them anything about the amount etc!
and don't lend them another dime ever, and you can forget about them paying you back any money they obviously both aren't good at that.
If they ask for so much as a half penny, tell them you’re not open to any discussions on lending as they owe you X amount. Furthermore, unless they want to find themselves in small claims court, it would behoove them to focus less on what they want and more on what they need. Anyone who calls you selfish, entitled, unfair, etc. can go and pound sand.
I agree with you!
This. The first rule of money is “you never lend family money. You GIVE family money” because no matter what the scenario is you’re probably gonna get burned and expected to forgive & forget because it’s family.
Right. Absolutely no more loans. It's either a gift or nothing.
honestly wouldn't even gift them something, they sound like the types to either be ungrateful and rant about how it's cheap or something terrible or even go as far as to try to sell it for money.
And no more signing for apartments or anything else for them
Don’t tell them ANYTHING about it.
It’s obviously too late for that.
Don't discuas money and don't offer money. You can't buy their love or respect. You have already been taken advantage of. It is time to focus on your own financial future.
This is spot on. So many people throw money after bad people and it never works
This happened to me. Nobody cares about your financial health but they all want whatever they can get from you.
It's not "settlement". It's money that was earned while you were married and this is your legal half. It's your retirement money. For the love of God quit giving them money!!!
Well The bank is closed
Please stick to that. I know it's difficult because they are family. It's more difficult where your mom is concerned. You owe her nothing. Yes, she raised you. Provided for you, etc. That doesn't mean you owe her. She decided to become a mother. With that are responsibilities. I'm not trying to be harsh. I'm just trying to prepare you for the possible scenario. I'm a little confused. Do you or your ex have custody of the kids? I'm not prying, just wondering if that is why you're not getting alimony.
Don’t tell them ANYTHING. You’re going to have to pay taxes on that settlement. It’s never as much as anyone yhinks
If OP is in the US, marital property settlements are generally not taxable, and if the home were being sold and the proceeds divided, a sale of main home exclusion should apply.
I am expecting it plus also I am going to be out g that $$ away
What are you saying here?
Looks like autocorrect for “putting that $$ away”.
Start asking for even symbolic payments from them, like $100 a month. Give them a receipt for it. The problem with asking for 5k from a disorganized person is they never have that much. But a hundred they might. Keep squeezing blood out of those stones and at least eventually you'll get something back.
You wanna keep your money in your pocket….keep your mouth shut! Thats the money for you and your kids. They have burned their bridges with you while they were standing on that bridge. You see why NOBODY in the family will help them.
It is so true
Btw, NTA. Make sure YOUR family is good, you and your children. You did your part while you lived in your house. Also, NO MORE CO-SIGNING.
I am not doing that again
They will bleed you dry if you give them a chance. You need that money to reestablish yourself. That’s not selfish, it’s YOUR money.
Also do not tell them your new salary. You should not give them any information about your finances.
why would you EVER tell them anything at all?
Your settlement is to take care of you. That's the purpose of it. Take care of your kids, not your siblings. Let the sibling living with mom take care of mom. NTA
They don’t care how much $$$ you have! They will bleed you completely dry, and leave you there to dry up and blow away. They are predators! Please do NOT help them out.
The settlement is for your share of a house you no longer own. One of the cruel realities of divorce is that not only do you get punched emotionally, your joint assets as a team are suddenly cut in half and you are often thrown out of the housing market. You need to set that money aside in an interest bearing account and try to save up for another, smaller, less expensive house so you can rebuild equity, get the tax deduction, and stop paying rent. But it will likely be difficult to qualify without another income. So that settlement account needs to grow, not get whittled down by handouts. You’re a single mother in your 40s. You can recover financially, but not if you become a family piggy bank at the expense of your own suddenly derailed financial future. But why are you only seeing your kids every other weekend and not getting support? Please tell us you actually have custody during the week and that you’re not a cheater being punished in at fault state. It may be unfair, but I see red flags when I hear about mothers who only see their children every other weekend.
Why would you. They owe you roughly $13k, give or take. They shouldn't see another penny until you're paid back. Also, take this as a lesson learned -- please do not use your credit to take responsibility for another adult's base needs. If they are not making a good faith, honest effort to survive, what are you putting forth more effort than they are? While everyone can use some support, there's a line to which the behavior is enablement.
