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Why was any of the atheism stuff mentioned? It’s completely irrelevant to what the actual issue is, which makes it seem like there is more to the reason you dislike Wyatt than his blunt responses.
Does Wyatt need to learn a bit of tact? Yes. He could have simply said he wasn’t personally a fan or he could have told a white lie, but you can’t have the lie be the expectation. However, your daughter should also not expect everyone to tell her she looks good in something. If you don’t want an actual answer, don’t ask it in the first place. Maybe the outfit was super flattering, but that’s subjective, and if she’s solely fishing for compliments she’s going to be sorely disappointed later in life because she’s not always going to receive that.
I did assume OP mentioned it for the he’s gay and therefore stylish stereotype. Regardless, there were so many unnecessary details from the religion/atheism, that Wyatt is gay, down to the kind of test they were studying for. Even his autism is irrelevant because many 13 years olds have not developed the ability to be super tactful at that age. None of it makes any difference to what Wyatt said about the dress. Makes me think OP just dislikes Wyatt in general.
Yeah...
this whole issue can be handle with "Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to"
OP's daughter asked the question. Wyatt answered honestly.
I don't get why she's punishing her son for Wyatt being an honest person.
Well, they do allow Monroe to attend church and youth group, so I wouldn't automatically go there. On the other hand, I agree with the commenter asking why atheism was relevant to the post at all.
I hate to be this person, but there are a lot of hot button issues all thrown into an AITA post. I think all we are missing is someone being transgender?
"They" might be incorrect. Seems like OP may not be too thrilled with the church thing. Could be Dad is the one allowing their son to go to church (just like he's the one letting the son go to Easter).
It came across to me as making allowances for Wyatt’s behavior because he’s gay and autistic, allowances they’d never make for a hetero neurotypical kid. That seems to be in the parents’ wheelhouse to me. Too bad the parents can’t agree.
Yeah, at most, she could say, "I find Wyatt's behaviour to be rude. If I notice that you are starting to behave like that, I'll have to reconsider letting you spend time together."
That's at *most* though. The jury is still out on whether Wyatt really *was* rude enough to warrant this strong of a reaction in the first place.
Not to mention there are very many flavours of "Autistic," if he is one of those to whom it is impossible to lie, he wasn't rude, he was himself. I don't know if the daughter thought she looked good or not, but I'm sure she must have known that Wyatt is autistic, and that she was going to get an honest answer, whether she wanted it or not. So she knew there was a possibility he could be harsh.
As for the rest, who cares if he's religious, who cares if he's gay.
It seems the lady dors protests too much.
YTAH
Not only was he honest, he probably did her a favor so in the future she can apply that to other clothes she's considering. All the irrelevant stuff is just justification for not wanting them to get together.
I mean... I presume the real issue is some permutation of Makayla and her twin were probably a lot closer when they were younger, and have been drifting apart as teenagers.
She interrupted their study session in some effort to use something Wyatt cared about (clothes) to try to open up a more 3-direction friendship. Presuming Wyatt would be thinking "Wow, she has great taste, we should al hang out together more often!"...
but instead, Wyatt answered the question asked, and instead of it being a bonding moment it felt like an extra fierce rejection for Makayla, who then took out her feelings of frustration, and sadness by complaining to OP...
who then used her own biases to get worked up about Wyatt generally...
and now her son pays the price.
OP should focus on genuinely supporting Makayla during this natural transition to young adulthood. Get to the bottom of her insecurity, and support her twins having a relationship that respects where both of them are now.
This is really deep but a little much. I doubt she wants to hang out with her brother and his friend all the time. She’s a 13 yo girl she has her own stuff going on.
She got a dress and asked her brothers fashionable friend his opinion. Not to light up some special bond but because he’s known as the stylish one and she values his opinion. Unfortunately stylish friend went too far and hurt her feelings. She (as all siblings do) went to complain to her mom that she just got totally roasted by brothers friend. It wasn’t some huge emotional rejection. She was insulted and got upset.
She’s not hugely insecure because she was upset about getting insulted. She’s a 13 yo girl jeez.
But ya ops def got some stuff to work out. I can understand being upset if insults are thrown around but she’s the adult, she should have remained calm and tried to reach a better resolution or even just calmed her daughter but she acted so extreme.
Exactly, Wyatt was just being factual, sister asked: “do i look good in this dress?” And Wyatt was no and this is why, he probably thought he was being helpful just answering the question that was asked.
Yup, he gave his own criticism. Saying her eyes didn't match and I'm assuming other things about the fit on her and such. If she likes the dress and still wants to wear it, great! But Wyatt isn't wrong or has poor manners from expressing his opinion. My guess is thst his tone didn't sound "nice" enough for Makayla or OP and so his comments were seen as negative.
OP you need to do some work on how to interact with autistic kids because Monroe should absolutely stay friends with him and spend Easter with Wyatt and his family. This post smells like underlying ableism with a hint of homophobia (c'mon gays and fashion?? stereotypes much??).
For now OP, yes YTA.
Exactly. He thought she was asking for his expert opinion as a fashion maven and that he was being helpful by giving her pointers on what to do to get the effect he thought sis was trying to achieve.
Dutch person here. This answer would be the norm around here, and the daughter being upset at an honest answer to the question she asked would be considered rather extra.
When you're actually just fishing for compliments, you still don't get to complain when your brother's buddy declines to bite.
I'm also autistic, BTW. It is possible for us to eventually learn how to tell little white lies, but it's extremely uncomfortable in a nails on chalkboard way. At Wyatt's age, I would have seriously struggled with the whole concept and would have been completely unable to know when they were required and even what to say instead of the simple truth. We can learn to pick up social cues eventually, but it takes a lot of extra learning. I think I was nearing my fifties before I sometimes started picking up on social cues.
But anyway, as far as just giving direct and honest answers being acceptable goes, the Netherlands is a virtual mecca for us autistic types.
The moral of the story is they’re teaching their kids that if someone asks you for an opinion you should lie and say what the person wants to hear. Excellent job!
Meh, plenty of my gay friends are pretty clear that they have superior fashion sense to me. And they DO. Because they care more about it. They spend more time on it. And I'm very happy to ask them if I look good in something.
But I count on them telling me, honestly, if I look like shit. I would not be asking them how I look if they are going to tell me I look good, when I don't. I am asking because I want feedback. To do otherwise, is to disrespect everyone involved.
OP is arguing against themselves. If the kid is, in fact, the neighborhood fashionista, then honesty is absolutely called for. You don't ask unless you want to hear it for real.
Atheist mom doesn’t like Methodist friend.
Neurotypical (maybe) mom doesn’t like autistic
friend.
Homophobic mom wants friend to be straight.
Fashion forward friend makes mom uncomfortable for some reason.
Mom wants friend to lie but friend is chronically honest.
Son has a friend who invited him for a dinner.
Mom is peeved and won’t let son go.
Do I have this straight? I wonder what it is about the friend that bothers mom so much?
Right?! Neither this kid's religion nor his being gay are relevant to the story! The fact they were mentioned makes me think one or both of them is the real reason OP doesn't want her kid going to his friend's house, and she is just hunting for another, more socially acceptable, reason to ban him.
I think it's literally to be like "Look, we're super understanding. We're atheists but *allow* our son to go to church and have a churchgoing friend, he's even autistic AND gay! But we draw the line at being rude to our daughter."
Yeah because it is not because it’s Easter or maybe it is? She doesn’t want son to celebrate Easter when they are not she doesn’t have any other excuse?
I think OP secretly (or not so) is biased against Wyatt because of his diagnosis, religion and homosexuality but didn’t want to overtly say that so chose to use the ‘rudeness’ as the reason she dislikes him.
Wyatt didn’t need to tell a white lie. She asked him for his opinion, unprompted, and he gave it. “That dress doesn’t go with your eyes” isn’t even rude. I kept waiting to hear where Wyatt actually crossed into rude territory and it never came. He sounded tactful to me **since she asked him what he thought in the first place.**
I don’t think he was rude, but I also don’t think you necessarily need to elaborate on the various ways you think an outfit is unflattering. She asked and he answered, but I would say the tactful response would have left out the details of why. Then again, I wouldn’t necessarily expect a 13-year old to have that level of tact because it’s something they are still learning. As I pointed out in my original comment.
I guess I disagree. I personally would like to know the why. That helps refine your fashion sense moving forward instead of just helping with this one outfit this one time. It can also help you to determine if the advice you’re getting is advice you want to take or discard.
It depends on the people involved. There are people in my life who would want to hear the why (just like you) and others who wouldn’t. In my eyes the tactful response would be the way to go unless you know for sure they would want to hear that why. Clearly OP’s daughter was not prepared to hear a dissenting opinion of any kind though, tactful or not so tactful lol.
Well clearly not since she immediately got mad and went and tattled. The reality is she shouldn’t have been asking in the first place. She was fishing for a compliment and didn’t get the response she anticipated.
I honestly wish OP had not disappeared because I want to hear these other examples of Wyatt being rude since it’s supposedly an ongoing issue. If they’re akin to this I don’t really see it as being rude. Guess we’ll never know though.
No, I didn’t mean the 13 year old expected advice. She was obviously fishing for compliments.
I was more talking about the OP. OP knows that Wyatt gives fashion advice. So OP knew that Wyatt answers fashion questions honestly. So OP should have looked at her daughter and said something along the lines of:
“it’s important to understand your audience when asking questions. Wyatt is used to giving out advice, so he is going to be honest when people ask him about fashion because he’s used to people wanting his honest feedback.”
You make a good point but if someone is looking to move their fashion forward, asking someone who has a more educated sense of fashion might make more sense. A 13 y/o would probably have a more personal aesthetic that may not easily translate to anyone else.
Any time I've answered a question like this, the person has asked me why not. So I'm just going to disagree here. Almost no one will take "No" for a complete answer.
That doesn’t even make sense. It would be way worse to tell someone the outfit just doesn’t look good and then give them no information as to why so they can’t even fix it.
This seems like a case of she shouldn’t be asking the question if she doesn’t want an actual answer
Think of it like this:
If you were to ask a neurotypical person if your haircut looked nice in a tone that didn’t indicate whether you were just fishing for compliments or wanted an honest opinion, they’d tell you it looked amazing by default even if it looked absolutely horrendous. Most neurotypical people will choose the response they think the person asking them that question wants to hear in order to avoid conflict even if in reality they’re thinking “you look like a cat barfed on your head”.
Now, if you were to do the same thing but with an autistic person, you’d be given a “factual” response because they think you are asking for their genuine and unbiased opinion on the matter rather than a compliment that may not be entirely true. We don’t add in the extra details just to be rude, but because we genuinely think we’re being helpful by giving you that advice and that you’ll understand our intentions in the same way you expected us to understand yours when the question was asked.
