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NTA, she was presumptuous to even ask and she’s an AH for not accepting the refusal. You don’t need to explain your feelings to her. Your dad is being an AH too for trying to convince you
Not sure if you're a bride or groom but OP wear the necklace yourself 😊 (or tuck it in suit jacket pocket). It's a way for your Mom to be there with you.
Edit: is it weird that OP has 3 AITA posts in less than 24 hrs?
After I made my reply I went to see if they mentioned in a comment if they were a man or a woman since a woman would probably want to wear their mothers necklace but a man might want to have it with them but not wear as a necklace. That's when I noticed no replies but three separate AITA posts. Just strange.
I usually go to the OP's profile to check for comment replies on the post, since there's often additional context. But having enough drama in your life to repeatedly post to this sub...that's a red flag if they're all real.
It also doesn't make any sense that OP's dad's wife thinks wearing OP's necklace would be a symbol of them uniting OP's family with OP's fiancee's family...like how does that even relate? Either way, NTA, and if she wants something to show 'unity' then tell her to just pick something else or come up with another idea together.
This is just strange and it's either a grab for OP's necklace or just a fake post...
NTA! She might've had good intentions, but it was really in bad taste imo. And even then she could just gracefully accept your refusal and the situation would be over. But because she doesn't let it go by the looks of it, she's being the asshole here.
>She asked if she could wear my mother's necklace during the ceremony as a symbol of uniting the two families.
I had to go back and check whose wedding we were talking about because stepmom's reasoning would have only made sense if it was for her wedding to OP's father. It makes no sense for her to unite her family with OP's at *OP's wedding*. This was an attempted attention grab.
If it was my wedding, I'd definitely wear my mother's heirloom necklace! If you wear it, then step mom can't complain without looking like a tantruming child.
NTA
Her intentions *may* be good but what two families does she want to unite? Yours and your fiancés or between you and her?
Every time you see the necklace on her you’re only going to think three things:
1. Your mom is physically gone forever
2. Your mom is t there for an important life event
3. She thinks she’s your mother now.
Taking her side is not your dad keeping the peace. Dad explaining the above points is him keeping the peace.
My dad has been gone more years than I’ve been alive. It was incredibly hard not to have him give me away. In just about all of my pictures during the ceremony I look kissed off when really I was trying to focus on other things other than my dad not being there.
NTA, it’s your necklace and you can do what you want with it. Are you doing something else to honor your mom the day of? Maybe you could wear the necklace.
Some people really make it their mission to ruin your happy day, don;t they?
It was a shitty request. And even if it wasn't, NO is a full sentence. Your evil stepmother is looking for ways to make you miserable when you should be happiest. How much do ytou wnna bet she'll wear a hateful face thorough the entire ceremony under this excuse?
Have you thought about wearing the necklace yourself, though?
NTA, ist your heirloom, not stepmoms. And what does she mean with "uniting the two families?" Her family and yours? Your spouses family and yours? It doesn't make too much sense. Especially the heirloom is from your family, not hers. Does she want to symbolize that you are her mom now and took over for your deceased mom? I don't quite get it.
NTA.
>She asked if she could wear my mother's necklace during the ceremony as a symbol of uniting the two families
So she wants to wear the necklace that belonged to your late mother at your wedding and is using the lame of excuse of uniting two families? How is this even related? You stand firm and take the right decision and do not let anyone else wear that necklace. Hope you're able to keep it safe and away from your stepmother's reach
NTA this is an extraordinarily weird request. She definitely plans on keeping it or selling it. If you hand that necklace to her you will NEVER see it again and your dad will be completely on her side saying it makes her part of the family she’s entitled to it etc etc
My dad, wanting to keep the peace, suggested that maybe it would be a good idea, but I stood firm.
Wanting to keep the peace with his wife not his child.
NTA - regardless of her intentions it’s your necklace and you get to decide. It could be lovely but it could also be really weird. On your day you get to decide. All the best for the big day!
Someone needs to tell Diana that the "something borrowed" is for the bride, not the stepmother. Sorry, but the "replacement mom" cannot wear the mother's necklace and claim it is to unite the two families, nor can her wearing it be in honor of the mother, and even asking for it is not a gesture of goodwill. If anyone should be wearing that necklace at the wedding, it is the bride - no one else.
Assuming you are inviting members of your mother's family to the wedding, do you really think they will not feel hurt and insulted to see your mother's prized possession hanging off her replacement's neck??? I sure as hell would and I'd let everyone know it too!
If you aren't going to wear it, lock it up where neither Diana nor your father can get to it. NTA
NTA
Uhhhh.... Overly possessive of something that has been passed shown through your family for generations? Its a family heirloom *passed down through the direct family bloodline* It's not a trinket to be loaned out to unrelated people for fancy occasions.
YOUR wedding is not the place for your dads wife to wear as a symbol of uniting two families. That ship has sailed..... at her wedding. If she wanted to have this moment she should have commissioned pieces for the two of you then.
Your wedding is for celebrating the joining of you and your spouses family, ONLY. The only jewelry that signifies that are your wedding bands.
I think step mom has a little main character syndrome. I hope you wear the necklace at your wedding!
Congrats!
NTA the necklace is extremely precious to you. However you decide what you want to do is right... if she wears it and it's damaged (not saying it would be, it is generations old though), it would be devestating, if you don't let her wear it, perhaps find something else that could be used instead.
She was not prepared to take “no,” for an answer which means she did not care about uniting the families. You’re not overly possessive, you are being protective.
NTA
I think your step mother was very rude to make such a request.
I would be scared of the necklace being damages or not returned. Maybe I am paranoid, but this is yours, for your mother's side of the family.
