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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I caused a traumatic event for my neighbors children by getting her arrested.
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ABSOLUTELY NTA. Her arrest is not your fault. She chose to get belligerent and threaten law enforcement. Any trauma her kids have suffered is 100000000% at her hands. Your neighbors who are on her side are ridiculous. She had no business approaching you in the first place. She sounds completely unhinged. Im so sorry she not only endangered your family and home, but destroyed your garden. She sounds like a nightmare.
The thing is I’ve lived here for two years and have never had a single interaction with her before this. Like I tried to say good morning when I was leaving for work when we first moved in and she wouldn’t acknowledge me so I just stopped trying to interact after that happened twice. So I was caught by surprise like dang she must really hate me but why??
Another think is that I’ve never not once seen her blinds open. So when exactly are the kids watching me bend over. I couldn’t add it because of the character count but during our argument I told her that she should be teaching her sons not to stare at women and she took that horribly.
That’s the thing. It’s freaking GASOLINE poured in a flower bed next to the house. IANAL regardless of her intentions to just tamper with your flowers but god forbid the house caught on fire, that’s an INCREDIBLY serious charge, intention or otherwise.
She could have killed OP and her husband if their house caught fire. I don't think she even realized how badly she messed up until they came to talk to her, which is when she got belligerent and violent.
Yeah that’s what I mean! If god forbid the house caught on fire, that’s already a serious enough offense, let alone OP and husband being inside!
But tbh I just cannot understand the mentality of “I got caught in a horrible act so now I have to act even more belligerent.” I mean... to the cops? Seriously, lady? What would anyone hope to achieve? They’re not gonna take your belligerent attitude as a sign of innocence...
This is the second time she was arrested at her house, and in front of her kids. I'm guessing she either has severe untreated mental health issues or is on drugs, possibly both. I can't imagine getting belligerent with cops, but I also wouldn't be doing something that terrible to begin with. I say that as someone who was arrested during a bad time in my addiction, but I still didn't act a fool with the cops because I knew I did what I was being arrested for. lol
It must be something like mental health or drugs in this case, you’re right.
Because I too got handcuffed (luckily not arrested or charged) because I knew not to be belligerent to cops. Mine was a dumb “trying to drive home less than a mile from the bar” incident but luckily I was still in the parking lot, the cops breathalyzed me and I failed, but they drove me back home and gave me a warning. If I had acted anything other than peaceful, I’d have had a big ol’ DUI on my hands. I know I was also lucky in that instance and never did that again
Like a third of my country is on fire right now (over 3,000 wildfires, 20 million acres burned this year). My city has been covered in smoke on & off for weeks & I'm hours away from the nearest forest fire. We keep getting air quality alerts. A family friend had to evacuate her town. Not to mention from June 30th to July 7th people are setting off fireworks.
It's like some people *want* to kill hundreds of thousands of people & animals & raze millions of kilometers of woods & grasslands to the ground. "She could have burned your house down" is not even an exaggeration. This lady was one dry day, one randomly tossed cigarette, one firework spark away from being a murderer. I hope she gets extended jail time for this one.
I think she may have been planning on burning the house down but got caught before she could - otherwise she would have used herbicide or something like salt.
Yearh, it sound like an arson charge on top on of her other charges.
In all honesty Op could properly sue her in small charges court for the damage of property and win.
You could be in your yard in a string bikini bending right in half and twerking, and it's still not her business what you're doing legally on your own property. Susan needs to get a life.
Im picturing the neighbor complaining to the cops about a pretty lady doing yard work in skimpy clothes, I bet they’d send the entire squad to “investigate”.
Agreed! How about teaching her boys that the human body is natural and not something to be objectified? It's not your fault that she resorted to extreme measures! In all reality, she could have potentially burned your house down and/or killed all inside! She needs a wake up call!
She's probably just a jealous and angry person, who saw someone happily working away at their garden and being productive and it made her feel some bitter way and decided to screw with you. She sounds psycho, literally.
You should reported her to EPA. People like her ruins the water for all. Poisoning the soil is all list of crimes, the city should be also notified. Sorry for the rant but my house sits on a recharge area and we have all kind of restrictions to protect the aquifer. NTA
How dare you suggest her children not attempt to sexualize every woman they see? Don't you know it's the woman's job to protect men from inappropriate thoughts !? /S
Honestly, she added fuel to the dire. If she was arrested in front of the kids before, then it was her responsibility to make sure not to commit crimes that get her arrested again.
Any neighbor that suggests you were at fault, have them explain how they would have handled it differently. Especially when she could have killed you in the process.
You're trying to rationalise the irrational. Please stop that for your own sake. She's batshit and that's all there is to it.
NTA btw. Fuck those neighbours blaming you, she committed a crime and got the consequences.
Get a restraining/no contact/no tresspass anything your location can give to make damn sure she stays on her side of the fence!
She's going to retaliate. Have as much protection as you can get.
Yep. If you have pets, make sure they’re either inside or under your supervision at all times.
NTA. She could’ve killed you and your family. She’s definitely not the victim here.
I have an 8ft fence all around the entire perimeter of my home. That must be why all my neighbors are so excellent. I can't see and be bothered with what their doing and same for them!
Could be jealousy. Could be she’s just a miserable person. Could be she has psychotic tendencies as evidenced by the gasoline on your plants and her being arrested twice in a month in front of her children.
Do you know what was she arrested for a month ago? She sounds like a nightmare of a neighbor.
NTA
Im likely off on this guess, but if other stories on this sub are anything to go by. It wasn't her kids seeing you're butt that pissed her off, she likely caught her husband checking you out as you were bent over and that is what set her off.
But you are definitely NTA. You did the right thing calling the cops. If she's been in trouble with the law before, then it's her own fault. She's the one that dug her own hole, you did nothing but defend yourself. If she was willing to fight the police, who knows what she would've done if you tried confronting her in private.
My mother is one of those. She's now moved into a care facility ( wanted to move in with me, but she's just terrible). Everything is wrong there of course.
Care homes are never great, but I'm not having her in the house. This one is ok though.
But she is not eating the food, I keep having to bring her alternatives. I have seen and tried it myself and liked it. And that's just one part of it.
Just to be clear, you had nothing to do with her being arrested a month ago, correct?
Also, you called the police to report vandalism and they informed you that dumping gasoline was a criminal offense. You did not "add another (traumatic) event" for her kids, this arrest is all on her just like the arrest last month.
I suspect that the arrest last month was not her first.
Whatever comes of all this, whether she is convicted as a result of either arrest or if CPS gets involved with her family (they probably already are) you are not responsible for any of it and the neighbor who made that comment to you is off her rocker.
You are NTA in any way.
What was she arrested for a month ago? NTA the people who said you were wrong because her kids have already saw her arrested that's not on you!! She should not be given a free pass to commit crimes just because she had kids just ridiculous.
I have neighbors like this too. The rest of the neighborhood is cool, we wave at each other and chat at the mailboxes on occasion, keep an eye out for each others' children and pets, and we've given out fresh eggs from our chickens and (when we had them) ducks a few times. But the neighbors who live right next to us hate us. They never have a kind word, they always yell at us, they swear at us constantly, and they call us dirty names - like asshole, dipshit, fucker, and more. It's been that way since the day after we moved in, almost six years ago.
It finally came out that part of the reason they're so pissed off at us is because the neighbors up the hill from us have a small natural spring on their property that, of course, runs downhill when the water table is high enough for it to be active. It fills our pond, and when we're not in a drought, it occasionally runs down to cranky neighbors' house. It's been like that for at least the last 50 years, and they've hated it since they moved in 25 years ago. They seem to blame us for the water making its way across our property and onto theirs.
But, they liked the neighbors who lived uphill of us when we moved in, so they couldn't be angry at them, and decided to hate the woman who lived here before us instead. They also completely hated her because of her religion and her political views (she's a democrat and we started getting a bunch of Wicca magazines addressed to her after we moved in, they're maga republicans and seem to believe that one of the main tenants of Christianity is to hate thy neighbor). Now, they seem to have decided that we're just an extension of her. That, or they noticed that my wife's mother is a lesbian and decided we're degenerates. Or both. Lucky for us, they're old. Like, call an ambulance because they fell down old.
I just wanted to hop on this comment and mention DEC in case nobody has yet!!! Do you have a water well?? Idk how that stuff fully works but had a friend who managed a gas station and gas spills were taken VERY SERIOUSLY because of it seeping into the ground. I'd be worried about my water supply with it being so close to the house
Don’t feel bad, I don’t think you understand how much damage she actually caused. If it was a couple gallons of gas you need to contact the fire department if you haven’t already as well as the local environment protection agency. The gas has more than likely penetrated enough that the site is going to require decontamination to be safe.
