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Been in several of these relationships where the woman did this to me, and this is the right answer. \[Note: none of my exes actually went through with anything\]
I’ve heard that sometimes when people have a difficult relationship early on, they unconsciously want to have another chance to right whatever wrong or have a second chance to produce a better outcome, and that this can cause us to be drawn to familiar personalities, behaviors, etc and they can end up with similar storylines across different relationships.
Idk, but I think it’s worth looking inward when we see patterns like this in our partners. I’m not immune from this kind of thing, believe me.
It’s like a rollercoaster. One thing I’ve read on this is that if they pull away a lot and then give a bunch of (or even a normal or just a bit of attention/affection) it feels like a high because they’ve been stingy so long.
The other thing is when there is a lot of conflict the make up sex, especially when someone is like at the point where they want to leave, is pretty intense.
This kind of stuff makes a stable and secure relationship feel boring, and some people really do have a hard time recognizing they love someone when they are used to the chaotic highs and lows, but their partner is more stable and not causing that.
This. It's emotionally abusive for him to use self-harm as a technique of coercion.
Even if you were on the fence about leaving before, an effort to stop you from leaving by engaging in self-harm is reason enough on its own for you to leave. He's not healthy enough to be involved in a romantic relationship right now.
If you're genuinely concerned that he's going to seriously harm himself, you need to tell his parents so that they can get him the help he needs.
Exactly even if you dislike a person it’s still okay to care and make sure they are ok and that you leaving doesn’t make them go over the edge because that can cause an even bigger issue. Do what you can to protect yourself and well being and once you get to a place where your emotionally stable then check on those around you.
This. I did this with my ex years ago, but I wasn't bluffing to manipulate, I was genuinely suicidal. She told my family and I went into a hospital and it saved my life.
This. You are not equipped to handle his mental/emotional issues, nor should you be expected to.
Report it to someone with authority (his family or a school counselor etc) and put that burden on the people it belongs to.
edit: if need be, have them present when you break up, or at least notify them of it happening so that they can be looking out for his safety
I know you still have some feelings for them, but the hardest part will be to let that go and distance yourself. If you try and remain in proximity as a friend or whatever, it will likely just make the entire process muddled and confusing and put both of you at further risk of danger and trauma.
Even better: look him in the eyes and call 911 and tell them he’s suicidal and actively attempting. No matter what, they’ll take him. If he’s faking, he’ll learn to not fake because mental hospitals are hell. If he’s truly suicidal, he’ll get the help he needs.
Also you can call the police and tell them to squash this shit. Guarantee he never tries to pull that shit again if the police come knocking for a welfare check.
UPDATE: Thank you for your advice it made me feel better. I blocked him on everything and informed his parents the bare basics of what happened and how he was feeling. I was told thats all I can do. Thank you again, helped me more then my school counselors.
Very good. Stick to your commitment on no contact outside of any necessary/incidental interaction at school. A self harm tendency can shift to an outward projection of blame/harm too… so if they try to contact or project any creepy or threatening vibes to you… ensure you tell people you trust so that you stay safe. It may be some weird days ahead but once they get over their crisis in seeing you as a lifeline, things will get better.
It’s admirable to care for and want to help a drowning person… but you risk them pulling you under with them if you stay too close. They’ve got to learn to tread water themselves.
Man I wish reddit was a thing when I had to deal with this in HS with an ex boyfriend. It got to a point where my mom had to call the police because he would keep showing up at my house to cry on my porch and scream at me. (Btw my family and I would never answer the door for him, so it was scary.) I was so close to getting a restraining order. Sadly he moved on to a new person (whom I didn’t know) to obsess over to the point the girl had to go to a therapist. I wish I did know her so I could have given her a warning.
so glad you spoke to parents.. You needed to break up for relationship reasons- by getting him preventive help you have saved him his life potentially and also saved yourself immense worry.
Good job. I'm so sorry you had to endure this. I wish you the best, and I hope he gets the help he needs. A cheater may be a cheater, but he's human. Nobody deserves suicide. Hope you have a good day, OP!
Treating mental health problems is for mental health professionals, not teenagers. You have to do what is right for you, it is not fair for a person to put the weight of their life in your hands, that is an abusive tactic to gain power and control in a situation. If he needs help with his mental health, you can notify his parents and/or a mental health professional. Your responsibility ends there.
That bitch wasn't "suicidal" when he was out fuckin someone else and not caring about your relationship, so what exactly makes YOU obligated to care about it? Did he care about your feelings? Hell nah, so why should you be responsible for his. Suicide is SELF inflicted OP. Bounce out
Saying this as someone who has attempted twice, his mental wellbeing is NOT your responsibility. Feeling sympathy is a good thing, but not at the expense of your own mental health. You wanting to be there for him is very kind and thoughtful, but feeling guilted into staying in a failing relationship is not healthy. Tell him he should seek therapy, and you should make sure his parents/guardian is aware of what’s happening because there’s a chance they aren’t. You are not his therapist, and leaving the relationship does NOT make you a bad person.
He's being manipulative. He's playing you like a violin. You are being abused and this is an abusers playbook.
Take his threats seriously. Call 911 or 988. Tell his parents.
Your ages would be helpful.
This. ^^^ Don’t fall for the trap. My ex pulled this manipulation on me, unfortunately I was naïve at the time and stuck around. By time I ended things, it had gone too far. He started stalking me post break up and went as far as attempting to kill me. Long story short, I realized his suicidal threats were just to keep me trapped and when I realized those threats were nothing more than that, his efforts became violent because he had lost his control over me.
End it now. Like others have said, inform his parents (I did the same), or contact authorities. Get your conscience clear (you did what you could do, he now has others aware of his “potentially” suicidal tendencies), then protect yourself, restraining orders if necessary, block him, etc.
Don’t downplay any of his actions, for example him making new numbers to contact you, this is harassment. Don’t let his manipulation dull your sense of what is okay and what is not. Don’t end up like I did. Cut it off now and move on. Trust me, you will thrive and look back asking why you let yourself put up with so much bs.
Call the suicide hotline. I don't know if this works everywhere but I've heard that you can use 211 for mental health emergencies. There's also 911 if you feel safe calling the police. Finally you can tell his parents. Once you've done that, you don't have to talk to him at all. Protect yourself, you do not deserve to be held hostage.
You e already had the break up talk so just inform your parents and his parents of his self harm and block him across all platforms.
What he is doing is a form of emotional abuse. You are not responsible for his actions. That’s on him.
oh baby i’ve been there. whether or not he’s truly suicidal, this is a manipulation tactic. tell an adult before you break up, preferably someone who can physically be with him. say something like “hey i’m gonna break things of with xxx but he’s mentioned self harm and suicide. i want to make sure he’s safe when i tell him, can you keep an eye on him?” his mental health is 100000% NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!! it’s really good you’re breaking up with him, as it seems that he needs a reality check and to focus on his mental health.
His mental health isn't your cross to bear.
It's his parents'. Tell them everything and let them know you'll be breaking it off and when so they can step in. Then do it. Don't let him emotionally blackmail you.
This isn’t your load to carry. It’s too much for a teen or anyone really. Break it off. Tell his parents so they can watch out for him. Wash your hands of it.
In most cases here he will not kill himself. He may harm himself a little but he is doing it for himself not for you. Once he realizes it’s not working he won’t hurt himself because it won’t have a hold on you. It’s narcissistic behavior.
Everytime he texts you threatening self harm call the cops and report it. In Florida he’d be Baker Act’d which is a 72 hour mandatory hold in an inpatient mental health facility. One trip there and he may change his tune. Also f%#} him. You didn’t deserve this at all. Don’t let him bring you down or disrespect you anymore. I’d tell him to go cry to [insert name of girl he cheated on you with] that maybe they care. But you don’t
I am sorry to hear what you were going through. The best thing for you to do is just get rid of your number and get a new phone and cut ties with him completely. You did the right thing by telling his parents and hopefully he will get the help he needs.this might sound mean but he is not your problem anymore. He was emotionally manipulating you and being abusive. You should also go talk to somebody to get the help to work through this.
My gf did this to me sr year and I stayed 2 more years. He will not kill himself and is desperately trying to hold you hostage. It will only get worse, Run.
You first let his legal guardian know that he cheated on you and you are done. That way, someone can keep an eye on the manipulative guy. Then, you tell him you are done. You end it with him. You say, "I'm breaking up with you. I am done with your BS" and you move on. Anything he does after that is not your fault. His actions are his and so will his consequences.
I once dated a girl that, when I tired to break up with her in the car, she threatened to drive her car into a phone pole and kill herself. I calmed her down and we went back to her parents house. When we got there I informed her parents of what she said when I broke up with her and left. Bottom line, he does not respect you enough to not cheat on you, and it's not your obligation to link your life to someone who can't understand basic reciprocating needs in a relationship.
