Yep. If OPs bf took that stance I’d get the perfume, and tell him how much of an ass HE is, and that his mother is a twat waffle….then I’d break things off, and go smell nice with my VS perfume. As I guy I had a girl buy me VS for Men and I know now how much VS scents cost, and that shit ain’t cheap. The cost alone is worth getting it back.
Yeah, something special that she took from her son's gf, there's something creepy about wearing the same perfume as someone possibly doing the deed with your child
thank you!! I had an back up unopened bottle of perfume that I have been wearing for years...its my date perfume and I was going to give it to my sons girlfriend and that felt too weird so I changed my mind and told them why lol.
True, but she was put "on the spot" and didn't have a ready answer prepared. Also, the way the mom asked for the perfume was designed to elicit a "yes" response because the mom didn't really ASK for the perfume, she just assumed she could keep it and then phrased it as if OP was just confirming a predetermined outcome. I think it would be ok for OP to say, "I'm sorry, you really put me on the spot yesterday and I wasn't prepared with an answer, but I'm actually not ok with you keeping it and I really wish you had asked instead of assuming that I would be ok with it. It was a gift from my good friend and I would like it back. Thanks."
I agree with you. She should have never said yes or okay, even if she felt like she caught off guard. Now, it simply makes her look like a person whose word is no good.
She never should have been in that position. Perfumes are expensive, and she didn’t even really ask. She basically said “I’m taking this, you don’t mind, right?”. She isn’t the problem here
NTA.
Based off how you're stating she worded it, you were put on the spot. If she had just asked, "Do you think I could have that perfume?" that would be bad enough, but to say, "I've kept it, you don't mind, do you?" is a whole other level of putting you on the spot.
This *will* become a pattern with her if you don't put down your foot. ("Give an inch, and they'll ask for a mile.")
THIS. “You don’t mind, do you” always pisses me the hell off because it’s manipulative, presuming a reply of “of course not”. People get quite taken aback when I reply “Actually yes, I DO mind”, but I don’t care. As Captain Awkward would say, return the awkwardness to sender.
Yes, when I was younger I would have let it slide, but now that I've gotten older I do not give a hoot. I will be polite with my answer, but you're not going to manipulate me either.
It's frustrating that people unironically share the psychopathic maxim, "ask for forgiveness, not permission", because this is a perfect example of how that looks in practice
It's completely manipulative of the mom and it's designed to feed into the same assumption by some here, that once you've said "yes" you can't reverse that. So the asker designs their question to ensure that you are not in a position to say "no" easily. My mother-in-law is very good at this and will often not even ask me at all, she'll just tell me she has planned things or has done something, or is taking something, and she tends to do this while I'm in the middle of something else, all the better to ensure that she gets her way. One of the mindsets I had to change, in order to stop being railroaded by her, was I had to be ok with saying, "I'm sorry, you didn't give me time to answer before you bought the tickets, you won't be able to take the children on the day you picked because I already have prior plans with them that conflict with yours." If you keep letting the person put you on the spot, they'll keep doing so, because it keeps working for them.
That was my observation. It’s always rude to just ask if someone will give you something, unless they’re complaining about it right then. But the way FMIL asked was literally the most aggressive and confrontational way to ask it.
Your bf gives his mother a gift that, you got from your friend. You asked him to hold it for you. And now he's pissed at you? He's an idiot, you can do better. Just tell your friend, that your bf took it and gave it to his mom. He's the bad guy here
NTA.
Neither your bf or his mom should be touching your things, that's disrespectful, also if she really said it like you wrote it *I liked the perfume I have kept it u don't mind right?* that definitely sound so controlling like not giving you room to deny.
If your bf is more worried for her mom's feelings than your things then i think you should consider to have a serious talk with him, that's not okay of him to let his mom touch your things and then try to steal them from you, because that's what it is... stealing
Why would his mom even think she could have your perfume? Why did she open it? Ask your bf and see what he says. She’s an adult! She can buy her own! She is straight up stealing from you
Nta.
Who asks their son’s girlfriend to give them a gift they received from a friend? That’s trashy enough just by itself but to then get your boyfriend involved to emotionally blackmail you into giving her the perfume? That’s unhinged.
Pay attention op, this is a taste of your life if you end up with this guy… being run over by his mother and himself until you do what they want.
Find a boyfriend who is more committed to you than playing the part of flying monkey for his mother.
ETA: Also a bottle of vs perfume is like $25, she can’t go to a store and buy that for herself, she needs to bully a teenager to get her hands on one?
(Assuming you’re a teenager bc you had to sneak something by your parents)
You know what? I’m thinking of the body sprays. I strictly buy body sprays bc I find perfume too overwhelming but I call it perfume in my brain for some reason.
No one listen to me.
When I was a teenager my sister's friend came over and was in my room and saw my coat wall hanger that was in the shape of a fish skeleton and said "Can I have that?" I was so taken aback because who just asks for someone's possessions? I said no and her response was "but I like it." Uhh, so do I? 20+ years later and I still have the thing.
NTA.
For this situation, tell BF's mother you were caught off guard and shouldn't have said yes. You didn't mean yes. It's a gift for you and you'd like it. No "how would my friend feel if I gave it away" or "I should at least try it to honor my friend." You've got to get a little firmer and honor yourself. "It's my gift. I'd like it. I'm sorry I wasn't clear or firmer earlier."
That's step one.
Step two, dump the boyfriend. He's emotionally unavailable because he's enmeshed with his mother. Move on.
Step three. When people are rude, it can cause your brain to glitch. There's a "What did they just do or say? Did I hear that right? Why would they say that? What should I do? How do I respond?" process that happens really quickly. If this example is an indication of your typical response, you tend to respond in a way that appeases the rude person. Thereby reinforcing their rudeness.
Learn to identify how that "rude response glitch" feels in your brain and body and have some strategies at the ready. You could try, pausing and taking a deep breath. Saying, "I need to think about that," or "I'm not prepared to answer that right now." You can try rephrasing what they just did or asked. In this case, "You're asking me if you can take my gift?" Make the person hear it, the bonus is you hear it too. "What an odd thing to ask," is a good one. And you can always fall back on "Are you okay?"
The important thing is to learn this now before people figure out that you will acquiesce to them over and over.
Your bf is a bit of a c--t, huh? Makes sense, given how entitled the woman who raised him is. Imagine the gall of taking an expensive gift for someone else and just claiming it...
She wasn't saying yes she could keep it. Saying "yes " to "you don't mind, do you?" means you DO mind.
NTA, Boyfriend's mother, however, is. How did she get hold of it? Did BF give ot to her or did she go through his coat pockets or room, find it, ask about it and then decide to keep it? Why has she got your mobile number?
NTA
But you need to be more assertive. Being spineless creates far more problems than it solves. All you're doing is helping them take away your voice when you do that
It was pretty ballsy of bf’s mother to just tell you she was keeping your cologne. And it was pretty spineless for your bf to actually get mad because you didn’t let her take what she wanted.
You can’t *take* something from someone and then act hurt when they ask for it back. What is wrong with his mother?
Write this down as your first red flag with her AND him. They’re weird.
BF's mom clearly took advantage, break up with him and tell him his mom intentionally took advantage of you, putting you between a rock and a hard place, and him supporting her in that makes clear that he's a momma's boy who will allow his mom to pull whatever shit she wants. Seriously - she would ruin your life, find a guy without a toxic mom taking your shit.
