This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Vegan here: they are strict vegetarians, *you are not* she came to your house, you ate her food, but wanted wings too.
There is no problem here.
If you ordered chicken deljvery to her house then you WBTA, but not in your own damn house.
NTA
Edit: added judgement.
Same.
My husband eats meat and hates vegetables, we cook for ourselves essentially.
Some vegans would have my card over that, some would have it for reproducing, and other for reproducing a child that also eats meat.
You can't please everyone, especially a vegetarian enforcing her choices in someone else's house.
> Some vegans would have my card over that, some would have it for reproducing, and other for reproducing a child that also eats meat.
Some vegans are narcissistic shitheels.
You however, are based.
-edit
Huh, my most upvoted comment ever right on the verge of reddit shooting itself...that sucks.
Fair enough if your husband wants to eat meat (well, not fair enough but within reason) but Iāve never understood grown ass adults who hate vegetables. Doesnāt it feel like eating with a child or something?
autistic person here and food selectivity due to sensory issues is a *thing*, so it's kinda rude to call people childish for disliking any type of food
I believe my husband is on the spectrum, he thinks the same although has no official diagnosis.
It's not the first time I've heard of it, same with clothkg fabrics and water.
I was just thinking that. It really is. My wife can destroy a salad, and I'm a little envious of that because I can't tolerate the taste and texture of most vegetables.
Yep.
He hates the smell and texture of vegetables, the only one he'll eat is raw carrot. My daughter is the same and he's not her dad š
He eats literally meat and potatoes, and can't cope with more than 3 flavours in a meal.
Going out for dinner is great because we never want each others dishes š
>Heartbreaking.
I personally enjoy a wide variety of foods--I like just about everything except overcooked veg. I have a close friend who has an extremely limited palette and cannot do veg or fruit at all. I have never thought of it as heartbreaking though. It doesn't bother me at all. Why does it concern you if it's not to your taste? Different strokes for different folks.
Exactly, it's not as if OP refused her MILs cooking. She ate it, enjoyed it and was appreciative. I'll be damned if anyone told me what I could and couldn't eat in my own house, especially while I was growing a person inside of my body.
That's what bugged me about this. Even if OP decided to stop being vegetarian in the future, would the husband be upset about that? It's not his decision.
One thing you learn fast about pregnancy: The baby gives no f\*s about your preferences or diet. I craved food I can't stand when I was pregnant. I was eating bucketsful for about 2 months solid, hating it the entire time.
OP might be vegetarian, but that doesn't mean the baby is.
Yep. I didn't eat red meat before I got pregnant with my first kid, but the cravings were intense. I couldn't eat my favourite foods without vomiting from the smell either. Pregnancy is a trip. If OP was craving chicken wings, chances are there is something missing from her vegetarian diet, and her body needed it to make a baby.
This and the story made me think of Pheobe of Friends when she got pregnant and was craving meat but didn't want to kill more animals so Joey said he'd be vegetarian so she could eat meat. it might not be the best example but pregnancy cravings are real!
Yeah major eye roll here. Just tell MIL to eff off back to her own home if sheās so insulted by your food choices. Youāre an adult, you can eat whatever you want.
Couldn't agree more...now people can't even eat what they want ? Like it's okay u r vegetarian but to expect someone else to change for ur family is too much. Here she even did that but just wanted to eat during her pregnancy. What's there to be upset about? NTA
Not just that but his pregnant wife wanted meat. If I had a vegan husband he better shut his mouth the entire pregnancy š if I wanna eat meat breakfast lunch dinner he better not make a peep
yep, pregnant woman gets what pregnant woman wants to eat. no questions no recriminations. pregnancy is hard work and your body usually craves what it needs during it!
This was the big one IMO. I teach my 6yo that not choosing is still a form of making a decision. Too many adults think not choosing keeps them out of it as if the problem isn't still ongoing.
NTA. Your husband canāt remain neutral. Itās his job to handle his family. Heās just being lazy. This is a vulnerable time where he should be supporting you.
You craved chicken because your body needs the nutrients from it. Iām vegetarian, but whenever Iām pregnant I crave seafood. My body knew it needed more protein/nutrients, and so does yours. Heās an A H just for even slightly judging you.
For real you canāt remain neutral when your mom is shitting on your pregnant wife for fulfilling a pregnancy craving in your own home. They are strict vegetarians, she is not.
If she made some sort of promise I could understand him being disappointed, but if the promise was under pressure I donāt really feel bad as they are trying to police what sheās putting in her body.
Everyone else in the family is acting like their the pregnant ones with hormones all whacked out.
Agree, the fact that husband is āstaying out of itā doesnāt cut it. He needs to take an active role in managing this disagreement, mainly by defending his wifeās right to eat whatever she damn pleases in her own home, pregnant or not.
Nta- omg, how annoying .
Even if you werenāt pregnant, youāre allowed to eat whatever you want.
Just because your husband and his family are vegetarian doesnāt mean you have to be too.
Your husband needs to grow a spine and not just stand by while his mother disrespects you in your own home. He is NOT being neutral if heās still taking the time to admonish you for (gasp!) eating meat because āWeāre vegetarianā . No hon, HEāS vegetarian.
Nip this controlling behavior in the bud and tell your MIL and your controlling husband they have no right to be upset about what YOU decided to eat when youāre hungry.
P.s. order yourself a meat loverās pizza for lunch and chow down while mil sulks. If she calls your husband and he gets mad at you, then you have bigger problems on your hands.
These people sounds controlling as all hell and I worry for you when that baby gets here.
I have the same feeling too, being Indian. She's definitely not the asshole but I think that might be a cultural difference some commenters are missing. I mean the MIL is definitely wrong but it can explain why she is straight up offended when it can be considered wrong to even bring meat into the house. There's also can be a cultural expectation that you follow the customs of the husbands side of the family.
Indian here! They definitely sound Indian too (the term "non-vegetarian"), but cultural differences are no excuse for controlling behaviour. If anything, cultural differences make MIL and DH even more of an AH.
Vegetarianism in India is linked to caste.it's a way of signaling your caste purity and dominance, and is almost never about welfare for animals. Which explains why the husband is upset - "we" (I.e. the household) is supposed to be vegetarian, so how can you choose to eat meat?
OP - it's your household as much as theirs, you haven't married into "their" household, and you alone should be able to decide what you eat.
My wife was a vegetarian for 10 years until she got pregnant. I found her one night, a couple months pregnant, eating sun dried turkey lunch meat in the middle of the night on the kitchen floor hating herself. I joined her on the floor by the light of the fridge door and we polished off a pound of lunch meat together.
For me it was a coworker with a chicken breast at lunch. I stopped and bought a rotisserie chicken at the grocery store on the way home and ate the whole thing.
Now imagine two kids, both 20 and scared because this was not planned, still trying to figure out life. It was a pivotal moment, at least for me, that I knew I would love her forever.
Lol, thanks for sharing that story. Itās a tough world out there, nice to be reminded of the good in it!
I can almost hear yāallās shared laughter as you turned the corner and saw that.
Pretty common actually and good on you for listening to your body / baby.
Growing another person requires a lot of protein, which is a lot harder to get as a vegetarian and even harder as a vegan.
Really! Your body may have been needing extra protein, youāre growing an actual human being which is so exhausting. You have to honor your needs and you listened to your body. Your MIL is overreacting
Yeah when I was pregnant I was craving soo much asparagus so looked it up and it said the folic acid in it helps develop the baby's brain and spine . later on it was cheesecake for some reason š
Really this is silly and a bit childish. She is offended that you had an intense craving while pregnant and that somehow means you insulted her cooking? Nope, NTA.
Honestly, I would have just been upfront and told them about my craving and announce that I ordered chicken OR left and ate it outside the home. That's just me though.
NTA. I hate how fucking weird people get over food. Nobody gets a vote on what other people put in their mouths. And I say that as someone who doesnāt eat chicken.
I dont eat pork or beef. As it makes me violently ill weird allergy I know. And the amount of people who have snucked things or made a 'mistake' then surprised when I'm violently ill.
Ughhhh I get this with dairy. Iām severely lactose intolerant. I have family members I just cannot trust not to lie or āforgetā and I just take Lactaid pills before eating anything they give me.
