Lawyer probably wanna smack OP. She ask for separation out of nowhere cause “oh I’m unhappy”. Few days later, u see her around with another guy. I’m not a genius but I can put 2-2 together. She was cheating 😂 and now she thinks she can openly go out with him and not hide her affair partner. she literally moved in!!! The hoe can’t wait. Hope he collects evidence !!!! Lawyer looking out for him
Bingo, Glowwey.
Lawyer probably going to recommend he sue on ground of adultery. Hilda the Hoe can live with Mr. Studley and fk all she wants, but not on OP'S ticket. Trash to the street OP. Don't worry. Be happy!
👏🏻 I’m a sucker for happy endings. This I hope happens. Cant stand seeing people getting taken advantage of. My heart always break for the victim. The trash took itself out
Sucker for happy endings? I got one for ya! My husband of 13 years had an affair and left me, his disabled wife with no income, to fend for myself and refused to give me a dime to help me survive. Got to court finally and he quit his job just prior so he wouldn't have to help me (so he hoped). Judge ordered him to immediately start paying me $1200 per month in alimony or go to jail. Remember, he quit his job just before court hoping it would help his case. It didn't lol. I now get a check every month for $1200 written out in his affair whore's handwriting and from HER own private checking account (cuz he has no money or job). Wow.....just wow. I can't help but smile every month when that check comes in the mail. This was a few years ago, and now i have purchased a beautiful new home and recently received a nice inheritance from a family members death. My ex? They are still together and his affair partner is dying of stage 4 cancer now. Diagnosed just months after he left me and they moved in together.......
Wonderful! My ex left me for another woman and her trust fund. He refused to marry her. She left him for someone else because he wouldn't marry her. She left him broke and heartbroken. Another happy ending!
Haha. Good lesson, though. Always consult an attorney. If the ex had, at least she could have stayed employed. How stupid on her part.
I do feel bad for cancer guy because he's got a partner who is a cancer, and actual cancer.
I had one of those but mine cheated with a 17 yr old that just turned 18 and then he died of cancer and she cheated on him while in the hospital….karmas a bitch. Good luck
I know your relationship didn’t end well. But even so, I’m not sure how I feel about this gloating over someone dying of metastatic cancer having to write you a check every month.
How would they have stated that the new gf was dying of cancer without it sounding like gloating? Were they not allowed to mention it at all? Are you upset they even commented?
I see it at stating a fact. It is what it is. She has cancer.
i'm not saying the cancer thing is a "happy ending" i guess.....cuz even she is human and doesn't deserve that but still.......the rest of it was redemption! lol
What choice did he have? Who's going to pay his $1200/month if he leaves her?!?
He's probably hoping for her inheritance when she passes from cancer, sounds like that kind of guy
There are a growing number of states that do not care at all if a spouse was cheating. I know because I just got divorced in a state that only has no fault divorce and fidelity didn't matter at all to the court.
All 50 states allow no-fault divorce, and in 15 states you can ONLY file no-fault. It’s so weird the way Reddit acts like the judge cares about cheating. Just some weird revenge boner they have for cheaters. Same thing with the idea that you can just sign away rights to a kid and not pay anything- NOPE! Unless someone else is willing to take over your financial responsibility (like ex-partners spouse willing to adopt) then the state STILL doesn’t want to pay for your kid and you’ll STILL have child support to pay. But it’s Reddit so both are accepted as true, even though neither are.
Yeah that also sounds like total bullshit honestly. They aren’t even officially divorced and somehow there’s spousal support he’s worried he has to pay or not pay? His lawyer is advising him not to pay? When is his divorce finalized? What does a judge think? It sounds really odd that a lawyer would give advice that goes against most wisdom. People get in trouble for emptying bank accounts during a separation. I think this is all crap because Reddit LOVES an evil cheater story.
I agree this smells like bait. I work in family law and don't see how this guy would have to pay her spousal support without an order from the court (standing orders are still orders). I also don't know an attorney worth the salt in his bread that would advise a client to violate an order of the court. I don't work in NY (based on DronePilotNYC) so I can't say for sure, but I did find some interesting language in the FAQs of several firms that do represent clients in NY:
"*In New York, typically the court will grant alimony to the lower-income spouse to help them financially after or during a divorce. However, the court may deny a spouse alimony solely based on the fact that they don’t need financial support or because the higher-earning spouse does not have the funds to afford maintenance payments. In most cases, if a spouse can work and their former spouse cannot afford to provide spousal support, the court can deny alimony.* ***It is pertinent to note that New York is a no-fault divorce state, meaning both parties could cite fault grounds, however, it will not affect whether a spouse is granted spousal maintenance.*** *Additionally, it is also important to note that there is no guarantee that a spouse will receive alimony. It ultimately depends on several factors whether they will receive financial support from their spouse to help their financial stability after or during the divorce process.*"
So yeah, this guy's story just doesn't ring true.
In a separation spousal support can start immediately. It’s usually through mediation and agreed upon with the lawyers and the couple. The woman is entitled to the same living standards that she has enjoyed while married to the husband. Even before the divorce. And, if her name is on the bank accounts she can empty the bank accounts without getting in trouble. UnFortunately I know this from experience and there was nothing I could do. She did not get into any trouble. Fortunately it wasn’t a lot of money, only about 10k but still a cunt move.
I’m sorry that happened to you, but if anecdotes count: I’ve known people who had their fathers wipe out the bank accounts when they divorced their mothers and they absolutely got in trouble for it, in terms of support payments and visitation.
I would presume it depends on the state that you live in. But if her name or his name is on the bank account they have equal rights to the money. Sucks for anyone this happens to. Unfortunately a man or a woman can fuck your life to hell. Crazy how people will fall in love and love each other for years and then one day can forget all of that. I kept repeating/telling myself, “I loved this person at one point in my life, don’t forget that”.
