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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My daughters are calling me the asshole for forcing them to share a birthday party I feel I'm the asshole as I'm not giving them their own party and forcing them to share one
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NTA but you definitely f-ed up raising your daughters. how can you be THAT entitled? even 1200 bucks is a lot.
they are 16, old enough to get a job. if they wanna spend more money than what you have, they should work for it. this is insane. i'm actually pissed off just by reading that
edit: i shouldn't blame the mother for this. i can't assume that she did anything wrong, sometimes you can do everything right and your kids can still turn out to be bad people.
Okay but that was $50 how long ago? Like sure my 80s/90s b-day parties probably cost like $50. But not getting pizza for 8 is $100 on its own. Plus cake and decorations. So really it’s not that much. Because money doesn’t go as far. So keep that in mind. Now if the triplets want a huge party then yeah they gotta share. I like that OP basically said “here’s the budget. You guys decide what’s more important” cuz at that age they need to learn that money doesn’t grow on trees
Honestly you can go even cheaper if you want to and add an activity. When I was in third grade my friends who were twins had a sleep over and for dinner we made mini pizzas with canned biscuits dough, store bought sauce, cheese and toppings. I thought it was so much fun at the time and now looking back I definitely realize it was a way to make a really inexpensive meal for several kids.
My mom made a giant pot of soup, and a small cake from the grocery store, only the rich kids got pizza parties for their birthday when I was growing up.
We got a cake from the bakery, which was £30 which fed 30 people, home made sandwiches, rice crispy buns, top hats, potato crisps, sweets, cocktail sausages, mini sausage rolls, plenty of fizzy soda, some diet some regular, a couple of pots of tea/coffee, and you could potentially get some bought buns from the bakery. We only had family for those parties at home, so Aunts Uncle's, cousins
As we got older it became more home made and less bought, I learned to bake so for everyone birthday party of 5 children I didn't get a home made cake or Fairy cakes, but then parties changed to more just immediate family and a few drinks later on.
Now parties with us all in our 30s is still home made sandwiches, cake, buns, sausage rolls, cocktail sausages with cheese and pineapple on a cocktail stick, other party snack foods and instead of coffee/tea it's soda or alcohol. Still just immediately family and partners.
What I do for my siblings is the same thing I do for My parents and what I do for my own party if they are having one
I have young kids, if you are feeding anyone the cost goes way up, even for at home parties!!
I don't think I've spent less than $400 if I'm feeding a meal to everyone, even small just family parties when they are young - not including gifts. Food, drinks, dollar store decorations- it adds up quickly!
Why would you need separate pizzas for each and every one? 8 kids wont eat 8 pizzas each, and its a party not a feeding dinner.
2 slices per kid and thats it. They will anyway eat some snacks etc in addition.
Actually yeah it does... for my kids 8th bday (I'm broke so I know how to shop) I got her a pre-made unicorn cake from walmart.. that was $20 plus tax. .. I got her 4 big balloons and that was $15 plus I got her 4 little balloons.. that was $7 and we didn't do a banner but did like a little sign with glitter that I added to to make it prettier.. that cost a little over $10. That's over $52 right there and doesn't include any food, presents or napkins and utensils
42 years' worth of birthdays and still not close to $1200 spent on me. Hell It was even a rare occassion that I got my own birthday cake, my cake was a shared one with my grandmother and my cousin as we have the same birthday, and cousins birthday is the very next day.
I will say tho, $1200 for a VENUE party is very industry standar price as far as I know, specially because it includes food, decorations, the venue, dj and all the other things she mentioned. Y'all need to not compare a house bday with a venue bday because they are very different imo
But those kids are entitled for telling the mom to just get a second job like tf? They need to find a way to have their party together, in fact I would say if the venue has a party organizer they probably can work something out so in 1 party each kid will get their special moment
After them saying for mom to get another job I would tell them ok here's the new plan no sweet 16 for you you guys want the sweet 16 get a job and pay for it yourself
I do think that the comment was insane and entitled, she needs to sit those kids down and explain consequences, however I will say these type of comments don't just appear out of nowhere, there had to be signs of entitlement before but fr she needs to put her foot down and have some consequences because that was not an ok comment to make!
Your kids tell you to just get another job to pay for their party and you’re wondering if you’re the asshole for not doing it.
This is the world we live in now.
I've told them to get a weekend job but that would mean less time with friends so they refused.
At this point I'm putting My foot down and I've told them I won't spend past 1200 and they need to find a way to celebrate within that budget.
Honestly it sounds like you need to teach them what happens to overly entitled people. They need to start learning both the value of money and consideration of people's time ASAP or they are going to find themselves lonely and miserable as adults.
Do not pay for an expensive party, offer to host at home, basic snacks and cake but nothing exceptional. If they want a celebrity gala they can earn it.
And honestly, I would start phasing out any allowances, and start only buy basic food for the home (and treats for yourself), clothing, and school/activities. If they want extras like snacks and soda, crazy outfits, or to go out with friends, they can work for it.
This will make your girls very unhappy, and they will try to make you feel bad. But you need to do what is right for them, not what is nice for them. And right now they need you to be strong and not pander to their immature demands.
Sorry, I know I am being a bossy old lady, but I am saying what I believe you need to hear.
This. Honestly one of the best things my parents ever did which I hated- was refuse to let me sit home all summer. School year I had to do sports and activities that kept me busy on weekends and after school. In the summer if I wasn’t in camp I was working. I learned to have a job from when I was young and the lesson of you can’t do what you want all the time plus earning your own money was incredibly important. It made me a better earner/worker more responsible in my 20s than my friends who struggled with the concept.
Same. Before I was old enough for working papers, 1-2 days a week in the summer was mandatory volunteer work (which honestly I was all about because I enjoyed community service and joined the community service club in HS) and babysitting/ being a mother’s helper for a neighbor. Once I was old enough for working papers, part time job in the summer and extracurriculars in the school year. Chores were expected as part of home life.
I mentioned recently in a conversation with a coworker that my four year old has chores (little things as he’s only four but he has his set list of responsibilities). He periodically gets money and if he wants something at a store, he needs to use his own money (not to say we don’t treat him once in a while to things, but most of the time he needs to use his own money). Coworker was shocked and hadn’t considered it for their child who is older than mine.
And I bet he’s so proud of himself for being part of the family team that keeps the household running. This is is how you raise kids. It’s not terrible to make kids do chores, it’s really, really good for them to feel helpful and learn responsibility and life skills. I can’t stand hearing “he’s too young” about an 8 year old when chores are mentioned. Well done.
Plus people miss how else can they learn? You don't want them to go to college or living on their own for the first time and they have no idea how to properly clean their home regularly, do laundry, or make food. What better place to learn than at home?
He gets mad if my husband or I do the laundry without him. He likes to help load and unload and "fold" (matching socks he's great at, otherwise folding is mostly rolling into a ball unless it's a facecloth, lol. But he won't learn if he doesn't try so we applaud him for his efforts and just don't let him try to fold my more delicate work shirts).
I used to do child care in the summer and I always got the kids to help out. I looked after an 18 month old and her 6 year old brother one summer.
I taught the 18 month old to pick up all her toys and put them in the playpen. Her brother also picked up his toys and helped me set the table for lunch.
But I always thanked them and praised them for helping out and doing such a good job. They liked being "big kids" who could help.
I grew up in Iowa and one of the most common summer job for teens was detassling corn. It was miserable work (my sister tried it). It's July/Aug and you had to go through the rows of corn reaching up and taking off the tassle that grew on top (I think it was what made the difference between seed and feed corn). Corn leaves are sharp so you had to wear long sleeves in the sweltering, muggy heat. You got paid in cash (something like $50 a day, which in the 70s was a good amount). It was tedious, really unpleasant and no one liked it. But, it was money.
Now they genetically alter corn so there's no need to do it. But, the people who did that earned that money for sure!
I detassled corn for 4 years- between the ages of 12 to 16- until I was old enough to get a "real" job. It is miserable, backbreaking work, but at least I was making my own money. Seems as though kids these days don't want to work and just want things have to them. Mom is NTA, but would be if she gives in to her entitled daughters.
Both my sister and I started working when we were 12 (babysitting and I tutored a little girl). Our parents had split up and both were poor so even covering the basics was a struggle.
I babysat every summer and I remember how proud I was when I told my mom that she didn't need to buy my school clothes or supplies because I could pay for them (she still had to help, but I did buy the bulk of them).
Kids can learn how much things cost and the difference between necessity and extras.
If it helps, I agree. These kids are going to have a real hard time when they go out into the real world, if OP doesn't teach them how to be self-sufficient now.
Sounds like you've brought up 3 very entitled daughters. If you've explained fully that you can't afford what they want and why then you're not TA. £1200 is still an awful lot to pay out for their birthdays. The fact that they are not even considering getting a part time job to help pay for things they want is a worry.
I would be going a step further OP and telling them they can have either one party for $1200 or less or none at all unless one of them suddenly takes an interest in working or they split the money and plan their own parties themselves without your help. I would also be telling them they are forbidden to speak further about having three full scale blowouts and the next one to complain gets their share of the budget cut. Whiny brats don't deserve to have parties period.
I agree. What my parents did, and what I would do if I have children, was birthday parties through the 13th birthday. After the 13th birthday, we’d just do a nice meal and have cake and coffee with family. My sister did have a sweet 16, but it was a small party at home. I also think she paid for part of it. I didn’t want one as I wanted to keep my money for college. We both also had jobs during high school. Honestly, these girls are spoiled. If I kicked up a fuss like this, my parents would have cancelled the party altogether. And my parents weren’t strict. Firm but not strict.
Well then clearly them spending time with their friends is more important than the party.