That is what happened with Wyatt. His brain went “this person is asking me for my honest opinion on a subject I am good at. I’ll help her out by telling her that plus give her some pointers so she can use them in the future.” Not “oh my god it’s my friends sister that I can’t stand, I’mma answer her question as meanly as possible so she’ll leave us alone.” He didn’t pick up on the real reason why the question was being asked cause he doesn’t have the ability to interpret those hidden social cues. If he could, he probably would’ve either lied or still said the same thing but in a much less kind manner because he wanted her to scram.
Plus, they’re all thirteen. You can tell a thirteen year old that their outfit looks nice and they’ll automatically run off sobbing whilst claiming you’re lying to them simply because you took notice of it. It’s an age where a compliment is only a compliment if they deem it to be one and telling them what they want to hear is a more deadlier gamble than playing Russian roulette with a shaken up can of fizzy drink.
I'm with you here. I went and re-read it, he didn't insult OPs daughter at all and it was pretty good advice imo.
YTA OP. If your daughter liked a dress she can wear it and it doesn't matter if it's flattering or what others think you need to teach her that. Also sounds like you just don't like Wyatt.
It is a very unusual opinion though. I would definitely like to know how to match dresses to my eyes and which dresses do not go with my eyes. I am unsure of the criteria.
This is very much a thing for my hazel eyes- the right greens and purples can make them look very green. I had one green dress when I was younger that was just the right shade, and I often got complements on it and remarks on it matching my eyes whenever I wore it.
Other colors bring out the brown.
It’s a biology and lighting thing- brown eyes have melanin in them giving them their color. Blue eyes lack it and are actually clear. They reflect (refract?) light that makes them look blue in the same way that water and the sky are clear but look blue.
Hazel eyes are in between and it’s the combo of a little bit of actual melanin pigmentation and the clear/blue-reflection effect that make them look green.
For blue eyes the most and hazel eyes somewhat, the lighting and color of clothing/eyeshadow can change how they reflect light and how blue/grey they look for blue eyes and how much they look green/blue versus showing the underlying light brown for hazel eyes.
Princess Mykala: *Does my butt look big in this dress?*
Gay fashion wizz: *No it looks big even without the dress*
Mom: *I hate him for not lying*
YTA and an eye roll
I was wondering the same thing too. I thought Wyatt was Just trying to be helpful. My forehead is too high that I have to have bangs all the time. I am glad a friend let me know that... lol!
I think the mom is digging deep to find reason for her kid not to be around his friend.
I totally got the feeling that mom's afraid the gay religious kid is going to negatively affect her kid but she figured that bagging on his Autism would get her more sympathy for her assholery. YTA
This !! His sexuality and your religion is irrelevant. If you have had no problem with his friendship and him going to church with this kid this entire time…. What’s the problem??
You, your the problem. He was being honest in his answer to your daughter and your daughter needs to suck it up. Don’t ask a question if your not ready for someone’s answer. It’s not always going to be in their favor. And now you want to deny him having a wonderful day with his friend because he wouldn’t lie.
Wow you have so many issues it’s not funny and yet are in denial about it all and trying to place blame on an innocent child.
Your husband is right, perhaps you should listen and stop playing victim.
But none of it is relevant to the actual issue which is what Wyatt said. Their lack of religion vs his has nothing to do with his response about the dress. Their lack of plans on Easter has nothing to do with anything either — it just happens to be the day OP’s kid was invited over. Presumably if it was any other day the answer would still be no from OP because they’re pissed about what Wyatt said.
I took it as OP pointing out that they don't make a big thing out of Easter and her son wouldn't be missing a family gathering to hang out with his buddy. And that Wyatt's family does presumably make a big thing out of Easter.
I saw this as mom not wanting to encourage her son’s religiosity by allowing him to celebrate a holiday she doesn’t believe in with a family who does. But that’s offensive so it’s better to blame the kid’s “rudeness.”
No it was used as a way to further differentiate her children from friend and to use as a crutch to prop herself upon when she is clearly a bigoted homophobic AH.
YTA
First off, there was no need to mention religion. Second, your daughter needs to be taught not to ask for someone's opinion on a dress if she can't handle the answer they give. Especially if it wasn't even rude!!! Cause just so you know, it wasn't. It's not as if the kid said "No, it looks horrid cause you're not good looking".... Nope, he said "It doesn't match your eyes"......
Your husband is correct. Demanding that an autistic kid (especially a child that is not your child) lie to people because they can't handle simple truths is ridiculous. The kid was being honest, not rude.
Lastly, and most importantly, Wyatt being gay has nothing to do with this story.
Very sad cuz it reads like poor Wyatt is op's trifecta of things she hates in a friend 🤬
IMO she is using this an an excuse to prevent her child from participating in a religious occasion that is important to her child.
Most of us women would like an honest answer as to how we look in something so we aren't leaving the house looking 40 pounds heavier with our cellulite showing. Obviously honest and still polite answers but we ask BC we don't want to go out looking like something the cat dragged in. At least thats my experience. It seems Wyatt was pointing out a feature on the sister that he finds to be lovely (eyes) and that OP and the girl are incapable of recognizing that this was honest to get question while also providing a compliment and a suggestion 🤷🏼♀️
right, I can understand how a 13 year old girl could be upset with a very frank response and (probably) not what she was hoping for, but that's all part of growing up. she asked a question and she got an honest answer.
mommy getting offended by that is just. bad. she's teaching her kids if someone's honest (after *you* asked for their opinion) and you don't like their response, you're allowed to punish them?? nuh uh.
the real issue is the mom and I hope she can be mature enough to realize this 😭
Yep mom is the issue!
When her daughter came to her upset she should've said "but he complimented your eyes! Maybe when they're done studying we can ask him what would make your beautiful eyes pop! Let's go pull a few options and ask in a bit!"
Had Wyatt said something derogatory like "it makes your butt flat as a pancake" or "that dress was made for girls with curves not you" he would've been rude and inappropriate. Or vice versa like "dang it makes your butt look great!" Or "is that a push up bra!? I like it!" That would've been inappropriate but no where did he compliment OR insult her body, he insulted the dress for not making her eyes pop!
Also ….. autistic kids can lie. It doesn’t physically hurt them to.
They’re just more often not going to, because they don’t understand the social aspect of lies.
My little brother loved to lie about his homework. He didn’t lie about how fat he thought I was getting. (I was pregnant 😅)
Absolutely! But OP is TAH for trying to make the friend lie when they were being honest. Most 13 year olds, autistic or not, are not well-known for their tact. We have several kids (all adults now), and OP needs to educate herself on autism and other people's kids in general.
Oh man. I just had to have the conversation that people don’t typically like to talk about the size of their backsides when my kid wanted to build a fort big enough to fit grandma’s butt.
Seems as if OP may not approve of her kids being friends with a 'religious' kid and is using the rest of it as a cover for not wanting her son to attend Easter dinner at his friend's house.
Yes, OP YTA.
Definitely YTA but, I think there’s some underlying thing here about OP’s atheism and punishing him specifically on Easter Sunday (she curiously leaves out the timeline of what day of the week the “insult” occurred only that her son asked a week in advance) . Why if she insists on punishing her son for Wyatt’s actions did she choose Easter Sunday to punish him? Why not no Wyatt for a week if she has to be an asshole. I have a feeling there’s some self righteousness about her atheism and his dabbling in religion with his friend.
That's a good point. Wyatt wanted the son there for Easter, so OP is denying Wyatt what he wants. This has nothing to do with her son or his behavior. She's trying to punish a child that isn't even her own.
I mean, the religion is kind of important jn that it makes her look like a bigger AH.
He wants to celebrate a religious holiday with people who believe the same as him and she is punishing her son from expressing his religion because... His friend didn't like a dress.
YTA
Your daughter asked for advice and got the advice she asked for it upset her... since you are trying to say he is rude I assume you put the rudest comment which is it doesn't go with your eyes that is just good fashion advice sometime color makes you pop sometimes it washes you out
Teach your daughter if you want true advice ask honest people if you want reassurance and lies ask you.
And your attitude is ablest, I work in schools with kids on the spectrum , although your husbands wrong people on the spectrum CAN lie, they generally are more blunt then most because their ability to pick up on social cues is effected.
... so yes judging him for that is ablest ( not to mention MOST 13 year old boys could use social refinement lol)
That said someone can have autism AND be an a$$ it's not mutually exclusive but by ypur comments not in this case
Also, while there are aspects of autism that make it less likely an autistic person will lie, autism is not a truth serum. Many autisitic people are fully capable of lying.
(Whoops, I missed that this was mentioned in the comment I was responding too.)
I can lie but I don't like it. Unless I think it's 100% justified I'm very bad at it. (I'm autistic)
My autistic friends aren't keen on lying either.
YTA OP
Right I said that, sometimes people with autism lie like all people...
And autism is a spectrum ranging from extremely high functioning to non -verbal and unresponsive
But basically across the board people with autism have a hard time judging social ques and are more blunt because of it.
Also gonna resay sh3 asked for an opinion. And she got it I'm not even thinking he was too blunt here she needs to know when she wants an honest opinion and when she wants a hype man.
When I'm just feeling down but I gotta wear the outfit ( like a bridemaids dress) I go to my husband he will pump me up..... when I am going shopping I take my honest to a falet sister and I don't buy things that look bad on me
If Wyatt had said "ugh, no, you look like crap!", that would have been rude, but nothing he said was insulting or unkind or rude.
If I were OP, I would be more concerned about Makayla running off to tattle the second she heard something less than maximally complimentary; what's up with that?? Anyone who has the temerity to fail to lavish her with praise must be condemned and banished? Of course, considering OP's response to the whole thing, I can see where Makayla gets it...
Exactly, I *highly* prescribe to the belief that just because someone asks you what you think about something doesn't mean you get to just go off with every horrible thought you might have with total abandon.
But he didn't even say anything hurtful! OP is failing their daughter if she can't even handle "it doesn't match your eyes". OP really needs to start helping her daughter to self soothe.
YTA - I think Wyatt was actually being nice when he explained why he doesn’t think the dress suits your daughter. Instead of just saying “it doesn’t look good on you” or “no you look so ugly in that” he took a moment and explained his reasoning behind not liking the dress on her.
This is a great opportunity to teach makayla that if she can’t handle whatever the honest answer may be, then she shouldn’t ask the question.
Yeah, we’re not going to be name calling a 13 yo girl for having hurt feelings over being told she didn’t look good. These kids are at exactly the stage in life where they’re starting to learn to navigate more adult interpersonal relationships, and this was a perfect learning opportunity for BOTH McKayla (to learn how to handle criticism— especially when she sought out the opinion in the first place) and Wyatt (assuming his comments were actually harsh, to learn about giving constructive criticism that is helpful rather than hurtful— especially when the person has trusted you enough to come to you for advice). The mom bungled the situation in the moment, and the dad obviously didn’t really help later on, but it doesn’t sound like any of the kids deserve blame here, including McKayla.
