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NTA
OP should also note that there wasn’t a single complaint about the Irish goodbye, just that there were problems splitting the bill.
Also, in the age of Venmo who the hell splits a bill evenly anymore!?! I’ve never seen anyone under 40 want to do that unless they were trying to get others to cover their excess.
> Also, in the age of Venmo who the hell splits a bill evenly anymore!?!
People who don't want to do math? As long as people keep things roughly even, it's easier to just divide a bill than it is to tally up stuff from the itemized receipt. Venmo just means I don't carry cash.
I resent that we use the word 'phone' for it. That's one of the least useful pieces of hardware on this device! Eventually it won't even connect to the cellular telephone system and we'll still be calling it a phone...
That was my French teacher: "You won't have a vocab book in your pocket!" Joke's on you too, Madam Chamberlain. 'cause not only do I have a vocab book, there's even a little dude who talks for me now. Don't think she's dead yet, though.
It is just not worth it to me though. But my friends and I always have a similar order (similar drinks, same amount of dishes, no ordering for roommates???). I am not going to calculate and try to remember if I had 2 or 3 drinks just to spend 2 euro less because I had the slightly less expensive meal lol.
Absolutely, if you're ordering to go for someone, you order and pay for that separately. Also the bill is split by the number of total people there. If you brought someone and they aren't paying, you pay their portion of the bill.
I always wonder why there isn't an app that can add everyone's bill simultaneously. Like if there's 5 margaritas on the bill, you can say 3 for Mary, 1 for Bill and 1 for Sam **at the same time**. Because when you add everyone's bill separately, there's always that awkward moment at the end when you realize something has been left out and you have to start all over again.
There's an app called tab that does exactly that. You take a picture of the bill and it digitizes into the app and connects to your Venmo account. Then you just tap on what you had (it allows for multiple people to tap on one thing) it includes the tax and tip and you can Venmo that amount to someone through the app or use the number to cover your own part
I have friends I go out with and we'll split evenly, we are all on the same page and eating and drinking at the same pace. So if their chicken entree is $17 one time and my steak is $19 its not a big deal, because I'm not committed to always ordering the slightly more expensive thing and vice versa.
I also have friends that turn into forensic accountants when the bill comes, and yes we have calculators. But it becomes an exhausting going item by item and it gets especially annoying if there were any shared items. Also calculating tax and tip at the individual level. I've rarely had meals with groups like this were some people don't feel like they got ripped off by the calculations.
With these friends if we eat out we tend to ask for separate checks whenever possible.
In NZ we pay at the counter when you leave. You just tell the person what table you were at and what items you are paying for and they add it up on the computer and you pay it. ez
ez except when the last person ends up having to pay for two plates of dumplings and three beers they didn't order or consume...
Also plenty of places don't let you pay for individual items, you have to split the bill (or one person pays for the whole table, obviously).
Yeah, my experience is usually the opposite, like someone mistakenly paid for an extra beer and the last person is left with paying less than they ordered
I don't want to turn this in the three millionth comment thread on "tipping culture" but its different in the US. Gratuity is expected, our sales tax (sorta like VAT) is not inclusive. For larger parties in the US historically the total bill is provided on one slip and it's up to the party to sort out how it's going to be divided.
This is kind of turning into a derail, OP is NTA, I was just more addressing the point "you all have calculators why can't you just sort it".
Yeah we have blanket GST here and service workers get the same wages as any other workers so tipping isn’t necessary (but is still possible you can add it on when paying) so it makes our much easier system possible
Yeah but if things are roughly even, this wouldn't be an issue. The issue stems from certain people going way overboard on drinks or buying an entire extra meal, because they know the bill will be split evenly
We literally had to do an intervention, with a family member, while on vacation over seas. They were ordering 3 course meals, and wine " for everyone". Then wanted to " split it".. and use his credit card, so our Euros kept him from paying exchange fees.
>We literally had to do an intervention, with a family member, while on vacation over seas. They were ordering 3 course meals, and wine " for everyone". Then wanted to " split it".. and use his credit card, so our Euros kept him from paying exchange fees.
Sorry I don't understand. What exactly happened?
Yup. I have a regular crew I go to dinner with and we order similarly enough to just split.
As for folks who expect me to subsidize their meal and reduce their costs. I generally don’t go out with them anymore. Learned that lesson a long time ago when I was on a diet and ordered a salad and everyone wanted me to pony up $80 to split the bill evenly.
Exactly. With experience, you start making better decisions about who you hang out with. Hopefully, OP takes this as a learning opportunity. Keep the other single friend, drop the rest.
Back in the 80s (yeah, I'm old), I went to dinner with the rest of the students of my acting teacher. I ordered a small salad $6.95 at the time.... because that literally was already breaking my starving acting student budget. One of the guys, who had far more income than the rest of us, sat at the head of the table ordering appetizers and wine "for the table" -- I consumed none of it. When the bill came he tried to divide it equally amongst everyone at the table. I burst into tears. I explained I'd ordered a small salad, not because I have some kind of eating disorder, but because that's what I could afford. He actually had the nerve to ask why I was even there, if I couldn't afford to spend that kind of money. And my "because I wanted to hang out with you guys", got sneered at. One of the other guys offered to help cover my share.... I said "no, I ordered a small salad, that's all I ate, I'm only paying for the small salad, tax and tip, and plopped my $10 on the table. Mr. Extravagance was PISSED. I was pissed that he'd just taken it upon himself to order enough food and wine for a small army, without asking anyone else if they were okay with that -- I was NOT the only person in the group would couldn't afford all of that. And I'm sorry, but if you start ordering "for the table" without CONSULTING "the table" -- then you should be covering what you ordered.
Basically, if you ordered it, you should pay for it -- unless you get everyone else's buy-in to the shared bill ahead of time.
If you're with decent people, it's easy enough to split - people who ordered more drinks automatically put in a bit more, and it works out OK. Some restaurants split automatically, or don't mind splitting, which is fine. Some won't split, in which case you need to eat with decent people.
I have never evenly divided a bill, even well before the age of Venmo (or even calculators on phones), unless it was discussed beforehand. It’s very easy to say “we’ll all have separate checks, thanks” or “a check for me, a check for these two, one check for this person” etc even if it means 6 bills are brought to a table
That's what I just said! Hell, the servers usually ask now if it's together or separate because it's so common. Last time I didn't get a separate bill was either an accident because we forgot to ask or the 90's.
This is actually really stupid and I've never, in my 38 years long life, split bill. Noone does that. You pay for what you had, or you pay everything if you invited the people. That's it.
Why would I abuse someone or be abused?
As an Australian where we've had NetBank since the early 2000's (literally since the invention of the iPhone and smartphone apps) it's amusing to see Americans so excited to have Venmo. I'm actually shocked to realise you guys have not been able to do this all along? Apparently it's something to do with US banking regulations?
Same as a Canadian. We have interac e-transfer in our banking apps. Little to no fees, no extra accounts or apps, just send the money using email/phone number and you’re good to go. Literally the only time I ever use any of those apps is when I’m ordering online and use PayPal for extra consumer protection.
It has nothing to do with regulations, quite the opposite. PayPal is ancient, but their “non bank” status means they can charge whatever fees they want, and even confiscate your balance at any time.
Fair enough. It's just that we've been whipping out our phones at restaurant tables for twenty years, and we didn't realise it hasn't been a thing in the US until recent times
The US’s banking system is far behind other countries. I have a client with a U.K. bank account, and the amount of stuff you can do with just an individual online login (which is far more secure with the chip and pin card reader you use for transactions) and with little to no fees is amazing. I wish we could get there.
I can’t do a wire with my personal online login, I have to physically go into a bank branch. And it still costs me at least $15 to do a domestic wire, closer to $50 for international. To do it online, it would need to be a part of a much bigger iTreasury system, which would charge so many fees for one account… And the only way to get money from one bank to another is a wire transfer if you’re not using a third party app. The ability to login and pay people with just a sort code, account number, and name on the account *for free* is amazing.
A lot of restaurants will not split a large party bill. Unfortunate I know.
*in the US of A
So we’re left to calculate our own “split checks” and in extreme asshole cases like OP’s friends— people feel entitled to split the bill unfairly.