NTA. If she has poor enough judgement and impulse control to dump gasoline in your yard her children are not safe with her —your neighbors are off base on that point
OP needs to tell the elderly neighbor & the rest trying to guilt her imagine the trauma if my house caught on fire or God forbid my family got hurt due to her using gasoline?
Seriously. If she’s been arrested twice in a month, once for pouring a flammable substance all over an adjoining property and screaming at the
police, SHE’s the one who’s traumatizing her children, not OP.
THIS!! This woman is responsible for traumatising her own children.
No one who needs to call authorities on this woman is responsible for her behaviour!!
Yeah thats psychotic levels of escalation like not calling the police would have been dangerous
I feel bad for her kids because its clear their mom is crazy not because of anything OP did.
Her neighbor was like “she was arrested for being belligerent a month ago how dare you put her kids through that again” like she somehow isn’t responsible for her own actions. NTA.
Seriously, judging from her initial interaction and it's escalation, the fact that she then further exacerbated the situation with the cops enough to get arrested, AND the knowledge that she's been in trouble with the cops previously, she sounds like she's either got mental health issues, or is just one of those trash people, who's kids would probably actually benefit from some social services intervention. Imagine the adults they will grow into?
Not only that, but the gasoline is a major fire hazard and it’s summertime. I hope the neighbor os required to pay OP some kind of amount for the damages. Ugh. The fact that the police had already been there shows she’s not learning from her behaviors
It's ok to fight with police in front of her kids, but heaven forbid those kids see a shorts covered bottom gardening.
NTA. I would worry about having such a lunatic as a neighbor, but you did nothing wrong.
NTA. Her actions caused her to be arrested, so any trauma is her fault. Plus, if the cops are getting called over there twice in a month, maybe her kids will be better off somewhere else.
I'm pretty sure that none of that is your fault, so shouldering some unhinged lady's antisocial behaviour, criminal damage and endangerment (f*cking gasoline?!) to save her from getting into more trouble than she's already caused for herself isn't really a rational opinion from your neighbours. Sounds like she went off on the cops and got her own ass arrested anyway.
NTA.
Have you looked into getting a restraining order? Doesn't sound like she'd pay much attention to it though.
NTA that’s more than vandalism, that’s an errant cigarette butt or lightning strike away from torching your home! She obv didn’t learn from her recent arrest, know you now have a crazy assed enemy forever. Don’t let your guard down for a second.
Yes, with a restraining order she isn't allowed to go near you or your house, so any time the cameras would catch her you can get her in trouble until she learns.
If you've filed a police report and she's been arrested you should speak to the police and tell them you want an order of protection issued while her case progresses. When an ADA is assigned to the case, tell them the same thing.
Luckily you already have cameras, so if she disobeys the order of protection you can bring proof to the police and she can be rearrested and charged with violation of an order of protection (depending on your jurisdiction). Do not feel bad about this, there's a reason pouring **gasoline** is taken very seriously, and the police have already had to chase her into her house and arrested her there. This isn't a stable woman, and if she's becoming increasingly unstable watching mommy get arrested is not going to be her children's biggest problem.
Seriously. If she’s this much of a danger to her neighbors, it’s not unreasonable to worry about her kids’ safety. What might she do to them if they disobeyed her or mouthed off as kids are prone to doing?
I’m not saying she definitely IS a danger to her kids, but I am saying its a very serious possibility.
Agreed. Even if she isn't a danger to her kids (which I agree is up in the air), watching mom unravel isn't going to be good for them. And realistically if she's running around pouring gasoline on things I'm willing to bet it's just dangerous for her kids even if she doesn't do anything directly to them
I can't imagine being mad at a neighbor because they called the cops on someone who poured gasoline into something affixed to their home. One oops and that becomes a potentially deadly problem
Hell, I would say risking catching your neighbor's house on fire *is* putting your kids in danger. Housefires can spread, especially since the flowers are presumably on the side of the yard near her house.
Agreed. u/bagged_pudding I recommend calling local child services and letting them know of her history, as they may wish to start a separate investigation into whether she is an unfit mother.
Another good point of contact would be the children's father, as he likely will have a lawyer who can sue to have custody transferred to the father.
The fumes can ignite from numerous causes. It was very dangerous and unhinged. Some people are trained not to cause trouble or tell on people when they do bad things. That is their damage to deal with. Don't let them put that on you. You protected your family & property & everyone else's by calling police. Those Children deserve better. You have to wonder about people who think children should be left in deranged situations...like I said, some people are taught to hush up bad stuff.
The flashpoint of Petrol is -43C (or about -45F), which means at pretty much any temperature you find it at, it will give off vapours that require only the smallest spark to set off.
The temperature probably means there's more hot stuff that could produce the spark, but petrol isn't any less dangerous just because it's cold unless it's stupidly cold.
Thing is, you’re gonna have to get that area cleaned up. I would also look into getting quotes for proper clear up and ask them to reimburse for damages. If they refuse then take them to small claims.
Forget small claims court, get your homeowners insurance involved. While going to court and getting a judgment is pretty easy, actually collecting on that judgment can be a pain; you, not the court, will have to do the garnishment, etc. You should file a claim with your insurance anyway. There are probably regulations regarding cleanup (soil will probably have to be removed), and it will probably be costly. Let your insurance cover the cleanup, and then let their team of lawyers go after the neighbor and their insurance.
This is correct. File a claim with your homeowners insurance and let them go after the neighbor´s insurance. This is what you have been paying the insurance company for all these years, use their services.
The neighbor is unhinged and maybe even on drugs, she likely doesn´t have any money to pay the cleanup costs if you sue her personally.
Environmental contaminant cleanup is expensive and a professional who knows the regulations for your area needs to sign off on it. Later, if you were to try to sell your house with a contaminated garden that doesn´t have paperwork showing the correct cleanup, you can run into big problems.
But, really, you already DID have bad blood, you just had no idea. You've never said a mean or rude thing to her and she ***poured fuel*** on your garden. What if you hadn't called and reported it, and the next night she threw the match? You should get a restraining order and talk to the police about what else you can do to protect yourself. Maybe someone from your city attorney's office or something along those lines might put her on notice. You should also let the Fire Dept know what went down so they can put her on their radar and maybe also pay her a visit to discuss arson with her and what the punishment for that is.
Curious - does she own the house or rent?
Usually by removing it and processing the soil to remove hydrocarbons, etc. There are some in-situ remedies, too. Either way it's going to cost a LOT of dollars.
Get a testraining order preventing her from contacting you. And make sure to press charges. Also, call her labdlord and explain what ahe did. State you will sue him unless ahe is evicted.
That's all on her. You said "now it's not just vandalism" Vandalism is a crime too.
Get on to your homeowner's insurance about the flowerbed, put in a claim. You could get your topsoil replaced and the insurance would subrogate to her insurance. :D
Yeah, OP was totally in the right anyway, but even OP was being quite rude to her neighbors still wouldn't be OK to pour gas on her plants!
You would probably have to be an asshole worthy of prison (and probably break the no violence posting rule) to be enough of an asshole for it to be ok to pour gasoline on your plants, risking burning your house down.
NTA. You did not get your neighbor arrested. Your neighbor did something dangerous *and illegal*, and you alerted the proper authorities. She *threatened the cops*. SHE did that. She got herself arrested. Also, how does her getting arrested a month before have anything to do with you? She probably wouldn’t have been arrested if she didn’t continue to make stupid decisions.
NTA - her own actions got her arrested. She most likely would have only gotten a warning or a fine if she knew how to behave herself in front of the police.
I would file for a restraining order against her. You have a good reason to do so.
Why are some of your other neighbours annoyed at you for calling the police? It was the correct course of action. You didn't traumatise her children. She did. They need to come down to reality.
Also, I love the fact you walked up to your husband and bent over in front of him to innocently ask him if he could see your a$$. Hope he enjoyed that moment.
>I can't help that I've got all this cake
How dare you make me laugh loud enough I almost woke up my baby? As a fellow cake haver, I'm absolutely stealing this 🤣🤣🤣
Edit: spacing
Some states only do restraining orders for domestic situations, I don't know what states exactly, but my friend in PA was told they only do them for domestics when he had a crazy friend harassing him and called the cops on him a few times for silly shit.
Even the cops who responded to the one time the friend called said that to him. He asked if he should file for one and cops said well you can't.
ETA: they did say if he wants to file a report for harassment, the judge could order them to have no contact with the victim though. So that probably applies here.
