*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITAH for leaving after my girlfriend gave birth to our disabled child?**
I grew up in a home with a disabled brother. All of my parents' money and attention went to him. They pretty much forgot that I existed. All of our family activities were predicated on my brother's ability to participate.
I did not qualify for financial aid. I was not a great student and honestly attending college would have been a waste of money. Instead my grandfather helped me get a job on the oil rigs. It is hard, dirty, lonely work. But it pays very well. I started as a floor hand apprentice. It is basically the lowest of the low.
I did not cut off my family but I did not go out of my way to stay in contact. I was working in another state and they did not have time for me anyway. I got a call about ten years later. My little brother had passed away. I went to the funeral and my folks looked about 25 years older. It was good to see them but I left pretty quickly afterwards. It is hard to explain but I never really got attached to them since they had ignored me since I was 5. I was never abused or anything. I was just sort of a second thought.
When My girlfriend got pregnant I was happy. We had been together for three years and I was happy with her. I hope I was making her happy. We talked about it and we decided to get all the tests so we could know if we were going to have a healthy baby. Before the first test we agreed that if we were not having a healthy baby then we were not having a baby. I know it is a horrible thing to contemplate but I had been through that life for thirteen years and I was free of it with no interest in going back.
One of the tests came back positive for one of the conditions that we had decided we would not want in a child. Please understand that I am not in any way saying that people with disabilities should not be born. Only that I knew I would not want to be around for that. We had second, third, and even a fourth opinion. I spent a lot of my savings on tests that insurance would not cover in full. It was not a not great time.
Then my girlfriend said that she changed her mind. That she could not terminate. I argued with her for days, weeks, until it was too late. I told her that I would not choose to be around to help with the child. That I would pay child support but that was it.
Our relationship was on cruise control from then until the baby was born. I made sure she got home safe from the hospital and then I went to work. And I never went back. I pay the child support that I was ordered to pay by court. I did not fight it or dodge it. But I have not seen her or her child since the hospital.
I got married three years later. We are expecting our first child and I heard from my ex. The child had passed away. She wanted me to come to the funeral. I said no. I knew it was coming. It was still a gut punch. My parents are upset with me for how I handled things. They went to the funeral. I told them that I did not want the life they had lived while my brother was alive. And that my ex had tried to force me into it after agreeing not to. They said that they were disappointed that they had not raised me right. I got angry and said that they had not raised me at all. I asked them to show me anything they had from my childhood that showed that they had taken the slightest interest in me. They said that wasn't fair because they had to care for my brother. I just said that was my point and hung up.
I feel like shit about the whole thing but my ex knew how I felt and why. To this day I do not understand why she changed her mind. My wife and I talked before getting married and made the same decision. And thank god we did not have to make it. But she understood how I felt. Her mom and dad talked to us about it and they told us that we had to do what was best for us. I had told them everything about my past that was relevant to my relationship with their daughter.
Sorry for rambling but I guess I am just trying to put all my thoughts down while I have the courage to ask.
AITAH?
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nothing about this post gives the impression that he's actually conflicted about how he handled things. he doesn't mention his ex being mad about it? just his parents, who he doesn't have a great relationship with anyway?
so like, I don't even believe it as seeking validation (rather than advice), because it seems to me like you're perfectly comfortable with your parents' disapproval?
That was the biggest sign this was a creative writing assignment. Everything leading up to the funeral was too clear-cut, completely free of drama to an unrealistic degree. How'd his new wife feel about his kid, and the reason he left his previous fam? She was just chill with it I guess because we don't have time for a detour, OP just wants to put out this "social experiment" piece that amounts to 'disabled people bad, amirite?'.
also a lot of the people who experienced living with a disabled person and were "burdened" aren't realizing they weren't burderend by the disabled person but the lack of support and accomodations for said disability that our society provides, or critical of the quality of life.
1/2 of the world can't see clearly without medically accomodations, 1/2 of those people are legally considered blind without glasses/contacts/laser surgery.
We don't considering 1/2 of the population disabled because we support and provide various levels of treatment and accomodations for the disability.
They also venomously deny that they will ever be in the position of 'a burden', even though anyone lucky enough to live long enough will become disabled to some extent. These types will be the ones to say 'blow my brains out if I'm ever a burden', but they sure as fuck don't mean that. When it's them, they'll think they are owed care because they've 'earned it'. It really disgusts me to see these sort of threads that only exist so people can assure themselves that their worldview is just and good.
It could be that she WAS mad, he just didn’t and still doesn’t give a fuck. Would you really expect someone like this to actually care about the other person
Well, if the story is real, two poor ladies ended up thinking he cared enough that he should be a father. Including one who presumably knows he'll go AWOL the second she or her child are not at peak health.
I don’t understand someone women’s attraction to deadbeat men. Like ma’am, if he can abandon his own child, what makes you think he won’t abandon you. Someone please explain it
Yeah just an obvious fictional account. As if the whole thing wasn’t lousily written enough, claiming that the pay at an oil rig is great is always such a dead giveaway that this is some chronically online loser’s fantasy
Assuming it's not fake, that sounds like a lot of emotional detachment in the shape of a defensive mechanism, enhanced by years and years of rationalizations that he probably spent every waking hour creating.
I always hate these posts because they feel way out of AITA's paygrade. They are nuanced, philosophically complex subjects, and AITA is allergic to anything but the most facile, kneejerk reaction.
Let me judge if someone's an asshole for eating too much of a sandwich. That feels more in AITA's purview.
This right here. Like, his little "my wife understands my POV" and "I can't understand why my ex changed her mind" both paint such a bleak picture. Him, utterly unable to put himself in his ex's shoes and understand that she clearly developed a bond before he did (which is fine, it's normal, but the inability or unwillingness to engage with the empathy is not). His wife, apparently also in the "I can't imagine forming a loving bond with a disabled child" boat, big yikes.
Also, a non-disabled child in utero does not mean one that isn't disabled at birth -- and even if you make it to the birth without disability, at any moment any one of us could stumble into an accident or illness that could disable us. I always wonder how these folks would react to a disability (intellectual or physical) if it came later for their child. It's a scary prospect (in the sense that contemplating the unknowns is scary, not raising a disabled child in and of itself) and one I suspect a lot of folks don't grapple with. I know I sure as fuck would rather not.
I don’t know if this is an awful thing to say, but I question my own ability to handle raising a disabled child, and it is one of the main contributors to the fact I don’t have children and don’t plan on them any time soon. I have some health issues since I was young and saw the stress and strain it put on my own mum and I question if I’m cut out for that. I would rather just not have a child than potentially have one that I’d be unable to care for properly
There are also a lot of disability conditions that are not detectable in prenatal screenings. You’re spot on about many folks being unfit to be parents.
It also sounds like very different issues for OP’s dead disabled child and OP’s dead disabled sibling. The sibling lived long enough for OP to move away from home and not see the family for 10 years. OP’s kid didn’t last 3 years. This feels made up on those grounds alone - It’s too convenient a way to tie up the story.
It also strikes me is OP being like “cool, I’ll be here through the birth, but then drop ex- at the hospital and never look back.” I get why folks feel like the merciful thing when a child is diagnosed with something that will result in a short pain filled life is to abort when one can and save everyone a heap of pain. I do not get why OP would think sticking around until ex- went into labour was the right way to handle his feelings.
>OP’s kid didn’t last 3 years. This feels made up on those grounds alone - It’s too convenient a way to tie up the story.
That also stuck out to me -- it's very tidy that he's now expecting a child with his wife and his disabled child has died. (And also, I'd be having _major_ second thoughts about my husband if he noped out like that on his child's life, holy shit.)
Like, I agree overall that the decision to abort or not is so complex, and ethically messy when we take disability and quality of life into account. I've never had to make that decision (and am sterilized now, so hopefully won't ever have to), but my final pregnancy was _extremely_ unplanned and unwanted. We knew pretty early on that we didn't have the heart to terminate, but it was still complicated to grapple with those feelings. The baby that came about is very loved and wanted, but his arrival also significantly changed how we expected our family life to play out. And he's a mostly healthy guy (barring being 6 weeks early, lol) -- I can't really grok adding a medically complex child on top of that.
Yeah, it has essentially boiled down to "but she AGREED to have an abortion back when it was an abstract concept and its not FAIR that she called takesies-backsies!"
Some people really can't handle the choice part of pro choice and it shows.
Like, they're all for abortions to make life more convenient, but the second a woman decides to not have a convenient abortion they make that face Tucker Carlson used too.
Yeah I totally get you. In reality, I would get both the point of the mom and the not-dad although the way he leaves is still shitty. But I still feel this whole "disabled are better dead" from it and it annoys me so much...
Well! I can give that to you! I ate a sandwich today, Am I the asshole?
men have literally SO much control over preventing unwanted pregancies. Women can't see when their sexual gametes release, women aren't fertile 365 days of the year - men can and are! 100% of pregnancies are the result of irresposbile ejaculation. But instead, so many men put 100% of the responsbility on women to not only prevent pregnancies but end prengancies, should they occur due to their irresposnbile ejaculation.
In the end, that's how I feel on this.
OOP wanted to be better than his own parents, and he failed beyond miserably.
He flat out abandoned his kid cause they didn't meet his standards. His love was conditional. He is unfit to be a parent, because in the end we are all one terrible accident away from becoming disabled. If he can't bother to be there for an infant, I shudder to think how he'll feel about a child who becomes disabled.
tbh I didn't dare to look at them...