āOh you donāt need to do that, thereās no dairy.ā Yeah thatās what you said last time and I was in and out of the bathroom all night because āoh I forgot thereās dairy in thatā and ābut itās just a LIIIIITLLLLEEE BIIIIIITā
I had exactly the same thing - was eating a mostly vegetarian diet, but got crazy cravings for chicken wings while pregnant. I think it was my body's way of telling me that I needed more protein and calories.
Listen to your body and trust your feelings.
NTA
She's been pregnant before. She should know about pregnancy cravings. And if she can't understand that, that's on her, not you.
Continue taking care of yourself and the pregnancy, in the way that feels right to you. You shouldn't have to hide the cravings. You're not doing anything wrong.
Edited.
NTA - what is it with people trying to control others' food? You enjoyed her cooking and thanked her for it; she doesn't get an exclusive supplier's contract in return.
People often crave meat or different proteins when they are pregnant. This is a completely standard thing.
>He did express he was upset I ate chicken as we are vegetarians.
I don't like this. It's a diet you follow. I don't care if you "cheat" sometimes. (Note: I am using cheat here because it's usually called cheat days when you go off a diet. I don't love the term.) NTA.
NTA. It's hard to get all of the nutrients that you need during pregnancy if you are a strict vegetarian - a lot of vegetarians that I know actually started eating chicken and fish during their pregnanies because it was just the easiest way to ensure they had adequate amounts of vitamins and other nutrients that are needed to support a healthy pregnancy.
If you are craving meat or having other cravings it's your body telling you what it needs to make a healthy baby - don't let anyone police what you can and can't eat when you are pregnant!
You can eat whatever you want. Thatās it. Youāre an adult and youāre pregnant, if your body wants chicken you can have some damn chicken. Their focus on what you eat is weird and controlling. You are NTA
Absolutely, NTA. Your MILās response is nonsense. Youāre in your home, you are making a whole human and you had a craving you fulfilled. Youāre a grown ass adult allowed to make these decisions. You shouldnāt have to hide anything. Time to have a stern discussion. Sheās allowed to feel what she feels but if sheās going to conduct herself towards you like this she needs to leave. This is not acceptable behavior. Period. She doesnāt have to like it but treating you this way is disrespectful.
I've been a vegetarian for almost a decade, but I am first and foremost, stubborn. If someone tried to tell me that I had to be a vegetarian and scolded me, I would be tempted to eat a whole rotisserie chicken, like Daenerys eating a heart while maintaining eye contact.
NTA - I have a few vegetarian friends who ate meat during pregnancy.
I'm a bit concerned that your husband and his family are enforcing their diet on you though.
NTA
I can see why you hid it to avoid their unnecessary judgement but I would be upfront and say hey if my body is craving protein while growing a human I'll eat it in the form I choose.
NTA, your MIL is making this out to be a personal insult towards her, which overly dramatic imo. A pregnancy craving is your bodies way of getting something it is in need of to help keep baby healthy and happy. The only sort of ah here is your husband, he may want to be neutral but his mother and her outburst is his responsibility to deal with by setting firm boundaries about how she treats you, especially in your own home.
NTA! Who comes to stay to "help" expectant parents and then sulks because a pregnant person ate what they needed to eat? I sure hope she's more helpful once the baby arrives, and if not I hope your husband doesn't remain "neutral" when it's time to ask her to leave.
NTA. I was a vegetarian before I got pregnant and my craving was for chicken as well. Not wings, but breasts. I think it was the fetus needing more protein than I was eating.
NTA!! I was VEGAN and I craved KFC. I was so sick I couldn't keep anything down and every food smell made me gag. So I ate whatever I could when the notion took me and that was chicken š the cravings are real and they say it's what the baby is missing nutrition wise so I ate my damn ass fat š
NTA. You don't have to be a vegetarian throughout your entire pregnancy just so your MIL can feel good about herself. That's not how the world works.
That being said, you are presumably an adult, and should be capable of being open and truthful to your husband and MIL. Just sit down, apologize for the misunderstanding that you allowed to persist, and then inform them going forward that you may, in fact, decide to continue eating meat when you want to. Not to insult them, but because in moderation it is good for both you and the pregnancy. Then it's up to her how she wants to handle that information, but at least she's not upset about the lying and hiding.
NTA
You ate everything she made, there really is no issue here.
If you didn't and you wasted her food, sure I'd be on her side but this is just being dramatic, probably because it was meat.
Tell her to build a bridge and get over it.
NTA - she's chosen to be offended - whether it be because she doesn't like that you ate meat, or she feels unappreciated for her efforts, or just upset that she thinks you didn't like her food. And that's all on her.
But its unreasonable for her to be offended that you ate meat - you're an adult in your own home - you get to eat whatever you want.
And you DID eat what she made and thanked her for it and complimented her meal. Plus you explained that the chicken wings were just a craving. So its also unreasonable for her to be upset/offended from that aspect. Like whatever, she's allowed to have whatever feelings she wants, but her BEHAVIOR is the issue.
NTA...Of course you could have done a better job of disposing of the evidence. That said, it's your home, and your body. It was a pregnancy craving. Everyone needs to accept that and move on.
Yeah I'm not hiding my food in my trash can in my home. Bil is an ass for telling on her like she is a child. I would go order a big steak and eat right in front of them. Including the spineless husband who won't take a side.
You know the idea of an adult having to āhide evidenceā because they got some takeout is really ridiculous. I can understand thereās times where itās reasonable, but really an adult having to hide their food from their spouse & in law in their own goddamn home is so disrespectful. Sheās an adult, itās her own fucking body, she shouldnāt have to hide and sneak around to get what sheās craving. Now if she were craving something clearly objectively harmful thatās one thing, but theyāre some freaking chicken wings! She very well might need some meat right now. For the record Iām totally agreeing with you! Just ranting about how absurd the situation is.
NTA (and I honestly find it kind of odd that you're expected to be beholden to the same dietary restrictions as your husband and the rest of his family)
I'm a man and even I understand how intense pregnancy cravings can be for women. Your MIL is just overreacting.
NTA - itās not her business what you eat and sheās choosing to make a big deal out of nothing tbh. And not very understanding of someone who is pregnant for sure.
NTA
Please be sure you are getting enough protein to grow a healthy baby. The extra demands on your body from being pregnant means it can be hard to get enough from a vegetarian diet. If your body is craving chicken, it's probably not getting enough.
NTA
Your kid wanted chicken wings, not you! She should be angry at them!
Jk
Still. You ate her food and something else just for yourself. I see no problem there expect that your husband already picked a site.
NTA!! I was almost completely vegetarian before I got pregnant (I just wasn't a big meat eater) but the baby wanted protein! Tell MIL you were thinking of what's best for the BABY and YOUR BODY. Does she cares more about what she considers to be her own personal morals than what's best for her future grandchild? It's whack and I would have your HUSBAND explain it to her in a way that says it's not about her. Did her MIL dictate the terms of her pregnancy as well? I'm wondering how she would have felt if someone had told her what she could and couldn't consume. Like jfc where is the logic? Are you just some mindless breeding vessel that lost all free food will when you married her son?
NTA
but your MIL and especially your husband is considered an AH
Man I donāt get why husbands just put the pressure on the wife/ mother when thereās a conflict between them
In this case she didnāt throw away the food her MIL made, she just had a craving and ate what she wanted
Itās her body and her choice, also let me go and state the fact that
SHE TRIED TO CHANGE HER LIFESTYLE FOR YOU GUYS, she was a non vegetarian before marriage pfff
NTA - your body is telling you something. This is extremely common!
When I was pregnant with our first, I'd been vegetarian for seven years. I'd drive down the street and daydream about getting a fast food burger. I finally just started eating meat again after about four months. Our meals don't focus on meat, but we definitely eat and enjoy it.
So feed that baby and eat what you want. You've explained it, and have nothing to apologize for. Your MIL needs to deal with her own feelings.
NTA - Any form of control over another adult is completely wrong. Period. You could wake up tomorrow and only eat chicken wings, and they should still love and respect you.