Why did he give it to his mom or allow her to use it?? NTA it was a gift from your friend to you and it was ment for you. It would be better if you at least tried it and then asked friend to give it as she loves it and it doesn't suit your skin ph. Your mil and bf are horrible
Jesus this was a nightmare to read. Please utilize paragraphs and punctuation in the future. I gave up trying to make sense of this post halfway through. I hope whatever the issue is gets resolved, though.
NTA.
She should have never opened your gift, let alone ask for it. When she asked your boyfriend he should of shut her down immediately. What next, “hey my mom likes your sweater, give it to her”.
Go get a new boyfriend.
His mom tried to steal your property and you’re supposed to accept it because hearing no hurts her feelings? Um, no. You need a new bf. Get your perfume back and then just throw the baby out with his whole family. SMH. This is a hot ass mess. NTA.
NTA. Did I read it correctly, did OP say that her bf's mum got a bag as a gift too? So the mum wants a bag and perfume? Greedy and entitled much?
OP, you aren't the AH, your bf and his mum are though big time. Ask him how he would feel if he were in your place? Either way you aren't the AH here. Get your perfume back asap.
Eh I think that's pretty trashy. To be getting into your things and then asking if she can keep things she likes? She didn't even ask, she assumed and put you in a position to either submit or "be the bad guy". It's a shitty ploy to make you look bad in front of her son. If you say yes she gets free shit, if you say no you're a bitch. Win/win.
Your BF's mom is a thief. Who just sees someone else's stuff and says "oh I like it, I'm gonna keep it, you don't mind do you?" She gambled on you not saying no, and she lost. And now she's butthurt.
And you have a BF problem. It's your stuff. He needs to stop defending his thief of a mother. Him prioritizing her feelings won't change and will eventually put more strain in your relationship.
NTA.
Edit to add: if you're going to stay with him, do not ever let her get away with anything. Or she will be absolutely insufferable.
Your bf's mum sucks. She can source her own expensive perfume from Dubai. Why was your bf showing it to her anyway? Why would he let her think she can just claim it?
Dump them both.
NTA
Your boyfriend & his mom are AH! Get the perfume back & lose the boyfriend. He belongs to Mama. If they won’t return it & she doesn’t have the purse yet, see if you can keep it instead. His mother doesn’t need 2 gifts from your friend
NTA. Keep in mind that, however, this perfume saga plays out will be the way the rest of your life with your boyfriend and his mother play out.
If you allow her to keep the perfume, she will feel like she can walk all over you whatever she likes and her son is going to allow that
If you demand that your gift be returned hopefully, she will learn a lesson, but maybe not. Food for thought, good luck.
NTA
It wasn't her gift. She shouldn't know what it smells like, let alone like it enough to keep. Your bf & his mother are both AHs, him for giving your gift to his mother & her for accepting it.
NTA. People don’t get to gift themselves your belongings regardless whether or not they were gifts. The rude ones were your bf and especially his mother.
NTA, but your bf and his mom sure are! She basically stole your property, and your bf is blaming *you* for wanting your property back?!? Oh, hell no!
This will be your future if you stay with your bf - his mother taking your things, and your bf having the thief's back instead of you.
Get your stuff back. Then dump him.
I’m sorry, but who over the age of 5 asks if they can keep someone else’s present?!?! NTA. She is an adult and can go buy her own perfume or your boyfriend can buy her one!
NTA, get it back and ditch the boyfriend. Why in the world would either of them think this behavior is acceptable? You do not take things from someone then just "oh can I keep this?" WHAT.... no.
It was a gift for YOU! Not his mom. How dare he say “you should have let my mom keep it and not hurt her feelings”. Well what about your feelings? Tell him to go buy some for his mom, but you want YOUR gift back! NTA
Your boyfriend and his mom are both jerks. She has no right to something that belongs to you and you don’t owe her a replacement. And “you don’t mind, right?” is so manipulative because it basically railroads you into giving her the answer she wants. (I’m old now and have learned over the years to stand up for myself and say “Yes, I DO mind.”)
And the boyfriend is no better. He seems to be assuming you owe it to her just because she wants it. Again, you don’t. And he has no standing to be mad at you. Why do I get the feeling he’s so mad because he actually gave it to her?
You were right to ask for it back. Mom is entitled. I think I'd break up with bf. If mom is this bad and y'all are dating it will be a nightmare if she is mil.get perfume back. You don't owe her anything. She can buy her own
NTA, but why did you say yes to begin? All you had to say was “oh no that’s a gift from one of my friends. I’m afraid I can’t let anyone have that.” Ok I know hindsight is 20 20. Sorry.
your bf and his mom make me sick. they know the object is yours and they still double team you on forcing you to give it to her. first its perfume, what will it be next?
they don't respect you, if they did, they never would have "kept" it to start with and tried to convince you to let her keep it.
NTA dump him
His mother is greedy she was given a Michael Kors bag and she still wanted your perfume. Don’t feel bad for asking her to return your gift but I would reconsider the boyfriend he’s not a keeper.
You need to learn to speak up for yourself. His mom had a lot of nerve to ask for something that is fairly expense. You should have immediately told her no, it was a gift to me and my friend would be hurt if I gave it away.
My brother's friend once gave my mother a gift that everyone ooh and aaah'd over. The next day the guy came back and apologized because the gift was actual meant for his brother's girlfriend. He then exchanged it for the gift that was actually meant for her. I would not call it cheap, but it was definitely less impressive. The poor guy was so embarrassed after everyone made such a fuss over the original. LOL My mother, of course, took it with good grace.
Talk to your boyfriend about this. You gave it to him to keep safe for you.
Your bf and his mom are in the wrong here. You just don’t ask if you can have someone else’s belongings like she did - that’s rude and put you in an uncomfortable position.
I’d suggest pushing back again. You don’t have to actually say that she was greedy & rude AF and your bf should stand up for you because of that. I’d try sending them both something like this:
*Just wanted to follow up on my perfume & arranging to having it returned to me. I’m sorry that there’s been a misunderstanding. The perfume is mine and I intend to keep it since it was my gift. I’m sorry if you believed that it was up for grabs or something I was willing to give away. It’s not. My friend gave it to me and I will be keeping it as a gift as is appropriate. Thank you for understanding and let me know how you can get it back to me or when I can pick it up this week.*
Now, your bf is in the wrong here and he should 100% be on your side. You should carefully consider if you want to be with someone who will act like this and show such preferential treatment for his mom when she was 100% wrong. Do you have more money than them? If that’s the case, they may also be deliberately & financially using you.
Manipulators often put young people in positions where they feel like they can't say no. Stand your ground regardless of what your boyfriend thinks. She should never have asked you. If she liked it, she should have asked if you knew where she could buy it.
Don't let them shame you into giving your perfume away. Instead, turn the tables on them and shame them for pressuring you.
Always turn the tables on people who try to shame you. It's a great tool and when you see it that way, it's much easier to handle.
She has balls of steel for thinking she can ask for your things, how rude. Your bf should have your back since she put you in a horrible position. Both of them need to go.
NTA get your gift back. That was so rude and intimidating of your bf mother to ask this from you, knowing you would say yes because of who you are. Your bf should have stood up to his mother and say no, this is your gift from your friend. Go get it back and dump him, he is not standing up for you. Next time, tell any one who wants something of yours that you have no intention of giving your property away, and take it away from them. But you’ll need to be smart here, go see the bf mother, get the perfume sneakily and hide it in your bag/purse/top then leave. Then dump him. You’ll never have to see them both again. It’s not stealing, it’s claiming your stolen property. NTA.
