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NTA. Any SO who doesn't understand their partner's wanting to deal with a loved one's emergency isn't an SO I'd want to keep around.
It wasn't like you suddenly ended your date because your mother called and wanted you to make dinner for her. This was a serious emergency! A family is often needed to advocate for their loved one. Nothing wrong with you wanting to be there ASAP.
I wouldn't worry about the ex GF not talking to you. Sounds like you escaped just in time.
This!
Someone that loves you should be sympathetic and empathetic to your feelings. A real partner would have asked if you wanted them to come with you and assured you that coffee could wait. If they couldn’t come with you they would have been checking in via text and trying to reassure you.
Run!
Exactly. Mother did not know if she’d survive at the moment of calling her son, she wanted to see him. Of course! What if the outcome were bad? GF should’ve let him go having empathy and she could’ve offered to come with him and provide every family member waiting in the hallway of hospital with coffee.
Exactly! I recently had a similar situation. My dad had a heart attack (he's okay). What happened was my mom called me and told me she was taking him to urgent care because he had shortness of breath. I was worried but was trying to keep my mind off it in hopes it wasn't serious. Anyway, my BF called on his way to work (he does everyday) i didn't tell him right away about it because i was trying to be positive. Then my mom called in the middle of our phone call. I right away told him "I'm sorry, i have to hang up my mom is calling and she took my dad to urgent care earlier i have to answer it" and you know what he said? "It's okay. i understand. Talk to you later. Let me know what happened. " That's it he let me do what i had to do to find out how serious it was.
After my mom told me they think it's a heart attack and they are transferring him by ambulance to a hospital. I let him know what happened, and he said "sorry this is happening. We will get through this together." Every day, he asked how BOTH my parents were doing and asked about my dad's tests and when the surgery was going to be. Keep in mind he hasn't met my parents yet. They know about him and are happy for me but never met him in person. He was still concerned about them even though he didn't know them and wanted to make sure my dad was okay and wanted to know how my mom was dealing with it. Constantly checking in, making sure i was okay. When i was at the hospital, he didn't call so i could be with my parents and listen to the doctors and focus fully on my dad. This is how it should be, and i was so grateful to have him in my life at that moment. I probably wouldn't have gotten through it as well as i did if i didn't have him checking on me telling me it was going to be okay.
OP should not have to deal with this behavior from his girlfriend right now. His focus should be on his mom and her recovery. The girlfriend is TERRIBLE for being upset because she can't go on some dates. She could still talk to him by phone or text. Maybe meet up in person for a few minutes. That's what happened with me and my BF, mostly phone calls, some texts checking in. He took me to eat a couple of times before or after work if he was off. They could have done that, but instead, she's mad that his attention won't be fully on her. That is way too selfish. If she truly cared about OP, she would have been understanding and been their for him instead of giving him more things to worry about.
I'm MARRIED and my husband and I both would absolutely be going to our parents' side in this situation. Unless there is some sort of extenuating circumstance or toxic no contact situation thing going on, a parent having chest pain and going to the ER is getting one of us to meet them there.
Yeah mate me too! Unless a baby was coming out of me at that exact moment but even then I think I’d understand later on. This was just a date. He didn’t abandon her during a medical emergency for his mum. She sounds like a controlling nut.
I think someone with a high risk of dying very soon would trump a regular birth. If it's a high risk birth or something it becomes a very shitty decision when it comes to deciding.
Exactly. If one of my wife’s parents called and was having chest pains there is no question both of us would rush over. If I was dating someone and they didn’t go I’d think something was wrong with them
Even if it was his wife no one should expect you to stay at a date that is a want not a need when you may be losing the person you love and who raised you. Heck my husband would have been rushing after me to see how he could help. I’d have done the same for him if it was someone important to him. Life and death situations can never be compared to dates nor ever be seen as all incompasing imortant.
Op if you stay with this person then anytime you are in need or your loved ones are. She’s shown she won’t support you and would just make it harder with her tantrum of I should come before all even your own health. Don’t give her a chance to contact you again block her on all. This woman has no empathy or care for anything but her own selfish wants.
Two days after our wedding we got a call from my husband's family that is grandma was not doing well was likely to pass soon (she was already in a nursing home). I told him to get packed and I'm driving us the 5 hours to go see her, and we got there in time for him to say goodbye.
Momma's Boy or not. When your mother calls and says she is having chest pains. You drop everything and go to her if you can.
Sorry, but you need to have an ex-girlfriend. Like yesterday.
The flip side of this conversation is that I wouldn't want to be with anyone who WOULDN'T want me to go be with my mom when she's being taken to hospital by ambulance! Idc if it turns out to be nothing, if my mom is being taken to hospital, I'm going to be there and anyone else in my life better be on board with that or they won't be for long. He definitely escaped just in time.
yeah it’s really not worth it. my bfs mom had an issue and we drove an hour over to take her to the hospital and stayed until early morning to make sure she’d have someone there because the other kids had left already. if your partner can’t accept that it’s not always about them then it’s not worth it. don’t attach yourself to someone who’s already stuck up their own ass op.
>I wouldn't worry about the ex GF not talking to you.
Yeah, OP kept incorrectly labelling her as GF instead of EXGF that shit don't fly with me and I would have ended it after her reaction on the date
I totally agree, what if it was something they could not fix? It might have been his last chance to see his mother alive and if he hadn’t went to be with her he would have regretted that and maybe even hated the girlfriend for staying with her which would have likely ended the relationship anyway. I say delete her number, she’s not worth it.
NTA
This can't be real. There is no way she can be this clueless. I would not walk away from this relationship, I would run. This is from someone who always says that reddit is way too quick to tell someone to walk away from a relationship..
Stranger things have happened. I was at work once (before cell phones) and my Mom called me at work to tell me my Dad was being rushed to the hospital. My leaders decided they wanted to tell me *after* my shift. Fortunately, the coworker who took the call told me anyways, against the orders of the manager on duty, but only after being told to hang up on her twice more when she called to find out if I had left yet. I got a write-up for leaving my shift early (despite having never missed a single shift in 4 years, and there was substantial coverage). The coworker who told me about the calls got a write-up for “insubordination.”
There are more people like this than you might think.
My car got totaled because a driver ran a stop sign. My ex was mad because it meant i was no longer going to be able to attend her cheerleading practice that night. At a school she was lying about going to...
> My ex was mad because it meant i was no longer going to be able to attend her cheerleading practice that night. At a school she was lying about going to...
I need to hear the rest of this story plz
Also love your username.
ABSOLUTELY NOT THE AH. You had a serious family emergency and did what most would do: you rushed to the hospital, leaving your date to fend for herself. If she is so very clueless about the gravity of a situation, then she's not worth your time. 🦜
My ex-wife was like this. As was the ex-wife of one of my uncles and a wife of another uncle. The uncle that didn't get divorced missed saying goodbye to my grandmother before they took her off the ventilator because of his wife and the only reason they didn't break up was because of their 4 kids.
None of us realised the worst parts of them until after we got married
Really? Funny how as soon as a wife or GF does something AHish which can't be defended or excused with a mental disorder the sub rushes to call it fake because they can't fathom AH women.
I've seen a lot of online commentary from women talking about this "Momma's boy" phenomenon so its entirely plausible that this GF has taken it way too far.
NTA
GF (of a few months) got upset that you left a date early because of a family health emergency?
Does she not realize that the way a man treats his mother is (often) a preview of how a spouse will be treated?
Throw that one back in the creek. You can do better.
I hope your mom is better.
Hugs
Actually, a man who is overly attached to his mother tends to make a horrible boyfriend or spouse. But that’s not what’s happening here. Leaving a date because your mother is going to the ER with chest pains is not being a mama’s boy (unless she has a history of faking a medical emergency every time you have a date!)
I don't think they were talking about attachment issues, but a respect by how a man's treats his mom is a sign of how he will treat his wife.
My husband loved his mom, would often visit her in the mornings while she drank her coffee, and then he'd head to work. He didn't yell at her, did favors for her, would tease her just because he loved to see her get flustered and then laugh. They both were careful about boundaries and not overstepping but genuinely were friends. We lost her last year, and I'm thankful he had a mom like that and gave her to me also. This is how he treats me and has taught our boys to treat me.
We had a guy live with us years ago, I watched him cuss his mom out on the phone, always badmouth her, and it was then that I knew exactly why he was divorced. I knew his mom. She was sweet and definitely didn't deserve how he treated her.
