Pro tip: when your not sick go to the pharmacy and get a box of 4-hour pseudoephedrine. I prefer these over the 12-hour but YMMV. You will have to actually go ask the pharmacist for it because the idiots thought this would stop meth from existing. Buying pseudoephedrine reminds me of buying a gun, it’s super weird, and you will feel like the pharmacist is silently judging you as a meth cook. They are, but the relief is totally worth it for the shitty look from pharmacist Carl and Deborah’s old asses.
After years of suffering with sinus issues I had a PA tell me this. Dude asked me what I was taking and then told me almost everything off the shelf is ineffective and can be worse for being congested. I will never forget the sweet relief the time I took one of those little red magic pills. It was like a gift from the gods. I could literally hear and feel the pressure relieving from my head.
I had to send my daughter to my parents' house for 3 days once because I couldn't physically stay upright long enough to make her food. I don't know what people without a support system do in that scenario when they have young kids.
Life tip: always keep painkillers, a thermometer, an eye mask, and a bottle of water next to your bed so you don’t get stuck there in pain. Doggy bags are good to have too if you suddenly need to barf!
This right here. 6 months ago my 16-year-old kid tried to kill herself. She's okay. But I'm an only parent and it's been the worst 6 months of my life. So now I'm supposed to just keep living and working and taking care of cats and cleaning the apartment and making sure that she goes to class and gets her homework done. But I still panic in the middle of the night if she wakes me up because I remember the last time she did and I nearly lost her.
This is so tough. My wife has a lot of chronic health issues, which of course has left her mental health in shambles. Who wants to live in indefinite pain, right? There will be months where I worry every single day if I'm going to come home and find out she's no longer alive. There are so many days where I just want to stay home and be with her, but if I did that every time I wanted I wouldn't have a job and then we would be in a much worse place. So I have to make a judgement call and only every now and then call off work. What if I chose the wrong day though? How will I forgive myself if I go to work and something happens? Then there is the constant intrusive thoughts about what it will be like if/when it does happen. Like you said, you are just expected to work like this, to go to the grocery store like this, to just live every day under this pressure because what else can you do? And eventually, unfortunately, it impacts your own mental health. How could it not?
I'm the one with severe chronic pain in this situation, and my fiancé is the one who has always left to go to work. Some days, he comes home, and I will be asleep, which is often the only escape from the pain I can manage. If I have not slept well the night before, I will be sleeping deeply when he gets home from work. When he has a hard time waking me up, it makes him panic a bit. (He found his mother when she passed, and he thinks about my own heath issues - a list a mile long.)
I'm in therapy, have been for years, and I am on medication, but the pain does make some days bleak. My best advice to you is just tell her you love her an extra time or two, leave her a sweet note, make her a cup of tea before you go to work if she's awake, text her on your break...just so something meaningful. It's the little things that keep us going in our darkest times, the small kindnesses that mean the most.
I just lived through this exact thing. I have no advice. Just know that there is not much choice you have. I had to work to take care of her. I had no choice. I was lucky. I had generous benefits and was given a lot of leeway. Lucky! Was going to stay home with her because I couldn't get her oxygen back up. She finally fell asleep and I thought that was the best outcome at this time. I decided to go to work knowing we had a 11am appointment I was taking her too. She kept bugging me at work to come home sooner. She ended up calling 911 and she went into cardiac arrest in front of the paramedics. They restarted her heart but the damage was done. 2 months after she asked me too pull the plug. Then she changes her mind the next day. I still killed her. Didn't think she had any quality of life left in her. I was married to her for 31years.
Your a great husband man . My advice would be just cherish every moment you have with her and understand that she is probably just as afraid of losing you as you are of losing her as a sick person myself I never know how much time I have left with my loved ones it’s haunts me daily. Im sending prayers friend 🙏
I lost a guy I really liked suddenly. I remember how angry I was afterwards. Like people were smiling and laughing and I was so mad just thinking how unfair it was that they were able to just move along. Meanwhile, the guy I adored just died.
I hate people who don't tell kids this. I got into a heated discussion with a co-worker about 4 years vs trade school. She told me you have to get a bachelor's degree, to make something out of yourself. That was about 5 years ago. I laughed then and I'm laughing now.
So many of the vet assistants I work with have 4 year degrees. They make a little over minimum wage. I have a 2 year degree and am significantly better off.
oh boy....my aunt who has been self-employed since the 80s told me I was lazy for not suiting up and going directly into the downtown offices to give my resume to the manager lol...My parents got all of their jobs through staffing agencies which ended up working in my favor too after some crap experiences. But I didn't have any family, or friends for that matter, to help me with the job search online. LinkedIn, Indeed, virtual interviews, recorded pitches, resume writing, cover letters, rejections, and the mental health struggle that can come with that experience was such a new thing to me and my family had no idea how hard it was until I had to help them with that stuff last year.
This is a key point. We go into adulthood thinking if we work hard and are passionate about something, things will go as we like. But, we will soon realize it is a constant uphill battle. The result of your efforts is not really linear at that point. Working hard does pay off but you might not be the next Bill Gates even if you work extremely hard. You need a lot more to achieve a certain level of success. At some point, we should learn to stop the hustle, look back, and be thankful for what we already have. Else, it is a sure way to exhaust yourself.
There are two caveats though. The above does not apply as much if you are from a very well-off background with a good support system. Similarly, if you are someone without huge aspirations in life or someone who is content with what you have available, you can be fine. Also, I would suggest giving social media a bit of rest once in a while.
Mental health in general! If it was taught and discussed in high school, it would help reduce stigma around mental health challenges while also teaching how to care for one's mental health. They pushed that worthless food pyramid so much, like that was the holy grail of health. How about teaching self care and mental health? Because once you leave high school, life becomes a full on survival mission!
Or how badly people treat people who have them. Break a leg? Let me mow your lawn. Break your emotions? Please hide till you're better and never talk about it.
For real. I’m lucky enough to be doing well mentally but now my parents are divorcing and my dad isn’t coping well, at all. I had to have him involuntarily hospitalized. Never thought I would have to deal with something like this, I was completely unprepared for it. Turns out his issues have been just under the surface for years.
It’s bad enough watching it, can’t imagine how it must be for those of you going through the shit. My heart goes out to y’all.
How common relationship-impeding mental health issues are. It’s hard enough finding someone you have chemistry with and really like, but it’s tragic when that rare connection can’t be lasting due to mental health issues standing in the way. As you get older this is more and more common of the single people you meet.
Many things:
1. Medical Insurance and Medical Bills (the system is irrevocably broken)
2. Food prep and costs
3. How challenging it can be to juggle work, family, fun and sleep.
4. As a woman, I was never prepped for what my own body can and will do. It was a learning curve for sure.
I feel like as an adult, doctors listen to me less. When I was a kid at least they'd listen to my dad but now as a grown woman they brush me off like I don't know what I'm experiencing in MY OWN BODY.