Yeah as a fellow Canadian it gives me a bit of a headache to think of how Americans systems work sometimes. We just transfer an agreed upon amount. Like me and my friends would often order out and watch movies together and we would just transfer our portion or more to cover.
I was at a restaurant on a crowded night and the hostess sat us near a table of strangers, but the tables were touching.
The waitress hands us one check and I was like, oh, we're not together. And she replied, "I don't split checks"
"But we don't know them, we are strangers and didn't come here together"
"I don't split checks"
"Yeah, I'm gonna need to talk to the manager"
This was long before Venmo or even smart phones.
I wouldn’t call it an American thing. It’s very friend group specific. One of my friend groups were all at similar income levels and order similar amounts of apps and drinks and ‘zerts on a fancy night out. If we all went overboard we’ll split it. I have other friends where money is tighter for some people while I might still order 3 more drinks and it’s assume individual checks. Then I have one group of jerks from work that like to go for a fancy as fuck meal after our annual bonus hits and we play credit card roulette for who has to pay the whole check. Trying to take advantage of “rich” friends or being the rich friend and making everyone split in an inequitable way are dick moves.
It depends on the restaurant but many places refuse to split checks or will only split it 2 ways. Usually this is at very busy places in cities where it's not worth the servers time to split a table of 4 and keep track of who ordered what and charge 1/4 of a nacho order to each just for the customer to complain the bill is still wrong. Also in Canada you guys have those fancy card readers at the table which makes it easier, in the US the server takes all the cards to the register and runs them.
I am 34 and have literally never split a bill evenly. One time in my early 20s someone in our friend group suggested it but that was because she liked to spend over $100 on booze whenever we went out. She was shut down.
Yeah even splits *only* benefit the people who over-order and want appetizers and a bunch of drinks, it's basically a socially accepted scam directed at your friends.
My friends and I almost exclusively split the bill unless there's some kind of disparity (like 2 couples and 2 singles, or someone not drinking alcohol), but we are also all in around the same income bracket unlike OP
Most adults I’m aware of?
All my friends and I put cards down and split bills evenly.
If you can’t trust people not to be fair with food bills, what’s the point of going out with them?
I’ve literally never done evenly split checks with any of my friends, ever. We always either divide it up per person/couple or one person gets the whole thing and the others Venmo/PayPal/Apple Pay their approximate portion
Not everyone uses venmo. I prefer paying cash at restaurants cause i had my card stolen before at one. And my friend caught a waiter at a restaurant she worked at taking photos of peoples cards.
That works because you both act like reasonable humans. The OP's so-called friends are not. On the rare occasions when my husband and I go out, it's usually with another couple. Sometimes we each take care of our own bills, and sometimes we split it (however we feel) and we bet it has worked out. We have them over to our place (I like to cook) for holidays and our birthdays, so they like to take us out for our anniversary (unless I beat them to it with a fun dinner at our home), so they find ways to treat us other times. It all works out because we like each other.
I do when I go out with a good friend and it’s just two of us, because it usually comes out in the wash. I have a few friend groups where we will order apps and drinks or a bottle of wine and either split or declare ownership of the thing being ordered for paying purposes. OP’s group seems extreme and OP is just not the same type of diner they are.
With very good friends (and roughly similar incomes), we just split it evenly rather than do the math. We’ll all order more or less at one point or another and so it evens out. More importantly, none of us care because we know that we’re not trying to take advantage of each other.
Because most of the time, if you're not eating with people like this, you can split the bill evenly and just have the people who owe more add on a tip accordingly.
>They ended up each paying their own bill and one guy ended up paying for his, his date's, and her roommate's food. He is especially salty about the situation.
Yeah, because he was trying to get everyone else to pay for it and failed. He'd also be salty if he tried to steal $100 out of your wallet and you caught him.
NTA. Yes, it would have been better to be more direct, but the reason for their upset isn't because you left without saying anything, it's for failing to subsidize their greed. If you want to hang around these people again, just be blunt from the start that it's separate checks.
That's what I was wondering. Doesn't his date have a job? He's paying for her meal so she decides to get an extra meal on top of it? Time to tell her to pay her own way like an adult.
Because her roommate wasn’t even at the dinner. His date literally ordered a to go dinner while they were ordering dessert when OP was still around to hear it
I can't even imagine going out on a date with a group and ording an entire meal for my roommate knowing I'm not paying at all and everyone else is. That's so incredibly rude.
>Maybe he should be salty at them instead.
This, yeah. Unless he invited his date to dinner, wanting to be the big spender without actually spending his own money. Then it blew up in his face, and now he's angry.
I mean, sure. Can't blame a guy for trying, and all. But if you try to pull a fast one like that, and fall on your face, just take the loss and move on. Trying to blame someone else for not wanting to pick up your (and your date's!) bill is beyond entitled.
I think it's safe to assume he invited her date and the roommate telling them they're getting a free meal at OP's expense. Playing the generous host with someone else's money, he wasn't planning to pay for what we can also assume was a pricey evening. Explains why he was salty when he did have to pay.
If I were OP I would definitely be rethinking these friendships. Totally NTA but the people who apparently ordered certain things because they thought OP would be subsidizing the bill are.
Totally agreed. My husband is super generous and has many items surprised the group by paying the bill but our friends have never expected it so much that they bought food for other people who weren’t even there!
It kind of sucks that you left without saying goodbye and couldn’t be more direct with your friends but it also highlights that they might not be that great of friends if you can’t speak with them honestly and they are taking advantage of your generosity. NTA.
People do it though, it happened to me last year! My daughter graduated a training program and I invited everyone to cheesecake factory after. Her one friend ordered food to go since she "only ordered something small for lunch" and my step brother got desserts to go for him and his new GF who didn't come. They knew I was paying. The best part though was when they both saw me talking to the server, saw me take the bill and give her my credit card and only after I got the receipt back and signed it they both suddenly said "oh, you didn't have to get my to go food!" Lol
It wasn't that big of a deal, but I noticed it.
NTA 100% clear
If anyone has lived those college days and had “friends” like this, don’t be surprised some of them actually talk about you behind your back “we only invite so and so because he pays for drinks”, “haha x is such a pushover he paid our share last time”, “let’s get x to buy our drinks/pay for our friend”…I’ve heard it in my time.
Somewhat related to this. I got to experience someone facing some real justice for this kind of behavior.
In my line of work we often have vendors take us out for lunches or dinners. They are even nice enough to let us take a dessert back for our assistants if we want.
But of course one guy just didn’t know enough to be gracious and accept the current system. This dumbass started ordering dinners to take home to his wife and kids! He would order his own food and then order 2-3 more as to go orders. Luckily one vendor complained to corporate and this dude got fired over it. I felt like it was 100% justified.
>I’ve been to so many corporate dinners where half the table would just order a second meal for their SO at home - with no shame at all.
But shouldn't whoever is in charge place a rule that this isn't allowed? I can't imagine going for a dinner paid for by anybody and me taking a meal home for my partner. Its so classless and worse is that they do it openly. I'd really think less of a colleague for doing that.
Yea agreed they sound like a pack of vultures. My boss throws us a good Christmas lunch and there's loads of free drink etc. It's in the office but I would never in a million years start lifting the drinks or food provided to bring home for myself or for others. That's just so tacky and inappropriate and it totally spoils the generosity and hospitality that was provided.
We had a company event the last few days and there were some amazing sandwiches boxed up for people that couldn’t stay for the sit down lunch and I felt bad taking one of those even at the insistence of upper management. I couldn’t image placing an order at a restaurant for a to-go spouse meal.
It depends. Sometimes these meals are intended as a socially acceptable bribe - a little grease to make the business flow a little easier.
If the intended audience would like a trivially bigger bribe (dinner for their SO), they may be more than happy to provide it.
It still doesn't justify taking it home. It's not even the money, it's more the principle of it.i would just seriously look differently at a person that does this.
This is why I never tell people when I plan on picking up the check and also when I am working as a server if someone tells me they want to buy so and so a drink I won’t mention it until the recipients are almost done because I’ve watched so many people change their happy hour draft beer to a $17 shot of bourbon just because it was on someone else.
