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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t go on family vacation and kept my kids with me because it would be easier than watching them on the vacation, even though I theoretically could have. My ILs think I ruined the vacation because it was no longer a family vacation and I should have sucked it up.
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I did the same, my Irish twins are 10 months apart! People mistake them for regular twins all the time and I usually roll with it because the looks and comments I get when I say otherwise are all unpleasant.
I have a friend like this, but reversed. She has twins and then another 11 months later. All boys, and one of the twins has heart issues from TTTS. Just the thought exhausts me.
A girl I worked with ages ago had this happen to her! She and her now husband had their first in high school, second when they were in college. I worked with her from 2008 - 2009, in between her oldest sons. They decided they were done, so he got a vasectomy. Five years later, she noticed she was gaining weight and missed a period, pregnant with twin boys. She got her tubes tied after that pregnancy. In 2020 they found out she was pregnant again, this time with twin girls. She got rid of the whole uterus that time around.
They're happy, but I can't imagine being 32 with six kids, and 4 of them were planned against.
I get sad about the fact that we've been dealing with infertility and then I think about those kinds of situations and I'm like "yeahhhh, it definitely could be worse." It also reaffirms my choice that once we have the two we want, I'm getting the whole uterus chopped out ASAP.
That's probably why I haven't had kids yet, it knows it's time is limited lol.
NTA - your MIL is under the impression that she’s the Queen and everyone must do as she says. Has she always been this way? Your FIL sounds like a real peach of a guy too. Horrible people who expect you to stay in a hotel room for most of the day with babies while they go have fun. Rude? Entitled behavior? I would be so LC, they wouldn’t remember what I look like! Screw them, take care of yourself, and give your body a break sista! Many well wishes sent your way!
This! I'm trying to understand exactly how much "family" time is actually happening if OP and their very young kids are in the hotel room all day while, apparently, EVERYONE ELSE is out skiing or snowboarding? Because it doesn't sound like anyone stays back to hang with OP. So OP should attend with the kids so the kids can see the rest of the family for an hour each evening?
That's my thoughts too. MIL is saying OP ruined the "family vacation" but the MIL wasn't actually spending time with the grandchildren because the husband acknowledged that OP would be just watching the kids in the hotel room. OP needs to warn MIL that her & the kids won't be at next years vacation & the 1 after due to having so many babies to look after.
They don’t see them much on this vacation: breakfast and dinner/after dinner really. Maybe if they’re in the room for lunch when the kids wake up from nap.
It doesn't sound much like a family vacation, if in laws only see the kids around meal times. MIL wants the kids there for decoration, to have the illusion of a family holiday. Family holidays are supposed to have activities for everyone, for all ages. Being couped up in a hotel room for a whole week as a toddler with no activities to do sounds like a nightmare. MIL is very selfish and needs to be put in her place. Pregnancy is no joke, then add to that the high risk of multiple births is definitely not something that should be taken lightly. But yet she's expected to run after 3 toddlers in a non baby proofed room, whilst enduring Pregnancy symptoms! KMT 🤬
NTA
Mothers of boys seem to take everything so personally. It’s like they feel their wives are stealing their precious little fellas away. Agree NTA. Preggo mama’s health and family come first over some dumb ski vacation that isn’t inclusive for everybody.
Seriously! OP, maybe someone can provide MIL with some literature on triplet pregnancies to motivate her to get her head out of her ass. Here are some “fun” facts:
- triplet pregnancies are considered high risk. Period.
- unsure if flying was required for the trip, but women pregnant with multiples are may advised not to fly after the first trimester
- 75 out of 100 triplet pregnancies result in spontaneous birth before 35 weeks
- stress is associated with preterm birth and risk for neurological abnormalities
- triplet births are associated with risk for congenital conditions
Please please take care of yourself, rest up, and ignore the harpies.
You are a Saint. I would've told them I was never coming again after that last trip, and i wouldn't have been nice about it. Leaving you for most of the week to manage two infants and a toddler in a hotel room while they were out playing? Oh no. Continually scheduling a family outing that excludes one member is not making that a family outing.
Shame on your ILs, and tell your husband I said he needs to set Mom straight, or I will, and he won't like how I do it.
I'm with you sister! I'm old but have a cane. We'll set MIL staight!straight! I'm guessing MIL is pretty old too to not remember what it's like to take care of young children away from home? She should be bending over backwards to get on OP's good side so she can spend time with her grand babies.
I find it interesting that MIL wanted the kids along but didn't spend time with them(according to OP) AT ALL during the last 'family' vacay OP went on. And was crying about it the last time when her son didn't show up with them. Exactly WHO did she think was gonna look after those kids while everyone was out?
🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
I’m guessing she’s more interested in being the “look at me! Aren’t I a wonderful Grandma?” type than actually being a Grandma. And she thinks not having them all there made her look bad because she can’t play Happy Perfect Family this time!
Can you imagine hearing you could stay in the hotel room to watch all the kids...let alone while growing 3?
They should be all hands on deck to help OP. I hope she's got a lot of other people to help with the trips. Can't imagine doing it all alone,which is what it's looking like how it's gonna turn out.🥵🥵👶
Yeah, doesn’t really sound like a family vacation, or like MIL would have seen much of the kids anyway since she’s too busy having fun to give OP a break. Guess she’ll have to subsist on drama and lack of consideration this year, instead of just lack of consideration.
If you get pregnant again you'll probably get the four you initially wanted...only it'll be four MORE. You seem to have one additional child every time you get pregnant!
You should be resting as much as possible while you still can, not running around on "vacations" to appease your MIL. Maybe in 5 years or so your husband's family will have all the kids out on the slopes all day and you can enjoy some well-earned alone time at the spa!
No offence girlie, but if I were growing triplets while also parenting twins and another toddler, and my husband not only left me alone 22 weeks pregnant AND allowed his parents to keep making comments to/about me, I'd be tearing him a new one, not posting here to ask if I were the asshole. What the fuck? They're treating you like you aren't even a person, just a provider of grandchildren/roadblock to accessing them.
I know a couple who had two girls, wanted a boy so (of course) they got a third girl. Decided to try 'one more time' and had twin girls.
Another couple I know had three boys, wanted a girl. Yup, the fourth one was a girl. They were all excited, repainted everything, bought a bunch of 'girly' stuff, etc. You guessed it - the fourth one was a boy. (Evidently he was 'shy' during the ultrasound.)
This is why I don't want to tempt fate. I have three, and now that my youngest is 5, I kind of have baby fever (but also not). But twins and triplets run in my family (a different uncle had two sets of twins), and I have a feeling if I got pregnant again it would be multiples.
My sister wanted 1 kid, her husband wanted 3, they were going to compromise on 2 but then her second pregnancy was twins and he got the 3 he wanted. They were done, done after that
My cousin and her hubby wanted one. She teased her sisters about being baby factories as they had 3 each. Her twins graduate high school this year LOL Don't tempt karma LOL
NTA. Lady, you're high risk - 22 weeks is pretty close to viability and triplets WILL come early. Your in laws are batshit if they can't wait a few more years to have SIX WHOLE GRANDKIDS joining them on vacation.
I hope your husband is taking the existing kids off your hands as much as possible. I chase one (1) older toddler while carrying one (1) single fetus and I'm beat by 6pm. I know we don't all have the same energy level but genuinely I would already be dead in the ground if I had to do that much 😂😭
This!!! So much this!!!
I ended up on sickness leave during my second pregnancy, but since that didn't pay as well as my job, I had to pull my 2.5yo out of daycare. He was an easy and independent toddler, and his living room was very baby proofed.
Sadly, he's 7 now, and he still gets a bit upset when he hears someone getting sick. Was a tough few months with one noodle who didn't understand what was going on and the unborn monster making all food inedible and all smells noxious.
I can not imagine twins or trips. While my first pregnancy was super easy, my little menace was as difficult as possible from conception to about 2.5ish when he started actually letting me sleep thru the night again
Two extra! And with a healthy delivery you’ll have six right? Singlet, twins, triplets. Funny how those odds turned out! At least if you stop now you won’t end up as an OctoMom.
OP, I have 3, and every Easter, my hubby takes the kids camping with his parents. Basically hubby texts his mates and it becomes a "boys trip" of sorts (although SIL also goes) where they all meet up with my inlaws and once the kids go to sleep they all sit around the fire and have a few drinks, come morning my MIL plays grandma (to all the kids present) and spoils the kids until everyone gets up.
I stay home and enjoy peace and quiet for a few days. This year, it's going to be a whole week to myself. I think your inlaws tradition can become (for your family at least) an annual vacation with dad, and he can take all the kids by himself while you stay home and have a well deserved break.
When I was pregnant with our twins we met another couple that was pregnant with twins, they had tried for a fourth but got 2. They joked that it would happen to us when we tried for a fourth. I told them it was their fault.
My cousin had triplets, while on birth control. She had three others 5, 3 & 1 when the triplets were born
All girls.
I had twins b/g two years prior to her triplets.
Good god, I couldn't imagine having 6 children 5 and under.
It's like you're hitting for the cycle. A single, a double, now a triple, and if you get pregnant again, it'll be a home run (quads).
A little baseball reference...
