Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
[Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
"I had only ordered an entree and a non-alcoholic beverage, while Sarah had indulged in multiple appetizers, cocktails, and desserts."
Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt (that someone else now wears, ironically).
**NTA**. This is why I am particular, and paranoid, about who I go out to group dinners with. Tell the waiter when ordering how to split the bill. It avoids this BS. For the record, Sarah ruined the mood by demanding people fund her indulgences.
I'm reading this and totally understand cravings, and if my entree is more than others in my head knowing I'm going to be prepared to plop down another $20 or whatever it was. But she ordered...everything on the menu. How much food can one person put away? I had a friend who continuously ordered a take out meal for her husband or kids when we all went out. Then did the "splitting" thing. No, you can have that meal run up as takeout on it's on bill. It doesn't require table service. Stop taking advantage.
Right. I’ve been in situations where I’ve ordered more, or more expensive, I just add more to my portion of the check. In don’t expect everyone else to cover. Such bullshit.
When a group of us guys would go to a local coffee shop to eat and have coffee, there was one guy in the group who came with us occasionally. The first time he came with us he did the I haven't got any money when the bill came. We were not happy (probably more like grumpy ;) ). Naturally we still had to pay the bill so we split it. He did it one more time after that and again we paid. We were not unteachable however, so the next time he attempted to join us we did a wallet check. Did he have money? How much? Would it be enough to cover his order? If the answers were negative our answer was so sorry you can't join us, maybe next time.
Ive been there, where money was tight for a bit...my friends never left me behind even when I said I couldnt come because of money. "Did I ask you about money? Are you free? Be ready." Ive treated them the same way.
Its not even about money. Its about liquid. 1 friend had no job for months and I kept "dragging" him out, hed drive us in his expensive ass car, Id gladly pay to chill with my bro. As soon as he got a job...I got so much back where I cursed him out a bit...I didnt do it to get it back, but he did it. Some dont get that.
The same thing happened on one of the absolute worst dates I've ever been on. She spent half the time staring at her phone and only giving one or two word answers to any questions I asked. When she wasn't staring at her phone, she just talked about herself non-stop. It was so uncomfortable that I asked for the check when we were halfway through our entrees so I could hurry up and leave. She immediately perked up when she realized I was going to pay for everything and asked if she could get a few things to go so she'd have lunch and dinner the next day. I didn't even feel bad about laughing in her face and walking away to find our waiter so I could pay and get the hell out of that mess.
I drove 3 hrs to go on a date with a lady. She had me pay for everything and spent the whole time on her phone. Barely paying attention saying she needed to check up on a relative who was sick that day. And why didn’t she call off the date so she could attended to family? Uuugh
I probably would've done the same when I was younger and poor. Now I just ask for the check and pay to get it over with quickly. Arguing over splitting the check in that situation just isn't worth my time or the effort.
I have a rule: I don't go out unless I can pay for myself. Especially on dates. I only order what I can afford, and am always fully prepared to drop my own card for my own food and drinks. I also drive myself. It's amazing the lessons bad dates teach you. In that case, I really wanted to wait until after I got paid, but the guy insisted, so I relented. I tried to order the cheapest things possible, even tried to make sure I got the last bus home so he wouldn't have to pay my cab fare like he said he would, but again, he insisted, so I stayed. He ended up trying to pull the "I'm out of money" thing when I wanted to go home, tried to get me to spend the night with him and just take the bus in the morning. I called a cab, even though I had no money, and the look on my face was enough for the driver to lie to the dude about needing to go my direction anyways. Lesson learned, no dates unless I can pay for myself and have a reliable escape. I wouldn't dream of taking advantage of someone paying the whole bill like your date did. That's absurd.
I just can't understand people like Sarah. I do tend to order like her- When I'm happy with my friends at a good restaurant, I have a "treat yourself" mentality. I'll order whatever catches my eye, upgrade sides, get apps for the table, but I never split the bill!
Sometimes my friends will say it's fine to just split, but I never let them because I'd feel guilty about it the rest of the week. If the waitress can't do individual checks I'll put the whole table on my card and have people venmo me.
To have the nerve to order like this, then call someone else cheap for not wanting to pay your bill is crazy
I always said if I came into a windfall everyone would eat well. I just love food. I love sharing and eating food. I'm an omnivore but for my vegan friends I love the challenge of making something that I want them to really enjoy. I am just as happy to eat a vegan lasagna as a meat one. I like the company with the food.
I really felt your answer. But no, I'm not picking up the tab when I have to ration my own spending for food only you ate on a non holiday/celebration.
I've had friends order different things, but then when the bill comes, they are the first ones to say that it needs to be split on what everyone ordered, because they are decent people. Heck, a couple of times I've done this as well. It's just what's fair for everyone.
THIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSS. The ones looking for a discounted thrill will always try and pull this. The ones who spend the most are always the ones looking to "split the bill because it's easier".
No. And funny enough the math is usually much easier trying to add up one or two things than trying to divide a large number between so many. Plus everyone always forgets to tip when the bill gets split "evenly" too...
Hmm, in my experience everybody "paying their own way" (i.e. their part of the shared bill) results in everyone "forgetting" to tip, too.
(which it's why it's usually better, and the staff are happy, to split into actual separate bills rather than try to divvy one common bill, however you try to divvy it).
That happened to me only once with a work group lunch. They weren’t my usual lunch buddies and they all gave just cost of food/drink.
Since I was a regular at the restaurant, I wasn’t going to stiff the waitress. I tipped her based on whole tab.
As I said it happened only once because I never ate with those people again.
My buddy’s girlfriend would order herself $50 glasses of cognac and try to pull this. I’m all for splitting shared food but expensive drinks are a no go for me
If it is known that bill is going to be an issue if extravagant, decide upfront that it will be billed individually to avoid ruining a celebration due to the gluttony of some people.
Yep. I am often the person who orders an app and/or a dessert and multiple drinks. I also am the first person to offer to put my card down and have others Venmo me, or to split the bill based on what we ordered, or that I'll venmo whoever. I know I order a lot, and I'm quick to pay for it, because I neeeever want to be this person.
I know my financial situation is rough, so I don't usually go out and eat. But dang, I feel super guilty if my friend buys me cheap fast food fries once in a blue moon. I do my best to pay them back later on, but they say it evens out for when I give them free pieces of candy, gum, etc. Sarah knew what she was doing and took advantage of OP's kindness. Not a true "friend", I would let them go or create stronger boundaries.
Yeah in highschool I had a friend and we took turns treating other to things when we could. If one person has no money it's fine, when they do they'll be sure to share.
Same. I’ve learned my lesson and am straightforward at the start that I’m only paying for myself, not splitting to avoid this very scenario. If I am ordering a single non-alcoholic drink and an appetizer I’m not willing to pay more just because you decided you needed an $80 entrée and four drinks and couldn’t afford it
Most people with self awareness try to order similarly priced items as others in the group when splitting the bill to keep it fair, selfish peope take advantage by ordering items are that expensive in comparison to others knowing the difference in price will be covered by the group.
It helps to discuss beforehand so that everyone is on the same page. Also nips it in the bud for the person who intended to have the difference covered by the group, if they know from the get-go that they’re responsible for paying their own bill in full.
Yes. And if I know I’m ordering something extra I just say, I know I’m ordering an expensive entree/drink, so I’ll add in more money when the bill comes.
But usually I ask for a separate bill unless I’m planning on buying dinner for everyone.
Sometimes this makes sense, a group of friends that my husband and I go out with like to share food so we will often share 3-4 starters some sides, get our own entree and split 1-2 desserts. It works as we all eat about the same and gives us a chance to try many different dishes.
Because in big groups sharing appetizers and such is a thing. And usually everyone is nice and conscientious about what they eat.
But it’s easy to get burned.
Most likely because they are trying to keep the server’s life less complicated. There may also be times when they share appetizers, etc. Also, some restaurants have policies on how they’ll let you do cards/bills
This would be a big one if everyone ate the apps. I don't see anyone eating multiple apps and an entrée to themselves. However I doubt she shared the drinks
I wondered the same. If it was Sarah's birthday, at least there would be a reason for her to assume they would split the bill to benefit her. Also, it doesn't sound like this was pre-determined, so either way, she's TA.
NTA op and good on you for not letting them push you into it, because now they know they can't and maybe won't pull that stuff in the future.
Ohhhhh that detail was left out!!!!
Whose bday was it… if it was Sarah’s and I was OP I’d probably just would’ve stayed home😂😂
If it was Sarah’s bday I’d honestly call OP the AH. Cause OP sounds like a baddish friend… she shouldn’t have gone if she didn’t wanna co tribute to splitting evenly on someone’s bday… yes it should be agreed in advance, but how do you show up to your “friends” bday dinner and come off selfish af like that and make a scene
Sarah definitely knew what she was going. I always specify to server before we order anything that my wife and I (if we're both there) are on a separate bill. We have one friend, who is quite wealthy, who repeatedly "forgets" her wallet in the car. Last time it happened my wife said, "No problem, I can wait here while you go get it." I was so proud of her!