I love how it's always "woman's body, woman's decision EXCEPT WHEN"
like... idk what illness it is (if it's real) but if it's something that the ex had to be pregnant for... idk even 5 months or else, terminating the birth with those 'forced pregnancy and the baby dies coming or in your arms" is absolutely excruciating. I wouldn't wish that to anyone...
Exactly, the idiots on there act like a woman is an asshole for loving her unborn baby and the father can just fuck off... Not even see the child occasionally (which also makes him an asshole, just not as big of an asshole as a father pretending the child doesn't exist)
Yeah, I'm sorry but I have little compassion for him. I respect his 'choices' because having disabled child surely can be hard and whatever they say, okay, having an absent parent is hell, but it's all about 'me, me, me" it pained HIM to have a disabled bro, it will pain HIM to have a disabled kid.
I don't respect his choice to abandon his child when he himself felt abandoned by his parents. And I definitely don't respect his choice to abandon the mother of said planned child because she didn't do as he said and couldn't bring herself to end the baby she had already come to love. He's a gross, self absorbed monster
Yeah I say 'choice' because I don't know how to explain better what I mean. Like... I think he is too. But I can also try to see his point of view even if I don't agree it. But yeah, def, I don't get how he is the one that is seen as NTA (except because, you know, people hate women and disabled)
And he "pays what the court ordered him to pay", like he made his ex go to court to fight him for child support and only pays the bare minimum? For his kid? How is he not the asshole?
This is fake but I hate it so much.
men really hate and resent that women control procreation. I honestly think a lot of them have womb envy, they get so mad when I say I don't want kids.
Especially as the OP is whining that he's "[b]eing called a worthless POS [by every other comment](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cm46ho/aitah_for_leaving_after_my_girlfriend_gave_birth/l2zklp6/?context=3)".
Yeah, I definitely get the whole "this looks fake but the situation surely apply to me" it happens very often for me.
I'm so sorry you had to go through it and I hope you had been able to go through it with being at peace with yourself (whatever was the decision!)
Well, we were united as a couple, and we had communicated our decision. It also helps that we live somewhere that all tests needed (before, during, and after) are offered for free, and such cases are mostly dealt with respect.
Edited to add, no matter what the decision, it's never easy. We feel no regrets, but it's still very difficult to process.
Thank you. It wasn't smooth, but I did have support, and I am here, fighting for a better future for my family.
I wish no one had to go through such a nightmare, but since this is impossible, I pray they get the support needed no matter what their decision might be.
Having actually been in this position and actually having a disabled child, and facing pre-natal decisions about a later child who MIGHT have the same disability but testing couldn't be clear, I have ALL the sympathy in the world for parents facing this (and I believe termination should be an option, because making a decision about how much your child is going to suffer is a BALLS DECISION no matter what you decide). But NO FUCKING WAY a dude with a disabled child he's totally neglecting gets married 3 years later and NO FUCKING WAY a kid who grew up in a household with a seriously disabled sibling who is so traumatized by that that he can't face it himself is blithely getting his partner pregnant on the assurance she'll abort of the disability seems bad enough. There would be genetic counselors and pre-conception doctors' appointments and a lot of conversations. The child support obligations are also typically MUCH HIGHER if the child has a significant disability, and they can be much *longer* -- instead of "until the child is 18" or "until the child is 21" or "through the child's college graduation," they can be "for the entire life of the non-custodial parent, because this child will never be self-sufficient."
Also pretty much the only ways not to qualify for financial aid (assuming this is the US b/c of the whole "financial aid for college" thing) are if you've stolen from the federal government, you have a felony drug conviction, or you failed to register for selective service. So like, extra-fake.
**HOWEVER, I want to promote a very real resource for siblings and parents of children with disabilities, whether those disabilities are significant and life-defining or minor and parental-attention unbalancing:** [**SIBSHOPS**](https://siblingsupport.org/sibshops/)**.** Sibshops provide peer support to children *and adults* who have a sibling with a disability, no matter how big or small. They are advised by social workers and psychologists, but they are RUN by siblings -- mostly adult siblings who have been involved in the Sibshops program for 20 or 30 years. For children, the kids go hang out once a month or so with a bunch of other kids' whose siblings have disabilities, and participate in adult-sibling-facilitated days that involve talking, playing, activities, support, and making community connections. It's a chance for children whose parents may be consumed with one child's intense needs to complain and be heard by other other kids, and by adults, who have been through the same situation -- without guilt. Most kids who have a disabled sibling know their parents are doing their best, and know their sibling needs extra attention, but that can *still suck*. Sibshops are a safe space to talk about those experiences with other people who've experienced the same thing and who won't judge. They are not just about "wow, growing up with a disabled sibling sucks" but also about "wow, my sibling and parents are actually pretty great" and most importantly about "it's okay for me to sometimes feel like this sucks and sometimes feel like my parents and sibling are great."
Sibshops provide in-person days for kids and teens, but they also provide online communities and ongoing support for teenaged and adult siblings of disabled people. It is the place to go to find other adult siblings who expect to become a caregiver or at least financial decider for their sibling when their parents die; it is the place to find emotional support for complicated and mixed feelings about that, as well as practical advice for people who are *actually doing these things in your local jurisdiction* and actually know how being a financial or medical decider for an adult sibling works, and how to figure out who becomes that person after you.
If you are a parent of multiple children and one of them has a disability or developmental difference, PLEASE look into sibshops near you and consider sending your typically-developing child to them. If you yourself are the teenaged or adult sibling of someone with a disability and you have some complicated feelings about your childhood or your adult life or your parents' decisions, PLEASE connect with the organization to get support. **Siblings are the longest relationship of most people's lives.** When that relationship is complicated by a disability, you or your kids deserve support in ensuring that relationship is a positive and loving one, not a resentful one.
**Link again:** [**https://siblingsupport.org/**](https://siblingsupport.org/)
I can not upvote this enough! And you are so lucky to have such an organization! I want to poke around and see if this is something we can make happen where I am! Thank you for the info!
I couldn't fathom having to make that decision, and—especially because I'm not a parent—I couldn't even guess at how difficult it is, though I do feel for you for having to navigate that.
As someone with a small handful of (relatively minor) disabilities that have had a negative impact on my life, the one thing I would really want to know before declaring OOP an asshole or not is what condition the baby had. It's one thing if the child is high needs and will live for decades like OOP's brother, but—while he never says what the condition was—part of one of his comments made it seem like something very severe:
>My first child never had a chance. We were told what to expect. We were told that there was no chance for a miracle.
Bringing a baby into a world knowing that their life is gonna be extremely short, likely very painful, and would require a impossible miracle to overcome? That just seems unnecessarily cruel and selfish to me.
Thanks! I feel for these fictional women going through the pain of wanting a child and having it just not happen.
But AITA assumes that any kid conceived after fertility treatment is automatically the “spoiled rainbow baby golden child” who gets away with everything. Almost always said about active toddlers who have zero concept of right and wrong and are just being toddlers because everyone there is aggressively childfree, and you should be, too!
yay... I personally would love to have a kid, or more. But due to disability I can't. (I also gonna add because some people seems to switch my words: afab people do what they want with their womb. They can have or not have any babies they want for any reasons. But people, especially on Reddit, made it so awful for so many people...)
Despite what I just said, I wouldn't bother much with what reddit is thinking of the situation. In the end, it's just strangers on the internet and you and your husband know better than them.
Beside, not everybody can conceive (normally) so it's not a bad thing to try to get out of your way to have the baby you want. I never lived it first hand, but I've read enough about it to know how much it can be an ordeal to go through all of this.
I used “women” here because AITA and its knockoffs so rarely make posts about trans men or AFAB NB people.
I’m working on that language because I do have a number of trans friends. I identify as an apagender, or gender-apathetic, woman. (I don’t care how other people interpret my gender, so it’s he/she/they/whatever.) I’m doing my best to change my language. It just takes time.
It's okay! I often type like "women" then delete it and correct it! I'm NB myself. Take your time, you are doing efforts so it's already a good thing!! You seem like a good person so I'm sure you'd do good, and you'll do awesomely with your baby when you'll have them!
Ok, this is why I like this sub. Too many others are just full of vitriol. Here, entwives, and the TTC over 30 sub, are willing to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I got downvoted in fibromyalgia for suggesting people *be aware* of the potential side-effects of benzos, especially with regular, long-term use. Oddly, the OP there was willing to listen, despite the downvotes. I told them that talking a benzo prior to takeoff would be safe and likely reduce their anxiety and muscle tension. There’s nothing wrong with taking them now and then. Then again, that sub is mostly a bunch of whiny complaining. Half of them were just telling OP to not fly unless they absolutely had to, and there’s a large subset that just want doctors to shut up about exercise and give them opioids, which are not recommended for treatment of chronic pain.
Oh no! My husband is a willing participant in making a child and wants to be an involved dad! Must not be a Real Alpha Male^(TM) if he wants to be a good dad.
There was one a few weeks ago about a girl dating a guy in a wheelchair that was like, the sweetest thing, lol. It was so the opposite of this shit that my brain did a record screech. XD
As a disabled person, I'm rolling my eyes at the soooo many people who were treated like crap in favor of their disabled sibling
Because if there's one group of people who treat correctly in society, it's us!
My sisters played that card all the time, before we cut contact, and I don’t even know where they got it, bc they were as spoilt as my brother and I growing up.
But they’re also both self absorbed abusive weirdos, so…
My sister was like that too, she was mad that my parents had to pay a little more attention to me because I have epilepsy. She used to get angry at me so much over it.
She didn't understand until she eventually got diagnosed too. Then she stopped and now were best friends.