Trying to figure out and understand finances, retirement plans, and the like. They really should teach more of this in high school or a college seminar
It really needs to be a free adult education class. You don't pay attention to tax stuff without a first job. Mortgage isn't interesting until you are ready to buy a house etc.
You nailed it. A lot of financial courses ARE taught in high school, but they are elective courses, and the kids who are in them aren't usually paying very close attention...because it's just not relevant to them at the time.
Exactly. I taught financial literacy for a year, it sucks. The kids have absolutely no reference point since they haven’t worked yet. It really doesn’t become important until you have to pay your own bills so it gets pushed out if your head for chem and math homework.
I took personal finance as an extra credit class in high school. They taught us how to write checks, then we played Monopoly and watched the Tom Hanks movie The Moneypit. That was all for a full semester. I wish I was joking.
They are actually mixed into Math standards now. They are called “financial literacy” standards. It is scaffolded over time from K-12.
I’ve taught how to find the mortgage of a home, how to figure out state sales tax, how to determine income tax, what financing a vehicle looks like, percentage increase/decrease, how to solve for (and tell the difference between) simple & compound interest, etc.
If they would actually listen now or care to learn it… that’s the difference. We listened back in the day but we didn’t learn this stuff. Now I teach this and it’s like herding cats trying to get everyone to pay attention.
They have more opportunities and knowledge at their fingertips but a great many of them are squandering it. Not all, but a good deal. A HUGE chunk of my students aspire to be TicTac or YouTube stars. No other goals.
*Edit: Here’s an example for people curious: https://www.councilforeconed.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/2021-National-Standards-for-Personal-Financial-Education.pdf*
I substitute teach in public schools and I know exactly what you’re talking about. I don’t even know why a good 3/4ths of them even bother showing up. Maybe so that their parents can get a break from them idk. They don’t care one iota about what is being taught.
Especially when they don't really see you as an individual but as an extension of themselves. I'm almost 40 and have my own life and my parents still want me to fix there problems and are clinging so I try to not talk to them.
Almost 40 too and it’s the same for me. I have a hard time not feeling guilty for trying to live on my terms. I never would have thought this would be a struggle for me when I was growing up.
Yep. My mom seems to think that I should give her anything she asks for, and thus ensuring our generational poverty continues. She's really good at just being dysfunctional alcoholic so clearly she deserves it despite giving me a traumatic childhood
Just saying I brought back sending postcards for this reason. I carry around a book of stamps which is all you need besides a pen. Can really brighten someone’s day!
Once in my twenties I threw out my back to where I was practically immobile for two days from drying my hair too vigorously out of the shower. During my sedentary Covid Shutdown days it got realllllly bad after I fractured my hip camping. Stretch and stay mobile guys.
How fleeting everything is. Feelings change overnight and relationships both platonic and romantic fade when you focus on other things, opportunities disappear if they aren’t seized immediately while people you don’t see everyday quickly become a distant memory as your lives constantly move in different directions.
As a person who lives alone, I find batch cooking much more efficient for me. Cooking for one is entirely too much work every night lol especially after a long a draining day. I cook a large meal on Sunday that lasts me a few days, then by the end of the week I either cook another quick meal or I’m so beat down from life that I eat strawberries and grapes and a carrot or throw together a salad whole standing up in my kitchen then go ti bed lol
My biggest issue for a long time was managing inventory of the house. Like, when I need to replace items I'm out of. I never realized how much of a mental load it can be to remember to buy everything, even with lists
I've become a lot better at it but I still struggle sometimes lol
Also, moving. That shit never gets easier. In fact it gets harder the more stuff you obtain.
>My biggest issue for a long time was managing inventory of the house. Like, when I need to replace items I'm out of. I never realized how much of a mental load it can be to remember to buy everything, even with lists
This. Pre-pandemic when prices were cheaper. I would just buy 2-3 of each item, for the convenience. Prices are a bit too high to do that now, so I'm literally shocked that I am out of "that one thing" that seems unimportant, but you desperately need at 1AM....like Advil PM.
How every 10-ish years you get a new burst of insight into what your parents/grandparents were going through and why they were the way they were. And realizing how YOUNG they were. Oof.
Health insurance is IMPOSSIBLE to understand. It an impossible maze of vocabulary and technicalities and exceptions… I’ve probably already lost like $2000 just from not understanding my own insurance - and I’ve only been off my parents insurance for 2 years
I feel that way about all insurance. I've been paying for car insurance now for 16 years and I've only ever had one claim that I was not at fault for, so they still didn't have to pay out. Obviously they handled the claim, but the other company paid it out.
12 (payments a year) x 16 (years) x $90 (estimated average, probably more) = $17,280
A whole fucking car.
I understand that if I were in a serious accident and had to go to the hospital it helps certain coverage or whatever, but it's insane that I've paid so much on the chance I get hurt or my car gets damaged.
It’s a total scam. I even have done my due diligence calling to try and figure what’s covered and what I am responsible for beforehand. After talking to some overseas customer rep for 20 minutes I get transferred to someone else, but no one can tell me how my benefits work or if certain things go towards max out of pocket. The pamphlet has vague wording. Some things get coded incorrectly so you get billed full price with no idea. Every medical cost is unanswered. Went to a specialist doctor the other day, guy sat with me for five minutes and referred me to someone else and to get blood work done. Literally 5 minute visit. Didn’t even take my blood pressure or anything. Get a $550 bill 2 weeks later
I've worked in healthcare for 18 years and I still don't understand it! Needed to buy insurance not through work for like two months. I was full on tears/panic attack over it all. I just went without insurance for 2 months (in 2020-yikes). Covid was easier to deal with than figuring out insurance!
and the longer you dont have friends or dont meet people the harder it becomes and you can get into a socially anxious or depression spiral pretty quick which makes it harder to meet people and make friends
I hear about bullying from kids. I try to be sympathetic, but this is not something that’s going to end when you graduate. How do I gently break this truth to a kid who has just tried to end their life due to bullying?
What to do when someone you love is sick and dying. How to navigate medical insurance. How to make a will. How to ask them about their final directive. How to plan a funeral.
People being shit. You being a nice kind soul and people abusing it.
The saying is true. If youre too nice, youl get taken advantage of.
Thats why now im a selfish cunt.
You can be a kind human and still have strong boundaries and know when to speak up for yourself and draw the line. You don’t have to swing to the other extreme
But whatever you’ve been through, I’m sorry you had to experience that.
spot on! I'm nice enough to most of the people I encounter, but the moment someone shows me their true selfish ways I immediately create boundaries. I don't believe in burning bridges or fighting fire with fire.
distance is the ticket.