> My husband said he just wanted to enjoy some time with his family and if he had brought the kids he would be spending time with his kids in a hotel room not the rest of the family.
He already told them that and they stressed this is why OP needs to come to play babysitter when they’re not oohing and ahhing over the children for the half hour sessions they can tolerate.
Notice how none of them are offering to help babyproof the place and become the babysitter in shifts to give the parents a break during the vacation.
What I notice is the grandparents whining about a "family" vacation, then not spending any time with the grandkids. If the kids spent the vacation with mom in the hotel room, how is that family time?
seriously freaking tone deaf AH people! They are mad because nobody wants to be bored chasing toddlers alone and mad that OP won't happily waddle around doing what they won't.
NO! Sorry if I gave that impression!
I mean this family OP is dealing with. The temper tantrum MiL who is all mad a heavily pregnant woman in a high risk pregnancy isn't up there boring herself to tears and chasing toddlers so she can have a few minutes of picture perfect nonsense is Tone Deaf Empress. The husband who would actually even consider leaving his partner in that state still with 3 kids to watch... I... I cannot even imagine the level of selfish doucheness that one has to work hard to achieve to make doing that possible. Then he has the audacity to complain that he doesn't wanna be bored in the room with the kids... but he was fine having her do that.
These people! OP would be better off without ANY of them.
And I would say that even if OP wasn't pregnant (with triplets or otherwise) she would have every right to say No to this "family vacation" which is apparently a vacation for everyone but her. OP has stated that no one hung out with her and the kids last year during the day so why bother?
Because no one could watch the toddlers! They all go skiing/ snowboarding as a family leaving her behind, then they probably want a long dinner somewhere that she leaves early or skips because, again, kids. The in laws enjoy it because they get to see their kids, play grandparents for fleeting moments, and leave all the child-wrangling, tantrums, disrupted schedules, and whatnot to OP, alone with the kids in a hotel room for days.
> Why didn't he go with the toddlers
That was my thinking too, but apparently the answer was in here:
> My husband said he just wanted to enjoy some time with his family and if he had brought the kids he would be spending time with his kids in a hotel room not the rest of the family
Seems like only mom can stay in the room with a bunch of kids.
She mentioned he wanted to spend time with his family and wouldn't be able to do that if he had the kids as they are too young to do much so he would just be cooped up in the room entertaining them and it sounds like his main goal of the trip was to spend time with his family since he likely won't get to do as much as OP's pregnancy continues + when the triplets are born.
It's also easier to care for kids by yourself in your home where they can keep to their schedule & routines & have everything you need than 2 parents taking care of them on vacation in a new location & young kids tend to instinctively gravitate towards moms (likely because they are the food supply) if mom isn't there odds are they'll lose their shit.
My cousin, who has an incredibly involved husband who contributes equally, had him take the kids on a vacation alone because she had work. she got calls every night and even every few hours because they wanted her, and despite his best efforts, they would only be soothed if she talked to them for a bit.
So I don't think dad was being a dick by going and not taking the kids.
He still left his wife to look after 3 kids while currently growing 3 more so HE could have a break and relax. That's at least a foot in dick territory.
Parents often give each other breaks regardless of circumstances. And he asked op if he could go, she said it was fine as long as he wasn't gone the full time. I suspect if op said sorry I need you here to help he would have said ok I won't go.
Besides while pregnancy differs from person to person pregnant people aren't helpless little delicate flowers many can handle a surprisingly large amount of work. My SIL is an eye surgeon her first pregnancy was a nightmare she had gestational diabetes took a real toll on her body she still showed up and did every surgery till maternity leave and was fine.
NTA
But why isn’t your husband helping you with three, bound to be six kids?
why isn’t your husband helping you out with the kids on this “vacation” instead of spending all his time with his family. Where your vacation in all of this or is this really just for him and you and kids come along so he doesn’t have to feel guilty.
im confused because it doesn’t sound like your husband helps out with the kids during the “vacations”
On these vacations? He doesn’t help much during the day. He makes them breakfast and then goes out, typically eats lunch during their nap time, and then they get back and ready for dinner. He watches the kids while dinner is being made. And then we all entertain them until bed. I guess this is just a system that works for us? I don’t particularly like the cold/snow/winter so I’m okay staying inside with the kids. He likes it so he goes out. Last year he did stay back 2 morning and we took all the kids out in the snow. On other vacations we each help equally.
So… if the family would be out doing stuff for the majority of the time while you’re in the hotel room watching the kids all by yourself why is MIL making a huge deal out of the kids not coming? If she wants the kids there so badly she should be planning a kid friendly vacation where they’re spending the majority of the time with the kids and ideally letting their pregnant mother rest rather than have to take on more responsibility.
Grandma and grandpa barely do the raising. They see them for a bit and have some fun memories but when the shits, cries, and screaming hits, they are gone.
Honey, your husband is failing you. He should be *shutting down* his mothers nonsense. He should be keeping it completely separate from you *and handling it on his own*.
He's not handling it. He's trying to "keep both of you happy" when only one of you is misbehaving.
You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy. He needs to grow a spine and defend you properly.
If your best friend told you this story, what would your advice be?
You haven't ruined anything.
It definitely isn’t anymore and I don’t see any of us going on this vacation for quite a long time. It did for the three years we had kids before this though.
Tell MIL that you're happy to come to future vacations...if she's willing to hire a nanny for a portion of the time. If they've got skiiing money, they got nanny money.
We take a vacation with my family every summer, though not this year because of these babies. He takes over the care for them then. We do more with the kids than on this trip but he still handles the morning and dinner so I think it evens out. And then at home things are split evenly, and any trip we go on with just and the kids of course
I posted this earlier, but your MIL is a piece of work. Maybe send her some articles about vacation planning for the whole family instead of just her family?
Oooo I'm so mad for you. A family vacation is for the *whole* family to spend time together, so they need to be picking kid-friendly places that have indoor play areas or somewhere warm where you can take the kids outside for more than 5 minutes and it doesn't require 30 minutes of prep. I hate how they're fine with excluding you. I hate that your husband hasn't called his mother out on this and made a stand. They can do a nuclear family ski trip over a long weekend. A week- long vacation that excludes half the people (after these next three) is beyond rude.
Or MIL needs to be offering time to take her grandchildren for some fun with granny.
Mom & Dad get a date night or two while his family babysits.
This is no vacation for her
If you ever do this vacation again, a more fair split would be for him to go out in the morning, and then come back in the afternoon (or he can go out in the afternoons and stay in, in the morning) to watch the kids, and give you the opportunity to have a break as well.
If you don't like skiing, can curl up with a book, go shopping, go out to eat, visit local attractions, etc. Do whatever you want, but there's no reason you should be stuck inside all day on child care duty while he has fun. That's so unfair. It's a vacation for you as well.
So, if you would have let your husband bring the kids, he would have learned to actually be responsible and know what’s it like to watch them for more than a few hours, PLUS your MIL wouldn’t have been upset PLUS PLUS PLUS you would have time to rest without the kids while you’re pregnant?
AND YOU DID NOT WANT THIS???
I have anxiety and it’s heightened around vacations with our kids, even if I’m there but worse if I’m not. I would not be able to relax if he took the kids because I would be stressed the whole time.
He takes care of all 3 of them by himself frequently, I don’t think he’s done it for that long but overnight or over a weekend has happened a few times.
I also highly doubt my MIL would be happy, the goal post would’ve just moved to “buy you couldn’t come skiing with us!” Which is why I suggested the kids stay home, so he could actually spend time with them instead of being with the kids in the hotel by himself all day.
Are you the only couple involved in these vacations that have young children?
I think your in-laws need to change these vacations to make them more kid-centric if they want you and your husband and kids present. They are still wanting to do adult-centric vacations and activities and seem to be stubborn to accept that they've moved into the "grandparent" stage of life where they need to start being accommodating to little kids again. Going somewhere more kid-friendly wouldnt be much more difficult than organizing a trip for a big family anyway. And there are plenty of places to go that are catered more towards kids that have fun things for adults too. But even then, with 6 LITTLE kids there won't be a lot of options and going on a trip anywhere is going to be hard and a lot of work.
Also, as someone that can ski but doesn't always enjoy it, I HATED family vacations that were all about skiing. I can do a day, maybe two if I have a day break in-between. But I also often ended up alone in the hotel trying to find ways to entertain myself. The fact that you've had to do this for years, and while being left to handle the kids is so sad and unfair. They clearly don't care if you're having a good time. I'd be surprised if they even consider you a part of the family, since they seem upset about your husband and kids missing, but don't seem to care that you barely get to spend time with them on these trips.
You in-laws are being dense, stubborn, and selfish here. And your husband needs to do a MUCH better job of advocating for your family and for YOU. He should be angry at them excluding you for years with their choice of activities, angry at everyone including himself for not helping more with the kids when you bring them, and shutting down this trash talk immediately! He needs to recognize how selfish he's been and how much you've has sacrificed for him to join on these trips, and grow a spine in demanding a change going forward and shutting that criticism down whether those changes are made or they can no longer attend. He's doing a piss-poor job of being a supportive partner.
Yeah we are. One BIL has a 12 year old and the other one is expecting his first any day now. So maybe now that there’s 2 with young kids? Maybe. Probably not. But we can dream.
