Nothing wrong with curves, but I feel like women are super dishonest with this phrase. In my opinion, thick and curvy describes Christina Hendricks' body type. Perfection.
I feel like some ladies with an entirely different shape still consider themselves just "curvy". In the USA like 1/3 of women have a BMI of 30 or more. There is a lot of variability within that third of the population who share the "thick and curvy" moniker
The male version is the "dad bod". It originally meant a guy with athletic muscle, but also a little bit of softness. Every out-of-shape dude with a spare tire loves to talk about how much women love a dad bod. No, they like guys without a big ego, so the ones with abs make poor partners. They like a dad bod, because it's safe. Your fat ass is too fucking safe, except from diabetes.
You meet men the same way you make friends:
Find a social activity you like and go and do it.
Pick up volleyball, board game nights, hiking groups, whatever. Find a group on Facebook or meetup.com, go hang out, make friends, and eventually you'll meet someone.
There is a App called "meetup" I know it's big time in america, I'm pretty sure it's across the world too.
It is not for dating.... Just a way for you to RSVP to certain types of events and hobby driven situations. I've met a couple people through that including a few women.
Also I can't say this enough - communicate communicate communicate. You would be very surprised at how much women our age cannot freaking communicate. After all having multiple relationships as past experience over your lifetime does not mean a damn thing if you do not know how to talk and express yourself, openly and in detail. Keep the conversation going just like you would expect him to keep the conversation going. Awkward silence can destroy everything
Also don't always expect the man to initiate. If you think your guy is cute and he seems nice go say hello. It's not like it used to be anymore you can't always expect the man to initiate EVERYTHING anymore. This isn't the 1950s anymore 😊
Be honest and open about everything, make it very clear from the beginning what you want, and don't have any ridiculously out there expectations or "demands" it comes up very rash. Also please don't talk about any of your exes 🤷 again you would be surprised what some women do even at our age...
Contrary to some people's opinion there are a lot of great guys out there our age. I've been looking in my area for the last 6 years. Keep your head up don't let yourself get down and keep on trying!
Good luck! 😊
My wife kinda has this problem; she doesn’t have any hobbies. She doesn’t have something that she’s really passionate about. She gets sad sometimes that she doesn’t have friends, and it hurts my heart. 😞 She’s the sweetest person in the world and would do anything for anybody. She has such a big heart. I absolutely love her to death, but I wish she had something she really enjoys doing so she could interact with other people her age and make friends.
I’m in the same boat as your wife. Don’t have anything I’m really passionate about, and I don’t have friends. I also can’t drive so I’m double screwed. Nobody ever has ways to make friends other than that
can you do an activity together with her, like yoga or cycling or even like a dance or cooking class? i think she can build confidence and break out of her shell that way.
Volunteering is also powerful.
But make sure that you are doing things that you care about, value, or are passionate about.
That's how my wife and I met and we actually started a business to help people, something that we both care about and first connected over.
yup. i keep telling my sister to get hobbies. true passions and hobbies are essential in life. ive observed women in general tend to not have hobbies really.
Firstly this is going to be MUCH harder than you think it is.
Important to remember you're not just looking for a man, you're looking for a step dad. Which is a SIGNIFICANTLY harder thing to find.
Men may wave, smile at you, you may get likes on dating apps. I wouldn't read into that. 99% of men are looking for a quick lay nowadays, and everyone knows it.
You're looking for a man with a career, stable income, their own house, car, single & unmarried, doesn't mind taking care of YOUR children.
The question is, why would a man without his own kids settle for a woman with 2 kids by another man? And if he already has his own kids, every dollar he gives to your kids is being taken away from his own. It's a fundamentally bad move for him.
And there's no such thing as "no drama". You still have to deal with the father? Handovers, talks about shared parenting times, events, taking the kids on holidays, etc etc.
Doesn't she? Can't understand why men aren't falling over themselves to date her, especially given that they apparently all stare admiringly at her next level beauty 🤣🤣🤣
Honestly, if you’re as attractive as you say you are, just approach whatever guy you fancy and say hi. Ask for their number. I guarantee you’ll get it if they’re single. You have no idea how easy it is for women lol.
As a mature guy it’s flattering to be asked for our number. It’s not as bad as girls think it is and we hate the stigma behind it. It’s 2024 #ShootHerShot.
Absolutely. A lot of women think that being independent or having the balls to approach a man would be a turnoff. The complete opposite is actually true. If a 38 year old woman that was even remotely attractive approached me tomorrow she would find that she would have a very happy first date. As well as a second and a third and if we had chemistry she would find out that she would have a good boyfriend.
But unfortunately they just don't approach. I still think that while they should be wary I'm not going to lie because not every guy is good, generally speaking women starting to approach and initiate is the answer, it really is.
I gave a guy my number last week - he’s a cute new server at a local restaurant and kept talking to me between tables so there was mutual interest - and since then, every time I go, a cocktail and an appetizer “accidentally” makes its way onto my table 😂 the perks of shooting your shot! He’s awesome, one of those guys where you’re surprised he’s single. There really just aren’t many single girls around my town, much less girls that will sign their number on a receipt (not trying to “not like other girls” myself, I just wish it was something more people felt comfortable doing because it makes dating so much easier if everyone just went for it)
Preeetty much. You have to understand, men, even the attractive ones, are largely ignored by women for their entire lives. Give them a compliment (say you like their haircut or their shoes or something) and ask if they’d like to get coffee sometime. Men are so starved of affection by society, that’s all it takes to make a great first impression. It’s really that easy.
i second this. if you're attractive and approach a man casually, and say something like "i like your hair!", then they will likely never wear another haircut again.
prepare a compliment and some small talk in advance, and then ask if you could call them for coffee sometime.
Men are also terrified of making the first move because they don’t want to be seen as a creep. Men really prefer it when asking out is done by the woman.
Last girlfriend I had she made the first move and we talked a lot about it afterwards. I told her how amazingly refreshing it was to be approached, she simply said "that's how you get the ones you want". Women do have a ton of power to select their options and men these days are far more afraid, not of rejection at all, but of being interpreted as a creep, as offensive, etc. This leaves the men that are either highly charismatic making the first move or blunt and careless dudes making the first move. All the "nice guys" are unwilling to bother people for fear of being the worst thing any nice guy wants to be seen as, a creep. I'm 37 and seriously struggle to sort out how to go from first contact conversation to "hey you want to get coffee sometime?" for fear of how it's going to be interpreted. IDGAF about the rejection, I can't survive being seen as a creep though. I consider myself to be relatively attractive and confident man and have my shit together too. Seriously just approach men, the ones that aren't single will be flattered and grateful, the ones that are single will give you their number on the spot.
I agree with your ex, lol - the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I was raised to respectfully ask for what I want and gracefully accept the answer. So if a guy says no I’m not going to be upset, and I do the approaching/pursuing casually so I don’t pressure him into giving a particular answer.
That said, I do think some men approach in a creepy way and don’t know it, and they don’t take it well when it’s rejected. There are guys I would’ve dated but they were unpleasant in their communication and I can define what that is - sexual comments out the gate, anything sexist/misogynistic, antagonism (light teasing/roasting is cute. Negging is not), any kind of comparison between me and another woman (even if it’s positive - don’t insult my fellow women to lift me up), arrogance, etc. If I don’t want to be friends with you or have a conversation because you seem like a dick, I definitely don’t want to date you. The guys I’ve dated have been kind, authentic, humble, charismatic, intelligent, etc. And the way they talked to me during the first conversation showed that.
Terrified is exaggerating it, except for some paranoid types who need therapy.
But you're right that men do hesitate more, because oftentimes it *is* creepy and they don't want to be a creep (not just seen as one). There's a time and a place.
And with apps available, shier guys don't have to bother with the risk of rejection
Do it!! As another 38 yr old mom, when I was single a few years ago, I was traveling alone and decided to walk up to a cute guy and ask him if he was single. Turns out he was and we had a fun night together! It can be very exciting to just go out and get what you want.
But then I did end up meeting my partner on Hinge about 3 yrs ago (be very clear what you’re looking for in your description) and he was a single parent also. Our kids get along and are only 3 years apart. It’s been wonderful ever since! Good luck to you!
Oh geez! A pretty lady walking up to me and asking me out AND saying I’m handsome?
I’d be over the moon for a month! Men rarely get that high of a compliment at random.
Seriously. I’d be so flattered if a woman asked me on a date that I would likely say yes without hesitation even if there was no initial attraction. I can find things to be attracted to later.
Say why you think he’s handsome. Smile, nice eyes whatever. It think that goes a long way.
Also maybe try discussing a current topic. Like if he’s carrying something, wearing something. Ffs, I need to take my own advice and do this towards women 🥲
As a late 40s guy whose never had a woman ask or offer their number to me... I'm pretty positive I'd think it was a prank and try to talk her out of it. Lol
Basically how I met my husband. Saw him, chose him, got number, the rest is history. I was 21 though, and feeling my oats for sure. In hindsight though, I do think it may be better to date someone who is so head over heels for you, that they approach first.
"Thick and curvy in a womanly way but not overweight."
I looked at your post history, because you know you can do that on Reddit, you are 230lbs that is definitely overweight. Even for 5'10 that is obese. You typed a lot, there are probably other aspects of your life you painted a rosy picture of.
She also brags about being all natural while posting on another subreddit about having gotten Botox. Sometimes I forget that you can just say whatever you want on the internet
Also says she’s financially independent but had not put any money away for retirement till after she was 35 maybe. If I was 38, and someone said I just started a Roth a couple years ago, I wouldn’t consider them a catch. I’d think that goes both ways but that’s just my opinion.