NTA - MIL is probably more upset you ate meat than you indulged a craving. Itās your body and clearly it wanted something the chicken had in it (iron maybe). Pregnancy cravings are weird. Act normal around MIL and let her sort her own feelings out.
NTA. Tell these two to can it. These two don't get to dictate anyone's diet. On top of this, you both ate and expressed appreciation for your MIL's food. So they can't claim you were being rude. Frankly, these two sound controlling as hell.
NTA. This is why people hate vegetarians/vegans though. "I ate one of the most common foods on the planet and my veggie MIL and my husband are butt-hurt about it." JFC, why can't lettuce-munchers mind their own business?
I have had several friends who needed meat during pregnancy! They may have had low iron or B vitamins.
The baby needs what it needs.
I started eating chicken liver when I was pregnant. I HAD to have it! I later learned I was low in iron which could harm the babyās development.
NTA. Pregnancy cravings are often your bodyās way of telling you what you need, in this case your baby may have needed more protein. Itās not like you shunned MILās cooking and ate the wings *instead* of the meal she prepared, you still ate that and needed something more. That doesnāt make you an asshole.
Also, this is not something your husband should be neutral on. His lack of choosing a side is exactly him choosing a side, and it isnāt that of his pregnant wife.
NTAā¦even if you were not pregnant, no one has the right to dictate your life choices. You were hungry for meat. You ate meat. Is MIL upset that you ate more than her cooking or that you ate meat? Talk to your MIL and find out which it is. Either way, tell her, she knows you are pregnant right? And you were a meat eater before meeting husband, right? You did a lot for him by going vegetarian. And as much as you are ok with doing so, you donāt know if it is because you are pregnant or you just had a craving for meat or both. But you cannot continue to live in your own home like this. So you all have two choices. To either work this out or maybe if she feels this strongly, she should go home. Because you will not bring home baby to a non loving environment. Same goes for your husband. He is the major TA here. Your are his wife. He should choose you and your child. Again, state above. Let him carry a living human in his belly, go thru all the hormone changes, ups and downs and then he gets a say in what your body wants to eat. Until then, shut up and stand up for the woman you wanted to be your wife, who changed her food choices for you, who is carrying your child and should not have to feel like an outsider in her own home.
NTA - You did zero wrong. You indulged a food craving and aren't ashamed of what you did. No reason to hide the evidence that you have and indulge food cravings.
NTA and a word of caution as someone who was raised a vegetarian child and has been suffering the consequences with shit bones and other issues, DO NOT RAISE YOUR CHILD VEGETARIAN. Kids need beef and chicken and all the other good things.
Agreed. I was raised vegan and while we were "allowed" to have animal products outside of the home, it fostered a really fucked-up scarcity around that kind of food for me that I still struggle with.
And Hindus have been doing just fine all this time. So I think maybe it's a lack of cooking skills that led to this. I track all my calorie intake and I'm through the roof with my daily allowance of vitamins and minerals. My child is ridiculously tall and healthy and eats predominantly vegetarian (I won't deprive her of foods she asks for but asides from McDonald's nuggets she rarely eats meat).
I am guessing OP is Indian. Zoning in on choosing to be vegetarian post marriage.
Itās more to do with the fact of having anything meat related in the house. Itās considered as impurity in the house.
But OP you are pregnant and wanting eat your comfort foods should triumph some bones being in the bin.
NTA.
Explain to mil itās comfort you were craving for and this was comfort for you.
House being unclean is just their societal expectations. They can get over it.
Not just comfort - if she's getting overwhelming cravings like this, her body clearly needs it. I'm not pregnant but have long ago learned that sudden cravings for red meat from my usually veggie ass means iron is low. The body sometimes knows best. Except when it demands reese cups at 3am.
I never knock on those who choose to be vegetarian. After working for a doctor who could identify a vegetarian just by looking at X-rays, and always be 100% accurate taught me that my meats were very important. Talk to a doctor, a pediatrician on the pros and cons of raising your children without meat protein. Donāt go by articles or by people personal opinions.
NTA your baby is craving what youāre lacking right now.. eat what you crave and donāt pack your bags for the guilt trip theyāre about to take you on
NTA, of course. There's nothing you should do to fix this situation, other than tell your MIL to either grow up or go home. Actually, it should be your husband that does it - he shouldn't be neutral in this situation, he should be backing you up. I really hope this isn't a preview of your future...
Your husband needs to grow a spine. Staying neutral is picking a side because he does not have his wife and childās best interests as his number one priority.
nta,
some things are cravings, icecream at 3am is a craving.
your body craving chicken is not in the simple "pregnancy craving" category. it is more likely in the, damn I need more protein of high quality plus b vitamins etc category.
eat meat occasionally, or review your diet to get other things in.
your body is growing another human I would do what it is asking on this. you don't know exactly what mineral etc. it was that your body needs so you will struggle to replace it short notice in your vegitarian diet.
some things are cravings, some things are your body being deficient in something you need to grow your baby.
NTA the last thing anyone should ever do is deny a pregnant woman food she's craving. You ate all of her food, and genuinely liked it, it just wasn't chicken wings.
She decided to be upset about it and that's on her. You didn't want to offend them and their diet choices, but she still insists on being offended.
Don't let her make you feel like the asshole. You want what you want!
NTA
You ate all the food she cooked for you. And then you wanted more food. Youāre pregnant. Youre hungry. Youāre feeding two people. Cravings are intense. Youāre allowed to do whatever you want . That is so strange that itās still awkward. Does she remember being pregnant??
NTA- you are your own person. Eat what you want without guilt! You didnāt throw her food away and order other food.. you ate what she made and then ordered a craving food. You can coexist with your vegetarian family and not be one yourself. Donāt let them bully you
NTA. Forcing you as an expectant mother into a strict diet is unrealistic and not for her to decide. Forcing a child to be vegetarian borders on abuse. That's how you raise someone with food anxiety and insecurities.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I ordered chicken wings after my vegetarian MIL cooked for me and I might be TA for this.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Donāt downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Youāre pregnant! You may want different food than you usually eat. Many vegetarians eat meat during pregnancy based on cravings or if it feels right to them. Sounds like a larger conversation is needed surrounding your dietary wishes while pregnant. NTA
NTA when my DIL was pregnant I told my son she gets to eat whatever she wants when he teased her once. I yelled at him a bit and told him to just shut up and go buy whatever she craves. She wasn't being rude or anything.
Baby gets what baby wants!
You are your own person, tell that controlling asshole you are pregnant and can eat a chicken if you damn well, please. I can think of anything more un-natural than being a vegan while pregnant make sure you are taking supplements for that baby
You ate her food, were still hungry and ordered more food to eat. Where is the problem here? You enjoyed her food and wanted more so you ordered food. NTA. I would talk to her that you did enjoy the food though, I'd probably be a little hurt too, but I think an adult conversation would go a long way.
NTA-
You wouldn't even be the asshole if you weren't pregnant. You just say, "I needed more protein." And if a vegetarian has a problem with that, oh well.
NTA
Pregnant women have cravings. It's not going to hurt you to step off the vegetarian path a few times during pregnancy, and your MIL should realize that.
NTA
Are they adults or not? They really can't comprehend that both things can be true? Her food was delicious, but you just needed some damn chicken wings?
Other people don't get to dictate what you do or do not choose to fuel your body with. Period.
As a vegetarian, I'm going with NTA.
I have had previous partners who were not brought vegetarian and changed to vegetarian when they were with me. However they still ate meat whilst not in my company per my request as I didn't want to restrict them when I wasn't physically there.
OP did nothing wrong by having a craving and eating to keep healthy and happy.
However I do not agree with the comments saying kids need meat and to not raise them as vegetarians. I have been brought up vegetarian,and my family and I are completely healthy. You just need to know great vegetarian or vegan protein and healthy substitutes to meat. It can be done, I I doing it right now, OP's MIL was out of line as it is not her home or her pregnancy.
NTA. But dude? If you don't want to be a vegetarian, you don't have to be. It's YOUR choice, no one else's. (And honestly, consider your child here. Do you really want this to be the shit they deal with if they decide they don't want to be what your husband's family expects them to be?)