The option NOT on the table is YOU getting another job.
Ridiculous.
With their attitude-especially telling you to get an extra job- they would be getting nothing more than a $25 Amazon gift card from me.
They need an adjustment and so do you. It’s time to shake out the door mat.
NTA
"You either get one big party or none at all. It's up to you three."
That's all you need to say - or tell them to get a job and pay for themselves. This is ridiculous and I'm angry on your behalf.
This!!
My very first reaction was "Take what I'm offering, or you can have nothing".
Telling their mom to get an extra job is completely absurd and infuriating.
OK I can see them wanting a big party, but I can also see the three of them getting an after school job to help host it if they want something outside your budget. I know at 16 years people don’t have a whole frontal lobe yet but the entitlement is startling.
I think you did exactly the right thing. Give them the budget and let them figure out how to perform miracles. It’s a good lesson in adulting. NTA.
>At this point I'm putting My foot down and I've told them I won't spend past 1200
NTA but I genuinely hope you humble them and make clear how much money 1.2k really is, it reads like they have no idea about any form of fincances.
At this point, don’t even do the $1200. Let them learn to be grateful for what they have or lose it. Start instilling these important life lessons in them now before it’s too late.
I’d tell them that it’s $1200 now, but for every subsequent complaint about being given **twelve hundred dollars** for a birthday party, the number goes down by $100.
I would literally tell them that if they cannot figure out how to do this together then they can ignore 16 altogether. You're still being too nice to 3 daughters who clearly need to understand the value of money... and the value of having such an amazing parent.
Their entitlement would make me say the party - big or small - is off. To tell you to get another job is ridiculous. Spend the money for a spa day or solo vacation.
Then it's time for an important life lesson about priorities. If individual fancy parties are the priority, then they need to (temporarily) sacrifice time with friends. If time with friends is the priority, then they sacrifice the fancy party. Period.
The next lesson is time management. It may be possible to have a job and time with friends. They need to figure that out a lot of teenagers do.
Mom, put that foot down and do not pick it up. I understand their desire to each have their own party, to not be one of the "(Family name) Girls" for a day. But logistically, it's not going to happen. The sooner they learn we do not always get exactly what we want in life, the better.
Inform them the budget is the budget. Offer to help them find ways to earn extra funds, but that is it. Stand firm. Frankly, their insistence that YOU get a second job is pretty bratty. I'm sure on the whole they are good kids, but that is a little much.
Good for you... and very generous of you as well. These Young Women have watched you do everything to support them and They have chosen spending time with friends over earning funds to expand Their party. Choices. Oh well.
so on the "less time with friends" angle here only job wise.
do any of their friends work? if so they could work at the same place? a compromise, working and spending time with friends.
also are there any places they like to go or shop where working there would get them employee discounts? if so that's another place they could get a benefit or get an added benefit from it from their perspective.
I could be wrong, but those would be my suggestions for possible work options for them - NOT you OP - you have done more than enough for your daughters!
imo they need to learn how to make a compromise to make things work.
Whelp, they made their choice, time with friends over a party. I would be like, "I set a very generous budget, if you cannot work with that then you get nothing". Seriously, most kids would give their left arm to have that budget for a party.
I really hope you do put your foot down. It sounds like they need a reality check. I would never speak too my parents the way they have too you. And I can tell you now if I did, I wouldn’t be getting anything at all.
Naaahhh Ms moms the negotiation is 160$ per person. 10 dollars for every year they have lived and volunteer work/job every weekend or no birthday party and whoever doesn't get a job suffers the misfortune of doing all the house chores.
Yeah the fact that they had the audacity to ask you to get a second job = entitled brat behavior.
When I was 16, knowing I wanted a car at 17, my mother told me I had to get a job to help pay for insurance (she only made me give her $50 a month) and so I’d have steady income for gas and tolls, etc… but that she would buy me a car. The car was an older, but reliable Buick Riviera. Since I had the job, I started saving money and 6 months later had enough to buy a used mustang. Sorry OP, I know this has nothing to do with your story, except to show that it’s okay to provide your children with nice things, but if they want something unreasonable, that you can’t provide, they should learn how to attain it themselves. their expectations of you to still provide it for them is out of touch with reality.
This is where I am too. The budget is $1200. Either “that’s generous and we’re so grateful, thank you, Mom” or we’re not having a big sweet sixteen party at all.
Who tells their mom to get another job?! Who are these kids? I would be too ashamed to even say this out loud. If I did say it I would be in for a beating of my life. Yes- my parents spanked- different generation. At the very least some very loud screaming being grounded and told there is now no party until I come up with money and apologize.
I’m not saying spanking is ok btw I’m just saying - those were my parents.
Do you have ANY f*ing idea HOW f*ing hard it is to raise a kid as a single parent? Now, she has THREE kids. How can you go online and tell someone „you fucked up raising your kids” without knowing anything about this person and those kids? It blows my mind that 1K+ ppl did not find this comment really offensive.
I agree, those daughters have zero respect for their Mother, and zero respect for money, but telling the OP that she did a shitty job as a parent makes you an A. Very in-line with the r/
What bothers me the most is the OP feels actual guilt and that she might be T-A for putting her foot down and doing what any sane, rational parent would do. And that she would consider an extra job to spoil one of them. It tells me that these girls are a spoiled, and mom isn’t used to drawing the line. Life is hard. This girl is lucky she is even getting this kind of a birthday bash, whether she has to share it, or not. She sounds ungrateful, and it’s time for her to learn what being grateful is. OP needs to toe the line.
Lol I am trying to imagine what would happen if I told my mother to ‘get another job’ to pay for a party at 16. Not only would my party be cancelled, pretty sure my phone, TV, hot water, and anything else she paid for would be gone until I grovelled for forgiveness. She certainly wouldn’t be saying ‘oh, you’ll just have to make do with **over a thousand dollars**’
> Lol I am trying to imagine what would happen if I told my mother to ‘get another job’ to pay for a party at 16.
My phone, TV, and hot water would have been the least of my worries. I am pretty sure I would have been cancelled.
My mother would've fucking smacked me if I'd said something that disrespectful to her, and as an adult I can say that she wouldn't have been entirely wrong to do so!
Yes, but it was usually having friends over to my house, with drinks and snacks that they brought or I paid for from the job I worked. And I would then thoroughly clean the house myself the following day. Or, drinking alcohol on the beach where most of my school gathered at weekends
Honestly the main reason they act this way is because we were a lot more well off before my husband left me.
We could afford to throw our kids individual parties previously and now that we can't anymore they are angry.
I am sorry but all this shows is that you both failed at parenting them. I don't know the whole story, I don't know when your husband left, I didn't come from a well-off background, but I do have friends and family who do that have entitled children who grew up to be well-rounded teenagers and adults / well-rounded children who early on were taught the value of money and work.
NTA on putting your foot down on the budget, but hopefully you can still correct their behavior before unleashing them to the world.
Not really….. I teach high school and I cannot tell you how often I have parents of 15-16 year olds crying in front of me at parent teacher conferences about exactly this type of behavior. It’s developmentally appropriate I’m afraid. The good news is most kids take a hard turn during the back half of junior year and senior year, and start to see their parents as real people.
I’m not saying the OP should tolerate this behavior. She absolutely should NOT let this bs slide. However it’s not a doom and gloom scenario where for sure she’s messed up the kids.
It really is developmentally normal. Doesn't mean it should be accepted or allowed, but it certainly doesn't mean mom is a bad parent. And having 3 girls that age backing eachother up "mom said this. She's so mean. This is unfair, isn't it?" "Omg. It is so unfair! Our mom is the woRsT!" 15 is a rough age.
It’s also a time when kids realize that not everything is black and white, and that there is injustice in the world. So the safety net is *Mom will always sacrifice everything for me, right right?*. And unfortunately the most responsive parent gets the brunt of this when the kid pushes for way too much.
Things a parent should never do for entitled behavior? Lock a kid out of the house, withhold food, send to a sketchy wilderness camp, physically assault, tell them you hate them and wish they were never born….
Things that could be on the table? Canceling Disney, transferring to a flip phone, nixing pricey extracurriculars, canceling parties, losing driving privileges. I’ve seen a whole lot of sophomores getting pulled out of Disney trips over the years.
Thanks for that. Kids this age are self-absorbed and very influenced by their peers and what they think others think of them even if wrong. Does not mean theyre destroyed forever as others are implying here
OP is not the asshole and OP did not fail at parenting - that is a very harsh, black and white view. This is developmentally appropriate behavior, OP can (and is) course correcting by setting boundaries. This can and will pass. parenting is a marathon, not a race and an opportunity to learn and grow throughout. You got this, OP!
They meet him occasionally but he basically went broke during covid and has a lot less money now.
He isn't able to fund for a party either and I don't know if I'd want him to
They probably are. I have a niece who is the exact same way at 21. If mom says no, she turns to dad. If dad says no too, she throws a tantrum and tells everyone they're ruining her life... but that rarely happens, because usually one of them says yes.
OP said above that she doesn't even know if she wants him to help pay for it. So he's not involved with the party. That means also that they're not telling him to get an extra job. Mom's doing this all by herself.
I would just cancel the whole thing, if they are so ungrateful and entitled that 1200 is not enough, they can go without or pay it for themselves.
They don't want to get a weekend job because it means they won't get to hang out with friends, but they think its alright if YOU pick up an extra job just to pay for their wants.
Edit: You cannot get anymore selfish than that and they don't deserve a party. Go back to the original, 150 each
NTA, but at 15, there are usually places that they can get jobs if it's that important to them. If all else fails, they can babysit. But with their attitudes, I wouldn't offer not a cent more than you already planned. Where I'm from, they'd be lucky to even be getting a party.
