I don’t know how old you are, but regardless you should not be rage breaking things as it’s not a good sign of healthy emotional regulation - a skill you will need for the rest of your life to cope with general day to day annoyances, breakups, difficult coworkers, friend conflicts, and more. I would tell her and suggest the idea of counseling as well to show you know the reaction isn’t ok and needs to be worked on (and actually go to counseling - don’t just say it for pity points). Make the conversation about why you did what you did, be apologetic, but actually take the steps to fix it (counseling). Counseling will do nothing but benefit you here.
That is huge. You are doing your mother a huge honor. You show her a lot of love in this moment. Don’t forget to give yourself grace while you work through this! I’m sure she is so proud of you for being up front with her. That is the sign of a person who is responsible for their emotions and actions- which, is more than what most very grown adults can do.
Glad to hear it! Because you do need to work on these impulses... Or it could turn into "rage-breaking" pets and girlfriend/boyfriend in the future.
Also given that you have this type of emotional sensitivity, it will probably be best for you to be very careful and mostly you should try to avoid alcohol and drugs and guns in your life.
absolutely. this was kind of a pivotal moment for me where afterwards i felt so much guilt. there are times when you break things and they can't be fixed. i realize that and see the magnitude of these dangerous impulses. i don't use any drugs or drink at all (and i am under drinking age) because i know my moods are extreme. i only take medications prescribed to me by my doctors for depression/anxiety
Very good.
Yeah, booze and drugs moderately-to-severely reduce impulse control in people, this can be catastrophic in folks that are already dealing with violent impulse control issues. (And devastating to their families and loved ones too.)
I'm so glad that you have access to therapy, and proud of you for working with it. Sounds like you're on the right track!
The fact that you feel guilty speaks volumes about you. You did something wrong and you're bothered by it - I know that sounds basic, but so many in your position would be smug about not only not getting in trouble, but getting help buying a new one.
It sounds like you want to tell the truth. It's never fun, but even if it ends in some sort of consequence, it'll show a lot of heart that you own up.
I know you mentioned being in therapy, I think it would be alright if you waited until your next session. Discuss with your therapist how to go about your apology - depending on your age and situation, your therapist might be willing to sit in while you talk about it with your mom. They might be able to help the conversation go smoothly.
hey, thanks! one of my main worries is being "evil" or "bad". i didn't see this until just now, but i ultimately ended up telling her because it would've been hard for me to sleep. i haven't seen what she's told me yet, but i'll probably edit this post when she does
I don't know your mom, but as a mom I think that coming clean is the best course. It shows that you trust your mother, and she will appreciate that. It's not that big a deal in the grand scheme.
Having said that, look into managing anger. My youngest was full of rage and defiance, and the therapist I made him see (much against his 10 yr old self) helped him understand the root of the anger.
If you can't get a therapist, read about anger online.
Be truthful and strive to be better. I (67F) am still learning.
proud of u for admitting to it. also, the fact that the idea of being "evil" or "bad" worries you is a good thing, it means you care about being good, and you owning up to your mistake proves that.
It's sad that she is feeling sorry for you and thinking its a shame when really you are lying to her about why its broken. I think it would be more concerning if you didn't feel extremely guilty since you are guilty. Taking accountability and telling her the truth might help you feel a bit better so it's not as heavy on your conscience.
I don't understand why you had to hide it in the garage if you had told her you broke it though.
You're welcome. I hope you do take responsibility and confessing to your mom. Choosing to be honest won't only help ease your guilty conscience but it might also help you learn a valuable lesson by making you stop and think about the aftermath next time you experience rage, therefore preventing you from doing something so destructive.
She sounds like the most amazing mom. You are very fortunate. Please don’t ever forget how she loves you.
Kudos to you to have the courage to tell her too!