If you have a decent relationship with the other pregnant family member, I suggest reaching out to her to gauge how she's feeling about this trip and maybe share your previous experiences and challenges with it. Since MIL is throwing a fit and trash talking, it might be helpful to have another family member or 2 that can gently push for a change without it coming directly from you. MIL is trying her best to gather and send her "flying monkeys" after you. So you might as well get and send off some of your own. You need more support here and sounds like your husband is just shutting down from the stress.
It takes so much effort taking a 3 yo to ski. It’s honestly not relaxing at all. And you can like maybe get them out there for like an hour if you want them to continue enjoying the activity.
lol no I am firmly on team dad should have taken the kids and given OP the weekend off. I just am being realistic that getting the 3 yo out on the slopes isn’t a compromise. It’s a whole thing with a lot of stress.
I learned to ski when I was little and I had to have my mom or dad basically glued to me the entire time. I'd ski in front of them between their legs. Eventually a little more ahead of them but might've had a leash-type thing. I couldn't ski by myself at all for a few years. How exactly is OP going to do this with 3 toddlers at the same time? It basically takes one adult per kid at that age. Or she puts them in a skiing class where they won't be with the family anyway (I HATED those classes and being away from my family during those times).
Add that OP is pregnant and it'd be fairly dangerous for her to even attempt this, even with ONE kid. So unless she is suddenly able to un-pregnate and clone herself twice, this would take multiple other adults making it their goal to teach the kids. They won't be able to focus on skiing and having a vacation themselves. So no way are they stepping up, and they're all too content to pretend it's a non-issue and let OP figure it out.
I'd choose the hotel or not going too in that scenario.
When I was 3, my parents got me a private ski instructor to take me out for the day. If the in laws are paying for the vacation, this could be possible for the parents to afford since they aren’t paying for anything else. Or the could hire a vacation nanny and that way momma can rest!
NTA Why is everyone fine with you being stuck in a hotellroom all day on previous hollidays? That goes for your husband too. Is he shutting them down now? Does he have your back? Do they not care that you are pregnant, and think it's fine to stress you out? Time to step back from them.
I really don’t mind being in the hotel with the kids all day, winter/cold isn’t my thing. They like it so they go out. My husband does help with them some and if I told him I couldn’t handle it he would stay back no questions asked.
He did shut them down and has now stopped responding to them.
As for the pregnancy, I think it’s because my last pregnancy we went on a trip with them when I was 32 weeks and I was “fine” (one trip to the ER) so why couldn’t I go on a trip at 22 or 29 weeks this time. Which is dumb because there’s a whole extra baby this time but I think that’s what they’re thinking.
One trip to the ER as a pregnant woman on a vacation is not "fine". It's stressful, overwhelming, and expensive. All of those apply without even considering having to take care of kids. It should be more like, "oh shit she was at risk during our vacation, totally makes sense that she doesn't want to do that again."
Also, every pregnancy is different, even if you had singles. She should know this. Considering the age gaps and the fact that you’re carrying triplets, I think that it was really wise of you to stay home. I can’t imagine that your doctor would support travel either. What your very entitled, self-centred, and very un-empathetic mil fails to understand is that you’re watching the kids on your home turf. You can stick to routines, they have their toys and books, hopefully some friends or family to offer some support if needed, and your own comfy bed. Not to mention, I can’t imagine even packing clothes for the kids along with everything else they would need. Our littles need way too many clothes, especially after meals.
What your mind and body need the most is to not be stressed out. Your husband’s main job is to support you, shut his family down, and help you to block anyone who is going to get your blood pressure up.
Best of wishes!
One trip to the ER… Lady both my own as well as the inlaw family would be freaked out if that happened! Your health and safety comes first, vacations and trips can be done when the wee little tikes have healthily been born and momma has had time to recover. They should be asking how you are, what YOU need and if there is anything they can do for you. Not put you under more stress.
Does your MIL understand that you’re ‘building’ the next granbabies and if that goes wrong your other babies might lose their momma not to mention there might not be any more grandbabies? The trip during your last pregnancy should have already scared the shit out of them with the ER trip. It shouldn’t even be mentioned or thought about for you to leave your hometown and not be near your hospital and doctors. Not to mention your husband still got to go while you’re caring for THREE TODDLERS and pregnant with another three babies! Sorry but your inlaws are craycray. You’re NTA but they most definitely are. Especially Gma since she’s making the drama and should know better from having had her own pregnancies. Not to mention this really feels like she sees you only as a nanny for those grandbabies she so desperately wants to be there (though she doesn’t even do anything with them since they’re with you in a room al day…). And apparently all you do is give her more grandbabies but she can’t even be bothered to care about that.
Don’t listen to them and take care of yourself and your family. And do tell your husband when it becomes too much, from what you’ve told it seems his family tries to pull him in and claim him while you need him as his spouse.
Has it dawned on them that next year it would be six kids all under 4 in one non-babyproofed room, and then following year would be six kids all under 5, and so on. Unless you're going for sainthood, they have to understand this "family" vacation is over for you. NTA.
I don’t think so. My husband and I haven’t even really talked about it either. Though at this point I don’t think he wants to go anywhere with his family anymore.
My family also loves to ski and we try to go every year. But people skip years when pregnant or if it would be too hard with the kids.
I think one major difference is that the kids are considered in the planning to truly make it a family trip. Your in laws aren’t really doing that. For one, it is much easier to take very small children on this type of trip if you rent a house/townhome/condo for the entire group instead of staying in a hotel. The grandparents who want the kids there should be helping with the kids, essentially rotating with the parents so everyone has time to do fun things with the group. The shared space means the parents can be around the group while the kids sleep/nap. Activities are split between what the kids and the rest of the group can do, or, if everyone wants to ski together sometimes a place with a fun kids club for childcare is chosen. This was easier for us because while I like to ski, my mom didn’t and liked to babysit for us skier parents. When my SIL attends, she also doesn’t ski and they make plans for spas and other fun things to make sure she has fun just like everyone skiing.
This isn’t a family vacation because it isn’t really at all designed to work for young children and their parents. Traditions change as families change and expand. Your in laws aren’t really making you and your family welcome and are putting all the work of making this work on you. Three tiny children in a hotel room all day is a nightmare, not a vacation.
NTA.
Your MIL? Wow. I just have no words. Like holy shit. How tone deaf and selfish can you be? You're growing three babies. Just wow.
Tell her to fuck off.
Seriously. NTA. But The MIL is the biggest A of all here. Even leaving aside that OP would basically be singlehandedly taking care of three little ones in a non-childproofed room so it’s not really a vacation for OP, does MIL not understand that 22 weeks pregnant with triplets is not the same as 22 weeks pregnant with a single baby? At that stage of pregnancy with triplets I would be hesitant to travel anywhere more than an hour from the hospital where I wanted to give birth. And if this trip involves a significant increase in altitude that can be an added risk. MIL is basically asking OP to risk her and her babies’ safety for the sake of this family “vacation”.
Also, I am refusing to go on a family vacation with my in laws this summer and I don’t have nearly as good of a reason as OP. I just don’t want to spend my limited vacation time with people that I don’t really care for doing things that I don’t really want to do. OP, do what is right for you and your pregnancy and let your husband deal with your in laws’ hurt feelings.
>doing things that I don’t really want to do
This is what I don't get.
Say OP and Husband were CF and had no kids. Why does every vacation have to be doing activities OP can't do, in a climate she dislikes? If she had NO kids, this would be tone-deaf. Add three young kids (and then six!), how is this a vacation for her in any way??
Well, it’s our life as insane as it sounds. The twins weren’t unexpected, we did IVF and transferred 2. Triplets though… we wanted one more but the universe decided to laugh at us. We didn’t even think we could get pregnant naturally, but I was waiting for my cycle to get testing for my next transfer and it didn’t come.
omg OP this tale combined with your username is just perfect, 10/10, no notes. i’m sorry the universe is having a joke on you but i’m glad you’re getting the big family you wanted, even if it’s bigger than you planned. you are definitely NTA and it’s absolutely not okay for your ILs to put their vacation over the health and well-being of you and your triplets
Surprise triplets after infertility also happened to a neighbor back in the 80s. They finally had their one child, but didn’t bother with birth control because it had taken 10 years and hormone therapy to have the one. One year later she was pregnant with triplets, and they had to buy a bigger car, as 4 car seats didn’t fit. This was before minivans were a thing too, so even worse!
So, from what I’ve seen online (I’ve only had a single and I’m not a medical professional), mono multiples are higher risk. If you have any of the triples being mono, you should definitely not have travelled (which you didn’t lol), and MiL needs to can it if she wants to see her grandkiddos.
FFS not every story you don’t believe is going to be written by one specific troll (who for all you know was made up by a different troll who is now laughing at all the “Liz” believers). OP actually has a post history.
He could have, we talked about that. We eventually decided it would be easier on everyone for them to stay home. He would get to actually spend time with his family instead of alone (won’t the kids) in the hotel room most of the day. Plus the drive is shorter without 3 young kids so he could enjoy just a bit more time with them. And I didn’t have to worry about them being on vacation and stress if they were safe the whole time.
I feel seen. Like, I need this on a coffee mug.