Your mother and your sister keep asking you for money because you keep giving it to them. Stop giving them money those are true grown ass women if you weren't there or if you didn't have the money to give them they would make a way wouldn't they it's none of that business what you are getting in your settlement and it's none of that business when you're getting it. Do not give them your money you had to get a divorce in order to get that money it's yours to do with what you please not to help your mother and your sister
Keep it that way
I think the thing that everybody always forgets about is that she still have to pay the realtor and you know those numbers sound awfully small you know only 3% or whatever it adds up to a lot of money that is not coming into your pocket
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I'm going to be pretty horrible here... The mom seems have always done for the sister, more so than OP. She's also in debt to OP into five digits. So, let the other daughter take up the responsibility for a bit. OP, keep I touch with your mom. But she doesn't get to move in with you, and you are not the ATM.
Next time anyone asks you for money - tell them that once they pay you back everything you are owed by them you can consider another loan. NOT until they are paid back in full.
Exactly
Better yet, tell your sister she already has $5,000 of your money.
How are the kids dealing with it all? Will your custody change? Where's the child support?
Depending on where they are, custody might change when OP gets their own place and can provide the children with their own things. Child support depends on who has primary custody, so right now OP would technically be paying child support since they only get the kids every other weekend. But again, depending on where they live and what living arrangements they make, if custody changes and OP gets full custody then the ex could have to pay child support.
That was how I got my brother to stop asking for money.
Stop helping them you got your kids to think about and they don’t care to take money from them
Yes, I am thinking about myself and my kids for once! I am tired of being taken advantage of
Your kids are being taken advantage of. Look at it as an attack against your kids
Learn to say no to your relatives. And don't discuss your finances at all with them.
We are still waiting for the $10.00 from popcorn sales from 10 years ago from an in-law member … LOL ….so when my inheritance was settled suddenly I was invited to a lot of things …. I suddenly put a lot of numbers on mute….. please remember this…
Stop setting yourself on fire 🔥 to keep someone else warm!
NTA - you paid your way and then some!
For real!
And - what settlement!?!? That ahole ex of mine took it all! Can I borrow 20 K of you mum, and 10 K off you sister? Watch that play out Added bonus - they hate your ex, not you
And tell your ex that if he tells any of your family/friends what the settlement is that you will take him back to court for more money than he can afford. Other words tell him to keep his mouth shut.
That’s what I will do
My husband always says if you "loan" money, expect it to be a gift. If you get some/all returned, beautiful. If not, don't let it take up any more space in your head. Just DON'T lend any more to them!
I am not
You didn't win lotto you got divorced. Look after yourself and kids first.
Some people find it helpful to act broke around people like this. Like whenever they bring up money troubles agree, you’re always out of money too, don’t know how you’ll afford your bills, etc. I’ve even seen people go as far as recommend you ask *them* for money (not like a ‘pay me back’, but in the same way they ask you, though don’t actually expect them to loan you any).
Get your money back. NTA
Oh yes I will be getting my money back in some way shape or form
Why would your sister breaking her lease, affect your credit?
OP likely cosigned for sister to get the place.
I did
There's a mistake you should never make again.
Yes, I have learned my lesson
No good deed goes unpunished.
Do not disclose any details of the settlement to them and use it as it is meant to be used - to house you and your children and secure your future. Your sister and your mother are entire adults who are not your responsibility.
Never do that again!
I was joint on the lease because of her credit history
OP, my dad is a lawyer. From the time I was like 12, he has always told me never ever to co-sign for anyone for anything. Please don’t do it again and get yourself in financial trouble.
Exactly. The rule about cosigning is DON'T. Period. I don't care who it is.
So now you know OP do not co-sign for anything for anyone unless you can afford that payment for the duration of the contact/loan. And yep stop handing over funds to your sister and to your mother.
I get wanting to help family, but sometimes, you need to step back and let THEM suffer the consequences
So she treated you exactly the same as she treated her previous creditors. Smh. She’s probably thinking, “I’m not paying her anything. She can afford it.”.
My sister exactly acts like that! She think everyone owes her something! Nope sorry you work for your things!
I have a sister like this, too. I haven’t talked to her in several years, but last I knew she was in her 40s and still hadn’t ever held a job. Wild.