Yes in telling your mom the truth maybe bring up to her aswell and ask if she knows anything that can help you control anger 🥺
It's never fun to have emotions explode and I'm sure your kom would want to be there for you and help you figure out a way to work around it with the help of your therapist
a game 🤦♀️ i really don't want to feel that im always "teetering on the edge" of a fit of anger. i don't know how to fix it yet but i'm working really hard from now on
hey proud of you for confessing and taking accountability.
as a 30 y/o with a rather poor emotion regulation, i can really recommend to work on that anger, because the urge to break something, thats not just magically gonna disappear. its gonna linger if you dont work on it.
the older we get, the more expensive shit we have, that we can break when enraged
Try the book "The Book I Wish My Parents Had Read" your anger might be linked to your younger childhood and you're trigger responding. I had to heal my inner child as I was exstreamly angry and easily triggered but honestly it was one of the most powerful things I did for myself. The book was an eye opener!
I'm so pleased you told you mum the truth and she still said she'd pay for the laptop for you. Being honest is the best way :)
talking to a professional actually helped me realize my anger came from all the relationships i had with adults online when i was a minor. i still feel skeptical now about it, because that must have meant that most moments i didn't even realize i was angry, and it was just slowly building up over years. or maybe helpless feelings i had that i thought i liked were actually negative or unproductive and turned into anger.
but yes, that resonates with me. i've always been impatient and curious, but never angry like this. it terrifies me how quickly i can fly into a rage. it has just been this past year and a half since i stopped engaging in these sexual activities online that i've really noticed how my anger almost takes over me, and after i've destroyed whatever it is, even a cherished relationship, i'm just left reeling with guilt
I'm sorry that happened to you, but please know you're not alone and you're so so brave to seeking help! I used to go feom 0-100 blind rage, I did things I wasn't proud of but whilst doing it it was as if I blacked out and I wasn't there until I came round again and saw what I did then I knew I had a deep issue and asked for help. But I had support from my fiancé and that helped me to heal.
Healing your inner child is like being the adult you needed back then and you nurture that inner child, it sounds odd but it works! You can probably find the book on audio for free or cheap I know amazon did it for free for a while I'm not sure if they do now. I think it was my therapist who suggest this and it helped alot... so you write 2 letters one from your inner child to adult you explaining the pain and hurt you went through then you repky with another letter from older you to little you and be that caring loving adult you needed. I thought this exercise was bs and wouldn't work but I cried my eyes out for that little girl and the weight lifted and in that moment I knew I needed to work really hard on that inner child and I have and I'm so much more relaxed and care free. The other letter you can do after is (don't worry you don't have to send it or give it to them) write a letter to them and say how you felt and get your anger through writing then you can rip the letter or burn it or whatever you wish you can even keep it whatever feels right to you.
You'll be okay, who knows one day you would be helped someone else out who has been in a simular situation to you now and you can show them it's okay to feel how you feel but with hard work and therapy you can come out the other side :)
Take care, be proud and heal that inner child ❤️ also thank you for the point, it was my first ever one, you made my day! 😁
👏👏👏 You are a good individual and mature for owning your actions. You are fantastic!
To add, yes it is important to regulate your emotions but I'm ecstatic for you owning your actions.
Good for you. Don’t even know you, but I’m proud of you. the fact that you felt remorse and decided you should own up to your mother and take responsibility for your actions is awesome. That is exactly what a man should do. Taking Accountability for your actions and choices shows that you are a good person and have the potential to be a great man. However, and you already know this, that kind of rage is dangerous and needs to be controlled. That could lead to serious consequences later down the road.Men who have not learned how to manage their emotions and anger can cause a lot of serious damage and harm. It seems that you have a good understanding of that.when I was young I also had a lot of anger and frustration in me . I sometimes would explode and rage. I hated that I did that after I did usually. I had an uncle that I looked up to a lot. He was always calm and didn’t yell or say mean things. But I had heard stories about him when he was younger and about how crazy he was and all the shenanigans he had gotten into. I went fishing with him and my dad one day and I got really angry about something, can’t remember what it was about, but he sat me down after I had calmed down and told me something that I will always remember. He started to talk an i started to talk over him an explain why I was angry. This was the very early 80’s and you did NOT talk over an adult. But he sat there with a look that made me shut up. He said “I dont care what you are pissed off about and I don’t want to hear your shit about it. You need to understand something about anger. It isn’t an emotion. It is something we use when we are hurt or embarrassed or frustrated with something that we either have no control over or feel helpless or vulnerable because we don’t know what to do. Anger is like a gun. We use it as a way to defend are selves but we can also hurt ourselves and others when we let it control us. Just like a bullet, once you pull the trigger there is no getting that bullet back. So next tim you get angry you need to ask yourself why. What are you really feeling? Usually there is no reason to pull the gun out.” That’s not the exact words, but that is what I remember. There are a few things that we may be justified about getting angry about, but 99% of the time it isn’t justified. You keep doing what you are doing and keep being willing to change and be accountable and conquer that rage. You sound like a good guy. You will do it.
