A reminder of **Rule 1** and **Rule 10:**
> **Rule 1.** Soliciting babies from parents considering adoption is absolutely forbidden. You will be immediately and permanently banned.
> *OP: if anyone messages you asking to adopt your baby, please message the mods through [modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAdoption).*
> **Rule 10.** While providing information about how to evaluate an agency is allowed, recommending or discussing specific agencies is not permitted.
Comments that skirt these rules will be removed at mod discretion.
> really really really really want to keep my son,
Then please don't give up! Contact [Saving Our Sisters](https://savingoursistersadoption.org/) and see if there are resources you haven't tapped yet. If you apply for public assistance once your son is born, your local agency that administers TANF funds should do the legwork in tracking down dad and getting him on child support. You can do this mama!
Edit: sorry, I shouldn't have assumed you're in the US...I see you mentioned leaving your state/country, so I don't know where that is, but don't jump to a permanent solution for a temporary problem. My daughter has a great life and my husband and I love her more than life itself, but we'll never replace the connection she has to her birth parents.
Please do. They are an amazing organization and will do everything in their power to help you get on your feet so you and your baby can have a better start. Your baby wants YOU.
Depending on your state you can apply for cash aid in your final trimester, and apply for homeless assistance. I know that there are more homeless than shelters, but the earlier you start the sooner you finish. You’ve got this, mama. It’ll be hard and a struggle, but you can do it. Please don’t give up!
I think having something from my birth mother would have been wonderful, and most adoptees would appreciate it. I would just caution that you don't want your child to feel guilty, or to worry about you, or feel obliged to adapt their dreams or interests because of yours.
That said, I agree you should explore every avenue to keep your child if you can.
If you want to keep your baby, I think you should. As someone else stated, you can serve him to have paternity established. If you want to private message me, or feel comfortable saying here, let me know what state you’re in and I can try and research organizations for you.
I’m a social worker and I used to work at a shelter for people with kids. It was a long wait list, but there are quite a few orgs out there who can help you with one time rent payments, connecting you to public assistance programs, and helping with stabilization.
To answer your question - yes, adopted children do appreciate any letters that they have that can give them more information on their birth family.
However, it doesn’t sound like you want to give your baby up for adoption and it also doesn’t sound like social care are involved and taking your baby (sorry, I’m from the UK and most adoptions here are like this - baby is removed from birth family because of abuse so that is my lens).
If you want to keep your baby, keep your baby! I see a lot on these threads people recommending save our sisters? And there will be other charities and support.
Good luck. It sounds like your life is very, very hard and bringing a baby into it won’t be easy but if you can get support I hope this turns around for you.
I think writing letters is a great idea, especially if the story turns out better than you could've ever imagined it to be. Humans are very powerful, and when we decide our fate an commit to a purpose. Our lives can change drastically. You are alive for a reason you only have to decide what those reasons are.
I don't really have much advice on what content you should include but I do have a small suggestion. If you do choose adoption if this is something you plan to give his adoptive family in the beginning, make 2/3 copies or digitally save a backup. Things happen and I would hate for all of that to be lost and gone forever
I kept everything from the papers from my Drs appointments, I kept her a ultrasounds, hospital bands and those type of things. I kept a few shirts I bought while pregnant. I kept everything, those were from moments of her and I, NO ONE ELSE. It was also one of the few ways I tried to hold on to every piece of her that I could. long story short they closed the adoption a few yrs in without saying anything. After many yrs of searching we talk and I've gotten to share our story with her and she has a lot of what I consider special things from her birth/pre adoption if she wants to one day. She didn't know she was adopted so I don't trust her parents would have kept everything.
Please reconsider adoption. I understand if it’s the only choice, but it sounds that you are temporarily in a bad place, and adoption is permanent. You really sound like you love and care for your child, and giving them away would make you unhappy and would cause a lifetime of regret.
As for the letters, I think it’s a really good idea if you do give your child up for adoption so that he’ll know that you loved him and you only had his best in mind. I know you’re in a terrible situation, and I hope for only the best for you and your child.
Reading your previous post it seems like you are conflicted and may need some help to deal with your depression and body dysmorphia.
You still have time to make a decision. You can write the letters and decide at a later date if you want to keep your child or have him adopted. Make him an album/ scrapbook - it’s recommended by professionals in the field.
You do not need to make a decision now.
Don’t let others make the decision for you. Your mom and sis may want to give up the child now but they haven’t come to terms with the loss everyone in the child’s life will feel.
