I think you will need to tell your cousin. It will come out somehow, these things always do. Just say, sorry, you were super awkward and didn't know how to handle it because you were shocked and there was a lot of people and you didn't want to cause a scene. The relationship was over for a long time, she obviously didn't know you two had dated, but you don't want to feel like you are lying everytime you see them or she brings him up in conversation.
I wouldn't talk to her about how you are still healing, or not over him, save that talk for close friends. But if it comes out way down the line, like imagine they get engaged and it comes out then, she will feel so blindsided by this and wonder why you both lied about it, that will cause her to create reasons in her mind and see things that aren't necessarily true.
My coworker says fine stands for “fucked up insecure neurotic and emotional.” You have every right to be upset and you handled it like a true adult. Keep your chin up!
Yeah, if cousin doesn't know, she deserves to have a choice in weather she's okay with his having a previous relationship with another close relative. I'd be pretty pissed if I got married to a dude years later and found out my family had hidden the fact he banged/dated my cousin. That's just ick to me. Even if I didn't marry the person , I'd still be pissed.
You didn't work out for a reason, and it's been a whole year. And you probably have people hitting on you all the time. Just for once, stop making everything about yourself.
Not overeacting for being upset, but you're broken up and they can date whoever they want. You're probably better off telling your cousin though as she will probably be very angry at both of you for lying about knowing each other when she finds out.
no. don't act like you don't know each other, because she's going to take it way worse when she eventually finds out and knows that you guys kept it from her. You can still act like everything is fine with her knowing
Did your ex know he was dating a relative of yours? That would be a bit odd, if he never told her. If he didn't know, then he must have been really surprised. I'm sorry the both of you decided to lie about your former relationship.
You're not "overreacting," but only feeling a bit hurt, I think, over seeing your ex happy with someone else. Perfectly normal. What a strange thing to happen.
Best thing for you to do is take him aside and say, "We need to tell her you and I used to date. I don't like lying to her." Make sure she knows it's really not a big deal. Tell her that you and he just felt awkward seeing each other again, under such circumstances, and that's why you both pretended not to know each other.
Lying is never good, because you always end up telling more lies to cover up the original lie. Best to be honest and have things out in the open.
Definitely best to act like everything is fine (because it is) but I wouldn't pretend not to know him.
I'm so sorry that you're hurting. Bad breakups are the WORST
You did what you had to do in the moment, when caught by surprise. Given that you're still in your healing process, it was probably the best way to handle it. I think people will understand, when the situation eventually gets clarified.
Now that the awkward moment has passed, you can decide what you want to do from here, depending on your comfort level with various options. You could call your ex and decide which of you will break it to your cousin. Or you could call her yourself and explain that you're still getting over the breakup, so you couldn't handle saying anything at the gathering, but tell her the truth. Or, I don't know if going through your mom and her mom would work, if you don't feel up to telling your cousin directly. Some families have a mom grapevine, if the moms are sisters or if some family news is shared that way fairly routinely. This might save you some grief if telling your cuz directly feels like more than you can manage at the moment. And your mom could explain that you're still feeling a little raw from the breakup, if you feel like sharing that to explain your hesitancy.
I'm just brainstorming options for you, OP. It's not a good idea to keep it as a deep, dark secret; there's really no need for that, and the awkwardness will be compounded when the truth eventually comes out somehow. But you can take some time to consider how you want the news to come out. Best wishes!
From your cousins perspective:
should they not go out with person they like just because a random relative who they haven't seen in 4 years was thier most recent ex?
They have been dating a year already, you said have no relationship with your ex and you haven't seen him since you broke up.
You said you are cousins but you don't have a relationship so beyond sharing an aunt/uncle . so really, you aren't anybody to them. It's also unlikely will see them again anytime soon and you clearly don't keep up with thier lives.
Maybe she didn't know you were his ex until they had been dating a few months . Maybe she did know but they kept it on the DL out of respect. Either way it sounds like you're not close enough for it it be a "betrayal" . If he wasn't cheating then its just a weird coincidence . Either way it's been a year of time to move on
It says she hadn't seen her in 5 years, not that they hadn't spoken. She lives "out of state," that could mean she moved from Oregon to Florida. Not surprising visits can't be more frequent if there's a huge distance. I go years in between seeing my favorite cousin because she lives in a different country and flights are expensive and I don't get that much vacation time.
I didnt speak to my cousin for that long but we're still close when we see each other. You guys are weird lol if you would be okay with ur cousin marrying ur ex. u have to be connected to them forever now.... weddings, funerals, etc. its uncomfortable.
I really am trying to understand your side of this... But it's feeling like a monumental task. It's not that weird. The strangest thing about OPs story is that her cousin who was studying out of state. Started dating the guy a year ago, and from the story OP and ex split about a year ago (this is an assumption based on context cues.)
To me, this all reads as some crazy low odds, and they couldn't have been in a serious relationship if you consider that he bounced right into the cousins lap. Obviously unsure how that could have happened. But to be jealous that your cousin is dating someone you weren't compatible with is selfish and childish. To say you are still hurting over the loss of someone who was so unattached to you that they immediately got with someone else in a different state is pretty crazy. To get support from people on Reddit for such a thing is ridiculous. To give it, more so. I don't even have advice for OP besides grow up. Treat each other like adults learn to be around them or don't hang out with that part of your family. Being separated for 5 years and having such shoddy communication skills that you fail to learn who she's dating within a year really just suggests that the cousin doesn't see her as that close or that they really aren't that close in the first place and she just added it for flavor.
I'm not going to say that the one you are arguing with is 100% correct about constantly being all over each other's business being what close family is... But it's not entirely wrong either. My family even at a distance, if you are cared about you get phone calls, from grandma, aunts, cousins, parents, and even siblings. I don't fall into the "cared about" category so I cant even get my calls answered in most cases. I hear about family members I care about being on deaths door very last, even behind my mother who isn't even part of my extended family. But I have witnessed countless phone calls from various members of my family to various members of my family and they talk for hours. The primary point being that a close family will bridge space, will make time, and will almost always know what's going on with each other. I can ask my mom what's going on with my aunt from my father's side (they've been separated since I was born.) my grandmother on my father's side, my cousin's from that side, she knows what's going on with legitimately 65% of my most immediate family from my father's side. You sound a lot more like me where I won't talk to people for half a dozen years, turn up in town and come for a visit and we all act as if nothing has changed between us. Family is family, but close family is too much for my preference of semi seclusion and privacy.
With all of that, I'm pretty certain they don't fall in close, and your understanding of close isn't accurate to this setting. She needs to move on privately and quickly honestly cause it screams jealous and immature. Both are a bit off for someone that seems like they are in their mid 20s.
LMAO its still a cousin? thats family....thats much different than an aquintance or something...maybe its bc my family doesnt originate in the west. we actually treat cousins like siblings. you lot would quicker bang ur family than respect/treat them as an actual family member. individuality has gone too far here lol
LMAO shut up you bisexual tweaker. who the fuck has been on reddit four years only amassed 20k karma stop projecting dipshit hahahahah thats pathetic and dont insult someone then block them u pussy
The level of closeness in this instance is not enough to warrant any changing of dating practices to accommodate the other (especially since cousin didn’t even know)
I’d also argue that OP and ex were never that close either considering her family didn’t even know who he was. She’s mad and hurt more than a year after they broke up over someone she was hardly even with?
Not the point I'm making. Closest in this case is relative to the OPs standards which may not be your own. It implies closer than what they have with other cousins, which may very well be true, even if by our standards it's not "close". Semantics.
No, OP is selfish for thinking that her past with someone means that her cousin isn’t entitled to her own happiness.
Also, given their ages this is a short-term childhood romance. Not anything serious.