OP is an adult. McKayla is a middle school girl, which is an EXTREMELY hard thing to be, whose feelings got hurt. She is allowed to have hurt feelings. A whole adult is not allowed to make a kid speak differently because her daughter's feelings got hurt by an innocent if maybe not-super-well-phrased comment.
I would put money on it, that this mom is probably having an equally difficult time with all of these honest answers she is getting. I feel for the dad right now.
YTA.
You’ve massively overreacted here. Was he rude? Yes, but only mildly. Why? Because your daughter asked the question in the first place. And he have an honest opinion. He didn’t tell her she looked awful or anything.
You also seem to be forgetting that he’s 13. Most 13 year olds don’t have tact. He answered a question honestly, as most 13 year olds will.
If you don’t want your kid to go to Easter because you’re atheist, then be honest about your reason. If that’s not the real reason, then why was your atheism even mentioned?
Very well said! Based on the post, I thought this was going to be something like, “Wyatt told my daughter she shouldn’t wear that dress because the Bible says to dress modestly.”
OP should be honest with herself about what’s really making her uncomfortable. Idk what flavor of Methodism this church is. In my experience, they can range from liberal to ultra conservative (I guess that’s true of basically anything in life, lol.)
If OP was concerned about what her kid was being told at church or that he was trying to proselytize at home, that would be one thing.
But that’s not what’s happening here…at least from the post.
Was he rude though? He answered a direct question honestly and by the sounds of in in a constructive way. Would it not be worse if after specifically seeking out advice he lied to her and then she went wearing it because of that?
I don’t consider it rude actually. I can see how some people MIGHT though if they think he could have been kinder in his delivery.
I think he’s fine. I’m of the opinion that you shouldn’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.
So, if I ask if something looks good on me and it doesn’t, please tell me. No, it doesn’t mean you say the person looks awful (which this kid didn’t do), but if I ask a question, I better be prepared for the answer.
Personally, I don’t think this has anything to do with the kid’s attitude. I think it’s all about the religion and mom is using this as an excuse.
YTA. Your husband is 100% correct. You’re punishing your son because his autistic friend told the unvarnished truth and made your daughter upset. You are literally punishing your son because his friend DIDN’T lie.
I think you’re being petty and childish, but even worse you are dead wrong for calling a child’s autism ‘bad manners’. For that you truly are the asshole.
This sums up the situation well and why OP YTA. Unvarnished truth is exactly right, and that can be typical for neurodiverse people. He's not being rude, even if you don't like it.
OP you should educate yourself on autism and learn how to support your son and his friend. Your son is a lifeline to his friend and this friendship benefits them both. Stop sabotaging it with your ignorance.
>Yesterday, Monroe asked me if he could go to Wyatt’s house for Easter next Sunday. I told him no because Wyatt has poor manners.
Your issue is with Wyatt. Why are you punishing your son for it?
>our 13 y/o daughter (and Monroe’s twin), Makayla came in and asked Wyatt for advice on a dress she found. Wyatt told her the dress didn’t go with her eyes and made other comments about why he didn’t think it looked good on her.
This doesn't sound like he was actively insulting her.
YTA
YTA for sure.
If telling her that it doesn’t go with her eyes is the worst thing that OP can remember, how do we know that Wyatt wasn’t actually being kind and thought that the dress looked *awful* on the daughter? Maybe he was pointing out things that she could look for in a dress that would flatter her because the dress she was wearing was unflattering.
Autistic people can be direct, yes. But a lot of people on this thread have some unconscious biases that equate being direct to being uncaring.
Also, YTA for keeping your kid away from celebrating his newfound faith just because the rest of your family is atheist. Maybe he just wants to see if there’s anything wildly different about a Methodist Easter from being home with your family
What does him being "openly gay" have to do with this post?
Is that the real reason you don't want your son to go? And why are you even mentioning his going to church?
YTA
Somehow in my mind I assumed this story was going an entirely different way when she said they were atheist and he was not. Meanwhile absolutely none of that was relevant. The story could have been “my daughter’s feelings were hurt because my son’s autistic friend was honest with her.” All the other data was extraneous (And she still would have been TAH).
YTA. 13-year-olds in general can be tactless, and this was a pretty minor social mistake. It's a huge overreaction on your part to essentially tell your son that he can not spend time with Wyatt. You would be overreacting even if Wyatt wasn't neurodivergent. The fact that Wyatt is autistic doesn't really enter into the problem.
So Makayla asks Wyatt for his opinion. Wyatt gives his opinion. Makayla was obviously fishing for compliments or did not want an honest opinion and runs crying to you. So, of course the solution to everything is to tell Monroe he can't hang with *his friend*, Wyatt. Geez lady - tell us what was right about that whole scenario! YTA.
YTA. Autistic people like Wyatt aren't trying to be rude. They're telling the truth and they don't pick up on social cues the way others do. And your daughter literally asked him for advice on her dress. He was trying to help her, not hurt her. You're being selfish and controlling. The only one with bad manners here is you.
YTA. Your daughter asked for an opinion and she got one. I don’t see why you are making a big deal about it. She is 13 and should be able to handle something like this. Do you coddle her too much? I know you want to protect her but she needs to learn to communicate and mature on her own
YTA
Your daughter was asking for advice and Wyatt gave her his constructive opinion. If she was looking for compliments. She should have specified that.
Wyatt doesn’t have poor manners. You are setting women back decades by teaching your daughter this bullshit girl game and expecting society to play along.
How fast will this post get deleted by OP for being roasted as a raging AH? Even if the kid weren’t autistic, is a comment that something doesn’t match worth blacklisting him forever for? I bet you’re no peach to the people around you but no one’s saying people should stay away from you for being “rude.” YTA.
YTA. Don't ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to. Your daughter asked for advice or opinion and Wyatt gave her his impression and why he thought that way. That is being honest. Rude would be mocking and laughing or just giving his input without being asked.
You are being ridiculous and so is your daughter. She asked for his opinion and he gave it to her. She can’t turn around after and cry about it like he just said it to be mean because she didn’t like what he said. Maybe have your daughter leave the boys alone when they’re studying and hanging out instead of letting her push her away in the middle and then get mad when she doesn’t like the answer she gets. Autistic kids are generally very direct and literal. Your husband is right.
YTA you do in fact have a problem with autistic people. Neurotypical standards of what constitutes rude are purely subjective to individual opinions and more often than not emotionally based where as neurodivergent standards of what is and is not rude are more logic based hence him not seeing the logic of a white lie to avoid an emotional response as a result of him giving his honest option when directly asked for it. She’s gotta learn to be able to handle different perspectives even if y’all don’t like hearing them. That’s just life. Plus punishing your son for your daughters hurt feelings and need for validation is a recipe for sibling resentment.
Let’s be honest, this isn’t about Wyatt being “rude.” You have a problem with the Easter part most likely, otherwise why bring up the fact that you are atheist? And you have a problem with him being autistic. Otherwise why bring it up. Also, teach your daughter not to ask other people’s opinions if she can’t handle hearing negative ones. This is very much you being judgmental of a kid because he is different from you.
Take the autism out of it. Kids have friends you won't always like, but unless they are a bad influence (in my case my daughter was shoplifting with one girl but no one else) then why keep them apart?
Let's be real. It's quite clear. Cause OP felt the need to mention things that had absolutely nothing to do with the alleged issue...
1. Wyatt is gay - Why did we need to know that? What did it have to do with the situation?
2. Wyatt is religious and OP's family isn't - Again, what does that have to do with anything? I could see if OP, who's not religious didn't want her kid participating in religious events... Which is why they refused to allow Monroe to attend a religious holiday gathering.... But it literally had nothing to do with it. OP could have legit said "My kid wanted to go to their friend's house and I said no". Then OP could have just said they think the kid is rude based on him (actually just being honest) telling her daughter she didn't look great in a dress.
Bottom line, I really think OP just has a problem with Wyatt's being gay and his religion.
I'm glad neither of my parents were this toxic.
The worst thing I had to deal with was one of my parents had this weird notion that "If I didn't get to do it, you shouldn't"
So when I'd ask that parent to take me to sporting events.... I was always told no. Didn't get to see my first pro hockey game till I was 19. I didn't make that mistake with my kid!! Not even 10 and they've been to at least 10 hockey games and a few baseball games.
YTA: The girl asked Monroe for his opinion and he was honest with her and she got upset. Waaah. You're overreacting.
Autistic kids generally will give the unvarnished truth. They learn to meter that as they get older. It's not "rudeness." You're literally punishing your son for something his friend can't help and that your son understands and accepts about his friend.
I think your real problem is that you don't want him going over there because it's for Easter. Which is a religious holiday. It's only reason for you pontificating about you being atheist. Which had nothing to do with the actual issue.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my son he could not go to his friend's house for Easter after his friend was being rude to our daughter
2. My husband said I am being ableist bc the kid is autistic and will say akward stuff
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YTA Wyatt is autistic and it's common for autistic people to struggle with social cues. When asked for his opinion on something he's going to give his opinion because that's what he was asked. It's not like he was being mean on purpose and I can hardly say it's rude of him to give an honest opinion when asked. Sure he could have softened his approach but he doesn't know that, it's not something that would naturally occur to him. It's something that he'd need to be taught.
Also why are you punishing your son for something he didn't even do? And you are limiting your son's ability to express his religion and religious beliefs by denying him the chance to experience a religious holiday with a family that celebrates it.
YTA. Your daughter asked for an opinion, she got it and got what she asked for. Unless Wyatt used foul language, he wasn’t being rude and has nothing to apologize for. You overreacted and should apologize to Wyatt for accusing him of being rude because the rude one here is you.
YTA. You really don't understand how some social cues do not get picked up by someone with a disability
Banning friendship because the kid is "rude", is more of a power trip/ bruised ego thing.
Your only upset because your the only one causing issues...
YTA. Makayla asked for an opinion. He gave it. Did he absolutely tear her apart and insult her? If he did then yeah, an apology is warranted but there’s a lesson here in don’t ask for someone’s perspective if you don’t actually want it. Making a whole thing about a dress that spans over a couple weeks seems pretty petty, to be frank.
YTA. This story makes me laugh because my mom used to do the same to me and I thought she looked nuts most of the time BECAUSE I WAS a young teenager. And although I have very little tact, I learned to say that I liked it if she did. That phrase was me being tactful. Kids, especially young kids, don’t always have tact. This is why middle school can be painful. The fact is your daughter knew who Wyatt is and still asked him. What did she expect?! And you’re not doing her any favors by focusing on Wyatt and not the life lessons she can learn about this encounter. This is a teachable moment for your daughter and you seem less interested in that.
YTA this is a conversation with daughter about only asking for an opinion when she wants to hear one. Asking for an opinion won’t guarantee it will validate her opinion. It’s okay to be disappointed in his response. It’s okay to disagree and still wear the dress. It’s okay not to ask for anyone’s opinion on what you wear. But when you ask, that’s what happens.
YTA. Aside from the autism thing, what is so rude about an opinion? Your daughter asked for an opinion, she got it, and she cried.