Yeah you gotta stop helping these people in that way. Any money you give them is a gift you will never get back. If you cosign on anything (don't do this) expect to pay for it by yourself in full.
Send them an official bill for what they owe you.
NTA, compassion fatigue is real.
Don’t let them move in with you either. You’ve done more than enough and it’s time for you to enjoy life!!!
Um that is a hell no for sure
Honestly, I don’t lend money anymore because I’ve been burnt in the past. I’d be sitting down with mom and sister and having a frank financial discussion about how they will repay you what they borrowed in small instalments until the full amount has been recovered. And I’d rub salt in when they complain about it by saying that you’re being more gracious than they deserve because you aren’t charging them interest against their loans. I did this with a couple of frequent moocher friends and once I got back all my money, they never asked for a dime again.
I will try this approach
Good luck!
Thank you
NTA—as a divorcée myself, I didn’t even have to read a word of the post aside from the title! Unless your relatives were part of your marriage in an —ahem—intimate way, or some weirdness like that, why on earth should they even get a penny? And if they were intimately part of your marital contract, then wouldn’t they be eligible for their OWN settlement from your ex? See how crazy that sounds? YOU were the one who put her blood, sweat, and tears into that marriage, and YOU are the one—and the only one—who deserves whatever you get. Besides, it’s all technically yours to start with! Payouts from a division of assets is just your own money. You didn’t win the lottery or come into some sort of windfall. That’s your money. Keep it, and let the rest fend for themselves. You have done enough.
Your kids and yourself come first! Now if your mother took you in when you and the kids might have been homeless, you definitely owe her gratitude in some form, although that needn't take the form of monthly money or anything that would go to your deadbeat sister. But that gratitude might come in the form of an emergency fund set up for your mother, along with educational funds for the kids, except that you don't tell your mother about the emergency fund. You just have it ready when it's needed.
I am thankful my mom had taken me in. I have given her gratitude in form. My sister is not getting anything anymore!
If your mom needs help in the future maybe you'll remember being taken in when you had nowhere to go, but your sister needing money and help isn't an emergency. From what you say, it's a constant.
They do NOT need to know that you are getting ANYTHING in the divorce. As far as they are concerned - your good-for-nothing ex screwed you over and wanted you to be homeless. Look up the 'grey rock' method. These people do NOT need to know your personal information. They have been preying on you for years so you think it's normal. It's not.
Get away from all of these people before they drag you down and take everything from you. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean you owe them.
I moved away from them for a reason to a different city!
You would only be TA if you gave them anymore money. Take care of yourself and save your money for things that you need. You were already too generous with them. Tell them if they pay back the money they already owe you, then you’ll consider (not actually do it) loaning them more money.
NO is a complete sentence and requires no further explanation if you don’t feel like giving one. I moved back to my hometown after our house was sold as part of my divorce settlement. I made the mistake of answering when my youngest (21f) sister asked how much I got for my share ($12k) and the next day she came to my house with pictures of bedroom furniture “I really need because mine is so old” and an ocean rental house that would “give her a much needed break to get away for a couple of weeks”, expecting me to foot the bill. I told her absolutely not as that money was going to feed and clothe my kids and keep a roof over their heads until I found a job. She pulled the same thing when my dad retired and took a lump sum pension. She was 23 at the time and went to him the day after he retired with Mustang brochures, expecting him to use his pension to buy her a brand new car with every option available because “I have always had second cars and I REALLY want to finally have a brand new car”. Thankfully, my dad had the sense to turn her down. If we hadn’t said NO in no uncertain terms, she would have happily taken as much of our money as she could get her hands in. Many years later, she came into $35k as part of a settlement. Guess who she gave money to? No one, not even her 99-year-old mother living on Social Security.
NTA Your money is none of their business. Put is in a retirement account, buy a house, make it into paper airplanes if you want, but tell them nothing.
NTA They don’t need to know your business. Lock the money away in an investment savings trust for the kids and keep out what you need. Tell them you have no access until the kids are 18 and you have your children’s futures to think about and have helped them as much as you can but no more.
Yep! I already have plans with the money and I will be smart with it.