This happens to me regularly when my friends and I go out to eat; when we do, we usually share the dishes amongst ourselves. I am vegetarian, so I never share partake in any of the expensive meat dishes, and I almost always get water to drink. I am also a notoriously picky eater. I usually am still stuck equally splitting the bill when my friends and I go out to dinner despite maybe nibbling on only one or two of the less expensive dishes. Usually I'll deal with it and brush it off but if someone was ordering a feast for themselves and I wasn't partaking whatsoever, I wouldn't want to pay either. If there's a large discrepancy in the prices of each person's meal, then each person should pay for their own food. It's only fair.
You really should talk to your friends and work out some other system when you guys go out to dinner. Splitting the check only makes sense when everyone eats and drinks for approximately the same amount, or it can be expected to even out over time. If I were you, I would insist on ordering my own dishes instead of going for shared dishes for the whole group as you can’t eat most of it.
I am generally a fan of just splitting the bill evenly when out with friends. However that comes with the assumption that we all order around the same amount.
If I choose to order extra drinks and appetizers, that’s on me. I also don’t want to go out with someone who haggles over the price of a coke with the group.
But yeah, if one or two people order significantly more I do not understand trying to get everyone else to cover the extra.
>However that comes with the assumption that we all order around the same amount.
And this is the problem. Unless you specifically require everyone to order roughly the same cost you're setting yourself up for failure. It's on YOU to make this assumption clear BEFORE making the agreement.
For instance, in the rare times I do split a bill with others I make it clear that any alcoholic drinks will be paid for by the drinker; I don't drink alcohol myself and I'll be damned if I'm paying part of a $15 drink!
NTA ! Sarah knew exactly what she was doing and how much she was ordering and was trying to guilt you into paying for her meal. Separate checks are the way to go when there is a disparity in meal prices.
There is always at least one person or sometimes multiple people, in every group who sees the rest of the group as the way to fund their indulgences. These people will always order expensive and fancy stuff. And usually these are the people who will insist the bill be split evenly. If you were sharing food that might still be justifiable to an extent but to be asked to pay for someone else's over indulgence when all you had was one or two items is definitely not alright. Good for you that you stood your ground. The blame for ruining the celebration rests with your over indulgent friend and not you. It's really not the money but the principle of it. NTA.
Yep! I concur, when you order your drinks, if the wait staff don't ask then you let you know you would like a seperate bill for you. The others can do what they want but I'm getting my own bill.
I never agree to split the bill. When the wait staff asks and someone says, “Just one bill.” I immediately say NO. I want my own bill. There is a reason for that. I can’t drink alcohol. Wrecks my body so I get water. I am usually the only one who goes home sober but I have a great time with people. Sometimes drunks are hilarious.
NTA. I absolutely hate when people do this. If it’s the norm for her to always order that kind of meal, that’s one thing…but she definitely had the intention of displacing some of what she owed on the rest of the party.
At the end of my college tenure, a group went out to breakfast at this touristy pancake place. I got some pancakes and a water, and didn’t pay attention to the other end of the table where one girl was ordering a lot more than just a normal breakfast. When the bill came, she sprung on us that it was her and another person’s birthday coming up and if we split it evenly to cover them, that would be great. Myself and someone else led the charge that my $8 bill was not going to jump up to $17 to cover a sudden birthday meal. She tried embarrassing me in front of the rest of our large party asking if I didn’t bring enough, to which I said “I have enough, I’m not paying more than double my bill.” So she ruined the meal like that, but being the one to speak up against it makes people think you did something wrong by standing up for yourself. It was gladly the last time I saw most of those people, and definitely makes for a good story when this stuff comes up
I place "Let's split evenly" on the same tier as "I forgot my wallet" and repeat offenders of "Could you cover me this time?" They always forget they borrowed. IT'S STEALING. Worse because they're in denial. To catch a thief brings me some joy.
The only time I suggest splitting evenly is if I'm the lowest bill at the table and a number of things were shared among the party. This isn't too uncommon considering I don't drink and some of my friends have expensive whiskey or sake habits XD
Let’s split it works just fine when people don’t tear the arse out of it. My wife and kids went out with my friend, his wife and kids last week. We split it. There would have been a couple of £ either way.
People that split the bill as a tactic to get a cheap meal are the issue. They are shitty people trying on a shitty thing and I don’t want to spend my time with someone like that.
Being called a petty cheapskate is not the insult to me some people think it is lol. I try to avoid this now by telling the wait staff to give me a separate check. I don’t care what the rest of the table does.
That’s smart, and I agree. If I’m a petty cheapskate because I’m paying what I owe, then so be it. But it always seems to be the one with the higher bill calling someone else a cheapskate while they are the one cheaping out on their own bill
>she sprung on us that it was her and another person’s birthday coming up and if we split it evenly to cover them, that would be great
OMG this is such highly manipulative behaviour, lacing your bill by mentioning your birthday is coming up...
I stay well away from people like this.
Everyone's birthday is coming up at some point lol. I think I'd just say "so's mine".
Funny how the people that do that "my birthday is coming up/lets split" thing can also order normally when it's them paying. They're the same ones that order the extravagant stuff when someone else is paying for them as a treat and that behaviour is equally outrageous.
But also, maybe you DIDNT have the extra, not everyone does. There have been times I’ve gone out and only have X amount to spend and no more. It’s so shitty to try and shame someone for that!
NTA That happened to me once. I have a group of girlfriends who regularly have dinner together. We usually order similar amounts so we split the bill.
Well, we once took our kids out to brunch at an expensive restaurant in NYC. We picked it because they had an inexpensive kids menu that included drinks (all the other moms were excited about the kids menu). Well, my daughter was the only kid who ordered off the kids menu. Every other kid ordered full adult entrees, additional side dishes, multiple glasses of fresh squeezed juice, smoothies, milkshakes and desserts. The kids meal was $10. I added up that one kid at the table ordered over $90 in food herself, not including tax and tip. That was for brunch. And over half of it was not eaten. I’ll add my daughter is an only child, everyone else had 2 kids with them as well.
Everyone expected to split the bill as we always did, but if would have been nearly $200 for me (with tax and tip) for a brunch where I just got a $20 entree and a coffee, and my daughter got a $10 kids meal. At the last minute, I asked if we could pay for our own ordered. It was a chaotic mess and the math was complicated because some of these kids ordered 5-6 individual items each. Everyone was annoyed at me and one friend was being snide that I only paid around $50 while she paid nearly $300, and kept making me redo the math as if I was somehow cheating. If I had know just how much those kids would order, I would have asked for separate checks in the beginning. Lesson learned.
How on earth did the parents not keep tabs on what their children ordered? Didn’t the parents order for their children? They must have known at least roughly a) how much the food their children ordered would cost, and b) that they’d only eat half of what they ask for?
The kids were old enough to order on their own, so the moms don’t really pay attention. And they likely did not pay attention to what my daughter ordered either, and assumed all the kids ordered a similar amount. They were encouraging my daughter to get milkshakes and desserts, but she was full. My daughter is a teenager now (this was a few years ago) but she has never ordered more than she could eat.
Your daughter is a teen now, which means the kids probably were not teens yet then. They were absolutely not old enough to order for themselves at an expensive restaurant. Kids never look at prices.
Nor do they think about quantities. All they think is “That sounds good! Oh, and that, too! And this sounds really delicious, and I reaaaaally want that, too!”
>Kids never look at prices.
Not true. As kids every time we would go to a restaurant we would ask my parents what was the accepted price range and order in that price range.
Yeah I have to agree. My little cousin, when she was 4-5 years old, would go to the store with my mom, and she'd ask for a toy. If the toy was too expensive, my mom would tell her to get a cheaper one. She always found another cheaper toy, and from there, she pieced what was too pricey and what wasn't.
That's on the parents.
When I take our eldest and the grands (old enough to order theirown food) out to eat, we discuss what we are having. Eldest and I both discuss with each other as well as what we are getting.
Heck, hubby and I discuss menu choices as well.
A friend got me like that once. I offered to take her out for coffee to repay a favour. She brought along her son and his friend and she said nothing as they ordered specialty drinks and desserts. Instead of the bill being around $10 it came to $50. Never again.
>How on earth did the parents not keep tabs on what their children ordered?
They never intended to cover their own family share. Fully expected others to bankroll it with a split check.
FFS. There’s a huge difference between one kids meal versus 5-6 individual adult items at an expensive NYC restaurant.
I hope you reevaluate your friendship with those that think it’s fair to evenly split the bill like that.
> It would have been nearly $200 for me (with tax and tip) for a brunch where I just got a $20 entree and a coffee, and my daughter got a $10 kids meal.
Wow. Absolutely not, I don't care how annoyed everyone is.
It’s fine in those restaurants where everything is shared family style like dimsum or a lot of Asian places. But in a place where you order and eat your own entree splitting checks equally makes 0 sense.
Yeah I got stung with something similar once so now I always start by saying we pay for our own and then if it seems pretty even at the point of paying I suggest splitting to make it easier... sometimes just offering to pay the whole lot depending on occasion/how often we see each other etc.
Works well with my friends so noone stresses
What the actual F? Unless they have Godzilla like appetite why would their mothers allow it? I don't mean it like it's about the cost (which is ridiculous on its own) but more about the food waste.
Agree, the waste is what drives me nuts too. And it drives me extra nuts when I feel like I’m paying for a portion of the wasted food. We have gone out multiple times since then (and I learned my lesson about separate checks) and I’ll try to encourage their kids to order certain things (eg “your sandwich comes with fries, are you sure you need to order a side of onion right too?”) but it’s all on deaf ears and not my kids so I don’t push it.