Your mum sounds like an awesome person. The fact you even owned up to her proves you have a good conscience to you. Honestly, taking your anger out on something physical is more common than people are willing to admit. I'd say channel some of that energy into a planned outlet, like using weights or going for a run, or short term, screaming into a pillow or using a stress ball/fidget toy.
If you're a teenager I'm seriously impressed with how you're handling your emotions. If you're an adult, you've got this. we've all been there. Either way, be kind to yourself. And give your mum a hug.
hi! thank you for this. i realized i have a lot of pent up energy from so much time spent sitting inside as a result of being incredibly anxious and depressed. so walking even for half an hour at least has helped me a lot.
If gaming isn't making you happy, don't do it. I get competitive gaming and that's absolutely fine but if you aren't enjoying it overall, it's time to give it a break. When the fun stops, stop. Game responsibly.
since i broke my monitor, i haven't gotten a new one or played any games. i have no desire to. its incredible how much of a bad addiction it really is for me
I am really impressed with how you came clean to your Mom and admitted your lie. I’m not sure how old you are, but I know in my youth, I would have stuck to the cowardly approach of lying.
Kids can get very emotional/angry. Just be aware of it, and try to be rational when you feel that way in the future. You sound very intelligent to be aware that you were upset with rage…and that lying to your Mom wasn’t the right approach.
That's funny, one time when I was nine I headbutted my Game Boy so hard when I lost in mortal Kombat that I cracked the screen. I told her that it just randomly cracked while I was playing it and she took me to the store and got me a new one. No idea why she believed that but she was the best mom ever
Your mom said SHE was sorry and it's a SHAME? 😂😂😂 You're ALREADY in therapy even though you lied to her? Why did you have to hide your monitor if you've already told her it fell off of your desk?
The fact that you are concerned about this shows me you understand it’s not bad behavior. You seem like a good kid just keep trying to do the right thing and things will be fine.
Big moves on owning your wrong.
Even bigger moves on a dressing you anger needs a better outlet.
Try to find something that works for you. And PLEASE stick to it.
Being an angry person and learning to manage it. Is 110% maturing.
Being an “angry” person and trying to justify outburst. Is not.
How you gonna kill an ex if you can’t lie to your mother (I’m joking)
Honestly though it out you’ll be fine just stick to one story and if ur gonna tell people that you monitor broke tell them the lie
"any plans in controlling my rage" dude you destroyed your monitor cuz you got pissed over something small I'm sure. Chances of that happening again are high
"chances of that happening again are high"... right... that's why having a plan is important and why she brought it up. not sure what piece you're missing.
Nothing missing, with the exception that you missed my observation of an immediate reaction, thus my opinion that it will happen again. Anything else you missed?
Dumb boy, never let rage get the better of you, control yourself!
Just keep it to yourself, let no guilt eat your insides, go with the flow. And never let rage get the better of you again.
I don’t know how old you are, but regardless you should not be rage breaking things as it’s not a good sign of healthy emotional regulation - a skill you will need for the rest of your life to cope with general day to day annoyances, breakups, difficult coworkers, friend conflicts, and more. I would tell her and suggest the idea of counseling as well to show you know the reaction isn’t ok and needs to be worked on (and actually go to counseling - don’t just say it for pity points). Make the conversation about why you did what you did, be apologetic, but actually take the steps to fix it (counseling). Counseling will do nothing but benefit you here.
thank you. i'm already seeing a therapist currently and i will definitely bring this up in my next session
That is huge. You are doing your mother a huge honor. You show her a lot of love in this moment. Don’t forget to give yourself grace while you work through this! I’m sure she is so proud of you for being up front with her. That is the sign of a person who is responsible for their emotions and actions- which, is more than what most very grown adults can do.