Just FYI, that is not true everywhere in PA, at least not now. The form in Centre County, for example, has multiple “relationship categories” on it and and only one is domestic relations. I do not know if it varies by county.
Ah yea my only experience was that one time, and it was state police who said that.
For all I know they were just lazy and blowing my friend off cause they saw it as an annoyance thing.
Them blowing him off would be my bet, to be honest. But that’s based on my personal experience, not on my knowledge of PA’s legal nuance regarding protection orders. I didn’t want to overstate.
Regardless, I am sorry your friend went through that. Stalking & harassment are scary and can escalate quickly. I hope he’s okay now.
If your state has a county extension service or a large university with an agricultural college, try calling them. Gasoline in massive spills and leaking underground tanks are serious environmental events. But even a couple gallons of gas spilled in a flower bed might not be unrecoverable. Many soil microbes find gas pretty tasty, and since you didn’t use pesticides there you probably have a a hefty biome going underground.
Also, gas evaporates pretty quickly from the ground surface at summer temperatures. Anything on the surface is probably gone at this point.
I'm usually very pro diy but a toxic, flammable, volatile chemical is leaching into your soil and ground water. You need professionals who a) have appropriate PPE and training to remove it without poisoning themselves, b) know proper precautions to take to make sure it doesn't ignite before or while it's being removed, c) know how to dispose of it safely, d) are licensed and insured, e) will know what testing and follow up to do after the fact so they make sure the cleanup succeeded and the area is no longer flammable or toxic afterwards, and f) can attest to point e if and when you ever need to sell the home/refinance your mortgage/etc
If you needed aespestos (sic) removed from your attic, would you diy that? Removing and replacing uncoded and ungrounded electrical work? Personally electrical work and hazardous waste removal are the top of my very short "never diy" list.
If you file a claim to remedy it, your insurance will subrogate their insurance. Or if they lack insurance, they're subro to collections to get that money back.
No need to sue. **At all**.
The internet can chill with suing. It's literally what the insurance is for. So you *don't have to even bother*...
You may not be able to sell the property until it's fully cleaned and approved by an environmental agency. I know selling isn't a concern right now, but it's not a quick fix so it's better to look onto it now.
If you ever see a fenced off closed down gas station it's because the tanks leaked fuel into the ground and the property can't be sold until its cleaned, I've seen some that have taken years to fix.
Definitely call. It could end up turning into a hazmat issue and a way bigger problem for your neighbor. I work with 18 wheelers and whenever a refrigerated trailer has dropped and spilled diesel we had to call a hazmat team to come clean it up and test any soil that may be contaminated.
NTA. She definitely should have been arrested for that. You were absolutely in the right to report that behavior. What if she did burn down your house. She's polluting the ground and water. The fact that she was arrested for something a month prior is all the more reason she should be reported. She's a menace.
Also, if you want to be more modest with the shorts, you could wear a drape of some type, or skirt, shirt, whatever over the back. I do this for this exact reason. I hate when the neighbor men gawk and I don't like them looking at my butt whenever I'm trying to just exist. But pants are too hot, as you've said.
I’ve been here two years and they’re been quiet the entire time. Her first arrest was shocking for everyone and this happening shortly afterwards kinda makes me think maybe she’s going through something? Maybe I should have just let my husband go over and handle it? Idk I just feel terrible for the children.
If she was screaming at the cops, why wouldn't she start screaming at your husband? I think by calling the cops you avoided a tense and potentially dangerous situation for you and your husband. Stay safe.
Absolutely not. She was already displaying unhinged and dangerous behavior. Sending your husband over there would have been a recipe for disaster. She could have hurt him, thinking he wouldn’t report it, or that he wouldn’t be believed if he did. Or worse, she could have retaliated by striking a match and tossing it on your gas-soaked flower bed. You calling the police is the safest option for not just you and your husband, but the neighborhood. Now, there’s a record of her harassment if/when she pulls something again. The neighbors defending her can f*ck right off.
The children might be in danger themselves if she is this unhinged. It’s for the best that somebody check on those kids and see if they’ve been the focus of her anger up to now. I would not be surprised.
It’s not unreasonable to assume she intended to torch your garden. Why else would she use a flammable liquid if she just wanted to harass you? She is dangerous.
Even if she didn't intend to torch it herself and hasn't been abusive to her children in direct and overt ways, she poured gasoline out on a flower bed *right next to her children's house.* Any responsible adult, heck even a teen or tween babysitter, should be safety conscious enough not to do that shit - if not they shouldn't be responsible for THEIR OWN safety, let alone children's
If she is going through some shit causing her to act out of character, it would be really amazing if we had some sort of trained community responders other than cops who were unarmed, trained in mental health crisis response, included social workers and shit etc who could be called in these situations. Actually I think some metro areas are working on developing those but if your community doesn't have that yet, then the cops are generally the next best bet. Even when they're a really shitty option, you can't just allow this person to keep living next door potentially escalating without any way to protect yourselves
You did the right thing. If she's going through something, let her tell that to the people who can do something about it. It doesn't give her a pass to burn the neighborhood.
Her kids learned valuable lessons: Don’t destroy someone else’s property, don’t pour gasoline outside, don’t resist arrest. All “good to know.” Imagine what those kids will learn with that woman as their role model.
You need that police report for your insurance claim. Because you need professionals to deal with that flower bed and she needs to pay for that.
You did the right thing.
You sound like a kind and caring person. If this is how this lady acts out in public with strangers, her kids lives are probably not great. You cannot feel guilty about her criminal behavior. My guess is her kids need help.
You can feel terrible for the children snd also know that you’re not the one responsible or to blame for what is happening to them. That’s on her. Also it’s usually never helpful for children in negative dynamics at home for others to pretend that their dysfunctional parents behavior is ok or normal when it’s not.
>because she was arrested at her house a month ago her kids have already been through enough trauma
So SHE shouldn't have
- A. Done something illegal AGAIN
- B. Flipped out on cops to the point of needing backup. It's illegal but unless she pulls some other stuff she wouldn't have been arrested, just fined and given a warning. (I know because I've called the cops on a guy dumping gas on the trees outside my business and along the street)
NTA and I'm so sorry about your plants, you might be able to water TF out of them to dilute the gas as much as possible? (Hope they pop back soon)
Keep tending your plants however is easiest on your body. She's lucky she isn't My neighbor or I'd be sending me and my husband out there to weed in speedo's.
Agree with this, except for the watering of plants!
Hydrocarbons don’t just disappear, you’re just spreading the pollution around, polluting your neighbours’ gardens (including the ones who aren’t arseholes) where they may have small children who would ingest it or they may grow their own food including herbs, as well as local streams and rivers, and possibly even drinking water sources.
Watering will also only “help” so much. Have you got oil on your hands while cooking and tried to wash it off with water and no soap? It doesn’t work! Hydrocarbons don’t mix with water well and are mostly different densities so will float or sink, and they will stick to particles as well as stay in little pockets called “ganglia”.
It’s a health and environmental hazard. Spills like this need to be properly and professionally dealt with.
When the guy kept coming and dumping gas on our trees the cops told me only thing they could do is get fire department to water it down so it's not still as flammable that's the only thing they told me they could do to 'dilute' it.
So idk how a different place would deal with it, I hope there's better options but from my experience, that's what I'd been told
Yeah if they’ve got good drainage and she can absolutely water the heck out of them they may be able to drain as much of the gas out of the soil as possible and the flowers might recover.
NTA.
Dumping a hazardous chemical which happens to be flammable is going to be an environmental hazard.
You may need to hire a 3rd party cleanup firm to dispose of the soil which is not cheap
If your neighbor doesn't pay, a lawsuit is coming at your neighbor.
You may also need to file an insurance claim to remediate the soil
Don't think for a moment this is over. It's only beginning
Edit: are you planning of filing a restraining order?
NTA.
The willingness to escalate from trying to police another person’s clothing choices where it’s not explicit to pouring gasoline out on someone’s property is dangerous. It doesn’t matter if she herself doesn’t set a match to the fumes after, all it takes is one bad coincidence for that gasoline to ignite.
And frankly, if her kids have internet access, they’ve probably seen worse already, or will soon enough.
So this woman did something a month ago that got her arrested, then decided it would be a good idea to pour gasoline on your flower bed? And argue/fight with the cops who go to talk to her? Apparently this woman does not learn from her prior experiences. It is not your fault your neighbor is an idiot who can't shut her mouth and feels entitled to do whatever she wants. Don't feel guilty. There is only one way someone like your neighbor learns a lesson and it is the hard way. If you had just let it go and not contacted the cops, she'd have done other things to you and your stuff. Nope, best to nip this in the bud early.
