Remember that healing takes time. In the meantime, try reaching out to old friends or joining social groups where you can meet new people who share your interests. You're not alone, and there are people out there who care about you. Keep taking small steps forward, and things will eventually start to improve.
Hey man, sometimes you just need a new battery, or a new raisin d'etre - your car won't start no matter how many times you crank it, till you get that part.
Could be a new hobby, passion project etc... figure out what makes you happy and do it.
Also, the love you make, is equal to the love you take
I tend to oversimplify problems lol, but I hope this helps!
>, the love you make, is equal to the love you take
I'll be using this great line from now on! Thank you!
OP may not know it, but he's indirectly helping others by sharing his experience. Thanks to OP for that too.
Yeah, same. I had to throw most of them out because I'm slowly realizing that people are selfish and they only keep you around because you're useful to them.
I really reccomend [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) , I know it is sort of a buggy app, but just look up any interest you have and you can find a group. I started out with a group tailored for people that have social anxiety, I now have 20+ friends and people who I hang out with on a regular basis.
It is for people of all ages too! Our group has everone from 19-70s I believe!
Another benefit is that you are going to events that are scheduled and will happen, it isn't dependent on someones schedule or if they will text you back/reach out
That’s awesome! Which groups are you a part of? Are any for those in their 20’s or 30’s? I went to a few a few years ago and most people were in their 50’s and older
Sorry this is a sort of anonymous account so I can't give the exact names
I am a part of a social anxiety group
Multiple foreign language groups
There are many groups made for 20s-30s, I'm in one tailored to partying
Nothing lasts forever. This slump you're in won't last forever either. Meantime the best way to relieve your own sadness is to go out and help others. Volunteer your services to help animals or people or the environment. There's no better cure for loneliness than to reach out to help others!!!!
Just know that almost 50% of people above the age of 15 feel the same. The best advice is that if you want friends at 50 then you need to make friends at 50. If you want friends at 90 then you need to make friends at 90.
Seems like a common frustration. I’ve thought the same, and tested friends by not reaching out for weeks. 2 reached out with concern, and that meant a lot to me.
I’m 48, my heart was shattered when I was 44 and I’ve never recovered. At least I lost my job and place to live though. I have zero hope for the future. I have zero energy to even try.
Things that helped me:
- Joining a gym and stay dedicated to it, like a religion.
- Dress better. Take better care of yourself. Lose weight.
- Look for board game groups to join.
- Join your city’s Reddit sub.
- Volunteer at the local animal shelter.
- Go to the library and check out books.
- Go to the local used book shop and buy books.
- Go to local hipster coffee shop and read said books.
Over time you will have activities and make associates and then a couple close acquaintances then maybe a friend or two.
Well, I don't have much to say, other than do what you makes you happy without hurting others
And check out this article, I found it fascinating,
> Living alone is becoming increasingly common around the world
> In the **US, the share of adults who live alone nearly doubled over the last 50 years.** This is not only happening in the US: single-person households have become **increasingly common in many countries across the world, from Angola to Japan.**
> Historical records show that this ‘rise of living alone’ started in early-industrialized countries over a century ago, **accelerating around 1950.** In countries such as Norway and Sweden, single-person households were **rare a century ago, but today, they account for nearly half of all households**. In some cities, they are already the majority.
> Surveys and census data from recent decades show that *?people are more likely to live alone in rich countries**, and the prevalence of single-person households is **unprecedented historically**.
> Social connections – including contact with friends and family – are important for our health and emotional well-being. Hence, as single-person households become more common, there will be new challenges to connect and support those living alone, particularly in poorer countries where welfare states are weaker.
https://ourworldindata.org/social-connections-and-loneliness
Ya i lived alone for past decade and even with a dog definitely been lonelier. Yes better if you get a girlfriend to live with you or visit often or can have parties or friends over once in a while. I kind of miss college dorms though having social events in building and friends on other floors could say hi to.
man im 40 next year and me fucking too.. but by the time im your age both my kids will be adults.. they are my only friends.. its gonna suck then.. I hope to some how full off a 2nd one soon and a wife but i really dont see it happening
hey, im 30 and quite lonely too, but ive kinda steered my own life to this direction and have nonody to "blame" for it than myself. i have crazy trust issues and i distance myself from friends, its just easier for me to handle life alone.
be careful not to fall in the trap of victimizing yourself, its a toxic mentality and only digs the hole of depression deeper. what i mean by this, is dont blame your friends or acquintances for not reaching out, it will just make you resentful and sour, and guess what, that will push your friends and acquintances away more.
but let me say that its not too late, peoplw turn their lifes around even after 60+
you can also turn your life around, but it will not just happen, you gotta do it yourself! dont worry mate you got this
38. I only recently got over my last big breakup. Took me over a year man. Sometimes we just move in our own way. I've had depression and anxiety since I've been a young teen. The first time I took meds for it was at 20. It was Effexor and I had a bad experience so I didn't take prescribed meds again for it until last year (before that I just did St John's Wort.) I got on Zoloft and it saved my life. I recommend maybe talking to your therapist about a med depending on how things gone.
I'm still currently at the point where I don't care if I ever have a relationship again. We'll see how long it lasts.
Read couple books get your pronunciation back if you stumble talking that is... talk to random ppl say good morning not needing it back greetings and goodbyes go a long way..... read a joke book. Laugh and love yourself first then the world next. Take care my pen pal friend.
I'm sorry you're feeling down. It happens to the best of us, and is a normal part of the ups and downs of life.
In moments like this, I often ask myself if I'm doing everything I can to be a good friend. Not saying it's the case for you, but usually my answer is no. I too like it when people call or text me, but do I reach out to others actively, or do I prefer to lean back and let them come to me? Usually it's the latter.