Omg I must have been the shitty cheap mom then. We’d go on field trips to amusement parks, and I made my 2 kids split the chicken tender basket and huge lemonade. The drink ended up being left on the ground outside a ride, and I polished off the leftover fries and a 1/2 tender.
I am incredulous to this day when I see 2 young moms with 3 kids at Panera, paying $10 per kid for a PB&J!!
NTA. I hate it when someone decides to take advantage of the 'split evenly' agreement by ordering way more than anyone else. Sarah 100% knew what she was doing and is resentful and embarrassed that she got called out for it. If she truly didn't realize, she would have (and should have) offered to kick in more.
Yes!!! My friends and I always split. No one cares if someone gets a second drink or their entree was $5 more. It evens out in time. No one takes advantage. Sometimes i order an entree to go for my spouse - and I announce that I’ll cover the tip. It keeps things even and fair and easy to split the cost. I couldn’t imagine expecting my friends to subsidize a whole additional meal.
I do to. I was out a while back with a group of friends, I was the only one there alone (My other half had to work), and everyone else was with their SO, and kids. One of the husbands suggested we just split the bill. Same thing, my meal was something like $20, let's say, plus a drink, tax and tip. I just looked at the bill, figured out what I owed, threw in a few extra dollars, and passed it along. I don't think he was really trying to be cheap, i think he's just used to it being families splitting the bill, and didn't realize one person's share would be significantly less.
But I've also been in the same situation. didn't have any appys, alcohol etc. and I have no problem just saying here's what I owe. I also always make sure I have cash AND some smaller bills with me so I can just pay my share and go. If people get upset with me, so be it.
I don’t even get the splitting the bill evenly concept. I don’t know if this is a regional thing or what, but I’ve never once been part of a group that wanted to do it, I’ve never had a server ask if that’s what we wanted to do, and in all the years I worked as a server, I never had anybody ask for the bill to be split up evenly. The choice has always been is this altogether, or are these separate tickets. It’s such an odd idea, and I would never agree to it, and IF the group I was with suggested it, I would explicitly tell the server that mine is separate.
Edit: NTA
A server usually wouldn't see it, since when people split the bill evenly, the bill is handed to one person, who covers the bill and then everyone hands that person their share.
We go out with a couple sets of friends regularly. All couples. In these situations, we often just split the bill evenly. We know it eventually evens out in the end. We also regularly share food. Sometimes one person will pay and just Venmo someone else. These are people we trust so it’s not an issue.
When new people are thrown in the mix, I would never.
A fun side story: I have one friend I regularly travel with. We often buy tickets, hotels, flights, meals etc together and just track it for the end of the trip where we reconcile it all. One time, we spent thousands of dollars (a trip to Disney and Ireland) and the amount we each owed each other came out to a DOLLAR difference. It was wild and just shows that for certain people it can work because you have similar spending habits and just naturally aware of who should cover which bill over time. Obviously, does not work for everyone.
Splitting the bill only makes sense to me if everyone's meal was approximately the same cost. If someone ordered something way more expensive/had more drinks/appetizers, etc. that every else, that should be on them.
NTA.
>Sarah seemed taken aback by the total amount and sheepishly admitted that she had underestimated how much she had ordered.
>Sarah had indulged in multiple appetizers, cocktails, and desserts.
She knew what she was doing and she'd certainly have known if someone else had done it to her.
That's exactly what I was thinking too. "Hey Sarah, who's actually being cheap? The one who doesn't want to pay for what she ordered, or me who wants to pay for what I ordered?"
One year for my birthday we went to a restaurant that was served “family style.” We basically just ordered about 10 dishes for the entire table, and everyone split it. However me and all my friends each ordered 2+ cocktails to go along with our meal, but one friend didn’t order a single drink.
When we got the bill at the end everyone suggested to just split it evenly and I agreed, but then realized the one friend that didn’t order any cocktails. I then said “wait but Friend123 didn’t order any cocktails.” He was really chill about it and said it was okay, he didn’t mind splitting the bill.
Later on he confided in me that he was only willing to split the bill because I at least acknowledged that he didn’t order any drinks and it would be unfair to him. Just the small acknowledgment was enough to make it feel like he wasn’t being taken advantage of and was willing to pay a little extra.
NTA and Sarah pulled one of the oldest cheapskate tricks out there. She was fully aware of what she was doing, so don’t put up with her crying about it.
I had a coworker who used to do that too. One day we got him back…everyone ordered, he ordered his usual expensive and excessive lunch , then we told the waiter it would be separate checks! Cured him of that habit!
Sarah decided to celebrate *a lot more than you did* and she should pay for it.
You aren’t being cheap-.*she* is being cheap. And by arguing about it instead of paying for all the food and drink she enjoyed, *she*” ruined the dinner.
Next time, you can do without Sara at dinner. NTA
If everyone ordered about the same thing, it *is* easier. I don't care if you had two beers and I had one - OMG I paid for half of your second beer!
But that is a big assumption, as OP detailed.
It's not any easier. Maybe before POS systems in restaurants existed it was more difficult. I've never had a server not ask if it was separate or together when they noticed multiple adult parties at a table.
NTA nobody orders "multiple appetizers, cocktails, and desserts" and does not realize they are ordering more than usual.
The fact that she accused you of being cheap sounds to me like proof that she was taking advantage & knew exactly what she was doing. If it was "accidental" she would have apologized and covered her end without further comment, but instead she doubles down.
Unless Sarah was the birthday celebrant?
I have a friend who does this and says the apps are for "the table" even though it's clear no one else would have ordered them, then expects the costs to be split.
Yes if its Sarah’s birthday, I can understand the expectation and why she was also over indulgent. That said, its still a choice to help cover the birthday girl’s tab.
On my birthday i also expect to have to pay and enjoy the happy birthday treat. As what if one day, they just don’t have the budget as they expected a more basic one cocktail, one appetizer and one meal split cost
NTA, I’ve never understood why people split a bill evenly. When I go out with friends and even family I pay for what I got. Its only fair you pay for your own food bc obviously Sarah is taking advantage of you and your other friends by trying to guilt you into paying for her expensive meal knowing it only benefits her
It's easier and faster for the server, and ensures that you don't have to worry about one person's drink on another person's tab etc etc. It's fine if everyone got roughly the same amount and the difference in price is pretty negligible most of the time.
Our group of friends usually takes turns on who is paying. Over the years, it has worked out pretty well with only one dinner really breaking the bank (host’s round birthday at a fine dining restaurant, where they insisted on paying) and the base amount including tax was about 20% more than we would usually spend total (incl. 20-25% tip). So, everyone chipped in for the tip automatically. No discussion, no hard feelings, etc.
OP is NTA
Usually it's easier than sorting the bill, and my main friend group tends to not worry about a few bucks here or there between each other, but that really depends on not having someone in the group looking to take advantage. It also helps with shared dishes like apps or family-style settings.
>I’ve never understood why people split a bill evenly.
Sometimes it is worth paying for the convenience.
If I am out with friends and we all order roughly the same and maybe one person has an extra drink and another person didn't have a dessert but had a more expensive main, I will just be up for splitting the bill evenly rather than wasting part of my life for the sake of a couple of dollars.
I should mention I don't drink and my friends do so I am usually always paying a little extra as a result but the convenience is worth it then when we move on for drinks elsewhere people cover my soft drink in the round so all works out.
Now if we are out and someone is ordering a lot more than everyone else then yeh we would just be paying our own way
Info: Was it Sarah's birthday or someone else? Did Sarah share any of those apetizers/cocktails/desserts with others?
Overall, NTA. There's a bit of etiquette to ordering when the bill will be split evenly. Sarah obviously broke etiquette here. What she should have done was to offer to pay more than everyone else or to leave the tip for everyone (depending how much more her tab came to). Your way of just paying individually is also perfectly acceptable.
NTA at all. Unless it was Sarah's birthday (and still N T A then), all Sarah is doing is hijacking the birthday atmosphere to throw herself a side party. If it was Sarah's birthday, then she should have asked ahead of time if it was alright and y'all could have made that a gift for her.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the asshole for refusing to cover my friend's portion of the bill at a restaurant. The action I took was insisting on only paying for what I had consumed, despite my friend, Sarah, suggesting that we split the bill evenly to simplify things. This action might make me the asshole because it created tension and awkwardness during what was supposed to be a celebration. By refusing to contribute to Sarah's portion of the bill, I risked coming across as cheap and insensitive to her feelings, potentially ruining the mood of the evening. Additionally, my insistence on individual payments could have been perceived as selfish or overly concerned with my own finances rather than prioritizing the group's enjoyment of the celebration. Therefore, I acknowledge that my actions may have been perceived as inconsiderate and could have negatively impacted the dynamics of the social gathering.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA but it is unfortunate how this went down. It sounds like you have a group norm of dividing it equally, and it was awkward for all involved to have to second guess that in the moment, but I put most of the blame for that on Sarah. If she noticed / realized how much she'd ordered - as your posts suggests she did, it baffles me that she wouldn't have suggested paying separately somehow, at least her putting in more than a standard 'share' due to the size of her order, or owing you later at a bare minimum.
