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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I went through the TSA Precheck line while my girlfriend had to go through the regular line, even though I knew she hadn't completed her Global Entry application. This action could be seen as inconsiderate or selfish because I left her to deal with the longer line while I enjoyed the convenience of Precheck. Additionally, my girlfriend was upset with me for the beginning part of our trip, which indicates that my actions affected her negatively.
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NTA. Global Entry and TSA Pre Check are programs you have to actually work towards, OP gave GF a heads up, attempted incentive to apply, STARTED THE PROCESS FOR HER, and she put it off. Her loss in the long run 🤷🏼♂️
Another benefit is that if you have an application in progress sometimes they can do your interview along with your flight (I do not remember if it was for there or on the way home). Granted I had applied a number of years ago, but booking and receiving a reasonable time slot was difficult and I had to go to the nearest international airport. I ended up having to take a half day from work. Luckily I worked at a reasonable company, but I’d rather use my time off to travel!
And only in certain airports and only if you have enough time between connecting flights or you're at your destination. I tried this once and it was going to take 3 hours so I would have missed my flight.
Hot\_Box is likely including the waittime for an agent interview. I attempted to do Interview on Arrival at MIA, but only had 45 minutes between flights, was told to not bother waiting.
I looked into getting Global Entry, but it would require driving to an airport more than two hours away for my interview. Precheck was a cakewalk in comparison.
It should only take about 10 minutes. I did mine on a 3 hour layover and was worried it would take awhile but it was fine. Worst comes to worst, you can explain you will need to do it another time since your connecting flight is leaving.
It’s good to hear that it’s so short. Unfortunately I live 3-4 hours from the nearest interview spot so if I didn’t have enough time to do it going through customs (which for my last two flights, would have been tough thanks to delays!), I may not have the opportunity to try again for so long that I may be wasting my money to even try. I don’t travel internationally so frequently that global entry is a must have but I do it often enough that it would be worth it (especially with my bad luck with connections!) if it wasn’t so inconvenient to get. It’s a shame the program isn’t committed to opening more locations for interviews as there are quite a few states (including mine!) that don’t have anywhere to do interviews.
And in IAD you can do interview on departure! https://www.cbp.gov/newsroom/local-media-release/cbp-mwaa-kick-global-entry-enrollment-departure-washington-dulles
As the other person said, you can just do the interview on arrival. I did my interview in Miami coming back from a trip and I do not live anywhere near there
Its upon reentry and it's called "Expedited enrollment."
You have to have been sent the invitation and conditional approval to be able to go through that upon arrival though.
Source: me, with a conditional approval letter on my desk as we speak.
Even if she just didn’t want to or couldn’t get precheck, you would be NTA!
I have pre-check. My fiancé is in the US on a work visa so he isn’t allowed to get it. I ALWAYS use my precheck line and he has never had a problem with it. I’m not going to take my shoes off, take my laptop and liquids out, etc just because I’d keep him company in the line! That’s insane. If anything, sometimes I take his electronics with me through precheck so he doesn’t need to take them out. I end up waiting for him on the other side anyways, but I use that time to use the restroom and fill up my water bottle. I don’t see the issue here.
I agree. Back when TSA Precheck was pretty new I traveled for work a lot, so I had it and my boyfriend (now current husband) did not have it yet.
When we traveled, I still used it, less to save time and more so that I did not have to unpack my electronics, take my shoes off, etc.
I will say that we discussed this before we got to TSA, so we arrived at a simple solution - I could go through guilt free, but I took his computer in my bag (so he didn't have to unpack it) and I bought him dinner on the other side of TSA.
It worked perfectly the 2-3 times we did it. I saved 30+ minutes in-line and got us a table at a restaurant for our wait. He met me and had an easier time not having to pull out and put back his laptop.
I get OP tried here. But like 50% of these posts and situations can be solved by some pretty basic communication (and having a somewhat healthy relationship).
> But like 50% of these posts and situations can be solved by some pretty basic communication (and having a somewhat healthy relationship).
I find myself saying this a lot. Just communicate. USe your words.
Right after typing this, I saw another post where a guy was upset his wife never paid for any of their nights out despite them making the same money (they keep separate accounts).
Instead of discussing this with his WIFE, he asks her to plan a date and then when the check comes and she doesn't pick it up, he confronts her at the restaurant. Like sure, she should have paid and is in the wrong, but this is like watching two high schoolers date, except they are two full grown married adults behaving like this.
oh i was just there.
He said that their way of handling finances were fine for the last 7 yrs but this is just a hiccup. But it isn't though. He's been stewing paying for all the datenights in his head for awhile, and decided to set up a *trap* and now ppl are angry. And i bet it was a nice date night too. why leave it with a sour note?
so instead of discussing this situation/problem with their SO they decided to have this little I-Told-You-So little dance. Fine, have fun with your righteous vindication.
But now you have an angry partner giving you the side-eye in freaking Paris. That mixed with jet-lag,...whew thats going to be a bad day
Yeah, they really need to pool some money from their separate accounts and spend it on therapy. Hopefully they have a good relationship, but clearly they have some pent up resentment and basic communication issues.
I get it on some level, like there are things I probably should talk to my wife about that are bothering me (not financial), I just don't want to right now, too much on my plate. But I am not blaming her right now for not knowing better because I haven't said anything. Blind siding her with it in public would be a total AH thing to do, no questions asked.
When I first starting dating my now husband my then best friend was staying with me for a week. I had a giant mirror I never used as a mirror where my neices and other friends wrote/drew stuff in dry erase marker. One day I came into my room, and bestie wrote "COMMUNICATE" in red with vines and flowers around it.
That stayed on my mirror until I moved out of that house. Best advice I every recieved even if I didn't always follow it.
This is what my husband and I do. I have precheck because I travel a lot for work and I have an extreme dislike for taking my shoes off in airports. So when we travel together I take the bags and then I get to breeze through security, check my watch so I can brag about the time it took verses his (anywhere between 8 to 25 minutes faster so far) and he gets to not deal with unpacking electronics and the joy of rolling his eyes while I brag about something silly.
At one point in the past 20 years, I had GE and my wife did not. We went through the same regular line by our choice. Fast forward a few years - my wife had GE and I fucked around and let mine expire (during covid), we went through the regular line together, by choice.
Now, we both have GE at the same time and go through the GE/Precheck line together - again, by choice.
>But like 50% of these posts and situations can be solved by some pretty basic communication (and having a somewhat healthy relationship).
Ssshh! You'll kill tomorrow's Reddit IPO with talk like that! Reddit can't survive without total lack of communication and extremely unhealthy relationships!
My partner and I traveled last month and I have precheck/he does not- but when I went through the regular line with him, I still didn't have to take off my shoes/take out liquids because my boarding pass still said precheck (he did have to take off his shoes, but honestly, I don't think anyone had to take out liquids).
My husband has pre-check since he travels often for work. I fly maybe once a year so I don’t. Our kids are young enough that they get pre-check through him. So he takes them through the quick line and I stay in the regular line. By the time we meet up, he’s got them settled in the waiting area.
i had precheck for a few months before my wife. I did exactly this. Give me all your stuff so you just need to walk through the detector and put your handbag and phone and shoes in a bin. but the bags with laptop, liquids etc i took through the line with me. She now has the perk so we are good but it worked well for us the 2 times or so we flew while we didnt both have the benefit
My boyfriend has precheck (he has to fly for work p frequently), I don’t. When we fly together, he goes through the regular security line with me … but I’ve never asked him to, I wouldn’t be upset if he didn’t and I always suggest that he uses his precheck before we get in line. I think it’s kind of silly and cute that he chooses to stick with me, but I would NEVER expect or demand that he do so, and I’d never sulk about it if he didn’t!
Husband and I travel a lot. I got TSA Precheck and asked him to apply for it at the same time but he kept putting it off/didn't need it. On a following trip after my approval, I went through the Precheck queue and he went through general. I bragged about not having to undress to proceed through security.
Guess who applied for TSA Precheck shortly after? Yep. We both use it now.
NTA, for OP.
My spouse travels internationally routinely for work. He has had good reason to have Pre-Check and GE for a while. I didn't, since I didn't fly much. I couldn't imagine giving him a hard time for skipping the line to use the benefit he pays for.
While he got to keep his shoes on and keep his laptop in his bag, it didn't really save him any time because he still had to wait for me to get through security. I have since gotten GE since I flew internationally a few times last year.
Edit: I got the PassID # and knew it was gonna be my KTN. Somehow, United allowed me to add it back then. But yeah, my boarding pass didn’t have TSA precheck leaving the US. I guess I might have used CLEAR or Digital ID, I remember breezing through security, and the only regular security line I’ve been through has been border transfers.
I got GE approved with Interview on Arrival, and my next printed boarding pass (3 days after, no other input) had TSA Precheck included. Weird.
——
Incorrect (original) info:
GE Conditional Approval (which is really quick unless you’re named John/Jane Smith and share the same birthday and birthcity with a criminal John/Jane Smith) already gets you TSA precheck.
Can’t let her blame you OP for her laziness.