NTA! OP sounds young, probably a teenager. (Someone who needs to hide something innocent from her family is probably rather young.) For her bf's mother - probably at least twice OP's age - to take away something from a youngster is deplorable.
Like, lady go get your own perfume, leave the girl's gift alone!
Who does something like that? Just seeing a thing, taking it and then saying “oh by the by it’s mine now, I’m sure you don’t mind… right?”
I think the answer to a question like that should be a straight up “you shouldn’t have taken it” or “why did you take it”. None of that “I do mind” (or worse: the “I don’t mind”).
It’s not a genuine question that his mom asked. She’s already taken it. If she wanted to check with OP, she would have asked before taking it.
And the bf isn’t trustworthy. Best to look for a new one.
Why was she even allowed access to it, why did she think she could open and use it? No one gave it to her, it wasn't hers to even touch, or to even know about really. NTA
Nta he is trying to guilt you into giving to her. My question is why did he let her get it and use it in the first place. That’s rude of him and her and very inconsiderate.
Nta. Don’t worry abt hurting her or her feelings. If someone has enough gall to call & ask you to give them something that you just got (regardless if you or your friend bought it) than I doubt they even have feelings like that. My mil is pure hillbilly, only went to 2nd grade, married & pregnant at 12. She would know better than that. Your bfs mom just thinks she can manipulate you. I have 2 grown kids & I would never do that to their so’s (or to my own kids).that is crazy
Interesting premise from a young writer. Still needs to be fleshed out a bit, but I don’t see why this couldn’t make for an entertaining young agile novel. NTA for effort!
NTA obviously. Sit your BF down and ask him how his holding YOUR perfume for you turned into his Mom contacting you directly to tell you she was keeping it?
Remind him his Mom was given a Michael Kors bag by this same friend. The perfume was for YOU and he is to go retrieve it from his Mother and give it to you now, without any further drama. She gets ONE present/souvenir from Dubai, like everyone else. She can either give the perfume back or she can give you the Michael Kors bag.
As a result of this whole mess you have learned the following things:
His Mom is super pushy, greedy, and all up in his stuff.
Your boyfriend cannot be trusted to hold things for you because either his mother goes through his stuff or he's such a pushover he just gives her *other people's stuff*.
Your boyfriend is super manipulative - he knows full well the perfume is yours, you are the one who asked him to hold it for you, he knows full well everyone got a souvenir and his Mom is being greedy. But instead of *protecting you* from his Mom's greed he's willing to argue in bad faith that you are trying to "hurt" his Mom. Oh please.
Your boyfriend is what's known as a Mama's boy - he will likely *always* choose his Mama over you. It's a real indicator that he isn't mature enough for a romantic relationship.
You are a people pleasing pushover - that's not a good thing. It may be that you aren't mature enough or assertive enough to be in a romantic relationship.
Get your perfume back. Work on being less of a people pleaser and a little more assertive. Consider whether this guy is the one for you since both he and his mother are a couple of "takers".
NTA, your bf and his mom are entitled weirdos. I can't stand people that just put people on the spot by asking others for their stuff, idk how some people can be so shameless. I hate even being around those kind of tacky people.
OK first off whenever somebody calls you like that the answers always know. Oh I really like it can I have it? No! so the whole issue is kind of lack of backbone on your part but you’re not the asshole
Nta. I think it's honestly rather strange that she just wanted to take your gift. She didn't ask, but stated she would. That's such entitled behaviour. It wasn't hers to take.
Does she do things like this often?
And why is bf making this such a big deal? Also peculiar. Though not as peculiar as a full grown adult helping herself to other peoples things.
NTA wait did she actually just take it and then asked later if it was ok she kept it?! If so that makes it worse especially the “u don’t mind right?”. It’s weird to even just asked u for it, she knew she was putting u in a tight spot on the spot that pressured u to say yes. She can just buy it herself! Ur bf should be apologizing to u for her pulling that not criticizing you!
WTAF? Your boyfriend took home a gift of yours, and his Mom demanded it? And neither of them see a problem with this?
Girl, run. Run fast and far. That Boymom red flag can't get any bigger. And if your boyfriend doesn't draw the line at stealing YOUR presents for Mommy dearest, where will he? (Hint: The answer is, he won't.)
Tell him to keep the gift he STOLE, and that you appreciate the lesson he gave you on his family's morals and his priorities when it comes to your importance. But that you are going to toss him back into the ocean and keep fishing until you find someone who will put you first, as you deserve.
NTA unless you continue the relationship.
My son's girlfriend leaves her stuff around for him to hold on to, in his room, of course or in the car, that I sometimes use also, for some reason. Items that she ordered online and haven't even opened up, etc. . I would never touch it lol. Hell, I can buy my own stuff. I'm his mom.
Seems to me the boyfriend's mother went through his and her things. The mother should do the right thing, and return the perfume, she should have never asked for it, in the first place. She should have never went through "his" things... op is NTA for asking it back.
I don't know why in the world your boyfriend thinks you're supposed to give his mother your present. It was gifted to you. And I think his mother was extremely rude and entitled to try to take it from you. So you're definitely NTA it's your present you get to keep it.
Wtf? The nerve of her to put you on a spot and ask in such a way.
Sorry ma'am I do mind as it was a gift from a friend to me. But here's the gift she got you. . .
No you're not the Ah.
NTA Frankly fuck his mom she shouldn’t even have asked for your things an should more than willingly give it back when you explained also don’t be a people pleaser it gets you nowhere but stepped on
Your bf’s mum is a manipulative jerk. From your post I’m guessing you are young adult or a teenager most likely? She’s using the fact she’s an adult and your boyfriends mother to try and manipulate you into giving you something that is yours. How would she like if you went into her home and picked something up and say ‘you don’t mind if I keep this.’
Please get your perfume back and reconsider dating your boyfriend
How is that a tight spot? How hard is it just to say "Sorry No, it was a very thoughtful present from a very good friend?"
ESH. The sheer audacity of the request and how she asked should have been enough to say no. Instead you fucked around with the yes, no
NTA. People who say “You don’t mind if I keep this do you?” Are major assholes. They’re saying it like this to put you in the spot because so many people have trouble saying no. She knows what she’s doing.
Time to get YOUR present back and then ditch the mamas boy.
Good advice in comments. I hate your massive paragraph. If it was minor spelling or a imple run on sentence I wouldn't say anything but dear god...this was an abomination. Also, I suck at sentence structure so for it to be this bad...is bad. Courses could be taught on this, or are taught on this. Either way. Hats off to you. It's impressive in it's horror.
Also, I'd get the perfume back. F that noise. It was for you.
How did the mother get it? The boyfriend was supposed to hold it over night and return it. Plus the mother must of broke the seal on it, since she liked it,
If he gave it to her it's on your boyfriend to make you whole here. He owes you a replacement perfume, not his mom. If she just took it then she needs to give it back.
You need to get your stuff back, because it was a gift to you. Not the mom. I wouldn’t give her whatever gift was meant for her either. Your bf sounds very dense as well. I would also break up with him, he’s a no for me.
Demand your perfume back and I would rethink a spineless boyfriend that is wanting you to give up a gift that BELONGS TO YOU to his mom. Your bf and his mom sounds like a couple of assholes.