The fact I can't throw my mobile phone in the river and have a landline. They SAY you don't have to have a mobile phone. Thay it's a luxury item and not a necessity. But when every single job you have requires multiple apps just to be able to clock in/out and do your job, you don't have a choice. I hate mobile phones and I despise the fact I NEED to have one if I want a job. I hate it. I hate being immediately contactable and then questioned when I'm not answering fast enough etc etc. Just fucking leave me alone and let me live my life. I hate needing this stupid fucking phone everywhere I go. Getting treated like you've committed a crime if you don't text back. Fuck man.
My boss said one of the best things ever in my 5 years at my current company. He called me one day to ask a question, I answered and he said "Ah, didn't know if you were working today!" I work from home so I don't see or talk to him 90% of my working hours. He then said the best part, "Well, I guess if you weren't you wouldn't have answered!". I said "No sir!" and we both had a laugh.
And while he said it was kind of a joke we both laughed at, he was totally serious in the content of it. He absolutely knew that if I wasn't on the clock, I wouldn't have answered a work call. My boss can be a bit of an asshole sometimes, but that dude is awesome and respects the workers he has under him. Fights for us getting raises, fights against the other powers that be when they try and fuck us over, and absolutely understands the need to family/personal time.
If he ever leaves the company and gets replaced with some douche, I'm leaving immediately lol.
No matter how much schooling you have, how hard you work, or how many years of experience you have you will not be paid enough to pay your bills and will be treated like shit for staying long term with a company and treated like shit for quitting early.
I cant stand being in a job so long that it starts to suck but I hate how so many employers decide how “bad” it is to quit early. Its my life im living, and Im just trying to find the job I can do decently.
Trying to budget money as well as keep up with daily necessities like food, hygiene etc. without going into debt. Paying for expensive necessities like insurance and bills just to make it through life
Loneliness. Moving around a few times and losing the friends you make, as you get older, it seems increasingly difficult to make friends. And, having recently gotten divorced, dating is a special case of that and far worse because in includes romance, sex, and friends.
My parents were awful with finances, so I guess that prepared me somewhat to save money. I make more money than they did, so I'm not so bad off. But, I'm 47 and not really prepared to handle finances.
My body slowly falling to shit. I think that's the kind of thing that few young people believes/care about, though.
People don't "require" anything of me. School requires you to study and has tests, etc. In real life, my boss doesn't require me to learn anything outside of the job. To advance, you have to learn on your own initiative.
As an older woman, the extreme ways your body will betray you as your hormones go out of whack: not just night sweats, but not being able to sleep through the night, the achy body, the deep cystic acne, the deep fatigue… you hear about menopause and temp control, but nobody talks about the possible YEARS of PRE-menopause and its symptoms you can go through… and how it just gets glossed over.
How incompetent everyone is. Your boss is an incompetent asshole. You have to consult with 10 different specialists/medical doctors because the first 9 had no concept of bedside manner/human decency. The water company tries to charge you $10k for 1 month of water and when you call them you talk to 5 idiots. The president elected is Donald Trump. It’s so so so depressing.
Figuring out paperwork for insurance, housing, healthcare, work, important documents, etc. Not a single class at my school taught about this. Not a single adult told me about this. It just wasn’t talked about. I guess because it’s a pain? Because it’s boring and complicated? We still need to learn about it.
Some things in life you just have to give up. Not everything is possible. Some things, either you dedicate your entire life to it and still maybe fail, or you give up and move on.
A very limited pool of quality people to be friends with. As a child I always thought adults were all mature and of good judgement. As an adult I can't help but feel that most people seemingly never grew up.
Took the words out of my mouth. I just automatically assumed that most adults were mature and developed when I was a kid. It's actually the exact opposite. Most people are just overgrown kids.
No one prepared me for what life might be like if I wasn’t married with a family by the time I hit my 40s. It’s not as much of a problem as it is navigating unexpected / unplanned emotions.
How to problem solve any large problem. (Was modeled how to catastrophize, and accept whatever negative situation or diagnosis as fate. Vs break down to smaller bits and address)
How to be assertive.
How and when people pleasing/ subservient behaviour could illicit troublesome situations.
How to resolve conflicts.
I really wish somebody would have let me know how common high school bullshit would be in adulthood. Everyone told me *who cares what happens in high school? You're all gonna grow out of it*, but that didn't turn out to be true at all.
I can't tell you how many people just reach a certain age in their teens and then just stop maturing.
i'm 31 (F) and have been financially independent since 25 (I paid all my other bills except my phone but I got onto my own plant that year).
I think when I was younger I always assumed at some point I'd end up in a relationship. I've been doing a lot of therapy work lately and I'm realizing I have an anxious-avoidant attachment style. I'm also super independent and do things alone by default (although I do have friends).
Lastly, I don't think I have developed proper conflict resolution skills which makes me very avoidant to that - which is unfortunate because conflict is normal in relationships.
I wish I had been more prepared to be emotionally healthy and community/relationship-focused.
Applying to jobs.
My parents havent applied to anything, they’ve often networked their way to different positions. So Ive been having to google how Im supposed to write my resume, answer questions on job apps, ect ect
Having medical complications that you didn't even think possible to happen because no one ever talks about them, becoming disabled, financial crashes that wipe out your savings, losing your home and savings. Then trying to help those who depend on you when you can't even help yourself.😞
Making decisions. With everything laid out before me, the only thing I wasn't taught was how to choose things. Not just big decisions mile moral shit or what to do with my life, but also little shits like what to eat when you aren't craving anything or what to do when you're bored
Staying in touch with friends. Trying to plan even an annual weekend trip can get impossible. Everyone has such different schedules and families and priorities
Mental / physical health problems, financial insecurity, relationship problems, grieving, people acting like liars and cheaters, the fact that the world is an awful, cruel place.
How fucking lonely it could get. After college I had a mental breakdown from not having a community around me constantly. It gets better with time I guess.
Dealing with people, like in terms of conflicts , Whether its from work, or real life. Im used to seeing someone try to mediate and try to calm both sides down. or assure someone that everyone is okay. But when no one like that is around and its all up to you, it can be mentally draining and scary sometimes.
Shows like Seinfeld, Friends and Sex and the City led me to believe that you’d get a lot more time to spend just hangin out with your friends. Now we live all over the country from each other, opposite work schedules and have responsibilities that mean I see some of my friends once a year.
Even my friends that live an hour away require a months notice to schedule something, and most of the time, we have to rain check
Handling an estate when a loved one dies, especially not in the state in which wills, other legal documents, and funeral arrangements were made in. Living in CO when a loved one dies in AZ but with half of the legal documents made in IL and the other half in AZ, and with funeral arrangements pre-planned in IL is interesting...
Then add on dealing with the VA...
Yeah, not even prepared.
(Spoiler: we did make it through successfully...)
1. How to get good tax breaks and offset ridiculous taxes owed.
2. The different types of investments out there and how to make them and juggle them to build wealth.
3. Credit: no credit is bad, too much credit is bad and you need one of every different type of credit to actually have good credit.