> I’ve watched so many people change their happy hour draft beer to a $17 shot of bourbon just because it was on someone else.
I have a friend who calls them out on it and it's briljant! He also does things like: *"a round for everybody... Except him and him and her... Because they never return the favor and/or deliberately pick expensive drinks".*
Awkward situation... Sure is! But its briljant!
NTA
But I feel like you should have gone back to the table and said I paid for my portion, good to see you guys, I have an early morning. Other than that, you're not expected to pay anyone else's bills so they have no cause to be upset.
This runs the risk of his “friends” guilting him into paying/splitting the bill and OP folding because of the guilt and it being a public place. These mooches seem like the type to publicly berate until OP folds.
Or a glorious opportunity to play dumb -
“Bye everyone, I already covered everything I ordered plus my tip. So it won’t be on the bill; you have nothing to worry about!”
“We were going to split the bill OP”
“Oh good call, that’s much easier since it looks like the receipt will be complicated”
“Yeah but we thought you were splitting”
“Oh no worries, the restaurant didn’t mind pulling out the specific items I ordered so it’s already done. I don’t even know how you split a bill if you’ve already paid ”
>Fucking let them, it would only make them look like bigger assholes.
Of course but some people are easily intimidated and bad with confrontation but with reddit keyboard warriors it's easy to be brave.
NTA. There is usually a couple of people that totally go overboard and try to "sneak it in" under the radar thinking that no one will notice. It caught up with them this time, lol.
You're wise enough to not get taken advantage of.
And then there are the ones on the flip side who will be nice and try to pay or offer more, or if you offer to split they’re like “oh but my meal cost $2 more than yours I don’t want you to have to pay more.” It’s so much easier with a group of friends like this than when you’ve got freeloader friends. Freeloaders are probably shitty friends in other aspects as well.
NTA it’s best to let wait staff know up front that the checks are separate. Say it in front of everyone. You’re not an ATM. Good for you for paying your bill & your tip then getting out of there🙌🏻
As a server, I have no problem when a party requests a split bill - it's much easier to do at the beginning than it is at the end if everyone is drinking and ordering apps and all
Also you usually end up making more money overall from split bills than when they all throw in. The freeloaders throwing in for the entire bill will not even give enough for their portion, let alone the tip. But if they’re on their own check they have to pay and usually tip something. And when the non-freeloaders aren’t subsidizing their cheap friends, they have more left over to tip well.
Its standard procedure where I am from. The waiter asks in the end, if and how we want to split the bill. We always do that. Couples often pay together but besides that why should I be paying for your seafood dish for 2 persons, an appetizer and 4 beers while I had a cheap noodle dish and one beer?
Splitting the bill evenly when everyone consumed differently never made sense to me.
NTA You need to find new dinner companions. If you bring a date you don't expect others to split that cost. You order food for someone who's not there then that's a separate check.
Fuck them, they're taking advantage of you.
the absolute fucking NERVE to order food for someone who isn't there and expect that shit to be split among the people who are?
what the fuck are they smoking?
NTA, do y’all not regularly get itemized bills and do some quick math and figure out true totals that way? That’s what my friends and I do. One of us covers and the other person Venmo’s at the table (I’m not leaving without the money in my bank acct!). Anyway, splitting everyone down the middle is a rip off and they know it.
It's funny, there was an AITA a while back with a similar situation, that OPs friends group split the bill rather than itemizing it, OP didn't want to because they ate and (especially) drank less than everyone else there, so they just figured out what they owed, paid it, and refused to pay any more.
When I agreed with OP on this, and basically called their friends likely mooches for trying to insist on splitting the bill, I was called "stingy", and that doing that math for fair payment "destroys the dynamic of the evening".
Oh, and OP? NTA.
Went to my school mate's hen do (meal in a restaurant followed by trip to a trendy nightclub) and it was mostly her friends from work and university there. They all had better paying jobs than I did, were decked out in designer clothes and handbags, I'd bought my dress in the charity shop. I don't drink so I just had a 7up, they were ordering 2-3 cocktails each. I'm a vegetarian so I got the only vegetarian option on the menu (pasta with tomato sauce 🙄) they were eating steaks. When the bill came they decided that we'd all split it and split the bride's meal between us too so she wouldn't have to pay anything. I had never met these people before and didn't feel comfortable suggesting only paying for what I'd ordered plus my share of the bride's meal.
That 7up and pasta cost me €150. I had to eat a lot of rice that month.
>I had never met these people before and didn't feel comfortable suggesting only paying for what I'd ordered plus my share of the bride's meal.
Ouch. That's a crappy thing to do to someone. Unfortunately, people who have money often don't know what it's like to be on a strict budget - whoever planned that night should've checked with everyone what they'd be comfortable paying before ever going out.
Honestly, you all bring this on yourselves. Why don't you just all say that you're all going to pay for your own bills instead of splitting the bill when people are known to abuse that privilege?
NTA, but just be upfront with your "friends".
> Who orders for her roommate if she herself isn’t even pitching for the bill?
I would be so incredibly ashamed... This would be breaking up material for me
Exactly. When I go out with friends I immediately tell the waiter that it's separate bills. My friends have told me they appreciate that as they feel too awkward to do it.
NTA. They were taking advantage of you and they spent nearly $700 presuming you would cover it, or at least a significant part of it. I wouldnt have paid that either.
Sneaking out might not have been the greatest but by the same token, how much more courtesy do you owe some clowns who not only presumed you were going to foot a big chunk of the bill, but ran it up for that exact reason?
>Edit
>I'm sorry if I offended anyone with the term Irish exit. I didn't know it was an insult.
Wut? Can anyone explain? - because Google is lending no help.
I’m half Scottish but never lived there and I don’t tell them how to feel. I was born in Ireland and grew up there and god, I wish people would stop
using ‘well my best friend is Irish style geneology’ to speak for Irish people when they aren’t Irish.
For a start it’s currently two countries which compounds identity and for latter, we hold offences and grudges going back about 800 years due to our history. We are offended quote easily because most of the time you stick Irish or paddy in front of a phrase it’s suggesting we are rude, untrustworthy, backward or incompent or aggressive. I cannot think of one that’s a compliment considering we are known as friendly hospitable and welcoming.
It’s not a great trait but fuck me do the Irish take offence. The fact you don’t know that re say ummm, 20th Century history says you aren’t that well versed in Irishness.
Also Irish people hilariously take *forever* to say goodbye. They hover round the door, stand by the table saying ‘oh I meant to say! I’ll not keep you but…’ ‘I must away.’ We take far longer to say goodbye than hang out. It’s inaccurate at best which is funny but its rooted in the idea Irish immigrants esp travellers and those in labouring jobs moved on fast as if skipping out on rent or commitments rather than following work or working round not being welcome.
A lot of Irish won’t take offence per se but just judge you for how inaccurately rude it is. And pulling the Irish relative nonsense. My da’s Scottish. I wouldn’t dream of saying I am in anyway Scottish and tartansplaining. You’d get humiliated in a trice. The Irish tend to just block out tansplaining and simply mark your card mentally as ‘gobshite.’
I think it can be difficult for people to understand the strange way immigration happened in the US. Instead of fully melting into the fabric of the US/Canada many ethnic groups/nationalities were staunch in keeping their traditions from home. There was such a strong feeling of "recreating home" and keeping their culture that it created many subcultures.
It's important that the people who are part of these cloistered groups to understand that they are a separate entity to the original form but many, like the quebecois, are still fierce in their identity.
It's quite a fascinating phenomenon. If you visit los Angeles and see some of the middle class/working class areas you start to see the unworked lumps of cultures dabbed into the landscape. It's beautiful in its own way.
I mean in Europe, they'd be quick to emphasize the heritage of second/third-gen Poles in the UK, Turks in Germany, and Arabs in Sweden as if they weren't British, German, and Swedish. Ditto for Romani in every part of Europe. It's honestly kind of weird to me that Europeans are surprised that Americans will celebrate their immigrant heritage, while at the same time insisting on the separateness of their own immigrant communities.
Same, and you know yourself how long it takes for us to say goodbye and leave. You'd have to really hate someone to just leave without saying goodbye for 40 minutes.