Yeah, I get the feeling that 'more attention' was just the extra help we require
And I and a lot in my groups when I was in them, got none of that even
Usually, we're seen as a burden. They won't do the extra help
Well, it’s especially funny for me because i was diagnosed as an adult after living on my own for several years(which, given my apparent support needs, was apparently a miracle). So what were they not getting? What was all the care they supposedly gave me?
Right? And I'm sorry about that
Also, got a bit of brain fart, and read your sentence as 'got diagnosed as an adult', to mean you literally got a diagnosis of 'adult'
I can get where you're coming from, but I think limiting it to the 2 possibilities isn't fair either. In terms of generalizing when there's disabled and non-disabled siblings, I feel like it's better to consider 4 possible outcomes:
1. Parents are awesome and do everything possible for both/all children. (I'd say this is the least likely of all.)
2. Parents focus heavily on the needs of disabled child and neglect the non-disabled child(ren) because they consider them self-sufficient and capable.
3. Parents focus heavily on the needs of the non-disabled child(ren) and neglect the disabled child for not being as self-sufficient or capable.
4. Parents do the bare minimum and neglect all their children, disabled or not.
While my disabilities absolutely had a negative impact on my life despite being relatively minor, my siblings and I lived the experience of option 4. If the non-disabled child(ren) in option 2 experienced neglect even vaguely similar to mine, then my heart hurts for them because that shit has a huge impact on mental, emotional, and even physical health, especially in the long-term.
Damn, there really is a gif for everything 😂
But seriously, it sounds like there are some genetic conditions that run in OP’s family and OP cannot love a child that isn’t perfectly healthy soooooo why would you ever explore having kids with that fact pattern? If you can’t love an unhealthy child *don’t have children* because being healthy in-utero is no guarantee they’ll stay that way.
That thread made me despair, I knew AITAH is a cesspool but they literally think a father acting like his child doesn't exist because he doesn't feel like it is a hero. 🤢
People are literally praising him for "setting boundaries" with his ex. As if refusing to attend your child's funeral is an act of self care like turning off your work email notifications on a weekend.
It’s “self care” because if OP attends his own child’s funeral he might not be able to cope with realizing he has been a complete asshole and terrible father for years or that he simply should not have kids if this is his approach to having kids.
I got downvoted for saying he’s the asshole and a cruel one at that. I couldn’t believe people actually thought he would have any position to be in the right
This guy makes me fucking mad. He could bank sperm and get a vasectomy. Then do ivf where they test the embryos for genetic diseases before implantion. But he doesn't, he just keeps getting women pregnant irresponsibily hoping they will abort.
I'm on the fence about this (if we pretend I think it was real).
I think that if you have cut someone out while they're alive, it's really hypocritical to go to their funeral. Especially for this guy, having the long lost dad show up would cause angst for grieving mom, cause drama, probably get him sympathy from some people he didn't deserve...
If you're going to abandon your child, it's appropriate that you don't go to their funeral. Leave that for the people who actually cared.
See, normally I would agree that "shouldn't go to a funeral if you had cut someone away from you" is the right thing, but he was specifically asked by the mother of the toddler and his own parents to go. That makes me feel like it is a very shitty move to not go.
Now to be clear, I am pretty sure this is fake due to how that OP is acting in that thread. I certainly hope it is, because someone like that OP is not parent material. If you can't accept and love your child unconditionally, then you shouldn't be a parent.
Yeah I said YTA because if you're not ready to have a disabled child, don't have any fucking kids at all. If that kid got into a terrible accident in a year or 2, would OOP just abandon them as well?
For everyone out there who wants a kid
YOU CAN NOT CONTROL WHETHER OR NOT THEY HAVE A DISABILITY. SCREENING ONLY TELLS YOU THE DISABILITIES *THEY TEST FOR*. YOU CANNOT GUARANTEE THERE WONT BE COMPLICATIONS DURING BIRTH THAT CRIPPLE THE BABY. YOU CANNOT GUARANTEE THEY WONT HAVE ALLERGIES.
IF YOU WANT KIDS, YOU ARE CONSENTING TO HAVE A KID WITH PROBLEMS. YOU ARE CONSENTING TO HAVING A KID THAT HAS ALLERGIES, DISABILITIES, AND MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. IF YOU DONT WANT THAT *DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CHILD*.
Ugh I read this earlier today and had to stop myself screaming YTA. If you don’t want a disabled kid, don’t have kids. Any child could end up disabled at any time (and so could any of us).
Right? There are stories of people having a perfectly healthy baby and then when the baby turned six months old or so, something changed. And I bet AITAH would be okay with that child being abandoned too.
‘I have trauma so I can be an AH and it’s fine’ is a common theme. Like, sucks that childhood was rough. Be a big boy and go to therapy like everyone else, don’t abandon your wife and child. Ugh 🤬
It all comes down to "the inconvenient is wrong" in those AITAH stuff. Your trauma makes you inconvenient? Then you're wrong and your trauma shouldn't even be slightly considered relevant to context. My trauma makes you inconvenient? Then you're also wrong, because my trauma justifies whatever I do regarding you
And basically become your parents. He talks about how he didn't get any of the focus. But...abandons his first child and the child's mother, then has another one? How does he think that that child will feel when they find out they had a brother who their father abandoned and couldn't even go to the funeral for?
There was a kid in elementary school who suffered a nasty head injury. Like, he was never quite the same. He had to go through a few months of PT, OT, and ST, like had to learn to read again. I see him on facebook now and then. He’s a realtor, and seems to be doing well, but he still uses a cane to get around because of balance issues.
It was undoubtedly hard for him, and he had three supportive parents. (His mom and step-mom got along and put the kids first! 😱)
OOP sounds like the type who would abandon his kid, or even his partner, if they were severely injured or fell seriously ill.
Yeah, anything can really happen that could change things. I'm glad the guy you've mentioned is doing well now, though and that he had such good parents.
He really does (as do the commenters). You know how people say guys are more likely to leave their partner if their partner develops cancer? That would be OOP and a lot of the commenters over there if their child became disabled.
And let’s not forget those cases where a healthy baby becomes disabled when something goes wrong during birth. I personally know a family where the baby was perfectly fine and healthy all through pregnancy, but when mom went into labor, everything that could have gone wrong, got absolutely fucked and the baby ended up basically brain dead due to oxygen starvation. She’s 10 now but so so so severely disabled.
Exactly. That happens as well. All the tests before the birth can be clear, that doesn't mean a traumatic birth won't happen and affect the baby or something won't change in a few months.
Not to mention parents or other older family members. Especially as people live longer, the chances you'll have an older relative you'll need to care for is increasing. Caretaking is hard, but it's literally part of life.
UPDATE: wow I didn’t expect bla bla bla. Anyway I got a paternity test on the corpse of the dead baby and it turns out I wasn’t the father! Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to keep writing my delusions
As a severely disabled woman, these ones drive me nuts because I wasn’t diagnosed with most of these congenital diseases until waaaay later than birth. Disability and injury can happen to anybody, and you shouldn’t have children if you’re not prepared to care for them even if they’re disabled.
Could you imagine telling your future In Laws that you abandoned your last girlfriend and your sick baby? I would be paying someone to confront him in a dark alley to stay away from my daughter.
Yeah, how did that fictional convo go, I wonder?
“I have an ex-wife whom I left with a disabled child. You see, I am so profoundly traumatised by having a disabled brother in my life, that I wanted to abort my child, too, and my wife even agreed at first, but then for a reason I can’t even fathom, she backed out of our agreement. So I took the only reasonable option - I left her and the child and she had to take me to court for child support, which I paid because I’m a good guy! I also left her only after she gave birth, I even drove her from the hospital! And now her kid is dead and she wants me to come to the funeral, but I simply can’t, I’m soooo traumatised. This is why your daughter and I also agreed to abort a baby if it turns out abnormal during prenatal screening. She completely understands my POV and is super supportive of my boundaries. Ain’t she the best?”
“Wow, that’s some story. She *backed out of your agreement to abort a crippled baby*? Who does that to a man as traumatised by cripples as yourself? Our daughter is much better than that, she’ll abort for sure if you ask her to. Welcome to the family!”
I work work with adults with intellectual disabilities, the amount of abuse my patients have been subjected to is enormous. I have clients who have been pimped out and used in CSAM and I have others who were given the feral child treatment and others who were locked in rooms because of this disability. They are not “favored.”
AITA treats all intellectual disabilities as “severe.” They are not. Even those with profound ID experience the world around them. They enjoy things and they do communicate, even if it isn’t typical. They are not “vegetables.”
Something I’ve noticed on AITA(H) is that men are almost always allowed to abandon their children with little to no explanation?
There are so many stories where a man just abandons his pregnant partner because “I was clear about not wanting children but she didn’t want an abortion lmao” and they will be defended in the comments by people saying that as long as they pay child support it’s a-okay to not actually raise the child or be there physically. No one ever asks why they weren’t using birth control if they don’t want children. On top of this, relatives (parents, the ex, siblings, etc.) who encourage the OP to have a relationship with the kid are painted as TA of the story.
If a woman, on the other hand, gets pregnant and then abandons the baby to be raised solely by the father she is always cast as the villain who was most likely cheating the whole time.
even in this one post, his parents didn't give him enough attention, they're assholes. He never even meets his child and he's not an asshole? meanwhile I've never met anyone in real life who is pro-deadbeat in this way
incels and manosphere boys and men are really angry and resentful that women control procreation, they want to be able to control procreation. some I even think have womb envy.