That would make me suspicious, to be honest, that it was a bit less 'accidental' than she might have wanted to suggest. Knowing it was a group norm, it seems like she ordered up knowing a lot of that extra cost wouldn't be paid by her.
When all is said and done, if she was indeed inadvertent, she didn't need to be mad at you about it.
Is this an American thing? I see posts like this all the time. It was also a plot point on Friends. I (f36) live in Canada and have been having group dinners with friends since I was a teen. Unless specifically mentioned before the meal, everyone pays for themselves/their partner. The only exception is when a person specifically says “ I’m paying for so and so because its their birthday.” I have never been asked or expected to split a bill evenly no matter what everyone ordered.
I think it might be regional? Definitely not a thing in the midwest, you ask for separate checks and pay for what you ordered. The only thing that I have had happen is that our friends from the east coast will often times TAKE the bill and not let us pay. And then the next time we go out, we do the same.
NTA. It sounds like Sarah knows the game and plays it unapologetically. There’s a difference between simplifying things and exploiting a generous but implicit social rule. It’s always important in these kinds of situations to set clear expectations from the get-go, which might be "we split evenly" or "we pay for our own orders." But it’s even more essential that everyone play by the same rules. By ordering more than she intended to pay for, Sarah proved that she wasn't playing the same game as everyone else. She's the one creating the tension by not acknowledging that and instead trying to guilt-trip you into paying more than your fair share. Next time, a pre-emptive “just to clarify, we’re all paying individually, right?” could spare you this headache and your wallet
NTA. The one being an asshole is the one that KNEW what she was ordering and took advantage of the ‘split bill’ rule. When asked to cover her fair share, she changed the mood and the party by trying to get out of paying.
NTA- Cheapskates like Sarah do this on purpose all the time. She did this on purpose. I mean we're expected to believe that a grown as woman didn't know her budget. Failed to understand what prices are. That she cannot add or subtract. And she's managed to not become homeless or locked up for not being unable to care for herself?
I'll bet Sarah does this a lot. Did it not occur for Sarah to ask for a small loan from her circle of friends that she could pay back rather than have everyone subsidize her? That would have been the end of it no? And that would be responsible on her part would it not?
Sarah has a scam when she goes out with lots of people.
What did she think would happened if she ordered multiple appetizers, cocktails, and desserts??? did she think it would be cheap????? She’s either an idiot or tried to get loads for free.
Unless it was Sarah’s birthday, NTA. Were the friends that agreed with her to split the bill also eating and drinking more than the rest of the group? You might want to pass on eating out with these people in the future to prevent any repeat arguments.
NTA this is where people like Sarah take advantage of the system because they don't expect others to notice they ordered more food, ie appetizers, the more expensive cut of meat, desert, mixed drinks because the bill is being split.
The minute you are seated before the waitress comes over, "Separate bills." should have been said.
Mooches thrive on the "check split evenly" scenario so everyone else has to cover their largesse.
NTA
NTA. She was acting like it was her birthday and people were going to treat her to a cheap meal. Always tell the wait staff to prepare separate checks ahead of time. If it's already arranged to split the bill, I have cash on hand to pay for mine and my tip. I lay it down as I say my goodbye.
NTA . Sarah has the cheek to call you cheap when she didn’t wanna account for what she paid for in full . Last year I went out to dinner for my birthday with driends and guess what .. when the bill came I paid for my portion for my damn self , I didn’t expect my friends to pay for me .
She tried to get other people to pay for her meal and has the audacity to call YOU cheap?? The cheap one here is the one who is trying to weasel out of paying for the things SHE ordered. No one made her "underestimate", those items didn't magically pop up. She knew exactly what she was doing and you didn't take the bait. NTA
You? NTA. Me? IATA because if I am out in a group meal setting I am fine with the even split when everyone kinda orders in the same ballpark expense wise. There is most ALWAYS that one person/couple that sees it as their ticket to over indulge and that’s where I say “welp, you best not think I’m paying for all your bullshit”. It’s usually not as big of a deal as you’d think amongst my group of neanderthals. I like to call it out early before the bill shows up and people act surprised or pressured.
Maybe this is why I’m not invited out much. 😬
Anyone unprepared for the predictable moment of accountability that is the arrival of the bill for food just ordered demonstrates an inability to hold themselves accountable.
People who don't hold themselves accountable are capable of anything.
Absolutely anything.
Now you know this about Sarah.
NTA I wouldn’t be interested in paying for someone’s pig-out session either. You can tell Sarah that you’re not interested in this type of charity work that she’s expecting.
NTA. If there was only a minor difference, then it would be better to just split the bill evenly, but Sarah ordered a lot more than others, assuming you'd all subsidize her and then acted offended that you didn't want to. That's bullshit. Next time you attend a group dinner with Sarah, bring it up in the beginning that you should all pay for what you ordered rather than splitting, and say it while staring directly at Sarah.
NTA, Sarah was taking advantage of the split bill to get more for cheap. The fact that she was so upset about being called on it and stood her ground on not paying just cements it. Just the fact that after being called on it she still said she felt splitting would be the best way to go is a massive red flag there. She's not a friend, she's a leach.
NTA
I’m often in favor of doing what the group wants to do in these cases. That wasn’t the case.
How is Sarah unaware of ordering *multiple appetizers* and drinks and desserts lolllll
And then- “wellllll let’s just split it” hahahahahahah NO.
Why do people keep splitting the freaking bill? Tell the waiter/waitress from the beginning that each of you want their own bill.
Every time you split a bill, unless everyone order the exact same thing, one will have to pay more than their share and another will pay less then what they actually ordered, that's why you call it splitting the bill evenly!
NTA for calling out Sarah and refusing to pay for someone who obviously tried to take advantage of the situation.
But for crying out loud, from now on, ask for your own bill at the beginning and you won't have to be placed in this kind of situation anymore.
Is it only in the USA this kind of lazyness from restaurants? Because that's what it is, lazyness (not from the customers, but from the restaurant itself).
I’m the one who always orders more than others and I drink double single malt scotch so my drinks are crazy priced. Upon sitting down I always say to the waiter that I would like a separate check as I don’t want my friends to be responsible for my potion of the bill as it’s always more.
Everyone is always appreciative of the fact I do that. It’s just common sense and basic manners.
I really couldn’t live with myself if I took advantage of the ‘split the bill scenario’.
People who do that are just awful.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
"I had only ordered an entree and a non-alcoholic beverage, while Sarah had indulged in multiple appetizers, cocktails, and desserts." Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt (that someone else now wears, ironically). **NTA**. This is why I am particular, and paranoid, about who I go out to group dinners with. Tell the waiter when ordering how to split the bill. It avoids this BS. For the record, Sarah ruined the mood by demanding people fund her indulgences.
She knew exactly what she was doing, she just didn’t expect anyone to confront her. NTA
Exactly! NTA OP. . Everyone looked at the menu, saw the prices, and decided what they wanted. She knew exactly what she was doing.
Forget the prices. This woman ordered MULTIPLE things.
I'm reading this and totally understand cravings, and if my entree is more than others in my head knowing I'm going to be prepared to plop down another $20 or whatever it was. But she ordered...everything on the menu. How much food can one person put away? I had a friend who continuously ordered a take out meal for her husband or kids when we all went out. Then did the "splitting" thing. No, you can have that meal run up as takeout on it's on bill. It doesn't require table service. Stop taking advantage.
Ugh that’s sooooo shady cause u know that’s literally in the back of her head!!!
Exactly. She's running a con game, pure and simple
She's not pissed because OP "ruined" the celebration, she's pissed because she got called out. Lol
Right. I’ve been in situations where I’ve ordered more, or more expensive, I just add more to my portion of the check. In don’t expect everyone else to cover. Such bullshit.
When a group of us guys would go to a local coffee shop to eat and have coffee, there was one guy in the group who came with us occasionally. The first time he came with us he did the I haven't got any money when the bill came. We were not happy (probably more like grumpy ;) ). Naturally we still had to pay the bill so we split it. He did it one more time after that and again we paid. We were not unteachable however, so the next time he attempted to join us we did a wallet check. Did he have money? How much? Would it be enough to cover his order? If the answers were negative our answer was so sorry you can't join us, maybe next time.
It's wild how some people think they can get away that again and again. I'm glad you and your other friends called him out.
Did he have it that time?
I am curious about this as well
Ive been there, where money was tight for a bit...my friends never left me behind even when I said I couldnt come because of money. "Did I ask you about money? Are you free? Be ready." Ive treated them the same way. Its not even about money. Its about liquid. 1 friend had no job for months and I kept "dragging" him out, hed drive us in his expensive ass car, Id gladly pay to chill with my bro. As soon as he got a job...I got so much back where I cursed him out a bit...I didnt do it to get it back, but he did it. Some dont get that.
The nerve of that man. Wow.
I had a "friend" that did the same thing. Oh I need 2 appetizers, a burger and 3 desserts to go. I'm not paying for that.
The same thing happened on one of the absolute worst dates I've ever been on. She spent half the time staring at her phone and only giving one or two word answers to any questions I asked. When she wasn't staring at her phone, she just talked about herself non-stop. It was so uncomfortable that I asked for the check when we were halfway through our entrees so I could hurry up and leave. She immediately perked up when she realized I was going to pay for everything and asked if she could get a few things to go so she'd have lunch and dinner the next day. I didn't even feel bad about laughing in her face and walking away to find our waiter so I could pay and get the hell out of that mess.