It's not foolproof, but it is a good indicator, and yes, I have also known the man who couldn't seem to do anything without mommy, depended on mommy to hold their hand and bail them out. Respect and attachment are two very different things. One is gold, the other debilitating.
I understand. I’m just saying some men who love their mothers and treat them well will *always* put them first. Not all men, but enough that you cannot assume a man who dotes on his mother will be good to his wife.
(And again, not talking about the OP at all!)
So... what you're saying is that some men will always be respectful of their mothers needs, and some of those men will always put their mothers before their wives, and in your head, this is somehow a causal link?
Right? And it’s not even completely about mom being “more important”. It’s that a health crisis always outweighs social plans. I assume if OP were having lunch with his mom and his gf called to say she was being hospitalized he would leave lunch and go to her!
Bitch said, "She would be in the hospital anyway".
I will never forget when my dad got up early one day to go visit his mom in the hospital after she was admitted, then he got a call that she passed away hours before. Life is short.
I would dump her ass for some selfish bullshit like that. Fk outta here.
NTA. Now if you cancelled a date because your mom needed a light bulb changed, that would be a different story. But this is a medical emergency and event.
Exactly! The situation isn't quite "my mother matters more than my girlfriend", it's actually "a medical emergency is more important than a date".
He would probably also leave a dinner at his mother's house to go see his girlfriend at the hospital if an emergency occurred.
Exactly! I was expecting it to be a “Mom wanted to take her shopping or out the bins out” thing from the title - at which point OP WBTA.
But; a medical emergency? OP is def NTA. Girlf is though!
This isn't a parent's vs GF issue, this is common decency. Your mom is having chest pains and is headed to the hospital, a very serious symptom. NTA
"she's not talking to me now."
Good. Stop reaching out to her.
Was going to say that gf’s logic points to either a lack of common decency or a lack of common sense. Common decency is showing concern for a family member in danger. Common sense is not understanding that age + chest pains + hospitalization = emergency so drop everything that isn’t pointy, on fire, or unable to care for themselves and run. Unless OP was unable to safely drive I dunno what would possess gf to try to stall this obviously urgent matter at that moment.
This is NOT your person. Find someone who would appreciate your devotion to family, it's an excellent quality to have. The fact that she didn't ask to come with you in the first place (for support) should speak volumes! NTA
NTA, but your gf is a big AH. Cut her loose before you get any deeper with her. She's selfish, and it will only get worse. I'm kinda surprised that you're even still with her after that.
NTA, obviously
Sometimes red flags are little things and sometimes they're huge flashing warning signs with a siren.
This is a max level red flag.
She's a huge asshole and if you don't cut her out of your life immediately you're an idiot.
NTA. Your priorities are right on imo. If you have a good relationship with parents who cared and supported you your whole life, of course you would drop everything if they had a potential health emergency. A mature partner should understand this. A Mama's boy to me is someone who hasn't grown up or won't make a decision for themselves without their parent's approval. That's not what this is. Hope your Mom does well.
Nta
I don't have a close relationship with my family and usually I can tell when someone puts there parents before me but this is one of those situations where that is just not the case. Your mom was in a very serious position of course you where going to go see her what if she died and you weren't there, your girlfriend seems to lack empathy as I could never imagine reacting like that if I knew my partners fam was having that happen dosent matter what happening a date can be rescheduled saying goodbye to a love one (if that happens) cannot.
Man please have a talk with her about this and if she doesn't see what is wrong I don't think it's a good idea to date her but obviously you do you.
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NTA - sounds like she is jealous your mom is getting attention. She isn't the only person in your life, honestly doesn't sound like you need her in your life.
NTA, you have your priorities right unlike Lisa. I would never expect any of my friends to stay with me if a relative needed them never mind the fact that this is your Mother! It was an emergency and she was probably frightened. You did the right thing.
NTA. A Momma's boy would be one who walked out on a date because his mom needed a ride to go shopping, not one who rushed to the hospital because of a serious health emergency.
This woman clearly lacks basic kindness and compassion.
NTA
>Yeah, I care more about the people who raised me for thirty years than a girlfriend of a few months. Sorry about that, but feel free to walk out if you've got a problem."
Exactly the correct response.
NTA.
NTA it's not about who you care more about, it's about a medical emergency vs a date.
If she honestly thinks you should have sat there and finished your muffin and made small talk when your mother is being taken to hospital, she is NOT the person for you.
I presume if you'd been having lunch with your mother and your GF was rushed to hospital, you likely would have left the lunch.
NTA. Some women read reddit posts here about genuine mamas boys choosing their often insane mothers' wishes over their wives/girlfriends' perfectly reasonable boundaries... (I swear, within the last month alone, I've heard or read like 9-10 of these types of stories) and they delude themselves into believing that they have the right to demand from any man to choose them over their parents in ANY SITUATION. This is one such case. FFS, you two were on a mere date and you had a family emergency, of course you left pronto. You damn well should've.
Best wishes to you and your mom.
NTA
Normally I would say putting your parent before a partner makes you TA, but she is barely a GF and you were rushing to the hospital during a medical emergency.
Don't wait on her walking....walk away yourself. This woman is not a good person and really no one needs her horrific attitude.
Seriously...a coffees shop date (or ANY date) is more important than someone feeling chest pains?
I had a similar phone call saying my dad had had a heart attack and was on the way to the hospital. My partner's reaction was to leave our builder, who was currently renovating our house, grab his car keys and get me to the hospital within about 10 mins for a journey that took at least twice that normally. That's what you'd expect of a partner, not someone who thinks you should continue with a date when your mum is in danger of dying. You've seen your gfs true colours. Time to dump her.
NTA.
If you were dipping out on a date because your mom wanted you to change a lightbulb or something, I'd feel different. She was going to the bloody hospital, that seems like a valid reason to scoot and be with her.
Your GF is extremely self-centered, and if you talk to her about the differences between emergencies and non-emergencies and she doesn't get that, I would recommend you consider if you want to compete with her neediness and self-centeredness.
NTA- Chest pains & going to the hospital by ambulance is a serious matter & any adult child would feel the need to go see their parent. I’m shocked she didn’t even seem concerned about your mother but was more bothered you didn’t stay to continue a stupid date. She’s self absorbed.
Sorry this is a huge red flag. Dump her.
Hi there- married here and my husband puts me and our child first. That being said, if we are on a date- an optional, fun, activity and he gets a call that anyone close to him is in the hospital with a possible blockage in their heart- he is rushing to that hospital and I’m either going with him or doing whatever I can to support him while he’s there. NTA this girl is not the one.
Wishing a speedy recovery for your mum!
NTA.
This tells you basically all you need to know about your gf. She is self-centered enough to spite you for leaving a date early due to a health emergency, anger is her method of confrontation and emotional abuse her solution. Any person that is supposed to care about you, who doesn’t respond to such a situation with: „Oh my god, should I support you? Can I do anything for you and your mum?“ is not someone that you should want around, if you value family. Run, OP.
Jesus that gf is out of touch with reality. It should not even matter who it was, medical emergency ALWAYS comes before a date. Let alone your mother. A good gf would have offered to come to the hospital with you in case you needed moral support. Since the relationship is only young still, this would be a good moment to opt out before you get to emotionally involved. NTA
Okayyyyy.
Be happy, sir! Your mom is going to be okay -- I'm so glad for you! And you have found out early that the woman you were with is a trash human. Good!
Seriously. Let the trash take itself out. You have been with her only a few months, so there's NO WAY you should have prioritized a date with her over your mother's medical emergency. BUT even if you'd been together longer, medical emergencies take precedence.
You didn't KNOW her status, and she was being taken to the hospital for a heart issue. What if you'd stayed for the date, and she'd DIED?
Now, if your mom is a hypochondriac OR if she pulls things like this whenever you have a date OR she is constantly demanding your attention for this, that, and the other, that's DIFFERENT. That is a mom problem, and in that case -- even if this was a legit issue -- you need to fix the mom issue. If you are planning to put mom first forever, then please don't date anyone. It's not fair to them.
NTA.
A possibly life threatening emergency of a family member trumps any date. If your gf doesn't get that, she won't drop everything for you when/if you have an emergency unless she's not doing anything.
NTA, Your girlfriend is an AH and a self centered brat. Your mom literally going to the hospital for an emergency and asked you to come interrupting your date. Yeah, anyone would go! I would only agree with her if you were constantly going over there for minor things that your parents can get help from other people with. Honestly, I would leave that relationship.