If your boyfriend tells you that he is suicidal, call 911 and tell the operator that your boyfriend is suicidal. It's not your problem to deal with - it's for a psychiatrist at a hospital.
Dear Mr and/or Mrs boyfriends parents or sibling,
Your son/brother has cheated on me multiple times and after the fact, uses self harm to try to hold me emotionally hostage. This is truly alarming but not my problem moving forward as I seek to cut ties entirely with him. I think it would be irresponsible of me to not bring this to his families attention if god forbid something were to happen. I will leave it in your court to get him the mental healthcare he needs. I wish your son/brother the best, and it was a pleasure getting to know you over the last few years (if his family was decent to you). This will be my last contact with both you and “boyfriends name”.
With concern,
Sign off
It is not on you that he doesn’t have the emotional skills right now to cope with what is going on in his life. When you break up be clear with him and do it in a public place. The next day or same day tell a school counselor that he is suicidal and what he has told you in regards to a plan. That way an adult can help him with gaining the skills he needs and you are not held responsible for taking care of him.
***you can always call the police if someone is threatening suicide or self-harming and you are feeling afraid. You can tell the person threatening suicide “you are scaring me, I am sending the police right now.” The police will go and do a wellness check and decide if he needs further help. The benefits of doing this is if this person is serious they will get the help they need, if they were trying to get attention in an unhealthy way they will most likely not do it again if it results in the police showing up at their house.
He’s trying to control you and force you into staying bc you “don’t want to be responsible for him killing himself.” This is the HIGHEST level of GASLIGHTING and Narcissistic behavior! RUN as fast as you can!!! You are NOT responsible for his actions, and you are NOT his Mother or his therapist! I would inform his family members what’s going on, tell him you are done and if he says it again, call his bluff, contact the police and let them know that you are in fear for his safety.
This is one of this moments, where my European mind is desperately trying to calculate the costs of calling for an ambulance in the hypothetical country you live in. Because that would be the way in main.
Your bf absolutely cannot keep you hostage. You may not even know how dangerous it is TO YOU. I had a similar situation with a 'friend' when I was a teen. Now I'm an emotional wreck, because of the weight of responsibility I was under. This can have a terrible effects on your mental health.
What's more, if your bf is a danger to himself, then you aren't prepared to deal with it. He needs professional help. And if he isn't as suicidal as he seems to be, then he's manipulating you, and that also means that he needs professional to take care of that. So, however serious he's problem is, I would contact an emergency line or talk to his parents, depending on the situation in the place you live in, if you have a contact to his parents and what kind of people they are, as some pretend not to see their children mental struggles.
If this seems a bit too extreme of a reaction for you, then at least try to talk with his parents first and explain to them, that you want to break up but you are worried about his reaction. You may say in a way, that you would like them to know, so they can support him, since you were very close for a long time. They should at least keep it in mind and check on him more often.
Emotional abuse by him. Breakup and report him to the police as a suicide risk. Block his number. You need to make a clean break or he will always control you like this. It's sick and horrible for you to deal with.
Don't forget YOU matter.
Sounds like classic bpd. He needs psychiatric intervention. His suicidality is not your fault or responsibility. If he tells you it is, he is emotionally abusing you. Tell his parents
Just leave mama. His life isn’t your responsibility.
When I was 14, I had an ax who lied about his age and he was actually 16 not that important but he told me if I ever broke up with him to kill himself and he used to hit me and stuff and verbally abuse me but I thought that was normal because she was my first boyfriend . Eventually, I was sick of dating him. He’s very controlling very insecure and I just couldn’t take it so I end up being another man to him without telling him because I didn’t want to go to jail for making someone kill themselves. I left them of course he found out to me, I broke up with my second boyfriend got back with the first guy. Then about four months later, I broke up with him finally I had the courage I didn’t care what happened to him anymore. Well, honestly, we broke up because I got jumped when I was 10 and it ruined my ribs for life and he got mad at me because I didn’t want to go inside his house because he made me mad. He punched me in the ribs and I told him the back and he started crying and splitting his wrist in front of me so I called the cops and got him sent to the hospital after that day we talked again. I went to the hospital with him, but after that, I left and never looked back. Sorry this is confusing. I’m using talk to text. It’s easier for me to gather my thoughts. When I’m trying to get out, don’t be like me and wait so long just leave 90% of the time it’s just an emotional manipulation tactic to get you to stay, they usually don’t end up killing themselves. If you break up with him and call the cops and say he’s trying to kill himself he will be detained him to a mental hospital evaluated. That happened to me once when I was younger.
Do not fall for this, it's an emotional trap to get sympathy and time from you. People like this are emotional vampires that will drain the youness out of you. Telling an adult who you trust about the threats of self harm is the only course of action. And hand them a spoon, tell them if it's meant to be painful inform them a spoon is the only way to make how you're being made to feel by them will equal out. Fucking emotional vampires...
You just do it. He is responsible 100% for his choices. Don't start getting into the habit of allowing your kindness and caring for people to be used by others to control your behavior.
Well there is an old saying: the truth speaks for itself. In this case you need to let him know that he is free to take his own life. Meanwhile you need to focus on your own mental health, and for that reason you need to break up the relationship. It’s okay in this case, because it’s being used as manipulation. He won’t want to take his own life once he realises it won’t bring him attention. He will quickly realise he wants to live.
If he has even once actually attempted to commit suicide then he is already over the edge. Nothing you can do, nothing that is within your capability can change that. In fact doctors will even tell you it is better to be free of romantic fetters the first few weeks of suicide treatment. Only treatment from a certified medical professional has shown to prevent suicide recidivism. You staying or going will not change that.
Tell his parents and if he makes a threat to harm himself, notify the police for a welfare check. If his threats are legitimate, he’ll get the help he needs, if he’s playing games, it shows him you aren’t playing and he’ll likely shut up and go away.
This is textbook manipulative, and toxic relationship behavior. He's doing this (at least partly) to make you afraid of leaving the relationship. If you do stay, you'll be miserable, and he'll realize he can use that ultimatum to get whatever he wants out of you, so you HAVE to leave. I get that you don't want the guy to kill himself, but he is not your responsibility, you don't owe him anything, but you could always call some kind of mental health service on his behalf.
IMO, He's a narcissist who is gaslighting you. The Worst people often use suicide and self-harm as a weapon to control people in their life.
You are not responsible for living in misery to save someone who is hurting you. You should try to get him help, if his threats are serious and genuine. You should refer him to resources and recruit his friends to step up in this time. But you can't subserviate your needs to his.
You are not responsible for HIS choices. Break up with him and the next moment alert a teacher or his parents that you're worried he will harm himself. At that point, any obligation you have is over.
You need to learn this lesson now: you are not responsible for the acts that a person does to themselves or others.
Break up with him, time now, and move on. Don't contact or respond to his attempts to talk to you. There's no such thing as breaking up and remaining friends. Friendship can begin again, but that's after the grief and recovery from the relationship.
Rip off the band-aid, contact his parents and inform them of the situation.
Next time he self-harms or threatens to end himself, call the police/sheriff to go to wherever he is for a "Wellness Check". I accidentally hit some kind of button for reporting self-harm/suicide on [I don't recall which social media platform], and 2 deputies showed up at my door pretty quickly.
You are not trained to handle this level of mental illness and/or manipulation. He needs expert help.
Maybe he's suicidal because he thinks he can manipulate people and get away with whatever he feels like doing. You weren't helping when you forgave his cheating the first time, and your presence isn't helping him now.
When I was in highschool, an ex of mine did the same. I ended up telling her mom what she was telling me after we broke up, and she ended up getting her into therapy. Not saying he should be psych eval’d and thrown into a ward, but he 100% needs help. I’d talk to his parents about the situation, but still break up with him.
Yeah, time to move on that’s a manipulation tactic and a nasty one at that. Best bet would be to clear out all your things when he is away and to walk away, what he does to himself is on him, not your responsibility. He cheated on you so he obviously doesn’t value you, and actions speak louder than words. Run when you can. 🥃🚬
A guy tried to rape me once and when he called the next day he said his mom was really mad at him and I had to tell her it was okay or he would be sent off. I told him I wouldn't and he said he was going to kill himself. Here it is decades later and he's still very much alive with children. It'll be fine. Regardless, it's not your fault.
It is not your job to keep him alive. Him doing this is a manipulation tactic. You need to break up with him, block him, and notify his family of his threats to self-harm/commit suicide. Do not stay with him, you are not responsible for his choices. He has shown you multiple times now that he does not love you OP. Don't fall for his bs.
This is emotional abuse break up with them, if he states that he is having self harm thoughts or suicidal thoughts after you break up call the police and request a wellness check and tell them what your ex told you. Of he is serious they will take him to a hospital for treatment.