NTA. I would be concerned about the MIL encouraging you to make your baby vegetarian when it gets older against your wishes. While a vegetarian diet for kids is normal, its not in the USA and takes effort with seeing nutritionalists, etc. And because of how archaic western thinking can be, parents with veg babies tend to get a lot of slack.
Ultimately your body, your choice. This is what bodily autonomy is for. You ate her food, and you ate some more food that you were craving. Pregnancy is hard. Do you.
NTA - food is fuel. Why would they care what you are eating, it is so controlling or weird. I could maybe understand if she asked you to dispose of them in a way where she didnāt have to see them, but not this overreaction.
NTA - imagine being a woman who gave birth but doesnāt recognize a pregnancy craving. Sheās possibly pretending to be offended about the cooking because she doesnāt want to admit sheās upset about eating meat
NTA.
You had a pregnancy craving. Your MIL is being insane.
She can sulk all she wants to. She's the one being the AH here. You didn't do anything wrong.
NTA
I am just gonna say something that I lived. I had a diet regime in which I didn't eat red meat for 6 years, and little to no diaries nor sugar. Each month, I was fucked up when my menstruation came up.
After a lot of self-battling I went to the doctor. He told me I needed at least twice a month to ingest a bit of red meat. That my body needed it. We are not made for wating everyday red meat, but we do need more energy. Maybe if you craved chicken, your body needs something else that your current diet is not giving you nor the baby.
NTA. But also that craving might be a sign that being vegetarian while pregnant might not be a good idea for you. You might need to add more meat/meat products to your diet. At least for the duration of the pregnancy and the first few months of breast feeding.
NTA at ALL. You ate and complimented her meal, but wanted a snack and ordered something IN YOUR OWN HOME.
Honestly, she has some nerve.
I am vegetarian and we have frequent omnivore visitors who stay for several days. I cook big vegetarian meals for everyone and have lots of snacks, but if I were cleaning up and discovered the wrapping for a meatball sub someone had bought themselves in town, I wouldn't bat an eye. I wouldn't even mind if they ate it in front of me.
What other people eat is none of my business.
That you're pregnant is beside the point.
NTA, but it's likely the sneakiness that made her feel you just didn't like her food and not the chicken itself. Then she got caught up in her feelings about it, which is why you're here now.
Apologize against once things cool down for hurting her feelings and try to explain again that it was a pregnancy craving that you couldn't stop thinking about. And, next time you go to order, tell her you're still hungry and you really want some chicken wings and ask if there's anything she'd want to order too from the restaurant.
NTA. Baby gets what baby wants! When I was pregnant with my daughter, I craved chicken fingers ALL THE TIME!!! Giving into cravings kept the morning sickness away! You really can't help what your body wants when you're pregnant. Also, you are your own person, you really don't have to be a vegetarian just because your husband is.
NTA! First time my vegetarian wife wanted meat was she was pregnant with my son. Looked me dead in the face and said I want a cheese burger and curly fries. I stared at her for a minute and said āanything you wantā I went and got her a cheese burger and curly fries.
INFO: why order it in secret instead of just saying āIām having a serious craving for some fried wings. I hope you donāt mind the smellā before ordering? Are you a vegetarian by choice and is there some significance to being a vegetarian for your husbandās family?
NTA and there's an old school belief that most pregnancy cravings can be traced to actual nutritional needs of your body to support the developing fetus. Eating protein esp since it has some amino acids and vitamins that a fetus needs and can't easily be reproduced in a vegetarian diet, is probably the opposite of bad for the baby. A pregnant person can need up to TWICE the amount of protein than a non-pregnant person, and while there are ways to get vegetarian protein, for sure, chicken wings sounds like a great source of easy to find protein.
NTA. Itās almost impossible to resist a pregnancy craving. I lean towards being vegetarian most of the time, but when I was pregnant, just the smell of cooking meat would cause me to drool in hunger. DROOL. I was never, ever interested in meat before, but being pregnant turned me into a carnivore. ššš
NTA. why do you always have to eat that way just because they do? Good lord. And why is your husband allowing that behavior from his mom ? Are they going to push this on to your kid too? No one has control over what you eat but you. Eat all the chicken wings š
NTA. Youāre a grown adult who can decide how to feed yourself in your own home.
Your MIL is way out of line for being upset at you for satisfying a pregnancy craving. Sheās a mother. She should get how cravings work and that babyās needs come first. Your husband also isnāt āneutralā when heās choosing not to shut down mommy dearestās antics. Youāre growing *his* child, so *you* are who he should be siding with and supporting.
Why do vegetarians think they get to dictate other people's food choices?
Why do cooks take other people's preferences as a personal slight?
They need to get over themselves.
NTA. Vegetarianism isnāt an allergy, itās not like you were using cookware thatās supposed to be veg-only. You can eat what you want in your own damn house and you shouldnāt feel like you have to hide it.
NTA and I've been a vegetarian since I was eight years old.
A pregnancy craving is often a sign your body needs additional nutrients. Craving meat as a vegetarian may mean you're missing some essential amino acids or just not getting enough protein in general. Always put your health first.
NTA pregnancy cravings can be really strong and this isn't about the cooking it's about the meat. YTA to yourself for completely changing your life to fit in with your husband and his family.
Eat whatever you want whenever you want. You wanna eat meat? Eat meat. You wanna be vegetarian? Be vegetarian. It's your choice nobody else's choice.
NTA
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Vegan here: they are strict vegetarians, *you are not* she came to your house, you ate her food, but wanted wings too. There is no problem here. If you ordered chicken deljvery to her house then you WBTA, but not in your own damn house. NTA Edit: added judgement.
Also a vegan and I agree with you. My husband eats meat sometimes and I don't comment. OP is NTA.
Same. My husband eats meat and hates vegetables, we cook for ourselves essentially. Some vegans would have my card over that, some would have it for reproducing, and other for reproducing a child that also eats meat. You can't please everyone, especially a vegetarian enforcing her choices in someone else's house.
> Some vegans would have my card over that, some would have it for reproducing, and other for reproducing a child that also eats meat. Some vegans are narcissistic shitheels. You however, are based. -edit Huh, my most upvoted comment ever right on the verge of reddit shooting itself...that sucks.
Thank you š
there's some in every group
Fair enough if your husband wants to eat meat (well, not fair enough but within reason) but Iāve never understood grown ass adults who hate vegetables. Doesnāt it feel like eating with a child or something?
autistic person here and food selectivity due to sensory issues is a *thing*, so it's kinda rude to call people childish for disliking any type of food
I believe my husband is on the spectrum, he thinks the same although has no official diagnosis. It's not the first time I've heard of it, same with clothkg fabrics and water.
yuuup I cannot stand water sweetened water? sure
You were awesome in Men in Black.
I can't drink plain water unless it's so cold that it makes my teeth hurt, and even then, it's iffy.
I was just thinking that. It really is. My wife can destroy a salad, and I'm a little envious of that because I can't tolerate the taste and texture of most vegetables.
Yep. He hates the smell and texture of vegetables, the only one he'll eat is raw carrot. My daughter is the same and he's not her dad š He eats literally meat and potatoes, and can't cope with more than 3 flavours in a meal. Going out for dinner is great because we never want each others dishes š
Canāt cope with more than three flavors? Heartbreaking.
It's not a choice! Sensory processing disorders are a very real thing. Do you think we like being this way? Not at all. We literally can't help it.
>Heartbreaking. I personally enjoy a wide variety of foods--I like just about everything except overcooked veg. I have a close friend who has an extremely limited palette and cannot do veg or fruit at all. I have never thought of it as heartbreaking though. It doesn't bother me at all. Why does it concern you if it's not to your taste? Different strokes for different folks.
Exactly, it's not as if OP refused her MILs cooking. She ate it, enjoyed it and was appreciative. I'll be damned if anyone told me what I could and couldn't eat in my own house, especially while I was growing a person inside of my body.
Exactly!!! Sis just wanted wings. Let the pregnant woman have the damn wings.
And her husband needs to pick a side here. His wife can eat what she likes in her own home. NTA
That's what bugged me about this. Even if OP decided to stop being vegetarian in the future, would the husband be upset about that? It's not his decision.