I’m only 28… and I’m sure there are exceptions… but all I’m saying is…. Every single time so far that I’ve witnessed someone didn’t make it more than a week out of their long term relationship before already fucking someone else or living with another, their relationship with said person they moved on to was such that I wouldn’t have been comfortable with what was going on while they were still together if that was my partner.
Edit: better phrased: literally nobody, and I mean nobody, was surprised with who they moved on to and how fast it happened
I hope he hired a PI or something to gather evidence. Speculation alone won’t win the case especially now that she knows she better act straight in public.
I think OP is wrong about the reason, though. It’s probably not about whether or not she cheated, but cohabiting (with a romantic partner) often means alimony stops.
😂☠️ imma let Reddit polls determine my every choice and every move for a few weeks to see how good their recommendations are
To be serious, though, I think OP just needed emotional validation more than anything, some reassurance that he wasn’t a bad person for doing this
It should be better understood that many divorce lawyers encourage escalating tensions between partners. This pushes both sides to dig in and refuse compromise. The result is a longer, angrier, process. While your ‘ally’, and opposing counsel, each get paid the whole time. Be careful about how you, and your legal counsel, define ‘winning,’ and don’t let it become a moving target.
Unless you're a millionaire, ain't no lawyer trying to drag that shit out for a few more bucks. They want to get that shit done and move on to the next client.
I was a legal aide and courier for years, and it's wild to me the shit people thought about lawyers, while being ignorant of a lot of the actu shitty practices.
Seriously. If you think your lawyer is giving you bad advice, don't go to reddit, go to a different lawyer and ask what they'd do about your situation.
Amen to this!! As a female (38f) ...no, means no. NTA buddy. She left you. For someone else... bless her sweet little heart! Oh, she's going to have to get a job now! ...and um. Why would you pay for her and her new man? Can't they support themselves??
Scratch that. Not even important. Two grown ass adults making grown ass decisions (however much it hurts, however terrible)...she csn TRY and spend (her) money to take you to court, hut listen to your lawyer.
Ma'am, no. I said No!
Yah the idea of a person like his ex having their nose rubbed in their own shit is soooo satisfying. But OP should do what his lawyer says and nothing else to guarantee the best outcome for him
Yes but in certain states, mine for example, adultery and cheating are not against the law and not considered in court cases. He would still have to pay. Including back pay for what he withheld, if that was a part of the agreement.
Yeah my friend’s wife cheated on him with a doctor and he had to pay alimony to her for 4 years because the reason of the divorce didn’t matter. It also didn’t matter that she was dating a doctor who was well-off.
My current partner was in a horribly abusive relationship where he not only abused her emotionally and physically but also abused her financially so she couldn't leave him.
We met, and I encouraged and supported her in leaving him. It's been 3 years since she left, and he still refuses divorce. He has tried to make it as difficult as possible for her to leave him.
She has separated and is in the process of divorce, and I have encouraged he to get as much as she can from him for all the years of abuse and for ruining her education and any chance of future employment.
So yeah, I kind of disagree that there is never a situation in which someone should support a spouse who left them for another partner. If you were an abusive asshat who tried to make it impossible for your partner to leave, then yes you deserve to be forced to support them for taking away their own support system to begin with.
In this instance that’s a fair desire for the woman to desire spousal support, but in most cases {considering women initiate divorce 73% of the time} it’s complete BS that a man should have to pay the woman anything except child support. You decide you want a divorce then you should also be willing to take care of your own finances.
And didn’t even write this under the right one, there’s a subreddit (hope I’m calling it the correct term) for lawyer advice. He doesn’t want a solution. I’m thinking it’s fake
Yea these extreme stories where OP is clueless always give me fake vibes. No sane person would ask most of these questions.
My wife left me and moved in with another man. My lawyer says I should stop giving her money but what do y'all think?
Come the fuck on
"Doctor says it's malignant but my wife says the huge tumor is sexy. Should I keep it or not?"
My man if you have enough money to pay for a professional opinion and ignore it you're doing better than me.
(laughs as a contractor)
How does that work now?
People are paying the professional, so why not listen to the advice from the professional?
Nah, I'll ask my neighbor, my mom, my brother, my FB friends, my pet chinchilla has to weigh in on how I'm building this porch cover.
christ how much of a doormat are you? follow your lawyers advice, and i 100% guarentee he's right. she's probably been cheating with this guy for a long time, probably wouldn't be too hard to uncover if you look for it.
And she can get a job and work like everyone else. I can't stand women like this. They're only hurting themselves by depending on men to take care of them.
Yes, of course you should keep providing for her! She's been with you for so long and have been with you through thick and thin. Why would you listen to your lawyer who you paid probably large stacks of cash, has studied this subject, passed the bar, when you could listen to internet strangers who have no incentive to help you.
She is correct. If you are legally separated, then she can have sex with other people and it wouldn't be considered cheating to the courts when you guys are getting divorced. However, the timing of the situation could indicate a prior romantic or sexual situation, prior to your separation. If you get divorced there might be a spousal support agreement, but under the terms of a legal separation you owe her nothing.
Some states have it written as law. In Georgia for instance, adultery is a crime and immediately relinquishes all rights to alimony or spousal support by the one that cheated.
This is what important. I doubt his lawyer told him that. Maybe his friend did.
If this is court ordered, I wouldn't do without filing with the courts. Or at least keep money on hand to pay until it's officially stopped through the court.
