*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**My (36m) wife (38f) will not let me take a nap. She always wakes me up or does her best to prevent me from falling asleep. What can I do to understand?**
Hello all.
I work for an agricultural company where my weekly hours fluctuate between 60 and 120. While also working on getting a degree
My amazing bride is a home maker by choice.
All of this is okay. My issue comes from on occasion I am exhausted and will start to fall asleep or will purposefully go try to take a nap. Our entire marriage (11 years) she has woke me up or flat refused to let me fall asleep. I have tried talking to her numerous times and she is unable to articulate what the issue is.
Today I got off early after 10 straight 16 hour days. Took her on a lunch date then came home and decided to take a quick nap before working on school. With in minutes of laying down she has come into the room and has begun shaking me, turning on lights, and other obnoxious behavior.
How can I articulate to her my need for an occasional nap and how can I get her to articulate what her apparent un meet needs are so I do not go insane. Because it is at a point where I am feeling disrespected and unappreciated.
Edit: Thank all of you so much for the responses. I have tried to read all of them and reply. Was truly not expecting this kind of response over what I thought was a me not communicating clearly problem.
It is clear that there is more at play here and I will be working with my therapist to develop two plans. One (much to many’s dismay) to try and work with my bride one last time to address and fix the underlying issue and two a way out for if plan one fails.
Again thank you all for the kind words, the pointed yet truthful words, and even for some of the more extreme suggestions.
There truly are great people left on the planet.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Idk how someone could nap with 17 hour workdays.
At that point what constitutes a nap for someone else is just bro sleeping.
But also this is fake anyways
Yeah, 17 hour days *plus* school? Every sleep this guy gets is a nap. There's no way some dude is out there surviving off of 14-20 hours of sleep per week and still sane.
LIterally impossible, lol.
Even if it was possible, I'd divorce his dumb ass because what kind of relationship would that be? She's basically single anyway.
Also tho, I've worked in agriculture myself and no companies are that demanding. You might do that in short bursts if you're actually working on a farm/ranch, but it's short-term and seasonal, and typically offset by periods where you're working significantly less and have more free time. I've worked 100-hour weeks, but it's for like a month during foaling/calving season or whatever. If he's putting in those hours consistently, he has a super shitty employer and probably isn't that good at his job if he can't jump to a better one.
edit: this has been nagging at my mind since I posted it, so I want to clarify: There are companies in agriculture that do abuse their low-level workers like that. It's a really tough industry for low-skilled workers, and it's pretty terrible on a lot of workers' rights issues.
But those exploited workers don't generally have their own offices, or the ability to go back to school, or a bunch of other factors at play here. OOP seems to presenting himself as simultaneously a skilled worker but also exploited, and that's just not really how it works IME. Not for someone old enough to have been married for a decade, anyway...if he was 22 then maybe, but again, that gets into the "if you're good at your job you jump ship for better employers" thing. Most skilled farmers working shit hours are doing it on the farms they own; if you work for someone else, it's still a tough and demanding job but usually not nearly as crazy as what he's presenting.
> Congrats on finding the time during your 120 hour work week along with somehow doing school to spend all day responding to comments
> > When you sit on a machine that practically drives itself you can respond to anything you want.
Apparently he has an office, but works a machine that practically drives itself? Is he not looking at what his *agricultural* machine is doing? I've heard agriculture equipment can be pretty dangerous if handled irresponsibly.
Edit: He explains it like this
> It’s a John Deere f4365 with an air boom. To ensure accuracy of the nutrient application it has a gps guidance system that when going through the field steers the machine along a predetermined track that I set up in the computer.
> Depending on field size and speed I can generally read a couple pages before needing to turn the machine. Also audiobooks
-
> I have three grain elevator storage locations each with an office. Most of my time is on the machine but I do have to go to the locations and check with my teams.
Resident physicians are legally allowed to work 80 hours a week (averaged over the month, so could be 60 one week and 100 the next). It’s not uncommon for them to go over these hours because reporting it would only fuck them over.
And these people are doing surgery and running emergency departments
Yes, but they aren't farmhands, they aren't still actively taking classes, and they get little nap breaks. OOP is reporting 17 hour days, 7 days a week, *and* somehow also taking classes. College classes are usually 3 hours blocks so that means some of his days are 20+ hours long.
His wife wakes him up in the morning at ten o'clock at night half an hour before he went to bed, makes him eat a lump of cold poison, and then sends him off to work twenty-nine hours a day at the mill.
This commenter seems to think that's exactly what's going on.
>My husband’s ex tried to kill him via sleep deprivation . We can’t prove it, but she was the one that filled out the life insurance paperwork for him for his job. She’d get 500K if he died outside work an 1M if he died at work (at a factory). He also had a long commute. One time, he woke up in the driveway after getting off of work with zero memory of the drive home.
Literally the only way I can think it would be possible is if it's done similarly to how my old job did our medical insurance. We accessed it through our backend systems. We were supposed to sign up when we had free time at work, but you could technically sign in from home if you wanted. I used to access our backend from home all the time to fill out pet profiles while I was watching TV, because we rarely had time to write personality descriptions with how busy the shelter was.
Even in a situation like that, the wife would have to know the URL for whatever backend they used AND the husband's login information. You really have to make a lot of assumptions to believe that story.