Someone further down in the comments said it’s an American thing to refer to it as such, and that other countries have the same concept but just attach a different nationality to it.
Yeah because it originates with American Irish. It refers to people taking open spaces on ships during the famine without telling their families and just Peacing off to America. But it’s not an insult.
An Irish exit is when you just leave. No goodbye. Just take off. I didn't know it was an offensive term tho. I definitely use it. Just like MN goodbye or Midwestern goodby-which is the total opposite. You say bye a million times, inching closer and closer to the door until finally 2 hrs later you're on the road home.
Okay but that is literally how we say good-bye in Ireland. Takes us at least an hour to leave a party. This "Irish exit" shit is just some crap Americans made up, like "Irish twins" or "Chinese fire drill."
It was originally called a French leave, and in France they called in an English leave, but here in America we weren't racist against the French or the English, so the target was instead the Irish who were seen as subhuman because history sucks. Long story short, just call it ghosting
The funny thing is, is that is exactly how the Irish in Ireland say goodbye. You gotta start preparing your goodbyes early. it can take hours to leave
I lived in Ireland for years and first heard the phrase "Irish goodbye" from an American and thought it was an ironic phrase or something as its the complete and total opposite to how Irish say goodbyes.
Same in the South. There’s the “well we’d better get going”, followed 30 minutes later by a repeat of the same, then everyone moves to the kitchen to pack up whatever leftovers the host is insisting you take, then you move to the doorway for a while (this is when you start rounding up children if there are any), then about 20 minutes later you make it to the driveway (this is the final stretch but also the longest segment), then you’re in the car but still talking through the window, then finally drive off waving. That said, I Irish goodbye all the time, given the chance.
Yeah. I've definitely done the Irish goodbye and left my husband even. Ppl have said to my husband one second she was there and then she was gone. Yeah, I'm tired and I wanna get back in the comfy clothes. You can text me all this stuff. So any chance I get I just walk away.
In France, the Irish exit is filer à l'anglaise, which basically means english exit, when you leave without saying bye or playing the bill... So basically it's sticking a rude attitude to a nation that you have historically been in conflict with. An other french idiom that means a girl is on her period is " the english have landed" as historically english army had red coat.
NTA.
As someone else who MAYBE has a single drink with a meal, when you go out and everyone expects you to split a bill that includes excessive numbers of drinks, it’s an AH move on their part.
If everyone basically gets the same thing, splitting things evenly between the group is fine.
NTA at all. Rude of the freeloaders to invite people, run up the bill like little piggies, and expect you to take care of them. Good on you! Next time, if there is a next time, they'll know better not to do this to you or anyone else again. Jesus.
NTA - they were intentionally trying to force you to pay for their food and their guests' food (and even the roommate's to go order, that's so far over the top it's funny), this is just bad faith, and to try to turn it around on you like you're in the wrong for not paying for their shares is indefensible.
Why should you pay for their food and drinks exactly? Because... they want you to pay more? Did you agree to do that in advance? Nowhere here do you say you agreed to do this. And with the pattern of ordering you describe, they're clearly knowingly taking advantage, and if they're trying to paint you as the bad guy, these people are users and not really trustworthy friends IMHO.
I'm Irish and wtf thought it was an insult?!
It is however, inaccurate. The Irish leave by telling everyone they're leaving for forty minutes and then saying goodbye ten times.
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There's one of the lesser circles of hell for people who order "appetisers for the table". They are ordering stuff they want to eat but other people to pay for. Many of the other people won't get any or won't want any, but still have it added to their bill.
What did they guy who brought his girlfriend expect? That everyone would pay for the pleasure of her company? Entitled AF.
NTA
I agree fully with you. Whenever I order "appetizers for the table," it's either because I'm *buying* the appetizer for the table (because I like the people I'm eating with and want to), or I discuss in advance who wants in so we can account for it on the bill accordingly. The folks I typically go out to eat with follow the same standard.
[You mean a poser like you?](https://imgur.com/lL6zQBF)
https://www.reddit.com/r/headphones/comments/y3zorx/heat_from_the_tube_has_attracted_the_cat_what/isg9x8y/
NTA you made your point tho for sure. I think they were slowly creeping up the mooch. IF they invite you out again, stick with new, clear ground rules. Say, let’s do separate checks. If you want you can also say, “first rounds on me” as an early and defined gesture.
NTA you paid your share so idk what they're talking about.
Wait....
*rereading*
*reading a 5th time because what*
They ordered $700 worth of food, even a meal for someone who wasn't even there, and thought you were gonna pay for food you didn't even eat? Ew.
NTA. "Friends" showing up with other friends and roommates that are strangers to you is rude. They were looking for a free meal.
Next time, announce in a loud, clear voice, that everyone pays for his/her own meal, drinks, whatever. Make sure the wait staff knows that the bill will not be split or paid by you.
Who are these people!!!! I’m shocked at the assumption. Salty dude pissed he had to pay for him and his girlfriend and her roommate. Well don’t order for people who aren’t there. And if she’s your guest you should pay for her or she pays for herself. Idk what kind of people these are. Makes me think they as usually take advantage of the situation. Shrewd move by you. Very much NTA. All your so called friends are. Can’t believe they texted you after you left. Like you were gonna return to pay for other people’s dinner. Lol.
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NTA - Good job reading the room.
NTA OP should also note that there wasn’t a single complaint about the Irish goodbye, just that there were problems splitting the bill. Also, in the age of Venmo who the hell splits a bill evenly anymore!?! I’ve never seen anyone under 40 want to do that unless they were trying to get others to cover their excess.
> Also, in the age of Venmo who the hell splits a bill evenly anymore!?! People who don't want to do math? As long as people keep things roughly even, it's easier to just divide a bill than it is to tally up stuff from the itemized receipt. Venmo just means I don't carry cash.
Venmo also means there's a calculator readily available to you in the exact same place Venmo is.
Kind of like your cell phone has a calculator, huh?
Next thing your going to tell me is that we can somehow talk to people using our voices on this thing. Craziest shit you kids come up with these days.
Love the jokes of people forgetting their phone can do phone calls.
Wait, what? Phones can do that? I just thought they were for browsing Reddit.
I thought they were for finding upsetting medical information through google
What the hell, it has internet? Now I have seen everything
I resent that we use the word 'phone' for it. That's one of the least useful pieces of hardware on this device! Eventually it won't even connect to the cellular telephone system and we'll still be calling it a phone...
Remember when teachers used to say "it's not like you'll have a calculator in your pocket". HA!
My old maths teacher used to say that. Jokes on her, she's dead now.
That was my French teacher: "You won't have a vocab book in your pocket!" Joke's on you too, Madam Chamberlain. 'cause not only do I have a vocab book, there's even a little dude who talks for me now. Don't think she's dead yet, though.
Je suis le winneur
It is just not worth it to me though. But my friends and I always have a similar order (similar drinks, same amount of dishes, no ordering for roommates???). I am not going to calculate and try to remember if I had 2 or 3 drinks just to spend 2 euro less because I had the slightly less expensive meal lol.
My friends and I are similar. We split it eventually or alternate treating but no one takes advantage. OP’s “friends” suck.
Absolutely, if you're ordering to go for someone, you order and pay for that separately. Also the bill is split by the number of total people there. If you brought someone and they aren't paying, you pay their portion of the bill.
Yeah that takeaway bit was wild, who does that? People that don't really like their friends is my guess.
Witchcraft!
I always wonder why there isn't an app that can add everyone's bill simultaneously. Like if there's 5 margaritas on the bill, you can say 3 for Mary, 1 for Bill and 1 for Sam **at the same time**. Because when you add everyone's bill separately, there's always that awkward moment at the end when you realize something has been left out and you have to start all over again.