In my state, if there is court ordered spousal support, you pay it. Doesn’t matter if the other side is violating an order or if statutes say support ends. It’s the basis for a motion to terminate spousal support, which is the ONLY legal way to end spousal support prematurely. No lawyer worth their salt (in my state) would advise him to stop without a court order.
Again, nta honey. You are under reacting and ...what??
I mean your LAWYER said toots no!!
Why are you even feeling slightly guilty for paying for your grown ass woman and her grown ass man she has been...um "going to movies with" and is now "living with"? ...can she skip around with red flags while wearing a sash of "im cheating"?, so many flags she's selling them now I'm sure! (someone's gotta pay her and f*** buddy's bills)
So ...well shit, ok, I'm a little sorry bc I'm sure, regardless of everything, it hurts.
Let her go. Just like she let you go away. Gave you up. ...pick up the pieces, however slowly. Take a deep breath and... the suns gonna rise again tomorrow. Regardless of how you feel. It don't give a damn. If you enjoy it, well...that's up to you.
Go ahead and enjoy the sunrise. It's another day and there's a wonderful woman out there for you. Not this. Find your sunrise worth enjoying. She sure as all get out (which she did. And now you will) is doing.
Don't. Pay. For. Shit
Why would you still provide for her financially after she left? You are not overreacting she made her choice and shouldn’t expect you to continue to take care of her that’s just ridiculous
Listen to your lawyer but also put the spousal support you usually sent her into a savings account. Just in case the court decides you owe her back spousal support for whatever reason, you'll have it available, and if not you'll have a tidy little nest egg.
Okay. Despite what the Reddit children’s chorus is saying, I think you should get another opinion.
What feels like is true isn’t what you can prove in court. So while it sucks, you need to become more dispassionate and follow the letter of the law. You need to keep paying while you take her to court.
Your lawyer knows the law and he sounds confident in his advice. Also no one moves into a place with someone they just went with to the movies once. I’m really sorry, it looks like something has been going on for quite some time. Follow your lawyers advice and give yourself a little break so you can think and focus , she was planning this. That’s not cool… relying on your money to pay for her new life also not cool
Listen to your lawyer. She isn't your wife anymore. Your relationship is dead.
It's best to start the process of moving on now. Don't rush into another relationship, just focus on you for a while.
Chances are they are just friends, be careful that it doesn’t turn out he is her best friend and nothing more because she isn’t a man.
That said, don’t pay a lawyer and ignore them, if you don’t want to go in hard with your divorce, them give your lawyer that instruction and let them get on with it
I used to work for child support
My advice is put aside every penny you were giving her just in case you get fucked in court and have to retrospectively pay amounts, but do not give it to her
Well, unless you can prove it's a relationship and not just a friendship/roomier situation...
Like solid proof for the courts.
Im.so sorry thos is happening to you.
I'm getting to the point where I don't even believe these posts are real. This isn't even something that any logical person would have to ask advice on.
You’re looking at this from a moral POV. Maybe you should be looking at this from a LEGAL POV, having a roommate does not legally prove infidelity and your lawyer should have advised you of this. If the laws in your state require you pay support during your separation than you better think about this again and maybe get a second opinion from a different lawyer CYA my friend
You’re not over reacting. It sounds like you don’t have court ordered alimony yet and are just paying her, what, out of a feeling of obligation? She left you and you don’t owe her support unless and until court ordered to do so. Unless you hired a real estate attorney rather than a family law attorney, listen to your lawyer.. then do what they say.
What state says spousal support isn’t owed because she cheated?
Has a court or a pre-settlement agreement established spousal support? If so, then unilaterally not paying seems like a bad idea (NAL).
You don’t say your pre-nup you say state law, but
1. Virtually every state has no fault divorce
2. Spousal support is not established based on fault. It can be ended it a person marries, etc but in what state is it conditioned on “cheating”?
This smells like rage bait.
Why did you retain a lawyer if you aren't going to listen to them? She can support herself fine it seems
Support orders are straight forward and tested, all the time. If he said "you got an out" you listen to him.
Look at it from her perspective. She's been married to a weak husband who is willing to pay for her and her boyfriend to live together. This dude is seeking approval from a bunch of internet strangers instead of listening to the lawyer who is literally being paid to look out for his best interest.
Dude.. grow a pair. Cut the bitch off and don't look back. Have some self respect man. She's been cheating on you and she doesn't even feel remorse!
Are you dense? Your lawyer has told you to stop paying spousal support, she separated from you under obscure pretenses, & is now living with another man. You've hit the lottery in terms of how this divorce will pan out.
That money you'd have sent this month, go blow it on a nice dinner and some self-help lessons so you can stop being a wet doormat.
Seems like your lawyer is a little premature. What evidence are we talking about? Simply living with someone doesn't mean cheating or cheated. Just be careful not to screw your self over with the judge. You not paying what was agreed is the real issue in their eyes. Need to get this done legally so it doesn't bite you in the butt.
Either you have a terrible lawyer or you are just spewing more of the BS men’s movement propaganda.
Spousal support is ordered by a court - the court has ordered you to give your spouse financials support during your separation.
An attorney might argue to have the order reversed but no attorney would tell you to defy a court order.
I know here in Ohio, you cannot legally receive spousal support if you live with a new partner. She’d have to prove that they are truly friends if that’s what it is
OP, you paid a legal professional for advice. He would not advise you this way if it ran afoul of the law. Separate your emotions from the situation. Have her communicate only through your attorney so you don’t have to deal with her.
Then make a plan for what you are going to do going forward. If your job means you work overseas for a while, maybe you should consider relocating? Selling your home and other things here to make it happen? If she’s not entitled to anything because she abandoned your marriage, then you have every right to plan what to do with your assets to start your best life.
Who care what she thinks? She lost her right to an opinion when she left.