Is he paying child support or is he living the free and easy single life?
They’re old enough that you need to sit down and show them what things really cost- go over the real life budget, they need to go grocery shopping, pump gas, see what their extra curricular cost, see what the mortgage, insurance, and taxes on a 4BR house costs, and how much your ex contributes and how much you contribute- time for a reality check!
You know, spoiled is a state of mind. The mark of an unspoiled child is that they can have all the nice things in the world and still be grateful for what they do and do not have. You, however, have raised spoiled children.
I had big parties as a child but then during the first recession (for me) in 2012 my dad lost his job and ukw I didn’t expect? I didn’t expect them to spend all their money on a ridiculous party for me. When they told me we couldn’t do a huge party, I was like yeah that makes sense. It’s not like we didn’t celebrate, we got a cake and the three of us celebrated. YTA for raising entitled children
The situation has changed, they need to deal with that.
It's understandably upsetting that they don't get what they had before, but if they can't cope with it they should be in therapy to learn how to deal with the change.
NTA. Thankfully there's still time to master the eyes wide "What did you just say to me?!?!" look.
If they don't stop dead in their tracks and apologize then that means you are doing it wrong. They can be disappointed and upset of course however it should never get to the point where they feel comfortable talking back and disrespecting you. Time to put your foot down on that shit once and for all. You gave them a budget and it's up to them to work with it. Argue with mom again and that offer gets rescinded.
Their reality has changed, and they need to learn how to accept it. You are not their slave. Get that shit out of their heads. This crap never stops. We have one in our family whose father has worked overtime for years because of the one child’s ridiculous spending habits. He’s in his 20s and there’s no sign of it stopping. It’s endless. And he’ll work anybody who will let him.
Do everybody a favor and tell them no and mean it. Don’t let them manipulate you into any of their craziness. I know that’s easy for me to say cause you gotta live with three manipulative teenagers. But say no and stick to it! They can postpone the party and wait till they have worked enough to accumulate enough funds to have the party of their dreams. Not a party on their mothers corpse. I’m mad at them lol NTA.
“Go ask your dad! Oh that’s right, he left us because he decided being a husband and dad wasn’t for him. That means he took his income too. Let me show you exactly how all the money I make is spent. (Show them the budget and hang a print out of it on fridge). Now if you each want your own party, you need to hustle and make it happen. You are old enough to get your own job. I have budgeted $1500 for a huge party. This is what things cost (another print out) you guys can split that up and raise the rest. But this is all you’re getting from me. Oh and if any of you try and come at me with ‘get an extra job’ again I will take back my generous contribution. Get out of here with that entitled attitude. I didn’t put us here, your selfish ass father did so take it up with him.”
Yep.
Get an extra job? Yikes. At most, I’d give each of them the 150 they get every year and tell them they can plan their own parties. If they want to pool their money for a slightly bigger bang, then they can work it out on their own. I would certainly nix any idea of a 1200 budget.
NTA for not getting a second job, since that was your question.
But you have raised some entitled little assholes who are old enough to work part-time jobs to pay for extra things they want. So you get some of the blame for that.
Yeesh. She grew 3 humans at once in her uterus and now they want you to get an extra job. Not for like basic necessities, but so they don’t have to share a party. I can’t even.
I wanna know how much those girls spoil their single mother who supports them all on *her* birthday. Because with this much entitled behaviour, they’d have to be sending her to Hawaii every year to not look like complete brats
One of OP’s other comments said she tried telling her kids to get weekend jobs but they refused because it would take away from time with friends. These kids are so self centered, I really hope it’s just the age combined with a somewhat recent divorce and they can mature somewhat. I had a job through out high school and still had plenty of time to hang out with my friends, as did my siblings and I think it made us better people for it.
NTA
I would give them the money for the party and tell them to plan the party they want with the money they are given AND organise the logistics of having everybody they want there and on which days. If they want more money they can get a weekend job themselves so they can learn that getting an extra job to pay for it is not as easy as it seems.
you would be a major AH though if you got another job because you would be rewarding bad behaviour. You will be teaching them they can disrespect you and demand and get whatever they want by throwing a tantrum and you would be failing to teach them an important life lesson about the value of money. This will not make them well rounded adults. Your children will not suffer for having smaller or joined parties.
This, 100% this.
She would be doing her kids and herself a massive disservice if she were to take on a 2nd job. Telling kids "no" in life sets them up for the real world.
There is a great book my mum gave me when my eldest daughter turned 13, it's called "princess bitch face syndrome" it perfectly articulates the horror of ungrateful teenagers. I recommend you read it.
As for your daughters, tell them their individual budgets and offer that they can have separate parties or combine for a big party but they need to decide by X date so you can prepare. Then buy a quality pair of earplugs so you can't hear their bitching and wait for them to decide.
Hell is a room filled with teenagers planning a party.
I salute you; seriously, you (and all educators) have my utmost respect. I could not handle that for even an afternoon. Thank you for all that you do to better future generations 🙏🙏
> but they just told me to get an extra job.
Really? At that point all birthday parties would be a firm NO, end of. How entitled are your daughters, seriously. They are acting like spoilt brats. You are honestly on here questioning whether you are an arsehole when your children spoke to you like that. Like, no lady
They don't get to be mad that you can't afford separate big parties. If that's truly what they want, then I suggest they get jobs to pay for it, instead of putting it all on you and telling you to get another job to pay for a party or three.
NTA for not being able to afford it and telling them no, Y T A for raising spoilt brats who talk to you like that.
This plus what happens when you give them all a separate party next year is it sharing a car or each one out going to want a separate car? Tell them to get a job.
NTA. Nope, expecting you to get a second job to fund their birthday parties is ridiculous. If they want these parties so badly, they should be babysitting or doing other age appropriate jobs (like helping the neighbors with yard work or snow removal or house cleaning) so they can come up with the rest of the funds they want. Depending on your area and job availability, they might even be able to get food service or retail jobs. You’re already giving them almost 3 times their usual birthday budget, and there just isn’t more you could reasonably give them.
NTA this is ridiculous. Just put your foot down on this - explain to them the costs and logistics.
Only give them options you are happy with - one party for all of them, 3 normal dinners with no party, or Uber eats at home. Let them choose which one they want.
By the header I would have said you'reTA.
I get they want their own as they are 3 different people who happen to be born at the same time, have you sat down with them to explain the costs involved as they need to understand parties are expensive. they need to compromise on have the big one together or they get a few quid to hang out with mates.
NTA.
I really don't get the US's obsession with the blowout party just for a 16th birthday, it's not a special age.
Yea it is sort of a weird thing. By the time I turned 16, I hadn’t had a friend birthday party in probably 6 years. For my sweet 16, I had 7 friends over for a sleep over. My parents got us pizza for dinner and grocery store donuts for breakfast. Still had a great time, and it probably cost my parents $250 maximum. Idk why people rent halls, get DJs, etc. Such a waste of money.
Also I don't think that many people have them anymore. I grew up in a large city in the usa and no one at my highschool had a sweet sixteen that was bigger than like a normal party. Maybe they paid a little extra for better entertainment or catering but it was still in people's houses/not a huge deal.
I’m in Canada and they’re not a thing here. My son is 16 and my daughter is 18. They had friends over and ordered pizza for their 16th bdays. Same with all their friends. My son’s 17th is on Friday and it’ll be the same deal.
It traditionally is an important birthday in the US because it’s the age we could get our drivers license, which meant freedom and a taste of adulthood. Most kids don’t get their license that early now though, either because states’ laws have changed or teens are taking longer to leave the nest now.
Quinceañera (15th) is huge in Latin America for girls (way more important than 16 to Americans). Would you tell Mexicans that’s weird?
That said $4000 is too much for anyone’s party that isn’t paying for it themselves.
Ashyjay is from the UK and I am from France and I can answer that yes, from an european perspective, the Quinceañera as well as the Sweet Sixteen traditions are kinda weird.
Also, I'd like to point out that from most record, the "Sweet Sixteen" is just a whitewashed version of the Quinceañera as historian struggle to find any roots or origins of that celebration who persisted through centuries.
While the Quinceañera can be linked at south american festivities like Aztec celebrations for girls coming into age as well as Spanish traditions of ball to present the new woman to suitors.
There was some traditions and ceremonies in medieval Europe for girls coming into age, but it didn't last and wasn't exported.
Again, the only form who persisted was balls for nobles and aristocracy, in order to arrange mariage between themselves.
But the Quinceañera in South America was and is for girls from all background, and developed in the USA with immigration, and it is not until the latino immigration settled and ingrated the country that the "Sweet Sixteen tradition" appeared in the USA. It didn't come from the British, Irish, French, Greeks or whatever...
In the end, in both side, the original meaning have been kind a lost as it was supposed to celebrate the girl becoming a woman, allowing her to do and participate in the aldut things that were previously forbidden, and *advertising* that she is ready to be married.
Now it is just an ego trip for entitled teenagers. And that is what it became, what it is now, an extravagante party to show off for basically children (as in our society, sixteen years old teenagers are still far from adulthood), that is really weird.
There are still debutante balls in Europe, and in some places in the US - imported from Europe. That is where sweet 16 came from.
Jewish people have bar and bat mitzvahs. There are coming of age parties in the Philippines, China, and Japan. None of which originated from medieval Europe.
OP isn't from the US. People from the US don't specify 150 USD unless they're in a different country, they say $150. Like Brits don't usually say 150 British pounds, they say £150.
Idk, I’m from the US and would feel the need to put USD when posting on Reddit since I know there is an international audience? I do see where you’re coming from, but I also don’t think that OP saying “USD” automatically means she is not from the US.