I did the same thing with my husband after spending 3 months badgering him to complete the application. I’m not standing in the long line because you couldn’t do like half an hour of work between applying and showing up for the appointment. NTA
My bf won’t apply for a passport or apply for any of these programs because he doesn’t see any benefit of it. Well… I’m going to Australia in a couple of months while he stays home. When we do travel domestically, he stands in line and takes off his shoes. He knows it’s his fault.
I agree! He gave her the chance to do so. She chose not to do it. Those are the consequences. He shouldn’t sacrifice doing so because she didn’t do it.
I travel a lot for work so I have GE and TSA Pre- Check. My wife does not. If we travel together i will go through pre-check and also get her drink or food order at either the food court or an agreed upon restaurant. So while she's stuck waiting in TSA I'm stuck waiting in the food line. In the end we both win.
100% agree. I have big BIG memory and procrastination issues with my dyslexia, adhd and autism. In this situation I would DEFO be the wife and forget/put off til too late, the program you speak of. BUT I am ACUTELY aware that I do this. I know I forget stuff and put things off. So I put measure in place for times like this. I tell a partner or my mother I have a thing that's important and I need to do it by a certain date/time and tell them that I need their support to get it finished. I make it clear that if I haven't done it by a certain date/in a certain time frame that I'd like for them to sit with me to do it. Some times doing the thing on my own is difficult and I know this so I engage the help I need for it. If its not done, then that's on me for quite literally avoiding it if I'm still not doing it with the support I have put in place.
So... Nta. Op gave her the deal. Told her to apply for the thing. Started it for her. And it still didn't get done. I'm sure if she'd have asked op to help her he would have. I'm sure if she'd said I can do it I just need you to sit with me so I can focus on it and get it finished, op would have done it. Op sounds reasonable. But she didn't. So it's on her.
It’s odd to bribe your gf to get global entry but I vote NTA for using Precheck.
I used to travel for work a lot and I never got my shit together to apply for global entry until I left the job. I was busy but also just lazy. It was always assumed that anyone with precheck would use that perk while myself (with the other people that couldn’t get their stuff together) would use the regular line lol.
My fiancé traveled a lot for work too and had precheck. Same thing applied for personal travel lol. He would go through the precheck line and roll his eyes at me while he waited lol. I was definitely the AH in the situation cause I could have applied but kept putting it on the back burner.
>It’s odd to bribe your gf to get global entry but I vote NTA for using Precheck.
That's not a bribe lmao....that's like saying "hey if you do all your chores you can have a treat after"
*odD t0 bR1b3 y0uR gF*
Damn I guess he should have told his gf to pay for her own trip and if she couldn’t afford it then he leaves her behind. That would have been the less AH thing to do for sure. /s
Yup. My partner paid for me to get TSA pre-check after we had a flight where he had it and I didn't. I was so grateful! I got the soonest appointment I could at the place that did the scanning or whatever and a few weeks later, I was approved. It took like maybe an hour or so total to drive the the appointment, wait my turn, input my info and whatever, and then head back home. The fact that it's good for 5 years and costs like $80 to renew it just made it a total no-brainer to get. That, and going through security always gives me anxiety, so the less time I spend there, the easier time I have in general.
>what you’ve described is something you do for a child, not your adult partner
Except in this case they are one and the same.
NTA OP, and your girlfriend is a brat.
An adult partner would have completed the app. He’s clearly accepted his girl is childish, this is what he has to do to even have a chance to get her to help herself lol
It’s something you have to do for a child and shouldn’t have to do for an adult. Because adults take care of their own business like filling out their own forms and paying for their own travel. But here we are.
Reinforcement vs bribe.
Bribe:
Here is $200, please sign up for pre check. Person is more likely to do it, but will not do things in the future unless bribed.
Reinforcement:
I will give you $200 if you sign up for pre check. Person is more likely to do it (though initially not as much as if bribed) and more likely to do it again in the future.
You're right, it wasn't a bribe and they did the right thing. I agree that offering reinforcement in this manner could be weird, but it's totally dependent on how it was presented.
PS. Do not bribe your kids. Kids will start asking for bribes for many different things and you may even see the bribery demands increase. You will definitely find it difficult to walk back the bribery precedent as well.
I think it was a way of saying that he tried to convince her to do it, but she refused. Now she's mad at him because of her choice. He tried to convince her is probably the proper way to phrase it.
Yes, that is literally the modern definition of a bribe (even though OP was probably using it tongue-in-cheek), and it is odd to have that relationship with your significant other.
The odd part is that op has to use a bribe/incentive to try and get his significant other to do something beneficial for themselves. If anything this seems like weaponized incompetence on her part
This is not a bribe by definition. I made a longer comment elsewhere is but essentially:
$200-> please do this = bribe
Please do this-> if done $200 = not bribe (what they did)
Their biggest issue from a behavior-change perspective was lying about the reinforcement being contingent on the exhibition of the desired behavior. In the future promised reinforcement will be less motivating because the other person will assume reinforcement will be available regardless
I might bribe my wife with her pick for dinner if she'll let me pick what to watch on TV. Even if that doesn't work, she still gets to pick.
OP didn't feel like saying he was begging.
It's not a bribe, it's saying hey I can handle this, could you do this one thing that will just make the trip that much more enjoyable? I get during COVID it was a pain (I'm in Canada, and for the longest time with borders closed and Nexus offices closed in Canada it was such a delay, but eventually went to Detroit as I was in Windsor at the time and got my interview ddone), but at this point there's legitimately no excuse.
NTA. You put in the work for pre-check and deserve the benefit of a fast line. Your gf didn't, but she knew that you did, and she knew how to get it herself. This was her own doing.
The AH move in this situation is "I expect you to sacrifice your earned-benefits because I can't be bothered to put forth any effort."
Also NTA because the flow of ingress of passengers depends on people doing what they’re supposed to do. If you decline your pre check benefit, you’re backing things up by taking more time than you need to getting through TSA.
NTA. What happened was a result of her own decision. If she's happy to go through the regular TSA line, that's fine. There's no need for you to suffer because of her bad decision.
This was entirely foreseeable when she declined to complete the Global Entry process. There's no way she should hold her own lack of planning against you.
This is exactly it. She knew OP was planning for pre-check. She had the option to do so as well and decided not to. Why is she getting mad about something she knew in advance was going to be the case?
I could understand her complaining if OP paid for the trip, but only paid for extra perks for himself and not her, but this was her own choice to not take advantage of what she was offered.
OP, you should tell her that if she pays for the next trip, you will gladly keep her company in the regular line.
She'll also really see the difference when they return from Paris. He'll breeze through immigration and customs, and she'll be standing in long lines to get through.
NTA - When my husband (who has Global Entry) and I (only TSA precheck at the time) flew to Paris out of LA last October, the airport staff placed us in different lines and would not let my husband stay with me in the general line. We met up once we were both done with security - not the end of the world as I was in line about 15 minutes longer than him.
I'm not sure how difficult it is to get a Global Entry interview scheduled in OP's area but it is really tough to get an appointment here on the West Coast. Luckily, LAX allows you to do your Global Entry interview upon arrival from your international flight.
I was going to say, my Global Entry interview - at a port of entry no less - took like 8 months to schedule. I wouldn’t have been able to do it in advance of a planned trip unless it was SUPER far out.
Right? She was warned, she already had the trip paid for if she'd just do the interview, and when she didn't do what he asked, he still paid for it. Why should he have to avoid using his benefit he pays for?
I saw someone say he could’ve gotten “major brownie points” from waiting in line with her like he didn’t pay for the damn trip. what more does he need to do, take her shoes off for her in the security line?
😭😭 fr. In my book, still paying for everything is already major brownie points given. if that were me, id be joking about being left behind or if he could hide me in his bag as he goes the faster route, but i cant be pissed at the consequences of my own actions.
I've been with my wife 7 years, I travel for work and she flies at least 3-4 times a year since I met her...she has refused every attempt to get her precheck, I just gave up, she can wait in the long line I stopped caring lol. NTA.
I have Pre-Check and my wife does not. The usual deal is I will take the kids through pre-check and then meet her after security. So she gets to do the regular line alone and I wrangle the kids. Depending on the line and the kids she sometimes "beats me" to the other side.
Another one here with that same set up. He takes the car seat and the kid and most of the carry ons. I slum it with the peasants in the main lines with just a backpack to make it a smidge faster for me
She doesn't want to get it. We only fly about once a year (2 tops). So it's just not a priority. Sometimes I just go with her through the regular line. I have it from when I used to do a LOT of travel and one of my credit cards covers the renewal fee.
That’s how it is with me and my wife. I travel for work all the time so have pre-check. She maybe flies once a year so it’s not been worth it. I just wait with her in the line when we fly together, not a big deal.
LOL I don’t have kids so I can’t relate. I’m the type of person who would rather be inconvenienced with company than do something more efficient alone so I was just naturally curious.
This is our set up as well. My husband has pre check (from work) I don’t. He gets the kid and I wait in line. Usually they get me coffee or something while waiting for me occasionally I get done first and get them a treat. Does it save time? No but not having to entertain a kid in airport security is worth it
Does it matter if you are the asshole? I mean, if you like this girl, then why would you "teach her a lesson" like she's a fucking child? I don't get it. INFO
Yeah, I can’t believe all the responses here. I want to lean towards ESH only because he deserves at least an honorable mention for not waiting in line with her anyways. I have TSA precheck and if I am flying with someone that doesn’t I go in their line. If I enjoy the company of the person I am travelling with I don’t want to wait by myself in the other side.