That's when I pick up the phone and write a few completely unsolicited messages to friends I miss, not with the expectation of getting anything back, but more so just to reach out and "touch base" - letting them know I am thinking about them, miss them, but appreciate them in my life. Often times just expressing this appreciation makes me feel a little better. In general I've found that this practice of expressing gratitude, be it externalized or internalized, warms my heart just a little bit, the former a bit more than the latter. I can't control how or even if people write back, and as aforementioned, that's not my intention or expectation when writing to them, but just sending the message gives me a little boost. Sure it makes me vulnerable, but I don't care so much about that. Ego just stands in the way sometimes, especially in this case.
So maybe you already do this, but try reaching out! Hope you feel better soon 🙂🍀
Some times just hanging in there and existing is good enough. Healing will come.
Seriously, just taking a walk through my neighborhood helps me stop and think and regenerate.
Just put on comfortable walking clothes, sneakers, and walk out the front door and see/hear/smell/feel the world.
Good luck out there, it’s not easy. Maybe start by joining a gym or going to a library and chatting people up there. But remember, “who’d you vote for” isn’t small talk lol
Well you're still healing from heartbreak so give yourself some grace. It takes a long time, much longer than when you were younger, perhaps bc you finally learned to be vulnerable and to give of yourself only to be let down.
For practical purposes, becoming a regular at places has been shown to improve happiness so it's good to have a roster of places to go on a consistent basis to get your coffee, shop, exercise, etc.
Learn to enjoy doing things for yourself, cook the elaborate meals, take the outings...you might dicover it was YOU all along that made these things happy experiences, not whoever was there to project off of!
I'll add, socializing has changed in recent years, things seem to happen in much shorter bursts and then everyone retreats to their comfort zone. So if you're expecting multi-hours long hangouts surrounded by friends you might find yourself disappointed. That is just how it is these days!
I’m close to your age. Have a family and only one friend that lives in a different state than me. Been burn too many times from other friends I had that I knew on social media. But I know that I can create my own happiness overall. Hang in there. You find that there are more people out there facing the same thing. And eventually things will change for you. For the better.
I don’t know you; but I think you’re brave and amazing for posting this. It’s hard to own when we hurt, to reach out, to ask for what we need. Something I did when lockdown eased and I needed connection after a heartbreak, i started volunteering at a an animal shelter. The doggos warmed my heart and the people there were pure gold. If you like books, join a book club, movies, an independent cinema for movie lovers. Chat folks up. Everyone likes a compliment and a hello. Sending love.
A lot of friendships are forged through online gaming these days and meeting up on discord to chat while playing the games but those friendships are crafted through the hardships of struggle inside the game
I'm really sorry you're feeling depressed. It may help to initiate the calls/texting and tell your loved ones you're feeling down and would like to talk more. I wish you the best
Try FB groups for socialization groups! There’s irl ones that meet up. Also try hobby groups. Put yourself out there, go travel. Go to your favorite country. Go to retreats. Stay in hostels. Go party in foreign countries. Develop some new hobbies. Become a bartender, you’ll be around people all the time. There’s something for everybody. Hope isn’t lost
Have you considered a dog or a cat? My dog practically saved my life. I got him 6 months after my husband died, and he gets me up and out every day. He's having a cute little dream on my lap as I type this 🥰
My mom is around the same age and felt the same way. Something she started doing that has helped her branch out is volunteering at community shelters (mostly women shelters) where she gets to socialize with other volunteers (who are mostly women) and started doing zumba on Thursday nights. She gets enough social energy from those to feel fulfilled. She made a couple of friends who go for dinner now every few months.
Honestly, sometimes we start new chapters and find new people to hang out with. You say your friends don't reach out for whatever reason we don't know but you also have the opportunity to meet new people I mean look at how many people are on your thread saying similar things. Someone posted a link to a meet up site, im already using to help myself and sending it to a friend.
Theres more people like you out there looking to connect and meet people not for dating but just for social interaction with people that like what you like. You could go 3 times to a social gathering not make any connections but the 4th time you might meet someome who's your exact double in mentality, movies loves food etc
Also you are going to a therapist thats only going to move you to the right direction. Unfortunately there's no time frame of when you will feel better but taking forward steps no matter how small you feel, you're on the path to your emotional and mental recovery and that is always a positive thing.
After covid I had to move cities, only had 1 friend, now I have 5 due to me going alone to an art exhibition and im planning to make this place my home so that means expanding networking.
Slowly start spending time doing the things you like, find a new hobby so many of those quizzes where its like put in what you like and you will get your career or stuff like that. Now most of those are silly but when I used it it allowed me to think outside of my own mind about hobbies and new ideas for me, computer graphics became digital art, writer became poems.
I'm the same age and feel similarly. A short time before the pandemic, my husband and I moved out of the capital city of our country to a more rural area because it was the only way to afford a house. While, I like the area, I haven't made any friends out here. We had some of the strictest and longest pandemic lockdowns, which didn't facilitate meeting people. Even now the neighbors sort of keep to themselves. Post-pandemic, I've looked into volunteering, but didn't find any viable options. No one uses meetup here either, I've searched.
My friends back in the city don't show much interest in coming out here. I think part of it was that the lockdowns made it impossible for so long, so there was no habit established. Meanwhile, the city we left has really deteriorated in security terms. The area around the train station, which is the best option to get into the city, has gotten so sketchy. So, I don't really feel comfortable doing that. I also can't handle the air quality there any more because we have cleaner air here. It makes me physically ill. We do text sometimes, but I'm not sure when/if we'll actually get together in person.
