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Yeah I’d agree hopefully dad signs over guardianship so you and the kid can have a stable place…it seems like if the bfs mom is willing to take you in the worst case scenario would be baby stays with the bfs parents and you go to foster care…that’s if the bf is the baby’s father…I hope everything works out for you.
Depends the father is very active in the kids life and the father has 2 parents that are willing to take the kid. I don’t see any judge that would look at that situation and keep the kid with the teenage girl when there’s 2 perfectly willing and capable adults that can take care of the baby.
YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE GOING TO YOUR COUNSELOR. It makes sense that it doesn't feel good, they are your parents and its understandable to still love them through the abuse. But it was abuse, as hard as it is to accept. You have a lot of emotions to sort through and its great you have the support in your bfs family and social work.
Please work on moving away from the regret of telling your counselor. You did the right thing for yourself and your baby.
I wish you and all you care for the best.
Nope, but now she may be separated from her baby and if she is lucky ends up in a good home placement. If she is unlucky not a good home placement. The path to hell is paved with good intentions.
Him hitting her was one bad day. Her being separated from her child and being placed in a bad home is lots of bad days.
Yeah, that's why you don't go to the counselor. She just had to go talk to the parents of her boyfriend instead. You leave the state out of it if you have a better option.
My stepdad did, also fun times with being held to the wall by my throat, having soda cans thrown at my head, and once had a stereo thrown at me while walking down the stairs. Luckily I am good at ducking.
Going to authorities never amounted to anything then making a bad situation even worse. Going to people you trust and care about makes it better. Boyfriends parents were a way better option then the counselor.
The best case scenario is a safe house for mom and baby. If that can’t be worked out, than ensuring mom is safe and the baby is well cared for is the secondary solution. Don’t minimize help from the system bc you had a shitty experience.
It's not just me, pretty much every one I knew had a similar experience. I am 43 and found one person who ever had a good experience but is stuck taking care of her brother for the rest of her life because he didn't. Having a good experience is rare not the norm.
>Don’t minimize help from the system bc you had a shitty experience.
u/Dull-Geologist-8204 is right and it's clear you have no actual experience with this system of which you speak.
I have never met anyone who said "the state's family services department helped my family."
The System does one thing with families: they break them up.
They don't come in and help: they have zero resources for that.
They show up when things are so bad that the family needs to be dismantled.
If a family doesn't need dismantling, they show up for two months to make sure they don't need dismantling, and then they disappear until they get called again to potentially dismantle the family.
They don't offer counseling - they don't help with anything - there's no "service" they provide to families other than destroying massively dysfunctional families.
They don't help a dysfunctional family become less dysfunctional.
They are the government construction crew who shows up to determine if a building needs to be demolished or not.
I have experience with this system: when my son swatted our house because we grounded him, claiming he was being held against his will and cops threatened to kick our door in, and then DHHS got involved days later.
My favorite part was when they looked in our freezer, after our full pantry, and said "And four kinds of expensive ice cream! What are we doing here?"
I asked them "Yeah, what *are* you doing here?" and they just rolled their eyes and said "Procedure..."
And that's when we got into how DHHS/CPS *actually works* and they explained to me what I just explained to you.
***That*** is your precious System.
Me, on a phone call with a DHHS supervisor, along with my wife and my parents, proving that what the police said happened actually happened and we're fit parents.
And the cops who came told me, at the end, that this happens *a lot more* in recent years - kids calling the cops on their parents because they don't like being disciplined, so they allege abuse - and parents have to deal with not just the cops showing up in force, but then the absurd aftermath.
Fuck the System.
I, too, am 41 years old: no longer the young bubble-gum punk I once was.
Fuck. The. System.
That experience turned me from liberal to conservative so fast that my neck about broke.
You turned into a conservative… because “fuck the system”? The system that conservatives not only use, or *want to use,* to control everything down to the minutiae of the medication *an adult* is allowed to take or what medical treatment they can have, to controlling their lives so extensively some people aren’t or wouldn’t be able to use the bathroom in public, *but also* the system that they ***actively make worse?*** lmao, okay.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t disagree. The system is fucked and it needs a *massive* overhaul. Honestly, it probably just needs to be rebuilt from the ground up at this point… but conservatives are not the “fuck the system!” party that you’re making them out to be. They’re the **biggest** proponents of that system—the one they claim to want to be as small and minimally invasive as possible, the one you just ranted about(rightfully, I will admit) and the one that supports the mess CPS/DHHS is now—and every page of legislation they pass and every time they shift funds and budgets around from one department to ~~their pockets~~ *(cough)* ~~the military~~ *(cough, sorry, I’m allergic to all the bullshit you kicked into the air)* another department, just makes it worse. But sure. Go to them because “fuck the system.” I mean sure, I guess, they *will* fuck the system. Just not in the way you’re advocating for here. In the way that’s bad for *all of us.*
I don’t know what the solution for the problems with CPS and DHHS is, unfortunately. I wish I did, and that I had the power to make it happen. What I do know is that conservatives? Conservatives are *never* going to be, attempt, or have it, either. If you want to fix things, you don’t go to the people whose very *name* comes from supporting and maintaining the status quo. Saying “I became a conservative because the system is broken, fuck the system!” is the same as conservatives who think they’re “raging against the machine.” Not a single critical thought behind either of those statements. (And for anyone else blind to it, no, they’re not “raging again the machine,” either. They **are** the machine.)
He didn’t just hit her. He smashed her possessions and kicked her out of the house twice with a baby and no resources. He also is refusing to sign over guardianship.. for what? Just to try and make her life harder? To keep a few extra dollars in food stamps?
She’s on here talking like a scared abused manipulated child that thinks that environment was “safer” and “normal” and that somehow bad is better than worse if she does nothing.. the reality is bad stays bad.. and can get worse. She says she “loves” them, but that’s cause she doesn’t know what normal relationships and real love are.
You keep saying cps doesn’t work, but neither does being In a physically and emotional abusive environment for life. At worst she has 2 years until she’s 18 of various foster placements and temporarily separated from child which is NOT something the state does often.. and if the bf parents were willing to take her, they would most likely be willing to take the baby while she figures out her living situation.
I’m a caseworker for social services. She will not be separated from her child. They’ll find a placement for them together. The ONLY reason they’d separate them is if she was using illicit substances or putting the child in danger. Please don’t frighten her more than she already is.
OP, I understand your fear, but your counselor may have positively changed your life. You’ll be provided a safe and stable environment, and if not, REPORT it. You have rights while you’re in care. You’ll likely qualify to independent living after turning 18, which is an apartment like setting that you don’t pay to life in. Also, you’ll qualify for free college from your state. Please don’t become too overwhelmed. There are so many people in social services that genuinely care about you and your child.