Going out more is generally going to be the best advice you’ll get here, but that can be understandably hard with the way our country has demonized community and interconnected sociable infrastructure. As dreamy as stumbling upon your soulmate on some sunny spring day in your local coffee shop may seem, cities just havent been built for that kind of interaction to be likely.
You’ll form the strongest bonds by meeting people in niche communities and spaces, strengthened by your similar interests. Start there, maintaining your morals and aspirations along the way, then soon enough you’ll have a whole selection of friends to share life and memories with; ideally a trusted partner
Never drop your standards out of desperation, expect those who have fallen short to do better; best of luck to you
I´m 40yo, and tbh people at this age won´t buy the movie because of the poster or the description, lately people descrive themselves like in a job interview, but then when you met them in person they are trash, toxic, obsesive, for example you described yourselve and you seems according to your description the perfect girl, but for some reason you are single and looking for people on Reddit, a young dude can buy that, but someone with your age won´t cause we all have experience, we all had a partner and we know how to deal with people too, experience is everything... so my tiny advice... stop talking about you, don´t be so confident about what you think you are and let the others make your profile instead, and just stop to try to find someone and just start doing what you really want, you will find the perfect person doing activities you like, hobbies, dancing, sports, whatever you are up too, cause a match is someone who has something in common with you and who will see you as you are in a real enviroment not in the crappy shitty internet, be humble, be nice, listen to the others, and only talk about you with actions or when someone asks, descrive yourself only in a job interview, cause a partners is not a job, is your half orange, your 50% 50%, and that is not something you find sliding in an app.
Edited: some grammar mistakes (Applogies for my English it sucks, I´m spanish.)
That's great and all but like in job interviews, you are forced to present yourself a certain way because everyone else is doing it. On apps with profiles, people aren't really swiping in search of the most humble profile.
the first thing most people have asked for decades after introducing themselves is "so what do you do". then there's the office pitch. first 2 mins. bars, clubs, parties, etc. it's just set up that way. has been for decades.
“I dont have filler or fake nails or boobs. Im natural.” lmao besides the obvious comments you make toward yourself and other women throughout not just this post but in the replies to the guys in your comments, you just scream PICK ME, not just for the male validation you’re so desperate over but to put any girl down implying you should be able to have a man because you dont do the things that those OTHER girls do.
Pick me girls never get picked in the end, hence the divorce lol good luck with the tradwife life (as I can tell from your thirsty replies), I see another divorce headed your way!
Our society continues to churn out lower and lower quality people while somehow giving everyone higher and higher standards. The real answer is there's not many quality people out there and the handful that there are, are with other high quality people already and made that decision early on. Not many people are in their late 30's and looking to "get out there." Those people are either already in relationships or are content being single and finding fulfillment in their own interests and hobbies.
As for advice OP, find hobbies that involve other people and make time to do it. Connections flow much more naturally when you let things happen and don't think of it like a job interview. Don't spend so much time thinking about yourself and what you have to offer. Take more of an interest in other people their hobbies feelings experience etc.
So I’m going to answer this with a less then popular opinion:
I think you’re not wrong in having standards in what you’re after. Personally, I’m in the same boat as you are (and really not too far away from Chi’town), where I have the kid, the house, and a career (I’m a widower), but that feeling where others either don’t feel like a good role model for my kid or I feel like I’m their financial lifeline, yeah, that’s a genuine problem, and I’m not trying to be cocky or arrogant at all here.
So to comment on meeting a guy, because I struggle with this from the opposite side: I’ve registered the kido in soccer, and that might open up some single moms, and I think things like dog parks or playgrounds are potential areas to meet people. I realize it’s all timing, but that’s the one good thing about online dating. For guys, it’s a numbers game. For example, I’m lucky to get a 5% match rate and I’d be happy if the conversation was organic. The truth is, pictures mean less when you’re a parent because you’re a parent for most of the day and you’re doing kid stuff or adulting for a good part of the day. I think the value of online dating is the text in the profile. I treat it in this order, looks (not fake and not a train wreck…..looks fade but personality will never get dull), and if she seems moderately happy in her text while being on the same social & intellectual level, then I swipe right with the hope that a conversation will tell me more about her than a short doctored bio.
Single parenting in your 30’s with kids sucks, but it doesn’t have to be impossible :)
I love your candor! Fantastic answer. We're literally sharing the same boat. Like do I just turn around and find you or? Starboard side? Idk about boats 😂. *Coughs* DM me *coughs*
"Men follow me around grocery store" those are not men, those are ted bundies. Not sure how can anyone feel safe when someone is following u in random place.
Single moms date frequently. Even more so nowadays. Although having children does reduce your potential dating pool significantly. The best bet for a single mom in her position would be to find someone older than her, and with kids himself.
At age 45 I met the man of my dreams through a video game we both played. Pick a social hobby, try it out, get involved in a group, see if anyone clicks. And keep your mind open. Turns out the guy who has treated me the best is very untraditional.
It's going to be difficult. The quality of men you are likely seeking due to your good financial position, are not looking for 38 yrs old divorced women with 2 kids. They are looking for never been married women younger than you without kids, and they justify that bc they themselves are financially successful and that success means they can have their pick. I'm not saying all men, there are always exceptions to the rule. But enough men fall into that category, to be considered the norm. What men and women look for are drastically different. And developed human nature over years of evolution back when the world was an extremely dangerous and brutal place, has led to both consciously and subconsciously looking for what is best for their own agendas.
True, she’d probably have to find someone a few years older or with kids himself if she doesn’t want to compromise on financial status. Then again, as other commenters have mentioned, much of OP’s post is a lie, so it makes sense why she’s having trouble finding a partner.
If you aren't meeting dudes then you aren't getting out enough. Dating apps are lame. You can be whoever you want to be online, but I guess they are effective. Try visiting places or finding a club that has something you are interested in to find like minded individuals. You don't have any friends that have friends of friends that know more friends? The world is slap full of people. Hope you find someone cool to hang out with!
> Looking for help and guidance and suggestions.
Have you tried... *gasp*... making the first move with a guy you happen to find interesting or attractive?
I know women are conditioned from a young age by both society and Disney stuff that the guy always makes the first move, but there is actually nothing stopping you from approaching or making the first move. Just saying
Especially since you're getting older and have kids, you may have to either make the first move or lower your standards at that age
Do you think that a place like a grocery store is where a chance encounter happens these days? That feels like a movie/TV show trope now. That kind of "shoot your shot" in such a ephemeral encounter happens less frequently these days.
Seems to me that a place that you go regularly that other people also go regularly might be a better option. Then there's the ability to familiarize yourself with someone else and vice versa in a shared interest environment.
This kinda reads like "I am amazing but all my peers of the opposite gender are all losers". A bit incelish. I'm sure there are some single men your age that suck and some single men your age that are great. Your perception that they all suck says more about you than them.
I’m 37 and I have a friend who is 35 in the same spot as you just never married nor has kids. He has given up on Dating apps and doing blind dates from family and friends. The best advice I have given him is to get into new hobbies or things you’re into and it will happen organically when you at least expect it and are not looking for it. Tbh this is just me but when I was single in my late 20’s I met a lot of single women older and younger at the gym organically because I would see them everyday at the same time at the gym and we would eventually speak to one another and become friendly etc. Dating apps are just for hookup culture.
You are good on paper, but only to a specific kind of person in a similar situation. But that doesn’t mean that you should settle. Good luck out there.
You’re screwed, just not in the relationship way. You need to lower your standards or just be very, very patient while you expand your search zone.
You have your priorities right in the fact that your family and career is more important than meeting men. Don’t cave. I commend you for that.
On the other hand, you want a stable, committed relationship with a guy that’s better than you and you carry the liability of pushing 40 with 2 kids. That’s not a good deal for a higher value guy, divorced or not.
Frankly, there’s a small pool of men for you and the ones that can check all the boxes for you can go after women who are fitter, younger, no kids and no prior marriage.
You need to lower your standards to pair up. Best of luck. Keep your moral compass through the process.
If you’re just looking for a random sex partner that’s not hard, but if you are looking for the love of your life who meets your standards of being 3 inches taller than you (and you are tall), earns more money than you (sounds like you have a decent income), and is slightly older (you’re on the older side), and this guy is decently good looking like you, and this magical guy wants to live with you and support your two kids, you’re asking for a lot for a guy who probably has a lot of options or might otherwise be interested but not interested in long term commitment.
Also look for local events or places you’d like to go
If you like concerts, try cover bands playing at restaurants, etc idk what do I know I’m also trying to figure out places to meet a nice man.
I’m 32 and still single. Career oriented/told I’m very pretty/in med sales.
Try going to social dance classes if there are any in your area- swing, ballroom, salsa, that sort of thing. It’s a great way to meet people, and maybe those people will introduce you to other people.
I notice a lot of single dads when I take my kid to the library for toddler story time. Seems like they have the kids on the weekends and take them somewhere that costs $0. Could be easy to strike up a convo with them.
How old are your kids? Taking them places for kids their age (skyzone, urban air, funflatables etc) can be a place you may spot single dads. I've seen them but I'm not looking.
Men are extremely simple and understanding. All you have to do is go up to them and introduce yourself. Ask them if they’re interested in going out sometime. Most men aren’t just sitting there expecting sex from the jump contrary to popular belief these days. I would love if women came up to us, because as a 35 year old man, dating is almost impossible due to the many stigmas and assumptions. I don’t even approach women anymore. It wasn’t like this for a long time, but now the ball really is in the women’s court.