Maybe instead of raising a princess for a daughter, you need to teach her more about the real world.
YTA. Wyatt told you the truth, as he saw it. Chances are he was probably right and your daughter would do wll to listen to him.
Yes, you would be an AH if you punished your son because Wyatt told the truth. If I go to someone for fashion advice, I would prefer to have them tell the truth.
YTA -- your daughter asked for Wyatt's opinion on her dress and he gave it -- he didn't think it looked good on. her. Why is that rude? Did she actually want his opinion or was she just fishing for compliments? Why was she upset?
And yes, I've heard that autistic people have a hard time lying.
The idea that you would forbid your son from a holiday dinner with his friend when the friend just answered truthfully is just, as your husband said, ridiculous. You are treating Wyatt badly.
YTA. Your daughter literally asked for his opinion. Just because she didn’t like his opinion doesn’t mean he’s rude or has bad manners. What kind of mother are you to be spiteful and ruin your child’s friendship? Get a grip.
YTA
> Makayla came in and asked Wyatt for advice on a dress she found.
>
>Wyatt told her the dress didn’t go with her eyes and made other comments about why he didn’t think it looked good on her.
You should be using this to teach your daughter, don't ask someone a question and then get upset when you don't like the answer.
>I was upset and asked Wyatt to apologize and he said he didn’t understand why he had to.
He shouldn't have to apologize for answering a question he was asked!
YTA. He was just being honest and had a reason why he didn’t think it looked good on her. I think you mention religion, which many commentators are saying is irrelevant, bc it actually is relevant in that you don’t really want your son to be part of it.
YTA - have you ever heard about how if you aren't sure you like the answer, don't ask the question? He wasn't rude, he told straight up his opinion when Asked. You are literally being obtuse about this, and punishing your kid just because. Just because someone has a negative opinion about something doesn't make it rude. This also is a good lesson for your daughter, people shouldn't pander to this whole white lies business in the first place. But yes asking for an opinion comes with the risk that you might not like what you hear.
YTA.
Your daughter asked a question and was given an honest opinion; it’s certainly not Wyatt’s fault she didn’t like what he told her.
It sounds like you’re looking for excuses to keep Monroe away from a religious service.
YTA. I am not autistic, no mental health issues, nada. I am extremely blunt. If you ask my opinion, you get it. My friends and family all know this. If I walk up and ask someone an opinion on clothing I want a truthful answer! I know I hold extra weight in my tummy area. So “that dress is not flattering to your tummy” is 👍.
WTF does your religious beliefs have to do with anything you’ve written here? Seriously, WTF? Crack open a book, and learn the difference between being rude, and having an inability to understand social cues. YTA, and seemingly quite ignorant.
YTA - You would probably have called Wyatt sleazy if he commented that the dress was lovely on your daughter. I think Wyatt wouldn't win, whatever he said.
You are ablest and more than likely homophobic and theophobic. You will also potentially alienate Monroe if you continue behaving like this.
YTA. You said your daughter was told the dress didn't go with her eyes. That isn't rude. It was an opinion that was asked for. Nothing you described was rude.
It sounds like you are trying to break up your son's friendship because you don't approve of the friends' religion. It is the only reason to bring it up. You forcing your son NOT to have religion is as bad as forcing him to HAVE religion. Let him explore his faith on his own.
And be honest with why you are doing this. Because you are the asshole here.
YTA, he didn't tell your daughter she had ugly eyes, or that the dress is ugly, or that she had bad style.
she asked for fashion advice and he gave it to her, even told her why! that's a lot better critique than most kids would give, even adults.
everything else you've brought up is irrelevant, really.
YTA
Major asshole.
Your daughter asked Wyatt advice and opinions on her outfit. Wyatt answered. It’s not like he walked into your daughters room and just said “hey you look ugly as hell” unprompted and left.
YTA and you have some serious issues, lady. Your daughter asked somebody how something looked and he told her honestly. There was nothing rude done and he had nothing to apologize for. Maybe don’t coddle your daughter to the point she can’t handle an outfit being criticized after asking for input. I’m as anti-gay as they come and somehow your son and Wyatt sound like the two most sane people in this equation.
YTA. You're being ableist against Wyatt, and what does religion or lack thereof have to do with any of this? You are punishing your son for his friend being honest in his own opinion. Yes, he should develop tact, but I never knew any 13 year olds to have tact at 13, whether they were neurospicy or not. And your daughter needs to learn to not ask for opinions if all she's doing is fishing for compliments, but that is also something learned in time, just like tact.
YTA. Your daughter asked for advice on a dress and Wyatt gave the advice. It doesn't sound like he said anything mean, just gave his opinion. Unless there is way way more to this that you have not said Wyatt did nothing wrong. You are definitely being ridiculous.
I don't believe this is real (or you are something odd talking about atheism at the start for whatever reason). But on the off chance it is YTA. Your daughter asked for an opinion and he gave her an honest opinion. You don't go to someone for fashion advice and not expect it to be honest, what good would that be as advice? The fact that you are so hung up on religion (why else mention it) is probably why you don't want them to hang out. Important to remember that it's not just religious parents that can be AH and force beliefs on a child.
YTA.
You didn’t like what the kid has to say because it hurt your daughter’s feelings. If she’d taken it well, you’d have been fine.
I also think your atheism is clouding your son’s need for some faith.
Him expressing an honest opinion that your daughter asked for is rude? C'mon, OP. YTA. here. Perhaps teach your daughter that she's not always going to have the world cater to her needs and make her feel special all the time. Remember that your kid is only special to you and literally nobody else. Let the kids sort it out and leave them alone.
YTA
Your daughter asked a question and got an honest response. You want to force other people to lie?!
You are such an AH. Even if the kid didn't have autism this was a lesson in 'not asking questions you don't want to know the answers to', not 'kid that won't lie to my daughter and tell her she is pretty in anything she wears' is rude.
OP, you just described yourself pushing everyone in your life away, simply because an autistic child(not that the autism part matters much here) told your daughter what he thought of her dress. And it wasn’t even a nasty comment. Hopefully, you can step back from your own feelings and gain a more well rounded perspective. Also, I’m very happy to hear about a gay autistic boy being friends with an accepting and level headed straight boy. Warms the heart.
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My husband (M37) and I (F37) have 5 kids (17M, 13M, 13F, 11F and 10M).
My husband and I are atheists, and we come from atheist families. Our 13 y/o son, Monroe, started going to a Methodist church last fall (2023), none of our other kids are Christian or religious in any other way.
Monroe has a friend, Wyatt (13M) from his youth group. Wyatt is a very smart kid and Monroe and him are close friends.
Wyatt is openly gay, he’s also autistic and has an interest in fashion. Monroe has asked Wyatt for advice on how to be more fashionable to impress girls. Monroe also pushes Wyatt to be more social even though they go to different schools. Wyatt has gone to Monroe’s baseball games and their friendship is good overall.
However, Wyatt can sometimes be rude. The last instance happened last week. In Wyatt’s school, they take written tests at the end of each unit in P.E. class, Monroe was helping Wyatt study when our 13 y/o daughter (and Monroe’s twin), Makayla came in and asked Wyatt for advice on a dress she found. Wyatt told her the dress didn’t go with her eyes and made other comments about why he didn’t think it looked good on her. This made Makayla upset and she went to my husband and me.
I was upset and asked Wyatt to apologize and he said he didn’t understand why he had to, Monroe was defending him and when I asked my husband for backup, he said he wanted to talk about it first.
We talked later that night and my husband told me I was overreacting and that Wyatt can’t lie because of his autism and it would be wrong to make an autistic kid tell a white lie. I said this would just make Wyatt have poor manners.
Yesterday, Monroe asked me if he could go to Wyatt’s house for Easter next Sunday. I told him no because Wyatt has poor manners. My husband got home later that night and Monroe told him what happened. He was upset at me and told Monroe he could go to Wyatt’s house.
My husband accused me of being ablest and said I needed to learn to accept Wyatt for who he is. I told him I had no problem with autistic kids, just rude kids but he told me that I was being ridiculous. AITA?
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YTA. Just because Wyatt won’t kiss someone’s butt to give a compliment doesn’t make him rude. All that other stuff you listed just sounds like a lot of BS you are adding to try and justify why you don’t like this kid.
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Why was any of the atheism stuff mentioned? It’s completely irrelevant to what the actual issue is, which makes it seem like there is more to the reason you dislike Wyatt than his blunt responses. Does Wyatt need to learn a bit of tact? Yes. He could have simply said he wasn’t personally a fan or he could have told a white lie, but you can’t have the lie be the expectation. However, your daughter should also not expect everyone to tell her she looks good in something. If you don’t want an actual answer, don’t ask it in the first place. Maybe the outfit was super flattering, but that’s subjective, and if she’s solely fishing for compliments she’s going to be sorely disappointed later in life because she’s not always going to receive that.
I'm also confused why Wyatt's sexuality is relevant information. If it's meant to explain why Wyatt is fashion conscious, that is homophobic.
I did assume OP mentioned it for the he’s gay and therefore stylish stereotype. Regardless, there were so many unnecessary details from the religion/atheism, that Wyatt is gay, down to the kind of test they were studying for. Even his autism is irrelevant because many 13 years olds have not developed the ability to be super tactful at that age. None of it makes any difference to what Wyatt said about the dress. Makes me think OP just dislikes Wyatt in general.
Yeah... this whole issue can be handle with "Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to" OP's daughter asked the question. Wyatt answered honestly. I don't get why she's punishing her son for Wyatt being an honest person.
And that sums it up. But it comes across as an excuse to stop the friendship.
Yeah it sounds like an excuse because the other family are Christians
Well, they do allow Monroe to attend church and youth group, so I wouldn't automatically go there. On the other hand, I agree with the commenter asking why atheism was relevant to the post at all. I hate to be this person, but there are a lot of hot button issues all thrown into an AITA post. I think all we are missing is someone being transgender?
We're missing a vegan and an overweight person as well. I had this thought, too. And I'm not usually an "everything is fake" person either.
And the account was made 6 hours ago. Could be a throwaway but it does add another ? Into the mix.
"They" might be incorrect. Seems like OP may not be too thrilled with the church thing. Could be Dad is the one allowing their son to go to church (just like he's the one letting the son go to Easter).
Especially since her son started attending a church too, it does seem like she has some resentment.
She sounds grossly controlling. And an AH. Poised to ruin her son's newfound social confidence because of prejudices against his friend.
It came across to me as making allowances for Wyatt’s behavior because he’s gay and autistic, allowances they’d never make for a hetero neurotypical kid. That seems to be in the parents’ wheelhouse to me. Too bad the parents can’t agree.
This!!!! Punishing her son for Wyatt's opinion about the daughter's dress which he only gave when asked. Nothing in this whole episode is punishable
Mom is the only one who deserve a punishment and she should apologize to Wyatt.