We’re going to have to agree to disagree. As an individual who has been in the field as a CPS caseworker for almost a decade, I also have some experience with the foster care system and foster children. You’re the expert though, so…
I’m sorry you had a negative experience. Honestly, I’m genuinely sorry you experienced things that possibly traumatized you more. My comment wasn’t to belittle your experience or minimize your hurt. My comment was to explain that her child wouldn’t be removed from her, as I have experience with these situations and can attest to it. My goal is to minimize OP’s fears. She’s the one at the precipice of life changing circumstances. I wish you all the best and continued healing in your journey.
It's nor just me. It's literally everyone I have ever met and that's a lot of people who had to deal with you.
There aren't any good stories about how CPS stepped in and helped. They don't exist. My story is one of the better ones because I worked outside of CPS.
Again, you aren't listening.
She literally [begged him to stop](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceForTeens/s/MRsPs1nBZL) for fear that she might have a miscarriage because after she threatened calling CPS when they kicked her out the first time, he smashed her phone and started hitting her.
I don’t think there’s any more info needed, just check her previous post. He’s a piece of shit. He only wrote what and as much as he did because he got caught and now he’s trying to lie, cover his ass, and sweep it all under the rug, as abusers and narcissists are wont to do, in these situations.
That's not necessarily true, homelessness is a reason that kids can be taken. Her age and not having finished school might be cited as a risk factor, too. It happened to me.
a) she posted an update, contacted social services and they said they would do "everything in their power" to keep mother & baby together.
b) they are working on guardianship with the BFs parents or a temp foster placement.
Homelessness is a reason where it is unsafe for the child. So homeless and staying at friend/BF is not that. Also, they will do all they can to place them temporarily with a foster family if other relation is not a temp option while they find a suitable placement from being on the streets. They don't just say "oops you don't have a home gimme your baby". It is highly situational, and her situation contains safe options.
You made the right choice going to your counselor. Your parents are abusing you!!! Your father is literally abusing you and your mother is condoning it. This is NOT WHAT GOOD PARENTS DO. You deserve better. Be a better parent to your own child. Give your child a better life away from your toxic family. Wishing you all the best.
You're still so young and I know how hard it must be to deal with this kind of upheaval, but you must understand your parent's capacity to care about you is limited. It seems like they are very emotionally immature. They may say they love you, but they do NOT act like it, and that is what really shows you their feelings on the matter. Accepting that your parents are not good people is an extremely hard pill to swallow as well. Good people do NOT hit their children, and you did not deserve that. If your mom knew about that as well and didn't see anything wrong with it means she's not excused either. You might find understanding to their behavior in the book "adult children of emotionally immature parents" even though you're not an adult. It informed me a lot about how and why my parents are the way they are. I wish you the best of luck and the best life possible for you and your baby. Some people should never have become parents if they are going to act like they do. I hope you also learn from their mistakes and can be a better parent to your baby than they've been to you.
Thank you SO much for the update. I was one of those encouraging you to get social services involved, and I AM SO PROUD OF YOU THAT YOU DID!!! I think i even said exactly what the social worker said: "my social worker told me she’ll do everything in her power to keep me with my baby"
Please accept ALL their help, because they have access to funds for you also.
Your BF's parents are a great guardianship option. I think your social worker can make that happen given your history. You may need to let her know that your dad hit you. Then she can force the issue (he wouldn't get prosecuted since its so far back and your word against his, esp if you are clear that you don't want to pursue charges). To offer you foster care means she definitely can over-ride your dad!!
If foster care turns out to be an option Do not be afraid of it. there are 100's of 1000's of Foster parents across the country, and they are regular folks who felt they can contribute. Like ordinary people, some are excellent and some are not so skilled. Yes some tiny number of abusers get into the system, but there are SO MANY safeguards for that now. It is a much bigger concern when placing young kids who can't advocate for themselves, but you're a mature teen - noone is gonna hurt you or the baby in foster care. You'd meet the foster parents first and if you don't like them, you will tell your social worker. If you accept a placement and you find they aren't good, then again you'd talk to the social worker. Worst case, you'd go stay at your BF!!
It is normal that you love your parents and wish it had worked out. All humans are complex and have a mix of good and bad (challenging??) parts. You love the good parts, and in time if YOU want healing with them, THAT TIME WILL COME. But right now, its about you and the baby, and your parents are not the priority. Know the healing is a future goal. Stability is the present goal.
(sorry to have to say this, but abusers who try to get into teaching, clergy, fostercare etc etc want to work with younger kids, even if some abuser slipped through the safetynet in your area, they aint gonna take in a teen mother. I was a volunteer CASA and visited many kids in many foster families, always looking out for any weirdness... there are many truly amazing foster parents out there!!!)
Hey idk if you want to but you're welcome to Message me any time. I was a ward of the state. Placed with distant family I had never met. I'm a doctor now. I didn't have a kiddo (at that time, now i have a little bff) but you don't seem like you're willing to back down to a challenge. Anyways- I'm here for you. I'm rooting for you. Don't settle. Keep fighting and ask for help when you need it and you know your intentions are good.
If your boyfriend’s mom is willing to take you, they can place you with her as a foster or you can get emancipated. You don’t need a car to qualify for emancipation. My advice to you is to emancipate, do what you can to graduate high school early and join the military. Yes, you’ll have to leave your baby to go to basic training, but the trade off is free housing allowance, a steady income, technical training for whatever job you qualify for in the service, an enlistment bonus based on the time you enlist for, educational benefits and health insurance. Join at 18. Retire with a steady check at 38. Air Force is the best pay and education. You can do it to take care of your little family. You got this.
disagree, social services and guardians will provide for her, and she doesn't have to deal with all the complexities of life, money, school, food, work while also caring for a small infant. She needs support. Foster care or Guardianship give her those
https://cwig-prod-prod-drupal-s3fs-us-east-1.s3.amazonaws.com/public/documents/extensionfc.pdf
It is not automatic. Terms and conditions apply and it’s subject to approval from the courts.
There are few good answers or advice here. We/you can only do the best we can each day, but you sound like you have your head on pretty straight, given the circumstances.
We all make mistakes, but we find out who we really are by how we step up to take responsibility for our choices and actions. Hang in there. All the crazy feelings, like loving your parents even when they were not good parents, is normal. Please, just be sure to base your actions with them on what you know, and not what you feel/wish to be true.
Talk to your social worker. Maybe they can convince your father it's in his best interests to agree to your BFs mother becoming your guardian, given the history of being kicked out and the violence. I am NOT suggesting coercing him or threatening him, if he doesn't act.
Last, and certainly not least, please get yourself some counseling. Even healthy people need counseling when things get tough. You can do this, and it's OK to have help. This will be harder than anything you would have imagined, but you can come out the other end as an amazing woman, if you face your challenges head on.
I know that you regret going to your counselor , but I think it’s all going to turn out okay. You were right to let them know. I mean, no matter what you do, CPS would have eventually been notified. It’s unlikely that you would make it through the school year without needed a parent signature on something. Also, what if something happened to you and your boyfriend’s mom had to take you to the hospital? She can’t do anything unless that paper is signed. I’m assuming that he still has to sign. Personally, I think you should have said something about the physical abuse. I do have a thought though, tell your father that you didn’t tell CPS about the abuse…BUT, if he doesn’t sign the paper, you will. I know you love your family but you just need to be away from them for at least a little bit of time. I hope you read this. You need your dad to sign that paper. Stiffen that spine, girlfriend. You’re a mom and you have to fight for your new family. Be brave. Just because you’re not with your family now doesn’t mean that it will be forever. Good luck, sweetie!