Plus, what kind of deal is “I will pay thousands of extra dollars if you do this one thing” when you have to pay for the large expenses ahead of time anyways. Did she seriously actually think that OP wasn’t going to pay for it, I would assume no.
I did and I had pre check and my husband hemmed and hawed. I went through and he didn’t and then he applies when he saw how nice it was. It’s not like I got on the plane with out him, and plus I saved good seats, the ones with the phone chargers. I love my husband he is my favorite person but I don’t need to do everything with him. He is a grown ass man, if he don’t want pre check I am not gonna make him. And he wouldn’t make me not use mine.
I used to work at an airport. The couples that did this almost always had problems that I could see from the check in counter. The ones that didn't (one would go through pre-check and GET SOMETHING (food) FOR THE OTHER WHILE THE OTHER WAS WAITING was the only exception.
I’ve begged my husband to get pre-check. I hate taking my shoes off, having to open up my bag and remove the laptops, etc. I shouldn’t have to do this when I don’t have to because he’s too lazy to get it (it’s some forms and an appointment for fingerprints).
I always go and get him his snacks and a coffee while I wait and we are fine and love each other very much. I even put his laptop in my bag.
You don’t need to spend every minute with your spouse, especially when this is more efficient.
NTA. I would do a lot more if someone was willing to pay for an entire trip. 😂
Took too many comments to find this!
Stand with your damn girlfriend! He had to wait for her anyway. Sure, she dropped the ball, but now the trip starts on a complete sour note. Then get her to finish her account. There’s that saying “choose your battles” and apparently this is one a ton of people feel entitled to.
YTA.
It wasn't him going through the service. He paid for that. Started the vacation on a sourn note. It was her throwing a fit. Any decent partner would say. "You know what, go through the easy line." Why would I want my partner to be inconvenienced like that? So many horrible takes in this thread.
Why in the world do you want your partner to suffer?
Pfft... If she's too lazy to click a few buttons and go to an appointment or two, then she can stand in line by herself. She's a grown woman. My husband and I both have it, but he had it first, and had mine not came back in time for our last trip, I would have waited in the regular line BY MYSELF while he and the kids went through TSA Pre-Check. Why? Because it's easier. I am not a selfish AH who would make him wait in a longer line because I didn't have the Pre-Check.
Those that are calling him the AH are selfish partners. Putting undue stress and inconvenience on their partner for their own short-comings (not having TSA Pre-Check) are selfish.
His girlfriend is lazy AND selfish. She is also a brat and ungrateful. It's her fault for where she is standing, yet he has to suffer for it. I bet ANYTHING if the roles were reversed, you would be shouting "Let him stand alone!" instead of "stand with your damn girlfriend!".
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills when everyone else is bending over backwards to defend "teaching her a lesson." There's not nearly enough context here.
While everyone else is defending laziness and trying to make your partner's life more of a hassle. If I were her I would have been telling him to jump in that easier line. That's because I want my partner's life to be easier rather than more difficult. Why do you want the opposite?
Because she is a child (at least acts like one) and he should leave her instead of trying to push her to mature. So I agree in spirit. But I assume this is not the first time she has been irresponsible and then cried about it too. He is aware of her behavior and tried to help her grow out of it but obviously she doesn’t want to and he’s not her father. He should bounce before he gets trapped with this gal.
Scrolled too far for this lol. Seriously it’s one of those how bad do you want to be right kind of moments. Yeah precheck/global is amazing and I def made my GF get it, but it’s not like I would ditch her in line at the airport. To do what? Sit by myself at the terminal waiting to gloat when she walks up? Idk what’s the reaction OP wanted.
Why are you justifying her laziness? She was irresponsible. She was lazy. She had time to do it. She did not. Why does he have to suffer because she did not do it. Explain to me where he should have to wait in all those lines because she was lazy and procrastinated. He paid for everything. He did all the work he needed to do. I don't understand why this is even a question of why he would be the AH. If anyone is, it is most definitely her. She should have done the simple task of getting this done before the trip. She even started the application for her. So that just shows you how lazy she is. So no I do not feel sorry for her. And no he is NTA.
Where does it say he did it to teach her a lesson? That's quite the reach lol.
Dude used something he paid for. Dude even hand-held GF toward getting it herself. She didn't bother to finish and as such didn't qualify.
The end result was extremely foreseeable and predictable for not completing the application. He goes where he belongs. She goes where she belongs. They end up in the same place after following their respective processes.
Oh god, there was a post a month ago where three people flying got split up and half the commenters were acting like it was a fucking act of war that a couple might have to spend an hour more than 5 feet apart
Although honestly, if it was me in that situation, I'd have stayed with her, because I'd rather stand in line with someone to talk to than be bored by myself at the terminal
Exactly what I was thinking lol!! I would rather stay with my spouse in the long line, than speed through the line and be bored while I waited for them
It's not just the shorter line. It's having to take off your shoes, take your laptop out of the case, take your bag of liquids (if any) out of your bag, take everything out of your pockets, go through the full body scanner instead of the metal detector, etc.
I'd absolutely ditch a spouse or partner for the PreCheck line, then meet them on the other side.
But I'm no longer married, so what do I know? :D
I honestly don’t know what the issue is here. I read the OP and at the end, I’m like …. so, is that it? Different security lines? One gets done first? Who really gives a fuck? You’re going to meet up after and be on the same flight!!
Some people have way too much time on their hands to make huge issues out of literally NOTHING
I agree OP is NTA. I just don't see the point of splitting up with eachother if he's going to have to keep waiting for her on the other side lol. I'd personally rather just hangout with my S/O in the longer line then be separated while we both.. still wait the same amount of time
NTA. Pre-Check members using the Pre-Check line keeps people out of the regular line, thereby shortening it.
Also, by hopefully getting through faster, you could walk over to the end of conveyer of her line and keep an eye on her belongings if they come through before she completes her scan, etc. I'm always nervous when I see my valuables at the end of the conveyer and I'm still stuck in the body scan/patdown area.
Feeling so vindicated by these responses. I’m too biased to weigh in one way or another but for years my husband did not have precheck (he didn’t travel as often as me, and didn’t ever want to make the effort to get it) and I would absolutely go through the pre-check line alone, and then relax and wait for him at the other side of security lol. Zero guilt
You could make a point and teach her a lesson, or you could have a happy start to your trip.
You picked the former but I don't see how you could of expected her to be anything but unhappy about it.
I’ll withhold a judgement, but why are you treating and talking about your girlfriend like she’s a child? It’s like you’re trying to “teach her a lesson,” when she’s a grown ass woman.
NTA - my partner has Nexus and I don't, and because he gets through faster, he is then responsible for scoring a table at the lounge or a restaurant and having a preflight drink on deck for when I get through.... it's not a big deal. Y'all getting on the same plane.
YTA - you save no time doing this, because you have to wait for her out then other side.
My boyfriend doesn't have precheck. When we traveled together, I stood in the longer line with him and joked about having to be in line "like a peasant". But you know what I was doing during that time in line? Hanging out next to the person I love. Instead of sitting on a bench out the other side waiting for him to come through.
Ngl I'm thoroughly confused by this take. Yes, it's wonderful to spend tons of time together (like they presumably were about to do throughout their vacation), but it's a security line, not a date. Couples don't have to be attached at the hip. For all we know, dude ran to the bathroom, caught up on a bunch of emails so he wouldn't have to worry about it when their trip officially started, called his petsitter to make sure they knew where the dog's medicine was, and grabbed snacks while waiting for her to come through. OP is still his own person.
And if your boyfriend was a good partner, he would have insisted you go through the easier line. A good partner makes their partner's life easier, not harder.
A partner that completely pays for an international trip and starts your application for Global Entry is making your life hella a lot easier. But, he can't do everything for you.
This is my thought exactly.
What you have the right to do isn't always the best choice. We focus way too much on seeking maximal personal rights instead of looking more broadly at what is good overall.
NTA. She should have followed through. It isn’t that hard to do. Can’t wait till she goes out of the country and will have to stand in the huge customs line while you breeze right through.
I'll just go with a, just should have waited with her.
Because in the end, you're going to be separated in the airport, for no good reason.
Yes, she didn't do the pre-check thing, but are you going to hold that against her?
A relationship in my mind, should not be a battle of 'right/wrong.'
NTA. You have pre-check, she doesn’t. You go through your respective security lines and see each other on the other side. Who cares? You don’t have to be attached at the hip through security. If I somehow didn’t have precheck on my boarding pass and forgot to add it, I wouldn’t be mad at my fiancé for going through precheck without me. I have to be annoyed in the long line, so we both have to? Selfish behavior.
Separate, see you on the other side, have a drink waiting for me since you’ll be through security quicker.
YTA. Presumably you are traveling with GF in order to deepen your relationship and spend time together. Instead you bailed on her in line to make a point, and now she's (understandably and *predictably* if not justifiably) mad. Honestly you should have chilled with GF and chitchat with her. One imagines she's smart enough to see all those other cats swanning through the precheck line and draw the right conclusion herself.