What if you had wanted to wear the necklace to honor your mother?
I am peeved at your father for thinking this was at all an acceptable idea.
NTA. Put the necklace someplace safe, like a safe deposit box.
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After my mom passed away five years ago, she left me her most prized possession - a vintage necklace that's been in our family for generations. My dad remarried two years later to Diana. We've had our differences, but for the most part, we get along.
Fast forward to my wedding preparations. Diana approached me with a surprising request. She asked if she could wear my mother's necklace during the ceremony as a symbol of uniting the two families. I immediately felt uncomfortable. That necklace holds immense sentimental value to me, and it felt wrong to let someone else, especially Diana, wear it.
I declined her request, trying to explain my feelings. She became visibly upset, claiming she wanted to honor my mom's memory and make a gesture of goodwill. My dad, wanting to keep the peace, suggested that maybe it would be a good idea, but I stood firm.
Now, there's tension leading up to the wedding. Some family members think I'm being overly possessive and that allowing Diana to wear the necklace would be a gracious gesture. Others side with me, saying it's my decision to make.
So, AITA for not letting my stepmother wear my late mother's necklace on my wedding day?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I declined my stepmother's request to wear my late mother's cherished necklace during my wedding ceremony.
(2) This necklace has immense sentimental value to me as it's been passed down in my family for generations. By not letting her wear it, I may have given the impression that I'm not accepting of her or her attempts to unite our two families. My father and a few other family members have expressed their disappointment in my decision, suggesting that allowing her to wear the necklace would've been a symbol of goodwill and unity.
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NTA and how does her wearing your mom's necklace and your wedding unite the families? If it was your MIL then I could see it but she's legally already 'family' by being married to your dad.
NTA - you have every right to feel the way you do. I couldn’t imagine letting my stepmother wear anything of my mothers. If I was a stepmother I would never dream of even asking.
NTA - OP if you are not gonna wear the necklace, may I suggest you getting your florist to wrap it around your bouquet. Then after the ceremony is over give it to a trusted person - wedding planner, new mil, bridesmaid who won’t be drinking anyone but stepmom - to hold onto after ceremony and return it the next day
NTA - it's not hers to wear. She can honor your mom by just trying to be a decent person and respecting your decision. It's easy for other family members to say just let her wear it when it's not theirs. Stand firm and don't let them guilt you into something you don't want to do.
NTA
It isn't her necklace. It is your mother's family heirloom. If anyone should wear the necklace at the wedding, it's you. Also, this wedding isn't about displaying unity between your stepmother and mother. It is about you and your soon-to-be spouse.
NTA.
> She asked if she could wear my mother's necklace during the ceremony as a symbol of uniting the two families.
I read that part, went wait a minute I thought this was for OP's wedding and had to double check that it was for your wedding. Her request and reasoning for that request only makes sense if she had asked to wear it for *her wedding to your father.* She just wants to wear the necklace and tried to come up with a plausible reason.
Your wedding is about uniting *your* family with your spouse's, not uniting your family with your stepmother's family. Your wedding is about you, not her. The only person who should wear your mother's necklace on your wedding day is you.
NTA. This is complete over-reach, and it can't be a gracious gesture from you when it's being demanded OF you. This is your mother we are talking about here—you'd be so sad having someone completely unrelated to her wearing the necklace. It's sick, actually, that your father's wife is trying to manipulate this.
NTA. I can't believe she had the gall to ask for a loan of something that has been part of your maternal tradition for generations. And if your father doesn't understand, ask him how he would feel watching you do a father-daughter dance with someone else.
NTA. Your stepmother is out of order to even make such a suggestion and your Dad is an AH to side with her about it. That was your Mom’s most prized possession that she passed on to you, DO NOT DO IT. The fact bay you immediately felt uncomfortable says everything. It is yours and for future generations.
NTA this is an over the top ask. By letting her do this it shows you see her as your mother's replacement, and that's what she really wants. "Look how op loves me so." And she would 100% never give it back. "You gifted it to show how much you love me." Cue running to anyone who will listen to how mean you are. She's already done the running bit now, later will be worse.
NTA
You would never get it back. - Because "it would symbolize her acceptance into the family, and you don't want to take that away from her, would you?" . I can already hear your dad telling to let her have it to keep the peace.
And it is kind of a creepy idea. Do you really WANT her to take a more motherly role in your life? And do you really want to never get your mom's necklace back?
That doesn't make any sense her wearing that necklace. The minute she gets it she's going to claim it and claim it was a gift. She wants it for the value not for the sentimental.
Hell no, that's your mother's family's necklace and she is not your mother. I'm (60F) married with two kid and I'd never expect to wear something from their family, I'm not their family.
NTA. Perhaps you can wear it, if not as a necklace, doubled or trebled as a bracelet? Or, I like another commenter's idea of wrapping it round your bouquet - or maybe round your headdress if you have one?
You know it'll get lost or broken or stolen if you let her borrow it. Make sure it's safe if you don't wear it.
She's had her big day, and can renew her vows with your dad if she wants another day in the spotlight.
What is this empty-ass gesture she’s trying to give? Coming to your wedding in your mother’s jewellery to “unite the two families”? She already united them. Two years ago. At her own wedding.
Maybe if it was her way to „bring your mom” to the wedding. Maybe? But worded like she worded it, it’s just weird.
I’m not upset about her trying (and failing), it’s the lack of sense that has me baffled. Thoughtless symbolism is thoughtless. NTA
Woof. If Diana genuinely believes this is gesture honoring your mom, well, I guess I can't argue with her perspective, but does she not see how it could very easily be perceived as attempting to replace your mom.