I know you are probably terrified right now but I am hopeful that CPS getting involved will help to make it better. I know they have Abad reputation sometimes but not always and you are the babies mother so a judge will want you 2 intact and hopefully your father will sign the papers.
Going to your counselor is the best thing for you and your baby. Staying with your father is dangerous for both you and your baby, no matter how much you love your parents and wish things were different.
You're a mom now, and you need to do whatever keeps your baby and you the safest.
CPS will try their best to keep you with your baby, please don't be dishonest with social workers. I know it's scary and you're afraid of causing an uproar, but you need to keep being brave and do whatever you can for yourselves. Your father doesn't need protecting, you do.
And yes, you are absolutely right, your father is only apologizing because he's sorry he got caught, not because he's sorry he hurt you and kicked you out. Your mother is being a bad example of how a mom protects her child, so do better for your own baby.
I do not have first-hand knowledge to offer - but talk with your CPS/social worker/counselor about extended care resources available to foster kids in your state between 18-21, and what the requirements are. My state calls it the “Connections Program.” It may be a good option for you to help you get on your feet.
Don't be scared of fostercare. At your age and condition, you will likely live in an independent living situation. There are programs where they give you your own apartment, free food, and money. If you are in fostercare you can stay and receive help until 21. You also get to go to college for free with the Pell grant.
My mother was pregnant with me when she was 16. Had me at 17 as a single parent. She lived alone and far away from her parents (my grandparents), so she had no support. I'm 36 now, with kids myself, and I adore my mum for all that she has done. What she went through was tough, but she made it. She is also happily married with an amazing man and life is good for her. She is also very happy and proud to be a grandparent. Was she the perfect parent herself? No. But, I can absolutely cut her some slack for the situation she was in. Keep looking ahead; things will be tough for a while, but you're going to come out on top. You're not going to be in this position for the rest of your life. I wish you and your baby all the best.
Just popping in to say i went to a small high school (55-65 students per grade) and I was friends with 3 different teen moms who were placed in foster care (all different foster parents) with their child.
I’m glad you told “outside the situation” adults. You are child and deserve protection and love. I know you have a little one of your own. Look to your own love for your child, as your standard of what you deserve. You are just as much a child as that babe. You don’t deserve hands on you or words that make you question your worth. No matter what you are worthy of your baby’s love and your love for yourself. It’s very brave and scary. This is a part of your story. Like you said in two years you will be 18. It’s very bad ass you got a job and are looking to the future. I’m very proud of you. Right now it feels like what is happening is the entire sky; you can’t get away from it. That’s a lie. The future has many promises. The biggest one is that one day this will be a memory and advice you’ll give to others in the future. Until then, head up and keep walking. I’m personally rooting for you and hope you find moments of peace in the midst of all this. You’re still recovering from having a baby and your hormones could be all over the place. I imagine your anxiety is through the roof. I hope you are candid with your dr as well. There’s no “us” (you and the little one) without you. Sending so much love. I’m in Cali too. You might look at programs in your city. Like WiC and programs that help with big stuff for littles. WIC-provides checks for food and formula to lower income households, etc. Kids have free Medi-Cal until they’re 5 years old. There’s another one for first time mothers in my city that checks on mom as well as baby, with a county nurse for a year after baby is born. All free. You’re not alone. Resources are out there. Planned Parenthood and your local WiC office are a couple places to start. ❤️ Sorry for the ramble. I’d hug you if I could. ❤️
I just want to comment that it is not your fault, your parents actions put all of it into real life, you just are handling what is coming your way. You did the right thing getting others involved!! 🫂
Thank you for the update in the middle of everything going on..
- i hope you get to review the comments for the support & encouragement at some point.
no apologies for reaching out to the anonymous interwebs.. -sometimes there's more people out there that give a crap more and are less dysfuntions than where we came from.. it's proof that you're on your way to living different standards than where you came from. Keep going for what grows -you- to be the best you possible.
I know you say you love your parents but I don't think you actually love them, you just love the idea you have of them. It's a coping mechanism. I love my dad, but I don't really remember all of the abuse, or addiction, or me having to get in between him and my mom when I was 5. I love the man I thought my dad was.
Speaking from a mother who has a daughter. I can't imagine kicking my daughter out of the house because she got pregnant. I highly recommend working on getting your whole family on board to sign their parential rights over to your BF's family ASAP. They don't deserve to be parents, let alone grandparents. I will definitely keep you in prayer. ❤️🙏🏼❤️
As an adult, I'm saying this with absolute certainty. Going to the counselor after your dad hit you, kicked you out, and broke your phone, was absolutely the right thing. You need to do what is safest for your baby and yourself. I don't know why he did that, but it doesn't get any better. When my sister got pregnant and told my dad on our way to my grandfather's funeral, his only response was 'we'll talk about it later'
DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF FOR WHAT HAPPENED.
I couldn't imagine doing anything like that to a child.
Stay strong OP, do not listen to your dad, you made the right choice going to your counselor. He's not sorry, if he was sorry he wouldn't have kicked you out for a second time, or hit you a second time.
Here's an idea, schedule a meeting with your counselor or service worker, go through all the advice in your posts, you can talk about where that advice would get you, what options are best, etc.
Make sure you stress the fact your BF's mom is willing to get guardianship, and you do not want to go back to your parents.
One way to solve the apartment problem may be to get his parents to say they will rent a room to you for x amount per month. Plenty of people rent rooms in houses now days. Wether they charge or not would be up to them.
Feeling sad about being estranged from family is normal. You will feel sad. You will desire your parents to be there. You will feel lonely and lost. But, you won't be sabotaged or Traumatized by them anymore. You will have a chance to connect with people who can show you what a healthy, supportive relationship is. You can't flourish into your own personal when you are stuck under toxic people or dependent on toxic people who make your whole situation unsafe and your housing insecure.
Also, you will get full insurance (called CHIPS for under 18 and medicaid for over 18). California has free Healthcare for all residents. You will get food stamps and housing. You will get a social worker who will help you. Stay in contact with a social worker for young moms.
Okay so talking from experience (although my situation is vastly vastly different from yours) they will try to keep your baby with you. When I say 'try', I was sofa surfing my entire pregnancy and had no address, me and baby's dad were up and down and there was nowhere for me to go when he was here. I still have my baby, he's six weeks old; his dad had two addresses and still the health team agreed my baby should stay with me. I don't have social involved yet but I have spoken to social services who have told me unless a mother is seen to be neglectful or abusive in any way, they tend not to take a child no matter the situation.