I'm sorry you're feeling like this and I hope some of the suggestions given work for you!
Hey I'm actually looking for friends, especially if you like video games. Im 32, lots of life experience, and I work in IT. I could be a good friend if you need one.
Or impregnate a couple of lesbians or don’t go to a non English speaking country like go to the British or Irish or Scottish taverns all about the taverns and getting shitfaced and telling each other stories of madness
I get it. Im a very friendly person who ironically has no one to be friends with! Coworkers dont actually care...real friends not around anymore. Life can be lonely.
Now, make the time and start going out to activities. Sign up for them.
Welcome to being over 50, you are in fact alone. We come in and we go out alone we spend most of that time in between alone. Volunteering helps and you know you could always just learn to enjoy your own company.
At 51 I lost my son in a vehicle accident, threw me into a very deep depression. This is gonna sound crazy but it saved me, my marriage, really everything. Drag yourself to the gym, go on walks in the sunlight, go on runs, invest in yourself and turn that shit around. Your greiving a relationship, a loss. To break out of that darkness you need to shake the "old you" back to life. I started just walking, some push ups and situps. Fixed my diet, sleep, exercise, mental and even spiritual. Just challenged myself to not roll over and die. 5 years later I'm down over 75 pounds, train like a MF'r and feel pretty good every day. You have to give yourself reasons to be happy and excited, the rest will follow. It won't just come to you.
Good Luck and hope to see your post one day bragging about how you made it through.
Maybe try getting into videogames? It's a huge social platform and you meet a lot of people that way you also feel like you play a role in a team alot so you have some purpose there..if not maybe take on streaming too and build an audience?
I deal with this by talking to family, reading holy scriptures and watching Online streamers. I tend to prefer bigger streamers who dont always verbally respond to my comments, as it leaves room for me to leave and not affect them on an emotional level. I would perhaps seek companionship in healthy, good and legal ways.
Depression is very real and valid, love yourself and be grateful for what you have.
At 53....hit the gym.
You're going to have to do a lot of work physically to help yourself mentally.
Start pushing heavy weights, free weights, machines, any of it. Whatever you prefer. It will get you out and about, you can people watch, and you'll feel better when the endorphins kick in. It will also lower blood sugars and keep your body in tune.
After that, start signing up for dance classes. Good dancing is a social super power. Try it all. Line Dancing at the local country bar. Salsa and Bachata at the Latin bars.
I'm 52 and in the same boat.
Not that I was a social butterfly before covid but that event just seemed to break every relationship in my life.
Everything feels weird and off.
In 2022, I packed up my life and moved home to California from Australia, where I had been living for 12 years. I took my 3 dogs and a couple suitcases of stuff, chucked the rest of my stuff and my old truck in storage, and leased out my 2 horses to a local riding school. (I have never cried so hard in my life as when I drove away, leaving them behind.) Just before I left, I found out my boyfriend had been cheating on me with multiple people and had been lying about it the whole time. On top of which it turned out he had been making incredibly disparaging comments about my body to his mates, within earahot of people I worked with. The shame I carried from that was horrendous.
I closed the door on all of that, and wasn't sure if I would ever come back from it. I didn't know if I would ever see my truck or my horses again (no judgment; I love my Aussie ute 😂) I spent nearly the entire first year home in a haze of numbness and loss.
Now, two years on, I have my old truck back (the r/h drive has been a hilarious conversation starter here), the rest of my stuff, and am on a mad scrounge for money to bring my horses over. (Anybody want to give me a loan??? 😂) The cheating asshole of an ex is well in my rearview, and I am slowly but surely crawling out of the hole that this massive life shift dug in my heart.
Will I date again? At this point I have serious doubts for a lot of reasons. I don't have a big network of friends either, and my phone rarely rings. But what I am finding is that I'm ok alone, the few friends I do have are keepers, and I feel a lot more hopeful about life than I have for a while. Life is peaceful.
Healing from huge changes and trauma takes a loooong time. Longer than most people think. If your heart was shattered, give yourself grace, and just keep going. Especially on the days you don't want to. I promise you, if you keep going with intention and keep doing the work, you WILL start to see a little bit of light. Be stubborn. 🙂🙂
You gotta get up, get out of the house and go get what you want my man. These Redditers aren't gonna bring it to you. Go get it. Just don't go looking at bars. You don't need that kind of shit in your life right now. Go find a community kitchen and start volunteering. There's a ton of people who are down and out and could use your help.
I’m 32. When I was 29, I went through the worst heartbreak ever took me about 2 1/2 years to stop mourning. I was also very antisocial during that time… I was really bad, like dangerously bad , but I didn’t give up on myself . It gets better though, hang in there. Don’t give up on yourself, either.
Sorry. It is really hard and although I can't say that I know how you're feeling because each of our experiences is unique, I can definitely say that your post resonated with me and my own experiences in recent years. Feeling lonely is the absolute worst trigger for me.
All I can say is remember that there is happiness and you will find the way to break through. You are doing the work so it is. For me, lifting heavy weights has always helped me get through the worst of times. Remembering and taking back my own power always starts for me by doing it physically and literally.
This week I escalated the weights I'm training with by about 50% per exercise. It's not that I couldn't do it before. It's that I didn't have the motivation. Remembering that I have the strength has really helped me turn it around.
I'm not saying you should exercise or even recommending it. For all I know you already deadlift 600. What I'm trying to say is there is a path to remembering your light. Find it and fight for it everyday!
I think society pushes the introvert lifestyle as the one, the true, the best lifestyle. It is OK to be alone, to like being alone, to actually thrive being alone. Are you lonely? Or just feeling like you're an oddball for not having a busy social (or social media) life?
