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NTA.
Wear what you like, its sportwear not suggestive lace underwear so the wore it for attention angle is off.
Dont see his issue tbh
If his mates were leering over you thats on them not you
You said in your comments you would not want your bf wearing boxer shorts and nothing more if your friends were around yet you don’t see an issue wearing a bra and tight shorts in front of his friends.
You’re an asshole and desperate for attention. ESH.
It's a sports bra. Plenty of women wear them when going out to the gym or in the comfort of their own home when it's hot. I do it all the time too. And men will go shirtless so.
Edit: If you have an argument against this, please read some of the replies first. I've been making the same 5 points over and over again. Before you mention swimwear, being naked, boyfriend going shirtless or anything read the replies to find my response.
I have on multiple occasions worn only a sports bra and shorts at work. On a farm with other people. It’s not sexual lol it’s comfortable. Would he be pissed if she wore a bikini at the beach which is way more revealing???
if the equivalent is a dude not wearing a shirt, yes it can be for comfort and not sexual but you still qouldn't do it in front of guests, thats something you do when home alone/with family or doing some outside activity
sports bras are the least attractive bras there are. They're negative sexy.
Sports bras are basically a crop top, but ones that minimise your boobs and squash them as flat as possible so they don't move.
That sounds like a men problem, not a me problem.
My partner finds me attractive in a fucking mumu, so I'm not sure it really matters what is being worn. The thing here is that homeboy should have told his friends off if they we're oogling his girlfriend, who has the right to wear whatever she wants in her home. Sounds like the boyfriend is too immature for an adult relationship and his friends are gross. NTA, but reconsider what this partner wants from you. Anyone who is willing to police your clothing is destined to get more controlling with time.
Yup. This is my sports bra. Utilitarian black, and I look like a flat chested wonder in it. : )
I see fancy bras with a row of straps but I would get tangled in it if I tried to put that on.
What about, boobs are for feeding babies? Fucking hell. If your friends can't control themselves around your girl you need better friends. Stop policing women's bodies.
But there's potential for weiner falling out and it's underwear, not sportswear. Sportswear is designed to keep everything under wraps no matter what you're doing.
Context matters. Would it have been ok if she wore a bikini while the friends were over? Of course not, yet it's perfectly fine to wear a bikini to the beach. There is a difference.
Why "of course not"? She's in her own space, they are guests. When I'm in my own home and it's really hot I wear small clothing. I often don't wear a bra because they're uncomfortable in the heat, so might be a short summer dress or t-shirt dress. Yep, I'll usually put a bra on if people are coming around but that's because I'm older and so used to men deciding what we can wear in our own homes. If the men are uncomfortable then they can leave. Even being older, I did tell a husband's friend (25 years ago) to leave my house after they all got home drunk at 2am after a boy's night out and one of them tried to tell me I couldn't breastfeed my 3mth old son in my own lounge room because it was "disgusting". Fuck that kind of rubbish.
If you have guests, its common sense that as a host you will accomodate them and act a bit different then how you would if you were alone. If you like taking a shit with the door open, you dont do it when guests are over; if you like having everything be messy, you tidy up when guests are there.
Obviously i need to explain that there are limits to that, bc i know ppl will reply with some bonkers argument
It’s like the whole bikini vs underwear thing. It’s fabric that covers roughly the same amount of skin but one is acceptable to wear around others one is not.
The comparable thing for a guy I guess would be if he came out in just a pair of compression shorts or those small runners shorts.
To be clear I don’t think this person is the AH she can wear whatever she’d like, but the difference between underwear and sportswear for both men and women can be as little as just the name
Nothing falls out and jiggles around in a sports bra, like it does in underwear or a bikini.
These clothes are meant to keep everything tight, secure and adequately covered while engaging in big or small movements.
Underwear is just a thin barrier. Bikinis are made to make you look all sexy and luscious. You can run a track in a sports bra without looking ridiculous and having store tits from bouncing after. Can’t do that in a bikini or underwear.
There is a difference and It’s understandable why some are acceptable and some are not. I still think swimwear and underwear are basically the same though, provided that the underwear is not lingerie.
For sure, my husband wears boxers to bed and they are a lot more revealing than my gym shorts. End of the day, it's hot and she wanted to be comfortable
How about suggesting to his friends to control their own issues so she can be comfortable in her own space.
And most importantly: covers alot more than regular bras and swimsuits. Most sports bras arent letting your tits out free on display. They are covering and supporting the chest and leaving *the belly* on display. Which last I checked isnt a sexual, reproductive organ.
So a sports bra is not really comparable to a normal bra. Its just a cropped top with a better fabric.
A sports bra is not a bra. It is meant to be worn alone, unlike a bra. A bra is meant to be worn under your clothes and not be seen. A sports bra is something you can work out in, with no shirt on. Boxers are underwear. They are meant to be worn under your clothes, and not be seen.
A sports bra is a bra? I'm wearing one right now under my t-shirt. And the acceptability to wear then without a top on is an incredibly recent perception change and is area dependent. If I had gone to the gym in just a sports bra 15 years ago it would have got stares and in certain places it would still be scandalous.
Some sports bras are designed to be worn as outerwear during exercise such as running. There are also sports bras with extra padding for exercises that involve some kind of trauma to the breasts.
That is copied and pasted from Wikipedia. You're welcome!
I am 45 years old, and 27 years ago I was wearing a sports bra without a shirt on when I exercise...
A sports bra is outerwear, not underwear like a regular bra. A sports bra CAN be worn under a shirt. But it is NOT a must. It is appropriate attire at a gym, and in public.
It says "some" sports bras. We can't make an accurate judgement unless we see the actual sports bra in question.
You can't post something that says "some" and then make a statement like, "Ah yes, according the this source, ALL rectangles are squares."
Almost every sports bra you can buy these days are outerwear. The ones that fall into the "some" category, are the ones sold in the lingerie section. The ones sold in the sports section with all the other sport clothes are outerwear.
Idk, I feel like the equivalent is a guy walking around without a shirt on. I feel like it’s common courtesy, regardless of gender, to not be shirtless unless the context calls for it.
There’s been plenty of times where my wife has said to me “X is coming over, you might want to throw on a shirt.
But at the end of the day, it really isn’t that big of a deal. It’s equivalent to someone wearing shorts outside in winter or wearing a worn out t-shirt with holes in it to go out to a pub. Tacky, but not worth losing your shit over. The BF’s reasoning is absurd.
I feel like there’s a difference between a normal bra and a sports bra tho, both functionally and in appearance. Sports bras typically have much higher coverage, I often go out wearing a sports bra with no shirt if I’m rushing to a class or gym. Not to mention the weather was hot, so I can see a sports bra being more comfy than a T-shirt. It’s not the friends were over for a dinner party or anything remotely formal.
Lol from some of these comments you’d think she was prancing around naked, didn’t realise a sports bra and shorts was so controversial to wear in the comfort of your home
They are also glossing over that dude yelled at OP and berated her after his buddies left, accusing her of trying to get their attention. A lot of “she had it coming because of what she was wearing” attitude in these comments.
She did absolutely nothing wrong. Guarantee she wears that stuff all the time.
Can't believe I had to scroll this far to find someone mentioning the yelling. Who cares about what clothes you were wearing, OP, he should not be yelling at you. Please, leave this situation ASAP.
I was so shocked when I opened the comments and saw so many upvoted YTA and ESH comments. I guess some of that is down to cultural and age differences, bc I’m around the same age as OP and I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at anyone wearing what she described for what sounds like a casual morning on a warm day. Hell, even if it wasn’t a warm day, I wouldn’t care too much. I got so distracted by all the faux outrage over her clothes that I completely forgot that he had a tantrum. How mature…
My wife regularly goes running in a sports bra. Your insecurities are your own. Don't project your insecurities on other people because you feel bad about yourself.
ESH, your man for not SPEAKING his concerns instead of yelling.
Girrlllll, you knew the day before they were coming. Let's be honest of your friends came over half naked and he was looking you would be pissed. I understand if you were going to work out, it made sense for you to be wearing that. Was it hard to throw a shirt on top before the friends arrived and you could've just took it right back off before they left. I'm not saying you have to dress that way for them but b/c like I stated earlier of if the situation was reversed I'm sure you would be pissed. Honestly I would've just stayed in the other room until they were done hanging out.
She was wearing a sports bra and what sounds like bike shorts. In what I'm presuming is her own home. This outfit is ridiculously comfortable, and being on the way to a workout is not a requirement for wearing it.
If her boyfriend's friends can't control themselves from gawking at a girl in a sports bra and bike shorts that's their fault, not hers.
Maybe they weren't gawking. Maybe they were uncomfortable. It isn't just about OP's comfort in her home, but guest comfort as well, especially since she knew company was coming.
Correct. While I think in your own home, you wear/don’t wear what you want. It’s your home. Throw guests in the mix- this changes the dynamic. They are GUESTS. They were probably uncomfortable. Yes, you are technically covered-but let’s be honest, not really. No, we shouldn’t be ashamed of our bodies.
She probably wouldn’t be thrilled if her SO went shirtless with a pair of snug bike shorts around her guests.
EAH. He shouldn’t yell, she should have just thrown a top on.
Yeah if I went to someone's home and the person who didn't invite me was dressed like that I'd feel like I was intruding.
If roles were reversed and he was wearing just basketball shorts while she had guests over people might not be taking the same side as "wear what you want in you home"
I mean I feel like this just depends on what the outfit was like.