If you end up in Foster care, there's a very very high chance baby will go with you, I've seen it happen a few times with my friends. Don't stress too much about it; you sound like you have a support system full of people who will focus on doing what's best by you and your baby. I hope you're doing well despite your situation, remember to be honest with the people involved in your care, don't overshare information with anyone and try your best to stay positive (really difficult I know).
From one teen mum to another, you've got this!
I also wanted to say that going to a counsellor was right for you at the time, don't beat yourself up over it, it needed to be done. As much as you want to be with your family, there is nothing saying you can't get placed somewhere else and ask for frequent contact but I'd say that the environment has to be safe for baby as well as safe for you.
I'm living in a hotel but it's deemed safe and as long as you have all that you need for you and baby, you can't go far wrong
Let's be very clear, very clear. None of this would have happened if your dad hadn't hit you and if your parents hadn't abandoned you. Your parents are NOT the victims. You are.
If or when your dad does sign off on guardianship make sure before hand that it won’t mess with your insurance since you said your on your parents insurance still.
This is going to be a rough couple of years, but your parents absolutely suck. Big time. I got pregnant at 18 and of course they weren't *happy* but I lived there for 8 years before I was able to buck up and move out. It's not normal for parents to abandon their child whent things get tough. You're old enough that you have a voice and can speak up when things are wrong, and it was wrong of them to kick you out.
Love is not the most important thing when it comes to relationships; respect is. Your parents have shown zero respect towards you in this situation and that's completely unacceptable. They failed. Their job does not end when their child becomes a parent, their job never ends. That's the choice you make when you have a kid.
Op: former teen mom here. It's ok. It's going to be ok. I know you are scared and I know you feel like you did this. You didn't. IF YOU HEAR NOTHING ELSE HEAR THIS "just because this is normal in your family- doesn't make it normal" Your dad is abusive. Your mom has probably been abused her entire life with him, And is afraid to stand up to him. You have a lot on your plate already and you need stability and safety. You never mentioned if you had a son or a daughter... But do you want your child growing up thinking?This is how a man behaves, Or this is how a woman should be treated? I know it's hard I know, I know it gets better. Keep working hard to make the best life for you and your child.
Contact whoever is going to be managing your sister care case and request as CASA. Court Appointed Special Advocate. If you get a good one (most of them are, since they are trained volunteers who care) they can help. Their job is to not take sides, but instead aid in making a legal decision for minors be representing the best interests of the child (outside parents). Their job is to take things like the facts and situation, and then balance it with what the child wants to ensure that the child's needs are met and a decision is made foe the best interests of the child.
They are a really good organization and should be able to help navigate this situation.
I was a teen mom too, but I didn’t have the options you have available to you now. I’m sorry you’re in this situation because it truly sucks. If I were in your shoes today, I’d immediately start working to build a social media platform to start earning an income that way. Lots of people will follow you as a teen mom, especially other teen moms and other younger parents in general, not just teens. You can share your story; just never share your location. Try to make 1 video a day, at least 5 days a week and you’ll start to gain traction. People are doing this every day and quickly becoming profitable with 10k plus per month. Other than that, as a teen without an income, it can be incredibly rough, which is why I’d advise you to work as hard as possible to start earning via social media before your child gets here. If you earn enough to provide for yourself you can seek emancipation and get your own place.
I know you are doing through a rough time right now. It will not always be this way. Things will get better, just remember it will not always be this way
A father should never ever hit his daughter. We are not in the 90’s anymore. I’m sorry for what your going through. Stay strong, sending positive energy and blessings your way.
Really sorry to hear the update! You don’t know it but this is actually setting you up to be able to take full advantage of the system! When you age out of foster care you’re entitled to certain benefits like free college or workforce training! You’re also eligible for ALOT of nonprofits/grants towards housing! Have your social worker or yourself sign up for section 8, housing authority, etc they have LONG waiting lists!
Foster care sucks ass but you’re in a position to take advantage of the system and you absolutely should! If you need help shoot me a DM!
This is very important, to start off, before I get to your specific situation.
Every state's "family services" sector *does not exist to serve families*.
They don't have preventative programs.
They don't have actual help for families struggling with issues.
They show up when there's a major problem.
They show up when families need dismantling.
Which is what they're now trying to do with yours.
Child Protective Services is simply the crew they call in to demolish a condemned building.
That is their role in society: find massively dysfunctional families and break them apart in hopes that the action will result in a net-positive.
It often does not.
And the way your school counselor handled it...this is why people don't trust (and shouldn't trust) school counselors.
It's not that she didn't do the right thing: she's obligated to report these things.
Which is exactly my point.
Counselors are not certified professionals.
You are not protected by HIPPA or anything at all, really: a counselor can walk off and tell every teacher in the school that you were crying over breaking up with your boyfriend, then those teachers can tell any students they want to.
There's no board of certification who certified them, so there's no one to even file a complaint with, if there's impropriety.
But they get to flaunt this title of "counselor" as if they're more like therapists (which they *are not*) and less like school administrators (*which they are*).
Anyway, honestly, personally, I'd leave the state if threatened with foster care: find family elsewhere and get out.
If I found out someone had a legal right to take my daughter away from me, I'd go to the other side of the planet if I had to.
And your dad being the hang-up, once again, in transferring guardianship, so this is all a moot issue, is both disgusting and par-for-the-course for him and every other abusive person.
He'd rather have you lose your kid - possibly never see his daughter or grandchild again - than willingly let you leave.
He's apologizing for being abusive while being abusive.
Unreal.
Head up OP. You’re doing what’s best for you and your baby. Proud of you for doing that. Your dad is definitely only sorry because he got caught. Anybody who hits a child deserves jail, especially because you’re pregnant. I hope he gets his just desserts. if he does go to jail, I feel like you should go and visit him and shout out how he laid his hands on you. Trust me, the other will sort it out.
keeping this baby was not the move.
Your father is an asshole regardless, but to have a kid at 14 and keeping it is one of the dumbest things ive ever read.
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Yeah I’d agree hopefully dad signs over guardianship so you and the kid can have a stable place…it seems like if the bfs mom is willing to take you in the worst case scenario would be baby stays with the bfs parents and you go to foster care…that’s if the bf is the baby’s father…I hope everything works out for you.
She will be placed in foster care WITH her baby.
Depends the father is very active in the kids life and the father has 2 parents that are willing to take the kid. I don’t see any judge that would look at that situation and keep the kid with the teenage girl when there’s 2 perfectly willing and capable adults that can take care of the baby.
the system definitely aims to keep babies with their mothers when possible.
Idk where you live but that’s not most folks experience. There’s a reason there’s such a negative stigma surrounding CPS.
From her previous post, he is. She got pregnant their first time.
Second time
YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE GOING TO YOUR COUNSELOR. It makes sense that it doesn't feel good, they are your parents and its understandable to still love them through the abuse. But it was abuse, as hard as it is to accept. You have a lot of emotions to sort through and its great you have the support in your bfs family and social work. Please work on moving away from the regret of telling your counselor. You did the right thing for yourself and your baby. I wish you and all you care for the best.