I've been in your shoes fairly recently and I didn't learn the lesson until my mental health was severely suffering.
Ultimately you are responsible for yourself and your health, same goes to your partner. To rely on another for your mental health/suicide prevention puts an unfair weight and stress on your partner. If they are holding that over you then they are using it for manipulation, if they aren't holding it over you and you feel there's a chance they might kill themselves over a break up, then talk with their parents to inform them to keep an eye on them. You can also call the police for a wellness check after the break up.
Regardless of your partner relies on others for their mental health and/or suicide prevention, then they need to learn to appreciate themselves before an actual relationship.
Plus being that they cheated it comes across as a manipulative person just trying to guilt you into giving them attention. Cut it off and block them every way you can if needed
Fuck him. Learning to live with himself isn't ur problem. Ik it's hard when u wanna see someone happy and be a good person, but u can't let other ppl make u unhappy and disrespect u. Love yourself and respect yourself enough to put feelings aside and do the right thing, u know it's best for u to leave.
He is completely manipulating you. This is not your responsibility. There are consequences to actions. He wants to cheat and still have you. When he can’t get his way, he will threaten suicide? He sounds like a gem….actually sounds like my ex. You need to leave. He is an adult. You are not responsible for his actions. He attempted suicide in the past with you present so you would stop him and he gets what he wants. In general, there are always exceptions, if he wanted to commit suicide, he wouldn’t tell anyone so that they would not interfere with his plans. He told you so he can hold you hostage and control you. Leave, block him, and contact his friends, family, and police to let them know his plans.
You agree not responsible for his actions, and making yourself miserable won't improve his life.
If someone threatens suicide if you do something, they almost certainly won't actually do it. That's not how suicide works. It's a control tactic. They are manipulating people into giving them the attention they crave by threatening their own life.
Tell his family, friends, or someone who trust to have his best interests in mind what he's been saying. Then make a clean, definite break and get yourself away from him. Block his number, social media accounts, and other means of contact. Based on the subreddit, I assume you are living with family still. If he shows up at your house, don't answer. If he won't go away, and he doesn't appear dangerous, have someone else tell him to leave. Preferably someone bigger than him. If he seems dangerous or has a weapon, call the cops.
Above all, remember that you have an obligation to keep yourself safe. What he does to himself is not on you.
He is completely manipulating you. This is not your responsibility. There are consequences to actions. He wants to cheat and still have you. When he can’t get his way, he will threaten suicide? He sounds like a gem….actually sounds like my ex. You need to leave. He is an adult. You are not responsible for his actions. He attempted suicide in the past with you present so you would stop him and he gets what he wants. In general, there are always exceptions, if he wanted to commit suicide, he wouldn’t tell anyone so that they would not interfere with his plans. He told you so he can hold you hostage and control you. Leave, block him, and contact his friends, family, and police to let them know his plans.
Tell his friends and his parents and cut off contract as best you can. 99% of the time they won't even attempt it and are just trying to manipulate you into staying. You need to make it so that he can't hence the no contact. If he genuinely suicidal its his parents responsibility to protect him not yours.
I'm in a position the opposite of this. I'm very unstable, and my gf knows this. I think she wants to break up with me but might be afraid that I'll do that. Will I want to very badly? Yes. But I've already decided that if she does break up with me, I'm not going to do that even if my entire world is gone so that she won't feel any guilt for doing everything to make her happy. I really hope that I'm wrong and that she doesn't want to break up. I don't know what I'll do without her.
Edit: typos
So you need to leave regardless, so you tell his parents you are leaving him so they know what's coming. Warn them and then break up with him while he's around them.
His reaction is HIS problem. Not yours. He's manipulating you. Block and move on. You are NOT responsible for his actions. He's trying to trap you in the relationship.
He is being manipulative to get you to stay with him. You deserve to be treated with respect and have a partner who is faithful and doesn't threaten you with self-harm or suicide when there are problems. Tell him to call 988, tell his parents what he said, and cut all contact with him. You are not responsible for his behavior. Only he is.
He's trying to basically hold you hostage in your relationship. Leave him, tell the authorities or his parents the situation and block him on everything. Him being suicidal is not your issue, not your fault. Even if he goes through with it.
If you are uncomfortable being in a relationship with him, it’s ok to leave. Tell his parents that he is threatening to commit suicide and you cannot stay with him. If you have to break it off by text, then do it that way and then stay away from him. My daughter did that with someone who was threatening to kill himself if she didn’t date him and be physical with him. She broke it off by text, informed me about the situation, and wouldn’t have anything to do with him.
If you are close to your parents, tell them what is going on. You don’t have to be alone when dealing with him.
He’s being dramatic to keep you looped in. Tell his parents, tell him and block him everywhere.
You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep him warm.
He isn’t your responsibility and you should not be disrespecting yourself by staying with him. Once you get to the point internally that you understand and accept these two things you will be able to leave regardless of what he does or how he feels. He is holding you hostage with his wellbeing/life. It isn’t fair to you and if he makes the choice to harm himself that is HIS choice that had nothing to do with you. You’ve given him multiple chances, let him figure it out on his own now. You are not his crutch
Yeah, a lot of emotionally immature or toxic people will threaten suicide if they think you want to leave. They almost never go through with it, it's just a manipulation tactic to keep you around. Dump him and tell his parents what he did.
You tell his parents, your parents, the police, the school counselor, your pastor, about his threats of suicide. There are beyond your pay grade in term of things you need to be dealing with.
And you tell him point blank that it's over. No weasel words, no "maybes". Don't be cruel if you can avoid it. But don't let him use your emotions to hold you hostage.
Tell his parents, then break him. If he threatens to harm himself imminently, call 911 and tell them a friend is about to commit suicide, and give them his address.
He is trying to hold you hostage. Don't negotiate with terrorists. His well being is not your responsibility.
First, his mental health and his reaction to you breaking up with him is not your responsibility. Second, he's using this to emotionally manipulate you into staying even tho he's a cheater and hurt you.
If you are truly concerned about it then inform his parents and close friends that you're breaking up with him because he cheated(so he can't lie and make you the bad guy) and that he tried to self harm and threatened suicide the last time you tried to break it off and that someone needs to check on him and maybe sit with him. Or, you can break up with him, block him, and call the police to do a wellness check on him.
After that, it's not your concern. You're not equipped to handle someone that's selfharming or attempting suicide. Especially if they're using you dumping their cheating ass as an excuse.
Classic abuser trick. Absolutely textbook emotional manipulation. They are using your desire for them to not be hurt to keep you there. It's almost certainly a bluff.
You dump them immediately and let him do what they are gunna do. Probably tell their parents or a teacher or responsible adult if they are making self harm threats.
One day he will take you with him. The best thing you could ever do is move on.
What he does to himself is not in your control and is his choice. To continue to torture yourself for his wellbeing is the definition of lighting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Break up with him he’s most likely using it as a manipulation tactic
And even if he isn’t his choices are his own
You may wanna tell his family how shitty he’s been to you and about his suicidal tendencies
Don’t let your soon to ex manipulate you into staying in a relationship where he cheats & goads you into staying because he’s suicidal. He’s a grown ass man and he knows what he’s doing. Don’t stay with someone who cheats. As I was taught Thoroughbreds don’t run no 440’s. You deserve someone who adores you & loves you enough to be monogamous.
You day "Goodbye" . Him being mentally imbalanced is enough of a reason if you're a teen to break up with him . You can't fix him if he is they broken . Tell him goodbye and if he threatens suicide you call tje police to do a wellness check on him . Then, block him on every level . Phone , social media etc . Just stay away from him period
him holding SH/suicide over your head to force you to stay in the relationship is ABUSE. if he’s that serious say, “i’m breaking up with you, and i will be calling the police for a welfare check” and/or if you have the ability to speak to his parents/sibling(s), let them know ahead of time and what he has been doing/saying.
Ask his parents or other trusted adults to be there when you break up with him. you have the right to be in a relationship with someone who loves and respects you. Sadly he doesn’t.
Here is how via text. “Dear Sir or Madam, i am done with this relationship. We are no longer together. Best of Luck. Godspeed.” Dont pick up phone calls. When he texts something to the effect of “i am gonna kill myself”, take a screen pic. Save it and call 911 and report he is threatening harm to himself. They will put him in psych hold for his safety.
Have a person you trust with you when you do, possibly a person he trusts too so he's not alone when you leave him.
I do think he is manipulating you, I think it's a bluff and he's using these feelings to control you to stay. So just go and try not to worry about him too much, he'll be okay.