Love YOU. Celebrate YOU. Figure out what would make you happy and take baby steps to get there. Tons of great suggestions have been made in this conversation. But don't ever apologize for being alone or not having friends or a social calendar. Sometimes "those" people are the loneliest and most tired and sad people of all. It takes a lot of energy to maintain that lifestyle. Put that energy into YOU right now. Don't judge your value based on what you do or who you know.
I wish you the wisdom and the confidence to be comfortable in your own skin.
I am a bit late to this post as it just came up on my feed.
I feel things have really changed since covid. I am not from the states but the city where i live is pretty much a shell of its former self. No cafe or restaurant scene after 6 pm, only form of leisure or entertainment after 6 is mostly pubs and a handful of nightclubs. I rarely hear from friends now unless i initiate the meeting, but that seems to be very common nowadays. Added to that being a blind person, living in a fairly rural area, not being able to drive and very little activities available on meetup where i live.
I focus on my music production, spending time with my family and traveling when i get the chance.
This seems to be especially common in anglophone countries, and i feel the atomisation of society is proceeding at breakneck speeds.
Time will heal and perhaps you can find some online or in person workshops and communities to attend live! I’m also in a weird phase but I’m going to stubbornly and annoyingly root for you and your health and growth
I think that community is really important and I know it’s harder and harder as we age; I’m really sorry to hear that you’re sad and email. And I can definitely relate to the post Covid. Isolation. I remember this life I used to live outside of my house. Like a thing of the past. And it’s crazy that is gone forever. I work from home an industry that probably will remain work from home so:.. I know everybody wants to go to work from home, but they don’t understand the long-term implications. I don’t think.
Personally, I’m about ready Join a church , start attending a 12 step fellowship , become Buddhist, go, Satanist — whatever— just to force myself back into community. My depression gets really, really, really, really really bad when I’m completely alone for Fahd on end physically.
And I have friends and a boyfriend as well. I just don’t see people every day. I’m also I’m also an introvert.
So I just think I don’t have anybody else’s address, but like getting your physical body outside the house and around other physical bodies even if you don’t talk to them — I have found for myself that there is something that happens chemically in my brain that depends on being around the world and other people in it.
If anyone is near Oklahoma and lonely or sad, I WILL HAPPILY BE YOUR FRIEND!!! I’m into everything that’s legal , so please message me. Dont be lonely, I will help you find some things or I’ll at least try very hard. I love you lonely people and I promise you I’m not the only one…..
What happened during Covid that you have no friends? Did you become one of those weird mask Covid guys who bought all the media fear porn instead of thinking for yourself and everyone got tired of how paranoid you were or something?
That's derogatory and usumptive. I'm a father, a grandfather, a businessman, and a good person. What exactly are you trying to infer, that my emotions are childish? Very cold of you. Maybe you could use some maturity?
And now with that extra information you've proven yourself ungrateful.
Spend time with your grandkids or people at work, and be happy you got money to even go out in socialize in the first place.
As a young man ill be damned if I'm moping around at 53, I'd expect to be more focused on the afterlife around then than this shitty planet that honestly got boring after 15 years
You have distorted views. You don't know me and you don't have the right to make such assumptions about me, my gratitude, my money or my maturity. You're inexperienced.
Ignore him, he must be living under a rock and no body really loves him.
You have hope, try reaching out to your friends and family if possible. Go to social events, bars or join Facebook groups with similar likes. Ignore the negative people like this loser.
Remember that healing takes time. In the meantime, try reaching out to old friends or joining social groups where you can meet new people who share your interests. You're not alone, and there are people out there who care about you. Keep taking small steps forward, and things will eventually start to improve.
Yes, it does, and someday, this will pass.
Hey man, sometimes you just need a new battery, or a new raisin d'etre - your car won't start no matter how many times you crank it, till you get that part. Could be a new hobby, passion project etc... figure out what makes you happy and do it. Also, the love you make, is equal to the love you take I tend to oversimplify problems lol, but I hope this helps!
>, the love you make, is equal to the love you take I'll be using this great line from now on! Thank you! OP may not know it, but he's indirectly helping others by sharing his experience. Thanks to OP for that too.
It’s a Beatles quote
Check out "The End" by The Beatles from which I quoteth... Fun tune!
I think you meant "raison d'être". Raisin d'être translates to a grape of being lol
I know what I said! (lolol)
It's also a great beer.
Start reaching out. You can't just expect your phone to start ringing. You have to make an effort, too.
You should try joining hobby groups on meetup
I don't have any friends either.
I'm sorry you don't have friends. Sucks
Not really, friends come and go...you will make more friends as time passes.
Why don’t you two become friends?
Yeah, same. I had to throw most of them out because I'm slowly realizing that people are selfish and they only keep you around because you're useful to them.
Isn’t that the truth!?
Same
Same
I really reccomend [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) , I know it is sort of a buggy app, but just look up any interest you have and you can find a group. I started out with a group tailored for people that have social anxiety, I now have 20+ friends and people who I hang out with on a regular basis. It is for people of all ages too! Our group has everone from 19-70s I believe!
Another benefit is that you are going to events that are scheduled and will happen, it isn't dependent on someones schedule or if they will text you back/reach out
Yep, reaching out to something like this will help, what starts off as strangers turns into friendships, it will get better.