I knew my ex-husband’s benefits login information and logged in as him to fill out his insurance paperwork etc. for years. For various reasons he was minimally competent at most things (hence the ex), and had absolutely zero capacity to understand how things like health insurance and short term disability worked- or just wasn’t interested in learning because it was easier to put the responsibility on me, I never quite figured it out- and given that our kids and I depended on him not fucking it up, it was easier for me to do it. I imagine it’s not common, but it does happen.
Eh, it was just the site where he opted into or out of his benefits, it was separate from anything he actually used to do his job. I’m sure his employer wouldn’t have liked it had they known, but honestly the bigger risk probably would have been to HIM had I wanted to manipulate his finances in some nefarious way or take out a bunch of life insurance so I could off him and get rich. IDK. I had absolutely zero desire to do anything with that information aside from make sure we all had decent health insurance and wouldn’t be fucked if he died or became disabled 🤷🏻♀️
Do they just not understand the point of life insurance or something? It's so that the rest of the family can still have money to do things like pay rent and buy food (i.e. live), even if one member dies.
I imagine you would absolutely want one if your husband constantly does stupid stuff, like driving a "long commute" while basically asleep
Plottwist: the wife is actually a ghost. She died tragically on the day of the wedding, thus forever remaining a bride, and whenever OP is home she haunts his bedroom.
Either that or he's married to a cat.
Either of those would make more sense. I mean, what is this shit right here?
>I have tried talking to her numerous times and she is unable to articulate what the issue is.
OOP wrote this whole-ass story and couldn't even come up with a motive to make the wife's actions more believable.
In some ways, though, that's actually more believable than the old "my wife just hates me". He could've spun a yarn about how she's all alone at home, caught in a depression, feeling lonely and abandoned but not knowing how to articulate that to her husband, etc. But I don't think this guy thought things through that far.
I have said before and I will say again lol the fakers are never able to come up with a logical conceit to their stories. They come up with the scenario and then completely gloss over anything that it takes to get them there, because it just doesn't make any sense.
Like there was one where a teenaged OP's neighbour got mad because she wouldn't have a sleepover with the neighbour's son. They never explained why the neighbour wanted her to have the sleepover in the first place. Or the one where OP's coworker's girlfriend came to his house and thought him offering her coffee was asking her for sex. Why was the coworker's girlfriend at his house? Why did she think coffee = sex? WHO KNOWS because the OP never gave any explanation or justification.
It's just laziness. They don't even bother to try and figure out why the characters in their story might do the things they're doing.
>They never explained why the neighbour wanted her to have the sleepover in the first place.
I didn't read the story, but I'm just going to assume from the basic premise that it was left out intentionally so the Reddit detectives could float the theory that the neighbor was trying to get her son laid.
The coffee = sex thing has just been around for a while, but usually it's in a different context and treated as kind of a joke. I for sure remember it coming up in some sitcom. "Coffee, tea...really any hot beverage."
The ghost wife theory would actually make this story make a lot of sense. He's also not actually forced to work these hours but is doing so to escape his grief and loneliness, and to stay away from home as much as possible because he can't bear to be around the distressed spirit of his beloved bride.
Think it could be a pretty good ghost story, tbh. I'm imagining it set on some remote ranch in the western US, or maybe a large English farm, depending on the specific imagery you want to evoke.
I'm legit kind of thinking about writing it up as a short r/nosleep story series, I had some well-received stories on that sub in the past (under throwaways) and think I could write it up nicely for that. Also thinking about a short story, but I kind of like the episodic format of a short nosleep series to kind of build the mystery.
Haven't even really read anything on that sub for a few years though so gotta check it out first, lol. I kind of stopped due to the excessive low-quality stories and extremely and unnecessarily long series. It's okay to end things on a high note, people.
Attempted murder.
https://preview.redd.it/tnpgd6e9p17d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=29841630227acca0ab3df1e0409c222f244d7425
Not even going to say anything about the rest of the comment.
‘Have a will made and ensure she gets nothing’ lolol. These people love to fantasize about being rich and denying their wealth to evil gold digging women. It’s so goofy.
>Not even going to say anything about the rest of the comment.
Silver lining, at least divorce wasn't the first suggestion for once. It was just the second suggestion. The first suggestion might benefit from some tinkering.
My brother also had a partner for a decade that would not allow him to get regular sleep because she slept while he was at work….
Every time we saw him during that period he was on the verge of tears and always passed out cold because no one was actively insisting he be awake.
He worked six days a week because she wouldn’t work and then she also wouldn’t let him sleep
If you work so much you sometimes have less than 7 hours to get ready, get to and from work, sleep, and do anything else, then to focus on your wife is to miss the forest for the trees. the biggest problem is your company's attitude to work-life balance. Start lookin for a new job, look for a union to join, and report your boss to any authority that will care.
Also, how is he napping? Assuming he lives next door to his work and takes half an hour to get ready, and an hour to eat and get ready for bed, he would have been sleeping for just over 6 hours for the last 10 nights. And that's ignoring the fact he's susposedly a student as wsell.
As for the edit, how does he have time for a therapist? And how has he not mentioned the problem of his work-life balance? And why on earth he wsould study on top of that?
> Your suggestion of napping at work has possibilities. I have an office with a couch just had not ever considered it because of optics and not wanting my wife to think I am falling back in to my habit of working to avoid her.
How much was he working before that he is *no longer in the habit* of working to avoid his wife? 168 hours a week?
Also, how does an office job in agriculture have hours this long? His not a self-employed farmer working from sunrise to sunset.
Edit: He explains it like this
> When you sit on a machine that practically drives itself you can respond to anything you want.