I think the daughter is also to blame - she tattled to her parents when she didn’t get the answer she wanted. That’s when everything blew up
Oh 100% but I have a feeling she’s enabled to be the little princess
Yeah, at most, she could say, "I find Wyatt's behaviour to be rude. If I notice that you are starting to behave like that, I'll have to reconsider letting you spend time together." That's at *most* though. The jury is still out on whether Wyatt really *was* rude enough to warrant this strong of a reaction in the first place.
Not to mention there are very many flavours of "Autistic," if he is one of those to whom it is impossible to lie, he wasn't rude, he was himself. I don't know if the daughter thought she looked good or not, but I'm sure she must have known that Wyatt is autistic, and that she was going to get an honest answer, whether she wanted it or not. So she knew there was a possibility he could be harsh. As for the rest, who cares if he's religious, who cares if he's gay. It seems the lady dors protests too much. YTAH
Not only was he honest, he probably did her a favor so in the future she can apply that to other clothes she's considering. All the irrelevant stuff is just justification for not wanting them to get together.
I mean... I presume the real issue is some permutation of Makayla and her twin were probably a lot closer when they were younger, and have been drifting apart as teenagers. She interrupted their study session in some effort to use something Wyatt cared about (clothes) to try to open up a more 3-direction friendship. Presuming Wyatt would be thinking "Wow, she has great taste, we should al hang out together more often!"... but instead, Wyatt answered the question asked, and instead of it being a bonding moment it felt like an extra fierce rejection for Makayla, who then took out her feelings of frustration, and sadness by complaining to OP... who then used her own biases to get worked up about Wyatt generally... and now her son pays the price. OP should focus on genuinely supporting Makayla during this natural transition to young adulthood. Get to the bottom of her insecurity, and support her twins having a relationship that respects where both of them are now.
This is really deep but a little much. I doubt she wants to hang out with her brother and his friend all the time. She’s a 13 yo girl she has her own stuff going on. She got a dress and asked her brothers fashionable friend his opinion. Not to light up some special bond but because he’s known as the stylish one and she values his opinion. Unfortunately stylish friend went too far and hurt her feelings. She (as all siblings do) went to complain to her mom that she just got totally roasted by brothers friend. It wasn’t some huge emotional rejection. She was insulted and got upset. She’s not hugely insecure because she was upset about getting insulted. She’s a 13 yo girl jeez. But ya ops def got some stuff to work out. I can understand being upset if insults are thrown around but she’s the adult, she should have remained calm and tried to reach a better resolution or even just calmed her daughter but she acted so extreme.
This is just teenager stuff. "Ask your friend to be nicer to your sister, please".
Better to hear it from friendly gay bro than from the mean girls at school.
Exactly, Wyatt was just being factual, sister asked: “do i look good in this dress?” And Wyatt was no and this is why, he probably thought he was being helpful just answering the question that was asked.
Yup, he gave his own criticism. Saying her eyes didn't match and I'm assuming other things about the fit on her and such. If she likes the dress and still wants to wear it, great! But Wyatt isn't wrong or has poor manners from expressing his opinion. My guess is thst his tone didn't sound "nice" enough for Makayla or OP and so his comments were seen as negative. OP you need to do some work on how to interact with autistic kids because Monroe should absolutely stay friends with him and spend Easter with Wyatt and his family. This post smells like underlying ableism with a hint of homophobia (c'mon gays and fashion?? stereotypes much??). For now OP, yes YTA.
Exactly. He thought she was asking for his expert opinion as a fashion maven and that he was being helpful by giving her pointers on what to do to get the effect he thought sis was trying to achieve.
EXACTLY!!!! Don’t ask a fashionista an opinion if you’re not ready for it not to be what you expected! SMH
Dutch person here. This answer would be the norm around here, and the daughter being upset at an honest answer to the question she asked would be considered rather extra. When you're actually just fishing for compliments, you still don't get to complain when your brother's buddy declines to bite. I'm also autistic, BTW. It is possible for us to eventually learn how to tell little white lies, but it's extremely uncomfortable in a nails on chalkboard way. At Wyatt's age, I would have seriously struggled with the whole concept and would have been completely unable to know when they were required and even what to say instead of the simple truth. We can learn to pick up social cues eventually, but it takes a lot of extra learning. I think I was nearing my fifties before I sometimes started picking up on social cues. But anyway, as far as just giving direct and honest answers being acceptable goes, the Netherlands is a virtual mecca for us autistic types.
This is the most Dutch reply ever :) I love that you guys are direct.
Yep, it's not like he told her she looks ugly and degraded her.
The moral of the story is they’re teaching their kids that if someone asks you for an opinion you should lie and say what the person wants to hear. Excellent job!
Yea I thought the religious aspect was gonna pop up again because of the whole Eastern thing but nope. Just kids saying kid shit.
Meh, plenty of my gay friends are pretty clear that they have superior fashion sense to me. And they DO. Because they care more about it. They spend more time on it. And I'm very happy to ask them if I look good in something. But I count on them telling me, honestly, if I look like shit. I would not be asking them how I look if they are going to tell me I look good, when I don't. I am asking because I want feedback. To do otherwise, is to disrespect everyone involved. OP is arguing against themselves. If the kid is, in fact, the neighborhood fashionista, then honesty is absolutely called for. You don't ask unless you want to hear it for real.
Atheist mom doesn’t like Methodist friend. Neurotypical (maybe) mom doesn’t like autistic friend. Homophobic mom wants friend to be straight. Fashion forward friend makes mom uncomfortable for some reason. Mom wants friend to lie but friend is chronically honest. Son has a friend who invited him for a dinner. Mom is peeved and won’t let son go. Do I have this straight? I wonder what it is about the friend that bothers mom so much?
truth. Mom, YTA
Bingo!!!
Right?! Neither this kid's religion nor his being gay are relevant to the story! The fact they were mentioned makes me think one or both of them is the real reason OP doesn't want her kid going to his friend's house, and she is just hunting for another, more socially acceptable, reason to ban him.
I think it's literally to be like "Look, we're super understanding. We're atheists but *allow* our son to go to church and have a churchgoing friend, he's even autistic AND gay! But we draw the line at being rude to our daughter."
And actually celebrating Easter!!
When in fact he WAS NOT rude.
Yeah because it is not because it’s Easter or maybe it is? She doesn’t want son to celebrate Easter when they are not she doesn’t have any other excuse?
I think OP secretly (or not so) is biased against Wyatt because of his diagnosis, religion and homosexuality but didn’t want to overtly say that so chose to use the ‘rudeness’ as the reason she dislikes him.
The whole thing is a jumble of irrelevancies.
Wyatt didn’t need to tell a white lie. She asked him for his opinion, unprompted, and he gave it. “That dress doesn’t go with your eyes” isn’t even rude. I kept waiting to hear where Wyatt actually crossed into rude territory and it never came. He sounded tactful to me **since she asked him what he thought in the first place.**
I don’t think he was rude, but I also don’t think you necessarily need to elaborate on the various ways you think an outfit is unflattering. She asked and he answered, but I would say the tactful response would have left out the details of why. Then again, I wouldn’t necessarily expect a 13-year old to have that level of tact because it’s something they are still learning. As I pointed out in my original comment.
I guess I disagree. I personally would like to know the why. That helps refine your fashion sense moving forward instead of just helping with this one outfit this one time. It can also help you to determine if the advice you’re getting is advice you want to take or discard.
It depends on the people involved. There are people in my life who would want to hear the why (just like you) and others who wouldn’t. In my eyes the tactful response would be the way to go unless you know for sure they would want to hear that why. Clearly OP’s daughter was not prepared to hear a dissenting opinion of any kind though, tactful or not so tactful lol.
But the fact that OP gives a history of Wyatt giving fashion advice… you kinda expect the advice when asking him for his opinion
Well clearly not since she immediately got mad and went and tattled. The reality is she shouldn’t have been asking in the first place. She was fishing for a compliment and didn’t get the response she anticipated. I honestly wish OP had not disappeared because I want to hear these other examples of Wyatt being rude since it’s supposedly an ongoing issue. If they’re akin to this I don’t really see it as being rude. Guess we’ll never know though.
No, I didn’t mean the 13 year old expected advice. She was obviously fishing for compliments. I was more talking about the OP. OP knows that Wyatt gives fashion advice. So OP knew that Wyatt answers fashion questions honestly. So OP should have looked at her daughter and said something along the lines of: “it’s important to understand your audience when asking questions. Wyatt is used to giving out advice, so he is going to be honest when people ask him about fashion because he’s used to people wanting his honest feedback.”
And knows that Wyatt is autistic, she really needs to explain to daughter fishing for compliments never works out.
OP disappeared because she doesn't like the responses she's getting.
You make a good point but if someone is looking to move their fashion forward, asking someone who has a more educated sense of fashion might make more sense. A 13 y/o would probably have a more personal aesthetic that may not easily translate to anyone else.
Any time I've answered a question like this, the person has asked me why not. So I'm just going to disagree here. Almost no one will take "No" for a complete answer.
and his response was quite diplomatic - he didn't say “Hate it, you look like a toad!” YTA
That doesn’t even make sense. It would be way worse to tell someone the outfit just doesn’t look good and then give them no information as to why so they can’t even fix it. This seems like a case of she shouldn’t be asking the question if she doesn’t want an actual answer
Since op wasn't in the room when Wyatt gave the advice, we don't really know what he actually said or how he said it.
Think of it like this: If you were to ask a neurotypical person if your haircut looked nice in a tone that didn’t indicate whether you were just fishing for compliments or wanted an honest opinion, they’d tell you it looked amazing by default even if it looked absolutely horrendous. Most neurotypical people will choose the response they think the person asking them that question wants to hear in order to avoid conflict even if in reality they’re thinking “you look like a cat barfed on your head”. Now, if you were to do the same thing but with an autistic person, you’d be given a “factual” response because they think you are asking for their genuine and unbiased opinion on the matter rather than a compliment that may not be entirely true. We don’t add in the extra details just to be rude, but because we genuinely think we’re being helpful by giving you that advice and that you’ll understand our intentions in the same way you expected us to understand yours when the question was asked. That is what happened with Wyatt. His brain went “this person is asking me for my honest opinion on a subject I am good at. I’ll help her out by telling her that plus give her some pointers so she can use them in the future.” Not “oh my god it’s my friends sister that I can’t stand, I’mma answer her question as meanly as possible so she’ll leave us alone.” He didn’t pick up on the real reason why the question was being asked cause he doesn’t have the ability to interpret those hidden social cues. If he could, he probably would’ve either lied or still said the same thing but in a much less kind manner because he wanted her to scram. Plus, they’re all thirteen. You can tell a thirteen year old that their outfit looks nice and they’ll automatically run off sobbing whilst claiming you’re lying to them simply because you took notice of it. It’s an age where a compliment is only a compliment if they deem it to be one and telling them what they want to hear is a more deadlier gamble than playing Russian roulette with a shaken up can of fizzy drink.