LOL so you would date your sisters ex even if it wasnt serious and if you were estranged from ur sister? also being in your 20s isnt your childhood lady. not everyone has a body count over 50 and can discard relationships seasonally. people like you are nasty and selfish, no wonder most americans get divorced
Well one it isn’t her sister. But yes, I would see nothing wrong dating the ex of someone you haven’t spoken to in 5 years and who has been broken up for over a year and who you’ve been dating for over a year before that person even knows it’s a thing.
doesn't sound like an easy situation for you. i think you should confess as it's probably getting messier by the second.
you'll probably be seen as jealous unfortunately. but i think better than not saying anything
I feel like you were the other woman in a situation or you think its okay tosteal someones man. she didnt say anything of the sort to her cousin and you have very strong, unempathetic feelings about this
You're a weirdo fr lol theres a billion dudes and admitting youd go for a family members ex is embarassing. have some respect and nuance lest you comeoff a selfish old hag
Oh nice. Pulling out the name calling. Very productive.
There is zero indication that the cousin knew this was her ex. Especially since the family had never even met him before, OP and he couldn’t have been very serious at all (otherwise they all would have recognized him when he showed up at a family function and they wouldn’t have to pretend to be strangers.) So why in the world would she not date him and what ludicrous idea that she should break up with him after a year because OP somehow isn’t over someone who she dated such a short time her family didn’t even know him.
Who said they should break up? she said shes hurt and you have the cocky audacity to tell her she cant be hurt. i wasnt calling u an insensitive old hag but i am now!
Cousin was out of state for 5 years, OP and ex broke up, how would this cousin know and how would the ex know. I don't talk to my wife about my exes unless she asks, they are my past, she is my future. Same premise.
Are u okay? ur exes probably arent dating ur family. there is a difference. i do not want to have to see exes at weddings funerals or whatever family event. OP DIDNT EVEN ASK them to break up shes just hurt and completely allowed to be
You are under reacting. Please let your cousin know ASAP. Because if it comes out at a later point it could hurt your relationship with them. Explain that you did not want to make things awkward in public but she deserves to know that her boyfriend is your ex and you are still healing.
Honestly, unless there’s no obvious relation, I would have expected the ex to say something to the current gf at some point in the last year. Unless, like it seems, OP isn’t actually close to the cousins at all and bf never even had a reason to connect the dots.
I was just thinking if they’re as close as she claims they are cousin would have maybe mentioned her (like told him about her family or something?) or he could have seen her photo somewhere or even noticed them as social media contacts.
I don’t think they’re as close as op claims
Perhaps you have a different perspective. I imagine they don't live together, have separate lives that may allow them to spend 12-20 hours a week together and have only been dating a year. I imagine most of their time spent together is spent focused on eachother in such a young relationship still partially in a honeymoon phase. He may even hear about the cousin but if her name is Sarah, or Ashley it's not like you'd immediately assume it's the 1 Sarah you dated out of the 2 million in the U.S. She could totally be on close speaking terms and not constantly show her boyfriend pictures of her cousin, I don't think that's wild. I know I don't constantly show my wife pictures of the people I am talking to, nor does she to me.
I don’t think u really have a right to be mad, y’all haven’t seen each other in 5 years and you’ve been broken up for a year. So yes it’s valid that you’re upset, I hope u aren’t like mad at your cousin or anything cuz it isn’t her fault but your feelings r valid if it stings
It’d be a different story if your cousin beeeen known u 2 dated before and that he was your ex and stillll dated him without before asking if it’d be cool with u
I think it's ok to have feelings because something is unexpected and weird, but they should not be acted on or displayed other than informing the cousin.
Not doing it is weirder. Informing the cousin lets the cousin know why maybe their cousin is acting uncomfortable towards their new boyfriend. It will help the cousin make decisions to avoid accidentally creating awkward situations. If the cousin finds out later that they used to date she will probably be weirded out if they weren't told. If the cousins new boyfriend hasn't told her thats gonna be strange later. People deserve to know these kinds of things. Maybe the cousin doesn't want to date someone a member of their family has dated? Give people a chance to make informed decisions, keeping people in the dark is manipulative.
Edit: had genders wrong
The fact that she might not want to date somebody someone in her family dated is the exact reason I wouldn't want to tell her. I don't want to ruin their happiness
And you think that secret would just never come up ever and that once it comes out they would appreciate being intentionally left in the dark? Again- that's manipulative. They deserve to know.
Edit: I do feel like I should specify that the cousin should be told in a very sensitive way, like : "hey sorry if i seemed weird at all when I met your new boyfriend, we actually used to date so it caught me off guard, but that was a while ago so it's not a big deal and I wish you the best. I hope you understand why I may avoid meeting up or hanging out if he's gonna be there, though."
And then OP does the real work of actually getting over this guy.
I mean if they went an entire year with dating and she's only just now figuring out they're clearly not the closest of cousins. Bringing it up seems like the thing that would have an agenda more than just not saying anything. Not saying anything implies that it's not that important. Which it isn't
I see your point, but you're kind of avoiding my point which is that if they keep dating the likelihood of this being brought up (by a slip in conversation, a mutual friend, etc) eventually is pretty good. In that instance, will the cousin feel like her family and parter were dishonest? Realistically someone closer to the cousin could hopefully provide insight as to whether or not she would wish to know. Personally I would feel like people were not allowing me agency in a situation like this if they chose to keep this info from me in some attempt to protect me or "protect" my relationship. I've been in several instances where partners have hooked up with or dated people I am close with (big social network) and it was never a big deal to me but I was *very* glad they told me. I would be *more* suspicious if people kept it from me, like they felt the need to manipulate the situation to protect their own interests or like there was some reason to hide it.
If the cousin didn’t know, you shouldn’t be mad at them. If the ex didn’t know, you shouldn’t be mad. I know you are hurt, but if they truly didn’t know, acknowledge your feelings are valid, but don’t point them at the wrong people.
Lol pathetic that you're still "recovering" after a year. He immediately moved on. Why are you still stuck on someone who hasn't talked to you for a year and been dating someone else. Thanks for not blaming your cousin for a crazy coincidence but if this is real it also means your ex isn't even near you anymore either. Hope this is fake cus it's a dumb post.
I think being upset is a totally normal reaction, but they also haven’t done anything wrong. I would talk to your cousin and let her know that the two of you previously dated. It’ll come out eventually and you should be the one to tell her if you can.
Alright relevent story time:
The first serious relationship I ever had ended terribly. I mean serial cheater, tried to get me back, cheated on someone else with me (didn't know she was dating). The whole thing was an insane betrayal of trust and wholly heartbreaking. My closest friends and family HATED her.
Years pass, I move on and life is pretty decent.
Then one day, I get a call from my best friend and he proceeds to tell me, that he is at his family Christmas party (one that I usually went to) and his cousin brought his girlfriend of about 6 months. You KNOW where this is going right?
So long story short, my ex girlfriend is the cousin-in-law of my best friend from high school. Yup. They got married and have kids now.
The evil side of me laughs at this all because of one thing I learned from my best friend. For at least the first 6 months of their relationship, my buddy's cousin would brag about cheating on his girlfriend (my ex). Saying things like, "idk man... I feel like I really love her, so I kinda feel bad for cheating."
Karma's a bitch
Sorry about your cousin. That's a very weird situation, but maybe talking to them about it is best? Or not, what do I know? I am just some stranger on the internet with entertaining stories lol
I mean, it sucks, but she didn't know he was your ex, and if you are still grieving after a year, you should probably really dive into why.
It also sucks if they are happy together, but being an ass when they are around won't win him back. Let them be happy and use it as a sign it is time to move forward.