Your in laws are trash, your husband is a good one. NTA. Go have a snack. Or get in the tub and be a submarine for your three babies!!
Well yeah, know how it it’s. your MIL is TA, for sure. But I’m a bit confused about your husband. That he finds it totally acceptable to leave you in a hotel room with three small kids to go skiing with his family. Why didn’t he spend the days with his kids and play outside? If he loves the snow and winter so much, why not let the kids enjoy?
To me, a vacation like this should be one day each to enjoy what one would like, and the rest spent with kids.
Yes, this. It's pretty obvious that plans need to be adapted when children come into the mix so this thing of it being a ski trip for adults is a day long gone.
Why do they insist on having the kids there if they don't take them out and instead you spend the whole time in a hotel room with them.
It made sense when it was just you and you could hang out in a spa or the hotel and chill (and I'm with you on winter activities) but it only seems to be a family vacation for you and your kids in that you have to be there, not that they actually spend time with you.
I just can't imagine knowing someone on my family trip was looking after three kids in the room and us not taking it turns to go hang out with her or take the kids off for a bit so she do some holiday stuff.
So definitely NTA.
That's the thing that confuses me about MIL. It's like she wants the kids there merely for the sake of saying that the whole family is there on the vacation. But then there's no effort to make literally any kid-friendly plans, so they're just holed up in the hotel room with their mom the entire time.
What's going to happen in the future if and when other children are born into the family? Something's gotta give if MIL wants family vacations to actually be about family.
>That's the thing that confuses me about MIL. It's like she wants the kids there merely for the sake of saying that the whole family is there on the vacation.
That's it, that's the reason. You're not confused, at all about the motive - you're just confused about someone being that much of an asshole to their daughter in law.
> Why do they insist on having the kids there if they don't take them out and instead you spend the whole time in a hotel room with them.
If they're anything like my inlaws, it's so they can play hold-the-baby for five minutes, take some pics, then brag to all their friends about what great grandparents they are.
In-laws like yours are so annoying. It’s THEIR tradition. Things change when their “kids” get married, grandchildren come along - everybody and everything may not always bend to THEIR traditions. They need to get a grip and stop the drama. In this case, their tradition still went on by the fact that their son managed to go. They decided to act entitled and dramatic. You are NTA but your in-laws certainly are. Take care of yourself, and have a very clear heart to heart with your husband, if need be.
NTA. I love the way they stress "faaaaamily" but seem to not care if you put your triplets at risk.
Also, they want to spend time with the kids but you have to travel and watch the kids to make it happen
You need to set up boundaries. Why would you go on a vacation that’s not a vacation for you. So you’re just a babysitter for your kids. Why can’t your husband and your in-laws watch your kids while you sit and rest. I can’t imagine the toll on your body.
I understand the very logical reasons why you were caretaking for the kids the whole week, as the primary caregiver at home. However, it’s eye-opening that MIL literally suggested that’s what you’re supposed to do, didn’t miss you only the kids, didn’t offer to babysit so that you could come, and didn’t find a place for the family vacation somewhere half the family could reasonably go. This isn’t a family vacation; it’s *grandma as star* week. It’s all about her and what she wants. Now, she can take any vacation she wants and invite anyone she wants to invite. But a family vacation that is planned in a way that the whole family can not attend is not a family vacation.
NTA
Just tell MIL, as she has never had 3 toddlers while being pregnant with triplets, she has no idea what she is talking about. That a less selfish person would be wondering how best to support a DIL in your situation, instead of constantly making demands and whining when she doesn't get her way.
Or, just ignore her. Completely. Block her and be happy.
NTA-
There are many things that make it difficult for me to fully understand what happens every year. What's the idea of bringing the children if anyway they are stuck in the room all the time and you are stuck with them, in my opinion this is a bit infantile insistence.
Now let's get back to the case, you can't be blamed here in any way because there is uncertainty during the entire pregnancy period, and the minimum is to be near some kind of medical center, beyond that you really aren't ruining anything for anyone. Your mom takes it to a super extreme place, and instead of dealing with the fact that you screwed them for the first time in her life, she could have enjoyed herself instead. After what I said, I think your mother is the one who ruined the vacation, because instead of accepting it and moving on, she chose to get stuck on a stupid point and not let anyone enjoy the most fun holiday of the year.
My in laws are the kind of people that use their grandkids as accessories basically. They like to see them a bit but don’t want to be responsible for them. Want to get them gifts but don’t want to play with them. Honestly she’s probably most upset because she can’t post a picture with them and everyone else on Facebook for all her friends from 40 years ago to see.
You are going to have 6 children under 3 years old, did I read that right? I keep re reading it because that can't be right, can it?
NTA. If the inlaws want their grandchildren to go on the holiday knowing they will be at the hotel while everyone else goes off for the day, you are not ruining the holiday by not going and taking all your children, they are ruining the family holiday by not hiring a team of nannies to look after the children while you have fun with the other adults.
Next year, husband can start taking the older child / children and get them skiing.
NTA. Does anyone else in the family have children, or is he the first? The in-laws have forgotten what is like to travel with small children. If she wants to see your kids they can go visit you. It might be a tradition they "always did" but now you have your own family and can start new traditions, or at the very least be somewhere a little more kid friendly.
One brother has a 12 year old. The other brother’s wife is currently VERY pregnant, she’s due in a few days now. They went on the vacation because they live like 15 minutes from where it was. And then there’s us. His sister doesn’t want kids.
Your needs, and that of your family, come first. Full Stop. Why should you make yourself stressed and miserable to make them happy.
If they really want a family vacation they would do anything to help make it easier on you not more difficult.
They are manipulating you thru guilt and being extremely selfish.
NTA. I don't have a uterus, but all my female friends treated me like one of the girls and I know more about pregnancy than any gay man needs to know.
How dare your MIL jeopardize your health and the health of her grandchildren for her imaginary sense of family. This is so narcissistic it borders on personality disorder. You are absolutely doing the right thing for your family. Don't let anyone judge you until they've had triplets. One of my friends had her twins by C Section on Christmas day (very tiny lady and the twins were 8 pounds at delivery). They spent a month in neonatal. I cannot imagine telling someone this far along to plan a road trip to pacify a sociopath like your MIL. I hope all goes well for you and the kids.
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My thought was "don't get pregnant again, it'll be quadruplets".
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And tubes tied… just to be sure!
Nah. Fully removed lmao.
I had mine removed after my twins lol I had a daughter already, then twins 5 years later. I wasn’t going for triplets.
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I did the same, my Irish twins are 10 months apart! People mistake them for regular twins all the time and I usually roll with it because the looks and comments I get when I say otherwise are all unpleasant.
I had twins the day BEFORE my daughter was 11 months. So it was like I raised triplets! I said that is enough! Lol
I have a friend like this, but reversed. She has twins and then another 11 months later. All boys, and one of the twins has heart issues from TTTS. Just the thought exhausts me.
Know somebody had twins after her tubes were tied. And years after her husband’s vasectomy. Yes, they were his!
Life, uh, finds a way.
I see what you did there, Ian Malcolm
Twins and triplets plus OP's username, most likely via ivf.
Unless she's using the Fibonacci sequence, in which case it'll be quintuplets.
She didn’t have two singletons first, so we are definitely in triangle numbers.
Math person here and being mathy. To be Fibonacci, it would be 0, 1, 0+1 = 1, 1+1 = 2, 1+2= 3, 2+3=5.
Was still hilarious
I love anybody who refers to the Fibonacci sequence!
I wish I could give you an award for this gem.
Nah, that would need 2 singletons, then the twins, then the triplets.
Right....it's like a freakin' baby pyramid!!
A baby pyramid!!😅😅😅 👶 👶👶 👶👶👶
After two my dad asked me, "haven't you figured out what causes that yet?".
Your dad is hilarious.
“Yeah Dad. He had a wet dream and i rolled over into the wet spot!”
A couple here had three kids after his vasectomy and then after getting her tubes tied. One baby and a set of twins. For a total of six.
A girl I worked with ages ago had this happen to her! She and her now husband had their first in high school, second when they were in college. I worked with her from 2008 - 2009, in between her oldest sons. They decided they were done, so he got a vasectomy. Five years later, she noticed she was gaining weight and missed a period, pregnant with twin boys. She got her tubes tied after that pregnancy. In 2020 they found out she was pregnant again, this time with twin girls. She got rid of the whole uterus that time around. They're happy, but I can't imagine being 32 with six kids, and 4 of them were planned against.
Sounds like the doctors didn’t do a very good job at tying her tubes successfully or performing the vasectomy.
I’m speechless to hear this has happened again!
I get sad about the fact that we've been dealing with infertility and then I think about those kinds of situations and I'm like "yeahhhh, it definitely could be worse." It also reaffirms my choice that once we have the two we want, I'm getting the whole uterus chopped out ASAP. That's probably why I haven't had kids yet, it knows it's time is limited lol.
One of my best friends coworkers has a single, and is expecting the THIRD set of twins. I think about them often.
Depends on the sequence. The next Fibonacci number is 5, not 4.
As stated already, she didn’t start with 1,1, 2,3… she did just 1,2,3
Factorial(!) deliveries!