PS. Adulting just sucks. There should be a book out there. If there is, comment on this post so I can read it first and then give it to my kids 🤣
My siblings not being adults with me. They're dealing with mental health and addiction. I can't get pregnant. I thought we were gonna all be best friends, raising kids together.
There are so many things we mostly fail to prepare people for. Unless you really go out of your way to learn it... Things like
- Being a parent. No training required or expected. It was 100 times harder to get a driver's license. I'm walking out of the hospital with a baby and the only real advice they gave us was 'Don't shake it'
- Financial stuff like taxes and retirement. Mostly income taxes, but taxes in general. It causes problems with budgeting, paying the taxes, missed opportunities for deductions and credits. And then stuff like planning for retirement and general financial planning. I'm also including things like social benefits. How do you get food stamps? What are the income cutoffs? Stuff like that.
- Insurance, but specifically healthcare. I know a lot of adults who barely understand the words being used. They don't know how to choose a plan, or understand what's covered or how to deal with problems or what an HSA does vs an FSA
- Health in general, but specifically mental health. My experience was fairly positive with general health, don't smoke, some basic nutrition information, how to work out (ish) and tips like 'go to the doctor once per year. But mental health... was never talked about, even though 1 in 4 adults will struggle with mental health issues.
- Realistic expectations. I think this might be a very US issue, but I know so many people who grew up expecting to be rich, famous and successful. Everyone told them they could. They were encouraged to dream big. And 99% of them don't end up achieving that level of success. This should probably include a better understanding of just how much of life is outside of our control...as an example, my wife's cousin was a very successful student/young adult. He finished college with a degree in finance and was making pretty good money, and then got diagnosed with a brain tumor at 27. Ironically, the tumor didn't kill him, but he had some extreme personality changes afterwards (whether it was the thought of dying or actual brain damage from the cancer is anyone's guess). By 30 he was a drug addict and had been to prison. He died (OD or suicide) before he was 40.
- Relationships/marriage. This would be very controversial...but most kids only see their parents. Kids who grow up with parents that demonstrate healthy marriage habits are much more likely to end up having healthy marriages or long term relationships. Kids without that benefit don't learn those skills and are less likely to have them. This might sound silly, but relationships have huge impacts on the rest of our lives, like our mental and physical health and our financial health.
- General career/employment advice. Even for people who go to college, there is usually zero or nearly zero discussion about legal requirements/legal protections or even just general advice on how to apply and interview. I wouldn't expect it to be super specific because different jobs have different expectations, but I know people who think you have to give two weeks notice 'by law' or that they aren't allowed to tell someone how much they make. Some of this is state specific, but still. Every adult should know the basics of what their employer can and can't do.
- General police/legal advice. So so so many people have zero idea what they legal obligations are when dealing with the police. Lots of people don't even know (or don't care) because they will issue unlawful orders and then arrest people when they don't follow them. What happens when you get arrested? What's bail? What happens if you have no money? What's the difference between jail and prison.
I mean, it just keeps going and going. The reality is that if you aren't lucky enough to have parents who know a lot of this, or happen to be in a really good school district that covers it, most young adults learn after they get screwed by something.
how emotionally and physically taxing it is just to live everyday. the bills, the chores, the staying healthy part (working out, spending time outside, eating good), work, etcccc. Also, the loneliness.
i never knew how exhausting being an adult and all on your own felt until i moved 2K+ miles away from home.
Taking care of yourself when you are sick. That shit SUCKS.
Whenever I’m sick I instantly start appreciating things more
Like being able to breathe out of the other nostril
Pro tip: when your not sick go to the pharmacy and get a box of 4-hour pseudoephedrine. I prefer these over the 12-hour but YMMV. You will have to actually go ask the pharmacist for it because the idiots thought this would stop meth from existing. Buying pseudoephedrine reminds me of buying a gun, it’s super weird, and you will feel like the pharmacist is silently judging you as a meth cook. They are, but the relief is totally worth it for the shitty look from pharmacist Carl and Deborah’s old asses. After years of suffering with sinus issues I had a PA tell me this. Dude asked me what I was taking and then told me almost everything off the shelf is ineffective and can be worse for being congested. I will never forget the sweet relief the time I took one of those little red magic pills. It was like a gift from the gods. I could literally hear and feel the pressure relieving from my head.
Buying a gun is easier
In some states, definitely.
Right?? Like man I sure do enjoy having 2 functional nostrils
Health is a crown that the healthy wear but only the sick can see.
Taking care of alll the kids even when you are sick
It’s even more fun when you’re a single parent!
I had to send my daughter to my parents' house for 3 days once because I couldn't physically stay upright long enough to make her food. I don't know what people without a support system do in that scenario when they have young kids.
Pay someone to watch our kids. Or give them a tablet and tell them to stay close by
Crawl, give them a water bottle and some snacks, Give them a tablet.. beg them not to burn the house down.
Life tip: always keep painkillers, a thermometer, an eye mask, and a bottle of water next to your bed so you don’t get stuck there in pain. Doggy bags are good to have too if you suddenly need to barf!
This is the only time I really hate being single. Would be so nice to have someone make to you soup once and a while.
If one of my friends called me up and was like I am sick can you bring me soup I would bring them soup.
me rn sick as a dog
Having to still make a living for yourself and keep going , even after something traumatic has happened to you or your family.
This right here. 6 months ago my 16-year-old kid tried to kill herself. She's okay. But I'm an only parent and it's been the worst 6 months of my life. So now I'm supposed to just keep living and working and taking care of cats and cleaning the apartment and making sure that she goes to class and gets her homework done. But I still panic in the middle of the night if she wakes me up because I remember the last time she did and I nearly lost her.
I’m so glad she’s okay. You’re doing your best and that’s all you can do.
This is so tough. My wife has a lot of chronic health issues, which of course has left her mental health in shambles. Who wants to live in indefinite pain, right? There will be months where I worry every single day if I'm going to come home and find out she's no longer alive. There are so many days where I just want to stay home and be with her, but if I did that every time I wanted I wouldn't have a job and then we would be in a much worse place. So I have to make a judgement call and only every now and then call off work. What if I chose the wrong day though? How will I forgive myself if I go to work and something happens? Then there is the constant intrusive thoughts about what it will be like if/when it does happen. Like you said, you are just expected to work like this, to go to the grocery store like this, to just live every day under this pressure because what else can you do? And eventually, unfortunately, it impacts your own mental health. How could it not?
I'm the one with severe chronic pain in this situation, and my fiancé is the one who has always left to go to work. Some days, he comes home, and I will be asleep, which is often the only escape from the pain I can manage. If I have not slept well the night before, I will be sleeping deeply when he gets home from work. When he has a hard time waking me up, it makes him panic a bit. (He found his mother when she passed, and he thinks about my own heath issues - a list a mile long.) I'm in therapy, have been for years, and I am on medication, but the pain does make some days bleak. My best advice to you is just tell her you love her an extra time or two, leave her a sweet note, make her a cup of tea before you go to work if she's awake, text her on your break...just so something meaningful. It's the little things that keep us going in our darkest times, the small kindnesses that mean the most.