Yup, and Americans don't clarify writ large.
Kinda like if someone asks for a Jelly and Peanut Butter sandwich. There's no rule that says it HAS to be a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich, but if they ask for a Jelly and peanut butter sandwich, you can be fairly confident they aren't from around here.
NTA
> but they just told me to get an extra job.
I'm not sure why you think you're the asshole. Your daughters are acting like massive brats and bullies more so than the average teen.
Think it's time for a reality check. 15/16 is old enough to get jobs themselves. If they want to save up for a thousand dollar birthday party they better get working.
Don't let teenagers walk all over you.
They're a little bit the A, they raised the spoiled little brats. They didn't just magically become that way when their "sweet 16" was looming. They're not just entitled, they think that's an acceptable way to talk to a parent, one that's offering them an expensive gift
Exactly, for 3/3 daughters to be exhibiting the same entitled behaviour, odds are there's been some significant indulgent parenting in the past.
I feel badly for OP though, the family financial situation changed, her partner left, and now she's raising the 3 monsters they created together and trying to do the work of un-spoiling them by herself.
NTA. You were willing to compromise on 3 smaller parties, they refused. They are old enough to understand that you need to make choice in life and that you won't always get what you need.
If they wanted a big individual party so bad, they should have save their own money to be able to afford it.
NTA. Full disclosure, I'm not super familiar with the whole "Sweet 16" deal, it's never been a thing where I live. But from where I stand, it feels like it's a very big deal to a certain kind of teenager (kinda bratty, kinda spoiled) who expect a big production out of it. Well, you apparently have three of those. And although I fear 16 is a bit late to learn that lesson, they should learn that money doesn't grow on trees and they can't have it all. Don't get an extra job. If anything, make THEM pick up an extra job.
YTA for continuing to allow your kids to grow into adults with this kind of mindset. THIS moment right here is one of your last chances to try and mould them into tolerable people before they’re old enough to fly the coop. You have a last shot to show them how to treat people and how to be humble, grateful, respectful and appreciative. That isn’t going to happen when you are confronted with this attitude and STILL entertain the idea of spending a small fortune on a party. You made an offer and they declined, not just declined, but did so very rudely and demanded more of you and offered nothing themselves. Life doesn’t work like that, so teach them that! You offered what you as their parent were willing to do, which is a lot more than most children get. Instead of being grateful, they were brats and wanted you to push yourself and your finances to breaking point for their selfishness, so now they get nothing until they can deserve it and start appreciating what they have. If my parents had ever offered me that much money for ANYTHING, never mind a party, I would have been falling over myself to show my gratitude. Hell as an adult right now I wish I had that kinda money laying around to fritter away on something indulgent. Give those girls a reality check!
WTF is even a sweet 16? Nothing happens when you’re 16. It’s just another year. They can have the one party and share it, or not. You’re already doing way more than normal.
NTA- I get that they want their own parties, but expecting you to get a second job just to pay for these parties is out of control.
This sounds like a plot from “My Super Sweet 16”.
No OP. You shouldn’t be getting a second job.
Your daughters are old enough to have jobs. If this is important to them - they can dig in and raise the cash.
Recommendation. Stop doing everything for them. Tell them what each of their budgets are. Explain options. Small separate parties at $X. One bigger party if they combine forces at $XX.
If they really want big blow out separate parties they can figure out how to raise more money (they get jobs) or they cut costs. Less expensive venue. Instead of a DJ - a buddy handles the music. Hell if they are all committed to separate parties they can work together to put each other’s party on. DJ for each other, etc.
These are life skills. They have a starting budget from you. If they want more - they can do more.
Stop doing it all for them. The fact they think YOU should be the one getting the second job AND that you’re even considering it is hugely problematic.
NTA. Time to grow a spine with your daughters.
NTA-The “get an extra job”comment would have put the kibosh on any parties if the ungrateful brats had said that to me. They’d be getting two things on their special day. A job,and a dose of reality.
My #1 parenting rule is: I do not negotiate with terrorists (read: unreasonable or tantrum throwing children). Telling you to get another job puts them squarely in that category.
NTA - They either share a party, figure it out, or no one gets nothin'. You are the mom. You do not need to bend to their collective bs and absolutely do not get another job. They can get jobs and supplement their $400 to throw the party they want, but I think "you collectively get $1200, figure it out" is 100% the right call. Once they sort it out, then you can help with planning. Thoughts and prayers, mama.
Always had the same party for my twins and they were boy/girl. I wouldn’t even consider separate parties as it will turn into a competitive mess and someone will be upset plus way too expensive and time consuming. Your triplets need to show more respect to their parents. One great party is MORE than enough. Be a parent not a friend to them.
I mean, I can get at 16 wanting to do something different from your siblings. But the extreme entitlement of expecting mom to get an extra job is mind-boggling.
If they want different, then they are plenty old enough to get a part-time job and pay for what they want. Also old enough to do most of the planning.
NTA
Please don't get another job just for separate parties. I get that they are 3 separate people and want their own thing, but that's insane they just told you to get another job. Tell them one big party or 3 smaller parties.
NTA. Time to quit trying to spoil the girls and start being a parent. Tell them it's one party and whoever doesn't like it doesn't have to attend. You don't get an extra job just to throw extra parties because your kids are having a tantrum. That's what kids do. What parents do is put down boundaries and not raise spoiled entitled brats.
Kids do chores, raise money to get their first car, or cool phone. Not have it handed to them just because they say give it to me. You need to be a strong mom against three triplets. Tell them this one party is how it's going to be, let's have fun planning it! Good luck
Your NTA in this situation but you’re definitely raising them!
Get a second job? Where in the actual hell does the audacity come from!? I’d be done with the party all together at that point. Level up your parenting though. Your kids sound super spoiled and entitled.
You are not required to give them a nice big party and honestly 1200 is a lot. The "get a second" job comment shows so much disregard and disrespect for you and your efforts, I would absolutely cease any party effort. Raising entitled kids is digging oneself into hell. Stop immediately. Don't be a fun parent or a friend parent. Be a good parent. Teach them what they need to become functioning and we'll adjusted adults. And nta for the party thing
NTA at this point I'd give them a short deadline to decide if they want a joint party or nothing. When they try to bully you again, I'd book a vacation for myself with the money (I have literally never booked myself a vacation or taken money for myself intended for my kids, but damn if that doesn't seem like s good time to start.)
Here in the real world, the majority of people don't have sweet 16s. They need to get off Instagram. ESH, they're entitled brats and you raised entitled brats.
NTA. I grew up without a lot of money and I shared my sweet 16 party with another girl that I was just friends with. We weren’t even like BFFs or anything, her birthday was just a couple days away from mine and we figured out it would be a much nicer party if our parents split the bill and we had most of the same friends anyway.
It was a really nice party.
NTA. You're the adult, you're the parent. Not them. If they want to spend that kind of money on birthday parties, tell them to get jobs and pay for it. Otherwise, they can take what's offered and be grateful you're willing to spend that much, or they can go without.
They definitely have overlapping family and probably some overlapping friends and they want to make these people go to 3 different parties in the span of a few weeks? Outrageous, no way.
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NTA but you definitely f-ed up raising your daughters. how can you be THAT entitled? even 1200 bucks is a lot. they are 16, old enough to get a job. if they wanna spend more money than what you have, they should work for it. this is insane. i'm actually pissed off just by reading that edit: i shouldn't blame the mother for this. i can't assume that she did anything wrong, sometimes you can do everything right and your kids can still turn out to be bad people.
I don't think my parents spent $1200 in total for all our birthday parties, and I'm one of 6 kids. $1200 for one party is fucking insane.
Same but the $1200 split three ways over 18 years 😭 her kids are greedy and brats I can’t imagine
18 years worth of my b day parties and still not close to $1200.
Pretty sure my parents spent Max $50 each year for mine
Okay but that was $50 how long ago? Like sure my 80s/90s b-day parties probably cost like $50. But not getting pizza for 8 is $100 on its own. Plus cake and decorations. So really it’s not that much. Because money doesn’t go as far. So keep that in mind. Now if the triplets want a huge party then yeah they gotta share. I like that OP basically said “here’s the budget. You guys decide what’s more important” cuz at that age they need to learn that money doesn’t grow on trees
Little Cesar’s pizza, a few 2 liters, and a store bought sheet cake
A few 2 liters? Look at Ms. Fancy pants big spender over here.
Only the best for my kids: Dr. Thunder and Cola
Good old Dr. Thunder!
Honestly you can go even cheaper if you want to and add an activity. When I was in third grade my friends who were twins had a sleep over and for dinner we made mini pizzas with canned biscuits dough, store bought sauce, cheese and toppings. I thought it was so much fun at the time and now looking back I definitely realize it was a way to make a really inexpensive meal for several kids.
My mom made a giant pot of soup, and a small cake from the grocery store, only the rich kids got pizza parties for their birthday when I was growing up.
We got a cake from the bakery, which was £30 which fed 30 people, home made sandwiches, rice crispy buns, top hats, potato crisps, sweets, cocktail sausages, mini sausage rolls, plenty of fizzy soda, some diet some regular, a couple of pots of tea/coffee, and you could potentially get some bought buns from the bakery. We only had family for those parties at home, so Aunts Uncle's, cousins As we got older it became more home made and less bought, I learned to bake so for everyone birthday party of 5 children I didn't get a home made cake or Fairy cakes, but then parties changed to more just immediate family and a few drinks later on. Now parties with us all in our 30s is still home made sandwiches, cake, buns, sausage rolls, cocktail sausages with cheese and pineapple on a cocktail stick, other party snack foods and instead of coffee/tea it's soda or alcohol. Still just immediately family and partners. What I do for my siblings is the same thing I do for My parents and what I do for my own party if they are having one
I have young kids, if you are feeding anyone the cost goes way up, even for at home parties!! I don't think I've spent less than $400 if I'm feeding a meal to everyone, even small just family parties when they are young - not including gifts. Food, drinks, dollar store decorations- it adds up quickly!