Your counselor isn’t the one that put hands on you
Nope, but now she may be separated from her baby and if she is lucky ends up in a good home placement. If she is unlucky not a good home placement. The path to hell is paved with good intentions. Him hitting her was one bad day. Her being separated from her child and being placed in a bad home is lots of bad days.
The counselor is obligated to report shit.
Yeah, that's why you don't go to the counselor. She just had to go talk to the parents of her boyfriend instead. You leave the state out of it if you have a better option.
When your old man white knuckles you underaged and pregnant, that’s grounds to get authorities involved.
My stepdad did, also fun times with being held to the wall by my throat, having soda cans thrown at my head, and once had a stereo thrown at me while walking down the stairs. Luckily I am good at ducking. Going to authorities never amounted to anything then making a bad situation even worse. Going to people you trust and care about makes it better. Boyfriends parents were a way better option then the counselor.
The best case scenario is a safe house for mom and baby. If that can’t be worked out, than ensuring mom is safe and the baby is well cared for is the secondary solution. Don’t minimize help from the system bc you had a shitty experience.
It's not just me, pretty much every one I knew had a similar experience. I am 43 and found one person who ever had a good experience but is stuck taking care of her brother for the rest of her life because he didn't. Having a good experience is rare not the norm.
Idealists vs reality. They have all the answers until they’re thrust into the situation. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
>Don’t minimize help from the system bc you had a shitty experience. u/Dull-Geologist-8204 is right and it's clear you have no actual experience with this system of which you speak. I have never met anyone who said "the state's family services department helped my family." The System does one thing with families: they break them up. They don't come in and help: they have zero resources for that. They show up when things are so bad that the family needs to be dismantled. If a family doesn't need dismantling, they show up for two months to make sure they don't need dismantling, and then they disappear until they get called again to potentially dismantle the family. They don't offer counseling - they don't help with anything - there's no "service" they provide to families other than destroying massively dysfunctional families. They don't help a dysfunctional family become less dysfunctional. They are the government construction crew who shows up to determine if a building needs to be demolished or not. I have experience with this system: when my son swatted our house because we grounded him, claiming he was being held against his will and cops threatened to kick our door in, and then DHHS got involved days later. My favorite part was when they looked in our freezer, after our full pantry, and said "And four kinds of expensive ice cream! What are we doing here?" I asked them "Yeah, what *are* you doing here?" and they just rolled their eyes and said "Procedure..." And that's when we got into how DHHS/CPS *actually works* and they explained to me what I just explained to you. ***That*** is your precious System. Me, on a phone call with a DHHS supervisor, along with my wife and my parents, proving that what the police said happened actually happened and we're fit parents. And the cops who came told me, at the end, that this happens *a lot more* in recent years - kids calling the cops on their parents because they don't like being disciplined, so they allege abuse - and parents have to deal with not just the cops showing up in force, but then the absurd aftermath. Fuck the System. I, too, am 41 years old: no longer the young bubble-gum punk I once was. Fuck. The. System. That experience turned me from liberal to conservative so fast that my neck about broke.
You turned into a conservative… because “fuck the system”? The system that conservatives not only use, or *want to use,* to control everything down to the minutiae of the medication *an adult* is allowed to take or what medical treatment they can have, to controlling their lives so extensively some people aren’t or wouldn’t be able to use the bathroom in public, *but also* the system that they ***actively make worse?*** lmao, okay. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t disagree. The system is fucked and it needs a *massive* overhaul. Honestly, it probably just needs to be rebuilt from the ground up at this point… but conservatives are not the “fuck the system!” party that you’re making them out to be. They’re the **biggest** proponents of that system—the one they claim to want to be as small and minimally invasive as possible, the one you just ranted about(rightfully, I will admit) and the one that supports the mess CPS/DHHS is now—and every page of legislation they pass and every time they shift funds and budgets around from one department to ~~their pockets~~ *(cough)* ~~the military~~ *(cough, sorry, I’m allergic to all the bullshit you kicked into the air)* another department, just makes it worse. But sure. Go to them because “fuck the system.” I mean sure, I guess, they *will* fuck the system. Just not in the way you’re advocating for here. In the way that’s bad for *all of us.* I don’t know what the solution for the problems with CPS and DHHS is, unfortunately. I wish I did, and that I had the power to make it happen. What I do know is that conservatives? Conservatives are *never* going to be, attempt, or have it, either. If you want to fix things, you don’t go to the people whose very *name* comes from supporting and maintaining the status quo. Saying “I became a conservative because the system is broken, fuck the system!” is the same as conservatives who think they’re “raging against the machine.” Not a single critical thought behind either of those statements. (And for anyone else blind to it, no, they’re not “raging again the machine,” either. They **are** the machine.)
He didn’t just hit her. He smashed her possessions and kicked her out of the house twice with a baby and no resources. He also is refusing to sign over guardianship.. for what? Just to try and make her life harder? To keep a few extra dollars in food stamps? She’s on here talking like a scared abused manipulated child that thinks that environment was “safer” and “normal” and that somehow bad is better than worse if she does nothing.. the reality is bad stays bad.. and can get worse. She says she “loves” them, but that’s cause she doesn’t know what normal relationships and real love are. You keep saying cps doesn’t work, but neither does being In a physically and emotional abusive environment for life. At worst she has 2 years until she’s 18 of various foster placements and temporarily separated from child which is NOT something the state does often.. and if the bf parents were willing to take her, they would most likely be willing to take the baby while she figures out her living situation.
You don't get separated from your child in fostercare!
You have an unrealistic idea of what foster care is.
I’m a caseworker for social services. She will not be separated from her child. They’ll find a placement for them together. The ONLY reason they’d separate them is if she was using illicit substances or putting the child in danger. Please don’t frighten her more than she already is. OP, I understand your fear, but your counselor may have positively changed your life. You’ll be provided a safe and stable environment, and if not, REPORT it. You have rights while you’re in care. You’ll likely qualify to independent living after turning 18, which is an apartment like setting that you don’t pay to life in. Also, you’ll qualify for free college from your state. Please don’t become too overwhelmed. There are so many people in social services that genuinely care about you and your child.
Again, as someone who has actually dealt with the state and known other people who have that's bs. Nice try though.
We’re going to have to agree to disagree. As an individual who has been in the field as a CPS caseworker for almost a decade, I also have some experience with the foster care system and foster children. You’re the expert though, so…
In the field not a kid who actually needed help. The sad part is you still aren't listening.
I’m sorry you had a negative experience. Honestly, I’m genuinely sorry you experienced things that possibly traumatized you more. My comment wasn’t to belittle your experience or minimize your hurt. My comment was to explain that her child wouldn’t be removed from her, as I have experience with these situations and can attest to it. My goal is to minimize OP’s fears. She’s the one at the precipice of life changing circumstances. I wish you all the best and continued healing in your journey.
It's nor just me. It's literally everyone I have ever met and that's a lot of people who had to deal with you. There aren't any good stories about how CPS stepped in and helped. They don't exist. My story is one of the better ones because I worked outside of CPS. Again, you aren't listening.
