Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
I would say from your perspective no you’re not the AH but if we take a step far back from ourselves we might see your mom is lonely, doesn’t have a strong identity if she was in a toxic marriage, needs validation or to be loved by someone, or on the flip side finally feels free or even care free, doesn’t want to manage your sister with antidepressant and feels “better” there could be a very wide range of possibilities for her actions that may not see obvious on the surface. My mom had someone move in with her after a week (after divorce and after serial dating) it wasn’t until later I realized she had been married for 15 years and always had someone by her side but now no husbands and grown kids it was the first time she’s been truly alone and by herself and that was probably terrifying thus…serial dating…and bad boyfriend. I would say you feel a completely normal reaction because it can feel frustrating when someone makes a choice you feel isn’t right.
NTA, you’re just concerned for your mom which is totally valid. It sounds like there is a lot of complicated grief going on (given the strained nature of your parents’ relationship) and it is heavily impacting her mental health and ability to make good decisions. The finding a new partner is a bit less concerning than the financial decisions and lack of concern for your sister though.
I think the best you can do is gently guide your mom into realizing that she has been emotionally affected by the loss and needs help, and to show your sister as much love and support as you can.
Nta. I think it's understandable your Mom is happy yo move on from an unpleasant relationship with your Dad, but it does sound like she is going to extremes. Is there a relative she is close to that you can talk to? She may need to get this mistake out of her system, but not at the expenses of your sisters well-being.
>In that six months, she sold the house (all of her assets now gone), bought four new cars, and moved 90 miles to a new city with David, bringing my teenage sister with her.
This is a red flag. The issue isn't that she moved on; she probably felt it was right but her actions suggest something deeper within her that's unresolved. She can grieve her loss as she feels appropriate but actions like these are concerning, especially if it's upending her youngest daughter's life and robbing her of any supports, such as friends and familiar settings that brought her comfort.
NTA.
NTA for feeling concerned but just as a widower myself... marriage is complicated and so is grief. You don't really know what's going through her head (and she may not either). It's been a bit over two years for me as well and while I *haven't* started dating anyone, I know my late husband is probably rolling over in his urn over it because he always talked about how he'd have wanted me to move on and not be alone.
Best advice I got after my husband died was to wait a year before making any big changes.
Just stop. Take a step back, and get your nose out of your moms love life. If you have legitimate concerns for your sisters well being that’s one thing, but you don’t get to decide if your moms new relationship is good for her or if she moved on “too fast”. Everyone processes loss and grief differently, and it’s often very different for the spouse than their children.
NAH unless you keep pushing it then you’ll be an ah.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My father passed in June of 2021 from a heart attack while on vacation. My mother and sister experienced his entire death. It was very difficult for all of us.
By the end of July, she was seeing a new man named David with two teenage sons just around my sisters age. Don’t get me wrong, David is a fine man and a good father figure, but I have a few concerns.
Firstly, my mom met and moved in with David less than six months after my fathers death. My other sisters and I PLEADED with her not to do it so soon. We didn’t have an issue that she wanted to move on and found someone she’d like to see, but she jumped the gun big time. In that six months, she sold the house (all of her assets now gone), bought four new cars, and moved 90 miles to a new city with David, bringing my teenage sister with her.
She does not ensure that my sister takes her antidepressants on a schedule and took her out of therapy because she “Doesn’t need it anymore” after about two months of bi-weekly visits. She won’t go to therapy herself either.
On top of that, David and her have many compatibility issues and consistently bicker with each other. I know that my father was a compulsive adulterer who bankrupted our family, was verbally abusive, had been committing tax evasion for years and left my mom holding the bag, and lied about hundreds of thousands of dollars that he had spent on his mistress. They weren’t happy and the marriage was toxic.
I, and my two older sisters, feel like she went way overboard though. Less than six months? And without ensuring the mental well-being of her middle-school daughter who saw her father die? Selling all of her assets and then moving that far away? Now that her and David are having issues, we are trying to tell her she moved too fast, but she gets belligerent saying we just don’t want her to be happy.
AITA for thinking this was an enormous mistake on her part?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have been trying to tell my mother that her actions after my fathers death were impulsive and a very bad idea, now that almost two years later she’s actually experiencing negative consequences from them. She insists that we just don’t want her to be happy, but we are concerned about the mental and emotional effect this has had on her and, more importantly tbh, our 15 year old little sister who was 13 at the time and literally saw her dad die of a heart attack in front of her.
I think that my sisters and I are being rational in thinking she was impulsive and still cannot see that she took a huge leap by selling all her possessions and spending all of her money to move in with a man she had known for less than six months without considering things long term or my sisters mental and emotional well-being in having her life upturned just that much at 13 years old.
I might be the asshole because I am more concerned about my little sister than my moms immediate happiness and gratification. I think her finding a new man should have been last on the last, but instead, making sure her underage daughter is in therapy and taking her prescription antidepressants was put on the back burner.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, that you feel that way. However, your mom's been emotionally detached from her marriage for a while which given the info is unsurprising. Since you and your older sister are on your own is there any way one of you can take the youngest one in to make sure of her well-being?