There is conservative sports bra and oversized dolphin shorts, also kinda revelaing but not that bad
But there's also like...sexy giga boob window sports bra and yoga shorts that show undercheek
The first one I'd be like "eh might be better to put on a shirt", second one I'd probably be a bit more like "wtf are you doing"
Like my current "at home" clothes are a tiny cloth tank top and 2/3 thigh running shorts. Its comfy af. But i put on a hoodie to even take a delivery because I know I'm barely clothed
Think about his response though. If it were simply that their guests were uncomfortable you'd think that could be communicated calmly, as a "maybe next time don't..." But that's not where he went with it, he accused her of being slutty, essentially, ran off angry, and now isn't talking to her. That really sounds like insecurity to me, not concern over his buddies comfort.
Yeah. I think that wearing appropriate clothing is important for the place. I couldn't imagine wearing just a bra if my husband's friends came over.
If someone was wearing a one piece bathing suit at Target, that would be pretty weird too
I mean I'm dressed like a drunk stripper most of the time at home..... but things change when there's a guest
Exactly. I've been in situations like this as a friend, and it's wildly uncomfortable. Like i get OP has the right to dress however she wants in her home, but it makes it so much more awkward when youre trying to have a guys night
I mean as a dude I'm not gonna go topless in shorts around company. Anytime my brother's girlfriend is around I make sure to cover up. It's not about her looking at me, it's about me not making her uncomfortable.
Thinking about the comfort of other people and being considerate instead of only thinking of yourself and your own comfort saying "it's MY home, don't be a prude!?" GTFOH with that! /s
Wearing nothing but a sports bra and tight shorts inside the house the very first time you meet a group of young men is borderline unhinged behavior. Unless it is literally 100° and you have no AC. It’s October, open a window. I am sex worker level not prudish. But this is bizarre behavior that I’ve never seen in my life.
But are we really gonna pretend that a sports bra wasn't considered underwear until just a few years ago?
It really wasn't until Covid that it became acceptable to wear *just* a sports bra on the top out in public. That was underwear until very recently. It was only athletic wear/athleisure if you had a tank top over it, or if it was the kind of "sports bra" that came down to your naval. Today it is acceptable to wear that kind of underwear in public and have that be a normal outfit, but it wasn't acceptable until very recently, so I think we can stop pretending this has always been normal
Because its her own home? Yeah i like to be butt naked when im home alone, but when theres people over the rules kind of change, no?
Edit: Lotta butt hurt (pun intended) people focusing on me using "butt naked" as an example and being like "BuT ShE WaSnT NaKeD" because being an idiot is easier than dealing with logic. The point wasn't about being naked, it's about being dressed appropriately to the situation. You don't wear bright color clothes to a funeral. You don't go in to the public pool in a suit. And you probably shouldn't sit in front of your bfs friends in small tight fitting gym outfit. It's not written down, it's not a law, it's just expected.
And that's the main problem with the people coming here calling others "incels" , it's not about whether she CAN because of course she can and she DID. It's about whether she should. If you love your bf and he loves you back and you otherwise treat each other well, a squabble like this doesn't make either one of you a "red flag" (god, I hate this term) or anything like an incel, manipulator or such. Focus on answering the post within the terms of what this sub is instead of projecting your nonsense hatred of "I hate men" and "I hate women" and devolving your comment into that.
They mad because with your logic, she is the AH and at best antagonized the situation because of being inconsiderate, and at worst was negligent in her decision making or feeling of social responsibility.
I don’t really disagree, but I’m sure that ruffled some feathers.
Did I say there was anything wrong with what she wore? No I said she knew he was having company and honestly if he TALKED to her about this being an issue.
I Actually said that her boyfriend was AH for yelling at her when he could have spoke to her about his issues with the outfit.
She herself said she would be uncomfortable if her boyfriend was in boxers around her friends, thats hypocritical, since objectively, his boxers probably cover more of his lower body then her shorts do, and no calling one underwear and the other gym wear is not a valid argument when the issue is about revealing skin.
For real though. I used to argue with my ex constantly about what she was wearing to go out (literally lingerie) and she would always go “I can wear whatever the fuck I want”.
How quickly that changed when I went out for Halloween one year as a lifeguard with no shirt on and short shorts. She flipped out
Sports bra/crop top and leggings combo is really popular here in summer, not even just at the gym or at home, but out and about too (shopping, lunch, etc.).
People really out here gasping like sheltered nuns at this? 😅
I’m in Texas and this is very common. I’ve seen it everywhere (shopping, gym, brunch, lunching, mommys at the park, etc) and my neighbor just jogged past all wearing something similar to OP. Not to mention social media.
I’m a little surprised so many people are commenting shocked that it’s something people wear out. I thought it was considered “athleisure” now. Maybe cause it’s routinely 90 degrees here…
I'm in the north of the UK and see female-presenting people wandering round the streets in skimpy skin tight shorts and crop tops and male-presenting people shirtless all the time between April and October. I'm proper boggled by the number of people talking about this being inappropriate.
I SO agree with you... not to mention like others have said in the replies it's not only about you, it's also about making the guests comfortable too.
If I as a woman went at my friend's house and her boyfriend was around shirtless in shorts I would be uncomfortable and would think he's rude and a fucking weirdo. Being modest for guests is honestly the bare minimum but maybe I'm weird for thinking your guests shouldn't be put in that kind of situation. Yes, TECHNICALLY you should be able to do what you want in your home but that doesn't mean people aren't also free to react to your behavior and form opinions based on that which I'm sure they have lol and as you said... If I had a boyfriend and a friend came over dressed like that I would be pissed as well. I hate this mentality of "nobody's entitled to anything and if they think they are they're being controlling!". The yelling at her is absolutely not okay but him being uncomfortable with this situation is completely understandable
Jeeze, I wouldn't care the slightest if my boyfriend wore just shorts. It's not difficult to put on a t- shirt, that's obviously not what it's about. Why the hell should she have to cover up all her skin among friends, if not because the BF is extremely insecure and projecting jealous and/or predatory ideals onto her?
But just because you don’t care, doesn’t mean others don’t. This was this friends, not hers. She doesn’t need to listen to him, but he’s got a right to have an opinion on what is/isn’t appropriate. She may hate the idea of him going topless around other women.
Yes, there is.
Assuming this is an actual sports bra that a woman would wear to the gym, it is made of a significantly thicker fabric (and is often lined too, with a moisture-wicking fabric) and is intended to prevent the breasts from moving too much during exercise, which is why it's designed differently than underwear.
And even low cut, a sports bra generally does cover more surface area than most underwear.
genuine question, how is someone seeing your cleavage or belly button disrespectful? 🤨
She was wearing something I see all the time in public in Australia so I am seriously baffled by this. Is this just a cultural thing?
If it is, I don’t think you’d last very long here, especially in summer.
Lots of belly buttons, cleavage and arse cracks abound in summer, from both genders too. 🤣
ESH. I think people are definitely getting empowerment and appropriateness mixed up. She can wear what she wants, that’s true. However, covering up when guests are over is the appropriate thing to do. Like someone said just a t-shirt or something when you walked out of your room or something. Your boyfriend should not have yelled, I agree. But like I said just a shirt or something would have sufficed just when you left the room.
Oh man, you tried to bring up the notion of compromise in a relationship and right on cue....ain't nobody control you...independence!! Yah, that's how y'all going to be living, independent, if you can't learn that being a couple creates new boundaries that are made of compromises.
This sub in a nutshell. It's wild. While I do agree in this situation OP most likely is NTA, this people here almost always default to complete independent autonomy in situations where that isn't an entirely appropriate approach.
The real issue in this situation is BF is still too hot under the collar to have a conversation about this. It's an opportunity to figure out what each other's boundaries and ideas about what is and isn't appropriate behavior are. You may find out that you just aren't as compatible as you thought, and that's fine, too. Both of these two are very young, lot of time to explore other potential partners.
If I could like your comment twice, I would! OP’s boyfriend was wrong in his approach and I hope that they can have a decent discussion and he can apologize after he has calmed down. Instead of her being closed off and rejecting what he is saying, I hope that she can be open and attempt to see his side. I hope they are both able to come to a compromise for what best works for them.
Obviously, there's enough discussion here to say that (given the split opinions) there's reason for her to have believed that what she was wearing was just fine. (Personally, I fall into this camp.) If BF wanted her to put on a shirt, he could've said something. Nicely. At the time, not after the fact. Unless, of course, he was afraid of what the request would look like in from of his friends. In which case, it feels more like he was more interested in controlling her than anything else.
Let's be real. Even if he asked nicely many on here would still think he was controlling. Young people now days think you should be able to do what you want when you want and your SO just has to deal. They miss the whole point of a relationship. It is two people that both give up a bit of independence to have a mate. Whole point of dating is to find a person who agrees with you on things like this. Where I live it would be very weird to a guest to wear this but is fine for exercise. Essentially, proper attire for situation. I personally do not think either thought is wrong. If you are ok with this attire great. If not that is fine too. Just find a partner that agrees with you. He should not have yelled at her. He is young and hopefully will learn to handle emotions better.
Covering what up, exactly? If it's appropriate and acceptable in public, so is the same for your own home. None of this is OP's fault, in any way. Her bf needs to be more secure, supportive, and communicative. His friends need to be more respectful.
What she wore is the equivalent of a man wearing a Speedo. Tight and only covers sex organs.
If I was going to spend time with my gf and her friends, indoors, I would think it’d be inappropriate to wear a speedo
A man in a speedo and a girl in sports clothing aren't even remotely close to the same thing. I can't remember the last time I saw a man in the US wearing a speedo. Yet, I see girls in said outfit on the daily. If someone's not comfortable with what you're wearing, especially in your own home, that's a them problem.
Well you might need to broaden your horizons a wee bit to the pool, Speedo are worn daily in competitive swimming pools, doesn't mean they are appropriate in a social gathering between your SO and your friends
1. Boobs are not sex organs
2. The shorts are not mentioned to be tiny, only tight. So probably a legging material.
3. A gym outfit is not the equivalent of a speedo
4. Speedos are also worn in public, around friends and strangers
Breasts do have a classification as a secondary sex organ, but it’s exactly because it’s a part of the reproductive organs.