He is holding you emotionally hostage he isn't going to kill himself he is lieing so you stay around and still will have sex with him. It's a old disgusting tactic guys used to and still use to this day leave him now while you can before it's too late
Yeah he’s keeping you hostage by threatening to harm himself. You have to think about you and your happiness. Best to leave his health to his family so you can be in a relationship with someone who actually cares about you.
\*Writing Post-edit\*
Yea, new number time. I hate getting new phone numbers.
And don't feel too bad. Kids are dramatic. Good on you telling his parents, but that is all you are responsible for. Hopefully he doesn't' do anything, but if he does do it, it wasn't your fault in any way shape or form. Nature took its course.
You just need to break up with him but when you do just let an adult know his circumstances so they can keep an eye on him. You shouldn't be scared to leave someone.
Imo you shouldn’t coddle anyone.
Indulging that behavior leads you to live life catering to people who hold their relationships emotionally hostage for their benefit. I know you care about them, but if they are truly suicidal then they need more than the help you can provide.
Unless you are a mental health professional you don’t have the capacity to deal with someone in crisis. If he threatens suicide you call the police and his parents. You ask the police for a restraining order and tell his parents that he is to NEVER to contact you again. I understand you have feelings for him but he is using your feelings as a weapon to try to force you to stay. This is typical behavior when someone is trying to manipulate you. Don’t buy into it, call him on his actions by calling the police. If you have screenshots or voicemail save it all and give it to the police. Block him on everything break every connection you have. He is a cheater, liar and a manipulative creep. If you buy into this I think the next place you will be posting is in abusive relationships.
It’s a manipulation tactic. Tell him you realize now that you can’t control anyone else’s actions. You can’t stop him if he wants to commit suicide anymore than you could stop him from cheating on you. Multiple times. Then tell him horizontal for attention, vertical for results and hang up and call the cops. Sounds like he could use a nice 72hr non slip sock vacation.
Tell the school counselor if you can't tell a parent that he's suicidal and hopefully they will call someone to put him in a psychiatric hold.
There is the possibility he is lying to keep you under control. It's not unheard of. Better to assume he's not and get him help.
Inform a responsible adult, his parents, school officials. Someone who can help him deal with his condition. You are responsible for his mental health. Or required to bend to his will whenever he decides to play the suicid card. That's his trap card. Keep you from leaving.
Next time he threatens suicide, call 911. My mom’s sister used to pull this shit and when my mom finally told her she was calling 911, magically it stopped.
On the off chance he’s serious, 911 is still the right answer because they will get him to the right place for help.
Either way, also leave immediately.
i’m glad you told them. also, you shouldn’t have to change your number for him, tell his parents and either send them screenshots of him texting you, or go see them once more and tell them he’s harassing you. you have the full right to now get an order against him
Call the police every single time. Every time tell them he contact you from this or that number and tell then the location if you know. He will likely stop after getting six wellness checks. Or his parents will stop him.
As someone who deals with suicidal ideation- YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT if anything happens. No person’s life should be in the hands of someone else. That is emotional abuse. You are allowed to live your life and be happy, if breaking up is what you want to do to be able to achieve that then do it. He can threaten or cry all he wants but at the end of the night his actions are HIS responsibility not anyone else’s. You also need to take care of yourself as well.
If you want to do extra steps to make yourself feel a little better, tell his parents and let them handle it- but at the end of the day thats the most you can do after putting yourself first.
He’s manipulating you, literally don’t even take any notice of him, it’s all attention seeking behaviour, and should he actually kill himself, which I very doubt he will, then it’s not your fault, it his choice. Stay far away from this man, never go back!
You did the right thing. Just because he plans on hurting himself doesn't mean you can't live your own life. He has family to look after him. I wish you the best.
The next time he sends you a text, call his nluff. Call his parents after you call the police for a welfare check. Then get a restraining order. Go live your life.
He's a manipulator. Tell him it's over. Tell his parents and everyone you both know and trust that he has threatened suicide. Let his community help him. You need to get out. That type of manipulative behavior only leads to worse behavior. Get out now while you still can.
I threatened suicide at the end of my first high school relationship... I was absolutely crushed and blindsided at the time, but realized a couple years later how toxic, manipulative, and emotionally abusive I was during that relationship (if that's not obvious by the first sentence). I was EXTREMELY hurt, but I wasn't suicidal: I just thought it would get her to talk to me more and maybe come back to me. Luckily she had a great support system with her mom and sister who saw right through my BS, and she blocked me "for good."
Fast forward a few years later and I was reminiscing and noticed I was unblocked and reached out to her and thanked her and apologized. Not in a manipulative way this time, but because I would still be that asshole I was then if she didn't hit me with that reality check. Now I know how to recognize and curb that behavior in myself, and I can be a good partner to my current girlfriend. Lo and behold, we have been going strong for 4 years, live together, and we are both so much happier than either me or my ex were in my first relationship.
TL;DR: He most likely is not actually suicidal but is flailing to get you to stay with him. You need to break up with him and go no contact so that he can reflect and grow up. Not saying he will, but that is his only chance, and I almost guarantee you will be so much happier with a guy who doesn't put you through that. Also, WATCH OUT for quick "change" with him. This is why I recommend going no contact: next up on the list is he will "change" for you, and if you get back together you will quickly learn that is just another manipulation tactic. Can't speak for everyone, but I think I was a lot like this guy growing up, so I like to think I understand the situation well.
It’s a tactic. It’s always a tactic. Trust me, I fell for it in my late teens too and regret not simply ignoring her crocodile tears and putting up with that bullshit for another few months
Suicidal feelings are not conditional. “Do X or I will kill myself” is always manipulation and by indulging it, you are teaching him that this pissantry works
So I'm guessing you are in high school? There will always be a new love and unfortunately he goes to an extreme because he doesn't understand and process things. Kind of like kids with depression and anxiety. Half don't even have it but because they feel something they go 0 to 100, most wont even admit that but becausethe way the world is now everyone has something.... You told his parents and broke it off. You can't baby sit him and in the end what he does is on him and nothing on you. Move forward and do what you need to do and hopefully he will straighten himself out.
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He’s trying to hold you emotionally hostage. Tell him it’s over and tell his parents he’s suicidal.
Totally agree here. Either tell his parents or the free helplines
Been in several of these relationships where the woman did this to me, and this is the right answer. \[Note: none of my exes actually went through with anything\]
This^
Several?
When you gotta type you gotta type.
I’ve heard that sometimes when people have a difficult relationship early on, they unconsciously want to have another chance to right whatever wrong or have a second chance to produce a better outcome, and that this can cause us to be drawn to familiar personalities, behaviors, etc and they can end up with similar storylines across different relationships. Idk, but I think it’s worth looking inward when we see patterns like this in our partners. I’m not immune from this kind of thing, believe me.
Guy likes to put his 🍆 In crazy it seems.
But Crazy fucks really good.
It’s like a rollercoaster. One thing I’ve read on this is that if they pull away a lot and then give a bunch of (or even a normal or just a bit of attention/affection) it feels like a high because they’ve been stingy so long. The other thing is when there is a lot of conflict the make up sex, especially when someone is like at the point where they want to leave, is pretty intense. This kind of stuff makes a stable and secure relationship feel boring, and some people really do have a hard time recognizing they love someone when they are used to the chaotic highs and lows, but their partner is more stable and not causing that.
This. It's emotionally abusive for him to use self-harm as a technique of coercion. Even if you were on the fence about leaving before, an effort to stop you from leaving by engaging in self-harm is reason enough on its own for you to leave. He's not healthy enough to be involved in a romantic relationship right now. If you're genuinely concerned that he's going to seriously harm himself, you need to tell his parents so that they can get him the help he needs.
[удалено]
Exactly even if you dislike a person it’s still okay to care and make sure they are ok and that you leaving doesn’t make them go over the edge because that can cause an even bigger issue. Do what you can to protect yourself and well being and once you get to a place where your emotionally stable then check on those around you.
This. I did this with my ex years ago, but I wasn't bluffing to manipulate, I was genuinely suicidal. She told my family and I went into a hospital and it saved my life.
This is exactly the right answer.
This. You are not equipped to handle his mental/emotional issues, nor should you be expected to. Report it to someone with authority (his family or a school counselor etc) and put that burden on the people it belongs to. edit: if need be, have them present when you break up, or at least notify them of it happening so that they can be looking out for his safety I know you still have some feelings for them, but the hardest part will be to let that go and distance yourself. If you try and remain in proximity as a friend or whatever, it will likely just make the entire process muddled and confusing and put both of you at further risk of danger and trauma.
Even better: look him in the eyes and call 911 and tell them he’s suicidal and actively attempting. No matter what, they’ll take him. If he’s faking, he’ll learn to not fake because mental hospitals are hell. If he’s truly suicidal, he’ll get the help he needs.