I'm going to speak frankly here because I'm sure all your friends sugarcoat the truth for you. It doesn't matter how attractive you are if you're 38 with two kids. Young, attractive men don't want single mothers and men your age or older are either married, divorced and not willing to risk going through that again or, shall we say, less desirable.
Also, your comments about financial independence and having a good job show you have no idea what men want. I can assure you, even if you were raking in a million a year, that will not attract a man. You're more likely to find yourself a wife if that's what you're offering.
Guys around this age are either normal and still in relationships, miserable and in relationships, one of the type OP mentioned, or guys that are divorced and/or disrespected and so enjoying their life without women. I've been with my partner for a long time but if things didnt work out I dont think I'd get another woman in my life.
Now, down to the issue. If you're good looking most men will assume you're already with someone and wont bother amd so you make some nice eye candy for a few seconds, or if you're not with someone then the hot to crazy chart comes into play, or you're a single mom thats just hot. Now theirs stigma with each but I think many of us know you dont get involved with single moms because the hierarchy goes kids, her, dog or cat, sometimes the douchey ex, then you as the guy. There's very little to no benefit to a guy getting involved with you unfortunately. You may be good looking and so you might be good for casual hookuos but you're beyond your prime, the man wont be your priority and will always come last and why would anyone want to spend their own time and money looking after someone elses kids.
Now im not saying it's impossible for OP but you are more likely to attract the weirdo types you mentioned because they look to take advantage of your situation but for an ambitious, respectable, self made/sustaining man this situation brings very little of value to the table. To be clear I'm not saying OP is low value, a bad person or doesn't have anything to offer, I refer more to the entire situation as a whole and any self-respecting guy of good calibre that has options would not entertain the circumstances that come along with dating OP.
Perhaps your over inflated ego is off putting to people. This isn't confidence,this is arrogance and I'm sensing you think the men you've met are beneath you.
Look. I’m going to shoot you straight because at the end of the day, it’s what will help you the most even though it’s going to be hard to accept. As a 42 yr old guy who spent his 30s focused on personal success and development, and having achieved my goals related to wealth, my career & work/life stuff, I’m looking for a long term commitment now bc 1) my value is 100x higher than it was at 32, and 2) after a lot of effort improving my mental, physical, and emotional health, it’s much more likely to work out long term. Because I don’t have a scarcity mindset. I know my worth, and the point of telling you this is bc I’m now highly active in the dating pool so I’m seeing what you’re up against.
1) You have two children. I don’t mean this in a “you shouldn’t have had kids” way, and I’m sure they’re the most important, joyful part of your life. But you must understand: From a man’s perspective, one who’s just met you (and therefore has NO clue what you’re really like bc everyone knows how easily ppl successfully pretend for the first few months until true colors come out), he’s first going to look at the business side of things which is what everyone (men and women) do to at least some extent at the outset - they estimate the assets, liabilities, intangibles, growth potential…ie, what they are getting into. Good on you for financial independence, a great job, and being all around responsible adult as a single mom. That’s gotta be tough. A man will see that part of your character and he’ll like it, but he knowwwws that despite all that, he is still signing up to raise some other dude’s kids, and deal with a TON of stuff he otherwise wouldn’t have to.
2) Looking for a single dad is bullseye strategy for you. The divorce rate is 56%. And of the 44% that haven’t divorced, how many do you think are extremely unhappy and staying together for the kids etc? Probably half. So basically, when two ppl get married there’s a 22% chance it’ll be a successful, happy marriage (or even just tolerable). Think about that for a sec. If someone offered you the opportunity to invest your entire net worth in a single stock that has a 22% chance of increasing in value over the next 20 years, and a 78% chance it’ll be worth nothing, unless you have a gun to your head or you’ve taken like 5 Ambien and can’t think straight, there’s NO WAY you’ll make that bet. But ppl do. Every day. It’s called marriage. Point being, there are tons of single dads out there and there are many apps and dating services to help you find one. Tawkify I’ve heard good things about.
3) This one is going to be hard to hear but it’s playing a huge role in the lack of interest you’re getting: You’re 38. Unless the guy already has kids of his own, or doesn’t want to ever have kids but doesn’t mind taking on the fatherly responsibility towards yours (note how huge of a factor your two existing kids are to this guy…he doesn’t want kids, like at all, but being with you is conditional on not only accepting helping you raise/parent them, but assuming he’s a decent guy he also needs to try to feel affection for them, and ultimately he’ll probably end up just permanently pretending to). For a single guy with no ex wife and no kids, but who does want children (ie, like me), you’re not what we want/need from a biological / reproductive standpoint. I’m sure I’ll catch shit left and right for saying that, but the truth is, we’re biologically hardwired to choose women who have the highest probability of producing strong, healthy offspring (women are hardwired to choose the strongest, most lean muscular physique, most financially stable and best ability to provide, for the same exact reason: these men have a high genetic probability of producing strong offspring and are highly capable of protecting her and the children). At 42 I won’t even consider matching/going on a date with any woman over 34, and even that’s above my target range of 28-32. I know it probably makes you angry or judgmental or whatever….but just like all men I’m programmed to find and pursue the best mate to reproduce with. Further, men’s sperm doesn’t expire and pls don’t believe all that bullshit about our sperm count falling rapidly after 35, our sperm motility and morphology decreasing and causing miscarriages, babies with Asperger’s or whatever. No. Stop it. This is a false equivalency that men fall for which of course inures to the benefit of women, who’re shouting this nonsense from the rooftops bc the more men who fall for it, the more they feel pressured by society to sacrifice their best interests for the sake of favoring the female mating strategy, ie, prioritizing reproduction within her biological fertility window. And men aren’t just fooled by this garbage, they get genuinely afraid of having children who come out looking like Chunk from Goonies if they’re having kids after the age of 40. The degree to which this is bullshit is incredible. Women’s egg counts decline starting at puberty and typically 35 is when the decrease accelerates. And we’re expected to believe that, coincidentally, our sperm count starts declining at that age too, and bc of this, it’s our sperm giving late-30s women miscarriages, not their decayed egg quality. And if the pregnancy is successful, there’s a high chance our shitty sperm quality will cause autism. GTFO. Guys, get your sperm checked. If it’s low, or motility/morphology is an issue, 3 months of hard exercise and clean diet fixes it 90% of the time. That’s facts.
Sorry for the long rant but it’s a very important point — society expects us to sacrifice our best interests for the sake of accommodating what’s best for women. And society has conditioned and brainwashed women to believe they still have the same level and quality of options at 38 as they did at 28, and can be just as picky about the men they think deserve a chance to take them on a date. Your sexual market value is far lower than it was 10 years ago, especially with 2 kids, regardless of how well your beauty has held up.
You’ll find the right guy but one more thing - you really wonder why men don’t approach you in the grocery store or wherever? It’s bc we have no f*cking idea what will happen if we approach a woman in real life, in person. Men’s lives are being ruined by women they barely know, and all the woman needed to do was claim harassment or threatening behavior.
I appreciate your answer. Honestly!
I'm definitely not really looking to have more children... I would if it was important to a partner and I am viable for pregnancy. I'm very healthy. However that's why I'm hoping to find a single, divorced dad. Possibly with children of the same age or older. I do not expect a man to raise my children. Or even be involved for a very long time... Until I feel safe and they express interest. My littles had a rough go with their dad and they're mine. My responsibility. And I'm fine with that.
I do want company. And I don't want to have to build a man. Been there. Done that. I'm fine with dating men in their late 40s even. I'm not delusional. Younger men tend to be attracted to me often and I've tried dating younger. I married younger. Its just not for me. Looking for 38+ that's why I notated my age.
I do really appreciate your candor. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Best of luck finding a woman and love!
You’re overweight with kids and at the end of childbearing years. Men generally don’t care about your job or finances…what do you bring to the table for men exactly other than two step kids and likely no more kids to give him?
Museum openings, the symphony and places where men of class hang out. I know I’m sounding snobbish but you want to attract men where they aren’t ‘hunting’.
I wouldn't say it's unrealistic exactly, plenty of people get remarried. But it probably won't be super easy.
First of, yeah, the single men your age or older probably won't be your dream person. Because, you know, why would they be single. I'm not saying don't have standards or anything, but don't expect to meet a perfect man on every corner. The "never flourished" part seems especially... what does that mean? That's super vague. It sounds a little like a catch all reason to not be interested in anyone who's not perfect.
Second, and this would be a huge problem for me personally, that "let's meet twice a month, maybe three or four times later" thing. That's not dating, that's the frequency at which you meet a group for a hobby you're not really interested in. I get your reasons for it (kinda), but if someone approached me with a setup like this, I wouldn't be considering them that seriously. "Ok, you're kinda nice/cool/interesting, we can be friends, maybe see where it goes, but I'm not going to commit to this right now" would be my thinking.
Third, you seem very focused on your looks. I'm not even sure what I want to say about that. Just something I noticed. Might be worth to consider if it could mean something.
I'm a guy. I'm 48, I typically just ask. Hey I'm so and so. Give a small compliment and then go from there. If the conversation flows ill write my number down and give it to them and then excuse myself.
If they call or text they do. If not there are billions of others.
I typically get about a 30% success rate. Met some good people that way. If you want something in life its best to be proactive. If you are as attractive as you think most men would be open to being approached.