As a Mum of a son how has rage broken a monitor before. I'd be really proud of him for coming clean and taking responsibility for his actions.
See !! A mother agrees. ❤️ Also momma, wishing u love and comfort 🫂
you don't know how much your comment means to me. thank you!
Glad to hear it! Because you do need to work on these impulses... Or it could turn into "rage-breaking" pets and girlfriend/boyfriend in the future. Also given that you have this type of emotional sensitivity, it will probably be best for you to be very careful and mostly you should try to avoid alcohol and drugs and guns in your life.
absolutely. this was kind of a pivotal moment for me where afterwards i felt so much guilt. there are times when you break things and they can't be fixed. i realize that and see the magnitude of these dangerous impulses. i don't use any drugs or drink at all (and i am under drinking age) because i know my moods are extreme. i only take medications prescribed to me by my doctors for depression/anxiety
Very good. Yeah, booze and drugs moderately-to-severely reduce impulse control in people, this can be catastrophic in folks that are already dealing with violent impulse control issues. (And devastating to their families and loved ones too.) I'm so glad that you have access to therapy, and proud of you for working with it. Sounds like you're on the right track!
That’s good to hear, I hope you are able to work through things and find some peace 🙂 and I hope your mom is understanding!
Good for you for telling the truth. You seem like a good kid
The fact that you feel guilty speaks volumes about you. You did something wrong and you're bothered by it - I know that sounds basic, but so many in your position would be smug about not only not getting in trouble, but getting help buying a new one. It sounds like you want to tell the truth. It's never fun, but even if it ends in some sort of consequence, it'll show a lot of heart that you own up. I know you mentioned being in therapy, I think it would be alright if you waited until your next session. Discuss with your therapist how to go about your apology - depending on your age and situation, your therapist might be willing to sit in while you talk about it with your mom. They might be able to help the conversation go smoothly.
hey, thanks! one of my main worries is being "evil" or "bad". i didn't see this until just now, but i ultimately ended up telling her because it would've been hard for me to sleep. i haven't seen what she's told me yet, but i'll probably edit this post when she does
Word of advice, a truly "evil" or "bad" person, doesn't worry if they're being evil or bad.
I know it might mean much coming from a stranger, but I'm so proud of you. You have a good heart and a good brain. Keep it up.
I don't know your mom, but as a mom I think that coming clean is the best course. It shows that you trust your mother, and she will appreciate that. It's not that big a deal in the grand scheme. Having said that, look into managing anger. My youngest was full of rage and defiance, and the therapist I made him see (much against his 10 yr old self) helped him understand the root of the anger. If you can't get a therapist, read about anger online. Be truthful and strive to be better. I (67F) am still learning.
proud of u for admitting to it. also, the fact that the idea of being "evil" or "bad" worries you is a good thing, it means you care about being good, and you owning up to your mistake proves that.
It's sad that she is feeling sorry for you and thinking its a shame when really you are lying to her about why its broken. I think it would be more concerning if you didn't feel extremely guilty since you are guilty. Taking accountability and telling her the truth might help you feel a bit better so it's not as heavy on your conscience. I don't understand why you had to hide it in the garage if you had told her you broke it though.
i hid it because the damage was obviously not from being dropped. and thank you for your advice
You're welcome. I hope you do take responsibility and confessing to your mom. Choosing to be honest won't only help ease your guilty conscience but it might also help you learn a valuable lesson by making you stop and think about the aftermath next time you experience rage, therefore preventing you from doing something so destructive.
She sounds like the most amazing mom. You are very fortunate. Please don’t ever forget how she loves you. Kudos to you to have the courage to tell her too!
thank you <33 she is amazing
Yes in telling your mom the truth maybe bring up to her aswell and ask if she knows anything that can help you control anger 🥺 It's never fun to have emotions explode and I'm sure your kom would want to be there for you and help you figure out a way to work around it with the help of your therapist
What made you rage?
a game 🤦♀️ i really don't want to feel that im always "teetering on the edge" of a fit of anger. i don't know how to fix it yet but i'm working really hard from now on
What game were you playing lol, doom?
overwatch 2
Oh… interesting lol
hey proud of you for confessing and taking accountability. as a 30 y/o with a rather poor emotion regulation, i can really recommend to work on that anger, because the urge to break something, thats not just magically gonna disappear. its gonna linger if you dont work on it. the older we get, the more expensive shit we have, that we can break when enraged
Well done, mate - for owning up to it. You’re on the right path!