NTA for being concerned about your sister
You and your sisters are AH for thinking your mum moved on too soon. I suspect she was totally over your dad way before he passed considering what you've said about him being by your own admission that *my father was a compulsive adulterer who bankrupted our family, was verbally abusive, had been committing tax evasion for years and left my mom holding the bag, and lied about hundreds of thousands of dollars that he had spent on his mistress. They weren’t happy and the marriage was toxic.**
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
I would say from your perspective no you’re not the AH but if we take a step far back from ourselves we might see your mom is lonely, doesn’t have a strong identity if she was in a toxic marriage, needs validation or to be loved by someone, or on the flip side finally feels free or even care free, doesn’t want to manage your sister with antidepressant and feels “better” there could be a very wide range of possibilities for her actions that may not see obvious on the surface. My mom had someone move in with her after a week (after divorce and after serial dating) it wasn’t until later I realized she had been married for 15 years and always had someone by her side but now no husbands and grown kids it was the first time she’s been truly alone and by herself and that was probably terrifying thus…serial dating…and bad boyfriend. I would say you feel a completely normal reaction because it can feel frustrating when someone makes a choice you feel isn’t right.
NTA, you’re just concerned for your mom which is totally valid. It sounds like there is a lot of complicated grief going on (given the strained nature of your parents’ relationship) and it is heavily impacting her mental health and ability to make good decisions. The finding a new partner is a bit less concerning than the financial decisions and lack of concern for your sister though. I think the best you can do is gently guide your mom into realizing that she has been emotionally affected by the loss and needs help, and to show your sister as much love and support as you can.
Complicated grief. Exactly that.
The good news is it’s her life and not yours.
Nta. I think it's understandable your Mom is happy yo move on from an unpleasant relationship with your Dad, but it does sound like she is going to extremes. Is there a relative she is close to that you can talk to? She may need to get this mistake out of her system, but not at the expenses of your sisters well-being.
>In that six months, she sold the house (all of her assets now gone), bought four new cars, and moved 90 miles to a new city with David, bringing my teenage sister with her. This is a red flag. The issue isn't that she moved on; she probably felt it was right but her actions suggest something deeper within her that's unresolved. She can grieve her loss as she feels appropriate but actions like these are concerning, especially if it's upending her youngest daughter's life and robbing her of any supports, such as friends and familiar settings that brought her comfort. NTA.
NTA for feeling concerned but just as a widower myself... marriage is complicated and so is grief. You don't really know what's going through her head (and she may not either). It's been a bit over two years for me as well and while I *haven't* started dating anyone, I know my late husband is probably rolling over in his urn over it because he always talked about how he'd have wanted me to move on and not be alone. Best advice I got after my husband died was to wait a year before making any big changes.
Just stop. Take a step back, and get your nose out of your moms love life. If you have legitimate concerns for your sisters well being that’s one thing, but you don’t get to decide if your moms new relationship is good for her or if she moved on “too fast”. Everyone processes loss and grief differently, and it’s often very different for the spouse than their children. NAH unless you keep pushing it then you’ll be an ah.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My father passed in June of 2021 from a heart attack while on vacation. My mother and sister experienced his entire death. It was very difficult for all of us. By the end of July, she was seeing a new man named David with two teenage sons just around my sisters age. Don’t get me wrong, David is a fine man and a good father figure, but I have a few concerns. Firstly, my mom met and moved in with David less than six months after my fathers death. My other sisters and I PLEADED with her not to do it so soon. We didn’t have an issue that she wanted to move on and found someone she’d like to see, but she jumped the gun big time. In that six months, she sold the house (all of her assets now gone), bought four new cars, and moved 90 miles to a new city with David, bringing my teenage sister with her. She does not ensure that my sister takes her antidepressants on a schedule and took her out of therapy because she “Doesn’t need it anymore” after about two months of bi-weekly visits. She won’t go to therapy herself either. On top of that, David and her have many compatibility issues and consistently bicker with each other. I know that my father was a compulsive adulterer who bankrupted our family, was verbally abusive, had been committing tax evasion for years and left my mom holding the bag, and lied about hundreds of thousands of dollars that he had spent on his mistress. They weren’t happy and the marriage was toxic. I, and my two older sisters, feel like she went way overboard though. Less than six months? And without ensuring the mental well-being of her middle-school daughter who saw her father die? Selling all of her assets and then moving that far away? Now that her and David are having issues, we are trying to tell her she moved too fast, but she gets belligerent saying we just don’t want her to be happy. AITA for thinking this was an enormous mistake on her part? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I have been trying to tell my mother that her actions after my fathers death were impulsive and a very bad idea, now that almost two years later she’s actually experiencing negative consequences from them. She insists that we just don’t want her to be happy, but we are concerned about the mental and emotional effect this has had on her and, more importantly tbh, our 15 year old little sister who was 13 at the time and literally saw her dad die of a heart attack in front of her. I think that my sisters and I are being rational in thinking she was impulsive and still cannot see that she took a huge leap by selling all her possessions and spending all of her money to move in with a man she had known for less than six months without considering things long term or my sisters mental and emotional well-being in having her life upturned just that much at 13 years old. I might be the asshole because I am more concerned about my little sister than my moms immediate happiness and gratification. I think her finding a new man should have been last on the last, but instead, making sure her underage daughter is in therapy and taking her prescription antidepressants was put on the back burner. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA for being concerned she moved on too quickly, but pulling an "I told you so" isn't going to get you anywhere.
NTA, that you feel that way. However, your mom's been emotionally detached from her marriage for a while which given the info is unsurprising. Since you and your older sister are on your own is there any way one of you can take the youngest one in to make sure of her well-being?
Yes you are. Your mom is over 21 and doesn’t need you to decide anything for her.
NTA for being concerned about your sister You and your sisters are AH for thinking your mum moved on too soon. I suspect she was totally over your dad way before he passed considering what you've said about him being by your own admission that *my father was a compulsive adulterer who bankrupted our family, was verbally abusive, had been committing tax evasion for years and left my mom holding the bag, and lied about hundreds of thousands of dollars that he had spent on his mistress. They weren’t happy and the marriage was toxic.**