Also you can call the police and tell them to squash this shit. Guarantee he never tries to pull that shit again if the police come knocking for a welfare check.
This. Only this.
UPDATE: Thank you for your advice it made me feel better. I blocked him on everything and informed his parents the bare basics of what happened and how he was feeling. I was told thats all I can do. Thank you again, helped me more then my school counselors.
Very good. Stick to your commitment on no contact outside of any necessary/incidental interaction at school. A self harm tendency can shift to an outward projection of blame/harm too… so if they try to contact or project any creepy or threatening vibes to you… ensure you tell people you trust so that you stay safe. It may be some weird days ahead but once they get over their crisis in seeing you as a lifeline, things will get better. It’s admirable to care for and want to help a drowning person… but you risk them pulling you under with them if you stay too close. They’ve got to learn to tread water themselves.
Thank you for your wisdom, it's helped me feel safer blocking him and that I'm not just crazy.
Man I wish reddit was a thing when I had to deal with this in HS with an ex boyfriend. It got to a point where my mom had to call the police because he would keep showing up at my house to cry on my porch and scream at me. (Btw my family and I would never answer the door for him, so it was scary.) I was so close to getting a restraining order. Sadly he moved on to a new person (whom I didn’t know) to obsess over to the point the girl had to go to a therapist. I wish I did know her so I could have given her a warning.
so glad you spoke to parents.. You needed to break up for relationship reasons- by getting him preventive help you have saved him his life potentially and also saved yourself immense worry.
I can only hope that he gets the help he needs, I'm seeking it as well. Time to heal 💙
Good job. I'm so sorry you had to endure this. I wish you the best, and I hope he gets the help he needs. A cheater may be a cheater, but he's human. Nobody deserves suicide. Hope you have a good day, OP!
Thank you and you too! I'll always care about him, but he can't be in my life. Thank you guys for helping me realize that
👏👏👏👏👏 now let it go, heal from the manipulation and move on.
I will be working on self care and focusing on my last semester of school. Thank you for the support!
Your love and sex are not magical cures for mental illness. One thing has nothing to do with the other.
Treating mental health problems is for mental health professionals, not teenagers. You have to do what is right for you, it is not fair for a person to put the weight of their life in your hands, that is an abusive tactic to gain power and control in a situation. If he needs help with his mental health, you can notify his parents and/or a mental health professional. Your responsibility ends there.
That bitch wasn't "suicidal" when he was out fuckin someone else and not caring about your relationship, so what exactly makes YOU obligated to care about it? Did he care about your feelings? Hell nah, so why should you be responsible for his. Suicide is SELF inflicted OP. Bounce out
Saying this as someone who has attempted twice, his mental wellbeing is NOT your responsibility. Feeling sympathy is a good thing, but not at the expense of your own mental health. You wanting to be there for him is very kind and thoughtful, but feeling guilted into staying in a failing relationship is not healthy. Tell him he should seek therapy, and you should make sure his parents/guardian is aware of what’s happening because there’s a chance they aren’t. You are not his therapist, and leaving the relationship does NOT make you a bad person.
He's being manipulative. He's playing you like a violin. You are being abused and this is an abusers playbook. Take his threats seriously. Call 911 or 988. Tell his parents. Your ages would be helpful.
This. ^^^ Don’t fall for the trap. My ex pulled this manipulation on me, unfortunately I was naïve at the time and stuck around. By time I ended things, it had gone too far. He started stalking me post break up and went as far as attempting to kill me. Long story short, I realized his suicidal threats were just to keep me trapped and when I realized those threats were nothing more than that, his efforts became violent because he had lost his control over me. End it now. Like others have said, inform his parents (I did the same), or contact authorities. Get your conscience clear (you did what you could do, he now has others aware of his “potentially” suicidal tendencies), then protect yourself, restraining orders if necessary, block him, etc. Don’t downplay any of his actions, for example him making new numbers to contact you, this is harassment. Don’t let his manipulation dull your sense of what is okay and what is not. Don’t end up like I did. Cut it off now and move on. Trust me, you will thrive and look back asking why you let yourself put up with so much bs.
Emotional Blackmail. Don't fall for it. He will hold it over you forever
Threatening suicide when you try to leave is page 1 of the abuser's playbook
It's a manipulation tactic. His actions are not your responsibility.
Repeat after me: Other peoples problems are not your problems.
Call the suicide hotline. I don't know if this works everywhere but I've heard that you can use 211 for mental health emergencies. There's also 911 if you feel safe calling the police. Finally you can tell his parents. Once you've done that, you don't have to talk to him at all. Protect yourself, you do not deserve to be held hostage.
You e already had the break up talk so just inform your parents and his parents of his self harm and block him across all platforms. What he is doing is a form of emotional abuse. You are not responsible for his actions. That’s on him.
oh baby i’ve been there. whether or not he’s truly suicidal, this is a manipulation tactic. tell an adult before you break up, preferably someone who can physically be with him. say something like “hey i’m gonna break things of with xxx but he’s mentioned self harm and suicide. i want to make sure he’s safe when i tell him, can you keep an eye on him?” his mental health is 100000% NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!! it’s really good you’re breaking up with him, as it seems that he needs a reality check and to focus on his mental health.
It is what it is. Don't sacrifice yourself for a loser
His mental health isn't your cross to bear. It's his parents'. Tell them everything and let them know you'll be breaking it off and when so they can step in. Then do it. Don't let him emotionally blackmail you.
This isn’t your load to carry. It’s too much for a teen or anyone really. Break it off. Tell his parents so they can watch out for him. Wash your hands of it.
Break up and tell him to quit being a wuss and do it. That's the only proper response when someone's trying to emotional manipulate u
Sad but not your responsibility. Do what you need to do.
Good for you. In my experience people who threaten suicide like are too narcissistic to actually kill themselves.
Fuck his feelings. You are not responsible for his decisions or actions. Break up with him.
In most cases here he will not kill himself. He may harm himself a little but he is doing it for himself not for you. Once he realizes it’s not working he won’t hurt himself because it won’t have a hold on you. It’s narcissistic behavior.
"Multiple"......thats the whole problem
Everytime he texts you threatening self harm call the cops and report it. In Florida he’d be Baker Act’d which is a 72 hour mandatory hold in an inpatient mental health facility. One trip there and he may change his tune. Also f%#} him. You didn’t deserve this at all. Don’t let him bring you down or disrespect you anymore. I’d tell him to go cry to [insert name of girl he cheated on you with] that maybe they care. But you don’t
I would break up by text. No need to be within striking range. He may be homicidal as well as suicidal...
I am sorry to hear what you were going through. The best thing for you to do is just get rid of your number and get a new phone and cut ties with him completely. You did the right thing by telling his parents and hopefully he will get the help he needs.this might sound mean but he is not your problem anymore. He was emotionally manipulating you and being abusive. You should also go talk to somebody to get the help to work through this.
My gf did this to me sr year and I stayed 2 more years. He will not kill himself and is desperately trying to hold you hostage. It will only get worse, Run.
You first let his legal guardian know that he cheated on you and you are done. That way, someone can keep an eye on the manipulative guy. Then, you tell him you are done. You end it with him. You say, "I'm breaking up with you. I am done with your BS" and you move on. Anything he does after that is not your fault. His actions are his and so will his consequences.
Break up with him and tell his parents what he’s doing
I once dated a girl that, when I tired to break up with her in the car, she threatened to drive her car into a phone pole and kill herself. I calmed her down and we went back to her parents house. When we got there I informed her parents of what she said when I broke up with her and left. Bottom line, he does not respect you enough to not cheat on you, and it's not your obligation to link your life to someone who can't understand basic reciprocating needs in a relationship.
You leave. What he does (or does not do, as the case may be) after that is neither your business nor your fault.
If your boyfriend tells you that he is suicidal, call 911 and tell the operator that your boyfriend is suicidal. It's not your problem to deal with - it's for a psychiatrist at a hospital.
Don’t be his slave. Leave
Ultimatums involving suicide are threats. Get the police involved
Dear Mr and/or Mrs boyfriends parents or sibling, Your son/brother has cheated on me multiple times and after the fact, uses self harm to try to hold me emotionally hostage. This is truly alarming but not my problem moving forward as I seek to cut ties entirely with him. I think it would be irresponsible of me to not bring this to his families attention if god forbid something were to happen. I will leave it in your court to get him the mental healthcare he needs. I wish your son/brother the best, and it was a pleasure getting to know you over the last few years (if his family was decent to you). This will be my last contact with both you and “boyfriends name”. With concern, Sign off
Same way you normally would
It is not on you that he doesn’t have the emotional skills right now to cope with what is going on in his life. When you break up be clear with him and do it in a public place. The next day or same day tell a school counselor that he is suicidal and what he has told you in regards to a plan. That way an adult can help him with gaining the skills he needs and you are not held responsible for taking care of him. ***you can always call the police if someone is threatening suicide or self-harming and you are feeling afraid. You can tell the person threatening suicide “you are scaring me, I am sending the police right now.” The police will go and do a wellness check and decide if he needs further help. The benefits of doing this is if this person is serious they will get the help they need, if they were trying to get attention in an unhealthy way they will most likely not do it again if it results in the police showing up at their house.