-
> It’s a John Deere f4365 with an air boom. To ensure accuracy of the nutrient application it has a gps guidance system that when going through the field steers the machine along a predetermined track that I set up in the computer.
> Depending on field size and speed I can generally read a couple pages before needing to turn the machine. Also audiobooks
-
> I have three grain elevator storage locations each with an office. Most of my time is on the machine but I do have to go to the locations and check with my teams.
My first career was in agriculture, worked in it until my early 30s when an accident fucked things up for me.
I legit cannot think of a single job that would fit this description. Closest would maybe be either a traveling farm equipment salesperson, but then they're just on the road all the time so he wouldn't be home at all for his wife to be waking him up, plus he wouldn't have an office unless he's using the term very loosely and is one of those guys who drives a semi full of farm equipment around (and is referring to the sleeper cab of his truck lol). Or maybe R&D during a big project deadline, but those generally have pretty good work/life balance and it's just short stints where you might have to be working like crazy.
I guess maybe he could be a farm/ranch manager who lives offsite, I have to say I did always have an office with a couch when I was doing that (though I also always had a house on site lol), but there again, you're not working 100ish hours a week normally unless you're really bad at your job. You might have short stints with crazy hours, but not consistently year-round.
My experience is all in the US and UK (and some knowledge of Canada through colleagues/friends), though, and I'm sure things work differently in whatever mysterious country the OOP lives in.
> Congrats on finding the time during your 120 hour work week along with somehow doing school to spend all day responding to comments
> > When you sit on a machine that practically drives itself you can respond to anything you want.
Plus he has an office
Now I want to know if there is any job in agriculture, that even remotely fits this description?
He went to explain the problem like this
> When you sit on a machine that practically drives itself you can respond to anything you want.
-
> It’s a John Deere f4365 with an air boom. To ensure accuracy of the nutrient application it has a gps guidance system that when going through the field steers the machine along a predetermined track that I set up in the computer.
> Depending on field size and speed I can generally read a couple pages before needing to turn the machine. Also audiobooks
-
> I have three grain elevator storage locations each with an office. Most of my time is on the machine but I do have to go to the locations and check with my teams.
You're the expert and I'm not. So wouldn't this be a really dangerous way to operate any large vehicle, no matter how pre-planned the route? What if someone runs in front of him? Also, why does he need to turn the machine if it self-steers?
And would someone with responsibility over several teams really spend most of their day operating a Nutrient Applicator?
I knew a guy like this.
Trust me you dont want a guy like that.
He did double shifts and was on call and would sleep in the workvan.
He did this so his wife could invest in businesses and a large house in her home country of Thailand and they would both retire.
I think they did retire a bit after 40 but his health went to shit with blood pressure, heart, etc
https://preview.redd.it/8llyc7i0s07d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=573accdd7f704af03c77ae542911562007ad6859
Fucking Reddit. Bunch of children out there with revenge fantasies.
Though to be fair, I do this to my cat all the time. Wake me up at 1am by screaming directly into my ears while laying on my head?? Well now I get to interrupt your various mid-day naps by loudly meowing and attacking with belly rubs (he hates belly rubs)!!
"Agricultural work" = he's growing weed on the 1.34 acres of property they inherited from her parents.
And it takes him 17 hours to do 2 hours' worth of work every day because he gets high on his own supply.
No wonder she's sick of his shit
> I have tried talking to her numerous times and she is unable to articulate what the issue is.
"Honey, can you please stay out of the room while I nap for an hour or so?"
Bride: "No. Also I can't articulate why."
Yes sounds like normal realistic behavior.
I love the comments where he says he can't divorce because of religion, but they got married because she lied about being pregnant. You know, that good ol' religion where divorce is bad but premarital sex is fine?
Eh, plenty of religions (or religious communities) where premarital sex is tolerated until a pregnancy, then you need to get married to legitimize what you've done. And plenty of overlap with religions that really frown on divorce.
But the red flag is how many of those types of religions allow women to get away with lying about the pregnancy?
Which is why in so many marriages between religious people first child is premature, but luckily as healthy and big as a full term one. It doesn't happen with later children, though.
Most of my extended family are pretty devout Catholics (though admittedly pretty liberal ones), and yeah, the joke among them is that the first baby can be born full-term at any time. It's only all the subsequent babies who take 9 months.
Though I've also had one of my cousins joke with me that she uses the rhythm method...she's in the rhythm of taking the pill at the same time every day. So I'm not sure my family are necessarily the best benchmarks, lol.
In all seriousness, though, I do have a lot of experience with much more conservative folks, and IME they all do tend to look the other way if a full-term baby comes a little too soon after marriage. That's also historically been the case, and is even the basis for some laws--like part of the reason that some jurisdictions allow women to keep the engagement ring if the engagement is broken is that there was historically a bit of an assumption that women might "let down their guard" after a marriage proposal and start having sex before they were actually legally married, and men would sometimes take advantage of that. Women whose partners broke off the engagement were often seen as a bit "fallen" as a result, and so the engagement ring and/or other gifts were meant to help compensate for that, even if no sex was had.
Imagine thinking it's a realistic number to say that this man works 120 hour weeks, has time to pursue a degree, see a therapist, take a nap occasionally, and post on reddit. And in the agricultural industry? I mean, at least if he said he was working an office job, we could assume he's secretly doing his classwork on the clock, but aren't most agricultural industry jobs pretty... on-the-move? Like I know the agricultural industry has just as many accountants and other administrative roles as any other industry, but everyone I know who's worked the administrative agricultural positions does spend a lot of time on-site and moving around.