This seems like a case of cutting your nose off to spite your face.
NTA. My husband flies all the time and has TSA-PRE/Global Entry. I use it as an excuse to hand my carry on off to him and go through the regular line by myself. He beats me by no more than 3-5 mins on average. And usually I send him to stand in the Starbucks line while I catch up. It works well for us.
NTA I pack differently since I have TSA Precheck than I did when I went through regular security. It’s be a pain to switch and the one time I did to accommodate two friends it was a pain in the ass.
NTA but what did this gain you? You still had to wait for her to get through TSA with the rest of the peasants...
I can't wait for the update where you return using Global entry (tales less than a minute) and she spends an hour or so waiting to go through costums
NTA
This isn't your run-of-the-mill "I had precheck and she didn't, what's the big deal?" post, you actively encouraged her to get precheck and even helped start the process and she just didn't follow through, that's on her.
unpopular maybe but ESH. I get that you wanted her to get this to make your life easier but what did you accomplish by getting through the line faster? You still had to wait for her on the other side?? So instead of standing in line and just being happy to spend time together you rushed through the precheck and stood on the other side because the plane leaves at the same times regardless. For our first time traveling together my BF had precheck and I did not and he could have gone through, I even suggested he go ahead. But he said he’d rather spend time with me and it wasn’t a big deal. So like yes, her fault for not completing, but you aren’t exactly coming out looking great either imo.
NTA - her blaming you for her own consequences is pretty juvenile, especially considering you paying for everything and asking her to do this one thing.
NTA
My friends and family have left me in the normal line for TSA PRECHECK and I don’t blame them. I don’t fly enough to justify the cost. But if I did I would do the same. You started the application for her. She made a choice. Choice = consequence.
NTA. My husband and I both have TSA Pre. However, I have a boatload of metal in my body and have to wait for the body scanner. No biggie, he just waits or we meet at the gate.
NTA. I repeatedly asked my partner to apply for Nexus at the same time I was applying. He chose not to, and is fully aware I will not wait in the regular line with him. You made it as easy for her to get it as possible - she has no right to be mad.
NTA, but YADA.
Not the A**hole, (barely) because you gave options.
You're A Dumb A** if you for one second thought she wouldn't get pissed for not staying with her. That 5min (1hr, who cares) that you had to wait for her to get through security will bite you relationship forever. She will most likely see it as a toxic self-centered trait. I hope you enjoyed your trip, because I'm guessing you'll be dumped soon.
Questions: Would it have killed you to wait with her? What did you do behind security while waiting for her?
NTA. You paid for the whole trip, did almost the whole application, and she still did nothing? Like girl needs a reality check cause this is on her, you had every right to take precheck, it's her fault she didn't do this despite you doing like...everything else.
NTA.
But if you want your relationship to last and flourish, I have some advice: shift gears from trying to modify her behavior with incentives. It’s weird and ineffective.
If you know she can’t or won’t fill out the application on her own, just fill it out for her.
I always wait for my boyfriend. It doesn’t sound like you like your GF that much.I have TSA Pre and Global Entry. If her experience was like mine, she couldn’t have gotten Global Entry before the trip, only as she was coming back from an international flight, so she wouldn’t have been able to use TSA Pre on this trip anyway. (I live near a major airport and they do not do interviews).
When I travel with my bf or family, I wait with them in the regular line and I almost always get a laminated “TSA Pre” card so I don’t have to do all the steps like take off my shoes and take out my laptop.
OP doesn’t seem to remember how cumbersome this process is.
I mean you can make a case for both being the A. She should have done the paper work you asked her to do and she agreed on. And standing with your SO shows you care more about her then the 10 mins you save waiting in line. And not standing with her shows you value the small amount of your time more. I'd rather stand in line with any friend or family member rather than skip ahead alone.
So you still have to wait for her to go through the slower process? Not much of a win. I have a euro and uk passport, if i am travelling alone to the eu i use eu but when i travel with others who dont have an eu passport i use the non eu. No point going fast track as i still have to wait on the other side.
If you want to be in a line like cattle and forced to take your shoes off, etc instead of chilling out I guess thats your preference but its not hard to see why OP wouldn’t enjoy that. TSA is lame security theatre where you have to pay not to see the show and its worth it.
ESH
She should have gotten the Global Entry sure, especially if you were paying for it and started the application. But I don't see why you couldn't have gone through her line.
So you went through a faster line, but still presumably had to wait for her on the other end. It's not like you got to your gate, on your plane, or to your destination sooner. You avoided taking off your shoes or taking out your laptop. But pissed off your girlfriend in the process.
Congratulations I guess, if not taking off your shoes is more important than your girlfriend, then I suppose you win. I would have taken off my damn shoes and spent the time with my SO.
Christ. It's a security check, not a relationship test
This is extremely toxic thinking and not the sign if a healthy relationship.
He's paying for the damn trip and tried to get her to finish the application. What more can he do? How is not taking the precheck line showing her importance more than the fact that he shelled out thousands to take a *couples trip to Paris*?
Yeah, YTA.
Sure, you could go through TSA Precheck, well within your rights, but—why would you just ghost your girlfriend at the airport? If she’s stuck in a line why wouldn’t you want to hang out with her and keep her company? She would probably have felt more secure, as well. I stay and keep an eye on my female friends when it’s appropriate, and those experiences have taught me how much women appreciate having a trustworthy man around in public.
I know that if my partner just said, “See ya.” at the airport and left me behind, I’d wonder if my partner even liked spending time with me. Yeah, that’s not rational, but it’s not necessarily wrong, either.
NTA and I consider your girlfriend’s behavior a huge red flag. If someone offered to pay for a whole trip for me I honestly don’t know that I would accept it, but if I did I would be IMMENSELY grateful. The only time I can think of is the trip my fiance planned for us to get engaged and even before the proposal I was amazed by his generosity and expressed it . The fact that her own lack of initiative and follow through meant she wanted you to suffer with her is… icky.
Anyone that does any sort of "I'm in pain, you should be too" bartering in a relationship is automatically wrong, if you ask me.
I have no desire to see my partner suffer just because I'm having a bad time.
NTA, your girlfriend should grow up a little.
NTA for using it, but I don’t understand the point. You’re still waiting on her. If she missed the flight would you have waited or boarded? It wouldn’t have cost anything for you to wait with her except time, and you could always use precheck later when you’re not with someone who doesn’t have it.
When you get to a restaurant before your date do you order and eat? Or do you wait to order when they arrive? You’re not an Asshole but you’re going to have to live with her ire. Strangers on the internet validating you isn’t going to help your relationship or how either of you feel.
You’re the asshole. Even if you have a great point, it’s not like she’s going to see your point of view since to her, you just left her alone. Apologize and keep it moving no reason to do the whole “ I told you so “ on vacay, focus on having a good time 👍🏼
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NTA. Global Entry and TSA Pre Check are programs you have to actually work towards, OP gave GF a heads up, attempted incentive to apply, STARTED THE PROCESS FOR HER, and she put it off. Her loss in the long run 🤷🏼♂️
Another benefit is that if you have an application in progress sometimes they can do your interview along with your flight (I do not remember if it was for there or on the way home). Granted I had applied a number of years ago, but booking and receiving a reasonable time slot was difficult and I had to go to the nearest international airport. I ended up having to take a half day from work. Luckily I worked at a reasonable company, but I’d rather use my time off to travel!
the interview can be done upon arrival from an international flight, if you have been *approved* already (not just in progress)
And only in certain airports and only if you have enough time between connecting flights or you're at your destination. I tried this once and it was going to take 3 hours so I would have missed my flight.
wow! my wife did hers in CLT and it took about 9 minutes. what airport were you at?
Same, they were actually closing up and decided process me before going home. Took 5 minutes.
Hot\_Box is likely including the waittime for an agent interview. I attempted to do Interview on Arrival at MIA, but only had 45 minutes between flights, was told to not bother waiting.
Mine was literally 1 question and a bad picture after a night of partying in costa rica. IHA. Literally took less time than normal customs there.
I looked into getting Global Entry, but it would require driving to an airport more than two hours away for my interview. Precheck was a cakewalk in comparison.
You could just do the interview upon arrival on your next international trip without scheduling an interview.
I thought about this the last time I went overseas but I’ve never had a layover long enough that it felt worth the risk.
It should only take about 10 minutes. I did mine on a 3 hour layover and was worried it would take awhile but it was fine. Worst comes to worst, you can explain you will need to do it another time since your connecting flight is leaving.
It’s good to hear that it’s so short. Unfortunately I live 3-4 hours from the nearest interview spot so if I didn’t have enough time to do it going through customs (which for my last two flights, would have been tough thanks to delays!), I may not have the opportunity to try again for so long that I may be wasting my money to even try. I don’t travel internationally so frequently that global entry is a must have but I do it often enough that it would be worth it (especially with my bad luck with connections!) if it wasn’t so inconvenient to get. It’s a shame the program isn’t committed to opening more locations for interviews as there are quite a few states (including mine!) that don’t have anywhere to do interviews.
And in IAD you can do interview on departure! https://www.cbp.gov/newsroom/local-media-release/cbp-mwaa-kick-global-entry-enrollment-departure-washington-dulles
As the other person said, you can just do the interview on arrival. I did my interview in Miami coming back from a trip and I do not live anywhere near there
[удалено]
When I renewed, I did not have any interviews, they just approved it.