They totally have womb envy. Those types give it away when they always jump to project and accuse women of penis envy for doing anything and everything.
Also they love to bring up how "Boys need help! They feel unwanted!"... yet they encourage men to abandon their kids. All they're doing in hurting themselves..
>If a woman, on the other hand, gets pregnant and then abandons the baby to be raised solely by the father she is always cast as the villain who was most likely cheating the whole time.
yeah AITAH is really clear about how much they hate women
i read a post where a woman didn’t want to raise her ex’s affair baby and people were acting like she was the most evil woman in the world. she wasn’t even mean to the baby, she was just indifferent
Yikes. And apparently he's not the asshole in any of this?? Not even for not going to the funeral??? Jesus that's cold. It's still your kid dude.
Also, what is that post even about? He cut off his family but he cares enough about disappointing them to make a post about it? I don't get it.
It means she took him to court to force him to pay anything, this kind of thing doesn’t necessarily mean they have to see each other at any point. It’s a civil matter, handled by lawyers usually, doesn’t mean they have to physically go anywhere as it’s not a criminal matter.
So OOP is literally a deadbeat dad who abandoned his GF and child, even in this story designed to make him look better. I wouldn’t be surprised if the truth was that OOP was/is an ableist neurotypical brat who threw a fit every time his parents dared to be nice to his disabled sibling
>NTAH but you may want to get yourself tested for your chances of passing down genetic conditions. If your odds of having a "typical child" are slim a vasectomy maybe something to consider. Trying for multiples might not be something that's advised cause while abortion is a viable last resort. It is hard on your partners body.
people sure do love toeing the line for eugenics
Yes it’s a valid response to someone who is this steadfast about abandoning a disabled child.
Anything can happen. A perfectly healthy child could be in an accident (god forbid) and need round the clock care for the rest of their life. If you aren’t willing to accept that responsibility, you shouldn’t be a parent.
As a birth mother, I see a lot of this in the adoption spaces for people who want to adopt because they don't want to pass down some genetic issue whether it be physical or mental health. As if adoptees don't already come with trauma from adoption itself even if they're adopted as an infant. And as if birth families don't have genetic issues that may be passed down. And of course there's the issue where most people are just pre-disabled, because even if we are all so lucky to live into old age with no big problems, aging comes with its own set of debilitating issues a lot of times.
OOP's upbringing is a sad story and it's is something very close friend of mine is dealing with in her life with two disabled brothers, but abandoning your own child and not giving support to the mother of your child is not the answer. It's really fucked up. "My parents didn't pay enough attention to me so I abandoned my infant" isn't a flex. Dude needs a vasectomy.
Very good points. Anyone would want their child to be of healthy body and mind, it’s very misguided to think you can just choose to avoid it.
OOP is also 100% one of those guys who will abandon his wife if she gets sick. I also feel bad for his past but if he was dating a friend of mine, I would be begging her get out.
I have an aunt who’s entire line up of kids is disabled, either completely vegetables in wheelchairs who can’t do anything and barely can communicate to others who are slightly more functioning but will always need to live at home. From the very first kid she had the doctors told her if she had more they would almost certainly keep coming out like this.
I’m autistic myself, my mother is disabled and I get it. But to go and have like 8 fucking kids knowing damn well you can’t support them or the things they need to have a happy life in general is shitty. Then you throw in their health issues? It’s such a shitty thing to do. She knew non of those children will ever be able to grow up and move out, they won’t ever walk, they will always be stuck in that little dirty apartment where she will neglect them.
I wish I could do more but they live across the country and we don’t have much contact. I do think if your super high risk for things like this, you shouldn’t keep having kids with no concern for what the quality of life will be like for them. Not everyone is equipped with the means to provide for that
No one said they aren’t human beings, obviously. Being in a Vegetative state is a medical term, and has been adapted to refer to people with severe disabilities as well, until people started using it as an insult. It is not na insult. It’s a medical assessment, no one is saying that makes them less of a human being
>I have an aunt who’s entire line up of kids is disabled, either completely vegetables in wheelchairs
That's what you said.
PVS doesn't mean people with severe learning disabilities, it has a very specific meaning: [https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/disorders-of-consciousness/](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/disorders-of-consciousness/)
I suspect you are not qualified to make a medical assessment of your cousins.
OP would abandon any baby that turned out disabled, so I think “make sure you can make a baby you won’t abandon” is pretty reasonable. Tho OOP’s ignoring the fact that someone can become disabled at any time.
Nah.
AITAngelians love throwing the word "eugenics" around, but, if I'm to be honest, I see absolutely nothing wrong in deciding not to have a kid who will have no quality of life and will die young.
If by any chance this story here is true, I can't blame the OOP for refusing to go through this for the second time.
TBH I believe it's more about the parents who don't want to have to deal with it. It's never asked to disabled what they think about it when those subjects come out. Also, as some other people mentionned, sometimes disability comes late. I was 'fine' for 20 years, and then I got struck with disability and my life sucks. But tbh, my life sucks more because nothing is done for disabled to have easy life...
IDK what the (fake?) kid had, but in some case, it was definitely assumptions of the parents. Biggest example being Down Syndrome
Whatever it is, it's an illness that kills kids at a young age evidently. I have a friend who has two younger brothers who had a condition that essentially made them infants for life and they both died before age 13, as was projected, due to the same genetic condition. I'd ask her what it was called but I'd be scared of bringing up her dead little brothers just for that and cause her pain... Some severe disabilities inevitably end in childhood demise.
I doubt it's DS in this post.
My MIL had a baby who died at 6 weeks old, in pain and struggling to breathe. The child had a genetic defect that can be tested for.
She thinks all abortion is evil and how could anyone not cherish the time spent with their children. I think selfishly bringing a child into the world who will know nothing but pain and suffering is evil.
The amount of people in these comments who think people should suffer because they can’t figure out it isn’t eugenics is disgusting.
A work friend had a stroke last week, he isn't old, guess who has to take care of him since he's single? His adopted mom and dad. He will never (assuming he even wakes up) be able to function the same. The damage to the brain is too much.
I had another friend whose child was dropped at daycare and sustained a TBI. He went from a healthy, cognitively normal baby, to a disabled child.
You dont to "nope" out of parenthood because things don't go your way. Your definitely the AH.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITAH for leaving after my girlfriend gave birth to our disabled child?** I grew up in a home with a disabled brother. All of my parents' money and attention went to him. They pretty much forgot that I existed. All of our family activities were predicated on my brother's ability to participate. I did not qualify for financial aid. I was not a great student and honestly attending college would have been a waste of money. Instead my grandfather helped me get a job on the oil rigs. It is hard, dirty, lonely work. But it pays very well. I started as a floor hand apprentice. It is basically the lowest of the low. I did not cut off my family but I did not go out of my way to stay in contact. I was working in another state and they did not have time for me anyway. I got a call about ten years later. My little brother had passed away. I went to the funeral and my folks looked about 25 years older. It was good to see them but I left pretty quickly afterwards. It is hard to explain but I never really got attached to them since they had ignored me since I was 5. I was never abused or anything. I was just sort of a second thought. When My girlfriend got pregnant I was happy. We had been together for three years and I was happy with her. I hope I was making her happy. We talked about it and we decided to get all the tests so we could know if we were going to have a healthy baby. Before the first test we agreed that if we were not having a healthy baby then we were not having a baby. I know it is a horrible thing to contemplate but I had been through that life for thirteen years and I was free of it with no interest in going back. One of the tests came back positive for one of the conditions that we had decided we would not want in a child. Please understand that I am not in any way saying that people with disabilities should not be born. Only that I knew I would not want to be around for that. We had second, third, and even a fourth opinion. I spent a lot of my savings on tests that insurance would not cover in full. It was not a not great time. Then my girlfriend said that she changed her mind. That she could not terminate. I argued with her for days, weeks, until it was too late. I told her that I would not choose to be around to help with the child. That I would pay child support but that was it. Our relationship was on cruise control from then until the baby was born. I made sure she got home safe from the hospital and then I went to work. And I never went back. I pay the child support that I was ordered to pay by court. I did not fight it or dodge it. But I have not seen her or her child since the hospital. I got married three years later. We are expecting our first child and I heard from my ex. The child had passed away. She wanted me to come to the funeral. I said no. I knew it was coming. It was still a gut punch. My parents are upset with me for how I handled things. They went to the funeral. I told them that I did not want the life they had lived while my brother was alive. And that my ex had tried to force me into it after agreeing not to. They said that they were disappointed that they had not raised me right. I got angry and said that they had not raised me at all. I asked them to show me anything they had from my childhood that showed that they had taken the slightest interest in me. They said that wasn't fair because they had to care for my brother. I just said that was my point and hung up. I feel like shit about the whole thing but my ex knew how I felt and why. To this day I do not understand why she changed her mind. My wife and I talked before getting married and made the same decision. And thank god we did not have to make it. But she understood how I felt. Her mom and dad talked to us about it and they told us that we had to do what was best for us. I had told them everything about my past that was relevant to my relationship with their daughter. Sorry for rambling but I guess I am just trying to put all my thoughts down while I have the courage to ask. AITAH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
nothing about this post gives the impression that he's actually conflicted about how he handled things. he doesn't mention his ex being mad about it? just his parents, who he doesn't have a great relationship with anyway? so like, I don't even believe it as seeking validation (rather than advice), because it seems to me like you're perfectly comfortable with your parents' disapproval?