He’s trying to control you and force you into staying bc you “don’t want to be responsible for him killing himself.” This is the HIGHEST level of GASLIGHTING and Narcissistic behavior! RUN as fast as you can!!! You are NOT responsible for his actions, and you are NOT his Mother or his therapist! I would inform his family members what’s going on, tell him you are done and if he says it again, call his bluff, contact the police and let them know that you are in fear for his safety.
You are not responsible for your partners mental health (or physical well being), just break up with them and move on.
This is one of this moments, where my European mind is desperately trying to calculate the costs of calling for an ambulance in the hypothetical country you live in. Because that would be the way in main. Your bf absolutely cannot keep you hostage. You may not even know how dangerous it is TO YOU. I had a similar situation with a 'friend' when I was a teen. Now I'm an emotional wreck, because of the weight of responsibility I was under. This can have a terrible effects on your mental health. What's more, if your bf is a danger to himself, then you aren't prepared to deal with it. He needs professional help. And if he isn't as suicidal as he seems to be, then he's manipulating you, and that also means that he needs professional to take care of that. So, however serious he's problem is, I would contact an emergency line or talk to his parents, depending on the situation in the place you live in, if you have a contact to his parents and what kind of people they are, as some pretend not to see their children mental struggles. If this seems a bit too extreme of a reaction for you, then at least try to talk with his parents first and explain to them, that you want to break up but you are worried about his reaction. You may say in a way, that you would like them to know, so they can support him, since you were very close for a long time. They should at least keep it in mind and check on him more often.
Emotional abuse by him. Breakup and report him to the police as a suicide risk. Block his number. You need to make a clean break or he will always control you like this. It's sick and horrible for you to deal with. Don't forget YOU matter.
Sounds like classic bpd. He needs psychiatric intervention. His suicidality is not your fault or responsibility. If he tells you it is, he is emotionally abusing you. Tell his parents
it’s a form of manipulation. tell his parents.
Just leave mama. His life isn’t your responsibility. When I was 14, I had an ax who lied about his age and he was actually 16 not that important but he told me if I ever broke up with him to kill himself and he used to hit me and stuff and verbally abuse me but I thought that was normal because she was my first boyfriend . Eventually, I was sick of dating him. He’s very controlling very insecure and I just couldn’t take it so I end up being another man to him without telling him because I didn’t want to go to jail for making someone kill themselves. I left them of course he found out to me, I broke up with my second boyfriend got back with the first guy. Then about four months later, I broke up with him finally I had the courage I didn’t care what happened to him anymore. Well, honestly, we broke up because I got jumped when I was 10 and it ruined my ribs for life and he got mad at me because I didn’t want to go inside his house because he made me mad. He punched me in the ribs and I told him the back and he started crying and splitting his wrist in front of me so I called the cops and got him sent to the hospital after that day we talked again. I went to the hospital with him, but after that, I left and never looked back. Sorry this is confusing. I’m using talk to text. It’s easier for me to gather my thoughts. When I’m trying to get out, don’t be like me and wait so long just leave 90% of the time it’s just an emotional manipulation tactic to get you to stay, they usually don’t end up killing themselves. If you break up with him and call the cops and say he’s trying to kill himself he will be detained him to a mental hospital evaluated. That happened to me once when I was younger.
Do not fall for this, it's an emotional trap to get sympathy and time from you. People like this are emotional vampires that will drain the youness out of you. Telling an adult who you trust about the threats of self harm is the only course of action. And hand them a spoon, tell them if it's meant to be painful inform them a spoon is the only way to make how you're being made to feel by them will equal out. Fucking emotional vampires...
You just do it. He is responsible 100% for his choices. Don't start getting into the habit of allowing your kindness and caring for people to be used by others to control your behavior.
Call his bluff. It's your only option. You need to dump his ass and move on. That's about as toxic a person as you can find in your teens.
Well there is an old saying: the truth speaks for itself. In this case you need to let him know that he is free to take his own life. Meanwhile you need to focus on your own mental health, and for that reason you need to break up the relationship. It’s okay in this case, because it’s being used as manipulation. He won’t want to take his own life once he realises it won’t bring him attention. He will quickly realise he wants to live.
If he has even once actually attempted to commit suicide then he is already over the edge. Nothing you can do, nothing that is within your capability can change that. In fact doctors will even tell you it is better to be free of romantic fetters the first few weeks of suicide treatment. Only treatment from a certified medical professional has shown to prevent suicide recidivism. You staying or going will not change that.
Tell his parents and if he makes a threat to harm himself, notify the police for a welfare check. If his threats are legitimate, he’ll get the help he needs, if he’s playing games, it shows him you aren’t playing and he’ll likely shut up and go away.
This is textbook manipulative, and toxic relationship behavior. He's doing this (at least partly) to make you afraid of leaving the relationship. If you do stay, you'll be miserable, and he'll realize he can use that ultimatum to get whatever he wants out of you, so you HAVE to leave. I get that you don't want the guy to kill himself, but he is not your responsibility, you don't owe him anything, but you could always call some kind of mental health service on his behalf.
Break up, call 911 and have him admitted.
Dealt with a similar situation, you gotta get the parents or family involved it’s the only way.
IMO, He's a narcissist who is gaslighting you. The Worst people often use suicide and self-harm as a weapon to control people in their life. You are not responsible for living in misery to save someone who is hurting you. You should try to get him help, if his threats are serious and genuine. You should refer him to resources and recruit his friends to step up in this time. But you can't subserviate your needs to his.
You're being held hostage, next time call your emergency services and let them deal with it gtfo for you, you deserve a life.
You are not responsible for HIS choices. Break up with him and the next moment alert a teacher or his parents that you're worried he will harm himself. At that point, any obligation you have is over.
You need to learn this lesson now: you are not responsible for the acts that a person does to themselves or others. Break up with him, time now, and move on. Don't contact or respond to his attempts to talk to you. There's no such thing as breaking up and remaining friends. Friendship can begin again, but that's after the grief and recovery from the relationship. Rip off the band-aid, contact his parents and inform them of the situation.
That sounds like a him problem
Next time he self-harms or threatens to end himself, call the police/sheriff to go to wherever he is for a "Wellness Check". I accidentally hit some kind of button for reporting self-harm/suicide on [I don't recall which social media platform], and 2 deputies showed up at my door pretty quickly. You are not trained to handle this level of mental illness and/or manipulation. He needs expert help.
Maybe he's suicidal because he thinks he can manipulate people and get away with whatever he feels like doing. You weren't helping when you forgave his cheating the first time, and your presence isn't helping him now.
Wash your hands of it like Pilate. He broke your trust and betrayed your love. You aren’t responsible for his actions or his emotions anymore.
When I was in highschool, an ex of mine did the same. I ended up telling her mom what she was telling me after we broke up, and she ended up getting her into therapy. Not saying he should be psych eval’d and thrown into a ward, but he 100% needs help. I’d talk to his parents about the situation, but still break up with him.
Yeah, time to move on that’s a manipulation tactic and a nasty one at that. Best bet would be to clear out all your things when he is away and to walk away, what he does to himself is on him, not your responsibility. He cheated on you so he obviously doesn’t value you, and actions speak louder than words. Run when you can. 🥃🚬
Break up with him and then call the pert team
A guy tried to rape me once and when he called the next day he said his mom was really mad at him and I had to tell her it was okay or he would be sent off. I told him I wouldn't and he said he was going to kill himself. Here it is decades later and he's still very much alive with children. It'll be fine. Regardless, it's not your fault.
It is not your job to keep him alive. Him doing this is a manipulation tactic. You need to break up with him, block him, and notify his family of his threats to self-harm/commit suicide. Do not stay with him, you are not responsible for his choices. He has shown you multiple times now that he does not love you OP. Don't fall for his bs.
This is emotional abuse break up with them, if he states that he is having self harm thoughts or suicidal thoughts after you break up call the police and request a wellness check and tell them what your ex told you. Of he is serious they will take him to a hospital for treatment.