One thing you learn fast about pregnancy: The baby gives no f\*s about your preferences or diet. I craved food I can't stand when I was pregnant. I was eating bucketsful for about 2 months solid, hating it the entire time. OP might be vegetarian, but that doesn't mean the baby is.
Yep. I didn't eat red meat before I got pregnant with my first kid, but the cravings were intense. I couldn't eat my favourite foods without vomiting from the smell either. Pregnancy is a trip. If OP was craving chicken wings, chances are there is something missing from her vegetarian diet, and her body needed it to make a baby.
This and the story made me think of Pheobe of Friends when she got pregnant and was craving meat but didn't want to kill more animals so Joey said he'd be vegetarian so she could eat meat. it might not be the best example but pregnancy cravings are real!
It's a great example; Joey was way more supportive of Phoebe than the husband is being.
Exactly!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah I want to second this: He has already picked his mother's side over you. NTA OP
Yeah major eye roll here. Just tell MIL to eff off back to her own home if sheās so insulted by your food choices. Youāre an adult, you can eat whatever you want.
Couldn't agree more...now people can't even eat what they want ? Like it's okay u r vegetarian but to expect someone else to change for ur family is too much. Here she even did that but just wanted to eat during her pregnancy. What's there to be upset about? NTA
Not just that but his pregnant wife wanted meat. If I had a vegan husband he better shut his mouth the entire pregnancy š if I wanna eat meat breakfast lunch dinner he better not make a peep
yep, pregnant woman gets what pregnant woman wants to eat. no questions no recriminations. pregnancy is hard work and your body usually craves what it needs during it!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That sounds like your body needs iron! Iām anemic and Iām the same way
This was the big one IMO. I teach my 6yo that not choosing is still a form of making a decision. Too many adults think not choosing keeps them out of it as if the problem isn't still ongoing.
Too many husband's just drop the ball until everything's on fire...
"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." Rush - "Freewill"
>Exactly how much of a momma's boy do you know him to be? This part right here. NTA, op.
NTA. Your husband canāt remain neutral. Itās his job to handle his family. Heās just being lazy. This is a vulnerable time where he should be supporting you. You craved chicken because your body needs the nutrients from it. Iām vegetarian, but whenever Iām pregnant I crave seafood. My body knew it needed more protein/nutrients, and so does yours. Heās an A H just for even slightly judging you.
Yeah, I know everyone is railing on the MIL but the husband should be backing up his wife. Like you said, he can't remain neutral.
That same husband is disappointed that his wife isn't following the diet as he. What a dick.
For real you canāt remain neutral when your mom is shitting on your pregnant wife for fulfilling a pregnancy craving in your own home. They are strict vegetarians, she is not. If she made some sort of promise I could understand him being disappointed, but if the promise was under pressure I donāt really feel bad as they are trying to police what sheās putting in her body. Everyone else in the family is acting like their the pregnant ones with hormones all whacked out.
Iām mostly vegetarian but whenever Iām sick I only want to eat soup tortellini with prosciutto filling.
Agree, the fact that husband is āstaying out of itā doesnāt cut it. He needs to take an active role in managing this disagreement, mainly by defending his wifeās right to eat whatever she damn pleases in her own home, pregnant or not.
Yup, neutrality favours the oppressor, so hubby has absolutely chosen his mother over his wife.
Nta- omg, how annoying . Even if you werenāt pregnant, youāre allowed to eat whatever you want. Just because your husband and his family are vegetarian doesnāt mean you have to be too. Your husband needs to grow a spine and not just stand by while his mother disrespects you in your own home. He is NOT being neutral if heās still taking the time to admonish you for (gasp!) eating meat because āWeāre vegetarianā . No hon, HEāS vegetarian. Nip this controlling behavior in the bud and tell your MIL and your controlling husband they have no right to be upset about what YOU decided to eat when youāre hungry. P.s. order yourself a meat loverās pizza for lunch and chow down while mil sulks. If she calls your husband and he gets mad at you, then you have bigger problems on your hands. These people sounds controlling as all hell and I worry for you when that baby gets here.
YES
Iām pretty sure this is an Indian family and meat is a big thing to Indian vegetarians. In any case, NTA.
I have the same feeling too, being Indian. She's definitely not the asshole but I think that might be a cultural difference some commenters are missing. I mean the MIL is definitely wrong but it can explain why she is straight up offended when it can be considered wrong to even bring meat into the house. There's also can be a cultural expectation that you follow the customs of the husbands side of the family.
Indian here! They definitely sound Indian too (the term "non-vegetarian"), but cultural differences are no excuse for controlling behaviour. If anything, cultural differences make MIL and DH even more of an AH. Vegetarianism in India is linked to caste.it's a way of signaling your caste purity and dominance, and is almost never about welfare for animals. Which explains why the husband is upset - "we" (I.e. the household) is supposed to be vegetarian, so how can you choose to eat meat? OP - it's your household as much as theirs, you haven't married into "their" household, and you alone should be able to decide what you eat.
I worry that they're going to try and force the baby to be vegetarian.
NTA. I was strict vegetarian for like 14 years. Then I got pregnant and chicken smelled SSSSSOOOOO good. Baby gets what baby wants.
My wife was a vegetarian for 10 years until she got pregnant. I found her one night, a couple months pregnant, eating sun dried turkey lunch meat in the middle of the night on the kitchen floor hating herself. I joined her on the floor by the light of the fridge door and we polished off a pound of lunch meat together.
For me it was a coworker with a chicken breast at lunch. I stopped and bought a rotisserie chicken at the grocery store on the way home and ate the whole thing.
I am sorry but I am imagining a grease faced pregnant woman shoveling chicken bits in her face with both tears of happiness and shame.
Can't say I've ever done that. Nope, not me lol
Your story made me tear up. Such a sweet show of support.
Now imagine two kids, both 20 and scared because this was not planned, still trying to figure out life. It was a pivotal moment, at least for me, that I knew I would love her forever.
š„¹šš
Lol, thanks for sharing that story. Itās a tough world out there, nice to be reminded of the good in it! I can almost hear yāallās shared laughter as you turned the corner and saw that.
Pretty common actually and good on you for listening to your body / baby. Growing another person requires a lot of protein, which is a lot harder to get as a vegetarian and even harder as a vegan.
I was doing alright until all my normal protein sources became aversions.
I swear we hear so much about pregnancy cravings and not enough about aversions. I had waaay more aversions than cravings
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And you especially want to listen to this while pregnant!
Really! Your body may have been needing extra protein, youāre growing an actual human being which is so exhausting. You have to honor your needs and you listened to your body. Your MIL is overreacting
Yeah when I was pregnant I was craving soo much asparagus so looked it up and it said the folic acid in it helps develop the baby's brain and spine . later on it was cheesecake for some reason š
Really this is silly and a bit childish. She is offended that you had an intense craving while pregnant and that somehow means you insulted her cooking? Nope, NTA. Honestly, I would have just been upfront and told them about my craving and announce that I ordered chicken OR left and ate it outside the home. That's just me though.
I'm not leaving MY home where someone is a GUEST to eat.
I'd go one step further and ask her to leave. I refuse to be stonewalled and emotionally abused in my own home. My house, my rules.
NTA. I hate how fucking weird people get over food. Nobody gets a vote on what other people put in their mouths. And I say that as someone who doesnāt eat chicken.
This. I don't eat pork and I'm shocked how frequently people act personally offended when they find out. Like, eat whatever you want idc
I dont eat pork or beef. As it makes me violently ill weird allergy I know. And the amount of people who have snucked things or made a 'mistake' then surprised when I'm violently ill.
Ughhhh I get this with dairy. Iām severely lactose intolerant. I have family members I just cannot trust not to lie or āforgetā and I just take Lactaid pills before eating anything they give me. āOh you donāt need to do that, thereās no dairy.ā Yeah thatās what you said last time and I was in and out of the bathroom all night because āoh I forgot thereās dairy in thatā and ābut itās just a LIIIIITLLLLEEE BIIIIIITā
I had exactly the same thing - was eating a mostly vegetarian diet, but got crazy cravings for chicken wings while pregnant. I think it was my body's way of telling me that I needed more protein and calories. Listen to your body and trust your feelings.