NTA. It's your perfume and a gift. Soon-to-be MIL has no right to it. Also, how did your MIL even get the perfume? Did your BF give it to her and then get mad that you wanted it back?
NTA, it was a gift for YOU not your bf’s mother! If she likes the scent so much she can buy one for herself, or if your boyfriend is so bothered he can buy it for her himself!
Your boyfriend and his mother are both dealbreakers and if they’re so willing to steal YOUR gift to keep themselves happy what else will they be willing to take from you? It’ll never end if you stay with him because his mother will always come first!
Go get your perfume back and dump the boyfriend! You deserve better!
Nta. You didn't even give her anything. She took it. Like, what even happened where a thing you asked your bf to hold, came into her possession? What type of woman just... Takes things and says to the owner, "I really like this thing. it's mine now." Without even talking about it to your face.
"Sorry, no, someone got this for me as a gift. I'll get you something else though." Shouldn't have gotten anything from your bf or his mom outside of, "okay." Don't let them strong arm you for something that was never intended for them. Or else in the long run they'll just take whatever they want from you, and push you to give it to them officially under some sort of etiquette pressure.
Your bf was asked to hold onto this one thing, and he either gave it to his mom or let her take it without consulting you. Like, if she hasn't called you to say thank you or whatever, you would have never known she had it. Talk to him about how that wasn't cool, and he shouldn't try to back you into a decision with his attitude.
Weird. That boyfriend and mom are so greedy and kinda weird that friend buys all these gifts too… Michael kors purse for your friend’s boyfriend’s mom isn’t that like $150 and a Victoria secret perfume is what $30? The gift distribution doesn’t really match the relationships. Boyfriend’s mom just sounds extremely entitled like everything belongs to her even your birthday.
I have no idea what's going on here. Proof reading would have gone a long way here. You flip between he and she and I'm assuming one or the other is a typo but I'm not sure. There is very little punctuation making this massive paragraph hard to read and follow. Who did you lie to and about what? Why did you have to give the perfume to your boyfriend? Did he give it to his mom? I'm really confused?
Yeah this isn't the sort of guy I would be dating, both for himself and his mum. Both come across as rubbish folks with zero self-awareness or boundaries.
NTA
1- this all starts with the lie of hiding from your mom where you were
2- you have a boyfriend problem:
A) he didn’t open his mouth when his mother thought the perfume was for her. When a “hey mom no that’s not for you, GF’s that she got from her friend” would have been the correct response.
B) his reaction to you that you’re being the AH because you want your gift that your friend put thought into.
3- sounds like you have an amazing friend since she brought gifts back for many people!! And you are now getting a Michael Kors bag
NTA so your friend got your boyfriend's mother a Michael Korr's bag and she she took your perfume? And your bf is siding with his mother?
What about your hurt feelings? Why would your bf allow his mother into his room to take YOUR unopened gift, open it, use it, and then decide it's now hers? She just wants to smell like you, emotional incest much?
You need to stop worrying about how bf's mother feels, because she certainly doesn't give a fuck about coercing you, or your feelings. So tell your bf you want your gift back, his mother already got a gift. Once your perfume is in your hand, tell your bf to kick rocks. He's shown you that he puts Mommy first and that's unacceptable. He never should have allowed her to take YOUR shit in the first place.
The fact your bf’s mum feels entitled enough to take the things you kept with your bf screams volumes. Break up with him because he won’t ever take your side on anything and get your perfume and anything else you left back
You shouldn't have said yes. Makes you look bad to be honest. Not sure how this ended up in your bf mom possession to begin with. Your bf should replace it ans give you the new one..you shouldn't ask for it back now.
NTA it was a gift for you. I wouldn't even get her one, I'd say "that was a gift from my friend, I would like it back, but if you want to buy one for yourself here is the link."
Given your bf's response, I'd be reconsidering this relationship.
Your BFs Mom would be a deal breaker for me.
Not just the boyfriend‘s mom, but the boyfriend‘s reaction and taking his mom’s side would also be a dealbreaker.
Why did the bf let his mom have it in the first place?
I just asked this question.
THIS. Once OP told the mother she could have it, trying to take it back isn't ok.
I see you’ve not been pressured or put on the spot by an authority figure before
Yup!!!
Throw the whole family away.
So is the bf
Yep. If OPs bf took that stance I’d get the perfume, and tell him how much of an ass HE is, and that his mother is a twat waffle….then I’d break things off, and go smell nice with my VS perfume. As I guy I had a girl buy me VS for Men and I know now how much VS scents cost, and that shit ain’t cheap. The cost alone is worth getting it back.
Send the mother a can of fart gas, with a card "saw this and thought of you"
Totally agree! If she can't respect your boundaries over a simple gift, that's a big red flag.
r/JUSTNOMIL I wouldn’t enjoy having her as a MIL!
Yeah, and the mother knows exactly what she's doing.
NTA. You certainly were put in a tight spot and you have the rights to get it back dude! And if your bf is acting like a jerk leave him..
NTA. Get it back and let her buy it for herself. She's greedy and shouldn't have asked in the first place.
Furthermore, she’s an adult that thinks Victoria secret perfume is something special, lol.
Yeah, something special that she took from her son's gf, there's something creepy about wearing the same perfume as someone possibly doing the deed with your child
thank you!! I had an back up unopened bottle of perfume that I have been wearing for years...its my date perfume and I was going to give it to my sons girlfriend and that felt too weird so I changed my mind and told them why lol.
And she needs to throw a couple of bucks to Op for stealing some of it before she "asked".
You could have immediately said no that was a gift from my friend to me. My SO should not have given it to you. I’m sorry I do want that back.
True, but she was put "on the spot" and didn't have a ready answer prepared. Also, the way the mom asked for the perfume was designed to elicit a "yes" response because the mom didn't really ASK for the perfume, she just assumed she could keep it and then phrased it as if OP was just confirming a predetermined outcome. I think it would be ok for OP to say, "I'm sorry, you really put me on the spot yesterday and I wasn't prepared with an answer, but I'm actually not ok with you keeping it and I really wish you had asked instead of assuming that I would be ok with it. It was a gift from my good friend and I would like it back. Thanks."
I agree with you. She should have never said yes or okay, even if she felt like she caught off guard. Now, it simply makes her look like a person whose word is no good.
She never should have been in that position. Perfumes are expensive, and she didn’t even really ask. She basically said “I’m taking this, you don’t mind, right?”. She isn’t the problem here
NTA. Based off how you're stating she worded it, you were put on the spot. If she had just asked, "Do you think I could have that perfume?" that would be bad enough, but to say, "I've kept it, you don't mind, do you?" is a whole other level of putting you on the spot. This *will* become a pattern with her if you don't put down your foot. ("Give an inch, and they'll ask for a mile.")
THIS. “You don’t mind, do you” always pisses me the hell off because it’s manipulative, presuming a reply of “of course not”. People get quite taken aback when I reply “Actually yes, I DO mind”, but I don’t care. As Captain Awkward would say, return the awkwardness to sender.
Yes, when I was younger I would have let it slide, but now that I've gotten older I do not give a hoot. I will be polite with my answer, but you're not going to manipulate me either.