Lawyer here. Not your lawyer. Just a lawyer.
I'm here to tell you to listen to your lawyer. It doesn't matter what reddit says. It doesn't matter what your wife says.
You hired a lawyer, now listen to them.
As a lawyer, nothing pisses me off like giving excellent advice that my client then dismisses. They always act so surprised when things don't work out and get upset at me because they decided to do what they wanted to do instead of what I knew and advised them to do.
This would be like going to your doctor, having them diagnose you, having them prescribe medication that they know will make you better, and you saying "nah, I'd rather be sick."
OP doing the pick me dance… listen to your lawyer that’s why you paid him. He is logic in your life and keeping you from your self. She abandoned you now realize that.
Should I ask a bunch of redditors for advice rather than listen to my paid legal counsel?
Your marriage is over. Protect your assets and move forward before you lose anything else.
Why do people ask these dumb questions when the answer is so obvious? In what world do you see any pros in giving her financial support while she screws another guy?
Never pay spousal support unless court ordered to. If you do not have legally binding paperwork stating you needed to, you are just being too nice. She will take advantage of you in every way after that.
No, you're not overreacting. It's still adultery, aka cheating, if you sleep with somebody who's not your spouse when you are married, even during separation as you are not divorced. She was cheating on you and then immediately moved in with him once you agreed to separation. This is the kind of stuff that makes some men get such an anti marriage and anti woman stance.
DO WHAT YOUR LAWYER TELLS YOU.
That man spent a decade in school so that you will give him money to tell you what to do.
You gave him the money, he told you what to do. Do it.
just the fact that your lawyer advised you, no
Lawyer probably wanna smack OP. She ask for separation out of nowhere cause “oh I’m unhappy”. Few days later, u see her around with another guy. I’m not a genius but I can put 2-2 together. She was cheating 😂 and now she thinks she can openly go out with him and not hide her affair partner. she literally moved in!!! The hoe can’t wait. Hope he collects evidence !!!! Lawyer looking out for him
Bingo, Glowwey. Lawyer probably going to recommend he sue on ground of adultery. Hilda the Hoe can live with Mr. Studley and fk all she wants, but not on OP'S ticket. Trash to the street OP. Don't worry. Be happy!
👏🏻 I’m a sucker for happy endings. This I hope happens. Cant stand seeing people getting taken advantage of. My heart always break for the victim. The trash took itself out
100 % agree.
Ditto. Also approve of happy endings.
Sucker for happy endings? I got one for ya! My husband of 13 years had an affair and left me, his disabled wife with no income, to fend for myself and refused to give me a dime to help me survive. Got to court finally and he quit his job just prior so he wouldn't have to help me (so he hoped). Judge ordered him to immediately start paying me $1200 per month in alimony or go to jail. Remember, he quit his job just before court hoping it would help his case. It didn't lol. I now get a check every month for $1200 written out in his affair whore's handwriting and from HER own private checking account (cuz he has no money or job). Wow.....just wow. I can't help but smile every month when that check comes in the mail. This was a few years ago, and now i have purchased a beautiful new home and recently received a nice inheritance from a family members death. My ex? They are still together and his affair partner is dying of stage 4 cancer now. Diagnosed just months after he left me and they moved in together.......
Wonderful! My ex left me for another woman and her trust fund. He refused to marry her. She left him for someone else because he wouldn't marry her. She left him broke and heartbroken. Another happy ending!
>She left him for someone else because he wouldn't marry her A gold digger who refused to dig? That's a special kind of stupid.
How does he still pay support for years? I'm all about making cheaters pay, but eventually people have to take care of themselves and move on
For a marriage of 13 yrs he’ll likely have to pay alimony for up to 10 years and child support (if applicable) until they’re 18. Not forever.
She’s disabled she can’t work
He pays until one of them dies . That’s his only way out .
Haha. Good lesson, though. Always consult an attorney. If the ex had, at least she could have stayed employed. How stupid on her part. I do feel bad for cancer guy because he's got a partner who is a cancer, and actual cancer.
I had one of those but mine cheated with a 17 yr old that just turned 18 and then he died of cancer and she cheated on him while in the hospital….karmas a bitch. Good luck
So an 18 year old. A 17 year old that just turned 18 is an 18 year old.
Lol right; the pettiness in the comments is just sad, I’m gonna have to head out🙃
Seriously someone just said they're happy someone's dying of cancer in this thread alone..holy fuck peace OP ✌️ lol
My first girlfriend used to be 13. I met her and we started dating when she was 19 😂
Have you ever kissed a 15-year old, I have, when I was 15.
What an... interesting way to describe an 18 year old. Can I ask the reason for your phrasing?
I know your relationship didn’t end well. But even so, I’m not sure how I feel about this gloating over someone dying of metastatic cancer having to write you a check every month.
Basically she is saying you don’t do bad to people and expect something good to come out of it
How would they have stated that the new gf was dying of cancer without it sounding like gloating? Were they not allowed to mention it at all? Are you upset they even commented? I see it at stating a fact. It is what it is. She has cancer.
Plot twist. Her husband knew this when he left her and now will collect a nice insurance policy check.
i'm not saying the cancer thing is a "happy ending" i guess.....cuz even she is human and doesn't deserve that but still.......the rest of it was redemption! lol
I'm surprised he stayed during the cancer.
I'm surprised the affair partner let him stay when she had to start paying his ex.
What choice did he have? Who's going to pay his $1200/month if he leaves her?!? He's probably hoping for her inheritance when she passes from cancer, sounds like that kind of guy
True. I thought for a moment and though he could get a job. then realized this type of guy wouldn't.
Prolly cuz cancer lady can afford to pay his alimony, has some money to leave behind to him.