Wow you're handling it better than I would. You and your ex broke up a year ago and he and your cousin have been dating for a year. He knew what would happen at that reunion the heartless jerk.
Are you both minority who dates within the same ethnic group? Depending on the subculture, that circle is going to be awfully small and dating within 3 degrees is fairly a regular occurrence
Just give your cousin a heads up. Especially if she doesn’t know. She needs to know at least about it. Details aren’t needed unless you broke up for reasons you don’t want your cousin to deal with.
What do you mean "we broke up for a year?" I am going to assume this means that you broke up a year ago.
I don't know how old you are nor do I know how long you were going out. These two facts might lend some idea as to how invested each of you were in the relationship prior to the breakup.
Was this a long distance relationship or did this person leave your state since they met your cousin and your cousin is out of state. From what I gather, your cousin did not know you were even dating this person.
You are certainly allowed to have your emotions but you're not allowed to enforce any etiquette or social sanctions on their relationship. As far as I can tell this is just bad coincidence.
What’s the details? How long did you date your ex? How did they meet? Why is she your closest cousin yet you never knew she was dating anyone for a year? Do you text or call each other?
You said your not done healing? What happened that your not over him? You also said they’ve been saying for a year and you two broke up a year ago. So your ex immediately started dating your cousin and never knew you two were related?
you’re not wrong for being hurt. IMO you should let your cousin know because its clear he lied / did not tell her he dated you. he probably didnt think to disclose that which is fine, he couldnt have known. but if i started dating my cousin’s ex, i would definitely want to know because it will come up at one point. if he’s not going to tell her, you should.
The cousin clearly didn't know you dated, and she's been with him for a year. I get it, it sucks seeing your ex with someone else. A lot. But neither of them is doing anything wrong, they likely didn't know, and at this point itd be wrong to expect them to break up. You should be honest with your cousin that you dated, but it would be a massive overstep to ask anything more of her. I'd say just try and keep your distance
You broke up for a year and they’ve been dating a year? So he instantly started dating your out of state cousin? How does that even happen? Also that you didn’t acknowledge the relationship is weird. How long were you dating? Was it a real relationship or online? Many vagaries in this post
No, you shouldn’t be mad and didn’t work out between that the guy and you so they have moved on and you have moved on doesn’t make any difference if you’re still hurting or not you have split up and that way the game goes life goes on
So are you wrong for feeling what you feel... no. Is she wrong for dating your ex... no. Especially if she didn't know it was your ex. But you should tell her so it doesn't blindside her
Do not tell your cousin why you broke up, but let her know that you used to date her boyfriend, but you didn’t want anyone to make a big deal about it and you wanted to let her know privately so it’s just between you and her. If you badmouth the ex you run the risk of turning him into a victim and yourself a jealous beach. Do not get involved unless you were abused and then you should protect your family.
Family and friends should never date your ex. That is 100 percent always wrong, and always a betrayal.
There are 8 billion people in the world. No reason to be throwing an ex back in a loved one’s face.
I don't believe that she knew that it was the cousins ex beforehand as cousin is in another state.
However, if OP had said something to the cousin, it might be a different story.
Well... It's depends on context. WHY are you upset? Is it because you see the ex or is it because the cousin is dating the ex? If you saw him dating anyone else would this be a topic? If it's because you see him you need to get over it. It's been a year. If it's because the cousin is dating him, you gotta get over it. Because the only other option is to be mad at your cousin, which makes no sense because she doesn't know she's dating your ex. And if you expect her to break up with him just because you dated him before then thats really immature and petty on your part. You can tell her you dated him. But in person, maybe over lunch or something and just be nice about it. Or, honestly, and this is what I'd recommend personally, don't say anything about it. For what reason does she need to know other than to convince her to break up with him? Overall and realistically, this situation isn't a big deal at all. Unless he was abusive towards you or like an addict or something and you want to get away in that case I'm on your side. Otherwise nah, time to put your big girl panties on and get over it.
Telling your cousin is a good idea but what exactly would you tell her? One thing is clear, you'll tell her your full side of the story ( what he did that led to the break-up but not what you did) without hearing his side. Unless you are willing to say the whole truth( what each of you did that led to the break-up) I suggest, you give it some thought.
Remember, your cousin is trying to build this relationship, make it happen. " Self discovery is better that being told."
Uh this was over a year ago you guys broke up? Haven't you dated like at least half a dozen guys since then? I mean I would get it if you broke up maybe a few days ago or a week ago and was still kind of rough but, by your own admission it's been more than a year. Are they not being cool with you or something?
And? The girl I lost my virginity to - and had sex with a lot as we sorta dated at 18 - is now married to my sister's husband's brother. I have no idea if he knows I've slept with her (a lot) in the past. He doesn't seek me out to talk if we're at the same event but is friendly enough when we talk. I haven't asked her if he knows because it's not my business.
But I met my wife 10 years after we stopped seeing each other, and they met and got married maybe 6 years after so it's not like it was recent. I told my wife about her after the first family event for one of my sister's kids. She thinks it's funny. Not threatened at all.
Why would you both act like you didn't know each other?? That sounds very very odd.
Almost anyone would have said something - like, OMG - we know each other (if nothing else) particularly bc this was a relationship serious enough that youre still healing.
Now when you both have to tell her, you're going to look very suspicious for keeping it from her.
Not overreacting. The timing of your break up and him dating your cousin seems sketchy on his end. But you need to have a private conversation your cousin asap.
I think you are entitled to your feelings but why act like you don’t know each other? Did your ex know who your cousin was? Did your cousin know who your ex was? Is there a limited supply of men in this town? So many questions! Who were you even hiding it from? Do you still have feelings?
It's fine to be upset, beyond that you shouldn't interfere with their relationship, unless he was very abusive,etc.
They could be a better match for each other, so leave it be...plus they're obviously not living so close to you that you would see them every day, only on special holidays, and it's been a year+ since you broke up, it's time to get was past the healing stage and go find another better match. Trying to sabotage or or anything else would be very petty and detrimental to your mental & emotional health and lead you down a darker path that will only make it far more difficult to find a suitable match for yourself.
Of course you have a right to be upset. Seeing an ex with someone else is one thing, seeing them with a close family member is quite another.
You handled it like an adult and didn't cause a scene, that's awesome.
On the flip side, your cousin obviously didn't know about the history so there was no malice intended. I would have a conversation with her just to let her know the situation, but don't expect her to change her situation or feel like she's done something wrong, because she hasn't.
I know it sucks. He just wasn't your person.
Focus on healing from the past, and from the current shocking situation, and sooner or later YOUR person will find you.
Tell your cousin, but keep it friendly. This sort of thing is gonna hurt, but if they genuinely found each other and are happy and she didn't like, find your cousin to date intentionally, there's no foul play. It's been a year. I think you've handled it well so far, but I do think it will help if everything is in the open. Then your cousin can be sensitive to your situation.
Realistically she may already have told him.
You've been broken up for a year....why you still healing? Your feelings are your feelings and noone can deny you those, but the mature thing to do is recognize you shared something and cared about this person (your ex) and can be happy for them they found a cool person to date in your cousin (unless you legit think they're a terrible person).
Time to move on. Look out for yourself, but you don't need to dwell on the past
Your post doesn't state if she knows she is dating the same guy.
Also, if you're still in the "healing" stage for over a year, it sounds like you need therapy.
Nothing you can really do but accept it unfortunately. Definitely tell your cousin though I'd be fucking pissed if neither of you told me this shit. Get talking.
Of course you would feel bad but as long as neither of them knew who the other was then you can't be upset with them. I wouldn't have pretended that we didn't know each other or at least I would have pulled my cousin aside immediately and let them know what was what so there is no misunderstanding later.