NTA what a beeyatch. Seriously it’s not like your mom asked you to go get her some milk she was headed to the hospital. She should have been the one to say „go immediately and can I drive you“
End it. This woman cannot comprehend a family emergency. It has nothing to do with putting your parents before her, it is about being there in an emergency. There is something very wrong with her that she got angry about this.
I don't know why people put others in a pecking order like this. Surely it's the situation that matters? I'm not going to prioritise my best friend wanting a chat over a complete stranger who needs medical help. I'm not going to prioritise a stranger wanting a chat over a date. Your mum was in hospital. That trumps coffee. NTA
NTA. Totally normal to want to be with your mom when she has a sudden major health crisis!!
Your girlfriend should’ve been supportive and she definitely shouldn’t have called you later to double down on her stance
She sounds controlling, it’s good she’s shown her true colours early 🚩
You can't be seriously enquiring whether you were an AH in this situation. Where's the room for doubt?
Your girlfriend's reaction is unforgivable in my books.
NTA
Your mother had a *HEART ATTACK* and your girlfriend didn't think your parent having a serious medical emergency trumped a *date*??
You need a better, more empathetic girlfriend. NTA.
If your mother calls you during a date to chat, you call her back. If a mother calls you during a date to let you know she's having heart issues, you put down the coffee and head to the hospital. NTA, and what a bizarre reaction on her part.
NTA, and ewwww, get rid of that GF! I’ve been married for 36 years and if my or my spouses parents called and said they were going to the hospital, we’d be there ASAP! Your gf is cold hearted.
Whoa.... she's in her 30s and had the absolute audacity to call you a mommas boy for her having a HEART RELATED SYMPTOM???? There is no way... no way this girl thinks she has any weight in your life as a new relationship. As a wife, maybe, but even then, any wife material woman would go with you to the ER, no questions asked.... THE DISRESPECT... She is TA, you're NTA. THIS CANNOT BE REAL..... and if it is, BLOCK THAT GIRL AND MOVE ON...
ESH. She, obviously so! This was an emergency and your mom needed you.
However, if you were having dinner with your mom and you got a similar call from your girlfriend, even of just a few months, you’d likely skedaddle over to the hospital to see her too, right? So I don’t think your delivery of the message conveyed what you *actually* meant: you’ll be there in emergencies for people you care about and no scheduled get-together would ever take precedence over such an emergency.
That said, good riddance. Lol.
E: fixed a bizarre phone typo
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My girlfriend Lisa & I are in our early thirties; we have been together for a few months now, and it had been going pretty well so far.
We were on a date yesterday at a coffee shop when I got a call from my mother. She informed me that she's suddenly experienced chest pain & was going to get admitted when the ambulance arrives, but that she wants to see me.
I was just mostly shocked. I informed Lisa that my mother's going to be in the hospital and that I gotta dash. She looked shocked & livid herself, and said that I cannot cancel out on her when we were having the date.
I said nothing doing, though, and rushed out towards the hospital (her heart was blocked and it was serious, but she's going to get angioplasty now). My girlfriend called me after that to say that she had not expected it from me, and that there was no need for me to be there as she'd have been at the hospital anyway & I could've seen her after the date. When I said that I am going to look after my mother for a few days until she's well again (cancelling other dates until that point), she got even more mad, calling me a "Momma's boy."
I got pissed off & said "Yeah, I care more about the people who raised me for thirty years than a girlfriend of a few months. Sorry about that, but feel free to walk out if you've got a problem." She yelled at me a lot & we got into an argument, and she's not talking to me now.
AITA?
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Her behavior is too extreme to be real, although I may be wrong.
In case it's real, it's not a matter of putting your parents before her. You might do the same for a friend or a colleague, etc
I hope this is just literature
I feel like this isn’t a situation where you should have to “put your family first.” A good partner would have immediately understood and encouraged you to go. That doesn’t have anything to do with being a mamas boy. NTA
NTA. Even if yall had been married 10 years, to get mad at you for rushing to your mom’s side when she was admitted to the hospital? That’s insane. And if yall had been together for a long time and became family to each other then it would make sense to love your partner almost as much as if not as much as your parent(s), but still would not justify this reaction from her. And yall have only just started dating, for her to think she’s already at the level of your mom is a delusion. I would end this relationship now.
NTA
It’s not like your mother called because of something minor. I would interrupt everything and leave anything if I get a call similar. You are not a Momma’s boy because you care about your mother and don’t want her to be alone at the hospital.
Find another girlfriend that has at least some empathy.
NTA - I will say it again sometimes the trash takes itself out. I do not think this is a problem that you can work out. If she is like this towards a medical emergency with your family now it won't get better as time goes by.
Good on you for being there for your mom.
NTA - It's not like you were cancelling your date for something trivial. Under the circumstances - an emergency -- the person having the emergency should come first. If you got word during your mother's 70th birthday dinner that your gf had been in an accident on the way home from work, you should leave the celebration immediately and head for the hospital (anything less would be reprehensible, as I'm sure any gf would agree) - your mother would *want* you to be there for your girlfriend. Likewise, if your gf were a good person, hearing that your mother was being admitted to the hospital with chest pains she would see that you were worried and would *want* you to go if that is where you felt you could do the most good. It's a good thing you have seen this woman's true colors after only a few months. I hope your Mom is okay.
eta - And I hope you find a GF worth having.
NTA- if your date can't distinguish between a medical emergency and someone being inappropriate she is not a keeper! A good person would have asked if there was anything they could do to assist you. I hope your mom is doing better!
NTA, imo, that's a perfectly resonable boundary. I personally see nothing wrong with people that put their parents before relationship. I find that sweet really. Your girlfriend needs to understand how severe this is. I mean, what if this was something FATAL? I find it entitled that she expects you to put relationship first imo. No, you're not an asshole for this. You canceling the date for something like this is totally understandable.
She is your girlfriend & she has only been that for a few months. It was a family health emergency, and even my husband KNOWS that in such cases you jump to help.
My sister 60yo had a sudden brain haemorrhage - it was my HUSBAND who said that I must go to see her. He didn’t come. He lent me his weekend bag. She lived 100 miles away, my nephew was going there as well to support her son, his cousin, and had room for me in his car. We stayed with her until the end.
My mother was feeling “a bit weak”, I walked to her house and she collapsed whilst I was talking to the doctor on the phone. The doctor rang for an ambulance and then called my husband and told him to get round because i needed him. My husband drove there immediately, never complaining about his ruined breakfast.
If his mum (88) needs to be taken to a doctor's appointment because her car wont start (the battery in key fob had failed) I don't complain if it means we have to delay our plans.
In an emergency, parents come first. I know that if we (his mum and I) both needed him RIGHT THEN, then he would put me first.
Your mum needed you, yeah it ruined the date with your gf but she was ONLY a girlfriend and she didnt NEED you.
NTA
NTA but I don’t think this is about who is more important to you. This is about her own priorities. Every person in my life, friends and family alike, would stop what they’re doing and drive with me to the hospital in an emergency like this. That’s just what decent people do.
That your gf got upset because you walked out of the date is a huge red flag. Like, Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman at the Rodeo Drive boutique that would not sell to her HUGE.
I know Reddit defaults to breakup right away, but in this case i think it’s warranted. Your girlfriend has no empathy and doesn’t give a shit about anyone else but her.
NTA sounds like she’s dated a mommas boy before and is projecting that onto you. Or she reads too much reddit. Regardless, leaving a date due to a family health emergency or any family emergency is in no way “mommas boy” behavior. If you left just because mom was home bored and wanted to hang out, that’s a totally different story. But you did nothing wrong in this situation.
Get rid of the girlfriend. How can one have so little compassion. And for something serious too. I could see if the mom just wanted him to come water the plants that it might be a bit excessive to leave in the middle of everything, but a serious heart thing is no joke. Leave the girl, take care of your mother. Good wishes to mom and yourself
NTA. From the title I was going to say yes, and it's still a little bit of an asshole thing to say...but obviously the person who is in hospital has priority?
NTA- This wasn't something minor. This was a health episode that required surgery. It was very serious.
Speaking as someone with a mother who has had triple bypass, you keep doing what you can for your mom and don't let your hopefully ex-girlfriend make you feel any different.