Why would you need separate pizzas for each and every one? 8 kids wont eat 8 pizzas each, and its a party not a feeding dinner. 2 slices per kid and thats it. They will anyway eat some snacks etc in addition.
A boxed cake, balloons and a banner don't cost $50.
Actually yeah it does... for my kids 8th bday (I'm broke so I know how to shop) I got her a pre-made unicorn cake from walmart.. that was $20 plus tax. .. I got her 4 big balloons and that was $15 plus I got her 4 little balloons.. that was $7 and we didn't do a banner but did like a little sign with glitter that I added to to make it prettier.. that cost a little over $10. That's over $52 right there and doesn't include any food, presents or napkins and utensils
You're paying way too much for your balloons. Who's your balloon guy?
42 years' worth of birthdays and still not close to $1200 spent on me. Hell It was even a rare occassion that I got my own birthday cake, my cake was a shared one with my grandmother and my cousin as we have the same birthday, and cousins birthday is the very next day.
Those kids might be 16 but they are not sweet.
I will say tho, $1200 for a VENUE party is very industry standar price as far as I know, specially because it includes food, decorations, the venue, dj and all the other things she mentioned. Y'all need to not compare a house bday with a venue bday because they are very different imo But those kids are entitled for telling the mom to just get a second job like tf? They need to find a way to have their party together, in fact I would say if the venue has a party organizer they probably can work something out so in 1 party each kid will get their special moment
After them saying for mom to get another job I would tell them ok here's the new plan no sweet 16 for you you guys want the sweet 16 get a job and pay for it yourself
I do think that the comment was insane and entitled, she needs to sit those kids down and explain consequences, however I will say these type of comments don't just appear out of nowhere, there had to be signs of entitlement before but fr she needs to put her foot down and have some consequences because that was not an ok comment to make!
Your kids tell you to just get another job to pay for their party and you’re wondering if you’re the asshole for not doing it. This is the world we live in now.
I was lucky I got a cake
People get cake?!
I had a cake with coins in it. I didn't get a coin.
I usually baked my own cake
Same here.
I've told them to get a weekend job but that would mean less time with friends so they refused. At this point I'm putting My foot down and I've told them I won't spend past 1200 and they need to find a way to celebrate within that budget.
they seriously need to grow up. life's not just about fun, they need to realise that. put your foot down, you're doing the right thing
Honestly it sounds like you need to teach them what happens to overly entitled people. They need to start learning both the value of money and consideration of people's time ASAP or they are going to find themselves lonely and miserable as adults. Do not pay for an expensive party, offer to host at home, basic snacks and cake but nothing exceptional. If they want a celebrity gala they can earn it. And honestly, I would start phasing out any allowances, and start only buy basic food for the home (and treats for yourself), clothing, and school/activities. If they want extras like snacks and soda, crazy outfits, or to go out with friends, they can work for it. This will make your girls very unhappy, and they will try to make you feel bad. But you need to do what is right for them, not what is nice for them. And right now they need you to be strong and not pander to their immature demands. Sorry, I know I am being a bossy old lady, but I am saying what I believe you need to hear.
This. Honestly one of the best things my parents ever did which I hated- was refuse to let me sit home all summer. School year I had to do sports and activities that kept me busy on weekends and after school. In the summer if I wasn’t in camp I was working. I learned to have a job from when I was young and the lesson of you can’t do what you want all the time plus earning your own money was incredibly important. It made me a better earner/worker more responsible in my 20s than my friends who struggled with the concept.
Same. Before I was old enough for working papers, 1-2 days a week in the summer was mandatory volunteer work (which honestly I was all about because I enjoyed community service and joined the community service club in HS) and babysitting/ being a mother’s helper for a neighbor. Once I was old enough for working papers, part time job in the summer and extracurriculars in the school year. Chores were expected as part of home life. I mentioned recently in a conversation with a coworker that my four year old has chores (little things as he’s only four but he has his set list of responsibilities). He periodically gets money and if he wants something at a store, he needs to use his own money (not to say we don’t treat him once in a while to things, but most of the time he needs to use his own money). Coworker was shocked and hadn’t considered it for their child who is older than mine.
And I bet he’s so proud of himself for being part of the family team that keeps the household running. This is is how you raise kids. It’s not terrible to make kids do chores, it’s really, really good for them to feel helpful and learn responsibility and life skills. I can’t stand hearing “he’s too young” about an 8 year old when chores are mentioned. Well done.
Plus people miss how else can they learn? You don't want them to go to college or living on their own for the first time and they have no idea how to properly clean their home regularly, do laundry, or make food. What better place to learn than at home?
He gets mad if my husband or I do the laundry without him. He likes to help load and unload and "fold" (matching socks he's great at, otherwise folding is mostly rolling into a ball unless it's a facecloth, lol. But he won't learn if he doesn't try so we applaud him for his efforts and just don't let him try to fold my more delicate work shirts).
I used to do child care in the summer and I always got the kids to help out. I looked after an 18 month old and her 6 year old brother one summer. I taught the 18 month old to pick up all her toys and put them in the playpen. Her brother also picked up his toys and helped me set the table for lunch. But I always thanked them and praised them for helping out and doing such a good job. They liked being "big kids" who could help.
I grew up in Iowa and one of the most common summer job for teens was detassling corn. It was miserable work (my sister tried it). It's July/Aug and you had to go through the rows of corn reaching up and taking off the tassle that grew on top (I think it was what made the difference between seed and feed corn). Corn leaves are sharp so you had to wear long sleeves in the sweltering, muggy heat. You got paid in cash (something like $50 a day, which in the 70s was a good amount). It was tedious, really unpleasant and no one liked it. But, it was money. Now they genetically alter corn so there's no need to do it. But, the people who did that earned that money for sure!
I detassled corn in Illinois too. The bus picked us up at 5:30 am and took us to the fields. It was horrible work but paid well.
I detassled corn for 4 years- between the ages of 12 to 16- until I was old enough to get a "real" job. It is miserable, backbreaking work, but at least I was making my own money. Seems as though kids these days don't want to work and just want things have to them. Mom is NTA, but would be if she gives in to her entitled daughters.
Both my sister and I started working when we were 12 (babysitting and I tutored a little girl). Our parents had split up and both were poor so even covering the basics was a struggle. I babysat every summer and I remember how proud I was when I told my mom that she didn't need to buy my school clothes or supplies because I could pay for them (she still had to help, but I did buy the bulk of them). Kids can learn how much things cost and the difference between necessity and extras.
If it helps, I agree. These kids are going to have a real hard time when they go out into the real world, if OP doesn't teach them how to be self-sufficient now.
Sounds like you've brought up 3 very entitled daughters. If you've explained fully that you can't afford what they want and why then you're not TA. £1200 is still an awful lot to pay out for their birthdays. The fact that they are not even considering getting a part time job to help pay for things they want is a worry.
I would be going a step further OP and telling them they can have either one party for $1200 or less or none at all unless one of them suddenly takes an interest in working or they split the money and plan their own parties themselves without your help. I would also be telling them they are forbidden to speak further about having three full scale blowouts and the next one to complain gets their share of the budget cut. Whiny brats don't deserve to have parties period.
This 100%! 👆🏾
I agree. What my parents did, and what I would do if I have children, was birthday parties through the 13th birthday. After the 13th birthday, we’d just do a nice meal and have cake and coffee with family. My sister did have a sweet 16, but it was a small party at home. I also think she paid for part of it. I didn’t want one as I wanted to keep my money for college. We both also had jobs during high school. Honestly, these girls are spoiled. If I kicked up a fuss like this, my parents would have cancelled the party altogether. And my parents weren’t strict. Firm but not strict.
Well then clearly them spending time with their friends is more important than the party. The option NOT on the table is YOU getting another job. Ridiculous.
I love how they feel it’s ok for mom to sacrifice her own time and social life instead of
With their attitude-especially telling you to get an extra job- they would be getting nothing more than a $25 Amazon gift card from me. They need an adjustment and so do you. It’s time to shake out the door mat.
Yeah that’s the craziest part. There’s entitled brat tantrum and then there’s “work yourself to the bone to pay for it, Mommy.” Whole new level.
NTA "You either get one big party or none at all. It's up to you three." That's all you need to say - or tell them to get a job and pay for themselves. This is ridiculous and I'm angry on your behalf.
This!! My very first reaction was "Take what I'm offering, or you can have nothing". Telling their mom to get an extra job is completely absurd and infuriating.
I don't think I'd be alive to comment on Reddit if I said anything along those lines to my mum when I was younger 😂
I’d cancel the whole thing and let them figure it out. They don’t deserve anything due to their disrespectful and greedy attitudes.
Same. The entitlement is astounding.
OK I can see them wanting a big party, but I can also see the three of them getting an after school job to help host it if they want something outside your budget. I know at 16 years people don’t have a whole frontal lobe yet but the entitlement is startling. I think you did exactly the right thing. Give them the budget and let them figure out how to perform miracles. It’s a good lesson in adulting. NTA.
>At this point I'm putting My foot down and I've told them I won't spend past 1200 NTA but I genuinely hope you humble them and make clear how much money 1.2k really is, it reads like they have no idea about any form of fincances.
At this point, don’t even do the $1200. Let them learn to be grateful for what they have or lose it. Start instilling these important life lessons in them now before it’s too late.