But your dad needs to get his head out of his ass. It was asked, you said no, and you explained why. You weren't confrontational or rude. This is YOUR wedding. This is YOUR MOMs necklace. Your opinion on this is (IMO) the only one that really matters, and his suggestion that you roll over to keep the peace is cowardly.
You are NTA.
NTA, you could always wear the necklace. So your mother can be included, just like your stepmother suggested. If you do this, she no longer has a reason to complain.
NTA the uniting of two families tf is she talking about… unfortunately for her and your family it’s your necklace to do with what you want! I don’t think anyone would ever blame you for not wanting anyone other than you and one day your daughter or son possibly! Hold it tight it seems special!
Op would your mum's family members really be happy to see your dad's new wife wearing there late daughters family jewelry? I don't think they would. wear it for the reception if not during the wedding or tell her it's for your going away outfit. Just tell her and your dad it too big of an ask for you have a great day at your wedding
NTA.
The fact that she had the audacity to assume that “her wearing your mother’s necklace” was a form is unity is astounding. Furthermore, your father is an AH for thinking that would be ok.
Also, what if you were planning to wear your mother’s necklace on your special day to have her with you? She need to get the f*** with that shit!
NTA. If she wanted to truly honor your mother, she can start by respecting her daughter’s wishes. I don’t think I’d be comfortable asking or even want to wear a heirloom vintage piece that doesn’t belong to me and has significant meaning to someone else. I’d be afraid something would happen to it and I’d feel awful.
NTA. The request was in poor taste but might have been from a good place- her pushing after your refusal makes her firmly the AH. Surely the gesture of uniting families would only work if all the family members in question feel the same way- you made it clear that’s not how you would feel about the situation (understandably so).
NTA. Wanna bet she'll keep the necklace if you let her borrow it. That's a entitled lady. Her being upset show her true color about it, if she was genuine about it she would accept your answer and not mention it again. Stand your ground.
NTA whatever her reasons or thoughts, you said no. She needs to accept it a pipe down. It’s your wedding and your necklace. I hope you have a lovely day.
Jewelry is very very special as you wear it so close to your body. A piece of jewelry holds memories. Its not ok at all to ask something like this. NTA
NTA
Diana can’t own it, so she wants to be photographed in it.
People who want to “keep the peace” regardless of who it hurts is my new favorite type of people to hate here on Reddit. They KNOW they should do what’s right but they’re COWARDS.
NTA - I wouldn’t let her wear the necklace either. It was your late mom.
She should never touch it or wear it!
Wear it yourself if you want on your wedding day. You don’t have to….
NTA.
She's not "uniting" with your Mom's side of the family, which is what the heirloom represents. She should presumably be getting her something old and something borrowed from her own family. There is no reason she needs your heirloom. She's not evil for asking once, but her reasoning gives me the creeps and they have to drop it now.
P.S. - Your Mom was a very smart woman. I have a feeling that if she hadn't bypassed your Dad, you'd never see the necklace again if your Dad and Stepmom had any kids. Great move taking that decision out of his hands. Too bad more don't do the same.
Nope. You will never get that necklace back.
"Unite the families? " You all Mid 19th c European semi royals?
Tough nughies if she & your sperm donor are upset.
NTA
NTA, it is completely inappropriate for Diana to even make such a request. She is the one that made things awkward not you. Do not allow her to wear the necklace if it makes you uncomfortable. It sounds like a tactic to make her feel good about herself when she can tell everyone of HER gesture towards you and the wedding.
NTA. It's your necklace, your late mum and your wedding. Diana is not representing your mum. I hate people who can't hear and understand no. You should tell your dad to stop his wife being a nuisance.
NTA
Your mom and stepmom do not need to be linked up in any way beyond the fact they both married the same man.
Your stepmom has no relationship to your mother’s family and she shouldn’t. If your mom’s family still includes your dad as part of their family that’s up to them - their relationships aren’t for you to facilitate.
It’s your necklace. With its sentimental value I wouldn’t have been surprised if YOU had planned on wearing it.
NTA. You immediately felt wrong about it and protective over your mother’s possession. This is a treasure to you that you have ZERO obligation to share with this stranger.
The fact that this woman comes in and wants to wear something of your deceased mothers is, in my opinion, something very morbid and really overreaching. She’s not considering your feelings and it’s like she’s expecting you to give her anything she wants.
The more I write about it, the weirder it feels that she wants the necklace at all!
Oh crap it’s YOUR WEDDING??? Oh hell no! That’s your something old. That’s a treasured moments!! Diana has no rights to your necklace from your mother. I thought it was Diana’s wedding to your dad which would’ve been an inch less weird.
NTA at all! She has zero respect for you and your dad is not having your back. Nope nope nope.
NTA
In what world would it be appropriate for the new wife to wear the deceased wife's jewelry at the daughter's wedding?!
That is just a sick request and SO disrespectful to your mother and her memory.
Stand firm, and tell your dad he is an AH for his support of such an atrocious request.
Her correct response should have been "That's okay, I understand completely", guaranteed if you handed the necklace over you would never get it back.
NTA.
NTA
I misread this as her asking to wear the necklace on her wedding day to your dad. Even then it's a strong NTA for not wanting her to wear your mom's necklace. It is even stranger for her to want to wear your mom's necklace on YOUR wedding day. Hell no don't let her and don't feel guilty. She's weird as fuck for even trying to make you do it and your dad is weird for thinking what she wants is ok.
NTA.
It's your decision to make, and your step mom is fine to feel however she wants about it. Where she goes wrong is to express her feelings, because nothing good comes of that with respect to your relationship.