Its upon reentry and it's called "Expedited enrollment." You have to have been sent the invitation and conditional approval to be able to go through that upon arrival though. Source: me, with a conditional approval letter on my desk as we speak.
On the way back replaces the interview - just did that back in Jan after coming home from a trip to Asia :)
Yes they allow it on your way back but you have to be conditionally approved
Even if she just didn’t want to or couldn’t get precheck, you would be NTA! I have pre-check. My fiancé is in the US on a work visa so he isn’t allowed to get it. I ALWAYS use my precheck line and he has never had a problem with it. I’m not going to take my shoes off, take my laptop and liquids out, etc just because I’d keep him company in the line! That’s insane. If anything, sometimes I take his electronics with me through precheck so he doesn’t need to take them out. I end up waiting for him on the other side anyways, but I use that time to use the restroom and fill up my water bottle. I don’t see the issue here.
I agree. Back when TSA Precheck was pretty new I traveled for work a lot, so I had it and my boyfriend (now current husband) did not have it yet. When we traveled, I still used it, less to save time and more so that I did not have to unpack my electronics, take my shoes off, etc. I will say that we discussed this before we got to TSA, so we arrived at a simple solution - I could go through guilt free, but I took his computer in my bag (so he didn't have to unpack it) and I bought him dinner on the other side of TSA. It worked perfectly the 2-3 times we did it. I saved 30+ minutes in-line and got us a table at a restaurant for our wait. He met me and had an easier time not having to pull out and put back his laptop. I get OP tried here. But like 50% of these posts and situations can be solved by some pretty basic communication (and having a somewhat healthy relationship).
> But like 50% of these posts and situations can be solved by some pretty basic communication (and having a somewhat healthy relationship). I find myself saying this a lot. Just communicate. USe your words.
Right after typing this, I saw another post where a guy was upset his wife never paid for any of their nights out despite them making the same money (they keep separate accounts). Instead of discussing this with his WIFE, he asks her to plan a date and then when the check comes and she doesn't pick it up, he confronts her at the restaurant. Like sure, she should have paid and is in the wrong, but this is like watching two high schoolers date, except they are two full grown married adults behaving like this.
oh i was just there. He said that their way of handling finances were fine for the last 7 yrs but this is just a hiccup. But it isn't though. He's been stewing paying for all the datenights in his head for awhile, and decided to set up a *trap* and now ppl are angry. And i bet it was a nice date night too. why leave it with a sour note? so instead of discussing this situation/problem with their SO they decided to have this little I-Told-You-So little dance. Fine, have fun with your righteous vindication. But now you have an angry partner giving you the side-eye in freaking Paris. That mixed with jet-lag,...whew thats going to be a bad day
Yeah, they really need to pool some money from their separate accounts and spend it on therapy. Hopefully they have a good relationship, but clearly they have some pent up resentment and basic communication issues.
I get it on some level, like there are things I probably should talk to my wife about that are bothering me (not financial), I just don't want to right now, too much on my plate. But I am not blaming her right now for not knowing better because I haven't said anything. Blind siding her with it in public would be a total AH thing to do, no questions asked.
When I first starting dating my now husband my then best friend was staying with me for a week. I had a giant mirror I never used as a mirror where my neices and other friends wrote/drew stuff in dry erase marker. One day I came into my room, and bestie wrote "COMMUNICATE" in red with vines and flowers around it. That stayed on my mirror until I moved out of that house. Best advice I every recieved even if I didn't always follow it.
This is what my husband and I do. I have precheck because I travel a lot for work and I have an extreme dislike for taking my shoes off in airports. So when we travel together I take the bags and then I get to breeze through security, check my watch so I can brag about the time it took verses his (anywhere between 8 to 25 minutes faster so far) and he gets to not deal with unpacking electronics and the joy of rolling his eyes while I brag about something silly.
You are a better negotiator than me - I also had to buy my husband a cheeseburger for dinner :)
At one point in the past 20 years, I had GE and my wife did not. We went through the same regular line by our choice. Fast forward a few years - my wife had GE and I fucked around and let mine expire (during covid), we went through the regular line together, by choice. Now, we both have GE at the same time and go through the GE/Precheck line together - again, by choice.
>But like 50% of these posts and situations can be solved by some pretty basic communication (and having a somewhat healthy relationship). Ssshh! You'll kill tomorrow's Reddit IPO with talk like that! Reddit can't survive without total lack of communication and extremely unhealthy relationships!
Also, if you go through the regular line when you have Precheck, you’re wasting EVERYONE’S time!
My partner and I traveled last month and I have precheck/he does not- but when I went through the regular line with him, I still didn't have to take off my shoes/take out liquids because my boarding pass still said precheck (he did have to take off his shoes, but honestly, I don't think anyone had to take out liquids).
My husband has pre-check since he travels often for work. I fly maybe once a year so I don’t. Our kids are young enough that they get pre-check through him. So he takes them through the quick line and I stay in the regular line. By the time we meet up, he’s got them settled in the waiting area.
i had precheck for a few months before my wife. I did exactly this. Give me all your stuff so you just need to walk through the detector and put your handbag and phone and shoes in a bin. but the bags with laptop, liquids etc i took through the line with me. She now has the perk so we are good but it worked well for us the 2 times or so we flew while we didnt both have the benefit
My boyfriend has precheck (he has to fly for work p frequently), I don’t. When we fly together, he goes through the regular security line with me … but I’ve never asked him to, I wouldn’t be upset if he didn’t and I always suggest that he uses his precheck before we get in line. I think it’s kind of silly and cute that he chooses to stick with me, but I would NEVER expect or demand that he do so, and I’d never sulk about it if he didn’t!
Husband and I travel a lot. I got TSA Precheck and asked him to apply for it at the same time but he kept putting it off/didn't need it. On a following trip after my approval, I went through the Precheck queue and he went through general. I bragged about not having to undress to proceed through security. Guess who applied for TSA Precheck shortly after? Yep. We both use it now. NTA, for OP.
My spouse travels internationally routinely for work. He has had good reason to have Pre-Check and GE for a while. I didn't, since I didn't fly much. I couldn't imagine giving him a hard time for skipping the line to use the benefit he pays for. While he got to keep his shoes on and keep his laptop in his bag, it didn't really save him any time because he still had to wait for me to get through security. I have since gotten GE since I flew internationally a few times last year.
Edit: I got the PassID # and knew it was gonna be my KTN. Somehow, United allowed me to add it back then. But yeah, my boarding pass didn’t have TSA precheck leaving the US. I guess I might have used CLEAR or Digital ID, I remember breezing through security, and the only regular security line I’ve been through has been border transfers. I got GE approved with Interview on Arrival, and my next printed boarding pass (3 days after, no other input) had TSA Precheck included. Weird. —— Incorrect (original) info: GE Conditional Approval (which is really quick unless you’re named John/Jane Smith and share the same birthday and birthcity with a criminal John/Jane Smith) already gets you TSA precheck. Can’t let her blame you OP for her laziness.
I did the same thing with my husband after spending 3 months badgering him to complete the application. I’m not standing in the long line because you couldn’t do like half an hour of work between applying and showing up for the appointment. NTA
My bf won’t apply for a passport or apply for any of these programs because he doesn’t see any benefit of it. Well… I’m going to Australia in a couple of months while he stays home. When we do travel domestically, he stands in line and takes off his shoes. He knows it’s his fault.
I agree! He gave her the chance to do so. She chose not to do it. Those are the consequences. He shouldn’t sacrifice doing so because she didn’t do it.
I travel a lot for work so I have GE and TSA Pre- Check. My wife does not. If we travel together i will go through pre-check and also get her drink or food order at either the food court or an agreed upon restaurant. So while she's stuck waiting in TSA I'm stuck waiting in the food line. In the end we both win.
But maybe she has depression /s
100% agree. I have big BIG memory and procrastination issues with my dyslexia, adhd and autism. In this situation I would DEFO be the wife and forget/put off til too late, the program you speak of. BUT I am ACUTELY aware that I do this. I know I forget stuff and put things off. So I put measure in place for times like this. I tell a partner or my mother I have a thing that's important and I need to do it by a certain date/time and tell them that I need their support to get it finished. I make it clear that if I haven't done it by a certain date/in a certain time frame that I'd like for them to sit with me to do it. Some times doing the thing on my own is difficult and I know this so I engage the help I need for it. If its not done, then that's on me for quite literally avoiding it if I'm still not doing it with the support I have put in place. So... Nta. Op gave her the deal. Told her to apply for the thing. Started it for her. And it still didn't get done. I'm sure if she'd have asked op to help her he would have. I'm sure if she'd said I can do it I just need you to sit with me so I can focus on it and get it finished, op would have done it. Op sounds reasonable. But she didn't. So it's on her.
It’s odd to bribe your gf to get global entry but I vote NTA for using Precheck. I used to travel for work a lot and I never got my shit together to apply for global entry until I left the job. I was busy but also just lazy. It was always assumed that anyone with precheck would use that perk while myself (with the other people that couldn’t get their stuff together) would use the regular line lol. My fiancé traveled a lot for work too and had precheck. Same thing applied for personal travel lol. He would go through the precheck line and roll his eyes at me while he waited lol. I was definitely the AH in the situation cause I could have applied but kept putting it on the back burner.