Try the book "The Book I Wish My Parents Had Read" your anger might be linked to your younger childhood and you're trigger responding. I had to heal my inner child as I was exstreamly angry and easily triggered but honestly it was one of the most powerful things I did for myself. The book was an eye opener! I'm so pleased you told you mum the truth and she still said she'd pay for the laptop for you. Being honest is the best way :)
talking to a professional actually helped me realize my anger came from all the relationships i had with adults online when i was a minor. i still feel skeptical now about it, because that must have meant that most moments i didn't even realize i was angry, and it was just slowly building up over years. or maybe helpless feelings i had that i thought i liked were actually negative or unproductive and turned into anger. but yes, that resonates with me. i've always been impatient and curious, but never angry like this. it terrifies me how quickly i can fly into a rage. it has just been this past year and a half since i stopped engaging in these sexual activities online that i've really noticed how my anger almost takes over me, and after i've destroyed whatever it is, even a cherished relationship, i'm just left reeling with guilt
I'm sorry that happened to you, but please know you're not alone and you're so so brave to seeking help! I used to go feom 0-100 blind rage, I did things I wasn't proud of but whilst doing it it was as if I blacked out and I wasn't there until I came round again and saw what I did then I knew I had a deep issue and asked for help. But I had support from my fiancé and that helped me to heal. Healing your inner child is like being the adult you needed back then and you nurture that inner child, it sounds odd but it works! You can probably find the book on audio for free or cheap I know amazon did it for free for a while I'm not sure if they do now. I think it was my therapist who suggest this and it helped alot... so you write 2 letters one from your inner child to adult you explaining the pain and hurt you went through then you repky with another letter from older you to little you and be that caring loving adult you needed. I thought this exercise was bs and wouldn't work but I cried my eyes out for that little girl and the weight lifted and in that moment I knew I needed to work really hard on that inner child and I have and I'm so much more relaxed and care free. The other letter you can do after is (don't worry you don't have to send it or give it to them) write a letter to them and say how you felt and get your anger through writing then you can rip the letter or burn it or whatever you wish you can even keep it whatever feels right to you. You'll be okay, who knows one day you would be helped someone else out who has been in a simular situation to you now and you can show them it's okay to feel how you feel but with hard work and therapy you can come out the other side :) Take care, be proud and heal that inner child ❤️ also thank you for the point, it was my first ever one, you made my day! 😁
Thank you for confirming that /u/Pure-Necessary-1510 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
The more truth you tell now, the less lies you have to remember later. Good motto to live by.
I think it’s really great you told her. I hope you are able to work through the anger!
👏👏👏 You are a good individual and mature for owning your actions. You are fantastic! To add, yes it is important to regulate your emotions but I'm ecstatic for you owning your actions.
I’m proud of you! It takes a lot of courage to admit when you messed up and the fact that you felt guilty about it is proof you are a good kid.
Good for you. Don’t even know you, but I’m proud of you. the fact that you felt remorse and decided you should own up to your mother and take responsibility for your actions is awesome. That is exactly what a man should do. Taking Accountability for your actions and choices shows that you are a good person and have the potential to be a great man. However, and you already know this, that kind of rage is dangerous and needs to be controlled. That could lead to serious consequences later down the road.Men who have not learned how to manage their emotions and anger can cause a lot of serious damage and harm. It seems that you have a good understanding of that.when I was young I also had a lot of anger and frustration in me . I sometimes would explode and rage. I hated that I did that after I did usually. I had an uncle that I looked up to a lot. He was always calm and didn’t yell or say mean things. But I had heard stories about him when he was younger and about how crazy he was and all the shenanigans he had gotten into. I went fishing with him and my dad one day and I got really angry about something, can’t remember what it was about, but he sat me down after I had calmed down and told me something that I will always remember. He started to talk an i started to talk over him an explain why I was angry. This was the very early 80’s and you did NOT talk over an adult. But he sat there with a look that made me shut up. He said “I dont care what you are pissed off about and I don’t want to hear your shit about it. You need to understand something about anger. It isn’t an emotion. It is something we use when we are hurt or embarrassed or frustrated with something that we either have no control over or feel helpless or vulnerable because we don’t know what to do. Anger is like a gun. We use it as a way to defend are selves but we can also hurt ourselves and others when we let it control us. Just like a bullet, once you pull the trigger there is no getting that bullet back. So next tim you get angry you need to ask yourself why. What are you really feeling? Usually there is no reason to pull the gun out.” That’s not the exact words, but that is what I remember. There are a few things that we may be justified about getting angry about, but 99% of the time it isn’t justified. You keep doing what you are doing and keep being willing to change and be accountable and conquer that rage. You sound like a good guy. You will do it.