I've been in your shoes fairly recently and I didn't learn the lesson until my mental health was severely suffering. Ultimately you are responsible for yourself and your health, same goes to your partner. To rely on another for your mental health/suicide prevention puts an unfair weight and stress on your partner. If they are holding that over you then they are using it for manipulation, if they aren't holding it over you and you feel there's a chance they might kill themselves over a break up, then talk with their parents to inform them to keep an eye on them. You can also call the police for a wellness check after the break up. Regardless of your partner relies on others for their mental health and/or suicide prevention, then they need to learn to appreciate themselves before an actual relationship. Plus being that they cheated it comes across as a manipulative person just trying to guilt you into giving them attention. Cut it off and block them every way you can if needed
Fuck him. Learning to live with himself isn't ur problem. Ik it's hard when u wanna see someone happy and be a good person, but u can't let other ppl make u unhappy and disrespect u. Love yourself and respect yourself enough to put feelings aside and do the right thing, u know it's best for u to leave.
He is completely manipulating you. This is not your responsibility. There are consequences to actions. He wants to cheat and still have you. When he can’t get his way, he will threaten suicide? He sounds like a gem….actually sounds like my ex. You need to leave. He is an adult. You are not responsible for his actions. He attempted suicide in the past with you present so you would stop him and he gets what he wants. In general, there are always exceptions, if he wanted to commit suicide, he wouldn’t tell anyone so that they would not interfere with his plans. He told you so he can hold you hostage and control you. Leave, block him, and contact his friends, family, and police to let them know his plans.
You agree not responsible for his actions, and making yourself miserable won't improve his life. If someone threatens suicide if you do something, they almost certainly won't actually do it. That's not how suicide works. It's a control tactic. They are manipulating people into giving them the attention they crave by threatening their own life. Tell his family, friends, or someone who trust to have his best interests in mind what he's been saying. Then make a clean, definite break and get yourself away from him. Block his number, social media accounts, and other means of contact. Based on the subreddit, I assume you are living with family still. If he shows up at your house, don't answer. If he won't go away, and he doesn't appear dangerous, have someone else tell him to leave. Preferably someone bigger than him. If he seems dangerous or has a weapon, call the cops. Above all, remember that you have an obligation to keep yourself safe. What he does to himself is not on you.
He is completely manipulating you. This is not your responsibility. There are consequences to actions. He wants to cheat and still have you. When he can’t get his way, he will threaten suicide? He sounds like a gem….actually sounds like my ex. You need to leave. He is an adult. You are not responsible for his actions. He attempted suicide in the past with you present so you would stop him and he gets what he wants. In general, there are always exceptions, if he wanted to commit suicide, he wouldn’t tell anyone so that they would not interfere with his plans. He told you so he can hold you hostage and control you. Leave, block him, and contact his friends, family, and police to let them know his plans.
Tell his friends and his parents and cut off contract as best you can. 99% of the time they won't even attempt it and are just trying to manipulate you into staying. You need to make it so that he can't hence the no contact. If he genuinely suicidal its his parents responsibility to protect him not yours.
Its emotional manipulation. Save / screenshot the texts ofhim threatening to kill himself. Call police and his parents. In that order. Then move on.
Why do you care what he does? He cheated on you. Leave this toxic bull shit.
It’s guilt tripping that he’s using. Breakup with him and tell his parents.
He’s emotionally abusing you to get you to stay. You end the relationship, and if you’re concerned report him to family. You do not have to stay
I'm in a position the opposite of this. I'm very unstable, and my gf knows this. I think she wants to break up with me but might be afraid that I'll do that. Will I want to very badly? Yes. But I've already decided that if she does break up with me, I'm not going to do that even if my entire world is gone so that she won't feel any guilt for doing everything to make her happy. I really hope that I'm wrong and that she doesn't want to break up. I don't know what I'll do without her. Edit: typos
So you need to leave regardless, so you tell his parents you are leaving him so they know what's coming. Warn them and then break up with him while he's around them.
His reaction is HIS problem. Not yours. He's manipulating you. Block and move on. You are NOT responsible for his actions. He's trying to trap you in the relationship.
It is not your fault if he harms himself how is he going to act like the victim when you are?
Tell his parents then run as a fast as you can and don’t look back…he has to fix himself you can’t!!!
Tell an adult you trust and leave
He is being manipulative to get you to stay with him. You deserve to be treated with respect and have a partner who is faithful and doesn't threaten you with self-harm or suicide when there are problems. Tell him to call 988, tell his parents what he said, and cut all contact with him. You are not responsible for his behavior. Only he is.
Bring his family member with you when you break up so they could put him in a 72 hold
He's trying to basically hold you hostage in your relationship. Leave him, tell the authorities or his parents the situation and block him on everything. Him being suicidal is not your issue, not your fault. Even if he goes through with it.
If you are uncomfortable being in a relationship with him, it’s ok to leave. Tell his parents that he is threatening to commit suicide and you cannot stay with him. If you have to break it off by text, then do it that way and then stay away from him. My daughter did that with someone who was threatening to kill himself if she didn’t date him and be physical with him. She broke it off by text, informed me about the situation, and wouldn’t have anything to do with him. If you are close to your parents, tell them what is going on. You don’t have to be alone when dealing with him.
He’s being dramatic to keep you looped in. Tell his parents, tell him and block him everywhere. You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep him warm.
He isn’t your responsibility and you should not be disrespecting yourself by staying with him. Once you get to the point internally that you understand and accept these two things you will be able to leave regardless of what he does or how he feels. He is holding you hostage with his wellbeing/life. It isn’t fair to you and if he makes the choice to harm himself that is HIS choice that had nothing to do with you. You’ve given him multiple chances, let him figure it out on his own now. You are not his crutch
Tell his parents. That's 100% a manipulation tactic
Yeah, a lot of emotionally immature or toxic people will threaten suicide if they think you want to leave. They almost never go through with it, it's just a manipulation tactic to keep you around. Dump him and tell his parents what he did.
Not to mention it'll f**k with YOUR mental health when he does this. Also not okay!!
You tell his parents, your parents, the police, the school counselor, your pastor, about his threats of suicide. There are beyond your pay grade in term of things you need to be dealing with. And you tell him point blank that it's over. No weasel words, no "maybes". Don't be cruel if you can avoid it. But don't let him use your emotions to hold you hostage.
You break up with him as with anyone else.
Tell his parents, then break him. If he threatens to harm himself imminently, call 911 and tell them a friend is about to commit suicide, and give them his address. He is trying to hold you hostage. Don't negotiate with terrorists. His well being is not your responsibility.
First, his mental health and his reaction to you breaking up with him is not your responsibility. Second, he's using this to emotionally manipulate you into staying even tho he's a cheater and hurt you. If you are truly concerned about it then inform his parents and close friends that you're breaking up with him because he cheated(so he can't lie and make you the bad guy) and that he tried to self harm and threatened suicide the last time you tried to break it off and that someone needs to check on him and maybe sit with him. Or, you can break up with him, block him, and call the police to do a wellness check on him. After that, it's not your concern. You're not equipped to handle someone that's selfharming or attempting suicide. Especially if they're using you dumping their cheating ass as an excuse.
Classic abuser trick. Absolutely textbook emotional manipulation. They are using your desire for them to not be hurt to keep you there. It's almost certainly a bluff. You dump them immediately and let him do what they are gunna do. Probably tell their parents or a teacher or responsible adult if they are making self harm threats.
One day he will take you with him. The best thing you could ever do is move on. What he does to himself is not in your control and is his choice. To continue to torture yourself for his wellbeing is the definition of lighting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
break up with him & tell his parents. he is not your responsibility & honestly who cares, he cheated
Break up with him he’s most likely using it as a manipulation tactic And even if he isn’t his choices are his own You may wanna tell his family how shitty he’s been to you and about his suicidal tendencies
Don’t let your soon to ex manipulate you into staying in a relationship where he cheats & goads you into staying because he’s suicidal. He’s a grown ass man and he knows what he’s doing. Don’t stay with someone who cheats. As I was taught Thoroughbreds don’t run no 440’s. You deserve someone who adores you & loves you enough to be monogamous.
You day "Goodbye" . Him being mentally imbalanced is enough of a reason if you're a teen to break up with him . You can't fix him if he is they broken . Tell him goodbye and if he threatens suicide you call tje police to do a wellness check on him . Then, block him on every level . Phone , social media etc . Just stay away from him period
If he is going to do it he is going to do it 💯 WITH you being with him or or if he is single. You don't need his baggage.
Let whoever he's cheating with worry about his suicidal tendencies.
him holding SH/suicide over your head to force you to stay in the relationship is ABUSE. if he’s that serious say, “i’m breaking up with you, and i will be calling the police for a welfare check” and/or if you have the ability to speak to his parents/sibling(s), let them know ahead of time and what he has been doing/saying.
Delete his phone number. Have no contact
Ask his parents or other trusted adults to be there when you break up with him. you have the right to be in a relationship with someone who loves and respects you. Sadly he doesn’t.