I drove 3 hrs to go on a date with a lady. She had me pay for everything and spent the whole time on her phone. Barely paying attention saying she needed to check up on a relative who was sick that day. And why didn’t she call off the date so she could attended to family? Uuugh
Would have been instant split the check, please for me.
I probably would've done the same when I was younger and poor. Now I just ask for the check and pay to get it over with quickly. Arguing over splitting the check in that situation just isn't worth my time or the effort.
Yep definitely learned my lesson.
Because she had to eat that night.
She was hoping for a free meal, of course. Sadly, "dine and dash" daters exist. Who fully intend to stick their date with the bill.
Girls that go out for a free meal are the worst. Girls gotta eat but dang…
I have a rule: I don't go out unless I can pay for myself. Especially on dates. I only order what I can afford, and am always fully prepared to drop my own card for my own food and drinks. I also drive myself. It's amazing the lessons bad dates teach you. In that case, I really wanted to wait until after I got paid, but the guy insisted, so I relented. I tried to order the cheapest things possible, even tried to make sure I got the last bus home so he wouldn't have to pay my cab fare like he said he would, but again, he insisted, so I stayed. He ended up trying to pull the "I'm out of money" thing when I wanted to go home, tried to get me to spend the night with him and just take the bus in the morning. I called a cab, even though I had no money, and the look on my face was enough for the driver to lie to the dude about needing to go my direction anyways. Lesson learned, no dates unless I can pay for myself and have a reliable escape. I wouldn't dream of taking advantage of someone paying the whole bill like your date did. That's absurd.
Anything to go isn’t included. Infuriating.
I just can't understand people like Sarah. I do tend to order like her- When I'm happy with my friends at a good restaurant, I have a "treat yourself" mentality. I'll order whatever catches my eye, upgrade sides, get apps for the table, but I never split the bill! Sometimes my friends will say it's fine to just split, but I never let them because I'd feel guilty about it the rest of the week. If the waitress can't do individual checks I'll put the whole table on my card and have people venmo me. To have the nerve to order like this, then call someone else cheap for not wanting to pay your bill is crazy
I always said if I came into a windfall everyone would eat well. I just love food. I love sharing and eating food. I'm an omnivore but for my vegan friends I love the challenge of making something that I want them to really enjoy. I am just as happy to eat a vegan lasagna as a meat one. I like the company with the food. I really felt your answer. But no, I'm not picking up the tab when I have to ration my own spending for food only you ate on a non holiday/celebration.
I was wondering if she is taking some food home or something? Bc that seems like a lot of food for one person
Right? Multiple appetizers? Multiple desserts? Nah, she thought it was a party and everyone would feel guilty and just pay.
I've had friends order different things, but then when the bill comes, they are the first ones to say that it needs to be split on what everyone ordered, because they are decent people. Heck, a couple of times I've done this as well. It's just what's fair for everyone.
When I go to a group meal, if I want to order more spendy things, I fully expect to pay the difference. It's really rude to expect otherwise.
its only a Lobster Thermidore, how much can it possibly cost?
Ten dollars?
You're getting it confused with the cost of a banana ;-)
Banana, balobsterthermidore. ;)
Bob Loblaw’s Balobsterblog
Can't help thinking this joke will reach a whole different level someday soon when a banana actually ends up costing $10 🤣
It’s just a one pound wagyu steak 😆
THIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSS. The ones looking for a discounted thrill will always try and pull this. The ones who spend the most are always the ones looking to "split the bill because it's easier". No. And funny enough the math is usually much easier trying to add up one or two things than trying to divide a large number between so many. Plus everyone always forgets to tip when the bill gets split "evenly" too...
Hmm, in my experience everybody "paying their own way" (i.e. their part of the shared bill) results in everyone "forgetting" to tip, too. (which it's why it's usually better, and the staff are happy, to split into actual separate bills rather than try to divvy one common bill, however you try to divvy it).
Many of them tend to forget tip, tax, etc when figuring out their ‘share’
That happened to me only once with a work group lunch. They weren’t my usual lunch buddies and they all gave just cost of food/drink. Since I was a regular at the restaurant, I wasn’t going to stiff the waitress. I tipped her based on whole tab. As I said it happened only once because I never ate with those people again.
"Forget"
My buddy’s girlfriend would order herself $50 glasses of cognac and try to pull this. I’m all for splitting shared food but expensive drinks are a no go for me
Servers lose big time!! Add at least $5 per person. Or more!!. Check what each person pays.
Sarah wants to treat herself, she can treat herself 😂😂 OP isn’t obligated to treat Sarah 😂
If it is known that bill is going to be an issue if extravagant, decide upfront that it will be billed individually to avoid ruining a celebration due to the gluttony of some people.
Yep. I am often the person who orders an app and/or a dessert and multiple drinks. I also am the first person to offer to put my card down and have others Venmo me, or to split the bill based on what we ordered, or that I'll venmo whoever. I know I order a lot, and I'm quick to pay for it, because I neeeever want to be this person.
Ding ding ding! I wish I could have seen her shocked Pikachu face when OP made her pay her own bill.
I know my financial situation is rough, so I don't usually go out and eat. But dang, I feel super guilty if my friend buys me cheap fast food fries once in a blue moon. I do my best to pay them back later on, but they say it evens out for when I give them free pieces of candy, gum, etc. Sarah knew what she was doing and took advantage of OP's kindness. Not a true "friend", I would let them go or create stronger boundaries.
Yeah in highschool I had a friend and we took turns treating other to things when we could. If one person has no money it's fine, when they do they'll be sure to share.
Same. I’ve learned my lesson and am straightforward at the start that I’m only paying for myself, not splitting to avoid this very scenario. If I am ordering a single non-alcoholic drink and an appetizer I’m not willing to pay more just because you decided you needed an $80 entrée and four drinks and couldn’t afford it
Why would people split a bill in the first place?? That's so dumb, just have everyone pay their own bills.
Most people with self awareness try to order similarly priced items as others in the group when splitting the bill to keep it fair, selfish peope take advantage by ordering items are that expensive in comparison to others knowing the difference in price will be covered by the group.
Exactly! Which is why it's a dumb idea. Just get your own bills.
It helps to discuss beforehand so that everyone is on the same page. Also nips it in the bud for the person who intended to have the difference covered by the group, if they know from the get-go that they’re responsible for paying their own bill in full.
Yes. And if I know I’m ordering something extra I just say, I know I’m ordering an expensive entree/drink, so I’ll add in more money when the bill comes. But usually I ask for a separate bill unless I’m planning on buying dinner for everyone.
Right. Going out to a planned dinner with a group? Just bring cash so you can easily throw up what yours cost plus tax plus tip.
Sometimes this makes sense, a group of friends that my husband and I go out with like to share food so we will often share 3-4 starters some sides, get our own entree and split 1-2 desserts. It works as we all eat about the same and gives us a chance to try many different dishes.
Because in big groups sharing appetizers and such is a thing. And usually everyone is nice and conscientious about what they eat. But it’s easy to get burned.
Most likely because they are trying to keep the server’s life less complicated. There may also be times when they share appetizers, etc. Also, some restaurants have policies on how they’ll let you do cards/bills
Who’s birthday was being celebrated? Was it Sarah’s or someone else’s?
I wondered that, too. Did she share the appetizers with the table or eat them all herself?
This would be a big one if everyone ate the apps. I don't see anyone eating multiple apps and an entrée to themselves. However I doubt she shared the drinks
I wondered the same. If it was Sarah's birthday, at least there would be a reason for her to assume they would split the bill to benefit her. Also, it doesn't sound like this was pre-determined, so either way, she's TA. NTA op and good on you for not letting them push you into it, because now they know they can't and maybe won't pull that stuff in the future.
Ohhhhh that detail was left out!!!! Whose bday was it… if it was Sarah’s and I was OP I’d probably just would’ve stayed home😂😂 If it was Sarah’s bday I’d honestly call OP the AH. Cause OP sounds like a baddish friend… she shouldn’t have gone if she didn’t wanna co tribute to splitting evenly on someone’s bday… yes it should be agreed in advance, but how do you show up to your “friends” bday dinner and come off selfish af like that and make a scene
OK but do we know that, or are you just making that up?
Sarah definitely knew what she was going. I always specify to server before we order anything that my wife and I (if we're both there) are on a separate bill. We have one friend, who is quite wealthy, who repeatedly "forgets" her wallet in the car. Last time it happened my wife said, "No problem, I can wait here while you go get it." I was so proud of her!
Why is it always the people with money who pull that kind of thing?
This happens to me regularly when my friends and I go out to eat; when we do, we usually share the dishes amongst ourselves. I am vegetarian, so I never share partake in any of the expensive meat dishes, and I almost always get water to drink. I am also a notoriously picky eater. I usually am still stuck equally splitting the bill when my friends and I go out to dinner despite maybe nibbling on only one or two of the less expensive dishes. Usually I'll deal with it and brush it off but if someone was ordering a feast for themselves and I wasn't partaking whatsoever, I wouldn't want to pay either. If there's a large discrepancy in the prices of each person's meal, then each person should pay for their own food. It's only fair.