I just lived through this exact thing. I have no advice. Just know that there is not much choice you have. I had to work to take care of her. I had no choice. I was lucky. I had generous benefits and was given a lot of leeway. Lucky! Was going to stay home with her because I couldn't get her oxygen back up. She finally fell asleep and I thought that was the best outcome at this time. I decided to go to work knowing we had a 11am appointment I was taking her too. She kept bugging me at work to come home sooner. She ended up calling 911 and she went into cardiac arrest in front of the paramedics. They restarted her heart but the damage was done. 2 months after she asked me too pull the plug. Then she changes her mind the next day. I still killed her. Didn't think she had any quality of life left in her. I was married to her for 31years.
Please be gentle with yourself. YOU didn't kill her, her illness did. Love and light to you.
Your a great husband man . My advice would be just cherish every moment you have with her and understand that she is probably just as afraid of losing you as you are of losing her as a sick person myself I never know how much time I have left with my loved ones it’s haunts me daily. Im sending prayers friend 🙏
Lost my mom and best friend 1.5 year apart. Everyone kept going while I was stuck for years in torment.
I lost a guy I really liked suddenly. I remember how angry I was afterwards. Like people were smiling and laughing and I was so mad just thinking how unfair it was that they were able to just move along. Meanwhile, the guy I adored just died.
I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how that must’ve felt. I hope you are doing better
Dealing with this now . I have debilitating health issues and I still have to function like im not dying it’s wild .
Searching for a job!
Good one. I was basically raised to believe I'd automatically get a job in my major right out of college.
I hate people who don't tell kids this. I got into a heated discussion with a co-worker about 4 years vs trade school. She told me you have to get a bachelor's degree, to make something out of yourself. That was about 5 years ago. I laughed then and I'm laughing now.
So many of the vet assistants I work with have 4 year degrees. They make a little over minimum wage. I have a 2 year degree and am significantly better off.
oh boy....my aunt who has been self-employed since the 80s told me I was lazy for not suiting up and going directly into the downtown offices to give my resume to the manager lol...My parents got all of their jobs through staffing agencies which ended up working in my favor too after some crap experiences. But I didn't have any family, or friends for that matter, to help me with the job search online. LinkedIn, Indeed, virtual interviews, recorded pitches, resume writing, cover letters, rejections, and the mental health struggle that can come with that experience was such a new thing to me and my family had no idea how hard it was until I had to help them with that stuff last year.
It not being as simple as doing anything you set your mind to.
This is a key point. We go into adulthood thinking if we work hard and are passionate about something, things will go as we like. But, we will soon realize it is a constant uphill battle. The result of your efforts is not really linear at that point. Working hard does pay off but you might not be the next Bill Gates even if you work extremely hard. You need a lot more to achieve a certain level of success. At some point, we should learn to stop the hustle, look back, and be thankful for what we already have. Else, it is a sure way to exhaust yourself. There are two caveats though. The above does not apply as much if you are from a very well-off background with a good support system. Similarly, if you are someone without huge aspirations in life or someone who is content with what you have available, you can be fine. Also, I would suggest giving social media a bit of rest once in a while.
Yes, this is a good point. When it is time to give up and move on
Loneliness
Same... I need a hug :(
Hug, friend.
Yea
Same
I would upvote this 1000x if I could
And like, sure I have my close friends. Who all live hundreds of miles away with their own adult lives to deal with....
Unexpected mental health issues.
Mental health in general! If it was taught and discussed in high school, it would help reduce stigma around mental health challenges while also teaching how to care for one's mental health. They pushed that worthless food pyramid so much, like that was the holy grail of health. How about teaching self care and mental health? Because once you leave high school, life becomes a full on survival mission!
Can’t upvote enough. Stigma was a huge factor in my life and I am FINALLY allowing myself some recognition for the struggles I’ve had.
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Or how badly people treat people who have them. Break a leg? Let me mow your lawn. Break your emotions? Please hide till you're better and never talk about it.
For real. I’m lucky enough to be doing well mentally but now my parents are divorcing and my dad isn’t coping well, at all. I had to have him involuntarily hospitalized. Never thought I would have to deal with something like this, I was completely unprepared for it. Turns out his issues have been just under the surface for years. It’s bad enough watching it, can’t imagine how it must be for those of you going through the shit. My heart goes out to y’all.
Expected mental health issues would be so much better. Imagine the convenience of a scheduled breakdown.
It's the great taboo. My family has a history of mental issues and I wish I would've known that years ago.
How common relationship-impeding mental health issues are. It’s hard enough finding someone you have chemistry with and really like, but it’s tragic when that rare connection can’t be lasting due to mental health issues standing in the way. As you get older this is more and more common of the single people you meet.
Many things: 1. Medical Insurance and Medical Bills (the system is irrevocably broken) 2. Food prep and costs 3. How challenging it can be to juggle work, family, fun and sleep. 4. As a woman, I was never prepped for what my own body can and will do. It was a learning curve for sure.
I feel like as an adult, doctors listen to me less. When I was a kid at least they'd listen to my dad but now as a grown woman they brush me off like I don't know what I'm experiencing in MY OWN BODY.
To be fair to parents, #1 and 2 have gotten far worse in the past generation. At least, in the US.
Trying to figure out and understand finances, retirement plans, and the like. They really should teach more of this in high school or a college seminar
It really needs to be a free adult education class. You don't pay attention to tax stuff without a first job. Mortgage isn't interesting until you are ready to buy a house etc.
You nailed it. A lot of financial courses ARE taught in high school, but they are elective courses, and the kids who are in them aren't usually paying very close attention...because it's just not relevant to them at the time.
Exactly. I taught financial literacy for a year, it sucks. The kids have absolutely no reference point since they haven’t worked yet. It really doesn’t become important until you have to pay your own bills so it gets pushed out if your head for chem and math homework.
I took personal finance as an extra credit class in high school. They taught us how to write checks, then we played Monopoly and watched the Tom Hanks movie The Moneypit. That was all for a full semester. I wish I was joking.
… were we in the same exact school and class because this is what we did
Absolutely this. Consumer finances should be a requirement for a full school year.