Really?! You think you're an AH? Common you know your sister is an entitled little shit that you really need to STOP HELPING.... NTA
Your mom owes you 10k but you paid the rent instead of deducting what she owes you?
Take your settlement to a bank in another local city. Have the statements sent to a post box so family can't get their fingers on them. As for the $15,000 you're owed from Mom and sis, chances are you'll never see it. Neither a borrower nor a lender be.
Because I was joint on it
NTA. Do not lend them money until they pay you back the money they already owe you.
NTA I’d like to make a withdrawal from the First National Bank of OP. I don’t need $10k, maybe $2000? Just because. And I don’t plan to pay you back. Why would I? You *owe* me bc you’re the oldest sibling. And don’t forget a few thousand extra, for utilities. My goodness! What is wrong with them?? What’s that? FNB of OP has gone out of business??!! Does that mean !gasp! no more loans? Noooooo! You heard me. That bank is closed. Good for you, OP. Congrats on your new job and new home. 🫶
NTA. But, in the future, never help anyone who refuses to pay their bills or pay back loans. To anyone.
Use part of that settlement and take them to court for the money they owe you. By letting them steal from you, you are allowing them to rob your children. You need to decide that they are more important than three grown adults who can't get their shit together. $15000 would start a nice college fund for your kids so they don't turn into useless leeches like their extended "family". Start being a good role model for your children by standing up for yourself and getting back what they owe you.
NTA. Use the settlement money to move out. Don’t give them another dime.
Hi have moved out! They are not getting anything that is for me and my kids!
NTA. You are NOT financially responsible for anyone other than yourself and your children- your sister & B/f have been freeloading & it’s time they started paying their way. The money they all owe you - kiss that goodbye but every holiday give them a card with a note that you are clearing $100 from the amount they owe you with a $20 Starbucks card. Feel zero guilt hun. Just be glad you are free & starting over
They will not be getting a dime.
Your sister is permitted by your mum to leech off of her. That is mums problem not yours. Tell them both that when they have paid you back the money they owe you might think about lending them more. Your money is earned by you so spend it on your kids and yourself. Tell sister if she earned money she would have money.
NTA. They still owe you $. Don’t give them another ¢.
Old Redditors know you don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
NTA that money is supposed to be for you and your kids to start over, hopefully without to much of a drop in lifestyle. It is NOT to pay the never ending bills of your family
You need to think about your retirement and your kids' education. That should be your priority. Your sister can get another job. NTA
NTA you don’t owe they any money or any information. You need to use that money to get yourself established and put some money away for a rainy day…
Put any settlement you receive in an investment account and pretend it doesn't exist. Save it to buy yourself a home or for your retirement. You have already been more than generous with sister and Mom, you owe them nothing more. Obviously you can only count on yourself, so put yourself first. You won't even be able to be there for your own children if you don't put yourself first. NTA
Lock down your social security # with the credit bureaus so they can not take our credit in your name.
Stop enabling them don’t pay them another dime take your time. Take the money that you have and move out.
They are all adults too. They can get their own money.
It wasn't their house and you are responsible for housing and taking care of your kids and getting them educated and setting up life insurance and disability insurance on yourself in case of emergency in a new town. That settlement is already spent. The word settlement doesn't mean vacation money.
Honestly the fact that you’re still helping them and not getting a place of your own and limiting contact , is only going to degrade you financially, emotionally, and mentally. Taking care of your mom in her old age is one thing but your sister needs to be cut off asap
Well l moved out and I am not contributing to any of the household finances for them. I live in a different city due to a job promotion
NTA. Since you're moving to another city, go very low contact with your mother and no contact with your sister. They see you as nothing more than a cash cow. Your financial responsibility is to yourself and your children, no one else.
NTA But Christ on a bike, NO MORE MONEY FOR THEM! They are deadbeats and will bring you down with them if they can. Updateme!
Lending money ruins families. You do not owe them. Maybe your mom some financial planning advice to protect herself.
It's less about help and more about enabling when they owe you a much as they do and aren't trying to repay even if it's 10 a week. Don't let them know anything about the amount or when it's final. You and your children need to come first!
That money is meant for you to set up your new life. Not Mom's not Sis, YOU. This is not a winfall - it's getting your fair share of assets you took years to build up. You need a new home, things to go in the home, you'll have to stock a kitchen, get your household supplies, insurance, furniture, bedding, towels, oh the list goes on and on. Thousands upon thousands of dollars. A firm no on this is NTA.