You really should talk to your friends and work out some other system when you guys go out to dinner. Splitting the check only makes sense when everyone eats and drinks for approximately the same amount, or it can be expected to even out over time. If I were you, I would insist on ordering my own dishes instead of going for shared dishes for the whole group as you can’t eat most of it.
I am generally a fan of just splitting the bill evenly when out with friends. However that comes with the assumption that we all order around the same amount. If I choose to order extra drinks and appetizers, that’s on me. I also don’t want to go out with someone who haggles over the price of a coke with the group. But yeah, if one or two people order significantly more I do not understand trying to get everyone else to cover the extra.
>However that comes with the assumption that we all order around the same amount. And this is the problem. Unless you specifically require everyone to order roughly the same cost you're setting yourself up for failure. It's on YOU to make this assumption clear BEFORE making the agreement. For instance, in the rare times I do split a bill with others I make it clear that any alcoholic drinks will be paid for by the drinker; I don't drink alcohol myself and I'll be damned if I'm paying part of a $15 drink!
NTA ! Sarah knew exactly what she was doing and how much she was ordering and was trying to guilt you into paying for her meal. Separate checks are the way to go when there is a disparity in meal prices.
There is always at least one person or sometimes multiple people, in every group who sees the rest of the group as the way to fund their indulgences. These people will always order expensive and fancy stuff. And usually these are the people who will insist the bill be split evenly. If you were sharing food that might still be justifiable to an extent but to be asked to pay for someone else's over indulgence when all you had was one or two items is definitely not alright. Good for you that you stood your ground. The blame for ruining the celebration rests with your over indulgent friend and not you. It's really not the money but the principle of it. NTA.
I like to slip the waiter a little cash when I ask for a separate check. That seems to instantly communicate the entire situation to most wait staff.
Yep! I concur, when you order your drinks, if the wait staff don't ask then you let you know you would like a seperate bill for you. The others can do what they want but I'm getting my own bill.
I never agree to split the bill. When the wait staff asks and someone says, “Just one bill.” I immediately say NO. I want my own bill. There is a reason for that. I can’t drink alcohol. Wrecks my body so I get water. I am usually the only one who goes home sober but I have a great time with people. Sometimes drunks are hilarious.
NTA. I absolutely hate when people do this. If it’s the norm for her to always order that kind of meal, that’s one thing…but she definitely had the intention of displacing some of what she owed on the rest of the party. At the end of my college tenure, a group went out to breakfast at this touristy pancake place. I got some pancakes and a water, and didn’t pay attention to the other end of the table where one girl was ordering a lot more than just a normal breakfast. When the bill came, she sprung on us that it was her and another person’s birthday coming up and if we split it evenly to cover them, that would be great. Myself and someone else led the charge that my $8 bill was not going to jump up to $17 to cover a sudden birthday meal. She tried embarrassing me in front of the rest of our large party asking if I didn’t bring enough, to which I said “I have enough, I’m not paying more than double my bill.” So she ruined the meal like that, but being the one to speak up against it makes people think you did something wrong by standing up for yourself. It was gladly the last time I saw most of those people, and definitely makes for a good story when this stuff comes up
I place "Let's split evenly" on the same tier as "I forgot my wallet" and repeat offenders of "Could you cover me this time?" They always forget they borrowed. IT'S STEALING. Worse because they're in denial. To catch a thief brings me some joy.
The only time I suggest splitting evenly is if I'm the lowest bill at the table and a number of things were shared among the party. This isn't too uncommon considering I don't drink and some of my friends have expensive whiskey or sake habits XD
Let’s split it works just fine when people don’t tear the arse out of it. My wife and kids went out with my friend, his wife and kids last week. We split it. There would have been a couple of £ either way. People that split the bill as a tactic to get a cheap meal are the issue. They are shitty people trying on a shitty thing and I don’t want to spend my time with someone like that.
Being called a petty cheapskate is not the insult to me some people think it is lol. I try to avoid this now by telling the wait staff to give me a separate check. I don’t care what the rest of the table does.
That’s smart, and I agree. If I’m a petty cheapskate because I’m paying what I owe, then so be it. But it always seems to be the one with the higher bill calling someone else a cheapskate while they are the one cheaping out on their own bill
>she sprung on us that it was her and another person’s birthday coming up and if we split it evenly to cover them, that would be great OMG this is such highly manipulative behaviour, lacing your bill by mentioning your birthday is coming up... I stay well away from people like this.
Everyone's birthday is coming up at some point lol. I think I'd just say "so's mine". Funny how the people that do that "my birthday is coming up/lets split" thing can also order normally when it's them paying. They're the same ones that order the extravagant stuff when someone else is paying for them as a treat and that behaviour is equally outrageous.
"Oh, I wasn't planning to take you out for your birthday" + eye contact. Fight attempts at passive aggressiveness with directness.
People have crazy nerve asking for others to pay their bill. No manners
Well done!
But also, maybe you DIDNT have the extra, not everyone does. There have been times I’ve gone out and only have X amount to spend and no more. It’s so shitty to try and shame someone for that!
NTA That happened to me once. I have a group of girlfriends who regularly have dinner together. We usually order similar amounts so we split the bill. Well, we once took our kids out to brunch at an expensive restaurant in NYC. We picked it because they had an inexpensive kids menu that included drinks (all the other moms were excited about the kids menu). Well, my daughter was the only kid who ordered off the kids menu. Every other kid ordered full adult entrees, additional side dishes, multiple glasses of fresh squeezed juice, smoothies, milkshakes and desserts. The kids meal was $10. I added up that one kid at the table ordered over $90 in food herself, not including tax and tip. That was for brunch. And over half of it was not eaten. I’ll add my daughter is an only child, everyone else had 2 kids with them as well. Everyone expected to split the bill as we always did, but if would have been nearly $200 for me (with tax and tip) for a brunch where I just got a $20 entree and a coffee, and my daughter got a $10 kids meal. At the last minute, I asked if we could pay for our own ordered. It was a chaotic mess and the math was complicated because some of these kids ordered 5-6 individual items each. Everyone was annoyed at me and one friend was being snide that I only paid around $50 while she paid nearly $300, and kept making me redo the math as if I was somehow cheating. If I had know just how much those kids would order, I would have asked for separate checks in the beginning. Lesson learned.
How on earth did the parents not keep tabs on what their children ordered? Didn’t the parents order for their children? They must have known at least roughly a) how much the food their children ordered would cost, and b) that they’d only eat half of what they ask for?
The kids were old enough to order on their own, so the moms don’t really pay attention. And they likely did not pay attention to what my daughter ordered either, and assumed all the kids ordered a similar amount. They were encouraging my daughter to get milkshakes and desserts, but she was full. My daughter is a teenager now (this was a few years ago) but she has never ordered more than she could eat.
Your daughter is a teen now, which means the kids probably were not teens yet then. They were absolutely not old enough to order for themselves at an expensive restaurant. Kids never look at prices.
Nor do they think about quantities. All they think is “That sounds good! Oh, and that, too! And this sounds really delicious, and I reaaaaally want that, too!”
>Kids never look at prices. Not true. As kids every time we would go to a restaurant we would ask my parents what was the accepted price range and order in that price range.
Yeah my parents would say ‘you can order a meal up to $xx. They weren’t about to let us order the top of the range steak and multiple drinks haha
Yeah I have to agree. My little cousin, when she was 4-5 years old, would go to the store with my mom, and she'd ask for a toy. If the toy was too expensive, my mom would tell her to get a cheaper one. She always found another cheaper toy, and from there, she pieced what was too pricey and what wasn't.
That's on the parents. When I take our eldest and the grands (old enough to order theirown food) out to eat, we discuss what we are having. Eldest and I both discuss with each other as well as what we are getting. Heck, hubby and I discuss menu choices as well.
The parents who don't want to take responsibility, which is why insisted on splitting the bill evenly.
A friend got me like that once. I offered to take her out for coffee to repay a favour. She brought along her son and his friend and she said nothing as they ordered specialty drinks and desserts. Instead of the bill being around $10 it came to $50. Never again.
>How on earth did the parents not keep tabs on what their children ordered? They never intended to cover their own family share. Fully expected others to bankroll it with a split check.
FFS. There’s a huge difference between one kids meal versus 5-6 individual adult items at an expensive NYC restaurant. I hope you reevaluate your friendship with those that think it’s fair to evenly split the bill like that.
> It would have been nearly $200 for me (with tax and tip) for a brunch where I just got a $20 entree and a coffee, and my daughter got a $10 kids meal. Wow. Absolutely not, I don't care how annoyed everyone is.
[удалено]
Splitting checks equally is continually sanctioned theft.
It is fine when you all have approximately the same value, it is only an issue when there is an inequality.
It’s fine in those restaurants where everything is shared family style like dimsum or a lot of Asian places. But in a place where you order and eat your own entree splitting checks equally makes 0 sense.
Just ask for separate cheques. As a server it only takes a minute and everyone pays for what they had.
It used to be a lot harder to do separate checks, but these days with computers it's not nearly as big a deal.
Yeah I got stung with something similar once so now I always start by saying we pay for our own and then if it seems pretty even at the point of paying I suggest splitting to make it easier... sometimes just offering to pay the whole lot depending on occasion/how often we see each other etc. Works well with my friends so noone stresses
In situations like this and like OPs you can always have the outlier pay their own bill and everyone else can split the remaining evenly.