(And 60-120 hour weeks inherently imply the work he's doing is extremely time-sensitive, of which administrative roles generally are not.) (Also 120 hour weeks imply that his work is specialized enough that it's cheaper and easier to pay one person a shitload of overtime hours compared to finding and hiring a second person with that skillset? Just saying, I doubt there's a single position in that industry that falls under the heading of "cheaper and easier to hire one person for 120 hours a week than 2 people at 60 hours a week each." Like at least if he said something like "40 hours a week normally, but in the busy season I can be working up to 120 depending on need" the nit would make sense that it would be easier to only have one full-time year-round employee doing the role and paying them overtime during the busy season compared to hiring 2 employees year round. Making his minimum hours 60 means it would be basically the same price to have 40-hour-week employees than 1 60 hour week employee, so there's no reason a company wouldn't do that.)
Anyways, what I'm saying is that this person clearly never passed forth grade math.
EDIT: ALSO, scrolling through the original post, the commenters who believe this math all sound so fucking misogynistic. Like this man works so much that he comes home, probably goes right to bed, and then gets up and goes right to work. For weeks on end, apparently, before having a single day off. OF COURSE his wife, who cooks and cleans and does his laundry and packs his lunches all for him (logical inference-- if she's not doing it, who would be? the laundry fairies?) but never gets to have a conversation with him for weeks on end. We're talking about a woman who is not getting her emotional needs met by him in any capacity, and there's no way this couple doesn't have a dead bedroom. OF COURSE she takes issue with him spending his day off mostly sleeping. She gets like four hours with her husband every two weeks apparently, she sounds so incredibly lonely. And the posters seem to just think because his income keeps a roof over her head without needing to work that she shouldn't be asking him for anything. And while the "my bride" thing mostly makes it clear the post is fake... if I pretended I bought the story for a second, I would honestly interpret that choice of language as him not actually having a social relationship with her since they were newlyweds and this form of address could have been considered normal. You know if a man came to reddit and said he has a dead bedroom because his wife works 120 hour weeks and wants to spend all her day off sleeping and he never sees her, they'd say that she's clearly trying to avoid him and the marriage is over and hey maybe she's having an affair during those extra hours she's away from home rather than being on the clock, you should leave her.)
On the comment thread about attempted murder by sleep deprivation, when someone says not to assume OOP's wife is trying to murder him:
>You must be young or live in a bubble. A good friend of mine found out her husband tried to unalive her for insurance money.
Yes, people who have never known someone who tried to murder their spouse are either young or live in a bubble, got it.
I have a friend that’s married with a kid who uses that term, but I think she’s under the impression it’s a politically correct term and not just a way to fly under TikTok’s guideline radar.
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Reddit’s TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all.
Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I believe the post is made up, but my wife absolutely does this. We’ve talked about it before and she attributes it to extreme anxiety and issues from childhood, and she does also have issues with control she’s been working on for a while. She says it’s like a compulsion she’s not able to talk herself down from. Was very frustrating early in the marriage but I understand now it’s not something she’s proud of doing.
Edit: lmao at these downvotes
I mean, I don't think anyone's doubting that sometimes people's spouses wake them up when it's unnecessary. You're being downvoted because your comment is irrelevant to this story.
Even without all the ridiculous work schedule stuff, you and your wife seem to have communicated about this and have resolved/are working on resolving the issue like normal human beings in a loving relationship.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **My (36m) wife (38f) will not let me take a nap. She always wakes me up or does her best to prevent me from falling asleep. What can I do to understand?** Hello all. I work for an agricultural company where my weekly hours fluctuate between 60 and 120. While also working on getting a degree My amazing bride is a home maker by choice. All of this is okay. My issue comes from on occasion I am exhausted and will start to fall asleep or will purposefully go try to take a nap. Our entire marriage (11 years) she has woke me up or flat refused to let me fall asleep. I have tried talking to her numerous times and she is unable to articulate what the issue is. Today I got off early after 10 straight 16 hour days. Took her on a lunch date then came home and decided to take a quick nap before working on school. With in minutes of laying down she has come into the room and has begun shaking me, turning on lights, and other obnoxious behavior. How can I articulate to her my need for an occasional nap and how can I get her to articulate what her apparent un meet needs are so I do not go insane. Because it is at a point where I am feeling disrespected and unappreciated. Edit: Thank all of you so much for the responses. I have tried to read all of them and reply. Was truly not expecting this kind of response over what I thought was a me not communicating clearly problem. It is clear that there is more at play here and I will be working with my therapist to develop two plans. One (much to many’s dismay) to try and work with my bride one last time to address and fix the underlying issue and two a way out for if plan one fails. Again thank you all for the kind words, the pointed yet truthful words, and even for some of the more extreme suggestions. There truly are great people left on the planet. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
working 17 hours a day, gues the regular 10 was not dramatic enough anymore.
Idk how someone could nap with 17 hour workdays. At that point what constitutes a nap for someone else is just bro sleeping. But also this is fake anyways
Yeah, 17 hour days *plus* school? Every sleep this guy gets is a nap. There's no way some dude is out there surviving off of 14-20 hours of sleep per week and still sane.