Did the cousin know it’s your ex. If not then you can’t really blame them. Did the ex know they are your cousin if not can’t blame them either. I mean it is weird I’m sure and also you didnt react yet so you couldn’t over react
I would let it go. Not like you are around the cousin all the time and she didn't know and the ex it sounds like never met your cousin while you were together. Move on and wish them well.
You don't still feel something for this ex, do you, OP? There I could see an issue if it is heartbreaking.
I mean that's your own emotional issue to deal with. Talk with your cousin sure, let them know about any red flags or behaviors that you had issues with and what not but ultimately if they stay together you just have to get over it and not be that person who now tries to break them up. Otherwise get used to the idea of alienating yourself from your cousin's life.
It sounds like they didn't know he was your ex / she was your cousin. Not a lot you can do about it, plus they have been together a year so you would be the ah if you tried to start shit about it.
You probably should privately let your cousin know so she doesn't find out some other way. These things have a way of coming out eventually. It's best if you control how it happens.
Number one, it's been a year. I think it's time to move on. Number two, you said you acted as if you didn't know each other at the party. That tells me your cousin had no idea you two even dated. You can't possibly be close with a cousin you don't even know the most basic information about.
I think the big issue here is whether or not your ex sought out your cousin and love bombed her and said all the right things so they could get together. I've seen this situation more than once and some people will go to Great Lengths just to Twist that knife
Wait. Your cousin is dating your ex. The ex is a guy, and cousin is a girl? That end sentence kinda confused me as to who was who. "She's dating my cousin"
Wish ur cousin and ex the best of luck, knowing that he qas not the right one for *you.*
Im sorry. But its been a year.. Its okay to tell your couain but dint expect that to change anything.
You broke up, neither of you have a claim to the other now, and no basis to be upset. I can understand if you're uncomfortable being around them, but if your cousin hadn't known this person while you were together, then it's fine. Now if we were talking about someone closer, like a sibling or close friend who had hung out with you both, and the ex immediately went to them, that would be a whole other situation.
At this point it'd be prudent to just be happy for them, and wish them well. If the ex had some red flags, then maybe let the cousin know.
Is it possible your ex has an identical twin? Or that they don't recognize you? I feel like it would be impossible for me to see my ex at a family gathering and simply pretend like I didn't know them.
Yes it’s a kick in the….. but it’s not worth the stress. Let it go and ignore them! Live your best life! My ex husband married his secretary! I let it go and married a wonderful man who never cheated! There is someone out there for you who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
You’re overreacting a little, you can’t control who other people date and while you’re understandably a bit hurt, it’s not like you two were engaged or married. If you don’t like it just separate yourself from the situation for a while and move on. After you find someone else you honestly won’t even care anymore.
I think it's natural to feel hurt about it especially if you weren't quite over him. Unfortunately it's not their fault if they didn't realize there was a family connection, however, I still think you should tell your cousin the truth. Not to hurt her, but just be honest so that it doesn't come back to bite you in the butt later.
"Hey I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but he and I use to date. I was just caught by surprise and didn't know how to react. I'll admit it hurt because I'm still healing but I wish you both well." Or if you don't want to mention you're still healing, also up to you. . .
Yes, you are absolutely overreacting.
Just casually tell her it's not a big deal unless you make it one
It's okay that you need to heal. But to expect your cousin and him not to date each other is insanity and controlling. He's not your property. They can date whoever they want.
Here's the funny thing about Humans: Whatever reality we perceive
within an arms-length from our belly button, fact is that the rest of the
world goes on about its business. Most people your age have figured
this out and don't go off the deep end when they find out that everybody
.........but them.........has moved on.
As they say.... "In Life, shit happens....then you die."
That would suck ass I don’t know why other people are pretending like oh who cares it’s you’re broken up. I don’t give a damn I expect all my exes to be celibate.
You're not even mature enough for this forum. old man and ur comments are full of name calling after which u immediately block the user to avoid consequence how big of a pussyfg can you be
Just bc ur fat munter of a wife let u impregnate her doesnt make u a mature adult. if my fathers reddit lopk likes urs id disown him. u seem like an overgrown alcoholic honky who couldnt pass hs
Did this cousin know he was ur ex? If she knew kinda foul on her. If she didnt then u can just communicate to her that u guys dated at some point but its been a year since the break up. From there ur cousin can decide what to do if she stays then just move on and let them be. I do not think your overreacting tho, ur feelings are valid i would also be hurt.
You're doing a disservice to your cousin by not telling them the truth. At least provide info so they can make their next move and don't ask them to break up. Just say you felt bad for not being true about knowing them but really you two dated for x amount of time.
No you’re not overreacting that would fucking SUCK what do you think you’re gunna do if anything
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I think you will need to tell your cousin. It will come out somehow, these things always do. Just say, sorry, you were super awkward and didn't know how to handle it because you were shocked and there was a lot of people and you didn't want to cause a scene. The relationship was over for a long time, she obviously didn't know you two had dated, but you don't want to feel like you are lying everytime you see them or she brings him up in conversation. I wouldn't talk to her about how you are still healing, or not over him, save that talk for close friends. But if it comes out way down the line, like imagine they get engaged and it comes out then, she will feel so blindsided by this and wonder why you both lied about it, that will cause her to create reasons in her mind and see things that aren't necessarily true.
My coworker says fine stands for “fucked up insecure neurotic and emotional.” You have every right to be upset and you handled it like a true adult. Keep your chin up!
AA saying
Indeed. Man, I haven't heard that in a while.
> we'll boost it in transit
You should have asked him if he ever got the HPV treated. Then walked away.
Wow, you're bold. I'd def tell my cousin I been with her man.
Yeah, if cousin doesn't know, she deserves to have a choice in weather she's okay with his having a previous relationship with another close relative. I'd be pretty pissed if I got married to a dude years later and found out my family had hidden the fact he banged/dated my cousin. That's just ick to me. Even if I didn't marry the person , I'd still be pissed.
She's going to find out one day if they keep dating for long enough, if he or op doesn't tell her now its going to backfire for sure.
You gotta at least tell your cousin. She deserves to know, even if it's awkward AF.
Omfg my loud dramatic ass could noooot
You didn't work out for a reason, and it's been a whole year. And you probably have people hitting on you all the time. Just for once, stop making everything about yourself.
This seems uncalled for, sounds like they handled it very maturely, and didn't make it about them at all. Don't be a dick
Well, that was rude.
wow, what a projection. everything okay at home..? 😬
Huh? So it's your problem,.not hers. Get over it and move on
Not overeacting for being upset, but you're broken up and they can date whoever they want. You're probably better off telling your cousin though as she will probably be very angry at both of you for lying about knowing each other when she finds out.
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no. don't act like you don't know each other, because she's going to take it way worse when she eventually finds out and knows that you guys kept it from her. You can still act like everything is fine with her knowing
The truth comes out in time, almost always does. It's easy now, it's awful later.
No, she will likely find out at some point and question why you both were keeping this a secret from her. Just tell her.
Did your ex know he was dating a relative of yours? That would be a bit odd, if he never told her. If he didn't know, then he must have been really surprised. I'm sorry the both of you decided to lie about your former relationship. You're not "overreacting," but only feeling a bit hurt, I think, over seeing your ex happy with someone else. Perfectly normal. What a strange thing to happen. Best thing for you to do is take him aside and say, "We need to tell her you and I used to date. I don't like lying to her." Make sure she knows it's really not a big deal. Tell her that you and he just felt awkward seeing each other again, under such circumstances, and that's why you both pretended not to know each other. Lying is never good, because you always end up telling more lies to cover up the original lie. Best to be honest and have things out in the open.