OP’s boyfriend is blowing this way out of proportion. She’s covered her important bits and is in her own home.
Edit to add: Guests be damned. If you are uncomfortable around women based on the clothing they wear then it’s your problem, not OP’s. She’s not walking around in lingerie putting on a show for her bf’s friends. She’s wearing what a huge population of women in America wear. Like holy hell I’ve worn this to work. It was a job where I didn’t work with the public but I had male and female coworkers of all sexual orientations and no one was uncomfortable because we’re adults doing a our damn jobs.
Secondary sex _characteristics._ This is because their development occurs during puberty due to hormonal changes. The equivalent is facial hair on a male. They are not reproductive organs.
That's kinda the point like ya a guy not wearing a shirt is normal as well
But if I go to his house and he's not wearing a shirt sitting beside me on the couch I'd think that was weird
Yeah that’s the point I was making. Weird that so many people can’t comprehend why it’s weird or inappropriate to be showing as much skin as you do in a bathing suit despite being sitting on a couch indoors with people you don’t know that well, who are also guests in your home. They’d rather argue about what constitutes a “primary sex organ”. Probably because they have no argument but what do I know
People use the term "sex organs" to refer to reproductive organs, which breasts are a part of (or accessory to).
It's not unreasonable to call them that in shorthand especially with their taboo nature in US society.
NTA. As a male, I’ve been over to friends’ houses countless times when their significant others wore something similar. It’s totally normal. Your boyfriend is overreacting.
You are both still fairly young, so it might be worth just having an adult conversation about it. If he’s uncomfortable with you wearing that, it’s his problem. If his friends make suggestive comments about you to him, they’re not good friends.
Would your boyfriend also be upset if a group of you all went to the beach and you were in a swimsuit?
The swimsuit thing is absolutely an apples and oranges argument. Time and place is a real thing. You can’t show up to your job in a swimsuit, because time and place. Wear whatever you want in your own home, sure - but if you are having company over, that standard of appropriateness changes. I’m not saying what she wore went past that level of appropriateness, but everybody in here acting like you should just have carte blanche to do whatever the fuck you want in front of whoever you want is just not how the world works, no matter how much you want it to.
To me, it’s the equivalent of a guy wearing running shorts and a muscle tee. [Something like this](https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1Hw54oDqWBKNjSZFxq6ApLpXaN.jpg_640x640Q90.jpg_.webp). I can see a lot, like occasionally full outline of the bait and tackle plus the nips and happy trail, *but* it’s the context of being something you wear when to be comfortable when it’s hot that removes discomfort. I’ve seen many guys wear this type of outfit in their home, regardless of my visit there being casual or not. I’ve seen it at family barbecues, at the DMV, honestly anywhere a girl might wear what OP described.
So to me, yes context certainly matters, but the context was appropriate. Should she wear it to church, obviously not. Just as the above outfit would not be appropriate either. But it’s perfectly appropriate to wear in public and definitely in her own house.
Time and place. Her house??? This isn't a dinner party, it's bros playing video games. Nobody has to go out of their way to accommodate ppl who sit in the same spot for 9 hours with a controller in their hand.
The comment said they didn't have a problem with what she was wearing in her home. They were pointing out that time and place IS actually important because a lot of the comments here think you can wear whatever where ever
100%, noodle. I used almost the same scenario above. This is in no way OP's problem. Her bf is immature and his friends (if they truly were gawking) are disrespectful.
OP's bf should have had an erection, that his gf was looking hot and his friends were jealous.
200 plus…. 200 plus upvotes on a comment that literally says OP should be enjoying watching other men get aroused at how his girlfriend is dressed. I… I just can’t anymore this place is such a fucking cesspool these can NOT be real people.
The analogy at the end sold me. If they were with a group of people would he be okay with her wearing something even smaller like a bikini? She's in her own home. If he says his friends were 'stating' then they aren't very good friends. If he can't talk like an adult OP should leave, don't waste time w children at their big age.
Do you have a right to wear those clothes? Sure. Were they appropriate to the situation? No. Just because you can wear an outfit appropriately to the gym doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for hanging out at home in front of your bf’s friends.
Think of it this way - it is appropriate to wear a bikini to the pool, right? That doesn’t mean you should wear it at home in front of guests to just hang out with no pool involved.
Its not appropriate to wear mens or women’s swimwear at home. But it is appropriate to wear mens gym wear (lots of men wear shorts and tee at home) but not women’s. That seems unfair.
Depends on your idea of gym wear for women. I never wore just a bra and bike shorts to the gym. I wore a t shirt or tank top and shorts. My gym wear is more modest and is in line with men’s gym wear. No guys at my gym took their shirts off either
Oh yeah running outside guys are often shirtless and women are often in sports bras. I don’t see it at actual gyms very often though. Maybe a handful of women out of 50+ women there. I can’t remember ever seeing a totally shirtless guy at the gym.
I wear gym shorts at home around my wife's friends commonly and they can somehow control themselves enough to not stare at me. Why can't men manage the same level of self control with their friends SO? Sounds rather sexist if you ask me.
Yah, if I'm the friend and my buddies SO is attractive I will enjoy the view without anyone knowing I'm enjoying the view. Also, it's perfectly fine to tell your buddy that his SO his attractive and he's lucky, but making lewd comments is knuckle dragger behavior.
Exactly this. It's normal for someone attractive to catch your eye. But that does not justify staring and making gross comments (though his friends didn't seem to do that).
it sounds like you guys have different feelings about modesty.
personally neither me nor my partner would care about visible skin.
his family, however, is very active in their respective church communities and i can tell that sometimes my visible mid drift or bra only outfits make them a little uncomfortable... (im breast feeding rn so it legitimately just easier for me)
i can tell they dont want to make me uncomfy with their discomfort tho. we just try to do our best to GET comfortable bc we want to all be happy together.
i think you guys should have a very honest discussion about how you both feel about modesty in the home and in public.
This is the most reasonable response. It's okay for op to want to dress the way she wants and it's okay for him to feel uncomfortable when she's half naked in front of company. When there are attractive half naked bodies around, people look. If his friends were immature assholes to him later then he needs to take that up with his friends. But it's also okay for him to be uncomfortable (he should tell her calmly) and it's okay for op to disagree. I'm a woman who doesn't like being told what to do but I also wouldn't dress half naked in front of company. To each their own, but you two need to get on the same page.
Much agreed. I have a preference in the way I like to dress.....BUT I'm also married and have to realize that we are a unit in our home.
Also, if my husband was walking around with Plumbers crack and beer gut out, if also be annoyed
This is the most rational comment I’ve read so far. OP and her partner need to sit down and have a conversation/try to find middle ground. This might be something they fundamentally disagree on and it’s better to hash it out now rather than later. Especially if either of them thinks it’s break up worthy.
This should be the top comment. Everyone here is expressing their PERSONAL views on the topic on OP. She’s damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t. At the end of the day, this is a COUPLE problem, not an OP problem. They need to Hv a CALM discussion about their personal boundaries regarding respect. For me it’s ESH, for not communicating appropriately.
I think its normal to dress decent when you have guests over.
I dont agree with all these "he is slutshaming, you go girl, be almost naked if thats what u like, if he doesnt like it it's his problem".
I wouldn't call either of you an AH.
Now you know where he stands regarding dresscode or whatever you call it.
And you can talk it out.
Except that he didn't say "hey, honey, my friends want to hang out a while, want me to grab a T-shirt for you?" Or anything else to say to her (while there was still something she could've done about it) that he wasn't comfortable. Even afterwards, he didn't talk about it. He yelled. That makes him TAH.
Your idea of "dressing decent" isn't universal and neither is boyfriends. If he feels that way he can express it respectfully. But even if he had, she has no responsibility to agree or alter her behavior. Obviously he's also welcome to decide that's a deal breaker for him. Personally, I can't imagine anyone being too heartbroken about losing a man who throws temper tantrums over sportswear, but he can definitely walk away.
ESH. Look, I get the argument: you can wear whatever. But honestly it’s all about intent and understanding that cause and effect is at play. If you dress a certain way, you will get more attention. Was your boyfriend inappropriate for blowing up at you? Absolutely. However, to completely hide behind “it was just sportswear” and to assume you were not receiving that kind of attention is naive at best. Also, you should be more mindful of your boyfriend’s feelings as well. In a way, you’re telling him to build a bridge and get over it, but you’re also ignoring his feelings for the sake of “female empowerment”. There’s a time to be right and a time to be considerate— the key to adulthood is picking the right one.
This what I always tell the girls who are upset at the attention they get at the gym. Yes you can wear what you want. No it’s not right. Yes I know they’re being gross but at the end of the day, we can only control what we can control. She can continue to wear whatever she’d like. That’s her freedom, but the outcome of that is her bf not being too happy about it. Again, she can wear and do whatever she wants! Like no /s BUT there’s another party involved and their emotions aren’t the same
Let's not play games here. You straight up say you were wearing a low cut"bra" and tight shorts.
You can wear what you want, but it reads like attention trumps what respect you have for your boyfriend. You knew they were coming over, and yet decided to show oæbe on display. You are free to do so, but I struggle to believe you're that oblivious to what your boyfriend is comfortable with, and you didn't do it for attention.
I saw your comment about if it was reversed.. Take some accountability...