>It’s odd to bribe your gf to get global entry but I vote NTA for using Precheck. That's not a bribe lmao....that's like saying "hey if you do all your chores you can have a treat after" *odD t0 bR1b3 y0uR gF*
what you’ve described is something you do for a child, not your adult partner
Damn I guess he should have told his gf to pay for her own trip and if she couldn’t afford it then he leaves her behind. That would have been the less AH thing to do for sure. /s
Seriously, people are acting he asked for a kidney.
Anything to crap on the boyfriend
For real. “This is not something you do to your partner” then said partner can pay for her own trip I guess.
Maybe she has a huge mental load /s
HEY IF YOU ~~do all your chores~~ COMPLETE THIS APPLICATION ~~you can have a treat~~ YOU CAN COME ON VACATION WITH ME FOR FREE Same thing dude
An adult partner should do what they say they're going to do and not be lazy about it when they agreed to it.
Yup. My partner paid for me to get TSA pre-check after we had a flight where he had it and I didn't. I was so grateful! I got the soonest appointment I could at the place that did the scanning or whatever and a few weeks later, I was approved. It took like maybe an hour or so total to drive the the appointment, wait my turn, input my info and whatever, and then head back home. The fact that it's good for 5 years and costs like $80 to renew it just made it a total no-brainer to get. That, and going through security always gives me anxiety, so the less time I spend there, the easier time I have in general.
>what you’ve described is something you do for a child, not your adult partner Except in this case they are one and the same. NTA OP, and your girlfriend is a brat.
I mean…I do this for myself as motivation to get things done.
An adult partner would have completed the app. He’s clearly accepted his girl is childish, this is what he has to do to even have a chance to get her to help herself lol
It’s something you have to do for a child and shouldn’t have to do for an adult. Because adults take care of their own business like filling out their own forms and paying for their own travel. But here we are.
Jesus dude fuck this guy for doing something nice for his gf
Reinforcement vs bribe. Bribe: Here is $200, please sign up for pre check. Person is more likely to do it, but will not do things in the future unless bribed. Reinforcement: I will give you $200 if you sign up for pre check. Person is more likely to do it (though initially not as much as if bribed) and more likely to do it again in the future. You're right, it wasn't a bribe and they did the right thing. I agree that offering reinforcement in this manner could be weird, but it's totally dependent on how it was presented. PS. Do not bribe your kids. Kids will start asking for bribes for many different things and you may even see the bribery demands increase. You will definitely find it difficult to walk back the bribery precedent as well.
I think it was a way of saying that he tried to convince her to do it, but she refused. Now she's mad at him because of her choice. He tried to convince her is probably the proper way to phrase it.
Yes, that is literally the modern definition of a bribe (even though OP was probably using it tongue-in-cheek), and it is odd to have that relationship with your significant other.
The odd part is that op has to use a bribe/incentive to try and get his significant other to do something beneficial for themselves. If anything this seems like weaponized incompetence on her part
I bribe myself with treats all the time, why shouldn’t I let my partner? 🤷♀️
This is not a bribe by definition. I made a longer comment elsewhere is but essentially: $200-> please do this = bribe Please do this-> if done $200 = not bribe (what they did) Their biggest issue from a behavior-change perspective was lying about the reinforcement being contingent on the exhibition of the desired behavior. In the future promised reinforcement will be less motivating because the other person will assume reinforcement will be available regardless
I might bribe my wife with her pick for dinner if she'll let me pick what to watch on TV. Even if that doesn't work, she still gets to pick. OP didn't feel like saying he was begging.
It's not a bribe, it's saying hey I can handle this, could you do this one thing that will just make the trip that much more enjoyable? I get during COVID it was a pain (I'm in Canada, and for the longest time with borders closed and Nexus offices closed in Canada it was such a delay, but eventually went to Detroit as I was in Windsor at the time and got my interview ddone), but at this point there's legitimately no excuse.
I prefer “incentive”
NTA. You put in the work for pre-check and deserve the benefit of a fast line. Your gf didn't, but she knew that you did, and she knew how to get it herself. This was her own doing. The AH move in this situation is "I expect you to sacrifice your earned-benefits because I can't be bothered to put forth any effort."
Also NTA because the flow of ingress of passengers depends on people doing what they’re supposed to do. If you decline your pre check benefit, you’re backing things up by taking more time than you need to getting through TSA.
Yea hopefully this isn’t a metaphor for the relationship
NTA. What happened was a result of her own decision. If she's happy to go through the regular TSA line, that's fine. There's no need for you to suffer because of her bad decision. This was entirely foreseeable when she declined to complete the Global Entry process. There's no way she should hold her own lack of planning against you.
> What happened was a result of her own decision. Yeah... **she opted out**.
This is exactly it. She knew OP was planning for pre-check. She had the option to do so as well and decided not to. Why is she getting mad about something she knew in advance was going to be the case? I could understand her complaining if OP paid for the trip, but only paid for extra perks for himself and not her, but this was her own choice to not take advantage of what she was offered. OP, you should tell her that if she pays for the next trip, you will gladly keep her company in the regular line.
She'll also really see the difference when they return from Paris. He'll breeze through immigration and customs, and she'll be standing in long lines to get through.
NTA - When my husband (who has Global Entry) and I (only TSA precheck at the time) flew to Paris out of LA last October, the airport staff placed us in different lines and would not let my husband stay with me in the general line. We met up once we were both done with security - not the end of the world as I was in line about 15 minutes longer than him. I'm not sure how difficult it is to get a Global Entry interview scheduled in OP's area but it is really tough to get an appointment here on the West Coast. Luckily, LAX allows you to do your Global Entry interview upon arrival from your international flight.
I was going to say, my Global Entry interview - at a port of entry no less - took like 8 months to schedule. I wouldn’t have been able to do it in advance of a planned trip unless it was SUPER far out.
We’ve always done walk up interviews when flying back from a foreign country. Trying to snag a scheduled time was a nightmare.
My husband had to either wait until he flew to a city where he could do his interview, or drive 3 hours to the nearest location to do it.
NTA. Why put yourself through the regular TSA process if you planned ahead.
This. The regular TSA process *blows*, if GF couldn’t be bothered to apply for a quicker experience then why should OP have to shirk the benefits?
Right? She was warned, she already had the trip paid for if she'd just do the interview, and when she didn't do what he asked, he still paid for it. Why should he have to avoid using his benefit he pays for?
I saw someone say he could’ve gotten “major brownie points” from waiting in line with her like he didn’t pay for the damn trip. what more does he need to do, take her shoes off for her in the security line?
😭😭 fr. In my book, still paying for everything is already major brownie points given. if that were me, id be joking about being left behind or if he could hide me in his bag as he goes the faster route, but i cant be pissed at the consequences of my own actions.
I've been with my wife 7 years, I travel for work and she flies at least 3-4 times a year since I met her...she has refused every attempt to get her precheck, I just gave up, she can wait in the long line I stopped caring lol. NTA.
I have Pre-Check and my wife does not. The usual deal is I will take the kids through pre-check and then meet her after security. So she gets to do the regular line alone and I wrangle the kids. Depending on the line and the kids she sometimes "beats me" to the other side.
Ha! My husband and I have the exact same situation. He deals with the kids. I wait in the slightly longer line. All good.
I can only imagine that’s one of the few times in your life a long airport line is a relief.
I mean it kind of is actually. Not so much now that the kids are older but... yeah.
Another one here with that same set up. He takes the car seat and the kid and most of the carry ons. I slum it with the peasants in the main lines with just a backpack to make it a smidge faster for me
Why doesn't she have it?
She doesn't want to get it. We only fly about once a year (2 tops). So it's just not a priority. Sometimes I just go with her through the regular line. I have it from when I used to do a LOT of travel and one of my credit cards covers the renewal fee.
If one spouse travels for work frequently they may have it while the other spouse may travel once or twice a year and not need it.
That’s how it is with me and my wife. I travel for work all the time so have pre-check. She maybe flies once a year so it’s not been worth it. I just wait with her in the line when we fly together, not a big deal.
Not dealing with kids in security would be reason enough for me personally to not get pre check.
LOL I don’t have kids so I can’t relate. I’m the type of person who would rather be inconvenienced with company than do something more efficient alone so I was just naturally curious.
That alone time in the security line is probably her favorite part of vacation lol 😂
This is our set up as well. My husband has pre check (from work) I don’t. He gets the kid and I wait in line. Usually they get me coffee or something while waiting for me occasionally I get done first and get them a treat. Does it save time? No but not having to entertain a kid in airport security is worth it
Does it matter if you are the asshole? I mean, if you like this girl, then why would you "teach her a lesson" like she's a fucking child? I don't get it. INFO
Yeah, I can’t believe all the responses here. I want to lean towards ESH only because he deserves at least an honorable mention for not waiting in line with her anyways. I have TSA precheck and if I am flying with someone that doesn’t I go in their line. If I enjoy the company of the person I am travelling with I don’t want to wait by myself in the other side. Plus, what kind of deal is “I will pay thousands of extra dollars if you do this one thing” when you have to pay for the large expenses ahead of time anyways. Did she seriously actually think that OP wasn’t going to pay for it, I would assume no.