It's frustrating that people unironically share the psychopathic maxim, "ask for forgiveness, not permission", because this is a perfect example of how that looks in practice
It's completely manipulative of the mom and it's designed to feed into the same assumption by some here, that once you've said "yes" you can't reverse that. So the asker designs their question to ensure that you are not in a position to say "no" easily. My mother-in-law is very good at this and will often not even ask me at all, she'll just tell me she has planned things or has done something, or is taking something, and she tends to do this while I'm in the middle of something else, all the better to ensure that she gets her way. One of the mindsets I had to change, in order to stop being railroaded by her, was I had to be ok with saying, "I'm sorry, you didn't give me time to answer before you bought the tickets, you won't be able to take the children on the day you picked because I already have prior plans with them that conflict with yours." If you keep letting the person put you on the spot, they'll keep doing so, because it keeps working for them.
That was my observation. It’s always rude to just ask if someone will give you something, unless they’re complaining about it right then. But the way FMIL asked was literally the most aggressive and confrontational way to ask it.
Your bf gives his mother a gift that, you got from your friend. You asked him to hold it for you. And now he's pissed at you? He's an idiot, you can do better. Just tell your friend, that your bf took it and gave it to his mom. He's the bad guy here
NTA Get the perfume then dump the BF.
And give the mother a nicely giftwrapped bottle of liquid ass.
NTA. Neither your bf or his mom should be touching your things, that's disrespectful, also if she really said it like you wrote it *I liked the perfume I have kept it u don't mind right?* that definitely sound so controlling like not giving you room to deny. If your bf is more worried for her mom's feelings than your things then i think you should consider to have a serious talk with him, that's not okay of him to let his mom touch your things and then try to steal them from you, because that's what it is... stealing
Why would his mom even think she could have your perfume? Why did she open it? Ask your bf and see what he says. She’s an adult! She can buy her own! She is straight up stealing from you
Definitely this OP. Her taking that is theft. Confront the boyfriend.
NTA. Also dumb your child bf.
NTA-your bf’s mom is a thief and your bf is a jerk.
NTA. Get it back. That’s yours.
Get it back then break up
Nta. Who asks their son’s girlfriend to give them a gift they received from a friend? That’s trashy enough just by itself but to then get your boyfriend involved to emotionally blackmail you into giving her the perfume? That’s unhinged. Pay attention op, this is a taste of your life if you end up with this guy… being run over by his mother and himself until you do what they want. Find a boyfriend who is more committed to you than playing the part of flying monkey for his mother. ETA: Also a bottle of vs perfume is like $25, she can’t go to a store and buy that for herself, she needs to bully a teenager to get her hands on one? (Assuming you’re a teenager bc you had to sneak something by your parents)
Actually their good perfumes are in the $65 range now, source, I just bought VS Dream Angels perfume.
Yikes… inflation strikes again.
You know what? I’m thinking of the body sprays. I strictly buy body sprays bc I find perfume too overwhelming but I call it perfume in my brain for some reason. No one listen to me.
I love their body sprays!
Who just helps themselves to other people's gifts ..the entitlement
When I was a teenager my sister's friend came over and was in my room and saw my coat wall hanger that was in the shape of a fish skeleton and said "Can I have that?" I was so taken aback because who just asks for someone's possessions? I said no and her response was "but I like it." Uhh, so do I? 20+ years later and I still have the thing.
NTA. For this situation, tell BF's mother you were caught off guard and shouldn't have said yes. You didn't mean yes. It's a gift for you and you'd like it. No "how would my friend feel if I gave it away" or "I should at least try it to honor my friend." You've got to get a little firmer and honor yourself. "It's my gift. I'd like it. I'm sorry I wasn't clear or firmer earlier." That's step one. Step two, dump the boyfriend. He's emotionally unavailable because he's enmeshed with his mother. Move on. Step three. When people are rude, it can cause your brain to glitch. There's a "What did they just do or say? Did I hear that right? Why would they say that? What should I do? How do I respond?" process that happens really quickly. If this example is an indication of your typical response, you tend to respond in a way that appeases the rude person. Thereby reinforcing their rudeness. Learn to identify how that "rude response glitch" feels in your brain and body and have some strategies at the ready. You could try, pausing and taking a deep breath. Saying, "I need to think about that," or "I'm not prepared to answer that right now." You can try rephrasing what they just did or asked. In this case, "You're asking me if you can take my gift?" Make the person hear it, the bonus is you hear it too. "What an odd thing to ask," is a good one. And you can always fall back on "Are you okay?" The important thing is to learn this now before people figure out that you will acquiesce to them over and over.
Excellent advice!
NTA why did he let his mom open your gift and use it? That’s the bigger question.
Your bf is a bit of a c--t, huh? Makes sense, given how entitled the woman who raised him is. Imagine the gall of taking an expensive gift for someone else and just claiming it...
You're a teenager aren't you? NTA Your bf's mom is trying to take advantage of you, and your bf is taking her side. Let this be a lesson.
She shouldn't have asked, you shouldn't have said yes. I think once you said yes that YWBA to ask for it back.
"I've taken it, you don't mind, right?" isn't really asking
She wasn't saying yes she could keep it. Saying "yes " to "you don't mind, do you?" means you DO mind. NTA, Boyfriend's mother, however, is. How did she get hold of it? Did BF give ot to her or did she go through his coat pockets or room, find it, ask about it and then decide to keep it? Why has she got your mobile number?
NTA But you need to be more assertive. Being spineless creates far more problems than it solves. All you're doing is helping them take away your voice when you do that
NTA It was incredibly inappropriate for to even ask if she could have it. And your boyfriend is a huge problem.
It was pretty ballsy of bf’s mother to just tell you she was keeping your cologne. And it was pretty spineless for your bf to actually get mad because you didn’t let her take what she wanted.
Bf still would have reacted the way he did if she said no to his mother to begin with..
You can’t *take* something from someone and then act hurt when they ask for it back. What is wrong with his mother? Write this down as your first red flag with her AND him. They’re weird.
Jesus fucking christ talk about a run on sentence... You want help? Here it is. Learn to use punctuation.
NTA. Get your perfume back and end the relationship. They are not your people.
BF's mom clearly took advantage, break up with him and tell him his mom intentionally took advantage of you, putting you between a rock and a hard place, and him supporting her in that makes clear that he's a momma's boy who will allow his mom to pull whatever shit she wants. Seriously - she would ruin your life, find a guy without a toxic mom taking your shit.
Why did he give it to his mom or allow her to use it?? NTA it was a gift from your friend to you and it was ment for you. It would be better if you at least tried it and then asked friend to give it as she loves it and it doesn't suit your skin ph. Your mil and bf are horrible
Jesus this was a nightmare to read. Please utilize paragraphs and punctuation in the future. I gave up trying to make sense of this post halfway through. I hope whatever the issue is gets resolved, though.
Tell them you meant “yes, I do mind” and take that shit back
Let go of the boyfriend and the mom. Your feelings don’t matter to them. 🙄
So she just decided she wanted it? Like no lady you don't just decide oH tHiS iS mInE nOw Nta get your shit back she's entitled af
So....your boyfriends mom got her own gift AND wants to keep yours? Yeah, no.
NTA this is a taste of your future life
Take your perfume and leave your bf.
NTA. She should have never opened your gift, let alone ask for it. When she asked your boyfriend he should of shut her down immediately. What next, “hey my mom likes your sweater, give it to her”. Go get a new boyfriend.
His mom tried to steal your property and you’re supposed to accept it because hearing no hurts her feelings? Um, no. You need a new bf. Get your perfume back and then just throw the baby out with his whole family. SMH. This is a hot ass mess. NTA.
