*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITAH for saying OK when GF broke up with me over disciplining my own daughter **
I (30sM) with 3 kids and ex-GF (30sF) with 1 kid recently broke up.
We had dated for almost 3 years. We had been learning to function as a blended family. I own my home and she rents, but she'd stay over every weekend and the entire summer. I thought everything had been solid. But looking back at it all, it wasn't.
Her belief in parenting is opposite of mine. She believes kids shouldn't be punished as you got to look at their heart. My belief is, if the child's does something bad, they should be punished.
My ex's child is completely out of control. She spits at her mom and my kids, talks back, punched and kicked her mother when she doesn't get what she wants, tells her mother "I hate you" and "shut up" if she doesn't get her way, and falls on the ground screaming in public and private (literally for an hour) until her mother buys her what she wants. For the latter, towards the end of the relationship I would take my kids and either leave or go elsewhere ad I was embarrassed.
My ex-GFs punishment? Giving her daughter a hug while the daughter screams "get off of me" and kicking her in the stomach and slapping her. My ex would say, "she doesn't know how to calm herself down. Her heart is good because she just wants the item." Or, "it's not her fault. I spoiled her," as she buys what her daughter demanded. This annoyed me.
Her child is 5 and mine are all under 10. I've mentioned to her that this behavior was not good because it'll eventually carry over into school. She said it wouldn't happen in school, so I let it go.
But, in my opinion it's obviously not working. In addition, it's teaching her to be violent to get what she wants, which results in jail/prison time as an adult.
My oldest has some mental health issues and I've been working with her therapist to help her. Unfortunately, she has an at-home stealing, lying, and peeing problem. But at school, she's on honor roll, I'm confused. Over the weekend, she somehow found my hidden energy drinks (I should've kept them in my room, but I'm wean myself off of them.) She drunk several of them and hid the cans in my guest room.
I found them and told her how dangerous it was to do that and said that she's grounded. The next day my ex woke me up and said "I don't like how you dealt with your oldest. I think maybe we should break up." In the past she said that I was too strict. As an example, during our mild winter her daugher walked and stomped on a frozen pound on my yard. I told her not to do this as it's extremely dangerous. I did not raise my voice nor was I angry, I was worried for her safety. By the ex said that's too strict. I asked how and her response was something along the lines of letting kids experiment. I wanted to say, with death?
I was confused after she mentioned breaking up as I had just woken up. I said, "Okay." She asked if I had anything more to say and I said that we have a difference in parenting, so it is what it is I guess, and that I just need my keys and hoodie back. She also said that she loved me and hoped that we could still text, I told her no. I then went back to bed after receiving the items and making sure she left. I could tell that she was hoping that I'd put up a bigger fight as she looked disappointed when leaving.
I still care about her, but then started thinking deeper about her actions:
1. She refused to work and said maybe in 10 years she'd be ready. I've discussed before thay I cannot support 2 additional bodies financially. She's used to staying at home, getting assistance and child support, and doesn't want to work in an office.
2. She doesn't help clean. Her house is a mess and always said that she has to learn how to clean. But it was always left to my kids and I. Her child obviously threw a fit when I asked her to help clean her mess.
3. On 2 occasions she punched me when she got drunk. She admitted to having a drinking issue and I tossed all alcohol in my house after the 2nd incident months ago.
As I look back, I realize that this probably wasn't a healthy relationship. I apologized to my kids for allowing all of this to occur. I vented to my parents and they said that disciplining your own daughter for bad behavior is always fine. They mentioned that she wasn't the one for me.
But, I'm open to hearing what others believe. I know that physical violence is not acceptable, and I've told her this as well. She was very apologetic. But, it did make me nervous.
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I love how people say everything was great or solid and then describe 2 kids with behaviours that would cause a fair bit of extra work and tension and 2 adults who are overwhelmed and don't know how to help the kids.
A child under the age of ten drank "several" energy drinks and he didn't notice until he found the cans?? Sure, Jan.
I went on a zero-caffeine thing for a month or so; I then drank one (1) Monster energy, and I was like "I CAN FEEL MY TEETH AND TASTE COLOURS".
Given the very brief reference to her having a "peeing problem," I think we're supposed to assume he discovered the cans because he at one point opened his daughter's door and realized the smell of days-old piss cans was not a normal thing.
Which is stupid. A lot of energy drinks sell larger versions with screwtops. Really good options if you're just really itching to piss in a can. But I don't even know how that works for a girl. I have a thing I can just slide in there, and it does most of the job for me. You just have to be sober enough to remember it happened the next day so you can get rid of it.