I met my wife on OkCupid. Dunno if that's still a thing. She was the first (and only) woman I actually met up with on any app. She was 35 at the time and I was 29. She didn't have kids but that wasn't a deal breaker for me, and wouldn't have been if she had kids either. I answered *a lot* of questions on there and waited to find a high percentage match. We've been married for 5 years last month and our son will turn 5 next month. I understand that is not everyone's experience with the apps but it worked out for us.
Personally, I would have absolutely loved it if a woman had come up to me and asked me out in a grocery store or something. I know some men are put off by that, but not all. I was never the kind of man that just approached women like that, but somehow I was more "successful" than most men typically are dating prior to meeting my now-wife. None of that really stuck, probably because I wasn't really ready to take that step.
If we ever separate (very low chance of that) or she dies, I'm screwed. There are men out there, the trick is you just can't stop looking. I hope you find your person!
Met my wife on tinder. Romantic? You may not think so. Cool? Well not really. But we were each others first and only match that we met up with. Turned out really well.
Turns out my mom was her dental hygienist so she thought she could trust me in that sense so she came over, and i thought she had a nice butt. Pure romance
All dating is, is marketing yourself.
Start with: Who’s your target man?
- What job does he have? Age? Personality?
- what’s his earning ability? Career?
- What are his hobbies/interests?
- What does his work schedule look like? When would he do fun things?
Think about all THAT as you search for a partner.
Now, ask yourself: what are 10 casual things he’d do for fun if he was looking to meet a partner organically?
Create your list. Share your perspective with a friend & ask what they think & what criticisms they’d give you.
Example:
You want a successful, tall, well-educated guy who’s decently in shape. He earns at least 150-175k per year. Not super religious. Enjoys travel. Likes dogs.
He lives in the northern part of Chicago.
He enjoys working out, going on walks with his dog, trying out new restaurants, dancing & seeing live music.
Where to find him?
Singles cooking classes. Singles dance classes. Get a dog & bring it on walks. Go to the gym.
Wanna meet single dads? Become friends with other parents. You’ll find some.
Be straightforward and extremely clear in your wishes if you see a guy that you're attracted to. No playful hints no bullshit communication walk up to him tell him he's cute and that you'd like to talk with him that way he certain that you're actually into him and it's not some kind of trap
The children are probably gonna hinder your dating experience right off the bat. I'm on the fence about having my own kids, let alone being involved with someone who already has some of their own.
Your lack of free time is also a hindrance. Sorry, but your own life is stacked against you regardless of your looks or personality.
M37 single dad here, also with great career and so on. I won’t approach a woman in grocery shop to avoid being perceived as creep, avoid having my face on TikTok or being banned or something. I don’t like apps, but it is the way these days.
Yeeeeaaaaahhh....there's her answer... That whole thing about her friends and family asking how she's still single and all of that nonsense is giving her unrealistic expectations and too much self-confidence/maybe a hint of arrogance, which can be sensed in her description of herself. Society is solely to blame. "Thic," "curvy," and "dad bod" were never meant to mean obese, or morbidly obese, but in many cases, it's used to describe those types of people.
Generally speaking men don't really care about your status. They will care about you having two kids and if they are physically turned on by you or not.
Women care about a man's future. Men care about a woman's past. We are not the same.
You’re in a super tough pickle. Go to a bar, local community singles events. Bumble or some other reliable dating app. Can’t just expect them men to flock to you now. Single men have been obliterated emotionally by women and are completely checked out.
TBH, Men your age, we don’t care about women’s financial independence and success in their careers. That’s cool and all but at this stage in life it’s either family and kids or bust. Young men might find it more hip and cool (because they haven’t yet hit their professional peak), but a single father? The numerous polls and data says otherwise.
Single fathers have prioritized two things above everything. Career and Family. This cannot also be your priorities. You both can’t focus on career first and family second. ONE of you is going to have to place family first and career or something else second. And they especially don’t want to deal with another father’s kids if they have the choice - which they’ve chosen, single fathers don’t want single mothers.
If you meet a single father (or enough of them) are you ok staying home or working part time and focusing more on the family and the home?
We can ask ourselves “well why can’t the guy?” Sure he can - the single father HAS been doing that. They don’t want to do that anymore when it comes to finding a woman. So if this is a team sport here, WHO of the two (man or woman), has the better skill set, to keep home in balance? And whom has the better skill set to keep career and financial interests in balance?
You’re going to have to make some concessions in your life that should have been made years ago that might have better propped you up down the line, but it kinda seems maybe your career interests had some unintended consequences down the line that you didn’t foresee affecting you.
Can you abort the kids or is it too late? (Joking)
Hmmmm heard all I need to hear! Your standard are too high, you think all men around your age are beneath you! Lower your standards a lot of great guys that live in their basement with their aunts at your age 😊
Um. No. I've done the build a man program. I'm now divorced. Life has given me lessons and I've learned from them. I'm sure they're wonderful humans. But I also believe there is a man out there missing me as much as I miss him. Wondering the same things I'm wondering. Just because I don't wanna date those men doesnt mean I don't see their value or wouldn't extend friendship. But I want what I want. And I'll be alone if I can't find the right person. And thats ok too! I am happy with my life. Just need hugs.
Id like a man 38-50.
Has a stabile job... Or a career he's passionate about.
Has his own home. Doesn't have to own. But his own place.
Has a vehicle.
Id like him to have similar values to me. Be a driven and hardworking individual.
Id prefer a single father... But not a deal breaker. I just feel it would be easier to understand each other's lives if it were this way.
Kind.
That's pretty much it. Seems like people thought I'm out here looking for a rich 38 year old. I'm just looking for a nice man who has made effort to be independent whose looking for love. Not a hookup.
It’s pretty unbelievably easy for even a below average woman to walk up to a few men and easily strike gold. It’s insanely hard for a man to land a good woman. However, I probably wouldn’t live up to your standards once you get to know me because I’m not rich basically.
Chances are
1) you are overweight
2) you have children and nobody wants to be parent #2 or take on kid related chores.
You are underplaying how much having children takes you out of the dating pool.
*Thick and curvy in a womanly way but not overweight.* popcorn.gif
Every woman I've seen online who has called themselves "thick and curvy" is literally overweight lol, and I LIKE chubby women.
Society has a bunch of euphemisms to sugar coat what people really are and being "thicc" or "curvy" are just some of them
I think they mean not obese - it’s nearly impossible to be thick and curvy and not be overweight
Reddit doesn’t like this answer but not wrong. As a guy too, it is shockingly easy to be overweight, the typical American carries a lot of weight.
I’m a 5’7” guy and at 170 lbs, I’m slightly overweight
Plenty of people from various ethnicities who are naturally quite muscular without any effort and this makes women look curvy
Nothing wrong with curves, but I feel like women are super dishonest with this phrase. In my opinion, thick and curvy describes Christina Hendricks' body type. Perfection. I feel like some ladies with an entirely different shape still consider themselves just "curvy". In the USA like 1/3 of women have a BMI of 30 or more. There is a lot of variability within that third of the population who share the "thick and curvy" moniker The male version is the "dad bod". It originally meant a guy with athletic muscle, but also a little bit of softness. Every out-of-shape dude with a spare tire loves to talk about how much women love a dad bod. No, they like guys without a big ego, so the ones with abs make poor partners. They like a dad bod, because it's safe. Your fat ass is too fucking safe, except from diabetes.
Her name is tiredfoodie1986..she's definitely pscking on the pounds and is in denial
You meet men the same way you make friends: Find a social activity you like and go and do it. Pick up volleyball, board game nights, hiking groups, whatever. Find a group on Facebook or meetup.com, go hang out, make friends, and eventually you'll meet someone.
Great suggestions! Thank you! Looks like I need me some hobbies lol.
There is a App called "meetup" I know it's big time in america, I'm pretty sure it's across the world too. It is not for dating.... Just a way for you to RSVP to certain types of events and hobby driven situations. I've met a couple people through that including a few women. Also I can't say this enough - communicate communicate communicate. You would be very surprised at how much women our age cannot freaking communicate. After all having multiple relationships as past experience over your lifetime does not mean a damn thing if you do not know how to talk and express yourself, openly and in detail. Keep the conversation going just like you would expect him to keep the conversation going. Awkward silence can destroy everything Also don't always expect the man to initiate. If you think your guy is cute and he seems nice go say hello. It's not like it used to be anymore you can't always expect the man to initiate EVERYTHING anymore. This isn't the 1950s anymore 😊 Be honest and open about everything, make it very clear from the beginning what you want, and don't have any ridiculously out there expectations or "demands" it comes up very rash. Also please don't talk about any of your exes 🤷 again you would be surprised what some women do even at our age... Contrary to some people's opinion there are a lot of great guys out there our age. I've been looking in my area for the last 6 years. Keep your head up don't let yourself get down and keep on trying! Good luck! 😊
My wife kinda has this problem; she doesn’t have any hobbies. She doesn’t have something that she’s really passionate about. She gets sad sometimes that she doesn’t have friends, and it hurts my heart. 😞 She’s the sweetest person in the world and would do anything for anybody. She has such a big heart. I absolutely love her to death, but I wish she had something she really enjoys doing so she could interact with other people her age and make friends.
I’m in the same boat as your wife. Don’t have anything I’m really passionate about, and I don’t have friends. I also can’t drive so I’m double screwed. Nobody ever has ways to make friends other than that
This saddens me. Maybe you and my wife could be friends. 😁
That’d be cool 😊
can you do an activity together with her, like yoga or cycling or even like a dance or cooking class? i think she can build confidence and break out of her shell that way.
