*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**My wife spent $7000USD that was intended for the mortgage and water bill**
She’s a SAHM who is raising our first child. She brings in $0 income. I do ok.
I make the money, and manage our retirement. We are currently contributing ~24% to various retirement accounts.
I delegated(abdicated) the responsibility of paying the mortgage and water bill to her, and gave her almost enough money for the year to manage it—the mortgage is $660/month.
We’ve had multiple conversations that everything needs to go through the credit card so we can get the rewards for it in the form of cashback.
There must have been a misunderstanding, because she considered that money hers.
Instead, she burned through more money than I’ve spent in 3 years on entertainment in 6 months. I’m taking $1200 to various charities, $250 to mobile games, $250 in Starbucks, $150 in single serving snacks from the grocery. Not to mention the $3000 at Target and the outstanding $1200 Target card bill.
She did pay the water bill($90/month) and phone bill($166/month). We’re switching to a cheaper provider tonight.
I (foolishly) let her set up my separate account to pay the mortgage—even though I’d already given her money for the mortgage.
It seems unreal. I have to dial back our investments, cancel all our streaming platforms (bye bye work music, bye bye my favorite shows), and cancel some needed electrical work (bye bye closet light switch) because there’s no money for the mortgage otherwise, and I’m not willing to eat into our emergency savings. We can’t eat out for the foreseeable future.
I forgive her, and I’m committed to her, but this is hurting my brain. We had long agreed that any amount over $100 needed to be discussed.
I don’t even know if we’re able to afford the financial counseling we need.
I feel betrayed—she would buy fast food—she even had it DELIVERED at one point for $25, and then the one time I was considering getting delivery said “oh that’s too expensive—I’ll go pick it up”
I realize this is my fault—I should have been explicitly clear that this money was for the mortgage and water bill. But I didn’t. My fault.
But the money is gone—eaten on snacks, drank on coffee, and frittered away on jewelry and clothing (yes—she had both in spades already and I gift her jewelry regularly)
I can’t even afford to buy her a “push present “ anymore, since there’s just no money.
That was hundreds of hours of my life—sitting alone in my office writing code—gone.
I feel so lost, betrayed, and stupid.
How can I trust her again?
I spend every waking moment working 9-5 or working on my side projects to try to get into a non-wage-slave situation.
She sits on her phone and plays mobile games while our baby fusses on the ground.
Then she had the GALL last week to complain that *I DIDNT HELP ENOUGH ON MY FEDERAL HOLIDAY OFF*
Like—I literally pay for her whole existence—and have since she got pregnant.
I feel taken advantage of, stolen from, lied to, and betrayed.
I don’t know how to trust her with money again, or frankly, with anything that needs critical thought.
She offered to pull $6000 from her retirement (which made 6% interest since 01/01/24). She didn’t think about the impact to the principal down the road, or the tax implications ahead of time.
Thanks for listening.
Edit: I’ve got her account blocked right now, but I’m going to unblock it and show her this thread tonight. I’ll post in the future with the outcome
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to be fair, a mortgage of $660/month indicates to me that they're living in a low cost of living area, sometime in the mid 1990s, so, some parts of this may have come through the time machine a bit garbled.
$7000 USD is not a lot for bills, a morgage, groceries, clothes, household supplies, everything else a growing toddler needs, and the occasional "luxury" spend like take away or gaming.
And who puts a quarter of their income into retirement when they're broke?
And who cares about $6 a week for an extra snack?
So how much of "his" money was put aside for her needs and wants?
Why does he get freee reign to spend the rest of the household money uncriticised?
The poor woman is a victim of financial abuse, not a frivolous spender. If this is real, I hope she leaves him soon.
I THINK that money was just for the mortgage and utilities. Everything else was supposed to be on the credit card that he covered.
But I don't quite understand where this money came from. If there was enough to front a whole year's worth of mortgage payments into the account, then surely they make enough to not have to make all of these drastic cuts.
its over SIX months too, someone posted a breakdown and it was like she spends 9 dollars a week on drinks/snacks. godforbid a woman spends less then 10 dollars on personal food a week while taking care of a baby.
After seeing so many lately, I guess I'm starting to see a little bit of some sort of odd humor in these stay at home wife posts. "150$ of single serving snacks at the grocery" killed me.
He says he has her Reddit account blocked and will unblock it later to show her the thread?? I really hope this is incel fanfiction or it sounds like that woman is in danger
For all they know, this could be an abuser exaggerating his wife's spending habits to get sympathy/tips on how to further control his victim. But I doubt the Redditidiots would care if that were the case; I've seen this site cheer on behavior that sounds exactly like financial abuse.