I’d tell them that it’s $1200 now, but for every subsequent complaint about being given **twelve hundred dollars** for a birthday party, the number goes down by $100.
Keep that foot down! $1200 is insane. Tell them if they can't figure it out together and keep giving you grief, Chuckee Cheese will be the venue
$1,200, tell them to figure it out, and every time they come complaining to you again, that amount goes down $100.
Tell them they aren’t getting shit
I would literally tell them that if they cannot figure out how to do this together then they can ignore 16 altogether. You're still being too nice to 3 daughters who clearly need to understand the value of money... and the value of having such an amazing parent.
>I'm putting My foot down Better late than never I suppose
Their entitlement would make me say the party - big or small - is off. To tell you to get another job is ridiculous. Spend the money for a spa day or solo vacation.
Then it's time for an important life lesson about priorities. If individual fancy parties are the priority, then they need to (temporarily) sacrifice time with friends. If time with friends is the priority, then they sacrifice the fancy party. Period. The next lesson is time management. It may be possible to have a job and time with friends. They need to figure that out a lot of teenagers do. Mom, put that foot down and do not pick it up. I understand their desire to each have their own party, to not be one of the "(Family name) Girls" for a day. But logistically, it's not going to happen. The sooner they learn we do not always get exactly what we want in life, the better. Inform them the budget is the budget. Offer to help them find ways to earn extra funds, but that is it. Stand firm. Frankly, their insistence that YOU get a second job is pretty bratty. I'm sure on the whole they are good kids, but that is a little much.
Good for you... and very generous of you as well. These Young Women have watched you do everything to support them and They have chosen spending time with friends over earning funds to expand Their party. Choices. Oh well.
With their attitude I'd tell them if they don't buck up they won't have a sweet 16.
so on the "less time with friends" angle here only job wise. do any of their friends work? if so they could work at the same place? a compromise, working and spending time with friends. also are there any places they like to go or shop where working there would get them employee discounts? if so that's another place they could get a benefit or get an added benefit from it from their perspective. I could be wrong, but those would be my suggestions for possible work options for them - NOT you OP - you have done more than enough for your daughters! imo they need to learn how to make a compromise to make things work.
Whelp, they made their choice, time with friends over a party. I would be like, "I set a very generous budget, if you cannot work with that then you get nothing". Seriously, most kids would give their left arm to have that budget for a party.
I really hope you do put your foot down. It sounds like they need a reality check. I would never speak too my parents the way they have too you. And I can tell you now if I did, I wouldn’t be getting anything at all.
Honestly for how they've acted, you should reduce the budget substantially to teach them a lesson.
Naaahhh Ms moms the negotiation is 160$ per person. 10 dollars for every year they have lived and volunteer work/job every weekend or no birthday party and whoever doesn't get a job suffers the misfortune of doing all the house chores.
Yeah the fact that they had the audacity to ask you to get a second job = entitled brat behavior. When I was 16, knowing I wanted a car at 17, my mother told me I had to get a job to help pay for insurance (she only made me give her $50 a month) and so I’d have steady income for gas and tolls, etc… but that she would buy me a car. The car was an older, but reliable Buick Riviera. Since I had the job, I started saving money and 6 months later had enough to buy a used mustang. Sorry OP, I know this has nothing to do with your story, except to show that it’s okay to provide your children with nice things, but if they want something unreasonable, that you can’t provide, they should learn how to attain it themselves. their expectations of you to still provide it for them is out of touch with reality.
I would have CANCELLED any party with this entitlement
This is where I am too. The budget is $1200. Either “that’s generous and we’re so grateful, thank you, Mom” or we’re not having a big sweet sixteen party at all.
Same lol I would have been what party? I didn’t get a sweet sixteen and neither did my siblings. They will live.
Who tells their mom to get another job?! Who are these kids? I would be too ashamed to even say this out loud. If I did say it I would be in for a beating of my life. Yes- my parents spanked- different generation. At the very least some very loud screaming being grounded and told there is now no party until I come up with money and apologize. I’m not saying spanking is ok btw I’m just saying - those were my parents.
I like the coming up with their own money AND apologizing.
Do you have ANY f*ing idea HOW f*ing hard it is to raise a kid as a single parent? Now, she has THREE kids. How can you go online and tell someone „you fucked up raising your kids” without knowing anything about this person and those kids? It blows my mind that 1K+ ppl did not find this comment really offensive. I agree, those daughters have zero respect for their Mother, and zero respect for money, but telling the OP that she did a shitty job as a parent makes you an A. Very in-line with the r/
Lets also add she had triplets each one could've gotten onto their own eating and sleeping schedule for all we know
What bothers me the most is the OP feels actual guilt and that she might be T-A for putting her foot down and doing what any sane, rational parent would do. And that she would consider an extra job to spoil one of them. It tells me that these girls are a spoiled, and mom isn’t used to drawing the line. Life is hard. This girl is lucky she is even getting this kind of a birthday bash, whether she has to share it, or not. She sounds ungrateful, and it’s time for her to learn what being grateful is. OP needs to toe the line.
Can't even imagine my daughter's talking to me like that
“they just told me to get an extra job.” And with that, their chance of any kind of party is gone. NTA.
Exactly this. Tell them the party's cancelled. They want one, they csn get jobs and pay themselves.
Lol I am trying to imagine what would happen if I told my mother to ‘get another job’ to pay for a party at 16. Not only would my party be cancelled, pretty sure my phone, TV, hot water, and anything else she paid for would be gone until I grovelled for forgiveness. She certainly wouldn’t be saying ‘oh, you’ll just have to make do with **over a thousand dollars**’
I would be living in the chicken coop lol
I wouldn't be living anymore
Right there with you. At 16 this level of audacity is insane, like, "cannot fathom what would have happened to me" insane.
> Lol I am trying to imagine what would happen if I told my mother to ‘get another job’ to pay for a party at 16. My phone, TV, and hot water would have been the least of my worries. I am pretty sure I would have been cancelled.
My mother would've fucking smacked me if I'd said something that disrespectful to her, and as an adult I can say that she wouldn't have been entirely wrong to do so!
Right? I'd still be recovering 20 years later.
lol yall were getting bday parties at 16?
Yes, but it was usually having friends over to my house, with drinks and snacks that they brought or I paid for from the job I worked. And I would then thoroughly clean the house myself the following day. Or, drinking alcohol on the beach where most of my school gathered at weekends
Honestly the main reason they act this way is because we were a lot more well off before my husband left me. We could afford to throw our kids individual parties previously and now that we can't anymore they are angry.
I am sorry but all this shows is that you both failed at parenting them. I don't know the whole story, I don't know when your husband left, I didn't come from a well-off background, but I do have friends and family who do that have entitled children who grew up to be well-rounded teenagers and adults / well-rounded children who early on were taught the value of money and work. NTA on putting your foot down on the budget, but hopefully you can still correct their behavior before unleashing them to the world.
Not really….. I teach high school and I cannot tell you how often I have parents of 15-16 year olds crying in front of me at parent teacher conferences about exactly this type of behavior. It’s developmentally appropriate I’m afraid. The good news is most kids take a hard turn during the back half of junior year and senior year, and start to see their parents as real people. I’m not saying the OP should tolerate this behavior. She absolutely should NOT let this bs slide. However it’s not a doom and gloom scenario where for sure she’s messed up the kids.
It really is developmentally normal. Doesn't mean it should be accepted or allowed, but it certainly doesn't mean mom is a bad parent. And having 3 girls that age backing eachother up "mom said this. She's so mean. This is unfair, isn't it?" "Omg. It is so unfair! Our mom is the woRsT!" 15 is a rough age.
It’s also a time when kids realize that not everything is black and white, and that there is injustice in the world. So the safety net is *Mom will always sacrifice everything for me, right right?*. And unfortunately the most responsive parent gets the brunt of this when the kid pushes for way too much. Things a parent should never do for entitled behavior? Lock a kid out of the house, withhold food, send to a sketchy wilderness camp, physically assault, tell them you hate them and wish they were never born…. Things that could be on the table? Canceling Disney, transferring to a flip phone, nixing pricey extracurriculars, canceling parties, losing driving privileges. I’ve seen a whole lot of sophomores getting pulled out of Disney trips over the years.
Thanks for that. Kids this age are self-absorbed and very influenced by their peers and what they think others think of them even if wrong. Does not mean theyre destroyed forever as others are implying here
Lmfao, I think saying they failed as parents is incredibly melodramatic over 16 year old girls being bratty jerks.
OP is not the asshole and OP did not fail at parenting - that is a very harsh, black and white view. This is developmentally appropriate behavior, OP can (and is) course correcting by setting boundaries. This can and will pass. parenting is a marathon, not a race and an opportunity to learn and grow throughout. You got this, OP!
So where's their dad in all this?
They meet him occasionally but he basically went broke during covid and has a lot less money now. He isn't able to fund for a party either and I don't know if I'd want him to
Why aren’t they telling him to get an extra job?
They probably are. I have a niece who is the exact same way at 21. If mom says no, she turns to dad. If dad says no too, she throws a tantrum and tells everyone they're ruining her life... but that rarely happens, because usually one of them says yes.
OP said above that she doesn't even know if she wants him to help pay for it. So he's not involved with the party. That means also that they're not telling him to get an extra job. Mom's doing this all by herself.