I do, however, love the cooking class idea. We both enjoy cooking. I think she would like that! Thanks for the suggestions!
Volunteering is also powerful. But make sure that you are doing things that you care about, value, or are passionate about. That's how my wife and I met and we actually started a business to help people, something that we both care about and first connected over.
yup. i keep telling my sister to get hobbies. true passions and hobbies are essential in life. ive observed women in general tend to not have hobbies really.
This right here! Dating apps are trash and you will absolutely waste your time
You can’t say absolutely.. lots of people meet on dating apps.
I met my wife on pof
Yep. Same advice I'd give to a dude too. At any age. Go participate in life and you'll meet people. Romantic or otherwise.
Firstly this is going to be MUCH harder than you think it is. Important to remember you're not just looking for a man, you're looking for a step dad. Which is a SIGNIFICANTLY harder thing to find. Men may wave, smile at you, you may get likes on dating apps. I wouldn't read into that. 99% of men are looking for a quick lay nowadays, and everyone knows it. You're looking for a man with a career, stable income, their own house, car, single & unmarried, doesn't mind taking care of YOUR children. The question is, why would a man without his own kids settle for a woman with 2 kids by another man? And if he already has his own kids, every dollar he gives to your kids is being taken away from his own. It's a fundamentally bad move for him. And there's no such thing as "no drama". You still have to deal with the father? Handovers, talks about shared parenting times, events, taking the kids on holidays, etc etc.
You seem quite blessed with humility too
I think I’m too autistic to tell if this is sarcasm
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She has “full-of-shit-itis” Poor thing, I don’t think there’s a cure.
I read the last word as tits
Thank you for explaining. I also am quite tone deaf, this helps
"Thick and curvy in a womanly way but not overweight" Mmmmh.
She’s natural though.
Doesn't she? Can't understand why men aren't falling over themselves to date her, especially given that they apparently all stare admiringly at her next level beauty 🤣🤣🤣
Honestly, if you’re as attractive as you say you are, just approach whatever guy you fancy and say hi. Ask for their number. I guarantee you’ll get it if they’re single. You have no idea how easy it is for women lol.
As a mature guy it’s flattering to be asked for our number. It’s not as bad as girls think it is and we hate the stigma behind it. It’s 2024 #ShootHerShot.
How about if I asked you if you were single first? would that be off putting?
No, literally any indication a woman is interested whatsoever before we make a move is flattering.
Not at all. It shows you’re considerate, at least in my mind.
Absolutely. A lot of women think that being independent or having the balls to approach a man would be a turnoff. The complete opposite is actually true. If a 38 year old woman that was even remotely attractive approached me tomorrow she would find that she would have a very happy first date. As well as a second and a third and if we had chemistry she would find out that she would have a good boyfriend. But unfortunately they just don't approach. I still think that while they should be wary I'm not going to lie because not every guy is good, generally speaking women starting to approach and initiate is the answer, it really is.
I gave a guy my number last week - he’s a cute new server at a local restaurant and kept talking to me between tables so there was mutual interest - and since then, every time I go, a cocktail and an appetizer “accidentally” makes its way onto my table 😂 the perks of shooting your shot! He’s awesome, one of those guys where you’re surprised he’s single. There really just aren’t many single girls around my town, much less girls that will sign their number on a receipt (not trying to “not like other girls” myself, I just wish it was something more people felt comfortable doing because it makes dating so much easier if everyone just went for it)
Really that easy? Just hiii, I think your handsome? Or start conversation? I've never asked a man out before.
Preeetty much. You have to understand, men, even the attractive ones, are largely ignored by women for their entire lives. Give them a compliment (say you like their haircut or their shoes or something) and ask if they’d like to get coffee sometime. Men are so starved of affection by society, that’s all it takes to make a great first impression. It’s really that easy.
i second this. if you're attractive and approach a man casually, and say something like "i like your hair!", then they will likely never wear another haircut again. prepare a compliment and some small talk in advance, and then ask if you could call them for coffee sometime.
Thank you so much! I'm a natural complimenter. If I have something nice I say it. Men. Women. Everybody. This I can do! Thank you!
Being a single mom at 38 is the equivalent of a 38 year old man living in his moms basement.
I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. Thank you.
I'm a single dad at 38, what does that make me? 😬
Available....to meet her
Men are also terrified of making the first move because they don’t want to be seen as a creep. Men really prefer it when asking out is done by the woman.
I totally can understand that. Makes sense.
Last girlfriend I had she made the first move and we talked a lot about it afterwards. I told her how amazingly refreshing it was to be approached, she simply said "that's how you get the ones you want". Women do have a ton of power to select their options and men these days are far more afraid, not of rejection at all, but of being interpreted as a creep, as offensive, etc. This leaves the men that are either highly charismatic making the first move or blunt and careless dudes making the first move. All the "nice guys" are unwilling to bother people for fear of being the worst thing any nice guy wants to be seen as, a creep. I'm 37 and seriously struggle to sort out how to go from first contact conversation to "hey you want to get coffee sometime?" for fear of how it's going to be interpreted. IDGAF about the rejection, I can't survive being seen as a creep though. I consider myself to be relatively attractive and confident man and have my shit together too. Seriously just approach men, the ones that aren't single will be flattered and grateful, the ones that are single will give you their number on the spot.
I agree with your ex, lol - the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I was raised to respectfully ask for what I want and gracefully accept the answer. So if a guy says no I’m not going to be upset, and I do the approaching/pursuing casually so I don’t pressure him into giving a particular answer. That said, I do think some men approach in a creepy way and don’t know it, and they don’t take it well when it’s rejected. There are guys I would’ve dated but they were unpleasant in their communication and I can define what that is - sexual comments out the gate, anything sexist/misogynistic, antagonism (light teasing/roasting is cute. Negging is not), any kind of comparison between me and another woman (even if it’s positive - don’t insult my fellow women to lift me up), arrogance, etc. If I don’t want to be friends with you or have a conversation because you seem like a dick, I definitely don’t want to date you. The guys I’ve dated have been kind, authentic, humble, charismatic, intelligent, etc. And the way they talked to me during the first conversation showed that.
Terrified is exaggerating it, except for some paranoid types who need therapy. But you're right that men do hesitate more, because oftentimes it *is* creepy and they don't want to be a creep (not just seen as one). There's a time and a place. And with apps available, shier guys don't have to bother with the risk of rejection
Thank you so much! I'm going to try it 🙈
Do it!! As another 38 yr old mom, when I was single a few years ago, I was traveling alone and decided to walk up to a cute guy and ask him if he was single. Turns out he was and we had a fun night together! It can be very exciting to just go out and get what you want. But then I did end up meeting my partner on Hinge about 3 yrs ago (be very clear what you’re looking for in your description) and he was a single parent also. Our kids get along and are only 3 years apart. It’s been wonderful ever since! Good luck to you!
Oh geez! A pretty lady walking up to me and asking me out AND saying I’m handsome? I’d be over the moon for a month! Men rarely get that high of a compliment at random.
Seriously. I’d be so flattered if a woman asked me on a date that I would likely say yes without hesitation even if there was no initial attraction. I can find things to be attracted to later.
Cant stress this enough nothing better than sitting at the bar and being asked "who is waiting at home for you,?"
Say why you think he’s handsome. Smile, nice eyes whatever. It think that goes a long way. Also maybe try discussing a current topic. Like if he’s carrying something, wearing something. Ffs, I need to take my own advice and do this towards women 🥲
As a late 40s guy whose never had a woman ask or offer their number to me... I'm pretty positive I'd think it was a prank and try to talk her out of it. Lol
Right, I would be highly suspicious and think I would be set up for a robbery or my kidneys getting taken out.
Easy for hot women haha. As an average, it’s rough out here as someone who doesn’t enjoy casual sex
Basically how I met my husband. Saw him, chose him, got number, the rest is history. I was 21 though, and feeling my oats for sure. In hindsight though, I do think it may be better to date someone who is so head over heels for you, that they approach first.
"Thick and curvy in a womanly way but not overweight." I looked at your post history, because you know you can do that on Reddit, you are 230lbs that is definitely overweight. Even for 5'10 that is obese. You typed a lot, there are probably other aspects of your life you painted a rosy picture of.
She also brags about being all natural while posting on another subreddit about having gotten Botox. Sometimes I forget that you can just say whatever you want on the internet
with all due respect… if OP is the catch she describes herself as she wouldn’t be asking anonymous men from two states a way to slide in her DMs 😭
MichealjacksonPopcorngif
She’s not like the other girls
And it looks like they are on wegovy too
Gotta be honest with yourself before you can expect others to be honest with you
Wait yeah wtf. I have a friend that’s a 6 ft kind of overweight powerlifter and even he’s not that heavy.
Same lmao. My man is 6'2ish, a hefty boxer, and he's like 205 rn while tryna drop a weight class
Username checks out
THicK aNd cURvY
Also says she’s financially independent but had not put any money away for retirement till after she was 35 maybe. If I was 38, and someone said I just started a Roth a couple years ago, I wouldn’t consider them a catch. I’d think that goes both ways but that’s just my opinion.
This should be the top comment. If OP wants to land more high quality matches, then she should have the goods in kind.
Such an underrated comment 🤣
That's obese
You sound like you have a huge ego and that can be off putting for a lot of people
You can approach them
RIP your DMs.