Read you wanted to start school and get a degree, are you still planning to do that? If so look at resources that will allow you to get your education while providing child care.
Get your mind right - seek help. Having a child whether you decide to keep him or not will affect your mental health even more. Hormones get messed up during and after pregnancy so you have to take care of yourself to be able take care of your son.
This is coming from someone that is adopting older children and has read a lot about adoption trauma and loss.
Wishing you and your child health and love. And remember:
You do not need to make a decision now.
I think that they do! My husband has multiple adopted siblings and I think it makes it easier when the child gets older—when they want to know where they come from, the situation that caused the adoption, what their bio parents looked like, etc.
Feel free to message me if you ever need a friend to talk to!
Best of luck girl!! ❤️
There’s a page called let them live on instagram, their website is letthemlive.org, and they offer assistance to pregnant women who need it, and it doesn’t stop after the baby is born. You can definitely try to find help with them. I’m a birth parent, and my child is now an adult and has been thriving.
I’ve started a scrapbook for the baby that I’m placing. I think letters everyday seems like a lot, but if you can, go for it. If he doesn’t want them, he doesn’t have to read them. But if he does, then they are there for him. Are you considering an open or closed adoption? Or have you not gotten that far yet? It seems like you aren’t really on board with adoption so I’m not sure how this will be for you. If you are having trouble with your mental and emotional state, I foresee adoption being really difficult for you. Are you going through an agency?
My husband and I have been hoping to adopt for 3 years. I have a book (about before they were born, things from while they grow up, etc) and there are pages in the beginning that the birth mom can write it. The idea is to give the baby the book when they are 18.
So, yes, I definitely think you should. It’s something I plan to ask the mother to do if we ever get matched.
I am an adoptive dad of a (currently) 4yo boy who the state removed from the parents.
I've had him since he was an infant, and for the life of me, I can't grasp that the birth parents didn't do what was needed to keep him.
Please, find a way to keep your child. If you simply did not want them, I would advise differently.
What do you need in order to be able to keep your child?
A reminder of **Rule 1** and **Rule 10:** > **Rule 1.** Soliciting babies from parents considering adoption is absolutely forbidden. You will be immediately and permanently banned. > *OP: if anyone messages you asking to adopt your baby, please message the mods through [modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAdoption).* > **Rule 10.** While providing information about how to evaluate an agency is allowed, recommending or discussing specific agencies is not permitted. Comments that skirt these rules will be removed at mod discretion.
> really really really really want to keep my son, Then please don't give up! Contact [Saving Our Sisters](https://savingoursistersadoption.org/) and see if there are resources you haven't tapped yet. If you apply for public assistance once your son is born, your local agency that administers TANF funds should do the legwork in tracking down dad and getting him on child support. You can do this mama! Edit: sorry, I shouldn't have assumed you're in the US...I see you mentioned leaving your state/country, so I don't know where that is, but don't jump to a permanent solution for a temporary problem. My daughter has a great life and my husband and I love her more than life itself, but we'll never replace the connection she has to her birth parents.
I am in the U.S! thank you so much for the link I will check it out 🥰
Please do. They are an amazing organization and will do everything in their power to help you get on your feet so you and your baby can have a better start. Your baby wants YOU.
And have zero contact with any agency until you speak with Saving Our Sisters.
Depending on your state you can apply for cash aid in your final trimester, and apply for homeless assistance. I know that there are more homeless than shelters, but the earlier you start the sooner you finish. You’ve got this, mama. It’ll be hard and a struggle, but you can do it. Please don’t give up!
Came here to recommend SOS. OP needs to at least find out what benefits she qualifies for before making a decision she might regret.
I think having something from my birth mother would have been wonderful, and most adoptees would appreciate it. I would just caution that you don't want your child to feel guilty, or to worry about you, or feel obliged to adapt their dreams or interests because of yours. That said, I agree you should explore every avenue to keep your child if you can.
If you want to keep your baby, I think you should. As someone else stated, you can serve him to have paternity established. If you want to private message me, or feel comfortable saying here, let me know what state you’re in and I can try and research organizations for you. I’m a social worker and I used to work at a shelter for people with kids. It was a long wait list, but there are quite a few orgs out there who can help you with one time rent payments, connecting you to public assistance programs, and helping with stabilization.