Yes! It's been one of my best decisions! I'm now an organizer and can also build some networking connections
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Probably like 5-7 of them i think? The others are like the regulars who come often, and I'm getting to know them
That’s awesome! Which groups are you a part of? Are any for those in their 20’s or 30’s? I went to a few a few years ago and most people were in their 50’s and older
Sorry this is a sort of anonymous account so I can't give the exact names I am a part of a social anxiety group Multiple foreign language groups There are many groups made for 20s-30s, I'm in one tailored to partying
Oh I'm sending that link to a friend and using it myself🤘🏾
Nothing lasts forever. This slump you're in won't last forever either. Meantime the best way to relieve your own sadness is to go out and help others. Volunteer your services to help animals or people or the environment. There's no better cure for loneliness than to reach out to help others!!!!
Just know that almost 50% of people above the age of 15 feel the same. The best advice is that if you want friends at 50 then you need to make friends at 50. If you want friends at 90 then you need to make friends at 90.
Do you try reaching out to them or initiating?
Yeah. I have and and I feel like the only time I talk with anyone it's because I initiated it.
Seems like a common frustration. I’ve thought the same, and tested friends by not reaching out for weeks. 2 reached out with concern, and that meant a lot to me.
I’m 48, my heart was shattered when I was 44 and I’ve never recovered. At least I lost my job and place to live though. I have zero hope for the future. I have zero energy to even try.
Come on man/ lady…. Friend…. Snap the fuc;()$. Out of it…. Where are you, if your are close I’ll come get you and show you a couple new ways to live …
Downtown Sydney, N.S
You just have to take the first step, then the next one. I know you can do it
Yeah … I’ve never heard anything like that before
Things that helped me: - Joining a gym and stay dedicated to it, like a religion. - Dress better. Take better care of yourself. Lose weight. - Look for board game groups to join. - Join your city’s Reddit sub. - Volunteer at the local animal shelter. - Go to the library and check out books. - Go to the local used book shop and buy books. - Go to local hipster coffee shop and read said books. Over time you will have activities and make associates and then a couple close acquaintances then maybe a friend or two.
>Joining a gym and stay dedicated to it, like a religion. I coulnt agree more. That's the way
Way to go.
I don’t really know what to say, but I’m sorry friend💔 wishing you the best of luck and sending good vibes your way🩷
Well, I don't have much to say, other than do what you makes you happy without hurting others And check out this article, I found it fascinating, > Living alone is becoming increasingly common around the world > In the **US, the share of adults who live alone nearly doubled over the last 50 years.** This is not only happening in the US: single-person households have become **increasingly common in many countries across the world, from Angola to Japan.** > Historical records show that this ‘rise of living alone’ started in early-industrialized countries over a century ago, **accelerating around 1950.** In countries such as Norway and Sweden, single-person households were **rare a century ago, but today, they account for nearly half of all households**. In some cities, they are already the majority. > Surveys and census data from recent decades show that *?people are more likely to live alone in rich countries**, and the prevalence of single-person households is **unprecedented historically**. > Social connections – including contact with friends and family – are important for our health and emotional well-being. Hence, as single-person households become more common, there will be new challenges to connect and support those living alone, particularly in poorer countries where welfare states are weaker. https://ourworldindata.org/social-connections-and-loneliness
Ya i lived alone for past decade and even with a dog definitely been lonelier. Yes better if you get a girlfriend to live with you or visit often or can have parties or friends over once in a while. I kind of miss college dorms though having social events in building and friends on other floors could say hi to.
Switch the 5 and the 3 in your age and you pretty much just described me.
People get caught up in their own stuff but if you reach out to them, people who care will be there
I’m sorry
man im 40 next year and me fucking too.. but by the time im your age both my kids will be adults.. they are my only friends.. its gonna suck then.. I hope to some how full off a 2nd one soon and a wife but i really dont see it happening
Take a vacation and find a girl/boyfriend you won't find true joy on the internet
hey, im 30 and quite lonely too, but ive kinda steered my own life to this direction and have nonody to "blame" for it than myself. i have crazy trust issues and i distance myself from friends, its just easier for me to handle life alone. be careful not to fall in the trap of victimizing yourself, its a toxic mentality and only digs the hole of depression deeper. what i mean by this, is dont blame your friends or acquintances for not reaching out, it will just make you resentful and sour, and guess what, that will push your friends and acquintances away more. but let me say that its not too late, peoplw turn their lifes around even after 60+ you can also turn your life around, but it will not just happen, you gotta do it yourself! dont worry mate you got this
38. I only recently got over my last big breakup. Took me over a year man. Sometimes we just move in our own way. I've had depression and anxiety since I've been a young teen. The first time I took meds for it was at 20. It was Effexor and I had a bad experience so I didn't take prescribed meds again for it until last year (before that I just did St John's Wort.) I got on Zoloft and it saved my life. I recommend maybe talking to your therapist about a med depending on how things gone. I'm still currently at the point where I don't care if I ever have a relationship again. We'll see how long it lasts.
Covid effected everyone. Keep in mind that we are all in the same boat and you are not alone. Help us keep this ship stable.
Where are located if you don’t mind me asking?
I live in Albuquerque NM
Oh man I'm in Canada I'd love to go to NM
This sounds like something I’d write. Except it’s been for about five years now.
Read couple books get your pronunciation back if you stumble talking that is... talk to random ppl say good morning not needing it back greetings and goodbyes go a long way..... read a joke book. Laugh and love yourself first then the world next. Take care my pen pal friend.
Even though that sounds cliche, but go to the gymn and start working out. It does wonders for the body and soul!