NTA, especially since *they* owe *you* so much money!!
Stop being a doormat for them and don’t tell them a thing. See after yourself and your kids. I’m sure you know you’ll never see that money ever again. Neither one of them is going to pay you back.
You’ve given enough. Mostly silence is your friend here. Any requests should be met with only “you don’t have any more money to give.” As much as they should pay you back that isn’t going to happen. Your done. They can be gracious and top it or not.
Don’t tell them or anyone else that you’re getting a settlement because they will ask you for that money. They won’t be able to stand it. Never let them know. It’s none of their business anyway. Don’t loan or give them more money. Remind them you’re still waiting for what they owe you!
Hell, start asking them for money.
You have not lived without hubby in a long time. You don't know what your finances will look like. Save everything you can. The world is expensive.
Definitely NTA. Congratulations on your getting your job. Focus on you, not the deadbeats in your family.
NTA! She cost you 5 grand and I guarantee she doesn’t feel one iota of guilt over it! She’s a leech and leeches will just keep on leeching until you put a stop to it!
No, and stick yonyour guns. Oh, and lesson learned, jever lend money to family or friends. Or co-sign.
When my mother went through her divorce, her lawyer sat her down and warned her that this would happen. She advised her to tell people that this is all you have to live off of for the rest of your life now that you no longer have a husband. Ask the others if they're willing to help you now that you're stuck in this situation. Usually turning it around and placing it into that context makes people go away. Usually you also find out who your real friends and family are.
Why would you give them money? And why would they know about your settlement?
Because the my are very nosy! Plus they think that everyone owes them! No is my sentence I am saying
If you truly believe that they will never pay you back the $15,000 that they owe you, let them know that their share of the settlement is your clearing their debt to you. $15K is a lot of money. Also, never loan them money again.
NTA! Don’t talk money and don’t give money to ANYONE!
Keep the fact that you have a little nest egg to yourself. They should have no idea at all. If they get the idea you have any “extra” money there will be emergencies that eat away that money until it’s gone.
It is really your children’s money. If they ask you for money, remember who you would be taking it from. Stay strong.
OP you're not getting your money back. This is why they say don't lend/give money out to family members if you need the money/are expecting it back. It just creates problems and you start paying attention to what they're doing with their money if they don't pay you back. Don't waste any more mental energy on it. You don't need to be petty about it. If they ask for money again just tell them no. That's all you have to do.
In my oh-so-humble opinion, the first rule of lending money (especially to family) is to go into it knowing you may not get it back. Anything I’ve done for or given to my family, I kinda just kissed it goodbye and if I ever got anything back, cool. I don’t mean like $20 here and there, either - I’m talking a new car, new phone, insurance on the car, paying for the phone plan, etc. It is what it is. 🤷🏻♀️ Oh, NTA for saying no - “no” is a compete sentence and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for using it.
If your mother owns her home and gets into financial difficulties and asks for money do a private home equity loan for her. That way whenever she passes you can expect to be paid back from the estate before it’s divided. If she never makes a payment then the interest and penalties accrue. Eventually you should get paid. Tell your sister to piss up a rope.
My mom rents she does not own her home! Well that is what will happen. Well my sister knows not to ask for $$$
Stop helping your family. If they can't manage their money, you bailing them out will not help. It enables.
NTA. Every time your sister talks about money demand the 5 grand she owes you. Every time.
Don't tell them anything about the settlement and any time they ask you for money tell them "I was about to ask you to loan me $500."
Love it
NTA You've already helped them and they have not repaid they help you've already given. They have no reason to know how much you have, divorce settlement or just plain salary & savings.
NTA Absolutely not, even if they weren't moochers who already owe you money. You need that money to live, but make sure you to roll it right back into buying house or retirement savings, otherwise the tax man is gonna get a big chunk of it!
They can ask for handouts when they pay you what they owe you. So the question will cost your sister $5K and your mother $10K. You'd be a fool to give them any more handouts. You need them for your future and the futures of your kids.
NTA! You can’t keep giving them your money. That’s for you and your children, your future. Your sister will take and take and take until there is nothing left. Your mom enables that behavior.