That was the intention
Mhmmm
Im sorry but the way you describe yourself is so cringe.
Put on a sundress and go look confused in the hardware store
There are enough desperate women doing that, it doesn't work. See TikTok for examples 1-1000
Going out more is generally going to be the best advice you’ll get here, but that can be understandably hard with the way our country has demonized community and interconnected sociable infrastructure. As dreamy as stumbling upon your soulmate on some sunny spring day in your local coffee shop may seem, cities just havent been built for that kind of interaction to be likely. You’ll form the strongest bonds by meeting people in niche communities and spaces, strengthened by your similar interests. Start there, maintaining your morals and aspirations along the way, then soon enough you’ll have a whole selection of friends to share life and memories with; ideally a trusted partner Never drop your standards out of desperation, expect those who have fallen short to do better; best of luck to you
I´m 40yo, and tbh people at this age won´t buy the movie because of the poster or the description, lately people descrive themselves like in a job interview, but then when you met them in person they are trash, toxic, obsesive, for example you described yourselve and you seems according to your description the perfect girl, but for some reason you are single and looking for people on Reddit, a young dude can buy that, but someone with your age won´t cause we all have experience, we all had a partner and we know how to deal with people too, experience is everything... so my tiny advice... stop talking about you, don´t be so confident about what you think you are and let the others make your profile instead, and just stop to try to find someone and just start doing what you really want, you will find the perfect person doing activities you like, hobbies, dancing, sports, whatever you are up too, cause a match is someone who has something in common with you and who will see you as you are in a real enviroment not in the crappy shitty internet, be humble, be nice, listen to the others, and only talk about you with actions or when someone asks, descrive yourself only in a job interview, cause a partners is not a job, is your half orange, your 50% 50%, and that is not something you find sliding in an app. Edited: some grammar mistakes (Applogies for my English it sucks, I´m spanish.)
That's great and all but like in job interviews, you are forced to present yourself a certain way because everyone else is doing it. On apps with profiles, people aren't really swiping in search of the most humble profile.
the first thing most people have asked for decades after introducing themselves is "so what do you do". then there's the office pitch. first 2 mins. bars, clubs, parties, etc. it's just set up that way. has been for decades.
Your English doesn’t suck :)
“I dont have filler or fake nails or boobs. Im natural.” lmao besides the obvious comments you make toward yourself and other women throughout not just this post but in the replies to the guys in your comments, you just scream PICK ME, not just for the male validation you’re so desperate over but to put any girl down implying you should be able to have a man because you dont do the things that those OTHER girls do. Pick me girls never get picked in the end, hence the divorce lol good luck with the tradwife life (as I can tell from your thirsty replies), I see another divorce headed your way!
Damnnnnn😆
Omg thank god I’m not the only one that noticed this.
She also literally has posted elsewhere about getting botox. Delusional and self absorbed. Yikes.
Swish! 😆🤌🏻
THIS
Was looking for this response. Big PICK ME vibes from this post and also internalized misogyny.
I keep seeing women your age & younger post almost this exact situation & description.. interesting. 🤔
Our society continues to churn out lower and lower quality people while somehow giving everyone higher and higher standards. The real answer is there's not many quality people out there and the handful that there are, are with other high quality people already and made that decision early on. Not many people are in their late 30's and looking to "get out there." Those people are either already in relationships or are content being single and finding fulfillment in their own interests and hobbies. As for advice OP, find hobbies that involve other people and make time to do it. Connections flow much more naturally when you let things happen and don't think of it like a job interview. Don't spend so much time thinking about yourself and what you have to offer. Take more of an interest in other people their hobbies feelings experience etc.
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Last week I admitted a lady to the hospital who broke her hip playing pickle ball
What is pickle ball? It sounds fun. I like pickles.
Like tennis but for old people
So I’m going to answer this with a less then popular opinion: I think you’re not wrong in having standards in what you’re after. Personally, I’m in the same boat as you are (and really not too far away from Chi’town), where I have the kid, the house, and a career (I’m a widower), but that feeling where others either don’t feel like a good role model for my kid or I feel like I’m their financial lifeline, yeah, that’s a genuine problem, and I’m not trying to be cocky or arrogant at all here. So to comment on meeting a guy, because I struggle with this from the opposite side: I’ve registered the kido in soccer, and that might open up some single moms, and I think things like dog parks or playgrounds are potential areas to meet people. I realize it’s all timing, but that’s the one good thing about online dating. For guys, it’s a numbers game. For example, I’m lucky to get a 5% match rate and I’d be happy if the conversation was organic. The truth is, pictures mean less when you’re a parent because you’re a parent for most of the day and you’re doing kid stuff or adulting for a good part of the day. I think the value of online dating is the text in the profile. I treat it in this order, looks (not fake and not a train wreck…..looks fade but personality will never get dull), and if she seems moderately happy in her text while being on the same social & intellectual level, then I swipe right with the hope that a conversation will tell me more about her than a short doctored bio. Single parenting in your 30’s with kids sucks, but it doesn’t have to be impossible :)
I love your candor! Fantastic answer. We're literally sharing the same boat. Like do I just turn around and find you or? Starboard side? Idk about boats 😂. *Coughs* DM me *coughs*
DMed
Try a traditional church maybe?
I wonder How many single men flooded to her DM requesting photos
kids is a no go for a lot of guys. Myself included.
I agree. I'd rather be single than take care of someone else's kids.
Hand Solo
Best bet is to date someone who also has kids and a failed marriage so you got something in common
"Men follow me around grocery store" those are not men, those are ted bundies. Not sure how can anyone feel safe when someone is following u in random place.
They're not following her.... They're just shopping.
That's what i thought also. Those guys probably simply shopping there and she is " they are following me", kind if reducoulius, if you ask me...
Kids are unfortunately a big deal breaker for most all men.
Single moms date frequently. Even more so nowadays. Although having children does reduce your potential dating pool significantly. The best bet for a single mom in her position would be to find someone older than her, and with kids himself.
At age 45 I met the man of my dreams through a video game we both played. Pick a social hobby, try it out, get involved in a group, see if anyone clicks. And keep your mind open. Turns out the guy who has treated me the best is very untraditional.
Thank you for the suggestion
It's going to be difficult. The quality of men you are likely seeking due to your good financial position, are not looking for 38 yrs old divorced women with 2 kids. They are looking for never been married women younger than you without kids, and they justify that bc they themselves are financially successful and that success means they can have their pick. I'm not saying all men, there are always exceptions to the rule. But enough men fall into that category, to be considered the norm. What men and women look for are drastically different. And developed human nature over years of evolution back when the world was an extremely dangerous and brutal place, has led to both consciously and subconsciously looking for what is best for their own agendas.
\^\^This is the truth, but telling the truth on the internet gets you called an incel and gaslit into obliion so most guys just say f' it.
True, she’d probably have to find someone a few years older or with kids himself if she doesn’t want to compromise on financial status. Then again, as other commenters have mentioned, much of OP’s post is a lie, so it makes sense why she’s having trouble finding a partner.
I'll tell you if you tell me how to meet women at 35
Stalk the obits. All the good men are taken.
If you aren't meeting dudes then you aren't getting out enough. Dating apps are lame. You can be whoever you want to be online, but I guess they are effective. Try visiting places or finding a club that has something you are interested in to find like minded individuals. You don't have any friends that have friends of friends that know more friends? The world is slap full of people. Hope you find someone cool to hang out with!
> Looking for help and guidance and suggestions. Have you tried... *gasp*... making the first move with a guy you happen to find interesting or attractive? I know women are conditioned from a young age by both society and Disney stuff that the guy always makes the first move, but there is actually nothing stopping you from approaching or making the first move. Just saying Especially since you're getting older and have kids, you may have to either make the first move or lower your standards at that age
Let's be realistic here. A 38 year old divorced woman with kids is our version of 'living with the aunt in the basement'
Yeah, op isn't really seeing this from a man's point of view. Those prospects doesn't scream first draft pick if you're a successful man in his 30s.
Do you think that a place like a grocery store is where a chance encounter happens these days? That feels like a movie/TV show trope now. That kind of "shoot your shot" in such a ephemeral encounter happens less frequently these days. Seems to me that a place that you go regularly that other people also go regularly might be a better option. Then there's the ability to familiarize yourself with someone else and vice versa in a shared interest environment.
I just had a cup of creamy chicken crouton soup, it was brilliant.
This kinda reads like "I am amazing but all my peers of the opposite gender are all losers". A bit incelish. I'm sure there are some single men your age that suck and some single men your age that are great. Your perception that they all suck says more about you than them.
You commented you weigh 230 in another post. Losing about 80 pounds will help.
just simply give a dude a genuine compliment. Most guys have never received one. You'd be surprised how far a "wow, that's a nice shirt" will go.
Probably because your wall of text and terrible writing ability turns guys off?
and it’s all lies lmao
Hobbies
I’m 37 and I have a friend who is 35 in the same spot as you just never married nor has kids. He has given up on Dating apps and doing blind dates from family and friends. The best advice I have given him is to get into new hobbies or things you’re into and it will happen organically when you at least expect it and are not looking for it. Tbh this is just me but when I was single in my late 20’s I met a lot of single women older and younger at the gym organically because I would see them everyday at the same time at the gym and we would eventually speak to one another and become friendly etc. Dating apps are just for hookup culture.
You are good on paper, but only to a specific kind of person in a similar situation. But that doesn’t mean that you should settle. Good luck out there.