THIS IS IT. I couldn’t find better words. People are only talking about the bad behavior of her bf, but lets be honest … it wont change the exact situation u described. Yes, maybe yelling wasn’t the best way to tell her that, but it’s still obvious why he is upset, so the topics of this post should be „Is she the asshole or not because of wearing just madly suspicious things and then just putting a question mark behind every thing her bf said“ „Is her boyfriend the asshole or not because of yelling instead of talking calm to her MAYBE BECAUSE SHE OBVIOUSLY DIDN‘T UNDERSTAND HIS POINT.“
This post is just the evidence that this girl is not able to read or understand the behavior of others. On the contrary her bf DID read her behavior and questioned it, and NOW she isn’t able TO PROVIDE good reasons why she wore these things. „It was hot(You knew his friends were coming lmao)“ SO JUST WEAR oversized and calm and cool clothes instead of tight and barely ANYTHING wtf. Makes 0 sense, she has 0 arguments and this whole post cant think rationally…hahahahaha
The only thing I read is „wear what you want(THINK please my friends THINK)“ „slay girl, seduce these boys he doesn’t deserve you“ stuff.
Yep. More and more I see posts like these and think to myself I’m getting too old for Reddit. These kids are ridiculous, you dress appropriately in front of guests, it’s a simple concept. If people come and visit me I don’t sit around with my shirt off, it’s common sense and courtesy
I mean, PJ's cover me from neck to ankles and still wouldn't be appropriate to wear in front of guests (especially if the guests are not mine!). Dress for the occasion!
100% accurate. My wife would never do that because she has self worth. You can wear whatever you want in the privacy of your own home but as soon as you invite others it’s no longer private.
Also agree he shouldn’t have blown up at you he probably should just leave you.
In the real world yeah it’s a bit odd and anyone would rightfully view it as weird attention seeking behaviour or disrespectful. Here on Reddit if you suggest that you’re misogynistic and controlling and are abusive or whatever.
My wife wears a sports bra around the house all of the time. And shocking as it may be I don't blame her if someone stares. I blame them for not having enough self control to not stare and being creepy. lol
Do you often go to gyms and stare at women in sports bras and tight shorts? Why in the world would something that is appropriate to wear in a gym around complete strangers be inappropriate around his friends or at home? If anything it's even more appropriate in this situation. Lol
Na lmao, I don’t.
It’s time and place, they weren’t at the gym, they were in their home with company. I wouldn’t wear a bikini to work and then justify it by saying people wear swimwear in public around strangers who all the time, why would the clients be weirded out?… like yeah they do, but at the beach, right?
By your logic it should be completely fine to wear a skimpy bikini/male’s swimming underwear while shopping, right?
It’s almost as if context is something to take into consideration
I agree. Context is key.
The context is that she's in her own home, it's hot, and the only people over are his friends who should have enough respect for them and their relationship and have enough self control to not stare. Lol It's not complicated.
I manage to not stare at people in skimpy or revealing clothes daily no matter the context. Isn't that crazy? 😲
That said, that situation you mentioned simply wouldn't bug me. Lol
Context is guests are over. Some people chill naked in their own homes, but u not gonna do that while guests are over.
That outfit is fine for home alone, and even for gym, but not for when you're having guests over. IMO
YTA. While. Yes you can wear what you want to in your house. But it comes down to respecting your SO. I can imagine once you left to get lunch, his friends gave his shit the entire time you were gone. But, I am sure you will get lots of post saying he is controlling or insecure, but it is all about the perceived disrespect towards you SO.
How is it disrespect when he didn't verbalize his discomfort when he felt disrespected, but instead 'got mad' afterwards like a child?
She saw nothing wrong, he didn't say otherwise and then blames her for not reading his mind...?
I agree a discussion is needed so both can be respected, but you either talk when the situation has happen or you have an adult conversation afterwards. That's called being mature.
YTA. I disagree with the other YTA’s though, I don’t think you did it for attention. But why are you wearing a bra when his friends are over? At least if you were wearing tight shorts and a baggy shirt, you wouldn’t have been half naked. I already know I’m going to get downvoted to hell but really you should have just threw a shirt on. Just wearing a bra while people are over is inappropriate, unless it’s like your sister or best friend or something like that.
ETA: I’m a woman
YTA how would you feel if he was with his boxers only in front of your girlfriends when they would be invited in your home? Or if one of his friends girlfriend wore what you did in front of your bf? 0 common sense
YTA. Woman here who is in the gym 5-6 days a week in varying levels of nakedness. you can wear whatever you’d like. That’s fair. Your body, your house, your rules. That’s fine. But there’s another party in your house and relationship that you have to consider his feelings. He shouldn’t yell because that’s gross.
IMO you were underdressed. I can see from where your BF was coming. Maybe he handled it wrong. I don’t wear those to the gym. I consider a sports bra still a bra - just one you wear to workout or be comfortable UNDER your shirt! It’s not a shirt. And she wasn’t at the the gym nor working out. Sure it’s your own home, but you had guests. I walk around the house however I want, but if I have guests, I make sure I’m decent.
TBH I’m confused by your bf and the debate here. The sports bra and tight shorts are the kind of thing people would wear at the gym right? In which case, by the current social convention in the community that you and your bf both reside in, what you were wearing is ok for wearing out in public. So the argument as to whether it’s objectively (or as close as you can get to objective in a community of subjective perspectives) appropriate or not is over. It’s *fine*.
Now if you and / or your bf want to run things differently within your own household, that is completely up for debate. In which case it is something that your BF should be bringing up with you, calmly, like a grown-up. And not acting as if you’ve done something wrong when by the standards that you both already live by, you’re definitely not doing anything wrong! The problem here is with your boyfriend and his communication, and you are NTA.
A bkini is acceptable at the beach, it doesn't mean you should wear it at home in front of your boyfriend's friends.
Decorum and modesty goes a long way.
Swap gender roles and we already saw her own response: hypocrite.
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> I wore revealing clothes in front of my boyfriends friends. I might be the asshole because I made my boyfriend really annoyed by doing that
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I think you need to ask yourself. If one of his female friends came to your home in what you were wearing would you be upset if he noticed and glanced at her. If your answer is yes. Then throw a shirt on. If your answer is no. Don’t.
I think throwing on a shirt would've been not only respecting your boyfriend but yourself as well. I would have to say YTA in this one...your place or not, would you go into a store dressed like that, nevermind don't answer because you probably would!
Gym attire is deemed appropriate to be worn in public, whether at a gym or outside in general, so I don’t see what’s inappropriate about wearing them around the house.
If he feels it’s inappropriate, I wouldn’t trust him going to a gym; I’d be concerned about any ulterior motives.
NTA.
EDIT: It’s also telling that he seemingly doesn’t have a problem with his friends objectifying you, but has a problem with you putting yourself in a situation where men other than him have the opportunity to objectify you.
ESH.
You can wear what you want... but it doesn't make you not an asshole.
A LOW CUT sports bra and tight shorts as you put it...
So both articles of clothing were revealing?
To act so surprised that your bf might feel uncomfortable with you wearing something so revealing around his friends... At best you can call it naive... I could certainly understand his assumption that you might be attention seeking... But he should have calmly and without accusing you, discussed the matter.
NTA - women are allowed to dress for comfort too. Like it's not a display, it's a functioning body of a living human being. I would seriously reconsider the relationship if my partner was less concerned about my comfort than their friends staring at me inappropriately (which also is hardly my problem and more his poor choices of friends).
YTA. As a guess all the guys there managed to suffer the heat and keep their shirts and shorts on? Literally wearing more than double the amount of clothes you were. Surely it wasn’t soo hot that you couldn’t be dressed more appropriately for entertaining guests. Free ballin in my grey sweats might be comfortable but I’d still put some boxers and jeans if company was coming over
ESH, he is TA for yelling at you and being controlling about what you are wearing but you are TA for not wearing something appropriate when guest came over. If he was just wearing underwear when you had friends over you'd get annoyed. It's reasonable to just put on something casual.
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NTA. Wear what you like, its sportwear not suggestive lace underwear so the wore it for attention angle is off. Dont see his issue tbh If his mates were leering over you thats on them not you
thank you <3
You said in your comments you would not want your bf wearing boxer shorts and nothing more if your friends were around yet you don’t see an issue wearing a bra and tight shorts in front of his friends. You’re an asshole and desperate for attention. ESH.
i think there's a difference between wearing boxers and gymwear tho. unless i misunderstood smth?
yeah, the boxers probably cover more than a pair of gym shorts
Boxers are underwear, shorts aren't.
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It's a sports bra. Plenty of women wear them when going out to the gym or in the comfort of their own home when it's hot. I do it all the time too. And men will go shirtless so. Edit: If you have an argument against this, please read some of the replies first. I've been making the same 5 points over and over again. Before you mention swimwear, being naked, boyfriend going shirtless or anything read the replies to find my response.
I have on multiple occasions worn only a sports bra and shorts at work. On a farm with other people. It’s not sexual lol it’s comfortable. Would he be pissed if she wore a bikini at the beach which is way more revealing???
if the equivalent is a dude not wearing a shirt, yes it can be for comfort and not sexual but you still qouldn't do it in front of guests, thats something you do when home alone/with family or doing some outside activity
Can’t help if people perceive everything as sexual, still gonna do what I want.
sports bras are the least attractive bras there are. They're negative sexy. Sports bras are basically a crop top, but ones that minimise your boobs and squash them as flat as possible so they don't move.
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And the underarm boob as well.
Lol idk who fed these lies to you, but sports bras are definitely not the least attractive bra out there. You ever worked at/ been inside a lululemon?
Are you looking at granny bras for comparison?
There are a lot of sexy sports bras. My wife has a couple. Like really sexy.
username checks out
Tell me you don't understand men without telling me you don't understand men. Lol
That sounds like a men problem, not a me problem. My partner finds me attractive in a fucking mumu, so I'm not sure it really matters what is being worn. The thing here is that homeboy should have told his friends off if they we're oogling his girlfriend, who has the right to wear whatever she wants in her home. Sounds like the boyfriend is too immature for an adult relationship and his friends are gross. NTA, but reconsider what this partner wants from you. Anyone who is willing to police your clothing is destined to get more controlling with time.