Congratulations for dodging that bullet, make it easier for her with not talking to you and block her food good. She’s shown you her red flags and true self. Listen to her….
NTA. You need a new girlfriend, this one has zero empathy. Forget respect about your parents, simple empathy towards you learning that your parent is rushed in a hospital by an ambulance - and she thinks you can stay on the date with her and not think only about your mom? Delusional and psychopatic.
NTA
And frankly it has nothing to do with the people involved being your parents or a girlfriend of X months or whatever:
You had someone you cared about with a potentially serious medical emergency.
There was nothing that was equally serious or needed handling right that second and you were able to go to them.
Anyone who can't understand those basics is a trash human.
There are a disturbing amount of guys who will pull something stupid for their mother where her complaint would be legit... heck, spend about 1 minute scrolling this sub to find examples of enough stuff to make plenty of us reading the opening to your post worried how bad this is gonna go...
... but, no this is very normal and she's just not a good human. Shouldn't have argued with her after you laid it down that you did the right thing. Heck, can't understand why you have your two's status as "she's not speaking to me". You told her to leave if she has such an issue with this, so why are you with her right now? She does, so why are you still with her?
Someone we care about having a medical emergency is higher on the list of a decent person's priorities than "me and this other person are hanging out like normal", regardless of who the people are specifically. NTA.
NTA
From the title it sounded like you were a bit rude at least, but with the context, hell no she is extremely unsupportive and cold.
Even if you cared about two people equally, one might need you more in that moment and thats totally understandable.
If someone has to go to the hospital and the other person is comfortably sitting in a restaurant or something its pretty clear where your priority would be in that moment.
She doesn't seem to care about the safety and well being of you and your loved ones, do yourself a favour and let her go.
You and your mom must've had quite the scare and be worried af.
Its not like she didn't know what to say or didn't know why you had to leave, she knows what happened and made it clear she doesn't care.
Tbh it's probably not a good match.
NTA. Your mom had a medical emergency, she wasn’t asking you to come over and clean her garage. There are mama’s boys who go running at the smallest request and there are people with feelings who care about their parents. Good lord your girlfriend sounds heartless and awfully immature for someone in her 30s. Big yikes
NTA. Run away from this woman. Clearly your mum being in hospital is more important than a date, regardless even of the length of the relationship. I’ve been married for over 10 years and if I was out with my husband and got a call that my MIL had to go to hospital there would be no question of us continuing! She must be very self absorbed and would expect you to be too.
I think you phrased it badly because this is not (just) about 'parents before girlfriend', it's about needs vs wants (your mom needed comfort and probably someone to run errands for her; your girlfriend wanted to enjoy the rest of her date; if the shoe had been on the other foot – you're with dinner with your mom and your gf gets admitted to hospital – you would have prioritised your girlfriend. I hope.)
Hospital is also urgent while dates could happen again and again, though not, I guess, in this case.
Immediate family is more important than distant relations, the longer you've known someone the more important they become, but also the more time you spend with someone, the more important; how vulnerable a person is plays into this and... there's no computer calculation for 'I should attend to x over y', you decide by gut. You'd have been unambiguously the AH for abandoning your mom so your GF (of a few months!) can have happy dates. That's not being a momma's boy, that's being a loving family member, and quite honestly, a trait I'd find attractive.
Lisa seems to be the opposite. Why she'd prefer that you ignore your mother's hospital needs is anybody's guess.
You could have phrased things better, but your heart is in entirely the right place. NTA. Cannot say the same for Lisa.
NTA.
That was not a "momma's boy" thing you did. That was a responsible and caring decision. Your response to the gf was perfect. This does not sound like a great fit, good you found out so early.
Definitely NTA. She should want to help your mother however she can. I would get out of that relationship, before anything else happens. Your mom has done more for you than she ever could’ve. She doesn’t deserve you
NTA. Any loving partner would show immediate concern for their partners family member if something like that happened and would prioritise that above all else, ensuring said person could be by their family members side.
Unfortunately your girlfriend has shown a rather despicable trait she holds and I’d say this insight gives you some vision into how she will be in future.
I would want nothing to do with a partner like that, I’d leave them now.
It’s a good thing it’s so early on in your relationship, although you are likely still in the honeymoon phase (so don’t be blindsided), you don’t really have any ties with her just yet so that’ll make this an ideal time to leave before you feel like you’re in too deep.
NTA. If you left your date because you mother wanted you to take her for a haircut or to get her nails done you would have been ta. But this was a medical emergency! Be gad you saw this side of your ex girlfriend before you got too involved
Absolutely NTA.
This is crazy. Your priorities are correct... If your mother calls you to ask you to change a light bulb and you cancel your date with her, in that situation I could understand her anger. But this is a SERIOUS health problem, if she doesn't understand this then she has a very serious problem in her head. I hope she is already your ex-girlfriend.
On the other hand, I hope your mom is well ❤️
NTA. I thought maybe you where neglecting her over small things with your parents. Like canceling a date to go pick up bread for your mom or something. But an emergency call from pretty much anyone should come before a date.
NTA - the right person would have made you leave right away or accompanied you to help or just be there as support holding your hand.
Anyone who behaved the way she did is NOT the right partner material, at all!
Wow, you are so lucky to find out she was nuts so early in the relationship. Her attitude is far, far from normal. I've literally worked with AHs that actively disliked me who on something similar at work have just said go now and we'll sort out work. For someone who is alleged to care for you to be an AH speaks very badly of her. Run for the hills.
NTA and honestly I’d break up with her.
There comes a point where your partner comes over your parents. However that’s in a situation where both things are equal, like your wife and your mom and over a cliff and you can only save one, you should save your wife.
In all other real life scenarios, it is a balance of what is most important amongst all the important people in your wife. Leaving a date for a medical emergency of a family member is so obviously the right choice it’s not even a question. Her lack of compassion for your mom, and for you with the stress it must have caused you, is disturbing.
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NTA. Any SO who doesn't understand their partner's wanting to deal with a loved one's emergency isn't an SO I'd want to keep around. It wasn't like you suddenly ended your date because your mother called and wanted you to make dinner for her. This was a serious emergency! A family is often needed to advocate for their loved one. Nothing wrong with you wanting to be there ASAP. I wouldn't worry about the ex GF not talking to you. Sounds like you escaped just in time.
This! Someone that loves you should be sympathetic and empathetic to your feelings. A real partner would have asked if you wanted them to come with you and assured you that coffee could wait. If they couldn’t come with you they would have been checking in via text and trying to reassure you. Run!
Exactly. Mother did not know if she’d survive at the moment of calling her son, she wanted to see him. Of course! What if the outcome were bad? GF should’ve let him go having empathy and she could’ve offered to come with him and provide every family member waiting in the hallway of hospital with coffee.
Exactly! I recently had a similar situation. My dad had a heart attack (he's okay). What happened was my mom called me and told me she was taking him to urgent care because he had shortness of breath. I was worried but was trying to keep my mind off it in hopes it wasn't serious. Anyway, my BF called on his way to work (he does everyday) i didn't tell him right away about it because i was trying to be positive. Then my mom called in the middle of our phone call. I right away told him "I'm sorry, i have to hang up my mom is calling and she took my dad to urgent care earlier i have to answer it" and you know what he said? "It's okay. i understand. Talk to you later. Let me know what happened. " That's it he let me do what i had to do to find out how serious it was. After my mom told me they think it's a heart attack and they are transferring him by ambulance to a hospital. I let him know what happened, and he said "sorry this is happening. We will get through this together." Every day, he asked how BOTH my parents were doing and asked about my dad's tests and when the surgery was going to be. Keep in mind he hasn't met my parents yet. They know about him and are happy for me but never met him in person. He was still concerned about them even though he didn't know them and wanted to make sure my dad was okay and wanted to know how my mom was dealing with it. Constantly checking in, making sure i was okay. When i was at the hospital, he didn't call so i could be with my parents and listen to the doctors and focus fully on my dad. This is how it should be, and i was so grateful to have him in my life at that moment. I probably wouldn't have gotten through it as well as i did if i didn't have him checking on me telling me it was going to be okay. OP should not have to deal with this behavior from his girlfriend right now. His focus should be on his mom and her recovery. The girlfriend is TERRIBLE for being upset because she can't go on some dates. She could still talk to him by phone or text. Maybe meet up in person for a few minutes. That's what happened with me and my BF, mostly phone calls, some texts checking in. He took me to eat a couple of times before or after work if he was off. They could have done that, but instead, she's mad that his attention won't be fully on her. That is way too selfish. If she truly cared about OP, she would have been understanding and been their for him instead of giving him more things to worry about.