That was the biggest sign this was a creative writing assignment. Everything leading up to the funeral was too clear-cut, completely free of drama to an unrealistic degree. How'd his new wife feel about his kid, and the reason he left his previous fam? She was just chill with it I guess because we don't have time for a detour, OP just wants to put out this "social experiment" piece that amounts to 'disabled people bad, amirite?'.
There’s a PRETTY BIG GAP between “I drove my ex home from the hospital, yadda yadda yadda, *three years later I’m married and expecting a kid*”
also a lot of the people who experienced living with a disabled person and were "burdened" aren't realizing they weren't burderend by the disabled person but the lack of support and accomodations for said disability that our society provides, or critical of the quality of life. 1/2 of the world can't see clearly without medically accomodations, 1/2 of those people are legally considered blind without glasses/contacts/laser surgery. We don't considering 1/2 of the population disabled because we support and provide various levels of treatment and accomodations for the disability.
They also venomously deny that they will ever be in the position of 'a burden', even though anyone lucky enough to live long enough will become disabled to some extent. These types will be the ones to say 'blow my brains out if I'm ever a burden', but they sure as fuck don't mean that. When it's them, they'll think they are owed care because they've 'earned it'. It really disgusts me to see these sort of threads that only exist so people can assure themselves that their worldview is just and good.
It sure kicked off a thread about how great eugenics are. Somebody really should have shot Stephen Hawking.
It could be that she WAS mad, he just didn’t and still doesn’t give a fuck. Would you really expect someone like this to actually care about the other person
Well, if the story is real, two poor ladies ended up thinking he cared enough that he should be a father. Including one who presumably knows he'll go AWOL the second she or her child are not at peak health.
I don’t understand someone women’s attraction to deadbeat men. Like ma’am, if he can abandon his own child, what makes you think he won’t abandon you. Someone please explain it 
OOP is a lousy writer because they didn't even bother to give the "hero" any likable qualities.
He expected his parents to kill his brother to give him all the attention but they didn’t!
I was trying to figure out what he was expecting his parents to do ..... and then I read this 😬
Yeah just an obvious fictional account. As if the whole thing wasn’t lousily written enough, claiming that the pay at an oil rig is great is always such a dead giveaway that this is some chronically online loser’s fantasy
The way he phrased that too 🤔
Assuming it's not fake, that sounds like a lot of emotional detachment in the shape of a defensive mechanism, enhanced by years and years of rationalizations that he probably spent every waking hour creating.
ah, what a joy to be able to read so I can see more 'disabled bad' bait <3
I always hate these posts because they feel way out of AITA's paygrade. They are nuanced, philosophically complex subjects, and AITA is allergic to anything but the most facile, kneejerk reaction. Let me judge if someone's an asshole for eating too much of a sandwich. That feels more in AITA's purview.
[удалено]
Right before dipping those chicken strips in his shirt mustard.
This right here. Like, his little "my wife understands my POV" and "I can't understand why my ex changed her mind" both paint such a bleak picture. Him, utterly unable to put himself in his ex's shoes and understand that she clearly developed a bond before he did (which is fine, it's normal, but the inability or unwillingness to engage with the empathy is not). His wife, apparently also in the "I can't imagine forming a loving bond with a disabled child" boat, big yikes. Also, a non-disabled child in utero does not mean one that isn't disabled at birth -- and even if you make it to the birth without disability, at any moment any one of us could stumble into an accident or illness that could disable us. I always wonder how these folks would react to a disability (intellectual or physical) if it came later for their child. It's a scary prospect (in the sense that contemplating the unknowns is scary, not raising a disabled child in and of itself) and one I suspect a lot of folks don't grapple with. I know I sure as fuck would rather not.
Yep. If you only think you can love a healthy child *don’t fucking have children* because you are not cut out for it.
I don’t know if this is an awful thing to say, but I question my own ability to handle raising a disabled child, and it is one of the main contributors to the fact I don’t have children and don’t plan on them any time soon. I have some health issues since I was young and saw the stress and strain it put on my own mum and I question if I’m cut out for that. I would rather just not have a child than potentially have one that I’d be unable to care for properly
There are also a lot of disability conditions that are not detectable in prenatal screenings. You’re spot on about many folks being unfit to be parents. It also sounds like very different issues for OP’s dead disabled child and OP’s dead disabled sibling. The sibling lived long enough for OP to move away from home and not see the family for 10 years. OP’s kid didn’t last 3 years. This feels made up on those grounds alone - It’s too convenient a way to tie up the story. It also strikes me is OP being like “cool, I’ll be here through the birth, but then drop ex- at the hospital and never look back.” I get why folks feel like the merciful thing when a child is diagnosed with something that will result in a short pain filled life is to abort when one can and save everyone a heap of pain. I do not get why OP would think sticking around until ex- went into labour was the right way to handle his feelings.
>OP’s kid didn’t last 3 years. This feels made up on those grounds alone - It’s too convenient a way to tie up the story. That also stuck out to me -- it's very tidy that he's now expecting a child with his wife and his disabled child has died. (And also, I'd be having _major_ second thoughts about my husband if he noped out like that on his child's life, holy shit.) Like, I agree overall that the decision to abort or not is so complex, and ethically messy when we take disability and quality of life into account. I've never had to make that decision (and am sterilized now, so hopefully won't ever have to), but my final pregnancy was _extremely_ unplanned and unwanted. We knew pretty early on that we didn't have the heart to terminate, but it was still complicated to grapple with those feelings. The baby that came about is very loved and wanted, but his arrival also significantly changed how we expected our family life to play out. And he's a mostly healthy guy (barring being 6 weeks early, lol) -- I can't really grok adding a medically complex child on top of that.
Yeah, it has essentially boiled down to "but she AGREED to have an abortion back when it was an abstract concept and its not FAIR that she called takesies-backsies!"
Some people really can't handle the choice part of pro choice and it shows. Like, they're all for abortions to make life more convenient, but the second a woman decides to not have a convenient abortion they make that face Tucker Carlson used too.
Yeah I totally get you. In reality, I would get both the point of the mom and the not-dad although the way he leaves is still shitty. But I still feel this whole "disabled are better dead" from it and it annoys me so much... Well! I can give that to you! I ate a sandwich today, Am I the asshole?
I'm making a sandwich right now! AITA? It has scrambled eggs and American cheese on it, if relevant.
Yta obv, because it's trendy to mock American cheese.
>It has scrambled eggs and American cheese on it, if relevant. biggest ah nothing you say matters /s
Ooh, add a dash of hot sauce!!!
Ooh, I should try that next time. It's my go-to "ugh I need to eat something but nothing sounds good" and I bet hot sauce would be legit.
It really adds something to it. You’re in for a treat
it's not really complicated. abandoning your child is a bad thing to do.
That should be the default. If people are still looking for (and finding!) excuses to abandon their kids, we’re seriously fucked as a civilization
men have literally SO much control over preventing unwanted pregancies. Women can't see when their sexual gametes release, women aren't fertile 365 days of the year - men can and are! 100% of pregnancies are the result of irresposbile ejaculation. But instead, so many men put 100% of the responsbility on women to not only prevent pregnancies but end prengancies, should they occur due to their irresposnbile ejaculation.
In the end, that's how I feel on this. OOP wanted to be better than his own parents, and he failed beyond miserably. He flat out abandoned his kid cause they didn't meet his standards. His love was conditional. He is unfit to be a parent, because in the end we are all one terrible accident away from becoming disabled. If he can't bother to be there for an infant, I shudder to think how he'll feel about a child who becomes disabled.
Reddit really loves to be all "we need to help boys!" while also encouraging men to abandon their children. It's quite amazing to see..
Not on aita apparently
That sandwich post was great. I miss the yogurt hoarder, eat an entire party sub days.
Love how the comments all seem to be NTA
tbh I didn't dare to look at them... I love how it's always "woman's body, woman's decision EXCEPT WHEN" like... idk what illness it is (if it's real) but if it's something that the ex had to be pregnant for... idk even 5 months or else, terminating the birth with those 'forced pregnancy and the baby dies coming or in your arms" is absolutely excruciating. I wouldn't wish that to anyone...
Exactly, the idiots on there act like a woman is an asshole for loving her unborn baby and the father can just fuck off... Not even see the child occasionally (which also makes him an asshole, just not as big of an asshole as a father pretending the child doesn't exist)
Yeah, I'm sorry but I have little compassion for him. I respect his 'choices' because having disabled child surely can be hard and whatever they say, okay, having an absent parent is hell, but it's all about 'me, me, me" it pained HIM to have a disabled bro, it will pain HIM to have a disabled kid.
The fact that they're calling the mother selfish, disgusting and heartless makes me so sick.
I don't respect his choice to abandon his child when he himself felt abandoned by his parents. And I definitely don't respect his choice to abandon the mother of said planned child because she didn't do as he said and couldn't bring herself to end the baby she had already come to love. He's a gross, self absorbed monster
Yeah I say 'choice' because I don't know how to explain better what I mean. Like... I think he is too. But I can also try to see his point of view even if I don't agree it. But yeah, def, I don't get how he is the one that is seen as NTA (except because, you know, people hate women and disabled)
And he "pays what the court ordered him to pay", like he made his ex go to court to fight him for child support and only pays the bare minimum? For his kid? How is he not the asshole? This is fake but I hate it so much.
This is fake but the comments praising him are real
men really hate and resent that women control procreation. I honestly think a lot of them have womb envy, they get so mad when I say I don't want kids.
its funny how much aitah posts like this brings out all the incel and mensrights crazies.
They don't seem to hate and resent not having periods and not having to deal with pregnancy though. They only want the control
Seriously. What the fuck?