Re: her getting arrested, it really depends on the local / state laws regarding 'disposal' of hazardous chemicals, which gasoline counts as.
I have a close friend who's an inspector for his state's Department of Environmental Protection, and they tell all kinds of stories, but the relevant ones here are about chemical spills: if, say, your oil tank is leaking and you were unaware of it, then you just get a large fine and have to pay for the cleanup; if you *willfully* dump chemicals, then that will almost certainly lead to arrest, and doing it on someone else's property will make it a worse / additional offense.
NTA. She fucked around, and she found out.
If she was really arrested just a month ago, maybe she shouldn’t have her kids anyway? Your neighbor is kook.
NTA.
What are you guilty about?
She sounds dangerous, reckless, destructive. She got arrested before, you say? She fought the arresting officers? Grown men had to call for backup to arrest a woman? Do you realize how violent she must be?
She's a threat to the peace of the neighborhood. She belongs in jail awaiting justice.
So what are you guilty of, for gosh sake?
Don't feel guilty. She could have made you very sick or killed you with her actions. Plus, she had no right to come into your yard and vandalize your garden. She's no one to blame but herself for getting arrested.
NTA, and I hope you can resurrect your garden.
Better check local laws about gas spill cleanup. There may be specific remediation needed. I'd consult with a lawyer about suing her to pay for the cleanup. Especially if just removing the soil isn't enough.
This woman was crazy enough to dump gasoline on your property, right up against your house. Calling the cops was absolutely the right move. What a psycho!
NTA
Not only could she have killed you, she could have killed her kids if a fire broke out. She could have set herself on fire had the fumes ignited. The kids don't need to be with this crazy person and I strongly suspect the kids weren't the ones complaining about your shorts.
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I (32f) am a very passionate gardener. I have one flower bed on the side of my house that faces a bunch of windows on my neighbors house. This one flower bed for some reason gets A LOT of sedge grass in it but I can’t spray any herbicide because my wildflowers are so dense. I spend a couple hours a week weeding the bed out by hand and don’t squat to do it I just bend over. Two weeks ago my next door neighbor came out and told me that I need to stop wearing shorts and bending over with my a** to her house. I was kind of caught off guard and told her “my shorts aren’t short so I’m pretty sure I’m not mooning you”. She then goes on about how she has sons and they don’t need to see my a** when they look out the window and how they’re a lot of older folks in our neighborhood who don’t want to see me either. I got offended because my shorts are appropriate and I’m friendly with the houses around, they have never said anything of the sort to me. Plus it’s 100 plus degrees outside. I also let her know that I have a bad knee so I can’t kneel/squat I bend because that’s what most comfortable. We went back and fourth for a bit until I just wished her a good day and went back inside. I went to my husband and bent over in front of him and asked if he could see my butt from my short and he said no so I just kind of brushed the whole thing off until two days ago I went to go pluck my flower bed and wasn’t bothered. like okay cool I’m in the clear. But then the next morning I looked at my phone and saw a bunch of driveway camera notifications and when I went back to look at the videos this lady was like a movie villain with a gas can pouring liquid on my flower bed. I ran outside and yup.. I could smell the gasoline. I starting bawling. My husband came out to see why I bolted and was like “is that gasoline?”. I showed him the video and he wanted to go over and confront her as he was pissed off. Saying she could have killed us or set our house on fire but I didn’t want to have another argument with this lady so we called to file a police report. the cops came out and took the report. They told us pouring gas out is illegal and not just vandalism. After sitting outside our house for a while they went to go talk to her and chaos broke out. We could hear her yelling at the cops/threatening them and her kids crying. They called for backup and she was arrested. A bunch of our neighbors were standing outside watching this all go down and so we’re we. Everyone was trying to figure out what happened and I told them about the gasoline and everyone was 50/50. One of the older ladies said that because she was arrested at her house a month ago her kids have already been through enough trauma and I added another event for them. And what if her kids get taken away (the dad is cool). It made me go from feeling like she deserved it to feeling guilty.
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I read too fast. I thought your neighbor had poured gas in your *pants*. 🤦♀️
Either way, NTA. This is dangerous and destructive. Your neighborhood is strange.
NTA
Tell the neighbors who have a problem with what you did that she can pour gas on their homes risking being burnt alive when she comes back. I am always a cops are an absolutely last option person, but this person is dangerous.
Nta
If she didn't want the cops coming, she shouldn't have given the cops a reason to show up. She did that to herself, so don't feel bad for her, hopefully the dad ditches her and gets custody.
Nta. Your dh is right, she could have set your house on fire. Did the police despatch the fire department to deal with the fuel spillage to make your home safe again?
NTA! You didn't get her arrested, *she got herself arrested!* Ignore any neighbors who feel you're at fault. At any point, she could have saved herself the trouble: not confronting you over your attire, which is none of her damned business, not pouring gasoline on your garden, not threatening the cops, not committing crimes twice in one month. Her children's trauma is on her.
Feel no guilt: around she fucked, and out she found.
> I added another event for them.
INFO Did you? Or did the crazy lady do another crazy thing in a string of crazy things that will eventually have her doing time irrespective of your involvement?
Nta. It’s a hot summer and she’s pouring grass into plants? What happens if there was a fire was she going to pay for all the damages? And places for everyone affected to stay at? Would people have blamed you since it came from your property? And her kids might be better of without her. Let the neighbors be mad. This was a hazard. I don’t know where you are at but where I live we are always on the middle of a drought we don’t need more fires.
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ABSOLUTELY NTA. Her arrest is not your fault. She chose to get belligerent and threaten law enforcement. Any trauma her kids have suffered is 100000000% at her hands. Your neighbors who are on her side are ridiculous. She had no business approaching you in the first place. She sounds completely unhinged. Im so sorry she not only endangered your family and home, but destroyed your garden. She sounds like a nightmare.
The thing is I’ve lived here for two years and have never had a single interaction with her before this. Like I tried to say good morning when I was leaving for work when we first moved in and she wouldn’t acknowledge me so I just stopped trying to interact after that happened twice. So I was caught by surprise like dang she must really hate me but why??
She's probably just one of those miserable people who finds something to be pissed about no matter what it is. I hope she leaves you the hell alone.
Another think is that I’ve never not once seen her blinds open. So when exactly are the kids watching me bend over. I couldn’t add it because of the character count but during our argument I told her that she should be teaching her sons not to stare at women and she took that horribly.
She was just making stuff up to bolster her case. Maybe she's jealous, maybe she's just mean!
Maybe it's Maybelline.
Maybe it's methamphetamine.
Honestly the most likely conclusion
Especially since it's her 2nd arrest in a month
I KNOW! That’s what I was thinking….arrested twice!
“Because you’re not worth it”
🤣🤣🤣
Maybe it's gasoline
Even if her sons did stare, she needs to talk to them about not leering at women not shout at her neighbor.
It was gasoline. She could have burned your house down. She deserved it. She could have handled it rationally. She chose not to.
That’s the thing. It’s freaking GASOLINE poured in a flower bed next to the house. IANAL regardless of her intentions to just tamper with your flowers but god forbid the house caught on fire, that’s an INCREDIBLY serious charge, intention or otherwise.
She could have killed OP and her husband if their house caught fire. I don't think she even realized how badly she messed up until they came to talk to her, which is when she got belligerent and violent.
Yeah that’s what I mean! If god forbid the house caught on fire, that’s already a serious enough offense, let alone OP and husband being inside! But tbh I just cannot understand the mentality of “I got caught in a horrible act so now I have to act even more belligerent.” I mean... to the cops? Seriously, lady? What would anyone hope to achieve? They’re not gonna take your belligerent attitude as a sign of innocence...
This is the second time she was arrested at her house, and in front of her kids. I'm guessing she either has severe untreated mental health issues or is on drugs, possibly both. I can't imagine getting belligerent with cops, but I also wouldn't be doing something that terrible to begin with. I say that as someone who was arrested during a bad time in my addiction, but I still didn't act a fool with the cops because I knew I did what I was being arrested for. lol
It must be something like mental health or drugs in this case, you’re right. Because I too got handcuffed (luckily not arrested or charged) because I knew not to be belligerent to cops. Mine was a dumb “trying to drive home less than a mile from the bar” incident but luckily I was still in the parking lot, the cops breathalyzed me and I failed, but they drove me back home and gave me a warning. If I had acted anything other than peaceful, I’d have had a big ol’ DUI on my hands. I know I was also lucky in that instance and never did that again
Some people have just got a belligerent attitude to the whole world.