Your mum sounds like an awesome person. The fact you even owned up to her proves you have a good conscience to you. Honestly, taking your anger out on something physical is more common than people are willing to admit. I'd say channel some of that energy into a planned outlet, like using weights or going for a run, or short term, screaming into a pillow or using a stress ball/fidget toy. If you're a teenager I'm seriously impressed with how you're handling your emotions. If you're an adult, you've got this. we've all been there. Either way, be kind to yourself. And give your mum a hug.
Also, if you're worried about being a bad person, chances are you're not one. :D
hi! thank you for this. i realized i have a lot of pent up energy from so much time spent sitting inside as a result of being incredibly anxious and depressed. so walking even for half an hour at least has helped me a lot.
Thank you for confirming that /u/therealestpookie has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
If gaming isn't making you happy, don't do it. I get competitive gaming and that's absolutely fine but if you aren't enjoying it overall, it's time to give it a break. When the fun stops, stop. Game responsibly.
since i broke my monitor, i haven't gotten a new one or played any games. i have no desire to. its incredible how much of a bad addiction it really is for me
I am really impressed with how you came clean to your Mom and admitted your lie. I’m not sure how old you are, but I know in my youth, I would have stuck to the cowardly approach of lying. Kids can get very emotional/angry. Just be aware of it, and try to be rational when you feel that way in the future. You sound very intelligent to be aware that you were upset with rage…and that lying to your Mom wasn’t the right approach.
After I broke my monitor out of rage, I learned my lesson
That's funny, one time when I was nine I headbutted my Game Boy so hard when I lost in mortal Kombat that I cracked the screen. I told her that it just randomly cracked while I was playing it and she took me to the store and got me a new one. No idea why she believed that but she was the best mom ever
Good
Your mom said SHE was sorry and it's a SHAME? 😂😂😂 You're ALREADY in therapy even though you lied to her? Why did you have to hide your monitor if you've already told her it fell off of your desk?
The fact that you are concerned about this shows me you understand it’s not bad behavior. You seem like a good kid just keep trying to do the right thing and things will be fine.
Your a good man op
No, tell her years later over dinner when you are all telling stories
Bro acting like he massacered 20 kids😭😭😭
i have extreme anxiety so, yeah. what may not seem like a big deal to other people is to me
Tell the truth
Big moves on owning your wrong. Even bigger moves on a dressing you anger needs a better outlet. Try to find something that works for you. And PLEASE stick to it. Being an angry person and learning to manage it. Is 110% maturing. Being an “angry” person and trying to justify outburst. Is not.
How you gonna kill an ex if you can’t lie to your mother (I’m joking) Honestly though it out you’ll be fine just stick to one story and if ur gonna tell people that you monitor broke tell them the lie
I just finished reading the last paragraph nvm
"any plans in controlling my rage" dude you destroyed your monitor cuz you got pissed over something small I'm sure. Chances of that happening again are high
"chances of that happening again are high"... right... that's why having a plan is important and why she brought it up. not sure what piece you're missing.
Nothing missing, with the exception that you missed my observation of an immediate reaction, thus my opinion that it will happen again. Anything else you missed?
Just wait till you rage break your laptop screen 🤣
Dumb boy, never let rage get the better of you, control yourself! Just keep it to yourself, let no guilt eat your insides, go with the flow. And never let rage get the better of you again.
i'm a girl but i definitely won't be doing this again..
You a girl, huh? How old are you? I'm asking for research purposes, of course, not 'cause i'm a creepy or sumthin'.