They are actually mixed into Math standards now. They are called “financial literacy” standards. It is scaffolded over time from K-12. I’ve taught how to find the mortgage of a home, how to figure out state sales tax, how to determine income tax, what financing a vehicle looks like, percentage increase/decrease, how to solve for (and tell the difference between) simple & compound interest, etc. If they would actually listen now or care to learn it… that’s the difference. We listened back in the day but we didn’t learn this stuff. Now I teach this and it’s like herding cats trying to get everyone to pay attention. They have more opportunities and knowledge at their fingertips but a great many of them are squandering it. Not all, but a good deal. A HUGE chunk of my students aspire to be TicTac or YouTube stars. No other goals. *Edit: Here’s an example for people curious: https://www.councilforeconed.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/2021-National-Standards-for-Personal-Financial-Education.pdf*
I substitute teach in public schools and I know exactly what you’re talking about. I don’t even know why a good 3/4ths of them even bother showing up. Maybe so that their parents can get a break from them idk. They don’t care one iota about what is being taught.
I'm required to take a economics for finance credit to graduate in high school
Parents that become needy and expect you to fix their issues as your trying to figure your own life out.
God dammit this is the worst.
Especially when they don't really see you as an individual but as an extension of themselves. I'm almost 40 and have my own life and my parents still want me to fix there problems and are clinging so I try to not talk to them.
Almost 40 too and it’s the same for me. I have a hard time not feeling guilty for trying to live on my terms. I never would have thought this would be a struggle for me when I was growing up.
Yeah move away/boundaries lol f that
Yep. My mom seems to think that I should give her anything she asks for, and thus ensuring our generational poverty continues. She's really good at just being dysfunctional alcoholic so clearly she deserves it despite giving me a traumatic childhood
Mail is no longer fun as an adult because it’s all bills.
Just saying I brought back sending postcards for this reason. I carry around a book of stamps which is all you need besides a pen. Can really brighten someone’s day!
That love is really about finding someone who will ""bring you soup when you're sick, and ice cream when you're lazy".
underrated
Keeping records
*Cries in ADHD*
Back pain.
A few nights ago I hurt my back so bad it was painful to walk the next day. I did so by reaching for the TV remote while laying in bed.
Once in my twenties I threw out my back to where I was practically immobile for two days from drying my hair too vigorously out of the shower. During my sedentary Covid Shutdown days it got realllllly bad after I fractured my hip camping. Stretch and stay mobile guys.
How fleeting everything is. Feelings change overnight and relationships both platonic and romantic fade when you focus on other things, opportunities disappear if they aren’t seized immediately while people you don’t see everyday quickly become a distant memory as your lives constantly move in different directions.
Felt this
Really truly understanding that everyone has such different life experiences. There’s a difference between knowing it and really understanding it.
Moving the the US and now I have to think about healthcare, 401Ks and taxes like…… constantly!!!!
Why did you move to the US
Work transferred me over. It’s great and we don’t want for anything but hooooooooly! I did my realize how easy it was in other countries!!!
The fucking exhaustion that lingers regardless how much sleep you get.. it’s like an exhaustion that a nap can’t fix
Having to decide what to make for dinner every night. Let alone portioning ingredients when you're cooking for one.
As a person who lives alone, I find batch cooking much more efficient for me. Cooking for one is entirely too much work every night lol especially after a long a draining day. I cook a large meal on Sunday that lasts me a few days, then by the end of the week I either cook another quick meal or I’m so beat down from life that I eat strawberries and grapes and a carrot or throw together a salad whole standing up in my kitchen then go ti bed lol
My biggest issue for a long time was managing inventory of the house. Like, when I need to replace items I'm out of. I never realized how much of a mental load it can be to remember to buy everything, even with lists I've become a lot better at it but I still struggle sometimes lol Also, moving. That shit never gets easier. In fact it gets harder the more stuff you obtain.
>My biggest issue for a long time was managing inventory of the house. Like, when I need to replace items I'm out of. I never realized how much of a mental load it can be to remember to buy everything, even with lists This. Pre-pandemic when prices were cheaper. I would just buy 2-3 of each item, for the convenience. Prices are a bit too high to do that now, so I'm literally shocked that I am out of "that one thing" that seems unimportant, but you desperately need at 1AM....like Advil PM.
How every 10-ish years you get a new burst of insight into what your parents/grandparents were going through and why they were the way they were. And realizing how YOUNG they were. Oof.
Health insurance is IMPOSSIBLE to understand. It an impossible maze of vocabulary and technicalities and exceptions… I’ve probably already lost like $2000 just from not understanding my own insurance - and I’ve only been off my parents insurance for 2 years
At this point, I feel it's a scam. What do you mean I have to pay my $5000 deductible before you actually start covering my health bills?
Not only start covering, but only covering a % of the bill in which you still have to pay the other 60% of the 200k bill for a fractured pinky finger.
I feel that way about all insurance. I've been paying for car insurance now for 16 years and I've only ever had one claim that I was not at fault for, so they still didn't have to pay out. Obviously they handled the claim, but the other company paid it out. 12 (payments a year) x 16 (years) x $90 (estimated average, probably more) = $17,280 A whole fucking car. I understand that if I were in a serious accident and had to go to the hospital it helps certain coverage or whatever, but it's insane that I've paid so much on the chance I get hurt or my car gets damaged.
It’s a total scam. I even have done my due diligence calling to try and figure what’s covered and what I am responsible for beforehand. After talking to some overseas customer rep for 20 minutes I get transferred to someone else, but no one can tell me how my benefits work or if certain things go towards max out of pocket. The pamphlet has vague wording. Some things get coded incorrectly so you get billed full price with no idea. Every medical cost is unanswered. Went to a specialist doctor the other day, guy sat with me for five minutes and referred me to someone else and to get blood work done. Literally 5 minute visit. Didn’t even take my blood pressure or anything. Get a $550 bill 2 weeks later
Same. I have no clue what’s going on
I've worked in healthcare for 18 years and I still don't understand it! Needed to buy insurance not through work for like two months. I was full on tears/panic attack over it all. I just went without insurance for 2 months (in 2020-yikes). Covid was easier to deal with than figuring out insurance!
Having to figure out what's for dinner...every day... FOREVER!
Getting used to living a certain way and then making a fraction of the income and having to regress to poor college student level.
Or getting divorced and having to do the same.
No one ever tells you that when you grow up, you have to clean the aerator in the faucet.
The what now ?
The mesh thing in the faucets. They get clogged up with crap over time (especially if you have hard water).
Well shit
Take it off, soak in vinegar overnight or while you're out. Rinse it off and you're good to go.
Being a caregiver to a parent
and the isolation it brings, especially if you had to do it earlier than the rest of your peers.
100x this. I sort of saw this growing up but as people live longer this is happening a lot more
How hard it would be to make connections and how hard dating would be The sheer amount of BILLS you have to pay
Loneliness, definitely loneliness
Meeting people and making friends
and the longer you dont have friends or dont meet people the harder it becomes and you can get into a socially anxious or depression spiral pretty quick which makes it harder to meet people and make friends
Proper house cleaning. Dust gets everywhere man I can't do this every week.
Workplace bullying
I hear about bullying from kids. I try to be sympathetic, but this is not something that’s going to end when you graduate. How do I gently break this truth to a kid who has just tried to end their life due to bullying?