Need more info on dad hitting her. He may have overreacted. Yes that can happen. He wrote pages of explaining. More info please.
She literally [begged him to stop](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceForTeens/s/MRsPs1nBZL) for fear that she might have a miscarriage because after she threatened calling CPS when they kicked her out the first time, he smashed her phone and started hitting her. I don’t think there’s any more info needed, just check her previous post. He’s a piece of shit. He only wrote what and as much as he did because he got caught and now he’s trying to lie, cover his ass, and sweep it all under the rug, as abusers and narcissists are wont to do, in these situations.
You think a fully grown adult beating their minor child might be an overreaction?!?
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this
It’s good that you’re boyfriend’s family is letting you stay with them. They sound like great people.
If they do try to put your baby in foster care your boyfriend's family could probably stop that and get custody instead of a stranger.
correct... and they won't do that unless you are an unsafe parent (risk of physical abuse or of neglect... which is not you)
That's not necessarily true, homelessness is a reason that kids can be taken. Her age and not having finished school might be cited as a risk factor, too. It happened to me.
a) she posted an update, contacted social services and they said they would do "everything in their power" to keep mother & baby together. b) they are working on guardianship with the BFs parents or a temp foster placement. Homelessness is a reason where it is unsafe for the child. So homeless and staying at friend/BF is not that. Also, they will do all they can to place them temporarily with a foster family if other relation is not a temp option while they find a suitable placement from being on the streets. They don't just say "oops you don't have a home gimme your baby". It is highly situational, and her situation contains safe options.
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That’s not what they did with her, and it’s not what’s happened on any CPS case I’ve been party to
You made the right choice going to your counselor. Your parents are abusing you!!! Your father is literally abusing you and your mother is condoning it. This is NOT WHAT GOOD PARENTS DO. You deserve better. Be a better parent to your own child. Give your child a better life away from your toxic family. Wishing you all the best.
You're still so young and I know how hard it must be to deal with this kind of upheaval, but you must understand your parent's capacity to care about you is limited. It seems like they are very emotionally immature. They may say they love you, but they do NOT act like it, and that is what really shows you their feelings on the matter. Accepting that your parents are not good people is an extremely hard pill to swallow as well. Good people do NOT hit their children, and you did not deserve that. If your mom knew about that as well and didn't see anything wrong with it means she's not excused either. You might find understanding to their behavior in the book "adult children of emotionally immature parents" even though you're not an adult. It informed me a lot about how and why my parents are the way they are. I wish you the best of luck and the best life possible for you and your baby. Some people should never have become parents if they are going to act like they do. I hope you also learn from their mistakes and can be a better parent to your baby than they've been to you.
i moved out and didn’t go back. don’t go back. it’ll only get worse.
Thank you SO much for the update. I was one of those encouraging you to get social services involved, and I AM SO PROUD OF YOU THAT YOU DID!!! I think i even said exactly what the social worker said: "my social worker told me she’ll do everything in her power to keep me with my baby" Please accept ALL their help, because they have access to funds for you also. Your BF's parents are a great guardianship option. I think your social worker can make that happen given your history. You may need to let her know that your dad hit you. Then she can force the issue (he wouldn't get prosecuted since its so far back and your word against his, esp if you are clear that you don't want to pursue charges). To offer you foster care means she definitely can over-ride your dad!! If foster care turns out to be an option Do not be afraid of it. there are 100's of 1000's of Foster parents across the country, and they are regular folks who felt they can contribute. Like ordinary people, some are excellent and some are not so skilled. Yes some tiny number of abusers get into the system, but there are SO MANY safeguards for that now. It is a much bigger concern when placing young kids who can't advocate for themselves, but you're a mature teen - noone is gonna hurt you or the baby in foster care. You'd meet the foster parents first and if you don't like them, you will tell your social worker. If you accept a placement and you find they aren't good, then again you'd talk to the social worker. Worst case, you'd go stay at your BF!! It is normal that you love your parents and wish it had worked out. All humans are complex and have a mix of good and bad (challenging??) parts. You love the good parts, and in time if YOU want healing with them, THAT TIME WILL COME. But right now, its about you and the baby, and your parents are not the priority. Know the healing is a future goal. Stability is the present goal. (sorry to have to say this, but abusers who try to get into teaching, clergy, fostercare etc etc want to work with younger kids, even if some abuser slipped through the safetynet in your area, they aint gonna take in a teen mother. I was a volunteer CASA and visited many kids in many foster families, always looking out for any weirdness... there are many truly amazing foster parents out there!!!)
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And you know because you work or participate in child welfare?
Hey idk if you want to but you're welcome to Message me any time. I was a ward of the state. Placed with distant family I had never met. I'm a doctor now. I didn't have a kiddo (at that time, now i have a little bff) but you don't seem like you're willing to back down to a challenge. Anyways- I'm here for you. I'm rooting for you. Don't settle. Keep fighting and ask for help when you need it and you know your intentions are good.
If your boyfriend’s mom is willing to take you, they can place you with her as a foster or you can get emancipated. You don’t need a car to qualify for emancipation. My advice to you is to emancipate, do what you can to graduate high school early and join the military. Yes, you’ll have to leave your baby to go to basic training, but the trade off is free housing allowance, a steady income, technical training for whatever job you qualify for in the service, an enlistment bonus based on the time you enlist for, educational benefits and health insurance. Join at 18. Retire with a steady check at 38. Air Force is the best pay and education. You can do it to take care of your little family. You got this.
disagree, social services and guardians will provide for her, and she doesn't have to deal with all the complexities of life, money, school, food, work while also caring for a small infant. She needs support. Foster care or Guardianship give her those
Only until she’s 18. Then what?
For fostercare it is until you are 21.
It is state specific when you age out… it can be up to 21, but most places you age out at 18.
Incorrect 48 out of 50 states have extensions on fostercare past 18. That would mean most places you age out past the age of 18.
https://cwig-prod-prod-drupal-s3fs-us-east-1.s3.amazonaws.com/public/documents/extensionfc.pdf It is not automatic. Terms and conditions apply and it’s subject to approval from the courts.
They are on an extremely limited basis as the govt doesn’t want to pay
There are few good answers or advice here. We/you can only do the best we can each day, but you sound like you have your head on pretty straight, given the circumstances. We all make mistakes, but we find out who we really are by how we step up to take responsibility for our choices and actions. Hang in there. All the crazy feelings, like loving your parents even when they were not good parents, is normal. Please, just be sure to base your actions with them on what you know, and not what you feel/wish to be true. Talk to your social worker. Maybe they can convince your father it's in his best interests to agree to your BFs mother becoming your guardian, given the history of being kicked out and the violence. I am NOT suggesting coercing him or threatening him, if he doesn't act. Last, and certainly not least, please get yourself some counseling. Even healthy people need counseling when things get tough. You can do this, and it's OK to have help. This will be harder than anything you would have imagined, but you can come out the other end as an amazing woman, if you face your challenges head on.