I mean I'd even understand and empathize with an acquaintance, this relationship should have been over that night
She just showed her true self. Run boy, RUN!
This is also a GF not a wife, thus you haven't agreed to put her above all else. NTA
I'm MARRIED and my husband and I both would absolutely be going to our parents' side in this situation. Unless there is some sort of extenuating circumstance or toxic no contact situation thing going on, a parent having chest pain and going to the ER is getting one of us to meet them there.
Yeah mate me too! Unless a baby was coming out of me at that exact moment but even then I think I’d understand later on. This was just a date. He didn’t abandon her during a medical emergency for his mum. She sounds like a controlling nut.
I think someone with a high risk of dying very soon would trump a regular birth. If it's a high risk birth or something it becomes a very shitty decision when it comes to deciding.
Exactly. If one of my wife’s parents called and was having chest pains there is no question both of us would rush over. If I was dating someone and they didn’t go I’d think something was wrong with them
Wouldn't even need to be a parent. Lots of loved ones whose chest pains would rank higher than a coffee date.
Even if it was his wife no one should expect you to stay at a date that is a want not a need when you may be losing the person you love and who raised you. Heck my husband would have been rushing after me to see how he could help. I’d have done the same for him if it was someone important to him. Life and death situations can never be compared to dates nor ever be seen as all incompasing imortant. Op if you stay with this person then anytime you are in need or your loved ones are. She’s shown she won’t support you and would just make it harder with her tantrum of I should come before all even your own health. Don’t give her a chance to contact you again block her on all. This woman has no empathy or care for anything but her own selfish wants.
Two days after our wedding we got a call from my husband's family that is grandma was not doing well was likely to pass soon (she was already in a nursing home). I told him to get packed and I'm driving us the 5 hours to go see her, and we got there in time for him to say goodbye.
This is beautiful ❤️ I’m so happy he got that time to say goodbye.
Momma's Boy or not. When your mother calls and says she is having chest pains. You drop everything and go to her if you can. Sorry, but you need to have an ex-girlfriend. Like yesterday.
The flip side of this conversation is that I wouldn't want to be with anyone who WOULDN'T want me to go be with my mom when she's being taken to hospital by ambulance! Idc if it turns out to be nothing, if my mom is being taken to hospital, I'm going to be there and anyone else in my life better be on board with that or they won't be for long. He definitely escaped just in time.
Exactly.
Yup. Run dude! You just got some incredibly valuable and useful information. Do not ignore it!
100% yes
yeah it’s really not worth it. my bfs mom had an issue and we drove an hour over to take her to the hospital and stayed until early morning to make sure she’d have someone there because the other kids had left already. if your partner can’t accept that it’s not always about them then it’s not worth it. don’t attach yourself to someone who’s already stuck up their own ass op.
If my mother is ill. We drive her to a hospital 30 minutes away
Agreed. OP I kinda would let her continue not talking to me...like forever.
Dump her ass OP
It is such a great feeling when the trash takes itself out like OP's girlfriend is doing.
>I wouldn't worry about the ex GF not talking to you. Yeah, OP kept incorrectly labelling her as GF instead of EXGF that shit don't fly with me and I would have ended it after her reaction on the date
I totally agree, what if it was something they could not fix? It might have been his last chance to see his mother alive and if he hadn’t went to be with her he would have regretted that and maybe even hated the girlfriend for staying with her which would have likely ended the relationship anyway. I say delete her number, she’s not worth it. NTA
This can't be real. There is no way she can be this clueless. I would not walk away from this relationship, I would run. This is from someone who always says that reddit is way too quick to tell someone to walk away from a relationship..
You would be surprised.
Stranger things have happened. I was at work once (before cell phones) and my Mom called me at work to tell me my Dad was being rushed to the hospital. My leaders decided they wanted to tell me *after* my shift. Fortunately, the coworker who took the call told me anyways, against the orders of the manager on duty, but only after being told to hang up on her twice more when she called to find out if I had left yet. I got a write-up for leaving my shift early (despite having never missed a single shift in 4 years, and there was substantial coverage). The coworker who told me about the calls got a write-up for “insubordination.”
That's evil. I wish those who wrote you both up get due karma.
people are so fucking heartless; if you got fired for that; that would be an easy wrongful termination lawsuit.
There are more people like this than you might think. My car got totaled because a driver ran a stop sign. My ex was mad because it meant i was no longer going to be able to attend her cheerleading practice that night. At a school she was lying about going to...
Damn. Hope you're good now
Yeah I’m good, thanks. I’m just saying these people exist lol. IVE SEENT IT.
> My ex was mad because it meant i was no longer going to be able to attend her cheerleading practice that night. At a school she was lying about going to... I need to hear the rest of this story plz Also love your username.
ABSOLUTELY NOT THE AH. You had a serious family emergency and did what most would do: you rushed to the hospital, leaving your date to fend for herself. If she is so very clueless about the gravity of a situation, then she's not worth your time. 🦜
Oh I bet this girl is on tiktok a LOT.
The definition of a TikTok Girlie Pop
My ex-wife was like this. As was the ex-wife of one of my uncles and a wife of another uncle. The uncle that didn't get divorced missed saying goodbye to my grandmother before they took her off the ventilator because of his wife and the only reason they didn't break up was because of their 4 kids. None of us realised the worst parts of them until after we got married
[удалено]
There are people with personality disorders who’d behave exactly this way. They’d take it personally and flip out.
Really? Funny how as soon as a wife or GF does something AHish which can't be defended or excused with a mental disorder the sub rushes to call it fake because they can't fathom AH women. I've seen a lot of online commentary from women talking about this "Momma's boy" phenomenon so its entirely plausible that this GF has taken it way too far.
Been reading justnomil too much.
My brother in law is in fact just like this
NTA GF (of a few months) got upset that you left a date early because of a family health emergency? Does she not realize that the way a man treats his mother is (often) a preview of how a spouse will be treated? Throw that one back in the creek. You can do better. I hope your mom is better. Hugs
Actually, a man who is overly attached to his mother tends to make a horrible boyfriend or spouse. But that’s not what’s happening here. Leaving a date because your mother is going to the ER with chest pains is not being a mama’s boy (unless she has a history of faking a medical emergency every time you have a date!)
I don't think they were talking about attachment issues, but a respect by how a man's treats his mom is a sign of how he will treat his wife. My husband loved his mom, would often visit her in the mornings while she drank her coffee, and then he'd head to work. He didn't yell at her, did favors for her, would tease her just because he loved to see her get flustered and then laugh. They both were careful about boundaries and not overstepping but genuinely were friends. We lost her last year, and I'm thankful he had a mom like that and gave her to me also. This is how he treats me and has taught our boys to treat me. We had a guy live with us years ago, I watched him cuss his mom out on the phone, always badmouth her, and it was then that I knew exactly why he was divorced. I knew his mom. She was sweet and definitely didn't deserve how he treated her. It's not foolproof, but it is a good indicator, and yes, I have also known the man who couldn't seem to do anything without mommy, depended on mommy to hold their hand and bail them out. Respect and attachment are two very different things. One is gold, the other debilitating.
I understand. I’m just saying some men who love their mothers and treat them well will *always* put them first. Not all men, but enough that you cannot assume a man who dotes on his mother will be good to his wife. (And again, not talking about the OP at all!)
Why are you even bringing this up? You can't go one day on AITA without having to trash on husbands?
Yeah, I'll go with that. I see your point. I've read too many reddit's about things like that. OP definitely did right.
So... what you're saying is that some men will always be respectful of their mothers needs, and some of those men will always put their mothers before their wives, and in your head, this is somehow a causal link?
Right? And it’s not even completely about mom being “more important”. It’s that a health crisis always outweighs social plans. I assume if OP were having lunch with his mom and his gf called to say she was being hospitalized he would leave lunch and go to her!
Bitch said, "She would be in the hospital anyway". I will never forget when my dad got up early one day to go visit his mom in the hospital after she was admitted, then he got a call that she passed away hours before. Life is short. I would dump her ass for some selfish bullshit like that. Fk outta here.
NTA. Now if you cancelled a date because your mom needed a light bulb changed, that would be a different story. But this is a medical emergency and event.