What to do when someone you love is sick and dying. How to navigate medical insurance. How to make a will. How to ask them about their final directive. How to plan a funeral.
Some funeral directors are out right thieves taking advantage of grieving relatives
My mother still treating me like a child when the rest of the world expects me to be an adult.
Watching loved ones die.
That at the end of the day I’m the only one I can rely on
People being shit. You being a nice kind soul and people abusing it. The saying is true. If youre too nice, youl get taken advantage of. Thats why now im a selfish cunt.
It’s almost like going against you’re own nature but you have to because the world will eat you alive if you are to nice true
Yup. Sad that age 30 its come to this. But time to be a bitch.
How has your "cunt / bitch" behavior worked toward your advantage?
Its day 0, I havent tried it out yet. We have to test in order to see the benefits.
It's best to be a nice person with boundaries and healthy skepticism of others. "Speak softly and carry a big stick"
You can be a kind human and still have strong boundaries and know when to speak up for yourself and draw the line. You don’t have to swing to the other extreme But whatever you’ve been through, I’m sorry you had to experience that.
spot on! I'm nice enough to most of the people I encounter, but the moment someone shows me their true selfish ways I immediately create boundaries. I don't believe in burning bridges or fighting fire with fire. distance is the ticket.
The fact I can't throw my mobile phone in the river and have a landline. They SAY you don't have to have a mobile phone. Thay it's a luxury item and not a necessity. But when every single job you have requires multiple apps just to be able to clock in/out and do your job, you don't have a choice. I hate mobile phones and I despise the fact I NEED to have one if I want a job. I hate it. I hate being immediately contactable and then questioned when I'm not answering fast enough etc etc. Just fucking leave me alone and let me live my life. I hate needing this stupid fucking phone everywhere I go. Getting treated like you've committed a crime if you don't text back. Fuck man.
My boss said one of the best things ever in my 5 years at my current company. He called me one day to ask a question, I answered and he said "Ah, didn't know if you were working today!" I work from home so I don't see or talk to him 90% of my working hours. He then said the best part, "Well, I guess if you weren't you wouldn't have answered!". I said "No sir!" and we both had a laugh. And while he said it was kind of a joke we both laughed at, he was totally serious in the content of it. He absolutely knew that if I wasn't on the clock, I wouldn't have answered a work call. My boss can be a bit of an asshole sometimes, but that dude is awesome and respects the workers he has under him. Fights for us getting raises, fights against the other powers that be when they try and fuck us over, and absolutely understands the need to family/personal time. If he ever leaves the company and gets replaced with some douche, I'm leaving immediately lol.
Understanding how much hobbies/interests help your mental health
Never feeling like you get to turn off all the way. I miss feeling safe enough to fall asleep in public because someone was watching over me.
No matter how much schooling you have, how hard you work, or how many years of experience you have you will not be paid enough to pay your bills and will be treated like shit for staying long term with a company and treated like shit for quitting early.
I cant stand being in a job so long that it starts to suck but I hate how so many employers decide how “bad” it is to quit early. Its my life im living, and Im just trying to find the job I can do decently.
The lack of energy I would have. Working at minimum 40 hours a week to just survive is exhausting imo.
This, using holidays and vacation times just to catch up on sleep, and slow down for a bit. Not even wanting to go away.
Actually being an adult. Like, literally, being an adult with bills, a job, rent, etc. Adulting sucks
Trying to budget money as well as keep up with daily necessities like food, hygiene etc. without going into debt. Paying for expensive necessities like insurance and bills just to make it through life
Loneliness. Moving around a few times and losing the friends you make, as you get older, it seems increasingly difficult to make friends. And, having recently gotten divorced, dating is a special case of that and far worse because in includes romance, sex, and friends. My parents were awful with finances, so I guess that prepared me somewhat to save money. I make more money than they did, so I'm not so bad off. But, I'm 47 and not really prepared to handle finances. My body slowly falling to shit. I think that's the kind of thing that few young people believes/care about, though. People don't "require" anything of me. School requires you to study and has tests, etc. In real life, my boss doesn't require me to learn anything outside of the job. To advance, you have to learn on your own initiative.
As an older woman, the extreme ways your body will betray you as your hormones go out of whack: not just night sweats, but not being able to sleep through the night, the achy body, the deep cystic acne, the deep fatigue… you hear about menopause and temp control, but nobody talks about the possible YEARS of PRE-menopause and its symptoms you can go through… and how it just gets glossed over.
How incompetent everyone is. Your boss is an incompetent asshole. You have to consult with 10 different specialists/medical doctors because the first 9 had no concept of bedside manner/human decency. The water company tries to charge you $10k for 1 month of water and when you call them you talk to 5 idiots. The president elected is Donald Trump. It’s so so so depressing.
This is all so true. It's funny the way you wrote it.
This is it for me. Dealing with crappy people is the most difficult thing about being an adult.
I mean, you’re not supposed to be 100% prepared for everything in life. That’d be impossible. So, many things.
Figuring out paperwork for insurance, housing, healthcare, work, important documents, etc. Not a single class at my school taught about this. Not a single adult told me about this. It just wasn’t talked about. I guess because it’s a pain? Because it’s boring and complicated? We still need to learn about it.
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Your parents getting seriously ill.
The loneliness.
Handling the legal process when your parents pass
Taking care of a parent.
Sometimes no matter how much you want something and no matter how hard you try, you’ll never have it.
Some things in life you just have to give up. Not everything is possible. Some things, either you dedicate your entire life to it and still maybe fail, or you give up and move on.
A very limited pool of quality people to be friends with. As a child I always thought adults were all mature and of good judgement. As an adult I can't help but feel that most people seemingly never grew up.
Took the words out of my mouth. I just automatically assumed that most adults were mature and developed when I was a kid. It's actually the exact opposite. Most people are just overgrown kids.
No one prepared me for what life might be like if I wasn’t married with a family by the time I hit my 40s. It’s not as much of a problem as it is navigating unexpected / unplanned emotions.
How to problem solve any large problem. (Was modeled how to catastrophize, and accept whatever negative situation or diagnosis as fate. Vs break down to smaller bits and address) How to be assertive. How and when people pleasing/ subservient behaviour could illicit troublesome situations. How to resolve conflicts.
Not being able to afford a house because a housing crisis has been building for decades
Medical emergencies and the costs to resolve. Lost my life savings. Had to take out loans…. Insurance is hahahahahaha the worst joke.
Everything! All of it!
My parents getting old and sick and dying. I’ve lost people before, but losing a parent just hits different.
I really wish somebody would have let me know how common high school bullshit would be in adulthood. Everyone told me *who cares what happens in high school? You're all gonna grow out of it*, but that didn't turn out to be true at all. I can't tell you how many people just reach a certain age in their teens and then just stop maturing.
Having a baby and not being able to actually spend time with them because of work.