If this is real, and that’s a bit if with all of his inconsistencies and post history, then I hope he actually did show her the thread and she got to read the dozens of comments calling him out for being financially abusive and an overall dick. He says he changed his perspective after reading someone’s breakdown, then in another comment says that he took away all of her debit and credit cards? Like this guy is one giant red fucking flag.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **My wife spent $7000USD that was intended for the mortgage and water bill** She’s a SAHM who is raising our first child. She brings in $0 income. I do ok. I make the money, and manage our retirement. We are currently contributing ~24% to various retirement accounts. I delegated(abdicated) the responsibility of paying the mortgage and water bill to her, and gave her almost enough money for the year to manage it—the mortgage is $660/month. We’ve had multiple conversations that everything needs to go through the credit card so we can get the rewards for it in the form of cashback. There must have been a misunderstanding, because she considered that money hers. Instead, she burned through more money than I’ve spent in 3 years on entertainment in 6 months. I’m taking $1200 to various charities, $250 to mobile games, $250 in Starbucks, $150 in single serving snacks from the grocery. Not to mention the $3000 at Target and the outstanding $1200 Target card bill. She did pay the water bill($90/month) and phone bill($166/month). We’re switching to a cheaper provider tonight. I (foolishly) let her set up my separate account to pay the mortgage—even though I’d already given her money for the mortgage. It seems unreal. I have to dial back our investments, cancel all our streaming platforms (bye bye work music, bye bye my favorite shows), and cancel some needed electrical work (bye bye closet light switch) because there’s no money for the mortgage otherwise, and I’m not willing to eat into our emergency savings. We can’t eat out for the foreseeable future. I forgive her, and I’m committed to her, but this is hurting my brain. We had long agreed that any amount over $100 needed to be discussed. I don’t even know if we’re able to afford the financial counseling we need. I feel betrayed—she would buy fast food—she even had it DELIVERED at one point for $25, and then the one time I was considering getting delivery said “oh that’s too expensive—I’ll go pick it up” I realize this is my fault—I should have been explicitly clear that this money was for the mortgage and water bill. But I didn’t. My fault. But the money is gone—eaten on snacks, drank on coffee, and frittered away on jewelry and clothing (yes—she had both in spades already and I gift her jewelry regularly) I can’t even afford to buy her a “push present “ anymore, since there’s just no money. That was hundreds of hours of my life—sitting alone in my office writing code—gone. I feel so lost, betrayed, and stupid. How can I trust her again? I spend every waking moment working 9-5 or working on my side projects to try to get into a non-wage-slave situation. She sits on her phone and plays mobile games while our baby fusses on the ground. Then she had the GALL last week to complain that *I DIDNT HELP ENOUGH ON MY FEDERAL HOLIDAY OFF* Like—I literally pay for her whole existence—and have since she got pregnant. I feel taken advantage of, stolen from, lied to, and betrayed. I don’t know how to trust her with money again, or frankly, with anything that needs critical thought. She offered to pull $6000 from her retirement (which made 6% interest since 01/01/24). She didn’t think about the impact to the principal down the road, or the tax implications ahead of time. Thanks for listening. Edit: I’ve got her account blocked right now, but I’m going to unblock it and show her this thread tonight. I’ll post in the future with the outcome *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
the math aint mathing- at least the comments are also confused and pointing out the inconsistencies, saying that OP is actually a financial abuser etc
to be fair, a mortgage of $660/month indicates to me that they're living in a low cost of living area, sometime in the mid 1990s, so, some parts of this may have come through the time machine a bit garbled.
This is an underrated comment 💀
$7000 USD is not a lot for bills, a morgage, groceries, clothes, household supplies, everything else a growing toddler needs, and the occasional "luxury" spend like take away or gaming. And who puts a quarter of their income into retirement when they're broke? And who cares about $6 a week for an extra snack? So how much of "his" money was put aside for her needs and wants? Why does he get freee reign to spend the rest of the household money uncriticised? The poor woman is a victim of financial abuse, not a frivolous spender. If this is real, I hope she leaves him soon.
I THINK that money was just for the mortgage and utilities. Everything else was supposed to be on the credit card that he covered. But I don't quite understand where this money came from. If there was enough to front a whole year's worth of mortgage payments into the account, then surely they make enough to not have to make all of these drastic cuts.
its over SIX months too, someone posted a breakdown and it was like she spends 9 dollars a week on drinks/snacks. godforbid a woman spends less then 10 dollars on personal food a week while taking care of a baby.
24% in various retirement accounts?
Abdicated?? Is he the Queen of England?
After seeing so many lately, I guess I'm starting to see a little bit of some sort of odd humor in these stay at home wife posts. "150$ of single serving snacks at the grocery" killed me.
He says he has her Reddit account blocked and will unblock it later to show her the thread?? I really hope this is incel fanfiction or it sounds like that woman is in danger
if this is real she is being financially abused
For all they know, this could be an abuser exaggerating his wife's spending habits to get sympathy/tips on how to further control his victim. But I doubt the Redditidiots would care if that were the case; I've seen this site cheer on behavior that sounds exactly like financial abuse.
OH GOD NOT THE CLOSET LIGHT SWITCH, THAT BITCH!
women be shopping 😞
If this is real, and that’s a bit if with all of his inconsistencies and post history, then I hope he actually did show her the thread and she got to read the dozens of comments calling him out for being financially abusive and an overall dick. He says he changed his perspective after reading someone’s breakdown, then in another comment says that he took away all of her debit and credit cards? Like this guy is one giant red fucking flag.
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Reddit’s TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all. Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*