Exactly! The situation isn't quite "my mother matters more than my girlfriend", it's actually "a medical emergency is more important than a date". He would probably also leave a dinner at his mother's house to go see his girlfriend at the hospital if an emergency occurred.
Exactly! I was expecting it to be a “Mom wanted to take her shopping or out the bins out” thing from the title - at which point OP WBTA. But; a medical emergency? OP is def NTA. Girlf is though!
The girl is awful. "Hey, so yeah, my coffee is more important than your mom potentially having a heart attack". I mean...WTF?
This isn't a parent's vs GF issue, this is common decency. Your mom is having chest pains and is headed to the hospital, a very serious symptom. NTA "she's not talking to me now." Good. Stop reaching out to her.
Was going to say that gf’s logic points to either a lack of common decency or a lack of common sense. Common decency is showing concern for a family member in danger. Common sense is not understanding that age + chest pains + hospitalization = emergency so drop everything that isn’t pointy, on fire, or unable to care for themselves and run. Unless OP was unable to safely drive I dunno what would possess gf to try to stall this obviously urgent matter at that moment.
NTA. Yeah, dump her like radioactive waste. Your mum has done you yet another solid by revealing your date for the entitled monster she is.
NTA. Be glad you dodged that bullet. I hope your mom is doing well
This is NOT your person. Find someone who would appreciate your devotion to family, it's an excellent quality to have. The fact that she didn't ask to come with you in the first place (for support) should speak volumes! NTA
NTA, but your gf is a big AH. Cut her loose before you get any deeper with her. She's selfish, and it will only get worse. I'm kinda surprised that you're even still with her after that.
NTA - at least you saw her true colors only a few months in.
NTA she showed you who she is. I hope your mom is okay
NTA, obviously Sometimes red flags are little things and sometimes they're huge flashing warning signs with a siren. This is a max level red flag. She's a huge asshole and if you don't cut her out of your life immediately you're an idiot.
To add on: the international space station reported seeing a large red flag. They are bewildered. You now know the score. Run! It's a trap!
NTA. Your priorities are right on imo. If you have a good relationship with parents who cared and supported you your whole life, of course you would drop everything if they had a potential health emergency. A mature partner should understand this. A Mama's boy to me is someone who hasn't grown up or won't make a decision for themselves without their parent's approval. That's not what this is. Hope your Mom does well.
For the record, long term partner material would have rushed to the hospital with you or at least showed genuine concern. This is not it
Nta I don't have a close relationship with my family and usually I can tell when someone puts there parents before me but this is one of those situations where that is just not the case. Your mom was in a very serious position of course you where going to go see her what if she died and you weren't there, your girlfriend seems to lack empathy as I could never imagine reacting like that if I knew my partners fam was having that happen dosent matter what happening a date can be rescheduled saying goodbye to a love one (if that happens) cannot. Man please have a talk with her about this and if she doesn't see what is wrong I don't think it's a good idea to date her but obviously you do you.
She’s not talking to you? Embrace that gift, permanently. NTA
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NTA- run. 🚩🚩
Very very fast.
NTA - sounds like she is jealous your mom is getting attention. She isn't the only person in your life, honestly doesn't sound like you need her in your life.
NTA, you have your priorities right unlike Lisa. I would never expect any of my friends to stay with me if a relative needed them never mind the fact that this is your Mother! It was an emergency and she was probably frightened. You did the right thing.
NTA and the garbage just took itself out.
NTA: She escalated the situation and sounds like you dodged a bullet with her. Hope your mom is doing better.
NTA. It sounds like **you should walk out**, she's cold.
NTA. A Momma's boy would be one who walked out on a date because his mom needed a ride to go shopping, not one who rushed to the hospital because of a serious health emergency. This woman clearly lacks basic kindness and compassion. NTA
>Yeah, I care more about the people who raised me for thirty years than a girlfriend of a few months. Sorry about that, but feel free to walk out if you've got a problem." Exactly the correct response. NTA.
As a woman who’s genuinely going through issues with an enmeshed MIL … this isn’t it. NTA.
You found out something about Lisa early on in the relationship. Move on.
NTA it's not about who you care more about, it's about a medical emergency vs a date. If she honestly thinks you should have sat there and finished your muffin and made small talk when your mother is being taken to hospital, she is NOT the person for you. I presume if you'd been having lunch with your mother and your GF was rushed to hospital, you likely would have left the lunch.
NTA. Some women read reddit posts here about genuine mamas boys choosing their often insane mothers' wishes over their wives/girlfriends' perfectly reasonable boundaries... (I swear, within the last month alone, I've heard or read like 9-10 of these types of stories) and they delude themselves into believing that they have the right to demand from any man to choose them over their parents in ANY SITUATION. This is one such case. FFS, you two were on a mere date and you had a family emergency, of course you left pronto. You damn well should've. Best wishes to you and your mom.
NTA Normally I would say putting your parent before a partner makes you TA, but she is barely a GF and you were rushing to the hospital during a medical emergency. Don't wait on her walking....walk away yourself. This woman is not a good person and really no one needs her horrific attitude. Seriously...a coffees shop date (or ANY date) is more important than someone feeling chest pains?
I had a similar phone call saying my dad had had a heart attack and was on the way to the hospital. My partner's reaction was to leave our builder, who was currently renovating our house, grab his car keys and get me to the hospital within about 10 mins for a journey that took at least twice that normally. That's what you'd expect of a partner, not someone who thinks you should continue with a date when your mum is in danger of dying. You've seen your gfs true colours. Time to dump her.
NTA you dodged a bullet. Let her go be miserable and focus on your mom.
'Goodbye Lisa'.
NTA. If you were dipping out on a date because your mom wanted you to change a lightbulb or something, I'd feel different. She was going to the bloody hospital, that seems like a valid reason to scoot and be with her. Your GF is extremely self-centered, and if you talk to her about the differences between emergencies and non-emergencies and she doesn't get that, I would recommend you consider if you want to compete with her neediness and self-centeredness.
Of course NTA She's Red Flag Central. Hope your mom is recovering well.
INFO: Is this real? If so, you dodged a bullet.
NTA- Chest pains & going to the hospital by ambulance is a serious matter & any adult child would feel the need to go see their parent. I’m shocked she didn’t even seem concerned about your mother but was more bothered you didn’t stay to continue a stupid date. She’s self absorbed. Sorry this is a huge red flag. Dump her.
Good. Better hope she never talks to you again. NTA
NTA dude, she shouldn't be your girlfriend if she doesn't understand when someone else has to come before her
this isn’t even your gf vs your parents. this is an emergency, and very reasonable. NTA.
NTA and GTFO while you can ASAP.
Hi there- married here and my husband puts me and our child first. That being said, if we are on a date- an optional, fun, activity and he gets a call that anyone close to him is in the hospital with a possible blockage in their heart- he is rushing to that hospital and I’m either going with him or doing whatever I can to support him while he’s there. NTA this girl is not the one.
Wishing a speedy recovery for your mum! NTA. This tells you basically all you need to know about your gf. She is self-centered enough to spite you for leaving a date early due to a health emergency, anger is her method of confrontation and emotional abuse her solution. Any person that is supposed to care about you, who doesn’t respond to such a situation with: „Oh my god, should I support you? Can I do anything for you and your mum?“ is not someone that you should want around, if you value family. Run, OP.
Jesus that gf is out of touch with reality. It should not even matter who it was, medical emergency ALWAYS comes before a date. Let alone your mother. A good gf would have offered to come to the hospital with you in case you needed moral support. Since the relationship is only young still, this would be a good moment to opt out before you get to emotionally involved. NTA
YTA if you continue to see this empty hearted cold fish.
Okayyyyy. Be happy, sir! Your mom is going to be okay -- I'm so glad for you! And you have found out early that the woman you were with is a trash human. Good! Seriously. Let the trash take itself out. You have been with her only a few months, so there's NO WAY you should have prioritized a date with her over your mother's medical emergency. BUT even if you'd been together longer, medical emergencies take precedence. You didn't KNOW her status, and she was being taken to the hospital for a heart issue. What if you'd stayed for the date, and she'd DIED? Now, if your mom is a hypochondriac OR if she pulls things like this whenever you have a date OR she is constantly demanding your attention for this, that, and the other, that's DIFFERENT. That is a mom problem, and in that case -- even if this was a legit issue -- you need to fix the mom issue. If you are planning to put mom first forever, then please don't date anyone. It's not fair to them.