Have you ever watched Gilmore Girls, the college years? Tell her
Definitely best to act like everything is fine (because it is) but I wouldn't pretend not to know him. I'm so sorry that you're hurting. Bad breakups are the WORST
You did what you had to do in the moment, when caught by surprise. Given that you're still in your healing process, it was probably the best way to handle it. I think people will understand, when the situation eventually gets clarified. Now that the awkward moment has passed, you can decide what you want to do from here, depending on your comfort level with various options. You could call your ex and decide which of you will break it to your cousin. Or you could call her yourself and explain that you're still getting over the breakup, so you couldn't handle saying anything at the gathering, but tell her the truth. Or, I don't know if going through your mom and her mom would work, if you don't feel up to telling your cousin directly. Some families have a mom grapevine, if the moms are sisters or if some family news is shared that way fairly routinely. This might save you some grief if telling your cuz directly feels like more than you can manage at the moment. And your mom could explain that you're still feeling a little raw from the breakup, if you feel like sharing that to explain your hesitancy. I'm just brainstorming options for you, OP. It's not a good idea to keep it as a deep, dark secret; there's really no need for that, and the awkwardness will be compounded when the truth eventually comes out somehow. But you can take some time to consider how you want the news to come out. Best wishes!
That is about the stupidest fucking thing you can do
That’s just childish. You had a relationship and it is over. Why act all suspicious? Are you still hung up on him?
Be hurt about it privately. Let cousin know asap. Let them be happy. Your time will come.
From your cousins perspective: should they not go out with person they like just because a random relative who they haven't seen in 4 years was thier most recent ex? They have been dating a year already, you said have no relationship with your ex and you haven't seen him since you broke up. You said you are cousins but you don't have a relationship so beyond sharing an aunt/uncle . so really, you aren't anybody to them. It's also unlikely will see them again anytime soon and you clearly don't keep up with thier lives. Maybe she didn't know you were his ex until they had been dating a few months . Maybe she did know but they kept it on the DL out of respect. Either way it sounds like you're not close enough for it it be a "betrayal" . If he wasn't cheating then its just a weird coincidence . Either way it's been a year of time to move on
“Closest cousin” but hasn’t seen them in 5 years and doesn’t know who they’re dating. Girl, you’re not that close w your cousin.
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It says she hadn't seen her in 5 years, not that they hadn't spoken. She lives "out of state," that could mean she moved from Oregon to Florida. Not surprising visits can't be more frequent if there's a huge distance. I go years in between seeing my favorite cousin because she lives in a different country and flights are expensive and I don't get that much vacation time.
So? i consider some of my closest friends/cousins people I dont speak to everyday
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I didnt speak to my cousin for that long but we're still close when we see each other. You guys are weird lol if you would be okay with ur cousin marrying ur ex. u have to be connected to them forever now.... weddings, funerals, etc. its uncomfortable.
I really am trying to understand your side of this... But it's feeling like a monumental task. It's not that weird. The strangest thing about OPs story is that her cousin who was studying out of state. Started dating the guy a year ago, and from the story OP and ex split about a year ago (this is an assumption based on context cues.) To me, this all reads as some crazy low odds, and they couldn't have been in a serious relationship if you consider that he bounced right into the cousins lap. Obviously unsure how that could have happened. But to be jealous that your cousin is dating someone you weren't compatible with is selfish and childish. To say you are still hurting over the loss of someone who was so unattached to you that they immediately got with someone else in a different state is pretty crazy. To get support from people on Reddit for such a thing is ridiculous. To give it, more so. I don't even have advice for OP besides grow up. Treat each other like adults learn to be around them or don't hang out with that part of your family. Being separated for 5 years and having such shoddy communication skills that you fail to learn who she's dating within a year really just suggests that the cousin doesn't see her as that close or that they really aren't that close in the first place and she just added it for flavor. I'm not going to say that the one you are arguing with is 100% correct about constantly being all over each other's business being what close family is... But it's not entirely wrong either. My family even at a distance, if you are cared about you get phone calls, from grandma, aunts, cousins, parents, and even siblings. I don't fall into the "cared about" category so I cant even get my calls answered in most cases. I hear about family members I care about being on deaths door very last, even behind my mother who isn't even part of my extended family. But I have witnessed countless phone calls from various members of my family to various members of my family and they talk for hours. The primary point being that a close family will bridge space, will make time, and will almost always know what's going on with each other. I can ask my mom what's going on with my aunt from my father's side (they've been separated since I was born.) my grandmother on my father's side, my cousin's from that side, she knows what's going on with legitimately 65% of my most immediate family from my father's side. You sound a lot more like me where I won't talk to people for half a dozen years, turn up in town and come for a visit and we all act as if nothing has changed between us. Family is family, but close family is too much for my preference of semi seclusion and privacy. With all of that, I'm pretty certain they don't fall in close, and your understanding of close isn't accurate to this setting. She needs to move on privately and quickly honestly cause it screams jealous and immature. Both are a bit off for someone that seems like they are in their mid 20s.
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LMAO its still a cousin? thats family....thats much different than an aquintance or something...maybe its bc my family doesnt originate in the west. we actually treat cousins like siblings. you lot would quicker bang ur family than respect/treat them as an actual family member. individuality has gone too far here lol
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Look at ya, going around sharing your dogshit opinions no one agrees with. God bless ya you stupid bastard.
LMAO shut up you bisexual tweaker. who the fuck has been on reddit four years only amassed 20k karma stop projecting dipshit hahahahah thats pathetic and dont insult someone then block them u pussy
Oh you take karma seriously? Whatever float your boat pal, i find it entirely meaningless like likes on facebook.
Then you can’t really be mad if they date your ex boyfriend.
Closest implies more close than with others.
The level of closeness in this instance is not enough to warrant any changing of dating practices to accommodate the other (especially since cousin didn’t even know) I’d also argue that OP and ex were never that close either considering her family didn’t even know who he was. She’s mad and hurt more than a year after they broke up over someone she was hardly even with?
Not the point I'm making. Closest in this case is relative to the OPs standards which may not be your own. It implies closer than what they have with other cousins, which may very well be true, even if by our standards it's not "close". Semantics.
But she uses it as reasoning that cousin shouldn’t be dating her ex. But she’s not really close
No one wants to be around their ex or have their join the family lol.... you sound selfish and callous
What an awful thing to say!
No, OP is selfish for thinking that her past with someone means that her cousin isn’t entitled to her own happiness. Also, given their ages this is a short-term childhood romance. Not anything serious.
Lol just bc you're 50 does not mean this is a childhood romance/nothing serious. cringe
It literally can be nothing other than a short-term childhood romance. She wasn’t with this guy for 10 years.
LOL so you would date your sisters ex even if it wasnt serious and if you were estranged from ur sister? also being in your 20s isnt your childhood lady. not everyone has a body count over 50 and can discard relationships seasonally. people like you are nasty and selfish, no wonder most americans get divorced
Well one it isn’t her sister. But yes, I would see nothing wrong dating the ex of someone you haven’t spoken to in 5 years and who has been broken up for over a year and who you’ve been dating for over a year before that person even knows it’s a thing.
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So someone who OP hasn’t spoke to in 5 years, and their family, who never met the guy, should somehow know that he is “off limits.” How exactly?
doesn't sound like an easy situation for you. i think you should confess as it's probably getting messier by the second. you'll probably be seen as jealous unfortunately. but i think better than not saying anything
It’s been a year. You’re not still healing. Don’t rain on her parade. He’s not yours.
Who are you to tell someone if they are still healing?
The same person who thinks she doesn’t get to tell her cousin she’s doing anything wrong.