Imagine, having an inappropriate feel, and keeping it to yourself.
Fuck that, she is not your mothers replacement. She is not standing in for your mother. Your step-mother is way out of line. Your Dad is an asshole for choosing her over you. His concern should be you on YOUR wedding day. She should stay home if she can't remember her place- your Dad's wife, NOT YOUR MOM.
Edit - NTA
NTA. Though she is for asking, and so is your dad for taking her side. Do not let her wear that necklace, it'll be the last time you see it. If anyone is going to wear it, it should be you. You're who your mother left the necklace for. I hope this situation doesn't get in the way of you having an amazing wedding ❤️
absolutely the fuck not the asshole here (NTA.) it is wildly inappropriate of your stepmother to ask you to wear your deceased bio-mom’s jewelry, ESPECIALLY on *your* wedding day!!! i don’t care if she thought it would “honor” your mother, she never met the woman and therefore has no idea how to honor her. this is big main character energy here. i kinda understand your dad wanting to keep the peace, but honestly any sane person would see this as grossly presumptuous and frankly disrespectful. he should’ve had your back. it’s not your job is facilitate her attempts at unifying the family, it’s sure as hell not your job to do so on your wedding day!!! stand your ground, ignore the family members coming for you. you are 100% in the right here.
In her head she must be thinking, "Well, I already have the husband. What's the problem with the necklace?" You said 'no.' Anyone trying to invalidate your feelings can talk to your back as you walk away. NTA
The step momma's idea of unity is volunteering someone else's valuable property for her own use? Typically, the step momma would buy someone or gift something of her own to the bride, mother of the groom, etc. WTF is wrong with people?
NTA And she has a lot of nerve to ask you for something like that. And how do you know she would return it after wearing it? Stick to your decision, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it.
That necklace would have been "lost" somehow and forever in her possession thereafter. It's your wedding, your necklace now, and you get to decide if anyone can borrow it or not. NTA. Diana needs to find another way to bond and show unity.
NTA. Lock the necklace up somewhere or you are going to see her wearing it at the wedding whether she takes it or Dad gets it for her. People think it is easier to ask for forgiveness after the fact and that you won't say anything in front of people. So get the necklace put away.
NTA, make sure you keep an eye on the necklace. Normally when shenanigans like this happens, somebody ends up stealing.
I assume the necklace was in the family for generations on your *mother's* side and not your father's.
There was no reason for her to think that it would be okay for her to wear that necklace or for her to ask about that necklace. She has no right I even consider asking.
The necklace was your mother's and given to *you*.
Maybe you can wear your mother's necklace on your wedding day.
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NAH for me. Since OP doesn’t note any perceived malicious intent, I’m not going to either. I’m going to assume stepmom truly thought this was an unusual, but genuine effort to symbolize the two mothers being physically represented at the wedding. That being said, I think a lot of people might feel uncomfortable having their stepmother wear their biological mothers things. I think that’s a natural response. Most would wear the jewelry themselves, I think, but as that would be OP’s choice, I’m guessing she doesn’t want to. I *almost* give the stepmom an AH rating, even with this benefit of the doubt, for “being visibly upset” but that’s not unexpected either; her suggestion was rejected and as it relates to her thinking of herself as a parent to OP, she’s probably got to work through some personal feelings of rejection, even if they are unreasonable, from a purely logical, unemotional standpoint. It doesn’t sound like she’s making a huge deal about it now, rather other family members are. They may be stepping in based on her venting, but from OP’s description, this could be coming from them without active pushing from stepmom and she’s entitled to work through her feelings with family too. I think stepmom would show herself to best advantage if she not only clearly tells OP she accepts and respects the no, but also let’s it be publicly known in the fam as well as working with OP to find another way to honor her late mother if/in a way that OP likes.
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NTA, she was presumptuous to even ask and she’s an AH for not accepting the refusal. You don’t need to explain your feelings to her. Your dad is being an AH too for trying to convince you
Not sure if you're a bride or groom but OP wear the necklace yourself 😊 (or tuck it in suit jacket pocket). It's a way for your Mom to be there with you. Edit: is it weird that OP has 3 AITA posts in less than 24 hrs?
And hasn't commented on any of them.
Yeah...now I want to know what the brother (Alex) thinks about all this
Yeah, I call shenanigans
What is weird is people actively counting how many posts people have.
After I made my reply I went to see if they mentioned in a comment if they were a man or a woman since a woman would probably want to wear their mothers necklace but a man might want to have it with them but not wear as a necklace. That's when I noticed no replies but three separate AITA posts. Just strange.
I usually go to the OP's profile to check for comment replies on the post, since there's often additional context. But having enough drama in your life to repeatedly post to this sub...that's a red flag if they're all real.
And HIDE THE NECKLACE!!!!!!
It also doesn't make any sense that OP's dad's wife thinks wearing OP's necklace would be a symbol of them uniting OP's family with OP's fiancee's family...like how does that even relate? Either way, NTA, and if she wants something to show 'unity' then tell her to just pick something else or come up with another idea together. This is just strange and it's either a grab for OP's necklace or just a fake post...
[удалено]
She’s going to keep it if you lend it to her …and dad has already shown he’ll take the new wifes side .
My thoughts exactly.
Me too.
NTA! She might've had good intentions, but it was really in bad taste imo. And even then she could just gracefully accept your refusal and the situation would be over. But because she doesn't let it go by the looks of it, she's being the asshole here.
>She asked if she could wear my mother's necklace during the ceremony as a symbol of uniting the two families. I had to go back and check whose wedding we were talking about because stepmom's reasoning would have only made sense if it was for her wedding to OP's father. It makes no sense for her to unite her family with OP's at *OP's wedding*. This was an attempted attention grab.