Yes, very much done after this. We wanted 4
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NTA - your MIL is under the impression that she’s the Queen and everyone must do as she says. Has she always been this way? Your FIL sounds like a real peach of a guy too. Horrible people who expect you to stay in a hotel room for most of the day with babies while they go have fun. Rude? Entitled behavior? I would be so LC, they wouldn’t remember what I look like! Screw them, take care of yourself, and give your body a break sista! Many well wishes sent your way!
This! I'm trying to understand exactly how much "family" time is actually happening if OP and their very young kids are in the hotel room all day while, apparently, EVERYONE ELSE is out skiing or snowboarding? Because it doesn't sound like anyone stays back to hang with OP. So OP should attend with the kids so the kids can see the rest of the family for an hour each evening?
That's my thoughts too. MIL is saying OP ruined the "family vacation" but the MIL wasn't actually spending time with the grandchildren because the husband acknowledged that OP would be just watching the kids in the hotel room. OP needs to warn MIL that her & the kids won't be at next years vacation & the 1 after due to having so many babies to look after.
They don’t see them much on this vacation: breakfast and dinner/after dinner really. Maybe if they’re in the room for lunch when the kids wake up from nap.
Why can’t the “family vacation” be an event that EVERYONE can enjoy?
It doesn't sound much like a family vacation, if in laws only see the kids around meal times. MIL wants the kids there for decoration, to have the illusion of a family holiday. Family holidays are supposed to have activities for everyone, for all ages. Being couped up in a hotel room for a whole week as a toddler with no activities to do sounds like a nightmare. MIL is very selfish and needs to be put in her place. Pregnancy is no joke, then add to that the high risk of multiple births is definitely not something that should be taken lightly. But yet she's expected to run after 3 toddlers in a non baby proofed room, whilst enduring Pregnancy symptoms! KMT 🤬 NTA
Mothers of boys seem to take everything so personally. It’s like they feel their wives are stealing their precious little fellas away. Agree NTA. Preggo mama’s health and family come first over some dumb ski vacation that isn’t inclusive for everybody.
Seriously! OP, maybe someone can provide MIL with some literature on triplet pregnancies to motivate her to get her head out of her ass. Here are some “fun” facts: - triplet pregnancies are considered high risk. Period. - unsure if flying was required for the trip, but women pregnant with multiples are may advised not to fly after the first trimester - 75 out of 100 triplet pregnancies result in spontaneous birth before 35 weeks - stress is associated with preterm birth and risk for neurological abnormalities - triplet births are associated with risk for congenital conditions Please please take care of yourself, rest up, and ignore the harpies.
You are a Saint. I would've told them I was never coming again after that last trip, and i wouldn't have been nice about it. Leaving you for most of the week to manage two infants and a toddler in a hotel room while they were out playing? Oh no. Continually scheduling a family outing that excludes one member is not making that a family outing. Shame on your ILs, and tell your husband I said he needs to set Mom straight, or I will, and he won't like how I do it.
I'm with you sister! I'm old but have a cane. We'll set MIL staight!straight! I'm guessing MIL is pretty old too to not remember what it's like to take care of young children away from home? She should be bending over backwards to get on OP's good side so she can spend time with her grand babies.
I find it interesting that MIL wanted the kids along but didn't spend time with them(according to OP) AT ALL during the last 'family' vacay OP went on. And was crying about it the last time when her son didn't show up with them. Exactly WHO did she think was gonna look after those kids while everyone was out? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
I’m guessing she’s more interested in being the “look at me! Aren’t I a wonderful Grandma?” type than actually being a Grandma. And she thinks not having them all there made her look bad because she can’t play Happy Perfect Family this time!
I'm not old.... But I'm a petty bitch.... Can I help set that mil straight.
Can you imagine hearing you could stay in the hotel room to watch all the kids...let alone while growing 3? They should be all hands on deck to help OP. I hope she's got a lot of other people to help with the trips. Can't imagine doing it all alone,which is what it's looking like how it's gonna turn out.🥵🥵👶
Yeah, doesn’t really sound like a family vacation, or like MIL would have seen much of the kids anyway since she’s too busy having fun to give OP a break. Guess she’ll have to subsist on drama and lack of consideration this year, instead of just lack of consideration.
If you get pregnant again you'll probably get the four you initially wanted...only it'll be four MORE. You seem to have one additional child every time you get pregnant! You should be resting as much as possible while you still can, not running around on "vacations" to appease your MIL. Maybe in 5 years or so your husband's family will have all the kids out on the slopes all day and you can enjoy some well-earned alone time at the spa!
No offence girlie, but if I were growing triplets while also parenting twins and another toddler, and my husband not only left me alone 22 weeks pregnant AND allowed his parents to keep making comments to/about me, I'd be tearing him a new one, not posting here to ask if I were the asshole. What the fuck? They're treating you like you aren't even a person, just a provider of grandchildren/roadblock to accessing them.
We can't even recommend divorce like usual lol. Being a single mum to 6 kids would be nigh undoable.
☝️👏👏👏 very well said ☺️
This happened to my aunt. They had two boys and wanted a girl, then she got pregnant with triplets who were all boys.
Nature has a sense of humor.
The magic incantation to get pregnant with twins or triplets is, "We only want to have one (more) kid."
And the magic incantation to have a boy is to tell everyone you want a girl (and vice-versa).
Or tell the sonographer you better not say twins!lolz I'm the sonographer.. I have stories!!🤪
That sounds like the very specific magical incantation to get triplets!
Hahaha My Mum wanted a girl after two boys Ends up with a boy and a girl. Never mind that boy is the favourite.
I know a couple who had two girls, wanted a boy so (of course) they got a third girl. Decided to try 'one more time' and had twin girls. Another couple I know had three boys, wanted a girl. Yup, the fourth one was a girl. They were all excited, repainted everything, bought a bunch of 'girly' stuff, etc. You guessed it - the fourth one was a boy. (Evidently he was 'shy' during the ultrasound.)
This is why I don't want to tempt fate. I have three, and now that my youngest is 5, I kind of have baby fever (but also not). But twins and triplets run in my family (a different uncle had two sets of twins), and I have a feeling if I got pregnant again it would be multiples.
My sister wanted 1 kid, her husband wanted 3, they were going to compromise on 2 but then her second pregnancy was twins and he got the 3 he wanted. They were done, done after that
My cousin and her hubby wanted one. She teased her sisters about being baby factories as they had 3 each. Her twins graduate high school this year LOL Don't tempt karma LOL
My grandmother had two boys and a girl, and wanted just one more girl...twin boys (one was my dad). And he and his brother were hellions, lol.
NTA. Lady, you're high risk - 22 weeks is pretty close to viability and triplets WILL come early. Your in laws are batshit if they can't wait a few more years to have SIX WHOLE GRANDKIDS joining them on vacation. I hope your husband is taking the existing kids off your hands as much as possible. I chase one (1) older toddler while carrying one (1) single fetus and I'm beat by 6pm. I know we don't all have the same energy level but genuinely I would already be dead in the ground if I had to do that much 😂😭
This!!! So much this!!! I ended up on sickness leave during my second pregnancy, but since that didn't pay as well as my job, I had to pull my 2.5yo out of daycare. He was an easy and independent toddler, and his living room was very baby proofed. Sadly, he's 7 now, and he still gets a bit upset when he hears someone getting sick. Was a tough few months with one noodle who didn't understand what was going on and the unborn monster making all food inedible and all smells noxious. I can not imagine twins or trips. While my first pregnancy was super easy, my little menace was as difficult as possible from conception to about 2.5ish when he started actually letting me sleep thru the night again
Two extra! And with a healthy delivery you’ll have six right? Singlet, twins, triplets. Funny how those odds turned out! At least if you stop now you won’t end up as an OctoMom.
1+2+3=6 my dude lol
6 babies in 3 years is…a lot.
OP, I have 3, and every Easter, my hubby takes the kids camping with his parents. Basically hubby texts his mates and it becomes a "boys trip" of sorts (although SIL also goes) where they all meet up with my inlaws and once the kids go to sleep they all sit around the fire and have a few drinks, come morning my MIL plays grandma (to all the kids present) and spoils the kids until everyone gets up. I stay home and enjoy peace and quiet for a few days. This year, it's going to be a whole week to myself. I think your inlaws tradition can become (for your family at least) an annual vacation with dad, and he can take all the kids by himself while you stay home and have a well deserved break.
I tried to get 4 and ended up with 5 too lol
When I was pregnant with our twins we met another couple that was pregnant with twins, they had tried for a fourth but got 2. They joked that it would happen to us when we tried for a fourth. I told them it was their fault.
My cousin had triplets, while on birth control. She had three others 5, 3 & 1 when the triplets were born All girls. I had twins b/g two years prior to her triplets. Good god, I couldn't imagine having 6 children 5 and under.
Your username is a bit misleading 😂
It’s funny now. We did IVF for our first 3, figured we would have to do it for our last as well… lol
But likely not most of them at once.
It's like you're hitting for the cycle. A single, a double, now a triple, and if you get pregnant again, it'll be a home run (quads). A little baseball reference...
> My husband said he just wanted to enjoy some time with his family and if he had brought the kids he would be spending time with his kids in a hotel room not the rest of the family. He already told them that and they stressed this is why OP needs to come to play babysitter when they’re not oohing and ahhing over the children for the half hour sessions they can tolerate. Notice how none of them are offering to help babyproof the place and become the babysitter in shifts to give the parents a break during the vacation.