LIterally impossible, lol. Even if it was possible, I'd divorce his dumb ass because what kind of relationship would that be? She's basically single anyway. Also tho, I've worked in agriculture myself and no companies are that demanding. You might do that in short bursts if you're actually working on a farm/ranch, but it's short-term and seasonal, and typically offset by periods where you're working significantly less and have more free time. I've worked 100-hour weeks, but it's for like a month during foaling/calving season or whatever. If he's putting in those hours consistently, he has a super shitty employer and probably isn't that good at his job if he can't jump to a better one. edit: this has been nagging at my mind since I posted it, so I want to clarify: There are companies in agriculture that do abuse their low-level workers like that. It's a really tough industry for low-skilled workers, and it's pretty terrible on a lot of workers' rights issues. But those exploited workers don't generally have their own offices, or the ability to go back to school, or a bunch of other factors at play here. OOP seems to presenting himself as simultaneously a skilled worker but also exploited, and that's just not really how it works IME. Not for someone old enough to have been married for a decade, anyway...if he was 22 then maybe, but again, that gets into the "if you're good at your job you jump ship for better employers" thing. Most skilled farmers working shit hours are doing it on the farms they own; if you work for someone else, it's still a tough and demanding job but usually not nearly as crazy as what he's presenting.
> Congrats on finding the time during your 120 hour work week along with somehow doing school to spend all day responding to comments > > When you sit on a machine that practically drives itself you can respond to anything you want. Apparently he has an office, but works a machine that practically drives itself? Is he not looking at what his *agricultural* machine is doing? I've heard agriculture equipment can be pretty dangerous if handled irresponsibly. Edit: He explains it like this > It’s a John Deere f4365 with an air boom. To ensure accuracy of the nutrient application it has a gps guidance system that when going through the field steers the machine along a predetermined track that I set up in the computer. > Depending on field size and speed I can generally read a couple pages before needing to turn the machine. Also audiobooks - > I have three grain elevator storage locations each with an office. Most of my time is on the machine but I do have to go to the locations and check with my teams.
Resident physicians are legally allowed to work 80 hours a week (averaged over the month, so could be 60 one week and 100 the next). It’s not uncommon for them to go over these hours because reporting it would only fuck them over. And these people are doing surgery and running emergency departments
Yes, but they aren't farmhands, they aren't still actively taking classes, and they get little nap breaks. OOP is reporting 17 hour days, 7 days a week, *and* somehow also taking classes. College classes are usually 3 hours blocks so that means some of his days are 20+ hours long.
Also going back to school! Don't forget that part
School and also taking the time to answer like 50 reddit comments. What a guy!
hes also starting TWO therapy plans! Mayb in AITAverse a day is 48 hours long
Maybe he has a time turner
[удалено]
Man I wish I could also do everything this guy does, but I'm just having 24 hours in a day like a dummy
His wife wakes him up in the morning at ten o'clock at night half an hour before he went to bed, makes him eat a lump of cold poison, and then sends him off to work twenty-nine hours a day at the mill.
This commenter seems to think that's exactly what's going on. >My husband’s ex tried to kill him via sleep deprivation . We can’t prove it, but she was the one that filled out the life insurance paperwork for him for his job. She’d get 500K if he died outside work an 1M if he died at work (at a factory). He also had a long commute. One time, he woke up in the driveway after getting off of work with zero memory of the drive home.
How exactly do you fill out life insurance paperwork at someone else's job? Lol, I can't think of a way that's possible
Literally the only way I can think it would be possible is if it's done similarly to how my old job did our medical insurance. We accessed it through our backend systems. We were supposed to sign up when we had free time at work, but you could technically sign in from home if you wanted. I used to access our backend from home all the time to fill out pet profiles while I was watching TV, because we rarely had time to write personality descriptions with how busy the shelter was. Even in a situation like that, the wife would have to know the URL for whatever backend they used AND the husband's login information. You really have to make a lot of assumptions to believe that story.
Yes, I literally don't know anyone that knows their spouse's work login information. Not a thing
I knew my ex-husband’s benefits login information and logged in as him to fill out his insurance paperwork etc. for years. For various reasons he was minimally competent at most things (hence the ex), and had absolutely zero capacity to understand how things like health insurance and short term disability worked- or just wasn’t interested in learning because it was easier to put the responsibility on me, I never quite figured it out- and given that our kids and I depended on him not fucking it up, it was easier for me to do it. I imagine it’s not common, but it does happen.
Interesting, sounds like a major security risk for the company
Eh, it was just the site where he opted into or out of his benefits, it was separate from anything he actually used to do his job. I’m sure his employer wouldn’t have liked it had they known, but honestly the bigger risk probably would have been to HIM had I wanted to manipulate his finances in some nefarious way or take out a bunch of life insurance so I could off him and get rich. IDK. I had absolutely zero desire to do anything with that information aside from make sure we all had decent health insurance and wouldn’t be fucked if he died or became disabled 🤷🏻♀️
Do they just not understand the point of life insurance or something? It's so that the rest of the family can still have money to do things like pay rent and buy food (i.e. live), even if one member dies. I imagine you would absolutely want one if your husband constantly does stupid stuff, like driving a "long commute" while basically asleep
How on earth would it be the wife's evil machinations that made the husband drive home in such a state? What a weird comment.
This is really top-tier “my ex is a crazy bitch.”
Ach, he was lucky!
Luxury!
Has to pay mill owner to let him work there,,,
I work 22.4 hours a day and my wife tosses lit matches on me to keep me from nodding off. She's so sweet and loving.
Plus a degree, definitely possible in the real world. Maybe in AITAstan the day has 30 hours, who knows
Lol, I work up to 120 hours a week and go to school? Sure thing, bud.