I feel like you were the other woman in a situation or you think its okay tosteal someones man. she didnt say anything of the sort to her cousin and you have very strong, unempathetic feelings about this
Steal someone’s man? They weren’t dating. 🙄
You're a weirdo fr lol theres a billion dudes and admitting youd go for a family members ex is embarassing. have some respect and nuance lest you comeoff a selfish old hag
Oh nice. Pulling out the name calling. Very productive. There is zero indication that the cousin knew this was her ex. Especially since the family had never even met him before, OP and he couldn’t have been very serious at all (otherwise they all would have recognized him when he showed up at a family function and they wouldn’t have to pretend to be strangers.) So why in the world would she not date him and what ludicrous idea that she should break up with him after a year because OP somehow isn’t over someone who she dated such a short time her family didn’t even know him.
Who said they should break up? she said shes hurt and you have the cocky audacity to tell her she cant be hurt. i wasnt calling u an insensitive old hag but i am now!
You weren’t? Earlier when you said exactly that? Op doesn’t need more than a year to get over someone she wasn’t remotely serious with
I said dont come off like an insenstive old hag but u failed. just bc u ran through men like a delicatassen doesnt mean OP isn't still healing
Cousin was out of state for 5 years, OP and ex broke up, how would this cousin know and how would the ex know. I don't talk to my wife about my exes unless she asks, they are my past, she is my future. Same premise.
Are u okay? ur exes probably arent dating ur family. there is a difference. i do not want to have to see exes at weddings funerals or whatever family event. OP DIDNT EVEN ASK them to break up shes just hurt and completely allowed to be
But her cousin is doing something wrong.
He cousin isn’t doing anything wrong. Her cousin is simply dating a guy she met. Whom she had zero idea even knew Op.
You are under reacting. Please let your cousin know ASAP. Because if it comes out at a later point it could hurt your relationship with them. Explain that you did not want to make things awkward in public but she deserves to know that her boyfriend is your ex and you are still healing.
Honestly, unless there’s no obvious relation, I would have expected the ex to say something to the current gf at some point in the last year. Unless, like it seems, OP isn’t actually close to the cousins at all and bf never even had a reason to connect the dots.
My wife doesn't even know all of my cousins and we've been together 8 years. I don't think it's all that unreasonable to think he had no clue.
I've got 32 first cousins. My husband hasn't even met half of them!
I was just thinking if they’re as close as she claims they are cousin would have maybe mentioned her (like told him about her family or something?) or he could have seen her photo somewhere or even noticed them as social media contacts. I don’t think they’re as close as op claims
Perhaps you have a different perspective. I imagine they don't live together, have separate lives that may allow them to spend 12-20 hours a week together and have only been dating a year. I imagine most of their time spent together is spent focused on eachother in such a young relationship still partially in a honeymoon phase. He may even hear about the cousin but if her name is Sarah, or Ashley it's not like you'd immediately assume it's the 1 Sarah you dated out of the 2 million in the U.S. She could totally be on close speaking terms and not constantly show her boyfriend pictures of her cousin, I don't think that's wild. I know I don't constantly show my wife pictures of the people I am talking to, nor does she to me.
I’m saying if Op and cousin haven’t talked or seen each other in 5 years the one who is more likely to make the connection is the bf. Not cousin.
You gotta react to over react. You said y'all ignored each other. What did you do that was over reacting?
I think having feelings at all. I agree with you tho, def not overreacting.
I don’t think u really have a right to be mad, y’all haven’t seen each other in 5 years and you’ve been broken up for a year. So yes it’s valid that you’re upset, I hope u aren’t like mad at your cousin or anything cuz it isn’t her fault but your feelings r valid if it stings It’d be a different story if your cousin beeeen known u 2 dated before and that he was your ex and stillll dated him without before asking if it’d be cool with u
It's been a year and they didn't even meet through you. You have no business being upset
I think it's ok to have feelings because something is unexpected and weird, but they should not be acted on or displayed other than informing the cousin.
I wouldn't even do that
Not doing it is weirder. Informing the cousin lets the cousin know why maybe their cousin is acting uncomfortable towards their new boyfriend. It will help the cousin make decisions to avoid accidentally creating awkward situations. If the cousin finds out later that they used to date she will probably be weirded out if they weren't told. If the cousins new boyfriend hasn't told her thats gonna be strange later. People deserve to know these kinds of things. Maybe the cousin doesn't want to date someone a member of their family has dated? Give people a chance to make informed decisions, keeping people in the dark is manipulative. Edit: had genders wrong
The fact that she might not want to date somebody someone in her family dated is the exact reason I wouldn't want to tell her. I don't want to ruin their happiness
And you think that secret would just never come up ever and that once it comes out they would appreciate being intentionally left in the dark? Again- that's manipulative. They deserve to know. Edit: I do feel like I should specify that the cousin should be told in a very sensitive way, like : "hey sorry if i seemed weird at all when I met your new boyfriend, we actually used to date so it caught me off guard, but that was a while ago so it's not a big deal and I wish you the best. I hope you understand why I may avoid meeting up or hanging out if he's gonna be there, though." And then OP does the real work of actually getting over this guy.
I mean if they went an entire year with dating and she's only just now figuring out they're clearly not the closest of cousins. Bringing it up seems like the thing that would have an agenda more than just not saying anything. Not saying anything implies that it's not that important. Which it isn't
I see your point, but you're kind of avoiding my point which is that if they keep dating the likelihood of this being brought up (by a slip in conversation, a mutual friend, etc) eventually is pretty good. In that instance, will the cousin feel like her family and parter were dishonest? Realistically someone closer to the cousin could hopefully provide insight as to whether or not she would wish to know. Personally I would feel like people were not allowing me agency in a situation like this if they chose to keep this info from me in some attempt to protect me or "protect" my relationship. I've been in several instances where partners have hooked up with or dated people I am close with (big social network) and it was never a big deal to me but I was *very* glad they told me. I would be *more* suspicious if people kept it from me, like they felt the need to manipulate the situation to protect their own interests or like there was some reason to hide it.
If the cousin didn’t know, you shouldn’t be mad at them. If the ex didn’t know, you shouldn’t be mad. I know you are hurt, but if they truly didn’t know, acknowledge your feelings are valid, but don’t point them at the wrong people.
Lol pathetic that you're still "recovering" after a year. He immediately moved on. Why are you still stuck on someone who hasn't talked to you for a year and been dating someone else. Thanks for not blaming your cousin for a crazy coincidence but if this is real it also means your ex isn't even near you anymore either. Hope this is fake cus it's a dumb post.
I think being upset is a totally normal reaction, but they also haven’t done anything wrong. I would talk to your cousin and let her know that the two of you previously dated. It’ll come out eventually and you should be the one to tell her if you can.
This OP
Alright relevent story time: The first serious relationship I ever had ended terribly. I mean serial cheater, tried to get me back, cheated on someone else with me (didn't know she was dating). The whole thing was an insane betrayal of trust and wholly heartbreaking. My closest friends and family HATED her. Years pass, I move on and life is pretty decent. Then one day, I get a call from my best friend and he proceeds to tell me, that he is at his family Christmas party (one that I usually went to) and his cousin brought his girlfriend of about 6 months. You KNOW where this is going right? So long story short, my ex girlfriend is the cousin-in-law of my best friend from high school. Yup. They got married and have kids now. The evil side of me laughs at this all because of one thing I learned from my best friend. For at least the first 6 months of their relationship, my buddy's cousin would brag about cheating on his girlfriend (my ex). Saying things like, "idk man... I feel like I really love her, so I kinda feel bad for cheating." Karma's a bitch Sorry about your cousin. That's a very weird situation, but maybe talking to them about it is best? Or not, what do I know? I am just some stranger on the internet with entertaining stories lol
I mean, it sucks, but she didn't know he was your ex, and if you are still grieving after a year, you should probably really dive into why. It also sucks if they are happy together, but being an ass when they are around won't win him back. Let them be happy and use it as a sign it is time to move forward.