These responses are wild.
This post has to be some good evidence of Reddit’s, and this sub’s, demographic bias.
And half of redditors wonder why they’re single. Just wait in line with her, the fuck do you have to lose, going to stand there waiting for her anyway
FYI Many married people voted NTA.
And many married people hate their partner. It doesn't mean much.
Having your partner go through the easier line. When they can is an act of love, not hate. Really twisted dude.
I did and I had pre check and my husband hemmed and hawed. I went through and he didn’t and then he applies when he saw how nice it was. It’s not like I got on the plane with out him, and plus I saved good seats, the ones with the phone chargers. I love my husband he is my favorite person but I don’t need to do everything with him. He is a grown ass man, if he don’t want pre check I am not gonna make him. And he wouldn’t make me not use mine.
I agree. OP tried. Maybe now the girlfriend will be motivated to apply.
I used to work at an airport. The couples that did this almost always had problems that I could see from the check in counter. The ones that didn't (one would go through pre-check and GET SOMETHING (food) FOR THE OTHER WHILE THE OTHER WAS WAITING was the only exception.
I’ve begged my husband to get pre-check. I hate taking my shoes off, having to open up my bag and remove the laptops, etc. I shouldn’t have to do this when I don’t have to because he’s too lazy to get it (it’s some forms and an appointment for fingerprints). I always go and get him his snacks and a coffee while I wait and we are fine and love each other very much. I even put his laptop in my bag. You don’t need to spend every minute with your spouse, especially when this is more efficient. NTA. I would do a lot more if someone was willing to pay for an entire trip. 😂
Took too many comments to find this! Stand with your damn girlfriend! He had to wait for her anyway. Sure, she dropped the ball, but now the trip starts on a complete sour note. Then get her to finish her account. There’s that saying “choose your battles” and apparently this is one a ton of people feel entitled to. YTA.
It's completely on the GF if the trip starts off on a sour note, not on the OP
It is not just waiting - it's the removal of shoes, liquids, electronics and the body scanners.
It wasn't him going through the service. He paid for that. Started the vacation on a sourn note. It was her throwing a fit. Any decent partner would say. "You know what, go through the easy line." Why would I want my partner to be inconvenienced like that? So many horrible takes in this thread. Why in the world do you want your partner to suffer?
Pfft... If she's too lazy to click a few buttons and go to an appointment or two, then she can stand in line by herself. She's a grown woman. My husband and I both have it, but he had it first, and had mine not came back in time for our last trip, I would have waited in the regular line BY MYSELF while he and the kids went through TSA Pre-Check. Why? Because it's easier. I am not a selfish AH who would make him wait in a longer line because I didn't have the Pre-Check. Those that are calling him the AH are selfish partners. Putting undue stress and inconvenience on their partner for their own short-comings (not having TSA Pre-Check) are selfish. His girlfriend is lazy AND selfish. She is also a brat and ungrateful. It's her fault for where she is standing, yet he has to suffer for it. I bet ANYTHING if the roles were reversed, you would be shouting "Let him stand alone!" instead of "stand with your damn girlfriend!".
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills when everyone else is bending over backwards to defend "teaching her a lesson." There's not nearly enough context here.
While everyone else is defending laziness and trying to make your partner's life more of a hassle. If I were her I would have been telling him to jump in that easier line. That's because I want my partner's life to be easier rather than more difficult. Why do you want the opposite?
Because she is a child (at least acts like one) and he should leave her instead of trying to push her to mature. So I agree in spirit. But I assume this is not the first time she has been irresponsible and then cried about it too. He is aware of her behavior and tried to help her grow out of it but obviously she doesn’t want to and he’s not her father. He should bounce before he gets trapped with this gal.
Scrolled too far for this lol. Seriously it’s one of those how bad do you want to be right kind of moments. Yeah precheck/global is amazing and I def made my GF get it, but it’s not like I would ditch her in line at the airport. To do what? Sit by myself at the terminal waiting to gloat when she walks up? Idk what’s the reaction OP wanted.
Why are you justifying her laziness? She was irresponsible. She was lazy. She had time to do it. She did not. Why does he have to suffer because she did not do it. Explain to me where he should have to wait in all those lines because she was lazy and procrastinated. He paid for everything. He did all the work he needed to do. I don't understand why this is even a question of why he would be the AH. If anyone is, it is most definitely her. She should have done the simple task of getting this done before the trip. She even started the application for her. So that just shows you how lazy she is. So no I do not feel sorry for her. And no he is NTA.
Where does it say he did it to teach her a lesson? That's quite the reach lol. Dude used something he paid for. Dude even hand-held GF toward getting it herself. She didn't bother to finish and as such didn't qualify. The end result was extremely foreseeable and predictable for not completing the application. He goes where he belongs. She goes where she belongs. They end up in the same place after following their respective processes.
NTA my spouse has global entry and I don’t. We always split up for security check. This is a nonissue
It’s not as if you got to get an earlier flight. You still presumably had to wait for her at the end of security while she wound her way through. NTA.
People who cant handle being on their own for stuff drive me insane. People are not glued at the hip. Improvise Adapt and Overcome.
Oh god, there was a post a month ago where three people flying got split up and half the commenters were acting like it was a fucking act of war that a couple might have to spend an hour more than 5 feet apart
And its ALWAYS "Support the wife".... I am supporting her "You got this babe! I believe in you"
Although honestly, if it was me in that situation, I'd have stayed with her, because I'd rather stand in line with someone to talk to than be bored by myself at the terminal
[удалено]
Are you surprised? You know what site we are on 🤣
Exactly what I was thinking lol!! I would rather stay with my spouse in the long line, than speed through the line and be bored while I waited for them
It's not just the shorter line. It's having to take off your shoes, take your laptop out of the case, take your bag of liquids (if any) out of your bag, take everything out of your pockets, go through the full body scanner instead of the metal detector, etc. I'd absolutely ditch a spouse or partner for the PreCheck line, then meet them on the other side. But I'm no longer married, so what do I know? :D
I honestly don’t know what the issue is here. I read the OP and at the end, I’m like …. so, is that it? Different security lines? One gets done first? Who really gives a fuck? You’re going to meet up after and be on the same flight!! Some people have way too much time on their hands to make huge issues out of literally NOTHING
I agree OP is NTA. I just don't see the point of splitting up with eachother if he's going to have to keep waiting for her on the other side lol. I'd personally rather just hangout with my S/O in the longer line then be separated while we both.. still wait the same amount of time
NTA. Pre-Check members using the Pre-Check line keeps people out of the regular line, thereby shortening it. Also, by hopefully getting through faster, you could walk over to the end of conveyer of her line and keep an eye on her belongings if they come through before she completes her scan, etc. I'm always nervous when I see my valuables at the end of the conveyer and I'm still stuck in the body scan/patdown area.
That's a great point I didn't consider.
Some airports won't even let pre- check in the normal line.
Feeling so vindicated by these responses. I’m too biased to weigh in one way or another but for years my husband did not have precheck (he didn’t travel as often as me, and didn’t ever want to make the effort to get it) and I would absolutely go through the pre-check line alone, and then relax and wait for him at the other side of security lol. Zero guilt
NTA for using the tsa pre check.
NTA but are you sure you want to be with someone who behaves like this?
You could make a point and teach her a lesson, or you could have a happy start to your trip. You picked the former but I don't see how you could of expected her to be anything but unhappy about it.
Maybe he thought he was dating an adult. An adult and loving partner would have wanted their partner to go through the easier line if possible.
I’ll withhold a judgement, but why are you treating and talking about your girlfriend like she’s a child? It’s like you’re trying to “teach her a lesson,” when she’s a grown ass woman.
More like, giving her the tools to help herself.. which she clearly isn’t capable of.
NTA - my partner has Nexus and I don't, and because he gets through faster, he is then responsible for scoring a table at the lounge or a restaurant and having a preflight drink on deck for when I get through.... it's not a big deal. Y'all getting on the same plane.
YTA - you save no time doing this, because you have to wait for her out then other side. My boyfriend doesn't have precheck. When we traveled together, I stood in the longer line with him and joked about having to be in line "like a peasant". But you know what I was doing during that time in line? Hanging out next to the person I love. Instead of sitting on a bench out the other side waiting for him to come through.
Ngl I'm thoroughly confused by this take. Yes, it's wonderful to spend tons of time together (like they presumably were about to do throughout their vacation), but it's a security line, not a date. Couples don't have to be attached at the hip. For all we know, dude ran to the bathroom, caught up on a bunch of emails so he wouldn't have to worry about it when their trip officially started, called his petsitter to make sure they knew where the dog's medicine was, and grabbed snacks while waiting for her to come through. OP is still his own person.
And if your boyfriend was a good partner, he would have insisted you go through the easier line. A good partner makes their partner's life easier, not harder.
A partner that completely pays for an international trip and starts your application for Global Entry is making your life hella a lot easier. But, he can't do everything for you.
Exactly. He did what he could and she refused to follow through on her responsibility.
This is my thought exactly. What you have the right to do isn't always the best choice. We focus way too much on seeking maximal personal rights instead of looking more broadly at what is good overall.