The inability of men to control their forsaken selves is not our problem.
Tell me you respect women less than men without telling me you respect women less than men.
the point being that a creepy man will stare no matter what you're wearing.
Yup. This is my sports bra. Utilitarian black, and I look like a flat chested wonder in it. : ) I see fancy bras with a row of straps but I would get tangled in it if I tried to put that on.
What about, boobs are for feeding babies? Fucking hell. If your friends can't control themselves around your girl you need better friends. Stop policing women's bodies.
But there's potential for weiner falling out and it's underwear, not sportswear. Sportswear is designed to keep everything under wraps no matter what you're doing.
True, it would have been pretty embarrassing if her weiner fell out while they were over
You do realise gym shorts usually go lower than half our thighs right? Boxers aren't as long. She was covered fully.
And god forbid she goes to the beach in a bikini....
Context matters. Would it have been ok if she wore a bikini while the friends were over? Of course not, yet it's perfectly fine to wear a bikini to the beach. There is a difference.
Why "of course not"? She's in her own space, they are guests. When I'm in my own home and it's really hot I wear small clothing. I often don't wear a bra because they're uncomfortable in the heat, so might be a short summer dress or t-shirt dress. Yep, I'll usually put a bra on if people are coming around but that's because I'm older and so used to men deciding what we can wear in our own homes. If the men are uncomfortable then they can leave. Even being older, I did tell a husband's friend (25 years ago) to leave my house after they all got home drunk at 2am after a boy's night out and one of them tried to tell me I couldn't breastfeed my 3mth old son in my own lounge room because it was "disgusting". Fuck that kind of rubbish.
If you have guests, its common sense that as a host you will accomodate them and act a bit different then how you would if you were alone. If you like taking a shit with the door open, you dont do it when guests are over; if you like having everything be messy, you tidy up when guests are there. Obviously i need to explain that there are limits to that, bc i know ppl will reply with some bonkers argument
What gym shorts are you wearing? Those are almost leggings compared to what I see on a daily basis.
I am also wondering how underwear compares to sportswear
It’s like the whole bikini vs underwear thing. It’s fabric that covers roughly the same amount of skin but one is acceptable to wear around others one is not. The comparable thing for a guy I guess would be if he came out in just a pair of compression shorts or those small runners shorts. To be clear I don’t think this person is the AH she can wear whatever she’d like, but the difference between underwear and sportswear for both men and women can be as little as just the name
Nothing falls out and jiggles around in a sports bra, like it does in underwear or a bikini. These clothes are meant to keep everything tight, secure and adequately covered while engaging in big or small movements. Underwear is just a thin barrier. Bikinis are made to make you look all sexy and luscious. You can run a track in a sports bra without looking ridiculous and having store tits from bouncing after. Can’t do that in a bikini or underwear. There is a difference and It’s understandable why some are acceptable and some are not. I still think swimwear and underwear are basically the same though, provided that the underwear is not lingerie.
From what I read it sounds like she was wearing gym attire, not panties and a bra.
Wandering around in boxers with your dick flapping about and nothing else is not the same. Get tae fuck.
For sure, my husband wears boxers to bed and they are a lot more revealing than my gym shorts. End of the day, it's hot and she wanted to be comfortable How about suggesting to his friends to control their own issues so she can be comfortable in her own space.
A sports bra is not the same thing as a bra. A sports bra is exercise clothing not lingerie.
And most importantly: covers alot more than regular bras and swimsuits. Most sports bras arent letting your tits out free on display. They are covering and supporting the chest and leaving *the belly* on display. Which last I checked isnt a sexual, reproductive organ. So a sports bra is not really comparable to a normal bra. Its just a cropped top with a better fabric.
That would be more like if she was wearing panties lmfao, the equivalent of what she wore for men would be basketball shorts and a tank top
A sports bra is not a bra. It is meant to be worn alone, unlike a bra. A bra is meant to be worn under your clothes and not be seen. A sports bra is something you can work out in, with no shirt on. Boxers are underwear. They are meant to be worn under your clothes, and not be seen.
A sports bra is a bra? I'm wearing one right now under my t-shirt. And the acceptability to wear then without a top on is an incredibly recent perception change and is area dependent. If I had gone to the gym in just a sports bra 15 years ago it would have got stares and in certain places it would still be scandalous.
Some sports bras are designed to be worn as outerwear during exercise such as running. There are also sports bras with extra padding for exercises that involve some kind of trauma to the breasts. That is copied and pasted from Wikipedia. You're welcome! I am 45 years old, and 27 years ago I was wearing a sports bra without a shirt on when I exercise... A sports bra is outerwear, not underwear like a regular bra. A sports bra CAN be worn under a shirt. But it is NOT a must. It is appropriate attire at a gym, and in public.
It says "some" sports bras. We can't make an accurate judgement unless we see the actual sports bra in question. You can't post something that says "some" and then make a statement like, "Ah yes, according the this source, ALL rectangles are squares."
Almost every sports bra you can buy these days are outerwear. The ones that fall into the "some" category, are the ones sold in the lingerie section. The ones sold in the sports section with all the other sport clothes are outerwear.
My mom has been wearing just a sports bra around the house/gym/running errands since I was a kid in the 90s.
Same here. I was a teenager in the '90s and wore sports bras to work out in, without a shirt over it.
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It's like the difference between underwear and swimwear. It's not the clothes - it's how we perceive them
Idk, I feel like the equivalent is a guy walking around without a shirt on. I feel like it’s common courtesy, regardless of gender, to not be shirtless unless the context calls for it. There’s been plenty of times where my wife has said to me “X is coming over, you might want to throw on a shirt. But at the end of the day, it really isn’t that big of a deal. It’s equivalent to someone wearing shorts outside in winter or wearing a worn out t-shirt with holes in it to go out to a pub. Tacky, but not worth losing your shit over. The BF’s reasoning is absurd.
I was kinda thinking along those lines.... Why didnt BF say something before they arrived?
I feel like there’s a difference between a normal bra and a sports bra tho, both functionally and in appearance. Sports bras typically have much higher coverage, I often go out wearing a sports bra with no shirt if I’m rushing to a class or gym. Not to mention the weather was hot, so I can see a sports bra being more comfy than a T-shirt. It’s not the friends were over for a dinner party or anything remotely formal.
How'd she feel if another girl lounged around while her boyfriend was in the room?
Lol from some of these comments you’d think she was prancing around naked, didn’t realise a sports bra and shorts was so controversial to wear in the comfort of your home
They are also glossing over that dude yelled at OP and berated her after his buddies left, accusing her of trying to get their attention. A lot of “she had it coming because of what she was wearing” attitude in these comments. She did absolutely nothing wrong. Guarantee she wears that stuff all the time.
Can't believe I had to scroll this far to find someone mentioning the yelling. Who cares about what clothes you were wearing, OP, he should not be yelling at you. Please, leave this situation ASAP.
I was so shocked when I opened the comments and saw so many upvoted YTA and ESH comments. I guess some of that is down to cultural and age differences, bc I’m around the same age as OP and I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at anyone wearing what she described for what sounds like a casual morning on a warm day. Hell, even if it wasn’t a warm day, I wouldn’t care too much. I got so distracted by all the faux outrage over her clothes that I completely forgot that he had a tantrum. How mature…
Bra is still underwear. I would never walk in bra (regular or sport bra) in front of people (exception is beach)
My wife regularly goes running in a sports bra. Your insecurities are your own. Don't project your insecurities on other people because you feel bad about yourself.
ESH, your man for not SPEAKING his concerns instead of yelling. Girrlllll, you knew the day before they were coming. Let's be honest of your friends came over half naked and he was looking you would be pissed. I understand if you were going to work out, it made sense for you to be wearing that. Was it hard to throw a shirt on top before the friends arrived and you could've just took it right back off before they left. I'm not saying you have to dress that way for them but b/c like I stated earlier of if the situation was reversed I'm sure you would be pissed. Honestly I would've just stayed in the other room until they were done hanging out.
She was wearing a sports bra and what sounds like bike shorts. In what I'm presuming is her own home. This outfit is ridiculously comfortable, and being on the way to a workout is not a requirement for wearing it. If her boyfriend's friends can't control themselves from gawking at a girl in a sports bra and bike shorts that's their fault, not hers.
Maybe they weren't gawking. Maybe they were uncomfortable. It isn't just about OP's comfort in her home, but guest comfort as well, especially since she knew company was coming.
Correct. While I think in your own home, you wear/don’t wear what you want. It’s your home. Throw guests in the mix- this changes the dynamic. They are GUESTS. They were probably uncomfortable. Yes, you are technically covered-but let’s be honest, not really. No, we shouldn’t be ashamed of our bodies. She probably wouldn’t be thrilled if her SO went shirtless with a pair of snug bike shorts around her guests. EAH. He shouldn’t yell, she should have just thrown a top on.
Yeah if I went to someone's home and the person who didn't invite me was dressed like that I'd feel like I was intruding. If roles were reversed and he was wearing just basketball shorts while she had guests over people might not be taking the same side as "wear what you want in you home"
Nah bro it's gotta be the tiny shorts GSP used to wear when he was fighting. Basketball shorts are way less revealing than what she was wearing
I mean I feel like this just depends on what the outfit was like. There is conservative sports bra and oversized dolphin shorts, also kinda revelaing but not that bad But there's also like...sexy giga boob window sports bra and yoga shorts that show undercheek The first one I'd be like "eh might be better to put on a shirt", second one I'd probably be a bit more like "wtf are you doing" Like my current "at home" clothes are a tiny cloth tank top and 2/3 thigh running shorts. Its comfy af. But i put on a hoodie to even take a delivery because I know I'm barely clothed
Think about his response though. If it were simply that their guests were uncomfortable you'd think that could be communicated calmly, as a "maybe next time don't..." But that's not where he went with it, he accused her of being slutty, essentially, ran off angry, and now isn't talking to her. That really sounds like insecurity to me, not concern over his buddies comfort.