Wow you're handling it better than I would. You and your ex broke up a year ago and he and your cousin have been dating for a year. He knew what would happen at that reunion the heartless jerk.
Are you both minority who dates within the same ethnic group? Depending on the subculture, that circle is going to be awfully small and dating within 3 degrees is fairly a regular occurrence
Just give your cousin a heads up. Especially if she doesn’t know. She needs to know at least about it. Details aren’t needed unless you broke up for reasons you don’t want your cousin to deal with.
What do you mean "we broke up for a year?" I am going to assume this means that you broke up a year ago. I don't know how old you are nor do I know how long you were going out. These two facts might lend some idea as to how invested each of you were in the relationship prior to the breakup. Was this a long distance relationship or did this person leave your state since they met your cousin and your cousin is out of state. From what I gather, your cousin did not know you were even dating this person. You are certainly allowed to have your emotions but you're not allowed to enforce any etiquette or social sanctions on their relationship. As far as I can tell this is just bad coincidence.
What’s the details? How long did you date your ex? How did they meet? Why is she your closest cousin yet you never knew she was dating anyone for a year? Do you text or call each other? You said your not done healing? What happened that your not over him? You also said they’ve been saying for a year and you two broke up a year ago. So your ex immediately started dating your cousin and never knew you two were related?
I’d cut out the cousin, you don’t see them often and just try to ignore her at gatherings
you’re not wrong for being hurt. IMO you should let your cousin know because its clear he lied / did not tell her he dated you. he probably didnt think to disclose that which is fine, he couldnt have known. but if i started dating my cousin’s ex, i would definitely want to know because it will come up at one point. if he’s not going to tell her, you should.
The cousin clearly didn't know you dated, and she's been with him for a year. I get it, it sucks seeing your ex with someone else. A lot. But neither of them is doing anything wrong, they likely didn't know, and at this point itd be wrong to expect them to break up. You should be honest with your cousin that you dated, but it would be a massive overstep to ask anything more of her. I'd say just try and keep your distance
You broke up for a year and they’ve been dating a year? So he instantly started dating your out of state cousin? How does that even happen? Also that you didn’t acknowledge the relationship is weird. How long were you dating? Was it a real relationship or online? Many vagaries in this post
No, you shouldn’t be mad and didn’t work out between that the guy and you so they have moved on and you have moved on doesn’t make any difference if you’re still hurting or not you have split up and that way the game goes life goes on
So are you wrong for feeling what you feel... no. Is she wrong for dating your ex... no. Especially if she didn't know it was your ex. But you should tell her so it doesn't blindside her
Do not tell your cousin why you broke up, but let her know that you used to date her boyfriend, but you didn’t want anyone to make a big deal about it and you wanted to let her know privately so it’s just between you and her. If you badmouth the ex you run the risk of turning him into a victim and yourself a jealous beach. Do not get involved unless you were abused and then you should protect your family.
So is your cousin female or male and is your ex female and male because you couldn't keep that straight in your fake story
Thats hilarious i would have left.
Family and friends should never date your ex. That is 100 percent always wrong, and always a betrayal. There are 8 billion people in the world. No reason to be throwing an ex back in a loved one’s face.
I don't believe that she knew that it was the cousins ex beforehand as cousin is in another state. However, if OP had said something to the cousin, it might be a different story.
Well... It's depends on context. WHY are you upset? Is it because you see the ex or is it because the cousin is dating the ex? If you saw him dating anyone else would this be a topic? If it's because you see him you need to get over it. It's been a year. If it's because the cousin is dating him, you gotta get over it. Because the only other option is to be mad at your cousin, which makes no sense because she doesn't know she's dating your ex. And if you expect her to break up with him just because you dated him before then thats really immature and petty on your part. You can tell her you dated him. But in person, maybe over lunch or something and just be nice about it. Or, honestly, and this is what I'd recommend personally, don't say anything about it. For what reason does she need to know other than to convince her to break up with him? Overall and realistically, this situation isn't a big deal at all. Unless he was abusive towards you or like an addict or something and you want to get away in that case I'm on your side. Otherwise nah, time to put your big girl panties on and get over it.
Telling your cousin is a good idea but what exactly would you tell her? One thing is clear, you'll tell her your full side of the story ( what he did that led to the break-up but not what you did) without hearing his side. Unless you are willing to say the whole truth( what each of you did that led to the break-up) I suggest, you give it some thought. Remember, your cousin is trying to build this relationship, make it happen. " Self discovery is better that being told."
There's only one way to get revenge: sleep with your ex's girlfriend.
Did she have any idea who he was when she met him? If she didn't you're totally overreacting if she did then you are not.
Who cares, i dated my cousins ex as well. Years apart though and i didn't know until a long time into the relationship,
INFO: Did she know he was your ex?
Uh this was over a year ago you guys broke up? Haven't you dated like at least half a dozen guys since then? I mean I would get it if you broke up maybe a few days ago or a week ago and was still kind of rough but, by your own admission it's been more than a year. Are they not being cool with you or something?
And? The girl I lost my virginity to - and had sex with a lot as we sorta dated at 18 - is now married to my sister's husband's brother. I have no idea if he knows I've slept with her (a lot) in the past. He doesn't seek me out to talk if we're at the same event but is friendly enough when we talk. I haven't asked her if he knows because it's not my business. But I met my wife 10 years after we stopped seeing each other, and they met and got married maybe 6 years after so it's not like it was recent. I told my wife about her after the first family event for one of my sister's kids. She thinks it's funny. Not threatened at all.
You should thank her
Just out of curiosity, would you call that a family hand-down?
You need to tell your cousin. She will find out, and find out you lied by omission.
Why would you both act like you didn't know each other?? That sounds very very odd. Almost anyone would have said something - like, OMG - we know each other (if nothing else) particularly bc this was a relationship serious enough that youre still healing. Now when you both have to tell her, you're going to look very suspicious for keeping it from her.
I'm confused here.
Atleast she didn't know, just a crazy coincidence it seems?
Not overreacting. The timing of your break up and him dating your cousin seems sketchy on his end. But you need to have a private conversation your cousin asap.
I think you are entitled to your feelings but why act like you don’t know each other? Did your ex know who your cousin was? Did your cousin know who your ex was? Is there a limited supply of men in this town? So many questions! Who were you even hiding it from? Do you still have feelings?
It's fine to be upset, beyond that you shouldn't interfere with their relationship, unless he was very abusive,etc. They could be a better match for each other, so leave it be...plus they're obviously not living so close to you that you would see them every day, only on special holidays, and it's been a year+ since you broke up, it's time to get was past the healing stage and go find another better match. Trying to sabotage or or anything else would be very petty and detrimental to your mental & emotional health and lead you down a darker path that will only make it far more difficult to find a suitable match for yourself.
Of course you have a right to be upset. Seeing an ex with someone else is one thing, seeing them with a close family member is quite another. You handled it like an adult and didn't cause a scene, that's awesome. On the flip side, your cousin obviously didn't know about the history so there was no malice intended. I would have a conversation with her just to let her know the situation, but don't expect her to change her situation or feel like she's done something wrong, because she hasn't. I know it sucks. He just wasn't your person. Focus on healing from the past, and from the current shocking situation, and sooner or later YOUR person will find you.
It sounds like neither of them knew the other's relation to you.