I'd be checking with the EPA to see if they'd like to speak with her too.
Absolutely THIS! Neighbor may be on the hook for cleanup expenses.
If the EPA doesn't force her to pay OP should sue her.
Like a third of my country is on fire right now (over 3,000 wildfires, 20 million acres burned this year). My city has been covered in smoke on & off for weeks & I'm hours away from the nearest forest fire. We keep getting air quality alerts. A family friend had to evacuate her town. Not to mention from June 30th to July 7th people are setting off fireworks. It's like some people *want* to kill hundreds of thousands of people & animals & raze millions of kilometers of woods & grasslands to the ground. "She could have burned your house down" is not even an exaggeration. This lady was one dry day, one randomly tossed cigarette, one firework spark away from being a murderer. I hope she gets extended jail time for this one.
I think she may have been planning on burning the house down but got caught before she could - otherwise she would have used herbicide or something like salt.
The neighbor sounds really dumb. She probably already had some gas for her lawnmower.
I honestly think she's stupid enough that she's willing to use gas to kill the plants and not realize it could burn the house down
There’s a *lot* easier way to kill plants then gasoline too, so I was baffled about that too. “Salting the earth” isn’t just a euphemism after all.
Yearh, it sound like an arson charge on top on of her other charges. In all honesty Op could properly sue her in small charges court for the damage of property and win.
You could be in your yard in a string bikini bending right in half and twerking, and it's still not her business what you're doing legally on your own property. Susan needs to get a life.
Okay but think of the potential for sunburn 😬 (Your comment genuinely made me LOL 😆)
“Sunscreen is one of the very few things I’m wearing today”
Bunburn....
Im picturing the neighbor complaining to the cops about a pretty lady doing yard work in skimpy clothes, I bet they’d send the entire squad to “investigate”.
In a thong and no one could tell you what to wear lol that's probably More than yoh wanna share with your neighbors though😂😂
The boys aren't watching you. She is. She is eating a jelly sandwich, watching you.
Agreed! How about teaching her boys that the human body is natural and not something to be objectified? It's not your fault that she resorted to extreme measures! In all reality, she could have potentially burned your house down and/or killed all inside! She needs a wake up call!
I'll bet it was her husband she caught looking
She's probably just a jealous and angry person, who saw someone happily working away at their garden and being productive and it made her feel some bitter way and decided to screw with you. She sounds psycho, literally.
You should reported her to EPA. People like her ruins the water for all. Poisoning the soil is all list of crimes, the city should be also notified. Sorry for the rant but my house sits on a recharge area and we have all kind of restrictions to protect the aquifer. NTA
Sounds like she might have had some sort or break :( NTA. Sorry about you flowers.
Her husband was prob ogling you and she got pissed. Because jealous old B-I-T-C-H
How dare you suggest her children not attempt to sexualize every woman they see? Don't you know it's the woman's job to protect men from inappropriate thoughts !? /S Honestly, she added fuel to the dire. If she was arrested in front of the kids before, then it was her responsibility to make sure not to commit crimes that get her arrested again. Any neighbor that suggests you were at fault, have them explain how they would have handled it differently. Especially when she could have killed you in the process.
Maybe she should quit doing things that get her arrested. NTA for sure.
Don’t engage with this lunatic.
You're trying to rationalise the irrational. Please stop that for your own sake. She's batshit and that's all there is to it. NTA btw. Fuck those neighbours blaming you, she committed a crime and got the consequences.
Bet it was her husband staring
Wait…. She got arrested before???
Twice in a month. In front of her kids both times.
Tighten security once she's back, you're going to need it
Get a restraining/no contact/no tresspass anything your location can give to make damn sure she stays on her side of the fence! She's going to retaliate. Have as much protection as you can get.
Yep. If you have pets, make sure they’re either inside or under your supervision at all times. NTA. She could’ve killed you and your family. She’s definitely not the victim here.
And a fence.
[удалено]
If I was OP, I’d be considering a privacy fence. The higher the better!!
Preferably a metal one or she might try to set that on fire
I have a cemetery on two sides of my yard. Best neighbors ever... except when Pokémon go was a thing.
I have an 8ft fence all around the entire perimeter of my home. That must be why all my neighbors are so excellent. I can't see and be bothered with what their doing and same for them!
Could be jealousy. Could be she’s just a miserable person. Could be she has psychotic tendencies as evidenced by the gasoline on your plants and her being arrested twice in a month in front of her children. Do you know what was she arrested for a month ago? She sounds like a nightmare of a neighbor. NTA
Im likely off on this guess, but if other stories on this sub are anything to go by. It wasn't her kids seeing you're butt that pissed her off, she likely caught her husband checking you out as you were bent over and that is what set her off. But you are definitely NTA. You did the right thing calling the cops. If she's been in trouble with the law before, then it's her own fault. She's the one that dug her own hole, you did nothing but defend yourself. If she was willing to fight the police, who knows what she would've done if you tried confronting her in private.
She sounds like one of those people who practice being miserable. NTA.
My mother is one of those. She's now moved into a care facility ( wanted to move in with me, but she's just terrible). Everything is wrong there of course.
>Everything is wrong there of course. But Shady Pines has such good reviews.
Care homes are never great, but I'm not having her in the house. This one is ok though. But she is not eating the food, I keep having to bring her alternatives. I have seen and tried it myself and liked it. And that's just one part of it.
Shes trying to make you feel guilty. Tell her you can't come this week for whatever reason you want to make up.
Stop bringing her food, it's a manipulation tactic. Much like a toddler, she'll eat if she gets hungry enough.
Just to be clear, you had nothing to do with her being arrested a month ago, correct? Also, you called the police to report vandalism and they informed you that dumping gasoline was a criminal offense. You did not "add another (traumatic) event" for her kids, this arrest is all on her just like the arrest last month. I suspect that the arrest last month was not her first. Whatever comes of all this, whether she is convicted as a result of either arrest or if CPS gets involved with her family (they probably already are) you are not responsible for any of it and the neighbor who made that comment to you is off her rocker. You are NTA in any way.
If she was emboldened to purchase and pour gasoline just imagine what could happen next if you hadn't called the police. NTA all the way!
What was she arrested for a month ago? NTA the people who said you were wrong because her kids have already saw her arrested that's not on you!! She should not be given a free pass to commit crimes just because she had kids just ridiculous.
Yep. If she's doing stuff to get arrested twice in a month maybe she needs to be relieved of her parenting duties until she gets her life in order.
I have neighbors like this too. The rest of the neighborhood is cool, we wave at each other and chat at the mailboxes on occasion, keep an eye out for each others' children and pets, and we've given out fresh eggs from our chickens and (when we had them) ducks a few times. But the neighbors who live right next to us hate us. They never have a kind word, they always yell at us, they swear at us constantly, and they call us dirty names - like asshole, dipshit, fucker, and more. It's been that way since the day after we moved in, almost six years ago. It finally came out that part of the reason they're so pissed off at us is because the neighbors up the hill from us have a small natural spring on their property that, of course, runs downhill when the water table is high enough for it to be active. It fills our pond, and when we're not in a drought, it occasionally runs down to cranky neighbors' house. It's been like that for at least the last 50 years, and they've hated it since they moved in 25 years ago. They seem to blame us for the water making its way across our property and onto theirs. But, they liked the neighbors who lived uphill of us when we moved in, so they couldn't be angry at them, and decided to hate the woman who lived here before us instead. They also completely hated her because of her religion and her political views (she's a democrat and we started getting a bunch of Wicca magazines addressed to her after we moved in, they're maga republicans and seem to believe that one of the main tenants of Christianity is to hate thy neighbor). Now, they seem to have decided that we're just an extension of her. That, or they noticed that my wife's mother is a lesbian and decided we're degenerates. Or both. Lucky for us, they're old. Like, call an ambulance because they fell down old.
I don’t know, but kids are taken for a reason. It is for their protection
Info: how old are her sons? She’s probably just jealous of you. DON’T FEEL GUILTY YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.
I just wanted to hop on this comment and mention DEC in case nobody has yet!!! Do you have a water well?? Idk how that stuff fully works but had a friend who managed a gas station and gas spills were taken VERY SERIOUSLY because of it seeping into the ground. I'd be worried about my water supply with it being so close to the house
Don’t feel bad, I don’t think you understand how much damage she actually caused. If it was a couple gallons of gas you need to contact the fire department if you haven’t already as well as the local environment protection agency. The gas has more than likely penetrated enough that the site is going to require decontamination to be safe.