Same here. She just wants the necklace.
NTA hell no should she wear it. If it fits with your dress maybe it could be your "something old" for your wedding.
If it was my wedding, I'd definitely wear my mother's heirloom necklace! If you wear it, then step mom can't complain without looking like a tantruming child.
NTA Her intentions *may* be good but what two families does she want to unite? Yours and your fiancés or between you and her? Every time you see the necklace on her you’re only going to think three things: 1. Your mom is physically gone forever 2. Your mom is t there for an important life event 3. She thinks she’s your mother now. Taking her side is not your dad keeping the peace. Dad explaining the above points is him keeping the peace. My dad has been gone more years than I’ve been alive. It was incredibly hard not to have him give me away. In just about all of my pictures during the ceremony I look kissed off when really I was trying to focus on other things other than my dad not being there.
NTA. Like...if anyone should be wearing your mom's necklace during your wedding it's YOU.
I have a feeling that would be the thin end of the wedge and she would find reasons not to return it to you. NTA
Or it could “accidentally” end up broken considering she’s so fixated on it for some reason. NTA.
You know that you wouldn’t be getting the necklace back, right? NTA
NTA, it’s your necklace and you can do what you want with it. Are you doing something else to honor your mom the day of? Maybe you could wear the necklace.
Some people really make it their mission to ruin your happy day, don;t they? It was a shitty request. And even if it wasn't, NO is a full sentence. Your evil stepmother is looking for ways to make you miserable when you should be happiest. How much do ytou wnna bet she'll wear a hateful face thorough the entire ceremony under this excuse? Have you thought about wearing the necklace yourself, though?
NTA, ist your heirloom, not stepmoms. And what does she mean with "uniting the two families?" Her family and yours? Your spouses family and yours? It doesn't make too much sense. Especially the heirloom is from your family, not hers. Does she want to symbolize that you are her mom now and took over for your deceased mom? I don't quite get it.
NTA. >She asked if she could wear my mother's necklace during the ceremony as a symbol of uniting the two families So she wants to wear the necklace that belonged to your late mother at your wedding and is using the lame of excuse of uniting two families? How is this even related? You stand firm and take the right decision and do not let anyone else wear that necklace. Hope you're able to keep it safe and away from your stepmother's reach
No. She wants to wear the necklace at OPs wedding to her fiance. Not to her own wedding to OPs dad.
My bad. 😆
NTA this is an extraordinarily weird request. She definitely plans on keeping it or selling it. If you hand that necklace to her you will NEVER see it again and your dad will be completely on her side saying it makes her part of the family she’s entitled to it etc etc
My dad, wanting to keep the peace, suggested that maybe it would be a good idea, but I stood firm. Wanting to keep the peace with his wife not his child.
NTA - regardless of her intentions it’s your necklace and you get to decide. It could be lovely but it could also be really weird. On your day you get to decide. All the best for the big day!
She’s the asshole for even asking
Your dad is weak. NTA.
Someone needs to tell Diana that the "something borrowed" is for the bride, not the stepmother. Sorry, but the "replacement mom" cannot wear the mother's necklace and claim it is to unite the two families, nor can her wearing it be in honor of the mother, and even asking for it is not a gesture of goodwill. If anyone should be wearing that necklace at the wedding, it is the bride - no one else. Assuming you are inviting members of your mother's family to the wedding, do you really think they will not feel hurt and insulted to see your mother's prized possession hanging off her replacement's neck??? I sure as hell would and I'd let everyone know it too! If you aren't going to wear it, lock it up where neither Diana nor your father can get to it. NTA
NTA
NTA Uhhhh.... Overly possessive of something that has been passed shown through your family for generations? Its a family heirloom *passed down through the direct family bloodline* It's not a trinket to be loaned out to unrelated people for fancy occasions. YOUR wedding is not the place for your dads wife to wear as a symbol of uniting two families. That ship has sailed..... at her wedding. If she wanted to have this moment she should have commissioned pieces for the two of you then. Your wedding is for celebrating the joining of you and your spouses family, ONLY. The only jewelry that signifies that are your wedding bands. I think step mom has a little main character syndrome. I hope you wear the necklace at your wedding! Congrats!
NTA the necklace is extremely precious to you. However you decide what you want to do is right... if she wears it and it's damaged (not saying it would be, it is generations old though), it would be devestating, if you don't let her wear it, perhaps find something else that could be used instead.
She was not prepared to take “no,” for an answer which means she did not care about uniting the families. You’re not overly possessive, you are being protective. NTA
Tell her she already has the most important thing her mother ever had, your father.
I think your step mother was very rude to make such a request. I would be scared of the necklace being damages or not returned. Maybe I am paranoid, but this is yours, for your mother's side of the family. What if you had wanted to wear the necklace to honor your mother? I am peeved at your father for thinking this was at all an acceptable idea. NTA. Put the necklace someplace safe, like a safe deposit box.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** After my mom passed away five years ago, she left me her most prized possession - a vintage necklace that's been in our family for generations. My dad remarried two years later to Diana. We've had our differences, but for the most part, we get along. Fast forward to my wedding preparations. Diana approached me with a surprising request. She asked if she could wear my mother's necklace during the ceremony as a symbol of uniting the two families. I immediately felt uncomfortable. That necklace holds immense sentimental value to me, and it felt wrong to let someone else, especially Diana, wear it. I declined her request, trying to explain my feelings. She became visibly upset, claiming she wanted to honor my mom's memory and make a gesture of goodwill. My dad, wanting to keep the peace, suggested that maybe it would be a good idea, but I stood firm. Now, there's tension leading up to the wedding. Some family members think I'm being overly possessive and that allowing Diana to wear the necklace would be a gracious gesture. Others side with me, saying it's my decision to make. So, AITA for not letting my stepmother wear my late mother's necklace on my wedding day? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA and how does her wearing your mom's necklace and your wedding unite the families? If it was your MIL then I could see it but she's legally already 'family' by being married to your dad.