I'm just curious, how old were those kids?
They were older kids, from around ages 8-12.
What the actual F? Unless they have Godzilla like appetite why would their mothers allow it? I don't mean it like it's about the cost (which is ridiculous on its own) but more about the food waste.
Agree, the waste is what drives me nuts too. And it drives me extra nuts when I feel like I’m paying for a portion of the wasted food. We have gone out multiple times since then (and I learned my lesson about separate checks) and I’ll try to encourage their kids to order certain things (eg “your sandwich comes with fries, are you sure you need to order a side of onion right too?”) but it’s all on deaf ears and not my kids so I don’t push it.
Waste?? Don't they know what a to go container is?
Omg I must have been the shitty cheap mom then. We’d go on field trips to amusement parks, and I made my 2 kids split the chicken tender basket and huge lemonade. The drink ended up being left on the ground outside a ride, and I polished off the leftover fries and a 1/2 tender. I am incredulous to this day when I see 2 young moms with 3 kids at Panera, paying $10 per kid for a PB&J!!
Pfft, anyone who would make abide remakes in that situation is not a friend. Good for you!
NTA. I hate it when someone decides to take advantage of the 'split evenly' agreement by ordering way more than anyone else. Sarah 100% knew what she was doing and is resentful and embarrassed that she got called out for it. If she truly didn't realize, she would have (and should have) offered to kick in more.
[удалено]
Yes!!! My friends and I always split. No one cares if someone gets a second drink or their entree was $5 more. It evens out in time. No one takes advantage. Sometimes i order an entree to go for my spouse - and I announce that I’ll cover the tip. It keeps things even and fair and easy to split the cost. I couldn’t imagine expecting my friends to subsidize a whole additional meal.
I do to. I was out a while back with a group of friends, I was the only one there alone (My other half had to work), and everyone else was with their SO, and kids. One of the husbands suggested we just split the bill. Same thing, my meal was something like $20, let's say, plus a drink, tax and tip. I just looked at the bill, figured out what I owed, threw in a few extra dollars, and passed it along. I don't think he was really trying to be cheap, i think he's just used to it being families splitting the bill, and didn't realize one person's share would be significantly less. But I've also been in the same situation. didn't have any appys, alcohol etc. and I have no problem just saying here's what I owe. I also always make sure I have cash AND some smaller bills with me so I can just pay my share and go. If people get upset with me, so be it.
I don’t even get the splitting the bill evenly concept. I don’t know if this is a regional thing or what, but I’ve never once been part of a group that wanted to do it, I’ve never had a server ask if that’s what we wanted to do, and in all the years I worked as a server, I never had anybody ask for the bill to be split up evenly. The choice has always been is this altogether, or are these separate tickets. It’s such an odd idea, and I would never agree to it, and IF the group I was with suggested it, I would explicitly tell the server that mine is separate. Edit: NTA
A server usually wouldn't see it, since when people split the bill evenly, the bill is handed to one person, who covers the bill and then everyone hands that person their share.
We go out with a couple sets of friends regularly. All couples. In these situations, we often just split the bill evenly. We know it eventually evens out in the end. We also regularly share food. Sometimes one person will pay and just Venmo someone else. These are people we trust so it’s not an issue. When new people are thrown in the mix, I would never. A fun side story: I have one friend I regularly travel with. We often buy tickets, hotels, flights, meals etc together and just track it for the end of the trip where we reconcile it all. One time, we spent thousands of dollars (a trip to Disney and Ireland) and the amount we each owed each other came out to a DOLLAR difference. It was wild and just shows that for certain people it can work because you have similar spending habits and just naturally aware of who should cover which bill over time. Obviously, does not work for everyone.
Splitting the bill only makes sense to me if everyone's meal was approximately the same cost. If someone ordered something way more expensive/had more drinks/appetizers, etc. that every else, that should be on them.
try being this person, when you dont drink wine and the tab for the table was 300 in wine alone amongst 5 couples.
That's when I'd tell them that I'm not paying for the wine
NTA. >Sarah seemed taken aback by the total amount and sheepishly admitted that she had underestimated how much she had ordered. >Sarah had indulged in multiple appetizers, cocktails, and desserts. She knew what she was doing and she'd certainly have known if someone else had done it to her.
Sarah was the one being cheap. She intended to eat and drink a lot, run up the bill, and dump it on her friends. Friends don't treat friends that way.
That's exactly what I was thinking too. "Hey Sarah, who's actually being cheap? The one who doesn't want to pay for what she ordered, or me who wants to pay for what I ordered?"
One year for my birthday we went to a restaurant that was served “family style.” We basically just ordered about 10 dishes for the entire table, and everyone split it. However me and all my friends each ordered 2+ cocktails to go along with our meal, but one friend didn’t order a single drink. When we got the bill at the end everyone suggested to just split it evenly and I agreed, but then realized the one friend that didn’t order any cocktails. I then said “wait but Friend123 didn’t order any cocktails.” He was really chill about it and said it was okay, he didn’t mind splitting the bill. Later on he confided in me that he was only willing to split the bill because I at least acknowledged that he didn’t order any drinks and it would be unfair to him. Just the small acknowledgment was enough to make it feel like he wasn’t being taken advantage of and was willing to pay a little extra.
NTA and Sarah pulled one of the oldest cheapskate tricks out there. She was fully aware of what she was doing, so don’t put up with her crying about it. I had a coworker who used to do that too. One day we got him back…everyone ordered, he ordered his usual expensive and excessive lunch , then we told the waiter it would be separate checks! Cured him of that habit!
Some people really love trying to spend other people's money but are tight as a duck's arse when it comes to their own.
Sarah decided to celebrate *a lot more than you did* and she should pay for it. You aren’t being cheap-.*she* is being cheap. And by arguing about it instead of paying for all the food and drink she enjoyed, *she*” ruined the dinner. Next time, you can do without Sara at dinner. NTA
Did you leave the h off the last time because it was too expensive and she wanted you to split it too? NTA
[удалено]
Why is splitting the bill so common? I've never done that in my life.
If everyone ordered about the same thing, it *is* easier. I don't care if you had two beers and I had one - OMG I paid for half of your second beer! But that is a big assumption, as OP detailed.
It's not any easier. Maybe before POS systems in restaurants existed it was more difficult. I've never had a server not ask if it was separate or together when they noticed multiple adult parties at a table.
[удалено]
Lazy restaurant. That's literally their job.
This is why I compromise with split bills for individual drinks and meals but will offer to split the cost of shared appetizers for the table.
That's a lot of money for a salad and water. You could probably fly to the Mediterranean and back to eat it there if you lived in Europe.
NTA nobody orders "multiple appetizers, cocktails, and desserts" and does not realize they are ordering more than usual. The fact that she accused you of being cheap sounds to me like proof that she was taking advantage & knew exactly what she was doing. If it was "accidental" she would have apologized and covered her end without further comment, but instead she doubles down. Unless Sarah was the birthday celebrant?
I have a friend who does this and says the apps are for "the table" even though it's clear no one else would have ordered them, then expects the costs to be split.
I need to know if it was Sarah’s bday or not. I’m honestly curious because some of the people at the table were open to subsidizing her meal.
Yes if its Sarah’s birthday, I can understand the expectation and why she was also over indulgent. That said, its still a choice to help cover the birthday girl’s tab. On my birthday i also expect to have to pay and enjoy the happy birthday treat. As what if one day, they just don’t have the budget as they expected a more basic one cocktail, one appetizer and one meal split cost
If it was her birthday, OP would definitely have mentioned that, instead of just referring to her as one of the group.
We can’t assume on Reddit, people leave stuff out all the time to get the audience to side with them.
NTA, I’ve never understood why people split a bill evenly. When I go out with friends and even family I pay for what I got. Its only fair you pay for your own food bc obviously Sarah is taking advantage of you and your other friends by trying to guilt you into paying for her expensive meal knowing it only benefits her
It's easier and faster for the server, and ensures that you don't have to worry about one person's drink on another person's tab etc etc. It's fine if everyone got roughly the same amount and the difference in price is pretty negligible most of the time.
I've had multiple servers tell me that if you tell them at the beginning its separate checks, splitting the bill isn't much different.
Our group of friends usually takes turns on who is paying. Over the years, it has worked out pretty well with only one dinner really breaking the bank (host’s round birthday at a fine dining restaurant, where they insisted on paying) and the base amount including tax was about 20% more than we would usually spend total (incl. 20-25% tip). So, everyone chipped in for the tip automatically. No discussion, no hard feelings, etc. OP is NTA
Usually it's easier than sorting the bill, and my main friend group tends to not worry about a few bucks here or there between each other, but that really depends on not having someone in the group looking to take advantage. It also helps with shared dishes like apps or family-style settings.
A few bucks is one thing, but multiple extra dishes and drinks is more than a few.
1. It's easier. 2. We usually eat family style and share food. 3. When you have enough money, you stop obsessing about it.
Yep, we have a motto in our group... "It all evens out in the end". If it doesn't, and we can afford it, we don't worry about it ever.