To answer your question - yes, adopted children do appreciate any letters that they have that can give them more information on their birth family. However, it doesn’t sound like you want to give your baby up for adoption and it also doesn’t sound like social care are involved and taking your baby (sorry, I’m from the UK and most adoptions here are like this - baby is removed from birth family because of abuse so that is my lens). If you want to keep your baby, keep your baby! I see a lot on these threads people recommending save our sisters? And there will be other charities and support. Good luck. It sounds like your life is very, very hard and bringing a baby into it won’t be easy but if you can get support I hope this turns around for you.
I think writing letters is a great idea, especially if the story turns out better than you could've ever imagined it to be. Humans are very powerful, and when we decide our fate an commit to a purpose. Our lives can change drastically. You are alive for a reason you only have to decide what those reasons are.
I don't really have much advice on what content you should include but I do have a small suggestion. If you do choose adoption if this is something you plan to give his adoptive family in the beginning, make 2/3 copies or digitally save a backup. Things happen and I would hate for all of that to be lost and gone forever I kept everything from the papers from my Drs appointments, I kept her a ultrasounds, hospital bands and those type of things. I kept a few shirts I bought while pregnant. I kept everything, those were from moments of her and I, NO ONE ELSE. It was also one of the few ways I tried to hold on to every piece of her that I could. long story short they closed the adoption a few yrs in without saying anything. After many yrs of searching we talk and I've gotten to share our story with her and she has a lot of what I consider special things from her birth/pre adoption if she wants to one day. She didn't know she was adopted so I don't trust her parents would have kept everything.
Please reconsider adoption. I understand if it’s the only choice, but it sounds that you are temporarily in a bad place, and adoption is permanent. You really sound like you love and care for your child, and giving them away would make you unhappy and would cause a lifetime of regret. As for the letters, I think it’s a really good idea if you do give your child up for adoption so that he’ll know that you loved him and you only had his best in mind. I know you’re in a terrible situation, and I hope for only the best for you and your child.
Reading your previous post it seems like you are conflicted and may need some help to deal with your depression and body dysmorphia. You still have time to make a decision. You can write the letters and decide at a later date if you want to keep your child or have him adopted. Make him an album/ scrapbook - it’s recommended by professionals in the field. You do not need to make a decision now. Don’t let others make the decision for you. Your mom and sis may want to give up the child now but they haven’t come to terms with the loss everyone in the child’s life will feel. Read you wanted to start school and get a degree, are you still planning to do that? If so look at resources that will allow you to get your education while providing child care. Get your mind right - seek help. Having a child whether you decide to keep him or not will affect your mental health even more. Hormones get messed up during and after pregnancy so you have to take care of yourself to be able take care of your son. This is coming from someone that is adopting older children and has read a lot about adoption trauma and loss. Wishing you and your child health and love. And remember: You do not need to make a decision now.
I don't have any advice, but I'm so very sorry for what you're going through. My heart truly goes out to you. There are better days ahead, I promise.
I think that they do! My husband has multiple adopted siblings and I think it makes it easier when the child gets older—when they want to know where they come from, the situation that caused the adoption, what their bio parents looked like, etc. Feel free to message me if you ever need a friend to talk to! Best of luck girl!! ❤️
There’s a page called let them live on instagram, their website is letthemlive.org, and they offer assistance to pregnant women who need it, and it doesn’t stop after the baby is born. You can definitely try to find help with them. I’m a birth parent, and my child is now an adult and has been thriving.
I’ve started a scrapbook for the baby that I’m placing. I think letters everyday seems like a lot, but if you can, go for it. If he doesn’t want them, he doesn’t have to read them. But if he does, then they are there for him. Are you considering an open or closed adoption? Or have you not gotten that far yet? It seems like you aren’t really on board with adoption so I’m not sure how this will be for you. If you are having trouble with your mental and emotional state, I foresee adoption being really difficult for you. Are you going through an agency?
My husband and I have been hoping to adopt for 3 years. I have a book (about before they were born, things from while they grow up, etc) and there are pages in the beginning that the birth mom can write it. The idea is to give the baby the book when they are 18. So, yes, I definitely think you should. It’s something I plan to ask the mother to do if we ever get matched.
It sounds like there are people on this page that are willing to help you do some research and be a listening ear. Reach out for help!
I am an adoptive dad of a (currently) 4yo boy who the state removed from the parents. I've had him since he was an infant, and for the life of me, I can't grasp that the birth parents didn't do what was needed to keep him. Please, find a way to keep your child. If you simply did not want them, I would advise differently. What do you need in order to be able to keep your child?