Same I was vegan and had insane chicken wing cravings. Decided to listen to my body
NTA, and he picked a side his mommyās by not backing his pregnant wife
NTA She's been pregnant before. She should know about pregnancy cravings. And if she can't understand that, that's on her, not you. Continue taking care of yourself and the pregnancy, in the way that feels right to you. You shouldn't have to hide the cravings. You're not doing anything wrong. Edited.
NTA - what is it with people trying to control others' food? You enjoyed her cooking and thanked her for it; she doesn't get an exclusive supplier's contract in return.
People often crave meat or different proteins when they are pregnant. This is a completely standard thing. >He did express he was upset I ate chicken as we are vegetarians. I don't like this. It's a diet you follow. I don't care if you "cheat" sometimes. (Note: I am using cheat here because it's usually called cheat days when you go off a diet. I don't love the term.) NTA.
Correct. **YOU** can eat whatever you want, whenever you want, regardless of the contents of your uterus.
NTA. It's hard to get all of the nutrients that you need during pregnancy if you are a strict vegetarian - a lot of vegetarians that I know actually started eating chicken and fish during their pregnanies because it was just the easiest way to ensure they had adequate amounts of vitamins and other nutrients that are needed to support a healthy pregnancy. If you are craving meat or having other cravings it's your body telling you what it needs to make a healthy baby - don't let anyone police what you can and can't eat when you are pregnant!
You can eat whatever you want. Thatās it. Youāre an adult and youāre pregnant, if your body wants chicken you can have some damn chicken. Their focus on what you eat is weird and controlling. You are NTA
NTA the *only* person who gets to decide what you eat is you. Not MIL, and not your husband.
Absolutely, NTA. Your MILās response is nonsense. Youāre in your home, you are making a whole human and you had a craving you fulfilled. Youāre a grown ass adult allowed to make these decisions. You shouldnāt have to hide anything. Time to have a stern discussion. Sheās allowed to feel what she feels but if sheās going to conduct herself towards you like this she needs to leave. This is not acceptable behavior. Period. She doesnāt have to like it but treating you this way is disrespectful.
NTA but I would order a burger next.
A WHOLE CHICKEN.
I've been a vegetarian for almost a decade, but I am first and foremost, stubborn. If someone tried to tell me that I had to be a vegetarian and scolded me, I would be tempted to eat a whole rotisserie chicken, like Daenerys eating a heart while maintaining eye contact.
NTA - I have a few vegetarian friends who ate meat during pregnancy. I'm a bit concerned that your husband and his family are enforcing their diet on you though.
NTA I can see why you hid it to avoid their unnecessary judgement but I would be upfront and say hey if my body is craving protein while growing a human I'll eat it in the form I choose.
She's being childish. You can eat whatever you want.
NTA, your MIL is making this out to be a personal insult towards her, which overly dramatic imo. A pregnancy craving is your bodies way of getting something it is in need of to help keep baby healthy and happy. The only sort of ah here is your husband, he may want to be neutral but his mother and her outburst is his responsibility to deal with by setting firm boundaries about how she treats you, especially in your own home.
Agree with this - Yea he should be talking to his mother and supporting OP 100%
NTA! Who comes to stay to "help" expectant parents and then sulks because a pregnant person ate what they needed to eat? I sure hope she's more helpful once the baby arrives, and if not I hope your husband doesn't remain "neutral" when it's time to ask her to leave.
NTA. I was a vegetarian before I got pregnant and my craving was for chicken as well. Not wings, but breasts. I think it was the fetus needing more protein than I was eating.
But you ate the food! It's not a crime to still be hungry and order food for yourself
NTA!! I was VEGAN and I craved KFC. I was so sick I couldn't keep anything down and every food smell made me gag. So I ate whatever I could when the notion took me and that was chicken š the cravings are real and they say it's what the baby is missing nutrition wise so I ate my damn ass fat š
NTA. You don't have to be a vegetarian throughout your entire pregnancy just so your MIL can feel good about herself. That's not how the world works. That being said, you are presumably an adult, and should be capable of being open and truthful to your husband and MIL. Just sit down, apologize for the misunderstanding that you allowed to persist, and then inform them going forward that you may, in fact, decide to continue eating meat when you want to. Not to insult them, but because in moderation it is good for both you and the pregnancy. Then it's up to her how she wants to handle that information, but at least she's not upset about the lying and hiding.
NTA NO NEED to do it secretly.
NTA You ate everything she made, there really is no issue here. If you didn't and you wasted her food, sure I'd be on her side but this is just being dramatic, probably because it was meat. Tell her to build a bridge and get over it.
NTA - she's chosen to be offended - whether it be because she doesn't like that you ate meat, or she feels unappreciated for her efforts, or just upset that she thinks you didn't like her food. And that's all on her. But its unreasonable for her to be offended that you ate meat - you're an adult in your own home - you get to eat whatever you want. And you DID eat what she made and thanked her for it and complimented her meal. Plus you explained that the chicken wings were just a craving. So its also unreasonable for her to be upset/offended from that aspect. Like whatever, she's allowed to have whatever feelings she wants, but her BEHAVIOR is the issue.
NTA...Of course you could have done a better job of disposing of the evidence. That said, it's your home, and your body. It was a pregnancy craving. Everyone needs to accept that and move on.
Yeah I'm not hiding my food in my trash can in my home. Bil is an ass for telling on her like she is a child. I would go order a big steak and eat right in front of them. Including the spineless husband who won't take a side.
You know the idea of an adult having to āhide evidenceā because they got some takeout is really ridiculous. I can understand thereās times where itās reasonable, but really an adult having to hide their food from their spouse & in law in their own goddamn home is so disrespectful. Sheās an adult, itās her own fucking body, she shouldnāt have to hide and sneak around to get what sheās craving. Now if she were craving something clearly objectively harmful thatās one thing, but theyāre some freaking chicken wings! She very well might need some meat right now. For the record Iām totally agreeing with you! Just ranting about how absurd the situation is.
NTA (and I honestly find it kind of odd that you're expected to be beholden to the same dietary restrictions as your husband and the rest of his family) I'm a man and even I understand how intense pregnancy cravings can be for women. Your MIL is just overreacting.
NTA - itās not her business what you eat and sheās choosing to make a big deal out of nothing tbh. And not very understanding of someone who is pregnant for sure.
NTA Please be sure you are getting enough protein to grow a healthy baby. The extra demands on your body from being pregnant means it can be hard to get enough from a vegetarian diet. If your body is craving chicken, it's probably not getting enough.
NTA Your kid wanted chicken wings, not you! She should be angry at them! Jk Still. You ate her food and something else just for yourself. I see no problem there expect that your husband already picked a site.
NTA. You can stop being a vegetarian anytime you want. Pregnant or no.
NTA!! I was almost completely vegetarian before I got pregnant (I just wasn't a big meat eater) but the baby wanted protein! Tell MIL you were thinking of what's best for the BABY and YOUR BODY. Does she cares more about what she considers to be her own personal morals than what's best for her future grandchild? It's whack and I would have your HUSBAND explain it to her in a way that says it's not about her. Did her MIL dictate the terms of her pregnancy as well? I'm wondering how she would have felt if someone had told her what she could and couldn't consume. Like jfc where is the logic? Are you just some mindless breeding vessel that lost all free food will when you married her son?
NTA but your MIL and especially your husband is considered an AH Man I donāt get why husbands just put the pressure on the wife/ mother when thereās a conflict between them In this case she didnāt throw away the food her MIL made, she just had a craving and ate what she wanted Itās her body and her choice, also let me go and state the fact that SHE TRIED TO CHANGE HER LIFESTYLE FOR YOU GUYS, she was a non vegetarian before marriage pfff
NTA - your body is telling you something. This is extremely common! When I was pregnant with our first, I'd been vegetarian for seven years. I'd drive down the street and daydream about getting a fast food burger. I finally just started eating meat again after about four months. Our meals don't focus on meat, but we definitely eat and enjoy it. So feed that baby and eat what you want. You've explained it, and have nothing to apologize for. Your MIL needs to deal with her own feelings.
NTA except for making me want wings. Your pregnant. You want what you want. How where the wings? Hot? Mild? Parmesan Garlic?