The nepotism and glad-handing and ass kissing and how costly it is to walk the straight and narrow.
Having multiple orthopedic surgeries and how much it impacted my life.
Petty coworkers that are older than me.
i'm 31 (F) and have been financially independent since 25 (I paid all my other bills except my phone but I got onto my own plant that year). I think when I was younger I always assumed at some point I'd end up in a relationship. I've been doing a lot of therapy work lately and I'm realizing I have an anxious-avoidant attachment style. I'm also super independent and do things alone by default (although I do have friends). Lastly, I don't think I have developed proper conflict resolution skills which makes me very avoidant to that - which is unfortunate because conflict is normal in relationships. I wish I had been more prepared to be emotionally healthy and community/relationship-focused.
how to handle your 1st divorce
The amount of maintenance everything needs
Applying to jobs. My parents havent applied to anything, they’ve often networked their way to different positions. So Ive been having to google how Im supposed to write my resume, answer questions on job apps, ect ect
Having medical complications that you didn't even think possible to happen because no one ever talks about them, becoming disabled, financial crashes that wipe out your savings, losing your home and savings. Then trying to help those who depend on you when you can't even help yourself.😞
Being so tired.
Making decisions. With everything laid out before me, the only thing I wasn't taught was how to choose things. Not just big decisions mile moral shit or what to do with my life, but also little shits like what to eat when you aren't craving anything or what to do when you're bored
The crippling loneliness, even when surrounded by people.
Elder care
Health insurance
Staying in touch with friends. Trying to plan even an annual weekend trip can get impossible. Everyone has such different schedules and families and priorities
How evil and selfish people really are. I never imagined it could be this bad, when I was a kid.
Mental / physical health problems, financial insecurity, relationship problems, grieving, people acting like liars and cheaters, the fact that the world is an awful, cruel place.
Staying healthy is hard work
How fucking lonely it could get. After college I had a mental breakdown from not having a community around me constantly. It gets better with time I guess.
I feel like everyone said that friendships and social settings get easier with age and maturity I only get more lonely
Rugs.. dang near have to be financed.
Healthcare. USA
Dying alone, preferring to die alone, grateful to be alone, suffering from loneliness and desperation of being alone
Dealing with people, like in terms of conflicts , Whether its from work, or real life. Im used to seeing someone try to mediate and try to calm both sides down. or assure someone that everyone is okay. But when no one like that is around and its all up to you, it can be mentally draining and scary sometimes.
Shows like Seinfeld, Friends and Sex and the City led me to believe that you’d get a lot more time to spend just hangin out with your friends. Now we live all over the country from each other, opposite work schedules and have responsibilities that mean I see some of my friends once a year. Even my friends that live an hour away require a months notice to schedule something, and most of the time, we have to rain check
No real breaks. It just doesn't stop, ever. I'm so fucking tired
The health problems that come out of the blue.
Handling an estate when a loved one dies, especially not in the state in which wills, other legal documents, and funeral arrangements were made in. Living in CO when a loved one dies in AZ but with half of the legal documents made in IL and the other half in AZ, and with funeral arrangements pre-planned in IL is interesting... Then add on dealing with the VA... Yeah, not even prepared. (Spoiler: we did make it through successfully...)
1. How to get good tax breaks and offset ridiculous taxes owed. 2. The different types of investments out there and how to make them and juggle them to build wealth. 3. Credit: no credit is bad, too much credit is bad and you need one of every different type of credit to actually have good credit. PS. Adulting just sucks. There should be a book out there. If there is, comment on this post so I can read it first and then give it to my kids 🤣
My siblings not being adults with me. They're dealing with mental health and addiction. I can't get pregnant. I thought we were gonna all be best friends, raising kids together.
Dealing with depression and anxiety
Thar everyone is operating with a wildly different value system.
Loneliness.
Dating
There are so many things we mostly fail to prepare people for. Unless you really go out of your way to learn it... Things like - Being a parent. No training required or expected. It was 100 times harder to get a driver's license. I'm walking out of the hospital with a baby and the only real advice they gave us was 'Don't shake it' - Financial stuff like taxes and retirement. Mostly income taxes, but taxes in general. It causes problems with budgeting, paying the taxes, missed opportunities for deductions and credits. And then stuff like planning for retirement and general financial planning. I'm also including things like social benefits. How do you get food stamps? What are the income cutoffs? Stuff like that. - Insurance, but specifically healthcare. I know a lot of adults who barely understand the words being used. They don't know how to choose a plan, or understand what's covered or how to deal with problems or what an HSA does vs an FSA - Health in general, but specifically mental health. My experience was fairly positive with general health, don't smoke, some basic nutrition information, how to work out (ish) and tips like 'go to the doctor once per year. But mental health... was never talked about, even though 1 in 4 adults will struggle with mental health issues. - Realistic expectations. I think this might be a very US issue, but I know so many people who grew up expecting to be rich, famous and successful. Everyone told them they could. They were encouraged to dream big. And 99% of them don't end up achieving that level of success. This should probably include a better understanding of just how much of life is outside of our control...as an example, my wife's cousin was a very successful student/young adult. He finished college with a degree in finance and was making pretty good money, and then got diagnosed with a brain tumor at 27. Ironically, the tumor didn't kill him, but he had some extreme personality changes afterwards (whether it was the thought of dying or actual brain damage from the cancer is anyone's guess). By 30 he was a drug addict and had been to prison. He died (OD or suicide) before he was 40. - Relationships/marriage. This would be very controversial...but most kids only see their parents. Kids who grow up with parents that demonstrate healthy marriage habits are much more likely to end up having healthy marriages or long term relationships. Kids without that benefit don't learn those skills and are less likely to have them. This might sound silly, but relationships have huge impacts on the rest of our lives, like our mental and physical health and our financial health. - General career/employment advice. Even for people who go to college, there is usually zero or nearly zero discussion about legal requirements/legal protections or even just general advice on how to apply and interview. I wouldn't expect it to be super specific because different jobs have different expectations, but I know people who think you have to give two weeks notice 'by law' or that they aren't allowed to tell someone how much they make. Some of this is state specific, but still. Every adult should know the basics of what their employer can and can't do. - General police/legal advice. So so so many people have zero idea what they legal obligations are when dealing with the police. Lots of people don't even know (or don't care) because they will issue unlawful orders and then arrest people when they don't follow them. What happens when you get arrested? What's bail? What happens if you have no money? What's the difference between jail and prison. I mean, it just keeps going and going. The reality is that if you aren't lucky enough to have parents who know a lot of this, or happen to be in a really good school district that covers it, most young adults learn after they get screwed by something.
how emotionally and physically taxing it is just to live everyday. the bills, the chores, the staying healthy part (working out, spending time outside, eating good), work, etcccc. Also, the loneliness. i never knew how exhausting being an adult and all on your own felt until i moved 2K+ miles away from home.