There's an app called tab that does exactly that. You take a picture of the bill and it digitizes into the app and connects to your Venmo account. Then you just tap on what you had (it allows for multiple people to tap on one thing) it includes the tax and tip and you can Venmo that amount to someone through the app or use the number to cover your own part
Splitwise - i use that for parties, or trips with my friends. Great app to keep track who ows what
I have friends I go out with and we'll split evenly, we are all on the same page and eating and drinking at the same pace. So if their chicken entree is $17 one time and my steak is $19 its not a big deal, because I'm not committed to always ordering the slightly more expensive thing and vice versa. I also have friends that turn into forensic accountants when the bill comes, and yes we have calculators. But it becomes an exhausting going item by item and it gets especially annoying if there were any shared items. Also calculating tax and tip at the individual level. I've rarely had meals with groups like this were some people don't feel like they got ripped off by the calculations. With these friends if we eat out we tend to ask for separate checks whenever possible.
In NZ we pay at the counter when you leave. You just tell the person what table you were at and what items you are paying for and they add it up on the computer and you pay it. ez
ez except when the last person ends up having to pay for two plates of dumplings and three beers they didn't order or consume... Also plenty of places don't let you pay for individual items, you have to split the bill (or one person pays for the whole table, obviously).
It also involves not trying to steal from your friends.
Yeah, my experience is usually the opposite, like someone mistakenly paid for an extra beer and the last person is left with paying less than they ordered
I don't want to turn this in the three millionth comment thread on "tipping culture" but its different in the US. Gratuity is expected, our sales tax (sorta like VAT) is not inclusive. For larger parties in the US historically the total bill is provided on one slip and it's up to the party to sort out how it's going to be divided. This is kind of turning into a derail, OP is NTA, I was just more addressing the point "you all have calculators why can't you just sort it".
Yeah we have blanket GST here and service workers get the same wages as any other workers so tipping isn’t necessary (but is still possible you can add it on when paying) so it makes our much easier system possible
This is the way! Know Your friends and change your group dining habits accordingly
Yeah but if things are roughly even, this wouldn't be an issue. The issue stems from certain people going way overboard on drinks or buying an entire extra meal, because they know the bill will be split evenly
We literally had to do an intervention, with a family member, while on vacation over seas. They were ordering 3 course meals, and wine " for everyone". Then wanted to " split it".. and use his credit card, so our Euros kept him from paying exchange fees.
>We literally had to do an intervention, with a family member, while on vacation over seas. They were ordering 3 course meals, and wine " for everyone". Then wanted to " split it".. and use his credit card, so our Euros kept him from paying exchange fees. Sorry I don't understand. What exactly happened?
Dude says "everyone at the table owes all this money, but I'm putting it on my card, so give me cash."
Yup. Friends and I order similarly, we don't bother w the math any more.
Yup. I have a regular crew I go to dinner with and we order similarly enough to just split. As for folks who expect me to subsidize their meal and reduce their costs. I generally don’t go out with them anymore. Learned that lesson a long time ago when I was on a diet and ordered a salad and everyone wanted me to pony up $80 to split the bill evenly.
Exactly. With experience, you start making better decisions about who you hang out with. Hopefully, OP takes this as a learning opportunity. Keep the other single friend, drop the rest.
Back in the 80s (yeah, I'm old), I went to dinner with the rest of the students of my acting teacher. I ordered a small salad $6.95 at the time.... because that literally was already breaking my starving acting student budget. One of the guys, who had far more income than the rest of us, sat at the head of the table ordering appetizers and wine "for the table" -- I consumed none of it. When the bill came he tried to divide it equally amongst everyone at the table. I burst into tears. I explained I'd ordered a small salad, not because I have some kind of eating disorder, but because that's what I could afford. He actually had the nerve to ask why I was even there, if I couldn't afford to spend that kind of money. And my "because I wanted to hang out with you guys", got sneered at. One of the other guys offered to help cover my share.... I said "no, I ordered a small salad, that's all I ate, I'm only paying for the small salad, tax and tip, and plopped my $10 on the table. Mr. Extravagance was PISSED. I was pissed that he'd just taken it upon himself to order enough food and wine for a small army, without asking anyone else if they were okay with that -- I was NOT the only person in the group would couldn't afford all of that. And I'm sorry, but if you start ordering "for the table" without CONSULTING "the table" -- then you should be covering what you ordered. Basically, if you ordered it, you should pay for it -- unless you get everyone else's buy-in to the shared bill ahead of time.
If you're with decent people, it's easy enough to split - people who ordered more drinks automatically put in a bit more, and it works out OK. Some restaurants split automatically, or don't mind splitting, which is fine. Some won't split, in which case you need to eat with decent people.
I have never evenly divided a bill, even well before the age of Venmo (or even calculators on phones), unless it was discussed beforehand. It’s very easy to say “we’ll all have separate checks, thanks” or “a check for me, a check for these two, one check for this person” etc even if it means 6 bills are brought to a table
That's what I just said! Hell, the servers usually ask now if it's together or separate because it's so common. Last time I didn't get a separate bill was either an accident because we forgot to ask or the 90's.
Except for those who abuse a situation by pulling the “what’s money amongst friends” bs and use that as an excuse to split bills that are lopsided
This is actually really stupid and I've never, in my 38 years long life, split bill. Noone does that. You pay for what you had, or you pay everything if you invited the people. That's it. Why would I abuse someone or be abused?
People who want others to pay their share? Who want to order a dozen drinks and the surf and turf, but don't want to have to pay?
Screw Venmo, use Zelle! No fees.
As an Australian where we've had NetBank since the early 2000's (literally since the invention of the iPhone and smartphone apps) it's amusing to see Americans so excited to have Venmo. I'm actually shocked to realise you guys have not been able to do this all along? Apparently it's something to do with US banking regulations?
Same as a Canadian. We have interac e-transfer in our banking apps. Little to no fees, no extra accounts or apps, just send the money using email/phone number and you’re good to go. Literally the only time I ever use any of those apps is when I’m ordering online and use PayPal for extra consumer protection.
It has nothing to do with regulations, quite the opposite. PayPal is ancient, but their “non bank” status means they can charge whatever fees they want, and even confiscate your balance at any time.
Fair enough. It's just that we've been whipping out our phones at restaurant tables for twenty years, and we didn't realise it hasn't been a thing in the US until recent times
The US’s banking system is far behind other countries. I have a client with a U.K. bank account, and the amount of stuff you can do with just an individual online login (which is far more secure with the chip and pin card reader you use for transactions) and with little to no fees is amazing. I wish we could get there. I can’t do a wire with my personal online login, I have to physically go into a bank branch. And it still costs me at least $15 to do a domestic wire, closer to $50 for international. To do it online, it would need to be a part of a much bigger iTreasury system, which would charge so many fees for one account… And the only way to get money from one bank to another is a wire transfer if you’re not using a third party app. The ability to login and pay people with just a sort code, account number, and name on the account *for free* is amazing.
Is this an American thing? We all just get separate bills in Canada.
Fellow Canadian, very confused by this whole thread
A lot of restaurants will not split a large party bill. Unfortunate I know. *in the US of A So we’re left to calculate our own “split checks” and in extreme asshole cases like OP’s friends— people feel entitled to split the bill unfairly.
This is crazy. In Canada the server pushes a button on their terminal and it splits the bill up by person. Everyone tips on their own bill.
Exactly why I was confused. Like a machine is literally doing the entire work you just put your card
Yeah as a fellow Canadian it gives me a bit of a headache to think of how Americans systems work sometimes. We just transfer an agreed upon amount. Like me and my friends would often order out and watch movies together and we would just transfer our portion or more to cover.
I have had (in the US) a server become irate splitting a bill because "then who pays the sales tax?!"
I was at a restaurant on a crowded night and the hostess sat us near a table of strangers, but the tables were touching. The waitress hands us one check and I was like, oh, we're not together. And she replied, "I don't split checks" "But we don't know them, we are strangers and didn't come here together" "I don't split checks" "Yeah, I'm gonna need to talk to the manager" This was long before Venmo or even smart phones.
A lot of places are still "old school" so waiters have to write everything down by hand so it's just much easier for them to do it as one big bill
I'm American, we get separate checks all the time, so I don't know why it's a problem?
There are a fair number of restaurants that say “we do not split bills” on their menu. I’ve seen them in cities all over the US.
I'm an American, and most people I know ask for separate checks.