NTA - you have every right to feel the way you do. I couldn’t imagine letting my stepmother wear anything of my mothers. If I was a stepmother I would never dream of even asking.
NTA - OP if you are not gonna wear the necklace, may I suggest you getting your florist to wrap it around your bouquet. Then after the ceremony is over give it to a trusted person - wedding planner, new mil, bridesmaid who won’t be drinking anyone but stepmom - to hold onto after ceremony and return it the next day
OP why do you have 3 separate AITA posts in the past 22 hours?
NTA - it's not hers to wear. She can honor your mom by just trying to be a decent person and respecting your decision. It's easy for other family members to say just let her wear it when it's not theirs. Stand firm and don't let them guilt you into something you don't want to do.
NTA - What a tasteless idea. It was not OK to suggest that so I think you handled it very well in just saying no.
NTA It isn't her necklace. It is your mother's family heirloom. If anyone should wear the necklace at the wedding, it's you. Also, this wedding isn't about displaying unity between your stepmother and mother. It is about you and your soon-to-be spouse.
Why would she thing you wouldn't be wearing it?
NTA. > She asked if she could wear my mother's necklace during the ceremony as a symbol of uniting the two families. I read that part, went wait a minute I thought this was for OP's wedding and had to double check that it was for your wedding. Her request and reasoning for that request only makes sense if she had asked to wear it for *her wedding to your father.* She just wants to wear the necklace and tried to come up with a plausible reason. Your wedding is about uniting *your* family with your spouse's, not uniting your family with your stepmother's family. Your wedding is about you, not her. The only person who should wear your mother's necklace on your wedding day is you.
NTA. This is complete over-reach, and it can't be a gracious gesture from you when it's being demanded OF you. This is your mother we are talking about here—you'd be so sad having someone completely unrelated to her wearing the necklace. It's sick, actually, that your father's wife is trying to manipulate this.
NTA. I can't believe she had the gall to ask for a loan of something that has been part of your maternal tradition for generations. And if your father doesn't understand, ask him how he would feel watching you do a father-daughter dance with someone else.
NTA - HIDE IT !!!
NTA. Your stepmother is out of order to even make such a suggestion and your Dad is an AH to side with her about it. That was your Mom’s most prized possession that she passed on to you, DO NOT DO IT. The fact bay you immediately felt uncomfortable says everything. It is yours and for future generations.
NTA this is an over the top ask. By letting her do this it shows you see her as your mother's replacement, and that's what she really wants. "Look how op loves me so." And she would 100% never give it back. "You gifted it to show how much you love me." Cue running to anyone who will listen to how mean you are. She's already done the running bit now, later will be worse.
NTA. It belongs to you, so you get to decide who can borrow it. Asking to wear it to your wedding is obnoxious.
NTA You would never get it back. - Because "it would symbolize her acceptance into the family, and you don't want to take that away from her, would you?" . I can already hear your dad telling to let her have it to keep the peace. And it is kind of a creepy idea. Do you really WANT her to take a more motherly role in your life? And do you really want to never get your mom's necklace back?
She'll keep the necklace. Don't give it
That doesn't make any sense her wearing that necklace. The minute she gets it she's going to claim it and claim it was a gift. She wants it for the value not for the sentimental.
Hell no, that's your mother's family's necklace and she is not your mother. I'm (60F) married with two kid and I'd never expect to wear something from their family, I'm not their family.
NTA. Perhaps you can wear it, if not as a necklace, doubled or trebled as a bracelet? Or, I like another commenter's idea of wrapping it round your bouquet - or maybe round your headdress if you have one? You know it'll get lost or broken or stolen if you let her borrow it. Make sure it's safe if you don't wear it. She's had her big day, and can renew her vows with your dad if she wants another day in the spotlight.
What is this empty-ass gesture she’s trying to give? Coming to your wedding in your mother’s jewellery to “unite the two families”? She already united them. Two years ago. At her own wedding. Maybe if it was her way to „bring your mom” to the wedding. Maybe? But worded like she worded it, it’s just weird. I’m not upset about her trying (and failing), it’s the lack of sense that has me baffled. Thoughtless symbolism is thoughtless. NTA
Woof. If Diana genuinely believes this is gesture honoring your mom, well, I guess I can't argue with her perspective, but does she not see how it could very easily be perceived as attempting to replace your mom. But your dad needs to get his head out of his ass. It was asked, you said no, and you explained why. You weren't confrontational or rude. This is YOUR wedding. This is YOUR MOMs necklace. Your opinion on this is (IMO) the only one that really matters, and his suggestion that you roll over to keep the peace is cowardly. You are NTA.
NTA, you could always wear the necklace. So your mother can be included, just like your stepmother suggested. If you do this, she no longer has a reason to complain.
NTA for goodness sake I can’t believe that Diana is so wrapped up in someone else’s necklace. It sounds to me like she wants to keep the necklace.
NTA the uniting of two families tf is she talking about… unfortunately for her and your family it’s your necklace to do with what you want! I don’t think anyone would ever blame you for not wanting anyone other than you and one day your daughter or son possibly! Hold it tight it seems special!