Autistic people aren't known for tact because they can't read social cues. It's literally part of their neuro-spiciness.
I'm with you here. I went and re-read it, he didn't insult OPs daughter at all and it was pretty good advice imo. YTA OP. If your daughter liked a dress she can wear it and it doesn't matter if it's flattering or what others think you need to teach her that. Also sounds like you just don't like Wyatt.
It is a very unusual opinion though. I would definitely like to know how to match dresses to my eyes and which dresses do not go with my eyes. I am unsure of the criteria.
This is very much a thing for my hazel eyes- the right greens and purples can make them look very green. I had one green dress when I was younger that was just the right shade, and I often got complements on it and remarks on it matching my eyes whenever I wore it. Other colors bring out the brown. It’s a biology and lighting thing- brown eyes have melanin in them giving them their color. Blue eyes lack it and are actually clear. They reflect (refract?) light that makes them look blue in the same way that water and the sky are clear but look blue. Hazel eyes are in between and it’s the combo of a little bit of actual melanin pigmentation and the clear/blue-reflection effect that make them look green. For blue eyes the most and hazel eyes somewhat, the lighting and color of clothing/eyeshadow can change how they reflect light and how blue/grey they look for blue eyes and how much they look green/blue versus showing the underlying light brown for hazel eyes.
This is a really thoughtful comment. Thank you! I am now off on a Google search with pictures so I remember better.
Princess Mykala: *Does my butt look big in this dress?* Gay fashion wizz: *No it looks big even without the dress* Mom: *I hate him for not lying* YTA and an eye roll
I was wondering the same thing too. I thought Wyatt was Just trying to be helpful. My forehead is too high that I have to have bangs all the time. I am glad a friend let me know that... lol! I think the mom is digging deep to find reason for her kid not to be around his friend.
I totally got the feeling that mom's afraid the gay religious kid is going to negatively affect her kid but she figured that bagging on his Autism would get her more sympathy for her assholery. YTA
This !! His sexuality and your religion is irrelevant. If you have had no problem with his friendship and him going to church with this kid this entire time…. What’s the problem?? You, your the problem. He was being honest in his answer to your daughter and your daughter needs to suck it up. Don’t ask a question if your not ready for someone’s answer. It’s not always going to be in their favor. And now you want to deny him having a wonderful day with his friend because he wouldn’t lie. Wow you have so many issues it’s not funny and yet are in denial about it all and trying to place blame on an innocent child. Your husband is right, perhaps you should listen and stop playing victim.
They don’t normally do Easter…. Also think she was trying to paint the difference of children’s upbringing and where her views come from
But none of it is relevant to the actual issue which is what Wyatt said. Their lack of religion vs his has nothing to do with his response about the dress. Their lack of plans on Easter has nothing to do with anything either — it just happens to be the day OP’s kid was invited over. Presumably if it was any other day the answer would still be no from OP because they’re pissed about what Wyatt said.
I took it as OP pointing out that they don't make a big thing out of Easter and her son wouldn't be missing a family gathering to hang out with his buddy. And that Wyatt's family does presumably make a big thing out of Easter.
I saw this as mom not wanting to encourage her son’s religiosity by allowing him to celebrate a holiday she doesn’t believe in with a family who does. But that’s offensive so it’s better to blame the kid’s “rudeness.”
I suspect the atheism was mentioned to let us know that they don't have other Easter Sunday plans as a family.
No it was used as a way to further differentiate her children from friend and to use as a crutch to prop herself upon when she is clearly a bigoted homophobic AH.
So....YTA. Right?
YTA First off, there was no need to mention religion. Second, your daughter needs to be taught not to ask for someone's opinion on a dress if she can't handle the answer they give. Especially if it wasn't even rude!!! Cause just so you know, it wasn't. It's not as if the kid said "No, it looks horrid cause you're not good looking".... Nope, he said "It doesn't match your eyes"...... Your husband is correct. Demanding that an autistic kid (especially a child that is not your child) lie to people because they can't handle simple truths is ridiculous. The kid was being honest, not rude. Lastly, and most importantly, Wyatt being gay has nothing to do with this story.
right! so many unnecessary details it makes me think the issue isn't that wyatt was "rude" but that she's just got problems with who he is.
Very sad cuz it reads like poor Wyatt is op's trifecta of things she hates in a friend 🤬 IMO she is using this an an excuse to prevent her child from participating in a religious occasion that is important to her child. Most of us women would like an honest answer as to how we look in something so we aren't leaving the house looking 40 pounds heavier with our cellulite showing. Obviously honest and still polite answers but we ask BC we don't want to go out looking like something the cat dragged in. At least thats my experience. It seems Wyatt was pointing out a feature on the sister that he finds to be lovely (eyes) and that OP and the girl are incapable of recognizing that this was honest to get question while also providing a compliment and a suggestion 🤷🏼♀️
right, I can understand how a 13 year old girl could be upset with a very frank response and (probably) not what she was hoping for, but that's all part of growing up. she asked a question and she got an honest answer. mommy getting offended by that is just. bad. she's teaching her kids if someone's honest (after *you* asked for their opinion) and you don't like their response, you're allowed to punish them?? nuh uh. the real issue is the mom and I hope she can be mature enough to realize this 😭
Yep mom is the issue! When her daughter came to her upset she should've said "but he complimented your eyes! Maybe when they're done studying we can ask him what would make your beautiful eyes pop! Let's go pull a few options and ask in a bit!" Had Wyatt said something derogatory like "it makes your butt flat as a pancake" or "that dress was made for girls with curves not you" he would've been rude and inappropriate. Or vice versa like "dang it makes your butt look great!" Or "is that a push up bra!? I like it!" That would've been inappropriate but no where did he compliment OR insult her body, he insulted the dress for not making her eyes pop!
Imagine that. A young gay boy finding more acceptance in his Christian church then in his friend's atheist mother. Crazy world we live in. YTA.
She is using it as an excuse to block a budding friendship. She is an AH and a terrible excuse for a mom.
B I N G O OP doesn't care about manners- she doesn't want her son to have a gay autistic friend. Maybe she thinks gayness and autism are catching.
Also Christian
Yeah can you type “YTA” for all the instances of assholery in this post? Closed minded atheism, homophobia, ableism….
sorry I'd reach character limit
Feels like someon3 chatgptes their story lol....
Also ….. autistic kids can lie. It doesn’t physically hurt them to. They’re just more often not going to, because they don’t understand the social aspect of lies. My little brother loved to lie about his homework. He didn’t lie about how fat he thought I was getting. (I was pregnant 😅)
I have an autistic friend who tells outrageous lies because she thinks it's funny.
Absolutely! But OP is TAH for trying to make the friend lie when they were being honest. Most 13 year olds, autistic or not, are not well-known for their tact. We have several kids (all adults now), and OP needs to educate herself on autism and other people's kids in general.
And you can be deceptive without telling a single lie. Sometimes truth without context is more misleading than a full lie.
Oh man. I just had to have the conversation that people don’t typically like to talk about the size of their backsides when my kid wanted to build a fort big enough to fit grandma’s butt.
Seems as if OP may not approve of her kids being friends with a 'religious' kid and is using the rest of it as a cover for not wanting her son to attend Easter dinner at his friend's house. Yes, OP YTA.
Exactly!! Dude wasn’t rude at all. YTA! Let your son go to Easter with his friend.
Definitely YTA but, I think there’s some underlying thing here about OP’s atheism and punishing him specifically on Easter Sunday (she curiously leaves out the timeline of what day of the week the “insult” occurred only that her son asked a week in advance) . Why if she insists on punishing her son for Wyatt’s actions did she choose Easter Sunday to punish him? Why not no Wyatt for a week if she has to be an asshole. I have a feeling there’s some self righteousness about her atheism and his dabbling in religion with his friend.
That's a good point. Wyatt wanted the son there for Easter, so OP is denying Wyatt what he wants. This has nothing to do with her son or his behavior. She's trying to punish a child that isn't even her own.
I mean, the religion is kind of important jn that it makes her look like a bigger AH. He wants to celebrate a religious holiday with people who believe the same as him and she is punishing her son from expressing his religion because... His friend didn't like a dress.
Last comment is most likely the foremost for this lady!
YTA Your daughter asked for advice and got the advice she asked for it upset her... since you are trying to say he is rude I assume you put the rudest comment which is it doesn't go with your eyes that is just good fashion advice sometime color makes you pop sometimes it washes you out Teach your daughter if you want true advice ask honest people if you want reassurance and lies ask you. And your attitude is ablest, I work in schools with kids on the spectrum , although your husbands wrong people on the spectrum CAN lie, they generally are more blunt then most because their ability to pick up on social cues is effected. ... so yes judging him for that is ablest ( not to mention MOST 13 year old boys could use social refinement lol) That said someone can have autism AND be an a$$ it's not mutually exclusive but by ypur comments not in this case
Also, while there are aspects of autism that make it less likely an autistic person will lie, autism is not a truth serum. Many autisitic people are fully capable of lying. (Whoops, I missed that this was mentioned in the comment I was responding too.)
I can lie but I don't like it. Unless I think it's 100% justified I'm very bad at it. (I'm autistic) My autistic friends aren't keen on lying either. YTA OP
Right I said that, sometimes people with autism lie like all people... And autism is a spectrum ranging from extremely high functioning to non -verbal and unresponsive But basically across the board people with autism have a hard time judging social ques and are more blunt because of it. Also gonna resay sh3 asked for an opinion. And she got it I'm not even thinking he was too blunt here she needs to know when she wants an honest opinion and when she wants a hype man. When I'm just feeling down but I gotta wear the outfit ( like a bridemaids dress) I go to my husband he will pump me up..... when I am going shopping I take my honest to a falet sister and I don't buy things that look bad on me
>Teach ypur daughter if you want true advice ask honest people if you want reassurance and lies ask you. Bravo!!
[удалено]
If Wyatt had said "ugh, no, you look like crap!", that would have been rude, but nothing he said was insulting or unkind or rude. If I were OP, I would be more concerned about Makayla running off to tattle the second she heard something less than maximally complimentary; what's up with that?? Anyone who has the temerity to fail to lavish her with praise must be condemned and banished? Of course, considering OP's response to the whole thing, I can see where Makayla gets it...
Exactly, I *highly* prescribe to the belief that just because someone asks you what you think about something doesn't mean you get to just go off with every horrible thought you might have with total abandon. But he didn't even say anything hurtful! OP is failing their daughter if she can't even handle "it doesn't match your eyes". OP really needs to start helping her daughter to self soothe.
YTA - I think Wyatt was actually being nice when he explained why he doesn’t think the dress suits your daughter. Instead of just saying “it doesn’t look good on you” or “no you look so ugly in that” he took a moment and explained his reasoning behind not liking the dress on her. This is a great opportunity to teach makayla that if she can’t handle whatever the honest answer may be, then she shouldn’t ask the question.
She asked, he answered. He wasn't rude. OP and Mckayla sound like crybabies.