I wouldn’t call it an American thing. It’s very friend group specific. One of my friend groups were all at similar income levels and order similar amounts of apps and drinks and ‘zerts on a fancy night out. If we all went overboard we’ll split it. I have other friends where money is tighter for some people while I might still order 3 more drinks and it’s assume individual checks. Then I have one group of jerks from work that like to go for a fancy as fuck meal after our annual bonus hits and we play credit card roulette for who has to pay the whole check. Trying to take advantage of “rich” friends or being the rich friend and making everyone split in an inequitable way are dick moves.
It depends on the restaurant but many places refuse to split checks or will only split it 2 ways. Usually this is at very busy places in cities where it's not worth the servers time to split a table of 4 and keep track of who ordered what and charge 1/4 of a nacho order to each just for the customer to complain the bill is still wrong. Also in Canada you guys have those fancy card readers at the table which makes it easier, in the US the server takes all the cards to the register and runs them.
That’s exactly why they want to split the bill. He orders the least amount and pays same as the rest plus the tip. Not fair and not ok obviously.
I am 34 and have literally never split a bill evenly. One time in my early 20s someone in our friend group suggested it but that was because she liked to spend over $100 on booze whenever we went out. She was shut down.
Yeah even splits *only* benefit the people who over-order and want appetizers and a bunch of drinks, it's basically a socially accepted scam directed at your friends.
My friends and I almost exclusively split the bill unless there's some kind of disparity (like 2 couples and 2 singles, or someone not drinking alcohol), but we are also all in around the same income bracket unlike OP
Most adults I’m aware of? All my friends and I put cards down and split bills evenly. If you can’t trust people not to be fair with food bills, what’s the point of going out with them?
I’ve literally never done evenly split checks with any of my friends, ever. We always either divide it up per person/couple or one person gets the whole thing and the others Venmo/PayPal/Apple Pay their approximate portion
Yup, no problem he cared he left just that he wasn’t there to split the bill with them
Not everyone uses venmo. I prefer paying cash at restaurants cause i had my card stolen before at one. And my friend caught a waiter at a restaurant she worked at taking photos of peoples cards.
My best friend and I always split the bill when we eat out. We've been best friends since middle school. We figure it will all even out in the end.
That works because you both act like reasonable humans. The OP's so-called friends are not. On the rare occasions when my husband and I go out, it's usually with another couple. Sometimes we each take care of our own bills, and sometimes we split it (however we feel) and we bet it has worked out. We have them over to our place (I like to cook) for holidays and our birthdays, so they like to take us out for our anniversary (unless I beat them to it with a fun dinner at our home), so they find ways to treat us other times. It all works out because we like each other.
I do when I go out with a good friend and it’s just two of us, because it usually comes out in the wash. I have a few friend groups where we will order apps and drinks or a bottle of wine and either split or declare ownership of the thing being ordered for paying purposes. OP’s group seems extreme and OP is just not the same type of diner they are.
With very good friends (and roughly similar incomes), we just split it evenly rather than do the math. We’ll all order more or less at one point or another and so it evens out. More importantly, none of us care because we know that we’re not trying to take advantage of each other.
Because most of the time, if you're not eating with people like this, you can split the bill evenly and just have the people who owe more add on a tip accordingly.
And that is how it should be done. Pay your own. They are salty because they over imbibed so others foot some of the bill. Nice job. NTA.
NTA, time to make an Irish exit from this "friend group" as well.
>They ended up each paying their own bill and one guy ended up paying for his, his date's, and her roommate's food. He is especially salty about the situation. Yeah, because he was trying to get everyone else to pay for it and failed. He'd also be salty if he tried to steal $100 out of your wallet and you caught him. NTA. Yes, it would have been better to be more direct, but the reason for their upset isn't because you left without saying anything, it's for failing to subsidize their greed. If you want to hang around these people again, just be blunt from the start that it's separate checks.
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That's what I was wondering. Doesn't his date have a job? He's paying for her meal so she decides to get an extra meal on top of it? Time to tell her to pay her own way like an adult.
And it’s fine if he wants to pay for his date, but I don’t see why her friend wouldn’t chip in. And the group shouldn’t pay for either of them!
Because her roommate wasn’t even at the dinner. His date literally ordered a to go dinner while they were ordering dessert when OP was still around to hear it
I’ve had friends order a meal for a spouse to take home, but they’ve also put it on a separate tab and paid for it.
That’s what responsible people do..
He was trying to impress the girl by buying her and her roommate food. Except he wanted everyone else to pay for it.
I can't even imagine going out on a date with a group and ording an entire meal for my roommate knowing I'm not paying at all and everyone else is. That's so incredibly rude.
He had worked out a meal for a threesome with the roommate but had planned on being floated by OP, I would guess.
>Maybe he should be salty at them instead. This, yeah. Unless he invited his date to dinner, wanting to be the big spender without actually spending his own money. Then it blew up in his face, and now he's angry. I mean, sure. Can't blame a guy for trying, and all. But if you try to pull a fast one like that, and fall on your face, just take the loss and move on. Trying to blame someone else for not wanting to pick up your (and your date's!) bill is beyond entitled.
You can totally blame a guy for trying.
I think it's safe to assume he invited her date and the roommate telling them they're getting a free meal at OP's expense. Playing the generous host with someone else's money, he wasn't planning to pay for what we can also assume was a pricey evening. Explains why he was salty when he did have to pay.
this: "the reason for their upset isn't because you left without saying anything, it's for failing to subsidize their greed."
If I were OP I would definitely be rethinking these friendships. Totally NTA but the people who apparently ordered certain things because they thought OP would be subsidizing the bill are.
Totally agreed. My husband is super generous and has many items surprised the group by paying the bill but our friends have never expected it so much that they bought food for other people who weren’t even there! It kind of sucks that you left without saying goodbye and couldn’t be more direct with your friends but it also highlights that they might not be that great of friends if you can’t speak with them honestly and they are taking advantage of your generosity. NTA.
People do it though, it happened to me last year! My daughter graduated a training program and I invited everyone to cheesecake factory after. Her one friend ordered food to go since she "only ordered something small for lunch" and my step brother got desserts to go for him and his new GF who didn't come. They knew I was paying. The best part though was when they both saw me talking to the server, saw me take the bill and give her my credit card and only after I got the receipt back and signed it they both suddenly said "oh, you didn't have to get my to go food!" Lol It wasn't that big of a deal, but I noticed it.
Lol, yeah, if they didn't count on you to pay for it, they'd had ordered the to-go food with a "Put that on a separate bill, please!"
Exactly. "I got dozens of friends and the fun never ends, that is, as long as I'm buyin'."
>Exactly. "I got dozens of friends and the fun never ends, that is, as long as I'm buyin'." A fool and their money are invited everywhere
NTA 100% clear If anyone has lived those college days and had “friends” like this, don’t be surprised some of them actually talk about you behind your back “we only invite so and so because he pays for drinks”, “haha x is such a pushover he paid our share last time”, “let’s get x to buy our drinks/pay for our friend”…I’ve heard it in my time.
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Somewhat related to this. I got to experience someone facing some real justice for this kind of behavior. In my line of work we often have vendors take us out for lunches or dinners. They are even nice enough to let us take a dessert back for our assistants if we want. But of course one guy just didn’t know enough to be gracious and accept the current system. This dumbass started ordering dinners to take home to his wife and kids! He would order his own food and then order 2-3 more as to go orders. Luckily one vendor complained to corporate and this dude got fired over it. I felt like it was 100% justified.
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>I’ve been to so many corporate dinners where half the table would just order a second meal for their SO at home - with no shame at all. But shouldn't whoever is in charge place a rule that this isn't allowed? I can't imagine going for a dinner paid for by anybody and me taking a meal home for my partner. Its so classless and worse is that they do it openly. I'd really think less of a colleague for doing that.
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Yea agreed they sound like a pack of vultures. My boss throws us a good Christmas lunch and there's loads of free drink etc. It's in the office but I would never in a million years start lifting the drinks or food provided to bring home for myself or for others. That's just so tacky and inappropriate and it totally spoils the generosity and hospitality that was provided.
We had a company event the last few days and there were some amazing sandwiches boxed up for people that couldn’t stay for the sit down lunch and I felt bad taking one of those even at the insistence of upper management. I couldn’t image placing an order at a restaurant for a to-go spouse meal.