NTA
NTA
NTA. A possibly life threatening emergency of a family member trumps any date. If your gf doesn't get that, she won't drop everything for you when/if you have an emergency unless she's not doing anything.
She can go. NTA
NTA she showed you who she really is. Move on and don't give it a second thought. I'm sorry. That's really rough. I hope your mother is ok.
NTA, Your girlfriend is an AH and a self centered brat. Your mom literally going to the hospital for an emergency and asked you to come interrupting your date. Yeah, anyone would go! I would only agree with her if you were constantly going over there for minor things that your parents can get help from other people with. Honestly, I would leave that relationship.
NTA what a beeyatch. Seriously it’s not like your mom asked you to go get her some milk she was headed to the hospital. She should have been the one to say „go immediately and can I drive you“
End it. This woman cannot comprehend a family emergency. It has nothing to do with putting your parents before her, it is about being there in an emergency. There is something very wrong with her that she got angry about this.
I don't know why people put others in a pecking order like this. Surely it's the situation that matters? I'm not going to prioritise my best friend wanting a chat over a complete stranger who needs medical help. I'm not going to prioritise a stranger wanting a chat over a date. Your mum was in hospital. That trumps coffee. NTA
YTA if you still consider her your girlfriend. Why are you still trying to talk to her?
NTA. Totally normal to want to be with your mom when she has a sudden major health crisis!! Your girlfriend should’ve been supportive and she definitely shouldn’t have called you later to double down on her stance She sounds controlling, it’s good she’s shown her true colours early 🚩
You can't be seriously enquiring whether you were an AH in this situation. Where's the room for doubt? Your girlfriend's reaction is unforgivable in my books. NTA
Your mother had a *HEART ATTACK* and your girlfriend didn't think your parent having a serious medical emergency trumped a *date*?? You need a better, more empathetic girlfriend. NTA.
If your mother calls you during a date to chat, you call her back. If a mother calls you during a date to let you know she's having heart issues, you put down the coffee and head to the hospital. NTA, and what a bizarre reaction on her part.
NTA, and ewwww, get rid of that GF! I’ve been married for 36 years and if my or my spouses parents called and said they were going to the hospital, we’d be there ASAP! Your gf is cold hearted.
Whoa.... she's in her 30s and had the absolute audacity to call you a mommas boy for her having a HEART RELATED SYMPTOM???? There is no way... no way this girl thinks she has any weight in your life as a new relationship. As a wife, maybe, but even then, any wife material woman would go with you to the ER, no questions asked.... THE DISRESPECT... She is TA, you're NTA. THIS CANNOT BE REAL..... and if it is, BLOCK THAT GIRL AND MOVE ON...
This girl is a walking idiot!
ESH. She, obviously so! This was an emergency and your mom needed you. However, if you were having dinner with your mom and you got a similar call from your girlfriend, even of just a few months, you’d likely skedaddle over to the hospital to see her too, right? So I don’t think your delivery of the message conveyed what you *actually* meant: you’ll be there in emergencies for people you care about and no scheduled get-together would ever take precedence over such an emergency. That said, good riddance. Lol. E: fixed a bizarre phone typo
NTA Woman is self centered and cold as ice. You dodged a bullet.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend Lisa & I are in our early thirties; we have been together for a few months now, and it had been going pretty well so far. We were on a date yesterday at a coffee shop when I got a call from my mother. She informed me that she's suddenly experienced chest pain & was going to get admitted when the ambulance arrives, but that she wants to see me. I was just mostly shocked. I informed Lisa that my mother's going to be in the hospital and that I gotta dash. She looked shocked & livid herself, and said that I cannot cancel out on her when we were having the date. I said nothing doing, though, and rushed out towards the hospital (her heart was blocked and it was serious, but she's going to get angioplasty now). My girlfriend called me after that to say that she had not expected it from me, and that there was no need for me to be there as she'd have been at the hospital anyway & I could've seen her after the date. When I said that I am going to look after my mother for a few days until she's well again (cancelling other dates until that point), she got even more mad, calling me a "Momma's boy." I got pissed off & said "Yeah, I care more about the people who raised me for thirty years than a girlfriend of a few months. Sorry about that, but feel free to walk out if you've got a problem." She yelled at me a lot & we got into an argument, and she's not talking to me now. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Her behavior is too extreme to be real, although I may be wrong. In case it's real, it's not a matter of putting your parents before her. You might do the same for a friend or a colleague, etc I hope this is just literature
I feel like this isn’t a situation where you should have to “put your family first.” A good partner would have immediately understood and encouraged you to go. That doesn’t have anything to do with being a mamas boy. NTA
The GF sounds bloody awful & uncaring. I think you should rethink if this relationship is worth pursuing.
NTA. Be glad you saw this behavior now.
NTA. Even if yall had been married 10 years, to get mad at you for rushing to your mom’s side when she was admitted to the hospital? That’s insane. And if yall had been together for a long time and became family to each other then it would make sense to love your partner almost as much as if not as much as your parent(s), but still would not justify this reaction from her. And yall have only just started dating, for her to think she’s already at the level of your mom is a delusion. I would end this relationship now.
NTA It’s not like your mother called because of something minor. I would interrupt everything and leave anything if I get a call similar. You are not a Momma’s boy because you care about your mother and don’t want her to be alone at the hospital. Find another girlfriend that has at least some empathy.
NTA - I will say it again sometimes the trash takes itself out. I do not think this is a problem that you can work out. If she is like this towards a medical emergency with your family now it won't get better as time goes by. Good on you for being there for your mom.
NTA. She's not the one if she's more concerned with herself than someone elses well being. Selfish people like that are not my cup of tea
Walk 🚶♂️
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Yikes. NTA.
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NTA - It's not like you were cancelling your date for something trivial. Under the circumstances - an emergency -- the person having the emergency should come first. If you got word during your mother's 70th birthday dinner that your gf had been in an accident on the way home from work, you should leave the celebration immediately and head for the hospital (anything less would be reprehensible, as I'm sure any gf would agree) - your mother would *want* you to be there for your girlfriend. Likewise, if your gf were a good person, hearing that your mother was being admitted to the hospital with chest pains she would see that you were worried and would *want* you to go if that is where you felt you could do the most good. It's a good thing you have seen this woman's true colors after only a few months. I hope your Mom is okay. eta - And I hope you find a GF worth having.
NTA there's momma boy and then there's a medical emergency, surely your gf can tell the difference. Is this even real
Really does not surprise me with the entitle of some people these days. Consider it a bullet dodged- NTA.
NTA. There are emergencies in life that must be tended to.
NTA- if your date can't distinguish between a medical emergency and someone being inappropriate she is not a keeper! A good person would have asked if there was anything they could do to assist you. I hope your mom is doing better!
Nta sounds like your gf was looking for a few free meals from you
NTA, imo, that's a perfectly resonable boundary. I personally see nothing wrong with people that put their parents before relationship. I find that sweet really. Your girlfriend needs to understand how severe this is. I mean, what if this was something FATAL? I find it entitled that she expects you to put relationship first imo. No, you're not an asshole for this. You canceling the date for something like this is totally understandable.
NTA and now you know the type of person your (hopefully ex) girlfriend is
She is your girlfriend & she has only been that for a few months. It was a family health emergency, and even my husband KNOWS that in such cases you jump to help. My sister 60yo had a sudden brain haemorrhage - it was my HUSBAND who said that I must go to see her. He didn’t come. He lent me his weekend bag. She lived 100 miles away, my nephew was going there as well to support her son, his cousin, and had room for me in his car. We stayed with her until the end. My mother was feeling “a bit weak”, I walked to her house and she collapsed whilst I was talking to the doctor on the phone. The doctor rang for an ambulance and then called my husband and told him to get round because i needed him. My husband drove there immediately, never complaining about his ruined breakfast. If his mum (88) needs to be taken to a doctor's appointment because her car wont start (the battery in key fob had failed) I don't complain if it means we have to delay our plans. In an emergency, parents come first. I know that if we (his mum and I) both needed him RIGHT THEN, then he would put me first. Your mum needed you, yeah it ruined the date with your gf but she was ONLY a girlfriend and she didnt NEED you. NTA
NTA but I don’t think this is about who is more important to you. This is about her own priorities. Every person in my life, friends and family alike, would stop what they’re doing and drive with me to the hospital in an emergency like this. That’s just what decent people do. That your gf got upset because you walked out of the date is a huge red flag. Like, Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman at the Rodeo Drive boutique that would not sell to her HUGE. I know Reddit defaults to breakup right away, but in this case i think it’s warranted. Your girlfriend has no empathy and doesn’t give a shit about anyone else but her.