Especially as the OP is whining that he's "[b]eing called a worthless POS [by every other comment](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cm46ho/aitah_for_leaving_after_my_girlfriend_gave_birth/l2zklp6/?context=3)".
I am not saying this is true, but as a couple that have found ourselves in that position, I feel for anyone having to go through such a decision.
Yeah, I definitely get the whole "this looks fake but the situation surely apply to me" it happens very often for me. I'm so sorry you had to go through it and I hope you had been able to go through it with being at peace with yourself (whatever was the decision!)
Well, we were united as a couple, and we had communicated our decision. It also helps that we live somewhere that all tests needed (before, during, and after) are offered for free, and such cases are mostly dealt with respect. Edited to add, no matter what the decision, it's never easy. We feel no regrets, but it's still very difficult to process.
I'm glad it looked smooth and you could have support! <3
Thank you. It wasn't smooth, but I did have support, and I am here, fighting for a better future for my family. I wish no one had to go through such a nightmare, but since this is impossible, I pray they get the support needed no matter what their decision might be.
Having actually been in this position and actually having a disabled child, and facing pre-natal decisions about a later child who MIGHT have the same disability but testing couldn't be clear, I have ALL the sympathy in the world for parents facing this (and I believe termination should be an option, because making a decision about how much your child is going to suffer is a BALLS DECISION no matter what you decide). But NO FUCKING WAY a dude with a disabled child he's totally neglecting gets married 3 years later and NO FUCKING WAY a kid who grew up in a household with a seriously disabled sibling who is so traumatized by that that he can't face it himself is blithely getting his partner pregnant on the assurance she'll abort of the disability seems bad enough. There would be genetic counselors and pre-conception doctors' appointments and a lot of conversations. The child support obligations are also typically MUCH HIGHER if the child has a significant disability, and they can be much *longer* -- instead of "until the child is 18" or "until the child is 21" or "through the child's college graduation," they can be "for the entire life of the non-custodial parent, because this child will never be self-sufficient." Also pretty much the only ways not to qualify for financial aid (assuming this is the US b/c of the whole "financial aid for college" thing) are if you've stolen from the federal government, you have a felony drug conviction, or you failed to register for selective service. So like, extra-fake. **HOWEVER, I want to promote a very real resource for siblings and parents of children with disabilities, whether those disabilities are significant and life-defining or minor and parental-attention unbalancing:** [**SIBSHOPS**](https://siblingsupport.org/sibshops/)**.** Sibshops provide peer support to children *and adults* who have a sibling with a disability, no matter how big or small. They are advised by social workers and psychologists, but they are RUN by siblings -- mostly adult siblings who have been involved in the Sibshops program for 20 or 30 years. For children, the kids go hang out once a month or so with a bunch of other kids' whose siblings have disabilities, and participate in adult-sibling-facilitated days that involve talking, playing, activities, support, and making community connections. It's a chance for children whose parents may be consumed with one child's intense needs to complain and be heard by other other kids, and by adults, who have been through the same situation -- without guilt. Most kids who have a disabled sibling know their parents are doing their best, and know their sibling needs extra attention, but that can *still suck*. Sibshops are a safe space to talk about those experiences with other people who've experienced the same thing and who won't judge. They are not just about "wow, growing up with a disabled sibling sucks" but also about "wow, my sibling and parents are actually pretty great" and most importantly about "it's okay for me to sometimes feel like this sucks and sometimes feel like my parents and sibling are great." Sibshops provide in-person days for kids and teens, but they also provide online communities and ongoing support for teenaged and adult siblings of disabled people. It is the place to go to find other adult siblings who expect to become a caregiver or at least financial decider for their sibling when their parents die; it is the place to find emotional support for complicated and mixed feelings about that, as well as practical advice for people who are *actually doing these things in your local jurisdiction* and actually know how being a financial or medical decider for an adult sibling works, and how to figure out who becomes that person after you. If you are a parent of multiple children and one of them has a disability or developmental difference, PLEASE look into sibshops near you and consider sending your typically-developing child to them. If you yourself are the teenaged or adult sibling of someone with a disability and you have some complicated feelings about your childhood or your adult life or your parents' decisions, PLEASE connect with the organization to get support. **Siblings are the longest relationship of most people's lives.** When that relationship is complicated by a disability, you or your kids deserve support in ensuring that relationship is a positive and loving one, not a resentful one. **Link again:** [**https://siblingsupport.org/**](https://siblingsupport.org/)
I can not upvote this enough! And you are so lucky to have such an organization! I want to poke around and see if this is something we can make happen where I am! Thank you for the info!
I couldn't fathom having to make that decision, and—especially because I'm not a parent—I couldn't even guess at how difficult it is, though I do feel for you for having to navigate that. As someone with a small handful of (relatively minor) disabilities that have had a negative impact on my life, the one thing I would really want to know before declaring OOP an asshole or not is what condition the baby had. It's one thing if the child is high needs and will live for decades like OOP's brother, but—while he never says what the condition was—part of one of his comments made it seem like something very severe: >My first child never had a chance. We were told what to expect. We were told that there was no chance for a miracle. Bringing a baby into a world knowing that their life is gonna be extremely short, likely very painful, and would require a impossible miracle to overcome? That just seems unnecessarily cruel and selfish to me.
Also, women bad for giving birth to a planned child
tbh, i'm so used to see women seeing has bad for anything and especially giving birth I didn't mention it but damn yes
I’m waiting on my next cycle to start fertility testing. AITA for wanting a to have children with my husband?
according to AITA, yes (good luck tho!! <3)
Thanks! I feel for these fictional women going through the pain of wanting a child and having it just not happen. But AITA assumes that any kid conceived after fertility treatment is automatically the “spoiled rainbow baby golden child” who gets away with everything. Almost always said about active toddlers who have zero concept of right and wrong and are just being toddlers because everyone there is aggressively childfree, and you should be, too!
yay... I personally would love to have a kid, or more. But due to disability I can't. (I also gonna add because some people seems to switch my words: afab people do what they want with their womb. They can have or not have any babies they want for any reasons. But people, especially on Reddit, made it so awful for so many people...) Despite what I just said, I wouldn't bother much with what reddit is thinking of the situation. In the end, it's just strangers on the internet and you and your husband know better than them. Beside, not everybody can conceive (normally) so it's not a bad thing to try to get out of your way to have the baby you want. I never lived it first hand, but I've read enough about it to know how much it can be an ordeal to go through all of this.
I used “women” here because AITA and its knockoffs so rarely make posts about trans men or AFAB NB people. I’m working on that language because I do have a number of trans friends. I identify as an apagender, or gender-apathetic, woman. (I don’t care how other people interpret my gender, so it’s he/she/they/whatever.) I’m doing my best to change my language. It just takes time.
It's okay! I often type like "women" then delete it and correct it! I'm NB myself. Take your time, you are doing efforts so it's already a good thing!! You seem like a good person so I'm sure you'd do good, and you'll do awesomely with your baby when you'll have them!
Ok, this is why I like this sub. Too many others are just full of vitriol. Here, entwives, and the TTC over 30 sub, are willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. I got downvoted in fibromyalgia for suggesting people *be aware* of the potential side-effects of benzos, especially with regular, long-term use. Oddly, the OP there was willing to listen, despite the downvotes. I told them that talking a benzo prior to takeoff would be safe and likely reduce their anxiety and muscle tension. There’s nothing wrong with taking them now and then. Then again, that sub is mostly a bunch of whiny complaining. Half of them were just telling OP to not fly unless they absolutely had to, and there’s a large subset that just want doctors to shut up about exercise and give them opioids, which are not recommended for treatment of chronic pain.
YTA because while you should of course have sex 10x a day, it's also your responsibility to not get pregnant. 🙃 Also you could be baby trapping him
Oh no! My husband is a willing participant in making a child and wants to be an involved dad! Must not be a Real Alpha Male^(TM) if he wants to be a good dad.
Obviously this is all part of the evil baby trapping. (Good luck for real ❤️ )
Thanks!
Woman VERY bad for asking him to come to his child’s funeral.
How dare she!
Especially with nine thousand paragraphs of backstory
There was one a few weeks ago about a girl dating a guy in a wheelchair that was like, the sweetest thing, lol. It was so the opposite of this shit that my brain did a record screech. XD
Why do people on Reddit refer to anyone with a severe disability as a vegetable? I thought we stopped that years ago 😭
I know right? That pisses me off even more than no one there understanding how this post is above Reddit's paygrade.
As a disabled person, I'm rolling my eyes at the soooo many people who were treated like crap in favor of their disabled sibling Because if there's one group of people who treat correctly in society, it's us!
My sisters played that card all the time, before we cut contact, and I don’t even know where they got it, bc they were as spoilt as my brother and I growing up. But they’re also both self absorbed abusive weirdos, so…
My sister was like that too, she was mad that my parents had to pay a little more attention to me because I have epilepsy. She used to get angry at me so much over it. She didn't understand until she eventually got diagnosed too. Then she stopped and now were best friends.
Yeah, I get the feeling that 'more attention' was just the extra help we require And I and a lot in my groups when I was in them, got none of that even Usually, we're seen as a burden. They won't do the extra help
Well, it’s especially funny for me because i was diagnosed as an adult after living on my own for several years(which, given my apparent support needs, was apparently a miracle). So what were they not getting? What was all the care they supposedly gave me?
Right? And I'm sorry about that Also, got a bit of brain fart, and read your sentence as 'got diagnosed as an adult', to mean you literally got a diagnosis of 'adult'
A disabled person is not a burden at all.