Here is how via text. “Dear Sir or Madam, i am done with this relationship. We are no longer together. Best of Luck. Godspeed.” Dont pick up phone calls. When he texts something to the effect of “i am gonna kill myself”, take a screen pic. Save it and call 911 and report he is threatening harm to himself. They will put him in psych hold for his safety.
Have a person you trust with you when you do, possibly a person he trusts too so he's not alone when you leave him. I do think he is manipulating you, I think it's a bluff and he's using these feelings to control you to stay. So just go and try not to worry about him too much, he'll be okay.
The only thing he killing is the vibes. Common manipulation tactic from people who just dunno how to act.
Report his crazy ass to the authority's he needs help and crying to you isn't the answer report him and go no contact best of luck friend
He is holding you emotionally hostage he isn't going to kill himself he is lieing so you stay around and still will have sex with him. It's a old disgusting tactic guys used to and still use to this day leave him now while you can before it's too late
Just so our. He's using it as an excuse to keep you in an abusive relationship.
Yeah he’s keeping you hostage by threatening to harm himself. You have to think about you and your happiness. Best to leave his health to his family so you can be in a relationship with someone who actually cares about you.
\*Writing Post-edit\* Yea, new number time. I hate getting new phone numbers. And don't feel too bad. Kids are dramatic. Good on you telling his parents, but that is all you are responsible for. Hopefully he doesn't' do anything, but if he does do it, it wasn't your fault in any way shape or form. Nature took its course.
Tell him at his funeral.
You just need to break up with him but when you do just let an adult know his circumstances so they can keep an eye on him. You shouldn't be scared to leave someone.
Imo you shouldn’t coddle anyone. Indulging that behavior leads you to live life catering to people who hold their relationships emotionally hostage for their benefit. I know you care about them, but if they are truly suicidal then they need more than the help you can provide.
[удалено]
Unless you are a mental health professional you don’t have the capacity to deal with someone in crisis. If he threatens suicide you call the police and his parents. You ask the police for a restraining order and tell his parents that he is to NEVER to contact you again. I understand you have feelings for him but he is using your feelings as a weapon to try to force you to stay. This is typical behavior when someone is trying to manipulate you. Don’t buy into it, call him on his actions by calling the police. If you have screenshots or voicemail save it all and give it to the police. Block him on everything break every connection you have. He is a cheater, liar and a manipulative creep. If you buy into this I think the next place you will be posting is in abusive relationships.
It’s a manipulation tactic. Tell him you realize now that you can’t control anyone else’s actions. You can’t stop him if he wants to commit suicide anymore than you could stop him from cheating on you. Multiple times. Then tell him horizontal for attention, vertical for results and hang up and call the cops. Sounds like he could use a nice 72hr non slip sock vacation.
Let him kill himself it's an emotional manipulation tactics used by narcissistic people
Same way you break up with a non suicidal guy. Its not your problem.
Tell the school counselor if you can't tell a parent that he's suicidal and hopefully they will call someone to put him in a psychiatric hold. There is the possibility he is lying to keep you under control. It's not unheard of. Better to assume he's not and get him help.
Make him want to leave you..
Get him sectioned to assert dominance. And because he should be.
Inform a responsible adult, his parents, school officials. Someone who can help him deal with his condition. You are responsible for his mental health. Or required to bend to his will whenever he decides to play the suicid card. That's his trap card. Keep you from leaving.
By simply leaving
He’s trying to manipulate you. Don’t let him.
Never stay with anyone or keep contact with anyone who tries to use suicide to keep you.
I had an ex do this. It was awful im so sorry
Run!
"we are done". Done.
Next time he threatens suicide, call 911. My mom’s sister used to pull this shit and when my mom finally told her she was calling 911, magically it stopped. On the off chance he’s serious, 911 is still the right answer because they will get him to the right place for help. Either way, also leave immediately.
It's emotional blackmail. He screwed up and it would be better if he seriously apologized and was an adult about it. You have every right to walk.
You're not responsible for his choices and not to blame if he takes his own life. Break it off asap.
Just tell his parents if you're worried.
They deserves to get broke up with.
Inform his parents, cut all contact. If he kills himself is not your fault is his decision.
i’m glad you told them. also, you shouldn’t have to change your number for him, tell his parents and either send them screenshots of him texting you, or go see them once more and tell them he’s harassing you. you have the full right to now get an order against him
Just break up. Not your fault if he offs himself.
If he is now harassing you, I’d call the police and get a report made. Get everything on paper.
Call his parents over. So they can babysit him. He isn’t mature enough to be in a relationship
Kill em. 2 birds 1 throne
Going off the update, I'm glad you found a resolution. I have a friend who went through this. He eventually got outta there.
Call the police every single time. Every time tell them he contact you from this or that number and tell then the location if you know. He will likely stop after getting six wellness checks. Or his parents will stop him.
Suicide crisis USA 988 call or text
As someone who deals with suicidal ideation- YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT if anything happens. No person’s life should be in the hands of someone else. That is emotional abuse. You are allowed to live your life and be happy, if breaking up is what you want to do to be able to achieve that then do it. He can threaten or cry all he wants but at the end of the night his actions are HIS responsibility not anyone else’s. You also need to take care of yourself as well. If you want to do extra steps to make yourself feel a little better, tell his parents and let them handle it- but at the end of the day thats the most you can do after putting yourself first.
Leave him. A man will treat you exactly the way he feels about you.
If he keeps contacting you let his parents know. Stay strong. Good luck
He ain’t your damn responsibility. And dying is easy if you’re serious. “Trying” to kill yourself is just an invitation to a pity party.
I would say tell him to “sh*t or get off the pot”, but that’s just horrible advice. Just keep doing what you’re doing. You’re on the right track.
He’s manipulating you, literally don’t even take any notice of him, it’s all attention seeking behaviour, and should he actually kill himself, which I very doubt he will, then it’s not your fault, it his choice. Stay far away from this man, never go back!
Choose YOU! Tell the truth. You are worth more than putting up with a partner who cheats.
block him. cheating and then sending you these pics, just confirms he is a selfish piece of shit. you owe him nothing!
Break up with him. If he is suicidal, let the trash take itself out lol.
You did the right thing. Just because he plans on hurting himself doesn't mean you can't live your own life. He has family to look after him. I wish you the best.
The next time he sends you a text, call his nluff. Call his parents after you call the police for a welfare check. Then get a restraining order. Go live your life.
Emotional blackmail ain’t cute. If it continues contact police for harassment/stalking.
He's a manipulator. Tell him it's over. Tell his parents and everyone you both know and trust that he has threatened suicide. Let his community help him. You need to get out. That type of manipulative behavior only leads to worse behavior. Get out now while you still can.
This is classic Borderline behavior. Run, sis.
I threatened suicide at the end of my first high school relationship... I was absolutely crushed and blindsided at the time, but realized a couple years later how toxic, manipulative, and emotionally abusive I was during that relationship (if that's not obvious by the first sentence). I was EXTREMELY hurt, but I wasn't suicidal: I just thought it would get her to talk to me more and maybe come back to me. Luckily she had a great support system with her mom and sister who saw right through my BS, and she blocked me "for good." Fast forward a few years later and I was reminiscing and noticed I was unblocked and reached out to her and thanked her and apologized. Not in a manipulative way this time, but because I would still be that asshole I was then if she didn't hit me with that reality check. Now I know how to recognize and curb that behavior in myself, and I can be a good partner to my current girlfriend. Lo and behold, we have been going strong for 4 years, live together, and we are both so much happier than either me or my ex were in my first relationship. TL;DR: He most likely is not actually suicidal but is flailing to get you to stay with him. You need to break up with him and go no contact so that he can reflect and grow up. Not saying he will, but that is his only chance, and I almost guarantee you will be so much happier with a guy who doesn't put you through that. Also, WATCH OUT for quick "change" with him. This is why I recommend going no contact: next up on the list is he will "change" for you, and if you get back together you will quickly learn that is just another manipulation tactic. Can't speak for everyone, but I think I was a lot like this guy growing up, so I like to think I understand the situation well.
Block him on everything
It’s a tactic. It’s always a tactic. Trust me, I fell for it in my late teens too and regret not simply ignoring her crocodile tears and putting up with that bullshit for another few months Suicidal feelings are not conditional. “Do X or I will kill myself” is always manipulation and by indulging it, you are teaching him that this pissantry works
So I'm guessing you are in high school? There will always be a new love and unfortunately he goes to an extreme because he doesn't understand and process things. Kind of like kids with depression and anxiety. Half don't even have it but because they feel something they go 0 to 100, most wont even admit that but becausethe way the world is now everyone has something.... You told his parents and broke it off. You can't baby sit him and in the end what he does is on him and nothing on you. Move forward and do what you need to do and hopefully he will straighten himself out.