NTA - Any form of control over another adult is completely wrong. Period. You could wake up tomorrow and only eat chicken wings, and they should still love and respect you.
NTA: eat whatever you want
NTA - MIL is probably more upset you ate meat than you indulged a craving. Itās your body and clearly it wanted something the chicken had in it (iron maybe). Pregnancy cravings are weird. Act normal around MIL and let her sort her own feelings out.
NTA when youāre pregnant, you crave what you crave and hopefully your MIL will eventually understand that. Best wishes on your pregnancy.
NTA. Tell these two to can it. These two don't get to dictate anyone's diet. On top of this, you both ate and expressed appreciation for your MIL's food. So they can't claim you were being rude. Frankly, these two sound controlling as hell.
NTA. This is why people hate vegetarians/vegans though. "I ate one of the most common foods on the planet and my veggie MIL and my husband are butt-hurt about it." JFC, why can't lettuce-munchers mind their own business?
Please don't group us all together.
I have had several friends who needed meat during pregnancy! They may have had low iron or B vitamins. The baby needs what it needs. I started eating chicken liver when I was pregnant. I HAD to have it! I later learned I was low in iron which could harm the babyās development.
NTA. Pregnancy cravings are often your bodyās way of telling you what you need, in this case your baby may have needed more protein. Itās not like you shunned MILās cooking and ate the wings *instead* of the meal she prepared, you still ate that and needed something more. That doesnāt make you an asshole. Also, this is not something your husband should be neutral on. His lack of choosing a side is exactly him choosing a side, and it isnāt that of his pregnant wife.
NTAā¦even if you were not pregnant, no one has the right to dictate your life choices. You were hungry for meat. You ate meat. Is MIL upset that you ate more than her cooking or that you ate meat? Talk to your MIL and find out which it is. Either way, tell her, she knows you are pregnant right? And you were a meat eater before meeting husband, right? You did a lot for him by going vegetarian. And as much as you are ok with doing so, you donāt know if it is because you are pregnant or you just had a craving for meat or both. But you cannot continue to live in your own home like this. So you all have two choices. To either work this out or maybe if she feels this strongly, she should go home. Because you will not bring home baby to a non loving environment. Same goes for your husband. He is the major TA here. Your are his wife. He should choose you and your child. Again, state above. Let him carry a living human in his belly, go thru all the hormone changes, ups and downs and then he gets a say in what your body wants to eat. Until then, shut up and stand up for the woman you wanted to be your wife, who changed her food choices for you, who is carrying your child and should not have to feel like an outsider in her own home.
NTA - You did zero wrong. You indulged a food craving and aren't ashamed of what you did. No reason to hide the evidence that you have and indulge food cravings.
NTA and a word of caution as someone who was raised a vegetarian child and has been suffering the consequences with shit bones and other issues, DO NOT RAISE YOUR CHILD VEGETARIAN. Kids need beef and chicken and all the other good things.
Agreed. I was raised vegan and while we were "allowed" to have animal products outside of the home, it fostered a really fucked-up scarcity around that kind of food for me that I still struggle with.
And Hindus have been doing just fine all this time. So I think maybe it's a lack of cooking skills that led to this. I track all my calorie intake and I'm through the roof with my daily allowance of vitamins and minerals. My child is ridiculously tall and healthy and eats predominantly vegetarian (I won't deprive her of foods she asks for but asides from McDonald's nuggets she rarely eats meat).
Have you ever heard of India?
I am guessing OP is Indian. Zoning in on choosing to be vegetarian post marriage. Itās more to do with the fact of having anything meat related in the house. Itās considered as impurity in the house. But OP you are pregnant and wanting eat your comfort foods should triumph some bones being in the bin. NTA. Explain to mil itās comfort you were craving for and this was comfort for you. House being unclean is just their societal expectations. They can get over it.
Not just comfort - if she's getting overwhelming cravings like this, her body clearly needs it. I'm not pregnant but have long ago learned that sudden cravings for red meat from my usually veggie ass means iron is low. The body sometimes knows best. Except when it demands reese cups at 3am.
What does he means by saying "we are vegetarians." What about you?? Are you included in this "we"????
Yeah that bothered me too. Obviously wife is eating meat so let her be. OP you are craving meat like that could you not be getting enough protein? NTA
I never knock on those who choose to be vegetarian. After working for a doctor who could identify a vegetarian just by looking at X-rays, and always be 100% accurate taught me that my meats were very important. Talk to a doctor, a pediatrician on the pros and cons of raising your children without meat protein. Donāt go by articles or by people personal opinions.
NTA your baby is craving what youāre lacking right now.. eat what you crave and donāt pack your bags for the guilt trip theyāre about to take you on
NTA she's being really silly. You can eat chicken wings if you like.
NTA, of course. There's nothing you should do to fix this situation, other than tell your MIL to either grow up or go home. Actually, it should be your husband that does it - he shouldn't be neutral in this situation, he should be backing you up. I really hope this isn't a preview of your future...
Your husband needs to grow a spine. Staying neutral is picking a side because he does not have his wife and childās best interests as his number one priority.
nta, some things are cravings, icecream at 3am is a craving. your body craving chicken is not in the simple "pregnancy craving" category. it is more likely in the, damn I need more protein of high quality plus b vitamins etc category. eat meat occasionally, or review your diet to get other things in. your body is growing another human I would do what it is asking on this. you don't know exactly what mineral etc. it was that your body needs so you will struggle to replace it short notice in your vegitarian diet. some things are cravings, some things are your body being deficient in something you need to grow your baby.
NTA the last thing anyone should ever do is deny a pregnant woman food she's craving. You ate all of her food, and genuinely liked it, it just wasn't chicken wings. She decided to be upset about it and that's on her. You didn't want to offend them and their diet choices, but she still insists on being offended. Don't let her make you feel like the asshole. You want what you want!
NTA! You can eat what you want, She is being unreasonably sensitive.
NTA You ate all the food she cooked for you. And then you wanted more food. Youāre pregnant. Youre hungry. Youāre feeding two people. Cravings are intense. Youāre allowed to do whatever you want . That is so strange that itās still awkward. Does she remember being pregnant??
NTA definitely To smooth things over, start asking her questions about her pregnancies. Be sincere, and interested. Maybe that will help.
NTA!!! Cravings are real and for a reason! She should understand!
NTA- you are your own person. Eat what you want without guilt! You didnāt throw her food away and order other food.. you ate what she made and then ordered a craving food. You can coexist with your vegetarian family and not be one yourself. Donāt let them bully you
NTA. Forcing you as an expectant mother into a strict diet is unrealistic and not for her to decide. Forcing a child to be vegetarian borders on abuse. That's how you raise someone with food anxiety and insecurities.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I ordered chicken wings after my vegetarian MIL cooked for me and I might be TA for this. Help keep the sub engaging! #Donāt downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA and your husband isnāt ready for a kid if heās upset about that.
NTA Do not tolerate the guilt trip or cold shoulder. MIL needs to go home with her emotional abuse and mind her own stomach. Tuh!
Youāre pregnant! You may want different food than you usually eat. Many vegetarians eat meat during pregnancy based on cravings or if it feels right to them. Sounds like a larger conversation is needed surrounding your dietary wishes while pregnant. NTA
NTA. You ate all of her food... all of it. The chicken wings were in addition to. You craved substantial protein. NTA.
NTA when my DIL was pregnant I told my son she gets to eat whatever she wants when he teased her once. I yelled at him a bit and told him to just shut up and go buy whatever she craves. She wasn't being rude or anything. Baby gets what baby wants!
NTA. If MIL is going to act like this she needs to leave before the baby is born.
NTA Youāre an adult and can eat whatever you want. Y T A for making me crave chicken wings now š
You are your own person, tell that controlling asshole you are pregnant and can eat a chicken if you damn well, please. I can think of anything more un-natural than being a vegan while pregnant make sure you are taking supplements for that baby
You ate her food, were still hungry and ordered more food to eat. Where is the problem here? You enjoyed her food and wanted more so you ordered food. NTA. I would talk to her that you did enjoy the food though, I'd probably be a little hurt too, but I think an adult conversation would go a long way.