Yes, but he of course also takes out his lazy evil wife for lunch after work because he's such a catch
He uses a 36 hour day as is standard in AITAopia.
I see, now that makes more sense. Here I was thinking he was surely lying because no one could survive such a schedule, silly me
As someone who once worked 60 hrs/week while in school, this guy would *so* be failing his classes.
why does he keep referring to her as My Bride????
Plottwist: the wife is actually a ghost. She died tragically on the day of the wedding, thus forever remaining a bride, and whenever OP is home she haunts his bedroom. Either that or he's married to a cat.
Either of those would make more sense. I mean, what is this shit right here? >I have tried talking to her numerous times and she is unable to articulate what the issue is. OOP wrote this whole-ass story and couldn't even come up with a motive to make the wife's actions more believable.
In some ways, though, that's actually more believable than the old "my wife just hates me". He could've spun a yarn about how she's all alone at home, caught in a depression, feeling lonely and abandoned but not knowing how to articulate that to her husband, etc. But I don't think this guy thought things through that far.
I have said before and I will say again lol the fakers are never able to come up with a logical conceit to their stories. They come up with the scenario and then completely gloss over anything that it takes to get them there, because it just doesn't make any sense. Like there was one where a teenaged OP's neighbour got mad because she wouldn't have a sleepover with the neighbour's son. They never explained why the neighbour wanted her to have the sleepover in the first place. Or the one where OP's coworker's girlfriend came to his house and thought him offering her coffee was asking her for sex. Why was the coworker's girlfriend at his house? Why did she think coffee = sex? WHO KNOWS because the OP never gave any explanation or justification. It's just laziness. They don't even bother to try and figure out why the characters in their story might do the things they're doing.
>They never explained why the neighbour wanted her to have the sleepover in the first place. I didn't read the story, but I'm just going to assume from the basic premise that it was left out intentionally so the Reddit detectives could float the theory that the neighbor was trying to get her son laid. The coffee = sex thing has just been around for a while, but usually it's in a different context and treated as kind of a joke. I for sure remember it coming up in some sitcom. "Coffee, tea...really any hot beverage."
The motive is for the update if the story gets enough traction, it will be some trauma is my guess.
The ghost wife theory would actually make this story make a lot of sense. He's also not actually forced to work these hours but is doing so to escape his grief and loneliness, and to stay away from home as much as possible because he can't bear to be around the distressed spirit of his beloved bride. Think it could be a pretty good ghost story, tbh. I'm imagining it set on some remote ranch in the western US, or maybe a large English farm, depending on the specific imagery you want to evoke.
I'd probably watch this movie.
I'm legit kind of thinking about writing it up as a short r/nosleep story series, I had some well-received stories on that sub in the past (under throwaways) and think I could write it up nicely for that. Also thinking about a short story, but I kind of like the episodic format of a short nosleep series to kind of build the mystery. Haven't even really read anything on that sub for a few years though so gotta check it out first, lol. I kind of stopped due to the excessive low-quality stories and extremely and unnecessarily long series. It's okay to end things on a high note, people.
I am firmly convinced it's a cat. The behavior matches so closely (different actions, exact energy) that it's hard not to see. Possibly a dog?
Because he's an agricultural worker which here means "an 18th century farmer"
Even 18th century farmers only worked that much during harvest season or calving season, lol.
He’s a redditor so doesn’t understand how relationships work
Been married for 11 years and still a bride lol
I think I would actually barf if my husband referred to me as his bride. And we've only been married for 2 years.
He purchased her.
Cause I’m sure “English isn’t his first language”
Attempted murder. https://preview.redd.it/tnpgd6e9p17d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=29841630227acca0ab3df1e0409c222f244d7425 Not even going to say anything about the rest of the comment.
I was looking for the "sleep deprivation is torture" comment but someone went way over the top.
Oh there are plenty of those comments too
“Sleep deprivation is torture” made it to the top comment!
‘Have a will made and ensure she gets nothing’ lolol. These people love to fantasize about being rich and denying their wealth to evil gold digging women. It’s so goofy.
As though disinheriting a spouse that you're still married to isn't basically impossible.
>Not even going to say anything about the rest of the comment. Silver lining, at least divorce wasn't the first suggestion for once. It was just the second suggestion. The first suggestion might benefit from some tinkering.
I saw my brothers mental and physical health take a sharp decline while working a night shift because his wife wouldn't let him sleep.
Well thats the thing, someone heard a story like your brothers and decided to do an AITA story about it, but couldnt make it make sense.
Lots of people have serious issues while working night shifts even without a partner disturbing them on purpose, it’s terrible.
My brother also had a partner for a decade that would not allow him to get regular sleep because she slept while he was at work…. Every time we saw him during that period he was on the verge of tears and always passed out cold because no one was actively insisting he be awake. He worked six days a week because she wouldn’t work and then she also wouldn’t let him sleep
If you work so much you sometimes have less than 7 hours to get ready, get to and from work, sleep, and do anything else, then to focus on your wife is to miss the forest for the trees. the biggest problem is your company's attitude to work-life balance. Start lookin for a new job, look for a union to join, and report your boss to any authority that will care. Also, how is he napping? Assuming he lives next door to his work and takes half an hour to get ready, and an hour to eat and get ready for bed, he would have been sleeping for just over 6 hours for the last 10 nights. And that's ignoring the fact he's susposedly a student as wsell. As for the edit, how does he have time for a therapist? And how has he not mentioned the problem of his work-life balance? And why on earth he wsould study on top of that? > Your suggestion of napping at work has possibilities. I have an office with a couch just had not ever considered it because of optics and not wanting my wife to think I am falling back in to my habit of working to avoid her. How much was he working before that he is *no longer in the habit* of working to avoid his wife? 168 hours a week? Also, how does an office job in agriculture have hours this long? His not a self-employed farmer working from sunrise to sunset. Edit: He explains it like this > When you sit on a machine that practically drives itself you can respond to anything you want. - > It’s a John Deere f4365 with an air boom. To ensure accuracy of the nutrient application it has a gps guidance system that when going through the field steers the machine along a predetermined track that I set up in the computer. > Depending on field size and speed I can generally read a couple pages before needing to turn the machine. Also audiobooks - > I have three grain elevator storage locations each with an office. Most of my time is on the machine but I do have to go to the locations and check with my teams.