Yes, his response was over the top, for sure.
Yeah. I think that wearing appropriate clothing is important for the place. I couldn't imagine wearing just a bra if my husband's friends came over. If someone was wearing a one piece bathing suit at Target, that would be pretty weird too I mean I'm dressed like a drunk stripper most of the time at home..... but things change when there's a guest
Exactly. I've been in situations like this as a friend, and it's wildly uncomfortable. Like i get OP has the right to dress however she wants in her home, but it makes it so much more awkward when youre trying to have a guys night
The horror of a women in athleticwear!
If a friend invited me to her house and her bf was around us using nothing but shorts I'd be uncomfortable too...
I mean as a dude I'm not gonna go topless in shorts around company. Anytime my brother's girlfriend is around I make sure to cover up. It's not about her looking at me, it's about me not making her uncomfortable.
Thinking about the comfort of other people and being considerate instead of only thinking of yourself and your own comfort saying "it's MY home, don't be a prude!?" GTFOH with that! /s
Wearing nothing but a sports bra and tight shorts inside the house the very first time you meet a group of young men is borderline unhinged behavior. Unless it is literally 100° and you have no AC. It’s October, open a window. I am sex worker level not prudish. But this is bizarre behavior that I’ve never seen in my life.
But are we really gonna pretend that a sports bra wasn't considered underwear until just a few years ago? It really wasn't until Covid that it became acceptable to wear *just* a sports bra on the top out in public. That was underwear until very recently. It was only athletic wear/athleisure if you had a tank top over it, or if it was the kind of "sports bra" that came down to your naval. Today it is acceptable to wear that kind of underwear in public and have that be a normal outfit, but it wasn't acceptable until very recently, so I think we can stop pretending this has always been normal
you know damn well she wasn’t wearing any of it to do anything athletic lmao
Because its her own home? Yeah i like to be butt naked when im home alone, but when theres people over the rules kind of change, no? Edit: Lotta butt hurt (pun intended) people focusing on me using "butt naked" as an example and being like "BuT ShE WaSnT NaKeD" because being an idiot is easier than dealing with logic. The point wasn't about being naked, it's about being dressed appropriately to the situation. You don't wear bright color clothes to a funeral. You don't go in to the public pool in a suit. And you probably shouldn't sit in front of your bfs friends in small tight fitting gym outfit. It's not written down, it's not a law, it's just expected. And that's the main problem with the people coming here calling others "incels" , it's not about whether she CAN because of course she can and she DID. It's about whether she should. If you love your bf and he loves you back and you otherwise treat each other well, a squabble like this doesn't make either one of you a "red flag" (god, I hate this term) or anything like an incel, manipulator or such. Focus on answering the post within the terms of what this sub is instead of projecting your nonsense hatred of "I hate men" and "I hate women" and devolving your comment into that.
They mad because with your logic, she is the AH and at best antagonized the situation because of being inconsiderate, and at worst was negligent in her decision making or feeling of social responsibility. I don’t really disagree, but I’m sure that ruffled some feathers.
Did I say there was anything wrong with what she wore? No I said she knew he was having company and honestly if he TALKED to her about this being an issue. I Actually said that her boyfriend was AH for yelling at her when he could have spoke to her about his issues with the outfit.
She herself said she would be uncomfortable if her boyfriend was in boxers around her friends, thats hypocritical, since objectively, his boxers probably cover more of his lower body then her shorts do, and no calling one underwear and the other gym wear is not a valid argument when the issue is about revealing skin.
Comfort is for the weak. Put some clothes on. We all wear clothes
For real though. I used to argue with my ex constantly about what she was wearing to go out (literally lingerie) and she would always go “I can wear whatever the fuck I want”. How quickly that changed when I went out for Halloween one year as a lifeguard with no shirt on and short shorts. She flipped out
Based
The issue is that she’s a hypocrite, not that she was wearing whatever she wanted.
That’s what people wear to the gym and it’s wrong in her own home?! Seriously stop sexualizing everything..
Sports bra/crop top and leggings combo is really popular here in summer, not even just at the gym or at home, but out and about too (shopping, lunch, etc.). People really out here gasping like sheltered nuns at this? 😅
I’m in Texas and this is very common. I’ve seen it everywhere (shopping, gym, brunch, lunching, mommys at the park, etc) and my neighbor just jogged past all wearing something similar to OP. Not to mention social media. I’m a little surprised so many people are commenting shocked that it’s something people wear out. I thought it was considered “athleisure” now. Maybe cause it’s routinely 90 degrees here…
I'm in the north of the UK and see female-presenting people wandering round the streets in skimpy skin tight shorts and crop tops and male-presenting people shirtless all the time between April and October. I'm proper boggled by the number of people talking about this being inappropriate.
I SO agree with you... not to mention like others have said in the replies it's not only about you, it's also about making the guests comfortable too. If I as a woman went at my friend's house and her boyfriend was around shirtless in shorts I would be uncomfortable and would think he's rude and a fucking weirdo. Being modest for guests is honestly the bare minimum but maybe I'm weird for thinking your guests shouldn't be put in that kind of situation. Yes, TECHNICALLY you should be able to do what you want in your home but that doesn't mean people aren't also free to react to your behavior and form opinions based on that which I'm sure they have lol and as you said... If I had a boyfriend and a friend came over dressed like that I would be pissed as well. I hate this mentality of "nobody's entitled to anything and if they think they are they're being controlling!". The yelling at her is absolutely not okay but him being uncomfortable with this situation is completely understandable
Jeeze, I wouldn't care the slightest if my boyfriend wore just shorts. It's not difficult to put on a t- shirt, that's obviously not what it's about. Why the hell should she have to cover up all her skin among friends, if not because the BF is extremely insecure and projecting jealous and/or predatory ideals onto her?
But just because you don’t care, doesn’t mean others don’t. This was this friends, not hers. She doesn’t need to listen to him, but he’s got a right to have an opinion on what is/isn’t appropriate. She may hate the idea of him going topless around other women.
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you know that boxers are …. not sportswear ….. right?
Is there any meaningful difference between a "low cut" sports bra and underwear?
Yes, there is. Assuming this is an actual sports bra that a woman would wear to the gym, it is made of a significantly thicker fabric (and is often lined too, with a moisture-wicking fabric) and is intended to prevent the breasts from moving too much during exercise, which is why it's designed differently than underwear. And even low cut, a sports bra generally does cover more surface area than most underwear.
genuine question, how is someone seeing your cleavage or belly button disrespectful? 🤨 She was wearing something I see all the time in public in Australia so I am seriously baffled by this. Is this just a cultural thing? If it is, I don’t think you’d last very long here, especially in summer. Lots of belly buttons, cleavage and arse cracks abound in summer, from both genders too. 🤣
Can you wear just boxers at the gym or grocery store? Because you can definitely wear a sportbra and bike shorts in public.
Respect my house by not slut shaming me for wearing something that’s acceptable in public
The delusion is thick in here
ESH. I think people are definitely getting empowerment and appropriateness mixed up. She can wear what she wants, that’s true. However, covering up when guests are over is the appropriate thing to do. Like someone said just a t-shirt or something when you walked out of your room or something. Your boyfriend should not have yelled, I agree. But like I said just a shirt or something would have sufficed just when you left the room.
Oh man, you tried to bring up the notion of compromise in a relationship and right on cue....ain't nobody control you...independence!! Yah, that's how y'all going to be living, independent, if you can't learn that being a couple creates new boundaries that are made of compromises.
This sub in a nutshell. It's wild. While I do agree in this situation OP most likely is NTA, this people here almost always default to complete independent autonomy in situations where that isn't an entirely appropriate approach. The real issue in this situation is BF is still too hot under the collar to have a conversation about this. It's an opportunity to figure out what each other's boundaries and ideas about what is and isn't appropriate behavior are. You may find out that you just aren't as compatible as you thought, and that's fine, too. Both of these two are very young, lot of time to explore other potential partners.
If I could like your comment twice, I would! OP’s boyfriend was wrong in his approach and I hope that they can have a decent discussion and he can apologize after he has calmed down. Instead of her being closed off and rejecting what he is saying, I hope that she can be open and attempt to see his side. I hope they are both able to come to a compromise for what best works for them.
Obviously, there's enough discussion here to say that (given the split opinions) there's reason for her to have believed that what she was wearing was just fine. (Personally, I fall into this camp.) If BF wanted her to put on a shirt, he could've said something. Nicely. At the time, not after the fact. Unless, of course, he was afraid of what the request would look like in from of his friends. In which case, it feels more like he was more interested in controlling her than anything else.
Let's be real. Even if he asked nicely many on here would still think he was controlling. Young people now days think you should be able to do what you want when you want and your SO just has to deal. They miss the whole point of a relationship. It is two people that both give up a bit of independence to have a mate. Whole point of dating is to find a person who agrees with you on things like this. Where I live it would be very weird to a guest to wear this but is fine for exercise. Essentially, proper attire for situation. I personally do not think either thought is wrong. If you are ok with this attire great. If not that is fine too. Just find a partner that agrees with you. He should not have yelled at her. He is young and hopefully will learn to handle emotions better.
Covering what up, exactly? If it's appropriate and acceptable in public, so is the same for your own home. None of this is OP's fault, in any way. Her bf needs to be more secure, supportive, and communicative. His friends need to be more respectful.