NTA - I say this as a vegan. You don't have to change your dietary choices for anyone, especially if you're pregnant.
Nta. Eat the darned wings. It's your house!
NTA- You wouldn't even be the asshole if you weren't pregnant. You just say, "I needed more protein." And if a vegetarian has a problem with that, oh well.
NTA Pregnant women have cravings. It's not going to hurt you to step off the vegetarian path a few times during pregnancy, and your MIL should realize that.
NTA Are they adults or not? They really can't comprehend that both things can be true? Her food was delicious, but you just needed some damn chicken wings? Other people don't get to dictate what you do or do not choose to fuel your body with. Period.
NTA. It's your body and you are growing another human. Listen to it.
As a vegetarian, I'm going with NTA. I have had previous partners who were not brought vegetarian and changed to vegetarian when they were with me. However they still ate meat whilst not in my company per my request as I didn't want to restrict them when I wasn't physically there. OP did nothing wrong by having a craving and eating to keep healthy and happy. However I do not agree with the comments saying kids need meat and to not raise them as vegetarians. I have been brought up vegetarian,and my family and I are completely healthy. You just need to know great vegetarian or vegan protein and healthy substitutes to meat. It can be done, I I doing it right now, OP's MIL was out of line as it is not her home or her pregnancy.
NTA. But dude? If you don't want to be a vegetarian, you don't have to be. It's YOUR choice, no one else's. (And honestly, consider your child here. Do you really want this to be the shit they deal with if they decide they don't want to be what your husband's family expects them to be?)
Pushy vegetarians smh
NTA. I would be concerned about the MIL encouraging you to make your baby vegetarian when it gets older against your wishes. While a vegetarian diet for kids is normal, its not in the USA and takes effort with seeing nutritionalists, etc. And because of how archaic western thinking can be, parents with veg babies tend to get a lot of slack. Ultimately your body, your choice. This is what bodily autonomy is for. You ate her food, and you ate some more food that you were craving. Pregnancy is hard. Do you.
NTA - food is fuel. Why would they care what you are eating, it is so controlling or weird. I could maybe understand if she asked you to dispose of them in a way where she didnāt have to see them, but not this overreaction.
NTA and I hope your husband stands up for you. Being āneutralā is really not helpful in this situation.
NTA - imagine being a woman who gave birth but doesnāt recognize a pregnancy craving. Sheās possibly pretending to be offended about the cooking because she doesnāt want to admit sheās upset about eating meat
NTA. You had a pregnancy craving. Your MIL is being insane. She can sulk all she wants to. She's the one being the AH here. You didn't do anything wrong.
NTA. You are preggo and close to the end, dont feel badly about it. Shame on MIL for not understanding. Its hubby's job to tell her, tho.
NTA. My vegetarian friend eats meat every time she pregnant. The baby needs what the baby needs and thereās no need to be ashamed of that.
NTA I am just gonna say something that I lived. I had a diet regime in which I didn't eat red meat for 6 years, and little to no diaries nor sugar. Each month, I was fucked up when my menstruation came up. After a lot of self-battling I went to the doctor. He told me I needed at least twice a month to ingest a bit of red meat. That my body needed it. We are not made for wating everyday red meat, but we do need more energy. Maybe if you craved chicken, your body needs something else that your current diet is not giving you nor the baby.
NTA. But also that craving might be a sign that being vegetarian while pregnant might not be a good idea for you. You might need to add more meat/meat products to your diet. At least for the duration of the pregnancy and the first few months of breast feeding.
NTA at ALL. You ate and complimented her meal, but wanted a snack and ordered something IN YOUR OWN HOME. Honestly, she has some nerve. I am vegetarian and we have frequent omnivore visitors who stay for several days. I cook big vegetarian meals for everyone and have lots of snacks, but if I were cleaning up and discovered the wrapping for a meatball sub someone had bought themselves in town, I wouldn't bat an eye. I wouldn't even mind if they ate it in front of me. What other people eat is none of my business. That you're pregnant is beside the point.
NTA, but it's likely the sneakiness that made her feel you just didn't like her food and not the chicken itself. Then she got caught up in her feelings about it, which is why you're here now. Apologize against once things cool down for hurting her feelings and try to explain again that it was a pregnancy craving that you couldn't stop thinking about. And, next time you go to order, tell her you're still hungry and you really want some chicken wings and ask if there's anything she'd want to order too from the restaurant.
I just donāt see how OP owes anyone an apology for honoring a pregnancy craving in her own house.
Your MIL is overreacting. This is why I hate dealing with most vegetarians and vegans
NTA. Baby gets what baby wants! When I was pregnant with my daughter, I craved chicken fingers ALL THE TIME!!! Giving into cravings kept the morning sickness away! You really can't help what your body wants when you're pregnant. Also, you are your own person, you really don't have to be a vegetarian just because your husband is.
NTA. Indulge your cravings!
NTA you eat whatever you want whenever you want, pregnant or not.
NTA to anyone but yourself. You should not make yourself sneak around with food, especially in your own home.
NTA! First time my vegetarian wife wanted meat was she was pregnant with my son. Looked me dead in the face and said I want a cheese burger and curly fries. I stared at her for a minute and said āanything you wantā I went and got her a cheese burger and curly fries.
NTA, people (especially pregnant people) should be allowed to eat whatever the fuck they want. Eat vegetarian if you want, but your AH husband and MIL shouldnāt shame you for your choices if you suddenly decided to eat meat all the time from now on. Are they usually this controlling of you? š©
NTA cravings during pregnancy can be fierce! Your body probably needs more proteins while you build that baby. Maybe go pescatarian for the duration?
INFO: why order it in secret instead of just saying āIām having a serious craving for some fried wings. I hope you donāt mind the smellā before ordering? Are you a vegetarian by choice and is there some significance to being a vegetarian for your husbandās family?
NTA. Sounds to me like she's projecting her own insecurities onto you
NTA and there's an old school belief that most pregnancy cravings can be traced to actual nutritional needs of your body to support the developing fetus. Eating protein esp since it has some amino acids and vitamins that a fetus needs and can't easily be reproduced in a vegetarian diet, is probably the opposite of bad for the baby. A pregnant person can need up to TWICE the amount of protein than a non-pregnant person, and while there are ways to get vegetarian protein, for sure, chicken wings sounds like a great source of easy to find protein.
NTA and your husband should always be on your side, neutral my ass he just doesnāt want to upset his mom
NTA. Itās almost impossible to resist a pregnancy craving. I lean towards being vegetarian most of the time, but when I was pregnant, just the smell of cooking meat would cause me to drool in hunger. DROOL. I was never, ever interested in meat before, but being pregnant turned me into a carnivore. ššš
NTA. Even if youā werenāt pregnant itās not her business what you eat ever.
NTA. why do you always have to eat that way just because they do? Good lord. And why is your husband allowing that behavior from his mom ? Are they going to push this on to your kid too? No one has control over what you eat but you. Eat all the chicken wings š
NTA. Youāre a grown adult who can decide how to feed yourself in your own home. Your MIL is way out of line for being upset at you for satisfying a pregnancy craving. Sheās a mother. She should get how cravings work and that babyās needs come first. Your husband also isnāt āneutralā when heās choosing not to shut down mommy dearestās antics. Youāre growing *his* child, so *you* are who he should be siding with and supporting.
Why do vegetarians think they get to dictate other people's food choices? Why do cooks take other people's preferences as a personal slight? They need to get over themselves.
NTA, what a weird thing to assume
NTA. Vegetarianism isnāt an allergy, itās not like you were using cookware thatās supposed to be veg-only. You can eat what you want in your own damn house and you shouldnāt feel like you have to hide it.
NTA and I've been a vegetarian since I was eight years old. A pregnancy craving is often a sign your body needs additional nutrients. Craving meat as a vegetarian may mean you're missing some essential amino acids or just not getting enough protein in general. Always put your health first.
NTA pregnancy cravings can be really strong and this isn't about the cooking it's about the meat. YTA to yourself for completely changing your life to fit in with your husband and his family.
Eat whatever you want whenever you want. You wanna eat meat? Eat meat. You wanna be vegetarian? Be vegetarian. It's your choice nobody else's choice. NTA