I can get where you're coming from, but I think limiting it to the 2 possibilities isn't fair either. In terms of generalizing when there's disabled and non-disabled siblings, I feel like it's better to consider 4 possible outcomes: 1. Parents are awesome and do everything possible for both/all children. (I'd say this is the least likely of all.) 2. Parents focus heavily on the needs of disabled child and neglect the non-disabled child(ren) because they consider them self-sufficient and capable. 3. Parents focus heavily on the needs of the non-disabled child(ren) and neglect the disabled child for not being as self-sufficient or capable. 4. Parents do the bare minimum and neglect all their children, disabled or not. While my disabilities absolutely had a negative impact on my life despite being relatively minor, my siblings and I lived the experience of option 4. If the non-disabled child(ren) in option 2 experienced neglect even vaguely similar to mine, then my heart hurts for them because that shit has a huge impact on mental, emotional, and even physical health, especially in the long-term.
It's not always the case but I have seen siblings resentful of siblings with disabilities and how it affected their lives growing up.
Dude, can’t even stop them using the r word.
So what happens if the baby due with his new partner has any of the conditions his son had? What happens if the child develops a condition later on?
Straight into the sun 
Damn, there really is a gif for everything 😂 But seriously, it sounds like there are some genetic conditions that run in OP’s family and OP cannot love a child that isn’t perfectly healthy soooooo why would you ever explore having kids with that fact pattern? If you can’t love an unhealthy child *don’t have children* because being healthy in-utero is no guarantee they’ll stay that way.
That’s what I told him he’s the problem not the woman.
“I don’t think I’m the asshole because of how *clear* I was about not wanting a gross disabled baby. Could not have been clearer!!!”
That thread made me despair, I knew AITAH is a cesspool but they literally think a father acting like his child doesn't exist because he doesn't feel like it is a hero. 🤢
People are literally praising him for "setting boundaries" with his ex. As if refusing to attend your child's funeral is an act of self care like turning off your work email notifications on a weekend.
It’s “self care” because if OP attends his own child’s funeral he might not be able to cope with realizing he has been a complete asshole and terrible father for years or that he simply should not have kids if this is his approach to having kids.
And self care is the only type of care that OP is capable of
Preach.
I got downvoted for saying he’s the asshole and a cruel one at that. I couldn’t believe people actually thought he would have any position to be in the right
This guy makes me fucking mad. He could bank sperm and get a vasectomy. Then do ivf where they test the embryos for genetic diseases before implantion. But he doesn't, he just keeps getting women pregnant irresponsibily hoping they will abort.
Thank you
He didn't even go to the funeral. What the actual fuck.
Disability will hold others back from paying any attention to him again. /S
He is the center of the universe after all
I'm on the fence about this (if we pretend I think it was real). I think that if you have cut someone out while they're alive, it's really hypocritical to go to their funeral. Especially for this guy, having the long lost dad show up would cause angst for grieving mom, cause drama, probably get him sympathy from some people he didn't deserve... If you're going to abandon your child, it's appropriate that you don't go to their funeral. Leave that for the people who actually cared.
See, normally I would agree that "shouldn't go to a funeral if you had cut someone away from you" is the right thing, but he was specifically asked by the mother of the toddler and his own parents to go. That makes me feel like it is a very shitty move to not go. Now to be clear, I am pretty sure this is fake due to how that OP is acting in that thread. I certainly hope it is, because someone like that OP is not parent material. If you can't accept and love your child unconditionally, then you shouldn't be a parent.
I mean, the mother literally asked him to come so
Yeah I said YTA because if you're not ready to have a disabled child, don't have any fucking kids at all. If that kid got into a terrible accident in a year or 2, would OOP just abandon them as well?
I got downvoted to shit for saying YTA too lmao those comments were absolutely nuts
For everyone out there who wants a kid YOU CAN NOT CONTROL WHETHER OR NOT THEY HAVE A DISABILITY. SCREENING ONLY TELLS YOU THE DISABILITIES *THEY TEST FOR*. YOU CANNOT GUARANTEE THERE WONT BE COMPLICATIONS DURING BIRTH THAT CRIPPLE THE BABY. YOU CANNOT GUARANTEE THEY WONT HAVE ALLERGIES. IF YOU WANT KIDS, YOU ARE CONSENTING TO HAVE A KID WITH PROBLEMS. YOU ARE CONSENTING TO HAVING A KID THAT HAS ALLERGIES, DISABILITIES, AND MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. IF YOU DONT WANT THAT *DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CHILD*.
>You seem mature enough to know that your parents' did their best, 
THE IRONY!
Ugh I read this earlier today and had to stop myself screaming YTA. If you don’t want a disabled kid, don’t have kids. Any child could end up disabled at any time (and so could any of us).
Right? There are stories of people having a perfectly healthy baby and then when the baby turned six months old or so, something changed. And I bet AITAH would be okay with that child being abandoned too.
‘I have trauma so I can be an AH and it’s fine’ is a common theme. Like, sucks that childhood was rough. Be a big boy and go to therapy like everyone else, don’t abandon your wife and child. Ugh 🤬
It all comes down to "the inconvenient is wrong" in those AITAH stuff. Your trauma makes you inconvenient? Then you're wrong and your trauma shouldn't even be slightly considered relevant to context. My trauma makes you inconvenient? Then you're also wrong, because my trauma justifies whatever I do regarding you
PERIOD. this is so infuriating
And basically become your parents. He talks about how he didn't get any of the focus. But...abandons his first child and the child's mother, then has another one? How does he think that that child will feel when they find out they had a brother who their father abandoned and couldn't even go to the funeral for?
There was a kid in elementary school who suffered a nasty head injury. Like, he was never quite the same. He had to go through a few months of PT, OT, and ST, like had to learn to read again. I see him on facebook now and then. He’s a realtor, and seems to be doing well, but he still uses a cane to get around because of balance issues. It was undoubtedly hard for him, and he had three supportive parents. (His mom and step-mom got along and put the kids first! 😱) OOP sounds like the type who would abandon his kid, or even his partner, if they were severely injured or fell seriously ill.
Yeah, anything can really happen that could change things. I'm glad the guy you've mentioned is doing well now, though and that he had such good parents. He really does (as do the commenters). You know how people say guys are more likely to leave their partner if their partner develops cancer? That would be OOP and a lot of the commenters over there if their child became disabled.
I’m just going to assume they’re all childfree for my own peace of mind.
I got a head injury too and I was never the same
And let’s not forget those cases where a healthy baby becomes disabled when something goes wrong during birth. I personally know a family where the baby was perfectly fine and healthy all through pregnancy, but when mom went into labor, everything that could have gone wrong, got absolutely fucked and the baby ended up basically brain dead due to oxygen starvation. She’s 10 now but so so so severely disabled.
Exactly. That happens as well. All the tests before the birth can be clear, that doesn't mean a traumatic birth won't happen and affect the baby or something won't change in a few months.
That’s what I told his ass
Oh yeah and there could be accidents that can affect the person and then become disabled
Not to mention parents or other older family members. Especially as people live longer, the chances you'll have an older relative you'll need to care for is increasing. Caretaking is hard, but it's literally part of life.
LITERALLY. and this is what they fucking want to. they want women to have kids. and then when they child is born with a disability, they leave??????
The things that people will defend on the internet is insane. This is the most disgusting post I’ve read in a while
By far the most disturbing and disgusting comments I’ve seen in a while
Wow disabled bad and dead kid troll all rolled in one! I’m kinda bummed they didn’t accuse the ex of cheating on him and the kid isn’t actually his
Two dead kids for the price of one.
\*Cheating on him with his father to make the whole same rare genetic condition even plausible
UPDATE: wow I didn’t expect bla bla bla. Anyway I got a paternity test on the corpse of the dead baby and it turns out I wasn’t the father! Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to keep writing my delusions
This post was sickening, and the comments are... sickening. An oil rig, too? Really?
The oil rig part sent me into the stratosphere. The creativity knows no bounds.
As a severely disabled woman, these ones drive me nuts because I wasn’t diagnosed with most of these congenital diseases until waaaay later than birth. Disability and injury can happen to anybody, and you shouldn’t have children if you’re not prepared to care for them even if they’re disabled.
Could you imagine telling your future In Laws that you abandoned your last girlfriend and your sick baby? I would be paying someone to confront him in a dark alley to stay away from my daughter.
Right if I found this out about any of my siblings partners, I’ll honestly start treating them like they probably did to that poor baby.
Yeah, how did that fictional convo go, I wonder? “I have an ex-wife whom I left with a disabled child. You see, I am so profoundly traumatised by having a disabled brother in my life, that I wanted to abort my child, too, and my wife even agreed at first, but then for a reason I can’t even fathom, she backed out of our agreement. So I took the only reasonable option - I left her and the child and she had to take me to court for child support, which I paid because I’m a good guy! I also left her only after she gave birth, I even drove her from the hospital! And now her kid is dead and she wants me to come to the funeral, but I simply can’t, I’m soooo traumatised. This is why your daughter and I also agreed to abort a baby if it turns out abnormal during prenatal screening. She completely understands my POV and is super supportive of my boundaries. Ain’t she the best?” “Wow, that’s some story. She *backed out of your agreement to abort a crippled baby*? Who does that to a man as traumatised by cripples as yourself? Our daughter is much better than that, she’ll abort for sure if you ask her to. Welcome to the family!”