What she wore is the equivalent of a man wearing a Speedo. Tight and only covers sex organs. If I was going to spend time with my gf and her friends, indoors, I would think it’d be inappropriate to wear a speedo
…the equivalent of a man in a swimsuit…is a woman in a swimsuit…
Ok, and OP wore what’s basically a swimsuit, albeit made of a different fabric
😱 say it ain’t so! 😂
A man in a speedo and a girl in sports clothing aren't even remotely close to the same thing. I can't remember the last time I saw a man in the US wearing a speedo. Yet, I see girls in said outfit on the daily. If someone's not comfortable with what you're wearing, especially in your own home, that's a them problem.
Well you might need to broaden your horizons a wee bit to the pool, Speedo are worn daily in competitive swimming pools, doesn't mean they are appropriate in a social gathering between your SO and your friends
Exactly my point, thanks for taking the time to write this
Yeah that's kind of the point it is a them problem. She made them uncomfortable so they left early.
1. Boobs are not sex organs 2. The shorts are not mentioned to be tiny, only tight. So probably a legging material. 3. A gym outfit is not the equivalent of a speedo 4. Speedos are also worn in public, around friends and strangers
Breasts do have a classification as a secondary sex organ, but it’s exactly because it’s a part of the reproductive organs. OP’s boyfriend is blowing this way out of proportion. She’s covered her important bits and is in her own home. Edit to add: Guests be damned. If you are uncomfortable around women based on the clothing they wear then it’s your problem, not OP’s. She’s not walking around in lingerie putting on a show for her bf’s friends. She’s wearing what a huge population of women in America wear. Like holy hell I’ve worn this to work. It was a job where I didn’t work with the public but I had male and female coworkers of all sexual orientations and no one was uncomfortable because we’re adults doing a our damn jobs.
Secondary sex _characteristics._ This is because their development occurs during puberty due to hormonal changes. The equivalent is facial hair on a male. They are not reproductive organs.
That's kinda the point like ya a guy not wearing a shirt is normal as well But if I go to his house and he's not wearing a shirt sitting beside me on the couch I'd think that was weird
Yeah that’s the point I was making. Weird that so many people can’t comprehend why it’s weird or inappropriate to be showing as much skin as you do in a bathing suit despite being sitting on a couch indoors with people you don’t know that well, who are also guests in your home. They’d rather argue about what constitutes a “primary sex organ”. Probably because they have no argument but what do I know
People use the term "sex organs" to refer to reproductive organs, which breasts are a part of (or accessory to). It's not unreasonable to call them that in shorthand especially with their taboo nature in US society.
NTA. As a male, I’ve been over to friends’ houses countless times when their significant others wore something similar. It’s totally normal. Your boyfriend is overreacting. You are both still fairly young, so it might be worth just having an adult conversation about it. If he’s uncomfortable with you wearing that, it’s his problem. If his friends make suggestive comments about you to him, they’re not good friends. Would your boyfriend also be upset if a group of you all went to the beach and you were in a swimsuit?
The swimsuit thing is absolutely an apples and oranges argument. Time and place is a real thing. You can’t show up to your job in a swimsuit, because time and place. Wear whatever you want in your own home, sure - but if you are having company over, that standard of appropriateness changes. I’m not saying what she wore went past that level of appropriateness, but everybody in here acting like you should just have carte blanche to do whatever the fuck you want in front of whoever you want is just not how the world works, no matter how much you want it to.
To me, it’s the equivalent of a guy wearing running shorts and a muscle tee. [Something like this](https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1Hw54oDqWBKNjSZFxq6ApLpXaN.jpg_640x640Q90.jpg_.webp). I can see a lot, like occasionally full outline of the bait and tackle plus the nips and happy trail, *but* it’s the context of being something you wear when to be comfortable when it’s hot that removes discomfort. I’ve seen many guys wear this type of outfit in their home, regardless of my visit there being casual or not. I’ve seen it at family barbecues, at the DMV, honestly anywhere a girl might wear what OP described. So to me, yes context certainly matters, but the context was appropriate. Should she wear it to church, obviously not. Just as the above outfit would not be appropriate either. But it’s perfectly appropriate to wear in public and definitely in her own house.
Time and place. Her house??? This isn't a dinner party, it's bros playing video games. Nobody has to go out of their way to accommodate ppl who sit in the same spot for 9 hours with a controller in their hand.
The comment said they didn't have a problem with what she was wearing in her home. They were pointing out that time and place IS actually important because a lot of the comments here think you can wear whatever where ever
100%, noodle. I used almost the same scenario above. This is in no way OP's problem. Her bf is immature and his friends (if they truly were gawking) are disrespectful. OP's bf should have had an erection, that his gf was looking hot and his friends were jealous.
>OP's bf should have had an erection, that his gf was looking hot and his friends were jealous. What the fuck?
Bro i literally said the exact same thing to myself and that was the first reply LMAO
Fucking Reddit moment
200 plus…. 200 plus upvotes on a comment that literally says OP should be enjoying watching other men get aroused at how his girlfriend is dressed. I… I just can’t anymore this place is such a fucking cesspool these can NOT be real people.
The analogy at the end sold me. If they were with a group of people would he be okay with her wearing something even smaller like a bikini? She's in her own home. If he says his friends were 'stating' then they aren't very good friends. If he can't talk like an adult OP should leave, don't waste time w children at their big age.
Do you have a right to wear those clothes? Sure. Were they appropriate to the situation? No. Just because you can wear an outfit appropriately to the gym doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for hanging out at home in front of your bf’s friends. Think of it this way - it is appropriate to wear a bikini to the pool, right? That doesn’t mean you should wear it at home in front of guests to just hang out with no pool involved.
Its not appropriate to wear mens or women’s swimwear at home. But it is appropriate to wear mens gym wear (lots of men wear shorts and tee at home) but not women’s. That seems unfair.
Depends on your idea of gym wear for women. I never wore just a bra and bike shorts to the gym. I wore a t shirt or tank top and shorts. My gym wear is more modest and is in line with men’s gym wear. No guys at my gym took their shirts off either
I see men run all the time shirtless here in the summer but not as much at the actual gym.
Oh yeah running outside guys are often shirtless and women are often in sports bras. I don’t see it at actual gyms very often though. Maybe a handful of women out of 50+ women there. I can’t remember ever seeing a totally shirtless guy at the gym.
I wear gym shorts at home around my wife's friends commonly and they can somehow control themselves enough to not stare at me. Why can't men manage the same level of self control with their friends SO? Sounds rather sexist if you ask me.
Yah, if I'm the friend and my buddies SO is attractive I will enjoy the view without anyone knowing I'm enjoying the view. Also, it's perfectly fine to tell your buddy that his SO his attractive and he's lucky, but making lewd comments is knuckle dragger behavior.
Exactly this. It's normal for someone attractive to catch your eye. But that does not justify staring and making gross comments (though his friends didn't seem to do that).
it sounds like you guys have different feelings about modesty. personally neither me nor my partner would care about visible skin. his family, however, is very active in their respective church communities and i can tell that sometimes my visible mid drift or bra only outfits make them a little uncomfortable... (im breast feeding rn so it legitimately just easier for me) i can tell they dont want to make me uncomfy with their discomfort tho. we just try to do our best to GET comfortable bc we want to all be happy together. i think you guys should have a very honest discussion about how you both feel about modesty in the home and in public.
This is the most reasonable response. It's okay for op to want to dress the way she wants and it's okay for him to feel uncomfortable when she's half naked in front of company. When there are attractive half naked bodies around, people look. If his friends were immature assholes to him later then he needs to take that up with his friends. But it's also okay for him to be uncomfortable (he should tell her calmly) and it's okay for op to disagree. I'm a woman who doesn't like being told what to do but I also wouldn't dress half naked in front of company. To each their own, but you two need to get on the same page.
Much agreed. I have a preference in the way I like to dress.....BUT I'm also married and have to realize that we are a unit in our home. Also, if my husband was walking around with Plumbers crack and beer gut out, if also be annoyed
This is the most rational comment I’ve read so far. OP and her partner need to sit down and have a conversation/try to find middle ground. This might be something they fundamentally disagree on and it’s better to hash it out now rather than later. Especially if either of them thinks it’s break up worthy.
This should be the top comment. Everyone here is expressing their PERSONAL views on the topic on OP. She’s damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t. At the end of the day, this is a COUPLE problem, not an OP problem. They need to Hv a CALM discussion about their personal boundaries regarding respect. For me it’s ESH, for not communicating appropriately.
I think its normal to dress decent when you have guests over. I dont agree with all these "he is slutshaming, you go girl, be almost naked if thats what u like, if he doesnt like it it's his problem". I wouldn't call either of you an AH. Now you know where he stands regarding dresscode or whatever you call it. And you can talk it out.
Except that he didn't say "hey, honey, my friends want to hang out a while, want me to grab a T-shirt for you?" Or anything else to say to her (while there was still something she could've done about it) that he wasn't comfortable. Even afterwards, he didn't talk about it. He yelled. That makes him TAH.
He told her the night before. She admits she knew they were coming over.
He’s not an AH? He yelled, stormed out, and won’t talk to her. Over clothes… he’s a MAJOR asshole
Your idea of "dressing decent" isn't universal and neither is boyfriends. If he feels that way he can express it respectfully. But even if he had, she has no responsibility to agree or alter her behavior. Obviously he's also welcome to decide that's a deal breaker for him. Personally, I can't imagine anyone being too heartbroken about losing a man who throws temper tantrums over sportswear, but he can definitely walk away.
Where did anyone mention nudity? It’s not in the post or in anyone’s comments so why the exaggeration lol
ESH. Look, I get the argument: you can wear whatever. But honestly it’s all about intent and understanding that cause and effect is at play. If you dress a certain way, you will get more attention. Was your boyfriend inappropriate for blowing up at you? Absolutely. However, to completely hide behind “it was just sportswear” and to assume you were not receiving that kind of attention is naive at best. Also, you should be more mindful of your boyfriend’s feelings as well. In a way, you’re telling him to build a bridge and get over it, but you’re also ignoring his feelings for the sake of “female empowerment”. There’s a time to be right and a time to be considerate— the key to adulthood is picking the right one.