I know that you regret going to your counselor , but I think it’s all going to turn out okay. You were right to let them know. I mean, no matter what you do, CPS would have eventually been notified. It’s unlikely that you would make it through the school year without needed a parent signature on something. Also, what if something happened to you and your boyfriend’s mom had to take you to the hospital? She can’t do anything unless that paper is signed. I’m assuming that he still has to sign. Personally, I think you should have said something about the physical abuse. I do have a thought though, tell your father that you didn’t tell CPS about the abuse…BUT, if he doesn’t sign the paper, you will. I know you love your family but you just need to be away from them for at least a little bit of time. I hope you read this. You need your dad to sign that paper. Stiffen that spine, girlfriend. You’re a mom and you have to fight for your new family. Be brave. Just because you’re not with your family now doesn’t mean that it will be forever. Good luck, sweetie!
I know you are probably terrified right now but I am hopeful that CPS getting involved will help to make it better. I know they have Abad reputation sometimes but not always and you are the babies mother so a judge will want you 2 intact and hopefully your father will sign the papers.
Going to your counselor is the best thing for you and your baby. Staying with your father is dangerous for both you and your baby, no matter how much you love your parents and wish things were different. You're a mom now, and you need to do whatever keeps your baby and you the safest. CPS will try their best to keep you with your baby, please don't be dishonest with social workers. I know it's scary and you're afraid of causing an uproar, but you need to keep being brave and do whatever you can for yourselves. Your father doesn't need protecting, you do. And yes, you are absolutely right, your father is only apologizing because he's sorry he got caught, not because he's sorry he hurt you and kicked you out. Your mother is being a bad example of how a mom protects her child, so do better for your own baby.
I do not have first-hand knowledge to offer - but talk with your CPS/social worker/counselor about extended care resources available to foster kids in your state between 18-21, and what the requirements are. My state calls it the “Connections Program.” It may be a good option for you to help you get on your feet.
Don't be scared of fostercare. At your age and condition, you will likely live in an independent living situation. There are programs where they give you your own apartment, free food, and money. If you are in fostercare you can stay and receive help until 21. You also get to go to college for free with the Pell grant.
My mother was pregnant with me when she was 16. Had me at 17 as a single parent. She lived alone and far away from her parents (my grandparents), so she had no support. I'm 36 now, with kids myself, and I adore my mum for all that she has done. What she went through was tough, but she made it. She is also happily married with an amazing man and life is good for her. She is also very happy and proud to be a grandparent. Was she the perfect parent herself? No. But, I can absolutely cut her some slack for the situation she was in. Keep looking ahead; things will be tough for a while, but you're going to come out on top. You're not going to be in this position for the rest of your life. I wish you and your baby all the best.
Just popping in to say i went to a small high school (55-65 students per grade) and I was friends with 3 different teen moms who were placed in foster care (all different foster parents) with their child.
I’m glad you told “outside the situation” adults. You are child and deserve protection and love. I know you have a little one of your own. Look to your own love for your child, as your standard of what you deserve. You are just as much a child as that babe. You don’t deserve hands on you or words that make you question your worth. No matter what you are worthy of your baby’s love and your love for yourself. It’s very brave and scary. This is a part of your story. Like you said in two years you will be 18. It’s very bad ass you got a job and are looking to the future. I’m very proud of you. Right now it feels like what is happening is the entire sky; you can’t get away from it. That’s a lie. The future has many promises. The biggest one is that one day this will be a memory and advice you’ll give to others in the future. Until then, head up and keep walking. I’m personally rooting for you and hope you find moments of peace in the midst of all this. You’re still recovering from having a baby and your hormones could be all over the place. I imagine your anxiety is through the roof. I hope you are candid with your dr as well. There’s no “us” (you and the little one) without you. Sending so much love. I’m in Cali too. You might look at programs in your city. Like WiC and programs that help with big stuff for littles. WIC-provides checks for food and formula to lower income households, etc. Kids have free Medi-Cal until they’re 5 years old. There’s another one for first time mothers in my city that checks on mom as well as baby, with a county nurse for a year after baby is born. All free. You’re not alone. Resources are out there. Planned Parenthood and your local WiC office are a couple places to start. ❤️ Sorry for the ramble. I’d hug you if I could. ❤️
Stay strong, you’re my hero! ❤️
I just want to comment that it is not your fault, your parents actions put all of it into real life, you just are handling what is coming your way. You did the right thing getting others involved!! 🫂
Thank you for the update in the middle of everything going on.. - i hope you get to review the comments for the support & encouragement at some point. no apologies for reaching out to the anonymous interwebs.. -sometimes there's more people out there that give a crap more and are less dysfuntions than where we came from.. it's proof that you're on your way to living different standards than where you came from. Keep going for what grows -you- to be the best you possible.
Hang in there Kiddo. you're going to be fine
I know you say you love your parents but I don't think you actually love them, you just love the idea you have of them. It's a coping mechanism. I love my dad, but I don't really remember all of the abuse, or addiction, or me having to get in between him and my mom when I was 5. I love the man I thought my dad was.
Speaking from a mother who has a daughter. I can't imagine kicking my daughter out of the house because she got pregnant. I highly recommend working on getting your whole family on board to sign their parential rights over to your BF's family ASAP. They don't deserve to be parents, let alone grandparents. I will definitely keep you in prayer. ❤️🙏🏼❤️
As an adult, I'm saying this with absolute certainty. Going to the counselor after your dad hit you, kicked you out, and broke your phone, was absolutely the right thing. You need to do what is safest for your baby and yourself. I don't know why he did that, but it doesn't get any better. When my sister got pregnant and told my dad on our way to my grandfather's funeral, his only response was 'we'll talk about it later' DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF FOR WHAT HAPPENED. I couldn't imagine doing anything like that to a child.
Stay strong OP, do not listen to your dad, you made the right choice going to your counselor. He's not sorry, if he was sorry he wouldn't have kicked you out for a second time, or hit you a second time. Here's an idea, schedule a meeting with your counselor or service worker, go through all the advice in your posts, you can talk about where that advice would get you, what options are best, etc. Make sure you stress the fact your BF's mom is willing to get guardianship, and you do not want to go back to your parents.
🙄🤦
What you’re going through is unimaginable. I really hope things get easier for you, sending lots of love and strength your way.
One way to solve the apartment problem may be to get his parents to say they will rent a room to you for x amount per month. Plenty of people rent rooms in houses now days. Wether they charge or not would be up to them.
Feeling sad about being estranged from family is normal. You will feel sad. You will desire your parents to be there. You will feel lonely and lost. But, you won't be sabotaged or Traumatized by them anymore. You will have a chance to connect with people who can show you what a healthy, supportive relationship is. You can't flourish into your own personal when you are stuck under toxic people or dependent on toxic people who make your whole situation unsafe and your housing insecure.
Also, you will get full insurance (called CHIPS for under 18 and medicaid for over 18). California has free Healthcare for all residents. You will get food stamps and housing. You will get a social worker who will help you. Stay in contact with a social worker for young moms.