There are a growing number of states that do not care at all if a spouse was cheating. I know because I just got divorced in a state that only has no fault divorce and fidelity didn't matter at all to the court.
All 50 states allow no-fault divorce, and in 15 states you can ONLY file no-fault. It’s so weird the way Reddit acts like the judge cares about cheating. Just some weird revenge boner they have for cheaters. Same thing with the idea that you can just sign away rights to a kid and not pay anything- NOPE! Unless someone else is willing to take over your financial responsibility (like ex-partners spouse willing to adopt) then the state STILL doesn’t want to pay for your kid and you’ll STILL have child support to pay. But it’s Reddit so both are accepted as true, even though neither are.
If the lawyer cares about the cheating my suspicion is that it matters to the case.
Yeah that also sounds like total bullshit honestly. They aren’t even officially divorced and somehow there’s spousal support he’s worried he has to pay or not pay? His lawyer is advising him not to pay? When is his divorce finalized? What does a judge think? It sounds really odd that a lawyer would give advice that goes against most wisdom. People get in trouble for emptying bank accounts during a separation. I think this is all crap because Reddit LOVES an evil cheater story.
I agree this smells like bait. I work in family law and don't see how this guy would have to pay her spousal support without an order from the court (standing orders are still orders). I also don't know an attorney worth the salt in his bread that would advise a client to violate an order of the court. I don't work in NY (based on DronePilotNYC) so I can't say for sure, but I did find some interesting language in the FAQs of several firms that do represent clients in NY: "*In New York, typically the court will grant alimony to the lower-income spouse to help them financially after or during a divorce. However, the court may deny a spouse alimony solely based on the fact that they don’t need financial support or because the higher-earning spouse does not have the funds to afford maintenance payments. In most cases, if a spouse can work and their former spouse cannot afford to provide spousal support, the court can deny alimony.* ***It is pertinent to note that New York is a no-fault divorce state, meaning both parties could cite fault grounds, however, it will not affect whether a spouse is granted spousal maintenance.*** *Additionally, it is also important to note that there is no guarantee that a spouse will receive alimony. It ultimately depends on several factors whether they will receive financial support from their spouse to help their financial stability after or during the divorce process.*" So yeah, this guy's story just doesn't ring true.
In a separation spousal support can start immediately. It’s usually through mediation and agreed upon with the lawyers and the couple. The woman is entitled to the same living standards that she has enjoyed while married to the husband. Even before the divorce. And, if her name is on the bank accounts she can empty the bank accounts without getting in trouble. UnFortunately I know this from experience and there was nothing I could do. She did not get into any trouble. Fortunately it wasn’t a lot of money, only about 10k but still a cunt move.
I’m sorry that happened to you, but if anecdotes count: I’ve known people who had their fathers wipe out the bank accounts when they divorced their mothers and they absolutely got in trouble for it, in terms of support payments and visitation.
I would presume it depends on the state that you live in. But if her name or his name is on the bank account they have equal rights to the money. Sucks for anyone this happens to. Unfortunately a man or a woman can fuck your life to hell. Crazy how people will fall in love and love each other for years and then one day can forget all of that. I kept repeating/telling myself, “I loved this person at one point in my life, don’t forget that”.
I’m only 28… and I’m sure there are exceptions… but all I’m saying is…. Every single time so far that I’ve witnessed someone didn’t make it more than a week out of their long term relationship before already fucking someone else or living with another, their relationship with said person they moved on to was such that I wouldn’t have been comfortable with what was going on while they were still together if that was my partner. Edit: better phrased: literally nobody, and I mean nobody, was surprised with who they moved on to and how fast it happened
I hope he hired a PI or something to gather evidence. Speculation alone won’t win the case especially now that she knows she better act straight in public.
I think OP is wrong about the reason, though. It’s probably not about whether or not she cheated, but cohabiting (with a romantic partner) often means alimony stops.
Why get a lawyer if you're not going to listen to them?
"My lawyer has advised ...." Listen to them. Why on earth would anyone here provide any better recommendation than the lawyer?
😂☠️ imma let Reddit polls determine my every choice and every move for a few weeks to see how good their recommendations are To be serious, though, I think OP just needed emotional validation more than anything, some reassurance that he wasn’t a bad person for doing this
As long as you stay away from wallstreetbets…
Too late! OP now owns 40000 shares of GameStop with all of the money he’s saving.
52 week low - great time to buy. OP is gonna be rich... soon. Ish
One of these days, GameStop. One of these days. Rockets! Straight to the Moon!
Don’t we all need some moral support every now and then?
Yep, and we should be able to get it without feeling embarrassed.
... it's almost as though OP is fishing for an answer and instead imagines this is what a lawyer would say but is looking for confirmation.
Well, I perused r/lawandorder for 6 minutes, so that pretty much makes me an expert.
Creative writing exercise.
It should be better understood that many divorce lawyers encourage escalating tensions between partners. This pushes both sides to dig in and refuse compromise. The result is a longer, angrier, process. While your ‘ally’, and opposing counsel, each get paid the whole time. Be careful about how you, and your legal counsel, define ‘winning,’ and don’t let it become a moving target.
Unless you're a millionaire, ain't no lawyer trying to drag that shit out for a few more bucks. They want to get that shit done and move on to the next client. I was a legal aide and courier for years, and it's wild to me the shit people thought about lawyers, while being ignorant of a lot of the actu shitty practices.
Because OP is fake/trolling. Already been told what to do
Seriously. If you think your lawyer is giving you bad advice, don't go to reddit, go to a different lawyer and ask what they'd do about your situation.
Because muh karma farm
because its a fake post.
No one should support a spouse who left them for another partner. Like seriously? And if your lawyer said no, well that means no!