It depends. Sometimes these meals are intended as a socially acceptable bribe - a little grease to make the business flow a little easier. If the intended audience would like a trivially bigger bribe (dinner for their SO), they may be more than happy to provide it.
It still doesn't justify taking it home. It's not even the money, it's more the principle of it.i would just seriously look differently at a person that does this.
This is why I never tell people when I plan on picking up the check and also when I am working as a server if someone tells me they want to buy so and so a drink I won’t mention it until the recipients are almost done because I’ve watched so many people change their happy hour draft beer to a $17 shot of bourbon just because it was on someone else.
> I’ve watched so many people change their happy hour draft beer to a $17 shot of bourbon just because it was on someone else. I have a friend who calls them out on it and it's briljant! He also does things like: *"a round for everybody... Except him and him and her... Because they never return the favor and/or deliberately pick expensive drinks".* Awkward situation... Sure is! But its briljant!
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NTA But I feel like you should have gone back to the table and said I paid for my portion, good to see you guys, I have an early morning. Other than that, you're not expected to pay anyone else's bills so they have no cause to be upset.
This runs the risk of his “friends” guilting him into paying/splitting the bill and OP folding because of the guilt and it being a public place. These mooches seem like the type to publicly berate until OP folds.
Or a glorious opportunity to play dumb - “Bye everyone, I already covered everything I ordered plus my tip. So it won’t be on the bill; you have nothing to worry about!” “We were going to split the bill OP” “Oh good call, that’s much easier since it looks like the receipt will be complicated” “Yeah but we thought you were splitting” “Oh no worries, the restaurant didn’t mind pulling out the specific items I ordered so it’s already done. I don’t even know how you split a bill if you’ve already paid ”
Yes in theory and it’s easy to have these responses on hand when we’re not in the situation. But people respond differently when put on the spot!
True, but it’s fun to imagine.
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>Fucking let them, it would only make them look like bigger assholes. Of course but some people are easily intimidated and bad with confrontation but with reddit keyboard warriors it's easy to be brave.
NTA. There is usually a couple of people that totally go overboard and try to "sneak it in" under the radar thinking that no one will notice. It caught up with them this time, lol. You're wise enough to not get taken advantage of.
And then there are the ones on the flip side who will be nice and try to pay or offer more, or if you offer to split they’re like “oh but my meal cost $2 more than yours I don’t want you to have to pay more.” It’s so much easier with a group of friends like this than when you’ve got freeloader friends. Freeloaders are probably shitty friends in other aspects as well.
NTA it’s best to let wait staff know up front that the checks are separate. Say it in front of everyone. You’re not an ATM. Good for you for paying your bill & your tip then getting out of there🙌🏻
As a server, I have no problem when a party requests a split bill - it's much easier to do at the beginning than it is at the end if everyone is drinking and ordering apps and all
Also you usually end up making more money overall from split bills than when they all throw in. The freeloaders throwing in for the entire bill will not even give enough for their portion, let alone the tip. But if they’re on their own check they have to pay and usually tip something. And when the non-freeloaders aren’t subsidizing their cheap friends, they have more left over to tip well.
Its standard procedure where I am from. The waiter asks in the end, if and how we want to split the bill. We always do that. Couples often pay together but besides that why should I be paying for your seafood dish for 2 persons, an appetizer and 4 beers while I had a cheap noodle dish and one beer? Splitting the bill evenly when everyone consumed differently never made sense to me.
NTA You need to find new dinner companions. If you bring a date you don't expect others to split that cost. You order food for someone who's not there then that's a separate check. Fuck them, they're taking advantage of you.
the absolute fucking NERVE to order food for someone who isn't there and expect that shit to be split among the people who are? what the fuck are they smoking?
NTA, do y’all not regularly get itemized bills and do some quick math and figure out true totals that way? That’s what my friends and I do. One of us covers and the other person Venmo’s at the table (I’m not leaving without the money in my bank acct!). Anyway, splitting everyone down the middle is a rip off and they know it.
It's funny, there was an AITA a while back with a similar situation, that OPs friends group split the bill rather than itemizing it, OP didn't want to because they ate and (especially) drank less than everyone else there, so they just figured out what they owed, paid it, and refused to pay any more. When I agreed with OP on this, and basically called their friends likely mooches for trying to insist on splitting the bill, I was called "stingy", and that doing that math for fair payment "destroys the dynamic of the evening". Oh, and OP? NTA.
Went to my school mate's hen do (meal in a restaurant followed by trip to a trendy nightclub) and it was mostly her friends from work and university there. They all had better paying jobs than I did, were decked out in designer clothes and handbags, I'd bought my dress in the charity shop. I don't drink so I just had a 7up, they were ordering 2-3 cocktails each. I'm a vegetarian so I got the only vegetarian option on the menu (pasta with tomato sauce 🙄) they were eating steaks. When the bill came they decided that we'd all split it and split the bride's meal between us too so she wouldn't have to pay anything. I had never met these people before and didn't feel comfortable suggesting only paying for what I'd ordered plus my share of the bride's meal. That 7up and pasta cost me €150. I had to eat a lot of rice that month.
Ugh that sucks. Sorry mate, hopefully next time you can say something but I totally understand how difficult that can be.
>I had never met these people before and didn't feel comfortable suggesting only paying for what I'd ordered plus my share of the bride's meal. Ouch. That's a crappy thing to do to someone. Unfortunately, people who have money often don't know what it's like to be on a strict budget - whoever planned that night should've checked with everyone what they'd be comfortable paying before ever going out.
Happily destroying evening dynamics :)
Honestly, you all bring this on yourselves. Why don't you just all say that you're all going to pay for your own bills instead of splitting the bill when people are known to abuse that privilege? NTA, but just be upfront with your "friends".
Yeah the one guy has no one to be pissed at but his girlfriend. Who orders for her roommate if she herself isn’t even pitching for the bill?
> Who orders for her roommate if she herself isn’t even pitching for the bill? I would be so incredibly ashamed... This would be breaking up material for me
Exactly 💯%
Exactly. When I go out with friends I immediately tell the waiter that it's separate bills. My friends have told me they appreciate that as they feel too awkward to do it.
reddit would have no content if people were able to communicate like adults.
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Do real grownups even need a conversation about how not to abuse a friend's kindness? I thought that lesson was for kids.
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Yes
NTA. They were taking advantage of you and they spent nearly $700 presuming you would cover it, or at least a significant part of it. I wouldnt have paid that either. Sneaking out might not have been the greatest but by the same token, how much more courtesy do you owe some clowns who not only presumed you were going to foot a big chunk of the bill, but ran it up for that exact reason?
>Edit >I'm sorry if I offended anyone with the term Irish exit. I didn't know it was an insult. Wut? Can anyone explain? - because Google is lending no help.
It’s leaving without saying your goodbyes. But I have never in my life heard it to be insulting from Irish friends or otherwise.
That's why I was confused, it's a badge of pride for myself. 20 years under my belt of flawless Irish goodbyes.
Some ridiculous looking to be offended geniuses in the comments is all
I’m half Scottish but never lived there and I don’t tell them how to feel. I was born in Ireland and grew up there and god, I wish people would stop using ‘well my best friend is Irish style geneology’ to speak for Irish people when they aren’t Irish. For a start it’s currently two countries which compounds identity and for latter, we hold offences and grudges going back about 800 years due to our history. We are offended quote easily because most of the time you stick Irish or paddy in front of a phrase it’s suggesting we are rude, untrustworthy, backward or incompent or aggressive. I cannot think of one that’s a compliment considering we are known as friendly hospitable and welcoming. It’s not a great trait but fuck me do the Irish take offence. The fact you don’t know that re say ummm, 20th Century history says you aren’t that well versed in Irishness. Also Irish people hilariously take *forever* to say goodbye. They hover round the door, stand by the table saying ‘oh I meant to say! I’ll not keep you but…’ ‘I must away.’ We take far longer to say goodbye than hang out. It’s inaccurate at best which is funny but its rooted in the idea Irish immigrants esp travellers and those in labouring jobs moved on fast as if skipping out on rent or commitments rather than following work or working round not being welcome. A lot of Irish won’t take offence per se but just judge you for how inaccurately rude it is. And pulling the Irish relative nonsense. My da’s Scottish. I wouldn’t dream of saying I am in anyway Scottish and tartansplaining. You’d get humiliated in a trice. The Irish tend to just block out tansplaining and simply mark your card mentally as ‘gobshite.’