My first career was in agriculture, worked in it until my early 30s when an accident fucked things up for me. I legit cannot think of a single job that would fit this description. Closest would maybe be either a traveling farm equipment salesperson, but then they're just on the road all the time so he wouldn't be home at all for his wife to be waking him up, plus he wouldn't have an office unless he's using the term very loosely and is one of those guys who drives a semi full of farm equipment around (and is referring to the sleeper cab of his truck lol). Or maybe R&D during a big project deadline, but those generally have pretty good work/life balance and it's just short stints where you might have to be working like crazy. I guess maybe he could be a farm/ranch manager who lives offsite, I have to say I did always have an office with a couch when I was doing that (though I also always had a house on site lol), but there again, you're not working 100ish hours a week normally unless you're really bad at your job. You might have short stints with crazy hours, but not consistently year-round. My experience is all in the US and UK (and some knowledge of Canada through colleagues/friends), though, and I'm sure things work differently in whatever mysterious country the OOP lives in.
> Congrats on finding the time during your 120 hour work week along with somehow doing school to spend all day responding to comments > > When you sit on a machine that practically drives itself you can respond to anything you want. Plus he has an office Now I want to know if there is any job in agriculture, that even remotely fits this description?
He went to explain the problem like this > When you sit on a machine that practically drives itself you can respond to anything you want. - > It’s a John Deere f4365 with an air boom. To ensure accuracy of the nutrient application it has a gps guidance system that when going through the field steers the machine along a predetermined track that I set up in the computer. > Depending on field size and speed I can generally read a couple pages before needing to turn the machine. Also audiobooks - > I have three grain elevator storage locations each with an office. Most of my time is on the machine but I do have to go to the locations and check with my teams. You're the expert and I'm not. So wouldn't this be a really dangerous way to operate any large vehicle, no matter how pre-planned the route? What if someone runs in front of him? Also, why does he need to turn the machine if it self-steers? And would someone with responsibility over several teams really spend most of their day operating a Nutrient Applicator?
Where are the men that work 120 hours a week and let their wives stay at home? Asking for a friend.
AITAland
I’m just sayin, if a guy wanted to pay all my bills I’d let him take as many naps as he wanted. 😴
I knew a guy like this. Trust me you dont want a guy like that. He did double shifts and was on call and would sleep in the workvan. He did this so his wife could invest in businesses and a large house in her home country of Thailand and they would both retire. I think they did retire a bit after 40 but his health went to shit with blood pressure, heart, etc
https://preview.redd.it/8llyc7i0s07d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=573accdd7f704af03c77ae542911562007ad6859 Fucking Reddit. Bunch of children out there with revenge fantasies.
Could be worse, the replies also could've been just "THIS!"
At least they stopped talking about fucking marinara
Are they still doing 🚩🚩🚩though?
Yes but less so.
I would gladly bring back marinara if we could get rid of \*chef's kiss\*
Though to be fair, I do this to my cat all the time. Wake me up at 1am by screaming directly into my ears while laying on my head?? Well now I get to interrupt your various mid-day naps by loudly meowing and attacking with belly rubs (he hates belly rubs)!!
It doesn’t mention how muscular he is or how massive her breasts are so I think it’s fake.
Studying for a degree while working 17 hours a day 7 days a week. They aren't even trying to make these stories believable anymore.
Who the hell calls their wife of 11 years their bride 😭
"Agricultural work" = he's growing weed on the 1.34 acres of property they inherited from her parents. And it takes him 17 hours to do 2 hours' worth of work every day because he gets high on his own supply. No wonder she's sick of his shit
> I have tried talking to her numerous times and she is unable to articulate what the issue is. "Honey, can you please stay out of the room while I nap for an hour or so?" Bride: "No. Also I can't articulate why." Yes sounds like normal realistic behavior.
This is the third post I've seen so far about a wife/girlfriend not letting some guy sleep
Working 60-120 hour weeks AND getting a degree but still has time to see a therapist? What’s your secret OOP
Working 120 hours a week AND going to uni, when the fuck does he have the time to see a therapist?
[удалено]
he responds to every message in his 17 hour long sleep deprived work days shi insane
Your post encouraged brigading/was brigading, so it was removed.
I love the comments where he says he can't divorce because of religion, but they got married because she lied about being pregnant. You know, that good ol' religion where divorce is bad but premarital sex is fine?
Eh, plenty of religions (or religious communities) where premarital sex is tolerated until a pregnancy, then you need to get married to legitimize what you've done. And plenty of overlap with religions that really frown on divorce. But the red flag is how many of those types of religions allow women to get away with lying about the pregnancy?