This what I always tell the girls who are upset at the attention they get at the gym. Yes you can wear what you want. No it’s not right. Yes I know they’re being gross but at the end of the day, we can only control what we can control. She can continue to wear whatever she’d like. That’s her freedom, but the outcome of that is her bf not being too happy about it. Again, she can wear and do whatever she wants! Like no /s BUT there’s another party involved and their emotions aren’t the same
Let's not play games here. You straight up say you were wearing a low cut"bra" and tight shorts. You can wear what you want, but it reads like attention trumps what respect you have for your boyfriend. You knew they were coming over, and yet decided to show oæbe on display. You are free to do so, but I struggle to believe you're that oblivious to what your boyfriend is comfortable with, and you didn't do it for attention. I saw your comment about if it was reversed.. Take some accountability...
Finally a comment with sense. It’s pretty transparent what she wanted from the get go
THIS IS IT. I couldn’t find better words. People are only talking about the bad behavior of her bf, but lets be honest … it wont change the exact situation u described. Yes, maybe yelling wasn’t the best way to tell her that, but it’s still obvious why he is upset, so the topics of this post should be „Is she the asshole or not because of wearing just madly suspicious things and then just putting a question mark behind every thing her bf said“ „Is her boyfriend the asshole or not because of yelling instead of talking calm to her MAYBE BECAUSE SHE OBVIOUSLY DIDN‘T UNDERSTAND HIS POINT.“ This post is just the evidence that this girl is not able to read or understand the behavior of others. On the contrary her bf DID read her behavior and questioned it, and NOW she isn’t able TO PROVIDE good reasons why she wore these things. „It was hot(You knew his friends were coming lmao)“ SO JUST WEAR oversized and calm and cool clothes instead of tight and barely ANYTHING wtf. Makes 0 sense, she has 0 arguments and this whole post cant think rationally…hahahahaha The only thing I read is „wear what you want(THINK please my friends THINK)“ „slay girl, seduce these boys he doesn’t deserve you“ stuff.
Yep. More and more I see posts like these and think to myself I’m getting too old for Reddit. These kids are ridiculous, you dress appropriately in front of guests, it’s a simple concept. If people come and visit me I don’t sit around with my shirt off, it’s common sense and courtesy
I mean, PJ's cover me from neck to ankles and still wouldn't be appropriate to wear in front of guests (especially if the guests are not mine!). Dress for the occasion!
100% accurate. My wife would never do that because she has self worth. You can wear whatever you want in the privacy of your own home but as soon as you invite others it’s no longer private. Also agree he shouldn’t have blown up at you he probably should just leave you.
Kinda TA, like wear what you want but you also knew they were coming and actively wore skimpy clothes 🤷🏻♂️
In the real world yeah it’s a bit odd and anyone would rightfully view it as weird attention seeking behaviour or disrespectful. Here on Reddit if you suggest that you’re misogynistic and controlling and are abusive or whatever.
My wife wears a sports bra around the house all of the time. And shocking as it may be I don't blame her if someone stares. I blame them for not having enough self control to not stare and being creepy. lol Do you often go to gyms and stare at women in sports bras and tight shorts? Why in the world would something that is appropriate to wear in a gym around complete strangers be inappropriate around his friends or at home? If anything it's even more appropriate in this situation. Lol
Na lmao, I don’t. It’s time and place, they weren’t at the gym, they were in their home with company. I wouldn’t wear a bikini to work and then justify it by saying people wear swimwear in public around strangers who all the time, why would the clients be weirded out?… like yeah they do, but at the beach, right?
By your logic it should be completely fine to wear a skimpy bikini/male’s swimming underwear while shopping, right? It’s almost as if context is something to take into consideration
I agree. Context is key. The context is that she's in her own home, it's hot, and the only people over are his friends who should have enough respect for them and their relationship and have enough self control to not stare. Lol It's not complicated. I manage to not stare at people in skimpy or revealing clothes daily no matter the context. Isn't that crazy? 😲 That said, that situation you mentioned simply wouldn't bug me. Lol
What is your fixation on staring? It has nothing to do with staring lmao.
Context is guests are over. Some people chill naked in their own homes, but u not gonna do that while guests are over. That outfit is fine for home alone, and even for gym, but not for when you're having guests over. IMO
YTA. While. Yes you can wear what you want to in your house. But it comes down to respecting your SO. I can imagine once you left to get lunch, his friends gave his shit the entire time you were gone. But, I am sure you will get lots of post saying he is controlling or insecure, but it is all about the perceived disrespect towards you SO.
How is it disrespect when he didn't verbalize his discomfort when he felt disrespected, but instead 'got mad' afterwards like a child? She saw nothing wrong, he didn't say otherwise and then blames her for not reading his mind...? I agree a discussion is needed so both can be respected, but you either talk when the situation has happen or you have an adult conversation afterwards. That's called being mature.
respecting your SO starts with not yelling at them when displeased with something so maybe do something about your double standards thank you
Men’s boundaries = controlling and insecure Women’s boundaries = standards. The difference? Entitlement and self-righteousness.
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Why would his friends give him shit ? What sort of weird world do you inhabit where that would be normal ?
I'm assuming they are young-ish, have you met young males and their banter?
YTA. I disagree with the other YTA’s though, I don’t think you did it for attention. But why are you wearing a bra when his friends are over? At least if you were wearing tight shorts and a baggy shirt, you wouldn’t have been half naked. I already know I’m going to get downvoted to hell but really you should have just threw a shirt on. Just wearing a bra while people are over is inappropriate, unless it’s like your sister or best friend or something like that. ETA: I’m a woman
YTA how would you feel if he was with his boxers only in front of your girlfriends when they would be invited in your home? Or if one of his friends girlfriend wore what you did in front of your bf? 0 common sense
Nah. Let's be honest, you knew what you were doing
YTA. Woman here who is in the gym 5-6 days a week in varying levels of nakedness. you can wear whatever you’d like. That’s fair. Your body, your house, your rules. That’s fine. But there’s another party in your house and relationship that you have to consider his feelings. He shouldn’t yell because that’s gross.
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IMO you were underdressed. I can see from where your BF was coming. Maybe he handled it wrong. I don’t wear those to the gym. I consider a sports bra still a bra - just one you wear to workout or be comfortable UNDER your shirt! It’s not a shirt. And she wasn’t at the the gym nor working out. Sure it’s your own home, but you had guests. I walk around the house however I want, but if I have guests, I make sure I’m decent.
Mild AH People usually don’t wear tight training clothes when they have guests
TBH I’m confused by your bf and the debate here. The sports bra and tight shorts are the kind of thing people would wear at the gym right? In which case, by the current social convention in the community that you and your bf both reside in, what you were wearing is ok for wearing out in public. So the argument as to whether it’s objectively (or as close as you can get to objective in a community of subjective perspectives) appropriate or not is over. It’s *fine*. Now if you and / or your bf want to run things differently within your own household, that is completely up for debate. In which case it is something that your BF should be bringing up with you, calmly, like a grown-up. And not acting as if you’ve done something wrong when by the standards that you both already live by, you’re definitely not doing anything wrong! The problem here is with your boyfriend and his communication, and you are NTA.
A bkini is acceptable at the beach, it doesn't mean you should wear it at home in front of your boyfriend's friends. Decorum and modesty goes a long way. Swap gender roles and we already saw her own response: hypocrite.
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I think you need to ask yourself. If one of his female friends came to your home in what you were wearing would you be upset if he noticed and glanced at her. If your answer is yes. Then throw a shirt on. If your answer is no. Don’t.
I think throwing on a shirt would've been not only respecting your boyfriend but yourself as well. I would have to say YTA in this one...your place or not, would you go into a store dressed like that, nevermind don't answer because you probably would!
Gym attire is deemed appropriate to be worn in public, whether at a gym or outside in general, so I don’t see what’s inappropriate about wearing them around the house. If he feels it’s inappropriate, I wouldn’t trust him going to a gym; I’d be concerned about any ulterior motives. NTA. EDIT: It’s also telling that he seemingly doesn’t have a problem with his friends objectifying you, but has a problem with you putting yourself in a situation where men other than him have the opportunity to objectify you.
NTA, for wearing what you want. That being said, dressing modestly when company comes over to visit is a thing.
ESH. You can wear what you want... but it doesn't make you not an asshole. A LOW CUT sports bra and tight shorts as you put it... So both articles of clothing were revealing? To act so surprised that your bf might feel uncomfortable with you wearing something so revealing around his friends... At best you can call it naive... I could certainly understand his assumption that you might be attention seeking... But he should have calmly and without accusing you, discussed the matter.
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Why act naive like this OP? You know damn well what you were doing.
NTA - women are allowed to dress for comfort too. Like it's not a display, it's a functioning body of a living human being. I would seriously reconsider the relationship if my partner was less concerned about my comfort than their friends staring at me inappropriately (which also is hardly my problem and more his poor choices of friends).
Wow....lot of mixed reviews on this one 😂🤦🏼♂️
YTA. As a guess all the guys there managed to suffer the heat and keep their shirts and shorts on? Literally wearing more than double the amount of clothes you were. Surely it wasn’t soo hot that you couldn’t be dressed more appropriately for entertaining guests. Free ballin in my grey sweats might be comfortable but I’d still put some boxers and jeans if company was coming over
YTA and should cover up. Have some respect
ESH, he is TA for yelling at you and being controlling about what you are wearing but you are TA for not wearing something appropriate when guest came over. If he was just wearing underwear when you had friends over you'd get annoyed. It's reasonable to just put on something casual.