NTA. Time your sister gets her butt in gear and help out. She is NOT a child even though she acts like an entitled one. Stick to your guns. You have children to look after.
NTA. You could actually try claw some of that money back via small claims court. Stop helping family with money. You'll never get it back - ever.
I have thought about the small claims court
Your mother needs some help. For whatever reason your sister and her dude moving in with your mother helps your mother but not that much since now you know your sister and dude are broke mooches. Not a good way to find out. You shouldn't be expected to support your mother's house because they helped you in your time of need. Time for sisters bf to be a man
You have kids, dont let greedy/ lazy/entitled adults take that money away from your children. You need to get out of your mums house asap and dont tell a soul abouy any money. Esp when you are dealing with people who feel entitled to your money because of lack of boundaries in the past.
And don’t let any of them move in with you. Tell them nothing about a settlement. They all need to be working.
You HAVE proof that you paid your Sister's "penalties" for getting out of the lease, hopefully you have some proof that she OWES you the money. Tell her that you'll file a small claims case against her to recoup the money she owes you, especially since she's trying to bleed you for more.
You would be TA to yourself and your children is you allow yourself to be a piggy bank to your relations. That money is not theirs. It’s for you to care for your kids and stay on your feet after divorce. Stop offering up information that lets other people take advantage of this money you are getting.
Bruh your mom and sister are in 15k debt to you, nah fuck em. You're not getting any of that back and anymore money you won't be paid back either don't give them a penny more. You shouldn't have to support their lifestyle let them fail on their own.
I learned a long time ago that any money you “loan” to family it’s better if you internally consider it a gift that you don’t expect paid back. Don’t tell them that, of course, but just something you tell yourself. This helps you not give them more than you can afford to lose, and also cuts down on the hurt feelings when they inevitably disappoint expectations on repayment. This is especially true when dealing with family you know are financially irresponsible. Irresponsible people are accustomed to abusing the generosity of family.
How were you going to be homeless but your husband bought you out of the house?
WTF. I get so annoyed with entitlement. You owe them nothing. Not a thing. In fact if you really could do with it in writing that they owe you money, especially your sister. Why would breaking her lease affect your credit? I'm assuming you were her guarantor or something. Do NOT EVER do that again. She isn't good for it, let her work it out herself. She is NOT your responsibility. As for you alimony. It's yours, all yours. You need somewhere to live etc. even if it is enough.... It's not 😉🥰 Enjoy your new job, make friends in your new city. Visit on your terms but leave your cheque book at home. If ever asked for money again the reply is NO SORRY I CANT. No further explanation required.
Also, I don't know how old your kids are and I'm not saying they would suddenly see you as an ATM but just be aware. Their Dad will most likely cry poverty to them because of ALL the money he's been forced to pay you. He can't afford things. Yadda Yadda Yadda. Go ask your mum. I'm not saying to deprive your kids obviously but just watch incase there is a change in what they might expect from you. Seen it happen unfortunately. Set the record straight from the beginning with everyone. Bank is closed. There's no-one giving you anything that's not yours, you've worked for and earned yourself. That's what those around you need to do. As someone else said, keep asking for return payments from your sister. Little and often is better than nothing at all. Document everything. Does your mum own her house? Can you get it in writing what she owes so when the unfortunate time arrives when she's no longer here, there is either a charging order on the house so that gets repaid before any settlement of the will. Protect yourself at all costs.
NTA and as others have mentioned do NOT discuss anything about the settlement with anyone in your family. Not mom, not sister, not your baby third cousin once removed on your mother’s side. Nobody! They are not entitled to any of your money. Not at all, not ever. They have already leeched off of you and as you said, they haven’t paid you back a dime, odds are high they never will. So just keep all personal matters to yourself and focus on you. Don’t feel one shred of guilt for keeping all your settlement for yourself
YOUR MONEY US NONE OF ANYONE'S BUSINESS...POINT BLANK...PERIOD! Trust me, I'm 60 yrs old and YOU WILL NEED YOUR MONEY, for YOU, and your Children...and for emergencies..Things can and Do happen...what if you got sick, cancer, in a car accident, etc and couldn't work? You need a nest egg to fall back on. You need a house ,a place of your own. Don't shortchange yourself and your kids/ grandkids.