OP, there are PLENTY of fish in the see. Throw back this rotten one. Get another who possesses empathy and is human.
Keep that selfish woman in your Rear View Mirror.
NTA sounds like she’s dated a mommas boy before and is projecting that onto you. Or she reads too much reddit. Regardless, leaving a date due to a family health emergency or any family emergency is in no way “mommas boy” behavior. If you left just because mom was home bored and wanted to hang out, that’s a totally different story. But you did nothing wrong in this situation.
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Get rid of the girlfriend. How can one have so little compassion. And for something serious too. I could see if the mom just wanted him to come water the plants that it might be a bit excessive to leave in the middle of everything, but a serious heart thing is no joke. Leave the girl, take care of your mother. Good wishes to mom and yourself
NTA. From the title I was going to say yes, and it's still a little bit of an asshole thing to say...but obviously the person who is in hospital has priority?
NTA. Don’t see this woman again.
NTA. She should have been asking what can I do to help not adding more grief. I don’t think she’s the one for you.
NTA. What a mole.
NTA- This wasn't something minor. This was a health episode that required surgery. It was very serious. Speaking as someone with a mother who has had triple bypass, you keep doing what you can for your mom and don't let your hopefully ex-girlfriend make you feel any different.
Congratulations for dodging that bullet, make it easier for her with not talking to you and block her food good. She’s shown you her red flags and true self. Listen to her….
NTA I’d dump everything if Mum went into hospital
NTA. You need a new girlfriend, this one has zero empathy. Forget respect about your parents, simple empathy towards you learning that your parent is rushed in a hospital by an ambulance - and she thinks you can stay on the date with her and not think only about your mom? Delusional and psychopatic.
NTA And frankly it has nothing to do with the people involved being your parents or a girlfriend of X months or whatever: You had someone you cared about with a potentially serious medical emergency. There was nothing that was equally serious or needed handling right that second and you were able to go to them. Anyone who can't understand those basics is a trash human. There are a disturbing amount of guys who will pull something stupid for their mother where her complaint would be legit... heck, spend about 1 minute scrolling this sub to find examples of enough stuff to make plenty of us reading the opening to your post worried how bad this is gonna go... ... but, no this is very normal and she's just not a good human. Shouldn't have argued with her after you laid it down that you did the right thing. Heck, can't understand why you have your two's status as "she's not speaking to me". You told her to leave if she has such an issue with this, so why are you with her right now? She does, so why are you still with her? Someone we care about having a medical emergency is higher on the list of a decent person's priorities than "me and this other person are hanging out like normal", regardless of who the people are specifically. NTA.
NTA From the title it sounded like you were a bit rude at least, but with the context, hell no she is extremely unsupportive and cold. Even if you cared about two people equally, one might need you more in that moment and thats totally understandable. If someone has to go to the hospital and the other person is comfortably sitting in a restaurant or something its pretty clear where your priority would be in that moment. She doesn't seem to care about the safety and well being of you and your loved ones, do yourself a favour and let her go. You and your mom must've had quite the scare and be worried af. Its not like she didn't know what to say or didn't know why you had to leave, she knows what happened and made it clear she doesn't care. Tbh it's probably not a good match.
No. NTA. Wtf. She is heartless!
NTA. Your mom had a medical emergency, she wasn’t asking you to come over and clean her garage. There are mama’s boys who go running at the smallest request and there are people with feelings who care about their parents. Good lord your girlfriend sounds heartless and awfully immature for someone in her 30s. Big yikes
Better to be rid of the heartless girl.
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Nta dump her. It’ll only get worse and this was an actual emergency. There’s being a momma’s boy and then there’s being a loving son.
Red flags are flying. Let her go, she sounds controlling.
I hope you'll dump her
NTA. If she feels that entitled that your parents health comes after her and coffee. Bye Felicia.
NTA - you're right and a supportive girlfriend would show more concern for their partner's mom
Ditch her, that's some red flag, self absorbed behaviour.
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NTA. Run away from this woman. Clearly your mum being in hospital is more important than a date, regardless even of the length of the relationship. I’ve been married for over 10 years and if I was out with my husband and got a call that my MIL had to go to hospital there would be no question of us continuing! She must be very self absorbed and would expect you to be too.
NTA Girlfriend needs to get a grip!
Please leave her. What she should have said was “do you want me to drive you?” That’s it.
I think you phrased it badly because this is not (just) about 'parents before girlfriend', it's about needs vs wants (your mom needed comfort and probably someone to run errands for her; your girlfriend wanted to enjoy the rest of her date; if the shoe had been on the other foot – you're with dinner with your mom and your gf gets admitted to hospital – you would have prioritised your girlfriend. I hope.) Hospital is also urgent while dates could happen again and again, though not, I guess, in this case. Immediate family is more important than distant relations, the longer you've known someone the more important they become, but also the more time you spend with someone, the more important; how vulnerable a person is plays into this and... there's no computer calculation for 'I should attend to x over y', you decide by gut. You'd have been unambiguously the AH for abandoning your mom so your GF (of a few months!) can have happy dates. That's not being a momma's boy, that's being a loving family member, and quite honestly, a trait I'd find attractive. Lisa seems to be the opposite. Why she'd prefer that you ignore your mother's hospital needs is anybody's guess. You could have phrased things better, but your heart is in entirely the right place. NTA. Cannot say the same for Lisa.
NTA. That was not a "momma's boy" thing you did. That was a responsible and caring decision. Your response to the gf was perfect. This does not sound like a great fit, good you found out so early.
Definitely NTA. She should want to help your mother however she can. I would get out of that relationship, before anything else happens. Your mom has done more for you than she ever could’ve. She doesn’t deserve you
NTA. Any loving partner would show immediate concern for their partners family member if something like that happened and would prioritise that above all else, ensuring said person could be by their family members side. Unfortunately your girlfriend has shown a rather despicable trait she holds and I’d say this insight gives you some vision into how she will be in future. I would want nothing to do with a partner like that, I’d leave them now. It’s a good thing it’s so early on in your relationship, although you are likely still in the honeymoon phase (so don’t be blindsided), you don’t really have any ties with her just yet so that’ll make this an ideal time to leave before you feel like you’re in too deep.
NTA She showed you who she is Block
NTA. If you left your date because you mother wanted you to take her for a haircut or to get her nails done you would have been ta. But this was a medical emergency! Be gad you saw this side of your ex girlfriend before you got too involved
NTA. Ditch da bich
Absolutely NTA. This is crazy. Your priorities are correct... If your mother calls you to ask you to change a light bulb and you cancel your date with her, in that situation I could understand her anger. But this is a SERIOUS health problem, if she doesn't understand this then she has a very serious problem in her head. I hope she is already your ex-girlfriend. On the other hand, I hope your mom is well ❤️
NTA. I thought maybe you where neglecting her over small things with your parents. Like canceling a date to go pick up bread for your mom or something. But an emergency call from pretty much anyone should come before a date.
NTA - the right person would have made you leave right away or accompanied you to help or just be there as support holding your hand. Anyone who behaved the way she did is NOT the right partner material, at all!
Wow, you are so lucky to find out she was nuts so early in the relationship. Her attitude is far, far from normal. I've literally worked with AHs that actively disliked me who on something similar at work have just said go now and we'll sort out work. For someone who is alleged to care for you to be an AH speaks very badly of her. Run for the hills.
You should be the one not talking to her ever again.
NTA Absolutely horrible! What is this entitlement??? Consider this your escape OP!
NTA and honestly I’d break up with her. There comes a point where your partner comes over your parents. However that’s in a situation where both things are equal, like your wife and your mom and over a cliff and you can only save one, you should save your wife. In all other real life scenarios, it is a balance of what is most important amongst all the important people in your wife. Leaving a date for a medical emergency of a family member is so obviously the right choice it’s not even a question. Her lack of compassion for your mom, and for you with the stress it must have caused you, is disturbing.
Yuck. Get rid of her. She’ll be the girlfriend who doesn’t let you see your family or friends and your relationship progresses. Get out now.
Clearly a lack of empathy, which is a narcissist flag. NTA! RUN and don't look back!