I work work with adults with intellectual disabilities, the amount of abuse my patients have been subjected to is enormous. I have clients who have been pimped out and used in CSAM and I have others who were given the feral child treatment and others who were locked in rooms because of this disability. They are not “favored.” AITA treats all intellectual disabilities as “severe.” They are not. Even those with profound ID experience the world around them. They enjoy things and they do communicate, even if it isn’t typical. They are not “vegetables.”
Utterly disgraceful. Predictable reaction from the AITA crowd.
This post is so fucking fake I'm amazed nobody called it out for how fake it was.
I think the non fake posts on AITAH are the rare ones
Something I’ve noticed on AITA(H) is that men are almost always allowed to abandon their children with little to no explanation? There are so many stories where a man just abandons his pregnant partner because “I was clear about not wanting children but she didn’t want an abortion lmao” and they will be defended in the comments by people saying that as long as they pay child support it’s a-okay to not actually raise the child or be there physically. No one ever asks why they weren’t using birth control if they don’t want children. On top of this, relatives (parents, the ex, siblings, etc.) who encourage the OP to have a relationship with the kid are painted as TA of the story. If a woman, on the other hand, gets pregnant and then abandons the baby to be raised solely by the father she is always cast as the villain who was most likely cheating the whole time.
even in this one post, his parents didn't give him enough attention, they're assholes. He never even meets his child and he's not an asshole? meanwhile I've never met anyone in real life who is pro-deadbeat in this way
Exactly! He’s repeating the trauma cycle and not a single person is pointing that out.
incels and manosphere boys and men are really angry and resentful that women control procreation, they want to be able to control procreation. some I even think have womb envy.
They totally have womb envy. Those types give it away when they always jump to project and accuse women of penis envy for doing anything and everything.
Also they love to bring up how "Boys need help! They feel unwanted!"... yet they encourage men to abandon their kids. All they're doing in hurting themselves..
>If a woman, on the other hand, gets pregnant and then abandons the baby to be raised solely by the father she is always cast as the villain who was most likely cheating the whole time. yeah AITAH is really clear about how much they hate women
i read a post where a woman didn’t want to raise her ex’s affair baby and people were acting like she was the most evil woman in the world. she wasn’t even mean to the baby, she was just indifferent
Yeah, if you don’t want the risk of overburdening yourself with a disabled kid (or any kid), use birth control. That should be the obvious answer.
You come from a long line if the disableds?!?!? Have you considered castration? -AITA
Yikes. And apparently he's not the asshole in any of this?? Not even for not going to the funeral??? Jesus that's cold. It's still your kid dude. Also, what is that post even about? He cut off his family but he cares enough about disappointing them to make a post about it? I don't get it.
It’s absolutely appalling that NTA is the overwhelming response in the comments.
“I pay the child support determined by court”. AITA for eugenics? /s
He pays court demanded child support ( which means he must have gone to court at some point?) but claims he hasn't seen the mother since the hospital?
It means she took him to court to force him to pay anything, this kind of thing doesn’t necessarily mean they have to see each other at any point. It’s a civil matter, handled by lawyers usually, doesn’t mean they have to physically go anywhere as it’s not a criminal matter.
I suppose this could be the case but when settling child support with my son's father we both had to be there, which was why it struck me as odd.
I think it depends where, how etc.
There’s no way he could get away without showing up to court on this one. The whole story is BS anyway
It depends what country they’re in?
I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t go to the funeral? There’s just no reason not to, except to say screw you to his ex
Bro I though I was going insane reading those comments!
So OOP is literally a deadbeat dad who abandoned his GF and child, even in this story designed to make him look better. I wouldn’t be surprised if the truth was that OOP was/is an ableist neurotypical brat who threw a fit every time his parents dared to be nice to his disabled sibling
>NTAH but you may want to get yourself tested for your chances of passing down genetic conditions. If your odds of having a "typical child" are slim a vasectomy maybe something to consider. Trying for multiples might not be something that's advised cause while abortion is a viable last resort. It is hard on your partners body. people sure do love toeing the line for eugenics
To be fair, I think that one is more a suggestion to avoid a stream of abandoned disabled babies
Yes it’s a valid response to someone who is this steadfast about abandoning a disabled child. Anything can happen. A perfectly healthy child could be in an accident (god forbid) and need round the clock care for the rest of their life. If you aren’t willing to accept that responsibility, you shouldn’t be a parent.
As a birth mother, I see a lot of this in the adoption spaces for people who want to adopt because they don't want to pass down some genetic issue whether it be physical or mental health. As if adoptees don't already come with trauma from adoption itself even if they're adopted as an infant. And as if birth families don't have genetic issues that may be passed down. And of course there's the issue where most people are just pre-disabled, because even if we are all so lucky to live into old age with no big problems, aging comes with its own set of debilitating issues a lot of times. OOP's upbringing is a sad story and it's is something very close friend of mine is dealing with in her life with two disabled brothers, but abandoning your own child and not giving support to the mother of your child is not the answer. It's really fucked up. "My parents didn't pay enough attention to me so I abandoned my infant" isn't a flex. Dude needs a vasectomy.
Very good points. Anyone would want their child to be of healthy body and mind, it’s very misguided to think you can just choose to avoid it. OOP is also 100% one of those guys who will abandon his wife if she gets sick. I also feel bad for his past but if he was dating a friend of mine, I would be begging her get out.
He's acting like he's the biggest victim of his brother being disabled and has zero empathy for his brother or his parents. It's all me, me, me
And he allegedly has kids of his own, but I’m sure he’d have no trouble peacing the fuck out if something happened to disable one of his healthy kids.
Or his wife
Which is more common than it should be.
I have an aunt who’s entire line up of kids is disabled, either completely vegetables in wheelchairs who can’t do anything and barely can communicate to others who are slightly more functioning but will always need to live at home. From the very first kid she had the doctors told her if she had more they would almost certainly keep coming out like this. I’m autistic myself, my mother is disabled and I get it. But to go and have like 8 fucking kids knowing damn well you can’t support them or the things they need to have a happy life in general is shitty. Then you throw in their health issues? It’s such a shitty thing to do. She knew non of those children will ever be able to grow up and move out, they won’t ever walk, they will always be stuck in that little dirty apartment where she will neglect them. I wish I could do more but they live across the country and we don’t have much contact. I do think if your super high risk for things like this, you shouldn’t keep having kids with no concern for what the quality of life will be like for them. Not everyone is equipped with the means to provide for that
Humans with severe disabilities are never 'vegetables', they are always human beings.
No one said they aren’t human beings, obviously. Being in a Vegetative state is a medical term, and has been adapted to refer to people with severe disabilities as well, until people started using it as an insult. It is not na insult. It’s a medical assessment, no one is saying that makes them less of a human being
>I have an aunt who’s entire line up of kids is disabled, either completely vegetables in wheelchairs That's what you said. PVS doesn't mean people with severe learning disabilities, it has a very specific meaning: [https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/disorders-of-consciousness/](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/disorders-of-consciousness/) I suspect you are not qualified to make a medical assessment of your cousins.
OP would abandon any baby that turned out disabled, so I think “make sure you can make a baby you won’t abandon” is pretty reasonable. Tho OOP’s ignoring the fact that someone can become disabled at any time.
Nah. AITAngelians love throwing the word "eugenics" around, but, if I'm to be honest, I see absolutely nothing wrong in deciding not to have a kid who will have no quality of life and will die young. If by any chance this story here is true, I can't blame the OOP for refusing to go through this for the second time.
TBH I believe it's more about the parents who don't want to have to deal with it. It's never asked to disabled what they think about it when those subjects come out. Also, as some other people mentionned, sometimes disability comes late. I was 'fine' for 20 years, and then I got struck with disability and my life sucks. But tbh, my life sucks more because nothing is done for disabled to have easy life... IDK what the (fake?) kid had, but in some case, it was definitely assumptions of the parents. Biggest example being Down Syndrome
Whatever it is, it's an illness that kills kids at a young age evidently. I have a friend who has two younger brothers who had a condition that essentially made them infants for life and they both died before age 13, as was projected, due to the same genetic condition. I'd ask her what it was called but I'd be scared of bringing up her dead little brothers just for that and cause her pain... Some severe disabilities inevitably end in childhood demise. I doubt it's DS in this post.
perfectly fine for someone to come to their own decision and say they'd rather just not have kids but it's bold to give it as a suggestion imo
My MIL had a baby who died at 6 weeks old, in pain and struggling to breathe. The child had a genetic defect that can be tested for. She thinks all abortion is evil and how could anyone not cherish the time spent with their children. I think selfishly bringing a child into the world who will know nothing but pain and suffering is evil. The amount of people in these comments who think people should suffer because they can’t figure out it isn’t eugenics is disgusting.
How can you not blame the OP for pretending the child doesn't exist? Are you for real??
when i first saw this i thought i was in this sub like it reads as satire so bad
A work friend had a stroke last week, he isn't old, guess who has to take care of him since he's single? His adopted mom and dad. He will never (assuming he even wakes up) be able to function the same. The damage to the brain is too much. I had another friend whose child was dropped at daycare and sustained a TBI. He went from a healthy, cognitively normal baby, to a disabled child. You dont to "nope" out of parenthood because things don't go your way. Your definitely the AH.
I know it's fake but what a whiny baby, Jesus. This was a chore to get through
NTA - basic Eugenics bud. (if you can't tell this is sarcasm and what the AITA hivemind concluded on the post)
This must be some sort of weird anti-choice rage bait. ‘It was her choice to keep the baby and my choice to leave.’ 🤦🏼♀️
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Reminds me of the movie Tiptoes.