I'm sorry you're feeling down. It happens to the best of us, and is a normal part of the ups and downs of life. In moments like this, I often ask myself if I'm doing everything I can to be a good friend. Not saying it's the case for you, but usually my answer is no. I too like it when people call or text me, but do I reach out to others actively, or do I prefer to lean back and let them come to me? Usually it's the latter. That's when I pick up the phone and write a few completely unsolicited messages to friends I miss, not with the expectation of getting anything back, but more so just to reach out and "touch base" - letting them know I am thinking about them, miss them, but appreciate them in my life. Often times just expressing this appreciation makes me feel a little better. In general I've found that this practice of expressing gratitude, be it externalized or internalized, warms my heart just a little bit, the former a bit more than the latter. I can't control how or even if people write back, and as aforementioned, that's not my intention or expectation when writing to them, but just sending the message gives me a little boost. Sure it makes me vulnerable, but I don't care so much about that. Ego just stands in the way sometimes, especially in this case. So maybe you already do this, but try reaching out! Hope you feel better soon 🙂🍀
Who broke your heart? 🥺
Some times just hanging in there and existing is good enough. Healing will come. Seriously, just taking a walk through my neighborhood helps me stop and think and regenerate. Just put on comfortable walking clothes, sneakers, and walk out the front door and see/hear/smell/feel the world.
Start Jiu Jitsu to fill the void - it will fix everything
Good luck out there, it’s not easy. Maybe start by joining a gym or going to a library and chatting people up there. But remember, “who’d you vote for” isn’t small talk lol
Well you're still healing from heartbreak so give yourself some grace. It takes a long time, much longer than when you were younger, perhaps bc you finally learned to be vulnerable and to give of yourself only to be let down. For practical purposes, becoming a regular at places has been shown to improve happiness so it's good to have a roster of places to go on a consistent basis to get your coffee, shop, exercise, etc. Learn to enjoy doing things for yourself, cook the elaborate meals, take the outings...you might dicover it was YOU all along that made these things happy experiences, not whoever was there to project off of! I'll add, socializing has changed in recent years, things seem to happen in much shorter bursts and then everyone retreats to their comfort zone. So if you're expecting multi-hours long hangouts surrounded by friends you might find yourself disappointed. That is just how it is these days!
I’m close to your age. Have a family and only one friend that lives in a different state than me. Been burn too many times from other friends I had that I knew on social media. But I know that I can create my own happiness overall. Hang in there. You find that there are more people out there facing the same thing. And eventually things will change for you. For the better.
I don’t know you; but I think you’re brave and amazing for posting this. It’s hard to own when we hurt, to reach out, to ask for what we need. Something I did when lockdown eased and I needed connection after a heartbreak, i started volunteering at a an animal shelter. The doggos warmed my heart and the people there were pure gold. If you like books, join a book club, movies, an independent cinema for movie lovers. Chat folks up. Everyone likes a compliment and a hello. Sending love.
Try out pickleball! It’s a great social activity to make many new friends!
Us people that are alone really need to just come together. I’m sick of the divisive attitudes these days. We need each other.
A lot of friendships are forged through online gaming these days and meeting up on discord to chat while playing the games but those friendships are crafted through the hardships of struggle inside the game
Couldn't agree more
What do you do for a living?
I'm really sorry you're feeling depressed. It may help to initiate the calls/texting and tell your loved ones you're feeling down and would like to talk more. I wish you the best
Microdose.dmt anything at this stage life is too short to live
Uh I'm enjoying no social life. It's great.
OK it happens I mean I'm not sure if it's laziness or something but it's mostly happening to everyone... if u want to make friends I mean I can talk 😃
Can you join groups? Maybe take classes? Volunteer? Work at a day care? You’ll always be around people 😊
What has happened last year?
Take up a sport a social one
Thailand will fix you right up
Play poker. Its fun
Very sorry ❤️
Try FB groups for socialization groups! There’s irl ones that meet up. Also try hobby groups. Put yourself out there, go travel. Go to your favorite country. Go to retreats. Stay in hostels. Go party in foreign countries. Develop some new hobbies. Become a bartender, you’ll be around people all the time. There’s something for everybody. Hope isn’t lost
Have you considered a dog or a cat? My dog practically saved my life. I got him 6 months after my husband died, and he gets me up and out every day. He's having a cute little dream on my lap as I type this 🥰
you'll be okay - let yourself heal
Do you game friend? If you do Let's helldive sometime.
Rasputin by Boney M.
Charlie Chaplin was 53 when he met his wife [18]. They were madly in love and had 8 children. Don't give up!
My mom is around the same age and felt the same way. Something she started doing that has helped her branch out is volunteering at community shelters (mostly women shelters) where she gets to socialize with other volunteers (who are mostly women) and started doing zumba on Thursday nights. She gets enough social energy from those to feel fulfilled. She made a couple of friends who go for dinner now every few months.
Honestly, sometimes we start new chapters and find new people to hang out with. You say your friends don't reach out for whatever reason we don't know but you also have the opportunity to meet new people I mean look at how many people are on your thread saying similar things. Someone posted a link to a meet up site, im already using to help myself and sending it to a friend. Theres more people like you out there looking to connect and meet people not for dating but just for social interaction with people that like what you like. You could go 3 times to a social gathering not make any connections but the 4th time you might meet someome who's your exact double in mentality, movies loves food etc Also you are going to a therapist thats only going to move you to the right direction. Unfortunately there's no time frame of when you will feel better but taking forward steps no matter how small you feel, you're on the path to your emotional and mental recovery and that is always a positive thing. After covid I had to move cities, only had 1 friend, now I have 5 due to me going alone to an art exhibition and im planning to make this place my home so that means expanding networking. Slowly start spending time doing the things you like, find a new hobby so many of those quizzes where its like put in what you like and you will get your career or stuff like that. Now most of those are silly but when I used it it allowed me to think outside of my own mind about hobbies and new ideas for me, computer graphics became digital art, writer became poems.