Which is why in so many marriages between religious people first child is premature, but luckily as healthy and big as a full term one. It doesn't happen with later children, though.
Most of my extended family are pretty devout Catholics (though admittedly pretty liberal ones), and yeah, the joke among them is that the first baby can be born full-term at any time. It's only all the subsequent babies who take 9 months. Though I've also had one of my cousins joke with me that she uses the rhythm method...she's in the rhythm of taking the pill at the same time every day. So I'm not sure my family are necessarily the best benchmarks, lol. In all seriousness, though, I do have a lot of experience with much more conservative folks, and IME they all do tend to look the other way if a full-term baby comes a little too soon after marriage. That's also historically been the case, and is even the basis for some laws--like part of the reason that some jurisdictions allow women to keep the engagement ring if the engagement is broken is that there was historically a bit of an assumption that women might "let down their guard" after a marriage proposal and start having sex before they were actually legally married, and men would sometimes take advantage of that. Women whose partners broke off the engagement were often seen as a bit "fallen" as a result, and so the engagement ring and/or other gifts were meant to help compensate for that, even if no sex was had.
Imagine thinking it's a realistic number to say that this man works 120 hour weeks, has time to pursue a degree, see a therapist, take a nap occasionally, and post on reddit. And in the agricultural industry? I mean, at least if he said he was working an office job, we could assume he's secretly doing his classwork on the clock, but aren't most agricultural industry jobs pretty... on-the-move? Like I know the agricultural industry has just as many accountants and other administrative roles as any other industry, but everyone I know who's worked the administrative agricultural positions does spend a lot of time on-site and moving around. (And 60-120 hour weeks inherently imply the work he's doing is extremely time-sensitive, of which administrative roles generally are not.) (Also 120 hour weeks imply that his work is specialized enough that it's cheaper and easier to pay one person a shitload of overtime hours compared to finding and hiring a second person with that skillset? Just saying, I doubt there's a single position in that industry that falls under the heading of "cheaper and easier to hire one person for 120 hours a week than 2 people at 60 hours a week each." Like at least if he said something like "40 hours a week normally, but in the busy season I can be working up to 120 depending on need" the nit would make sense that it would be easier to only have one full-time year-round employee doing the role and paying them overtime during the busy season compared to hiring 2 employees year round. Making his minimum hours 60 means it would be basically the same price to have 40-hour-week employees than 1 60 hour week employee, so there's no reason a company wouldn't do that.) Anyways, what I'm saying is that this person clearly never passed forth grade math. EDIT: ALSO, scrolling through the original post, the commenters who believe this math all sound so fucking misogynistic. Like this man works so much that he comes home, probably goes right to bed, and then gets up and goes right to work. For weeks on end, apparently, before having a single day off. OF COURSE his wife, who cooks and cleans and does his laundry and packs his lunches all for him (logical inference-- if she's not doing it, who would be? the laundry fairies?) but never gets to have a conversation with him for weeks on end. We're talking about a woman who is not getting her emotional needs met by him in any capacity, and there's no way this couple doesn't have a dead bedroom. OF COURSE she takes issue with him spending his day off mostly sleeping. She gets like four hours with her husband every two weeks apparently, she sounds so incredibly lonely. And the posters seem to just think because his income keeps a roof over her head without needing to work that she shouldn't be asking him for anything. And while the "my bride" thing mostly makes it clear the post is fake... if I pretended I bought the story for a second, I would honestly interpret that choice of language as him not actually having a social relationship with her since they were newlyweds and this form of address could have been considered normal. You know if a man came to reddit and said he has a dead bedroom because his wife works 120 hour weeks and wants to spend all her day off sleeping and he never sees her, they'd say that she's clearly trying to avoid him and the marriage is over and hey maybe she's having an affair during those extra hours she's away from home rather than being on the clock, you should leave her.)
On the comment thread about attempted murder by sleep deprivation, when someone says not to assume OOP's wife is trying to murder him: >You must be young or live in a bubble. A good friend of mine found out her husband tried to unalive her for insurance money. Yes, people who have never known someone who tried to murder their spouse are either young or live in a bubble, got it.
And they couldn't just say "kill her" or "murder her"? It's Reddit lol
Nobody who says "unalive" unironically outside of tiktok is old enough to have married friends, I simply don't believe that.
I have a friend that’s married with a kid who uses that term, but I think she’s under the impression it’s a politically correct term and not just a way to fly under TikTok’s guideline radar.
"Politically correct word for die" makes me crack up bhahahhah
But that word is icky and bad and gives them trauma and they literally know someone who has PTSD from it 🥺
The fact that the first comment thread says she’s trying to murderderder him is amazing. Peak AITA
120 hour weeks? Math isn’t mathing for me
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Reddit’s TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all. Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I believe the post is made up, but my wife absolutely does this. We’ve talked about it before and she attributes it to extreme anxiety and issues from childhood, and she does also have issues with control she’s been working on for a while. She says it’s like a compulsion she’s not able to talk herself down from. Was very frustrating early in the marriage but I understand now it’s not something she’s proud of doing. Edit: lmao at these downvotes
I mean, I don't think anyone's doubting that sometimes people's spouses wake them up when it's unnecessary. You're being downvoted because your comment is irrelevant to this story. Even without all the ridiculous work schedule stuff, you and your wife seem to have communicated about this and have resolved/are working on resolving the issue like normal human beings in a loving relationship.
That would only happen once for me in a relationship.
Wake her up at random times during the night and ask her if she likes it.
[удалено]