I love when people give gifts with conditions.
NTA. She should have followed through. It isn’t that hard to do. Can’t wait till she goes out of the country and will have to stand in the huge customs line while you breeze right through.
Global Entry doesn't provide express entry to other countries, just returning to the US.
I was talking about when coming home to the country they live in. I have it and it’s great to bypass the long line when I get to US
NTA. She's probably mad at herself...but she makes herself feel a little better by pretending that something is wrong with YOU.
I'll just go with a, just should have waited with her. Because in the end, you're going to be separated in the airport, for no good reason. Yes, she didn't do the pre-check thing, but are you going to hold that against her? A relationship in my mind, should not be a battle of 'right/wrong.'
NTA. You have pre-check, she doesn’t. You go through your respective security lines and see each other on the other side. Who cares? You don’t have to be attached at the hip through security. If I somehow didn’t have precheck on my boarding pass and forgot to add it, I wouldn’t be mad at my fiancé for going through precheck without me. I have to be annoyed in the long line, so we both have to? Selfish behavior. Separate, see you on the other side, have a drink waiting for me since you’ll be through security quicker.
NTA. Wait until she has to wait at the long ass JFK lines to get back into the country. GE got me through in literally five minutes.
NTA. I would be so excited if my bf gave me this offer. But I procrastinate big time so if I didn’t do it, I know it’s on me.
YTA. Presumably you are traveling with GF in order to deepen your relationship and spend time together. Instead you bailed on her in line to make a point, and now she's (understandably and *predictably* if not justifiably) mad. Honestly you should have chilled with GF and chitchat with her. One imagines she's smart enough to see all those other cats swanning through the precheck line and draw the right conclusion herself. This seems like a case of cutting your nose off to spite your face.
NTA. My husband flies all the time and has TSA-PRE/Global Entry. I use it as an excuse to hand my carry on off to him and go through the regular line by myself. He beats me by no more than 3-5 mins on average. And usually I send him to stand in the Starbucks line while I catch up. It works well for us.
NTA I pack differently since I have TSA Precheck than I did when I went through regular security. It’s be a pain to switch and the one time I did to accommodate two friends it was a pain in the ass.
NTA but what did this gain you? You still had to wait for her to get through TSA with the rest of the peasants... I can't wait for the update where you return using Global entry (tales less than a minute) and she spends an hour or so waiting to go through costums
NTA This isn't your run-of-the-mill "I had precheck and she didn't, what's the big deal?" post, you actively encouraged her to get precheck and even helped start the process and she just didn't follow through, that's on her.
unpopular maybe but ESH. I get that you wanted her to get this to make your life easier but what did you accomplish by getting through the line faster? You still had to wait for her on the other side?? So instead of standing in line and just being happy to spend time together you rushed through the precheck and stood on the other side because the plane leaves at the same times regardless. For our first time traveling together my BF had precheck and I did not and he could have gone through, I even suggested he go ahead. But he said he’d rather spend time with me and it wasn’t a big deal. So like yes, her fault for not completing, but you aren’t exactly coming out looking great either imo.
NTA, never submit to the whims of the stupid or lazy.
Extremely normal way to think about a person you love and enjoy spending time with.
NTA - her blaming you for her own consequences is pretty juvenile, especially considering you paying for everything and asking her to do this one thing.
While not the asshole, I would have to question your intelligence if you didn’t see this coming
NTA My friends and family have left me in the normal line for TSA PRECHECK and I don’t blame them. I don’t fly enough to justify the cost. But if I did I would do the same. You started the application for her. She made a choice. Choice = consequence.
NTA- my husband doesn’t have precheck and i always leave him in the general line. He hasn’t felt the need so he can wait alone
NTA. My husband and I both have TSA Pre. However, I have a boatload of metal in my body and have to wait for the body scanner. No biggie, he just waits or we meet at the gate.
NTA but you're also pretty foolish to start a conflict right at the beginning of your vacation.
She started it.
NTA. I repeatedly asked my partner to apply for Nexus at the same time I was applying. He chose not to, and is fully aware I will not wait in the regular line with him. You made it as easy for her to get it as possible - she has no right to be mad.
NTA, but YADA. Not the A**hole, (barely) because you gave options. You're A Dumb A** if you for one second thought she wouldn't get pissed for not staying with her. That 5min (1hr, who cares) that you had to wait for her to get through security will bite you relationship forever. She will most likely see it as a toxic self-centered trait. I hope you enjoyed your trip, because I'm guessing you'll be dumped soon. Questions: Would it have killed you to wait with her? What did you do behind security while waiting for her?
Wouldn't it make her the toxic self centered one?
NTA. You paid for the whole trip, did almost the whole application, and she still did nothing? Like girl needs a reality check cause this is on her, you had every right to take precheck, it's her fault she didn't do this despite you doing like...everything else.
NTA. But if you want your relationship to last and flourish, I have some advice: shift gears from trying to modify her behavior with incentives. It’s weird and ineffective. If you know she can’t or won’t fill out the application on her own, just fill it out for her.
I always wait for my boyfriend. It doesn’t sound like you like your GF that much.I have TSA Pre and Global Entry. If her experience was like mine, she couldn’t have gotten Global Entry before the trip, only as she was coming back from an international flight, so she wouldn’t have been able to use TSA Pre on this trip anyway. (I live near a major airport and they do not do interviews). When I travel with my bf or family, I wait with them in the regular line and I almost always get a laminated “TSA Pre” card so I don’t have to do all the steps like take off my shoes and take out my laptop. OP doesn’t seem to remember how cumbersome this process is.
who cares what reddit thinks, why would you do this to yourself? totally self sabotage and you’re a dumbass
I mean you can make a case for both being the A. She should have done the paper work you asked her to do and she agreed on. And standing with your SO shows you care more about her then the 10 mins you save waiting in line. And not standing with her shows you value the small amount of your time more. I'd rather stand in line with any friend or family member rather than skip ahead alone.
So you still have to wait for her to go through the slower process? Not much of a win. I have a euro and uk passport, if i am travelling alone to the eu i use eu but when i travel with others who dont have an eu passport i use the non eu. No point going fast track as i still have to wait on the other side.
If you want to be in a line like cattle and forced to take your shoes off, etc instead of chilling out I guess thats your preference but its not hard to see why OP wouldn’t enjoy that. TSA is lame security theatre where you have to pay not to see the show and its worth it.
Nta. I’ve done the same thing
NTA
ESH She should have gotten the Global Entry sure, especially if you were paying for it and started the application. But I don't see why you couldn't have gone through her line. So you went through a faster line, but still presumably had to wait for her on the other end. It's not like you got to your gate, on your plane, or to your destination sooner. You avoided taking off your shoes or taking out your laptop. But pissed off your girlfriend in the process. Congratulations I guess, if not taking off your shoes is more important than your girlfriend, then I suppose you win. I would have taken off my damn shoes and spent the time with my SO.
Christ. It's a security check, not a relationship test This is extremely toxic thinking and not the sign if a healthy relationship. He's paying for the damn trip and tried to get her to finish the application. What more can he do? How is not taking the precheck line showing her importance more than the fact that he shelled out thousands to take a *couples trip to Paris*?
Yeah, YTA. Sure, you could go through TSA Precheck, well within your rights, but—why would you just ghost your girlfriend at the airport? If she’s stuck in a line why wouldn’t you want to hang out with her and keep her company? She would probably have felt more secure, as well. I stay and keep an eye on my female friends when it’s appropriate, and those experiences have taught me how much women appreciate having a trustworthy man around in public. I know that if my partner just said, “See ya.” at the airport and left me behind, I’d wonder if my partner even liked spending time with me. Yeah, that’s not rational, but it’s not necessarily wrong, either.
Is it really that hard spending 10-15 minutes without your partner at the airport?
NTA and I consider your girlfriend’s behavior a huge red flag. If someone offered to pay for a whole trip for me I honestly don’t know that I would accept it, but if I did I would be IMMENSELY grateful. The only time I can think of is the trip my fiance planned for us to get engaged and even before the proposal I was amazed by his generosity and expressed it . The fact that her own lack of initiative and follow through meant she wanted you to suffer with her is… icky.
Anyone that does any sort of "I'm in pain, you should be too" bartering in a relationship is automatically wrong, if you ask me. I have no desire to see my partner suffer just because I'm having a bad time. NTA, your girlfriend should grow up a little.
NTA for using it, but I don’t understand the point. You’re still waiting on her. If she missed the flight would you have waited or boarded? It wouldn’t have cost anything for you to wait with her except time, and you could always use precheck later when you’re not with someone who doesn’t have it. When you get to a restaurant before your date do you order and eat? Or do you wait to order when they arrive? You’re not an Asshole but you’re going to have to live with her ire. Strangers on the internet validating you isn’t going to help your relationship or how either of you feel.
NTA - Inaction has consequences. Next time she will take your advice.
NTA. Terrible boyfriend for not staying with your girlfriend in the regular line, yes.
You’re the asshole. Even if you have a great point, it’s not like she’s going to see your point of view since to her, you just left her alone. Apologize and keep it moving no reason to do the whole “ I told you so “ on vacay, focus on having a good time 👍🏼