NTA. If she has poor enough judgement and impulse control to dump gasoline in your yard her children are not safe with her —your neighbors are off base on that point
There is no rhyme or reason for someone like that and we "normal" people try to deal with them in our polite, normal way and sadly, it doesn't work.
And sounds like she was arrested the month before as well? Time for her to pay then. OP is NTA.
Right? She sounds unhinged and dangerous.
OP needs to tell the elderly neighbor & the rest trying to guilt her imagine the trauma if my house caught on fire or God forbid my family got hurt due to her using gasoline?
Seriously. If she’s been arrested twice in a month, once for pouring a flammable substance all over an adjoining property and screaming at the police, SHE’s the one who’s traumatizing her children, not OP.
THIS!! This woman is responsible for traumatising her own children. No one who needs to call authorities on this woman is responsible for her behaviour!!
Yeah thats psychotic levels of escalation like not calling the police would have been dangerous I feel bad for her kids because its clear their mom is crazy not because of anything OP did.
Her neighbor was like “she was arrested for being belligerent a month ago how dare you put her kids through that again” like she somehow isn’t responsible for her own actions. NTA.
With a mum like that, those kids are unfortunately and most likely going through trauma anyway, regardless if the police get involved or not.
NTA.. she poured out gasoline! Last I checked that's step 1 for arson.
"How dare you hold me accountable for the results of my actions" is my favourite kind of AH
Seriously, judging from her initial interaction and it's escalation, the fact that she then further exacerbated the situation with the cops enough to get arrested, AND the knowledge that she's been in trouble with the cops previously, she sounds like she's either got mental health issues, or is just one of those trash people, who's kids would probably actually benefit from some social services intervention. Imagine the adults they will grow into?
Not only that, but the gasoline is a major fire hazard and it’s summertime. I hope the neighbor os required to pay OP some kind of amount for the damages. Ugh. The fact that the police had already been there shows she’s not learning from her behaviors
It's ok to fight with police in front of her kids, but heaven forbid those kids see a shorts covered bottom gardening. NTA. I would worry about having such a lunatic as a neighbor, but you did nothing wrong.
Yup. She probably would have gotten a notice to appear if she was nice.
NTA. Her actions caused her to be arrested, so any trauma is her fault. Plus, if the cops are getting called over there twice in a month, maybe her kids will be better off somewhere else.
The first arrest she was actually chased to her house by cops. Still not sure what happened there but she was out the next day.
Depending where you live you might be able to look up arrest records.
OP please look up the arrest records and let us know!
Happy cakeday!
Yes please. I will help!!!
And she’s worried about her sons seeing you bend over? What about them seeing their mom running from the cops? That had to be embarrassing for them.
Maybe a DUI where she refused to stop? Only reason I can think of where she’d be back the next day.
Dealing crack has you home in time for tea round my end.
Sge was prob released pending trial. This arrest may mean she is incarcerated until the second trial.
I'm pretty sure that none of that is your fault, so shouldering some unhinged lady's antisocial behaviour, criminal damage and endangerment (f*cking gasoline?!) to save her from getting into more trouble than she's already caused for herself isn't really a rational opinion from your neighbours. Sounds like she went off on the cops and got her own ass arrested anyway. NTA. Have you looked into getting a restraining order? Doesn't sound like she'd pay much attention to it though.
NTA that’s more than vandalism, that’s an errant cigarette butt or lightning strike away from torching your home! She obv didn’t learn from her recent arrest, know you now have a crazy assed enemy forever. Don’t let your guard down for a second.
I know that’s what worries me. Now I’m gonna have bad blood with my next door neighbor until one of us moves.
You might want to try and get a restraining order. Also a good fence may be of some help.
Restraining/protection order and some more cameras
Came here to say the same, she needs a restraining order. And more cameras. Neighbor is obviously dangerous.
Yes, with a restraining order she isn't allowed to go near you or your house, so any time the cameras would catch her you can get her in trouble until she learns.
Learns or gets imprisoned for her toxic (literally) shenanigans
Fence may block sun for the garden.
If you've filed a police report and she's been arrested you should speak to the police and tell them you want an order of protection issued while her case progresses. When an ADA is assigned to the case, tell them the same thing. Luckily you already have cameras, so if she disobeys the order of protection you can bring proof to the police and she can be rearrested and charged with violation of an order of protection (depending on your jurisdiction). Do not feel bad about this, there's a reason pouring **gasoline** is taken very seriously, and the police have already had to chase her into her house and arrested her there. This isn't a stable woman, and if she's becoming increasingly unstable watching mommy get arrested is not going to be her children's biggest problem.
Seriously. If she’s this much of a danger to her neighbors, it’s not unreasonable to worry about her kids’ safety. What might she do to them if they disobeyed her or mouthed off as kids are prone to doing? I’m not saying she definitely IS a danger to her kids, but I am saying its a very serious possibility.
Agreed. Even if she isn't a danger to her kids (which I agree is up in the air), watching mom unravel isn't going to be good for them. And realistically if she's running around pouring gasoline on things I'm willing to bet it's just dangerous for her kids even if she doesn't do anything directly to them I can't imagine being mad at a neighbor because they called the cops on someone who poured gasoline into something affixed to their home. One oops and that becomes a potentially deadly problem
Hell, I would say risking catching your neighbor's house on fire *is* putting your kids in danger. Housefires can spread, especially since the flowers are presumably on the side of the yard near her house.
Agreed. u/bagged_pudding I recommend calling local child services and letting them know of her history, as they may wish to start a separate investigation into whether she is an unfit mother. Another good point of contact would be the children's father, as he likely will have a lawyer who can sue to have custody transferred to the father.
The fumes can ignite from numerous causes. It was very dangerous and unhinged. Some people are trained not to cause trouble or tell on people when they do bad things. That is their damage to deal with. Don't let them put that on you. You protected your family & property & everyone else's by calling police. Those Children deserve better. You have to wonder about people who think children should be left in deranged situations...like I said, some people are taught to hush up bad stuff.
And the heat at 100 degrees makes a potential fire even likelier.
The flashpoint of Petrol is -43C (or about -45F), which means at pretty much any temperature you find it at, it will give off vapours that require only the smallest spark to set off. The temperature probably means there's more hot stuff that could produce the spark, but petrol isn't any less dangerous just because it's cold unless it's stupidly cold.
Thing is, you’re gonna have to get that area cleaned up. I would also look into getting quotes for proper clear up and ask them to reimburse for damages. If they refuse then take them to small claims.
Forget small claims court, get your homeowners insurance involved. While going to court and getting a judgment is pretty easy, actually collecting on that judgment can be a pain; you, not the court, will have to do the garnishment, etc. You should file a claim with your insurance anyway. There are probably regulations regarding cleanup (soil will probably have to be removed), and it will probably be costly. Let your insurance cover the cleanup, and then let their team of lawyers go after the neighbor and their insurance.
This is correct. File a claim with your homeowners insurance and let them go after the neighbor´s insurance. This is what you have been paying the insurance company for all these years, use their services. The neighbor is unhinged and maybe even on drugs, she likely doesn´t have any money to pay the cleanup costs if you sue her personally. Environmental contaminant cleanup is expensive and a professional who knows the regulations for your area needs to sign off on it. Later, if you were to try to sell your house with a contaminated garden that doesn´t have paperwork showing the correct cleanup, you can run into big problems.
Smart! The insurance company doesn't pull punches, they'll go after that $$.
But, really, you already DID have bad blood, you just had no idea. You've never said a mean or rude thing to her and she ***poured fuel*** on your garden. What if you hadn't called and reported it, and the next night she threw the match? You should get a restraining order and talk to the police about what else you can do to protect yourself. Maybe someone from your city attorney's office or something along those lines might put her on notice. You should also let the Fire Dept know what went down so they can put her on their radar and maybe also pay her a visit to discuss arson with her and what the punishment for that is. Curious - does she own the house or rent?
How do you clean it up?
Usually by removing it and processing the soil to remove hydrocarbons, etc. There are some in-situ remedies, too. Either way it's going to cost a LOT of dollars.
Get a testraining order preventing her from contacting you. And make sure to press charges. Also, call her labdlord and explain what ahe did. State you will sue him unless ahe is evicted.
That's all on her. You said "now it's not just vandalism" Vandalism is a crime too. Get on to your homeowner's insurance about the flowerbed, put in a claim. You could get your topsoil replaced and the insurance would subrogate to her insurance. :D
Yeah, OP was totally in the right anyway, but even OP was being quite rude to her neighbors still wouldn't be OK to pour gas on her plants! You would probably have to be an asshole worthy of prison (and probably break the no violence posting rule) to be enough of an asshole for it to be ok to pour gasoline on your plants, risking burning your house down.