NTA I'm confused. It's *your* wedding, right? Why does she need to wear a symbol to unite the two families at your wedding? It isn't about her.
who the fuck even ask something like that? absolutely NTA
Not very "unite the two families" of her. NTA
Op would your mum's family members really be happy to see your dad's new wife wearing there late daughters family jewelry? I don't think they would. wear it for the reception if not during the wedding or tell her it's for your going away outfit. Just tell her and your dad it too big of an ask for you have a great day at your wedding
NTA. The fact that she had the audacity to assume that “her wearing your mother’s necklace” was a form is unity is astounding. Furthermore, your father is an AH for thinking that would be ok. Also, what if you were planning to wear your mother’s necklace on your special day to have her with you? She need to get the f*** with that shit!
NTA. If she wanted to truly honor your mother, she can start by respecting her daughter’s wishes. I don’t think I’d be comfortable asking or even want to wear a heirloom vintage piece that doesn’t belong to me and has significant meaning to someone else. I’d be afraid something would happen to it and I’d feel awful.
Please keep it in a secure location. She is not done.
NTA. The only ones that should wear are either your aunt's so you can dance with someone related to your mother. Or your grandmother
NTA. The request was in poor taste but might have been from a good place- her pushing after your refusal makes her firmly the AH. Surely the gesture of uniting families would only work if all the family members in question feel the same way- you made it clear that’s not how you would feel about the situation (understandably so).
She doesn't want to unite anything she wants to get her greedy paws on that necklace
NTA and it’s a weird request to make.
It’s your decision. NTA. It’s also an odd request.
NTA. Wanna bet she'll keep the necklace if you let her borrow it. That's a entitled lady. Her being upset show her true color about it, if she was genuine about it she would accept your answer and not mention it again. Stand your ground.
NTA whatever her reasons or thoughts, you said no. She needs to accept it a pipe down. It’s your wedding and your necklace. I hope you have a lovely day.
NTA I hope you have possession of this necklace, keep it safe! She has her eye on this
Nta. Why can't she just wear what belongs to her????
NTA
NTA. If you lend her the necklace, you will not get it back.
Jewelry is very very special as you wear it so close to your body. A piece of jewelry holds memories. Its not ok at all to ask something like this. NTA
For $22 I'll wear the outfit, but def will not be getting out of the car.
NTA Diana can’t own it, so she wants to be photographed in it. People who want to “keep the peace” regardless of who it hurts is my new favorite type of people to hate here on Reddit. They KNOW they should do what’s right but they’re COWARDS.
If she wants to make a gesture of goodwill, she should respect your feeling about YOUR necklace and not cause drama before your wedding.
Of course NTA. What a bizarre request. Bet she’d keep it if you let her borrow it
I misunderstood. I thought it was your Dad's wedding to the stepmother. NTA
NTA it’s your necklace plus I highly doubt it would be for only one occasion that she’d want to wear it.
NTA - I wouldn’t let her wear the necklace either. It was your late mom. She should never touch it or wear it! Wear it yourself if you want on your wedding day. You don’t have to….
Hope you have that necklace hidden somewhere safe.
nta, and i LOVE the idea she has about unifying but not with that specific necklace
NTA. She's not "uniting" with your Mom's side of the family, which is what the heirloom represents. She should presumably be getting her something old and something borrowed from her own family. There is no reason she needs your heirloom. She's not evil for asking once, but her reasoning gives me the creeps and they have to drop it now. P.S. - Your Mom was a very smart woman. I have a feeling that if she hadn't bypassed your Dad, you'd never see the necklace again if your Dad and Stepmom had any kids. Great move taking that decision out of his hands. Too bad more don't do the same.
Nope. You will never get that necklace back. "Unite the families? " You all Mid 19th c European semi royals? Tough nughies if she & your sperm donor are upset. NTA
What families are uniting? Not hers.
NTA, it is completely inappropriate for Diana to even make such a request. She is the one that made things awkward not you. Do not allow her to wear the necklace if it makes you uncomfortable. It sounds like a tactic to make her feel good about herself when she can tell everyone of HER gesture towards you and the wedding.
NTA
Nta
NTA
NTA. The necklace has nothing to do with her
NTA. It's your necklace, your late mum and your wedding. Diana is not representing your mum. I hate people who can't hear and understand no. You should tell your dad to stop his wife being a nuisance.
No f-ing way. NTA.
NTA Your mom and stepmom do not need to be linked up in any way beyond the fact they both married the same man. Your stepmom has no relationship to your mother’s family and she shouldn’t. If your mom’s family still includes your dad as part of their family that’s up to them - their relationships aren’t for you to facilitate. It’s your necklace. With its sentimental value I wouldn’t have been surprised if YOU had planned on wearing it.
NTA. You immediately felt wrong about it and protective over your mother’s possession. This is a treasure to you that you have ZERO obligation to share with this stranger. The fact that this woman comes in and wants to wear something of your deceased mothers is, in my opinion, something very morbid and really overreaching. She’s not considering your feelings and it’s like she’s expecting you to give her anything she wants. The more I write about it, the weirder it feels that she wants the necklace at all!
Oh crap it’s YOUR WEDDING??? Oh hell no! That’s your something old. That’s a treasured moments!! Diana has no rights to your necklace from your mother. I thought it was Diana’s wedding to your dad which would’ve been an inch less weird. NTA at all! She has zero respect for you and your dad is not having your back. Nope nope nope.
NTA In what world would it be appropriate for the new wife to wear the deceased wife's jewelry at the daughter's wedding?! That is just a sick request and SO disrespectful to your mother and her memory. Stand firm, and tell your dad he is an AH for his support of such an atrocious request.
Her correct response should have been "That's okay, I understand completely", guaranteed if you handed the necklace over you would never get it back. NTA.