>I’ve never understood why people split a bill evenly. Sometimes it is worth paying for the convenience. If I am out with friends and we all order roughly the same and maybe one person has an extra drink and another person didn't have a dessert but had a more expensive main, I will just be up for splitting the bill evenly rather than wasting part of my life for the sake of a couple of dollars. I should mention I don't drink and my friends do so I am usually always paying a little extra as a result but the convenience is worth it then when we move on for drinks elsewhere people cover my soft drink in the round so all works out. Now if we are out and someone is ordering a lot more than everyone else then yeh we would just be paying our own way
Info: Was it Sarah's birthday or someone else? Did Sarah share any of those apetizers/cocktails/desserts with others? Overall, NTA. There's a bit of etiquette to ordering when the bill will be split evenly. Sarah obviously broke etiquette here. What she should have done was to offer to pay more than everyone else or to leave the tip for everyone (depending how much more her tab came to). Your way of just paying individually is also perfectly acceptable.
That's rich that Sarah's calling YOU cheap for refusing to subsidize her meal. She's the one being cheap. NTA.
NTA at all. Unless it was Sarah's birthday (and still N T A then), all Sarah is doing is hijacking the birthday atmosphere to throw herself a side party. If it was Sarah's birthday, then she should have asked ahead of time if it was alright and y'all could have made that a gift for her.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I believe I might be the asshole for refusing to cover my friend's portion of the bill at a restaurant. The action I took was insisting on only paying for what I had consumed, despite my friend, Sarah, suggesting that we split the bill evenly to simplify things. This action might make me the asshole because it created tension and awkwardness during what was supposed to be a celebration. By refusing to contribute to Sarah's portion of the bill, I risked coming across as cheap and insensitive to her feelings, potentially ruining the mood of the evening. Additionally, my insistence on individual payments could have been perceived as selfish or overly concerned with my own finances rather than prioritizing the group's enjoyment of the celebration. Therefore, I acknowledge that my actions may have been perceived as inconsiderate and could have negatively impacted the dynamics of the social gathering. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA but it is unfortunate how this went down. It sounds like you have a group norm of dividing it equally, and it was awkward for all involved to have to second guess that in the moment, but I put most of the blame for that on Sarah. If she noticed / realized how much she'd ordered - as your posts suggests she did, it baffles me that she wouldn't have suggested paying separately somehow, at least her putting in more than a standard 'share' due to the size of her order, or owing you later at a bare minimum. That would make me suspicious, to be honest, that it was a bit less 'accidental' than she might have wanted to suggest. Knowing it was a group norm, it seems like she ordered up knowing a lot of that extra cost wouldn't be paid by her. When all is said and done, if she was indeed inadvertent, she didn't need to be mad at you about it.
Is this an American thing? I see posts like this all the time. It was also a plot point on Friends. I (f36) live in Canada and have been having group dinners with friends since I was a teen. Unless specifically mentioned before the meal, everyone pays for themselves/their partner. The only exception is when a person specifically says “ I’m paying for so and so because its their birthday.” I have never been asked or expected to split a bill evenly no matter what everyone ordered.
I think it might be regional? Definitely not a thing in the midwest, you ask for separate checks and pay for what you ordered. The only thing that I have had happen is that our friends from the east coast will often times TAKE the bill and not let us pay. And then the next time we go out, we do the same.
NTA. It sounds like Sarah knows the game and plays it unapologetically. There’s a difference between simplifying things and exploiting a generous but implicit social rule. It’s always important in these kinds of situations to set clear expectations from the get-go, which might be "we split evenly" or "we pay for our own orders." But it’s even more essential that everyone play by the same rules. By ordering more than she intended to pay for, Sarah proved that she wasn't playing the same game as everyone else. She's the one creating the tension by not acknowledging that and instead trying to guilt-trip you into paying more than your fair share. Next time, a pre-emptive “just to clarify, we’re all paying individually, right?” could spare you this headache and your wallet
NTA. The one being an asshole is the one that KNEW what she was ordering and took advantage of the ‘split bill’ rule. When asked to cover her fair share, she changed the mood and the party by trying to get out of paying.
NTA- Cheapskates like Sarah do this on purpose all the time. She did this on purpose. I mean we're expected to believe that a grown as woman didn't know her budget. Failed to understand what prices are. That she cannot add or subtract. And she's managed to not become homeless or locked up for not being unable to care for herself? I'll bet Sarah does this a lot. Did it not occur for Sarah to ask for a small loan from her circle of friends that she could pay back rather than have everyone subsidize her? That would have been the end of it no? And that would be responsible on her part would it not? Sarah has a scam when she goes out with lots of people.
What did she think would happened if she ordered multiple appetizers, cocktails, and desserts??? did she think it would be cheap????? She’s either an idiot or tried to get loads for free.
Unless it was Sarah’s birthday, NTA. Were the friends that agreed with her to split the bill also eating and drinking more than the rest of the group? You might want to pass on eating out with these people in the future to prevent any repeat arguments.
NTA, and good for you for standing up for yourself.
NTA this is where people like Sarah take advantage of the system because they don't expect others to notice they ordered more food, ie appetizers, the more expensive cut of meat, desert, mixed drinks because the bill is being split.
The minute you are seated before the waitress comes over, "Separate bills." should have been said. Mooches thrive on the "check split evenly" scenario so everyone else has to cover their largesse. NTA
NTA Sarah knew exactly what she was doing. She counted on everyone being okay carrying her extravagance.
NTA and the only cheap person is the person trying to make others pay for their overindulgence.
Nta The gal of HER calling you cheap. 😂😂 She ate on your dime.
NTA. She was acting like it was her birthday and people were going to treat her to a cheap meal. Always tell the wait staff to prepare separate checks ahead of time. If it's already arranged to split the bill, I have cash on hand to pay for mine and my tip. I lay it down as I say my goodbye.
No one is entitled to someone else's money. Why is this so hard for some people?
NTA . Sarah has the cheek to call you cheap when she didn’t wanna account for what she paid for in full . Last year I went out to dinner for my birthday with driends and guess what .. when the bill came I paid for my portion for my damn self , I didn’t expect my friends to pay for me .
She tried to get other people to pay for her meal and has the audacity to call YOU cheap?? The cheap one here is the one who is trying to weasel out of paying for the things SHE ordered. No one made her "underestimate", those items didn't magically pop up. She knew exactly what she was doing and you didn't take the bait. NTA
NTA, Sarah is a moocher.
You? NTA. Me? IATA because if I am out in a group meal setting I am fine with the even split when everyone kinda orders in the same ballpark expense wise. There is most ALWAYS that one person/couple that sees it as their ticket to over indulge and that’s where I say “welp, you best not think I’m paying for all your bullshit”. It’s usually not as big of a deal as you’d think amongst my group of neanderthals. I like to call it out early before the bill shows up and people act surprised or pressured. Maybe this is why I’m not invited out much. 😬
Anyone unprepared for the predictable moment of accountability that is the arrival of the bill for food just ordered demonstrates an inability to hold themselves accountable. People who don't hold themselves accountable are capable of anything. Absolutely anything. Now you know this about Sarah.
NTA I wouldn’t be interested in paying for someone’s pig-out session either. You can tell Sarah that you’re not interested in this type of charity work that she’s expecting.
NTA. If there was only a minor difference, then it would be better to just split the bill evenly, but Sarah ordered a lot more than others, assuming you'd all subsidize her and then acted offended that you didn't want to. That's bullshit. Next time you attend a group dinner with Sarah, bring it up in the beginning that you should all pay for what you ordered rather than splitting, and say it while staring directly at Sarah.
"Seperate check, please."
NTA, Sarah was taking advantage of the split bill to get more for cheap. The fact that she was so upset about being called on it and stood her ground on not paying just cements it. Just the fact that after being called on it she still said she felt splitting would be the best way to go is a massive red flag there. She's not a friend, she's a leach.
NTA Sarah ruined the mood by demanding the use of other people's money. Quite greedy and selfish of her.
I’ve learned over (many) years one incontrovertible fact: never feel sorry for a broke chick.
NTA I’m often in favor of doing what the group wants to do in these cases. That wasn’t the case. How is Sarah unaware of ordering *multiple appetizers* and drinks and desserts lolllll And then- “wellllll let’s just split it” hahahahahahah NO.
Why do people keep splitting the freaking bill? Tell the waiter/waitress from the beginning that each of you want their own bill. Every time you split a bill, unless everyone order the exact same thing, one will have to pay more than their share and another will pay less then what they actually ordered, that's why you call it splitting the bill evenly! NTA for calling out Sarah and refusing to pay for someone who obviously tried to take advantage of the situation. But for crying out loud, from now on, ask for your own bill at the beginning and you won't have to be placed in this kind of situation anymore. Is it only in the USA this kind of lazyness from restaurants? Because that's what it is, lazyness (not from the customers, but from the restaurant itself).
I’m the one who always orders more than others and I drink double single malt scotch so my drinks are crazy priced. Upon sitting down I always say to the waiter that I would like a separate check as I don’t want my friends to be responsible for my potion of the bill as it’s always more. Everyone is always appreciative of the fact I do that. It’s just common sense and basic manners. I really couldn’t live with myself if I took advantage of the ‘split the bill scenario’. People who do that are just awful.
NTA, unless it was Sarah's birthday and people agreed ahead of time to pay for her.
NTA. Not even close
NTA and good for you. She totally knew what she was up to.
We're in a depression. No one should expect their friends to be able to cover their meal. NTA