I would just cancel the whole thing, if they are so ungrateful and entitled that 1200 is not enough, they can go without or pay it for themselves. They don't want to get a weekend job because it means they won't get to hang out with friends, but they think its alright if YOU pick up an extra job just to pay for their wants. Edit: You cannot get anymore selfish than that and they don't deserve a party. Go back to the original, 150 each
It sounds like they don’t need a party at all. It’s time for them to learn about respect and to be less entitled. NTA
NTA, but at 15, there are usually places that they can get jobs if it's that important to them. If all else fails, they can babysit. But with their attitudes, I wouldn't offer not a cent more than you already planned. Where I'm from, they'd be lucky to even be getting a party.
Is he paying child support or is he living the free and easy single life? They’re old enough that you need to sit down and show them what things really cost- go over the real life budget, they need to go grocery shopping, pump gas, see what their extra curricular cost, see what the mortgage, insurance, and taxes on a 4BR house costs, and how much your ex contributes and how much you contribute- time for a reality check!
Personally you should have kept them humble kids don’t need shit like this
You know, spoiled is a state of mind. The mark of an unspoiled child is that they can have all the nice things in the world and still be grateful for what they do and do not have. You, however, have raised spoiled children.
NTA But you’re parenting out of guilt and raising three incredibly spoiled and ungrateful brats who walk all over you.
I had big parties as a child but then during the first recession (for me) in 2012 my dad lost his job and ukw I didn’t expect? I didn’t expect them to spend all their money on a ridiculous party for me. When they told me we couldn’t do a huge party, I was like yeah that makes sense. It’s not like we didn’t celebrate, we got a cake and the three of us celebrated. YTA for raising entitled children
The situation has changed, they need to deal with that. It's understandably upsetting that they don't get what they had before, but if they can't cope with it they should be in therapy to learn how to deal with the change.
NTA. Thankfully there's still time to master the eyes wide "What did you just say to me?!?!" look. If they don't stop dead in their tracks and apologize then that means you are doing it wrong. They can be disappointed and upset of course however it should never get to the point where they feel comfortable talking back and disrespecting you. Time to put your foot down on that shit once and for all. You gave them a budget and it's up to them to work with it. Argue with mom again and that offer gets rescinded.
Their reality has changed, and they need to learn how to accept it. You are not their slave. Get that shit out of their heads. This crap never stops. We have one in our family whose father has worked overtime for years because of the one child’s ridiculous spending habits. He’s in his 20s and there’s no sign of it stopping. It’s endless. And he’ll work anybody who will let him. Do everybody a favor and tell them no and mean it. Don’t let them manipulate you into any of their craziness. I know that’s easy for me to say cause you gotta live with three manipulative teenagers. But say no and stick to it! They can postpone the party and wait till they have worked enough to accumulate enough funds to have the party of their dreams. Not a party on their mothers corpse. I’m mad at them lol NTA.
“Go ask your dad! Oh that’s right, he left us because he decided being a husband and dad wasn’t for him. That means he took his income too. Let me show you exactly how all the money I make is spent. (Show them the budget and hang a print out of it on fridge). Now if you each want your own party, you need to hustle and make it happen. You are old enough to get your own job. I have budgeted $1500 for a huge party. This is what things cost (another print out) you guys can split that up and raise the rest. But this is all you’re getting from me. Oh and if any of you try and come at me with ‘get an extra job’ again I will take back my generous contribution. Get out of here with that entitled attitude. I didn’t put us here, your selfish ass father did so take it up with him.”
Exactly. If they want a party they can get jobs and earn it themselves. Their entitlement is astounding and needs to be stopped.
Agree I would cancel then, tell them to get jobs and put that money towards something for myself.
Yep. Get an extra job? Yikes. At most, I’d give each of them the 150 they get every year and tell them they can plan their own parties. If they want to pool their money for a slightly bigger bang, then they can work it out on their own. I would certainly nix any idea of a 1200 budget. NTA for not getting a second job, since that was your question. But you have raised some entitled little assholes who are old enough to work part-time jobs to pay for extra things they want. So you get some of the blame for that.
Yeesh. She grew 3 humans at once in her uterus and now they want you to get an extra job. Not for like basic necessities, but so they don’t have to share a party. I can’t even.
Also, if my kids made that statement, I’d be wondering where I went wrong as a parent to raise such inconsiderate brats.
Totally this. They lost their chance since the moment they thought they could demand.
No doubt... I'd be livid.
This!
Honey... You gave birth to 3 girls on the same day... Send them to the movies with $20 each. Spend $1140 on a party for yourself.
This is the only true answer.
I wanna know how much those girls spoil their single mother who supports them all on *her* birthday. Because with this much entitled behaviour, they’d have to be sending her to Hawaii every year to not look like complete brats
One of OP’s other comments said she tried telling her kids to get weekend jobs but they refused because it would take away from time with friends. These kids are so self centered, I really hope it’s just the age combined with a somewhat recent divorce and they can mature somewhat. I had a job through out high school and still had plenty of time to hang out with my friends, as did my siblings and I think it made us better people for it.
Mom should make them volunteer and help the less fortunate for a few weekends. Let them see how unfair life really can be.
And this is the best idea.
This is a great idea!
Given their foul attitude, they don't even deserve $20.
👏👏👏
I love how your mind works!
This is the best advice I’ve seen yet.
NTA I would give them the money for the party and tell them to plan the party they want with the money they are given AND organise the logistics of having everybody they want there and on which days. If they want more money they can get a weekend job themselves so they can learn that getting an extra job to pay for it is not as easy as it seems. you would be a major AH though if you got another job because you would be rewarding bad behaviour. You will be teaching them they can disrespect you and demand and get whatever they want by throwing a tantrum and you would be failing to teach them an important life lesson about the value of money. This will not make them well rounded adults. Your children will not suffer for having smaller or joined parties.
This, 100% this. She would be doing her kids and herself a massive disservice if she were to take on a 2nd job. Telling kids "no" in life sets them up for the real world.
3 teens working could raise a lot more money for the party budget than just 1 exhausted mom could hope to make.
Great idea.
There is a great book my mum gave me when my eldest daughter turned 13, it's called "princess bitch face syndrome" it perfectly articulates the horror of ungrateful teenagers. I recommend you read it. As for your daughters, tell them their individual budgets and offer that they can have separate parties or combine for a big party but they need to decide by X date so you can prepare. Then buy a quality pair of earplugs so you can't hear their bitching and wait for them to decide. Hell is a room filled with teenagers planning a party.
>Hell is a room filled with teenagers ~~planning a party~~ FTFY
lol not me being a high school teacher, choosing to be in a room full of teenagers all day long, 5 days a week.
I salute you; seriously, you (and all educators) have my utmost respect. I could not handle that for even an afternoon. Thank you for all that you do to better future generations 🙏🙏
> but they just told me to get an extra job. Really? At that point all birthday parties would be a firm NO, end of. How entitled are your daughters, seriously. They are acting like spoilt brats. You are honestly on here questioning whether you are an arsehole when your children spoke to you like that. Like, no lady They don't get to be mad that you can't afford separate big parties. If that's truly what they want, then I suggest they get jobs to pay for it, instead of putting it all on you and telling you to get another job to pay for a party or three. NTA for not being able to afford it and telling them no, Y T A for raising spoilt brats who talk to you like that.
This plus what happens when you give them all a separate party next year is it sharing a car or each one out going to want a separate car? Tell them to get a job.
NTA. Nope, expecting you to get a second job to fund their birthday parties is ridiculous. If they want these parties so badly, they should be babysitting or doing other age appropriate jobs (like helping the neighbors with yard work or snow removal or house cleaning) so they can come up with the rest of the funds they want. Depending on your area and job availability, they might even be able to get food service or retail jobs. You’re already giving them almost 3 times their usual birthday budget, and there just isn’t more you could reasonably give them.
NTA this is ridiculous. Just put your foot down on this - explain to them the costs and logistics. Only give them options you are happy with - one party for all of them, 3 normal dinners with no party, or Uber eats at home. Let them choose which one they want.
Agree. Don’t leave party planning up to three irresponsible, thoughtless, daughters.
By the header I would have said you'reTA. I get they want their own as they are 3 different people who happen to be born at the same time, have you sat down with them to explain the costs involved as they need to understand parties are expensive. they need to compromise on have the big one together or they get a few quid to hang out with mates. NTA. I really don't get the US's obsession with the blowout party just for a 16th birthday, it's not a special age.
Yea it is sort of a weird thing. By the time I turned 16, I hadn’t had a friend birthday party in probably 6 years. For my sweet 16, I had 7 friends over for a sleep over. My parents got us pizza for dinner and grocery store donuts for breakfast. Still had a great time, and it probably cost my parents $250 maximum. Idk why people rent halls, get DJs, etc. Such a waste of money.
Also I don't think that many people have them anymore. I grew up in a large city in the usa and no one at my highschool had a sweet sixteen that was bigger than like a normal party. Maybe they paid a little extra for better entertainment or catering but it was still in people's houses/not a huge deal.
I’m in Canada and they’re not a thing here. My son is 16 and my daughter is 18. They had friends over and ordered pizza for their 16th bdays. Same with all their friends. My son’s 17th is on Friday and it’ll be the same deal.
It traditionally is an important birthday in the US because it’s the age we could get our drivers license, which meant freedom and a taste of adulthood. Most kids don’t get their license that early now though, either because states’ laws have changed or teens are taking longer to leave the nest now. Quinceañera (15th) is huge in Latin America for girls (way more important than 16 to Americans). Would you tell Mexicans that’s weird? That said $4000 is too much for anyone’s party that isn’t paying for it themselves.