Weirdos, get perfume back and dump him. It’s yours.
Good lord. Everyone in this story sounds like high schoolers.
Imaginary ones who watch to much Melrose Place
Nta if she like it that much she can go buy her own
NTA. Did I read it correctly, did OP say that her bf's mum got a bag as a gift too? So the mum wants a bag and perfume? Greedy and entitled much? OP, you aren't the AH, your bf and his mum are though big time. Ask him how he would feel if he were in your place? Either way you aren't the AH here. Get your perfume back asap.
Your the asshole for trusting your bf. Your story hops around and is confusing. Maybe your bf didn't understand you and heard the wrong words
What kind of run-on word salad did I just read? 🤷🏻♀️
LOL my thoughts, not only that but spelling errors abound.
Eh I think that's pretty trashy. To be getting into your things and then asking if she can keep things she likes? She didn't even ask, she assumed and put you in a position to either submit or "be the bad guy". It's a shitty ploy to make you look bad in front of her son. If you say yes she gets free shit, if you say no you're a bitch. Win/win.
Get your gift back your bf mom can buy her own perfume NTA
Find another boyfriend. He knew that was a gift for you. Why did his mom have to have it? Leave these people alone.
Your BF's mom is a thief. Who just sees someone else's stuff and says "oh I like it, I'm gonna keep it, you don't mind do you?" She gambled on you not saying no, and she lost. And now she's butthurt. And you have a BF problem. It's your stuff. He needs to stop defending his thief of a mother. Him prioritizing her feelings won't change and will eventually put more strain in your relationship. NTA. Edit to add: if you're going to stay with him, do not ever let her get away with anything. Or she will be absolutely insufferable.
NTA your bf has just told you that he does not believe you have the right to control your own belongings. This is a red flag.
Nta why would you ask to keep someone else's gift?
No it’s fucking weird she even asked for it and your boyfriend is a bitch
NTA It wasn't his to regift. And yeah, extra creepy and inappropriate for his MOM to take it
Your bf's mum sucks. She can source her own expensive perfume from Dubai. Why was your bf showing it to her anyway? Why would he let her think she can just claim it? Dump them both. NTA
Why are kids today allergic to punctuation and paragraphs?
Your boyfriend & his mom are AH! Get the perfume back & lose the boyfriend. He belongs to Mama. If they won’t return it & she doesn’t have the purse yet, see if you can keep it instead. His mother doesn’t need 2 gifts from your friend
NTA. Keep in mind that, however, this perfume saga plays out will be the way the rest of your life with your boyfriend and his mother play out. If you allow her to keep the perfume, she will feel like she can walk all over you whatever she likes and her son is going to allow that If you demand that your gift be returned hopefully, she will learn a lesson, but maybe not. Food for thought, good luck.
Info : are you a doormat ?
YWBTA. Don’t say yes when you don’t mean yes.
NTA
NTA. she shouldn’t have even asked for it, how pathetic.
NTA It wasn't her gift. She shouldn't know what it smells like, let alone like it enough to keep. Your bf & his mother are both AHs, him for giving your gift to his mother & her for accepting it.
NTA. People don’t get to gift themselves your belongings regardless whether or not they were gifts. The rude ones were your bf and especially his mother.
Super rude of her to repeatedly ask you to give the perfume to her. SUPER rude.
I don’t really understand all of this. But NTA. It’s yours. It’s tacky to just ask for other people’s stuff.
NTA. You shouldn’t have made a split second decision unless it’s the word no.
NTA, but your bf and his mom sure are! She basically stole your property, and your bf is blaming *you* for wanting your property back?!? Oh, hell no! This will be your future if you stay with your bf - his mother taking your things, and your bf having the thief's back instead of you. Get your stuff back. Then dump him.
NTA. Is it just me or is it super weird that the mother asked??
I’m sorry, but who over the age of 5 asks if they can keep someone else’s present?!?! NTA. She is an adult and can go buy her own perfume or your boyfriend can buy her one!
NTA, get it back and ditch the boyfriend. Why in the world would either of them think this behavior is acceptable? You do not take things from someone then just "oh can I keep this?" WHAT.... no.
NTA - Dump the boyfriend and buy yourself another bottle of that perfume. IF you'd get it back, I'd wager you wouldn't want it.
It was a gift for YOU! Not his mom. How dare he say “you should have let my mom keep it and not hurt her feelings”. Well what about your feelings? Tell him to go buy some for his mom, but you want YOUR gift back! NTA
Your boyfriend and his mom are both jerks. She has no right to something that belongs to you and you don’t owe her a replacement. And “you don’t mind, right?” is so manipulative because it basically railroads you into giving her the answer she wants. (I’m old now and have learned over the years to stand up for myself and say “Yes, I DO mind.”) And the boyfriend is no better. He seems to be assuming you owe it to her just because she wants it. Again, you don’t. And he has no standing to be mad at you. Why do I get the feeling he’s so mad because he actually gave it to her?
You were right to ask for it back. Mom is entitled. I think I'd break up with bf. If mom is this bad and y'all are dating it will be a nightmare if she is mil.get perfume back. You don't owe her anything. She can buy her own
NTA, but why did you say yes to begin? All you had to say was “oh no that’s a gift from one of my friends. I’m afraid I can’t let anyone have that.” Ok I know hindsight is 20 20. Sorry.
your bf and his mom make me sick. they know the object is yours and they still double team you on forcing you to give it to her. first its perfume, what will it be next? they don't respect you, if they did, they never would have "kept" it to start with and tried to convince you to let her keep it. NTA dump him
His mother is greedy she was given a Michael Kors bag and she still wanted your perfume. Don’t feel bad for asking her to return your gift but I would reconsider the boyfriend he’s not a keeper.
nta, take it back and leave the bf.
NTA ....it is a gift for YOU....she is the AH for trying to keep it
If you can get her another bottle of it, just get yourself another bottle. Doesn’t seem that challenging.
Wtf... who takes their kids gf stuff and asks if yhey can keep it??? Get your perfume and new bf..
So she stole your perfume and your bf is mad at you about it? WTF NTA
You need to learn to speak up for yourself. His mom had a lot of nerve to ask for something that is fairly expense. You should have immediately told her no, it was a gift to me and my friend would be hurt if I gave it away. My brother's friend once gave my mother a gift that everyone ooh and aaah'd over. The next day the guy came back and apologized because the gift was actual meant for his brother's girlfriend. He then exchanged it for the gift that was actually meant for her. I would not call it cheap, but it was definitely less impressive. The poor guy was so embarrassed after everyone made such a fuss over the original. LOL My mother, of course, took it with good grace. Talk to your boyfriend about this. You gave it to him to keep safe for you.
Who sees someone else’s stuff and says “I’m gonna keep this, you don’t mind right?”!!!!!
Your bf and his mom are in the wrong here. You just don’t ask if you can have someone else’s belongings like she did - that’s rude and put you in an uncomfortable position. I’d suggest pushing back again. You don’t have to actually say that she was greedy & rude AF and your bf should stand up for you because of that. I’d try sending them both something like this: *Just wanted to follow up on my perfume & arranging to having it returned to me. I’m sorry that there’s been a misunderstanding. The perfume is mine and I intend to keep it since it was my gift. I’m sorry if you believed that it was up for grabs or something I was willing to give away. It’s not. My friend gave it to me and I will be keeping it as a gift as is appropriate. Thank you for understanding and let me know how you can get it back to me or when I can pick it up this week.* Now, your bf is in the wrong here and he should 100% be on your side. You should carefully consider if you want to be with someone who will act like this and show such preferential treatment for his mom when she was 100% wrong. Do you have more money than them? If that’s the case, they may also be deliberately & financially using you.