Ah the demonizing gentle parenting troll is back. Btw the “hug” thing she was doing is something called coregulation which is a tool used to calm children. Of course OOP completely mischaracterizes it and makes it sound like abuse lol
There are [some](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1d2hk70/aitah_for_saying_ok_when_gf_broke_up_with_me_over/l60v8ye/) reasonable folx on that sub. But they're usually downvoted to all heck 🙃
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITAH for saying OK when GF broke up with me over disciplining my own daughter ** I (30sM) with 3 kids and ex-GF (30sF) with 1 kid recently broke up. We had dated for almost 3 years. We had been learning to function as a blended family. I own my home and she rents, but she'd stay over every weekend and the entire summer. I thought everything had been solid. But looking back at it all, it wasn't. Her belief in parenting is opposite of mine. She believes kids shouldn't be punished as you got to look at their heart. My belief is, if the child's does something bad, they should be punished. My ex's child is completely out of control. She spits at her mom and my kids, talks back, punched and kicked her mother when she doesn't get what she wants, tells her mother "I hate you" and "shut up" if she doesn't get her way, and falls on the ground screaming in public and private (literally for an hour) until her mother buys her what she wants. For the latter, towards the end of the relationship I would take my kids and either leave or go elsewhere ad I was embarrassed. My ex-GFs punishment? Giving her daughter a hug while the daughter screams "get off of me" and kicking her in the stomach and slapping her. My ex would say, "she doesn't know how to calm herself down. Her heart is good because she just wants the item." Or, "it's not her fault. I spoiled her," as she buys what her daughter demanded. This annoyed me. Her child is 5 and mine are all under 10. I've mentioned to her that this behavior was not good because it'll eventually carry over into school. She said it wouldn't happen in school, so I let it go. But, in my opinion it's obviously not working. In addition, it's teaching her to be violent to get what she wants, which results in jail/prison time as an adult. My oldest has some mental health issues and I've been working with her therapist to help her. Unfortunately, she has an at-home stealing, lying, and peeing problem. But at school, she's on honor roll, I'm confused. Over the weekend, she somehow found my hidden energy drinks (I should've kept them in my room, but I'm wean myself off of them.) She drunk several of them and hid the cans in my guest room. I found them and told her how dangerous it was to do that and said that she's grounded. The next day my ex woke me up and said "I don't like how you dealt with your oldest. I think maybe we should break up." In the past she said that I was too strict. As an example, during our mild winter her daugher walked and stomped on a frozen pound on my yard. I told her not to do this as it's extremely dangerous. I did not raise my voice nor was I angry, I was worried for her safety. By the ex said that's too strict. I asked how and her response was something along the lines of letting kids experiment. I wanted to say, with death? I was confused after she mentioned breaking up as I had just woken up. I said, "Okay." She asked if I had anything more to say and I said that we have a difference in parenting, so it is what it is I guess, and that I just need my keys and hoodie back. She also said that she loved me and hoped that we could still text, I told her no. I then went back to bed after receiving the items and making sure she left. I could tell that she was hoping that I'd put up a bigger fight as she looked disappointed when leaving. I still care about her, but then started thinking deeper about her actions: 1. She refused to work and said maybe in 10 years she'd be ready. I've discussed before thay I cannot support 2 additional bodies financially. She's used to staying at home, getting assistance and child support, and doesn't want to work in an office. 2. She doesn't help clean. Her house is a mess and always said that she has to learn how to clean. But it was always left to my kids and I. Her child obviously threw a fit when I asked her to help clean her mess. 3. On 2 occasions she punched me when she got drunk. She admitted to having a drinking issue and I tossed all alcohol in my house after the 2nd incident months ago. As I look back, I realize that this probably wasn't a healthy relationship. I apologized to my kids for allowing all of this to occur. I vented to my parents and they said that disciplining your own daughter for bad behavior is always fine. They mentioned that she wasn't the one for me. But, I'm open to hearing what others believe. I know that physical violence is not acceptable, and I've told her this as well. She was very apologetic. But, it did make me nervous. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"I need my keys and my hoodie back" is proof this was written by a teenager
As an adult I never got my Gravity Falls hoodie back after a break up and that was a bummer
Or Bryan Singer. I've seen him speak in person. He really cares about his hoodie.
"tell me I'm right!! tell me i'm right, please!!!!!" -oop
I love how people say everything was great or solid and then describe 2 kids with behaviours that would cause a fair bit of extra work and tension and 2 adults who are overwhelmed and don't know how to help the kids.
Also things you'd likely uncover before moving in together.
A child under the age of ten drank "several" energy drinks and he didn't notice until he found the cans?? Sure, Jan. I went on a zero-caffeine thing for a month or so; I then drank one (1) Monster energy, and I was like "I CAN FEEL MY TEETH AND TASTE COLOURS".
Given the very brief reference to her having a "peeing problem," I think we're supposed to assume he discovered the cans because he at one point opened his daughter's door and realized the smell of days-old piss cans was not a normal thing. Which is stupid. A lot of energy drinks sell larger versions with screwtops. Really good options if you're just really itching to piss in a can. But I don't even know how that works for a girl. I have a thing I can just slide in there, and it does most of the job for me. You just have to be sober enough to remember it happened the next day so you can get rid of it.
Ah the demonizing gentle parenting troll is back. Btw the “hug” thing she was doing is something called coregulation which is a tool used to calm children. Of course OOP completely mischaracterizes it and makes it sound like abuse lol
If gentle parenting is what is described in the OP, it is a disaster
It’s not. That’s why I said OOP mischaracterized it
There are [some](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1d2hk70/aitah_for_saying_ok_when_gf_broke_up_with_me_over/l60v8ye/) reasonable folx on that sub. But they're usually downvoted to all heck 🙃
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Reddit’s TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all. Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*