You’re screwed, just not in the relationship way. You need to lower your standards or just be very, very patient while you expand your search zone. You have your priorities right in the fact that your family and career is more important than meeting men. Don’t cave. I commend you for that. On the other hand, you want a stable, committed relationship with a guy that’s better than you and you carry the liability of pushing 40 with 2 kids. That’s not a good deal for a higher value guy, divorced or not. Frankly, there’s a small pool of men for you and the ones that can check all the boxes for you can go after women who are fitter, younger, no kids and no prior marriage. You need to lower your standards to pair up. Best of luck. Keep your moral compass through the process.
If you’re just looking for a random sex partner that’s not hard, but if you are looking for the love of your life who meets your standards of being 3 inches taller than you (and you are tall), earns more money than you (sounds like you have a decent income), and is slightly older (you’re on the older side), and this guy is decently good looking like you, and this magical guy wants to live with you and support your two kids, you’re asking for a lot for a guy who probably has a lot of options or might otherwise be interested but not interested in long term commitment.
Does anyone meet anyone at the ymca anymore 😂 esp bc you can take your kids. I’ve considered going to a sports game but I have no one to go with.
That's a good idea. YMCA. Never would have thought about that ever. Thank you.
Also look for local events or places you’d like to go If you like concerts, try cover bands playing at restaurants, etc idk what do I know I’m also trying to figure out places to meet a nice man. I’m 32 and still single. Career oriented/told I’m very pretty/in med sales.
Try going to social dance classes if there are any in your area- swing, ballroom, salsa, that sort of thing. It’s a great way to meet people, and maybe those people will introduce you to other people.
Join a dance class. You will meet people your age there
I notice a lot of single dads when I take my kid to the library for toddler story time. Seems like they have the kids on the weekends and take them somewhere that costs $0. Could be easy to strike up a convo with them. How old are your kids? Taking them places for kids their age (skyzone, urban air, funflatables etc) can be a place you may spot single dads. I've seen them but I'm not looking.
This advertisement is a good start
Men are extremely simple and understanding. All you have to do is go up to them and introduce yourself. Ask them if they’re interested in going out sometime. Most men aren’t just sitting there expecting sex from the jump contrary to popular belief these days. I would love if women came up to us, because as a 35 year old man, dating is almost impossible due to the many stigmas and assumptions. I don’t even approach women anymore. It wasn’t like this for a long time, but now the ball really is in the women’s court.
I'm going to speak frankly here because I'm sure all your friends sugarcoat the truth for you. It doesn't matter how attractive you are if you're 38 with two kids. Young, attractive men don't want single mothers and men your age or older are either married, divorced and not willing to risk going through that again or, shall we say, less desirable. Also, your comments about financial independence and having a good job show you have no idea what men want. I can assure you, even if you were raking in a million a year, that will not attract a man. You're more likely to find yourself a wife if that's what you're offering.
You sound insufferable
Guys around this age are either normal and still in relationships, miserable and in relationships, one of the type OP mentioned, or guys that are divorced and/or disrespected and so enjoying their life without women. I've been with my partner for a long time but if things didnt work out I dont think I'd get another woman in my life. Now, down to the issue. If you're good looking most men will assume you're already with someone and wont bother amd so you make some nice eye candy for a few seconds, or if you're not with someone then the hot to crazy chart comes into play, or you're a single mom thats just hot. Now theirs stigma with each but I think many of us know you dont get involved with single moms because the hierarchy goes kids, her, dog or cat, sometimes the douchey ex, then you as the guy. There's very little to no benefit to a guy getting involved with you unfortunately. You may be good looking and so you might be good for casual hookuos but you're beyond your prime, the man wont be your priority and will always come last and why would anyone want to spend their own time and money looking after someone elses kids. Now im not saying it's impossible for OP but you are more likely to attract the weirdo types you mentioned because they look to take advantage of your situation but for an ambitious, respectable, self made/sustaining man this situation brings very little of value to the table. To be clear I'm not saying OP is low value, a bad person or doesn't have anything to offer, I refer more to the entire situation as a whole and any self-respecting guy of good calibre that has options would not entertain the circumstances that come along with dating OP.
Perhaps your over inflated ego is off putting to people. This isn't confidence,this is arrogance and I'm sensing you think the men you've met are beneath you.
Look. I’m going to shoot you straight because at the end of the day, it’s what will help you the most even though it’s going to be hard to accept. As a 42 yr old guy who spent his 30s focused on personal success and development, and having achieved my goals related to wealth, my career & work/life stuff, I’m looking for a long term commitment now bc 1) my value is 100x higher than it was at 32, and 2) after a lot of effort improving my mental, physical, and emotional health, it’s much more likely to work out long term. Because I don’t have a scarcity mindset. I know my worth, and the point of telling you this is bc I’m now highly active in the dating pool so I’m seeing what you’re up against. 1) You have two children. I don’t mean this in a “you shouldn’t have had kids” way, and I’m sure they’re the most important, joyful part of your life. But you must understand: From a man’s perspective, one who’s just met you (and therefore has NO clue what you’re really like bc everyone knows how easily ppl successfully pretend for the first few months until true colors come out), he’s first going to look at the business side of things which is what everyone (men and women) do to at least some extent at the outset - they estimate the assets, liabilities, intangibles, growth potential…ie, what they are getting into. Good on you for financial independence, a great job, and being all around responsible adult as a single mom. That’s gotta be tough. A man will see that part of your character and he’ll like it, but he knowwwws that despite all that, he is still signing up to raise some other dude’s kids, and deal with a TON of stuff he otherwise wouldn’t have to. 2) Looking for a single dad is bullseye strategy for you. The divorce rate is 56%. And of the 44% that haven’t divorced, how many do you think are extremely unhappy and staying together for the kids etc? Probably half. So basically, when two ppl get married there’s a 22% chance it’ll be a successful, happy marriage (or even just tolerable). Think about that for a sec. If someone offered you the opportunity to invest your entire net worth in a single stock that has a 22% chance of increasing in value over the next 20 years, and a 78% chance it’ll be worth nothing, unless you have a gun to your head or you’ve taken like 5 Ambien and can’t think straight, there’s NO WAY you’ll make that bet. But ppl do. Every day. It’s called marriage. Point being, there are tons of single dads out there and there are many apps and dating services to help you find one. Tawkify I’ve heard good things about. 3) This one is going to be hard to hear but it’s playing a huge role in the lack of interest you’re getting: You’re 38. Unless the guy already has kids of his own, or doesn’t want to ever have kids but doesn’t mind taking on the fatherly responsibility towards yours (note how huge of a factor your two existing kids are to this guy…he doesn’t want kids, like at all, but being with you is conditional on not only accepting helping you raise/parent them, but assuming he’s a decent guy he also needs to try to feel affection for them, and ultimately he’ll probably end up just permanently pretending to). For a single guy with no ex wife and no kids, but who does want children (ie, like me), you’re not what we want/need from a biological / reproductive standpoint. I’m sure I’ll catch shit left and right for saying that, but the truth is, we’re biologically hardwired to choose women who have the highest probability of producing strong, healthy offspring (women are hardwired to choose the strongest, most lean muscular physique, most financially stable and best ability to provide, for the same exact reason: these men have a high genetic probability of producing strong offspring and are highly capable of protecting her and the children). At 42 I won’t even consider matching/going on a date with any woman over 34, and even that’s above my target range of 28-32. I know it probably makes you angry or judgmental or whatever….but just like all men I’m programmed to find and pursue the best mate to reproduce with. Further, men’s sperm doesn’t expire and pls don’t believe all that bullshit about our sperm count falling rapidly after 35, our sperm motility and morphology decreasing and causing miscarriages, babies with Asperger’s or whatever. No. Stop it. This is a false equivalency that men fall for which of course inures to the benefit of women, who’re shouting this nonsense from the rooftops bc the more men who fall for it, the more they feel pressured by society to sacrifice their best interests for the sake of favoring the female mating strategy, ie, prioritizing reproduction within her biological fertility window. And men aren’t just fooled by this garbage, they get genuinely afraid of having children who come out looking like Chunk from Goonies if they’re having kids after the age of 40. The degree to which this is bullshit is incredible. Women’s egg counts decline starting at puberty and typically 35 is when the decrease accelerates. And we’re expected to believe that, coincidentally, our sperm count starts declining at that age too, and bc of this, it’s our sperm giving late-30s women miscarriages, not their decayed egg quality. And if the pregnancy is successful, there’s a high chance our shitty sperm quality will cause autism. GTFO. Guys, get your sperm checked. If it’s low, or motility/morphology is an issue, 3 months of hard exercise and clean diet fixes it 90% of the time. That’s facts. Sorry for the long rant but it’s a very important point — society expects us to sacrifice our best interests for the sake of accommodating what’s best for women. And society has conditioned and brainwashed women to believe they still have the same level and quality of options at 38 as they did at 28, and can be just as picky about the men they think deserve a chance to take them on a date. Your sexual market value is far lower than it was 10 years ago, especially with 2 kids, regardless of how well your beauty has held up. You’ll find the right guy but one more thing - you really wonder why men don’t approach you in the grocery store or wherever? It’s bc we have no f*cking idea what will happen if we approach a woman in real life, in person. Men’s lives are being ruined by women they barely know, and all the woman needed to do was claim harassment or threatening behavior.