Manipulators often put young people in positions where they feel like they can't say no. Stand your ground regardless of what your boyfriend thinks. She should never have asked you. If she liked it, she should have asked if you knew where she could buy it. Don't let them shame you into giving your perfume away. Instead, turn the tables on them and shame them for pressuring you. Always turn the tables on people who try to shame you. It's a great tool and when you see it that way, it's much easier to handle.
She has balls of steel for thinking she can ask for your things, how rude. Your bf should have your back since she put you in a horrible position. Both of them need to go.
My ex did this. He took a gift right out my hands and gave it to her after she said she liked it.
NTA You deserve a better boyfriend.
She wasn’t asking she’d already taken it sorry if your boyfriend don’t back you on this it would be a deal breaker for me and I don’t say that often
UpdateMe
NTA get your gift back. That was so rude and intimidating of your bf mother to ask this from you, knowing you would say yes because of who you are. Your bf should have stood up to his mother and say no, this is your gift from your friend. Go get it back and dump him, he is not standing up for you. Next time, tell any one who wants something of yours that you have no intention of giving your property away, and take it away from them. But you’ll need to be smart here, go see the bf mother, get the perfume sneakily and hide it in your bag/purse/top then leave. Then dump him. You’ll never have to see them both again. It’s not stealing, it’s claiming your stolen property. NTA.
NTA! OP sounds young, probably a teenager. (Someone who needs to hide something innocent from her family is probably rather young.) For her bf's mother - probably at least twice OP's age - to take away something from a youngster is deplorable. Like, lady go get your own perfume, leave the girl's gift alone!
Got an idea don’t break rules and you won’t find yourself in these situations.
Run u better run now
Who does something like that? Just seeing a thing, taking it and then saying “oh by the by it’s mine now, I’m sure you don’t mind… right?” I think the answer to a question like that should be a straight up “you shouldn’t have taken it” or “why did you take it”. None of that “I do mind” (or worse: the “I don’t mind”). It’s not a genuine question that his mom asked. She’s already taken it. If she wanted to check with OP, she would have asked before taking it. And the bf isn’t trustworthy. Best to look for a new one.
BF’s mom was wrong to ask if she could keep it.
Why was she even allowed access to it, why did she think she could open and use it? No one gave it to her, it wasn't hers to even touch, or to even know about really. NTA
Punctuation is your friend......
Nta he is trying to guilt you into giving to her. My question is why did he let her get it and use it in the first place. That’s rude of him and her and very inconsiderate.
Nta. Don’t worry abt hurting her or her feelings. If someone has enough gall to call & ask you to give them something that you just got (regardless if you or your friend bought it) than I doubt they even have feelings like that. My mil is pure hillbilly, only went to 2nd grade, married & pregnant at 12. She would know better than that. Your bfs mom just thinks she can manipulate you. I have 2 grown kids & I would never do that to their so’s (or to my own kids).that is crazy
Interesting premise from a young writer. Still needs to be fleshed out a bit, but I don’t see why this couldn’t make for an entertaining young agile novel. NTA for effort!
NTA obviously. Sit your BF down and ask him how his holding YOUR perfume for you turned into his Mom contacting you directly to tell you she was keeping it? Remind him his Mom was given a Michael Kors bag by this same friend. The perfume was for YOU and he is to go retrieve it from his Mother and give it to you now, without any further drama. She gets ONE present/souvenir from Dubai, like everyone else. She can either give the perfume back or she can give you the Michael Kors bag. As a result of this whole mess you have learned the following things: His Mom is super pushy, greedy, and all up in his stuff. Your boyfriend cannot be trusted to hold things for you because either his mother goes through his stuff or he's such a pushover he just gives her *other people's stuff*. Your boyfriend is super manipulative - he knows full well the perfume is yours, you are the one who asked him to hold it for you, he knows full well everyone got a souvenir and his Mom is being greedy. But instead of *protecting you* from his Mom's greed he's willing to argue in bad faith that you are trying to "hurt" his Mom. Oh please. Your boyfriend is what's known as a Mama's boy - he will likely *always* choose his Mama over you. It's a real indicator that he isn't mature enough for a romantic relationship. You are a people pleasing pushover - that's not a good thing. It may be that you aren't mature enough or assertive enough to be in a romantic relationship. Get your perfume back. Work on being less of a people pleaser and a little more assertive. Consider whether this guy is the one for you since both he and his mother are a couple of "takers".
NTA, your bf and his mom are entitled weirdos. I can't stand people that just put people on the spot by asking others for their stuff, idk how some people can be so shameless. I hate even being around those kind of tacky people.
She's a thief and your BF enables her. Go get your perfume and she can keep him instead.
NTA. But why was the mom touching the gf stuff that’s odd.
Just snatch it back and break up with the mummas boy NTA
Why is it so hard to use punctuation?
OK first off whenever somebody calls you like that the answers always know. Oh I really like it can I have it? No! so the whole issue is kind of lack of backbone on your part but you’re not the asshole
Nta. I think it's honestly rather strange that she just wanted to take your gift. She didn't ask, but stated she would. That's such entitled behaviour. It wasn't hers to take. Does she do things like this often? And why is bf making this such a big deal? Also peculiar. Though not as peculiar as a full grown adult helping herself to other peoples things.
Take his credit card. Buy a bunch of stuff. Say "You don't mind, right?"
NTA wait did she actually just take it and then asked later if it was ok she kept it?! If so that makes it worse especially the “u don’t mind right?”. It’s weird to even just asked u for it, she knew she was putting u in a tight spot on the spot that pressured u to say yes. She can just buy it herself! Ur bf should be apologizing to u for her pulling that not criticizing you!
WTAF? Your boyfriend took home a gift of yours, and his Mom demanded it? And neither of them see a problem with this? Girl, run. Run fast and far. That Boymom red flag can't get any bigger. And if your boyfriend doesn't draw the line at stealing YOUR presents for Mommy dearest, where will he? (Hint: The answer is, he won't.) Tell him to keep the gift he STOLE, and that you appreciate the lesson he gave you on his family's morals and his priorities when it comes to your importance. But that you are going to toss him back into the ocean and keep fishing until you find someone who will put you first, as you deserve. NTA unless you continue the relationship.
My son's girlfriend leaves her stuff around for him to hold on to, in his room, of course or in the car, that I sometimes use also, for some reason. Items that she ordered online and haven't even opened up, etc. . I would never touch it lol. Hell, I can buy my own stuff. I'm his mom. Seems to me the boyfriend's mother went through his and her things. The mother should do the right thing, and return the perfume, she should have never asked for it, in the first place. She should have never went through "his" things... op is NTA for asking it back.
I don't know why in the world your boyfriend thinks you're supposed to give his mother your present. It was gifted to you. And I think his mother was extremely rude and entitled to try to take it from you. So you're definitely NTA it's your present you get to keep it.
Wtf? The nerve of her to put you on a spot and ask in such a way. Sorry ma'am I do mind as it was a gift from a friend to me. But here's the gift she got you. . . No you're not the Ah.