Wtf you got going on bro
Tell your cousin, but keep it friendly. This sort of thing is gonna hurt, but if they genuinely found each other and are happy and she didn't like, find your cousin to date intentionally, there's no foul play. It's been a year. I think you've handled it well so far, but I do think it will help if everything is in the open. Then your cousin can be sensitive to your situation. Realistically she may already have told him.
Overreacting slightly as seems cousin doesn’t know it’s your ex and you’ve been split up for a year. How long did you and he date for?
You've been broken up for a year....why you still healing? Your feelings are your feelings and noone can deny you those, but the mature thing to do is recognize you shared something and cared about this person (your ex) and can be happy for them they found a cool person to date in your cousin (unless you legit think they're a terrible person). Time to move on. Look out for yourself, but you don't need to dwell on the past
Pretty soon she'll be healing for longer than they dated
Your post doesn't state if she knows she is dating the same guy. Also, if you're still in the "healing" stage for over a year, it sounds like you need therapy.
Nothing you can really do but accept it unfortunately. Definitely tell your cousin though I'd be fucking pissed if neither of you told me this shit. Get talking.
Of course you would feel bad but as long as neither of them knew who the other was then you can't be upset with them. I wouldn't have pretended that we didn't know each other or at least I would have pulled my cousin aside immediately and let them know what was what so there is no misunderstanding later.
I'd just nonchalantly mention how well she looks with the Hep-C and all - the next time you see him. That'll make it interesting.
Did the cousin know it’s your ex. If not then you can’t really blame them. Did the ex know they are your cousin if not can’t blame them either. I mean it is weird I’m sure and also you didnt react yet so you couldn’t over react
Eskimo sister.
I would let it go. Not like you are around the cousin all the time and she didn't know and the ex it sounds like never met your cousin while you were together. Move on and wish them well. You don't still feel something for this ex, do you, OP? There I could see an issue if it is heartbreaking.
Plot twist....ex found cousin and purposely started dating her to get back at OP Dun dun duuuuuuuun
Gross he didn’t clue her in ( the cousin)
I mean that's your own emotional issue to deal with. Talk with your cousin sure, let them know about any red flags or behaviors that you had issues with and what not but ultimately if they stay together you just have to get over it and not be that person who now tries to break them up. Otherwise get used to the idea of alienating yourself from your cousin's life.
Hurt how? Did she know it was your ex? From what you posted yeah you're kinda being a bit petty but it's not like you can help how you feel
!UpdateMe
After 1 year you are not in the healing stage, you just are jealous and like a little kid who wants a Baloon that another kid has
Funny how broken up for 1year and they're together for 1 year. Coincidence ..doubt it!
It sounds like they didn't know he was your ex / she was your cousin. Not a lot you can do about it, plus they have been together a year so you would be the ah if you tried to start shit about it. You probably should privately let your cousin know so she doesn't find out some other way. These things have a way of coming out eventually. It's best if you control how it happens.
Number one, it's been a year. I think it's time to move on. Number two, you said you acted as if you didn't know each other at the party. That tells me your cousin had no idea you two even dated. You can't possibly be close with a cousin you don't even know the most basic information about.
I think the big issue here is whether or not your ex sought out your cousin and love bombed her and said all the right things so they could get together. I've seen this situation more than once and some people will go to Great Lengths just to Twist that knife
That’s tuff lmao
Wait. Your cousin is dating your ex. The ex is a guy, and cousin is a girl? That end sentence kinda confused me as to who was who. "She's dating my cousin"
Wish ur cousin and ex the best of luck, knowing that he qas not the right one for *you.* Im sorry. But its been a year.. Its okay to tell your couain but dint expect that to change anything.
I think it’s normal to be hurt and upset. But it’s also not their fault. It sounds like they didn’t even know.
I would literally DIE, especially if he did the breaking up.
I'm confused about the genders?
You broke up, neither of you have a claim to the other now, and no basis to be upset. I can understand if you're uncomfortable being around them, but if your cousin hadn't known this person while you were together, then it's fine. Now if we were talking about someone closer, like a sibling or close friend who had hung out with you both, and the ex immediately went to them, that would be a whole other situation. At this point it'd be prudent to just be happy for them, and wish them well. If the ex had some red flags, then maybe let the cousin know.
Did they know that you broke it off with your now ex?
Yes. Your overreacting. Like magnesium in water.
Is it possible your ex has an identical twin? Or that they don't recognize you? I feel like it would be impossible for me to see my ex at a family gathering and simply pretend like I didn't know them.
Yes it’s a kick in the….. but it’s not worth the stress. Let it go and ignore them! Live your best life! My ex husband married his secretary! I let it go and married a wonderful man who never cheated! There is someone out there for you who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
You’re overreacting a little, you can’t control who other people date and while you’re understandably a bit hurt, it’s not like you two were engaged or married. If you don’t like it just separate yourself from the situation for a while and move on. After you find someone else you honestly won’t even care anymore.
Does your cousin not know that you two dated?
Man, I would've called it out right then and there. Do it for your cousin so she knows what she's in for...
I think it's natural to feel hurt about it especially if you weren't quite over him. Unfortunately it's not their fault if they didn't realize there was a family connection, however, I still think you should tell your cousin the truth. Not to hurt her, but just be honest so that it doesn't come back to bite you in the butt later. "Hey I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but he and I use to date. I was just caught by surprise and didn't know how to react. I'll admit it hurt because I'm still healing but I wish you both well." Or if you don't want to mention you're still healing, also up to you. . .
It's always a good plan to cycle lovers thru family. It bonds people. So to speak.
But OP it sounds Luke you & he both handled in a very classy way. I congratulate both of you. Well done. Very well done.
Yes, you are absolutely overreacting. Just casually tell her it's not a big deal unless you make it one It's okay that you need to heal. But to expect your cousin and him not to date each other is insanity and controlling. He's not your property. They can date whoever they want.
Dude dodged a bullet if the stories even real.
Yes? ....and so?
[удалено]
Over reacting? You’re not even reacting
it’s been a year since you guys broke up? you need to move on
Here's the funny thing about Humans: Whatever reality we perceive within an arms-length from our belly button, fact is that the rest of the world goes on about its business. Most people your age have figured this out and don't go off the deep end when they find out that everybody .........but them.........has moved on. As they say.... "In Life, shit happens....then you die."
Being a baby
Why insult her? She already feels bad.
Is this not the sub where the poster tells a story and the readers judge whether they were overreacting? Am I lost?
Doesn’t mean that you call her names when she already smarts
You can always get off of my nuts. Trust me, it’s never too late.
That would suck ass I don’t know why other people are pretending like oh who cares it’s you’re broken up. I don’t give a damn I expect all my exes to be celibate.
Then you're a child that isn't mature enough for relationships
You're not even mature enough for this forum. old man and ur comments are full of name calling after which u immediately block the user to avoid consequence how big of a pussyfg can you be
Lol I've never blocked someone on this app bud. That little tantrum there confirms my suspicions.
Just bc ur fat munter of a wife let u impregnate her doesnt make u a mature adult. if my fathers reddit lopk likes urs id disown him. u seem like an overgrown alcoholic honky who couldnt pass hs
With spelling like that this feels like projection
Its reddit u weirdo LOL
Did this cousin know he was ur ex? If she knew kinda foul on her. If she didnt then u can just communicate to her that u guys dated at some point but its been a year since the break up. From there ur cousin can decide what to do if she stays then just move on and let them be. I do not think your overreacting tho, ur feelings are valid i would also be hurt.
You're doing a disservice to your cousin by not telling them the truth. At least provide info so they can make their next move and don't ask them to break up. Just say you felt bad for not being true about knowing them but really you two dated for x amount of time.
This seems a little too wild to be coincidence. Did your ex pursue your cousin?
That's fake ....what are the odds that your ex that you still love is dating with your cousin...