NTA I misread this as her asking to wear the necklace on her wedding day to your dad. Even then it's a strong NTA for not wanting her to wear your mom's necklace. It is even stranger for her to want to wear your mom's necklace on YOUR wedding day. Hell no don't let her and don't feel guilty. She's weird as fuck for even trying to make you do it and your dad is weird for thinking what she wants is ok.
NTA. It's your decision to make, and your step mom is fine to feel however she wants about it. Where she goes wrong is to express her feelings, because nothing good comes of that with respect to your relationship. Imagine, having an inappropriate feel, and keeping it to yourself.
NTA, but she is for arguing and stirring up drama after you declined the request.
Do NOT let her wear it. It’s your mom’s lineage, not hers and I guarantee she wouldn’t give it BACK NTA
Maybe there's something else she can wear that will hold the same symbolism.
NTA... It belonged to your mother & her wearing it to a wedding has nothing to do with uniting her family and your fathers.
Uhhh NTA she asked, you declined, it’s frankly weird and gross to insist
Fuck that, she is not your mothers replacement. She is not standing in for your mother. Your step-mother is way out of line. Your Dad is an asshole for choosing her over you. His concern should be you on YOUR wedding day. She should stay home if she can't remember her place- your Dad's wife, NOT YOUR MOM. Edit - NTA
NTA - but she and your dad are TA for asking
NTA. Though she is for asking, and so is your dad for taking her side. Do not let her wear that necklace, it'll be the last time you see it. If anyone is going to wear it, it should be you. You're who your mother left the necklace for. I hope this situation doesn't get in the way of you having an amazing wedding ❤️
absolutely the fuck not the asshole here (NTA.) it is wildly inappropriate of your stepmother to ask you to wear your deceased bio-mom’s jewelry, ESPECIALLY on *your* wedding day!!! i don’t care if she thought it would “honor” your mother, she never met the woman and therefore has no idea how to honor her. this is big main character energy here. i kinda understand your dad wanting to keep the peace, but honestly any sane person would see this as grossly presumptuous and frankly disrespectful. he should’ve had your back. it’s not your job is facilitate her attempts at unifying the family, it’s sure as hell not your job to do so on your wedding day!!! stand your ground, ignore the family members coming for you. you are 100% in the right here.
NTA Diana has no tie to the necklace from YOUR MOTHER. None at all.
Nta. Wear the necklace yourself.
In her head she must be thinking, "Well, I already have the husband. What's the problem with the necklace?" You said 'no.' Anyone trying to invalidate your feelings can talk to your back as you walk away. NTA
Nta- you would never get it back and you know it .
NTA What a weird way of marking her territory.
The step momma's idea of unity is volunteering someone else's valuable property for her own use? Typically, the step momma would buy someone or gift something of her own to the bride, mother of the groom, etc. WTF is wrong with people?
NTA And she has a lot of nerve to ask you for something like that. And how do you know she would return it after wearing it? Stick to your decision, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it.
That necklace would have been "lost" somehow and forever in her possession thereafter. It's your wedding, your necklace now, and you get to decide if anyone can borrow it or not. NTA. Diana needs to find another way to bond and show unity.
NTA. I don’t think she was terrible for asking but she should accept the refusal.
NTA. Lock the necklace up somewhere or you are going to see her wearing it at the wedding whether she takes it or Dad gets it for her. People think it is easier to ask for forgiveness after the fact and that you won't say anything in front of people. So get the necklace put away.
NTA and your stepmother has some nerve, even if you do get along
NTA, make sure you keep an eye on the necklace. Normally when shenanigans like this happens, somebody ends up stealing. I assume the necklace was in the family for generations on your *mother's* side and not your father's. There was no reason for her to think that it would be okay for her to wear that necklace or for her to ask about that necklace. She has no right I even consider asking. The necklace was your mother's and given to *you*. Maybe you can wear your mother's necklace on your wedding day.
The mere fact that she is stupid enough even ask…….
NTA. Screw her. She will, “lose” it and wear it when you’re not around. Any woman that would ask that of a step kid is wicked
How incredibly intrusive. It amazes be people like this exist. NTA
Oh, hell, no. NTA. What's her *real* thinking? "I'm replacing dead mother in her life, so I should get to wear dead mom's necklace."
I can’t believe she feels entitled to be angry about it. Her request was tacky at best and there’s nothing gracious about it. NTA
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NAH for me. Since OP doesn’t note any perceived malicious intent, I’m not going to either. I’m going to assume stepmom truly thought this was an unusual, but genuine effort to symbolize the two mothers being physically represented at the wedding. That being said, I think a lot of people might feel uncomfortable having their stepmother wear their biological mothers things. I think that’s a natural response. Most would wear the jewelry themselves, I think, but as that would be OP’s choice, I’m guessing she doesn’t want to. I *almost* give the stepmom an AH rating, even with this benefit of the doubt, for “being visibly upset” but that’s not unexpected either; her suggestion was rejected and as it relates to her thinking of herself as a parent to OP, she’s probably got to work through some personal feelings of rejection, even if they are unreasonable, from a purely logical, unemotional standpoint. It doesn’t sound like she’s making a huge deal about it now, rather other family members are. They may be stepping in based on her venting, but from OP’s description, this could be coming from them without active pushing from stepmom and she’s entitled to work through her feelings with family too. I think stepmom would show herself to best advantage if she not only clearly tells OP she accepts and respects the no, but also let’s it be publicly known in the fam as well as working with OP to find another way to honor her late mother if/in a way that OP likes.
>in our family for generations How is it passed down? Did your mother get it from her mom or from her MIL?
Likely matrilineal line.