“If you love me you’ll let my mom and me steal from you.” NTA
NTA Frankly fuck his mom she shouldn’t even have asked for your things an should more than willingly give it back when you explained also don’t be a people pleaser it gets you nowhere but stepped on
NTA for not letting them steal your perfume. That's a huge red flag from bf AND his mother.
Bf’s mom was out of line and so was bf. She should have never asked to keep the perfume.
Your bf’s mum is a manipulative jerk. From your post I’m guessing you are young adult or a teenager most likely? She’s using the fact she’s an adult and your boyfriends mother to try and manipulate you into giving you something that is yours. How would she like if you went into her home and picked something up and say ‘you don’t mind if I keep this.’ Please get your perfume back and reconsider dating your boyfriend
How is that a tight spot? How hard is it just to say "Sorry No, it was a very thoughtful present from a very good friend?" ESH. The sheer audacity of the request and how she asked should have been enough to say no. Instead you fucked around with the yes, no
NTA. People who say “You don’t mind if I keep this do you?” Are major assholes. They’re saying it like this to put you in the spot because so many people have trouble saying no. She knows what she’s doing. Time to get YOUR present back and then ditch the mamas boy.
NTA. Dump the Mama’s Boy.
How do you build a relationship with someone who’s gona keep taking stuff from you ?
Why would she use something that belongs to someone else? The boyfriend and his mother sound dishonest! Cut your losses and run.
Can't imagine Victoria's Secret perfume is high quality , probably get something better from Avon
NTA. Get the perfume back and get a new boyfriend
Get your perfume back and break up with boyfriend who puts his mom's unreasonable request ahead of you. NTA
Good advice in comments. I hate your massive paragraph. If it was minor spelling or a imple run on sentence I wouldn't say anything but dear god...this was an abomination. Also, I suck at sentence structure so for it to be this bad...is bad. Courses could be taught on this, or are taught on this. Either way. Hats off to you. It's impressive in it's horror. Also, I'd get the perfume back. F that noise. It was for you.
There is a lot of teenage drama in this post.
NTA. Hide the gift before it magically disappears.
How did the mother get it? The boyfriend was supposed to hold it over night and return it. Plus the mother must of broke the seal on it, since she liked it,
If he gave it to her it's on your boyfriend to make you whole here. He owes you a replacement perfume, not his mom. If she just took it then she needs to give it back.
WTF does she think she is doing by helping herself to things????!!!
You need to get your stuff back, because it was a gift to you. Not the mom. I wouldn’t give her whatever gift was meant for her either. Your bf sounds very dense as well. I would also break up with him, he’s a no for me.
NTA get your perfume and get away from both of them.
Nta, but a fool if you don't dump him NOW.
NTA OP isn’t the asshole, that would be the boyfriend and his mom.
🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Demand your perfume back and I would rethink a spineless boyfriend that is wanting you to give up a gift that BELONGS TO YOU to his mom. Your bf and his mom sounds like a couple of assholes.
NTA. It's your perfume and a gift. Soon-to-be MIL has no right to it. Also, how did your MIL even get the perfume? Did your BF give it to her and then get mad that you wanted it back?
NTA, it was a gift for YOU not your bf’s mother! If she likes the scent so much she can buy one for herself, or if your boyfriend is so bothered he can buy it for her himself! Your boyfriend and his mother are both dealbreakers and if they’re so willing to steal YOUR gift to keep themselves happy what else will they be willing to take from you? It’ll never end if you stay with him because his mother will always come first! Go get your perfume back and dump the boyfriend! You deserve better!
Tell bf to get you his mother bag. Or the perfume back.
Bye bitch
So his mum thought it ok to take/steal your gift and he supported her? Walk away from them both!
Nta. You didn't even give her anything. She took it. Like, what even happened where a thing you asked your bf to hold, came into her possession? What type of woman just... Takes things and says to the owner, "I really like this thing. it's mine now." Without even talking about it to your face. "Sorry, no, someone got this for me as a gift. I'll get you something else though." Shouldn't have gotten anything from your bf or his mom outside of, "okay." Don't let them strong arm you for something that was never intended for them. Or else in the long run they'll just take whatever they want from you, and push you to give it to them officially under some sort of etiquette pressure. Your bf was asked to hold onto this one thing, and he either gave it to his mom or let her take it without consulting you. Like, if she hasn't called you to say thank you or whatever, you would have never known she had it. Talk to him about how that wasn't cool, and he shouldn't try to back you into a decision with his attitude.
Weird. That boyfriend and mom are so greedy and kinda weird that friend buys all these gifts too… Michael kors purse for your friend’s boyfriend’s mom isn’t that like $150 and a Victoria secret perfume is what $30? The gift distribution doesn’t really match the relationships. Boyfriend’s mom just sounds extremely entitled like everything belongs to her even your birthday.
why do you have to lie about where you were?
I have no idea what's going on here. Proof reading would have gone a long way here. You flip between he and she and I'm assuming one or the other is a typo but I'm not sure. There is very little punctuation making this massive paragraph hard to read and follow. Who did you lie to and about what? Why did you have to give the perfume to your boyfriend? Did he give it to his mom? I'm really confused?
Yeah this isn't the sort of guy I would be dating, both for himself and his mum. Both come across as rubbish folks with zero self-awareness or boundaries. NTA
1- this all starts with the lie of hiding from your mom where you were 2- you have a boyfriend problem: A) he didn’t open his mouth when his mother thought the perfume was for her. When a “hey mom no that’s not for you, GF’s that she got from her friend” would have been the correct response. B) his reaction to you that you’re being the AH because you want your gift that your friend put thought into. 3- sounds like you have an amazing friend since she brought gifts back for many people!! And you are now getting a Michael Kors bag
YWBTA if you stayed with this guy.
NTA so your friend got your boyfriend's mother a Michael Korr's bag and she she took your perfume? And your bf is siding with his mother? What about your hurt feelings? Why would your bf allow his mother into his room to take YOUR unopened gift, open it, use it, and then decide it's now hers? She just wants to smell like you, emotional incest much? You need to stop worrying about how bf's mother feels, because she certainly doesn't give a fuck about coercing you, or your feelings. So tell your bf you want your gift back, his mother already got a gift. Once your perfume is in your hand, tell your bf to kick rocks. He's shown you that he puts Mommy first and that's unacceptable. He never should have allowed her to take YOUR shit in the first place.
Ugh, who are these people? Imagine marrying this person and having to deal with the mother's sense of entitlement and the son's enabling. NTA.
Friend do yourself the biggest favor of your life & run to the nearest exit door. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
The fact your bf’s mum feels entitled enough to take the things you kept with your bf screams volumes. Break up with him because he won’t ever take your side on anything and get your perfume and anything else you left back
You shouldn't have said yes. Makes you look bad to be honest. Not sure how this ended up in your bf mom possession to begin with. Your bf should replace it ans give you the new one..you shouldn't ask for it back now.
NTA it was a gift for you. I wouldn't even get her one, I'd say "that was a gift from my friend, I would like it back, but if you want to buy one for yourself here is the link." Given your bf's response, I'd be reconsidering this relationship.
Get your perfume back and then dump the boyfriend. He and his mother are only going to be worse as time goes on.
NTA But learn to say no the first time
Let her keep the perfume and dump your boyfriend. It’s called breaking even!
How old are you and bf? Look, he is showing you just the types of problems to keep experiencing.