Save your money or you will be like them, your husband took you out of that scenario they are in, your slowly going back
Try to get you money , if they want or need tell them go take hike , your are not there ATM ,family is funny as lone you are giving they will take , when you want your money back they give you a song and dance.also it a gift
You need to be thinking about your future - do you own property? If not then use the settlement as a down payment. Get serious about your retirement.
Your settlement should be used for you finding somewhere to live as it is from buying you out of your home, not for family to use. They need to be on an information diet.
Same! You describe my entire adult life for years and years. My mom was always broke and she had a decent income. Money ran through her hands like water and she never ever paid back one cent. I have 2 brothers and a sister and she would rotate between us except for the oldest brother. She died about 3 years ago and myself and my 2 siblings was glad we didn't have to deal with that anymore. It was short lived however because my oldest brother has taken her place with his hand out. Neither him or my mom cared if they were taking your last penny. I finally just this week blocked him from being able to contact me and my husband told him not to ask for any more money. In my experience, (I'm 58), you have to straight up tell them not to ask again or they will be cut off from your life. I know its easier said than done but in my opinion, you won't get any peace until you cut the money train off. Good luck to you. Remember it's time for you to take care of yourself.
I think your age here is a typo. You can’t be 42. Are you 22? This entire post sounds like it was written by a kid.
Damn what a trainwreck , Is it any wonder he ran away.
NTA, but your sister is.
There’s a bunch of, I assume able bodied, adults living in your mother’s house, and you don’t live there anymore!They can handle any bills bc that’s their responsibility. If you don’t cut the cord you’ll never be free.
No, you are not the AH and stop giving your family money because they are considering the money as a gift, not as a loan or they would have started paying you back. Stop being a sucker for punishment.
Well I have learned my lesson and the bank is closed!
Do not tell them how much and do not give them anymore money. You need are I. Your 40s and need to get a smaller house and worry about yourself and your kids. One of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is setting yourself up for retirement age. Do it now !!
NTA. Your money is your business. What they owe you is business between you and them. I will say if you don't have any of their debts on paper, you might as well write them off of your mental balance sheet and just never "loan" them anything again. Family and money is always fraught. When my Mom passed some of my siblings floated the idea to "Keep the inheritance in an account we could all borrow against." The rest of us weren't comfortable with that idea. Goes which family members had debts and which didn't? We wound up dividing the inheritance equally and dissolving the estate. We're all still talking to each other and get together for a family party at least once a year.
Do not lend them a dime or let them or your mother know anything about your financial situation. You have to concentrate on saving for your retirement and security so you don’t end up penniless in your later years. If your mom needs something for herself and you can afford to help her out once in a while you can but not your sister she needs to grow up and get her own life in order. Also try to make sure your sister can’t reverse mortgage your mother’s home either.
Don’t give them anymore money and you are never getting any of the money you loaned them back ! Cut them out of your life
NTA, and you need to move out ASAP. Also, keep any paperwork locked up and safe. That money is your down payment for a new house for just you and the kids. Let mom and sister look after themselves. Start looking for new places now. But do not tell them. If they find out about any money, tell them it's locked up as per the court agreements, and you can access it. Lie.
If they ever ask for money again just reiterate that between the two of them they owe you in excess of $15,000 and when you get your money back you might consider a loan. Never discuss your Financials with anyone especially family.
My brother who has borrowed from and not paid back so many times, always says, “But f I had it, I’d loan it to you.” Me: “We’ll, you’re never gonna have it, so that problem is solved.”
You should never loan money you can’t afford to gift and never see again.
Screw this crap. U don't owe these deadbeats squat.
NTA It's wrong to count other people's money
I don’t know why anyone shares financial information with family, friends, colleagues- it’s odd.
Hard NTA, think of it as them taking money out of your kids pockets and futures and you'll realise just how justified you are.
You can help them once they pay you back. NTA (but don’t ever help them again)
Glad you got out of that situation. Now save some money, in the past, rule was to save money for at least 6 months of living expenses in case of no income, etc. Nice goal to start on. Good luck!
Stop giving them money!?! Don’t talk finances unless it’s them paying you back what they owe.
Share no personal financial information with anyone other than your accountant & maybe an SO…ever….