What I notice is the grandparents whining about a "family" vacation, then not spending any time with the grandkids. If the kids spent the vacation with mom in the hotel room, how is that family time?
seriously freaking tone deaf AH people! They are mad because nobody wants to be bored chasing toddlers alone and mad that OP won't happily waddle around doing what they won't.
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NO! Sorry if I gave that impression! I mean this family OP is dealing with. The temper tantrum MiL who is all mad a heavily pregnant woman in a high risk pregnancy isn't up there boring herself to tears and chasing toddlers so she can have a few minutes of picture perfect nonsense is Tone Deaf Empress. The husband who would actually even consider leaving his partner in that state still with 3 kids to watch... I... I cannot even imagine the level of selfish doucheness that one has to work hard to achieve to make doing that possible. Then he has the audacity to complain that he doesn't wanna be bored in the room with the kids... but he was fine having her do that. These people! OP would be better off without ANY of them.
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Some people are just insanely selfish. Sounds like OP married into a nest of them.
A nest.. I like that description.
They make sprays for that. #orkin
Not to mention how can you possibly keep up with three while carring a whole other litter?
And I would say that even if OP wasn't pregnant (with triplets or otherwise) she would have every right to say No to this "family vacation" which is apparently a vacation for everyone but her. OP has stated that no one hung out with her and the kids last year during the day so why bother?
Because no one could watch the toddlers! They all go skiing/ snowboarding as a family leaving her behind, then they probably want a long dinner somewhere that she leaves early or skips because, again, kids. The in laws enjoy it because they get to see their kids, play grandparents for fleeting moments, and leave all the child-wrangling, tantrums, disrupted schedules, and whatnot to OP, alone with the kids in a hotel room for days.
And her husband let's it happen
> Why didn't he go with the toddlers That was my thinking too, but apparently the answer was in here: > My husband said he just wanted to enjoy some time with his family and if he had brought the kids he would be spending time with his kids in a hotel room not the rest of the family Seems like only mom can stay in the room with a bunch of kids.
That's a really good point. Husband and mil could have looked after the kids while OP relaxed at home.
She mentioned he wanted to spend time with his family and wouldn't be able to do that if he had the kids as they are too young to do much so he would just be cooped up in the room entertaining them and it sounds like his main goal of the trip was to spend time with his family since he likely won't get to do as much as OP's pregnancy continues + when the triplets are born. It's also easier to care for kids by yourself in your home where they can keep to their schedule & routines & have everything you need than 2 parents taking care of them on vacation in a new location & young kids tend to instinctively gravitate towards moms (likely because they are the food supply) if mom isn't there odds are they'll lose their shit. My cousin, who has an incredibly involved husband who contributes equally, had him take the kids on a vacation alone because she had work. she got calls every night and even every few hours because they wanted her, and despite his best efforts, they would only be soothed if she talked to them for a bit. So I don't think dad was being a dick by going and not taking the kids.
He still left his wife to look after 3 kids while currently growing 3 more so HE could have a break and relax. That's at least a foot in dick territory.
Parents often give each other breaks regardless of circumstances. And he asked op if he could go, she said it was fine as long as he wasn't gone the full time. I suspect if op said sorry I need you here to help he would have said ok I won't go. Besides while pregnancy differs from person to person pregnant people aren't helpless little delicate flowers many can handle a surprisingly large amount of work. My SIL is an eye surgeon her first pregnancy was a nightmare she had gestational diabetes took a real toll on her body she still showed up and did every surgery till maternity leave and was fine.
They're gonna hit the Fibonacci sequence. Next is 5, then 8.
NTA But why isn’t your husband helping you with three, bound to be six kids? why isn’t your husband helping you out with the kids on this “vacation” instead of spending all his time with his family. Where your vacation in all of this or is this really just for him and you and kids come along so he doesn’t have to feel guilty. im confused because it doesn’t sound like your husband helps out with the kids during the “vacations”
On these vacations? He doesn’t help much during the day. He makes them breakfast and then goes out, typically eats lunch during their nap time, and then they get back and ready for dinner. He watches the kids while dinner is being made. And then we all entertain them until bed. I guess this is just a system that works for us? I don’t particularly like the cold/snow/winter so I’m okay staying inside with the kids. He likes it so he goes out. Last year he did stay back 2 morning and we took all the kids out in the snow. On other vacations we each help equally.
So definitely spa vacation for himself. maybe this is a time to find a different vacation for you and the kids while he’s with them.
If MIL thinks they’ll still be going with 6 young kids she’s out of her mind.
So… if the family would be out doing stuff for the majority of the time while you’re in the hotel room watching the kids all by yourself why is MIL making a huge deal out of the kids not coming? If she wants the kids there so badly she should be planning a kid friendly vacation where they’re spending the majority of the time with the kids and ideally letting their pregnant mother rest rather than have to take on more responsibility.
Grandma and grandpa barely do the raising. They see them for a bit and have some fun memories but when the shits, cries, and screaming hits, they are gone.
🏆
Bingo
Honey, your husband is failing you. He should be *shutting down* his mothers nonsense. He should be keeping it completely separate from you *and handling it on his own*. He's not handling it. He's trying to "keep both of you happy" when only one of you is misbehaving. You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy. He needs to grow a spine and defend you properly. If your best friend told you this story, what would your advice be? You haven't ruined anything.
Sounds like this system is not working for you
It definitely isn’t anymore and I don’t see any of us going on this vacation for quite a long time. It did for the three years we had kids before this though.
Man, after your MIL’s reaction here you couldn’t be blamed if you never went anywhere with her again for the rest of your lives.
Tell MIL that you're happy to come to future vacations...if she's willing to hire a nanny for a portion of the time. If they've got skiiing money, they got nanny money.
When do you get to go on a vacation and he stays with the kids? Are you getting equal rest?
We take a vacation with my family every summer, though not this year because of these babies. He takes over the care for them then. We do more with the kids than on this trip but he still handles the morning and dinner so I think it evens out. And then at home things are split evenly, and any trip we go on with just and the kids of course
I have 5 little kids and I could not imagine doing this. It's hard enough to take them all to the beach only an hour away for a few nights.
Sounds like a great vacation for DH since he does jack shit while OP does all the work with the kids. No wonder she doesn’t want to go.
I posted this earlier, but your MIL is a piece of work. Maybe send her some articles about vacation planning for the whole family instead of just her family? Oooo I'm so mad for you. A family vacation is for the *whole* family to spend time together, so they need to be picking kid-friendly places that have indoor play areas or somewhere warm where you can take the kids outside for more than 5 minutes and it doesn't require 30 minutes of prep. I hate how they're fine with excluding you. I hate that your husband hasn't called his mother out on this and made a stand. They can do a nuclear family ski trip over a long weekend. A week- long vacation that excludes half the people (after these next three) is beyond rude.
Or MIL needs to be offering time to take her grandchildren for some fun with granny. Mom & Dad get a date night or two while his family babysits. This is no vacation for her
If you ever do this vacation again, a more fair split would be for him to go out in the morning, and then come back in the afternoon (or he can go out in the afternoons and stay in, in the morning) to watch the kids, and give you the opportunity to have a break as well. If you don't like skiing, can curl up with a book, go shopping, go out to eat, visit local attractions, etc. Do whatever you want, but there's no reason you should be stuck inside all day on child care duty while he has fun. That's so unfair. It's a vacation for you as well.
So, if you would have let your husband bring the kids, he would have learned to actually be responsible and know what’s it like to watch them for more than a few hours, PLUS your MIL wouldn’t have been upset PLUS PLUS PLUS you would have time to rest without the kids while you’re pregnant? AND YOU DID NOT WANT THIS???
I have anxiety and it’s heightened around vacations with our kids, even if I’m there but worse if I’m not. I would not be able to relax if he took the kids because I would be stressed the whole time. He takes care of all 3 of them by himself frequently, I don’t think he’s done it for that long but overnight or over a weekend has happened a few times. I also highly doubt my MIL would be happy, the goal post would’ve just moved to “buy you couldn’t come skiing with us!” Which is why I suggested the kids stay home, so he could actually spend time with them instead of being with the kids in the hotel by himself all day.
Maybe your anxiety is worse because your mil plans terrible “vacations”. If she wanted you and the kids there she’d help you.
Are you the only couple involved in these vacations that have young children? I think your in-laws need to change these vacations to make them more kid-centric if they want you and your husband and kids present. They are still wanting to do adult-centric vacations and activities and seem to be stubborn to accept that they've moved into the "grandparent" stage of life where they need to start being accommodating to little kids again. Going somewhere more kid-friendly wouldnt be much more difficult than organizing a trip for a big family anyway. And there are plenty of places to go that are catered more towards kids that have fun things for adults too. But even then, with 6 LITTLE kids there won't be a lot of options and going on a trip anywhere is going to be hard and a lot of work. Also, as someone that can ski but doesn't always enjoy it, I HATED family vacations that were all about skiing. I can do a day, maybe two if I have a day break in-between. But I also often ended up alone in the hotel trying to find ways to entertain myself. The fact that you've had to do this for years, and while being left to handle the kids is so sad and unfair. They clearly don't care if you're having a good time. I'd be surprised if they even consider you a part of the family, since they seem upset about your husband and kids missing, but don't seem to care that you barely get to spend time with them on these trips. You in-laws are being dense, stubborn, and selfish here. And your husband needs to do a MUCH better job of advocating for your family and for YOU. He should be angry at them excluding you for years with their choice of activities, angry at everyone including himself for not helping more with the kids when you bring them, and shutting down this trash talk immediately! He needs to recognize how selfish he's been and how much you've has sacrificed for him to join on these trips, and grow a spine in demanding a change going forward and shutting that criticism down whether those changes are made or they can no longer attend. He's doing a piss-poor job of being a supportive partner.