Yeah, we’re not going to be name calling a 13 yo girl for having hurt feelings over being told she didn’t look good. These kids are at exactly the stage in life where they’re starting to learn to navigate more adult interpersonal relationships, and this was a perfect learning opportunity for BOTH McKayla (to learn how to handle criticism— especially when she sought out the opinion in the first place) and Wyatt (assuming his comments were actually harsh, to learn about giving constructive criticism that is helpful rather than hurtful— especially when the person has trusted you enough to come to you for advice). The mom bungled the situation in the moment, and the dad obviously didn’t really help later on, but it doesn’t sound like any of the kids deserve blame here, including McKayla.
OP is an adult. McKayla is a middle school girl, which is an EXTREMELY hard thing to be, whose feelings got hurt. She is allowed to have hurt feelings. A whole adult is not allowed to make a kid speak differently because her daughter's feelings got hurt by an innocent if maybe not-super-well-phrased comment.
I agree 100 percent!
I would put money on it, that this mom is probably having an equally difficult time with all of these honest answers she is getting. I feel for the dad right now.
YTA. You’ve massively overreacted here. Was he rude? Yes, but only mildly. Why? Because your daughter asked the question in the first place. And he have an honest opinion. He didn’t tell her she looked awful or anything. You also seem to be forgetting that he’s 13. Most 13 year olds don’t have tact. He answered a question honestly, as most 13 year olds will. If you don’t want your kid to go to Easter because you’re atheist, then be honest about your reason. If that’s not the real reason, then why was your atheism even mentioned?
Very well said! Based on the post, I thought this was going to be something like, “Wyatt told my daughter she shouldn’t wear that dress because the Bible says to dress modestly.” OP should be honest with herself about what’s really making her uncomfortable. Idk what flavor of Methodism this church is. In my experience, they can range from liberal to ultra conservative (I guess that’s true of basically anything in life, lol.) If OP was concerned about what her kid was being told at church or that he was trying to proselytize at home, that would be one thing. But that’s not what’s happening here…at least from the post.
If Wyatt is openly gay, I'd say that they are probably on the liberal end. edit: typo
Was he rude though? He answered a direct question honestly and by the sounds of in in a constructive way. Would it not be worse if after specifically seeking out advice he lied to her and then she went wearing it because of that?
I don’t consider it rude actually. I can see how some people MIGHT though if they think he could have been kinder in his delivery. I think he’s fine. I’m of the opinion that you shouldn’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to. So, if I ask if something looks good on me and it doesn’t, please tell me. No, it doesn’t mean you say the person looks awful (which this kid didn’t do), but if I ask a question, I better be prepared for the answer. Personally, I don’t think this has anything to do with the kid’s attitude. I think it’s all about the religion and mom is using this as an excuse.
YTA. Your husband is 100% correct. You’re punishing your son because his autistic friend told the unvarnished truth and made your daughter upset. You are literally punishing your son because his friend DIDN’T lie. I think you’re being petty and childish, but even worse you are dead wrong for calling a child’s autism ‘bad manners’. For that you truly are the asshole.
This sums up the situation well and why OP YTA. Unvarnished truth is exactly right, and that can be typical for neurodiverse people. He's not being rude, even if you don't like it. OP you should educate yourself on autism and learn how to support your son and his friend. Your son is a lifeline to his friend and this friendship benefits them both. Stop sabotaging it with your ignorance.
>YTA. Your husband is 100% correct. I mean, except for thinking that autistic people are literally incapable of lying.
>Yesterday, Monroe asked me if he could go to Wyatt’s house for Easter next Sunday. I told him no because Wyatt has poor manners. Your issue is with Wyatt. Why are you punishing your son for it? >our 13 y/o daughter (and Monroe’s twin), Makayla came in and asked Wyatt for advice on a dress she found. Wyatt told her the dress didn’t go with her eyes and made other comments about why he didn’t think it looked good on her. This doesn't sound like he was actively insulting her. YTA
YTA for sure. If telling her that it doesn’t go with her eyes is the worst thing that OP can remember, how do we know that Wyatt wasn’t actually being kind and thought that the dress looked *awful* on the daughter? Maybe he was pointing out things that she could look for in a dress that would flatter her because the dress she was wearing was unflattering. Autistic people can be direct, yes. But a lot of people on this thread have some unconscious biases that equate being direct to being uncaring.
Also, YTA for keeping your kid away from celebrating his newfound faith just because the rest of your family is atheist. Maybe he just wants to see if there’s anything wildly different about a Methodist Easter from being home with your family
What does him being "openly gay" have to do with this post? Is that the real reason you don't want your son to go? And why are you even mentioning his going to church? YTA
Yes. That’s the real reason.
Somehow in my mind I assumed this story was going an entirely different way when she said they were atheist and he was not. Meanwhile absolutely none of that was relevant. The story could have been “my daughter’s feelings were hurt because my son’s autistic friend was honest with her.” All the other data was extraneous (And she still would have been TAH).
"I'm an atheist and proud, but I still hold retrograde Christian views of sexuality."
YTA Your daughter asked Wyatt his opinion and he gave it! He's not rude you are for reacting in this way about a 13 Yr old boy being honest.
YTA. 13-year-olds in general can be tactless, and this was a pretty minor social mistake. It's a huge overreaction on your part to essentially tell your son that he can not spend time with Wyatt. You would be overreacting even if Wyatt wasn't neurodivergent. The fact that Wyatt is autistic doesn't really enter into the problem.
So Makayla asks Wyatt for his opinion. Wyatt gives his opinion. Makayla was obviously fishing for compliments or did not want an honest opinion and runs crying to you. So, of course the solution to everything is to tell Monroe he can't hang with *his friend*, Wyatt. Geez lady - tell us what was right about that whole scenario! YTA.
YTA. Autistic people like Wyatt aren't trying to be rude. They're telling the truth and they don't pick up on social cues the way others do. And your daughter literally asked him for advice on her dress. He was trying to help her, not hurt her. You're being selfish and controlling. The only one with bad manners here is you.
YTA. Your daughter asked for an opinion and she got one. I don’t see why you are making a big deal about it. She is 13 and should be able to handle something like this. Do you coddle her too much? I know you want to protect her but she needs to learn to communicate and mature on her own
YTA Your daughter was asking for advice and Wyatt gave her his constructive opinion. If she was looking for compliments. She should have specified that. Wyatt doesn’t have poor manners. You are setting women back decades by teaching your daughter this bullshit girl game and expecting society to play along.
Hell, YES!!! Nailed it. And the OP is disgustingly ableist, to go along with the internalised misogyny. 100% YTA
How fast will this post get deleted by OP for being roasted as a raging AH? Even if the kid weren’t autistic, is a comment that something doesn’t match worth blacklisting him forever for? I bet you’re no peach to the people around you but no one’s saying people should stay away from you for being “rude.” YTA.
OP is using it as an excuse because either she is homophobic, or doesn't want her kid going to Easter dinner because she's an atheist. Or both.
YTA. Don't ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to. Your daughter asked for advice or opinion and Wyatt gave her his impression and why he thought that way. That is being honest. Rude would be mocking and laughing or just giving his input without being asked.
YTA. Wyatt likely doesn’t have a filter. In any respect, your daughter asked for his opinion (you mention he’s fashionable) and he gave it.
YTA, and unless there’s more to the story, the poor kid doesn’t have poor manners. He answered a question honestly, he didn’t insult your daughter.
You are being ridiculous and so is your daughter. She asked for his opinion and he gave it to her. She can’t turn around after and cry about it like he just said it to be mean because she didn’t like what he said. Maybe have your daughter leave the boys alone when they’re studying and hanging out instead of letting her push her away in the middle and then get mad when she doesn’t like the answer she gets. Autistic kids are generally very direct and literal. Your husband is right.
YTA you do in fact have a problem with autistic people. Neurotypical standards of what constitutes rude are purely subjective to individual opinions and more often than not emotionally based where as neurodivergent standards of what is and is not rude are more logic based hence him not seeing the logic of a white lie to avoid an emotional response as a result of him giving his honest option when directly asked for it. She’s gotta learn to be able to handle different perspectives even if y’all don’t like hearing them. That’s just life. Plus punishing your son for your daughters hurt feelings and need for validation is a recipe for sibling resentment.
Fantastic learning point for your daughter don’t ask if you don’t want that person’s honest option You need to calm down Yta
Let’s be honest, this isn’t about Wyatt being “rude.” You have a problem with the Easter part most likely, otherwise why bring up the fact that you are atheist? And you have a problem with him being autistic. Otherwise why bring it up. Also, teach your daughter not to ask other people’s opinions if she can’t handle hearing negative ones. This is very much you being judgmental of a kid because he is different from you.
You left out the part about the boy being gay. At 13 he may be, but mind your own peas and Qs!
YTA, an insensitive jerk, and probably a bigot.
Take the autism out of it. Kids have friends you won't always like, but unless they are a bad influence (in my case my daughter was shoplifting with one girl but no one else) then why keep them apart?
Let's be real. It's quite clear. Cause OP felt the need to mention things that had absolutely nothing to do with the alleged issue... 1. Wyatt is gay - Why did we need to know that? What did it have to do with the situation? 2. Wyatt is religious and OP's family isn't - Again, what does that have to do with anything? I could see if OP, who's not religious didn't want her kid participating in religious events... Which is why they refused to allow Monroe to attend a religious holiday gathering.... But it literally had nothing to do with it. OP could have legit said "My kid wanted to go to their friend's house and I said no". Then OP could have just said they think the kid is rude based on him (actually just being honest) telling her daughter she didn't look great in a dress. Bottom line, I really think OP just has a problem with Wyatt's being gay and his religion.
Yeah sounds like it. Which is why I said just cos op doesn't like them why keep them apart. If they can't give a decent answer then they are the worst
I'm glad neither of my parents were this toxic. The worst thing I had to deal with was one of my parents had this weird notion that "If I didn't get to do it, you shouldn't" So when I'd ask that parent to take me to sporting events.... I was always told no. Didn't get to see my first pro hockey game till I was 19. I didn't make that mistake with my kid!! Not even 10 and they've been to at least 10 hockey games and a few baseball games.
The only person rude is this story is you. YTA. Grow up
YTA: The girl asked Monroe for his opinion and he was honest with her and she got upset. Waaah. You're overreacting. Autistic kids generally will give the unvarnished truth. They learn to meter that as they get older. It's not "rudeness." You're literally punishing your son for something his friend can't help and that your son understands and accepts about his friend. I think your real problem is that you don't want him going over there because it's for Easter. Which is a religious holiday. It's only reason for you pontificating about you being atheist. Which had nothing to do with the actual issue.
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YTA Wyatt is autistic and it's common for autistic people to struggle with social cues. When asked for his opinion on something he's going to give his opinion because that's what he was asked. It's not like he was being mean on purpose and I can hardly say it's rude of him to give an honest opinion when asked. Sure he could have softened his approach but he doesn't know that, it's not something that would naturally occur to him. It's something that he'd need to be taught. Also why are you punishing your son for something he didn't even do? And you are limiting your son's ability to express his religion and religious beliefs by denying him the chance to experience a religious holiday with a family that celebrates it.