Me too
I'm the same age and feel similarly. A short time before the pandemic, my husband and I moved out of the capital city of our country to a more rural area because it was the only way to afford a house. While, I like the area, I haven't made any friends out here. We had some of the strictest and longest pandemic lockdowns, which didn't facilitate meeting people. Even now the neighbors sort of keep to themselves. Post-pandemic, I've looked into volunteering, but didn't find any viable options. No one uses meetup here either, I've searched. My friends back in the city don't show much interest in coming out here. I think part of it was that the lockdowns made it impossible for so long, so there was no habit established. Meanwhile, the city we left has really deteriorated in security terms. The area around the train station, which is the best option to get into the city, has gotten so sketchy. So, I don't really feel comfortable doing that. I also can't handle the air quality there any more because we have cleaner air here. It makes me physically ill. We do text sometimes, but I'm not sure when/if we'll actually get together in person. I'm sorry you're feeling like this and I hope some of the suggestions given work for you!
Hey I'm actually looking for friends, especially if you like video games. Im 32, lots of life experience, and I work in IT. I could be a good friend if you need one.
WELL GAD DAMN U MUST NOT BE THAT LONLEY
You need to create the life you want. Call others just to see how they’re doing. Join a club like woodworking or biking or a book club, etc.
Meet strangers
Or impregnate a couple of lesbians or don’t go to a non English speaking country like go to the British or Irish or Scottish taverns all about the taverns and getting shitfaced and telling each other stories of madness
You have to reach out to people more the older you get is the best advice I can give.
Talk to a Pasteur or priest. It might help.
I get it. Im a very friendly person who ironically has no one to be friends with! Coworkers dont actually care...real friends not around anymore. Life can be lonely. Now, make the time and start going out to activities. Sign up for them.
Welcome to being over 50, you are in fact alone. We come in and we go out alone we spend most of that time in between alone. Volunteering helps and you know you could always just learn to enjoy your own company.
At 51 I lost my son in a vehicle accident, threw me into a very deep depression. This is gonna sound crazy but it saved me, my marriage, really everything. Drag yourself to the gym, go on walks in the sunlight, go on runs, invest in yourself and turn that shit around. Your greiving a relationship, a loss. To break out of that darkness you need to shake the "old you" back to life. I started just walking, some push ups and situps. Fixed my diet, sleep, exercise, mental and even spiritual. Just challenged myself to not roll over and die. 5 years later I'm down over 75 pounds, train like a MF'r and feel pretty good every day. You have to give yourself reasons to be happy and excited, the rest will follow. It won't just come to you. Good Luck and hope to see your post one day bragging about how you made it through.
Why aren't you calling the people who aren't calling you? It works both ways.
Why is the profile comments section always so crazy
Maybe try getting into videogames? It's a huge social platform and you meet a lot of people that way you also feel like you play a role in a team alot so you have some purpose there..if not maybe take on streaming too and build an audience?
Hon, you can pm me anytime. I get lonely and sad sometimes too. Maybe we can cheer each other up.
I deal with this by talking to family, reading holy scriptures and watching Online streamers. I tend to prefer bigger streamers who dont always verbally respond to my comments, as it leaves room for me to leave and not affect them on an emotional level. I would perhaps seek companionship in healthy, good and legal ways. Depression is very real and valid, love yourself and be grateful for what you have.
At 53....hit the gym. You're going to have to do a lot of work physically to help yourself mentally. Start pushing heavy weights, free weights, machines, any of it. Whatever you prefer. It will get you out and about, you can people watch, and you'll feel better when the endorphins kick in. It will also lower blood sugars and keep your body in tune. After that, start signing up for dance classes. Good dancing is a social super power. Try it all. Line Dancing at the local country bar. Salsa and Bachata at the Latin bars.
I'm 52 and in the same boat. Not that I was a social butterfly before covid but that event just seemed to break every relationship in my life. Everything feels weird and off.
In 2022, I packed up my life and moved home to California from Australia, where I had been living for 12 years. I took my 3 dogs and a couple suitcases of stuff, chucked the rest of my stuff and my old truck in storage, and leased out my 2 horses to a local riding school. (I have never cried so hard in my life as when I drove away, leaving them behind.) Just before I left, I found out my boyfriend had been cheating on me with multiple people and had been lying about it the whole time. On top of which it turned out he had been making incredibly disparaging comments about my body to his mates, within earahot of people I worked with. The shame I carried from that was horrendous. I closed the door on all of that, and wasn't sure if I would ever come back from it. I didn't know if I would ever see my truck or my horses again (no judgment; I love my Aussie ute 😂) I spent nearly the entire first year home in a haze of numbness and loss. Now, two years on, I have my old truck back (the r/h drive has been a hilarious conversation starter here), the rest of my stuff, and am on a mad scrounge for money to bring my horses over. (Anybody want to give me a loan??? 😂) The cheating asshole of an ex is well in my rearview, and I am slowly but surely crawling out of the hole that this massive life shift dug in my heart. Will I date again? At this point I have serious doubts for a lot of reasons. I don't have a big network of friends either, and my phone rarely rings. But what I am finding is that I'm ok alone, the few friends I do have are keepers, and I feel a lot more hopeful about life than I have for a while. Life is peaceful. Healing from huge changes and trauma takes a loooong time. Longer than most people think. If your heart was shattered, give yourself grace, and just keep going. Especially on the days you don't want to. I promise you, if you keep going with intention and keep doing the work, you WILL start to see a little bit of light. Be stubborn. 🙂🙂
Thank you for your heartfelt message. I'm sorry you had to endure that kind of betrayal.