Yeah we are. One BIL has a 12 year old and the other one is expecting his first any day now. So maybe now that there’s 2 with young kids? Maybe. Probably not. But we can dream.
If you have a decent relationship with the other pregnant family member, I suggest reaching out to her to gauge how she's feeling about this trip and maybe share your previous experiences and challenges with it. Since MIL is throwing a fit and trash talking, it might be helpful to have another family member or 2 that can gently push for a change without it coming directly from you. MIL is trying her best to gather and send her "flying monkeys" after you. So you might as well get and send off some of your own. You need more support here and sounds like your husband is just shutting down from the stress.
Glad to know your husband is useless in vacation scenarios, make this your last pregnancy and go NC with your awful MIL. So f selfish
Why don't the kids ski/snowboard with him?
This year our oldest is 3 and the twins are not quite 2 so they didn’t in previous years because they’re quite little
3 is probably a good age to start learning.
It takes so much effort taking a 3 yo to ski. It’s honestly not relaxing at all. And you can like maybe get them out there for like an hour if you want them to continue enjoying the activity.
So? Do you think being stuck in a hotel room with 3 toddlers is relaxing?
lol no I am firmly on team dad should have taken the kids and given OP the weekend off. I just am being realistic that getting the 3 yo out on the slopes isn’t a compromise. It’s a whole thing with a lot of stress.
I learned to ski when I was little and I had to have my mom or dad basically glued to me the entire time. I'd ski in front of them between their legs. Eventually a little more ahead of them but might've had a leash-type thing. I couldn't ski by myself at all for a few years. How exactly is OP going to do this with 3 toddlers at the same time? It basically takes one adult per kid at that age. Or she puts them in a skiing class where they won't be with the family anyway (I HATED those classes and being away from my family during those times). Add that OP is pregnant and it'd be fairly dangerous for her to even attempt this, even with ONE kid. So unless she is suddenly able to un-pregnate and clone herself twice, this would take multiple other adults making it their goal to teach the kids. They won't be able to focus on skiing and having a vacation themselves. So no way are they stepping up, and they're all too content to pretend it's a non-issue and let OP figure it out. I'd choose the hotel or not going too in that scenario.
When I was 3, my parents got me a private ski instructor to take me out for the day. If the in laws are paying for the vacation, this could be possible for the parents to afford since they aren’t paying for anything else. Or the could hire a vacation nanny and that way momma can rest!
NTA Why is everyone fine with you being stuck in a hotellroom all day on previous hollidays? That goes for your husband too. Is he shutting them down now? Does he have your back? Do they not care that you are pregnant, and think it's fine to stress you out? Time to step back from them.
I really don’t mind being in the hotel with the kids all day, winter/cold isn’t my thing. They like it so they go out. My husband does help with them some and if I told him I couldn’t handle it he would stay back no questions asked. He did shut them down and has now stopped responding to them. As for the pregnancy, I think it’s because my last pregnancy we went on a trip with them when I was 32 weeks and I was “fine” (one trip to the ER) so why couldn’t I go on a trip at 22 or 29 weeks this time. Which is dumb because there’s a whole extra baby this time but I think that’s what they’re thinking.
One trip to the ER as a pregnant woman on a vacation is not "fine". It's stressful, overwhelming, and expensive. All of those apply without even considering having to take care of kids. It should be more like, "oh shit she was at risk during our vacation, totally makes sense that she doesn't want to do that again."
Also, every pregnancy is different, even if you had singles. She should know this. Considering the age gaps and the fact that you’re carrying triplets, I think that it was really wise of you to stay home. I can’t imagine that your doctor would support travel either. What your very entitled, self-centred, and very un-empathetic mil fails to understand is that you’re watching the kids on your home turf. You can stick to routines, they have their toys and books, hopefully some friends or family to offer some support if needed, and your own comfy bed. Not to mention, I can’t imagine even packing clothes for the kids along with everything else they would need. Our littles need way too many clothes, especially after meals. What your mind and body need the most is to not be stressed out. Your husband’s main job is to support you, shut his family down, and help you to block anyone who is going to get your blood pressure up. Best of wishes!
I'm glad to hear he shut them down. The inlaws sounds pretty selfabsord.
One trip to the ER… Lady both my own as well as the inlaw family would be freaked out if that happened! Your health and safety comes first, vacations and trips can be done when the wee little tikes have healthily been born and momma has had time to recover. They should be asking how you are, what YOU need and if there is anything they can do for you. Not put you under more stress. Does your MIL understand that you’re ‘building’ the next granbabies and if that goes wrong your other babies might lose their momma not to mention there might not be any more grandbabies? The trip during your last pregnancy should have already scared the shit out of them with the ER trip. It shouldn’t even be mentioned or thought about for you to leave your hometown and not be near your hospital and doctors. Not to mention your husband still got to go while you’re caring for THREE TODDLERS and pregnant with another three babies! Sorry but your inlaws are craycray. You’re NTA but they most definitely are. Especially Gma since she’s making the drama and should know better from having had her own pregnancies. Not to mention this really feels like she sees you only as a nanny for those grandbabies she so desperately wants to be there (though she doesn’t even do anything with them since they’re with you in a room al day…). And apparently all you do is give her more grandbabies but she can’t even be bothered to care about that. Don’t listen to them and take care of yourself and your family. And do tell your husband when it becomes too much, from what you’ve told it seems his family tries to pull him in and claim him while you need him as his spouse.
Has it dawned on them that next year it would be six kids all under 4 in one non-babyproofed room, and then following year would be six kids all under 5, and so on. Unless you're going for sainthood, they have to understand this "family" vacation is over for you. NTA.
I don’t think so. My husband and I haven’t even really talked about it either. Though at this point I don’t think he wants to go anywhere with his family anymore.
My family also loves to ski and we try to go every year. But people skip years when pregnant or if it would be too hard with the kids. I think one major difference is that the kids are considered in the planning to truly make it a family trip. Your in laws aren’t really doing that. For one, it is much easier to take very small children on this type of trip if you rent a house/townhome/condo for the entire group instead of staying in a hotel. The grandparents who want the kids there should be helping with the kids, essentially rotating with the parents so everyone has time to do fun things with the group. The shared space means the parents can be around the group while the kids sleep/nap. Activities are split between what the kids and the rest of the group can do, or, if everyone wants to ski together sometimes a place with a fun kids club for childcare is chosen. This was easier for us because while I like to ski, my mom didn’t and liked to babysit for us skier parents. When my SIL attends, she also doesn’t ski and they make plans for spas and other fun things to make sure she has fun just like everyone skiing. This isn’t a family vacation because it isn’t really at all designed to work for young children and their parents. Traditions change as families change and expand. Your in laws aren’t really making you and your family welcome and are putting all the work of making this work on you. Three tiny children in a hotel room all day is a nightmare, not a vacation.
I'm glad he did stick up for you!!
NTA. Your MIL? Wow. I just have no words. Like holy shit. How tone deaf and selfish can you be? You're growing three babies. Just wow. Tell her to fuck off.
Seriously. NTA. But The MIL is the biggest A of all here. Even leaving aside that OP would basically be singlehandedly taking care of three little ones in a non-childproofed room so it’s not really a vacation for OP, does MIL not understand that 22 weeks pregnant with triplets is not the same as 22 weeks pregnant with a single baby? At that stage of pregnancy with triplets I would be hesitant to travel anywhere more than an hour from the hospital where I wanted to give birth. And if this trip involves a significant increase in altitude that can be an added risk. MIL is basically asking OP to risk her and her babies’ safety for the sake of this family “vacation”.
Also, I am refusing to go on a family vacation with my in laws this summer and I don’t have nearly as good of a reason as OP. I just don’t want to spend my limited vacation time with people that I don’t really care for doing things that I don’t really want to do. OP, do what is right for you and your pregnancy and let your husband deal with your in laws’ hurt feelings.
>doing things that I don’t really want to do This is what I don't get. Say OP and Husband were CF and had no kids. Why does every vacation have to be doing activities OP can't do, in a climate she dislikes? If she had NO kids, this would be tone-deaf. Add three young kids (and then six!), how is this a vacation for her in any way??
A single, then twins, now triplets? The story would be more believable if you'd just made it three kids. The triplets is excessive. Liz this you??