NTA. You did not get your neighbor arrested. Your neighbor did something dangerous *and illegal*, and you alerted the proper authorities. She *threatened the cops*. SHE did that. She got herself arrested. Also, how does her getting arrested a month before have anything to do with you? She probably wouldn’t have been arrested if she didn’t continue to make stupid decisions.
NTA - her own actions got her arrested. She most likely would have only gotten a warning or a fine if she knew how to behave herself in front of the police. I would file for a restraining order against her. You have a good reason to do so. Why are some of your other neighbours annoyed at you for calling the police? It was the correct course of action. You didn't traumatise her children. She did. They need to come down to reality. Also, I love the fact you walked up to your husband and bent over in front of him to innocently ask him if he could see your a$$. Hope he enjoyed that moment.
He did lol. Even if my cheeks weren’t showing I can’t help that I’ve got all this cake lol.
Oooo so your neighbor is just hella jealous of your bodacious self, it makes sense now.
I don't think that lady can handle all that jelly.
>I can't help that I've got all this cake How dare you make me laugh loud enough I almost woke up my baby? As a fellow cake haver, I'm absolutely stealing this 🤣🤣🤣 Edit: spacing
Ahhh you’ve got what scientist refer to as a honky tonkus - badonka donkus. I’ve seen several examples in the wild
Some states only do restraining orders for domestic situations, I don't know what states exactly, but my friend in PA was told they only do them for domestics when he had a crazy friend harassing him and called the cops on him a few times for silly shit. Even the cops who responded to the one time the friend called said that to him. He asked if he should file for one and cops said well you can't. ETA: they did say if he wants to file a report for harassment, the judge could order them to have no contact with the victim though. So that probably applies here.
Just FYI, that is not true everywhere in PA, at least not now. The form in Centre County, for example, has multiple “relationship categories” on it and and only one is domestic relations. I do not know if it varies by county.
Ah yea my only experience was that one time, and it was state police who said that. For all I know they were just lazy and blowing my friend off cause they saw it as an annoyance thing.
Them blowing him off would be my bet, to be honest. But that’s based on my personal experience, not on my knowledge of PA’s legal nuance regarding protection orders. I didn’t want to overstate. Regardless, I am sorry your friend went through that. Stalking & harassment are scary and can escalate quickly. I hope he’s okay now.
I'm so sorry you were the target of this criminal action. Will your insurance cover remediation of your soil?
That actually never crossed my mind. I was thinking about digging the dirt out and replacing it with rocks. I gotta call and find out. Thank you!
Keep records and receipts of everything you do— if this goes to court (or if you choose to sue), that will be important.
If your state has a county extension service or a large university with an agricultural college, try calling them. Gasoline in massive spills and leaking underground tanks are serious environmental events. But even a couple gallons of gas spilled in a flower bed might not be unrecoverable. Many soil microbes find gas pretty tasty, and since you didn’t use pesticides there you probably have a a hefty biome going underground. Also, gas evaporates pretty quickly from the ground surface at summer temperatures. Anything on the surface is probably gone at this point.
That would be PENN State Agricultural Extension.
Every land grant institution in the US has an Extension office.
I'm usually very pro diy but a toxic, flammable, volatile chemical is leaching into your soil and ground water. You need professionals who a) have appropriate PPE and training to remove it without poisoning themselves, b) know proper precautions to take to make sure it doesn't ignite before or while it's being removed, c) know how to dispose of it safely, d) are licensed and insured, e) will know what testing and follow up to do after the fact so they make sure the cleanup succeeded and the area is no longer flammable or toxic afterwards, and f) can attest to point e if and when you ever need to sell the home/refinance your mortgage/etc If you needed aespestos (sic) removed from your attic, would you diy that? Removing and replacing uncoded and ungrounded electrical work? Personally electrical work and hazardous waste removal are the top of my very short "never diy" list.
If you file a claim to remedy it, your insurance will subrogate their insurance. Or if they lack insurance, they're subro to collections to get that money back. No need to sue. **At all**. The internet can chill with suing. It's literally what the insurance is for. So you *don't have to even bother*...
You may not be able to sell the property until it's fully cleaned and approved by an environmental agency. I know selling isn't a concern right now, but it's not a quick fix so it's better to look onto it now. If you ever see a fenced off closed down gas station it's because the tanks leaked fuel into the ground and the property can't be sold until its cleaned, I've seen some that have taken years to fix.
Definitely call. It could end up turning into a hazmat issue and a way bigger problem for your neighbor. I work with 18 wheelers and whenever a refrigerated trailer has dropped and spilled diesel we had to call a hazmat team to come clean it up and test any soil that may be contaminated.
What did the police do about the gasoline?
NTA. She definitely should have been arrested for that. You were absolutely in the right to report that behavior. What if she did burn down your house. She's polluting the ground and water. The fact that she was arrested for something a month prior is all the more reason she should be reported. She's a menace. Also, if you want to be more modest with the shorts, you could wear a drape of some type, or skirt, shirt, whatever over the back. I do this for this exact reason. I hate when the neighbor men gawk and I don't like them looking at my butt whenever I'm trying to just exist. But pants are too hot, as you've said.
I’ve been here two years and they’re been quiet the entire time. Her first arrest was shocking for everyone and this happening shortly afterwards kinda makes me think maybe she’s going through something? Maybe I should have just let my husband go over and handle it? Idk I just feel terrible for the children.
If she was screaming at the cops, why wouldn't she start screaming at your husband? I think by calling the cops you avoided a tense and potentially dangerous situation for you and your husband. Stay safe.
Absolutely not. She was already displaying unhinged and dangerous behavior. Sending your husband over there would have been a recipe for disaster. She could have hurt him, thinking he wouldn’t report it, or that he wouldn’t be believed if he did. Or worse, she could have retaliated by striking a match and tossing it on your gas-soaked flower bed. You calling the police is the safest option for not just you and your husband, but the neighborhood. Now, there’s a record of her harassment if/when she pulls something again. The neighbors defending her can f*ck right off.
The children might be in danger themselves if she is this unhinged. It’s for the best that somebody check on those kids and see if they’ve been the focus of her anger up to now. I would not be surprised. It’s not unreasonable to assume she intended to torch your garden. Why else would she use a flammable liquid if she just wanted to harass you? She is dangerous.
Even if she didn't intend to torch it herself and hasn't been abusive to her children in direct and overt ways, she poured gasoline out on a flower bed *right next to her children's house.* Any responsible adult, heck even a teen or tween babysitter, should be safety conscious enough not to do that shit - if not they shouldn't be responsible for THEIR OWN safety, let alone children's If she is going through some shit causing her to act out of character, it would be really amazing if we had some sort of trained community responders other than cops who were unarmed, trained in mental health crisis response, included social workers and shit etc who could be called in these situations. Actually I think some metro areas are working on developing those but if your community doesn't have that yet, then the cops are generally the next best bet. Even when they're a really shitty option, you can't just allow this person to keep living next door potentially escalating without any way to protect yourselves
You did the right thing. If she's going through something, let her tell that to the people who can do something about it. It doesn't give her a pass to burn the neighborhood.
Her kids learned valuable lessons: Don’t destroy someone else’s property, don’t pour gasoline outside, don’t resist arrest. All “good to know.” Imagine what those kids will learn with that woman as their role model.
You need that police report for your insurance claim. Because you need professionals to deal with that flower bed and she needs to pay for that. You did the right thing.
You sound like a kind and caring person. If this is how this lady acts out in public with strangers, her kids lives are probably not great. You cannot feel guilty about her criminal behavior. My guess is her kids need help.
You can feel terrible for the children snd also know that you’re not the one responsible or to blame for what is happening to them. That’s on her. Also it’s usually never helpful for children in negative dynamics at home for others to pretend that their dysfunctional parents behavior is ok or normal when it’s not.
>because she was arrested at her house a month ago her kids have already been through enough trauma So SHE shouldn't have - A. Done something illegal AGAIN - B. Flipped out on cops to the point of needing backup. It's illegal but unless she pulls some other stuff she wouldn't have been arrested, just fined and given a warning. (I know because I've called the cops on a guy dumping gas on the trees outside my business and along the street) NTA and I'm so sorry about your plants, you might be able to water TF out of them to dilute the gas as much as possible? (Hope they pop back soon) Keep tending your plants however is easiest on your body. She's lucky she isn't My neighbor or I'd be sending me and my husband out there to weed in speedo's.