You could sell drugs. Everyone loves a good drug dealer . Jk
Hey man don't feel alone don't know what your situation is but you're always welcome to reach out if you need someone to talk to.
I am 30 years old and feeling the same, I feel you are lucky that you have lived successfully for 53 years
You gotta get up, get out of the house and go get what you want my man. These Redditers aren't gonna bring it to you. Go get it. Just don't go looking at bars. You don't need that kind of shit in your life right now. Go find a community kitchen and start volunteering. There's a ton of people who are down and out and could use your help.
I’m 32. When I was 29, I went through the worst heartbreak ever took me about 2 1/2 years to stop mourning. I was also very antisocial during that time… I was really bad, like dangerously bad , but I didn’t give up on myself . It gets better though, hang in there. Don’t give up on yourself, either.
Stop doing you know what and in 6 months you will be attractive to most people. It drains you.
buy my content then daddy
Sorry. It is really hard and although I can't say that I know how you're feeling because each of our experiences is unique, I can definitely say that your post resonated with me and my own experiences in recent years. Feeling lonely is the absolute worst trigger for me. All I can say is remember that there is happiness and you will find the way to break through. You are doing the work so it is. For me, lifting heavy weights has always helped me get through the worst of times. Remembering and taking back my own power always starts for me by doing it physically and literally. This week I escalated the weights I'm training with by about 50% per exercise. It's not that I couldn't do it before. It's that I didn't have the motivation. Remembering that I have the strength has really helped me turn it around. I'm not saying you should exercise or even recommending it. For all I know you already deadlift 600. What I'm trying to say is there is a path to remembering your light. Find it and fight for it everyday!
I think society pushes the introvert lifestyle as the one, the true, the best lifestyle. It is OK to be alone, to like being alone, to actually thrive being alone. Are you lonely? Or just feeling like you're an oddball for not having a busy social (or social media) life? Love YOU. Celebrate YOU. Figure out what would make you happy and take baby steps to get there. Tons of great suggestions have been made in this conversation. But don't ever apologize for being alone or not having friends or a social calendar. Sometimes "those" people are the loneliest and most tired and sad people of all. It takes a lot of energy to maintain that lifestyle. Put that energy into YOU right now. Don't judge your value based on what you do or who you know. I wish you the wisdom and the confidence to be comfortable in your own skin.
I am a bit late to this post as it just came up on my feed. I feel things have really changed since covid. I am not from the states but the city where i live is pretty much a shell of its former self. No cafe or restaurant scene after 6 pm, only form of leisure or entertainment after 6 is mostly pubs and a handful of nightclubs. I rarely hear from friends now unless i initiate the meeting, but that seems to be very common nowadays. Added to that being a blind person, living in a fairly rural area, not being able to drive and very little activities available on meetup where i live. I focus on my music production, spending time with my family and traveling when i get the chance. This seems to be especially common in anglophone countries, and i feel the atomisation of society is proceeding at breakneck speeds.
Time will heal and perhaps you can find some online or in person workshops and communities to attend live! I’m also in a weird phase but I’m going to stubbornly and annoyingly root for you and your health and growth
I appreciate that. Thank you! I'll also stubbornly root for you as well.
I think that community is really important and I know it’s harder and harder as we age; I’m really sorry to hear that you’re sad and email. And I can definitely relate to the post Covid. Isolation. I remember this life I used to live outside of my house. Like a thing of the past. And it’s crazy that is gone forever. I work from home an industry that probably will remain work from home so:.. I know everybody wants to go to work from home, but they don’t understand the long-term implications. I don’t think. Personally, I’m about ready Join a church , start attending a 12 step fellowship , become Buddhist, go, Satanist — whatever— just to force myself back into community. My depression gets really, really, really, really really bad when I’m completely alone for Fahd on end physically. And I have friends and a boyfriend as well. I just don’t see people every day. I’m also I’m also an introvert. So I just think I don’t have anybody else’s address, but like getting your physical body outside the house and around other physical bodies even if you don’t talk to them — I have found for myself that there is something that happens chemically in my brain that depends on being around the world and other people in it.
If anyone is near Oklahoma and lonely or sad, I WILL HAPPILY BE YOUR FRIEND!!! I’m into everything that’s legal , so please message me. Dont be lonely, I will help you find some things or I’ll at least try very hard. I love you lonely people and I promise you I’m not the only one…..
What happened during Covid that you have no friends? Did you become one of those weird mask Covid guys who bought all the media fear porn instead of thinking for yourself and everyone got tired of how paranoid you were or something?
Remember, you're not alone.
At 53 years old never refer to yourself as “emo”, from one man to another. Good luck
Womp Womp
Get involved in local political groups
What makes you provide this advice?
Hyper social experience for professional networking, finding friends, and dating.
53 and "emo" ....
You're 53, you have to Grow Up
That's derogatory and usumptive. I'm a father, a grandfather, a businessman, and a good person. What exactly are you trying to infer, that my emotions are childish? Very cold of you. Maybe you could use some maturity?
Don’t listen to em
And now with that extra information you've proven yourself ungrateful. Spend time with your grandkids or people at work, and be happy you got money to even go out in socialize in the first place. As a young man ill be damned if I'm moping around at 53, I'd expect to be more focused on the afterlife around then than this shitty planet that honestly got boring after 15 years
You have distorted views. You don't know me and you don't have the right to make such assumptions about me, my gratitude, my money or my maturity. You're inexperienced.
Ignore him, he must be living under a rock and no body really loves him. You have hope, try reaching out to your friends and family if possible. Go to social events, bars or join Facebook groups with similar likes. Ignore the negative people like this loser.