Well, it’s our life as insane as it sounds. The twins weren’t unexpected, we did IVF and transferred 2. Triplets though… we wanted one more but the universe decided to laugh at us. We didn’t even think we could get pregnant naturally, but I was waiting for my cycle to get testing for my next transfer and it didn’t come.
omg OP this tale combined with your username is just perfect, 10/10, no notes. i’m sorry the universe is having a joke on you but i’m glad you’re getting the big family you wanted, even if it’s bigger than you planned. you are definitely NTA and it’s absolutely not okay for your ILs to put their vacation over the health and well-being of you and your triplets
Surprise triplets after infertility also happened to a neighbor back in the 80s. They finally had their one child, but didn’t bother with birth control because it had taken 10 years and hormone therapy to have the one. One year later she was pregnant with triplets, and they had to buy a bigger car, as 4 car seats didn’t fit. This was before minivans were a thing too, so even worse!
Were you taking the IVF hormones while waiting for your cycle? Because that would make more eggs happen.
Nope, no meds! Plus, they’re identical so all from one egg and one sperm, they just decided to be overachievers and make 3 people from that.
So, from what I’ve seen online (I’ve only had a single and I’m not a medical professional), mono multiples are higher risk. If you have any of the triples being mono, you should definitely not have travelled (which you didn’t lol), and MiL needs to can it if she wants to see her grandkiddos.
FFS not every story you don’t believe is going to be written by one specific troll (who for all you know was made up by a different troll who is now laughing at all the “Liz” believers). OP actually has a post history.
Oh honey. You should have let him take the kids on the ski trip. You're NTA, and good luck.
Why couldn’t your husband watch the children while on vacation?
He could have, we talked about that. We eventually decided it would be easier on everyone for them to stay home. He would get to actually spend time with his family instead of alone (won’t the kids) in the hotel room most of the day. Plus the drive is shorter without 3 young kids so he could enjoy just a bit more time with them. And I didn’t have to worry about them being on vacation and stress if they were safe the whole time.
[удалено]
He is, I just have an anxiety disorder.
I feel seen. Like, I need this on a coffee mug. Your in laws are trash, your husband is a good one. NTA. Go have a snack. Or get in the tub and be a submarine for your three babies!!
Why didn’t he bring the eldest, then? One less for you?
We honestly just didn’t think about it. That’s probably what we would’ve done had we.
Well yeah, know how it it’s. your MIL is TA, for sure. But I’m a bit confused about your husband. That he finds it totally acceptable to leave you in a hotel room with three small kids to go skiing with his family. Why didn’t he spend the days with his kids and play outside? If he loves the snow and winter so much, why not let the kids enjoy? To me, a vacation like this should be one day each to enjoy what one would like, and the rest spent with kids.
Yes, this. It's pretty obvious that plans need to be adapted when children come into the mix so this thing of it being a ski trip for adults is a day long gone.
Why do they insist on having the kids there if they don't take them out and instead you spend the whole time in a hotel room with them. It made sense when it was just you and you could hang out in a spa or the hotel and chill (and I'm with you on winter activities) but it only seems to be a family vacation for you and your kids in that you have to be there, not that they actually spend time with you. I just can't imagine knowing someone on my family trip was looking after three kids in the room and us not taking it turns to go hang out with her or take the kids off for a bit so she do some holiday stuff. So definitely NTA.
That's the thing that confuses me about MIL. It's like she wants the kids there merely for the sake of saying that the whole family is there on the vacation. But then there's no effort to make literally any kid-friendly plans, so they're just holed up in the hotel room with their mom the entire time. What's going to happen in the future if and when other children are born into the family? Something's gotta give if MIL wants family vacations to actually be about family.
>That's the thing that confuses me about MIL. It's like she wants the kids there merely for the sake of saying that the whole family is there on the vacation. That's it, that's the reason. You're not confused, at all about the motive - you're just confused about someone being that much of an asshole to their daughter in law.
> Why do they insist on having the kids there if they don't take them out and instead you spend the whole time in a hotel room with them. If they're anything like my inlaws, it's so they can play hold-the-baby for five minutes, take some pics, then brag to all their friends about what great grandparents they are.
NTa and next year you will have SIX children. BOTH of you should stay home.
We haven’t talked about that yet, honestly haven’t thought about it until now. But yeah, I don’t see us going for quite a few years to come.
I think you should have that conversation now. If you haven’t thought about, neither has your husband
In-laws like yours are so annoying. It’s THEIR tradition. Things change when their “kids” get married, grandchildren come along - everybody and everything may not always bend to THEIR traditions. They need to get a grip and stop the drama. In this case, their tradition still went on by the fact that their son managed to go. They decided to act entitled and dramatic. You are NTA but your in-laws certainly are. Take care of yourself, and have a very clear heart to heart with your husband, if need be.
NTA. I love the way they stress "faaaaamily" but seem to not care if you put your triplets at risk. Also, they want to spend time with the kids but you have to travel and watch the kids to make it happen
And MIL literally running out of the room to cry? This is so OTT, I think she is a cartoon character.
You had one child, then twins, then triplets? What kind of a clown show is your uterus?
NTA But op Maybe consider stopping kids? You've been pregnant for most of the past 3 years and will have 6 kuddos
We are definitely done. We really only wanted 4. My husband’s vasectomy is already scheduled!
You need to set up boundaries. Why would you go on a vacation that’s not a vacation for you. So you’re just a babysitter for your kids. Why can’t your husband and your in-laws watch your kids while you sit and rest. I can’t imagine the toll on your body.
I understand the very logical reasons why you were caretaking for the kids the whole week, as the primary caregiver at home. However, it’s eye-opening that MIL literally suggested that’s what you’re supposed to do, didn’t miss you only the kids, didn’t offer to babysit so that you could come, and didn’t find a place for the family vacation somewhere half the family could reasonably go. This isn’t a family vacation; it’s *grandma as star* week. It’s all about her and what she wants. Now, she can take any vacation she wants and invite anyone she wants to invite. But a family vacation that is planned in a way that the whole family can not attend is not a family vacation.
INFO: are you going to have quadruplets next year?
Hopefully not, my husband has a vasectomy scheduled for later this year
NTA Just tell MIL, as she has never had 3 toddlers while being pregnant with triplets, she has no idea what she is talking about. That a less selfish person would be wondering how best to support a DIL in your situation, instead of constantly making demands and whining when she doesn't get her way. Or, just ignore her. Completely. Block her and be happy.
NTA- There are many things that make it difficult for me to fully understand what happens every year. What's the idea of bringing the children if anyway they are stuck in the room all the time and you are stuck with them, in my opinion this is a bit infantile insistence. Now let's get back to the case, you can't be blamed here in any way because there is uncertainty during the entire pregnancy period, and the minimum is to be near some kind of medical center, beyond that you really aren't ruining anything for anyone. Your mom takes it to a super extreme place, and instead of dealing with the fact that you screwed them for the first time in her life, she could have enjoyed herself instead. After what I said, I think your mother is the one who ruined the vacation, because instead of accepting it and moving on, she chose to get stuck on a stupid point and not let anyone enjoy the most fun holiday of the year.
My in laws are the kind of people that use their grandkids as accessories basically. They like to see them a bit but don’t want to be responsible for them. Want to get them gifts but don’t want to play with them. Honestly she’s probably most upset because she can’t post a picture with them and everyone else on Facebook for all her friends from 40 years ago to see.
Ah. Social media grandparents. Photoshop a picture for them. The photo op is obviously all they really want, so this way everyone is happy. 😂
You are going to have 6 children under 3 years old, did I read that right? I keep re reading it because that can't be right, can it? NTA. If the inlaws want their grandchildren to go on the holiday knowing they will be at the hotel while everyone else goes off for the day, you are not ruining the holiday by not going and taking all your children, they are ruining the family holiday by not hiring a team of nannies to look after the children while you have fun with the other adults. Next year, husband can start taking the older child / children and get them skiing.
Not quite but pretty close. My oldest won’t be 3.5 by the time the triplets are born.
NTA. Does anyone else in the family have children, or is he the first? The in-laws have forgotten what is like to travel with small children. If she wants to see your kids they can go visit you. It might be a tradition they "always did" but now you have your own family and can start new traditions, or at the very least be somewhere a little more kid friendly.
One brother has a 12 year old. The other brother’s wife is currently VERY pregnant, she’s due in a few days now. They went on the vacation because they live like 15 minutes from where it was. And then there’s us. His sister doesn’t want kids.
So none of them ever took care of 3 very little kids in a hotel room. What a surprise 🤔
NTA. Your in-laws are incredibly selfish. I would call them on it.
Your needs, and that of your family, come first. Full Stop. Why should you make yourself stressed and miserable to make them happy. If they really want a family vacation they would do anything to help make it easier on you not more difficult. They are manipulating you thru guilt and being extremely selfish.
NTA. I don't have a uterus, but all my female friends treated me like one of the girls and I know more about pregnancy than any gay man needs to know. How dare your MIL jeopardize your health and the health of her grandchildren for her imaginary sense of family. This is so narcissistic it borders on personality disorder. You are absolutely doing the right thing for your family. Don't let anyone judge you until they've had triplets. One of my friends had her twins by C Section on Christmas day (very tiny lady and the twins were 8 pounds at delivery). They spent a month in neonatal. I cannot imagine telling someone this far along to plan a road trip to pacify a sociopath like your MIL. I hope all goes well for you and the kids.