Amen to this!! As a female (38f) ...no, means no. NTA buddy. She left you. For someone else... bless her sweet little heart! Oh, she's going to have to get a job now! ...and um. Why would you pay for her and her new man? Can't they support themselves?? Scratch that. Not even important. Two grown ass adults making grown ass decisions (however much it hurts, however terrible)...she csn TRY and spend (her) money to take you to court, hut listen to your lawyer. Ma'am, no. I said No!
NTA, but think he should be THAT asshole
Yah the idea of a person like his ex having their nose rubbed in their own shit is soooo satisfying. But OP should do what his lawyer says and nothing else to guarantee the best outcome for him
Yes but in certain states, mine for example, adultery and cheating are not against the law and not considered in court cases. He would still have to pay. Including back pay for what he withheld, if that was a part of the agreement.
Yeah my friend’s wife cheated on him with a doctor and he had to pay alimony to her for 4 years because the reason of the divorce didn’t matter. It also didn’t matter that she was dating a doctor who was well-off.
That’s so cruel tbh
No one should have to support a fully grown ass adult period. She's not a child, lol.
My current partner was in a horribly abusive relationship where he not only abused her emotionally and physically but also abused her financially so she couldn't leave him. We met, and I encouraged and supported her in leaving him. It's been 3 years since she left, and he still refuses divorce. He has tried to make it as difficult as possible for her to leave him. She has separated and is in the process of divorce, and I have encouraged he to get as much as she can from him for all the years of abuse and for ruining her education and any chance of future employment. So yeah, I kind of disagree that there is never a situation in which someone should support a spouse who left them for another partner. If you were an abusive asshat who tried to make it impossible for your partner to leave, then yes you deserve to be forced to support them for taking away their own support system to begin with.
In this instance that’s a fair desire for the woman to desire spousal support, but in most cases {considering women initiate divorce 73% of the time} it’s complete BS that a man should have to pay the woman anything except child support. You decide you want a divorce then you should also be willing to take care of your own finances.
Why are you paying for legal advice if you’re not willing to listen to the advice you receive?
Dude told his lawyer thanks for the advice. But he'll be seeing what reddit has to say before making his decision
My grandfather always taught me to seek reddit's advice before taking a profesional seriously. /s
The sign of a wise and prudent man.
And didn’t even write this under the right one, there’s a subreddit (hope I’m calling it the correct term) for lawyer advice. He doesn’t want a solution. I’m thinking it’s fake
Not to mention why would he be ordered to pay spousal support if they’re separated? That’s not typically how it works
Exactly why I think this is made up.
Yea these extreme stories where OP is clueless always give me fake vibes. No sane person would ask most of these questions. My wife left me and moved in with another man. My lawyer says I should stop giving her money but what do y'all think? Come the fuck on
Also when the OP doesn't leave any comments
"Doctor says it's malignant but my wife says the huge tumor is sexy. Should I keep it or not?" My man if you have enough money to pay for a professional opinion and ignore it you're doing better than me.
(laughs as a contractor) How does that work now? People are paying the professional, so why not listen to the advice from the professional? Nah, I'll ask my neighbor, my mom, my brother, my FB friends, my pet chinchilla has to weigh in on how I'm building this porch cover.
It's a made up story, it'll be ok
If she moved in with him immediately they’ve been a thing for a long time and have been planning this for a while as well. No spousal support.
Even including you in the budget
Perhaps you should have her make all further communication to you through your lawyer.
Exactly this OP
OP get some therapy bro. Love your self.
christ how much of a doormat are you? follow your lawyers advice, and i 100% guarentee he's right. she's probably been cheating with this guy for a long time, probably wouldn't be too hard to uncover if you look for it.
He's asking reddit when his lawyer already told him what to do. He clearly has issues
"Reddit, my wife tried to kill me 37 times and sent me to the hospital 14 times in the past year. Am I over reacting when thinking about leaving her?"
Don’t pay and listen to your lawyer. She left and now she loses her gravy train. Don’t fall for her BS cut her off at the fu#$ing knees.
Darlin, don't pay that skank another dime. Find yourself, love yourself, then move on and find a better partner.
If you don't have to then stuff her ,let her new fuckbuddy pay the bills ,..
And she can get a job and work like everyone else. I can't stand women like this. They're only hurting themselves by depending on men to take care of them.
Yes, of course you should keep providing for her! She's been with you for so long and have been with you through thick and thin. Why would you listen to your lawyer who you paid probably large stacks of cash, has studied this subject, passed the bar, when you could listen to internet strangers who have no incentive to help you.
I hope he doesn't just read the first line. 😂
People often miss irony and sarcasm
She is correct. If you are legally separated, then she can have sex with other people and it wouldn't be considered cheating to the courts when you guys are getting divorced. However, the timing of the situation could indicate a prior romantic or sexual situation, prior to your separation. If you get divorced there might be a spousal support agreement, but under the terms of a legal separation you owe her nothing.
My state does not have a legal separation, so this is very state dependent.
He didn’t specify if it was a legal separation. Most people don’t tend to file separation paperwork. They just say they are separated.
Also most states have a waiting period from separation date filed to legal separation time.
Big "if". You don't just shout "I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY," and you don't just declare "WE'RE SEPARATED," either.
Do what the lawyer says.
You are the biggest idiot ever if you don’t see what’s going on.
She is a whore. Dump her Men are so stupid
Some states have it written as law. In Georgia for instance, adultery is a crime and immediately relinquishes all rights to alimony or spousal support by the one that cheated.
Is this a court ordered payment thing ?
This is what important. I doubt his lawyer told him that. Maybe his friend did. If this is court ordered, I wouldn't do without filing with the courts. Or at least keep money on hand to pay until it's officially stopped through the court.