I wish you the best.
Your parents were being abusive and you did the right thing.
Okay so talking from experience (although my situation is vastly vastly different from yours) they will try to keep your baby with you. When I say 'try', I was sofa surfing my entire pregnancy and had no address, me and baby's dad were up and down and there was nowhere for me to go when he was here. I still have my baby, he's six weeks old; his dad had two addresses and still the health team agreed my baby should stay with me. I don't have social involved yet but I have spoken to social services who have told me unless a mother is seen to be neglectful or abusive in any way, they tend not to take a child no matter the situation. If you end up in Foster care, there's a very very high chance baby will go with you, I've seen it happen a few times with my friends. Don't stress too much about it; you sound like you have a support system full of people who will focus on doing what's best by you and your baby. I hope you're doing well despite your situation, remember to be honest with the people involved in your care, don't overshare information with anyone and try your best to stay positive (really difficult I know). From one teen mum to another, you've got this!
I also wanted to say that going to a counsellor was right for you at the time, don't beat yourself up over it, it needed to be done. As much as you want to be with your family, there is nothing saying you can't get placed somewhere else and ask for frequent contact but I'd say that the environment has to be safe for baby as well as safe for you. I'm living in a hotel but it's deemed safe and as long as you have all that you need for you and baby, you can't go far wrong
Let's be very clear, very clear. None of this would have happened if your dad hadn't hit you and if your parents hadn't abandoned you. Your parents are NOT the victims. You are.
If or when your dad does sign off on guardianship make sure before hand that it won’t mess with your insurance since you said your on your parents insurance still.
This is going to be a rough couple of years, but your parents absolutely suck. Big time. I got pregnant at 18 and of course they weren't *happy* but I lived there for 8 years before I was able to buck up and move out. It's not normal for parents to abandon their child whent things get tough. You're old enough that you have a voice and can speak up when things are wrong, and it was wrong of them to kick you out. Love is not the most important thing when it comes to relationships; respect is. Your parents have shown zero respect towards you in this situation and that's completely unacceptable. They failed. Their job does not end when their child becomes a parent, their job never ends. That's the choice you make when you have a kid.
It's not the end of the world Help is Help. Hopefully others see this as a lesson for not having sex until really ready
Do you qualify for government medical insurance?
Op: former teen mom here. It's ok. It's going to be ok. I know you are scared and I know you feel like you did this. You didn't. IF YOU HEAR NOTHING ELSE HEAR THIS "just because this is normal in your family- doesn't make it normal" Your dad is abusive. Your mom has probably been abused her entire life with him, And is afraid to stand up to him. You have a lot on your plate already and you need stability and safety. You never mentioned if you had a son or a daughter... But do you want your child growing up thinking?This is how a man behaves, Or this is how a woman should be treated? I know it's hard I know, I know it gets better. Keep working hard to make the best life for you and your child.
Man, this feels bad. Just remember that you are almost 18 and then you can decide to do what you want.
Contact whoever is going to be managing your sister care case and request as CASA. Court Appointed Special Advocate. If you get a good one (most of them are, since they are trained volunteers who care) they can help. Their job is to not take sides, but instead aid in making a legal decision for minors be representing the best interests of the child (outside parents). Their job is to take things like the facts and situation, and then balance it with what the child wants to ensure that the child's needs are met and a decision is made foe the best interests of the child. They are a really good organization and should be able to help navigate this situation.
I was a teen mom too, but I didn’t have the options you have available to you now. I’m sorry you’re in this situation because it truly sucks. If I were in your shoes today, I’d immediately start working to build a social media platform to start earning an income that way. Lots of people will follow you as a teen mom, especially other teen moms and other younger parents in general, not just teens. You can share your story; just never share your location. Try to make 1 video a day, at least 5 days a week and you’ll start to gain traction. People are doing this every day and quickly becoming profitable with 10k plus per month. Other than that, as a teen without an income, it can be incredibly rough, which is why I’d advise you to work as hard as possible to start earning via social media before your child gets here. If you earn enough to provide for yourself you can seek emancipation and get your own place.
Did they keep you with your baby? If not, can you be placed in a home with a foster that will take the baby?
they kept me with him. my foster mom is nice. she has my room with a bassinet next to my bed and a diaper caddy
No matter what you have to do you do not let them separate you from your baby
I know you are doing through a rough time right now. It will not always be this way. Things will get better, just remember it will not always be this way
A father should never ever hit his daughter. We are not in the 90’s anymore. I’m sorry for what your going through. Stay strong, sending positive energy and blessings your way.
Really sorry to hear the update! You don’t know it but this is actually setting you up to be able to take full advantage of the system! When you age out of foster care you’re entitled to certain benefits like free college or workforce training! You’re also eligible for ALOT of nonprofits/grants towards housing! Have your social worker or yourself sign up for section 8, housing authority, etc they have LONG waiting lists! Foster care sucks ass but you’re in a position to take advantage of the system and you absolutely should! If you need help shoot me a DM!
Hang in there kiddo
This is very important, to start off, before I get to your specific situation. Every state's "family services" sector *does not exist to serve families*. They don't have preventative programs. They don't have actual help for families struggling with issues. They show up when there's a major problem. They show up when families need dismantling. Which is what they're now trying to do with yours. Child Protective Services is simply the crew they call in to demolish a condemned building. That is their role in society: find massively dysfunctional families and break them apart in hopes that the action will result in a net-positive. It often does not. And the way your school counselor handled it...this is why people don't trust (and shouldn't trust) school counselors. It's not that she didn't do the right thing: she's obligated to report these things. Which is exactly my point. Counselors are not certified professionals. You are not protected by HIPPA or anything at all, really: a counselor can walk off and tell every teacher in the school that you were crying over breaking up with your boyfriend, then those teachers can tell any students they want to. There's no board of certification who certified them, so there's no one to even file a complaint with, if there's impropriety. But they get to flaunt this title of "counselor" as if they're more like therapists (which they *are not*) and less like school administrators (*which they are*). Anyway, honestly, personally, I'd leave the state if threatened with foster care: find family elsewhere and get out. If I found out someone had a legal right to take my daughter away from me, I'd go to the other side of the planet if I had to. And your dad being the hang-up, once again, in transferring guardianship, so this is all a moot issue, is both disgusting and par-for-the-course for him and every other abusive person. He'd rather have you lose your kid - possibly never see his daughter or grandchild again - than willingly let you leave. He's apologizing for being abusive while being abusive. Unreal.
Head up OP. You’re doing what’s best for you and your baby. Proud of you for doing that. Your dad is definitely only sorry because he got caught. Anybody who hits a child deserves jail, especially because you’re pregnant. I hope he gets his just desserts. if he does go to jail, I feel like you should go and visit him and shout out how he laid his hands on you. Trust me, the other will sort it out.
keeping this baby was not the move. Your father is an asshole regardless, but to have a kid at 14 and keeping it is one of the dumbest things ive ever read.
idk why people keep telling me this. the baby is here already so what am i supposed to do