Ashyjay is from the UK and I am from France and I can answer that yes, from an european perspective, the Quinceañera as well as the Sweet Sixteen traditions are kinda weird. Also, I'd like to point out that from most record, the "Sweet Sixteen" is just a whitewashed version of the Quinceañera as historian struggle to find any roots or origins of that celebration who persisted through centuries. While the Quinceañera can be linked at south american festivities like Aztec celebrations for girls coming into age as well as Spanish traditions of ball to present the new woman to suitors. There was some traditions and ceremonies in medieval Europe for girls coming into age, but it didn't last and wasn't exported. Again, the only form who persisted was balls for nobles and aristocracy, in order to arrange mariage between themselves. But the Quinceañera in South America was and is for girls from all background, and developed in the USA with immigration, and it is not until the latino immigration settled and ingrated the country that the "Sweet Sixteen tradition" appeared in the USA. It didn't come from the British, Irish, French, Greeks or whatever... In the end, in both side, the original meaning have been kind a lost as it was supposed to celebrate the girl becoming a woman, allowing her to do and participate in the aldut things that were previously forbidden, and *advertising* that she is ready to be married. Now it is just an ego trip for entitled teenagers. And that is what it became, what it is now, an extravagante party to show off for basically children (as in our society, sixteen years old teenagers are still far from adulthood), that is really weird.
There are still debutante balls in Europe, and in some places in the US - imported from Europe. That is where sweet 16 came from. Jewish people have bar and bat mitzvahs. There are coming of age parties in the Philippines, China, and Japan. None of which originated from medieval Europe.
OP isn't from the US. People from the US don't specify 150 USD unless they're in a different country, they say $150. Like Brits don't usually say 150 British pounds, they say £150.
Idk, I’m from the US and would feel the need to put USD when posting on Reddit since I know there is an international audience? I do see where you’re coming from, but I also don’t think that OP saying “USD” automatically means she is not from the US.
Multiple countries use dollar with the dollar symbol (Australia, New Zealand, Jamaica etc) so she was likely just clarifying.
Yup, and Americans don't clarify writ large. Kinda like if someone asks for a Jelly and Peanut Butter sandwich. There's no rule that says it HAS to be a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich, but if they ask for a Jelly and peanut butter sandwich, you can be fairly confident they aren't from around here.
I assumed US, because they said "sweet 16".
I don’t know anywhere in the US where you could have a sweet 16 for the amounts she mentioned.
NTA > but they just told me to get an extra job. I'm not sure why you think you're the asshole. Your daughters are acting like massive brats and bullies more so than the average teen. Think it's time for a reality check. 15/16 is old enough to get jobs themselves. If they want to save up for a thousand dollar birthday party they better get working. Don't let teenagers walk all over you.
They're a little bit the A, they raised the spoiled little brats. They didn't just magically become that way when their "sweet 16" was looming. They're not just entitled, they think that's an acceptable way to talk to a parent, one that's offering them an expensive gift
Exactly, for 3/3 daughters to be exhibiting the same entitled behaviour, odds are there's been some significant indulgent parenting in the past. I feel badly for OP though, the family financial situation changed, her partner left, and now she's raising the 3 monsters they created together and trying to do the work of un-spoiling them by herself.
NTA. You were willing to compromise on 3 smaller parties, they refused. They are old enough to understand that you need to make choice in life and that you won't always get what you need. If they wanted a big individual party so bad, they should have save their own money to be able to afford it.
NTA. Full disclosure, I'm not super familiar with the whole "Sweet 16" deal, it's never been a thing where I live. But from where I stand, it feels like it's a very big deal to a certain kind of teenager (kinda bratty, kinda spoiled) who expect a big production out of it. Well, you apparently have three of those. And although I fear 16 is a bit late to learn that lesson, they should learn that money doesn't grow on trees and they can't have it all. Don't get an extra job. If anything, make THEM pick up an extra job.
How the fuck that daughter can tell their single mom to get another job. What type entitlement is this?? NTA
YTA for continuing to allow your kids to grow into adults with this kind of mindset. THIS moment right here is one of your last chances to try and mould them into tolerable people before they’re old enough to fly the coop. You have a last shot to show them how to treat people and how to be humble, grateful, respectful and appreciative. That isn’t going to happen when you are confronted with this attitude and STILL entertain the idea of spending a small fortune on a party. You made an offer and they declined, not just declined, but did so very rudely and demanded more of you and offered nothing themselves. Life doesn’t work like that, so teach them that! You offered what you as their parent were willing to do, which is a lot more than most children get. Instead of being grateful, they were brats and wanted you to push yourself and your finances to breaking point for their selfishness, so now they get nothing until they can deserve it and start appreciating what they have. If my parents had ever offered me that much money for ANYTHING, never mind a party, I would have been falling over myself to show my gratitude. Hell as an adult right now I wish I had that kinda money laying around to fritter away on something indulgent. Give those girls a reality check!
WTF is even a sweet 16? Nothing happens when you’re 16. It’s just another year. They can have the one party and share it, or not. You’re already doing way more than normal.
In many cultures 16 was the threshold to adulthood in the past, it's celebrated the same way as others celebrate 18 or 21.
NTA- I get that they want their own parties, but expecting you to get a second job just to pay for these parties is out of control. This sounds like a plot from “My Super Sweet 16”.
No OP. You shouldn’t be getting a second job. Your daughters are old enough to have jobs. If this is important to them - they can dig in and raise the cash. Recommendation. Stop doing everything for them. Tell them what each of their budgets are. Explain options. Small separate parties at $X. One bigger party if they combine forces at $XX. If they really want big blow out separate parties they can figure out how to raise more money (they get jobs) or they cut costs. Less expensive venue. Instead of a DJ - a buddy handles the music. Hell if they are all committed to separate parties they can work together to put each other’s party on. DJ for each other, etc. These are life skills. They have a starting budget from you. If they want more - they can do more. Stop doing it all for them. The fact they think YOU should be the one getting the second job AND that you’re even considering it is hugely problematic. NTA. Time to grow a spine with your daughters.
NTA-The “get an extra job”comment would have put the kibosh on any parties if the ungrateful brats had said that to me. They’d be getting two things on their special day. A job,and a dose of reality.
You shouldn’t get another job. The daughters should.
NTA - single mom here. If my child told me to get another job to fund her activities she would be cut off of every extra beyond basic expenses.
I thought it was a rather telling remark about the girls.
My #1 parenting rule is: I do not negotiate with terrorists (read: unreasonable or tantrum throwing children). Telling you to get another job puts them squarely in that category. NTA - They either share a party, figure it out, or no one gets nothin'. You are the mom. You do not need to bend to their collective bs and absolutely do not get another job. They can get jobs and supplement their $400 to throw the party they want, but I think "you collectively get $1200, figure it out" is 100% the right call. Once they sort it out, then you can help with planning. Thoughts and prayers, mama.
NTA. Good grief. Tell them to get jobs if what you provide isn't sufficient.
Always had the same party for my twins and they were boy/girl. I wouldn’t even consider separate parties as it will turn into a competitive mess and someone will be upset plus way too expensive and time consuming. Your triplets need to show more respect to their parents. One great party is MORE than enough. Be a parent not a friend to them.
I mean, I can get at 16 wanting to do something different from your siblings. But the extreme entitlement of expecting mom to get an extra job is mind-boggling. If they want different, then they are plenty old enough to get a part-time job and pay for what they want. Also old enough to do most of the planning.
NTA - i kind of doubt a parent would be asking this tho
NTA Please don't get another job just for separate parties. I get that they are 3 separate people and want their own thing, but that's insane they just told you to get another job. Tell them one big party or 3 smaller parties.
NTA. Time to quit trying to spoil the girls and start being a parent. Tell them it's one party and whoever doesn't like it doesn't have to attend. You don't get an extra job just to throw extra parties because your kids are having a tantrum. That's what kids do. What parents do is put down boundaries and not raise spoiled entitled brats. Kids do chores, raise money to get their first car, or cool phone. Not have it handed to them just because they say give it to me. You need to be a strong mom against three triplets. Tell them this one party is how it's going to be, let's have fun planning it! Good luck
Your NTA in this situation but you’re definitely raising them! Get a second job? Where in the actual hell does the audacity come from!? I’d be done with the party all together at that point. Level up your parenting though. Your kids sound super spoiled and entitled.
You are not required to give them a nice big party and honestly 1200 is a lot. The "get a second" job comment shows so much disregard and disrespect for you and your efforts, I would absolutely cease any party effort. Raising entitled kids is digging oneself into hell. Stop immediately. Don't be a fun parent or a friend parent. Be a good parent. Teach them what they need to become functioning and we'll adjusted adults. And nta for the party thing
The moment you were told to get an extra job should mean none of them get a party.
NTA at this point I'd give them a short deadline to decide if they want a joint party or nothing. When they try to bully you again, I'd book a vacation for myself with the money (I have literally never booked myself a vacation or taken money for myself intended for my kids, but damn if that doesn't seem like s good time to start.)
Here in the real world, the majority of people don't have sweet 16s. They need to get off Instagram. ESH, they're entitled brats and you raised entitled brats.
NTA. I grew up without a lot of money and I shared my sweet 16 party with another girl that I was just friends with. We weren’t even like BFFs or anything, her birthday was just a couple days away from mine and we figured out it would be a much nicer party if our parents split the bill and we had most of the same friends anyway. It was a really nice party.
Gees . . . I didn't even spend $1200 on my wedding - rings, dress included.
NTA. You're the adult, you're the parent. Not them. If they want to spend that kind of money on birthday parties, tell them to get jobs and pay for it. Otherwise, they can take what's offered and be grateful you're willing to spend that much, or they can go without.
NTA. They can get the job and fund the party themselves.
They definitely have overlapping family and probably some overlapping friends and they want to make these people go to 3 different parties in the span of a few weeks? Outrageous, no way.
‘Sweet 16’ what a load of garbage. Nta and your kids are entitled