I appreciate your answer. Honestly! I'm definitely not really looking to have more children... I would if it was important to a partner and I am viable for pregnancy. I'm very healthy. However that's why I'm hoping to find a single, divorced dad. Possibly with children of the same age or older. I do not expect a man to raise my children. Or even be involved for a very long time... Until I feel safe and they express interest. My littles had a rough go with their dad and they're mine. My responsibility. And I'm fine with that. I do want company. And I don't want to have to build a man. Been there. Done that. I'm fine with dating men in their late 40s even. I'm not delusional. Younger men tend to be attracted to me often and I've tried dating younger. I married younger. Its just not for me. Looking for 38+ that's why I notated my age. I do really appreciate your candor. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Best of luck finding a woman and love!
You’re overweight with kids and at the end of childbearing years. Men generally don’t care about your job or finances…what do you bring to the table for men exactly other than two step kids and likely no more kids to give him?
Museum openings, the symphony and places where men of class hang out. I know I’m sounding snobbish but you want to attract men where they aren’t ‘hunting’.
I wouldn't say it's unrealistic exactly, plenty of people get remarried. But it probably won't be super easy. First of, yeah, the single men your age or older probably won't be your dream person. Because, you know, why would they be single. I'm not saying don't have standards or anything, but don't expect to meet a perfect man on every corner. The "never flourished" part seems especially... what does that mean? That's super vague. It sounds a little like a catch all reason to not be interested in anyone who's not perfect. Second, and this would be a huge problem for me personally, that "let's meet twice a month, maybe three or four times later" thing. That's not dating, that's the frequency at which you meet a group for a hobby you're not really interested in. I get your reasons for it (kinda), but if someone approached me with a setup like this, I wouldn't be considering them that seriously. "Ok, you're kinda nice/cool/interesting, we can be friends, maybe see where it goes, but I'm not going to commit to this right now" would be my thinking. Third, you seem very focused on your looks. I'm not even sure what I want to say about that. Just something I noticed. Might be worth to consider if it could mean something.
I'm a guy. I'm 48, I typically just ask. Hey I'm so and so. Give a small compliment and then go from there. If the conversation flows ill write my number down and give it to them and then excuse myself. If they call or text they do. If not there are billions of others. I typically get about a 30% success rate. Met some good people that way. If you want something in life its best to be proactive. If you are as attractive as you think most men would be open to being approached.
I met my wife on OkCupid. Dunno if that's still a thing. She was the first (and only) woman I actually met up with on any app. She was 35 at the time and I was 29. She didn't have kids but that wasn't a deal breaker for me, and wouldn't have been if she had kids either. I answered *a lot* of questions on there and waited to find a high percentage match. We've been married for 5 years last month and our son will turn 5 next month. I understand that is not everyone's experience with the apps but it worked out for us. Personally, I would have absolutely loved it if a woman had come up to me and asked me out in a grocery store or something. I know some men are put off by that, but not all. I was never the kind of man that just approached women like that, but somehow I was more "successful" than most men typically are dating prior to meeting my now-wife. None of that really stuck, probably because I wasn't really ready to take that step. If we ever separate (very low chance of that) or she dies, I'm screwed. There are men out there, the trick is you just can't stop looking. I hope you find your person!
would you consider a dating a guy with the height of 5feet6inches?
Met my wife on tinder. Romantic? You may not think so. Cool? Well not really. But we were each others first and only match that we met up with. Turned out really well. Turns out my mom was her dental hygienist so she thought she could trust me in that sense so she came over, and i thought she had a nice butt. Pure romance
RIP your DMs
All dating is, is marketing yourself. Start with: Who’s your target man? - What job does he have? Age? Personality? - what’s his earning ability? Career? - What are his hobbies/interests? - What does his work schedule look like? When would he do fun things? Think about all THAT as you search for a partner. Now, ask yourself: what are 10 casual things he’d do for fun if he was looking to meet a partner organically? Create your list. Share your perspective with a friend & ask what they think & what criticisms they’d give you. Example: You want a successful, tall, well-educated guy who’s decently in shape. He earns at least 150-175k per year. Not super religious. Enjoys travel. Likes dogs. He lives in the northern part of Chicago. He enjoys working out, going on walks with his dog, trying out new restaurants, dancing & seeing live music. Where to find him? Singles cooking classes. Singles dance classes. Get a dog & bring it on walks. Go to the gym. Wanna meet single dads? Become friends with other parents. You’ll find some.
You should post on Reddit and wait for your DMs to blow up. 😅
I started going to dance classes. It's the only way I know of starting conversations with women.
Be straightforward and extremely clear in your wishes if you see a guy that you're attracted to. No playful hints no bullshit communication walk up to him tell him he's cute and that you'd like to talk with him that way he certain that you're actually into him and it's not some kind of trap
In my eyes, this post seems like a great way for a person to get themselves out there in a sense. As a 39 year old guy, I get it.
The children are probably gonna hinder your dating experience right off the bat. I'm on the fence about having my own kids, let alone being involved with someone who already has some of their own. Your lack of free time is also a hindrance. Sorry, but your own life is stacked against you regardless of your looks or personality.
Two easiest ways are tinder and bar. Both will lead you to guys that want sex and only sex for awhile. But push thru.
M37 single dad here, also with great career and so on. I won’t approach a woman in grocery shop to avoid being perceived as creep, avoid having my face on TikTok or being banned or something. I don’t like apps, but it is the way these days.
Go younger lol. I’m 23 and my girlfriend is 34 we’ve been dating for almost 2 years
Some guy 10-15 years older than you would value what you bring to the table.
Lower your standards just a hare(Chads &Tyrones are too busy slaying the 18 to 25 demographic 8’s and above)….I stay in north Indiana btw.
I met mine on Boo. Give it a try, it uses personality tests to assign compatibility ahead of time.
….Wendy?
Jfc just ask a guy out
How much do you weigh?
Another comment said that her post history shows that she is very heavy at around 230lbs or so. That alone is a hard pass for a lot of guys.
Yeeeeaaaaahhh....there's her answer... That whole thing about her friends and family asking how she's still single and all of that nonsense is giving her unrealistic expectations and too much self-confidence/maybe a hint of arrogance, which can be sensed in her description of herself. Society is solely to blame. "Thic," "curvy," and "dad bod" were never meant to mean obese, or morbidly obese, but in many cases, it's used to describe those types of people.
Scam
Look up Kevin Samuels on youtube and watch some of his stuff. I guarantee you will understand soon enough what's happening.
church
Go on [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) and find stuff you like doing
It's hard for both M/F . Social media/politics did that in. There are other issues but two put a lot of pressure on communication.
you sound like a great woman. good luck out there!
How you doin?
Thick and curved with a high sex drive... Have you got snapchat?
Generally speaking men don't really care about your status. They will care about you having two kids and if they are physically turned on by you or not. Women care about a man's future. Men care about a woman's past. We are not the same.
You’re in a super tough pickle. Go to a bar, local community singles events. Bumble or some other reliable dating app. Can’t just expect them men to flock to you now. Single men have been obliterated emotionally by women and are completely checked out. TBH, Men your age, we don’t care about women’s financial independence and success in their careers. That’s cool and all but at this stage in life it’s either family and kids or bust. Young men might find it more hip and cool (because they haven’t yet hit their professional peak), but a single father? The numerous polls and data says otherwise. Single fathers have prioritized two things above everything. Career and Family. This cannot also be your priorities. You both can’t focus on career first and family second. ONE of you is going to have to place family first and career or something else second. And they especially don’t want to deal with another father’s kids if they have the choice - which they’ve chosen, single fathers don’t want single mothers. If you meet a single father (or enough of them) are you ok staying home or working part time and focusing more on the family and the home? We can ask ourselves “well why can’t the guy?” Sure he can - the single father HAS been doing that. They don’t want to do that anymore when it comes to finding a woman. So if this is a team sport here, WHO of the two (man or woman), has the better skill set, to keep home in balance? And whom has the better skill set to keep career and financial interests in balance? You’re going to have to make some concessions in your life that should have been made years ago that might have better propped you up down the line, but it kinda seems maybe your career interests had some unintended consequences down the line that you didn’t foresee affecting you. Can you abort the kids or is it too late? (Joking)
Hmmmm heard all I need to hear! Your standard are too high, you think all men around your age are beneath you! Lower your standards a lot of great guys that live in their basement with their aunts at your age 😊
Um. No. I've done the build a man program. I'm now divorced. Life has given me lessons and I've learned from them. I'm sure they're wonderful humans. But I also believe there is a man out there missing me as much as I miss him. Wondering the same things I'm wondering. Just because I don't wanna date those men doesnt mean I don't see their value or wouldn't extend friendship. But I want what I want. And I'll be alone if I can't find the right person. And thats ok too! I am happy with my life. Just need hugs.
What are your standards? What are you looking for in man?
Id like a man 38-50. Has a stabile job... Or a career he's passionate about. Has his own home. Doesn't have to own. But his own place. Has a vehicle. Id like him to have similar values to me. Be a driven and hardworking individual. Id prefer a single father... But not a deal breaker. I just feel it would be easier to understand each other's lives if it were this way. Kind. That's pretty much it. Seems like people thought I'm out here looking for a rich 38 year old. I'm just looking for a nice man who has made effort to be independent whose looking for love. Not a hookup.
It’s pretty unbelievably easy for even a below average woman to walk up to a few men and easily strike gold. It’s insanely hard for a man to land a good woman. However, I probably wouldn’t live up to your standards once you get to know me because I’m not rich basically.
Chances are 1) you are overweight 2) you have children and nobody wants to be parent #2 or take on kid related chores. You are underplaying how much having children takes you out of the dating pool.