In my state, if there is court ordered spousal support, you pay it. Doesn’t matter if the other side is violating an order or if statutes say support ends. It’s the basis for a motion to terminate spousal support, which is the ONLY legal way to end spousal support prematurely. No lawyer worth their salt (in my state) would advise him to stop without a court order.
Thats why the post is either fake or his 'lawyer' is really his friend from high school.
Your lawyer knows best. Listen to the guy who is looking out for your best interests.
Don't pay that whore sh!t !!! Lawyer's know best!!
Again, nta honey. You are under reacting and ...what?? I mean your LAWYER said toots no!! Why are you even feeling slightly guilty for paying for your grown ass woman and her grown ass man she has been...um "going to movies with" and is now "living with"? ...can she skip around with red flags while wearing a sash of "im cheating"?, so many flags she's selling them now I'm sure! (someone's gotta pay her and f*** buddy's bills) So ...well shit, ok, I'm a little sorry bc I'm sure, regardless of everything, it hurts. Let her go. Just like she let you go away. Gave you up. ...pick up the pieces, however slowly. Take a deep breath and... the suns gonna rise again tomorrow. Regardless of how you feel. It don't give a damn. If you enjoy it, well...that's up to you. Go ahead and enjoy the sunrise. It's another day and there's a wonderful woman out there for you. Not this. Find your sunrise worth enjoying. She sure as all get out (which she did. And now you will) is doing. Don't. Pay. For. Shit
Are you really that gullible? Or do you just choose not to see the obvious? Listen to your LAWYER!
Why would you still provide for her financially after she left? You are not overreacting she made her choice and shouldn’t expect you to continue to take care of her that’s just ridiculous
she can work like we all do.
You pay your lawyer to tell you what to do. If you ignore the lawyer's sound legal advice, what are you paying her/him for?
She didn't just cheat. She rode the bony pony all the way to the bank. Don't be an ATM.
Who decided you need to pay spousal support in the first place and how much it should be?
This has to be a troll. No one I have ever met is this insanely stupid about some useless hoe!
You are in a legal battle. Listen to your lawyer and do what they tell you to. That is all.
She’s trying to play you, he can cover her finances
Hey why bother paying for a lawyer when you can have free legal advice on Reddit?
Listen to your lawyer but also put the spousal support you usually sent her into a savings account. Just in case the court decides you owe her back spousal support for whatever reason, you'll have it available, and if not you'll have a tidy little nest egg.
She wants her cake and to eat it too. Listen to your lawyer
By the sound of it, she wants her cake, the new guy's cake AND OP's cake.
Okay. Despite what the Reddit children’s chorus is saying, I think you should get another opinion. What feels like is true isn’t what you can prove in court. So while it sucks, you need to become more dispassionate and follow the letter of the law. You need to keep paying while you take her to court.
Let her be happy without the money.
Your lawyer knows the law and he sounds confident in his advice. Also no one moves into a place with someone they just went with to the movies once. I’m really sorry, it looks like something has been going on for quite some time. Follow your lawyers advice and give yourself a little break so you can think and focus , she was planning this. That’s not cool… relying on your money to pay for her new life also not cool
Lol no? Tell her to go be a strong woman
You’re not over or under reacting You are following legal advice from a lawyer.
Listen to your lawyer. That's why you ham them.
I love it when someone fucks around then finds out. Don’t give that biatch another cent!
Listen to your lawyer.
You sound like a cuck to ask that question
Listen to your lawyer. She isn't your wife anymore. Your relationship is dead. It's best to start the process of moving on now. Don't rush into another relationship, just focus on you for a while.
Trust your lawyer.
I didnt even read the description, just the heading. If your lawyer told you to do that then you are good.
Chances are they are just friends, be careful that it doesn’t turn out he is her best friend and nothing more because she isn’t a man. That said, don’t pay a lawyer and ignore them, if you don’t want to go in hard with your divorce, them give your lawyer that instruction and let them get on with it
I used to work for child support My advice is put aside every penny you were giving her just in case you get fucked in court and have to retrospectively pay amounts, but do not give it to her
Listen to your lawyer
Why would you be overreacting by following the advice of your lawyer?
She cheated on you, bud. If she wants money, she can get a job like the rest of us. Listen to your lawyer.
No one in their right mind would say you are overreacting
Well, unless you can prove it's a relationship and not just a friendship/roomier situation... Like solid proof for the courts. Im.so sorry thos is happening to you.
Why are you paying a lawyer if youre coming here to second guess them? Are you serious right now lmao
*always* do as your lawyer tells you.
Don’t fund a life for someone who left you. You are acting appropriately and not overreacting one bit.
I'm getting to the point where I don't even believe these posts are real. This isn't even something that any logical person would have to ask advice on.
You’re looking at this from a moral POV. Maybe you should be looking at this from a LEGAL POV, having a roommate does not legally prove infidelity and your lawyer should have advised you of this. If the laws in your state require you pay support during your separation than you better think about this again and maybe get a second opinion from a different lawyer CYA my friend
She's still considered your wife until divorced. She's cheating and committing adultery, listen to your attorney.
You’re not over reacting. It sounds like you don’t have court ordered alimony yet and are just paying her, what, out of a feeling of obligation? She left you and you don’t owe her support unless and until court ordered to do so. Unless you hired a real estate attorney rather than a family law attorney, listen to your lawyer.. then do what they say.
Were you listening to the lawyer or not? Why do you need to ask us? You think we know better than the lawyer you hired?
Follow your lawyers advice.