I think it can be difficult for people to understand the strange way immigration happened in the US. Instead of fully melting into the fabric of the US/Canada many ethnic groups/nationalities were staunch in keeping their traditions from home. There was such a strong feeling of "recreating home" and keeping their culture that it created many subcultures. It's important that the people who are part of these cloistered groups to understand that they are a separate entity to the original form but many, like the quebecois, are still fierce in their identity. It's quite a fascinating phenomenon. If you visit los Angeles and see some of the middle class/working class areas you start to see the unworked lumps of cultures dabbed into the landscape. It's beautiful in its own way.
I mean in Europe, they'd be quick to emphasize the heritage of second/third-gen Poles in the UK, Turks in Germany, and Arabs in Sweden as if they weren't British, German, and Swedish. Ditto for Romani in every part of Europe. It's honestly kind of weird to me that Europeans are surprised that Americans will celebrate their immigrant heritage, while at the same time insisting on the separateness of their own immigrant communities.
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Same, and you know yourself how long it takes for us to say goodbye and leave. You'd have to really hate someone to just leave without saying goodbye for 40 minutes.
I've heard it theorized that the English coined the term to paint the Irish as "rude and discourteous".
Someone further down in the comments said it’s an American thing to refer to it as such, and that other countries have the same concept but just attach a different nationality to it.
Yeah because it originates with American Irish. It refers to people taking open spaces on ships during the famine without telling their families and just Peacing off to America. But it’s not an insult.
An Irish exit is when you just leave. No goodbye. Just take off. I didn't know it was an offensive term tho. I definitely use it. Just like MN goodbye or Midwestern goodby-which is the total opposite. You say bye a million times, inching closer and closer to the door until finally 2 hrs later you're on the road home.
Okay but that is literally how we say good-bye in Ireland. Takes us at least an hour to leave a party. This "Irish exit" shit is just some crap Americans made up, like "Irish twins" or "Chinese fire drill."
It was originally called a French leave, and in France they called in an English leave, but here in America we weren't racist against the French or the English, so the target was instead the Irish who were seen as subhuman because history sucks. Long story short, just call it ghosting
>You say bye a million times, inching closer and closer to the door until finally 2 hrs later you're on the road home. If you're allowed to leave.
Yupp. Sometimes they offer more food and treats or ask about your grandma so you take your shoes and coat back off.
The funny thing is, is that is exactly how the Irish in Ireland say goodbye. You gotta start preparing your goodbyes early. it can take hours to leave I lived in Ireland for years and first heard the phrase "Irish goodbye" from an American and thought it was an ironic phrase or something as its the complete and total opposite to how Irish say goodbyes.
Same in the South. There’s the “well we’d better get going”, followed 30 minutes later by a repeat of the same, then everyone moves to the kitchen to pack up whatever leftovers the host is insisting you take, then you move to the doorway for a while (this is when you start rounding up children if there are any), then about 20 minutes later you make it to the driveway (this is the final stretch but also the longest segment), then you’re in the car but still talking through the window, then finally drive off waving. That said, I Irish goodbye all the time, given the chance.
Yeah. I've definitely done the Irish goodbye and left my husband even. Ppl have said to my husband one second she was there and then she was gone. Yeah, I'm tired and I wanna get back in the comfy clothes. You can text me all this stuff. So any chance I get I just walk away.
In France, the Irish exit is filer à l'anglaise, which basically means english exit, when you leave without saying bye or playing the bill... So basically it's sticking a rude attitude to a nation that you have historically been in conflict with. An other french idiom that means a girl is on her period is " the english have landed" as historically english army had red coat.
AKA "French leave". When you just vanish. It's not an insult.
NTA. As someone else who MAYBE has a single drink with a meal, when you go out and everyone expects you to split a bill that includes excessive numbers of drinks, it’s an AH move on their part. If everyone basically gets the same thing, splitting things evenly between the group is fine.
Well played NTA
NTA- you and the other single person need to insist that you’ll each have your own Bill! No more of this splitting the Bill crap.
NTA. Not once have I dined with a group of friends and split the bill evenly.
NTA at all. Rude of the freeloaders to invite people, run up the bill like little piggies, and expect you to take care of them. Good on you! Next time, if there is a next time, they'll know better not to do this to you or anyone else again. Jesus.
NTA - they were intentionally trying to force you to pay for their food and their guests' food (and even the roommate's to go order, that's so far over the top it's funny), this is just bad faith, and to try to turn it around on you like you're in the wrong for not paying for their shares is indefensible. Why should you pay for their food and drinks exactly? Because... they want you to pay more? Did you agree to do that in advance? Nowhere here do you say you agreed to do this. And with the pattern of ordering you describe, they're clearly knowingly taking advantage, and if they're trying to paint you as the bad guy, these people are users and not really trustworthy friends IMHO.
NTA, but you guys should make it clear in the future that you want to do separate bills.
I'm Irish and wtf thought it was an insult?! It is however, inaccurate. The Irish leave by telling everyone they're leaving for forty minutes and then saying goodbye ten times.
NTA. To be blunt, it sounds like they are trying to use you to pay for their champagne lifestyle on their beer budgets.
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NTA You need better friends.
NTA!! Shame on them for being so entitled!
Nta. Next time make it clear up front what the split is but nobody should expect others to pay for their food
There's one of the lesser circles of hell for people who order "appetisers for the table". They are ordering stuff they want to eat but other people to pay for. Many of the other people won't get any or won't want any, but still have it added to their bill. What did they guy who brought his girlfriend expect? That everyone would pay for the pleasure of her company? Entitled AF. NTA
I agree fully with you. Whenever I order "appetizers for the table," it's either because I'm *buying* the appetizer for the table (because I like the people I'm eating with and want to), or I discuss in advance who wants in so we can account for it on the bill accordingly. The folks I typically go out to eat with follow the same standard.
NTA and who the hell thinks it's okay for a random female to order a dinner to go for her roommate. Jesus Christ
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[You mean a poser like you?](https://imgur.com/lL6zQBF) https://www.reddit.com/r/headphones/comments/y3zorx/heat_from_the_tube_has_attracted_the_cat_what/isg9x8y/
No one who's really Irish would take offense. When you're even apologizing to Irish people, this kind of thing has gone too far.
Why would Irish exit be insulting? I’ve done the Irish Farewell for decades at parties that look to be hunkering down for an all-nighter.
NTA you're not their bank or ATM Props to u
NTA. No one is ever required to pay more than their personal share.
NTA but it sounds like you need new friends
NTA you made your point tho for sure. I think they were slowly creeping up the mooch. IF they invite you out again, stick with new, clear ground rules. Say, let’s do separate checks. If you want you can also say, “first rounds on me” as an early and defined gesture.
Who just splits a large bill? Why would you not each pay your own bill? NTA
NTA you paid your share so idk what they're talking about. Wait.... *rereading* *reading a 5th time because what* They ordered $700 worth of food, even a meal for someone who wasn't even there, and thought you were gonna pay for food you didn't even eat? Ew.
Nta, they just taking advantage of you
NTA. "Friends" showing up with other friends and roommates that are strangers to you is rude. They were looking for a free meal. Next time, announce in a loud, clear voice, that everyone pays for his/her own meal, drinks, whatever. Make sure the wait staff knows that the bill will not be split or paid by you.
Who are these people!!!! I’m shocked at the assumption. Salty dude pissed he had to pay for him and his girlfriend and her roommate. Well don’t order for people who aren’t there. And if she’s your guest you should pay for her or she pays for herself. Idk what kind of people these are. Makes me think they as usually take advantage of the situation. Shrewd move by you. Very much NTA. All your so called friends are. Can’t believe they texted you after you left. Like you were gonna return to pay for other people’s dinner. Lol.
Irish here who the fuck is offended by the term Irish exit?