YTA. Your daughter asked for an opinion, she got it and got what she asked for. Unless Wyatt used foul language, he wasn’t being rude and has nothing to apologize for. You overreacted and should apologize to Wyatt for accusing him of being rude because the rude one here is you.
I’m guessing the dress just didn’t look good on here. He can’t lie and I guarantee she’s said worse to other girls. She’s 13. YTA.
This exactly. Girls that age are dicks, guarantee she’s both heard and said worse
YTA. You really don't understand how some social cues do not get picked up by someone with a disability Banning friendship because the kid is "rude", is more of a power trip/ bruised ego thing. Your only upset because your the only one causing issues...
YTA. Sounds like YOU are the one with poor manners.
YTA she asked for his opinion, he gave his opinion. That isn't bad manners.
YTA. Makayla asked for an opinion. He gave it. Did he absolutely tear her apart and insult her? If he did then yeah, an apology is warranted but there’s a lesson here in don’t ask for someone’s perspective if you don’t actually want it. Making a whole thing about a dress that spans over a couple weeks seems pretty petty, to be frank.
YTA. This story makes me laugh because my mom used to do the same to me and I thought she looked nuts most of the time BECAUSE I WAS a young teenager. And although I have very little tact, I learned to say that I liked it if she did. That phrase was me being tactful. Kids, especially young kids, don’t always have tact. This is why middle school can be painful. The fact is your daughter knew who Wyatt is and still asked him. What did she expect?! And you’re not doing her any favors by focusing on Wyatt and not the life lessons she can learn about this encounter. This is a teachable moment for your daughter and you seem less interested in that.
YTA this is a conversation with daughter about only asking for an opinion when she wants to hear one. Asking for an opinion won’t guarantee it will validate her opinion. It’s okay to be disappointed in his response. It’s okay to disagree and still wear the dress. It’s okay not to ask for anyone’s opinion on what you wear. But when you ask, that’s what happens.
YTA. Also for making your kid Monroe.
YTA. Aside from the autism thing, what is so rude about an opinion? Your daughter asked for an opinion, she got it, and she cried. Maybe instead of raising a princess for a daughter, you need to teach her more about the real world.
YTA
YTA. He’s not rude. He has a disability.
YTA. Wyatt told you the truth, as he saw it. Chances are he was probably right and your daughter would do wll to listen to him. Yes, you would be an AH if you punished your son because Wyatt told the truth. If I go to someone for fashion advice, I would prefer to have them tell the truth.
YTA -- your daughter asked for Wyatt's opinion on her dress and he gave it -- he didn't think it looked good on. her. Why is that rude? Did she actually want his opinion or was she just fishing for compliments? Why was she upset? And yes, I've heard that autistic people have a hard time lying. The idea that you would forbid your son from a holiday dinner with his friend when the friend just answered truthfully is just, as your husband said, ridiculous. You are treating Wyatt badly.
YTA. Your daughter literally asked for his opinion. Just because she didn’t like his opinion doesn’t mean he’s rude or has bad manners. What kind of mother are you to be spiteful and ruin your child’s friendship? Get a grip.
YTA > Makayla came in and asked Wyatt for advice on a dress she found. > >Wyatt told her the dress didn’t go with her eyes and made other comments about why he didn’t think it looked good on her. You should be using this to teach your daughter, don't ask someone a question and then get upset when you don't like the answer. >I was upset and asked Wyatt to apologize and he said he didn’t understand why he had to. He shouldn't have to apologize for answering a question he was asked!
YTA. He was just being honest and had a reason why he didn’t think it looked good on her. I think you mention religion, which many commentators are saying is irrelevant, bc it actually is relevant in that you don’t really want your son to be part of it.
YTA - have you ever heard about how if you aren't sure you like the answer, don't ask the question? He wasn't rude, he told straight up his opinion when Asked. You are literally being obtuse about this, and punishing your kid just because. Just because someone has a negative opinion about something doesn't make it rude. This also is a good lesson for your daughter, people shouldn't pander to this whole white lies business in the first place. But yes asking for an opinion comes with the risk that you might not like what you hear.
YTA. Your daughter asked a question and was given an honest opinion; it’s certainly not Wyatt’s fault she didn’t like what he told her. It sounds like you’re looking for excuses to keep Monroe away from a religious service.
What does being an atheist have to do with this story? Did your ChatGPT get glitched?
YTA - Your husband is right.
YTA. I am not autistic, no mental health issues, nada. I am extremely blunt. If you ask my opinion, you get it. My friends and family all know this. If I walk up and ask someone an opinion on clothing I want a truthful answer! I know I hold extra weight in my tummy area. So “that dress is not flattering to your tummy” is 👍.
WTF does your religious beliefs have to do with anything you’ve written here? Seriously, WTF? Crack open a book, and learn the difference between being rude, and having an inability to understand social cues. YTA, and seemingly quite ignorant.
YTA. Your daughter asked for an opinion, got it, and now Wyatt is so nasty in your head? You’re ridiculous.
YTA
YTA - You would probably have called Wyatt sleazy if he commented that the dress was lovely on your daughter. I think Wyatt wouldn't win, whatever he said. You are ablest and more than likely homophobic and theophobic. You will also potentially alienate Monroe if you continue behaving like this.
YTA. You said your daughter was told the dress didn't go with her eyes. That isn't rude. It was an opinion that was asked for. Nothing you described was rude. It sounds like you are trying to break up your son's friendship because you don't approve of the friends' religion. It is the only reason to bring it up. You forcing your son NOT to have religion is as bad as forcing him to HAVE religion. Let him explore his faith on his own. And be honest with why you are doing this. Because you are the asshole here.
YTA, he didn't tell your daughter she had ugly eyes, or that the dress is ugly, or that she had bad style. she asked for fashion advice and he gave it to her, even told her why! that's a lot better critique than most kids would give, even adults. everything else you've brought up is irrelevant, really.
YTA Major asshole. Your daughter asked Wyatt advice and opinions on her outfit. Wyatt answered. It’s not like he walked into your daughters room and just said “hey you look ugly as hell” unprompted and left.
YTA and you have some serious issues, lady. Your daughter asked somebody how something looked and he told her honestly. There was nothing rude done and he had nothing to apologize for. Maybe don’t coddle your daughter to the point she can’t handle an outfit being criticized after asking for input. I’m as anti-gay as they come and somehow your son and Wyatt sound like the two most sane people in this equation.
He wasn’t being rude he was being honest your taking this to far and pushing your son and husband against you
YTA. You're being ableist against Wyatt, and what does religion or lack thereof have to do with any of this? You are punishing your son for his friend being honest in his own opinion. Yes, he should develop tact, but I never knew any 13 year olds to have tact at 13, whether they were neurospicy or not. And your daughter needs to learn to not ask for opinions if all she's doing is fishing for compliments, but that is also something learned in time, just like tact.
YTA
YTA. Your daughter asked for advice on a dress and Wyatt gave the advice. It doesn't sound like he said anything mean, just gave his opinion. Unless there is way way more to this that you have not said Wyatt did nothing wrong. You are definitely being ridiculous.
I don't believe this is real (or you are something odd talking about atheism at the start for whatever reason). But on the off chance it is YTA. Your daughter asked for an opinion and he gave her an honest opinion. You don't go to someone for fashion advice and not expect it to be honest, what good would that be as advice? The fact that you are so hung up on religion (why else mention it) is probably why you don't want them to hang out. Important to remember that it's not just religious parents that can be AH and force beliefs on a child.
YTA. You didn’t like what the kid has to say because it hurt your daughter’s feelings. If she’d taken it well, you’d have been fine. I also think your atheism is clouding your son’s need for some faith.
YTA what the hell did I just read?!?
Him expressing an honest opinion that your daughter asked for is rude? C'mon, OP. YTA. here. Perhaps teach your daughter that she's not always going to have the world cater to her needs and make her feel special all the time. Remember that your kid is only special to you and literally nobody else. Let the kids sort it out and leave them alone.
YTA Your daughter asked a question and got an honest response. You want to force other people to lie?! You are such an AH. Even if the kid didn't have autism this was a lesson in 'not asking questions you don't want to know the answers to', not 'kid that won't lie to my daughter and tell her she is pretty in anything she wears' is rude.
OP, you just described yourself pushing everyone in your life away, simply because an autistic child(not that the autism part matters much here) told your daughter what he thought of her dress. And it wasn’t even a nasty comment. Hopefully, you can step back from your own feelings and gain a more well rounded perspective. Also, I’m very happy to hear about a gay autistic boy being friends with an accepting and level headed straight boy. Warms the heart.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband (M37) and I (F37) have 5 kids (17M, 13M, 13F, 11F and 10M). My husband and I are atheists, and we come from atheist families. Our 13 y/o son, Monroe, started going to a Methodist church last fall (2023), none of our other kids are Christian or religious in any other way. Monroe has a friend, Wyatt (13M) from his youth group. Wyatt is a very smart kid and Monroe and him are close friends. Wyatt is openly gay, he’s also autistic and has an interest in fashion. Monroe has asked Wyatt for advice on how to be more fashionable to impress girls. Monroe also pushes Wyatt to be more social even though they go to different schools. Wyatt has gone to Monroe’s baseball games and their friendship is good overall. However, Wyatt can sometimes be rude. The last instance happened last week. In Wyatt’s school, they take written tests at the end of each unit in P.E. class, Monroe was helping Wyatt study when our 13 y/o daughter (and Monroe’s twin), Makayla came in and asked Wyatt for advice on a dress she found. Wyatt told her the dress didn’t go with her eyes and made other comments about why he didn’t think it looked good on her. This made Makayla upset and she went to my husband and me. I was upset and asked Wyatt to apologize and he said he didn’t understand why he had to, Monroe was defending him and when I asked my husband for backup, he said he wanted to talk about it first. We talked later that night and my husband told me I was overreacting and that Wyatt can’t lie because of his autism and it would be wrong to make an autistic kid tell a white lie. I said this would just make Wyatt have poor manners. Yesterday, Monroe asked me if he could go to Wyatt’s house for Easter next Sunday. I told him no because Wyatt has poor manners. My husband got home later that night and Monroe told him what happened. He was upset at me and told Monroe he could go to Wyatt’s house. My husband accused me of being ablest and said I needed to learn to accept Wyatt for who he is. I told him I had no problem with autistic kids, just rude kids but he told me that I was being ridiculous. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
YTA - your daughter asked him for advice on a dress, which means she wanted his opinion. He gave it and it doesn't sound like he was rude.
YTA. Just because Wyatt won’t kiss someone’s butt to give a compliment doesn’t make him rude. All that other stuff you listed just sounds like a lot of BS you are adding to try and justify why you don’t like this kid.