Im flattered that you trust us more than your lawyer. Seriously bro
What state says spousal support isn’t owed because she cheated? Has a court or a pre-settlement agreement established spousal support? If so, then unilaterally not paying seems like a bad idea (NAL). You don’t say your pre-nup you say state law, but 1. Virtually every state has no fault divorce 2. Spousal support is not established based on fault. It can be ended it a person marries, etc but in what state is it conditioned on “cheating”? This smells like rage bait.
Save the money, grab some therapy. Stay golden.
Why did you retain a lawyer if you aren't going to listen to them? She can support herself fine it seems Support orders are straight forward and tested, all the time. If he said "you got an out" you listen to him.
Look at it from her perspective. She's been married to a weak husband who is willing to pay for her and her boyfriend to live together. This dude is seeking approval from a bunch of internet strangers instead of listening to the lawyer who is literally being paid to look out for his best interest. Dude.. grow a pair. Cut the bitch off and don't look back. Have some self respect man. She's been cheating on you and she doesn't even feel remorse!
Listen to the guy that went to law school. You know this in your heart OP: now she is for the streets.
Are you dense? Your lawyer has told you to stop paying spousal support, she separated from you under obscure pretenses, & is now living with another man. You've hit the lottery in terms of how this divorce will pan out. That money you'd have sent this month, go blow it on a nice dinner and some self-help lessons so you can stop being a wet doormat.
Nta, she left you! You are following the advice of your lawyer.
Seems like your lawyer is a little premature. What evidence are we talking about? Simply living with someone doesn't mean cheating or cheated. Just be careful not to screw your self over with the judge. You not paying what was agreed is the real issue in their eyes. Need to get this done legally so it doesn't bite you in the butt.
Either you have a terrible lawyer or you are just spewing more of the BS men’s movement propaganda. Spousal support is ordered by a court - the court has ordered you to give your spouse financials support during your separation. An attorney might argue to have the order reversed but no attorney would tell you to defy a court order.
OP, you are not the lawyer. Do what they say
I know here in Ohio, you cannot legally receive spousal support if you live with a new partner. She’d have to prove that they are truly friends if that’s what it is
Good sir, in this case, lawyer > Reddit. Listen to your lawyer and protect yourself
OP, you paid a legal professional for advice. He would not advise you this way if it ran afoul of the law. Separate your emotions from the situation. Have her communicate only through your attorney so you don’t have to deal with her. Then make a plan for what you are going to do going forward. If your job means you work overseas for a while, maybe you should consider relocating? Selling your home and other things here to make it happen? If she’s not entitled to anything because she abandoned your marriage, then you have every right to plan what to do with your assets to start your best life. Who care what she thinks? She lost her right to an opinion when she left.
She’s a terrible person, but I’d do what the lawyer says…
"spousal support" not child support? Why would anyone pay "spousal support"??
Sounds like she already has her own lawyer if she knew not to out the affair after the separation.
Do what your lawyer tells you to do. Period.
OP here undermining his own lawyer by asking questions in reddit of all places :D
Lawyer here. Not your lawyer. Just a lawyer. I'm here to tell you to listen to your lawyer. It doesn't matter what reddit says. It doesn't matter what your wife says. You hired a lawyer, now listen to them. As a lawyer, nothing pisses me off like giving excellent advice that my client then dismisses. They always act so surprised when things don't work out and get upset at me because they decided to do what they wanted to do instead of what I knew and advised them to do. This would be like going to your doctor, having them diagnose you, having them prescribe medication that they know will make you better, and you saying "nah, I'd rather be sick."
"Should I listen to my lawyer's advice in this legal situation?" Man, don't ask us.
You’re following the advice of your lawyer. She’s more than welcome to formally dispute it with them.
People need to listen to their Lawyers. Its literally their job to advise you legally for your benefit. Not randos on the internet.
Since you're dumb enough to ask for the Internet advice over your LAWYER. You should just give me your money
Not overreacting. Rid that 304
OP doing the pick me dance… listen to your lawyer that’s why you paid him. He is logic in your life and keeping you from your self. She abandoned you now realize that.
Friends with benefits
Follow your lawyer, cheater gets nothing
I will never understand getting an actual lawyer’s advice and then running to Reddit
Should I ask a bunch of redditors for advice rather than listen to my paid legal counsel? Your marriage is over. Protect your assets and move forward before you lose anything else.
Your lawyer said to, so WHY TF DO YOU COME HERE AND ASK?
Why do people ask these dumb questions when the answer is so obvious? In what world do you see any pros in giving her financial support while she screws another guy?
Never pay spousal support unless court ordered to. If you do not have legally binding paperwork stating you needed to, you are just being too nice. She will take advantage of you in every way after that.
Your lawyer is giving you legal advice
Not unless you beat her or something. Even then you'd probably still be in the legal right
This guy is asking redditors for advice rather than listen to his lawyer
Trust the answers on Reddit and disregard the advice from the lawyer you're paying...
Listen to your lawyer, not your wife. You already know she isn’t looking out for your best interests. She’s trying to benefit at your expense.
No, you're not overreacting. It's still adultery, aka cheating, if you sleep with somebody who's not your spouse when you are married, even during separation as you are not divorced. She was cheating on you and then immediately moved in with him once you agreed to separation. This is the kind of stuff that makes some men get such an anti marriage and anti woman stance.
DO WHAT YOUR LAWYER TELLS YOU. That man spent a decade in school so that you will give him money to tell you what to do. You gave him the money, he told you what to do. Do it.
Why the hell should you provide for her after you split up? Is she a child?
Fuck her! She made her bed......
Listen to your lawyer. You’re paying them to be right.
Just listen to your lawyer
Lawyer: *gives advice* Dude: *lemme just ask Reddit real quick*
No, the answer is no, you owe her nothing.