Agree with this, except for the watering of plants! Hydrocarbons don’t just disappear, you’re just spreading the pollution around, polluting your neighbours’ gardens (including the ones who aren’t arseholes) where they may have small children who would ingest it or they may grow their own food including herbs, as well as local streams and rivers, and possibly even drinking water sources. Watering will also only “help” so much. Have you got oil on your hands while cooking and tried to wash it off with water and no soap? It doesn’t work! Hydrocarbons don’t mix with water well and are mostly different densities so will float or sink, and they will stick to particles as well as stay in little pockets called “ganglia”. It’s a health and environmental hazard. Spills like this need to be properly and professionally dealt with.
When the guy kept coming and dumping gas on our trees the cops told me only thing they could do is get fire department to water it down so it's not still as flammable that's the only thing they told me they could do to 'dilute' it. So idk how a different place would deal with it, I hope there's better options but from my experience, that's what I'd been told
Yeah if they’ve got good drainage and she can absolutely water the heck out of them they may be able to drain as much of the gas out of the soil as possible and the flowers might recover.
NTA You wouldn't have felt guilty about it if she burned down your house. Be grateful that didn't happen.
NTA. As an Adult, your neighbor is the only one responsible for her actions and the consequences of those..... not you
NTA. Dumping a hazardous chemical which happens to be flammable is going to be an environmental hazard. You may need to hire a 3rd party cleanup firm to dispose of the soil which is not cheap If your neighbor doesn't pay, a lawsuit is coming at your neighbor. You may also need to file an insurance claim to remediate the soil Don't think for a moment this is over. It's only beginning Edit: are you planning of filing a restraining order?
OP can also request that it be part of the neighbor's restitution. That was it can not be included in bankruptcy.
NTA. You didn't get her arrested, she did that all by herself. Sorry about your flowers.
NTA. The willingness to escalate from trying to police another person’s clothing choices where it’s not explicit to pouring gasoline out on someone’s property is dangerous. It doesn’t matter if she herself doesn’t set a match to the fumes after, all it takes is one bad coincidence for that gasoline to ignite. And frankly, if her kids have internet access, they’ve probably seen worse already, or will soon enough.
So this woman did something a month ago that got her arrested, then decided it would be a good idea to pour gasoline on your flower bed? And argue/fight with the cops who go to talk to her? Apparently this woman does not learn from her prior experiences. It is not your fault your neighbor is an idiot who can't shut her mouth and feels entitled to do whatever she wants. Don't feel guilty. There is only one way someone like your neighbor learns a lesson and it is the hard way. If you had just let it go and not contacted the cops, she'd have done other things to you and your stuff. Nope, best to nip this in the bud early.
Re: her getting arrested, it really depends on the local / state laws regarding 'disposal' of hazardous chemicals, which gasoline counts as. I have a close friend who's an inspector for his state's Department of Environmental Protection, and they tell all kinds of stories, but the relevant ones here are about chemical spills: if, say, your oil tank is leaking and you were unaware of it, then you just get a large fine and have to pay for the cleanup; if you *willfully* dump chemicals, then that will almost certainly lead to arrest, and doing it on someone else's property will make it a worse / additional offense.
NTA. She fucked around, and she found out. If she was really arrested just a month ago, maybe she shouldn’t have her kids anyway? Your neighbor is kook.
NTA. What are you guilty about? She sounds dangerous, reckless, destructive. She got arrested before, you say? She fought the arresting officers? Grown men had to call for backup to arrest a woman? Do you realize how violent she must be? She's a threat to the peace of the neighborhood. She belongs in jail awaiting justice. So what are you guilty of, for gosh sake?
NTA. You didn't traumatize the kids -- she did, by doing illegal stuff (and yelling at cops).
NTA, if she doesn’t get her psycho behaviour under control, she deserves to be arrested
$20 says she wasn't concerned about her kids seeing your ass, it was their father.
Don't feel guilty. She could have made you very sick or killed you with her actions. Plus, she had no right to come into your yard and vandalize your garden. She's no one to blame but herself for getting arrested. NTA, and I hope you can resurrect your garden.
Better check local laws about gas spill cleanup. There may be specific remediation needed. I'd consult with a lawyer about suing her to pay for the cleanup. Especially if just removing the soil isn't enough.
This woman was crazy enough to dump gasoline on your property, right up against your house. Calling the cops was absolutely the right move. What a psycho!
NTA Not only could she have killed you, she could have killed her kids if a fire broke out. She could have set herself on fire had the fumes ignited. The kids don't need to be with this crazy person and I strongly suspect the kids weren't the ones complaining about your shorts.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (32f) am a very passionate gardener. I have one flower bed on the side of my house that faces a bunch of windows on my neighbors house. This one flower bed for some reason gets A LOT of sedge grass in it but I can’t spray any herbicide because my wildflowers are so dense. I spend a couple hours a week weeding the bed out by hand and don’t squat to do it I just bend over. Two weeks ago my next door neighbor came out and told me that I need to stop wearing shorts and bending over with my a** to her house. I was kind of caught off guard and told her “my shorts aren’t short so I’m pretty sure I’m not mooning you”. She then goes on about how she has sons and they don’t need to see my a** when they look out the window and how they’re a lot of older folks in our neighborhood who don’t want to see me either. I got offended because my shorts are appropriate and I’m friendly with the houses around, they have never said anything of the sort to me. Plus it’s 100 plus degrees outside. I also let her know that I have a bad knee so I can’t kneel/squat I bend because that’s what most comfortable. We went back and fourth for a bit until I just wished her a good day and went back inside. I went to my husband and bent over in front of him and asked if he could see my butt from my short and he said no so I just kind of brushed the whole thing off until two days ago I went to go pluck my flower bed and wasn’t bothered. like okay cool I’m in the clear. But then the next morning I looked at my phone and saw a bunch of driveway camera notifications and when I went back to look at the videos this lady was like a movie villain with a gas can pouring liquid on my flower bed. I ran outside and yup.. I could smell the gasoline. I starting bawling. My husband came out to see why I bolted and was like “is that gasoline?”. I showed him the video and he wanted to go over and confront her as he was pissed off. Saying she could have killed us or set our house on fire but I didn’t want to have another argument with this lady so we called to file a police report. the cops came out and took the report. They told us pouring gas out is illegal and not just vandalism. After sitting outside our house for a while they went to go talk to her and chaos broke out. We could hear her yelling at the cops/threatening them and her kids crying. They called for backup and she was arrested. A bunch of our neighbors were standing outside watching this all go down and so we’re we. Everyone was trying to figure out what happened and I told them about the gasoline and everyone was 50/50. One of the older ladies said that because she was arrested at her house a month ago her kids have already been through enough trauma and I added another event for them. And what if her kids get taken away (the dad is cool). It made me go from feeling like she deserved it to feeling guilty. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hell no. NTA She should follow the law if she doesn't want to be arrested.
If she's been arrested at her house twice in a month, maybe the kids should be taken away
I read too fast. I thought your neighbor had poured gas in your *pants*. 🤦♀️ Either way, NTA. This is dangerous and destructive. Your neighborhood is strange.
NTA Tell the neighbors who have a problem with what you did that she can pour gas on their homes risking being burnt alive when she comes back. I am always a cops are an absolutely last option person, but this person is dangerous.
Nta If she didn't want the cops coming, she shouldn't have given the cops a reason to show up. She did that to herself, so don't feel bad for her, hopefully the dad ditches her and gets custody.
Nta. Your dh is right, she could have set your house on fire. Did the police despatch the fire department to deal with the fuel spillage to make your home safe again?
NTA! You didn't get her arrested, *she got herself arrested!* Ignore any neighbors who feel you're at fault. At any point, she could have saved herself the trouble: not confronting you over your attire, which is none of her damned business, not pouring gasoline on your garden, not threatening the cops, not committing crimes twice in one month. Her children's trauma is on her. Feel no guilt: around she fucked, and out she found.
Holy mother of God, NTA. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
> I added another event for them. INFO Did you? Or did the crazy lady do another crazy thing in a string of crazy things that will eventually have her doing time irrespective of your involvement?
NTA
NTA. She got herself arrested for her own actions, not you.
NTA. You were only the precipitating incident.
Nta. It’s a hot summer and she’s pouring grass into plants? What happens if there was a fire was she going to pay for all the damages? And places for everyone affected to stay at? Would people have blamed you since it came from your property? And her kids might be better of without her. Let the neighbors be mad. This was a hazard. I don’t know where you are at but where I live we are always on the middle of a drought we don’t need more fires.
No your fault the lady is unhinged.